#GIRL GENIUS

[big-ass-magnet]

Mechanicsburg: he's my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time boy

the rest of Europa, on fire: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

[dianenguyenwatchescartoons]

I take a job as a lab assistant in the mad scientist’s castle. I clean up after the abominations. Their plaintive cries are ghastly so I wear headphones and blast metal while I work. I help my boss arm the death traps and capture the heroine. I strap her to the operating table and force feed her the experimental serum. I begin prepping the surgical tools. It is only when he incorrectly refers to what we are about to do to her as “dissection” instead of “vivisection” that I begin to question this man’s qualifications.

[theunvanquishedzims]

I don't think there's a complicated reason for the many Klauses, I think he's just not AS affected by the time stop as everyone else in town. Like it's been maybe ten minutes for him since he pushed the button? So he's taking the opportunity to stomp around and rant. What everyone is seeing is afterimages, which disappear when interacted with. There's only one real Klaus, and if they want to tackle him they'll need to figure out which one it is before the time stop ends.

[leletha-jann]

Oh wow, this got better while I wasn't looking.

Once again thinkin about ot3s inlaw situation. They should have a dinner party

[dracothulhu]

YOU'RE LISTENING TO 102.3! MAD! SCIENTIST! FM!

(Evil laughter, thunder cracking)

WHERE WE DO NOTHING BUT SHOW THEM ALL, SHOW THEM ALL, AND SHOW THEM ALL!

(Chainsaw revving, screaming)

THIS AIN'T YOUR WULFENBACH RADIO STATION! [Radioactive by Imagine Dragons]

[sweethysteria]

[brawltogethernow]

Way before poly seemed on the table the killing shot that ended the possibility of ship wars in Girl Genius was entangling the love interests' backstories, so now you prefer one of them particularly you WANT to hear more about the other one because his nonsense is informing YOUR guy's nonsense.

[sagaduwyrm]

Something that interests me about Girl Genius is the way that the Heterodynes are consistently portrayed as the worst of the worst despite being pretty reasonable by Spark standards.

This is not to say that they are reasonable by normal people standards, or that they were anything approaching decent people. This is pointing out that compared to other sparks, who figured out they could conquer places and immediately started the Long War, the Heterodynes have had little to no large scale negative effect on the world.

Evidence: Zumzum

While in Zumzum Agatha finds out that the Heterodyne raids rolled through the town "every four years or so, sure as the moonrise" (Agatha H. and the Clockwork Princess). Despite this the town is, though small, prosperous. They have a fully staffed guard and enough spare income that the circus was initially planning to remain for three days.

Compare this to the numerous dead towns noted to be littering the wastelands. Sparks regularly render towns unlivable or dead. The Heterodynes, however traumatize them and steal their stuff, but still leave the towns they raid capable of functioning. From this we can assume that, despite what we are told, the Heterodynes are not only capable of self-restraint, they're good at it.

Evidence 2: Heterodyne Creations

The Heterodynes left an enduring legacy in the form of constructs, clanks, and the castle. Many of these are hundreds of years old and yet have little trouble functioning. This means that the Heterodynes not only build to last, but their descendants are willing to put in the time for upkeep rather than get distracted and focus on the next big thing.

The Heterodynes are the only sparks with so many creations still running around. Other sparks, like Van Rijn, do have some creations that have lasted the ages, but nothing compared to the sheer quantity of the Heterodynes.

Also, consider the jägerkin. The jägers are some of the most important Heterodyne constructs, and have acted as the core of their army and their honor guard for more than half a millennia. Despite this, they don't have levels of speed or strength much beyond average, at least as far as spark constructs go. Instead, they're noted for their remarkable survivability. This again suggests that Heterodynes prioritize longevity to a remarkable level for sparks.

Evidence the Last: Europa still Exists

I repeat myself, after two centuries of off and on spark warfare, significant amounts of Europa is unlivable. The Heterodynes had ten centuries and Europa was fine. Do the math.

However, despite this show of consistent reason, the Heterodynes are constantly described in story as evil incarnate. I'd like to posit that this suggests both that in-story lore should be taken as unreliable, but also that the most dangerous sparks aren't the flashy, fire and brimstone assholes. It's the consistent, intelligent ones who know when to back off and when to press that are the real danger, and it's for this reason that the continent fears Heterodynes. Not because they're uniquely capable of destruction, but because they know when not to destroy.

The Heterodynes are the oldest dynasty in Europa. To everyone with the slightest understanding of how sparks work, this is terrifying.

Also, here's a post that tries to answer why the Heterodynes are uniquely like this. You should read it. It partially inspired this.

[prokopetz]

In retrospect, I should have been suspicious about the fact that the plot of Girl Genius was moving so quickly.

[inbarfink]

It’s really fascinating to compare the way Agatha handles the Heterodyne Legacy compared to her father and uncle. Because these are the two known generations of ‘Heroic’ Heterodynes after a long, long legacy of the Heterodyne family being known primarily as Evil Bastards - but they have such a totally opposite relationship with that villainous legacy.

Bill and Barry grew up deep inside that Evil Heterodyne Legacy and know all about how truly rotten it really is. Their father was an Old Heterodyne to the bone and an Extremely Reprehensible Human Being. Like, not just Cartoon Evil Overlord stuff - according to the Novels, he forced Bill and Barry’s mom to marry him by threatening her family. And he tried to kill them because they weren’t evil enough to his tastes. 

And when their mom killed him to protect her sons, the Castle killed her in retaliation. The very manifestation of the Heterodyne Legacy has cost them their beloved mother who just saved their life. And all of this in addition to the fact a non-evil Heterodyne was really an unthinkable concept when the Boys started - meaning they had to work extra hard to distance themselves from their family if they wanted anyone outside of Mechanicsburg to trust them.

And Heterodyne Boys worked very very hard to prove to the world that they’re not monsters. Both to fight off against the constant suspicions that they were monsters, and because they most likely wanted as little to do with their father’s legacy as Spark-ly possible. For them the Heterodyne Legacy was mostly kind of a Curse, the thing that tormented their mother and killed her and almost killed them, the thing that makes people wary of them.

And as such, they distanced themselves from anything that’s even remotely to do with that old legacy of monsters, from anything evil or scary or messy or ugly. Much to the chagrin of the Castle, the House of Heterodyne’s many other monsters, the Jager Horde Mechanicsburg’s proud Evil Minion population and many others who felt abandoned by them for the sake of PR.

Then there’s Agatha Heterodyne. And it’s not just that Agatha grew up in a post-Heterodyne-Boys world where the general populace associates the family name less with evil barbarous mad kings and more with good-natured heroism. Where even those who remember the Old Heterodynes are at least willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Where even those who would like her to be like the Old Heterodynes are at least willing to give her some wiggle room to express herself....

It is all of that, but more importantly Agatha didn’t grow up as a Heterodyne at all.

She grew up as Agatha Clay, with the Spark-Suppressing Locket that dulled her mind and made her a miserable klutzy mess who couldn’t do anything right. She grew up hating the constant feeling of being powerless.

And discovering that she’s a Heterodyne came up… pretty close to realizing she’s a Spark, and both of these revelations gave her a certain kind of Power that she never got to have before. She is now both a powerful Spark and a powerful political player in this grand Europa political chess board. 

And as much as she has the same heroic values and upbringing as the Boys did (courtesy of Barry and the Construct Duo), not growing up so up-close-and-personal with the worst consequences of the Old Heterodyne’s evil means she’s not as immediately repulsed by it like the Boys were. 

She encountered all of these old monstrous pieces of the Heterodyne Legacy - the Jagers, the Castle, Mechanicsburg, even just the fear her name can put into people’s hearts - not as the Evil Legacy Forced Upon Her. But stuff that was taken away from her, and she had to earn back. And in a world stacked so heavily against her, so determined to rob her of her agency and newfound sense of power, these things represent the assertion and security of her power.

For the Heterodyne Boys, the worst thing they could ever imagine being was monsters - like their father and the rest of their family was. For Agatha Heterodyne, the worst thing she could imagine is being powerless again. She would take being seen as a monster a thousand times over being condescended and ignored ever again. 

Being seen as a monster isn’t actually all that bad at all, she discovered. 

All of these things together make Agatha not quite the second generation of Actually Heroic Heterodyne or just another link in the Old Heterodyne Legacy - but another new kind of Heterodyne altogether. One that can both retain a moral code and embrace the family’s monstreness at the same time. 

[annoyinglandmagazine]

[leletha-jann]

Headcanon future scenario (either postcanon or post-the OT3 getting together) where it dawns on Europa that three of the absolutely most major political powerhouses on the continent are allied - something that would normally be a matter for a library's worth of complicated treaties - on the stated basis of "MINE".

...our cuties are figuring it out, OK, but to the long-suffering bureaucrats keeping the Empire running, this is a political disaster. They do not know what the hell is going on or what the rules are.

But Agatha and Gil and Tarvek do not have TIME to sit down and draft treaties, and they are damn well not going to let anyone else do it FOR them.

What emerges out of this is known as "the Agreement", because that's how the Triumvirate refer to it. Agatha's not supposed to do that? Oh, the Agreement says she can, actually. Does Tarvek have the authority to do that? Sure, it's in the Agreement. Going to take this all the way to Gil? Somehow, whatever it was, it was in the Agreement.

No one actually knows what the Agreement is.

The traveling Heterodyne shows drama it up into a dread document written in demon blood on human skin, dripping with oaths so powerful they scorch the eye. Great special effects, fun prop design work, zero expected accuracy.

Quite a lot of people, including the Valois dynasty, try to insist that the Agreement doesn't actually exist. Or sometimes that they know the terms and they're this-and-such (they do not know. Seffie is going to murder someone with their own teeth).

Except it does exist, because the Triumvirate is acting as if it does, and that carries a lot of weight in Europa.

Very observant people and our main cast, however, know it exists, because they've repeatedly seen Agatha and Tarvek and Gil all check a matching notebook they all seem to have, and write stuff in it. (A copy of the notebook got stolen once. The thief discovered it was in three-Sparks-invented-this-for-fun depths of code, and then did not survive.)

What no one knows is that it's the same notebook, triplicated with the same Skifandrian technology that created Zeetha's expressive headband face...

...aaaaaaaaaaand it's basically a group chat on the theme of guys I did a thing on 100% bluff, here are the details, if someone asks...and they will ask...back me up on this OK?

They'll figure out the formal treaties when Europa is not on fire, and in the meantime, whatever it is...

...it's in the Agreement.

Or it is now, at least.

[professorsparklepants]

Agatha Heterodyne is amazing. She has two dead parents and her father was raised to be the ruler of an evil city state with an army of demonic super soldiers super soldiers and a region known as the flesh pits and a reputation of razing Europe to the ground once a generation and he decided to be a hero and single handedly brought peace to a continent that had been destroyed by feuding megalomaniacs for over two hundred years through sheer charisma and brilliance until he mysteriously disappeared fighting a zombie apocalypse, and twenty years later his town is so reformed it's a tourist destination and there's an entire type of commedia del arte troupe modeled after him.

But the narrative actually revolves around her mom.

[chaos-has-theories]

From the books:

The Wulfenbach Dark Fleet was supposedly a band of smugglers that operated from within the admittedly already-extensive airship fleet of the empire. They were legendary for being able to circumvent blockades, because they already had all the empires’ codes and passwords. They were, according to the numerous stories, ballads, and epic poems told about them, good-hearted philanthropists and crusaders for the justice that occasionally fell between the empire’s cracks. They were also completely fictitious and, at this point in our story, the Baron was getting rather impatient waiting for someone to fill this obvious ecological and sociological niche. He was beginning to think that, like so many other seemingly obvious things, he would have to do it himself. (Agatha H. and the Siege of Mechanicsburg)

Submit your bets now:

Even Klaus underestimated what an old Mechanicsburg girl can do

People shaped up after Klaus was gone

or

3. Gil was leading this himself

[greenygal]

POV: You are Dimo. You are a Jäger, one of a group who are ferociously loyal to their Heterodyne masters and famously social with each other. You have always had these touchstones to lean on.

Except…suddenly there aren’t any Heterodynes. Everything is in chaos and a mysterious enemy is ravaging Europa. For everyone’s sake, the Jägergenerals make a deal to serve under a new master, Baron Wulfenbach.

Except…the Jägers are still loyal to the House of Heterodyne. So to honor that loyalty, you volunteer to go looking for a Heterodyne. You know, in case one is hidden behind the couch cushions or whatever. And it’s rough! You are officially detached from the Jägers. You can’t come back unless you find a stray Heterodyne, whom you have no reason to think actually exists, so you’re probably going to be out here forever or until you die. Which is a real possibility, because everybody in Europa hates Jägers due to all those centuries serving some of the worst sparks in Europa. (Which, all right, is fair, but still. It’s hurtful.) But you have your fellow volunteers, a little squad of three. You have another Jäger, Jenka, checking in periodically and generally riding herd. And somewhere out there are the rest of the Jägers and the Jägergenerals, doing fine. And over the years you adapt to independence; you learn to plan, and you even find yourself giving orders to the others sometimes.

And then you find an actual Heterodyne, holy shit! She’s eighteen, alone, and green as grass, but she’s got steel in her spine and she’s a crazy strong spark; you have a new mistress! Best day ever!

Except…she gets implanted with the mind of The Enemy. That’s not great. (This happened to her after you found her. You Have Failed Your Heterodyne. ETA: Also you only know about it because you listened sneakily at the door. You’re not sure this is proper Jäger behavior.) But never mind that, she’s got it under control, you all get to Mechanicsburg and she kicks ass and does SCIENCE! and fixes the Castle and reclaims the city and at the end of it she is secure as the new Heterodyne of Mechanicsburg.

Except…

Except then something happens to Mechanicsburg. Is it permanent? Dunno. But the Heterodyne was in there. The Jägergenerals were in there. Anyone in authority in Mechanicsburg was in there. Even Baron Wulfenbach was in there.

A bunch of Jägers were not in there. And they don’t know what to do without someone giving them orders, and…look, you didn’t mean to become a General. Honest. But Jenka’s off monitoring the situation in the rest of Europa, and the only remaining Jägergeneral has somehow gone undercover on the personal staff of the new Baron. They gotta be where they are, and you gotta be where you are, managing dozens of increasingly desperate Jägers and human refugees and trying to figure out what the fuck to do next.

And then the Heterodyne shows up somehow! All is not lost! She’s determined to fix everything! And someone else can be in charge now! Yay!

Except…remember the Enemy? Yeah. She’s still in the Heterodyne’s head. There are things that aren’t safe for her to know. So you have to keep secrets from your Heterodyne, and manage those things yourself without her catching on. It’s hard, but you do it. You do it so well, in fact, that you have a sinking feeling that people are just going to keep asking you to be responsible for things. You’re doomed.

POV: You are Dimo, and you need a drink. And a vacation.

…you’ll probably get the drink?

[big-ass-magnet]

I think Ankh Morpork and Mechanicsburg would be sister cities.