#GHouse

[aerik-kylo]

🧙‍♂️ ‘Shamanic Journey’ global release under the coming full moon, 27. dec. 🌛

[djohnhopper]

THURSDAY MORNING LISTENING:

Ambassador - On my back

[rafiqct81]

(Clubmasters Records)

[superlazybonesvsgeek]

“The biggest thrill wasn’t in winning on Sunday but in meeting the payroll on Monday.”~ Art Rooney • Be strong and don't be lazy! ================ #heidimak #slacktraxx #femaledj #hkdj #dj #housemusic #discohouse #nudiscohouse #soulfunk #ghouse (at Vibes) https://www.instagram.com/p/CptktGPyWCo/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[outofcontextdiscord]

[commence-screaming]

I know you all are awaiting my response, and I’m grateful for your patience. There are some things I have to address here. Never wanted to put everything out there—I don’t like drama on my blog. I have a document that’s over a thousand words long, but I realized that when people have blocked me and are saying stuff in the main tag, they don’t want to listen. They just want to hurt me.

So I guess now there are things I have to clarify… it’s heavy, but I tried to keep it short. I didn’t have the energy to read everything they were saying about me so I may get things wrong. I didn’t really want to post this.

Content warnings for mental illness, suicidal ideation, mentions of abuse.

Let’s get right into it.

1. I’ve always lived with the paranoid delusion that everyone was conspiring against me, that people secretly hated me and would smear me behind my back. I passed these off as negative thoughts, anything that might’ve “confirmed” this would set it off. I’d have an episode I would have to deal with on my own. I thought that nobody would stick with me in a crisis, and I would always be thinking along the lines of, “is it all over?”

I feel liberated, now. There’s no need to fight when they’re true. I am more at peace with myself.

2. I never want to hurt anyone. Not a real level, the angst stuff is fictional pain. I am autistic—the things you’re hearing me say are the first times I’ve talked to people (other than my family) for my entire life. I always want people to go to me when I do something wrong so I can handle it and learn from my mistakes, that’s why I have my bio set to what it is.

That, and my memory is so fuzzy that I can’t remember too much from even last week. I tend to dissociate and my brain turns into mush.

3. The “minor incident” that Ghouse and the others were talking about was one of his mods saying she’d “tear people apart” and then immediately citing me as the main cause because I was “being rude.” I told her why I was taking a break, as I couldn’t handle it, this had happened before and I asked them to correct me if I was wrong—even confirming multiple times that we were just joking around because I was paranoid.

I suggested they go straight to me for future reference. I was having a mental health episode. She called me crazy and that I was overreacting, implying I was stupid. Another mod told me I was overreacting and that I was acting pathetic and childish. This made point 1 so much worse.

4. The “suicide baiting” was something I told the Panic Room server in confidence. I told them I was talking a break. Ghouse said “it wasn’t that bad but okay,” as if he were gaslighting me. He said things like this as I was sobbing alone in my room, which he was well aware of.

I have to clarify that it wasn’t baiting. Suicidal ideation has been something I’ve been dealing with since I was 9 years old. I have been abused/gaslit for more of my life than I have been safe. I never wanted to say this, but they were brushing me off at a point where I was trying to find a reason to live. I had stupidly thought that they would understand what they were doing to me if I said.

5. That was the first time I had an episode like that. To say that it was baiting is to say I was lying. Let’s play devil’s advocate here.

If I were lying for attention, why would I destroy all my relationships in a single night? Why wouldn’t I make art or something along those lines? They’re big on art.

If I wasn’t, then that would mean that I was having a few bad days and they did nothing to help me… beyond condescendingly saying that I need help. I don’t blame the minors in the server, I’m talking about Ghouse, who is older than I am by around 2 years. I told them I called 988 and it didn’t really work. He continued to tell me off.

After I was kicked I was made aware that they immediately started insulting me. Whether you believe me or not, purposely attacking someone who’s mentally ill is… too far. I hadn’t done anything to them before this incident.

6. The reasons I freaked out was because I was sad that I had unintentionally hurt people, I had started a new, dangerous job, and… well, to be honest, I was terrified.

They were making me forget that I’d been hurt. I was starting to trust them. I had been starting to look forward to tomorrow. And, I was so scared that it would all be over. I didn’t know when, just that it would be.

Now, it is.

7. I may very well have been joking around with everything while on the server, but serious topics were serious. I was never “demeaning” when Ghouse was venting about something that happened to him beyond a couple of lighthearted comments. I thought they’d have the same respect for me. Again, I had confirmed multiple times that I was joking.

8. I might not have done much wrong in the Panic Room situation, but the other things that people are saying about me? I had no idea.

That was the first time I’d ever heard of them.

In the past, my autism had gone completely unchecked. some of those things were from when I was a week into being on my first server… ever. I was 17, had no idea how to check for age or even pronouns. Never used anything but tumblr, never interacted with anyone. Never went to school or even had a job at that point. I more tried to figure out everything based off of my own experiences… which was, not good. To say the least. The things I did, in my head, I thought they were “normal.” This doesn’t make it less terrible, but I hadn’t even remembered some of the incidents until someone pointed it out. It was so mundane to me—I was a messed up child. I’m sorry for this.

8. I wasn’t the best person, I really wasn’t. I didn’t know how to “mask” my traits at that time, I was excited to be able to talk to people. I was protective over my friends (my first friends! ever!) and very clingy. I didn’t know that people held characters close to their hearts, either? (When I have a favorite, I only want to hurt them, you see)

So while the doc was deliberately taking things out of context, some of the other accusations are true, unfortunately. I will be posting my DMs between me and the people on the server in my doc.

9. I have explanations for what I’ve seen of the accusations, but I don’t really recall anything from that incident over 3 years ago… if someone had told me, or even confronted me, I’d have known what was wrong. But they didn’t, and they kept talking to me like everything was normal. I was completely unaware. This is most of the reason I thought people were plotting against me—people would be cold to me and I wouldn’t know why. The worst part is that I can’t apologize. I can’t even try to rectify anything. Some of the people in that server still played PAYDAY 2 with me, some would even reply to my DMs. I had… no idea.

I have hurt people. Unknowingly, but still. I apologize to anyone I’ve affected. Most of it was not knowing how basic social media functions worked. I hope you understand that my behavior was out of line, and that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Don’t defend me on that, I was entirely wrong. But… smearing me in the fandom tag instead of going to me directly means that they want to attack me. They don’t want an explanation.

All of my actions were genuine. I never intended to hurt anyone, but that’s what ended up happening. I’ll put more detail into the doc.

10. I was already going to take a break. I was already doing poorly, and the server knew this. At that point, they want me to go through with it. What else would they be saying when they do all of this? Unless I’m reading that wrong. Whatever the reason is, they don’t want to help me, they’re deliberately being malicious and they know I wasn’t baiting.

Although, I guess I have to thank them. Now, I can say that I wasn’t delusional. I can say that I was too smart for my own good. How crazy does it sound to think that everyone was just waiting to betray me? But… they were. I can begin to trust myself again, even if it’s accepting some of my “negative thoughts” as reality. I won’t be reaching out to anyone I don’t already know, and there is safety in never putting myself out there again.

Thank you to everybody who stuck around. My delusions… weren’t entirely correct. Just like how most of my former friends blocked me on sight, there were a few people who didn’t mind when I wasn’t responding. There are some people who believed in me to a point where even if all those accusations were true, they believed that I could change. That’s… something I never thought I’d hear, ever, in my life. That is a form of trust I don’t deserve, really.

So, I was wrong again. Not everyone wanted me gone. It took all of this for me to realize that there were people who loved me in the truest form of it.

As for everyone who cut me off… well, I hope you understand that because of my mental issues, I can never trust you beyond a professional level. It is for my own wellbeing, because I’m still not doing good. I will still be taking that break. The PAYDAY 2 fandom was a source of reprieve for me, and now it’s not. It wasn’t an accident that it turned out that way. All my safe spaces have been taken from me. I don’t know why the Panic Room server hated me, so I can’t provide any extra insight on that.

The truth is, I haven’t been around because I’ve been dealing with depression for a long time. I’ve been passively… yknow. Not actively. I haven’t had the energy to respond to anything on most days, I’m sorry for that :(

All of this was just the breaking point, really.

Thank you for reading. I know most people won’t, but I appreciate those who do. I won’t blame the rest of you if you all decide to leave as well, I understand that. I never made the blog for other people, I made it for myself. This whole thing will serve as a reminder that there are more important things than online spaces. Can’t get therapy because I’m broke, but I can enjoy the few things I still can… even if I’m reminded of what I’ve lost. I don’t think I’ll really be here anymore, but I will be okay.

[coolasakuhncumber]

Gina Williams & Guy Ghouse - Moon River in Noongar language

I had the opportunity to see Gina Williams & Guy Ghouse in conversation recently, chatting about the importance of reinvigorating First Nations languages and connection to country.

They then did a beautiful set of original songs in Noongar language, and a couple of covers. The evening ended with a beautiful rendition of Moon River in Noongar and English. I had chills and a flood of emotions.

With NAIDOC week ending, I want to mark it with this joy.

[demo-ness]

holy shit i just had a super dumb moment in world of warcraft. i still don't know how to do bullets on desktop so. greentext format.

> i rolled an alt on season of discovery > undead priest, just getting the hang of meditation buffs and how you can pass them between priests > have all 4 buffs now, even! > just learned how to fish, so was fishing in the undercity > in trade chat a warlock asks if you can learn both the girl and boy succubus or if you have to choose one > my SoD main is warlock so i knew and answered > someone pedantically points out there's no boy succubus, but there is an incubus > someone else says the succubus is trans > before anyone can swoop in and say something shitty i add "we love that for them" > continue fishing. a lil time passes > someone whispers me > O: > "is that an ally i see?" > what could this mean? we're horde not alliance? could they somehow know my warlock toon is a gnome? > shift+click their name; also a priest > aaaaah, they must be asking for my meditations! i know how to do this now and can help them :) > tfw world of warcraft is usually so shitty you don't even CONSIDER they might be suggesting that you support trans rights

[aerik-kylo]

Wanna know my story? 💠 storytelling through music 😎

[merimaan]

Misbahi Ka Football|Meri Peyari Maa|Qissa Kahani|Baaby Ty Shey Hi Koi Na...

[soulmuppet]

Alongside the Paint The Town Red core book, we’re creating six unique adventures, each one shining a red-tinted spotlight on a new city’s undead nightlife. Three of these are included in the core book, one in the quickstart, while the other two are delivered as a stylish prop pack, perfect for unveiling at your table. 

The centrepiece of each adventure is a map produced by vampiric cartographer Aloysius King, detailing the lurks, haunts and key locations for each faction. The map itself is printed on a folding sheet of A2, large enough for everyone to see in play. The details of each city and the undead creatures that stalk them are set out in a bifold A4 pamphlet, lavishly illustrated to match Al King’s spectacular work. A set of 18 tarot cards contains more detail on the Contacts you can meet and the Locations and Factions you can visit in each city. All these elements are contained within a tactile C4 manilla envelope. 

The six adventures are as follows:

Party of the Century: 82AD in the Eternal City. Written by Zachary Cox.

Hair of the Dog: 802 AD in Aachen. Written by Zachary Cox.

Party Crashing in Splendid Ghazni: 1016 AD in Ghazni. Written byBasheer Ghouse.

Sleeping Dead World: 1857 AD in Edo. Written by Hipólita.

A Modern Babylon: London in 1862 AD. Written by Zachary Cox.

It Never Sleeps: New York in 1920 AD. Written by Brian Flaherty and Elliot Davis.

Paint the Town Red is a joyful thrill ride through history, taking players on a tour of the high (and low) points of undead society. As a sad gay vampire, they’ll do anything to indulge their passions, causing untold chaos in their wake. When everything around them is drenched in blood (or on fire) they’ll have to move on and find somewhere else to trash. 

Our gore-drenched crowdfunding campaign launches next week, and features a whole coterie of add-ons and stretch goals suited to any taste. These include things like blood-soaked dice (keep your mortal eyes peeled for pictures of these later) and more content for this, the greatest vampire party ever thrown. 

[superlazybonesvsgeek]

Let’s kick off the weekend 🤡😈 • Fun night @kerryhotelhk at #redsugar thanks for having me and believe in my music 🙏🏼❤️ • • #slacktraxx #femaledj #hkdj #dj #housemusic #discohouse #nudiscohouse #soulfunk #ghouse (at Red Sugar 紅糖) https://www.instagram.com/p/Coy37p4yz9W/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[desnayy]

A new post by itself, but all of Cora's rooms they had post-adoption :D

Their first room in Katie's Lab, aka the Geode

Their second room, in Ghouse (Ghost House)

And then their third and final room with the SquareDance Manor, aka Squanor

[jaeyunluvr]

Alright but have you ever been asked how to say hello in telugu because It's SUCH AN AWKWARD QUESTION? Cause you have namaste in hindi and then vanakkam in tamil but we be having nothing and when people ask me about it I'm like 🧍🧍

Also lemme do a quick are you a true Hyderabad person test

Where. Do. You. Get. The. Best. Biryani. And. Haleem (IK THAT SOUNDS OMINOUS AS HELL)

BRO FRRR i have so many malayali friends in my college, and they're like how do you say hello in telugu. im just ??? idk namaskaram maybe????? BHAI MUJHE NAHI PATA (or the very hyderabadi way 'bhai mereko nahi maloom kuch bhi bolna hai bolo')

and telugu people have weird ass ways of greeting people, it quite literally depends upon the relationship you have with them.

BEST BIRYANI IS PARADISEEEEE the original one. other branches of paradise suck imo and there's a restaurant called 'papadam's'. i think that's the only acceptable biryani after paradise. WAIT WAITTTT SHAH GHOUSEEEEE crying rn the mutton biryani at shah ghouse is the best

and haleem is pista house for me idc idc. shah ghouse haleem is good too ngl.

[coolasakuhncumber]

Gina Williams & Guy Ghouse @ The National Museum of Australia 4/7/24

The two in conversation, then Gina singing in Noongar language was a beautiful way to kick of NAIDOC week. Goosebumps all throughout my body for the Noongar language version of Moon River, finished with the whole room joining in for an verse in English.