#Gary Konowalous

[fluister]

A stormy night with Gary and Efnisien (and Polly) Happy birthday @not-poignant! Hope you had a wonderful day!

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from chapter 102 of Underline the Black:

‘I wanted to say before you left, I think the lare body is more active than I realised. I became super aware of it during everything. I know I don’t have the glands anymore, but the lare body is still really alive.’ ‘Yes, it would be, with all the sub-larentins it’s producing,’ Temsen said. ‘That is fascinating, though. Careful, I’ll end up writing ten case studies about you.’ ‘Maybe one day I could handle that,’ Efnisien said. ‘Not today though.’ ‘Oh no, definitely not today. Now I’m going to leave so Gary can come and smother you in his pheromones. At least they don’t smell as much like a sour red wine as they used to.’ Efnisien frowned and Temsen’s eyebrows lifted. ‘You haven’t noticed? Since dropping the red wine, and getting good medical support, how much his scent’s changed? It’s still too much for me most of the time – I’m so relieved he aired out this room – but it’s…mellowed so much. Like walking through some herbaceous forest. That drinks wine.’

[suis0u]

Inspired by  @not-poignant’s wonderful story Underline the Black ❤️. 

[charzea]

oops, more art.

This is fanart of ,,Underline the black’‘ by @not-poignant 

I was kind of planning to keep Dr gary faceless in my art, but i couldn’t help it. It was kind of fun to mess around with the design. I might keep him faceless if i do any other art after this. Efnisien will likely be the one to fall victim to my color studies more often because his curly hair is way too fun to play with :)

[not-poignant]

oh I love this so much <333

'I don't know what's wrong with me. Somethings wrong with me.'

Bonus lineart only and close up:

[not-poignant]

Hi!

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your work with everyone. UTB is my favorite piece of literature, and I’ve read a lot. A LOT. I’m a 33 year old ex-English major.

Can we look forward to any more major arcs in UTB? If so, can we maybe get a hint?

Life is hard, but your work really helps me cope. So, thank you, again. Best wishes!

Hi anon!

Oh my goodness, thank you so much!! I'm so glad you're enjoying the writing so far.

There are definitely some big / major arcs coming. We've got the Henton arc and the Crielle arc coming, I just had to move Gary and Efnisien's character growth and relationship growth into a position for both to take place.

I'm actually just about to write the chapter on my end where Crielle officially comes back into the story.

And tbh, the hints have been there! Henton's foreshadowing about him not really having good motivations (anyone who has read Falling Falling Stars will know more about that, but I also like that some folks won't, but he's still very 'off' as a character), as well as Efnisien's certainty that Crielle will eventually kill him.

So yeah I would say actually the most action-packed arcs are still coming!

[not-poignant]

Excerpt from chapter 101 of Underline the Black:

‘The thing is… Well. It’s so overwhelming for the people with me. James could only do this two or three times a year. Perhaps in being so restricted, I became used to taking it further, more often. I’m sure my instincts know it might not happen again for six months.’ ‘Yeah,’ Efnisien said softly. ‘So. I mean, that sucks too. For you. I don’t enjoy doing it for three days straight. Mostly because I actually kind of lost my mind a bit and stopped paying attention to a lot of it.’ Wouldn’t you want that? Gary thought, confused. Efnisien cleared his throat a few times, and Gary brought the water bottle over again, giving him small sips. Efnisien still didn’t seem interested in taking the bottle for himself. And once he was done drinking, he pressed his face into Gary’s chest like he was hiding for a moment. Then, he took a breath and turned outwards once more, looking at the open window. ‘If it’s like that every time,’ Efnisien said, ‘I could maybe do it five or six times a year. If it was only for one night, then maybe twice a month? If we could do other stuff as well in between?’ Gary didn’t know what to say for long moments, absently cupping Efnisien’s face and keeping it close to his chest. That seemed…far too generous. He was certain no peak alpha – except for maybe someone hyper-controlled and on the lower end of the ardolphogen spectrum like Augus – had ever been offered something like that. Possibly peak alphas just took it from others. But what Efnisien suggested was something Gary had always assumed was an impossibility. He used to be jealous of betas who could have penetrative sex every day, if they wanted to. And while this wasn’t every day, it was a far cry from anything he’d ever known. ‘You need time to think it through,’ Gary said, even as a part of him cried out to accept the offer.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

Why did Gary growl and cover Efnisien's face/mouth when he said the safeword? Was he angry and trying to stop Efnisien from saying it so he could continue? If yes how did he manage to pull himself back from the brink of doing something unforgivable?

I think Gary was so uncoordinated in that moment, he wasn't thinking 'I need to shut you up' but there was definitely an instinct of: 'How dare someone tell me to stop.'

There was a visceral war with himself when he growls vs. when he places his hand on Efnisien's face, almost like he's trying to feel his breathing and his voice. It's a very quick motion, and while Efnisien assumes it's to shut him up, I actually think Gary was literally very out of it in that moment and was kind of bracing himself to even understand what happened.

Like, this is a guy who didn't respond to a lot of basic language and sentences for three days, or when he did, mostly could only do so in basic sentences or even single words. So while the peak alpha grokked the 'how dare you' pause, I think it was like a 'wait is an alpha trying to stop me from taking what is mine' level of confusion. He places his hands on Efnisien's face, almost like he's trying to find where the words came from, in my mind. Like someone who is blind who is trying to find a fan switch in a new place. They don't quite know where it is, but they know it's important in hot weather.

He then does hear more of Efnisien's voice (in the form of a distressed shriek) and immediately stops.

I really don't think this is as clean as 'he was fully aware, heard something he didn't want to hear, and made a choice to make sure Efnisien couldn't safeword again.' I don't even think he knew at the time what he heard, or how to understand it, only that he heard it and that he had to stop.

If yes how did he manage to pull himself back from the brink of doing something unforgivable?

Tbh Gary has the safeword to literally stop himself from doing the unforgiveable. And he does it with an immense amount of willpower that almost no human will ever really comprehend. Dude was barely even conscious at the time. Just like Efnisien spent many hours in a heavily dissociated receptive headspace, Gary does the same but from a more dominating peak alpha side. Literally just ruled by hormones in a very primitive way.

I'd say he's one of the only peak alphas in the world who can actually listen to a safeword at all in that state. I don't even think Temsen could.

[not-poignant]

YEP

UtB chapter 56 thoughts

(To deal with the unspeakable grief)

@not-poignant thanks as always for the food hehehehhe

[not-poignant]

Excerpt from chapter 98 of Underline the Black:

‘I’m sorry,’ Gary said. ‘I’m struck by how much I want this to be a…gentle experience for you, and I know it won’t.’ Efnisien sat up, shifting until his knees rested on the pillow that had been beneath his hips. ‘What, you imagined some romantic situation with candles?’ ‘It’s your first time,’ Gary said, a stern expression on his face. ‘That matters.’ ‘I’ve had a lot of choice over this,’ Efnisien said, looking at the panic button on the chest of drawers and wishing he’d read more about peak alphas. ‘You’ve shown me at least some of your instincts when we’ve done size training and other stuff. And maybe you think I should have some gentle first time or something, but I don’t think I want that either. It’s not like I’ve craved softness, or whatever, it’s pretty clear I’m not that kind of- That I like something different. Not saying this won’t be hard, just…’ Efnisien dragged a hand through his hair and thought about how fragile Gary seemed. Efnisien was scared mostly about the pain aspect, how overwhelming it would be, but all of his life had been overwhelming, and Gary wasn’t like the other people he’d known in his life. ‘This whole “It’s your first time” thing is stupid,’ Efnisien said, sighing. ‘I’ve had almost all my first times with you, and I’m not just talking about sex, it’s all the other stuff, too. If you just don’t want me, and would rather…’

[not-poignant]

Excerpt from chapter 99 of Underline the Black:

‘No, Efnisien,’ Gary said. ‘Maybe it’s too big.’ ‘Yes. You’re still going to take it.’ The grip on his hip was strong, nearly bruising. Gary pushed forwards again and Efnisien strained away, unable to get far because of the pillow at his lower back, the hand at his hips. He pushed up onto his hands and tried to scoot backwards, as Gary snarled, his eyes flashed up in annoyance. ‘Either safeword or stop moving.’ The alpha persuasion hit Efnisien with more force than usual. He slumped backwards, the safeword briefly flashing in his mind and then disappearing.

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from Underline the Black chapter 97:

‘Lovely boy,’ Gary said softly, almost to himself, as he brushed his hands through Efnisien’s tangled hair. ‘Get some rest if you can. And then you can shower properly. Do you want your blankets?’ Efnisien nodded. Gary fetched them and arranged them carefully. Efnisien knew he probably wasn’t doing it right – because Efnisien had weird precise ways of arranging his nest – but it was comforting all the same. Gary slid alongside him, and that was even better. Gary only wore boxers and a shirt now, not even a button-up, because Efnisien felt no cold buttons pressing into his skin. Hands trailed over his chest and sides. Efnisien’s nipples were sore, he could barely remember Gary touching them. ‘How do omegas do this for days?’ Efnisien said with a scratchy voice. ‘I don’t know,’ Gary said. ‘They’re amazing when you think about it. But let’s focus on you, darling boy.’ Efnisien shivered. No point protesting when he liked it so much. Gary calling him perfect, beautiful, lovely, darling. Maybe Gary’s sentiment only applied during sex, but Efnisien wanted it to be true all the time. Don’t think of James. Don’t think of how much he loves James.

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt for Underline the Black, chapter 96:

‘We’ll start nice and easy,’ Gary said, his voice low. ‘Mm? Have to make you wet enough to handle what I’m going to do to you.’ ‘Yuck,’ Efnisien said, the word a soft exclamation of disgust. Gary felt a rush of glee. Debauching this prim and proper boy who behaved as though anything to do with sex was below him – when he’d walked in here himself, stripped and laid down on the pillows all on his own – was a delight.

[not-poignant]

The latest UtR update on AO3 got me hooked and I could no longer constrain myself and had to read the other chapters on Patreon. Now I need to know: does Lucien have any redeeming character traits in the series or can I add him straight to the list of characters that deserve the worst? That attitude of his towards Faber made me so mad lmao

Hi anon!

This actually reminds me of the ask I got recently about how awful Augus is as a character and how it's impossible to consider him through a positive light after reading Falling Falling Stars. Because that's how he seems if you've never read him in anything else of mine!

My narrators are unreliable, anon. We only ever see Lucien very briefly through the jealous eyes of an insecure man.

(Spoilers for a future brief verbal encounter between Lucien and Faber in Underline the Red).

Lucien is an extremely vulnerable omega who is in an institution that has temporary custody of him. They control what he eats, what he does, whether he leaves or not (i.e. he's functionally imprisoned), who fucks him, if he gets to see anyone else, if he can talk to his partner and family back home and how often. He has significant psychiatric issues around his own insecurities re: jealously and his partner, and he clocks Faber as being in love with Caleb, and he's right.

And that's incredibly unethical of Faber, honestly, to not have disclosed any of this to Dr Gary (like Dr Gary will be right to consider firing him over this in the future). It puts Lucien's mental health in direct and severe jeopardy, and is ironically likely what causes his relapse that causes Caleb to suggest domestic discipline in the first place (oh, Faber, the irony).

Because Lucien's there to learn that actually a lot of his jealousy and insecurity is unfounded. Instead, he learns the opposite, that no matter who he bonds with, someone else is there loving his potential partner while he perceives himself as having very little control (and in the case of Hillview - this is true, all he has are his words).

He's a chronically disabled omega who needs a disability aid (walking stick) to get around, he's a second class citizen, he's agreed with his partner to stay at Hillview because they both recognise how sick he's getting.

Faber is not a mental health patient/omega like Lucien is. He's a staff member who is nursing unrequited loved to an alpha companion, that he's refused to disclose, while still interacting with Caleb and his omegas. Imho, while Lucien is very good at lashing out, he's not wrong to, and that's why Faber fully acknowledges what Lucien is saying and listens to him, and basically never interacts with him again, and avoids Caleb where possible.

Lucien's mean about it, but Lucien is right re: Faber trying to hide his feelings because he knows what will happen if people find out, and that it's also wrong/unfair to put Lucien in that position.

And Faber knows that.

So yeah. The reader is meant to hate Lucien on a surface level, in the same way that Faber does.

But consider that Faber also sometimes seems to hate all omegas. He finds the smell of their heats disgusting. It's actually pretty normal for people to go through a phase of rejecting the thing that they are, if that's something hated in society. Faber's oscillating mixed feelings of bitterness, resentment and cutting attitude is actually mirrored in Lucien.

Faber has thought extremely savage, scathing and unforgiving things himself to the people around him (and himself). Lucien responds to Faber like Faber is an omega (something Faber doesn't recognise yet), because Faber...kind of acts like one in moments like that. (Efnisien also picks up on this, Faber is not great to him in the beginning of Underline the Black, in a very specific way designed for Efnisien to pick up on, and for Gary to miss. Faber behaves jealously, and constantly suggests to Gary that he should get rid of Efnisien, before he finally adjusts to the absence of Gary in his life. Faber is possessive and manipulative!)

Lucien ultimately doesn't need any redeeming characteristics because he's a victim who is at Hillview to heal and Faber is jeopardising that. We can hate him, but that's just the fact. He didn't try to kill Kadek when he arrived at Hillview, he hasn't tried to destroy memories of James, things Efnisien has done even though we love him all the same (ideally). Lucien felt understandably jealous/insecure (literally the thing he's at Hillview to be treated for, safe from people who will be in love with his lover until Faber) and he lashed out meanly.

If a staff member of Hillview can't handle some rude words, they shouldn't work there.

But yeah, I like the Lucien and Faber encounter because they are both extremely similar people in some ways. They are both bitter, jealous, resentful people capable of very scathing thoughts (and words). The only difference is that in that moment, Faber is the recipient and we feel bad for him. I mean, I do feel bad for him. Faber is in a bad place psychologically, it's a horrible thing for him to experience.

If we were getting Lucien's story from his perspective, and saw the panic attacks he had afterwards, and the regression he went through, etc. it might be different. But it doesn't have to be! Lucien in that moment functions as a reality check for Faber, and a very effective one at that. We're meant to hate him, but also meant to understand that Faber's love for Caleb is not as subtle as he thinks it is in the sense that - omegas can see it for what it is.

I personally like the one moment where we see that Lucien might have a heart when Faber admits his parents are dead, and we can see that he doesn't react with savage satisfaction, but like Faber broke the narrative he'd built for himself in his own insecure, jealous, scared mind.

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from chapter 95 of Underline the Black:

‘Well,’ he said, rubbing at his wet face. ‘It will probably be sunny in two hours. But everything’s a tad soaked.’ ‘Fucking hell.’ The car rocked from the winds blasting up from the seas, and he couldn’t even see the café anymore. The rain was coming down so hard. ‘Are we safe?’ Efnisien said, looking around uncertainly. ‘We’ll wait before getting on the road,’ Gary said, stretching his arms in front of him. Another wave of rain that turned the world to white and grey haze. Efnisien couldn’t even see the sea anymore. The windows fogged up, and Efnisien stared in amazement. Gary shifted in his seat and then leaned over. Efnisien looked at him in shock, and then his mouth dropped open when Gary slid his hand over Efnisien’s stomach, rubbing at his ribs. He dragged his hand up, grasped his jaw, and Efnisien made a noise when Gary pulled him in and kissed him firmly. Efnisien tried to speak, but it was impossible. The scent in the car was growing sharper, stronger, and Gary’s other hand reached down and pressed between Efnisien’s legs, palmed his soft dick. ‘H-hey!’ Efnisien managed. Gary made a questioning noise. He didn’t pull back, he kissed him again and didn’t let Efnisien speak for another couple of minutes, and by then Efnisien’s lips felt swollen, and he panted while trying not to move as Gary’s hand rhythmically pulsed against his dick, making him feel good. ‘Other people!’ Efnisien exclaimed. ‘Other people, Gary! What the fuck?’

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 101 of Underline the Black:

It took a good ten minutes, indicative of just how much sleep Efnisien needed. But eventually he roused with a heartbreaking, sore sound. Gary could hear how husky his voice was even now. ‘It’s all right, you’re okay,’ Gary said. ‘Everything’s over, and I have some painkillers for you. How are you feeling?’ ‘Sore,’ Efnisien said, voice strained. He didn’t tense, but maybe he wasn’t able to. Gary expected Efnisien to reject him, to demand time alone. He expected to be pushed away or yelled at. What he didn’t expect was Efnisien turning into him, legs curling up, pressing his face into Gary’s palm and making a small, sweet little noise, cute after everything they’d been through. His breathing stuttered into Gary’s palm, and then he reached out and pressed chilled hands to Gary’s sides. ‘Now,’ Efnisien said weakly, voice cracking. ‘I’m an omega now.’ Oh, Gary thought, with some alarm. They hadn’t even talked about what that meant yet, or how he was supposed to act. But what would an omega need more than an alpha at a time like this? An alpha would re-establish independence and control, and Efnisien had turned into him. Gary nodded to himself, and let go of the water bottle to stroke Efnisien’s spine, lean in close.