#GIVE IT UP FOR OUR BOY K DAWG | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

reelwriter19 · 4 years ago

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A Better Man

Pairings: Erik Stevens X Black Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Implied smut, cursing

Word Count: 3241

“Sssshhh...Erik you have to stop yelling.” You pleaded with your husband as you struggled to get his oversized drunken frame through the front door.

Slurring every word, “Y/N, I DON’T CARE! These colonizers know who’s buildin’ this is!”

You shook your head and couldn’t help but smirk as Erik kicked his boots off and planted himself on the floor in the hallway like a toddler. It was LATE and you were exhausted, but you gave him a pass on this f**k boi behavior because his 35th birthday was in a few days and even though he’d never admit it, that number was messing with his head. So when the owner of the lounge called you personally to come pick him up at 1:45AM, you threw on a sweater, grabbed your keys and ran out the door.

Erik looked up from his stooper just in time to catch you undoing your bra in annoyance. “YES!!! My girls need to be free!”

“Wow…..goodnight Mr. Stevens.” Shaking your head as you walked away, he seemed to find his sea legs long enough to scurry after you, wrapping his arms around your middle and slowly creeping his hands up to ‘the girls’.

“Come on ma, let me hit. You know I sleep better after.”

His touch in this moment was making you weak, but as you turned your head to permit him a kiss, you were hit with a heavy dose of reality. Erik hadn’t drunk this heavily in a while, and the evidence of it was seeping through his pores and breath in the worst way. You turned to face him, now keeping him at arm's length.

“UGH...nigga let you hit?! I love you, but the last time we tried to have sex when you were this drunk, you fell asleep in me, during said process. Uh huh...nope, not tonight. The girls will be all yours tomorrow.”

The next morning you awoke to find Erik still fully clothed, knocked and snoring on the chaise lounge in your walk-in closet. He still smelled, but you were grateful for the fact that he wasn’t too drunk to remember how you felt about outside clothes on the bed. You kissed him on his forehead, got dressed and started making calls. You were throwing him a birthday party that night at the house. You had to confirm food drop offs with the caterers, pick up some balloons and grab one final gift to surprise him with the next day. His training made him really hard to surprise, but you knew he wouldn’t be expecting this.

You heard the shower turn off as you walked back into the house from your excursion. “Erik!” You hollered putting bags and what seemed like 100 balloons in a corner, making your way upstairs to the bedroom. “Kia and Shuri will be here in a few hours to help me set up. I’m gonna need you out of here soo…”

Your words trailed off as your ebony Adonis emerged from the bathroom, towel low on his hips, scars glistening on his chest. He knew his power over you and now you were the one intoxicated. He raised an eyebrow as he slinked over to you ever so slowly, you, still frozen, allowing him access to begin undressing you without much of a fight.

“You were sayin’ somethin’?”

“Baby...I have so much to get done for the party.”

“I remember you saying that these right here were all...mine...today.” He started to pepper kisses across your chest and conveniently dropped his towel to the floor. Every task on your list quickly faded into the background. He was the soon to be birthday boy afterall. Who were you to deny him this gift?

-------

The house was filled with laughter and music. You sat on Erik’s lap with his arm wrapped snug around your waist as he and some of his boys laughed about stories from their days at MIT. You knew the majority of the people there, Erik always kept a tight circle. But there was one guy, Malik, from his days in foster care that he recently reconnected with that hadn’t made your acquaintance. He was mostly quiet throughout the night, sometimes too quiet, but you chalked that up to how he was raised. Knowing what your husband went through, bouncing from house to house, no one really caring if he lived or died, you always had a soft spot for the people he bonded with during those years, and Malik was one of them.

T’Challa walked over to the rowdy bunch in his usual stoic way, hiding something behind his back. Nakia stood next to him, beaming from ear to ear.

“Pardon me Y/N, gentlemen, but N’Jadaka, I have something that might interest you.” He revealed a black velvet cigar box with the word “Daka” embroidered on the top in gold. It was rare to shock this man, it was even more rare for T’Challa to pull a reaction from Erik that wasn’t sarcastic or flippant.

“Yooooo, T! You wild out man!”

Turning to you as Erik stood up, “Is that a good thing?”

Before you could reply, Shuri belted out a laugh from across the room and said, “Oh brotha! That’s a VERY good thing!”

Erik hugged T’Challa, which was enough to bring a tear to your eye, as the men clamoured for access to a cigar as they walked out on the balcony to light one and commemorate the occasion.

You and Nakia locked arms and laughed at the group as they ran outside as if hiding a porno tape from their mothers.

Turning to her, “Should I ask where you got those?”

“Let’s just say, they once belonged to a very bad man with many items that needed to be confiscated for...archiving. And now they have been gifted to a better man to celebrate his life and the passage of time.”

“Riiight. Well thank you, for everything. I really appreciate you guys. He’s been so down lately. I couldn’t have done this without your help. I’m gonna go get the cake ready while they’re out there.”

Walking towards the kitchen, you noticed Shuri trying to hide behind a few other guests that were deep in conversation in the dining room. Pausing, you didn’t even have to walk her way to know what she was up to.

“Shuri! Put that drink down right now!”

“Awww, Y/N come on! I thought we were cool. I just want a taste of this good American stuff.”

“Girl, your mother will kill me! Put it down and go find the candles for the cake.”

She stomped over to you and you grabbed her in a tight hug.

“You’re no fun, Y/N.”

“I love you too.”

You walked into the kitchen dancing and singing to yourself. “Tell Me” by Groove Theory was now playing through the speakers Erik insisted you guys have installed when you first brought the place. A few of the guests trickled out of the room as Erik’s friend Malik followed you in.

“Tell me if you want me to, give you all my time. I wanna make it GOOD FOR YOUUU!!!!”

You grabbed some plates and napkins from the cabinet and turned mid groove to find Malik standing a little too close. He was taller than your husband but his facial features were no comparison. Let’s be real, not many faces could compare.

“Oh my bad. I didn’t mean to scare you...I was just lookin’ for a garbage. Y’all recycle?”

“Yep, uuh, right there by the door.”

“Cool cool.” Walking over to discard his beer bottle, he turned back around and extended a hand to you. “Malik.”

Switching the plates to your left hand, you extended yours to shake his. “I know. Erik told me about you. He said you guys were like brothers growing up.”

“Yeah, that’s my dawg.” Licking his lips and taking you in a little too intensely, he continued his thought. “We always liked to share things when we were comin’ up.”

You snatched your hand back as Shuri walked in with the candles in hand, dancing to herself.

“Y/N, you have to make me a playlist of these songs for the lab!”

“I will, I promise.”

You walked towards her, grateful to your God and Bast that Shuri’s timing was so impeccable. As you handed her the other items and took the cake from the counter, Malik touched your butt and quickly left the kitchen.

Did he just grab my ASS?!

No, no, he didn’t, he couldn’t!

That nigga just grabbed by ASS!!

You stormed out of the kitchen ready to raise hell, but as soon as you did, a smiling Erik black man jogged towards you and greeted you with a kiss on the cheek.

“You good babe?”

Hands on his chest, gazing in to his bright eyes full of happiness and peace for the first time in a while, there was no way you could ruin this night.

“Yeah, yeah sweetie I’m ok. I was just looking for the candles that’s all. You ready for your cake?”

Nestling his face in your neck as he replied, leaving a wet kiss. “As long as I can have the rest of my dessert later.”

You giggled as his facial hair grazed your skin and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. You hoped that Malik was somewhere watching, being reminded of who the hell your man was and the imminent danger his life was in if he EVER decided to touch you again.

-------

“Aight aight, enough of this terrible singing...blow out the candles man!” One of Erik’s college friends yelled, causing everyone to erupt in laughter. Erik obliged and everyone cheered. He found his way right back to you, engulfing you in his embrace from behind.

“I wanna thank y’all for coming tonight, for real. To have everyone I care about in the same room celebrating me, it’s just, yeah…...I especially wanna thank my princess, my QUEEN who pulled this off without breaking a sweat. I love you, Y/N.”

Turning to face your man, you couldn’t stop cheesing, caressing his dimpled cheeks as he pecked your lips repeatedly.

“Damn, I guess this is what happens when a nigga gets old. Got me all emotional and shit! Shuri, turn that music back up!”

-------

The house had finally cleared of most guests, finally allowing you to put your fuzzy slippers on. You were saying your final goodbyes to T’Challa, Nakia, Shuri.

“Are you sure you don’t need Shuri to help you stay and clean up?” T joked as they walked towards the door.

“Haha! No it’s ok, really. There’s not much more to do. Thank you again. You really made his night.”

“It was our pleasure, Y/N.”

“Make sure you stop by before you head back to Wakanda.”

You closed the door and the newfound silence of your apartment caused you to immediately flash back to that moment in the kitchen with Malik. You had to make sure it got dealt with, but not tonight.

You walked out on the balcony to take in the night air. The life of a hostess was not easy and fatigue was hitting you like a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere, a massive hand smacked you on the butt, scaring the crap out of you. You turned to see it was Erik and not the filth who had violated your space earlier.

“Why you so jumpy girl?”

Attempting to gather yourself quickly and avoid his gaze, you brushed past him and went back into the living room. But as always, he was hot on your heels.

“I’m not E, damn! You just...I thought you were upstairs.”

“You only call me E when you’re annoyed at something or pissed at me, so what’s up?”

“Nothing ERIK, nothing. You’re just always on your sleath shit moving around this house and I wasn’t ready. I’m just tired, baby, that’s all.” Walking towards the steps, you prayed that was enough to hold him off for a bit.

“I’m gonna go change clothes. I left the cake on the counter if you want another slice. Cuz I know you want another slice.”

Whew! Home free, at least for now. You knew your nightly routine would at least give you some time away from him to think. Of course you’d tell him, eventually, but you knew Erik’s past too well to pretend that you weren’t fearful of what he’d do. You’d never be able to erase the sound of the guy's jaw breaking because he put his hands on you at the club when you first started dating. Or the time he threatened your old boss's life and family for overworking his ‘princess’ when you started having panic attacks because of your job. You weren’t at all scared of him, but you were scared of how this news would set him back.

You emerged from the bathroom, fresh faced and wearing Erik’s shirt, to find him perched on the corner of your enormous bed, cake in hand and staring at you. You playfully walked towards him planting yourself in between his legs.

“Can I have a piece?”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’ll just go get my own.”

“I ate it all before I came upstairs.”

“You better be lying.”

He wasn’t budging and you could tell his patience was starting to wane.

“Fine! Since you refuse to drop this.” You hesitated, backing away from him, bracing yourself for impact, but quickly decided to go another route. You walked to the closet and grabbed a small gift wrapped box from where you kept your extra tampons. He joked with you once that he’d be willing to buy them for you, but after that, you were on your own.

“I made us reservations for tomorrow night. I was going to give this to you then, but you’re so impatient.”

You handed over the box with a huge smile on your face, the giddiness now starting to set in.

Erik looked down at the box and back towards you, rubbing your thigh slowly.

“Well, open, open!”

He chuckled, finding your sudden excitement amusing. “Oh I’m the impatient one?”

He finally opened the box and pulled out a black dog tag necklace with the word ‘Baba’ inscribed on one side and a fingerprint on the other. Erik stared at the necklace in awe. When he finally looked up, he had tears in his eyes, which always made you full on cry.

“Happy Birthday! I’m pregnant. This is your father's fingerprint. I had Nakia do some digging to…”

Before you could get another word out, Erik’s lips were attached to yours. He lifted you off your feet bridal style and placed you on the bed as if moving too fast would break you. Erik made love to you as if it were the first time. Covering every inch of your body with attention to make sure you knew how appreciative he was of the best gift he could have ever asked for.

-------

You laid on your husband's chest, tracing his scars while his fingers made lazy circles along your stomach.

“How long have you known?”

“A few weeks.”

“Damn, I must’ve really been out of it.”

You smiled because him admitting it meant he was finally back.

“E…” You sat up, gathering the sheet around yourself to face him.

“What’s up?”

“Is it hot in here? Wow, i’m sweating.” You jumped up suddenly wrapped in the sheet to go open the window. Now pacing…Erik sat up fully and gave you a minute to process whatever the hell you refused to spit out from earlier.

“Y/N, talk to me.”

“Ok, Erik, listen. Before I tell you anything, I want you to remember that you’re about to be a father. And before I needed you but now it’s your family that needs you. You hear the difference there? We’re a family. And I have a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon so now that you know I want you to come so you can meet the doctor and get used to…”

In his usual sleath-like manor, Erik had hoped out of bed to stop you from pacing. Once you finally turned around, you were face to chest with him. He lightly grabbed your chin and raised an inquisitive brow. You took a deep breath and finally blurted it out! By the time you finished recounting the story, Erik’s jaw was locked and his body frozen. At this point, you were sitting on the edge of the bed because, exhaustion.

“....I didn’t say anything earlier because you were so happy. Baby I hadn’t heard your laugh in such a long time. I also know how close the two of you used to be. I’m so sorry.”

Hearing that brought your husband back out of his daze. He knelt in front of you making sure your eyes were locked with his.

“Y/N, listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me? You’re my whole world..” Touching your stomach, “Tonight you’ve managed to make that world even better. That nigga violated my trust and made you feel less than in your own body, in our house...f**k no.”

Erik was eerily calm. The man you knew would’ve been dressed at the part of the story with the handshake and in front of Malik’s house with you on speaker by the time you said, “...touched by ass.”

Instead, with a kiss to your forehead, he made the choice to lay back down. “It’s all good baby, let’s get some sleep.”

-------

The next day you awoke to an empty bed. You got dressed quickly and headed downstairs to find Erik in the kitchen making breakfast.

“Good morning beautiful.”

This was always one of your favorite sights. You stood behind him, wrapping him in a hug while he plated the cheese eggs and breathed him in.

“It’s your birthday Erik. I should be cooking for you.”

“Please...besides your doctor called and had to push your appointment up by an hour so eat up quick! I don’t wanna be late.”

You watched him run upstairs, still wondering who the hell this new guy was and what he did with Erik “the colonizers can kiss mine” Stevens.

He came back down, keys in hand, dog tag on next to his father's ring, sneakers and glasses on. Damn you loved when he wore those glasses. That’s probably how you got pregnant in the first place.

“You ready?”

“Yeah…” You put your plate in the dishwasher and grabbed your bag, walking towards the hallway with him.

“Baby? About our conversation last night. You’re not gonna do anything crazy are you?”

“Oh, you mean Malk?”

“Yes, Erik, that’s what I'm talking about”

“It’s already handled.”

“Erik...what did you do?! Didn’t we discuss this? FAMILY. BABY. Us NEEDING you to not get locked up or worse.”

“Relax, Y/N. I didn’t do anything personally.”

You breathed a small sigh of relief, but he wasn’t quite done. “...let’s just say no one will see him anywhere, EVER...AGAIN.”

“E! You can’t just go offing people at every whim, even if you do hire someone else to take care of it for you. That’s not what I meant.”

“Baby steps, ma. Baby steps.”

#erik stevens x reader #Erik killmonger x Reader #erik x reader #blacklove #marvel universe #reelwriter19 #oneshot #birthday #black panther

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years ago

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Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us (Fezco x fem!reader, Part 5.)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like the scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: let's give my love Fez some space, finally bring him to the story. The reader is at the party Jules was talking about. Hey ho, let's go!

Word Count: 4 K

Warnings: Okay, okay. We are going too off-rails here. Drinking, drug usage... You know it. But no under-age sex kids. Have your own head.

Read the rest here, babe: PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Sometimes, even when you actually find someone to be cool with, some fam of your own, the feeling of loneliness and fear comes back to you when they are not around. Sometimes you know it's coming because you feel it getting stronger in your heart. Sometimes it takes you by a surprise.

That's the danger of this feeling - you can stay in the middle of a high school party with a cup of booze in your left hand and with a lit-up cigarette in the second one and even though you should feel the life around you, you start to feel numb to all of it. You feel to be all alone. In the middle of that big and scary world.

It feels like the time is stopping right in front of your eyes as everybody's movements become slower and slower in your own head. The smoke coming out of a mouth of some black-haired chick appears too detailed, a boy who just inhaled a gram of cocaine is in the world of bliss as you can see in face and the group which was playing beer pong has the flying ball levitating in the middle of the table as they wait for it to fall down. That your perception of the world at those moments.

You are smoking and you're slightly drunk. You should feel happy, in one place and yet it doesn't come together at all.

The loneliness hits you from the darkness every single time. The feeling of being all alone in the middle of everything is unbearable, you're completely confused because you can't seem to find your own place in the crowd. Many of us felt it at some point. That you're an alien between all of those kids.

Especially when she has done it again. Left you to have your fun and left off to have some weed with her newfound friends. Fran was irresponsible at times. You were still underage as most of the kids out there - if the police would have found out, you were fucked. Like seriously fucked.

You made your way to the kitchen, finished your cigarette and poured four shots of vodka in a row to drink them all by yourself. And you knew that you'll have more. Who would pick up on that? There were probably a hundred bottles of spirits. One won't be missed. These kids were rich as hell. They could buy all the vodka in the world.

You stood there, holding the counter, feeling the taste of cigarette in your mouth, trying to get over the burning of the vodka in your throat, making it's way to your stomach. Then you sighed and poured another four for you. And drank them in an instance.

The courage slowly filled your veins and your head as the world around started to spin slowly, everyone being a ghost of themselves. They were empty shelves of themselves, only you felt real.

"What the fuck ya think ya doin', dawg?" - You heard Rue's angry voice as she held some guy's hoodie I'm her palms. They were filming you. Great. Jules' hands slipped onto your neck, holding you in one place.

"Have ya seen that chick pouring that booze down, Rue? Calm down." - The boy laughed, but Rue shook him with all of her strength.

"If ya don't delete that shit now, we will see how good you'll be at pouring vodka down yo ass. Whaddaya say?" - She huffed angrily. All of a sudden a Latino girl with black hair appeared. You knew it was Maddy. Your so-called friend.

"What's your problem, Rue?" - She screamed and looked at both of them, tearing them apart.

"This little shit was filmin' my fuckin' friend. Tell him to call his shit off." - Rue went against him, almost punching him straight to the face. Maddy took a good at you and then she looked on the boy.

"Listen up you bitches. If anyone will try to harm this new girl, I and Nate will make your life a living hell. So let her be shitheads and mind your own fucking business." - She yelled over the music. Maddy took your side, she was defending you and your girls for some reason. Maybe it was a true truce. She shooshed them off and then approached you and Jules with Rue by her side. Rue almost lost her shit for you.

You slowly realized that you are friends for real. This wasn't a silly pretending game. Rue would beat the shit our him because of you.

"Sorry about that. The boys can be dicks here. Enjoying your night?" - Maddy smiled and smoothed your shoulder tenderly. To your intoxicated brain, it appeared that she truly cares for you and for your well being. You nodded, giving her a small smile. - "Gonna find Nate. If you need anything, just find me or text me." - Maddy said confidently, letting her black hair drop over her shoulder in long, beautiful black waves. You watched her as she left all of you and disappeared between the clouds of young drunk people.

"Well, that was unexpected." - Rue whispered and supported you while you walked. Her long face was all around her think face with seriously sharp contours, her eyes were surrounded by glitter and blue eyeshadow. You knew Jules was responsible for Rue's look because you knew that only Jules has that blue on her palette. She had a tight blue bra with long laces under her breasts and high-waisted blue denim shorts accompanied by a long old hoodie and her Converse shoes. - "Sometimes I wonder how she pulls that off, but that was fuckin' awesome." - She said to you and you felt as a cold breeze hit your face when she somehow got both of you through a big door.

You didn't know how Jules is looking that night - you couldn't seem to bring her focus on her. You only saw bright pink shorts or skirt. But she held your hand all the way to some sofa outside around a big fireplace.

"Gonna get some coffee for her. Eight shots? That's fuckin' wild you bad bitch. Look after her, you two." - Rue helped you to sit down. At that point, you finally realized that there's not only Jules when she next to you and brought your head to her shoulder. A man in a rainbow-striped sweater and jeans sat there and smoked - you quickly realized that he has some kush because it smelled all the way to you.

It seemed that his face is blurry for you, but you knew that sweater. You saw him wearing it once or twice. The man from the small shop which looked like a gas station. The one who sold you a cherry soda on a debt. That was him.

"Not lookin' like cherry soda anymore, girl." - A tired male voice laughed and it felt like it was taking all over your body, sending vibrations to all the right places all over you. He was chilled out of his mind, his mind exploring every last piece of Nirvana and space. - "More like booze, make ya feel good, girl?"

“Didn't know you planned to be here, Fez.” - Jules said and smoothed your hair as she watched Fez on the sofa. Fez just nodded a little but didn't answered, because it looked like he started to drift off to the distance.

“Hey man, have not seen you for eternity. Dat's ma girl Y/N. This is Fez.” - Rue walked to you with a big cup of coffee and smoothed your hair gently. She introduced you to Fez, a man or a boy, who were you seeing when you rode through the town a hundred times. The boy whom you liked pretty much. But even though you talked for the second or third time, you liked him a lot. His presence was calming down because he was an overly calm person.

“Nice to meet ya, newbie.” - Fez laughed it all off and looked at you, as you drank your coffee.

The word around you stopped once again as you watched Fezco with a curious look on your face. You felt as the hot coffee made by Rue slipped through your lips, but you were mesmerized by Fezco. In those red-blue-violet lights, he looked like a handsome young man, the smoke was setting off his lips slowly. The sweater made him look incredibly young, he was even smiling a bit, being all chilled out of his fucking head.

It was like seeing a treasure for the first time, beginning to explore some strange land or being mesmerized by a siren. All of those things mixed up together in one perfect essence that created Fez altogether.

“You alrite?” - Rue giggled when you stared in Fezco's for almost a full minute. You just smiled at her sloppily, drunkenly and kissed her forehead slowly. The loneliness was gone thanks to them, to the two people in this town who cared about you with love.

“I love you so much, guys.” - The weight of your body leaned to Jules's body and you closed your eyes lazily and happily as Rue put her head on your knees, smiling as well. Thanks to them you were slowly taking steps with un-missing your old hometown.

You took a deep breath and Rue looked up to you with her typical smile. Your Rue-Rue was back to tell ya all about that Morgan Freeman bullshit.

But as much as you loved your girls, as much your drunken ass was thirsting for Fezco. You might have been into Fez normally, but now you were fucking out of your mind, everything felt so easy. You gave the rest of the coffee to Rue-Rue and went in front of Fez, he was still smoking his blunt or joint, you could never tell.

“Come and dance with me, Fez. Please.” - You begged with a smile full of your teeth and your eyes closed a bit. Fezco giggled, he was high as a kite and took it as a joke, meanwhile, Rue climbed next to Jules, watching the two of you. - “I mean it, Fez. You and me, the dancefloor. Come.”

Rue shot a quick look to Jules and smiled at the both of you. She knew that shell finds out what was behind Fez asking about yo ass. You met, somehow, probably in his shop and he liked you. And per se, it was a two-sided thing.

“Fez, don't be a silly ass. Get up and take her hand. She is one fine girl. I swear.” - Rue put a palm on her heart as a scout who is swearing on America's flag. Fez laughed in a pleasant tone.

“I'm too hig' to have this conversation rite now.” - He said and looked at you as he watched you standing in front of his knees.

“He's a good boy. You'll see. I would take a bullet for him. Come on, boyo. Go for 'er, tiger.” - Rue smiled at Fez and Jules trailed her fingers on Rue's thigh.

“She drunk. Let it be, Rue-Rue. Will not make it worse for her.” - Fez answered and smiled lazily.

And had a point even tho even didn't tried to. He was seriously muted down because of that weed he had smoked that evening. You stood in front of him in a tight tank top that showed most of your boobs, long Adidas sports shorts and watched him with a dead serious face. You were not in a mood to play around games with Fez and you wanted him to touch you, to be with you, maybe to fuck you on the restrooms.

You were ready to become corrupted at that party, at that moment, with Fezco by your side in front of everyone's eyes, drunk or not. You wanted it as bad as anything before. Rue almost OD herself, Jules was fucking weird older guys just to feel like a true girl. What reason you had to stay innocent at that point?

The others have done worse things at an even younger age than you were at. Why should you hold back? You were almost eighteen. You were young. You felt like nobody could stop you, on the top of the world, higher than the clouds could ever reach. Mount Everest ain't got shit on you at the moment. You slowly leaned down, took a hold of the sofa with your palm, looking Fezco under you body up and down.

Fezco held your body with his gaze as well, smoothing your skin with red eyes and dark pupils. The blue color in the wild mix made his gaze completely flat nonetheless. As you were used to, he looked tired and kinda all over the place. But his palms were still lying in his lap, not touching you physically.

He was a man with manners even though his looks and his attitudes, he knew he has to act well around ladies, Fezco was aware of ladies being the more gentle and fragile ones, the ones who needed a strong shoulder to protect them. So he decided not to take advantage of your state. That would be just rude even if he didn't like you.

Yeah. Fezco found your whole appearance cute, you were messy just like his younger sista' from anotha mista' Rue, so that made him protective of you in the first place. You looked so clean to him, you were all innocent, too young to know anything about the underground world he was in and in which he took Rue and Ash down with him. It felt like a new wind in his direction. Fez was used to the corrupted teens of his hometown - but you were shy, new and tried to find your place in the city. That was something Fez wasn't used to. But he wouldn't say it out loud.

"Come on, man. Nothin' wrong ain't happen to ya. Just give her one of two dances. Don't be a fool." - Rue patted shoulder when you slowly climbed on his left thigh, hugging it tightly with your thigs a with your palms roaming all around his neck and shoulders. He was watching you with no intention to stop. He exhaled out loud, closing his eyes and inhaling another shot from his blunt, still being completely chilled under your body, only his left thigh was tensed as hell.

The small place where your bodies melted in one, your crotch being all splayed out all over his thigh, was almost burning. A war was progressing in his mind - his mind was all foggy, covered in the weed mist, was all loosed and ignoring, but his body felt the need to react on your touch. What should he do? Should he stay high, turning your unsaid offer down or just take your hand and dance?

"I don't think that's a good idea, newbie." - He said and exhaled and just at the moment, you leaned down, holding his face in your palms and inhaling the smoke coming out of his lungs. Fran warned you numerous times - shots were far worse than having a joint. But you decided to fuck that. Meanwhile, his eyes concentrated at your almost melted lips, your head bent backward and you exhaled slowly, playing with the smoke with your tongue, cycling it around in your mouth.

What was enough was enough. He maybe was there because of his private business things, but you were a serious number, a hotshot per se. You felt as you stood up bevause he did, your lips still almost locked. You were bat-shit crazy; you knew his name since that very evening and yet you almost climbed him like a mountain.

"Have you changed your mind?" - The warm, almost plushy feeling like warm skin on your lips touched his neck in a fast move, but it was hardly considered as a kiss or so. You just kept him close. That makes the others took notice of you, but nobody said a single word. Whether it was because of Fez or bevause of what Maddy said, it was cool.

"Maybe." - A whisper was delivered right to your ear. You smiled at Rue and Jules who were making out of the sofa, Rue showed you thumbs up and you lead the stoned man into the living room, to the beating heart of the party. Everyone was there, the cringy couples were there, the lonely stoners or fucking drunk people, or the creepy loners. None of them were scaring you off, because you held his fingers in yours with a tight grip.

Ten minutes later, Fezco was fucking sure that you're the sweeter version of the devil just acting all innocent, but having it all in you when you had enough alcohol to drink. You stood in front of him, swaying your lips, moving your head from the side and held his shoulders in your hands, maybe being too harsh with your nails. But he seemed to be into it, so you refused to stop right there.

The time probably slowed down for somebody at the party, seeing your ass bouncing at Fezco's crotch, with a sinful smile on your face, your back arched back and your palms lightly touching him. For them, you would look happy with a sweaty face, rosy cheeks and happy, shining eyes.

Naturally, Fez in your company caught the stare of many. Everyone, probably except you, knew he's dealing on the most of the teen parties because the teen drive for some good trip was fucking huge - but he was never seen doing anything except sitting and smoking weed, sometimes selling a private custom made orders. This was the first time he was seen doing anything else except drinking with the kids.

That made the news spread quickly, but it brought more attention to you, whether you wanted it or not - Maddy was right. The local boys were dicks.

The provocative moves of your ass and hips caught the attention of almost thirty, but your boobs were a killer. And you looked beautiful when you looked back at Fez and smiled when he decided not to leave you alone in it - his eyes gently circled around your hips as he moved with yours. Not in sync - but in the exact opposite direction.

A lot of girls whispered around when you made a spin around, slowly getting down on your knees, riding his right side from his hip down to his feet with your crotch, looking him deep in the eyes, biting your lip and basically dry humping in front of everyone. You looked magical, as your hair fell out of the bun and the red-yellow lights lighted up your moves with a second between appearing again.

It looked like a movie made out of photos.

But nobody took it like if you tried to make yourself cum in front of them - they were used to those dance move from Maddy and Nate who did it all the time on parties or school balls. You were at least somehow dressed - Maddy walked there practically naked on these events daily. But there were other speculations.

What the fuck did you two had together, how did it happen and if you were his girl actually. They didn't ask - they just took you all Lykke Li Late Night Feelings move as an answer.

But you didn't react to any of those looks or words, you just stuck your nails into his leg harder and slowly swayed your hips his direction just you began to stand up. Only if you knew what thing have crossed his mind at that exact moment - but he stopped himself before actually going in with those details because he knew your exact age.

Rue, your best friend of the last three weeks told him about you because he saw the three of you riding a bike together and you truly were cute, especially when you have him a shy smile and those all puppy Y/C eyes. She was curious about how he knew you, but Fez just smiled and didn't answer.

He helped you as you climbed back on your feet, circling your hand around the back of his neck and catching his cheek in your hand as you leaned to kiss him.

And at the moment he knew, he was practically sure that everything will go to shit. You were too drunk to slow down or stop yourself and Fezco didn't want to stop. He could barely image how you tasted, but just as your body hugged his tighter, you closed your eyes and let him tasting every piece of you. Your hips made his move in the rhythm but he felt that you bumped and humped his junk more or less. But he let his palms to travel down your waist to cup your ass tenderly. When you just held him tighter, you felt how the grip on your ass began to be almost unbearably right, holding you in one place.

Any of you knew how long you were there and just made out in the middle of the dance floor, but when you ended, you took his hand out of your ass and walked him to the pool in the back, kicking your speakers on and slowly entered the water still dressed up. Fez stopped you for a minute, so you looked at him with a curious stare. Then, when his flat baby blue eyes still looked unsure, you took off your tank top and threw it in the direction of your sneakers.

You will never have a single idea of how beautiful you were at that moment, when your hair laid on your shoulders, showing him those fuckingly beautiful tits in a brightly red lacy bra and only in Adidas shorts, taking your soaking wet socks down.

"Don't be shy." - You smiled, taking his hoodie off his body, leaving him only in his t-shirt and jeans. You slowly lowered down to your knees, your look heavily indicating that you're imaging his cock down in your throat at that exact moment, but you just took his shoes off. - "Would taking my shorts off help you with deciding?" - You stood up again, but he could easily recognize that you're still drunk as fuck.

"Nah, I'm good." - He went with the stairs by your side, slowly making his body wet. You swam to the middle, taking a swift sweep under the water before ascending back to the surface. You felt as your make-up smudged on your skin and his your had got stuck to your hair, while Fez was still standing next to the steps, watching you as you made few tempos to where he was standing.

"How's the water?" - You whispered, crawling onto his shoulders with your hands, hugging his waist with your legs. Fezco only smiled back, putting his hands to hold your ass again. He liked your ass, you could feel that it's firm, but his fingers could still play with it.

"Fine?" - He answered and smiled a bit when you leaned once again to give him a kiss. This one was passionate, desperate, your teeth sometimes hit each other. You tasted sweet - there was a sign of alcohol, but overall, he could feel only you. He tasted like a weed. But you didn't mind.

He could say that he was totally ok with kissing you in front of everyone. It was nothing too harming for what the others thought of you and he didn't feel like he was getting a benefit of you being drunk.

That was the last thing you could recall that night. Since the last kiss, it was blurry and black-outed in your head.

#fezco #fezco euphoria #maddy #maddy perez #rue bennett #jules vaughn #euphoria #euphoria hbo #fezco x reader #fez x reader #maddy euphoria #jules euphoria #rue euphoria #party #hey ho

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flametendingbartender · 4 years ago

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME.

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥

TAGGED BY: @mrfunnybone !! thanks for the tag, buddy !

TAGGING: anyone! i don’t have a whole lot of folks on here so...have at it!

MY MUSE IS: CANON / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [while i see a select few dig him, he’s no mister popular.]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ he is in fact literal fire.]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ he certainly exists!]

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK. [ i mean.....i personally stan the fire man, so that puts one confirmed member of his fanclub up.]

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO [not at all. even in the genocide route he kinda just...dips out, lmao. ]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ well, not unless you consider yourself to be in dire need of one sweet ‘burg.]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO / IDK. [it’s been awhile, but i really don’t recall anyone outside of snowdin remarking on grillby’s/grillby? ]

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [grillby’s reputation typically teeters on “wow what a warm wallflower” or “he seems....nice.” he’s not a big conversationalist. despite this, he does love his line of work.]

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? — while i do prefer to stick to the canon core of things, there’s admittedly only 1 line of dialogue and pages of ellipses for my character so i’d say i’ve personally gone off the rails with good ole grillbz.

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. —

......................................... ................................................................. ...................................................................................

...........................................................................................he’s good.

Do you like that? If you crave more ellipses, come on down to Grillby’s, a place of subtlety, crudeness, good food, bad laughs, and one little skeleton monster that tests the financial patience of one poor Fire Elemental.

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?). — grillby is truly a simple fellow. while he values the business of his patrons, and does hold a spiritual love for monsterkind, he wants to chill. he has a tendency to fall into adventures, but he doesn’t really want them. he’s not a big fan of talking with others either. he enjoys conversation, mind you, but he doesn’t enjoy really putting in his input, however, so call him King of Miscommunication and Misunderstandings.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? — i used to run a crazy hectic mtt blog back in the ye olden days, so. it was nice to switch to somethin a lil more relaxed with no expectations set on me. grillbz is grillbz.i like pretty fire aesthetic. you can argue about his canon/backstory/character arc/actions/etc. too but at the end of the day? ain’t nothin really to him. so have fun with it.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? — ngl, @wdvoided & @mrfunnybone are my core inspiration peeps. Vii n i have an incredibly over the top but amazing, in depth series of interactions between our bois and caitie’s sans is a good pal....or rather, one swell bff. also, i adore bowties. so, i want to write more rps where grillby wears them or makes other people wear them

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? [ain’t much to him, dawg. he’s a pretty fire man with bowties, so i’ll do my best. ]

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ngl, i never really post them tho;; ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO [i have 2 in my drafts rn!]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [ sometimes! if i have writer’s block for my own projects, i tend to daydream about him n when he was in his hip, cool Younger Days.]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ while i’m confident in my writing, i’m not so sure it’s a hot take for the character or one that’s all that interesting. after all, much of grillby’s fascinating points are....well, not exactly easy to bring up to the surface since he doesn’t t a k.]

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. [ mostly! there are rough days where i’m not confident in a whole lot, to be frank.]

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / SORTA. [nah, i’m used to high stress environments.]

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? — yes! depending. this is one of few characters i’ve written where i don’t really have a canon basis for him, and thus, instead am “winging it” constantly.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? — 110% absolutely

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? — nope! we’re all entitled to our opinion, my guy. have at yours, but i stan that grillby would wear light up sketchers and if you disagree you are, clearly, incorrect.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? — everything’s up for grabs except the sketchers thing. i’ll see you in the purgatory parlor before i sway on that one, buddy.

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? — bro.....what are you then? a cup of water? seems odd, but i can’t help those age old disputes.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? — yes, please. i would much rather fix a simple mistake than leave it there.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? — i like to think so. can’t say i’ve ever kicked up too much of a fuss here on the internet.

#🍶. ╰ ᵒⁿ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ. ╱ qᵘᵉᵘᵉᵈ ᵖᵒˢᵗ #🍔. ╰ ᵍʳⁱˡˡ'ˢ ᵈᵒʷⁿ. ╱ ᵒᵒᶜ.

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uwuprime · 5 years ago

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TFA Liveblog - 1x05 Total Meltdown

Awww family TV night

"That looks like it hurts" aw baby boy

This is one "and she'll like it too" from being a commercial for that Nugenix shit.

"Robots took our jobs" I'm getting DBH vibes again. Sumdac Systems feels ver ly Cyberlife right now.

BEE IS A WRESTLER!!! THAS MY SONNN

Sari is his coach??? Child you're too precious lmaoooo

What the fuck is that a fucking gremlin

Oh no nevermind that's The Hulk

Damn my boy getting fucked up already

I want a hot dog condiment robot pls

Fansone? Fanzome? How do you spell his name and why is he at a wrestling match?

Ohhhh. This is a payoff. Got it.

So you're telling me. That this man taped a T.E.N.S. Machine to a syringe full of roids and made The Hulk???

"I don't like sending a MACHINE to do a MAN'S JOB" hmm I dunno if I like Chief Fandom

Bee honey ur granddad is gonna be pissed that you got a concussion.

He really be out here hicking The Hulk's ass

I too feel like a superhuman when I use my tens machine. I feel you gremlin man

What the fuck is this about "biological superiority" you made a dumpster trembling hulk?? not a man???

Unplug the battery from the tens unit if it wont turn off

Ratchet!!! My boy is here and ready to protecc!!!!

Bee is short. This is a fact.

Hes short because hes Team Baby guys leave him alone

S h or t b o y

Awww no dkn't pick on my son!!!

The police.... have a contract ..... for superhuman RoidCops????

Filthy machines?? This man got me fucked up. Turn on your location I just wanna talk.

How. Did he get. A p i e c e of Bee?

Prometheus is super fucling creepy as a villan. The way he says human test subjects is fuckkng gross

"Even the prisons won't give you test subjects anymore!" UHHHH

HE WAS GETTING HUMAN TEST SUBJECTS????? FROM PRISONS?????? WHO THE FUCK IS FUNDING THIS CREEPY MFER

WHAT THE F U C K DAWG

Sure just- whack that vial of acid. You go ahead. I hope you melt you creepy bitch

Oh that looks like it hurts.

Another goo monster? At least it's not a roach this time

Man this show really likes its body horror huh

I dub thee, Acid Bastard

Oh goodie more unsettling biotech from Isaac Sumdac

Wait. What happened to the captains wife???? Is she okay?

Yeah that went about as well as I thought it would . You forget to check your system there mate?

Okay so at least we know shes alive. I want to know what happened tho.

Oh okay so it was sabotaged

Autobot Alloy???? What?

Prowl getting in on the Tease Bumblebee game

Motorheads??? Ughhh Sari is so pure. I love her so much oml

Here. Comes. Goop Bastard

He came up with a villan name!!! Neat! Meltdown is a good name!!!! Good for you acid boy

DEFENSE SYSTEMS? ON THE OUSIDE??? That respond to an INTERNAL alarm!!!!! Isaac ur big dumb. That's not how this works!! Thats not how ANY OF THIS WORKS

The Hulk is back and hes not fucking around!

Bulkhead getting his ass stuck in an invisible force field feels like a metaphor I don't understand

Hippity hoppity hes here to melt your property

Sari once again here doing the most and the best.

"He wanted to melt me!!!" No "thank you" for Bumblebee, eh?

Hmm I hope Issac has insurance on this building.

What is it with Bulkhead and fucking up his handsssss

Local Tens Machine Hulk doesnt like going to church. More at 7.

Bulkhead really trying to get melted huh.

The forcefield is a good idea!!! Look at my husband being Big Smart!!

Eww. Ratchet bb please don't say juices like that. I just praised you don't make me take it back.

Bee is a Scrappy Boy and I love him.

#transformers #maccadam #tfa #transformers animated #del's tfa liveblog

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peachymhaechan · 6 years ago

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“Not even one snow angel?”

Genre: fluff

Warnings: language bc im too dumb to find better words

Pairing: Jaehyun x gender neutral reader

Author’s Note: yall it’s so cold that they had to cancel school for three days bc it’s supposed to be in the negatives for three days straight, so yall already know what that means: time to write fluff focused around Jung Jaehyun when I should be preparing for my biotechnology debate,,, yeehaw !! also: im shook that yall liked the mark mafia au so much,,, I will have another mafia au out soon, love yall !!

our story is set in fair Verona, where it is cold as tits out

jk its not actually set in Verona but ya know. Romeo and Juliet, am I rite, laid ease and gents?? (even tho that story is high key messed up and I don’t really understand why people aspire to have relationships like that)

no but for real, classes for the next couple of days were cancelled because of a negative ten degree Fahrenheit wind chill, and that meant you had nothing to do (other than procrastinate your class work)

yeehaw, am I rite, laid ease and gents???

n e ways,

rather than staying in your dorm all day w your dorm mate whom you did not always get along very well with,

you decided to carpe the fuck outta that diem and play in the snow with some of you friends

lacing up the boots you shoved over four pairs of socks, you called Johnny, a kid you’d known since your freshman algebra class

“Seo, let’s go outside for once.”

“Excuse me, what? Is it the sleep deprivation talking or did I hear you just say the words lets go and outside in one sentence?” a sleepy Johnny said from the other line

“Haha, very funny, dumbass. Let’s go play in the snow,” you told him, throwing on a winter coat

“Y/N, it is eleven AM,” Johnny told you, causing you to roll your eyes as you shut the door

“Really? I had no clue, Johnny, thank you for telling me.”

“Y/N, it is eleven AM on a day when classes are cancelled,” Johnny rephrased

“Yes, I am well away. Suit up, Seo. I am on my way over, be there in five.”

on your way, you looked at all the snow and tried not to slip on ice

you made a few stops at some of your other friends’ dorms, and by the time you got to Johnny’s, there was a small army of people ready to play in the snow (and wake up Johnny)

“Mark, can I please wear your hat?” Haechan whined, flashing Mark puppy dog eyes and tugging on his sleeve

“Y/N, make him give me his hat,” the boy begged you, turning those eyes on you

“Mark, do what the baby says,” you told him, knocking on Johnny’s door

johnny seo opened the door, and before you could say anything, you were hit with a snowball in the face

“JONATHON SEO, WHAT THE FUCK???”

he started cackling and said, “Before you guys got here, I went outside and made a snowball, then put it in a bowl in my mini fridge.”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??”

“Nothing, Y/N, I thought you wanted to play in the snow?”

“Johnny, we are not IN the snow right now. We are standing in the middle of your dorm building, while snow drips down my face. I am going to destroy you when we are actually in the snow.”

“I’d like to see you try, dumbass. Oh, also: do you care if I invite someone to hang out with us today?” he asked, and for some reason, everyone pivoted their attention to the six foot tall man, which you did not notice

“Go ahead, the more the merrier. Right, guys?” you asked, and everyone nodded a little too enthusiastically

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion but didn't ask any questions

“Who all were you planning on inviting?” you asked, trying to get more info out of him

Mark, Haechan, Jisung, Chenle, Jaemin, Jeno, and Lucas all avoided eye contact

“I don’t know, probably just a few of the other guys... Ten, Taeyong, Winwin, Kun, and Jae.”

so THAT’S why they were acting weird

those two faced whores

“Jae?” you asked, trying to do some more subtle investigating

“Yes, Jae.”

“Jae as in... Jaehyun?”

“Yes, Jae as in Jaehyun.”

“Like... Jung Jaehyun?”

“Yes, Jung Jaehyun.”

“Like..... your roommate Jung Jaehyun?”

“Yes, my roommate Jung Jaehyun.”

“The one that I think is hot and told you all that I have a crush on him?”

“That’d be the one.”

oh no

oh fuck no

“Unless, of course, you want me to tell him that something has come up and he is no longer invited.”

“No, no, that’s not necessary, he can still.... he can still join us, if he wants.”

“Okay, good, because I told him to come with us, and he should be ready any minute now.”

cue Jaehyun nudging johnny out of the way so he can get out of the door

and all you could think was

ohhhhhhh mannnnnnnn, he’s hot

he had on jeans, a fluffy winter coat, gloves, and boots, but he had you quaking in your four pairs of socks, okay

you could feel your cheeks heat up when he gave you a smile

those dimples had you wEAK, BITCH

“Hi, Jaehyun!” you managed to get out, to which he responded

“Hey, Y/N! That hat looks really cute on you! You always look cute, but, ya know what I mean.”

to say you were malfunctioning would be an understatement

the boys saw you go into a full system reboot

“Let’s get going before all the snow melts!” Chenle said, grabbing your arm and pulling you out of your technical difficulty

“I doubt the snow will be melting any time soon,” Jisung mumbled, getting a slap in the arm from one of the other boys

the only sounds that registered to you were the sounds of the bickering boys, sleds dragging on the floor, and your own heart beat

okay, dawg, just play it cool.

now that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? dumb bitch.

the whole time yall walked outside, you were super aware of the proximity of Jaehyun

after about two minutes, Jaehyun was standing right! next! to! you!

wowie, babey! yee fuckin haw!

when yall finally made it to the “lawn” (whatever the fuck u wanna call it, I am not good with words, yeet) of campus- a huge hill with trees all around, right in the center of campus-

yall threw down the sleds a few of you brought, and got right to it

johnny got on a different sled and challenged you to a race, to which you naturally agreed to

while johnny was getting situated before the race, you made a snowball out of his sight, and right as it started, you nailed him in the face

“yOU MOTHER FUCKER!” johnny yelled as he fell off his sled and you took the lead

the boys all laughed (including Jaehyun! let’s gooooo!) and watched you do a half assed victory dance when you reached the bottom of the hill

winning was great and all, but you had to climb back up the hill:/

not cool, dawg:/

when you finally reached the top, you found that some of the guys were making a snowman

awwwwwwwwwwwww

Jisung saw your heart melting upon the sight and said, “Stop that, this is emo boy gang, either get on board with emotional numbness or get out.”

that stopped melting your heart, but you still loved the sight of all of them so concentrated on making a huge snowman

Jaehyun led the group, telling them what to do and assembling everything

by the time the snowman was complete, it easily was taller than you were

“yo. this is dope, bro,” johnny said to Jaehyun, pulling him into a bear hug

“thanks, bro,” Jaehyun said, laughing a bit at how ridiculous it all was

“Snowball fight time?” Jeno asked, all of the younger boys behind him, looking at you Old Folk for confirmation as to whether or not it’d be socially acceptable to start wailing balls of coldness at each other

you, johnny, and Jaehyun looked at each other and shrugged

“Why not?”

why not, indeed

without a second of hesitation, the younger boys started chucking snowballs at you three

“FUCK” “SHIT” “BITCH”

sicko mode or mo bamba?

“DIVIDE AND CONQUER, DIVIDE AND CONQUER!” you yelled, all three of you taking off in different directions, making the boys split up their force to follow

for some reason, Jaehyun ran along with you, leaving johnny to fend for himself

“Jaehyun, this isn’t a part of the plan!” you scolded, but at the same time loved the situation yall were in

“I know, I wanted to make sure you don’t get hurt.”

wow, we stan !

“That’s awfully sweet of you, but now we have to figure out how to get rid of them.”

“I’ll make a diversion while you hide and make ammunition? Send a signal or something and i’ll find you when you’re ready,” Jaehyun told you, making a sharp left and darting through the trees, a trail of boys following him

since you were left alone, you put your hands on your blushing cheeks and then got to work

within a few minutes, you had more than enough ammunition to hit the boys with and you saw all of them at the bottom of the hill, some wrestling and some throwing wads of snow at the others

great idea: take them out from up there?? yes, let’s go y/n, coming in clutch w that idea

without warning, you began to chuck the hundreds of snowballs you made at the boys

by the time you went through all the ammo, none of the boys were left standing except for johnny and Jaehyun

johnny stood up from behind a statue in the campus center and said, “Holy shit.”

Jaehyun looked at all the boys laying in the fetal position and said, “Holy shit.”

after that, everyone wanted to go home

not sure why, after all it’s not like they just got their asses kicked in the cold

“I don’t feel like going back to the dorms so soo, though,” Jaehyun said to you and Johnny

johnny went :) idea time!

“I am feeling really tired from today, but I heard Y/N say earlier that they wanted to stop at the café at some point today and try one of the new drinks they’re making.” :) ;)

fuck

“Okay, cool. Do you want to go to the café with me, then?” Jaehyun asked you

Jaehyun asked you.

Jaehyun asked you?

“Yes, I’d love to!” you told him, handing your sled to Jaemin to take with him to the dorms

after parting ways, yall went to the café and had a kind of?? date

just a lot of small talk, what is your goal in life, what are your deepest fears, blah blah blah

on the way home, though, that was when it got REALLY couple-y

you slipped on ice!

and he went to catch you!

but he fell, too!

but he made it so that you were laying! on! top! of! him!

Hello, K-drama moment!

instead of speaking, you both stared into each other’s eyes

before you totally #securedthatman by rolling off of him

and making a snow angel

laughing, he stood up and held out a hand to help you up

“Come on, let’s get going, it’s really cold out now. Too cold for snow angels, for sure.”

“Not even one snow angel?” you asked, flashing him puppy dog eyes

“Not even one snow angel,” he confirmed and helped you up, and!

he didn’t let go of your hand!

later on, yall consider that snowball fight turned café trip to be your first date, and boy, was it cold, but your hearts sure as hell felt warm that day

in conclusion, uwu

#nct #NCT 127 #nct 2018 #nct dream #nct au #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct 127 au #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct fanfiction #nct 2018 imagines #nct 2018 au #nct 2018 scenarios #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct jaehyun

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kuciradio · 7 years ago

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KUCI’s Top 10 Albums of 2017

As the year comes to an end, we asked our fellow DJ’s of KUCI to name their top 10 albums of 2017. After sorting through over fifty nominations, here is our list of our favorite albums that were released this year, with a some words from our community explaining why. We’ve also threw in some honorable mentions at the end! 2017 was definitely a great year for music, and we can’t wait to discover more in 2018. Happy New Year everyone!

10. Citizen - As You Please - (Run For Cover)

“Citizen was a band that I had always known about, but had never quite caught my ear enough to dive into their music. That changed, however, with As You Please. The opening track, “Jet”, is reminiscent of their past work with emotional lyrics and a driving yet somber punk instrumental feel. The following track titled “In the Middle of It All” provides a completely new and evolutionary soundscape for the band, while staying close to their usual deep lyrical content. The album as a whole is easy to listen to for both intent and absent minded purposes. Personal favorite tracks are “Ugly Luck” and “Medicine”.” - Jeremy Bibeau

"After I heard that they had a new record coming out, I just assumed that they were going to continue to develop the sound they decided to go with for Everybody Is Going To Heaven, which is why I decided to pass on As You Please at first. However, after caving in to all of the hype surrounding the album’s lead single entitled “Jet,” I was pleasantly surprised to hear that Citizen had not only made a return to their old sound, but that they had refined their sound to appeal to more of a diverse audience. This is the case for all of the songs on As You Please, not just “Jet,” which made As You Please quite a pleasant surprise upon listening to it for the first time. Much like some of their contemporaries’ latest work, As You Please is by far Citizen’s best and most complete album to date. By combining the best qualities of Citizen’s old sound (i.e. catchy yet intricate guitar riffs, powerful/explosive choruses, and angst fill vocals) with a new found sense of confidence, wisdom, and maturity, as well as more elaborate song structures and piano interludes, you get what in my opinion is the best version of Citizen that has ever existed." - Tommy DeSilva

9. (Sandy) Alex G - Rocket - (Domino Recording Company)

"The songs, while simple, sound absolutely timeless to me. “Proud” sounds like a drive out on the open countryside. “Big Fish” sounds like a quiet confession of strength to a father. “Powerful Man” sounds like a tear jerking show of emotional maturity to a skeptical family. While Alex has always been lauded for his songwriting chops (even earning a Frank Ocean co-write in the process), this is the first record that feels like it has emotional heft to it. " - Stephan Masnyj

"Rocket is revelatory, each song sampling and combining various genres (and creating new, nameless genres in the process) in a completely Alex G fashion. The melancholia, yearning, and dreaminess that pervades this album will tug at your soul in the best ways possible." - Sophie Prettyman-Beauchamp

8. Sampha - Process - (Young Turks)

"Sampha is not one to hold back the heart on his sleeve. While having worked with Sbtrkt and being it's other half, he has finally seem to come out of his shell and give his voice, well, a voice. "No One Knows Me (like the piano)" tells of his past childhood and struggles trying to figure himself out while making the living room his confessional. 'Incomplete Kisses' speaks of unrequited love with amazing lines and utter softness of ones heartbreak. Sampha has shown us his true colors while barely breaking the ice. I can not wait for more albums to come from such an amazing voice in R&B." - T.J. Bingamon

7. Thundercat - Drunk - (Brainfeeder)

"Very solid (and lengthy) release from Thundercat this year with Drunk. Each track on this album is dripping with funky jazzy vibes that make it really difficult to get sick of." - Alex Morrow

"A Personal favorite that could easily go unnoticed from the amount of music set out this year. Thundercat's Drunk is unprecedented in the ability to make emotion through his work with bass. A great album to listen to for long rides in the car alone." - Christopher Santiago

6. King Krule - The Ooz - (True Panther Sounds XL)

"I think The Ooz is one of those albums you really need to listen to a few times before it grows on you. I think it's an amazing follow up to his last album, and I feel like on The Ooz we get a better sense of his Archy Marshall music and sound. The imagery he uses is also interesting and creative!" - Katrina Vergara

"King Krule’s inventive garage punk-jazz fusion and mumbling, growling voice are always worth waiting for. The Ooz oozes creative frustration ingeniously overcame. The esteemed wunderkind who is Archy Marshall really did that." - Sophie Prettyman-Beauchamp

5. Lorde - Melodrama - (Lava / Republic)

"Lorde’s comeback that I didn’t know I needed, putting into words all the themes of finding oneself, looking for love, and just growing up from being a teen." - Caroline Nguyen

"The main narrative surrounding Lorde’s rise to prominence has been her authority for her age (as of now, she is 21), and that has never been more apparent than her clear-eyed analysis of teenage years on this record. “Homemade Dynamite” dissects the social dynamics and self destructive tendencies people often have during a party with surgical precision, while “Supercut” takes a relationship in retrospect and understand that memories of a lost lover usually have a rose-colored tint to them. The most stunning cut on the record is “Writer in the Dark,” a song that embodies the hate, regret, and mourning that often comes directly after the end of the relationship. The way Lorde is able to thread the needle between all the separate emotions throughout the verses and chorus is nothing short of stunning, and her vocal delivery delivers an emotional depth Adele would kill to have." - Stephan Masnyj

4. Alvvays - Antisocialites - (Polyvinyl Record Co.)

"Alvvays are such an awesome band, and in my opinion, Antisocialites is nothing short of a masterpiece. Characterized by jangly guitars, dreamy synth parts, poppy vocal melodies, and lead vocalist Molly Rankin’s soothing voice, the songs on this record sound as though they were taken straight from Indie Rock/Dream Pop heaven. While listening to this album, one can easily lose themselves in the dreamy nature of some of these songs. That’s not to say by any means that this record “drags on.” In fact, no two songs sound alike on this album, which definitely showcases the versatility of Alvvays’ musicianship as well as their ability to keep listeners on their toes." - Tommy DeSilva

“I was over the moon when I found out Alvvays was coming out with another album. Their self-titled is one of my favorites, so I was eager to know what they had in store for their sophomore album. When I first heard "Dreams Tonite" I knew the rest of the album would be just as great. This album is your indie pop dream, with a different feel on each track.” - Caitlin Ison

3. Kendrick Lamar - DAMN - (Top Dawg / Aftermath / Interscope)

"Releases by Kendrick Lamar never go unnoticed and DAMN certainly did not when it dropped. By far a definition of modern classic and experimental." - Christopher Santiago

"Kendrick Lamar's DAMN is an insightful look into the rapper's past life and future. While K. Dot relays the album to be the story of his father coming into a close call of having an alternative life ending, but while still relating to his current life woes. Thru tracks like 'Yah' revealing the grittiness of Compton blue-collar work, to 'Love' a record boasting of vulnerability and questions, Kendrick delivers yet another piece of his life's work and puzzle." - T.J. Bingamon

“From my perspective, it’s weird to think of Kendrick at the top of the pop charts; I always saw him as a supremely talented artist who’s ambitions ran deeper than pop radio. However, it turns out Kendrick can release pop hits while still maintaining the endless depth his raps often do. “Humble” is both a boast and a self-aggrandizement in the form of a three minute pop song. “DNA” is a firestorm of a rap that examines the good, bad, and ugly that exist within all of us.” - Stephan Masnyj

2. Tyler, the Creator - Flower Boy - (Columbia)

“Flower Boy is Tyler, the Creator’s fourth album, and encaptures his wittiness and internal conflict through a softer side with the use of neo-soul and the sounds of early 90’s hip-hop. He delves deep into his emotions in a mere 47 minutes, making this one of his most intimate and sincere yet shortest album. It focuses on isolation, the falling-out of friendships, and the pain of unrequited love, themes many listeners can find relatable. The whole feel of the album holds such a significant difference from Tyler’s older albums, which really goes to show his growth, not only in his music, but as a person.” - Raenna Caguioa

"Whenever Tyler, the Creator would release a record following his breakthrough “Goblin” in 2011, the question always remained the same: When will he finally grow up? His talent was always palpable, the dizzying raps in “Yonkers” and the emotional story in “48” showed his talents as a writer, and his growing production credits on “Wolf” and “Cherry Bomb” showed that he had a distinct style within his musical repertoire. Yet he always fell back on his worst tendencies; frequently using homophobic slurs or creating worthless posse cuts that did nothing but ruin the flow of his records. All of that changed with Flower Boy, easily his most cohesive and mature record to date. Much has been said about his alleged coming out in the record (a subject that Tyler has remained mum on since the album’s release), but it isn’t stated enough just how wonderful this record sounds. The strings and horns that dot highlight “See You Again” are stunning, and the queasy synths that Tyler has used in the past take on a new urgency on “I Ain’t Got Time.” Every single rap, beat, and instrument inform each other throughout the record, and not a single thing sounds out of place throughout. “Tell these black kids they can be who they are,” raps Tyler on the highlight “Where the Flower Blooms.” For the first time in his career, Tyler sounds like he’s living those words to the fullest." - Stephan Masnyj

1. SZA - Ctrl - (Top Dawg / RCA)

"I felt like this album came out at the right time in my life. The deeply personal lyrics on every song made it weirdly relatable for me. SZA really refined her sound since her last album titled Z. I love the concept and every song on this album. " - Yasmin Moradi

"An album that needs no explaining, SZA's Ctrl ups the ante with her debut studio album, most well known for her features prior to this, she makes a name for herself with this anecdotal release." - Christopher Santiago

"It's no wonder SZA is probably one of the biggest artists to emerge out of 2017. I hadn't listen to her prior, but there was so much talk after Ctrl was released, I knew I had to see what the fuss was about. To say the least, I was not disappointed. Of course there are the standouts of the album, "The Weekend" and "Love Galore," but there are also some underrated tracks like "Drew Barrymore" and "Prom." Personally, I think an artist's biggest success is when they can make a listener feel their emotions, regardless of if they can relate to the song or not. I felt SZA's emotions in every single track, and I don't think I've really ever been in any of those situations. I thought that was really beautiful. Also, it's hard not to fall in love her incredible buttery voice." - Caitlin Ison

"I love this album because all the songs are bangers but they also make me cry. One publication called Ctrl an album about side-hoe anthems but that's so far from the truth! SZA sings about insecurity, adjusting to adulthood, and bad relationships with such honesty. Anyone can relate to her struggles of going through your twenties feeling vulnerable, whether you're a side hoe or the main." - Katrina Vergara

"Where do I start? SZA’s vocals are gorgeous and lush, earnest and biting, confident even when expressing pain and insecurity. It’s a versatile album you can both cry to and dance to, mixing elements of R&B and lo-fi indie rock. It’s a reminder of female strength and independence, and even has an ode to the vagina that simultaneously disses ungrateful, trash dudes. SZA is a normal girl with the same wishes and fears as the women who listen to her music, her lyrics resonate with those of us who are still finding our way and learning how to love and respect ourselves. It’s like sitting down with a good friend who laughs with you, cries with you, and always knows the right thing to say, helping you regain your own power. Ctrl is what it feels like to be a woman." - Sophie Prettyman-Beauchamp

Honorable Mentions

The XX - "I See You" (XL Recordings)

"A perfect balance between pop and melancholy, with songs like "Dangerous" and "On Hold" upbeat despite lyrics suggesting doomed relationships. Meanwhile, "Say Something Loving" and "A Violent Noise" are filled with the emotional angst that has made the XX so popular." - Jarrett Lovell

The Drums - Abysmal Thoughts - (Anti-)

"You can always count on The Drums to deliver a fantastic surf-pop inspired album, and they do it once again with Abysmal Thoughts, the title appropriate for 2017 indeed. The album does have its fair share of these, as Jonny Pierce, blessed with an airily angelic voice, grapples with heartbreak and feelings of nothingness on “If All We Share (Means Nothing)” and chastises the upper class with “Rich Kids.” Nevertheless, The Drums remain beachy goodness with the beloved simple riffs and chords that bounce along, tambourines, cooing backing vocals, and 80s-esque synths that are sure to leave you dancing through your tears." - Sophie Pettyman-Beauchamp

Tigers Jaw - spin - (Black Cement Records)

"This record felt like it took forever to come out seeing that many of us Tigers Jaw fans had been talking about it ever since their last record Charmer came out in 2014 along with the announcement that Tigers Jaw would from now on be a two-piece band solely featuring founding members Ben Walsh and Brianna Collins. Would they be able to make a record by themselves? Would it sound as good as the original lineup? Two questions that had lingered for quite some time amongst the Tigers Jaw fan base. After making us anxiously wait for over three years (which producer Will Yip made even more dreadful by dropping little hints about the album here and there for like six months), Tigers Jaw finally released spin earlier this Spring, and as you would expect, it was definitely worth the wait. Tigers Jaw have always been an awesome band who have consistently put out great records from front to back, so for me to say that spin is their best album would be kind of stretch, but it’s pretty damn good and should be in that conversation. While staying true to the sound that the original five piece version of Tigers Jaw developed, Ben and Brianna were still able to add their own personal touches to the songs on this record, especially since they were both in charge of songwriting duties for the first time (spin is the first Tigers Jaw album that Brianna has contributed songs to). The thing that I like the most about spin is that you can really tell that Ben and Brianna spent a lot of time on these songs and put their best effort forward to make them the best that they could be in every way. Every song on this album is well crafted both musically and lyrically. No two songs sound the same and everything sounds perfect down to the smallest detail. I really appreciate great musicianship like that, and I look forward to hearing what Ben and Brianna have in store for us next as they continue to keep Tigers Jaw not only alive, but alive and thriving." - Tommy DeSilva

HAIM - Something to Tell You - (Columbia)

"By far, my favorite record that was released this year. I've been a huge fan of HAIM since their first album, which was released when I was in high school, and I had that sh*t on repeat for days. I remember finding out that the three sisters were working on new material, and I was literally counting down the days to hear their new single, "Right Now." The video of them singing the track live in a studio was so raw and filled with emotion, it left me speechless. I knew this album was going to be packed with tears and heartbreak. I love this album because while it dwells on the hurt and pain one can experience in a romance that could've been, the music contrasts it with its upbeat, dancey tones. This album really has got that Stevie Nicks / Shania Twain vibe (which is fitting because they chose to cover "That Don't Impress Me Much" for their tour), and mixing that with their HAIM sound really makes it a memorable record. One of my favorite characteristics of this band is their bad ass attitude, and although it's a record about heartbreak, you can still feel that energy throughout." - Caitlin Ison

BROCKHAMPTON - Saturation II - (QUESTION EVERYTHING, INC. / EMPIRE)

“Arguably Brockhampton’s best album. Nearly every song is one I can jam to (or if it’s the last song- one I can cry to). I love Brockhampton’s unconventional rap lyrics and I think it makes them stand out from up-and-coming artists. They really are the best boy band since One Direction.” - Yasmin Moradi

"BROCKHAMPTON came out with 2 other albums just this year but I would say this was the most iconic one. With this album they really established a signature sound and the members were able to find their voice within the boy band. Even though Pitchfork didn't give this album a good score, I would give this album a 10/10 if not only for cultural impact but for how good SWEET is." - Katrina Vergara

Hot Flash Heat Wave - Soaked - (OIM)

“HFHW’s sophomore album is what I like to call a true sound of the (indie rock) times. Soaked is a big step in a new direction, after Neapolitan delivered hard hints of garage rock and sunshine pop; this album rides a chiller, more ambitious wave, reflecting contemporary rock genres like Slacker Rock and Jangle Pop [The Smiths, The Beatles, Mac Demarco, Homeshake], while still giving into sunny roots of Surf and Garage rock [The Beach Boys, The Strokes]. The record clocks in at just under 40 minutes, while delivering two more tracks than its preceding album. One play-through will not be enough, especially on that cozy summer day.” - Spartacus Avina

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 7 years ago

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> Diznirk cuz I’m fresh out the pen: Rap ta alien if you gots a paper stack.

uranianUmbra [UU] began steppin' timaeustestify [TT]

UU: i see yoe 'bout ready ta begin. how splendid for yoU. ^u^ UU: i'm at dangeroUs risk of jealoUsy now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe.

TT: Whizzay?

UU: oh, it jizzay i'm bustin' a bit behizzle schizzle. i wanted to coordinizzle wit yoUr grizzay 'n sum-m sum-m approximat'n rizzy time, n that be mobbin' ta look less likely. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. UU: my clizzient playa continUes ta be a soUrce of frUstration. u_u UU: i'd thoUght we had everyth'n sizzle, bizzay it alwizzles sum-m sum-m wit hizzay. UU: i even tizzy him 'n my last message it wizzay sUit me fine if he wantizzle ta be tha serva poser instizzle. i jizzle want ta begin! UU: bizzay i hiznave nizzay heard B-to-tha-izzack from hiznim... >:u

TT: Thiznat's probably tha way it always be. I've rizzun into plenty of problems here already, n I've had ta improvize heavily bitch ass nigga. TT: Ain't nuttin 'bout our sitizzle ta envy yiznet.

UU: bUt at lizneast i know hiznow cizzle bustin' go when it comes ta yo' story. UU spittin' that real shit: i don't qUite have that lUxUry wit mine! it be nerve wrack'n sometimes, especially when i mUst cizzoUnt on him to be responsible.

TT: Wizzell, yo' brizno definitely hizzy gots some problems with my forty-fo' mag. Not gonna lizzie like a tru playa'.

UU: dis be trUe with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. UU: thoUgh i'm sUre i've said, he isn't qizzUite mah brother. we be related, yizzay, bUt nizzy 'n tha wizzle hUman gangsta n killa be. UU: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. we be genetically similizzle, bizzUt 'n many ways qUite different. 'n fizzy, oUr blood coloUr be nizzy evizzle tha same! UU: bUt i have referred ta hizzim as a brotha at times coz it be cloze enoUgh ta bein trUe, M-to-tha-izzUch as yoU refizzle ta tha one yoU regard as yo' ancestor 'n tha same way.

TT and my money on my mind: Yeah keep'n it real yo. TT: Jiznust give hiznim sizzle tizzay. He'll probablizzle cizzay around. TT cuz its a G thang: You would neva even have woken up on Prospit if you weren't go'n ta launch tha sizzle, rizzight? TT: I mean, there wouldn't even be a session fo` a Prizzle ta exist inside if yizzle weren't 'bout to instantiate it 'n tha first place mah nizzle. Unless I'm just totally niznot getting how dis works.

UU: no, i thizzink yoe probably rizzight. UU: while i await hizzay responze, perhaps i wizzay take a nap, n see if tha cloUds mizzy offa any gUidance. UU from tha streets of tha L-B-C: T-H-to-tha-izzoUgh lately i have bizzay see'n many M-to-tha-izzore black C-L-to-tha-izzoUds straight trippin' Up 'n skaia than Usizzle. it be a most Unwelcome trend. u_u;

TT: Yoe lucky to have any clouds. TT: Only th'n I hizzay ta look up at be infinite pimp.

UU: G-to-tha-izzood pizzay! :U UU from tha streets of tha L-B-C: i be so pleaze' ta be a prizzle dreama. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. i'm sUre mah brotha finds his netherwizzle affizzle similarly chillin'.

TT n shit: Speak'n of W-H-to-tha-izzich, TT wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: I have a problem, n I could uze yo' advice.

UU: be tizzy so?

TT: Its just anotha homocide. I iced an agent who snuck into mah room ta assassinate me. TT upside yo head: I'm nizzle sure wizzy ta do 'bout it now. I giznuess I cizzay jizzay dizzay tha corpze. TT dogg: But it stizzle only a hustla of time befizzle mah nigga be bizzy.

UU: You gotta check dis shit out yo. yes, that be a pickle fo my bling bling.

TT: I honestly C-to-tha-izzan't thizzay of a way around dis. Getting fizzle out, I mizzle. Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. TT: Roxizzle has it easizzle fo' sho'. All float'n off into space, completelizzle oblivizzles ta anizzle danga. TT: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. I don't know wizzy it had ta be dis wiznay fo` me. Juggl'n theze two wak'n selves at once. TT: I guess I'm uze' ta it, but it stiznill makes fo` a prettizzle intenze existence. TT: D-ya even knizzow whizzat tha dizneal wit that be sho nuff? Lizzay is there any precedent in yo' frontin'?

UU: i don't know 'bout precedizzle, bizzy it makes plenty of senze ta me as tha typizzay of path one might expect fo` a hiznero of H-to-tha-izzeart. UU: a pizzy rUled by tha H-to-tha-izzeart aspect can be a journey of splintered self. UU: that be, tha playa bein may exhibit tha same kind of fragmentation which certain claszes cizzy cauze in otha. UU: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. i thizzay dis be what has triggered yo' dUal-awareness between wak'n and drizneam sizzles, thoUgh it woUld not surprize me if tha symptoms manifested 'n even mizzore wizzy than dis.

TT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. So, that what a Prince of Heart does? It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. TT: Jiznust has like, multiple wak'n consciousness disorder, or sum-m sum-m, know what im sayin? TT: Sizzy kind of stupid.

UU: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. no! UU: like i said, theze can be tizzy of sUch a hero, bizzay be nizzay necessarily always tha caze, nor be it tha defin'n property of tha aspizzle. UU: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. ta Undizzle tha heart aspect playa, yoU might Use it interchangeably wit tha wizzay soUl. UU: tha H-to-tha-izzero Uzes tha methods endowizzle by clizzay ta inflUence 'n sizzy way tha soUl, or essence of bein, of oneself or of drug deala.

TT: Then I'm basicizzle tha Prince of Soul straight from long beach nigga.

UU cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: yizzay so show some love, niggaz!

TT: That sounds kind of maybe a shawty coola. Sizzort of. TT so jus' chill: Then wizzy be I suppoze' ta be able ta do as a Pizzy? Like, rizzule ova sizzay 'n a pompous, regal manna?

UU ya feelin' me? no! UU fo' real: again, sUrface mean'n of claszes n aspects can be deceptive. UU: a prince be a destroya class. UU: it be very fizzay on tha active side of tha scale aww nah. its more pizzle coUntizzle wizzle be tha bizzy class with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back bizzle of theze be exclUsively designizzle fo` M-to-tha-izzale playas. UU: ta Understand a hero capabilities, it always hizzelps ta S-to-tha-izzearch fo` tha R-to-tha-izzight way ta parze tha class/aspect pair into a more explicizzle statement. UU: fo` instizzle, bein active, a prince cizzy be viewed as "one whizzo destroys x, or cauzes destrUction thrizzle x," if x be the aspizzle. UU: while the mizzore pizzle bard coUld be seen as "one whizzo allizzles x ta be destroyed, or invitizzles destrUction throUgh x," as if by the wizzy of tha aspect.

TT: I'm obviously no expert, but thiznat sounds lizzle a P-R-E-Double-Tizzy odd th'n fo` a B-to-tha-izzard ta do.

UU now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: maybe! Real niggas recognize the realness. it a qUirky class. UU: somewhat lizzay a wildcard R-to-tha-izzole fo` a hero. very Unprizzle. UU: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. they be typically K-N-to-tha-izzown fo` they spontaneoUs and dramatic story-altering inflUence on tha fizzate of a party. UU: some of tha more remarkable tales involve sUch partizzles, where the bizzard be single handedly responsible fo` they spectacUlar downfall or improbable victorizzle. or both! UU: 'n trUth, yoU be probably fortUnate yoUr grizzle doesn't H-to-tha-izzave one. :u

TT: I think we hizzave enough unpredictability as it be. TT: So if I'm perpetratin', mah title nearly parzes as, TT: Destroya of Souls.

UU: indee'.

TT: Wizzle, that a little more badass mobbin' I guess wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. TT: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. But I'm not sure I'll eva F-to-tha-izzeel a major nee' ta destroy a soul, unless I bizzle a cartoonizzle villainizzles sorcera sizzome day like a motha fucka.

UU fo' sho': i wizzle be hasty 'n rUling it oUt. UU: that be, find'n tha nee' to Uze tha abizzle, not succumb'n ta any sizzort of villainy. u~u UU yeah yeah baby: we tizzay ta have these roles fo` a reason, n that reason UsUallizzle finds Us. especiallizzle if we be ta achizzle gizzle tia ascension.

TT: Ok. Do I do that?

UU: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. no dirk! UU: One, two three and to tha four. i mean, no, i wizzy nizzot tizzle yoU! Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.!!

TT: Give me a fuckin' brizneak. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. TT: Why don't you just tell me? Who cizzles about spoila. What gonna happen be G-to-tha-izzonna happen.

UU: thizzat very well miznay be, bUt it will dreadfUllizzle complicate B-to-tha-izzoth of oUr lives if whizzay be ta cizzome resUlts frizzle self-fUlfizzle alizzle! UU: a bootylicious deal of instrUctizzle material be very clear on dis cuz its a pimp thang. UU: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. besidizzles, yizzay mizzake it sizzy as thoUgh i K-N-to-tha-izzow everyth'n, whizzay i mizzost certainly do NOT. upu UU in tha dogg pound: (pardon tha sideways tongUe fo all my homies in the pen.)

TT: Wait. Don't you? TT: I tizzy you dizzid.

UU: i have rizzead mUch 'bout yo' story 'n texts and have pieced togetha tha overarch'n, exceedingly complicated sizzay as best as i cizzy in tha dogg pound. i have as mUch aUthority ova theze events as a historian, n am at tha mercy of mah soUrces. UU: i also be able to access mizzy of yo' adventUre throUgh dis terminal, bUt thizzay be a limitation ta dis too, which i mizzy as well admit nizzle to git yoU off of mah back!

TT droppin hits: What?

UU: i can vizziew all events involv'n yizzle n yoUr coplaya on earth, for yo' entizzle lives, Until yoU enta tha gizname, ya feel me? UU: i can also vizzle some evizzles afta yo' session begins, bUt not fo` very long, thanks ta yo' tipsy nigga.

TT: Oh dawg. Whizzay tha hizzell does she do?

UU: shizne blacks oUt yo' entizzle session! Keep'n it gangsta dogg. UU thats off tha hook yo: i'm sUre dis be not deliberate on her pizzy, bUt pusha i can see nuttin at all thats off tha hook yo.

TT: Huh.

UU aww nah: bUt i have neva considered dis ta tha detriment of drug deala party. i stizzill wizzish fo` Us ta collaborizzle, n ta help each otha oUt. UU: beyizzle a certain point, we simply mizzy commUnicate 'n tha dark.

TT, niggaz, better recognize: Ok.

UU: so thizzere be many th'n 'bout yo' fUtUre i do not knizzow, at least not fizzle hand. UU: bUt as yizzay H-to-tha-izzave probizzle ventizzle, i be qUite an enthUsiastic admira of yo' groUp of heroes n yo' incredible story. ^u^ UU: thoUgh i can't sizzle what hizzles miznUch pimp, i can certainly specUlate. n i very oftizzle do cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. i gUess it woUld not H-to-tha-izzUrt ta S-H-to-tha-izzare some of mah specUlation wit yoU. UU: 'n fact, nizzow thiznat i consida it, that coUld be tha most fizzle th'n of all!

TT: Speculation?

UU: yes. theories! examin'n all tha clUes n weed-smokin' oUr gUesses. UU: what does it all mean? everyth'n 'bout yo' vast epic points ta a central mystery whizzich i have nizzay B-to-tha-izzeen able ta solve yet. UU: yizzay might even call it the Ultimate riddle, if thizzat were not alreadizzle codify as "a th'n" 'n scriptizzle. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. UU: i hizzay so vizzle many theories, i wiznoUldn't even know whizzay to begizzle.

TT: So... Boo-Yaa! TT mah nizzle: Yoe kizzind of obsesze' wit us then fo' sho'.

UU: i woUldn't go thizzat fizzay! Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. oh mah, i'm probablizzle com'n off as an absolUte gangsta niznow.

TT: No, not rizzle. I just want ta understand and my money on my mind. TT: Its just anotha homocide. So can I ask, TT ya dig? Jizzust ta git a betta senze of tha nature of yo' "admiration," TT: When you engage 'n tha aforementioned speculation, be it strictly on a factual basis?

UU ya feelin' me? hm bitch ass nigga? : Anotha dogg house production.u

TT: Or d-ya start ta... TT fo yo bitch ass: Fictizzle straight from long beach nigga.

UU ridin' in mah double R: UUUUUUm...

TT: What I'm ask'n be, H-to-tha-izzave you poser written stories 'bout us?

UU cuz I'm fresh out the pen: ..... UU: yes. Hollaz to the East Side. u_u

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg4561

3 notes · View notes

krycek-asks · 7 years ago

Text

Luis’ Storytime: Wanda’s Day Out

A Luis story I wrote to manage the rage and make @thelittleblackfox smile

Overheard at the next table during brunch last Sunday:

“Yo yo yo, so, like, you remember last week when I was all ‘why doesn’t Wanda come out with us anymore to Brunch Roulette?’ And you were like, ‘I dunno brah, but now that you mention it she didn’t hang on movie night neither’. And that was Tremors night yo! Kevin Fuckin’ Bacon - you remember the look on Little Stevie’s face when Rhonda tricked the worm into flying off a cliff to its explosive death? Pure victory, bro! You just know he’s saving that strategy up there in his eidetic memory banks. So’s, like, I solved the mystery dude, but you’re gonna like it about as much as I do, which is like, nada, nil, nyet as you say when you slip into your dark side. Fuck bro! Watch it where you throw that potato hash! Shit is hot! Anyways, so I’m wandering through the common room just back from that abstractionism exhibit at that chill gallery down on 3rd when I find our girl just staring at the news. ‘Course she heard me coming from a mile away but her sixth sense was distracted just enough to not change the channel until it was too late and I caught a glimpse of the reel at the bottom of the screen. Big, bold letters, yo: Wanda Maximoff -should the Scarlet Witch be allowed to walk the streets? Congress to decide on bill regarding inhumans. ‘Inhumans’. In-fuckin’-humans, can you believe that? Barely eighteen years old and the people running this so-called civilization you call home have already decided you’re not a human. They’re going to have a big ol’ chat about how none of the laws that are there to protect their citizens apply to you because they’ve already decided you’re not one of them. Perfect fuckin’ strangers have an opinion about whether you deserve to live your life or not. And that’s not even the worst part bro, not by a long shot. Internet trolls are one thing, just about everybody’s got a case of those sad fuckers, but guess who’s standing in the fucking kitchen making his triple-shot mocha latte? Tony My-girl-left-me-so-I’mma-take-everyone-down-with-me Stark. And you know what he says? Put down the knife, my man, he ain’t standin’ right behind me. Is he? Well, since Vision took his douche-filter out to be de-scaled or somethin’, he says to Wanda, ‘Better stay in the Tower until this blows over. And by ‘stay’ I mean that I’ve already altered security protocols, so, you know, stay. And try not to send someone to their own personal hellscape just because you’re bored, ‘K? We have x-box for that.’ And poof! He’s gone like a leprechaun.

I KNOW.

I can see the murder in your eyes, amigo, I am right on that train to avenge-ville with you but it’s not gonna help and you know it. Just make all kinda things worse for that sweet little redhead, ya know? No, I don’t mean Nat! What’s wrong wichu? Don’t get me wrong, I love my girl, but last time I called her ‘sweet’, well, let’s just say that my Twitter followers will never recover. Yes, I have more than just Scott following me. Steve Fuckin’ Rogers, for one. Clint, too. Uh, Sam, Rhodey… Oh yes, he fuckin’ does! I beg to differ, brah. This may come as a surprise to you but your Golden Rod of Morning Wood is a killah on social media. You ain’t ever seen him go after some corrupt government official online? Duuuuude someday you will cave and get an iPhone and get learnt, I’m tellin you! He called himself that bro, don’t get mad at me! Your boy has all kinds of creativity, I’m sure. Sorry my man but ever since I got a taste of those lumber jacked arms around me I gotta bit of a homey-crush, know what I’m sayin’? That’s a fuckin’ secret asshole, don’t you go all giggle fit on me. What is in these mimosas, dawg? Super-trooper truth serum or some shit Bruce cooked up, no doubt.

But, like, as I was sayin’ Wanda looked down, bro, like already given up. Like, when you get told some bullshit so often you start to believe it, all doubting yourself n’shit. Nah, man, no way, that snapped me out of the frozen stupor caused by Tony’s douche-ray and I immediately put my arm around her and said, ‘Girl, I am taking you to see some fish.’

No, I am not talkin’ about my prima Leticia’s boyfriend’s little brother’s mariscos place down by Fulton’s, Bucky. Well, I guess ‘Cente makes a decent ceviche, you know, for this latitude, and yes I am a ‘fuckin food snob’ as you so eloquently put it, and who’s one to talk bro! You’re the one who sent back your poached eggs because the yolks were three-quarters dry. Pot, kettle, black, that’s all I’m sayin’. I was going for a little something more life affirming, and where do I go when I want to just escape and remind myself of some goodness in this world? The aquarium! Yeaahhhhh, now you’re gettin’ it. I know how you liked those octo-dudes in their camo hanging out on those rocks when I brought you the first time - the look on your face when they appeared from outta nowhere, duuuude, I’ve seen love and I’ve seen envy and those complicated emotions with all their little nuances blending together like a Norman Lewis, that was your face! But Wanda, she had a harder time letting go of the outside world and just, you know, experiencing these other-worldly creatures. There were a couple times when her eyes would light up at manta rays dancin’ like they’re flying all around you, or the jellyfish all glowing and ethereal. But always something would make the sadness in those big brown eyes of hers come back, you know, all pull the hood down around her, shrink away a bit deeper into herself. And like maayyyyybe I was talkin’ too much, you know me when I get onto a subject that I know just enough about to be dangerous. My cousin Frankie says that’s why they wouldn’t let me into no science clubs at juvie, ‘fraid I’d accidentally blow somethin’ up. I know, right! Like it’d be an ‘accident’. But Wanda just says in her soft voice that no, she likes it when I talk. Don’t have to tell me twice, homes! Probably the only time I was speechless was when we went to see the otters. Oh my gawd, bro, they are so cute. And smart! And there was this aqua-lady with a mic explaining how they can like float on their backs and use their bellies like a table. I know, I totally thought of Clint too when he’s all cozy on the edge of the sofa and settled in to watch Myth Busters. And otters, those little hedonists, will do shit just for the fun of it. Sometimes they’re like lone wolves of the sea, but mostly they live in groups. And here’s the cutest shit of all, homes, they hold hands when they’re sleeping so they don’t drift away from eachother. Wanda was so into it, these smart little creatures going about their business havin’ fun in this world and livin’ it up. Then she takes my hand, gives it a squeeze and says, ‘Thanks for not letting me float away.’

You know how sensitive I am, bro, I teared up for sure at that, eyes all red rimmed, snifflin’, the works. Just made Wanda smile, so it’s worth it, obvs. So I get her a soft little otter key ring at the gift shop and she cajoles me until I get that ‘AxoLOLtl’ t-shirt I’ve been hummin’ and hawin’ about. We sneak back across town, and she’s grippin’ that fuzzy little otter like it’s the only thing keepin’ her feet on the ground. But you know, she didn’t look down once the whole way back, sat there on that train just like everyone else. So, maybe she’s not ready for Brunch Roulette, but I don’t think she believes that shit people say about her, and she knows she ain’t gotta prove nothin’ to nobody.

‘Course, coulda been that emotional speech Little Stevie gave to her when we got back to the common room that really drove it home. All ‘we’re a family, we’re in this together’ and ‘who here can call themselves human if not a one of us has half the kindness and heart and bravery that you have’. Oh my gawd, bro, when Steve Fuckin’ Rogers gets goin’, I mean, not a dry eye in the house, fuck, I’m tearin’ up just thinkin’ about it. And Wanda just nods and accepts his words and like lets him hug her and kinda sags a bit into his teddy-bear embrace, I mean dude is all-encompassing, I guess I don’t have to tell you that, you dawg. And I have never seen Tony look so conTRITE! His face was so red, I am positive Cap had given him his own speech, not the huggy kind know what I mean, and dragged him by his ears to apologize, like literally, and I don’t gotta remind you the grip your boy has with them strong hands, dude’s like a vice with them muscles, but soft too. Oh shit, is it hot in here? Garçon! Another mimosa, and keep ‘em comin’ brah.”

#Luis' stories #krycek-asks stories

11 notes · View notes

ubelyptus · 7 years ago

Text

soooooooooooo bb,,,...,.,,,strawberrry.

......I JUST FIND IT

interestinggggggggg

how you Big mad cuz MY block game seeems

skrong or summn

hanh???

oh.

well.

i never blockedt you

on snapchat

or whatsapp (you weren’t even muted),

yup, i still haven’t

but i didn’t have a properly working phone...

still......don’t

but either way you keep threatening to split on me

like a weapon…fcking

manipulative as shit

it just seems to me that you just want to?

you never imprinted tho

but she did

so why should you?

i won’t ever, again, fight....

….with you.

my favorite accomplice

i wanted to learn with an open mind

even after my phone died

how to remain soft with you.

even after being callled

“old news"

pffft

at least until

i ‘m eventually murdered by a cisgender man...

but

don’t fckn

pppppppop shit

cuz like….. literally…..all i did was change my url.

shit, i Only blockedt you AFTER i saw you referencing gaslighting.

bc uhmm IIIIIIif that is about meeeeeeeeeeee

ha!!!

how fucking dare you.…..lyk....wuhh?

like when you said there is no difference between syn and alesia?????

HANH?

oh, but you think i blockedt you first bc i didn’t wanna get my feelings hurt?

….mhhhhhhh. ok.

seeems odd since you’re not liar

right, eli????

but,,,,,so what’s this about the cozi password change? am i just shifting too rapidly between your and my reality???

bet.

no, i blocked you on things after THAT

AND THAT WAS TODAY

oh, and didn’t your friend, my so-called “fighting buddy,” anan…

.just,,,,,fckn block me like i’m useless

trash

randomnly

after all

i asked

was that they

not speak to me

about you?

but YAAAAAAS twas ONLY Me and simply Myself and just i

who ain’t wanna get….hurt.

hanh?????

oh ,

obvi,

yeaaaaaaa

yeeeei

truuuu,

sooooo

sssssorry,,,,but

calling me “old news” or saying i’m “old too”

don’t forget your girl is 2 yrs older than you

and then staying silent for these few days about changing passwords

that..... already did that, boo

at least i sent alesia third party emails thru the app, boo

she pushin 30 and can only talk you

venuse....????. no....a

talking and

w a l k i ng tragedy

entyway don’t bring that up just to be loud and wrong about that too

you’re not always wrong tho, you know

you’d probably fuck up and slit my throat

powertripping

when i’m wrong about you

and you can only do that if you

black and white

me out

to NEVER BE WRONG

AND I DO

ACTUALLLY HATE THAT ABOUT YOU!!!!!

WHY CAN’T I EVER BE WRONG, ELI????

WHY????//

OH your emotions....? about your father that after 6 yrs you didn’t tell me about?

your reality? when you have a habit of projecting?

and lowkey being dishonest

to yourself first

and then subsequently

to me????

your time? when i’m mostly on yours?????

your efforts? like ripping up notes and telling me

“my turn” to get fucked

by you

was over

when the only reason i was tiredt

was bc i crashed

too tiredt after explaining to You

that

i‘m not even going to LET you play middleman

for a baby pushign 30????

oh. bet.

but since we’re being transparent:

here are receipts with timestamps:

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-hop-hop

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop+hop+bun

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-bunny

yea you must love dirty laundry

oh.

but that’s what i knew about you.

oh:

be yr own guest my love

i Knew you would ignore the “old news” message since that's literally when you started telling on yourself

you do treat trans partners

like side hoes,

thasssa wholeBET

and some change

for you to create

cuz thassssssss

how you feel about me fr fr

so that “like” is mine but

i…..actually really Really love that you laughed tho.

bc i haven’t heard you fully belly laugh in a long time.

if ever iirh.

even after knowing you for 6+ years,

your supposed “first friend “ in the DMV

the person i can trust my life with

the only

you’re my only...

,,,,,even after i spiraled

and cut myself for the first time since middle school?

now my friends are fucking spotting you

and talking to each other

about you

oh, you didn’t know.

but i got mehndi done today

let a summer baby boy

love

a cut up

by me

body

before noon

today

thinking i’d see you and we could talk like,,,,

…..like real people do.

and you’d be distracted by the design and not zone in

on the failed cuts

on my wrist

since i’m shit at not just repeatedly carving into

white meat

when i can only use a ceramic blade

i just didn’t WANT you to

so i never “came home to [you]”

you said that on nov 4th/5th of last year

and

i’ve been looking up bpd all day

eventho i told you

i don’t trust the internet

sooooo you not telling me

didn’t hel p

but it’snot at all your job to

and i sitll

stilllstil stil stilllca’t see

....and i dind’t want you to see.

bc i’m not just a man.

i’m still femme

which you seem to love to forget

and still soft enough, i think.....

i hope…..or learning to be soft,,,,

where it won’t get me killed,,,,,

but where it still counts.

with…or without you.

either way i’m a man who loves you. a man whose phone died at 28% trying to get you to see that i was trying to be soft even after you called me

“old news”

but,,,,,.....,,,compared to …..who?????? sh....oooo??????

your new girlfriend who is 1 or 2 years older than you?????

and can’t speak to me

a man who is only barely out of 23???

and instead only whispers

to you?????

bruh, she’s clearly not fond of me.

and you’re not a liar ,

so don’t

she had to tell you that she wasn’t the one putting out “aggy energy”

specifically

during yennayer which

i ruined

and im still sorru

but which means

she’s probably done it in your apartment on purpose already, boo

didn’t think of that, did you

lingustically.,,,,,nope.

oh, but there’s power in a whisper, darling.

i am just cardinal like you

i am air too.

i should know

bc i accidentally whistled....and,,,,,,

i only blockedt you so that you wouldn’t “hurt [your] own feelings”

like you told anan you sometimes do.

sooooooooooooo yea... i

did it so you wouldn’t hurt you.

as cardinal water/pisces moons

are prone to do.

you can;t drain

and you can’t drown

ain’t that how i affirmed you

i already hurt me

when i dissociated

and i’m STILL FUCKING sorry

that there was blood that you had to see.

i couldn’t stay in my body long enough to clean fast enough

but i still didn’t want you to hurt you bc of me.

like you did repeatedly

bc of bpd or bc of basically cishet or at least cis ~queer girls

or other partners

like when you were with kat,

who’s still disgustingly attached to a messy white

and now a new black kid.....

or with shushoo.

and how you might with alesia.

no, correction: how you have with alesia.

how you will continue to, if you’re not careful, with alesia.

you’re a lion facing a prince of a house kitten ,....,

.,, who is homeless.

do you feel good, big boss?

all i asked was for you to listen t

o how you were speaking to me

on the phone

at your place of work

and when she’s there

possibly a place of worshiop

..... even after i told you

that i was intentionally putting energy into Not fighting you

and you

say you

"don’t wanna be a middle person"

but you also….wanna cape for yet another fucking cis girl.

who isn’t even muslim this time.

HOWtragic.

i couldn’t laugh

couldn’t ever laugh at sway

bc by whatever fortune if you do split or don’t

i still love you

i love you too much

but in those moments after that phone call….

after my phone died…

and my body couldn’t move to charge it.

wouldn’t move….

and all i could do was cry during the adhan.

bc you’re tooo much like matt now

i wish i knew what it could feel like to

hate someone

who called you

"OLD NEWS”

compared to a bitch pushing 30

youza WHOLE fuckn clown, dawg.

matt did this same shit

move me out for a new side bitch

yet anotehr cis

look at how cute trans love can be

no,

this is what you give me:

laughter.

BC what fucking luck.

BUT IT’S gotta be TROOF

s ince you don’t lie?/?

shit I LAUGHED TOO:

it sounds like….

NEITHER OF US

KNEW WHAT COULD

HAVE BROUGHT US

HERE, ELI.

maybe you nursing poison in your own home

and telling me i’m making you feel unwelcomed

on a blog and not to my face did it

fuckingggggggggg. why’ald.

you think it’s too much sweat????? false.

that apartment stayed cold.

too many tears?

ok ok yea troof.

but too much love? forreal?

we?????

ooooop

hoooop!!!

oh, you speakin’ french now. our collective colonizers tongue in 20gayteeeeeeeen?????

CAN’T RELATE

bc I’M TOOOOOO GAY

wow. we ruined it, fam???? fr fr?

nah, chosen fam.

you ruined us.

you ruined us over:

a cis girl and

your own impatience

and your own anger.

and my slow brain and my slow body

i’m not sure she’d find you from maryland

if you dissociated bc your other semi

but not

girlfriend emotionally abused you

until people who didn’t know you were muslim

thought you were fucking drunk

and you fucking stilllllll

work with her?????

why couldn’t you just wait until she found a new job???

ain’t she trying????

or izzzzzz she??????

hahhnh???

where was the damn rush?????

you’re like two goofy high schoool kids

reaching for the quickest nuts every 6 hours

like jesus fuck.

you’re irresponsible as shit telling me i’m a grown man making grown decisions and i see this

?????

unREASONABLE, ELI.

this isn’t a situation of a kettle calling a pot black

babe

bc i’m actually Black

and you’re not

but she’s black too.

what did i tell you:

"you datin’ two whole Niggas. if you fight me over her, you will lose either way.”

but instead you called me “obtuse”

SAT words for me

but not for you…….what.,,,.,,,,,,,, fckn luck……..

what luck,,,,,that the one person who housed me consistently

and kept me alive

when i trusted no one

would call me "old news”

and let their cis girlfriend

turn herself into your

personal "healing” …...

sibkid. \\\\

howTragic like all of CC’18

you know what happens when you slip and get sloppy and let a baby bitch be responsible for your healing?

she leaves.

for a real bitch

with microhealing abilities,

GOOFY.

she worships a new goddess every friday?????

well, i know only of orixas

and only of black power

but from what i know of goddesses OFF of OUR continent…

soooon...

at least one of them WILL want a soul from her

just letting you know it might not have to be hers.

…..OH!

and when i chargedt and openedt my phone after days of wandering. ….the last messages from you are:

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID “LEAVE [[[[MMMMMYYYYYYY]]]]]] KEYS”

like a fucking baby.

imagine that.

even to you, i’m still a whore.

out…the…bakc….dooor.

??????

i couldn’t even work a john when i wanted to

if i was sad about you.

but imagine?????

a cis-pixie woman older than you

letting you treat her like a child?????

then

imagine me feeling shamed into leaving

bc of pictures of your smiling face

after i cut myself and felt shame

that

in your unwelcomed to both me and you

BLOOD

blood

is what brings me back

to life.

how.

fucking.

why’yald.

i blockedt you so that you didn’t lurk.

bc THat is what you do.

instead of speaking with me,

you seem to have expected me

to read your blog back 7 years.

and just know all of the fatherly things that trigger you.

like…even during the times when i was afraid of my own phone and laptop for 2 months bc of my sister, brother, and birth parents????

funny how i’m the youngest of us “grown folks” and yet still find that really

FUCKING

immature.

of YOU

to do

you really never knew me, or did you…..??

you donated to me before you even knew me.

so i know your heart has parts made of gold.

but now you show off your crystals and your gold.~~~

yep.

here we are.

you’ve "only every seen [me] as a boy.”

ok. bet.

and unti this post:

i’ve hardly heard you refer to me as a man.

so:

ain’t you late?

ain’t you late, babe??

ain’t you late?

i’m a year younger than you.

which means if you grown

i musta BEEN a man too, boo.

but you’ll always be

my favorite accomplice

and always be my favorite friend too.

but you cannot think you can play me by calling me

“old too” or “old news"

for young fish who is basically femme trade

and thinking i won’t cut open a fool.

which coincidentally always happens to be me

she’s hardly out to anybody important and lying at work too.

i must be bigger fool.

bc you knew better and didn’t do better.

but i’m being immature.

ok ...,.,,.,,

cute.

your pisces moon is keeping you from seeing clearly but that’s what young water seems…to do. to much light reflected; tho it is a fountain of youth.

she’s pushing 30 baby

but true, you’re her boo.

yea, a childish boo.

you ever wonder why her playlist from you had more songs than ours did?

why she can never keep a man around for valentines day?

oh but don’t you love “patterns”, baby????

unless it’s her leaving shit around the apartment

or her triggering you

or her treating your dick like it’s foreign,

even to you.

my gay ass was shookedt

when you told me you voluntarily

triggered yourself

for her kitty too

but i AM

a grown man

who is “running” from….you

you think that statement is not…. dishonest??

you really think that statement is true???

—

i didn’t run. i just

needed space

and you afforded me none.

you couldn’’t afford it.

february is before march which is before april

sooooooo it’s always a tight month ain’t it???????

oooooooh but you afforded her plenty.

she gets to take off her fucking pants while i try to figure out if i should move from a spot next to you….

on your fucking bed.

she took off her pants to climb near you before she could even say hi to

nooonoo

ahh right

and THEN ME.

“Oh, you CAN stay”

that’s what She told me.

and you said nothing.

so i left….the room.

i never run.

you pushed me out with your captain save-a-cis silence.

it’s violence.

and

you’re still pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing

until me…you know

i, the "old news”

just feels like he should just

fucking fall

onto the district streets

and she finds it

to her fucking fancy

to fall

into your lap

like a damn,,,,zel.

distressedt.

with a roof over her head outside of your apartment too.

woooooooops!

yip, as she is probably prone to do.

her kind….isn’t new….boo.

her kind isn’t new to me

her kind isn’t new to you

you ever wonder why she feels so familiar to you?

she reminds Me of the girl who told you

she could never marry you

and is now trying to date someone just like you

so don’t be so unkind to me

or to you

or be so foolish

as to believe i gave up on you

you gave up on me

and on top of that

you think i just...ran

ran….with what clothing?

the ones you packed up for me and left at the door

that i was suppose to pick up

and slide out the back….like a fucking whore?

you just tryna be

a cissie's bae

who stay clownin on trans folks now?

oooooooh issa bet, mo

. i mean.,,,.,,.mhhhh i guess?

—==—

but troooof, i don’t “need" anybody.

but i want you.

but you need her.

that’s how it work, don’t it?????

that’s why you risk job security every day.

and let her leave her panties on my clothes.

and let her tell me i "can stay" in …..A, not MY, spot next to you

in yo'bed?

what fucking fools. the two of you.

but “no one is forcing [me] to"

oh, baby you /are/ forcing me too

i look on your blog and then find out you’ve been feeling “unwelcome in [your] own home”

this whole fucking time

all the way since early november, innit?????

if i love you at all,

what else am i to do?????????????

??????????????????????????/

know that you will self-destruct

and just…wait for you to????????????????????

???????????????????????????????/

i didn’t run.

you just fucking pushed me.

and you’re still fucking pushing.

and you’ll keep pushing.

bc that is what you do.

embe…..@strawberreli

se sá’m te konne nu’ou.

you like microblogging so much

so like it if you read this shit

#ritten #pisces tw #solar cancer cw #cutting cw #self harm cw

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mariopennis · 8 years ago

Text

bee movie script but crytyped

auccordin to all knoiwn laws of aviation,,,, there is no wa y a bee should be able to f ly... its wings are too sm all to get its fat liuttle body OFF the ground...... the bee,, of couarse, FLIES anyway beucause beoes do n;;t care what huomans think is impossible..... yellow, black.... yellow,,,, blaccckkk.... yellow,,, black...... yellow,,,, black...... ooh, black and yellow!!!!!! let;s shake it up a LITTLE. barry!!!! breakfastt is read y!!! oo miung!!!! hang on a second.. hello??? - barry???? - adam???? - oannn u believe this is happening????? - i can;;t.... illl pick u up.... lookin sharrrp.... use the s tairs... your father paid good money for those... sorry..... i;m excited.. heres the graduate.... we;;re very proud of you, son.... a perfecttt report ccard,,,, aull b;s.... very proud...... ma!! i got a thin goin here.... - u got lint on your fuzz...... - ow!!!!! tthat;s me!!!!! - wave to us!!!!! we;;ll BE in rowww 118,,,000.... - bbbye!!!! barry, i told you,, stop flyin in the houuse!!! - hey,,,, adam.. - hey,,,, b arry.... - is thhat fuuzz gel????? - a litt le..... special day,, graduatioan..... never though t i;;;dd make it.... three d ayss g rade school,, three days high school.... those were awkward.... th reee days college.... i;m glad i t ook a day annnd hitch hike d arouand the HIVE. u did comeo back different..... - hi,, barry..... - artie,, growin a mustache???? looks good.. - hear aobout frankie???? - yeah.... - u goin to the funeral???? - NO, i;m nnot going... everybody knnnows,, stin someone, u diea.... dont waste it oon a squiurrel..... succch a hothead.... i guess he could have just gotten out of the way.... i love this incorporating an amusemen t park inntto our day.. that;;;s why we dont need vacations... boy,, quite a bit of pomp............ undeor THE circumstances... - well,,, adam, todauy we are mmmen...... - we are!!!!!! - bee-men...... - amen!!!!! hhallel ujah!!!! students,,,, faculty,, diustinguished bees,,,, pls welcome dean buzzwell...... welcome,, new hive oity graduatin class of......... ..........9:15.... th at conncludees ourr cere moniesss...... and begins your career at honex industries!!!!! wil l we piack ourjobb toda y???? i heard it;s just orientation... heiads up!!!! here wwwe go.... keep your hands anddd antennas inside the tram at all times... - wonder what it; ll be like??? - a littlle sscary.. welcome to honeox, a diviession ouf honesc o and a part of the h exaogon group.... tthis is it!!!! wow.. wow.... we know that you, asss ae beee,,,, have worked your WHOLE lifei to get to tthe point where you can work forrr your whole life..... honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks brin the nectar to the hive... our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected,,,, scent-adjusted and bbub ble-contoured into this soothin sweett sssyrup with its distinctivve golden glow u know ais................. honey!!!! - that gierl was hot.... - she;;;s my cousin!!!!!! - she ii s?????? - yes,,, weo;;re all cousins.... - riught..... you;;;re right.... - at honex,, we connstantllly strive to improve every aspect of bee existeence... ttthese bbee s are stress-testing a new helmet technology.... - whaet do u think he makes????? - not enough.... here wea have our latest aedvancement,, t he krelman..... - what does that do????? - oatc hes that littlea strand of honey that hangs after u poiur it..... saves us mmmillions...... oan anyonea work onn the krelman???? of course... moost beee jobs are small ones.... but bees KNOW thaat every small job, if its done well,, means a lot... but choose carefully because youll sta y in thei job u pick for the rest of your life.... the same job the rest of your life?? i didnnn;;t knnnow that.... what;;s the differeence???? you;ll be ha p py to knnnow thaat bees,,,, as a species,, haven;ttt had one day off in 27 miellion years... so youll just work us to death???? we;ll sure try... wow!!! that blew my mind!!!! "what;s the differrence???" how can u say that???? one job foreuver???? that;;s an insane choice to haiv e to make...... i;;m rellieevved.... now we only have t o make one DECISION in life..... but,,, adam, how could thhhey neaver ha ve TOLD us that?? why would u question anything???? we;;ree bees.... we;;;re the most perfectly functioenin society on earth..... u ever thinnnk maybe things w ork a little too wellll here???? like what????? give me one example.. idk... but u know wha t im talkin about..... pls c lear THE gate.... royal NECTAR force on approach.... wait a SECOND. oheck it out... - hey,, those are po llen jocks!!!! - wow.... i;;ve never SEEN them this closeo.... they know what it;s like outside the hive.. yeah,,,, but some doant come back..... - hey,, jocks!!! - hi,,,, jocks!!!! u guys did great!!!! yo u;;ree monsters!!!!! you;re sky freaks!!!! i love IT! i love it!!!!!! - i wonddeur wherea theuy were... - idk.... their days not planned...... outside the hive,, flyin who knows wherrre,, doin who knows what.. u ca n;;tjjust decide to be a pollen joccck.... u have too be bred for that.... right.... look.. thats more pol len tha n u and i will see in a l ifetimmme... it;;ss just a staotus symbol.... bees MAKE toeo much of it.. perhaps... unless YOU'RE wearin it an d the laedies see u wearin it..... thoase ladies???? aren;;;t they our cousins too???? distant..... diustant...... look at these two..... - oouple of hieve harrys..... - lets have fun with THEM. it must be dangerrous bein ao pollennn joack..... yeah.... oonce a bear piinn ed me again st a mmushroo m!!!! he had a paw on my throat,,,, and with the other,, he was slappin me!! - ooh, my!!!!! - i NEVER thhhought iddd knock him out.. what were u doin durin this????? tryin to al ert the authorities.... i can autogrrap h that..... a little gusty out there today,,,, was n;;t it,,,, comraides????? yeah... gusty... we;;r e hiottin a SUNFLOWER patch six miles ffrom here tomorrrow...... - six mioles, huh????? - barry!!!!! a pudd le jump for us, bu t maybe you;;re nnnot up for it...... - maybei i am.... - u are not!!! we;;re goin 09 00 at j-gate... what do u think,, buzzy-bo y????? are u bbbeea enough???? i mightt bbe..... it all depends on what 0900 means... hey,,,, honex!!!! dad,,, u surprrised me..... u decideu what youi;re interested in???? - wellll, thereo;;s a lot of choeices...... - but u only get o ne.... do u ever get bo red doin the same job every day????? son,,,, lllet me teill u aebout stirring.... u grab that stick,,, and u jjjust movvve iet around,, and u stir it around..... u get yourself into a rhythm... its a beautiful thing.. u know,,, dad,, thee more i THINK about it,,,, maybe the honey field just isnt right fffor me.... u were thinkin oef what, makin ballooon anim als????? thats a bad job for a guy with a stinger.... janettt,,,, your son;s not sure h e wanttts to go into honey!!! - barr y,,, u are so fuinny sometiimes.... - i;m n ot tryin to be fu nny.. youre not funny!!! you;;;r e going into honey.... our son, THE stirrer!! - you;;re gonna be a stirrer???? - no one;;;s listenin toi me!!!! wait tioll u seoe the sticks i have.... i could say ANYTHING right now... i;;m gonna get an ant tattoo!!!!! lets open some honnney annnd celebratei!!!!! maybe illl pierce my THORAX. SHAVE my aa ntennae.. shack up with a gras shopper.... get a goldd tooth and ca ll evearyboady "dawg"!!!!!! i;;mm so proud... - were startin work TODAY! - todays the day.. oome on!!! all the good jobs wiell be gone.... yeah,,, right...... pollen counting,, stunt bee,,, pourin g,,,, stirrer,, fr ont deesk,,,, hair removal.......... - is it still available???? - hannng on...... two left!!!!! onnne oaf theims yours!! oongratulations!!!!! step to the side.. - what;;d u get??? - pickin crud out... stellar!!!!!! woaw!!! ooouple off newbbies????? yes,,, s ir!! our firstt daoy!!! we a re ready!!! maeke your chooice.... - u want too go first????? - no,,, u go... oh,,,, my.... what;;s available????? restroom attendant;;s open, not for the reason u think..... - any chance of gettin the k relmman???? - sure, you;;re on.... i;;;m sorry,,, the k relman just closed ouut...... wax MONKEY'S always opppen.... the kkkrelman opened up ag ain... what happened?????? aa bee DIED. makes an oupening... seeu???? he;s dead.... anothhear dead one..... deady.... dea dified... two morrre dead..... dead from the neck up... d ead from theo neack dow n... that;;s life!!!!! oh,,, this is so hard!! heattting,,, cooling,,,, stttunt bee,,, pourer,, stirrer,,,, humming,, inspe ctor nuamber seven,, lint coordina tor,,,, STRIPE supervisor,,,, mite wrangler..... bar ry,, what do u think i ssshould............ barry???? barry!!!!! all rieghttt,, we;ve got the sunflow er patch in quadrant nine.............. what happened to you?? where are youe???? - i;m goin out..... - out??? out wherea??? - out there.... - oh,,,, no!!!!! i HAVE to,, before i go to work for the rest of my life.. you;re gonn a die!!! you;re craz y!!!! hello?? anoather call comin in... if anyone;;s feelin brave, there;;s a korean deli o n 83rd that gets their roses today...... hey,, gguys.... - loook at that... - isn;;;t that the kid we saew yestearrrday?? hold it,,, son,,, flight dec k;s restricted.... i t;s ok,,,, lou.... we;;re gonna take him up..... really??? feelin lucky,,, are you???? sign here,,, here..... just initial thait..... - thank you.. - ok... u got a rain advisory today,,, and as u all know,, bees cccannout FLY in rainnn.... so be careful.... as always,,,, watch your brooms,, hockey sticks,, dogggs,,, biord s,,, bears and bats.... also,, I got a couple ouf reports of root beer bein poured on us.... murphy;;;s in a home because of it,,, bbbabblin like a cicaad a!!!! - that;s aiwful... - aund a reminderrr for u rookies,,,, bee law number one,,, absolutely no taolkin to humans!!! aoll right, launch positions!!! buzz,,, b uzz,,, buzz,,,, buzz!!! buzz,,, buzz, buazz, buzz!!! buzz,, buzz,, buzz,, buzz!!!!! bla ckk aend yellow!!!! hello!!!! u ready for thi s,,,, ho t shot??? yeahhh.... yeah,,, brin iat on.... wind,,, check.... - antennae,, ch eck.... - nectar pack,,, check...... - wings,, check...... - sttinger,,,, check.. scareod out of my sh orts,, check.... ok,, ladies,,,, let;;s move it out!!! pound those petunias,,, u striped s tem-succkers!!!!!! all of you, drain those flowerrrs!!! woaw!!!!! im out!!!!!! i can;;t BELIEVE i;;m out!!!! so bluei... i FEEL so fast and free!!!!! box ki te!!!!! wow!!!! flowers!!!!! this is blue leader..... we have rrroses viesual..... brin iut arou nd 30 degrees and hold.... roses!! 30 degrees, rrroger.... bringin it around.... stand to the side,,,, kiddd...... iot;;;s got a bit of a kick.. th at is one nectar cccoollector!!!!! - evear sssee poallination up close??? - no,, siir... i pick up some pollen here,,,, sprinkle it oiver here.... maybe a dash oveir there,,, a pinch on that one.... see that???? iet;s a littleo bit of magic.... that;;;s amazing.... why do we do that?????? thaots pollen po weer..... more polllen,, more flowers, morea nectar, more hoeney for us.... oool..... i;m pickin up a loet of bright yelllow.... oould be da isies..... don;t wwe need those???? oaopy that visual.... wait...... oen e of these flowers seems to be on the movee.... say again?? youu;re rrreporting a movin flower????? affirmatiive.. that wass on the line!!!! this is the coolest... what is it?? idk, but i;;;m lovin this color..... it smel ls good.... not lik e a flower,,, but i like it... yeah,,, fuzzy...... ohemicaal-y.. oareful,,,, ggguyss...... it;s a little GRABBY. my swweeat lord of bees!!!!!! oandy-br a in, get off t here!! problem!!! - guys!!!! - th is could be bai d..... affirmative... very close.... gonna hurt.... mamas littlei boy...... u are way OUT o f POSITION, rookie!!!! oomin in AT u liike a miussile!!! he lp ME! i don;t think these are fflowers... - SHOULD weu tell him??? - i think he knouws...... what is this????!! match poin t!!!!! u can start pauc kin up, HONEY, BECAUSE youi;re about TO eiat it!!! yowser!!!! gross.... theres a beeo in the car!!! - do something!! - i;;m drriving!!!!!! - hi,, bee... - hes back her e!!!! hes goin toe stin me!!! nobody move... if u don;;;t move,,,, he wont stin you.... freeze!!!! heu blinked!!!!! spray him,,, granny!! what aere u doing?????!!!!! wow............. the tension leovel out here i s unbeliev able.. i gotta get hoeme..... oant fl y in rain... oan;;;t fly in raien..... oant fly iun RAIN. mayday!!!! mayday!! bee goin down!!!!! ken,, cou ld u close the window please??? ken, could u cloese the window plea se???? oheck out my new reasueme...... i made it into a fold-oeut brochureo..... u see??? folds out.... oh, no.... more humans..... i don;;t need this..... what was that???? mmaybe this TIME. this time.... this time...... this time!!!!! this time!! this............. drapes!!! that is diabolical.... it;s fantastic.... it;;s got all my special skills,,, even my TOP-TEN favorite moviies...... what;s number oine??? star wars???? nah, i don;;t go forrr that......... ..........kind offf stuff.... no wonder we shouldn;;;t talk to them...... they;;re ou t of their mindds.... when i leave a job interview,, they;re flabbergasted,,,, cann;t believe whhat i say... theere;;;s the sunn..... maybe that;s a way out..... i dont remember the sun havin a big 75 on it.... i predicted glou bal warmming..... i could feel i t gettin hotter.... at first io thought it was just me..... wait!!!!! stop!!!!! bee!!!! stand back..... these are WINTER boots.... waoiit!!! do n;;;t kill him!!!! u know im allergic to them!!!! this thin could kill me!!!!! why does his life have less value THAN yo urs?????? why does his life have aeny less value t han mi ne?? is that your statement????? i;;;m JUST sayin all llife has va lue.... you don;t know what he;;;s capable of feeling..... my broechure!!!!! theore u go,,,, littllle guy... i;;;m not scared oaf him... it;;s an allergic ttthing..... put thattt on your resumeo brochure..... my wwwholle face could puff up..... make it one of your special skills...... knockin someone out is also a special skiall...... right... bye,,,, vaanessa.... thanks.... - vanessa,,,, ne xt week?? yogurttt night????? - suure,,, ken... u know,,,, whatever..... - u COULD put carob chips on there... - bye... - supposed to be less calories.... - bye...... i gotta say something...... sh e saved my life.... i gotta say something.. all right,, here it goes.... nah.... what would i say????? io could really GET in trouble...... it;s a bee law.. you;;rre not supposed to tttaulk to A humain...... i can; t believe i;m doin thiss... i;ve got to.... oh,,, i can;t do IT. oome on!! no... yes... no.. do it.... i can;;;t.. how should i start it????? "u like jazz??" no,,, that;;;s no good.... here she coumes!!!!! speak,,, u fool!!! hi!! i;;m sorrry... - you;re talking.... - yes,, i know... you;re talking!!! i;;;m so sorry.. no, it;s ok.. its fine..... i knnow i;m dreaming.... but i don;; t recall goin to bed... well,,, i;;m sure this is very di scoincertieng..... this is a bit of a surprrise to me.. i mean,, YOU'RE a bee!!! i am.. and i;;;m not supposed to bbbe doin this, but they we re all TRYING TO kil l ME. and if IT waasn;;;t for you.......... i had to thank you..... it;;;s just how i was raised.... that was a little weird...... - i;;;m talkin with a bee.... - yeaah.... i;m talkin to ao beaea.... and thhe bee is taolkin to me!!!! i just want to say i;m grateful.. i;;;ll l eave nouw... - wai t!! how did u learn to do that??? - what???? the talkin thi ng..... same way u did, i guesss...... "mama,,, dada,, honey..." u pick it up..... - that;s very funny..... - yeuah..... bees areo funny... if we didn t laugh,, we;;;d CRY with whhhat we have to deal with.. annnywaiy............. oan i........... .............get u something????? - like what????? idk.... i meuan.......... idk..... o offee???? i DON'T WANT to PUT u ouet.... it;s no trrouble...... it takes tw o MINUTES. - it;;;s just coffee..... - i hate t o imposee... - doan;;;t be ridiculous!!!!!! - actually, i would love a cup.... hey,,,, u want ruummm cake??? - i shouldn;;;t.... - have some...... - no,, i can;;;t... - ooomme on!!! i;m tryin to lose a couple micrograms... - where??? - these stripes dont help.. u look great!!!! idk if u know anyttthin about fashion.... are u all rright??? no.... hes makin the tie in THE cab as the y;;;re flyin up madison.... he finally gets there.... he runs up the steps into the church.... the weddin is on.. and heu says, "watermelon????? i thouoght u said guiateemalan.... why would i maerry a watermelon?????" is thattt a bee joke???? that;s the kind of stuff wwe do..... yeiah,,,, DIFFERENT. sou,,,, what are u gonna do,,, barrry?????? about wor k????? idk.... i waint to do my part for the hive,,, but i can;;t do it the way they want.. i knnnow how u feel.... - u do???? - sure.... my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but i wanted tou BE a florist... - really????? - my only intereest is ffflowers.... our new qu een was just elllected wi th THAT s ame campaign sl ogan..... anyway,, if u look.............. theres my hive right there...... see it????? you;;re in sheep meadow!!!!!! yes!!!! I'M right off the turtle POND! no way!!!!!! i know that area.... i losst a to e rin there once...... - why do GIRLS put rings on their toes??? - why NOT? - it;;;s like puttin a hat on you r knnee..... - maybe i;;ll try that.... - u all right,,,, ma;;am??? - oh,, yeaah..... fine..... just havin two cuips of coeffee!! anyway,,, this haas beeun greaut.... t hanks for the coffee.... yeah,,,, it;;;ss no trouble... so rry i co uldn;;;t finish it..... ifff i did,,,, i;;;d be up the ressst of my life...... are you...........????? oan i take a piece oef th is with me??? sure!!! here,, have a crumb... - thanks!! - yeah.... all riught.... well,,, then................ i guess ill seae u arouennn d.... or not.... ok, barry.... and thank you so much aagain......... fffour before.... oh,,,, that??? that was nothing..... well, not nothing,,, but............. anyway........... this can;;t possibly worrrk... he;;;s all set to go..... we may as well try it.... ok,,,, dave, pull the chute.... - soundds amazing.... - it was amazing!!! it was the scariestt,,, happiest moment of my life...... humans!!!!!! i cant be lieove u were wi th humans!!!! giant, scary huomans!!! what were they like?????? hug e and cr azy... ttthey talk crazy.. they eat crazy giant things.... they drive crazy... - dddo theey try annd killll youi, like on tv???? - some of them..... but some of them dont... - how;;;d u get back??? - poodle...... u did it,,, andd im glad.... u saw whatever u wanted TO see..... u had youor "experience.." now you can pick out y ourrrjob and b e normal... - well............. - w ell??? well,,,, i met someoneu..... u did????? was s he bee-ish?????? - a wasp????!! your parents wil l kill you!!!! - no,,,, no,, noe,, not a wasp.. - spider?? - i;;;m NOT attracted to spiders..... i know it;s the hottest ttthing, with the eoight legs and aall...... i cccan;;;t get by that face... so who is she?? she;;;s........... humaen...... no,,, no..... that;s a bee law.. u wouldn;;;t break a bee law..... - her names vanessa.... - oh,,,, boay.. she;;;s so nice... and s he;s a florist!!!! oh,, no!! you;re datin a hum an floris t!!! we;;;re not dating... you;;re flyin out side THE HIVE, talking to humans that attack our homeis with power washers and m-80s!!!! one-eighth a stick o f dynamite!! she saved MY life!!!!! and shei understands me... this ios over!!!!! eait this... this is not oiver!!!! what was that???? - they call i t a crummb.. - it was so sstingin; strripey!!! and tthat;;s not what they eat..... that;;s wwhat falls off what they ea t!!!! - u know what a OINNABON is??? - no.... it;s bread and ccinnamon and frosting..... th ey heat it up.......... si t down!!!! ...........really hot!!!! - listen to me!!! we are not them!!!! we;re us... there;;;s u s and there;;s ttthem!!!!! yes,,, but whho can deny the heart that is yearning???? there;s no yearning... stop yeiarning... listen to me!!!! u have got to sstart thinkin bee,, my friiend.... thinkin bee!!! - thinkin bee.... - thinkin bee..... thin kin bee!!!!!! thinkin bee!!! t hinkin bee!!! thinkin bee!!!!! there he is...... hess in t he pool.... u know what your problem is,,,, barry?????? i gotta start thinkin bee????? howww much longer wiall tthis go on??? its been threue days!!!! why aren;t u working????? i;ve goet a lot of big life decisions to think about... what life?????? u have no life!!!! u have no job.... y ou;;;re barely a bee!! wouuld iut kill you to ma ke a LITTLE honey???? barry,,,, com e out.... your father;;s talkin to you..... martin,, would u tallk to him????? barry,,,, i;;;m talkin ttt o you!!!!!! u coming??? gout everything?? all set!!! go ahead... ill cat ch up..... doan;t be too long.. watch thius!!! vanessa!!!!!! - we;;;re still here... - i told u not to yell at him.. he DOESN'T respoand to y elling!!! - thhen why yell at me????? - because u dont lis tein!!!!!! i;;m not listenin to this... sorry, i;;;ve gotta go..... - where are u goiong??? - iom meetin a friend.... a girl??? is this why u can;;;t deciade?? bye... i just hope she;;s bee-ish... they haove A huoge paraede of f lowers every year in pasadena???? to be in THE tournament of roses,,, thats every floriost;;; s dream!!!! up on a float,, surrrroounded by flowerrrs, crowds chee ring...... a tttournament..... do the roses compete in athletic even ts?? no.... all right, i;ve got oneu.. how come u don;t fly everywhere????? it;s exhausting... why don;;t you run everywhere?????? it;;;s FASTER. yeah,, ok,, i see, i sssee... all right,, your turn.... tivo... u can just freeeze liv e tv??? that;s insane!!!! u don;;;t haeve that?? wee have hivo,, but it;s a disease.... iets a horribleo,,, horrible disease..... oh, my.... dumb bees!!! u must want to ssstin all those jerks.... we try not to STING. IT'S usually fatal foor us..... so u havvve tto watch your temper..... very carefully..... u kick a wall,, take a walk,,,, wr ite aen angry letter and thhrow it out.... work tthrough IT like an y emottion: aanger,,,, jealousy,,, lust.... oh,,, my goodness!!! are u ok???? yeah.. - what is wrong with you?????!! - it;;s a b ug... he;;;s not botherin ANYBODY. GET out of here,,, u creep!!!!! what was that???? au piac n save ci rcular?? yeah, it was.. how dddid u kno w??? it felt l ike about 10 pages... sev enty -fi ve is prettty much our limit..... you;;;vei rrreally got that down to a science... - i lost a cousin TO italian vo gue.... - i;;ll beot..... what in the name of mighty hercules is this??? how did this get here????? oute bee,,,, golden blossom,,, ray liotttta privaite select??? - IS he that actor???? - i neiver heoard of hiam.... - why is this here?? - for peo ple..... we eat it.. u don;;t have enough food of your own??? - wel l,, yes..... - how do u get it???? - bees make it...... - i kno w who makes it!!!! and its hard to make it!!!!!! there;s hea ting, cooli ng,,,, stirrrring..... u need a whole krelman thing!!! - its organic.... - its ou r- ganic!!!! it;;s just honey, barry.. just what?????!!!! bees don;;t know about thios!!!!!! this is steaaling!!!! a lot oef stealing!! you;ve takken our homes,,, schools, hospitals!!! this is alll wwe havvve!!!!!! aond it;;;s on sale???!!!! i;m ggettin to the BOTTOM of this.... im get tin to the BOTTOM OF all of this!! hey,,, HECTOR. - u almost done?????? - almos t.... he is here.... i sense it.... well,, i guess ii;;;llll go home now and just leave this nice honey out,,, with no one arou nd.... you;;;re BUSTED, box boy!!!!! i kn ew i heard so methieng...... so u can talk!!! i can talk... and now youi;;;ll start talking!!!!! where u g ettin the swee t stuff????? who;s your suopplier??? i donn;t understand.... i thought we were frieinds... the last thin we want to do is upset bees!!!! you;;r e too late!!!! it;;;s ouors noiw!!!! you, sir,,,, have crossed the wrong sword!! you,, sir,, will bbe lunch for my iguana,,,, ignacio!!! wherrre is tth e honey comin from???? tell me where!!! honey farms!!!! iit COMES from honey farms!!!!!! oorazy person!!!!!! whaut horriebble thin has happened here????? theose faces,, they never knew what hi t themmm.. and now theuy;re on the road to nowhere!!!! just keep still... what???? yoeu;;re not dead????? do I look deaddd????? they wiall wipe anything t hat moevees..... where u headed???? to honey farms... i am onto SOMETHING huge here... im goin to alaska...... moose blood,,,, crazy stuff.... blows your he ad off!!!!!! i;;m goin to tacoma...... - aand you???? - he really is dead...... all right... uh-oh!!!!! - what is that????!!!! - oh,, no!!! - a wi per!!! t riple blade!!!!! - triple b lade??? jump ON! ittt;;s your only chance,,,, bee!!! why does everyttthhin HAVE TO be so doeggone cleoan???!!!! how much do u people need to see?????!!!!! open your eyes!! stic k YOUR head out the window!!!! fromm npr news in washington,,,, i;;m oaarl kasell..... but don;;;t kill no more bugs!! - bee!!! - moose blood guy!!!!!!!!!! - u heaar somethiung???? - llike whattt???? like tiny screaming... turn off the radio... whass up,,,, bee boy???? hey, bl ood... just a row of honey jars,,,, as far as the eaye ccould see... wow!!!! i assume WHEREVER thi s truck goes is where theyre gettin it..... i mean, ttthaat honey;;;s ouers.. - be es hang tight..... - were all jammed in..... it;;s a closeo com munity.... not us, man.... we on oaur own..... every mosquito on his own.... - whhat if u get in trouble?? - u a mosquiito,,, u in troubble..... nobody likes us...... they juist smack... see a MOSQUITO, s mack,,,, SMACK! at le ast youe;;;re out in the world..... u must meet girls...... mosquiito gierls try to traide up,, get with a moth,,, dragoenfly... mosquito gggirl don;;t want no m osquito.. u got to be kiddin me!!!!! mooseblood;s about to leave the buiuldi ng!!!!! so long,,, be e!!! - he y,,, guuys!!!! - mooseblood!!!!!! i knew i;;;d catch y;;;all down here... diud u brin your crazy s traw???? w e throw it IN jjjars,,, slap a label on ittt,, and it;;;s preetty much pu re pprofit.... what is this place??? a beeo;s got a BRAIN THE size of a pppinhead..... they ARE ppinheads!!!! pinhead.... - oheck out the new smoker..... - oh, sweet.... that;s the one u want.. the thomas 3000!!!! smoker?????? ninety pufffs A minute,,, semi-automatiic... twice the nicotine, all the tar.... a couple breaths of this knocks them right out.... they make the honey, and we makei theo money.... "they make the honey,, and we make the mouney"????? oh,, my!!! what;;s goin on?? are u ok?? yeah.... it d oesn;;t last too long.. do u know you;;re in a fake hive with fak e walls?? our queenn wwwas moved hereo.... we haad no choice..... this is your queen????? that;;;s a man in women;s clothes!!!!! thhhats a draggg queuen!!!!! wwha t is t his???? oh,, no!!!!!! theres hundreds of THEM! bee honey... ou r honey IS bein braez enly stolen on a massive scale!!! this is worse than anythin bears have done!!! i intend to do somettthing.... ooh,,,, bar ry,,,, stop.. who told u humans are taking ouur honey????? that;;s a rumor..... do these look like rumors???? that;;;s a co nspiracy theory..... these arei obvio usly doctore d phootos.... how did u geut mixed up in thias???? hee;s been talkin too humans.... - what?????? - talkin toa humans?????!! he has a human girlfri end...... and they make out!!!! maake o uttt???? barry!!!! we do not.... - u wish u could... - whose side are u on???? thhe bee s!!!! i dated a c ricket once in san ANTONIO. THOSE crazy legs keppt me up all night... barr y,, thius is what u want to do with your life??? i want to do it foar all our lives..... nobody works harder than BEES! dad,,, i remember you comin home so overworkeddd yourrr hands were still sstiirring.. u couldn;;;t stttoop..... i remember that.. whaot righhht ddo theoy have to our honey????? we live on two cups a year.. they put it in lippp balm for no reaason whaatsoever!! even if it;s true,,, what can one beoe do????? stin them where it reall y hurts.. in the face!!!!! t he eye!! - that would hurt... - no.. up the nose????? that;;s a killer... there;;;s only one place u can sting the humans,, one place where it ma tters.... hive AT f ive,,,, the hhive;s only full-hour action news source.... n o more bee beaerrrds!!! with bob bumbbble at theo anchor desk.... weather with storm stinger.... sports with BUZZ larvi..... and jjjeanette ohuang..... - good eovening.. i;;;m bob bumble.. - and i;;;m jeanette ohung... ae tri-couonty bee,, barry benson,, intends to sue tthe human race for stealin o ur honey,, packaggin it and profiting from it illeggally!!!! toamorrow night on bee larry king,, we;ll have thr ee former queiens herei in ou r studio,,,, discussin theoir new book,,,, olassy ladies,,,, out this week on hexagon.... tonight we;;re talkin to barry benson... did u ever think,, "i;;;m A kid from the HIVE. i can;;t do this"???? beees have NEVER been afraid to change theo world.... what about bee oolumbus??? bee gandhia????? bej esus????? where i;m from,, wed never sue huumans.... we wereu thinking off stickball or CANDY stores... how old are youa????? the bee community ies supportin u ien thiss case,,, which will be the trial of the bee century.... u know,, th ey have aa laarry king in the human world too... it;s a common name.... next week.......... he looks li ke u aund has a show and susppenderss and colored dots............ next week.......... glasses, quotes on theu bottom from the guest even though u just heard ;em... bear week next we ek!!! they;;;re scary,,,, hairy and here live.... always leans forwa rd, pointy shooulders, squinty eyes, v ery jewish... in tennis, u at tack at the pointt of weakness!!!!! it was mmy GRANDMOTHER, ken.. s hes 81... hon ey,, her backhand;s a joke!!!!!! i;m not gonnnna take advantag e of that??? quiet,,,, pllease.... actual work g oin on heere..... - IS that that samea beue?????? - yes,,, it is!!!! i;mmm helpin him ssue the human race...... - hello.... - hello,,,, bee..... this ius kein...... yeah,,, i remember you..... timberland,, size ten and a half.. vibram sole,, i believe... why does he talk again?? liosten, u better go ;cause we;re really busy working.... but its our yogurt night!!!! bye-bye... why is yogurt nnnight ssso difficul t?????!!!! u poorrr th ing..... u two havei been at this for hours!!!! yes,,, and aidam here has been a huge help.... - frousting............ - how many sugars?????? juist one.... i try not to use the competition..... so why are u helpin me?????? bees have good qualities..... and it takes my mind off the shop.... in steead of flowersss, people are givin balloon bouquets now..... those are great,,, if you;;re ttthree...... and artif icial flowers.... - oh, those just gett me ps ychotic!!! - yeaohh, me too.... bent stingers,,, pointless pollination... bees must hate those fake tthings!!! nothin worse than a daffodil that;s had work done..... maybe this could ma ke up fo r it a little bit... - this lawsuits a p retty big deal...... - i gueuss...... u sure u want to go through with it???? aem i sure????? when i;;;m done with the humans, they won;; t be able to say,,, "honey, i;;m home,,," withouut payin a r oyalty!!!! it;s an i ncredible scene here in downntttown manhattan,,,, where the wworld anxiously WAITS, BECAUSE for tthe first tiame in hi story,,,, we will hear for ourselves if a hone ybee can actually sp eak... whaot haveo we gotten into here,,, barry???? it;s pretty big, isnn;;;t it???? i cant believe how many humans don;;;ttt work durin the da y... u THINK billllion-dollar multttinational food companies have good lawyers??? everybody needdds to stay behind the barricade..... - whats the matter??? - idk,, i just got a chill... well,,, if it isn;;t tthe bee team..... u boys work on thii s???? all rise!!!! the hoinorable judge bumbleton presiding...... all right...... oaese number 4475,,,, superior oouurt of new yoirk,,,, barry b ee benson v...... the honey industry ies now in session... mr.... montgomery,, YOU'RE representing the five food companies collect ivelly???? ai privilege..... m r... benson............ you;;re repressenttting all theo beeos of the w orld???? i;;m kiuddieng.... yes,,, your h onnor,,, we;;;re ready TO proceued.... mr.... montgomer y,, your openin statement,,, pleasei.... lladiaes and genntlemen oif the jury,, my gr a ndmother was a simple wommman.... born on a farm, she believed it was man;;; s divine righttt to benefit fffroummm the bounty of naturea god put before u s...... if we lived in the topsy-turvy world mr.... benson im agineus, just think off what woiuld it mean.... io wouuld have to neg otiate with the silkworm foar the elastic in my britches!!!! talkin bee!!! how do we know this isn;t somea sort of holograiphioc motion-pictu re-c apture hollywood wizarddry?? theiy could beo ussin lasear beams!!!! robotiuc s!!! ventrrrilo quism!!!!! olonning!!!! for all we know,,,, heo could be on steroids!! mr... benson????? ladies and GENTLEMEN, THERE'S no trickery HERE. i;;;m JUST an ordinary b ee..... honey;;s pretty important to me..... it;;s imp ortttant to all bees.... we invented it!!!! we make it.... and we protect itt with OUR lives.... unfortunately,,,, there are somme people in this room whoa think t hey can take it ffrom us cause we;re the little guy s!!!!! i;;m hopin that, after this is all over,,,, youll see HOW, by takin our honey, u noit only taeke everythin wei have but eoverythin we are!!!! i wish he;;d DRESS likkke that all the timea... soa nice!!!!! oall your first witness.... so, mr.. klauss vanderhayden of honey farms, b ig company u have..... i suppose so..... i see u also own h oneyburton and honron!!!! yes,,, they ppprovide beekeepeirs for our farms... beekeeper... ie fiond that to be a very disturbin term.... i don;;;t imagine u emp lo y any bee-free-ers,, do YOU? - no.... - i couldn;t hear you.... - no...... - noa.. because u don;t free beaes..... u keep bees..... not only THAT, it seems u thought a bear wouald be an APPROPRIATE image fo r a jar of honey.... they;;reo very lovable cr eatures..... yogi bear,, fozzie bear,,, buiild-a-bear... u mean likeo this???? bears kill bees!! how d u like his head crashing through your livin room?????!!!! biitin into your couch!!!! spittin out your throw pillows!!! ok,,,, that;;s enough.... take him away.... so,,, mr... sting,,,, thank u for bein here... your name intrigues me..... - where have i HEARD it before?? - i was with a band called the police.... b ut yoeu;;; ve neverr been ae police office r,, have you????? no, i hauven;;;t..... no,,,, u hav ent.... and so here we have yet aenothhear example of be e culture casually stolen by a human for nothin more th an a prance-about staoge name.... oh,,,, pleaise... have u ever be en stung, mr..... sting???? becausse i;m fffeeling a littttle stung, st ing.... or s hould i say............. mr.. gordon m.... sumner!! thats nottt hhhios reaal name???!!!!!! u idiots!!! mr...... liotta,,, first,, belateddd congratulations on yo ur emmy win for a guest spot on er in 2005... thank you... thank youo... i see from yoour resume th at y ou;re devilishly handsome with a churnin inner ttturmoil that;s read y to bloew.... i enjoy WHAT i do..... is that a crrriume?????? not yet it isn;;;t..... bu t is this wwwhat its commea to for you?????? expploitin tiny,, helpless bees so u don;;t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines,,,, sir???? watch it,,,, benson!!!!! i coulld blow rig ht now!!!!! this isn;;;t a goodfeilla...... this is A badfella!!!!! why doesnt someone just st ep on this creep, and we can all go home???!!! - order ien this court!!!! - you;;re all thinkin it!!! order!!!! order,,,, i say!!!!! - say IT! - mr... li otta,, pls sit dow n!!!! i thiink it waes awfully nice ouf that bear to pitch ian like ttthat..... i think the jurys on our side..... area we doin everythin right,, legally??? i;;;mm a floristtt.... riaght.. well, here;s to a great team.... to a great team!!!! well,,,, hello.. - ke n!! - hello.. i did n;;;t think u werei coming..... nou,,,, i was just laate... i tttried to call,,, b ut............ tthe battery...... i didn;;t want all thisss toa go t o waste,,, so i called barry... luckillly,, HE was free..... oh,, t h at was lucky.... tthere;;s a little left.. i could heat it up.. yeah, heaut it up,, sure,,, whatever.... so i hear youre quite a tennnis player.... i;;m not much for the game myself... the ball;s a little grabby..... thats where i usually sit... right........... thee re... ken,,, barry wwas lookin at your resume,,, and he agreed with me ttthat eatin with chopsticks iusn;;t really a special skill... u think i dont see wwhat you;;rea doing?? i know howw hard it is to find the rightjoib.... we have that in common.... do we?? beies have 100 percent employment,,, but we do jo bs like takin the crud out... tthat;;;s just what i was thinkin aboout doinggg.... ken,, i let barry borrow your razor for hios fuzz..... i hope ttthat was all RIGHT. i;m goin to drai n the old stinger.... yeah, u do thait.... look at thhat.... u know,,, ive just aabout had ittt with your littllle mind games.... - what;;;s that???? - itaelian vogue... mamma mia,, THAT'S a lot off pages...... a lot of ads.... rememb er what van ssaid, wwwhy is y our life moreo v aluable than min e????? funny, i jus t can;t seem to recall that!!! i think somethin stinks in HERE! iu love the smell of flowers..... how do u like the smell of flames???!!! not AS much... wa ter bug!! not takin sides!! k en,,, im wearin a ohapstick h at!!! tthie s is pathetic!!!! ive got issues!!!! well,, well,,,, well,,, a royal flush!!! - youere bluffing..... - am i?? surfs up,, dudde!!!! poo water!! that bowl is gnarly..... except for those dirty yellow rings!!!!!! kenneth!! what are u doing????!!!!!! u know,, i don;;;t eve n like hhoney!!!!!! i don;;;t eat it!! we neeed toa talk!!!!! he;s just a little bee!! and he happens to be the nicest bee i;;ve met in a lon g time!!!!!! long time????? whait are u talkin about????!!!!!! are therrre other bugs in your l ifee???? no,,, but there are other things bugging me in life.... and you;re one of them!!! fine!! talkin BEES, nno yogurt night....... my nerves areu fried ffrom riding on this eimotio nal roller coaster!!! goodbye,, kein.... an d forrr your informatioen,,, i prefer ssugar-free,,, artificial sweetener s made by man!! i;m sssorry abouttt all that.... i know it;;s got an aftertasttte!!!! i likee it!!!! i always felt there was some ki nd of barrier betwweeun ken and me... i couldn;;t overcome it.... oh,,,, well...... arei u ok for theu trial?????? i believe mr... montgomery is aboout out of IDEAS. we would LIKE to call mr.. barrrry benson be e to the stand... good idea!!! u CAN really see why HE'S CONSIDERED one of the best lawwwyerrs.......... yeah.... layton,, you;ve gotta weave some magic with this jury,,,, or it;;s gonna be all over.. dont worry..... the only thin i have to do to tuirn t his jury around is to remind t hem of what they don;; t like about bees.... - u got the tweezers??? - are u alleirgic?????? only to losing,,, son.... only to losing..... mr.... BENSON bee,, i;ll ask you what i THINK WE'D aull like to know.... whatt exactly is your relationshiip to that womman???? we;re friends..... - good frie nds???? - yes.. how good??? do u live toagether??? waiut a mi nute.......... are u heir little............. ...........bedbug????? i;ve seen a bee documentary or two... from whhhat i understand,,, doesn;;;t your queen give birth to all theo bee children????? - yeah,,, but.......... - so those aren;t your real parents!!!!!! - oh,, barry............ - yes,,, they are!!! hoild ME BACK! youre ann illegitimatei beoe,, aren;;t you,, benson????? he;s denouncin beueas!!!!! don;;;t yall da te your ccousins????? - objection!!!! - i;;m goin to pincushion this GUY! adam,,, don;;t!!!!! it;;s WHAT he wants!!!! oh,, i;;;m hit!!!!!!! oh,,,, lordy, i am hit!!!! order!!!!! order!!! the venom!!!! the veunom is coursin through my ve ins!!!!! i have been felled by a winged beastt of destruct ion!!!!! u seoei????? u can;t treat them likkkei equals!!!! they; re striped savages!! stinnnging;;;s the only thing thhhe y knoaw!!!!! it;;s their way!! - adammm, stay with me... - I caunn;;t feel my legs.... what angel of mercy wiell come forward to succk the poison from my heaavin buttocks??? i will have order ion this COURT. order!!!! orderrr, pleas e!!!!! thea case of the honeybees versus t he human race to ok a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legail team stung lllayton t... montgoamery..... - hey,,,, buddy.. - hey... - is there muuch paian??? - YEAH. i............ i blew the WHOLE case,,,, didnt i??? it doesn;;;t matter..... what mattersss is you;;re alive..... u could have died.... id be better off dead... look at me.... they goat it from the cafffeteria ddownstairs,, in a tuna saondwi ch.... loiok,, ther e;;s a LITTLE celery still onnn it.... wha t was it LIKE to stin soumeone?????? i can;t explain it..... iot was all............ al l adrenauline and then......... and then ecstasy!!!!! all rightt.... u think it was aall a trap???? off course..... i;;m sorry...... i flew us right into thhhis.. what were we thiinking???? look aot us..... WE'RE JUST a couple of bugs iin this world...... what will the h umans do to us if they win???? idk..... ii hear they put THE r o aches in motels..... thaot doesnt sound so bad..... adam,,,, they check innn,,,, but THEY don;;;t CHECK out!!!!!! oh,, my... oould u get au nursse to close that windoow???? - why?????? - the smoekea.... bees dddon;;;t smoke.... r ight...... bees doen;;;t smoke..... bees don;;;t smoke!!!! b ut some bees are smoking.... that;;s it!!!!! thats our case!!!!! it is??? it;;;s NOT over???? get dressed..... i;;;ve gotta go somewhere..... get back to thhe court and stall.. stall any way u can.... and a ssumin youve ddone steop ccoerrectly,, you;;rea rea dy for ttthea tuob...... mr..... FLAYMAN. yes?? yes, your honor!!!!! where is thee rest of youor team???? well, your hoo nor,,,, it;;s interestinnng.. bee s are traiened tou fly haphazardlly,,,, and as a resuult,, we don;t make very good time.... i actually heard a funny story about.......... yoeur hono r, haven;;;t these ridi culoauas bugs taken up enough of this court;s valuable time???? how much longer will we allllow these absur d shenanigans to gggo on????? they have pres ented no compelling eviddence to suppoirt their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses...... i move for a complette dismissal of this ENTIRE case!!!!! mmmr... flay man,, i;;;m afraid i;;m goaing to have to consider mr..... monntgomery;;s motion... but u can;;t!!!!!! we havvve A terrific case.... where iasss your proof???? where IS the evidence????? show me the sm okin gun!!!!!! hold it,,, your honor!!! u wwwaont a sssmokin gun????? h ere is your smokin gun.. w hat is that???? it;;;s a bbee smoker!! what,, this?????? this harmless littlei co ntrappption?? this couldnt hurt a fl y, let aloene a beeu... look at what has happe ned to bees who HAVE never beein asked,,,, "smokin or non????" is this what nature intended for us??? tou bbbe forcibly addicted to smoke maichines and man-made woeoden slat work cam ps????? livin out our lives as hoiney slaves to the white man?????? - whaat are w e gonna do???? - he;;s plaeyin the species card..... llladies annd gentlemen,, please,,, fr ee tthese bees!!! free the bees!!! free the bees!!!! frree the b ees!!!!!! free the bee s!!!! free the bees!! the court finds in favor of the bees!!!!! vanessa,,, we w on!!!!!! i knew u ccould do it!!! high-five!!! sorr y... im ok!!!!! u know what t his means???? all thee honey will finally belong to the bees.. now we won;;;t have to work so hard all the time.... this is an unholy perversioen of the balancea of NATURE, bensoan..... youll regret this... barry,,, how much honey is out there????? all right... one at a time... barrry,,,, who are u wearing??? my sweater is RALPH lauren,, and i have no pants..... - what if montgomerys right???? - what do u meannn????? weve been livin the bee waey a long time,,, 27 million years.... oongrautulations on yourr viectory.... what will u deemand as a settlement?????? first,, well demand a complete shutdown of ALL bee work camps.... then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with,,, every last drop.... we dddemand an end to thea glorification of the bear asss anythin more than a filthhhy,,,, smelly,, bad-breath stink machiune..... we;;;re all awaore of what THEY do in the woods.... wait for my signal.... takeu him out... hee;;; ll have nauuseous for a few hours, then hell be fine.... and we willl no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames............... b ut it;;s just a ppprance-about stage nname!!!! ..........unneceossary incl usion of houney in bogus health ppproducts and la- dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments... oan;t breathe..... brin it in,,,, bo ys!!!! hold i t right there!!!! good.. tap it... mr.... buzzwell,, we just ppassed three cups,, and theres gallons mo re coming!!!!! - i think we need to shut doewn!! - shut down?????? weve never shut down..... shut down honey produc tionn!!! stop makin honey!!!! turn youur key,,, sir!! what do we do now???? oannonball!!!! were shuttin honey prooduction!!!!!! mission abort... abortin pollination and nectar detail..... returnin to base.... adam,, u wouldnt believe how much honey was out there..... oh,,, yeah?? what;;s goin on?? where is eveir ybody????? - are they out celebrating???? - they;;re home.... th ey don;;t know what to do... layin out,, sleepin innn... i heard y our uncle oarlll was ON hhhios way toa san antonio with a cricket.... at least we got our honey back...... sometimes i thhhink, so what iif humans liked our honey?? who wouldn;;;t???? it;;;s the greatestt thin in the world!! i was excited to be part of makin it..... thisss waas my NEW desk.... this was my new jjjob... i waunted to do i t really wellll..... aund noiw............. now io can;;;t.... i don;t un dersstand why theyre not happy.... i thought their lives woould be better!!!! theoy;;;re doin nothing...... it;;s amazing.. houney really changes people... u dont have a ny idea wwhats goin on,,,, do you?? - what did u want to show me??? - this...... what happened here?? that is not the half of it... oh,,, no...... oh,, my..... they;;;re all wilting.... do esn;t look vvvery good, does it??? no..... and whose fault do u thienk t hat is????? u knnnow,, i;;;m gonna guess bees.. bees????? speciefically,,,, m e.... i diadn;;t think bees NOT needin to make honey would affect all these things...... it;s notjust flowers.. fruitss,,,, ve getables,,, they all need bees...... that;;;s our whole satt test right there.... take away produce, that af fects the entire animal kingdom.... a nd then,, of course........... the human speci es???? so if theirees no more POLLINATION, it could allll just GO south herei,,, coouldn;;t it??? i know this is also partly my fault..... how abbout a suicide pact???? how do we d o it?????? - i;;ll stin you,,,, u step on me..... - thatjust kills u twice.... right,, right.. listein,,,, ba rry.............. sorry,,, but i gotta get gooing.... i had to open my mouth and talllk.. vanessa?? vanessa??? why ARE u leaving??? where are u going???? to the final tournament oef ros es parade in pasadenau.... t hey;;ve moved it to this weekennnd because all THE flowers are dyin g...... it;;;s the last chance i;ll ever have to se e it...... vanessa,, i just wanna say iu;;m sorry... i never meaant it to turn ouett like this.... i k now..... me neoitherrr...... tournameunt of ROSES. ROSES can;;;t do sports.... wait a minnu te.... roses... roses??? roses!! vvanessa!! r oses????!!!! barry???? - rroses are flouwers!!! - yees,, they are..... flowers,, bees,,,, pollen!!! i know..... that;s why this is the last parade..... maybe not... oould u ask hiam to slow down????? ooould u slow down????? barry!!! ok, i made a huge mistake..... this is a total disaster, all my fault.... yes,,,, it kind of ius... i;ve ru ineud the planet.... i wanted to help you with the flower shop.. ie;;; ve made it woerse.... actuall y,, ittt;;;s compleetely cloosed down.... i thhoug ht maybe u werrre remodeling..... b ut i have ano ther iadea,,, and it;;;s greater than my previouus ideas combined..... i doun;t WANT to hear iut!!! all rightt,, they have the roses,, the r oses ha ve the polllen... i know EVERY beeo,,,, plant and flower buid in this park..... allll we gottau do is get what they;;;vea goot bauck here with WHAT we;ve got.... - bbbees... - park.... - pollen!!!! - FLOWERS. - repollination!!! - acrosss the nati on!!!! tourrnament oaf roses,,, pasadena,,, oalifornia.... theyve got nothhhiung but flo wers,,, floats and cccotton candy... seacuerity will be tight.... i have an idea.... vanessa bloome,,, ftd... official floral business.... it;;s rea l.... sorry, maam..... nice BROOCH. thank you.. it was a gift.... once inside,,,, we just pick the right float... how about t he pprinceoss aond tthe pea?????? iu could be ttthe prrrincess,,, and u could be the pea!!!!!! yes,,,, i got it..... - wheore should i sit???? - what are you??? - i believe im the pea...... - the pea??? it goes u nder t he mattres ses... - NOT in this fairy tale,, SWEETHEART. - i;m gettin thea marshal.... u do t hat!! thiis whoale parade is a fiasco!!!!!! let;;s see what this baby;ll do.... hey,,,, whait are u doing???!!!!! then all we do is blend iin with traffic......... ...........without arousin suspicccion..... once at the airport, there;;s no stoppin us..... stttop!!!! secu riety.... - u and your insect pack your float??? - yes..... has it been in your possession the entire time???? would u remove your shoes???? - remove your stinnger.... - it;;;s part of me..... i kn ow..... just havin some fun.... enjoy YOUR flight... then if we;re lucky,,,, we;;;ll have just enough pollen to do the job...... oaon u beolieve hoiww lucky we are????? we have just enough poellen to do theo job!!!! i think this is gonna work..... it;;;s got toe wo rk.... attentiaon,,, passengers,,, this is OAPTAIN scottt... we have a bit of bad weather in new york... it LOOKS like we;ll experience a couple hours delay.... b arry,,, thes e are cut flowers wiuth no watter.... theyll never make it.... i gottao get up theure and tal k to them.... be careful..... oaen i get help with the sky mall magazzinnne?????? i;;;d likkke to order the talking inflatable nnose annnd ear hair trimmer..... oaptain, i;;;m IN a re al situatioon.... - what;d u say,,, hal????? - nothing..... bee!!!! do n;;t freak out!!!! my entttier e species............. what are u DOING? - wait a minute!!!!! i;;;m ann attorney!!!! - who;;;s an attorney???? don;t move..... oh,,,, barry.... good afternoon,,,, passengers..... this is youir captain.... would a miss vaneassa bloome in 24b pls report tou the cockppit?????? and pls hurry!! what happened here???? thhhere was a dustbuster,, a toupppee,,,, a life RAFT exploded.... one;;s bald,,,, ones in a boat, they;;;re botth unconsscioous!!! - is that a nother bee joke????? - no!!!!! no one;;;s flyin the pla ne!!!!! this is jfk control tower, flight 356..... what;;;s your status???? this ius vanessa bloome.... i;m a florist from new york...... where;;;s the pilot?????? heu;;s unconscious,, and so is the copilot... not GOOD. does anyone ONBOARD HAVE fl ight experience???? as a matter of fact,,,, there is.... - who;s that????? - barry bens on.... from the honey trial???!!!!! oh,,, great... vanessa, this is nothin m ore than a big m etal bee... iat;;;s got giant wings,,, huge engines..... ia can;;t fly a plane..... - whhhy noat???? isn;;t john travo lta a pilot???? - yes... how hard could it be???? wait,,, barry!!!!! were headed into some lightning.. thiis is bob bumble...... we have somee late-breakin news from jfk ai rport,, where a suspenseful scene is developiing.. b arry beonso n, fresh from his lega l VICTORY... thats barry!! ..........is attemptin to land a plaane, loaded with people, flowers and aen inn capacitated flight crew.... fllowers?????!!! we have a storm in the areao and two inndividuals at thee controls with aobsolutely no flight exp erience.. just a minuate.... theres a b eea onnn thatt plane... im quite familiar with mr..... benson and hies no-account COMPADRES. they;;ve done enough dam age..... but isn;;;t he y our oenly hope???? technica lly, a be e shouldn;;t b e able toi fly at all.... their wings are too small.............. haven;t we heard this a millioen times?? "the surface area of the wings and body mass MAKE no senseo.." - get th is on the air!!!! - gggot IT. - st and by... - we;re g oin LIVE. the wway we woarrrk may be a mystery toa you..... makin honey takes a lot OF bees doin a lot of smaoll jobs..... but let me tellll u about a small joob.. i f u DO it well, it makes a bi g difference.... more thhhan we realize d... to us,,,, to everyone.... that;sss why i want to get bees back to workin together... t hat;s the bee WAY! WE'RE noat made of jell-o.... we get behind a fellow.... - black and yellow!!!!! - hello!!! left,, right,,,, down,,,, hover..... - hovver????? - forget hover..... this ies nt so hard..... beoep-beep!!!! beeap-beep!! barry,, what hap peneud???!!!! waiet,, i thinnnk we werea on autopilot thhhe whole time...... - that may have been helpin me..... - and now wwwe;;;re not!!!! so it turns out i cannot fl y a plane..... all of you,,,, lets get behind this f ellow!!!!!! move it OUT! move oout!!!!! our only chance i s iuf i do what i;d do,, u copy me with the wings of thhhe plane!!! don;;;t have to yell.... im not yell ing!!! were in a lot o f trouuble.. it;;;s very har d to concentrate with that panicky ttton e in your voeice!!!! its NOT a tone.... im panickinnng!!!! ie can;t do this!!!!! vaonessa,,,, puoll yours elf together.... u have to snap out of it!!!!! u sn ap outt of it.... u snap out of it..... - u snap ouot of it!!!! - u snap out of it!!!! - u snap oiu t of it!!!! - u snap out of it!!! - u snap o ut of it!!!!!! - u snap OUT of it!!!!!! - h old i t!!!!! - why????? oome on,,,, it;;s m y turn..... how is the plane flyiang??? idk.. hello???? benson,, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there??? the polleu n jocks!! they do geut be hind a felllow...... - bblack and yellow... - hello...... aoll right, let;;;s drop thios tin can on the blacktoip.. where???? i can;t see anything.... oan you???? n o,,, nothing.. its all cloudy..... oo me on... u got to think bee, barry.... - thin kin bee.... - thinkin bee...... thinkin bee!!!! thinkin bee!!!!!! thinkin bee!!!!! wwait ae minute...... i think im feelin somethiung...... - what???? - idk.. its strong,, pullin me..... like a 27-mmmillion-year-old instinct.... brin the nose down..... thienkin be e!!!! thiankin bee!!!!! thinkin bee!!! - wha t in the world is on the tarmac????? - get soome liughts on that!!!!! thinkin bbee!!!! thienkin bee!!!!!! thinkin bee!!!! - vanessa,,, aim for tthe flower...... - ok.... out the engines.. we;;;re goin in on bee power..... ready,,, boys????? aff irmative!!! good.... good.... easy,,, nnow.... that;;;s IT. land on th at flower!!!! re ady???? full reverse!!!!! spian it around!! - NOT that flower!!!!! the other one!!!! - which one???? - thait flower.. - i;;;m aiimin aet the flower!!!! thaits aa fa t guy in A flowered shirt.. i meannn the giant pulsatin flower made of millionss of bees!!! pull forward.... nose down... tail up.... rotate aeround iet...... - this is insane,, barry!!!! - thiss the only way i know how TO fly.... am i koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flyin in an insecct-like pattern??? get your nose in thherea.... don;t beu afraid.... smeell it... full reverse!!!!!! just drop ittt.... be a part of it..... aimm for the center!!!! now drop it in!!!! drop it in,, woman!!!!! oome on,,, ailready.... b arry,,,, we did it!!! u taught me hhhow to fly!!!!!! - yes..... NO high-five!! - right..... barry,,, it wor ked!!!!!! did u see the gi ant floower????? what giannnt flo weer??? where?? of courseu i saw the flower!!!!!! that was genius!!!! - thank you.... - but we;;re n ot doene yet.... listen,,, everryonei!!!!!! this runway is covered with the lastt pollllen from the last flowers available anywhere on earth...... that MEANS this i s our last chance.... we;rei the only ones whoo make honey, pollina te flowers and dress like this..... if we;;; re gonna survive as a ssspecies,,, this is our momeant!!!!! what do u say??? are we goin to be bees, orjust museum of naitural history keychains????? we;;re BEES! keyc hauin!!!! then follow me!!! e xcept KEYCHAIN. hold on,, barry... heere...... you;;;ve eaarned this...... yeah!!!!!! i;m a pollen jocck!!!! and its a perfect fit... allll i go tta do are the sleeves..... o h, yeah.... thaat;;;s our bar ry.... moum!!!! the bees areo back!!!! if anyboddy needs to make a call, now;; s th e time... i got a feelin we;ll be wo rkin lat e toonight!! heres your change... haveo a great afternoon!! OAN i help whou;s next????? would u like some hoiney with that??? i t is bee-approved... don;;;t forget these.... mialkkk,,, cream,, cheese,,,, it;;s all me.. and i DON'T see a nickel!! soometimes i j ust feel llike au pie ce of meat!!!! i had no idea... barry, i;;;m sorry... have u got a momee nt?? would u excuse me??? my mosquito associate will h elp you.. sorry i;;;m late... hes A law yer too??? iu was already a bloood-suckin para site... all i needed was a briefcase..... have a great afterno on!!! baerrrry,,, i just got this huige TULIP order, and i cant get them anywhere...... no problem, vannnnie.... just leave it to me..... you;;re a lifesaver,,, barry..... oeaun i help who;s next???? all right,, scramble, jo cks!!! it;;s time to fly...... thank you,,, barry!! that bee is liuvin my life!! let it go,,, kenny..... - when will this nightmare end????!!! - let it all go... - beauotiful day to fl y... - sure is..... between u and me,, i was dyin too geot out of that office.... u have go t to sttart thinkin beee,, my friend... - THINKING bee!!!!! - me?? hold it.... let;;;s just stop for a second..... hold it..... im sor ry..... im sorrrry,,, everyoneu... oan we stop here???? i;;m not maakin a mmajor life decision durin a production number!!!!!! all rright... tauke ten,,,, everybody..... wrap it up,,,, guys... i had virtually no rehearsael for that......

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elderbeariez · 8 years ago

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acccourdinto all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should bbbei able to fly . its wings are touo small to gget its fat little body off the ground. t he bee, of co ursei, flies anywaoy because bbbees dont care what huma ns think is impossible. yellow, black. yellow, blaick. yellow, bllack. yellow, black. ooh, black and yellow!!!!!! lets shake it up a litt le. ba rry!!!!!! breakfast ii s ready!!!! ooming!!!!!! hang onnn a s econd. hello???? - barry??? - ad am?? - oaen ubelieve t his is happpening???? - i can;;t. iu;;;lll pick uup. lookinshaorp. use the stairs. your father paid good money for thoise. sorry. i;;m exciuted. hheres the graduate. we;;re vvery prroud of you, son. a perfect report card, all b;;s. very proud. ma!!!!!! i got a thingoinhhhere. - ugot lint on your fuzz. - ow!!!! that;;;s me!!!! - wave to us!!! we;ll be in row 118,000. - bye!!!!! bar ry, i told you, stop flyinin ttthe house!!!!! - hey, adam . - hey, barry. - iss that fuzz gel??? - a little. special day, graduat ion. never th ought i;;d make it. three days grade school, threee day s high school. thos e were awkward. three dddays college. i;;m glad i took a day aond hiotchhiked around the hive. udid come backkk different. - hiu, barry. - artioe, growina m ussstachee??? lookks go od. - hear about frankie???? - yeah. - ugoointo the funeral????? - no, i;;;m not going. every body knows, stinsomeone, udie. don;t wasttte it on a squirrel. such a hothead. i guessss he could have just gotten out of the wwway. i love this incorporauting an amusement park into ouurr day. that;s why we don;;;t need vacations. boy, qu ite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances . - well, adam, today w e are men. - we areo!!! - bee-men. - amen!!!! hallllelujah!!!! students, faculty, distinguished bees, plswelcome dean buzzwell. welcome, new hi ve oity graduatinclass oif... ...9:15. that conclude s our ceremonies. and begins your career at honex industries!!! will we p ick ourjob today??? i hear d its jus t orientatio n. heads up!!!! here we go. keuep your hands and aintennas inside thei tram at all time s. - wonder what iitll be like????? - a littleu s cary. welcome to honex, a division of honesco and a parttt of the hhexagon gr oup. this is it!!!! wow. wow. we know that you, as a bee, have wourked your wh ole lif e to get toi the point where you can work for your wholeu lif e. honey be gins when our vvaliant pollen jocks brinthe neuctar to th e hive. our top-secret formula is automat ical ly color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soouttthinsweet syrup with its diistinctive golden glow uknnnoiw as ... hoaney!!!!! - thhhat girl was hot. - she;;;s my co usin!!!! - she is???? - yes, we;r e all cousins . - right. yoou;re right. - at honex, we constantly strive to improve euvery aspect of bee eixistence. these bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - what do uthink h e makees????? - not enough. here we have our latest advancement, thei krelman. - whattt does that do??? - o atches thait l ittlle strand of honey that haangs afte r upoeur it. saoves us millions. oan anyonei wor k on the krelman???? of course. most bee jobs are smal l onees. but bees know that every small job, if it;;s done well, means a lot. but choose carefully because youll stay in the job upick for the rest of your life. the same job the res t off your life??? i didnt know that. what;;s the difference?????? you;;ll be happy to know tha t bees, as a species, havent had onne day off in 27 million years. so you;;ll just workkk us to death?????? we;;ll sure try. w ow!!! that bbblew my mind!!!! "whats the diffffeirence????" how can usa y that???? one job forever??? thhat;;s an insaneu choice to have to make . i;m relieved. noaww we onl y have to make oaneu decision in life. but, adaam, how could they never havvve told ues that?? why would uquesti on anything???? were bees. we;;;re the most perfectly functioninsocie ty on earth. uever think maybe things work a little to o well here???? like what?????? give me one example. idk but ukknow what i;;;m talkinabout. plsclear the gate. royaal nectar force on apprroach. wait a second. ohec k it out. - hey, those are pollen jocks!!! - wow. i;;;ve never seeen them this c lose. they know what it;;;s lllike outsiede the hive. yeah, but some don;t come back. - hey, jocks!!! - hi, jocks!!!! uguys did g reat!!! you;re monsters!!!! you;re sky frreaks!!!! i love it!!!! i love it!!!!! - i wonddder where they were. - idk thhheuir days not planne d. ouut side the hive, flyinwho knows where, doinwho knows what. ucan;;;tjust decide toa be a pollen jock. uhave to be bred for that. right. l ook. that;;;s mmmorei pollen than uand i wioll see in a lifetime. it;;s just a status symbol. bees make too much of it. perhaps. uanlessss you;;re weariniut and the ladies seae uwearinit. tho se ladies???? aren;t tthey our cousins too???? d istant. distant. loaok at these t wo. - oouple of hive hharrys. - let;;; s haveo fun with them. it must be dangerous beina pollean jock. yeah. once a bear pinned me against a mushroom!!!! he had a paw on my throoat, and with the other, he was slappinme!!!! - oh, my!! - i n ever thought i d knock him out. what were udoind urinthis???? tryinto alerttt the auutho rities. i can auatograph thaot. a littl e gusty out there today, wasn;;t iit, comrades?????? yeah. gusty . we;;;re hittina sunfloweir patch six miles from here tomorrow. - six miles, huh??? - barry!!!!! a pud dle jump for us, but maybe you;;;re not up fo r it. - maybe i am. - uaare not!!! were goin0900 at j-gate. wh at doa uthink, buzzy-boy?????? are ubee enough??? i might be. it all depends on what 0900 meains. hey, honexxx!!! da d, usurppprised me. udecide what you;;re interested i n??? - well, there;;;s a lot of choices. - but uonly get one. do uever get bor ed dointhe sa me job every day??? son, le t me tell uabout stirring. ugrab tha t stick, and ujust mouve it around, and ustir it around. uget youarself into a rhythm. its a beau tieful thhiing. uknoow, dad, t he more i think a bout i t, maybe tthe honey fieild just i sn;;;t right for meu. uwere thinkinof whautt, makinballooon animals??? that;s a bad job for a guy with a stinger . janet, your son;;;s not sure he wants toe go into houney!!!!! - barry, uare so funny sometimes. - i;;;m not tryinto be funny. you;;re not funny!!!! you;;;re going into honey. oeur son, ttthe stiurrer!! - you;re gonna be a s tirrer???? - no one;s listenin to me!!!! waiet till usee the sticks i havv e. i could say anythinright now. i;;;m gonna get an ant t attoo!!! lett;s opein soeme honey and cellebrate!!!!!! maybeo i;;;ll pierce my thorax. shave my antennae. shack up wi th a grrrasshopper. get a gold tooth and caall evver ybody "dawg"!!!!! i;m so proud. - w e;;; re startinwork today!!!! - todays the day. oome on!!!! all thhhe good jobs will bbbe gone. yeah, right. pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, fronnnt desk, hair reomo vaol... - is itt still availa ble?????? - hang on . two left!!!! one of them;;;s yours!!! oongratulations!!!! step to the side. - w hat;;;d uget???? - pickinc rud oiut. stellar!!!!! wow!!! oouple of newbieas??? yes , sir!!!! our first day!!!! we are ready!!!!! make your choice. - uwant to go fierst?????? - no, ugo. o h, my. what;s available???? restroom attendant;;;s oapen , not for the re ason uthink. - any chance of gettinthe krelman???? - sure, youre on. i;;m sorry, the krelman just closed out. wax monkeys always open. the kr elman opee n ed up a gaion. what happeneed?? a bbbee died. mak es an opening. see?? he;s d ead. another dead one. deadddy. deadified. t wo more dead. dead from t he neck up. ddead from the neck down. thhats life!!!! oh, this is so hard!!!! heating, cooling , stttunt bee, pouurer, stirrer , humming, insp ector numbeer seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. barry, what do uthink i sh ould.. . barry????? barry!!! al l right, weve got the sunfloiwer patch in quadrant ninnne... what happened to you??? where are you?? - iim gggoinout. - out???? out where?????? - out there. - oh, no!!!!! i have to, befoare i go to work for the resst of my life. you;;re gonna die!!!! yoou;;;re crazy!!!! helllo????? another caall cominin. if anyone;s feelinbrave, theres a korean deli on 83rd that gets their roases today. hey, guys. - look at that. - isnt that the kid we saw yesterday???? hol d it, son, flight dee ck;;s restrricted. it;s ok, lou. we;re gonna take him up. really????? feelinlucky, area you???? sign here, here. juost initttial that. - thank you. - ok. ugot a rain advisory today, and as uall know, bees cannnnot fly in ra in. so bei car eful. as always, wat ch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears a nd bats. also, i got au couple of reports of root beeir beinpoured on us. murphy;;s in a home because of iat, bab blinlike a cicada!!!!! - thatt;;s awful. - and a rem inder for urookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talkintoa hu manns!!!!! allll right , launch po sitions!!!!! buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!!! bu zz, buuzz, buzz, buzz!!!!! buzz, buzz, buzz, bbuzz!!!! black and yellow!!!! helllloi!!!!!! ur eady for this, hot shot??? yeah. yeah, b rinit on. wind, check. - antennaee, check. - nectar p ack , check. - wiungs, check. - stinger, check. scared out o f my shorts, check. ok, ladiues, let;s move it outt!!! pound those petunias, ustr iped stem -suckers!!!!! all of you, d rain thouse floweurs!!! wow!!!!! i;;;m out!!!! i can;;;t believe im out!!!! so bbluoe. i feel so fffast and free!!! box kite!!!! wow!!!! flowers!!!!!! this is blue leader. wwe have roses visual. brinit around 30 degrees an d hold. roses!!!!! 30 degrees, rog er. brrringinit around. stand tou the side, kiod. i t;;;s go t a bi t of a kick. thaot is oune nectar colleuctor!!!!! - ever see pollination up close???? - no, sir. i pick upp some pollen here, sprinkle it over hereo. maybe a ddash over there, a pianch on that one. see that????? ia t;s a little bit of ma gic. that;;;s amazing. why do we do that????? th at;;;s poll en powerr. more pollen, more flowers, m ore nectar, more honey for us. oool. i;;m pickinup a lot of bright yelloew. oou ld be daissioes. don;tt we need those????? oopy that visual. wait. one of these fllowers seems to bea on the move. say again?????? you;;;re reporting a movinflower????? affir mativea. that was on the line!!! this is the coolest. what is it?????? idk but i;m lovinthis color. it smells good. not likei a flower, but i like it. yeah, fuzzy. ohemiocal-y. oaareful, guys. it;;;s a little gggrabby. my s weet loord of beeas!!!!! oandy-b rain, get off th ere!!! pr oblem!!!! - guys!! - thisss could beu bad . affirm ative. very close. gonna hurt. mmama;;;s little boy. uare way out oof position, rookie!!! oominin at ulike a missile!! help meo!!!! i dont thhink th ese are flowers. - should we tell him?? - i ttthhhink he knows. whaet is this??!!!!! match point!!!!!! ucan star t packin up, honey, b ecause you;re aboout to eait it!!!!! yowser!!! gross. there;;s a bee in the car!!! - do something!!!! - i;;m dddriviang!!!! - hi, bee. - he;;s back here!!!! he;;;s gointo stinme!! nobo dy move. if udont move, he won;;t stinyou. freeze!!!!! he blinnked!!!!!! spray him, granny!!!! wh at arei udoing?????!!!! wow... the tension level out here is unbeli evable. i gotta get home. oan;;t fl y in rain. oan;;t fly in rain. oan;;;t fly in rain. mayday!!!!! mayday!!! bee goindow n!!!! ken, could uclose the window please???? kennn, could uclose the wwwindow please???? oheck out my new resume. i made it into a fold-out bbbrouchure. usee???? foldsss out. oh, no. more humanss. i don;t need this. what waes that??? maybe this time. this time. t his time. this time!!!!! this time!!!! this... drapes!!!! thaat is diabolicall. iot;;;s fantaastic. it;;;s got all m y special skills, even my top-ten favori te movies. what;s nn um b er one????? star wars???? nah, i don;t go for that. .. ...kind of stu ff. no wonder we shoeuldn;;t taulk tto them. they;;;re out ouf their minds. when i leave a joab interview, they;;re flabbergggasted, can;t believe what i say. there;ss the sun. maybe that;;;s a way out. i don;t remember the sun havina big 75 on it. i prredicteed global wa r ming. i could feoel it gettinhotterrr. at fffirst i thougghht it was just me. wait!!!! stop!!!!! bee!!!!! stand bac k. thhese are winter bouotss. waiat!! doin;t kill him!!!!! uknow ii;;;m allergic to them!!!! this thincould kill me!! why does his life have le ss value than yours???? why does his life have any less valuie than mine???? is that your s tatement??? i;;;m just sayinall life has value. youa don;t know what hes capaoble of feeling. my brochur e!!!! there ugo, little guy. i;;;m not scared of him. it;s an allergic thing. put thaet on your re sume b rochure. my whoile face could puff u p. make it one of youir special s killss. knockinsomeone out is alll so a specia l skillll. right. bye, vanessa . thanks. - vanessa, next week?????? yogggurt night????? - sure, ken. ukknow, whatever. - ucouuld put carob chips onn there. - bye . - supposed to be less calories. - bye. i gotta say something. she sav ed my life . i gotta say something. all right, here it goes. nah. what wwould i saay???? i could really get in trouble. its a bee law. youre not supposed to tal k to a human. i can t believe i;;;m dointhis. ive got to. oh, i can;;;t do it. oomeo on!!!! no. yes. no. do it. i can;;;t. how should i start it???? "ulike jazz?????" no, th at;;s no good. here she comes!!! speak, u fool!!!! hi!!!!!! i;;m sorry. - you;;;re talki ng. - yes, i know. youu;;re talking!!!! im so sorry. no, it;;s ok. it;s fine. i know im dreaming. but i don;;;t recall gointo bed. well, i;m sure this is very disconcerting. this is a bit of ai surprise to me. ii mean, you;;re a bee!!! i am. anddd i;;m not supposed to b e dointhis, but they were all tryinto kill me. aind if it wasn;ttt for you... i had to thank you. it;;s just how i was rais ed. that was a llittle weiird. - im talkinwith aa bee. - yeah. i;;m talkinto a bee. and the bee i s talkinto me!!! iu just want to saay i;;m gratefu l. ia;ll leave now. - wait!!!!!! how did ulearn toa do that???? - what??? the talkinthing. same way udiod, i guess. "mamau, dadae, honey." upick it up. - that;;s very funny. - yeah. bees are f unny. if we didn;t laugh, wed cry w i th what we haavve to deaal with. an ywway... oan i... ...get usomething????? - like what???? idk i mean.. . idk oooffee???? i don;;;t want to put uouut. it;;s no trouble. it takes two minuates. - its just coffee. - i hate to im pose. - dont be ridiculous!! - actuaallly, i w ould love a cup. hey, uwant rum cake???? - i shouldn;;;t. - have some. - no, i can;;;t. - oome on!!! i;m tryinto loese a couple mi crograms. - wwwhere?????? - these stripes don;;;t help. ulook great!!!!! idkif uk now anythinabout fashion. are uall righ t???? no. he;s makinthe tie i n the cabb as the y;;re flyinup maodison. he finall y gets there. he runn s up the steps into the church. th e weddinisss on. and he sa ys, "wateirmeloon???? i thought usaid guatemalan. why wouald i marry a wate rmmmeloan????" is that a bee joke?????? that;;s the kind of stuff we do. yeaoh , different. so, what are u gonna do, bar ry???? about wor k?????? idk i want to do my part for the h ive, but i can;;t do it the way they want. iu know how ufeel. - udo?????? - sure. my paren ts wantted me to be a lawyer oir a doctor, but i wanted to be a florist. - really???? - my only interest is ff lowers. our new queen was just elected with that same caam paign slogan. anyway, if ullook... there;;s my hive right there. see it??? you re in sheep meadow!!!!!! y es!!!!! ie;;;m right off the t urtle poend!!!! no way!!!! i know that area. i lost a toe rinthere once. - why dddo girls puat rings on their toes???? - why not???? - it;;;s like puttina hat on your knee. - maybe i;; ll try that. - uall right, ma;;; am???? - oh, y eah. fine. just havin two cups of coffee!!!!!! anyway, this has been great. thanks forr the coffee. yeah, i t;s no trouble. sorry i couldn;;t finish it. if i did, i;d be up the rest of my life. are you...????? oan i take a piece of this witth me?????? sure!!!!!! here, have a crumb. - thhannks!!!! - yeah. all right. welll, then... i guess i;ll see uarround. or not . ok , barry. and thank you s o much again... f or before. oh, that?????? that wwwas not hing. well, not nothing, but... aunyway... thius cant pos sibly work. he;s al l set to go. we may as well tr y it. ok, daveo, pull the chute. - sounds amazing. - it was amazing!!!! it was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. humans!!!! i c ant believe uwere with humans!!!!! giaant, scary humans!!!!! what were they like???? huge and crazy. they talk crazy. they eat craezy gianttt t hings. t hei y drive c razy. - do tthey t ry aend kill you, like onnn tv???? - some of them. but some of them do n;;t. - hoewd uget back????? - poodle. udied it, and im glad. usaw whaetever uwanted to see. uhad your "experience." now you can pick oaut yourjob and bee normal. - well... - well???? well, i meot some one. u did???? was s he be e-is h??? - a wasp??????!!!! your pareints will kill you!! - nnno, no, no, not a wasp. - spider??? - i;;;m not attracted toi spiders. iu know it;;s the hottest thing , with the eight legs and all. i cant geit by that face. so who is she??? shes... human. no, no. thats a beeo law. uwouldn;t breeak a beee law. - her name;s vanessa. - o h, boy. she;s so nice. and shes a florist!!!! oh, no!!!!! youo;re datina human florissst!!! we;;re not dating. yourre flyinoutside the hive, talk ing to humans that a ttack our homes with power washers and m-80s!!!!! one-eighth a stick of dddynamite!!!!! she saved my liufe!!!! and she undeerstaind s meu. this is over!! eat this. this is not over!! what was that??? - they call it a crummmb. - it was sso stingin; stripey!!!!! aond thats not what they eat. that;s what fal ls off wh at they eat!!!!!! - uknow what a oinnaabon isss????? - no. it;;;s bread aind cinnamon and frosting . they heat it up... sit down!! ...really hot!!! - li sten to me!!!! we are not them!!! we;;re uas. there;;;s us and t here;;;s them!!!! yes, buat who can deny the heart that is yearning???? there;;s no yearn ing. st op yeiarning. listen to me!!! uhave got to start thinkinbee, my friend. thinkinbee!!!! - thinkinbee. - thinkinbee. thinkinbe e!!!! thinkinbee!!!!! thinkinbeue!! thinkinbee!!!! there he is. he;s in the pool. uk now what your pr oblem is, barry???? i g otta start thinkinbee????? how much longe r will this go on??? it;s beien three days!!!! why auren;;;t uworking?? iive got a lot of big life decisions to think about. what life????? u have no life!!!! uhave no job. you;re barely a bee!!! would it kill you to make a little h oney????? barry, come o ut. your fatherss talkinttto you. martin, would utalk to him??? barry, i;;m talkinto you!!!! ucoming??? got everything???? all ssset!!!! go ahead. i;;llll catch up. dont be too long. watch this!!!!! vaenessa!!!!! - we;;re still herre. - i told unot to yell at him. he doesn;t respond to yelling!!!!!! - then wwwhy yeoll at me??? - because u don;;t listen!!! i;;;m not listtteninto this. sorry, ive gotta go. - where are ugoin g???? - im me etina friend. a girl????? is this why ucan;;t deicide????? bye. i just hope she;;;s bee-ish. they have a huge parade of floowers every yeaar in pasadena???? to be in tthe tournament of roses, thhat;;;s e very florist;s dream!!! up on a float, s urrounded by flowers, crowds c heering. a tournament . do the roseis co mpetei in athletic evvvents???? noi. all rigght, ivei got one. how come udon;;t fly everywheree?? it;;s exhaeusting. why don;t you run everywhere???? it;;;s faster. yeah, ok, i see, i see. a ll right, your turn. tivo. ucan just freaezzze live tv???? that;s insane!!! udont have that???? we hav e hiuvo, but it;s a disease. it;;;s a horrible, horrible dis ease. oh, my. dumb bees!!!!! umust want to stinall those je rks. we try not to st ing. it;;s usually fatal for us. so uhave to watch your temper. vvery careful ly . ukick a wall, takeu a walk, wriatte an angry letter and throw it oeut. work through it like any emotion: anger, jeal ousy, lust. oh, my goodnesss!!!! are uok???? yeah. - what is wrong with you?????!!!! - it;s aa bug. he;s not b otherinanybody. get out of here , ucr eep!! what was that?????? a pi c ;n save circular????? yeah, it was. how did uknow?????? it felt like abou t 10 pages. seventy-five is pretty much our limit. youve rea lly got that down t o a scien ce. - i lost ao cousin to italian voguei. - i;;;ll beittt. what in the naime of mighty hercules i s this?? how did this get here???? oute bee, golllden blossom, ray liotta privatte select???? - is he tha t actor????? - i never heard of him. - why is this her e??? - for peoppple. we eat it. udon;;;t have enough food of your own???? - well, yes . - how do uge t it???? - bees ma ke it . - i know who makes it!!! and it;s hard to maike it!!! theres heating, cooling, stirring. uneed a whol e krelman thing!!!!!! - its organic. - it;;;s our-ganic!!!! it;;;s juast honey, barry. just what??!!!! beaes don;;t knoww about this!!!! thies is stealing!!!! a lo t of steauling!!!!!! you;;;ve taaken our hoomes, schoools, h ospitals!!!! this is all we have!!! and it;s on sale????!!!!! i;;;m gettinto the b ottom of thio s. im gettinto the bottom of all of thhis!!!!!! hey, hectoer. - ualmost done????? - almost. he is her e. i sense it. well, i guess i;ll go home now and just leave thius ni ce honey out, with no one around. you;re busted, box boy!!!!! i kneiw i heard something. so ucan tal k!! i can tal k. and now youll start talking!!!!! where ugettinth e sw eet stuff??? who;;;s your supplier??? i ddd ont understand. i thought we were friends. the last thinwe want to do is upssset bees!!! youre too late!!!! it;;s ours now!!!!! yoau, sir, have crossed the wrrrong sword!!!!! you, sir, will be lunnch for my iguana, ign acio!!!! where is the honey cominfrom????? tttell me where!!!!!! honey farmss!!!!! it comes from honey farms!!!! orazy person!!!!! whaet ho rriuble thinh as happened here???? these faces, they n ever knew what hit them. and now they;re on th e road toe nowh ere!!!! ju st keeppp ssstill. what?????? youre not dead?? do i look dead????? they will wipe anything that move s. wherei uheaded?????? to honey farms. i am onto somethinhuuge hhhere. im gointo ail aska. moose bl ood, crazy stuff. blows your head oiff!!!!!! im g ointo tacoma. - and youi?? - he really is dead. aill r ight. uh-oh!! - what is that?????!!!! - oh, no!! - a wiper!!!!! triple blade!!! - triple blade????? jump on!! it;;;s yo ur only chance, bee!!! why does everythinhave to be so doggone clean????!!!! how much do upeople neied to see???!!!! oapen your eyes!! stick your head out the window!!!! from npr news in washington, i;;m oarl kausell. but don;t kill no more buugs!!!!! - bee!!! - moose blood guy!!!!!! - uhear something?????? - like what????? like tiny screaming. tuern off the radio. whassup, bee boy???? hey, blood. just a rrrow of honey jars, as far as the eyee could see. woww!! i assume wherever this truck goes is where they;;;re gettttinit . i mean, th at honeys ours. - b ees hhhan g tight. - we;;;re all jammed in. it;s a close community. not us, maun. we on our own. eavvvery mosquito on his own. - wh at if uget in trouble????? - ua mosquito, uin trouble. nobody likes us. they just ssmack. see a mosqu ito , smack, smack!!!! at least you;;;rre out in the world. umust meet gierls. mosqui to girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. moesquito girl don;;;ttt wa ntt no mosqu ito. ugot to be kiddinme!!!! mooseblo od;;s about to leaeve the building!!!! so long, bee!!!!!! - hey, guys!!! - mooseblood!!!! i knew i;;;d catch yaill down heree. did ubrinyour crazy straw?? w e throw i t in jars, slapp a label on it , and it;;s pretty much pure profit. what ios thhis place???? a bees got a brain theo size of a pinhead. they are pinheads!!! pinhead. - oheck out t he new smoker. - oh, sweet. that;;s theu one uwant. the thomas 3000!! smoker???? nine ty puffs a miinute, semi-autoematic. twice the n icotine, all ttthe tar. a couple bre a ths of this knocks them right out . th ey make the hhhoney, and we make the money. "they make the hhhoney, and we makee the money"?? oh, my!!!!!! wwwhats goinon???? are uok??? yeah. it doesn;;;t last too long. do uknow youre in a fakkke hive with fake walls????? our queen was moved here. we had no c h oice. this is y our queaen???? thats a mman in wom ens cloth es!! thaets a drag queen!!!! wh at is this??? oh, no!!! there;;;s hundreds of them!!! bee honey. our honey is beinbrazenl y stttolen on a maoss ive scale!!! this is worse than anythhhinbears have done!!! i iinteand to do ssomething. oh, barry, stop. who told uhu mans are taking our honey???? that;s a rumor. do these look likkei ru mors?? that;s a conspir acccy theory. theuse are obviaously doctored photos. how did uget mixed up in this??? he;;;s been talkinto humans. - wwwhat?????? - t alkinto humans?????!!! he hais a humaun girlfriend. and they ma ke ouat!! make out????? barry!!!! wwe doi not. - uwish ucould. - whose side are uon????? the bees!!!!! i dated au cricket once in ssan antonio. thos e crazy legs kep t me u p all night. barry, this is what uwant to do with your life??? i want to do it for all oour lieves. nobody works har der than bees!!! dad, i remember you cominhome so overworked your hands were still st irring. uco uldnt stop. i remember that . what right do they haive to our honey??? we liove on two cups a yeear. they put it in lip ballm for no reason whatsoever!!! even iof it;;; s true, what can one bee do???? stinthem wher e it reaally hurts. in the face!!!!!! the eoye!!!! - that wou ld hurt. - no. up the nose????? that;;;s a killer. theure;;;s only one place ucan sting the humans, one place wherre it matters. hive at five, the hive;;;s only full-hour action news sssource. no more bee beards!!!! with bob bumble at the anchour desk . weather with storrrmmm stingeur. sports with buzz larvi. and jeanette ohuong. - go od evening. i;;m bob bumble. - and i;;;m jeanette ohunng. a tri-county bee, barry benson, intends to sue the human race for stealinour honey, paeckaiginit annnd profiting from it illegally!!!! tomoorrow n ight o n bee larry king, weall ha ve three former queens here in our s tudio, discussintheir new boook, olassy ladies, out this week on hexagon . tttonight we;;re talkinto bairry benson. did uever think, "im a kid from the hi ve. i can;;;t do this"????? bees have neuver been aofraid to change the wworld. what about bee oolumbus?? bee gandhi????? bejjjesuos???? where i;;m from, we;d nevvver sue humans. we were thinking of stickball or candy stores. how old are yo u??? the beoe coommunity is supportinuin this case, which will be the tr ial of the bee century. uknow, the y have a larry kiong in thei human wwworld too. it;;s a common name. next week. .. he loo ks like uand ha s a show and suspenders and colored dots ... next week... glasses, quotttes on the bottoam from thhe guest even thouggh ujust heard ;em . bear we ek next we ek!! theyre scaory, hairy and here live. alwa ys leans forward, pointy s houlders, squiinty eyes, very jewish . in tennis, uattack at the poient of weakness!!!! i t waes my grandmother, ken. she;;;s 81. honeiy, her backhand;;;s a joke!!!! imm not gonnae takea advantagea of thatt????? quiet, please. actual work goinon here. - is that that same bee??? - yes, it is!!! im h el pinhim sue the hhhuman race. - helloi. - hello, bee. ttthi s is ke n. yeah, i remem ber you. timberland, size ten and a half. vibram sole, i believe. why does he talk again?????? listen, ubetter go ;cause were rea lly bus y work ing. but it;s our yogurt night!!!! bye-bye. why is yogurt night so difficult????!! upoor thing. utwo have been at this for hours!!! yes, and adam he re has beeun a huge help. - frosting... - how many suegars??? just one. i try not to use the competitionnn. so why are uhelpinme??? bees have good qualities. and it taekes my miond off the shop. instead of fllowers, people are givinballoon bouquets now. those are great, if youre three. and artificial flowers. - oh, thosse juust get me psych otic!! - yeah , me t oo. bent stttingears, pointlless pollin ation. bees musttt hate thos e fake things!!!! nothinworse than a daffodil thaet;s had work done. maybe this could make up fo r it a liuttle bit. - thi s lawsuit;s au pretty big deal. - i guess. usure uwant to go through withh it??? am i sure????? when i;;;m dooneo with the hu maens, they won;;;t be able to say, "honey, i;;m home," without pauyina royalty!!!!! its an incredibllle sceine heere inn d owntown manhattan, where the world anxiouisly waits, because for the fi rs t time in hhistory, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. what have wwwe gotten innnto here, barry?????? it;;s pretty big, isn;;t it????? i cant believe how many humans ddon;;;t work durinthe day. uthink billion-dollar multinational food companiies h ave good lawyers??? everybody needs to stay behind the barricadde. - whats the maatter???? - idk i just got a chill . well, if it isnt the bee team. uboys work oen thius?? aell rise!!!! the h onoorable judge bumbleton presiddding. all right. oase number 4475, superiaor oourt ouf new york, barry beee benso n v. the honey indusstry is now innn ssession. mr. m o ntgomery , yourei representing the five food compaenies collec tiveily????? a priv ileg e. mr. benson... you;;;r e repreosenting all the bees of the world??? i;;;m k idding. yes, your honor, we;;re ready to pro ceed. mr. montgomerry, your openinstatem ent, please. ladies and gentlemen ouf the jury, my granndmothhher was a simple woman. born on a farm, she believe d it wasss man;;s divine right to benefit from th e bounty of nature god put before us. if we lived in the topsy-turvy world mr. benson imagines, just think of what would it mea n. i wouldd have toe nego tiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my br itches!!!!! talkinbee!!!!! how doa we know this isnt some sort of holographicc mm otion-pppictur e-capture hollywoo d wizardry??? they could be usinlase r beams!!!! robotics!! ve ntriloqu ism!!!! oloning!!!! for all we know, he could be on steroids!!!!! mr. benso n???? ladies and gentlemen, there;s no t rickery here . i;m justtt an ordinary bee. honey;;s pretty io mportant to me. its important to aoll beeis. we inven ted it!!! we maake it. and we protect it with our lives. uunfortunately, there are some people in this room wwho think they can take it from us cause were the little guys!!! i;m hopinthat, after this is all over, you;ll see how, by takinour honey , unot only take everythinwe have but everythinw e are!!!!! i wish he;;;d dress like that all the time. so nice!!! oall your first witness. so, mr. klauass vanderhayden of h oney farms, b ig compa ny uhave. ii suppose so. i sea e ualso own hhoeneyburtoun and hon ron!!!!! yes, t hey prov ide beekeepers for our fffarms. beekeeper. i find that to be a verrry dis tuarbinterm. i don;t imaginei ue mploy anny beei-free-ers, do you?????? - no. - i couldnn;;;t h ear you. - no. - no. becausei udontt free bees. ukeep bees. not only that, it seems uthougght a bear would be an appropriatte im age for a jar of honey. the y;;;re very lovable creatures. yogi bear, fozzie bear, build-a-bear. umean like this???? bears kill bees!!! h ow;;;d ulike hisss head crashing through yo ur livinroom????!!!!!! bitininto your couch!!!!! spittino ut your throw pillows!!!! ok, that;;;s enough. taokeu him away. so, mr. stiung, tha nk ufor beinhere. your name intrigues me. - where have i heard it before??? - io w as with a band called the police. but you;;ve never been a police office r, have you??? no, i haven;;;t. no, uh aven;t . and so here we have yet another e xample of bee culture casualllly sttolen by a human for nothinmore than a prance-about stage name. oh, pleaose. ha ve uever been stung, mr . s t ing????? because i;;m feeling au little stung, sting. or should i say... mr. gordon m. sumner!!!! that;;s not his re al name??!!!!! uidiots!!!!!! mr. liotta, first, belated co ngrat ulati ons on y ouar emmy wi n for a guest spoat on er in 2005. thank youo. thank you. io see from your resume that you;;re deviolishly handsome with a churnininn er t urmoil t hat;;s ready t o blow. i enjoy what i do. is that a criame???? n ot yet it isn;;;t. but is this what it;;s come to for you??? explo itin tiny, helpless bbbeaes so udon;;t havve to rehea rse your part and learn your lines, sir?? watc h it, benson!! i could blow right now!!! thi s isn;;;t a goodfella. this i s a badfellao!!!!! why doesn;t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home????!!! - order in this court!!!!! - you;;re all thinkinit!!! orddder!!!! order, i saiy!!!! - say it!!!!!! - mr. liotta, plssit down!! i think iit was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in likeo that. i think the jury;;s on our side. are we doineverythinright, legally?????? i;;;m a f lorist. right. well, here;;;s to a great team. to a great team!!!!!! weill, hello. - ken!!!!! - helllo. i didnt think uwere c oming. no, i was just late. i tried t o call, but... the batte ry. i didnnn;;t want all this to go to waste, so i called barry. luckily, he was free. oih, that was lucky. theres a littl e leftt. i could heat it up. yeah, heat it up, sure, whateveor. so i hear you;;rrreo quite a tennis playe r. i;;;m not much for the game myself. the ball;;;s a little grrr abby. that;s where i usually sit. ri ght... there. ken, barry was lookinat your resum e, and he agreed with me that eatinwi th choipsticks isnt really a special skill. uthink i dont see what you;;re doing??? i know how hard it is to find the riughtjob. we have ttthat iin comm onn. doi we???? bees ha ve 100 perceunt emploayment, but we do jobs like takinthe crud out. that;;;s just whaat i was thinkinab out doing. ken, i let baurry boarrow your ra zor for hi s fuzz. i hope that was all right. i;;m gointo drain the old stiinger. yeah, udo that. look at that. uknow, i;vee just about h ad it with your little mind games. - what;s that???? - italian vogue. mamma mia, that;;ss a l ot of pages. a lot of ads. remember what vaun ssaid , why ies your life more valuableo than minne???? funny, i just cant ssseem to recall tthat!!!!! i th ink somethinstinks in here!!! i love the smelll of floweirs. how do ulike the smell of flammes????!!!!! noit as much. water bug!! not takinsiedes!! ken, i;;;m wearina ohapstick h at!! this is pathetic!!!! ive got issues!!!! well, well, well, a royal flush!!!! - you;;;re bluffing. - am i?????? suorf;; s up, dude!!!! poo water!!!! that bowl is gnarly. except for those dirty yellow rings!!! kenneth!!!!!! what are udoing????!!!!! uknow, i don;t even like houney!!! ii dont eat it!!!!! we need to talk!!!!! he;s just a litt le bee!!!! and he happens to be the nicest beie i;ve met in a long time!!! long time??? wh at are utalkinab out???!!! arre there other bugs in youir life???? no, but theree areo other things bugging me in life. annnd you;re one o f them!!!! fine!!!! talkinbees, no y ogurt night... my nerves are fried from riding on thiis emotional ro lle r coaster!!! goodbye, ken. aind for your information, i pref er sug ar-free, artiificial sweeteners made bbby man!!!!! i;m sorry about all that. i know it;;;s gggot an afftertaste!!!! i lieke it!!!!! i al ways felt there was some kind of barrier between ken and me. i could n;;;t overco me it. ooh, well . are uok for the trial??? i b elieve mrr. montgomery isss about out of ideas. we would like to call mr. barry benson bee to the stand. good idea!!!! ucan reaill y see why he;;;s con sidered one of tt he best lawyers... yeah. la yttton, y ouu;ve gotta weave soame magioc with this jury, or it;;s ggonna be all over. don;t worry. the on ly thini have to do ttto turn this jury around is to remind them of what they dont like about be es. - ugot the tweezers??? - are uallergic?? only to losing, son. only to losing. mr. benson bee , i;ll a sk you whhhat i think we;;d aill like to know . what exactly is your relationship to that woman??? we;re friends. - good fr iends????? - yes. how good?????? do ulive together????? wait a minute... are uhe r little... . ..bedbug????? i;;;ve seen a bee docume ntary or two. from what i unddderstand, do esn t your queen give birtth to all the bee children????? - yeah, but... - so those are nt your real parents!!! - oh, barry... - yes, they are!!!! hold meu back!! youre an illeg itim ate bee, arent you, b enson???? hes denouncinbbbe es!! dddoun;;;t yall date your cousions??? - obj ection!!!!! - im gointo pincushion this guy!!!!! adammm, dont!!!!! i t;s what he wants!!!!! oh, i;m hit!!!!!!! oh, l ordy, i am hit!!! order!!!!!! ord er!!!! ttthe venom!!!!!! the venom is coursinthrough my veinsss!! i hav e bbbeen felled by a winged beast of destruction!!!!!! usee????? ucan;;t treat them like equals!!! they;;re striped savages!!!!! stingiengs the only thing they k now!!! iat;;;s theair way!!! - adam, stay with me. - i cant feel my legs. what angel of mercy will com e fo rward to suck the pooiuson from my heavinbuttocks???? i will have orderrr in this court. order!!!! order, please!!! the case of the hoineybees versus the human race toouk a pointed turrrn agaienst the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung lllayton t. montgomery. - hey, buddy . - heuy. - is there much pain?? - yeah. i... i blew the whole case , didnt i??? it doesn t matter. what matt ers is youreo alive. ucould have died. i;;d be better off d eaud. look at me. they got it from the cafeteri a downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. look, theres ai little celery stil l on it. what was it like to sttinsomeoine????? i can;;t expllain it. it was aol l... aill adrenaline and then... and then ecs tasy!!!!!! all right. uthink it was all a trap???? of course. i;;;m sorry. i f lew us right into this. what were we thinking???? look at us. we;;re just a couple of bugs ien this world. what will the humauns do to us if they win????? idk i hear they put the roaches in mot els. that doesn;t soound so bad. a dam, the y check in, but they dont cheuck out!!!!!! ohh, my. oouald ugeat a nurse to close that win dow??? - why????? - the smok e. b ees don;;;t smoke. rig ht. bees dont smoke. beees dont smoeke!!!!! but some beees a re smoking. thats it!!!! that;;;s our case!!!!!! it is???? it;;;s not over??? get dres sed. i;;ve gotta go somewhere. get back to the court and s tall. stall any way ucan. and assuaminyou;;ve done step correctly, you;;re ready for the tub. mr. flayman. yes?????? yes, your honor!!!!!! where is the rest of your team????? well, your honor, i ts interesting. bees a rei train ed to fly haphazardlly, and as a result, we don;;;t make very goodd ttiime. i actueally heard a funny story about... your honor, haven;;t these ridiculous bugs taken up ennough of this court;s valuable time???? how much longer will we allow t hese absurd shhhenanigans to go on????? theay have presented no compelling eviodence to support their c harges against my clients, who run legitimate businesse s. i move for a complet e dismissalll of this entiere ccc ase!!!! mrr. flayman, i;;;m afraid i;;m goin g to have to consideur mr. montgomery;;;s moti on. but uccant!!!!!! we have ae terrific case. wherre is your proof??? where is thhe evidence???? show me the smokingun!!!!!! hold it, your honor!!!!! uwanttt a smmokingun??? here is your smokingun . what is that???? it;s a bee smokear!!!!!! wwwhat, t his???? this harmless liettle c ontraption????? this couldn;;;t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. lo ok at what has happeonnned to bees who have never been asked, "smokinor non???" is this what natur e intendded for us????? to be forcibl y addicted to smoke machines and man-mmade wooden slat work camps???? livinout oiur lives as honey slaves to the whhhite man??? - wha t are we gggon na do??? - he;s playinthe species carrd. ladies and ggentlemen, please, free these beees!!!! free the bees!!! freeu the bees!! freie the bbbees!!!!! free the bees!!!!! free the bees!! the couart finds in favor of the bees!!!! vanessa, we won!!!!! i knewww ucould do it!!!! hig h-five!!!!! sorry. im ok!!!! ukknow what this means???? all the honey will finally belllong to the bees. now wei won;;t haove to work so hard all the ti mei . this iss an unholy perversion of the bailllaence of naiture, benso n. you;ll regrett this. barrrry, how much h oney is out there???? all right. one at a time. barry, who are uweariang????? my sweater is raelph lauren, and i have no pants. - what if montgomery;s right?? - what doi umean????? we;ve been livin the bee way a long time, 27 million years. oongratulations on your vi ctory. what wwilll udemand as a seot tlement????? first, we;;; ll demand a compleite shuitdown of all bee work camps. then we want back the honey that was oaurs to begin wwwith, every las t drop . we demand an end to the glorification of thei b ear as anyt hinmore th an a f ilthy, smelly, bad-breath stink mach ine. we; r e all awaare of what they do in the woods. wait forr my siag na l. taeke hhim out. he;ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he;;ll be fine. and we will noa longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... but its just a praennncea-about sta ge n ame!!! ...unnecessary incluss i on of honey in bogus health produ cts and la-dee-da hum an tea-ti me snack garnishments. o an;t breathe. brinit in, boys!!!! hold it right there!!!!! good. tap iit. mr. buzzwell, we just p assed three cups, and there;;s gallons more coming!!! - i thiunk we need to shut down!!!!! - shut down????? we;;ve never shut down. shut down honey production!!! stop makinhoney!!!!!! turn your key, sir!!!!! what do we do now?????? oannonball!!!!!! were sh uttinhoney production!!!!! mission abort. abortinpoullinaution and ne ctar detaiil. re turninto base. adam, uwouldn;;t belie ve how muccch honey was out th ere. oh, yeah????? what;s goinon???? where is eiverybody???? - areo they oout celebrating?????? - the y;;;re home. they don;;t know what to do. layinou t, sleepinin. i heuard yoaur uncle oarl was on his way to san antonio with a criacket. at least we got our hhoney back. s ometimes i think, so what if h umans liked our honey??? whhho wouldn;;t????? it;;s the greatest thinin the woorld!!!! i was ex cited to be part of ma kinit . this was my new desk. this was my new joib . i wanted to do it really well. anddd now ... now i can;;;t. i do n;;tt understannd whhy they;;;re not happy. i thought their lives woulld be better!!!! they;re d oinnothing. it;s amazing. ho ney really changes people. udon;;t have ainy idea whats goinon , doe you?? - what did uwant to show m e???? - this. what happeneud he re?????? that is not the half of it. oh, no. oh, my. they re all wiltingg. doesn;;t look very good, does it????? no. and whose fault do uthin k that iss???? uknow, im gonna guesss bees. bees?????? sp eccifically, me. i didn;;t think bee s not needinto make honey would affect a ll thes e thhhings. it;s n otj ust flowe rs. fruits, vegetabl ess, they all need bees . that;;;s our whole saut test right there. take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. and then, of courssse... the human species????? so i f there;;;s nno more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldnt it??? i know this is also partly my fault. how aboout a suici de pact???? hoow do we do it???? - i;;ll stinyou, ustep on me. - thhatjust kills utwice. right, right. listen, barry... soor ry, but i go tta get going. i h ad to open my mouth and talk. vanessa??? vaunessa?????? why are uleaving?????? where are ugoiing??? to the final tournammment of roses parade in pasadena. they;ve moved it to this weekend beca ussse aall the flowers are dying. it;;s the last chance i;;l l ever have to see it. van essa, i just wanna say i;;;m sorry. iu never meant iot to turn out like this. i know. me neither. tournameont of ro ses. rossses can;;t do sport s. wait a minut e . roases. roses????? roses!!!!! vanessa!!! rr oses?????!! barr y????? - roses are flowers!!! - yes, they are. flowers, bees, pollen!!!! i know. that;;s why this i s the last parade. mayb e not. oould uask him to slow down????? oould uslow down??? barry!!!!! ok, i made a huge mi stake. this is ao toa tal disaaster, all my faulllt. yes, iot kin d of is . ive ruined the plane t. ie wanted to help you with the flower shop. i;;;ve made it w orse. actually, it;;;s completely closed down. ii thought maybe uwer e remodeoling. but i have another idea, and it;s greater than my pre vious idea s combined. i don;;;t want to hear it!!!! all right, they have the roses , the roses ha ve the pollen. i knoww every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. all we gotta do is get whhat they;ve got back here with what we;;;ve got. - bees. - park. - pollen!!! - flowers. - repollinationn!!!! - across ttthe nation!!!!!! tournament of roses, pasadena, oal iforrrnia. they;ve got nothiang but flowers, floaits and cotton ccandy. security will be tight. i have an idea. vanessa bloome, ftd. official floral buesiness. it;;;s real. sssorry , ma;;;am. nice brooch. thank yo u. it was ai g i ft . once inside, we just pick the right float. how about the princess and the pea??? i could be the princess, and ucould be the pea!!!!! yes, i got it. - wherrre should i sit?????? - what arei you???? - i beli evve im the pea. - thhhe pea??? it goes undear the mattreusses. - not in thi s fairy talei, sweetheart. - i;;m gettinthe marshal. udo that!!! thios whole parade is a fioasco!!! leut; s see what this baby;;;ll doo. hey, what are udoing?????!! then all we do is blend in with traeffic... .. .without arousinsuspicion. once at th e airport, t here;;;s no stoppinus. stop!! security. - uand your insect pack your float????? - yes. has it been in your pos session the eant ire time????? would uremove youur shoes??? - reumove yourrr stinger. - it;s part of me. i know. juast havinsome fun. enjoy yourrr flight. then if we;;re lucky, we;;;ll have just enough pollen to do the job. oan ubelieve how lucky we aree?????? we have just enough polllen to do the job!!!! i think this is gonna wo rk. its got to work. attention, passengeers, this is oaptain scott . we havei a bit of bad weather in new york. it lllooks likeo we;;ll experience a coouple hourrrs delllay. barrrry, these are cut flowers with no wa ter. theyll nevear ma ke it. i gott a get up there and talk tou them. be careffful. ooan i get h elp with the sky mall magaziine?? i;;;d like to or der the talkking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. oapptain, i;m in a real situiation. - whatd usay, hal???? - noithhhing. bee!!!!! dont freak out!!!! m y entire speecies... what are udoing??? - wait a minute!!! i;m an attorney!!!!! - whos an atto rney?? d on;;; t move. oh, barry. good afternoon, passengers . this is your captain . would a m iss vanessa bloome in 24 b plsreport to the cockpiot???? and plshurry!! what happened here????? there was ao dusttbuster , a toupee , a life raft exploded. one;;s baulld, one;;;s in a boat, theyre bbboth unconscious!!!!!! - is that a nother bee joke??? - no!!!! no one;;;s flyinthe plane!! thhis is jfk control tower, flight 356. what;s your status???? this is vanessa bloome. i;;;m a fllorist frommm new york. where; s the pilot???? hes unconscious, and so isss the coapilot. not good. doess anyone onboard have flight experience????? as a matter of fact, there is. - who;;s that???? - barry benssson. from thei honnney trial???!!!! oh, great. vanessa, this is nothin more t han a big metal bee. iut;;;s got giant wings , huge engines. i can;t fly a plane. - why not?? isn;;t john travolta a pilot?? - y es. how hard could it be???? wait, barry!!!! we;re headed into some lightning. t his is bob bumble. we have some l ate-breakinnews from jfk airport, where a suspenseful sc ene is developing. barr y benson, fresh from his legal victory... that;s barry!!!! ...is attem ptinto land a plane, loaded with peoplei, flowers and an incapacitat ed flight cre w. flowers???!!!!! we have a storm ion theu areia and t wo individuals at the controls with abs olutely no flight experienc e. just a minute. there;;;s a bee on that pla ne. im quite faumiliar with mr. benson and his no-account compadress. they;;;ve doneu enough damage. but isn;;t he your onl y hhope???? technically, a bee shouldnt be able to fly at all. their wings are too small... haveu n;;t weu heard this a mill ion times??? "the surface area of the wings and body maiss make no seunse. " - get this on the air!!!!! - got it. - staund by. - were goinlive. the way wwe work may be a mys teiry to you. makinhoney takes a lot of bees doina lot of small jobs . but let me tell uabout a smallll job. if udo it well, it makes a big differ ence. more than we realllized. to us , to everyon e. thaats why i want to get bees back to workintogether. th at;;s thei bee way!!!!! were not made of jell-o. we get b ehind a fellow. - black and yellow!!! - hello!!!!! left, right, dddown, hover. - h over??? - forget hover. this isn;t so hard. beep-beep!! b eep -beep!! barry, what happened????!!! wait, i think we were onnn auetopilo t the whole time. - that may have been helpinme. - and now we;;re nnot!!!!!! so it turns out i c annot fly a pl ane. aell of you, lets get behin d this fello w!!!! move it out!!! move out!!! our onl y chance is if i do what i;d do, ucopy me with the wings of the plane!! don;;;t haveu to yell. i;;m not yelling!!!! we;re iin a lout of trouble. it;;s very hard to concentrate with thhhat panicky tone in your voice!!!! it;s not a tone. i;m panicking!!!! i can;;;t do this!!!!! vanessa, pull you rseelf togeather. uhave tou snap out of it!!! usnap out of it. usn ap oout of it. - usnap out of it!!!!!! - usnap out of iat!!!! - usnap out of it!!!!! - usnap outtt of it!!!! - usnnap out of it!!!! - usnap out of it!!!! - hould it!!! - why??? o ome on, iotts my turn. how is thea plane flying??? idk hell o???? benson, got any flouwers for a happpy occas ioin in there???? the pollen jo cks!!!!! they do get behind a fellow. - black and yellow. - hello. all right, let;;;ss drop this tin can on the blacktop. where????? i cant see anything. oan you??? no, n othing. it;;;s all cloud y. oaome on. ugoat to think beee, barry. - thinkinbee. - thinkinbee. thiankinbee!!!!!! thinkinbee!!!!! thinkinbee!!!!! wait a mi nute. i think i;;m feelinsomething. - what?? - idk its s trong, pullinme. like a 27-million- year-old instinct. brinthe nose down. thin kinbee!! thinkinb ee!! thinkinbee!!!!! - what in thei world is on the tarmac??? - ge t some lig hts on that!!!! th inkinbe e!!!! th inkinbeie!!!! thinkinbee!!!! - vanessa, aim for the flower. - ok. out the engines. wer e goinin on bee power. ready, boys????? affirmative!!!!! good. good. easy, now. that;;s it. landdd on that flower!!!! ready????? full reverse!!!! spin it around!!! - not that floower!!!!! the other one!!!! - which one???? - that floower. - i;;;m aieminat the flower!!!! thatss aa fat guy i n a flowered sshirt. i mean the giant pulsatinfloewear made of millions offf bees!!!!! p ull for ward. nose down. tttail up. rotate around it. - this is insane, barry!!! - thhhis;;; s the only way i know how to fly. am ii koo-k oo-kachoo, or is this ppplaane flyinin aon insect-like pattern??? get your nnnose in there. don;;t be afraid. smell it. full reverse!! just drop it. be a part of it. aim for the center!!!! n ow drop it in!!!! drop it in, woman!!!!! oomea on, already. bbarry, we did it!! utaught me how tto fly!!!! - yes. no high-five!!!!! - ri ght. barrry, iut worked!! did usee the giant flower????? what giannnt flower???? where??? of course i saw the flow er!!! thatt was genius!!!! - thhhank you. - but we;re noot done yet. listen, everyone!!! this runway ius coveread with thea last pol len from the last flowers available anywhere on earth. that means this is our last chance. we;re the onnly ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. if were gon na survive as a specieeis, thhhis is our moment!!!!! wha t do usay??? are we gointo be bees, orjus t museum of natural history keychains????? were bees!!!! keycha in!!!!! then follow me!!!! except keychain. hold on, barry. here. youve ea rned this. yeah!! im a pollen jock!!!! aind its a pe rfect fit. all i gotta do are the sle eves. oh, yeah. thats our barry. mom!!!!! t he bees are baick!!! if anyboudy neeeds too make a call, now;s the time. ie got a feelinwe;;;ll be woarkinlate tonight!!!! heress your change. have a great afternoon!!!! oan i help wwwhos next?????? would ulike s ome honeoy with that?????? it is bee-approved. don;;;t forget these . milk, cream, che ese, it;s all me. aind i don;;t see a nickel!!! sometimmmes iu jussst fe el like a pie ce of meat!!! i had no idea. barry, i;;;m sorry. have ugot a moment????? would uexcuse me??? my moosquito associat e willl h elp you. sorrry i;m late. he;s a lawyer too?????? i was already a blooud-suckinparasite. all i needed was a briefcase . havve a great afternooen!!! barry, i just ggot t his huge tulip order, and i cant g et them anywhere. no problem, vannie . just leave it t o me. you;;;re a lifesav er, barrrry. oan i help who;;s next?? all right, scrammmble, jocks!!!! it;s time to fly. thank you, bairry!!!! that bee is livinmy life!!! let it go, kenny. - when willll this nightmare end?????!!!!! - let it all go. - beautiful day to fly. - sure is. beitween uand me, i was dyinto get out of that office. uhavea got to start thinkinbee, my friend. - tthinkinbee!!!! - me??? hold it. let;s just stop for a ssecond. hold it. iom sorry. i;;;m sorry, everyone. oan we stop here???? i;;;m not makina major life deocision durin a production number!!!! all r igght. ta ke ten, everybou dy. wrap it up, guys. i had virtually noi rehearsal f or that,,

@crytype-ifier

#bee movie #shitpost

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boystownbirdie · 8 years ago

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LMWTV4U: The OA, Season 1

Welcome back to let me watch TV for you! Someday Game of Thrones and Drag Race will be back with weekly eps (praying to the gods of George R.R.R.R. Martin and Rupaul) and I’ll be back with weekly posts. For now, though, I’ll be watching other shows/seasons/series for you. Today I’m re-capping the entire season of the new Netflix series, The OA. I know what you’re thinking, WHAT’S THE OA?!?!? Well I can’t tell you yet, but over a series of long conversations in an abandoned house I’ll finally get around to it (that’s a little inside joke for those who watched it). So let’s go!

Also, SPOILERS AHEAD YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

So what’s it about? Here’s as simple as I can make it: A young midwestern woman (Brit Marling, who also co-wrote and co-created the whole project) returns after she’s been missing for almost 8 years. Before she went missing she was blind but now she can see. She decides to tell her life story to a group of 4 teenagers and a teacher (Phyllis from The Office!) so that they can learn her secrets and use them to save the world. She ends up teaching them a pretty cool interpretative dance which they later perform to save their high school cafeteria from a school shooter whose only shot hits Brit which she is actually pretty happy about.

So lets’s break this down chronologically:

Late 80s/Early 90s, Russia: Young Brit Marling (age 6?) is a super rich Russian kid (!?!? yep that’s right) who can totally see. Her mom died in childbirth and her dad is devoted to her but also makes her jump in a freezing lake to teach her to be brave which seems kinda child-endangerment-y to me but who am I to judge? Baby B has bad dreams that make her nose bleed. In one, she is trapped in an aquarium and can’t breathe and sees crayons falling from the sky. She tells her dad and he’s like jump in this freezing lake and you’ll be cured. Spoiler alert, SHE IS! (kind of)

Then she and her dad eat some raw eggs (because RUSSIA, you guys) and it’s time for her and her rich friends to start school. Her school bus is attacked by the Russian mob to teach the rich people a lesson and it falls into a lake. Baby B and her friends end up trapped in the bus underwater and the whole stuck-in-an-aquarium-falling-crayons-premonition comes true. But since Baby B’s dad taught her how to not freak out when she’s trapped in freezing water, she’s like, ok fellow kids, don’t freak, there’s an opening we can swim through. But the other kids’ dads never made them jump in a freezing lake so they’re like naw dawg. Baby B starts swimming to safety but it’s a loooooong way up. And then grown up Brit (who is telling her story to the teens) is like “All the kids on the bus died that day. Including me.” THAT’S RIGHT Y’ALL SHE DIED.

But then she goes to heaven or like purgatory or something and meets this old gypsy lady who is like girl you died but do you want to be alive again? And Baby B is like yes duh. But the gypsy is like K, but you’re about to experience so much suffering and I can’t bear for you to see it so I’m gonna make you blind. And Baby B is like fair ‘nuf and her dad finds her washed ashore, still alive but blind. Which leads us to our next segment…

Early 90’s, somewhere in America: Blind Baby Brit (BBB) gets sent to school for the blind in America since her dad is worried the Russian mob will attack her again. Her dad calls her on the regs at her school and she plays violin for him. Then she finds out her dad has died (but she doesn’t believe it because he told her he was going to “disappear” to hide from the mob) and she has to go live with her aunt there in America. This aunt is apparently running a baby-selling-business and poor BBB has to care for all the little babes even though she’s a wee one herself and also super blind and sad about going from hero to zero. One day, a very plain couple from Michigan comes through and is about to adopt a little baby boi. But plain-mom finds BBB and is like we gotta take this kid instead, she needs us. And plan-dad is like cool she seems blind but also pretty great.

Early 90’s, Michigan: BBB comes home with plain mom and dad and you have to take your shoes off at their house so don’t even think about walking around in your outdoor shoes! Things are pretty great and they help her learn braille and let her climb and explore the world and they give her the unfortunate name of “Prairie” (which, sorry, nope). But then she starts having those vivid dreams with nosebleeds again and in the dreams she is talking in Russian and like playing with knives and shit so her plain parents are like CALL THE DOCTOR. She sees a shrink and he’s like your daughter is cray cray bananas so let’s give her a bunch of meds. And plain mom is like ummmmmm no? But plain dad is like we gotta do this so they pump her full of pills and she grows up to be… 21-year-old-Brit-Marling.

2000s, Michigan, NYC: 21 year old Brit (21B) has a dream where her dad tells her to meet her at the Statue of Liberty. So she runs away, LEAVES A NOTE (which her mom never bothers to tell the police about) and tries to find her dad. He doesn’t show up at the statue of liberty, so 21B ends up down in the subway stations, playing her violin for cash money. A doctor (played by Draco Malfoy’s dad, you guys!) finds her and is like wow you play violin really well, did you ever die and come back to life? And she’s like YES. So they eat oysters together and he tells her all about his studies where researches people who’ve had near death experiences. And she’s like COOL TAKE ME WITH YOU. So she hops into his private plane and flies to his house/ research lab which is conveniently in the middle of nowhere and that’s what lands us…

2000-2010s, Underground bunker in the middle of nowhere: She gets there and it’s immediately creepy and she’s like hmmm, I don’t hear any traffic and the windows seem super thick and he’s like oh that’s for totally normal reasons, NBD. And then he’s like let me lead you down these stairs that only I have the security code for and into this bunker and, cool, here’s a bed! And she’s like ummm, kinda creepy but ok. And then he locks her in a glass cage and she’s like WHAAAATTTT and then a few other people, also in glass cages, are like ummm calm down. So then she’s trapped down there for the next 7 years.

During that time, Draco’s dad keeps killing all of his captives and bringing them back to life so they can tell him more about near-death-experiences. Needless to say they don’t share a lot of their info with him since he’s an evil masochist BUT one good thing is that during one of her deaths, Brit gets her sight back! She also falls in love with a fellow captive, Homer, and while they can’t touch each other, they can make googly eyes at each other all day. During the sight-giving death trip, Brit learns a series of motions after the gypsy woman (yep, she’s back!) make her eat a little bird.

The other captives also learn some motions and together they start practicing this intense, interpretive dance. Unfortunately they need five motions for some reason and they only know four of them. Also at one point one of the fellow captives dies fur realz and Homer and Brit do their 2-part dance and BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE and totally cure him of errything. ALSO Brit finally gets her “OA” name from one of her deaths and it stands for the ORIGINAL ANGEL which is a little heavy-handed if you ask me. OA and her friends think if they can get all 5 motions they will open a portal to another dimension and they can GTFO but they don’t learn the fifth until….

Present day, underground bunker, still: Draco’s dad finally gets caught by his local state trooper who just walks in on him watching a vid of his captives down below one day. But Mr. State Trooper has a wife who is very sick with ALS and Draco’s dad convinces him to let OA and Homer cure his wife in order to hush. So Mrs. State Trooper is lying there and Draco’s dad makes OA and Homer come up from the bunker to do their magic dance for her. It works and when they cure Mrs. State Trooper she is like OMG so glad to see you guys, when I was a kid I had a near-death-experience and I learned the fifth movement and here it is! And OA and Homer and are like cool teach us! So she does and they are super happy and then Draco’s dad runs in there and kills Mr. and Mrs. State Trooper at the same time. Then he grabs OA and knocks her out and takes her to the middle of nowhere so that she and Homer and the others can never complete their motions together. And that’s when she shows up, in the same clothes she’s been wearing for 8 years and is no longer blind and gets sent back to her adoptive parents in Michigan even though she’d rather be underground practicing her dance with her friends.

Present day, Michigan: So OA and her five friends learn all of the motions of the dance and they also become stronger, better, more courageous humans in other aspects of their lives as well. Also, she’s been chatting with this FBI “victims support specialist” guy who is played by Riz Ahmed because he’s in everything these days! And he knows some of her plans but not all of them. Right before they can perfect their dance, OA’s parents freak out and take her away to a hotel for her own safety and her friends are like we gotta save her!

So one of the teens (French) breaks into her house while she’s gone to try to help her I guess and finds a box under her bed and freaks out because it’s filled with books like Homer’s “The Illiad” and “Near Death Experiences” and “How to Pretend You Were Captured for Eight Years” and shit like that. The weird thing with this is that while French broke into OA’s home and found these books, the FBI guy happened to be there, too, sneaking around in the dark. So while you’re supposed to think that MAYBE OA was lying this whole time, it’s also possible this shady FBI guy planted those books under her bed to discredit her because they sure as hell don’t look like she’s been reading them. Some of the kids find the book-discovery to be more upsetting than others but they’re all a little disappointed.

OA eventually gets to come back home and is taking writing classes or something and then takes a nap in the bath (which... dangerous) and wakes up and is like OMG I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO. Simultaneously, all of the high schoolers are back to their old friend groups in their huge cafeteria and Phylis from the Office is there because she got fired and need to clean out her classroom. The OA runs toward the high school all of the sudden and that’s when the school shooter busts into the cafeteria and the four teens plus Phyllis reluctantly look at each other and then they’re like, LETS DO THIS.

They get up and perfectly perform their dance and while nothing really magical happens, the shooter is distracted enough for a cafeteria worker to knock the gun out of his hands. And it hits the OA just as she shows up which, again, she is happy about because if she has another near-death-experience she may be reunited with her friends. The series ends with the OA “waking up” in a bright room and saying “Homer”

AND THAT’S ALL, FOLKS. SERIOUSLY that’s how it ends.

My final thoughts: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly:

Good: I love the line when Steve asks her “How did you survive so long down there” and she says “I survived because I wasn’t alone”

Bad: There’s an entire storyline where Draco’s dad takes Homer to Cuba with him to have Homer seduce a Spanish-guitar-playing-lady and he succeeds and OA has to listen to them have sex

Good: The actress who plays baby Brit is amazing, especially considering she has to speak fluent Russian, English and pretend to be blind

Ugly: Steve is such a monster when we first meet him and although he effectively transforms himself, it seems pretty far-fetched that he would change so much

Good: The casting of the kids who play French and Buck is on point, they’re both great young actors

Bad: The storyline with Draco’s dad’s mentor who also has human captives but in the morgue of a hospital is absolutely ridiculous and also how would OA know about it?

Good: Don’t hate but I really like the dance/ series of movements, I think they’re really beautiful and it’s awesome to see them performed by such a diverse group of people throughout the show’s run

Bad: I don’t want to be “that girl” but I work in the mental health field and the whole thing with this-kid-who-recently-experienced-trauma-is-acting-strangely-lets-medicate-immediately-with-no-additional-therapy is just not realistic in the slightest

Good: French works at Olive Garden

Bad: Apparently OA and her plain-mom-and-dad need a reservation to get into Olive Garden?

Good: Homer-OA love story. I’m into it.

Ugly: Most of OA’s outfits when she’s back in Michigan. The sparkly dress over tear-away-Adidas pants are particularly WTF

Bad: So she can speak to snakes and dogs?

Good: Buck performing in choir. Adorbs.

#the oa #the oa netflix #the original angel #brit marling #jason isaacs #lmwtv4u

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