#GIRL STOP PLEASE IFS NOT GONNA MAKE ME USE YOU I JUST LIKE HIT THINGS

[frostwork]

GIRL SERIOUSLY LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

[tommyspeakycap]

Please could you write one with Grealish where you’re a Chelsea fan so refuse to wear a Villa shirt with his name on, and for bants Mount gets you a Chelsea shirt with his name and Jack gets all pouty?

omg I love this idea!! gets very smutty at the end ;) enjoy!

Villa Boy

A love for Chelsea had been something you adapted and grew to into as a young girl. Your dad was never entirely sure how to bond with his only daughter and your mother told him just to include you in what he loved. And so came your season pass with a little lanyard that still hung proudly in your childhood room right next to a shirt mounted in a glass photo frame with Frank Lampard's signature scrawled along the eight on the back.

It was actually how you met Jack in the first place, which is the only one single reason that he has for liking your club affiliation. Otherwise, it was one of the most annoying things in his world. It was often a source of teasing and taunting, you saying your team was better than his and him swaggering home and gloating for weeks when Aston Villa take a win over Chelsea. It was the bane of his life that he couldn't get you into that claret and blue. Not even to sleep in or wear around the house, you just would not dare put it on.

"I would feel my dad's shame emanate through the walls, maybe it would kill him. And then I'd lose every morsel of self respect I have, so not a chance." You'd snort, not even giving him a window for more persuasion.

His England shirt? that was fair game. You'd wear that with pride, to the shops, round the house, walking the dog and especially at his games but there was just absolutely no chance of getting you into his Villa shirt.

Though Jack may never admit it, it was one of his biggest wants. Seeing you in his England short was nothing short revolutionary - he'd said. It only made him want to see you in the Villa shirt more. That was his childhood club, getting to captain that was one of his biggest achievements and while he knew you were absolutely proud of him. You were the most proud and encouraging person in his life and there were no ifs buts or maybes in that.

But my god he knew you'd look fit in that claret and blue.

No matter how much it annoyed him, he wouldn't get you out of the darker blue home jersey of your favourite club no matter what he did. It was something he had come to accept over the course of your relationship, it was by and large fine.

Until that jersey said someone else's name across the back.

"Awh come on!" He yelps, mouth dropped open as you emerge into the kitchen with your toothbrush hanging out your mouth and only one shoe on. Jack knows you slept in because he switched off your alarm last night in hopes you'd miss the game, but Jack dropped a bowl when he tripped over the dog and woke you up anyway.

You going to the Villa v Chelsea game in a Chelsea shirt was bad enough, but now he's just clocked something that's sent his mind firing a mile a minute.

MOUNT

19

Not a fucking chance.

"Oi, you!" He calls out, throwing himself off the chair at the kitchen island, his feet fumbling over one another to get after you as quickly as possible. "What's up, Jack?" You hum innocently, a sweet smile playing on your lips as you stand in the doorway shoving on your other shoe. "Is something the matter?"

Jack gawks, opening and closing his mouth awaiting words to find his frazzled brain. "Yes!" He squeaks, a tone you'd never heard from a man before, let along your very deep voiced man. "There's no way that you're- what are you doing? Come back." He groans, his feet shuffling after you as you walk back through the house to find your car keys. "We're going to be late if you don't hurry up." You note sweetly, Jack drops his jaw. "We're not going anywhere until-"

"Hi Mason, yeah I got it. Fits like glove actually. Yeah, we're just leaving now. I'll meet you in the car park."

Jack's face was literally priceless. His agape, eye's wild, brows furrowed. A pout settles itself firmly into his lips the second he sits in the car with his arms folded over his chest like a toddler. You have to physically stifle a laugh at him as you beam the entire drive to Villa Park.

"M' gonna burn that." He states. You cast him a glance out the corner of your eye as you pull into the players parking. A snigger escapes despite your very best efforts and Jack resumes his frontward glare at the dashboard with his lips in a firm line. "Gonna win this game, burn that shirt and knock Mount flat."

You know he's not being serious about Mason. He's very fond of the player when they're on the same side. But you had become very close friends with him through the mutual love for the club he plays at and Jack absolutely despised that. He wasn't the kind to be bothered by your friends even to a moderate degree and even here he trusted you, he just fucking hated the concept of another club and another mans name over your back. It ticked him right off.

You know this very well. You knew what you were getting into the second Mason handed you that dark blue shirt. It was all fun and games really. You loved the club but you only wore the Mount shirt to get under Jack's skin. You thought it might even throw off his game a little.

The second he stormed onto the pitch and scored a goal 5 minutes into the game, you figured that might not be the case.

Every opportunity, every goal, every opening and every single tackle, Jack turned to you. He turned to you with fire in those brown eyes, sending you a cheeky wink. His passion, the very serious look etched onto his features and the way he was looking at you was fuelling a very different kind of fire in you.

Jack played the whole 90 minutes and he took Mason Mount down at every single given opportunity in a careful way that just evaded him getting a yellow card. He finished hot, sweaty and with a man of the match trophy for 2 goals and one assist with a majority of the game spent with the ball at his feet.

The 3 nil win should have been a lot more disappointing that it was, but he just looked so fucking good. The sweat stuck his hair to his temples, his muscles tight and protruding through exertion as he walks off the field after shaking every hand.

You're standing just outside the tunnel with Mason and John McGinn standing with you, talking about the match mostly. John makes a joke about you wearing that top more often, seems to be a good luck charm for Villa even if it's the opposing team. Mason scoffs and says; "More like an angry boyfriend wants to murder me charm."

That's when Jack appears and John barely gets his mouth open to greet him before Jack shoulders through the two footballers. His mouth finds your immediately. Hot, passionate, fiery and filled with his dominance.

He pulls back and grabs onto your hand tightly with his back to the two midfielders. Jack twists his body round with a daggering glare.

"Nobody," Jack growls, "fucks around with girl."

His tone, deep and gravelly, only serves to dampen your panties further in a way that makes your clench your legs together.

Jack's done with pouting, the teasing can resume later. For now, he's dragging you by the hand to a darkened conference room. Hiking you up his body before setting you on the table that sits at a miraculously perfect height that places you right against his bulge.

He wastes no time whatsoever ripping down your leggings and panties, his fingers finding you immediately to swirl pressured motions around your sensitive clit. "Ahh, who's got you moaning like that baby?" He rumbles, words vibrating through your lips.

"You Jack, oh god, you!" You pant as his fingers leave you feeling empty and needy. Jack easily tugs down his shorts and pulls himself out of his boxers to line up with your entrance. His victory sex is hot always, but usually there was a dry spell after a Villa v Chelsea game, so it had never been this hot.

"And who am I?" He grunts, pushing himself into you to hear your shuddering squeak of pleasure. He lays you down over the table, hands following you under your shirt to carefully and tentatively swirl his fingers over your nipples from under your bra. "Oh god, Jack," you move your hands to the hem of the blue shirt to lift it over your head, but Jack's hands stop them before you have the chance.

"No, no, no," he chastises with a smirk, "Want to fuck you in their colours," He continues to thrust roughly into you with each heavy breath, mouth and squeak that escapes you only spurring him on. "Want to fuck you with his name on your back, baby. Remind you who you belong to."

You shudder in pleasure with the feeling of his lips attaching to your neck, letting out a shaky, heavy breath as he snakes a hand down between you to swirl those circles around your more pleasureful spot once again. He knows the intricate details of your body better than any man ever has and he always ensures he uses it to his advantage, but nothing like today. His lips on the sweet spot of your neck, hitting and stretching you perfect between your legs with masterful work of his fingers pushing you closer and closer with each second that passed.

"Fuck , I'm so close-"

"Who's making you feel so good, baby?" He pants, skin slapping and heavy breathing echoing around the room. "You, Jack. You!"

"Not a Chelsea boy eh?" He grunts, teeth nibbling down over your collarbone. "Not a Chelsea boy baby is it?" He reiterates, pairing the movements of his hand only until you snap open your eyes again, "No Jack, it's all you. not a- oh god!"

Jack breathes a chuckle into your ear with an appreciative hum to follow.

"Yeah, Villa Captain isn't it? You're screaming out for a Villa boy, ain't ya?" He coaxes, edging you further and further as he speeds up to a pace he's never quite hit you with before. The adrenaline of the match, the irritation of that blue jersey and the passion for the win colliding to give him an energy he's never yet had. Watching your eyes roll beneath him wearing that stupid blue entices him on, only makes him want to pleasure you more if even possible. "Yes! Yes, I am, oh god just don't stop."

"Go on then," he encourages, voice deep in your ear. "Come undone for the Villa Captain baby."

He didn't have to tell you twice, that was for sure. The sight of your eyes fluttering, the feeling of you clenching around him with a steam of, "Fuck yes Jack!" sends him tumbling over the edge of his orgasm right after you, a strangle cry out of your name as it wracks through him.

When he lays down beside you in the table that very surpassingly withstood the pace of your antics, you're both breathless and shining with sweat. Your legs feel like jelly as you still throb from the pleasure. Jack turns his head to you with a lazy smirk, brushing some hair off your forehead as you turn to look at him.

"Well, I certainly do love a Villa boy."

[renchinworld]

THE BLIZZARD IN JILIN

Renjun x fem reader 

fluff & angst // word count: 3.2k

This is the story of Renjun’s childhood friend who he left in Jilin when he followed his dreams of becoming an idol.

Now six years have passed, dozens of awards, hundreds of thousands of fans, and a triple million selling album later... he comes back home to see her engaged to another man. 

A blizzard is coming to Jilin and it’s the strongest one China has ever seen. 

___ ___ ___ 

 “I passed the auditions!” Renjun hugged you tightly, shaking you from side to side in joy. “I’m going to Korea!”

“Congratulations.” You smile, tears forming at the sides of your eyes.

Renjun’s dream has always been to be an idol, but your dream was always him. To be with him. 

For him to spill out the words that his eyes never fail to say everytime you catch him staring at you. 

For him to realize that maybe he didn’t give you his coat on cold winter mornings when yours did not make you feel warm enough just because he thought of you as a friend.

For him to tell you that what he truly wants is to just be an ordinary man in Jilin, grow old with you, chill with each other in the warm fireplace as you look back on your lives in old age.  

To leave it all behind and choose you.

But that would be selfish. That would leave Renjun always wondering with what ifs. He would be with you but his heart would be stuck with a dream he never got to achieve. Like an empty vessel of a person you once loved. You can’t bring yourself to do that to him just to make him stay. 

You love him so much to cut off his wings when he wants so badly to fly. 

“Shouldn’t you go home and pack?” You ask with a forced smile. You’re on the verge of crying in front of him. He needs to go before he sees your tears.

“Right!” He jumps. “By the way, you’re the first one I told. I’m gonna prank my family and tell them I didn’t get accepted first hehe. Serves them right for trying to stop me from going.” 

“You meanie.” You chuckled and he smiled. 

“Come on. You know I love them and it’s just for light fun,” Renjun ruffles your hair and you almost tell him not to leave you then. You bite your lower lip to stop yourself and his eyes land on your lips before he clears his throat. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You’re always the first one he told everything to. That was your place in his life. But now, seeing him walking away from you, you realize he no longer belongs only to you and you to him. 

He will be loved by a thousand screaming fans and he will perform for them in return.  He will end your calls at night earlier than usual because he has to meet other girls and boys in the morning for a fansign event. He will eventually stop messaging you as he becomes busy and you’ll wonder if he forgot about you completely.

Renjun will get his wish while you can only dream of yours. 

He will be shining as always. Under the bright, blinding spotlights and the glowing eyes of his many supporters. While you will be at your hometown, staring out at the snowy mountains, reminiscing the days when he looked at you the same way his fans look at him now.

Then you will wake up one day and realize that maybe this is bearable enough. 

Maybe it’s okay to continue on, knowing that in this short life you met the one you’d choose in a hundred lifetimes, but he couldn’t choose you in this one. 

Maybe you’ll finally agree to that arranged marriage your parents have been trying to set you up to. 

And maybe you will change your dream to an actual goal instead of a person who will end up leaving you. Maybe, just maybe… you will forget about Renjun too.

And that’s exactly what you did. Or so you thought.

___

5 YEARS LATER

“Honey, remind your fiancé that we’re having his family over for dinner,” your mom says, poking her head out of the kitchen. “Call him, okay?”

You nodded and proceeded to just text Hendery. This arranged marriage isn’t out of love and you both know it. He’s in love with someone else and you’re not willing to give your heart to him. There’s no reason to call each other over things you can just text.

“He says they’re coming.” You said, walking towards the kitchen and making yourself green tea by settling it over ice and waiting for it to melt. Someone you once loved told you this is the best way to make them.

“You didn’t call him?” Your mother asks, concerned. You shrugged. “He’s a nice boy, sweetheart. You’ve been engaged for years and yet you still--”

“Mom, please,” your smile never reached your eyes. “We’ll be fine.”

“Is it because of Renjun?”

You gulped. The mention of his name felt like the cold air that hits you when you step out of the house. It felt like beautiful smiles fading into the background. Like a thousand dreams that were thrown into the fire but the ashes keep on coming back, smothering you and making it difficult to breathe.

“No.” You said almost immediately. 

“I heard he’s back home, taking a short vacation.” She presses on, concern plastered on her face as she studies your expression. “Have you talked to him yet?”

“He’s probably forgotten about me.” Your heart was clawing at you from the inside. “Let’s stop talking about him, mom. Do you need help?”

“No, honey. I’m almost finished. You should just get ready.” She pats your back and goes back to cooking dinner. 

___

Finished with making yourself look presentable, you went down stairs. 

You stopped halfway when the doorbell rang.

No one rings your house doorbell. Hendery texts you whenever he’s in front of your house. Your father just goes in when he comes home from work every month. 

Only delivery men use that contraption. But it’s night time right now. What delivery company would be on duty at 8 in the evening?

“Sweetheart, open the door for me, okay? I’m setting up the table.” Your mom called out from the dining area. 

Something feels off. What if it’s a murderer? Nah, you’ve been watching too many true crime documentaries.

You looked at the peephole just to be sure. 

You wished it was a murderer instead. 

That would’ve been better for your health than Huang Renjun carrying a bouquet of flowers in front of your doorstep.

“What happened?” Your mom walks towards you. You look back at her, the color in your face gone. “Why aren’t you opening the door?”

She grabs the doorknob but you stop her, shaking your head. You hissed. “Don’t!”

Your mother’s eyebrows furrowed. She peeks in the peephole and sighs before she uses her strength on you and forces the door open despite your struggling.

“Oh look, it’s Jilin’s superstar! Welcome back!” She smiles, genuinely happy to see the boy who made your entire province proud. Asian parents amirite. “Come in, come in. Just in time for dinner.”

“Thank you for your hospitality.” Renjun says as he steps in and pays his respects. His voice was deeper than you last remembered. He was taller, more regal looking and even more handsome. How is that even possible?

Your eyes meet and a million memories flood through your mind. Him hugging you, telling you that he’ll be back soon. Not soon enough. You crying every night until one day you just stopped because you became numb. Not numb enough. Him saying goodbye on the phone one last time before he ghosts you. You cursing him on the top of your lungs and crying in the middle of a storm, wanting to just sink into the snow and freeze outside for years to come.

“Hi,” he says and hands you the flowers. Your eyes flutter, your hands are shaking as you receive it. You don’t know if you should be angry or what. “How are you?”

How are you? You chuckled bitterly. “Great, thanks for asking.”

“Hang his coat, honey. I’ll be in the dining area if you need me.” Your mom says quickly to mask the contempt in your voice and leaves the both of you. If your mother noticed anything, she pretended not to notice. The tension was so thick, it probably suffocated her.

“Won’t you ask me how I’ve been?” He smiles and your throat constricts. You don’t say anything so he sucks a deep breath, continuing. “We’re triple million seller idols now.”

“C-congrats.” You say, forcing yourself to not say more because if you do, you might say things you'll regret. You place the flowers down and he hands you his coat for you to hang. A whiff of his perfume passes. He smells like how a cozy and warm morning would be if it was a scent.

“I’ve missed you. I’m sorry for not reaching out--” You didn’t have enough time to process what he said because your phone suddenly rang in your pocket. He nods, eyes never leaving yours. “Go ahead. Must be an emergency.”

It was Hendery. You picked up. He only calls when it’s really important.

“Yes, Hendery?” Renjun's expression darkens at the mention of Hendery’s name. “A blizzard? Okay, I understand.”

You walk past Renjun and went to the dining area where your mother is. “They can’t come, mom. Can’t drive because the blizzard suddenly worsened.” 

“Oh no,” she pouts, then her expression changes when he sees the man standing behind you. “No worries, we have a guest to help us finish the meal. Don’t we, Renjun?”

“Of course, it’s an honor.” His honey voice from behind surprised you. You didn’t know he followed you. “Careful.”

He caught you in his arms when you almost tripped. You were quick to stand up and remove his hold on you. Your mother just stared amused. You were always too composed and collected, but Renjun brings out a clumsy side to you she’s never seen before.

“It’s a shame her fiancé couldn’t meet her childhood friend.” Your mother sighed when all three of you were seated. You and Renjun sat across from each other while your mom was beside you. “The blizzard really did it this time.”

“Fiancé?” His brows knitted, mouth hanging open, waiting for your mom to say he heard it wrong. 

“Hendery.” You said, not looking at him while taking a bite of the steak. “We’ve been engaged since 2018.” Since you stopped talking to me.

“Ah, of course,” he takes a bite out of his food but his eyes are still glued on you. “Congratulations.”

“They’re to be married next month. So exciting!” Your mom exclaims beside you and brings more food to your plates. “Eat up, babies. You both grew up so fast. You’ll probably have babies of your own soon!”

You cleared your throat, feeling the heat on your face. You probably looked so red right now.

“But…  next month?” He asks again, this time not bothering to cover his distaste of the marriage topic. “Isn’t that too soon?”

You said nothing. Why does he care anyways?

Your mom explains for you that Hendery’s parents have been trying to get you both married since last year but you keep on saying you’re still too young. 

“Right!” Renjun extends a hand to prove his point. “What if she changes her mind?”

He looks at you, trying so hard to steal your glance from the food. You give in and look at him. You almost gasp. This is the first time you’ve ever seen Renjun look this desperate. Not when his parents told him not to go to that audition. Not when he talks about becoming an idol. This was much more intense. Like he was about to do unspeakable things to you if you don’t answer him right now.

“I-I don’t think I’ll change my mind.” You finally say, feeling the heaviness in your chest spread through your body, tingling at the end of your fingers. 

“Of course you won’t.” Renjun leans, shoulders rolling back as he adjusts his posture. He says nothing to you throughout the whole meal. He smiles and humors your mother when she shares more stories but he has never looked at you again.

___

“It’s dangerous for you to leave now,” your mom says, worried. Renjun insisted on going home because their house was within walking distance, but the air was blowing outside at terrifying speeds. “Just stay the night like you always do when you were kids, hmm?”

But we’re not kids anymore. Now, we’re young adults who are totally frustrated with each other. That’s not a good idea. But going outside is evidently much worse.

“You can use her brother’s room.” Your mom laughs from the living room where they both are. Your brother Lucas has rarely visited since he married. “You’ve always been like a son to us anyways, even her brother gets jealous of you sometimes.”

Renjun laughs with her, remembering the good ol’ days. You roll your eyes. 

“Thank you so much. I’ll behave, I promise.”

Your mom turns to look at you. You’re washing the dishes in the kitchen. “She’s always insisting to hand wash instead of using the dishwasher. I taught her well.”

“I’ll help her. Please get some rest.” He smiles warmly at her and walks towards you. You both hear your mother go up the stairs, leaving you and Renjun alone again.

“Next month, really?” He asks, grabbing the plate from your hand.

“We’ve already talked about this over dinner.” You sigh. “Just drop it.”

“Are you even sure you want to marry him? Don’t you like someone else?” His tone carried a meaning behind it. Like he knew. 

What does he even know?!

"I'm marrying him and that's final." You say sternly, your patience drying up. “That would make me happy.”

“Since when did you start lying to yourself?”

The ticking bomb within you explodes. Years of sadness turned into rage and it filled your heaving chest. Your eyes started to water. Renjun settled the plate down when he saw your expression and faced you, apologizing immediately.

“Please don’t marry him.” He suddenly pleads as he kneels down, touching your hands and looking up at you. “Come back to me. Please.”

“What? Why are you so--” you stop to breathe out loudly. Tears began spilling and your heart felt like jumping out. You wanted to shout in his face. Why do you care?! Why are you begging?! What are we?!

But only a fountain of tears followed. Years of practicing what you would say if something like this happened just blurred in your mind. No amount of practice will suffice once your first love comes back and tells you something like this. None.

“I’m so sorry,” Renjun stood up and wiped your tears away. His eyes also started to become teary. “I know I’m not in the position to tell you that but I still did. I also know I’m way too late, but I just want to tell you that I love you. I really, really love you. I tried to forget my feelings because I know it would be difficult for you to end up with someone like me, but I just can’t get you out of my head.

“Every time my group members asked me if I liked someone, I would say no but in the back of my mind all I see is you. Whenever someone sings your favorite song, I would remember how beautiful you looked when we sang it together. Every moment I go up on stage, I always wondered if you’re watching me from somewhere in the crowd. Every winter when it snowed in Seoul, I would think of how the snowflakes fell softly on your hair here in Jilin. I may have left, but my heart stayed with you.

“I’m sorry I stopped talking to you. I knew you liked me back so I thought it would be selfish of me to let you wait for so long because of the path I chose. You didn’t stop me from following my dreams back then despite that. So I thought to myself, ‘she sacrificed for me, but I can’t do the same for her?’ and I decided that I needed to let you go. You deserved to be happy, too.

"I stopped reaching out so you could forget me and finally be happy in someone else’s arms. I was ready to let you go. But when I heard you were getting married next month, I couldn’t bear it. I can’t imagine it. I’d rather die. I’d rather give up on everything than see you walk down the aisle for another man--”

His voice cracks. Head drooping down into yours as he hugs you tightly. As if he let you go now, he would lose you completely. As if he doesn’t squeeze you like this, you will end up continuing with the marriage. 

You looked up at the ceiling, tears flowing and mouth hanging open from his words. Isn’t life funny? For years you were scrambling for answers and in just a mere minute, everything has started coming together.

“Renjun...” You say, your voice low and shaky. “I can’t breathe.”

He loosens his hold on you and looks you in the eyes. His hands cupped your face. “Did you hear me? I said I love you. I said I really, really, really love you.”

“I heard, dumbass.” You cough up a small laugh, the tears won’t stop falling. “I love you too.”

He sighs, relief washing over his face. “Marry me instead?”

“Dude, don’t you think you’re going too fast?” You say, your hands planted on his chest. Eyes puffy. Renjun only found it cute. 

“The last time I stalled, I almost lost you. So I’m going all-in now.” 

“You’re a kpop idol. What am I supposed to do if you're on tour and I need to give birth, hmm?”

"Don't you think you're moving faster than me? I'm just at the marriage part and you're already at pregnancy." He chuckles. "Then again, maybe we can rearrange the order of things…" 

You smacked him on the chest lightly. Who knew he could make dirty jokes like this now?

"You told my mom you would behave."

"Your mom likes me and wants grandchildren. I don't think she'd mind." 

"Shut up." You say with a smile and he kisses you. You didn’t expect him to come in stronger than a blizzard and break down all your defenses. His kiss. His truth. His love for you. Him.

There’s still a lot to be done before you two can be free to love each other without worries. But it doesn’t matter. No matter how challenging it is from here on out, you two will have each other and that's all you need. It would be like this. Always. 

Renjun's kiss deepens and he smiles victoriously as you melt into his arms. A dozen awards and a ton of trophies he received, but none of those comes close to winning your heart.

___

From upstairs, your mom smiles to herself. She heard everything when she went to ask what's taking so long but backed away quietly when she heard you both crying.

"I knew these kids just needed a little push. Oh, oof. We have to cancel that engagement…."

___ ___ ___

a/n: Dude I loved writing this so much I actually didn’t want it to end lmao

[howlermemes]

                                       𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭                                                l  y  r  i  c    s  t  a  r  t  e  r  s

✽  long post ahead bc i have no self control ! ✽  change pronouns / punctuation as needed . ✽  some lyrics are explicit. ✽  some themes are slightly darker. ✽  alteratively, send    ♫ 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚔𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚎    to have a lyric automatically generated & said to your muse instead .

[ track 01 ]   the 1 ❛ I'm doing good! I'm on some new shit. ❜ ❛ I thought I saw you at the bus stop. ❜ ❛ I hit the ground running each night. ❜ ❛ You know, the greatest films of all time were never made. ❜ ❛ If you wanted me, you really should have showed. ❜ ❛ If you never bleed, you're never gonna grow. ❜ ❛ It's alright now. ❜ ❛ We were something, don't you think so? ❜ ❛ If my wishes came true, it would have been you. ❜ ❛ In my defense — I have none for never leaving well enough alone. ❜ ❛ It would have been fun if you would have been the one. ❜ ❛ I had this dream you're doing cool shit, having adventures on your own. ❜ ❛ We never painted by the numbers, baby. ❜ ❛ We were making it count. ❜ ❛ You know the greatest loves of all time are over now. ❜ ❛ I guess you never know. ❜ ❛ It's another day of waking up alone. ❜ ❛ If one thing had been different, would everything be different today? ❜ ❛ It would have been sweet if it could've been me. ❜ ❛ In my defense, I have none for digging up the grave another time. ❜

[ track 02 ]   cardigan ❛ When you are young, they assume you know nothing. ❜ ❛ Baby, kiss it better. ❜ ❛ I was your favorite. ❜ ❛ A friend to all is a friend to none. ❜ ❛ Chase two girls, lose the one. ❜ ❛ To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed. ❜ ❛ You drew stars around my scars and now I'm bleeding. ❜ ❛ I knew you tried to change the ending. ❜ ❛ I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss. ❜ ❛ I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs. ❜ ❛ I knew everything when I was young. ❜ ❛ I knew I'd curse you for the longest time. ❜ ❛ I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired, and you'd be standing in my front porch light. ❜ ❛ I knew you'd come back to me. ❜

[ track 03 ]   the last great american dynasty ❛ How did a middle-class divorcee do it? ❜ ❛ The wedding was a charming, if a little gauche. ❜ ❛ There's only so far new money goes. ❜ ❛ Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud. ❜ ❛ It must have been her fault his heart gave out. ❜ ❛ There goes the last great American dynasty. ❜ ❛ Who knows, if she never showed up, what could have been. ❜ ❛ There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen. ❜ ❛ They say she was seen on occasion, pacing the rocks, staring out the sea. ❜ ❛ In a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green. ❜ ❛ Fifty years is a long time. ❜ ❛ Who knows, if I never showed up, what could've been. ❜ ❛ I had a marvelous time ruining everything. ❜ ❛ I had a marvelous time. ❜

[ track 04 ]   exile ❛ I can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body. ❜ ❛ I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending. ❜ ❛ You're not my homeland anymore. ❜ ❛ What am I defending now? ❜ ❛ You were my town. Now I'm in exile, seeing you out. ❜ ❛ I can see you staring, honey, like he's just your understudy, like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me. ❜ ❛ You'd get your knuckles bloody for me. ❜ ❛ Those eyes add insult to injury. ❜ ❛ I'm not your problem anymore. ❜ ❛ Who am I offending now? ❜ ❛ You were my crown. Now I'm in exile, seeing you out. ❜ ❛ I'm leaving out the side door. ❜ ❛ There is no amount of crying I can do for you. ❜ ❛ All this time, we always walked a very thin line. ❜ ❛ You didn't even hear me out. ❜ ❛ You never gave a warning sign. ❜ ❛ I gave so many signs. ❜ ❛ All this time, I never learned to read your mind. ❜ ❛ I couldn't turn things around. ❜ ❛ You never turned things around. ❜ ❛ You didn't even see the signs. ❜

[ track 05 ]   my tears ricochet ❛ If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too. ❜ ❛ Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe — all the hell you gave me? ❜ ❛ I loved you, I swear I loved you, until my dying day. ❜ ❛ I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. ❜ ❛ You're the hero flying around, saving face. ❜ ❛ If I'm dead to you, why were you at the wake? ❜ ❛ Look at how my tears ricochet. ❜ ❛ We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean. ❜ ❛ You know I didn't want to have to haunt you. ❜ ❛ What a ghostly scene. ❜ ❛ You used to tell me I was brave. ❜ ❛ I can go anywhere I want. Anywhere I want, just not home. ❜ ❛ You can aim for my heart — go for blood. ❜ ❛ You would still miss me in your bones. ❜ ❛ I still talk to you when I'm screaming at the sky. ❜ ❛ You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same. ❜ ❛ You turned into your worst fears. ❜ ❛ You're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years. ❜

[ track 06 ]   mirrorball ❛ I'll show you every version of yourself tonight. ❜ ❛ When I break, it's a million pieces. ❜ ❛ Hush. ❜ ❛ You'll find me on my tallest tip-toes, spinning in my highest heels, love — shining just for you. ❜ ❛ I know they said the end is near. ❜ ❛ I can change everything about me to fit in. ❜ ❛ You're not like the regulars. ❜ ❛ I'm still on that tightrope. ❜ ❛ I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me. ❜ ❛ I'm still a believer, but I don't know why. ❜ ❛ I've never been a natural. ❜ ❛ All I do is try, try, try. ❜ ❛ I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me. ❜

[ track 07 ]   seven ❛ Please picture me in the trees. ❜ ❛ I hit my peak at seven, feet in the swing over the creek. ❜ ❛ I was too scared to jump in, but I was high in the sky. ❜ ❛ Are there still beautiful things? ❜ ❛ Cross your heart. ❜ ❛ Though I can't recall your face, I still got love for you. ❜ ❛ Love you to the moon and to Saturn. ❜ ❛ The love lasts so long. ❜ ❛ I've been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted. ❜ ❛ Your dad is always mad. ❜ ❛ I think you should come live with me. ❜ ❛ We can be pirates! ❜ ❛ You won't have to cry or hide in the closet. ❜ ❛ Our love will be passed on. ❜ ❛ I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted. ❜ ❛ Pack your dolls and a sweater. ❜

[ track 08 ]   august ❛ Salt air and the rust on your door — I never needed anything more. ❜ ❛ I can see us lost in the memory. ❜ ❛ August slipped away into a moment in time, because it was never mine. ❜ ❛ I was see us twisted in bedsheets. ❜ ❛ August sipped away like a bottle of wine, because you were never mine. ❜ ❛ Will you call me when you're back at school? ❜ ❛ I remember thinking I had you. ❜ ❛ It was never mine. ❜ ❛ You were never mine. ❜ ❛ For me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. ❜ ❛ I canceled plans just in case you'd call. ❜ ❛ Meet me behind the mall. ❜ ❛ So much for summer love and saying "us". ❜ ❛ You weren't mine to lose. ❜ ❛ Do you remember? ❜ ❛ Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car." ❛ I was living for the hope of it all. ❜

[ track 09 ]   this is me trying ❛ I've been having a hard time adjusting. ❜ ❛ I didn't know if you'd care if I came back. ❜ ❛ I have a lot of regrets about that. ❜ ❛ Maybe I don't quite know what to say. ❜ ❛ I'm here in your doorway. ❜ ❛ I just wanted you to know this is me trying. ❜ ❛ I got wasted like all my potential. ❜ ❛ My words shoot to kill when I'm mad. I have a lot of regrets about that. ❜ ❛ I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. ❜ ❛ I ended up here, pouring my heart out to a stranger. ❜ ❛ I didn't pour the whiskey. ❜ ❛ At least I'm trying. ❜ ❛ It's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound. ❜ ❛ It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. ❜ ❛ You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town. ❜

[ track 10 ]   illicit affairs ❛ Make sure nobody sees you leave. ❜ ❛ Tell your friends you're out for a run. ❜ ❛ You'll be flushed when you return. ❜ ❛ Take the road less traveled by. ❜ ❛ Tell yourself you can always stop. ❜ ❛ What started in beautiful rooms, ends with meeting in parking lots. ❜ ❛ That's the thing about illicit affairs — and clandestine meetings and longing stares. ❜ ❛ It's born from just one single glance, but it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times. ❜ ❛ You leave no trace behind. ❜ ❛ Take the words for what they are — a dwindling mercurial high, a drug that only worked the first few hundred times. ❜ ❛ They show their truth one single time, but they lie and they lie and they lie. A million little times. ❜ ❛ Don't call me "kid". ❜ ❛ Don't call me "baby". ❜ ❛ Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. ❜ ❛ You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else. ❜ ❛ Look at this idiotic fool that you made me. ❜ ❛ You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else. ❜ ❛ You know damn well, for you, I would ruin myself a million little times. ❜

[ track 11 ]   invisible string ❛ I used to think I would meet somebody there. ❜ ❛ Teal was the color of your shirt when you were sixteen at the yogurt shop. ❜ ❛ Time, curious time. ❜ ❛ Were there clues I didn't see? ❜ ❛ Isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me? ❜ ❛ You ate at my favorite spot for dinner. ❜ ❛ She said I looked like an American singer. ❜ ❛ Time, mystical time — cutting me open, then healing me fine. ❜ ❛ Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire. ❜ ❛ One single thread of gold tied me to you. ❜ ❛ Gold was the color of the leaves when you around Centennial Park. ❜ ❛ Hell was the journey, but it brought me to heaven. ❜ ❛ Time, wondrous time, gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies. ❜ ❛ It's cool, baby, with me. ❜

[ track 12 ]   mad woman ❛ What did you think I'd say to that? ❜ ❛ Does a scorpion sting when fighting back? ❜ ❛ They strike to kill, and you know I will. ❜ ❛ What do you sing on your drive home? ❜ ❛ Do you see my face in the neighbors lawn? ❜ ❛ Fuck you forever. ❜ ❛ Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy. ❜ ❛ When you say I seem angry, I get more angry. ❜ ❛ There's nothing like a mad woman. ❜ ❛ What a shame she went mad. ❜ ❛ No one likes a mad woman. You made her like that. ❜ ❛ You'll poke that bear 'till her claws come out and you find something to wrap your noose around. ❜ ❛ I breathe flames each time I talk. ❜ ❛ They say "Move On," but you know I won't. ❜ ❛ Women like hunting witches too, doing your dirtiest work for you. ❜ ❛ It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together. ❜ ❛ I'm taking my time. ❜ ❛ You took everything from me. ❜ ❛ She should be mad, should be scathing like me. ❜

[ track 13 ]   epiphany ❛ I think he's bleeding out. ❜ ❛ Some things you just can't speak about. ❜ ❛ With you, I serve. With you, I fall down. ❜ ❛ I think she's crashing out. ❜ ❛ Only twenty minutes to sleep. ❛ You dream of some epiphany — just one single glimpse of relief. ❜

[ track 14 ]   betty ❛ I won't make assumptions. ❜ ❛ I think it's because of me. ❜ ❛ One time, I was riding on my skateboard when I passed your house. ❜ ❛ It's like I couldn't breathe. ❜ ❛ You heard the rumors. ❜ ❛ You can't believe a word she says most times. But this time, it was true. ❜ ❛ The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you. ❜ ❛ If I just showed up at your party, would you have me? ❜ ❛ Would you want me? ❜ ❛ Would you tell me to go fuck myself? ❜ ❛ In the garden, would you trust me if I told you it was a just a summer thing? ❜ ❛ I'm only seventeen. I don't know anything. ❜ ❛ I don't know anything, but I know I miss you. ❜ ❛ I know where it all went wrong. ❜ ❛ I was nowhere to be found. ❜ ❛ I hate crowds. You know that. ❜ ❛ I saw you dance with him. ❜ ❛ I was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you. ❛ She pulled up like a figment of my worst intentions. ❜ ❛ Get in. Let's drive. ❜ ❛ I dreamt of you all summer long. ❜ ❛ I planned it out for weeks now. ❜ ❛ It's finally sinking in. ❜ ❛ Right now is the last time. ❜ ❛ I can dream about what happens when you can see my face again. ❜ ❛ The only thing I wanna do is make it up to you. ❜ ❛ Will you have me? ❜ ❛ Will you love me? ❜ ❛ Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? ❜ ❛ If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? ❜ ❛ I don't know anything. ❜

[ track 15 ]   peace ❛ Our coming-of-age has come and gone. ❜ ❛ I never had the courage of my convictions, as long as danger is near. ❜ ❛ It's just around the corner, darlin. ❜ ❛ I could never give you peace. ❜ ❛ I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm. ❜ ❛ All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret. ❜ ❛ The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me. ❜ ❛ Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? ❜ ❛ Your integrity makes me seem small. ❜ ❛ I talk shit with my friends. It's like I'm wasting your honor. ❜ ❛ Is it enough? ❜ ❛ I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best. ❜ ❛ The rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me. ❜

[ track 16 ]   hoax ❛ This has broken me down. ❜ ❛ This has frozen my ground. ❜ ❛ Give me a reason. ❜ ❛ Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. ❜ ❛ Don't want no other shade of blue, but you. ❜ ❛ No other sadness in the world would do. ❜ ❛ I am ash from your fire. ❜ ❛ You know I left a part of me back in New York. ❜ ❛ You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for? ❜ ❛ You knew it still hurts underneath my scars. ❜ ❛ You knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score? ❜ ❛ It still hurts underneath my scars. ❜ ❛ What you did was just as dark. ❜ ❛ Darling, this was just as hard as when they pulled me apart. ❜

[layce2015]

The Last of Us Bonus Chapter 3 (Joel Miller x Reader)

When Joel Realized He Was Gonna Marry (y/n)

The Last of Us Masterlist

The Last of Us Part 2 Masterlist

"Finally!" I groaned as I look at the clock and see that it was time for me to clock out. "Lucky!" Kelsey exclaimed at me and I chuckle. "Hey, we still up for girl's night tomorrow, right?" She asked me. "Of course!" I said. "Awesome! By the way, how's it been since you moved in with Joel?" Kelsey asked and I blush

It had been almost two years since Joel and I started dating and just a couple of months ago, he asked me to move in with him. And to say I was happy is an understatement. I feel like I'm on cloud 9!

Joel has been nothing but kind and loving towards me. I mean, sure we do get into some arguments here and there but nothing that was really bad. Usually, we would give each other space and within a few hours we say sorry and start to move on.

Sometimes I wonder what I did in my life to deserve him.

"It's been great!" I said to Kelsey as I go over to the clock and start to clock out. "See? You two have said I love you then you've moved in together and now the next step..." Kelsey said, smiling, then she starts to sing the Here Comes The Bride song and I chuckle.

"Is he coming to pick you up?" She asked me. "Yeah, he said he was getting off early today and Sarah's at a friend's house, so we're going to have the house to ourselves." I said, feeling my face warming up. "Oh I know what that means. Bow chika bow wow." Kelsey said, as she does a little dance, and I face palm at this.

"Dear God, Kelsey!" Our co-worker and friend, Nolan, said, exasperated. "Oh don't be such a prude, Nolan." Kelsey said. Nolan was a guy that was a couple years older than us and he's a pretty chill guy, until Kelsey makes comments like she just did.

"I'm not being a prude, it's just we're at work and people could walk in and hear you." Nolan said. "Hey, nobody's in here. Everyone's already left, it's just the three of us." Kelsey said as I grab my bag and sling it across my shoulder. 

"You sure you don't want to stay alittle longer, (y/n)? I don't want to be left alone with Kel for another couple hours." Nolan said, sarcasm dripping in his voice. Kelsey scoffs at this while I laugh. "Oh don't lie, Nolan! You love me!" She exclaims. "Love is such a strong word. How bout....I tolerate you." He said and he smirks and winks at me while I continue to giggle.

Kelsey places a hand over her out, pretending that broke her heart. "Oh Nolan! How could you? You're breaking my heart!" She said, dramatically, and I shake my head. "Okay you drama queens, before this gets too melodramatic, I'm heading out." I said and Nolan waves, vaguely, at me. "Get outta here you crazy thing!" He said and I nod at him then I look over at Kelsey, only to realize she had a shock look of horror.

"Kel? Everything okay?" I asked her, worriedly. She seemed too shock to say anything so I turn to see where she was looking and I gasped. Walking through the front doors was a familiar face with a mop of curly blonde hair atop of his head. His green eyes shined with happiness once he laid his sights on me.

"(Y/n)!" He said, happily. 

"Markus?" I said, shocked and confused.

"How are you?" He asked me, smiling. "I-I'm fine. Wh-what are y-you doing here?" I asked him, nervously. "I came to see you. I...I need to talk to you." Markus said and I raise an eyebrow at this. "Markus, she doesn't want to talk to you. So can you kindly fuck off!" Kelsey said and I turn to her and shake my head at her. "Kelsey." I said, warningly, and she looks at me with worry before she steps back.

"Yeah, Kelsey, this is nothing that concerns you. This is between me and (y/n)." Markus said and I sighed as I turn to him. "Markus, there's nothing to talk about. We're done." I said, firmly, just as I saw a familiar truck come up to the parking lot. 

"Please, (y/n), hear me out! I just...I just miss you!" Markus said as he walks closer to me. "I've been a mess since you've left me." He said. "Guess who's fault is that?" I said as I kept glancing out the window towards Joel's truck. "I know, I know...but I wanted to come to you and say...I'm sorry and I want for us to go back to the way things were. I want us to work again." He said and I groan at this.

"No, Markus. It's too late. I'm done with you." I said. "Now if you'll excuse me...." I said as I start to walk towards the front door but he steps in front of me. "Markus!" I said, exasperated. "I'm not giving up on you! Please, I missed you so much." He said as he tries to grab my hands but I back away from him. 

"Markus, please, I have to go. My boyfriend is here..." I said and Markus' eyes widen at this. "What? What did you say?" He asked me, shocked. "My boyfriend is here to pick me up and take me home." I said and he still looks at me, shocked. "What? Did you expect me to stay single forever?" I scoffed and I start to walk past him again but then he grabs my arm.

"Hey!" Kelsey exclaimed but Markus glares at her, making her stop, before he looks at me. "Markus, let go of me!" I said as I try to pull my arm out of his grip but he held onto it tighter. "You have a boyfriend?" He asked, still shocked but I could hear the underlying anger in his voice. "Markus, please! You're hurting me!" I said just as I hear the door open.

"Hey!" Joel's voice said as he walks in and shoves Markus away from me, making him let go of my arm, and stands in front of me, protectively. "Get away from her!" Joel said to him, firmly. "Who the hell are you?" Markus asked him, angrily. "Joel." Joel said. "Well, Joel...can you fuck off? I need to talk my girl." Markus said as he tries to walk towards me but Joel stays in front of me.

"She don't want to talk to. So leave her alone." Joel said, firmly. "Why the hell do you care?" Markus asked, angrily. "She's my girlfriend." Joel replied, as he stands like he's getting ready to fight, and Markus' eyes widen a bit as I grab Joel's arm. "Joel, please. He's not worth it." I said then Joel and Markus have a stare down before Markus scoffs. "Whatever."

Joel glares at him as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and begins to lead me out to the door. "That bitch ain’t worth my time anyways." Markus yells and Joel and I stopped in our tracks. Joel then turns as soon as he heard those words from Markus.

"What’d you say?!" Joel asked, angrily, as I pull him back. "Joel!" I said, warningly, but Markus decides to open his mouth. "I mean I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s been whoring around town and found someone like you. How much did you pay her? Or better yet, how is she—" Markus started to say and Joel punches him across the face.

"JOEL!" I shouted, fearfully, as I go to stand in front of Joel and place my hands on his chest while Nolan goes over to Markus and holds him back as it seemed he was about to fight back. "Stop, please!" I pleaded to Joel, who was glaring at Markus, before he looks down at me.

His eyes soften a bit but let's me lead him out of the shop and into his truck. Once I get in his truck, I fold my arms across my chest and look away from him as Joel gets into the driver's seat. "Honey, you okay?" He asked me, worriedly. "Fine." I said, flatly, as I look out the window. 

I hear Joel sigh and he drives the truck back to our house.

It was a quiet drive back to our newly shared home but I could feel the tension in the air between us. I was just so mad at Joel for attacking Markus after I told him not to.

Finally, we pulled up to the driveway and I un-buckle my seat belt and walk out of the truck without saying anything. "(Y/n), please don't act like this!" Joel called out to me as he comes up to me. I sighed and turned to him. "You didn't have to punch him, Joel." I said to him and he gives me a confused look.

"He called you a bitch and a whore. I couldn't let him get away with that!" Joel said. "And I told you that he wasn't worth it!" I said, my voice rising a bit. "Well, you're worth it." Joel said and I bite back a smile. "Joel...as grateful as I am for you standing up for me, you still shouldn't have hit Markus. I am definitely not worth all of the trouble." I said. "I mean, what if it got worse? How do you think Sarah would feel hearing that her father was sent to jail because he got into a fight?"

He stops then looks down as I shake my head again and walk towards the inside of the house. I go up into our shared bedroom and slam the door shut behind me, sit down on the edge and placed my hands over my face.

I know Joel was just being protective of me but...I was just angry and afraid that if he got into that fight with Markus, he would've gotten into worse trouble....and it would've been my fault.

So many things ran through my head of what ifs, like what if the cops were called and Joel got arrested. Or what if the fight got so bad one of them were seriously hurt or killed?!

I sat in our room for a few hours, just thinking over what happened until I decided to go down stairs. I walk into the living room to see Joel was nowhere around. Puzzled, I walk towards the kitchen and look over to my left and see Joel sitting in his study room just working on something.

I sighed then walk towards the kitchen and go to my little radio on the counter and flip it on. I look through the fridge to find something to cook for me and Joel. A few catchy songs came on and I ended up humming along as I started to cook.

As I started chopping up the vegetables, I feel a strong pair of arms wrap around my waist. I smirk a bit as I relax, realizing this was Joel. "I'm sorry. I-I should've listened to you when you told me to follow you. I was just...so angry when he called you those words. You deserve every good thing that comes your way, (y/n). And I didn't want him to come in and make you feel like you don't deserve the good things in life." He said as he leans his chin on my shoulder.

I sigh and set the knife down and placed my hands over his. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you. I guess my anger towards you was more fearing at what could've happen to you more than anything. I mean...if Markus was okay to slap me across the face when we were dating, I couldn't imagine what he'd try to do to you." I said and Joel holds me tighter against him. "Plus seeing him again just....really freaked me out." I said and Joel hums a bit at this.

"How about both of us say sorry and we move on from this stupid fight." Joel said and I chuckled. "I'd like that." I said and he kisses my neck, slowly, and I lean my head back against his shoulder, relishing in the feeling of his lips on my skin.

Both of us sway from side to side to the music until a different song comes on. Joel removes his arms around me then takes my hand and guides me to turn and face him. I smiled at him as he takes my left hand in his right and wrapped his left arm around me. Then we began to dance slowly as the song plays.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you?

I then start to wrap my arms around his neck and he places his hands on my waist, both of us smiling at each other, lovingly.

*3rd Person POV*

As (y/n) smiles at him, Joel couldn't help but feel this wave of emotion towards the woman before him. It's an emotion he thought he'd never experience. Course he did have the same feeling towards his ex-wife way back when, but this....this felt different. This felt deeper and more personal.

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you

And there it is.

That was the answer!

He was in love with (y/n) and he couldn't help but fall deeper in love with her as the days go on. He loved her smile, her kindness, her patience, how she was able to turn a bad situation into a good one. He also loved how she would also make him laugh and smile when he felt angry or upset. And one of the biggest thing was how she and Sarah bonded so quickly.

So right here, right now, he knew that she was the one that he was gonna marry. She is the love of his life, and he was grateful to God that he had a special woman like her in his life.

He knew they were going to be a happy family together...and who knows, maybe later in the future, they might add a new addition to the family.

The woman before him, he would love and cherish her until the day he dies. He can see the future with her...nothing can ever change that.

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you

(Y/n) leaned her head against his chest and unwraps her arms off of his neck and moves them to hug him around his middle. He moves his arms up and wraps around her shoulders and hugs her too, his left hand caresses the back of her head then he ran his fingers through her hair.

He kissed the top of her head before she moves her head up to look at him, smiling that warm smile Joel always loved. He smiles back at her before he leans into her, she moves forward a bit til their lips touched. The two kiss, sweetly, before Joel pulls back and stares at her as she slowly opens her eyes, her (e/c) orbs shining with love.

"I love you." Joel whispers to her. Saying these words were still new to him as they just started saying the I love yous months ago, but he still liked the way his heart fluttered whenever he said them to her or vice versa.

"I love you too." She whispers back as she places a hand on his right cheek, her thumb stroke through his beard. He smiles as he cups her face in his hands and kisses her once again. But this time, the kiss was different. He was conveying all the love he felt towards her into this kiss, showing her that the words he said were true.

(Y/n) kissed him back and moves her hands into his short black hair and runs her fingers through them. He moves his hands off of her face and placed them in her waist as he starts to hold her against him. Then he moves his lips away from hers and starts to kiss her jawline then her neck.

"Joel..." she said, in a shaky whisper, but then she gasps when he found that sweet spot on her neck. She leans her head back, giving him better access, and closes her eyes as she loses herself to the feeling of him kissing and lightly biting her neck.

He kisses up her neck and jaw before he goes back to her lips. The two make-out, furiously, for a few moments before they stop to catch their breathes. Joel and (y/n) look at each other before he takes her hands in his and starts to lead her to their bedroom and she obliges. The two head up to the bedroom, smiling and laughing, acting like two teenagers in love.

They make it into the bedroom and (y/n) pulls Joel towards her and kisses him again as he starts to shut the bedroom door, the chopped up vegetables long forgotten.

@fangirl-inthe-us

@sleepylunarwolf

@randomly-musing

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Promises Not Kept Part 29

Summary: Tommy Shelby made a promise to Jonah Ward while in the war. A promise he didn't keep. But it comes to haunt him when he tries to drown out his sorrows with a young woman.

Part 29: While spending time in Margate, Leah realizes the sacrifices she needs to make to protect her children.

         “Cyril, sit. Sit…Cyril, sit. Sit, now, sit!” Charlie frowned and gestured wildly at the mastiff who merely stared at him, drooling slightly. “See, he doesn’t listen to me. He only listens to dad.”

           Alfie walked over. “You need to make sure he knows you’re serious, mate. Look ‘im in the eye and say it with authority. You ain’t yelling, you’re being firm. Cyril, sit.”

           Charlie was amazed when the dog’s rump instantly dropped to the floor. His tail wagging.

           “Dogs are loyal creatures, they like being told what to do. Gotta be the leader. They were bred from wolves, ya know that right?” Alfie scratched Cyril behind the ears to praise him.

           “Yeah.”

           “So, you’ve gotta be the pack leader. If he were the pack leader nothing would get done, silly boy that he is.” Alfie chuckled.

           Charlie smiled and looked at his dog. “Are you gonna take him back when we leave, Alfie?” It had been weighing on the young boy the entire week they’d been at Margate. He did his best to show that he was taking good care of the dog.

           “Has he got a warm bed in Warwickshire?”

           Charlie nodded.

           “Two meals a day?”

           Another nod.

           “You and your sister play with him?”

           Nod.

           “Then why on Earth would I take him back, aye?” Alfie tousled Charlie’s hair and went to sit back down in his armchair. "If you take such good care of him, wouldn't be fair to take him away from you."

           “Because he was your dog. That’s what dad said.” Charlie crouched down beside Cyril to pet him.

           “Nah, mate, he’s been with you long enough. He’s your mutt now.” Alfie assured him.

           The front door opened and Johanna came running inside. “Hi!” She greeted the maid first, then Cyril, her brother, and finally Alfie.

           “Back from the shops?” Alfie smiled at the little girl.

           Leah came in after her daughter. The trip to the little town half a mile away had taken up a good chunk of the afternoon. It was Wednesday, a week after they’d arrived at Margate. There wasn’t much news from Tommy so they remained in limbo. Purgatory, as he’d so aptly called it earlier. All Leah could do was keep the children occupied and keep her mind off of the mess they were avoiding in Birmingham.

           Nights were the hardest. Once the kids were asleep, Leah had a hard time staying up and coping with the what-ifs. She lent a lot of her remaining sanity to Alfie who would stay up all hours of the night even if she didn’t ask him to. An outside opinion, the man provided better insight than she could’ve anticipated. Maybe partially losing his eyesight and spending his days reading the Torah gave him clarity. Or maybe they were all just driven mad.

           “Mrs. Shelby, your husband called half an hour earlier. I said you’d return the call when you and Johanna came back.” Alfie’s maid informed her.

           “Oh, yes, thank you. I’ll call him back right now.” Leah entered the parlor. “Charlie, Johanna, I’m going to call daddy if you’d like to say hello.”

           The two children followed her to the phone in Alfie’s study which was very rarely used. Not like in the days when he used to bring paperwork from the bakery on holiday with him. No, most of those documents had been burned. All that was left were more oddities that he collected. An egg that suspiciously looked like a Fabergé, a collection of shark teeth that he’d found on the beach, and peacock plumes.

           Johanna cuddled up on Leah’s lap as she called for Tommy. Charlie lingered by the desk but appeared more interested in the things Alfie had in his office instead of the impending phone call.

           “Hello, daddy!” Johanna chirped as Leah handed her the phone first once Tommy picked up.

           “Charlie, come say hello,” Leah whispered softly and beckoned for the young boy.

           He looked at the phone but balked and shook his head.

           As Johanna babbled on, answering Tommy’s questions about her day, Leah frowned. “Charles, don’t be silly and get over here, now.”

           He got a sour look on his face and backed away from the desk.

           “Charles Shelby, come just say hello.” She reiterated strictly.

           His face clouding over, he turned on his heel and left the office. Startled by her mother’s snap, Johanna stopped talking to Tommy. “Mummy…”

           “It’s okay, let me talk to daddy.” Leah took the phone from her daughter and shooed her out of the room.

           “Leah?” Tommy hadn’t heard the argument with Charlie.

           “He doesn’t want to even say hello to you.”

           There was a pause. “Who?”

           “Your son!

           “Oh, well, that’s okay. I can speak to him later.” Tommy didn’t seem too bothered. He’d been scorned by his son before, he chalked it up to just being a bratty Shelby child. He’d been a similar way once before. Maybe even still.

           Leah sighed and put her head in her hands. “I can’t keep holding everything together Tommy.”

           “There’s nothing for you to hold together, love, I’m going to make everything better. You can bring the kids home and it’ll all be okay.”

           There was so much she wanted to say. So much she wanted to shout at him or cry to him about. All the worries and anxious thoughts that kept her up late at night. The thoughts she could somehow disclose to Alfie Solomons but couldn’t tell her own husband. “How are you?” She whispered quietly.

           They were both putting on facades for each other over the phone. Tommy had just set off an explosion, breaking out his mentally ill war buddy with intent to make him an assassin again. But he wasn’t sure who would be listening to his phone lines so he couldn’t tell his wife. “I’m doing alright.”

           She swallowed and closed her eyes. “Do you miss me?”

           “What sort of question is that?”

           With a tearful scoff, she shook her head. “A valid one.”

           “Why wouldn’t I miss the only person who gives me any sort of peace?” He replied.

           A few tears slipped down Leah’s cheeks. “Tom, please.” She whispered. “What would I do if something happened to you?”

           Tommy knew that he could keep telling her the same thing over and over again. Nothing would happen to him. He’d be alright and soon enough they’d all be home together again. But it always reached a point when they just became words and words became meaningless. If they had limited time together, why would they waste that time with meaningless words?

           “Love, can you go get Alfie?” Tommy asked. "I'd like to speak with him about something."

           Leah wiped her tears. “Yeah, okay.” She rested the phone on the desk and left the office to find Alfie.

~~~~~~~~~

           Johanna was playing with the new doll they’d bought on their trip to the shops. Charlie had his back turned to them, sitting on the balcony with the gold-plated binoculars. Alfie was reading in his usual spot, Cyril wandering back and forth between him and Charlie.

           “Alfie, Tommy was wondering if he could speak with you?”

           The man looked surprised but nodded. “'Course.” He patted Cyril and went to the study.

           Leah sat and chewed on her lower lip. She looked to Charlie but decided there was no use in arguing with him anymore. All she wanted was to make sure if they lost Tommy, Charlie would never have any regrets. He wouldn’t be haunted by that single phone call. The one he could’ve said hello to his father for the last time but didn’t. But the boy was too young to understand that.

           “Mum?” To Leah’s surprise, Charlie broke the silence in the parlor. She assumed that he would sulk and pout the rest of the day away without speaking a word to her or anyone else.

           “Yes?”

           “Who’s that down there?” He pointed to the beach below the balcony.

           She stood up and went to see who he was talking about. “I’m not sure, love. Just someone passing-” There wasn’t much chance to see what the man looked like. All she saw was him lift a rifle and point up towards the balcony.

           Reacting quickly, Leah grabbed Charlie by the collar and tore him backward. Johanna screamed when the loud bang went off. The bullet went through the parlor and hit the opposite wall. Heart pounding, Leah grabbed her daughter and shielded her children with her body. Another shot went off, hitting a glass cabinet above their heads. Johanna was wailing in fear over Leah as she whispered the Lord’s Prayer to them and her unborn child.

           One more bang went off and everything went silent. Heavy footsteps entered the parlor.

           “S’alright.” Alfie came in with a pistol tucked in his waistband. He helped Leah and the children up. “S’alright.”

           Leah sat on the floor with Johanna in her arms. She hushed her softly, rocking her back and forth to soothe her.

           Charlie wandered over to the balcony. The man was still there but he was on his back, the rifle had fallen away from his hand. Dark red seeped from his head into the damp sand beneath him. He couldn’t look away from the dead body.

           Alfie came up behind the young boy. He placed a spent bullet, the one that had landed in the cabinet, in the boy’s hand. “Here. C’mon now. I’ll have Maggie make you something to eat.”

           Charlie nodded silently and followed Alfie to the kitchen like a zombie. Passing by his distraught sister and his spooked mother. He sat in front of the jam sandwich placed in front of him but he didn’t eat.

~~~~~~~~~

           It was a miracle the children went down for the night. Johanna didn’t know any better. She was just spooked by the loud noises. Charlie was in a daze for the rest of the night and went to bed without saying much. He closed his eyes but couldn’t fall asleep, little to Leah’s knowledge.

        The woman was too worked up to really tell if he was asleep or not. She paced in the parlor about ready to tear her hair out. “He’s lied to me so many times. He lies and he lies and he lies.” She ranted over and over again.

        Alfie sat in the room with his gun at hand just in case. He’d done a good few rounds around his land making sure there wasn’t anyone else straggling. As he got rid of the body, he took note of the man’s identification. Perhaps he was just a lone wolf looking to get even. Maybe he’d heard of Alfie’s resurrection. Maybe he’d followed Leah and the children to Margate.

        Leah didn’t seem to care what the reason was. She was sick of feeling like they were in danger everywhere they turned to. “No more.” She stopped in her tracks. “No more.”

        Alfie could see her resolve was breaking. The hope she held out for Tommy Shelby. “What are you gonna do then? What’s your goal?” He asked her the same question he’d asked days before.

        “My children come first.” She insisted. “Not Tommy Fucking Shelby.” She spat. “I will not have their lives put at risk. They deserve to grow up safe and happy.” Tears filled her eyes.

        “So, what are you gonna do?”

        “I’m leaving.” The words came out before she could really process them. “I’m leaving…I’m going somewhere else. Somewhere far…America. I’ll go to America if it means keeping them safe.” She wiped her eyes. “His actions won’t put them in danger anymore, I won’t let him.”

        Alfie nodded but didn’t say anything else. He simply let her sit with the idea.

        Leah wrung her hands together and let out a gasp of air. “Tell me I’m crazy.”

        He simply shrugged. “Not my decision to make.” He pointed up to the ceiling. “I leave that shit up to God.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

        In the morning, Leah had all the bags packed. She didn’t call Tommy to tell him they were leaving Margate. Instead, she called Polly and headed to her flat in London.

        “Up you go then, thata girl.” Alfie helped Johanna into the backseat of the car. “And there goes Cyril. And last but not least, Mr. Charles.”

        Charlie looked up at the man. “Are we gonna see you again soon, Alfie?” He asked quietly.

        “I should hope so, mate. You, your sister and Cyril can come visit anytime mum says it’s okay.” Alfie smiled and tousled the boy’s hair.

        Leah walked up to Alfie after he shut the car door. “I can’t thank you enough. I’m sorry to leave on such short notice. And I don’t mean to have Tommy give you any grief for what I’ve done.”

        “I can handle whatever grief Tommy wants to fucking give me. Now you remember that this is his battle he’s fighting. Ain’t yours and it ain’t the kids’ either.”

        “Thank you, Alfie.” She kissed his cheek and went to get in the car.

        “Bye, Mr. Alfie!” Johanna called out the window.

        Alfie waved to them as the car pulled out of the drive. He wandered back inside and waited for the phone to ring and for Tommy Shelby to rain hell down upon him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Leah promised Polly that she would sit on the decision for a few days. Besides, it would take a few days to secure a ticket to America. Tommy wouldn’t know they were with her. Instead, he assumed they were still in Margate. Alfie sent a telegram to Tommy in Leah’s name saying that the phone line had gone down and it would be a few days before it would be operating again.

        “I’m so sorry, Pol,” Leah whispered.

        It was day three of their stay at Polly’s. Leah had made up her mind. The children were packed to go to America with her. The tickets were booked and she didn’t intend on going back on her plan.

        Polly and Leah were sat in the kitchen. Johanna had fallen asleep in Leah’s arms. Charlie had already retired to bed for the night. In the morning, they would be on their way to the docks. Leah still wasn’t sure how she would tell them that Tommy wouldn’t be accompanying them.

        “Why are you apologizing?” Polly asked.

        “Because I’m taking the children away from you and the rest of the family. It’s not right I know-”

        “A mother’s intuition is never wrong.” Polly touched Leah’s shoulder and gave her a firm look. “Why should I blame you for wanting to keep them safe from harm? If you think this is best, then it’s best.”

        Leah bit her lip to try and hold back her tears. “Tommy’ll be so angry with me.”

        “Maybe he should have seen this coming.” Polly mused. “He can’t play God and think that everything will be okay.”

        Leah listened to Johanna’s soft breathing against her shoulder. “I love him, but I can’t sacrifice my children for him. It was so close, Pol. If I hadn’t been there…” The words were caught in her throat. She couldn’t get the haunting thought out of her head. What could’ve been if she hadn’t pulled him away in time?

        Charlie laying in the parlor, blood seeping into the carpet. There would be nothing she could do. He would be gone before she could even react.

        Polly hushed her softly and handed her a handkerchief. “But you were there. And you’re here now with them. Trust that you know what’s best for them and follow that path.”

~~~~~~~~~~

        So, Leah did. Polly gave her the necessary funds to make do in America. Johanna was still asleep in Leah’s arms as they boarded the ship. There was a chill in the air so Leah kept her head down. Charlie stuck close to her, holding onto her skirt so he wouldn’t get lost in the crowd.

        “Mum, dad’s not coming with us, is he?” He asked quietly once they were settled in their cabin on the ship.

        Leah set Johanna down on the bed so she could nap. “No, poppet. We can’t be with him right now. I’m sorry.” She replied, trying to keep her voice steady and calm. But every nerve in her body was on alert. Part of her wanted to turn around and run back to Tommy. Part of her wanted to never go back.

        He nodded slowly and stepped onto a piece of luggage to look out the porthole. There was nothing but the ocean ahead of him. When he thought Leah wasn’t paying attention, he reached into his pocket. The bullet Alfie had given him safely tucked away. It was odd, but he knew why they were leaving without Tommy. He knew why they couldn’t stay. His father shot things. Sometimes things shot back.

~~~~~~~~~~

        Tommy allowed the charade of the phone line excuse to go on for three days. The day Leah left with the children; he began asking questions. The telegrams were starting to sound very unlike his wife. In fact, there were some clues that Alfie Solomons was the author.

        Tommy was livid. He delayed his meeting with Barney to drive to Polly’s. Only a stop before he intended to go to Margate and make sure Alfie Solomons hadn’t done away with his family.

        “It’s been three days, the fucking telegrams aren’t being written by her.” Tommy stormed into Polly’s flat unannounced.

        Polly had been waiting for her nephew to catch up to things. “Tommy, sit down.” She requested firmly.

        Tommy’s eyes were wild as he turned to her. Something was up, he knew it was. “Where are they?”

        “Sit down.”

        Nerves frayed, he had no desire to sit down and be talked to like a child. “Where are my fucking children?!” He roared.

       So,  Polly stood up instead. “They’ve left. Leah’s taken them to Boston.” She told him point-blank.

        So many emotions hit the man all at once. “Fuck!” He shouted and looked for something to break.

        Instead, Polly grabbed him by the arm before he could make any sudden or destructive movements. “Don’t you understand what you’ve been doing to her? What this has done to the children?”

        “She can’t take them away from me!”

        “Charlie was nearly shot in the fucking face, Thomas!” Polly shouted back at him.

        It was as if a bucket of ice water had been thrown over him. It was news to him. Since the gunman was killed, no information had gotten back to him. No ransom notes or threats.

        “Alfie wasn’t sure who it was but he found the house and shot at Charlie while he was on the balcony. The only reason he survived was because Leah pulled him out of the way.”

        Tommy’s muscles began to give out on him. His aunt pulled up a chair for him and guided him into it when she saw it looked like he was about to keel over. “She felt backed into a corner, she wanted to keep the children safe.”

        He put his head in his hands. The weight of his reality felt like it was crushing him to bits. A mere thread, that's what he was holding onto. Leah and his children were the only genuine thing he had left. His only source of happiness. “I tried, Pol…I fucking tried. I did everything I fucking could." He felt close to dry heaving. The room was closing in on him. "It wasn't enough." He whispered.

        “I know you did.” She touched his shoulder. “We all did. But maybe we can’t keep her safe.”

        He inhaled sharply and lifted his head. “Where is she staying?” He stood and started to compose himself. There was no way he'd be able to find them if he lost his sanity, or what was left of it.

        Polly pursed her lips. “She asked me not to tell you. She entrusted me and I don’t take that lightly, Thomas.”

        Tommy snapped in an instant and swept everything off the table. “Where is she fucking staying?” But it was no use, his aunt had dealt with enough of his tantrums and knew not to cave it. When he was stonewalled, he stood up with a fury. “Fine, I don’t fucking need you to tell me. I’ll find out on me own.” He growled and left the flat, slamming the door behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~

        The first night knowing his family was in America, Tommy lost control. He felt like he'd lost control of everything. His career, his business, his finances, and now his own fucking family. He’d spent the rest of the day putting out alerts to all the contacts he had in Boston and even New York just in case. Anyone under the name Leah Shelby, Leah Ward, Leah Robinson, anyone who matched her description or the children’s description was to be reported back to him as soon as possible.

        When he called every person he possibly could, he drank and he downed as much morphine as he could find. Maybe it would finally kill him.

          Slumped over on the floor of the big room, Tommy looked up to see Grace standing by the fireplace.

        “Aren’t you happy, Tom?” She asked softly. “They’re away from you, finally. They’re safe now. An entire ocean between you.” The blonde woman sighed softly. “I remember when I tried to run to America. I could never keep you off my mind. Maybe she can learn to forget you. Maybe she won’t make the mistake I made by returning to you. Maybe if I stayed in America, I’d still be alive.” Blood began to seep from the sapphire around her neck. But she smiled peacefully. “I know you want her to stay there. You know something will happen to her if she comes back.”

        Tommy screamed until his throat felt raw. When he lost his breath he threw the nearest bottle at the hallucination of his dead wife. The glass shattered and knocked several picture frames off the mantle over the fireplace.

        He got up shakily and wandered over to see which ones had faced a causality. He dropped to his knees, ignoring the broken glass digging through his trousers and into his skin. He was too numb to feel the pain. He’d always been numb without her.

        The one of Charlie on his first pony. His wedding to Leah. Johanna’s first birthday. They’d all escaped from their silver-plated frames and were let loose in the stray glass shards. Tears streaming down his face, Tommy picked the photographs out of the glass. He held them close to his chest and prayed to either see them again or to let God finally take him.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @biba3434 @kimmietea @karmezii @enrapturedbythemoon @vampgirl1997 @tarafaithe @evelynshelby

Tag list: @shelbyblinded

Masterpost 

PB Masterlist

[myfanwymusings]

ARIANA GRANDE / SWEETENER

A collection of starters based on Ariana Grande’s 2018 album release of Sweetener. Some of these reference sex, drinking and minor drug use. A few of these are modified to fit into conversation better. This is a repost from my former blog.

RAINDROPS ( AN ANGEL CRIED )

the day you left me, an angel cried.

BLAZED

there is something between us

i thought that i was dreaming

i can’t believe that you are here

i can’t believe it’s happening

you could have been anywhere but you’re here with me

once i have you i’m never going let you go

i don’t care who’s listening

you have a light that you cannot hide

don’t think that it can’t happen

THE LIGHT IS COMING

you wouldn’t let anybody speak

i’m the bad guy

let me give you a high five

the light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole

what did she say?

what did he say?

you don’t listen

they are so confused

who cares about their rationale?

you would just throw it all

why do we have chemistry?

it’s like you’re trying not to glow at all

R.E.M.

i don’t wanna wake up

you’re a dream

excuse me, um, i love you

you don’t know your way around

you can stop your playing now

don’t say it loud

is this real?

is this real, baby?

I love you

who starts a conversation like that!?

i’ll get you out of my mind

is this real?

i could buy you anything

what happened?

why you?

you know how to eat it

i’m trying to turn two single people into a couple

what’s your next month like?

tell me what you’re up to

we can leave right now

i don’t just wanna touch you

what about La Perla?

let ___ keep their secret

GOD IS A WOMAN

i feel it

i don’t want to waste time

you love how i touch you

you love how i move you

i like that you aren’t afraid

let’s pray

i’m telling you the way i like it

nobody else can relate

i can be all the things you told me not to be

take it slow

we can make it last

you’re different from the rest

take my hand

SWEETENER

you come through like the sweetener you are

get it

hit it

flip it

twist it

mix it

kiss it

you lift me up

how’s life?

you come through

your mom sent me horoscopes

you said she liked me

i know

i’m following you

sheesh

SUCCESSFUL

i just got some really good news from work

it’s so hard to hold it back

i’m so excited, i can hardly wait

it’s a surprise

what else is there to say?

i’m so successful

this isn’t ordinary for me

what is so special?

you’ll have to wait

you are so young and beautiful

it feels so good

are you ready for your surprise?

does it make you feel cold?

does it give you chills?

do you like it babe?

you’re so successful

EVERYTIME

i go back to you everytime

you keep giving people blank stares

i get tired of your no-shows

i’m tired of your no-shows

you don’t really let it go

it’s like something out of shakespeare

i’m really not here

why does god keep bringing me back to you?

you get high and call on the regular

they keep calling me a headcase

BREATHIN’

some days things just take way too much of my energy

people tell me to medicate

i can so over-complicate

the whole room’s spinning

i can’t control my mind

how do i know if this shit’s fabricated?

i don’t know what else to try

just keep breathing

i got to keep breathing

you remind me of a time when things weren’t so complicated

all i need is to see your face

tune it out

they can be so loud

NO TEARS LEFT TO CRY

got no tears left to cry

i’m in a state of mind i want to be in all the time

i’m picking it up

i’m living

we’re turning it up

can’t stop now

shut your mouth

if you didn’t know it then now you know it

we’re on another mentality

i just want you to come with me

i see it too

we’re too fly

come with me

BORDERLINE

i just want you to be mine

won’t you give me a bit of your time?

i won’t stop trying.

i know you want me too

i know it’s hard to believe

you know i’m the wife-type

you got me

light it up

quit playing

stop playing too hard

i’m coming on strong

i don’t want this time to pass

once you tasting my ice cream, i bet you won’t ever leave

you make me feel so out of place

BETTER OFF

i know i’m a hard one to please

i tell them this too often

if we’re being honest i’d rather your body than half of your heart

i’d rather just watch you smoke and drink

i never let them know too much

i’m better off without him

i’m better off not being around you

i’m better off being a wild one

go on and face it

i’ll never be ready for you

my love is a curse

no offense

…just to say we did it

GOODNIGHT N GO

tell me

why do you gotta look that way?

what are you trying to say?

you know what that does to me

all i want is you on top of me

i’ve got you

come show me

why’d you have to be so cute?

it’s impossible to ignore you

why do you make me laugh so much?

it’s bad enough

we get along so well

just say goodnight

say goodnight and go

come stay with me

you sleep here and i sleep there

we’d be great together

i know how you want it

baby, just one kiss

while you’re looking at them, read my lips

PETE DAVIDSON

no better time or place

the universe must have my back

i know that you are my soulmate

won’t get no crying from me

i’m gonna be happy

GET WELL SOON

you can feel it

girl what’s wrong with you?

come back down

my system is overloaded

i’m floating

what’s wrong with you, come back down!

i’m too much in my head

did you notice?

i feel frozen and alone

you gotta take care of your body

no time to deny it

this is why we’re talking about it

we’re talking about it to deal with it

i want you to get better

my life is so controlled by the what-ifs

is there anybody else who’s mind does this?

you can work your way to the top

there’s so much room at the top

just know that there’s ups and downs

you are blocked

unfollow fear

here’s one thing you can trust

i’ll be there

where are you?

are you home?

call me right on the phone

i’ll be right there just to hug you

i don’t care

you shouldn’t be alone

i’m with you

just call me no matter the issue

no matter what

[starlessmemes]

❈ ✼ ❈      TAYLOR  SWIFT’S  “FOLKLORE”  (2020)  STARTERS

the 1

‘  i’m doing good, i’m on some new shit. ’

‘  been saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’. ’

‘  i thought i saw you at the bus stop... i didn't though. ’

‘  i hit the ground running each night. ’

‘  you know the greatest films of all time were never made. ’

‘  i guess you never know. ’

‘  if you wanted me, you really should have showed. ’

‘  if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow. ’

‘  it’s alright now. ’

‘  we were something, don't you think so? ’

‘  if my wishes came true, it would have been you. ’

‘  in my defense, i have none. ’

‘  never leaving well enough alone. ’

‘  it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one. ’

‘  i have this dream you're doing cool shit, having adventures on your own. ’

‘  we were making it count. ’

‘  you know the greatest loves of all time are over now. ’

‘  it's another day waking up alone. ’

‘  i persist and resist the temptation to ask you. ’

‘  if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? ’

cardigan

‘  high heels on cobblestones. ’

‘  when you are young they assume you know nothing. ’

‘  but i knew you. ’

‘  i knew you. ’

‘  baby, kiss it better. ’

‘  when i felt like i was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said i was your favorite. ’ 

‘  a friend to all is a friend to none. ’

‘  chase two girls, lose the one. ’

‘  playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends. ’

‘  once in twenty lifetimes. ’

‘  to kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed. ’

‘  you drew stars around my scars. ’

‘  now i’m bleeding. ’

‘  marked me like a bloodstain. ’

‘  i knew you tried to change the ending. ’

‘  i knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss. ’

‘  i knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs. ’ 

‘  i knew everything when i was young. ’

‘  i knew I'd curse you for the longest time. ’

‘  chasing shadows in the grocery lines. ’

‘  i knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired. ’

‘  i knew you’d come back to me. ’

‘  you put me on and said I was your favorite. ’

the last great american dynasty

‘  the wedding was charming, if a little gauche. ’

‘  there’s only so far new money goes. ’

‘  the party was tasteful, if a little loud. ’

‘  it must have been her fault his heart gave out. ’

‘  there goes the last great american dynasty. ’

‘  who knows, if she never showed up what could have been? ’

‘  there foes the maddest woman this town has ever seen. ’

‘  she had a marvelous time ruining everything. ’

‘  filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names. ’

‘ ��blew through the money on the boys and the ballet. ’

‘  there goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen. ’

‘  they say she was seen on occasion pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnight sea. ’

‘  in a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green. ’

‘  fifty years is a long time. ’

‘  free of women with madness, their men and bad habits. ’

‘  who knows, if i never showed up what could have been? ’

‘  i had a marvelous time ruining everything. ’

‘  i had a marvelous time... ’

exile

‘   I can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body. ’

‘  laughing, but the joke’s not funny at all. ’

‘  it took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it. ’

‘  i think i’ve seen this film before, and i didn’t like the ending. ’

‘  you’re not my homeland anymore. ’

‘  what am i defending? ’

‘  you were my town, now i’m in exile. ’

‘  i can see you staring, honey. ’

‘  like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me. ’

‘  those eyes add insult to injury. ’

‘  i'm not your problem anymore. ’

‘  so who am I offending now? ’

‘  you were my crown, now I'm in exile. ’

‘  i’m leaving out the side door. ’

‘  there is no amount of crying i can do for you. ’  

‘  you didn’t even hear me out. ’

‘  i never learned to read your mind. ’

‘  i couldn’t turn things around. ’

‘  you didn’t even see the signs. ’

‘  you never gave a warning sign. ’

my tears ricochet

‘  we gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room. ’

‘  if i’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes too. ’

‘  even on my worst day, did I deserve all the hell you gave me? ’

‘ cause i loved you. ’

‘  i swear i loved you ‘til my dying day. ’

‘  we gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room. ’  

‘  if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? ’

‘  look at how my tears ricochet. ’

‘  you know i didn't want to have to haunt you...  but what a ghostly scene. ’

‘  when i'd fight, you used to tell me i was brave. ’

‘  cursing my name, wishing i stayed. ’

‘  i can go anywhere i want, just not home. ’

‘  you can aim for my heart, go for blood. ’

‘  you would still miss me in your bones. ’

‘  i still talk to you when i'm screaming at the sky. ’

‘  when you can't sleep at night, you hear my stolen lullabies. ’

‘  you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same.’

‘  you turned into your worst fears. ’

‘  you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain. ’

mirrorball

‘  i want you to know. ’

‘  i’ll show you every version of yourself tonight. ’

‘  i’ll get you out on the floor. ’

‘  when i break, it’s in a million pieces. ’

‘  when no one is around, my dear, you'll find me on my tallest tiptoes, spinning in my highest heels, love, shining just for you. ’

‘  i know they said the end was near. ’

‘  i can change everything about me to fit in. ’

‘  you are not like the regulars. ’

‘  the masquerade revelers, drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten. ’

‘  they called off the circus, burned the disco down. ’

‘  i’m still on that tightrope. ’

‘  i’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me. ’

‘  i’m still a believer, but i don’t know why. ’

‘  i’ve never been natural, all i do is try. ’

‘  i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me. ’

‘  i’m a mirrorball. ’

seven

‘  please picture me in the trees.  i hit my peak at seven. ’

‘  i was high in the sky. ’

‘  are there still beautiful things? ’

‘  though I can’t recall your face, i still got love for you. ’  

‘  love you to the moon and to saturn. ’

‘  i've been meaning to tell you, i think your house is haunted. ’

‘  i think you should come live with me. ’

‘  then you won’t have to cry. ’

‘  just like a folk song, our love will be passed on. ’

‘  i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted. ’

‘  cross my heart, won’t tell no other. ’

‘  our love lasts so long. ’

august

‘  i never needed anything more. ’

‘  are you sure? ’

‘  never have i ever before. ’

‘  i can see us lost in the memory. ’

‘  cause it was never mine. ’

‘  i can see us twisted in bedsheets. ’

‘  cause you were never mine. ’

‘  will you call when you're back at school? ’

‘  i remember thinking i had you. ’

‘  august slipped away into a moment in time. ’   

‘  back when we were still changin' for the better, wanting was enough. ’

‘  for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. ’

‘  canceled plans just in case you'd call. ’

‘  so much for summer love and saying "us"

‘  cause you weren’t mine to lose. ’

‘  august sipped away like a bottle of wine. ’

this is me trying

‘  cross my heart, won’t tell no other. ’

‘  i didn't know if you'd care if i came back. ’

‘  i have a lot of regrets about that. ’

‘  could've followed my fears all the way down. ’

‘  maybe i don’t quite know what to say. ’

‘  i’m here in your doorway. ’

‘  i just wanted you to know that this is me trying. ’

‘  they told me all of my cages were mental. ’

‘  i got wasted like all my potential. ’

‘  my words shoot to kill when I'm mad. ’

‘  i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. ’

‘  i ended up here, pouring out my heart to a stranger. ’

‘  it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound. ’

‘  it’s hard to be anywhere these days. ’

‘  all i want is you. ’

‘  at least i’m trying. ’

illicit affairs

‘  make sure nobody sees you leave. ’

‘  keep your eyes down. ’

‘  take the road less traveled by. ’

‘  tell yourself you can always stop. ’

‘  what started in beautiful rooms ends with meetings in parking lots. ’

‘  that’s the thing about illicit affairs, clandestine meetings and longing stares. ’

‘  it’s born from just one single glance. ’

‘  it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times. ’

‘  leave the perfume on the shelf. ’

‘  so you leave no trace behind, like you don’t even exist. ’

‘  take the words for what they are  ---  a dwindling, mercurial high. ’

‘ they show their truth one single time, but they lie and they lie and they lie a billion little times. ’

‘  don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby". ’

‘  look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. ’

‘  you showed me colors you know i can't see with anyone else. ’

‘  look at this idiotic fool that you made me. ’  

‘  you taught me a secret language i can't speak with anyone else. ’

‘  you know damn well. ’

‘  for you, i would ruin myself a million little times. ’

invisible string

‘  i used to think i would meet somebody there. ’

‘  time, curious time, gave me no compasses, gave me no signs. ’

‘  were there clues i didn’t see? ’

‘  isn’t it just so pretty to think: all along, there was some invisible string tying you to me? ’

‘  you ate at my favorite spot for dinner. ’

‘  she said i looked like an american singer. ’

‘  time, mystical time, cutting me open, then healing me fine. ’

‘  something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire. ’

‘  one single thread of gold tied me to you. ’

‘  cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart. ’

‘  now i send their babies presents. ’

‘  hell was the journey but it brought me heaven. ’

‘  time, wondrous time, gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies. ’

‘  it’s cool, baby, with me. ’

‘  all along, there was some invisible string tying you to me. ’

mad woman

‘  what did you think i’d say to that? ’

‘  does a scorpion sting when fighting back? ’

‘  you know i will. ’

‘  what��do you sing on your drive home? ’

‘  does she smile? or does she mouth, "fuck you forever"? ’

‘  every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy. ’

‘  when you say I seem angry, I get more angry. ’

‘  what a shame she went mad. ’

‘  no one likes a mad woman. ’

‘  you made her like that. ’

‘  you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out. ’

‘  and you find something to wrap your noose around. ’

‘  there’s nothing like a mad woman. ’

‘  i breathe flames each time i talk. ’  

‘  they say "move on," but you know i won't. ’

‘  women like hunting witches too. ’

‘  it's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together. ’

‘  there’s nothing like a mad woman. ’

‘  i’m taking my time. ’

‘  you took everything from me. ’

‘  good wives always know. ’ 

‘  she should be mad, should be scathing like me. ’

epiphany

‘  keep your helmet, keep your life, son. ’

‘  just a flesh wound, here’s your rifle. ’

‘  sir, i think he’s bleeding out! ’

‘  some things you just can't speak about. ’

‘  with you I serve, with you I fall down. ’

‘  watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out. ’

‘  someone's daughter, someone's mother. ’

‘  doc, i think she’s crashing out! ’

‘  you dream of some epiphany. ’

‘  just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you've seen. ’

‘  i fall down. ’

betty

‘  i won’t make assumptions...  but i think it’s cause of me. ’

‘  when i passed your house, it was like i couldn’t breathe. ’

‘  you can’t believe a word she says. ’

‘  this time it was true. ’

‘  the worst thing i ever did was what i did to you. ’

‘  would you have me? would you want me? ’

‘  would you tell me to go fuck myself? ’

‘  i don’t know anything...  but i know i miss you. ’

‘  i know where it all went wrong. ’

‘  i hate the crowds, you know that. ’

‘  i saw you dance with him. ’

‘  i was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you. ’

‘  those days turned into nights. ’

‘  i dreamt of you all summer long. ’

‘  i’m here on your doorstep. ’

‘  right now is the last time i can dream about what happens when you see my face again. ’

‘  the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you. ’

‘  will you have me?  will you love me? ’

‘  if you kiss me, will it be just like i dreamed it? ’

‘  will it patch your broken wings? ’

‘  you know i miss you. ’

peace

‘  our coming-of-age has come and gone. ’

‘  i never had the courage of my convictions. ’

‘  it’s just around the corner, darling. ’

‘  no, i could never give you peace. ’

‘  i'm a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm. ’ 

‘  all these people think love’s for show. ’

‘  i would die for you in secret. ’

‘  the devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me. ’

‘  would it be enough if i could never give you peace? ’

‘  your integrity makes me seem small. ’

‘  it's like I'm wasting your honor. ’

‘  i’d give you my wild, give you a child. ’

‘  i’d give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other. ’

‘  there’s robbers to the east, clowns to the west. ’

‘  i’d give you my sunshine, give you my best. ’

‘  the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me. ’

‘  is it enough? ’

hoax

‘  this had broken me down. ’

‘  this has frozen my ground. ’

‘  give me a reason! ’

‘  your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in. ’

‘  don’t want no other shade of blue but you. ’

‘  no other sadness in the world would do. ’

‘  i am ash from your fire. ’

‘  you know i left a part of me back in ______ ’

‘  you know it still hurts underneath my scars. ’

‘  you knew the password so i let you in the door. ’

‘  you knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score? ’

‘  from when they pulled me apart. ’

‘  but what you did was just as dark. ’

‘  darling, this was just as hard. ’ 

‘  you have beaten my heart.  ’

[kazeself]

#FOLKLORE BRILLIANT LYRICS

so sorry but i am literally a reinvigorated taylor swift stan b/c folklore has been everything i’ve wanted for years so y’all are gonna have to deal with my shit. here’s a collection of some of my absolute favorite lyric segments from each song. i just need everyone to know that the 1, the teenage love triangle, my tears ricochet, exile, and this is me trying slay me so hard. mad woman is a close contender. i am deeply, personally invested in the 1 and the love triangle though...and it’s only a coincidence that betty and my ex’s name are interchangeable syllable wise.

the 1

“i’m doing good i’m on some new shit, been saying yes instead of no.”

“you know the greatest films of all time were never made.”

“and if my wishes came true it would’ve been you. in my defense i have none for never leaving well enough alone. but it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the 1.”

“we never painted by the numbers baby, but we were making it count. you know the greatest loves of all time are over now.”

“i, i, i persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different would everything be different today?”

“it would’ve been sweet if it could’ve been me.”

cardigan (teenage love triangle #1, betty)

“when you are young they assume you know nothing.”

“sequin smile, black lipstick, sensual politics.”

just the whole fucking chorus and all variations there of throughout the song.

“and when i felt like i was an old cardigan under someone’s bed you put me on and said i was your favorite.”

“a friend to all is a friend to none. chase two girls, lose the one.”

“you drew stars around my scars, but now i’m bleeding.”

“i knew you tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy.” (this was BRILLIANT)

“i knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs.”

the last great american dynasty

“who knows if she never showed up what could’ve been. there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen. she had a marvelous time ruining everything.”

“flew in all the Bitch Pack friends from the city.”

“holiday house sat quietly on that beach. free of women with madness, their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me.” (queen of meta commentary)

“who knows if i never showed up what could’ve been...I HAD A MARVELOUS TIME RUINING EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!”

exile (ft. Bon Iver)

“i think i’ve seen this film before, and i didn’t like the ending.”

“you’re not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending?”

“second, third, and hundredth chances.”

“there’s no amount of crying i can do for you.”

“you didn’t even hear me out (you didn’t even hear me out.) you never gave a warning sign (i gave so many signs) all this time. i never learned to read your mind (never learned how to read my mind). i couldn’t turn things around (you turned things around). cause you never gave a warning sign (i gave so many signs, so many signs, so many signs, you didn’t even see the signs.)”

my tears ricochet

“if i’m on fire you’ll be made of ashes, too.”

“cause i loved you, i swear i loved you, even till my dying day.”

“if i’m dead to you why are you at the wake, cursing my name, wishing i stayed, look at how my tears ricochet.”

“you had to kill me but it killed you just the same.”

mirrorball

“you’ll find me on my tallest tip toes.” (so fricken adorable)

seven

“please picture me in the trees i hit my peak at seven feet in the swing over the creek.”

“cross your heart, won’t tell no other. and though i can’t recall your face i still got love for you.”

“i’ll love you to the moon and to saturn.”

“and just like a folk song our love will be passed on.”

august (teenage love triangle #2, inez)

“but i can see us lost in memory, august slipped away into a moment of time. cuz it was never mine. and i can see us twisted in bedsheets, august slipped away like a bottle of wine, cuz you were never mine.”

“you weren’t mine to lose.”

“but do you remember? do you remember when i pulled up and said ‘get in the car?’” 

“back when i was living for the hope of it all.”

this is me trying

“they told me all my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential.” (slay me six ways to sunday, queen)

“i was so ahead of the curve the curve became a sphere.”

“i just wanted you to know this is me trying...AT LEAST I’M TRYING.”

illicit affairs

“leave the perfume on the shelf that you picked out just for him so you leave no trace behind, like you don’t even exist.”

“a drug that only worked the first few hundred times.”

“don’t call me ‘kid’ don’t call me ‘baby’ look at this godforsaken mess that you made me.”

“you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else.”

“you taught me a secret language that i can’t speak with anyone else. and you know damn well for you i would ruin myself a million little times.”

invisible string

“and isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”

“time, mystical time, cutting me open then healing me fine.”

“cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart...now i send their babies presents.”

“hell was the journey but it brought me heaven.”

mad woman

“does she smile or does she mouth “fuck you forever?”” (first f bomb of her catalog and it STILL gibs shivers)

“no one likes a mad woman, you made her like that.”

“and women like hunting witches, too. doing your dirtiest work for you.”

“it’s obvious that wanting me dead really brought you two together.”

“the master of spin has a couple side flings, good wives always know.”

epiphany

“keep your helmet, keep your life son. just a flesh wound, here’s your rifle.”

“crawling up the beaches now, ‘sir i think he’s bleeding out,’ and some things you just can’t speak about.”

“with you i serve with you I fall down, down.”

“only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany. just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen.”

betty (teenage love triangle #3, james)

“you heard the rumors from inez, you can’t believe a word she says most times but this time it was true. and the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you.”

“but if i showed up at your party would you have me, would you want me, would you tell me to go fuck myself or lead me to the garden”

just the whole last verse and lead into the bridge talking about how james ended up doing the fling with inez.

“the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you [...] yeah i showed up at your party will you have me, will you love me, will you kiss me on the porch i front of all your stupid friends?”

“i’m only seventeen, i don’t know anything, but i know i miss you.”

“standing in your CARDIGAN. kissin’ in my car again, stopped at a STREETLIGHT. you know i miss you.”

peace

“a coming-of-age has come and gone.”

“all these people think love’s a show, but i would die for you in secret.”

“would it be enough if i could never give you peace?”

“i talk shit with my friends, it's like I'm wasting your honor and you know that I'd swing with you for the fences.”

“give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other.”

“i’d give you my sunshine, give you my best. but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standin’ with me.”

hoax

“stood on the cliffside screaming ‘give me a reason.’ your faithless love is the only hoax i believe in. don’t want no other shade of blue but you. no other sadness in the world would do.”

“you knew the hero died so what’s the movie for?”

“you knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart.”

“my broken drum, you have beaten my heart.”

the lakes (physical bonus track)

WHO KNOWS BITCH I HAVEN’T GOTTEN THE CD DELIVERED YET IT SAYS 2-3 WEEKS!!!!

[ethanfreakingdolan]

What If?

What if everyone on my course hates me?

What if all my roommates hate me?

What if I’m nowhere near as talented as everyone else and they ridicule me?

What if?

What if?

What if?

All Ethan had heard for the past week was all her what ifs about university. She was terrified, understandably. She was moving across the country away from everyone and everything she’s ever known, for at least the next three years. That’s some scary shit.

It seemed though, that no matter how hard Ethan tried he just couldn’t convince her everything would be okay, that everyone would love her and she was more than talented enough and qualified enough to be doing this course and following her dream. As though they weren’t the real problem.

When he came home slightly early one day to find her clutching a framed photo from their first date to her chest sobbing, he realised what they real problem was. She was scared he’d leave. He’d fall out of love the longer she was gone.

“Baby” he cooed walking towards her place on the bed. Her head shot up and she attempted to wipe her tears away before he gently grabbed her wrists and pulled her into him.

“You’re not gonna fall out of love with me will you? Like I’m not gonna go and be studying loads and definitely not partying because we both know I’ll be too focused on studying and thinking about you and waiting to come home to you, while you’re over here falling in love with some YouTuber girl who is gonna be in LA all year round and you can give your full attention too all the time right? Promise that won’t happen? Please.” The break in her voice at her last word word was simultaneous with the break in Ethan’s heart at her words.

“I won’t be going anywhere I’m afraid, can’t get rid of me that easy.” He chuckled trying to lighten the mood, quickly realising it didn’t really help.

“I won’t be falling in love with anyone else, because while you’re studying instead of partying, I’ll be waiting by the phone for you to finish studying or having ‘date nights’ over FaceTime which end up just being you propping me up to watch you study, and you teaching me like you do now anyway.” Pausing he wiped a few stray tears for her before continuing.

“I will love you till the end of times, and then forever more beyond the grave. I love the way you crinkle your nose when I point out things about you that are true you won’t admit to.” To which she proceeded to crinkle her nose in the same way.

“The way when you drink your tea in the morning you always have to do one sip where you stick your pinky out and pretend you’re the queen of England, the way you get upset if you forget your metal straws at coffee shops and will still refuse the plastic one and just suffer through it because you say the turtles are worth it, the way you always triple check you’ve got your reusable bags in the car before we go anywhere because they’re one thing you can’t leave behind and then end up leaving them in the car and having to run out the store to get them. As long as you can promise me that you leaving won’t change any of those things about you, then I can promise I will not fall in love with anyone else ever.” Her sobs had stopped around the point he made about her tea, now she was just staring up at him with adoration.

She thanked him and they pinky promised, another small thing he loved about her. She held a pinky promise in as high regard as a child would. He pulled her even tighter to his chest and started playing with her hair as she softly asked what else he loved about her, her curiosity getting the best of her, causing him to ramble on for an hour and a half before realising she’d fallen asleep.

Ethan reached for his phone, carefully not moving her resting body, to text Gray asking what he wanted for dinner. Receiving a rapid response from his twin who had clearly been waiting for something from Ethan, after hearing her sobs through the wall.

The doorbell and Grayson’s yells drew her out of the first real rest she’d had in a week. However Ethan greeting her with postmates was something she could really get used to.

“While you were asleep I sorted some food and a little surprise for you” a shit eating grin spreading across Ethan’s face. The long drawn out ‘Ethannnn’ something he’d become incredibly used to.

“A good one I promise! I booked a flight out to visit you at uni. For a week. Two weeks after you start.” Ethan became incredibly grateful he had already put the plates down, because the speed at which she launched herself at him would’ve definitely knocked them out of his hand. It definitely knocked the wind out him when she hit his chest. Wrapping her arms around his neck and jumping with her legs around his hips, smothering his face in small pecks.

Maybe they could make it through the next few years, maybe they really were endgame.

[purrincesscatitude]

Ok do you think they (pynch) would have kids? If so how would the mess that is the first 3 years of a kids life go (I feel like Adam would be That parent who is Terrified)

OH COOL okay I was worried I was going to be asked something like WILD and have to scramble to formulate an opinion. BUT CHILDREN. I have some Thoughts about children:

OKay yeah so I do think they would have kids.

I mean, really, have you seen those two?

Like, Adam would be SO into adoption, because like…giving kids a healthy, happy home is 50000% his brand

And Ronan loves small things he can nurture 1) because he’s got a heart the size of Montana and 2) he wants to raise children that would mortify Richard Campbell Gansey III in every possible way

So yeah. They’d have kids.

2 of them

Both girls, because I feel like they would be really “ehhhh I dunno. What are girls? No experience with female siblings or cousins. Have no idea. What do we even DO with them?”

(Blue find this whole thing absolutely fucking RIDICULOUS and she lets them know it)

But then they meet a little baby girl who’s been in foster care for the first 5 months of her life and needs a good, stable home. 

And this little baby girl just……

Straight up steals Ronan’s heart

Her name is Maeve.

And he’s smitten. Absolutely gone for this baby. Within 2 seconds.

(which is not a surprise? As they’ve learned from many a grocery store encounter, all a small human has to do is look at Ronan a certain way before he’s absolutely in love, and he spends the next 3 hours grumbling about that “stupid fucking infant and its stupid little fucking baby fingers and its round little cheeks and did you see the way she looked at me like she was seeing into my goddamn soul? I feel seen by that fucking baby–” )

(“Yes, I know, it saw your true heart and changed you life and whatever, just, Ronan, please stop talking and put the milk away.”)

And then it’s Adam’s turn

And he is just….

It’s like he’s suddenly never seen another human being on this earth.

And has never held anything in his entire life.

He’s so, so careful with her.

Like, too careful

It’s both funny

And sad

That he acts like this baby is the most fragile thing on the planet when he first holds her.

He spent the whole car ride to this appointment fidgeting

Because what if, Ronan

And Ronan has heard his fears since before they were even seriously considering kids, he’s listened carefully and talked him down so many times from this ledge

So he just takes his hand off the gear shift and grabs Adam’s and kisses his knuckles and says “Just wait until you hold her. And then you’ll know.”

Which is, by the way, to this day some of the best advice Adam has ever recieved.

The baby is fidgety and squirmy because she’s, well…a baby.

But Adam holds her, and says hello

(the dude is smart but, let’s be real, he can talk circles around an Ivy League professor yet has no fucking CLUE how baby brains works)

And she stares at him with these big, brown eyes that do, in fact, look like they’re passing judgement on him

Like she’s weighing his soul, and will decide, in this moment, whether Adam is worthy of her

(really, she just likes how the light is shining on his cheek right now in funny shapes, but, whatever, he needs this moment, so we’re gonna let him have it)

And then she smiles. And grabs for Adam’s hair.

Aaaaand that’s it. He’s completely unraveled and in the space of .45 seconds he’s rewound himself around her.

And yeah, they’re both 400% disaster parents

Because they are, in fact, disastrous human beings

They don’t always get it right.

Because WHO DOES, REALLY

Parenting is fucking hard

Harder than being unmade

And sacrificing yourself to a sentient dream forest

(“That’s a story for another time, Maeve. When you’re older. No, you are not old enough now. Nor now. Not even when you’re 4. Maeve–”)

(“Maeve, GO TO BED.”)

Yeah. It’s not easy.

Their house is chaos 75% of the time, and filled with too much glitter (they did name the youngest Noah, soooooo…can they really be surprised???)

Adam doesn’t know how to bring his language down a few notches to be, like, baby-oriented talk

(No joke, pretty sure the Great Adam Parrish Existential Crisis of 2023 began because Maeve was in her “why?” phase, and Adam just….hit a wall where he could no longer formulate a good reason as to “why” the universe dictates gravity and it….well….)

(it wasn’t pretty)

Ronan thinks a child at the age of 2 and a half should be allowed near a fire pit with minimal supervision

(“It’s like a dog and the stove, right? They burn their nose, they learn better?”)

(“NO that is NOT how this works AT ALL.”)

(thankfully they had this discussion before lighting the fire pit, so all was well-supervised and the only person who got hurt was Richard IV when he tripped on his own shoelaces)

And Orphan Girl sometimes gets jealous

(but they take them to visit once they get a little older and can understand the complexities of a flexible space-time-dream continuum a little bit better)

(And Opal likes having friends to run around with in the forest)

And sometimes there are meltdowns

And sometimes they have to have hard conversations

And sometimes they fuck up and have to say that they’re sorry for snapping, or sorry for not being fair, or sorry for not taking their problem seriously enough the first time.

And yeah, they feel shitty about it. Adam especially.

But they learn. And they get better. And every time Adam gets that look in his eye like he’s suddenly terrified of himself and falling back down the hole of what ifs

Ronan takes his hand

Kisses his knuckles

And says “remember when you held them?”

It works

Every time.

So they’re not perfect. No one is. And sometimes they wonder if they did a good enough job.

If there wasn’t some way they could have been just a smidge better.

Just to really make sure they were better than their parents

To really make sure they broke the ugly cycles of their own complicated, difficult, and toxic fatherhood histories.

But at the end of the day

When their kids are older and thinking back to their loud, colorful, eccentric childhoods

They realize that, yes, it was loud, and yes, it was sometimes crazy, and yes, they have maybe the weirdest childhood stories out of everyone they know

(except for their cousins)

(because Uncle Gans and Aunt Blue can give their dads a run for their money in the “weird as shit” category)

But they were always well-fed

They were always learning

Even if in unconventional ways

Their adventures were wild and chaotic but always, always, safe

And they do not have a single moment they can think of in which they didn’t feel so completely and absolutely loved by both their dads.

Which is really all Ronan and Adam could’ve asked for.

(“Dad?”)

(“I know you’re at work.”)

(“No, no, nothing is wrong. No, dad, chill, I promise, everything is fine. I just…”)

(“I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.”)

(“And thank you. For everything you and dad did for me. For us, when we were little.”)

(“You’re a great dad.”)

(“Yeah. Yes. I’ll see you at Christmas. Yes, I’m gonna call dad and tell him, too. God.”)

(“I love you.”)

[50shadesofstarskyandhutch-blog]

50 Shades of Starsky and Hutch

Note: This story is based on the Stiller/Wilson Starsky and Hutch movie, not the TV series. It is for entertainment purposes only, not meant to infringe on any copyright. It isn’t associated with or endorsed by the copyright holders. No money is being made.

 Plot: Big Earl is out of prison, and the only thing he wants for his birthday is Hutch.

 ::::::::::::::::::::::::

 Starsky was madly typing away on a report at his desk. The squad room was almost empty, but that was because David was an early bird. He liked to get things done quickly and efficiently, which left more time for crime-fighting.

 And meeting girls.

 He zipped the form out of the typewriter to slide it under Captain Dobey’s door, because even his ever-punctual superior hadn’t arrived yet.

 Fastidious about almost everything in life, Starsky started a pot of Mister Coffee that would await his fellow officers upon their arrival.

 “Psst!”

 Two hands grabbed his shoulders at the coffee pot, and he was surprised to see his partner Hutch when he turned around.

 “Why so early?” Starsky asked. “Gonna ask Dobey for some time off? You have a stack of cases over there on your desk to go over. We need to hit the streets in about five.”

 “Sshh,” Hutch shushed as he looked around, even though no one else was around to hear.

 It was then that the dark-haired cop gave his partner a closer look.

 “What’s up? You look skittish. Stalker-girlfriend skittish. Or like you’re about to get injected with heroin. Or like you can’t find your wheat germ.”

 “No,” Hutch said putting his forefinger to Starsky’s lips. “Sshh. Be quiet. He might hear.”

 “Who might?”

 “Big Earl.”

 “Big Earl’s in prison, my blond friend.”

 “WAS in prison. He’s out on good behavior.”

 “How? Who? What? When? Why?”

 “I don’t know, and does it matter? He’s out, and it’s his birthday.”

 “So? Wait. How would you know that?”

 “He called me last night. I haven’t been able to sleep. He said he wants to meet me for a drink, for his birthday. He says he’s been to a toy store and bought all kinds of trinkets to celebrate. I’m scared.”

 Starsky hugged him tight. “Aw, Hutch, don’t be scared. Big Earl’s all talk.”

 “How easily you forget. Need I remind you of the double dragon routine?”

 “NO! PLEASE! NO REMINDERS!”

 Coffee cup halfway to his mouth, Starsky fought back his gag reflex.

 “Why’d you have to bring it up?”

 “I know,” Hutch said soothingly as he stroked Starsky’s cardigan-clad shoulder. “I know, buddy. I have flashbacks every time I hear the name Earl.” Even now he winced at the name.

 “So what are we gonna do?”

 “I don’t know, partner, but he’s going to come after us come hell or high water.”

 “Unless we do something to head him off.”

 “Like what? What could anybody ever do to stop Big Earl?”

 “Well, Hutch, we beat him at his own game.”

 “What do you mean?”

 “An undercover operation. So smooth. So convincing. He’ll never want to set eyes on you again, much less meet up with you.”

 “Okay, so what do you have in mind?”

 “I’ll be your backup all the way, see. You wear a wire. I’ll know every little thing that’s going on. You’re going to play his game, but one that he won’t like. He’ll get so turned off, he’ll run screaming in disgust.”

 “So, like, I go along with his kinky stuff?”

 “Better than that. You take your own toys. Play your own game. He’ll hate it.”

 “But what if—“

 “No what ifs, Hutch. I’ll be right there. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. He’ll wish he’d never heard the name Ken Hutchinson.”

 :::::::::::::::::

 Not much embarrassed Ken Hutchinson, but going into an adult store for some adult gadgetry did (because he normally didn’t need any goodies to take care of the ladies), and it showed on his face when he carried his purchases out to the Torino to the waiting Starsky.

 “You could have at least gone in with me,” Hutch drawled in a soft voice as he set the box of toys between his feet in the floorboard of the passenger seat.

 “And blow your cover?” Starsky asked. “They know me in there.”

 Suddenly Hutch’s tone turned agitated. “Really?! Really, Starsky? Because I could have used the emotional backup in there.”

 Starsky hit the steering wheel with the palms of his hands. “Okay! Okay! Get out of the car.”

 “What? Hey, no, it isn’t that important now. Let’s just go. Big Earl’s waiting for me at Huggy’s.”

 “Nope,” Starsky said a bit peevishly as he got out of the Torino and started taking off his cardigan and his Adidas, and other items of clothing, which drew a few stares from passersby on the sidewalk in front of the store, and from passing motorists. “You’re right. We’re partners. If I can’t undercover with you all the way, what’s the point? Get out and take off your clothes.”

 Hutch peered at him from the passenger seat. “Huh?”

 “I’ll be you. You be me. I’ll go back in there and get some more stuff. A pair of handcuffs and a box of chocolates you got in that little box ain’t gonna cut it with Big Earl. He’s into dragons, remember?”

 Sudden urgency, Hutch said, “And a little bit more,” as he got out of the car too, and began undressing.

 Finally, when Hutch was dressed in Starsky’s cardigan, jeans, and Adidas; Starsky in Hutch’s brown corduroys, varsity jacket, and Earth shoes, Hutch said, “We look good, but it’ll never work.”

 “Why not?”

 “No wigs, amigo. We can trade clothes all day long, but our hair isn’t right.”

 “Oh,” Starsky said, still a bit angry—more at himself than anything or anyone else—“I got wigs.”

 He went to the rear of the Torino and inserted the key.

 Hutch joined him at the trunk. “You got my hair?”

 “And mine,” Starsky said sorting through his wig case. “‘cause, you just never know when you have to go undercover as yourself.”

 “Hey,” Hutch laughed as he picked up a wig of dark curly hair. “There you are.”

 “And,” Starsky smiled as he pulled out a blond wig remarkably similar to his partner’s hair, “here you are. After the toy store, we’ll swing by hardware.”

 After they put the wigs on, they smiled at the completion of their ensemble.

 “Perfect,” they said in the same voice, then went into the toy store together.

 :::::::::::::::::::

 Still dressed as each other as they cruised down the street toward Huggy’s, Hutch said, “Hey, man, thanks for helping me out back there. It would have been a little awkward paying for that dragon trap as myself.”

 “Don’t worry about it,” Starsky said. “As a matter of fact, I’m gonna do you one better. You keep my clothes on. I’ll keep yours on. And I’LL be the one meeting Big Earl. All you have to do is wait in the car. He’ll never speak to you again.”

 “Ah, buddy, I appreciate it, but I can’t ask you to do that. It’s too dangerous.”

 Starsky rammed his elbow into the car door. “Are we partners or not?”

 “We are.”

 “Are we buddies or not?”

 “We’re best friends.”

 “Then let me do this. The thought of Big Earl playing out his dragon fantasies on you again just eats me up.”

 “Hey,” Hutch said soothingly as he patted his friend’s white leather-clad arm. “Sshh. It’s okay. Calm down. You can do it. Just do it, remember? Do it.”

 Starsky took a big breath and let it out slowly—something Hutch had taught him to do in tense situations.

 ::::::::::::::::::::

 It was almost dark when Starsky parked in front of Huggy’s and turned the engine off.

 Hutch gave him a gentle look. “You gonna be okay by yourself?”

 “Yeah. Just be ready if I need backup. Big Earl may spot the mike.”

 “Are you sure? Because we’re partners. We do everything together.”

 “Just give me that duffel bag.”

 Hutch reached in the back seat and handed Starsky the big, heavy bag of toys.

 “Hutch,” Starsky said giving his partner a serious look. “It’s been good having you around. If something happens to me in there--”

 “No, Starsk, don’t say it.”

 “No, really. If something happens to me in there, just know that you’re the best partner I ever had. No one can rein me in like you can.”

 Hutch reached over and gave him a hug. “This won’t be our last hug, partner. I promise.”

 ::::::::::::::::::

 Big Earl looked much the same as he had when Starsky and Hutch had talked to him through the glass at the prison—embellished denim and a fishnet hairnet with a cigarette tucked halfway in.

 As the figure in the varsity jacket and corduroys approached, Big Earl stiffened in the back booth of Huggy’s, a smile of pleasure lightening his face.

 “Hiya, Blondie,” Big Earl said rising to his feet. “Wasn’t sure you’d make it.”

 Starsky lifted the duffel bag. “Happy birthday, Earl.”

 Starsky had forgotten how big and intimidating Earl looked. Now that he was out of prison and standing right in front of him, he looked massive. Earl was built like a semi. But it served only to fuel Starsky’s will to succeed in keeping him off his partner’s back and out of his mind.

 Big Earl glanced at the duffel bag. “What’s in the bag?”

 “Your birthday present. Or I should say presents. Because this bag is full of what Big Earl likes.”

 The smile on Earl’s face spread even wider. “Now that’s what I want to hear. My place or yours?”

 “Upstairs.”

 Big Earl’s gaze followed the nod of Starsky’s head. Then the big man followed the detective toward the set of stairs.

 Huggy did a double take behind the bar. “Hey, Star—I mean, Hu—I mean--”

 “Sshh,” Starsky said with a finger to his lips. “I’m undercover.”

 “I dig,” Huggy said with a look at Earl. “I dig. Yell if you need any help.”

 :::::::::::::::::

 Once upstairs, Earl said, “Okay, Goldilocks, let’s see what you got in the bag for me.”

 The duffel bag made a thudding sound as it hit the table. Starsky was an expert at disguises, but he had to admit to himself that taking on the persona of his partner and best friend was his most challenging role yet, if not a little unnerving. Hutch’s safety and honor were at stake. He couldn’t blow his cover. He couldn’t jeopardize Hutch’s self-esteem and confidence. So he took another deep breath, let it out slowly, and said in a slow, casual drawl, “So, you wanna check out the dragon balls vise grips first?”

 :::::::::::::::::

 Hutch was half-dozing in the driver’s seat of the Torino when he heard the sounds of agony—or was it ecstasy—in the receiver in his ear.

 “Yes!” Hutch said as he sat up straighter and gripped the gearshift. Starsky was getting somewhere. He was making his mark. He was teaching Big Earl a lesson he’d never forget. The big man would never stalk him again.

 “HUUUUUUUTCH!!!!!”

 It was Starsky, yelling his name out of character. But it was Big Earl who came charging from Huggy’s front door in a panic, half-dressed and struggling to put his clothes back on—hairnet pulled down over his face, jumper cables hanging from his belt, vise grips from his earlobes.

 Now, Starsky emerged, duffel bag in hand.

 “That’s right!” Starsky yelled as Earl fled down the street. “The name is Hutchinson! Ken Hutchinson!”

 After Earl disappeared around the corner in a blur of fear, Starsky got into the passenger seat and smiled at Hutch.

 “Success!” Starsky shouted happily. “Let’s go for ice cream!”

 Hutch smiled with caution, but relief, as he started the Torino. “Wow. Did you see the way he took off? What’d you do to him?”

 “What I do to all of my romantic interests,” he said with a cocksure smile. “The Starsky special.”

  The End

[emilyplaysotome]

Chapter 8 - Hiding in Plain Sight

Catch up on Chapters 1 - 7 here! (or just Chapter 7)

I calmed myself down by reminding myself that Meg was no bright eyed fool.

She was a New Yorker in the most stereotypical sense - slightly cynical, (at the moment) jaded towards relationships, and completely self-sufficient. Her second year into her relationship with Noah, Meg had gotten laid off when a major brand had left the agency she was employed at.

Noah was an engineer and steadily rising in the corporate ranks at the time. He’d suggested that they move in together in order to take any pressure off of her, but Meg had flatly refused. She had appreciated the gesture but refused to allow herself to be rescued by some white knight. Instead, she revised her resume and updated her site, applying to jobs and freelancing before she was offered a creative director role at a superior agency than the one who laid her off.

With her upgraded title and upgraded employer, she then considered Noah’s offer to live together and rather than move into either of their apartments, they found a new place together that was also a considerable upgrade.

I remember secretly admiring how Meg had handled herself back then and wondered if I would have handled myself as well as she did. With that said, there was no way she would let her guard down (even in otome-ville) and certainly not with a PUA type like Baba.

Rather than get derailed with what ifs, I refocused on what I needed to do in order to get her home in a timely fashion. I pulled out my laptop and saw that Anita had sent me another message, “Naomi I know you’re sick but we couldn’t reschedule - can you do a video conference at 2? Please!?”

I’d hoped to sneak down to the Tribeca precinct that was dangerously close to my office during that time but with the realization that pressing pause on my life was impossible, I begrudgingly agreed to dial into the Zoom meeting. With an hour to kill I sent a flirty text to Hiroshi - confirming that we were still on for our date tomorrow in the park. 

He didn’t reply immediately and I wondered if this was thanks to his new persona, or if he was merely tied up at work.

As for Soryu, I was at a loss but figured it couldn’t hurt to take a closer look at Terek’s card. I noticed that there was a phone number and email address listed but waffled on whether or not emailing him would lead anywhere. Instead, I opted to google Soryu and his arrest information. I was surprised to find out that he’d posted bail - something that seemed off considering the fact that bail had been set fairly high and he had been mugging people on the train for spare change.

There was no further information as far as if he���d been the one to pay or if someone else had covered it, and before I knew it I had to stop sleuthing and instead dial into Anita’s video conference.

“Hey Naomi - are you with us?”

The quality of the feed made it hard to see who exactly was in the room, but it was clear that the office’s largest conference room was packed full of clients and coworkers.

“Yep! I’m here. Hello everyone.”

“Thanks for dialing in. I know you’re feeling under the weather but I wanted to make sure you were present for this discovery meeting,” Anita said, leading the meeting. “We’ve already done intros so when you’re back in person we’ll be sure to go through that again, but for now I’d like to make the most of our time together and dive in.”

“Sounds good. It’s nice to meet you all.”

I saw the pixilated people nod in acknowledgement and Anita let them know in a lighthearted way that I was 360i’s resident digital marketing expert before moving on to the brand discovery. 

I learned that this “new brand” Anita had been hinting at was actually a hospitality behemoth in Asia that was looking to break into the American market. At the moment their luxury hotel was almost ready to open in New York and they were looking to partner with an agency who could lead a successful digital marketing campaign that would help launch the brand.

We would have one month of prep and discovery (where we’d learn about the brand, their guidelines in order to formulate where in the NYC hospitality space there was a gap that they could fill), a pitch against two other agencies, and once awarded, only one month before the ribbon cutting ceremony.

The owner of the hotel (Hyun Kim) was a heavyset gentleman with salt and pepper hair who sat next to Anita taking notes on a sleek laptop. His fingers made an abnormally loud clacking sound on the keyboard, but his colleagues seemed used to it whereas I noticed a few of my coworkers glancing over from time to time.

Nothing was said during this initial discovery meeting that I found particularly meaningful. In general, I’d worked on and for several hospitality brands and they all required the same type of marketing. The only thing that stood out to me was the fact that this brand did not offer the standard amenities of a luxury hotel but also had created a “health and fitness” component.

LT Hotels was planning to roll out in addition to their spa offerings spin, barre, and yoga classes. Having just been reminded of how cramped NYC gyms tend to be, I silently wondered if there might be an opportunity in our NYC launch strategy by opening up these services to the public for a healthy fee. It seemed like a way not only to define LT Hotels (allowing them to keep half of the space in their classes for guests and half for local members) while maintaining the upper class, expensive and exclusive atmosphere.

I jotted down a small note to research luxury gyms in the city and get a cost estimate, also factoring in that members would have access to LT Hotels’ spa services at a discounted rate, should we propose something along those lines.

At the end of the hour, I thanked Mr. Kim and his team for their time and Anita brought the video meeting to a close. 

Just before she did, I caught a glimpse of some of the men who were on Mr. Kim’s team towards the back and noted that it was slightly ironic that a luxury hotel and spa brand that appealed primarily to women was headed up exclusively by men.

With my work obligation complete, I pulled out all the stops to find Namba knowing that once 6 pm hit I wouldn’t be able to find him until Monday, should he currently be working a 9-5. I raced down to the TriBeCa precinct (and by raced I mean hobbled seeing as how I was incredibly sore), and strolled right up to the front desk where a weathered, butch female officer asked, “How can I help ya hon?”

“I’m actually looking for someone who used to work here - Jin Namba?”

Unimpressed, she raised an eyebrow and said, “And who would you be?”

“Naomi Lee.”

“Hold.”

I watched as she dialed a few numbers on a beat up phone and gruffly said, “Yeah, Fitzgerald - do you remember Jin ever mentioning someone named Naomi Lee?”

There was a pause and she eyed me up and down before quietly saying, “I dunno, regular lookin’ for this area. Dark hair and eyes. Why? Ok. Ok…sure.”

She hung up and informed me to take a seat. 

I wasn’t entirely sure as to what was happening but after a short wait a burly, Irish cop in his 40s approached me. His ID revealed him as the man the woman at the front had been speaking with and with a smile he gave me a small wave.

“Hey there.”

“Hi,” I said, standing.

“Do you mind going for a walk with me?”

It was a little odd, but Officer Fitzgerald didn’t seem to be shady or scary and so, I followed him outside. We made small talk for a block and a half before he finally revealed that he wasn’t really supposed to say anything about Jin, but had remembered him talking about a girl he was crazy about.

“You’re that girl, aren’t you?”

I flushed and nodded, “I think so.”

“So why you lookin’ for him now when before you didn’t give him the time of day before?”

“Did he tell you I was engaged?”

“Was?”

“Yes, was.”

Officer Fitzgerald smiled, “Shit. I’m a sucker for a happy ending. I was gonna grill you but fuck it - he’s a PI now.”

“That’s a real thing?”

“Sure it is! You mean to tell me you thought it was only somethin’ in movies?”

Officer Fitzgerald let out a good natured tsk and with another grin told me the address of Jin’s office a few blocks away.

“You think I can just…go?”

“You better go! I expect to be the best man at this wedding, ya know.”

“Officer -”

“Call my Fitzy - all my friends do.”

There was something magical about a city where a tough looking man had a soft cuddly nickname and I found myself smiling as a result.

“Thanks Fitzy. I owe you one.”

“Hope it works out. Don’t break my dude’s heart, ok?”

I started to walk in the director of Jin’s office, but Fitzy stopped me by calling out, “And Naomi - if anyone asks…you didn’t hear any of this from me.”

“You got it,” I said and then picked up the pace towards Jin’s office in the west most section of TriBeCa.

“Can I help you?”

I found myself frozen standing in front of Jin Namba as the magic hour light flooded the large windows and illuminated his office, creating a warm glow around a man who still occupied a special place in my heart. He was the same Jin he’d always been - tall, serious, and eyes that had a hint of good natured mischief behind them.

Out of all of this world’s iterations, he was the closest to his original self - wearing a rumpled, outdated suit that was slightly too large as his five o’clock shadowed ventured on beard territory.

I think it was because of how familiar he currently felt to me that caused all these old feelings to come racing back and I found myself fighting back tears knowing that I wasn’t familiar to him at all.

“Miss - are you ok?” He asked cautiously.

“It’s Namoi,” I said. “Ami. Naomi. You don’t remember either one, do you?”

“Either? I don’t understand…”

“No, it’s nothing. I’m sorry.”

Jin ushered me to have a seat in his office. The space had a small waiting area, but there was no receptionist and from what I could see it was just Jin in an office resembled the one he’d occupied in Her Love in the Force. It was ironic that he’d lost his recollection of who he was, and yet had managed to recreate a space from his past.

He sat behind a large mahogany desk and I sat across from him and watched as he pulled out a vape pen and inhaled.

“So what brings you here?” He asked quietly, sensing my emotional upheaval.

“I’m looking for someone, but I don’t know who…”

Jin grinned and I felt my heart jump in my chest, “Sounds like quite the pickle Little Bird.”

“What did you just call me?”

For a moment, I could see in Jin’s eyes that he looked lost. He whispered the nickname to himself again and then apologized, noting that he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but that there was something familiar about me. Hearing that made me feel received - as if for once, I wasn’t experiencing something that was completely one-sided.

It was strange that I felt so nostalgic now, seeing as how since our breakup, I’d never looked back.

I knew why I had chosen Zyg and had also not-so-secretly thought that Jin was slightly too old for me. Despite that, there was something about the fact that even the “changed” Jin at his core was so closely tied to the man he was that even the king himself failed to alter him drastically. Perhaps it due to his age that he had maintained this strong sense of “self” while his younger otome counterparts had been altered much more.

The utterance of his old nickname for me conjured a bunch of feelings in both of us, and he mentioned that he’d gotten into a skirmish at work and suffered a blow to the head which the doctor said caused temporary amnesia. 

I knew it was less of a blow to the head and more the doing of a nefarious king, but seeing as how Jin didn’t seem to want to go into detail he changed the subject and asked, “Anyway, how do you propose finding someone whose identity you don’t know?”

“I have no idea,” I said, “which is why I came to you hoping that you could help.”

“I mostly do cheating spouses, runaway kids, that kind of thing…this….”

“Why’d you quit the force?”

He paused, and I watched a flicker of curiosity flash through his gaze causing him to take another drag of his vape pen and avert his eyes before asking, “You knew me from before?”

“Something like that.”

“Being an officer in this city is dangerous. I’m gettin’ too old for that kind of thing. I thought tailing adulterers would be a bit safer and have far more job security.”

“That doesn’t sound like the person I knew.”

“How did we know each other Little Bird? I get the sense we weren’t just casual acquaintances.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because when I look at you…no. Nothing.”

“No, what?”

I could feel myself leaning towards him with a seductive look that I hadn’t anticipated wearing. He grinned at me and ran his fingers through his hair and with that irresistible smirk of his playfully noted, “I gotta be on guard around you heartbreaker.”

I pretended that he didn’t, though of course I was planning to get that kiss. For now, I celebrated the fact that I’d found five of the six men and left his office fifteen minutes later, promising to compile a list as far as who my top suspects for the king’s mystery sixth person was in this world. 

As I stood in that small waiting area, I boarded the elevator feeling pretty good about this plan of Jin helping me locate this mystery man. However, when the elevator doors closed and I was alone once more, I realized that time was a flat circle and I had a legitimate, authentic crush on Jin Namba once more.

I managed not to run into any of my coworkers on the way home, and walked into my apartment tired but feeling on top of the world.

I collapsed on my couch and took out my planner to make sure I was on track to get Meg back (and also show the king who was boss). As I reviewed things, I also took notes with the hopes of brainstorming for situations that didn’t seem to have a clear answer at the moment.

Regardless though as drained as I was, I was also feeling very accomplished.

Tomorrow I was set to go out with Hiroshi. I’d met Soryu but had no idea as to his whereabouts. Thea’s contact information was in my phone and as much as it pained me, I could follow up and hopefully figure out what Zyglavis’ new life looked like. Hijikata had me popping Advil like they were candy but I was hopeful my haiku had started to thaw his heart. And finally, I was relieved to know that Jin hadn’t been transformed into some sexist, racist bad iteration of a NYPD cop.

Just as my guard started to come down there was a bright light and a snap and the King of the Heavens stood with an annoyed looking Meg standing next to him.

“Meg!”

I ran towards her and gave her a hug which she reciprocated.

“Ah tut tut,” the king said, gently separating us. “I’ll admit that I was amazed by your progress, but until you tell me the names and whereabouts of all the men you don’t get this one back.”

“Meg, are you-”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me…”

“Goldfish!” The king barked, “Names and whereabouts now or I send her back!”

“But I’ve only found five of the six.”

With a devilish grin the king laughed and noted, “Oh ho! I should have known you weren’t that clever.”

“Excuse me?”

“You didn’t even realize that you found the sixth man?!”

The king’s laughter grew from a chuckle into a hearty belly laugh and I racked my brain trying to think of all the places I’d gone today - from the subway, to the bodega, and even those at Hijikata’s gym. Either way, I’d been far too distracted to really notice and was beating myself up as a result.

Meg caught my attention by covertly waving her hands in the hopes of pulling me out of my stupor. She stood slightly behind the king (out of his eyeline) who was having a grand ol’ time at my expense, and mouthed something at me while pointing to her pocket. Before I could process everything that was happening the king snapped his fingers and she was gone once more.

“Just text me when you figure out the identity of the 6th man,” the king said flippantly, dabbing the tears that formed from laughter before snapping his fingers and leaving me alone again.

I let out an angry moan and collapsed on the couch once more, frustrated and wondering how it was possible that I could have met the last man without realizing. I had been so tired when I came in that I was still in my army jacket and as I slumped onto the couch I heard a crinkle and remembered Meg’s gesturing.

It was then that I reached into my pocket and discovered the list of possible suspects I’d written out before the king had taken her. My eyes widened as I saw that not only had Meg survived her time in the otome world, but she’d continued to be my ally as more than half of the names on my list were crossed out.

I now had three suspects for the mystery sixth man, and to be honest I wasn’t happy about who they were.

Chapter 9 here

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[waywardandwestward]

Let Me Be Your Shelter (Chapter Ten)

Gally x OFC

It’s an odd feeling. Knowing that I’m the only girl. Knowing that no matter what I do, I’ll always be an outsider inside these walls. The boys try so hard to make things better, and I love them for it, but sometimes it’s just not enough. I pray every month for another girl to appear out of the box, so maybe I won’t feel so alone, and every month I’m disappointed.

I have to get out of here. But I’m terrified of leaving him behind, and I know he’ll refuse to leave.

A/N: Alright, Ten Chapters in! Hope you enjoy, Lovelies!

Master List

Previous Chapter

Day 38

I sat alone in my bungalow, Gally's screams reverberating around in my head. My legs were crossed on the bed with his sketchpad sitting firmly on my lap. I stared down at the carefully drawn out map that I had worked on all day prior. It's a start, I thought. The problem however, as the image of Gally's pained expression seared into my memory, was whether or not it was something I truly wanted to finish.

There was a knock on the door. It hadn't startled me. Newt had been checking in every hour on the hour. What had startled me though, was the voice. "Jo?" It wasn't Newt, it was Alby. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," I sighed, my voice hollow.

The door creaked open slightly, so Alby could take a peek at me before opening it up all the way and then shutting it quietly behind him. "How are you?" he asked softly.

"I've been better," I replied. "But more importantly, how his he?" I scooted over to the right so Alby could sit beside me.

"Still asleep," Alby nodded as his body weight hit the cot. He rubbed his hands against his legs and then patted them firmly. I watched as one of his legs shook anxiously. He was clearly trying to hide how distressed he really was. "He's gonna be okay."

"You don't know that," I said. "None of us do. We're not doctors, we're kids." Alby looked away from me knowing that I was right. My eyes drifted back down to my map. I played around with some of the edges, adding little details with my charcoal pencil, like the moss creeping up the sides of the walls, and the dainty dandelions sprouting up from the ground.

"You're not bad."

"Huh?" Just for a moment I had been distracted by my own work.

"You're sketch of the map," he pointed out. "It looks good."

"Oh," I hadn't really thought about the quality of the map, just the accuracy. "Thanks." With a small inch of insecurity trailing in the back of my mind, I closed the sketchbook and sat it behind me.

"I really think we should talk about what happened out there," Alby said. His motivation for visiting me became clear.

"Haven't you already talked to Minho?"

"Yeah, but I need all sides of the story, you know that." He was doing his best not to sound pushy, but I also knew he wasn't going to leave until I gave him something; anything. "I just think we should know all the facts before we put him on trial."

"Wasn't him getting hurt enough of a punishment?" I asked.

"That's up for all of us to decide," Alby said. "He broke one of our laws. He went into the maze without permission."

"I just don't understand why he would have lied about that," I uncrossed my legs, turning to face Alby more directly.

"Maybe you could ask him?" Alby suggested. "He wouldn't tell me."

I felt bad for Alby. Despite almost always being mad at him, I constantly had to remind myself that no one put more pressure on Alby than himself.  After all he'd only ever tried to do what was best for all of us. We would have all been dead in a day if it hadn't been for him. I knew all of this and yet, I still couldn't help but poke his buttons.

"Please," Alby spoke gently as if trying not to spook a sleeping giant. "Tell me what you think happened."

"Okay," I sighed. "That morning... Minho and I had already been fighting. There was a blanket involved," I nearly laughed at the ridiculousness of my statement. "He told me he would meet me at the East doors. When I got their Gally was waiting for me. He said that you gave him permission to go with us and I figured he was telling the truth. I mean, it's not like he's ever lied to me before so.... Anyway Minho met up with us, the doors opened and we went on our way."

"What happened once you were inside."

"The majority of the day was fine. We worked out a system. Minho kept track of time, Gally left a trail so we could find our way back, and Gally let me borrow his sketchpad so I could draw out the map. Minho and I argued a couple times, but it was nothing we couldn't work out ourselves. Gally never had to defuse the situation like we all though he would, you know until the end of the day."

"I told Minho that I thought we should start heading back to the Glade. He wanted to stay for another half hour, but I was worried we wouldn't make it back in time. Gally agreed with me, and we were about to head back but, Minho decided to run in the other direction. We knew we couldn't leave without him, so without hesitation, I chased after him. I didn't even bother to look to see if Gally was behind me, I just figured he'd keep up. I stopped just for a second to catch my breath and when I turned around he was gone too. I started panicking, yelling out both of their names. Miraculously Minho ran right into me and when he did, that's when we started hearing the screams. Gally's screams. We followed his voice, but it took- I don't remember how long to find him. It just kept getting later and later, and we knew we had to book it to get out, and when we found him-  Gally was on the ground. His foot  had gotten stuck."

"How far away from the doors were you?"

"Far enough," I said. "Gally just kept screaming in pain and Minho was pacing back and forth, panicking, trying to figure out what to do. Gally kept telling us we should go without him, but I couldn't.  And then I told Minho to run out without us, and he wouldn't either."

"How did you get Gally foot out of the vines?"

"Minho had his knife with him. I don't know why I was so stupid not to have brought my own. I grabbed it from his bag and started cutting. It took a while but we got him out and we carried him through the doors right before they closed." I looked down. I was ashamed. "We barely made it out, Alby."

"Hey," he said placing hand on one of my shoulders. He tried to catch my eye, but I couldn't bare to look at him. "The important thing here is that you did make it out. And you saved Gally's life too."

I shrugged off his hand. "We were all stupid, and reckless, and under prepared."

Alby thought carefully before speaking again. "Listen, Minho's decided he's going back try again, but, you don't have to if you don't want to. Bach and Newt both offered to take your place."

"I thought you said that if anything went wrong-"

"I know what I said. And I changed my mind." Alby grabbed the sketchbook, admiring it for a moment and then he offered it to me. "You and the others did good work out there today, despite what happened. You made progress. Change doesn't happen in a day, Jo."

"I know," I nodded with a sigh taking the sketchbook and holding it in toward my chest. "Alby... Is it selfish if I tell you I don't want to go back out there?"

He squinted, "Why would you think that's selfish?"

"I was just thinking about something Gally said right before we went into the maze."

"Jo, your not-"

"Yes, I am-" I insisted. "All I ever think about is myself and what's best for me. I made a huge deal about wanting to go into that stupid maze and now here I am backing out like a coward."

"I don't think a selfish person or a cowardly person would have saved Gally the way you did," he said earnestly.

"You don't?" I asked not really wanting him to answer. "He asked me to leave him behind. He begged, begged me to take Minho and go. But I couldn't because I need him." I shook my head. "No, that's not true. I couldn't leave him because I want him. And that's so much worse. He's not food, or, water, or- It would be different if I needed him to survive, but I just... want him around."

"And your not the only one who wants him around, okay? You did the right thing. And if you hadn't saved him, you'd be sitting here feeling the exact same guilt you have now."

"If I hadn't abandoned him in the first place, none of this would have happened."

"Yeah and if I had been paying attention he wouldn't have gone into the Maze at all," Alby bit back. "You can't live your life on Ifs, Jo."

"But if I hadn't-"

"Do you ever listen?" he rubbed his hand against his forehead in frustration.

"See?" He had proved my point for me. "You said yourself, I don't listen. And you were right. I don't listen. I'm self-centered and I don't listen."

"Jo," Alby let out a sigh and suddenly any kind of softness in his eyes was gone. "Clearly, whatever I say to you isn't going to make you feel any better. But you have to stop wallowing. If you think you're self-centered then, what are you gonna do to change that?" Alby stood. "I'm gonna go talk to Bach. Tell him he's gonna take your place. I expect to see you in the Gardens first thing in the morning."

I soaked in his words. "You got it boss," I said giving him a small, but lazy salute. He ducked out of the room. Like Gally, he was a little too tall to get through the door.

When I knew I was alone again, I reopened Gally's sketchpad. As my pencil hit the paper, I let the guilt, fear, and longing drag my hand across the new page. First came the head, then the eyes, the nose, the mouth, and then the ears. It was a memory. It was what I remembered Alby looking like the first day I had met him. He was more youthful, but his wisdom and leadership were still hidden deep in his eyes; his sternness too.

Alby was right. I wasn't bad. At least not at sketching.

I drew for hours. Shaping out the faces of the boys I knew. Newts small, but firm chin, Zart's playful blonde curls, Mikey's strong jaw, Gally's many freckles, Bach's long nose, Alby's full mouth, and Minho's sarcastic brown eyes. With each face came a memory.

I remembered catching fireflies with Newt. I remembered getting into an argument with Zart about how much fertilizer we needed. I remember Mikey teaching me how to climb trees. I remembered the day Gally had shown me the Bungalow. I remembered laying in the grass and staring up at the stars with Bach. I remembered the day Alby pulled a splinter from the palm of my hand. And I remembered seeing Minho's innocent fear filled expression when he first appeared in the box.

My hand froze at the sound of my door creaking open. "Jo?" His voice was timid, which was unlike him.

"Go away Minho," I replied continuing on with my sketch of Bach.

"I just," he opened the door a little further. He had never been in my room before. It was clear we were both uncomfortable by it. "I wanted to say I was sorry. If I hadn't-"

"I don't blame you," I said. "I want to, but I don't." The way he stared down at me made it clear he was unconvinced. It was also clear he wasn't going to leave. He didn't know who else to talk to. I shut the sketchbook, leaning over and setting it on my dresser, along with my pencil. "Come on," I said to Minho. "Get in here."

He finally took a full step into the room, shutting the door behind him. There was an uncomfortable distance between us, with his legs spread in a wide stance, his shoulders stiff and his arms crossed. "Have you talked to Alby yet?"

"Yeah, I told him everything."

"So, are you gonna run again?" he questioned.

"No," I replied simply. "Newt and Zart need me in the Gardens."

"Right," Minho sighed. "Are you sure that's just not an excuse to stick around and take care of Gally?"

I flinched. "What's with the interrogation?"

"Sorry," he apologized. "I'm not really sure what to say."

"Me neither," I replied. "Alby told me you were going back out."

"Yeah," he nodded. "I didn't really want to either, but Gally pretty much insisted."

My head jerked and my body straightened. "He's awake?"

"He's been awake all day," Minho replied. "He's not dying, he's just got a bum leg."

Not only had Gally lied to me, but Alby and Newt had lied to me too. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" I stood up running over to the corner of the room slipping on my shoes as quickly as possible.

"I don't know, I thought-"

"Minho, can we talk more later?" I didn't wait for him to respond, I was already out the door running quickly through the deadheads straight for the boy's homestead.

"Ow!" I started to hear painful grunts and groans. This only made me run faster. "Ow!" I heard again making it out of the deadheads, the homestead in sight.

"Gally?!" I cried out.

"Over here!" he grunted.

"Gally?!" I was panicked right up until the point I had actually made it to the cott the boys had set up for him.

Gally was perfectly fine. Mikey on the other hand, was not. An injured Gally had taken the crutch that had been sitting to the side for him, and was using it to beat Mikey to the ground. Gally sat comfortably in his bed as he did so.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Mikey cried over and over again. It was easy to tell that while he was in pain, Mikey was exaggerating, because Gally, while normally strong, was still in too much pain himself to actually cause any real damage.

"Gally, stop," I demanded moving closer to the two, although I was careful not get to close to Gally's swinging crutch.

"Ow! Ow! Owww!"

"You wouldn't want me to if you'd heard what he said about you," Gally's voice was gruff as he continued.

"Come on, cut it out!" Mikey whined.

I wondered briefly what Mikey might have said to Gally to make him so upset. I could wait to have that question answered, though. Gally's actions were first priority. "Gally, you're already on Alby's shitlist for breaking one rule, do you really want to make it two?"

Gally ignored me again. "Ow!" Ow! Ow!"

The next thing I knew, Bach had come up behind me. "Gally," Bach's low voice projected.

"Stay out of this Bach," he shouted. Mikey's pain level was increasing.

Swiftly, Bach moved passed me and with one arm he tore the crutch out of Gally's grasp. "What did he say about Jo?" Bach asked. I never realized how intimidating Bach was. Maybe because he was always so quiet.

Gally regretted his wording from earlier. I could tell by his eyes drifting between the three of us. "Gal, what did he say?" I repeated the question.

I was asking the wrong person. As Gally looked away, refusing to answer, I move on to Mikey, pulling him up by his shirt and using one arm to pull his face close to me. "What did you say, Michael?"

He gulped at the usage of his full name. "I... uh..."

"If you say it behind my back, you can say it to my face."

"Uhhh..."

"Jo," Gally started. He was trying to reason with me, knowing full well that whatever damage he had done, I could do far worse.

"Say it to my face, Michael.

"I," his lip quivered. "I told Gally you had a nice ass."

My gut twisted. On one hand what he said made me deeply uncomfortable, but on another hand, not enough to beat him to pulp, like Gally had attempted.

"Seriously?" Bach looked to Gally.

Gally licked his lips and said to Mikey, "Go on. Tell her what else you said."

Mikey attempted to lose eye contact, but I tugged him closer to my sneering face. His voice was low and ashamed. "I said," he gritted his words through his teeth. "That I'd really like to get my hands on it."

I had heard enough but Gally pushed again, "And?"

"...I asked Gally if he managed to get his hands on you yet?"

I had no idea how to react to any of this at first. Mikey's attraction to me had never been a secret, but knowing and actually hearing what he wanted to do to me were two completely different things. My body stiffened. The hand gripping his shirt flattened onto his chest. "Jo, I'm so sorry," he spoke frantically. "It's just you're so pretty."

With rage filled hands, I pushed him into the ground.

Pretty. No one had ever called me that before. Was I pretty? I only wondered for a moment about what I looked like, but quickly shoved that thought to the side. It didn't matter.

I looked up at at Bach, "Give me that crutch."

As I reached for it, Bach raised it above his head. "Not gonna happen."

"Fine," I turned back to Mikey leaning over him with a fist raised aiming at his jaw.

"What is going on over here?" Alby stood in front of us all. His paternal air bringing a calm to the group.

"Gally was the first to speak. "It was my fault."

"Than why does Jo look like she's about to beat the crap out of Mikey?"

"Well, maybe if he didn't open his big mouth so much he wouldn't be in this mess," I replied bitterly. My fist rose again, but, my arm was nearly pulled out of its socket by Alby before it could make contact with Mikey's face.

Alby pulled me off of him quickly, and forcefully. Bach helped him. "You really wanna play this game again Jo?" Anger, disappointment, and true threat reeked off of his presence. I gulped, but glared at him carefully. I felt no reason to defend myself. "You, Minho, and Gally, are all going on trial tomorrow." I said nothing. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you are too self-centered."

And with that final word, Alby turned around swiftly and walked away.

Bach, Mikey, and Gally all had their eyes on me, but I was focused on the ground with my lips pierced together. Disappointing Alby was the last thing I wanted, and hearing those words come out of his mouth felt so much harsher than anything Gally had or could have said to me.

Without giving a glance to Gally or Bach, I crouched down to Mikey getting close to his face. "Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even come near me. You don't exist to me."

Mikey had at least been smart enough not to reply. I walked back to my bungalow, letting the air drown out Gally's call for attention.

Next Chapter

[scoobiesminyard]

If you asked any member of the Losers Club about who the biggest romantic in the group was, they would all immediately answer Ben Hanscom. He wrote love poetry for gods sake! He listened to George Michael and Whitney Houston! (He had attempted to hide this slightly embarassing fact, but he underestimated how goddamn snoopy Richie could be). He may have said that he only agreed to watch When Harry met Sally to appease Bev, but the others knew better. He was, put simply, a huge romantic.

Ben loved strongly and purely, and he liked to express that love through his poetry. It was slowly but surely improving, or at least he said. They wouldn’t let anyone read it. Not since last summer.

It had been months since the poem had been left in Bev’s bag. Months since she realised that it was him who had done it. Months since they had softly said the words to each other... and in those months, nothing had happened. They hadn’t kissed, hadn’t held hands or gone on a date (except in Bens daydreams). They hadn’t even talked about it. The only explanation was that Bev didn’t feel the same way (understandably, she was so beautiful and so funny and so strong and he was so.... not) and she was just trying to avoid hurting his feelings. How could he expect anything differently? He wasn’t worthy of her. Not like Bill. Not like brave, handsome Bill... It was days like this that he listened to sadder songs, wrote more negative poems. He felt his heart aching in his chest as he looked at Bev. He would wish miserably that he didn’t love Bev.

But then Bev would look at him, with that glint in her eye. She would laugh at him- no with him, never at him- and she would smile so damn bright. She would bump up against him or listen to him speak with patience, before interrupting to say what was on her mind. It was when they were lying on the grass of the Barrens cloudwatching lazily or she was jitterbug dancing with Richie until they collapsed with laughter, that he knew Bev was the best part of his life. He had loved her since she signed his yearbook, when she became the first person in this school, in any school to really care about him, He didn’t care if she didn’t love him back because she didn’t owe him anything. Bev smoking in silence, Bev smiling at him, Bev cycling around him, Bev tickling him, Bev crying in his arms. She was the best person he had ever known.

And Ben couldn’t hide how absolutely lightheaded he felt around her. The others had known for absolutely ages. It was just an unspoken thing- Ben is whipped for Bev. Bev’s feelings are unclear. Then again, her thing with Bill never went anywhere. Ben had rubbed his sweaty palms against his shorts as Bill told them that he and Bev, whatever they were, were over and would just be friends from now on. Bev seemed happier after that. She didn’t need a guy. She was fine on her own. She didn’t need Ben.

Ben would probably have left things like that for the rest of his life if it was up to him. The silent pining, the confused feelings, the angst of it all. He had already made a move, he thought. He had made his feelings clear that summer and everyday since. And with no result. Anything further would probably be weird and creepy. Things were fine the way they were. Richie felt differently.

"Benjamin my good fellow, I have to make some inquiries” Richie said in his British guy voice, looking at him sternly.

They were walking to the library, where they often studied (well, Ben studied and Richie tried to distract him). It was a January afternoon and it was absolutely freezing. He was wrapped up in a scarf, hat and thick coat but Richie was seemingly fine wearing a denim jacket. He was unfazed by everything. How annoying. Ben was used to Richie’s antics by now and just sighed.

“Whats up Richie?” “I have to ask my good fellow... what are your intentions with Miss Marsh?”

Ben nearly walked into a streetlamp.

“Wh-What? What are you talking about?”

Richie scoffed and slung his arm around Ben's shoulder. This was awkward, considering the height difference (Richie was starting to shoot up like a bean pole) but Richie continued speaking.

“I mean, its absolutely ridiculous how long you two have been iffing about. Its 1990 my good sir! A whole new year, a whole new decade! Its time to get a move on- its almost Valentines day” Richie said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Ben waited a moment and thought about Richie’s words. He never thought he would say this but maybe Richie was right? He could try again, really lay things on the line, be honest-

Ben shook his head. What was he thinking? He couldn’t risk making things more awkward, ruining their friendship. ‘Bev already knows’ he reminded himself. ‘You’re just gonna make her uncomfortable and force her to reject you properly’

He said as much to Richie, who scoffed again.

“Oh, pish posh! Benny boy, Bev is my best friend. I know her okay? She never shuts up about you when we’re smoking. She listens to the same crappy songs you do. She always defends you when I call you a nerd-“

“Hey!”

“and I really don’t know what the girl is waiting for. She still has your poem by her bed, you know. She likes you. And you like her. Maybe she’s waiting for you to ask her again so she can tell you the right answer this time. Romance is a mystery to me. I just hump em and dump em, you know me. But you need to get a move on and get ready to sweeeeeeeeepp her off her feet on Valentines!”

Ben, still processing Richie’s words, stayed silent as they walked in the library doors. Mrs Clarke scowled.

“Mr Tozier. Here again.”

Oh, you couldn’t keep me away from this dusty, cold, silent room full of old books if you tried. Which I know you have. And yet here I am!” Richie said cheerily and steered Ben toward the tables before Mrs Clarke could scold him for insolence.

“You gotta do the damn thing on Feb 14th, handsome. Life is too short” Richie hissed.

“Oh really? Well, I’ll seize the day if you do”

Richie frowned. “Whats that supposed to mean?”

“Oh please. You're smart but I'm smarter. You’re not the only one with eyes and I am not the only one who has a flaming crush on a fellow loser”

Richie, eyes wide behind his glasses, was seemingly stunned into silence and buried himself in a comic he brought from home. His cheeks were tinted red behind the pages. It was very amusing to see him shown up for once. Ben would usually have used this opportunity to actually study in silence for once but his mind had never been further from academics. All he could think about Bev....

And now, all because of that wretched conversation, he was sealing his doom. He was seizing the day. He was getting a move on. He was asking Bev out. On Valentines day. When she said no, kindly but firmly, it was going to crush him. Yet, here he was by her locker. Flowers in his hand and irrational, stupid hope in his heart.

He heard Bev before he saw her. He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath when he heard her laugh echoing down the halls. He would follow that laugh down a cliff, into the sewers, into the very gates of hell. She rounded the corner with Richie, fresh off their morning smoke. She was wearing jeans and a baby blue jumper, her hair freshly washed and beautiful like always. Richie was smacking a kiss on her cheek and she was rolling her eyes in disgust, but her giggling was giving her away. Her eyes landed on him, blushing already and holding flowers as nice as he could buy. She stopped laughing. Richie grinned and started walking away, giving Ben the thumbs up. He was gonna have to kill him after this.

Because Bev didn’t look happy at all. She looked surprised, and a bit worried. She walked slowly toward him and gave a smile that didn’t look too genuine. Ben's heart sank to his toes. This was not going to end well.

“Are these for me?” Bev asked softly. “Y-yes. Happy Valentines Day, Beverly. I was wondering if-if you wanted to, to maybe-“

“Gotta go! Bathroom! See you later!” Bev interrupted, panic clear on her face before she ran in the opposite direction to Ben- and the girls bathrooms. Ben gaped after her for a few seconds before lifting a hand to wave goodbye. By then, she was whipping around the corner out of sight.

Ben couldn’t believe what had just happened. He hadn’t been that confident sure but he thought the worst case scenario would be Bev telling him clearly that she just didn’t feel the same way and she just wanted to be friends. And now it seemed like she was so horrified with him that they would never be friends again. Ben felt tears welling up in his eyes.

“Fuck you Richie Tozier” he muttered and wiped his eyes. He had to get his books and get to the bathroom before anyone saw him crying. The bullying situation had gotten a lot better recently and he didn’t want to change that, especially not today. He ran to his locker, his vision blurry with tears (“stop crying you useless lump” he said angrily to himself with no result) and threw it open-

It was then that a box of chocolates fell out of the locker and hit Ben square on the head, It hurt. A lot.

“What the- can this day get any worse?” Ben muttered bitterly before freezing. Now what exactly was a box of chocolates doing in his locker in the first place? He scrambled to pick it up and stared at it in amazement. There was a note attached.

“My mam used to say that the best way to a mans heart is through his stomach. I personally think poetry is much more effective but I’m not much of a writer. I don’t know how to say this well so I’ll just say it badly. I like you. A lot. you want to catch a movie later? Eat hazelnut for yes, caramel for no. Yes I know you hate caramel, that's the point. Bev x”

Ben had at some point sank down on to the floor of the school, holding the box and note in front of him and staring in awe. He read it again. And again. And again. It didn’t start seeming real. He quickly pinched himself but things didn’t start making more sense. This was real. Bev had-

“Eddie would have a heart attack if he saw you sitting in that nasty floor, you know”

Ben tore his eyes away from the single ‘x’ to see Bev standing in front of him, smiling shyly. She hesitated and extended her arm to him. Ben stared at her for a minute before gulping and taking her hand. Her skin was so soft but when she pulled him up, he felt how strong she was. He didn’t let go of her hand. She didn’t seem to mind.

“I’m sorry for being rude before.” Bev whispered, with a small smirk. “I just- I’ve been planning this for ages. And it was my turn to make a move. I didn’t think you would-and i just wanted to-“

“I wasn’t going to. Definitely no” Ben admitted and Bev looked a little taken aback.

“Why’d you do it then?”

“Richie, he convinced me that maybe I had a chance... I guess he isn’t so stupid after all”

“I disagree! He almost ruined everything! I’m gonna tell him that Eddie likes Stan instead I swear to god, the meddling oaf-“ Bev fumed.

Ben watched her mini rant with a smile. She really had asked him out. She really did like him back. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t think he ever would.

Ben squeezed her hand. “The answer is yes, by the way. A million times yes. I would eat 10 thousand hazelnut swirls if it meant I could go out with you’

Bev’s eyes crinkled as she beamed. This was better than Ben had ever imagined. This was real. And this was really, really romantic.

[18silverwolf]

Jeremy Gilbert Imagines: Imagine 2: when you call out Jeremy's name part 2 to Imagine 1

As i walked down the stairs of the back porch and made my way towards a very sweaty Jeremy. I noticed that he looked a lot more buff then before he left after his aunts funeral. I smiled knowing that Jeremy would see me soon and i would be wrapped up in his arms even if he is sweaty.

"JEREMY?" I asked as he turned around he looked at me he put the axe down and opened his arms. I ran into his arms and he wrapped them around my small body. "what are you doing here?" He mumbled into my hair "I wanted to surprise you and Elena told me besides i missed you" I mumbled in to his chest as a reply. he chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

"I missed you too" He replied as he put his hand on my cheek and made me look up at him where his soft lips came into contact with my own lips. The kiss never gets old, no matter how many times we have kissed, he is the only one that can make me feel like this.

He deepened the kiss, he placed his hands under my butt giving it a small squeeze "Jump" He mumbled against my lips. I did as i was told. he pinned my up against a tree as he held me. one of my hands were tangled in his hair and my other was at the back of his neck.

"MmHMMM" someone cleared their throat. Jeremy and i broke away from the kiss "I know you two haven't seen each other for a while but i was wondering y/N if you are staying for dinner?" Matt asked.. Of course he would interrupt a moment me and Jeremy were finally having. I looked at Jeremy to see him watching me intensely i looked back at matt "Only if you have enough?" I replied Matt broke out into a smile "There's always enough" He replied before walking away.

I turned back to Jeremy to see him already looking at me, "Nothing it's just i never realised how much i really missed you" He said as he looked down "oh please like Mr hunter would miss me" I said teasingly Jeremy looked up at me and raised an eyebrow "You better run for that comment" Jer said.

oh no i knew what i was in for. My eyes went wide and i started to run. he was hot on my tail when suddenly i felt strong arms wrapping around my waist as we fell to the ground. Jeremy was on top of me and he smirked "Jeremy Please Don" I didnt get a chance to finish my sentence because his fingers where tickling my side i bursted into a fit of laughter.

"Jer. Jer. I . Cant. Breathe." I said through my giggles. I heard him laugh when he suddenly stopped his tickle torture. Only for him to lean down and kiss me again. I smiled into the soft passionate kiss. I finally felt home.

Jeremy and i stood up and started to walk back to the kitchen when i decided to tease him again. "So Hunter, is that how you torture all your victims?" I said smirking at him he raised an eyebrow and i knew i just started something. I bolted to the kitchen and ran behind Matt "Matt help me hes going to tickle me" I said "Matt hand her over" Jeremy said crossing his arms across his toned chest... Damn that boy is gonna kill me.

Matt looked at Jeremy and then at me when matt through me over his shoulder and handed me to Jeremy. I was now over Jeremy's shoulder. I crossed my arms and glared at Matt "TRAITOR MATT" I said as i huffed.

Jeremy and Matt laughed. Jeremy took me to his room. "WOW this room is amazing" I said as Jer placed me on his bed, his room was fit for a king. it had a stone fire place and a candle chandelier hanging from the room. (Pic below )

I was laying on his bed while he went for a shower. Jeremy walked out in nothing but a towel around his waist showing is perfect sculptured chest and stomach. Is this boy trying to kill me Damn. He smirked once he noticed that i was checking him out before Jeremy could tease me about staring there was a nock on the door. "COme in i said" Jeremy looked at me "Hey this is my room"he said  I rolled my eyes at him "HEy guys dinner is ready" Matt said staring at Jeremy with a smirk playing on his face. "Great im straving" I said as i walked past Matt to the kitchen.

Jeremey's POV:

After Y/N walked out of the room after matt said dinner was ready. Matt and i stood there for a moment thinking. "YOU know i havent seen you smile for a while Jeremy and now that your Girl is here its like you cant stop. and what Caroline and Elena told me, Y/n hasnt really been out of her room or house after you left especially after she kicked her father out, so i was thinking what if you asked her to live here with us, we can protect her and we can teach her to protect herself and you will both be together?" Matt said I looked at him.

i was thinking everything matt just said makes sense, I cant believe that she was hurting and missing me just as much as i was missing her. I nodded at Matt "Sounds like a great idea Matt. I'll ask her at dinner" I replied he nodded and left.

I Quickly got dressed. as i finished getting dressed i felt my heart skip a beat. what if she says no or what if she doesnt want to stay here with me... all the what ifs were running through my head. I dont want to lose her i have lost enough people that i have loved in the past i dont want her to add to the list.

I walked out of my room to the kitchen. to See her laughing and Smiling at whatever lame Joke Matt just told her. I smiled my nerves disappearing after seeing her beautiful smile and hearing her contagious laugh. I sat down beside her and put my arm around the back of her chair. She smiled at me and leaned in to kiss my cheek. Matt handed me and Y/n a bowl of his famous spaghetti. after we had all finished eating dinner. It was time for me to ask her to move in with me and Matt.

"So Y/n Matt and I were talking before and we.. I mean me i was wondering if you would move in with us?, only if you want to, its up to you its just a suggestion but if you dont want to thats fine i understa..." I was cut off with soft lips on mine she pulled away with a big smile "I would love to move in with you" She replied.

Matt smiled "Good then tomorrow we will all go and get your things and we can set you up a room" Matt said hugging me.

4 months later:

you were already moved in with Matt and Jeremy, and you were so happy that you did because you are with the boy you are madly in love with and the boy who was always like your older brother Matt.

since the day you moved in with boys the figured out that you were on of the founding families which means your also a hunter thanks to your great great grandfather. the boys havent stopped training you. the weapon that you always use is a bow and arrows. where Jeremy uses a Cross bow. However for the past coupled of weeks you have been throwing up your breakfast and the boys are worried.

so today you decided to go into Mystic falls and get yourself a pregnancy test just to be safe. However Jeremy wanted to go with you because he had his own secret that he was keeping from you. he wanted to go see Elena and Stefan so you agreed.

You both arrived at Elena's and Stefan's house to be greeted by a pregnant Elena. you smiled and hugged her and Jeremy did the same. Elena and i walked up to the nursery because she wanted to show me the baby's room. "Hey Elena can i ask you a favour?" I asked looking down and playing with my fingers. "Yes of course" "I think i'm Pregnant but i haven't told Jeremy because i want to make sure" I said really fast she nodded. she pulled me into her bathroom and handed me 2 pregnancy tests "Use these and wait ill see if Stefan can get Jer out of the house for a bit okay" She said walking out of the bathroom.

I did my business by peeing on the stick. Once i was finished i pulled my pants up and sat on the floor with my back against the sink cabinets when Elena walked in, "Did you put a timer on?" i just nodded.

5 mins later:

the timer went off, it felt like hours before it went off. I grabbed one of the sticks and it was positive while Elena grabbed the other "Their both positive" I said shocked when suddenly we heard Stefan and Jeremy's voice "Babe where are you?" Jeremy and Stefan yelled.

I looked at Elena and we walked down stairs to see the boys talking when suddenly i felt really anxious. "Hey Jeremy can we talk?" I asked my voice shaking. He nodded and we walked up into his old room "Whats up babe" He said as he looked at me. I looked down and handed him the pregnancy test.  

He didn't say anything which started to make me more nervous than what i already was. I looked down when suddenly i was pulled into a tight embrace. My face was buried in his chest when he placed a warm hand on my cheek and made me lift my head up. Jeremy kissed me hard. and he ran out of the room.

I was confused but followed after him to see him run into the living room and yelled "I'M GOING TO BE A DAD" Stefan and him bro hugged and Elena Hugged me then she hugged Jeremy and Stefan hugged me.

Relief flooded through my body. then i realised something. I went up to Jeremy and Punched him in the arm "Jerk" I said Elena started laughing knowing exactly why i hit him "WOuld have been nice for you to tell me you were happy about this instead of running down stairs with out saying a word" I said his eyes went wide "OH sorry baby I forgot" I rolled my eyes as he pulled me into his body. i turned around to talk to Elena when i saw Stefan give Jeremy the look.

I turned to see Jeremy on one knee and a box in his hand. I gasped and looked at Elena her eyes were just as wide as my own.  "Y/N I have loved you ever since we first met and i am always going to be here for you just as you were there for me, I have never been this happy for a long time and you helped me become a better person and I won't let you or our baby down, So Y/N Y/L/N will you do me the honour of becoming my beautiful wife" Jeremy said.

I was speechless but looked at Jeremy and said "YESS" He stood up and placed the ring on my finger and I smashed my lips to his.