#GET READY FOR YOUR DASH TO BE GAY AS HELL

[spirk-trek]

pov: you're about to die in the gayest way imaginable

[palmtreesx3]

Act 4 - Going All the Way

Queening (Steve's Chapter)

<- Previous Chapter || Next ->

Series Masterlist

Get in the mood for this installment:

Series Playlist

Queening Mood Board

Summary: (10.6k)  Steve’s phone call with his dad does not go well, and the aftermath of that call impacts way more than Steve himself. Steve has to realize a few things, only one of which is that he’s got people there to pick him up when he’s down, but the most important is that relationships don’t have to be conditional. As everyone rallies behind Steve, a revelation comes in the form of a stranger on a bench, and that chance meeting starts a few wheels in motion behind Steve’s pretty head. Can he fix what he’s done when he was down and out? Can he patch things up? Is this the end of the road, or can he go all the way? Buckle up, and enjoy this angsty chapter of Get Off. 

Warnings: it's a sex shop and generally just NSFW so 18+. Heavier topics are explored, depicted or mentioned including prejudice and anti-gay bias, heavy binge drinking as escapism, depression and a blink of thinking better off dead, controlling parents, overstimulation and some dashes of neurotypical behavior you can catch if you blink slowly enough. There’s also the ongoing sexual innuendos and explicit discussion of body parts, as well as implied p+v intercourse, and the holy grail of pussyeating. 

"What the hell is going on, son?" his father's voice bellowed through the phone. "I just heard from a colleague that you're working in some... some pornographic store downtown! In town for business and he could have sworn he saw your lookalike walking into the place, but then you turned around and he knew it was my own flesh and blood. How goddamned embarrassing, Stephen. Do you know how embarrassing that conversation is to have over a business dinner?"

Steve winced at the tone his father took, a visceral response he’s had since childhood. A tone he knows well and somehow still cuts just as deep as it did when he was thirteen. "Dad, it's not like that. It's just a job. It’s…it’s retail, s’all it is" he stammered, attempting to diffuse the tension. To deflect. To play ball. 

His father scoffed, "Retail job? Don't play games with me. I've spent years paying for whatever you need, trying to get you scholarships for sports which you squander away with your shitty grades, and this is what you end up doing? Sitting on your ass for a few years and working in some seedy place, peddling who knows what!"

"It's not like that at all. It's just a store, and we sell lots of things, not…not just that stuff, Dad." Steve tries desperately to explain, slipping right back into it - the role of a boy trying to find any excuse to satiate a father that could never be pleased. Like the time he was a shameful teenage boy being told he’s worthless as he stood in the entryway of the house, barely over the threshold, all because he passed the ball and let Sammy Curtis sink the game winning shot instead of taking it himself.

"That stuff” he interrupts with a scoff. “Is this what I raised you for? I expected you to have a respectable career by now. Thought this move to the city was going to give you some fresh choices, not this... this filth!"

Steve was not ready for this. Half his hangover was still hanging on for dear life. Just a moment ago things were…not this complicated. He was eating a raw bagel talking about…you…with his friend. Even when that was the thing that felt complicated it wasn't really, was it? It was simple, and easy and… Now he’s struggling to find the words to defend himself, especially hard long-distance, though he also guesses he should be grateful it was - he wasn’t forced to see the rage and disappointment behind his father’s eyes this particular time."Dad, it's just a job. We needed work, and this opportunity came up. It doesn't define who I am. I just…it shouldn’t matter that much." 

“Just a job? Stephen? What do you mean just a job?” At that, Steve can hear his voice slip into a deeper register. He knows the face that goes along with this. He knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that his father is going to try and ruin his life. It’s not much of one, but it’s his, and he can just tell that he’s about ready to pull the rug out from under him. 

“You're 25, for God's sake! When are you going to get a real job, a job that befits the family name? Do you think your mother and I worked so hard for you to end up in some disgraceful position like this? Galavanting around a city and being a part in all this promiscuity. Goddamnit, at this rateI bet you even associate with the gays. Don’t you?"

He feels his body tense and wince as those words spill out of his fathers mouth. His eyes flit to his friend, sitting on the couch, legs tucked up under her and perched there watching one side of this debacle unfold like a deer in headlights. Forcing a smile at him, an awkward smile of encouragement, none the wiser about the hate his father is spewing about people like… about her. Tears welled up in Steve’s eyes thinking about it and Robin sees them - or at least she thinks she does - and her eyebrows furrow in concern. But before she can be sure, he turns around refusing to show his vulnerability right now even to her. He bites his lip to stifle the visceral response he had to his dad’s prejudices about his friend. "Dad, I'm doing my best. I'm trying to make a living and figure things out. It's not as easy as you think."

His father's tone softened with a hint of disappointment unlike the frustration and anger that has been flowing out of him since the minute Steve picked up the phone. In almost a plea, he says "You're embarrassing us, son. This is not the life I envisioned for you. You need to reconsider your choices and start acting like an adult."

After a brief silence, his father's voice returned, this time laced again with frustration - the softness that just fell was all an act. This is the hammer Steve was expecting, and it’s falling. Right now. "Enough of this nonsense. You're coming back home. I've arranged for a position for you in the firm. You'll start immediately. Stability, respect – those are the things you need. Not whatever you're doing in that disgraceful place."

Steve ran his free hand through his hair, shaking his head but not really knowing what to say. Dragging his hand back down his face, he felt a knot tighten in his stomach. The pressure to conform to his father's expectations had been a constant weight on his shoulders for his entire life and this is not the first time this conversation has been had. This time feels different though. Before he hadn’t had anything to call his own - not as much to lose. This stupid apartment and the life that they’re living, it’s been good. Maybe the best thing that he’s ever had. And it’s been his. Before, his dad just wanted control. This time, he wants to control him and strip him of the actual identity he’s been working so hard to understand and build. "Dad, I... I need some time to figure things out here. I can't just drop everything and come back."

His father's tone grew more insistent. "Time? You've had enough time, and look where it's gotten you – working in a place like that! It's time to put an end to this foolishness. You're coming back, and that's final."

Steve hesitated, torn between his desire for independence and the fear of his dad. He takes a deep breath and finally responds "I appreciate your concern, but I need to make my own choices. I can't just give up on everything I've built here."

"Built? You call this building a life? What have you accomplished, working in that... that den of immorality? Come home, and I'll set you on the right path. It's time you take responsibility for your future." 

As his father continued to insist, Steve’s yearning to forge his own path and avoid any that looks remotely like his fathers continues to intensify. He’s tuning out the insults at this point, desperate to find some sort of life raft to hold on to as he drowns in his fathers disappointments. It’s only then, that he finds it. The lifeline. The realization that he's got miles between him and his father now. He’s not coming home later to ground him or impose punishments on him. He isn’t relying on their money to pay bills. His mind is racing a mile a minute, and nothing…not one fucking thing he can land on points to any reason that he has to comply with his father. He isn’t depending on him for anything anymore, so why does he owe his dad anything at all?

"I'll think about it, Dad," And with that, he hangs up, knowing full well that he won’t think about it for another goddamn second. 

And that day, Steve called out of work. 

Robin couldn’t even argue with him. After the receiver hit the wall, she could tell that it was worse than she expected the minute he turned around and she could see his eyes glistening. She also was confused as fuck, because she swore she also saw him smirking just a little bit, but she was not going to poke the bear. She let him storm off and slam the door to his room. She didn’t bother him even though everything inside of her was screaming to go knock on the door and make him talk about it. Make him listen to her. She wanted to tell him he wasn’t anything that his father probably just said he was, but they’ve had this conversation before and…damnit she was working really hard at knowing boundaries - trying to read the room and figure out when she needs to shut up instead of rambling incessantly at all the wrong times. She thinks that this is one of those times that people need space, so she acquiesced. 

She makes a full pot of coffee, sets out some more food and the bottle of aspirin from the medicine cabinet and leaves it all out on the kitchen counter for Steve for whenever he emerges once she’s gone. Subtle. Not every way to help has to be in your face, she tells herself. I don’t need to meddle. He’ll let me know if he needs anything. Right?

Robin’s walk to work that day was quiet and dreary. The weather outside, overcast and air thick with that feeling that comes before the clouds break open and pour down on you. Seemed fitting. 

It took Robin five whole minutes after she got to work and put her stuff away before she meddled anyway. She picked up the phone once, and quickly set it down - thinking better of it. But immediately picked it back up against her better judgment and called you. As your answering machine picks up and your message plays, dripping with sarcasm and coyness asking your caller to leave a message after the beep, the realization hits then that she has no idea what your schedule is and it was a dumb idea to call you. Dumb dumb dumb. Steve’ll be pissed anyway. 

As the silence settles on the other end of the line Robin’s eyes widen in panic. She meant to hang up, call back later, pretend this didn’t happen at all and play it off as a wrong number. But she’s pretty fucking sure she just said that out loud instead of in her head. “Dumb dumb dumb. Steve’ll be pissed anyway.”

She hung up faster than the devil can fly, slamming down the phone and rattling the display case. The commotion drew Murry out from the back office, shirt pulled up and scratching at his stomach. “What’s got you all worked up Red? Little lost without your other half? Where is he anyway? Finally ruined his perfect attendance because of a wicked hangover, didn’t he? Make sure you tell ‘em he’s not eligible for the Perfect Attendance award this year, nowwww–ohhh something is off about this... What is it Red?.”

So for the next hour, Robin tries her best to summarize what it’s like to have the Harrington’s as parents and what just happened this morning. At least what she knew, because Steve hadn’t shared anything that his dad had said on the other end of that line. “Red, thank God you talk so fast, otherwise that story would have taken up your whole shift. Shit.”

That coaxes a chuckle out of Robin, which makes Murray smile. “Listen, that guy sounds like a Grade-A Asshole. No wonder Steve’s wound so tight…Makes so much sense actually. But this ain’t your fight. Steve’s gotta deal with this demon on his own and he has a funny way of showing it, but he knows where to find the people to help when he needs them. I’m sure of it. He’s not that fucking stupid.” 

“Yeah, see you’re wrong there Murray. He does absolutely think that he has to do everything on his own. Even when he knows we’re here, he won’t… he won’t ask for help. He won’t talk about it. He…thinks he deserves it.” 

It ended up being a slow day, not many people wandering the streets with the off and on drizzles happening all day long, so Robin used that time to bring Alex up to speed after she popped in the shop after work. 

Alex found the story surprisingly relatable. She grew up in a house with rich, successful parents just outside the city in the suburbs. Her parents hosted lavish dinner parties for business partners and she grew up in a way that seemed an awful lot like the Harrington house, other than the fact that they didn’t disappear on her for weeks on end. Her parents, however, were disappointed in her. Unlike Steve’s story, they were not pissed at her skill or her work ethic, her dreams or aspirations. No, they were pissed and disappointed at who was calling the house late at night and giggling on the other end of the phone. Who was picking her up for a night at the movies, or who she was driving off to meet under the swaying trees in the park. The boys she was dating were not good enough for the family - not a “strong enough merger of families” and then when she brought home a girl…well that was a horse of a different color all together. 

Five hours later, Robin and Alex are standing outside of their favorite pizza place in the neighborhood, thinking that a pie and some beers might just draw a sulking Steve out of his cave of self-loathing for the night. They haven’t heard from him all day, and Robin, despite thinking she should maybe let him be for a while, still decided to try and call home to check in on him. When he didn’t answer, Alex offered up a simple explanation, “Rob, he’s probably just sleeping it off, or not in the mood. It’ll be fine.”

Pies and six packs now acquired, they walk side by side the rest of the way back to the apartment, ready for whatever their friend might need. 

“Honey, we’re home!” Robin exclaims, as they barrel through the door. But she stops dead in her tracks seeing the counter laid out with all of the supplies, perfectly arranged exactly how she left them that morning. “Steve? Y’okay?”she shouts down the hallway, on her way to tap at his door before she hears Alex call her name from the living room, beckoning her to come. 

When she arrives, what she doesn’t expect to see are the crushed cans of High Life strewn all over the coffee table, an ashtray so full that she knew he had to blow through most of the pack he has tucked away from when they drink, and the half emptied bottle of Whiskey sitting at the foot of the couch. He didn’t even bother with a glass, she knew it. He spent the day trying to drink away the awful things that sorry excuse for a father said to him straight from the bottle. 

His shoes - the Chucks, the ones he’s been wearing lately - they’re not by the door. Neither is his jacket, so she knows he left and went somewhere. 

But then a high pitched beeping sings from the kitchen, and Robin immediately knows that Steve’s Tamagotchi is hungry…he left, but he forgot his keys. That stupid drunk idiot got locked out. 

All the strings Robin has been holding together all day come loose. They unravel like a dangling thread on a handknit sweater and Alex is pretty sure she hadn’t taken one breath since she started rambling. “Ohmygoddoyouthinkhe’sokay? Whatifsomethinghappenedtohim? Ican’tlivewithmyself. Howdoweevenfindhim? OhmygodI’mgonnahavetotellthekidshe’smissing. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.” 

“Robin.” Alex calmly speaks.

“Ifhe’sdeadI’mblaminghisdad,Isweartogodhe’sasgoodasadeadmanhimself” 

“Robin.”

“Jesus,weshouldcallthehopsital? Ormaybethepolice. Yeahwegottacallsomeone. Ohmygod.”

“ROBIN!” Alex finally screams, two hands on her shoulders now shaking her into some sense of reality. “You’re spiraling. You can’t be spiraling. We have to think.”

“Yeah. Yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m just….”

“Rob, I know you’re worried. We’ll figure it out. Okay?” Alex slides her hand along Robin’s cheek, around her neck and tugging her in for a deep hug, trying to get her to reset, regroup…focus. “Babe, first thing….why do you think he would leave?”

Pulling back, she assesses the situation. Eyes darting around the apartment, closing her eyes so she could think. Just then they pop open looking at the mess on the coffee table. The beer. That was the last of the beer. 

“He was out…” she whispers. “I bet he ran out of beer. That was all we had, and it looks like he polished it off.”

“Okay then. Let’s go for a walk. Check some places where he might get some beers - maybe the corner store you guys go to? See if anyone has seen him, okay? Sound good babe?” Alex’s tone is cool, calm. Her eyes are caring and concerned not just for Steve but also for Robin. She’s being so soft, and even in her panicked haze, Robin notices. 

“Al…Thank you. I needed that.”

With a soft kiss on her temple, Alex grabs Robin’s hand and tugs her towards the door. “Now don’t forget your keys, either, you maniac. Let’s go.”

It’s three pit stops and two meltdowns from Robin on the sidewalk curb later that they find him. It’s honestly the first place they should have looked, but at least they were on the right track. 

Steve did, in fact, get raging pissed that he was out of beer. The cashier they recognize, but don’t know his name, told them as much - mentioned that their friend came in angry and stumbling, grabbed a pack of beer and left it in the middle of the aisle when he rushed out of the store grumbling to himself. It seems as though dear Stevie also forgot his wallet. 

The next place they thought to look was The Hideout. Robin thought that maybe he’d come looking for her, begging for some cash so he could replenish his stash. Pay no mind to the fact that it was past closing for a weeknight and Robin was long gone, at this point they were absolutely certain Steve had no idea what time it even was. Half expecting to see him leaning on the door of the shop, or passed out in a slump on the front stoop, when they came up empty handed again Robin needed to cry.

Head in her hands, leaning on her knees as she sits on the curb, Alex tries to stifle a laugh at how splotchy faced and snotty her beautiful girl is right now. “Baby,” she says, pushing back her hair “Baby…let’s think, kay? is there anywhere else Steve feels safe in this city? Who else does he feel safe with other than you?”

The revelation comes quickly. 

Head popping up with a renewed sense of confidence in their search for their missing and probably sloppily drunk friend “I bet he’s at Bennys.” 

And after a 10 minute walk that is the most silent Robin Buckley has ever been in her entire life, she lets out a breath that she may or may not have been holding the entire time when the door to Benny’s swings open and she takes in Steve with his forehead on the bar. Hopper is standing behind the bar polishing glasses with an irritated scowl and right in front of Steve stands a Joyce, hand right on top of his with sad, concerned eyes that flit right to the girls who just sounded the bell. 

Pitiful. The look Joyce was giving him was pity. And if Steve were coherent enough to realize it, he would be completely ashamed to be receiving it from anyone. Steve was shitfaced drunk out of shame and disappointment and whatever feelings of inadequacy he was shielding away from everyone else in his life, but at least he was safe. Thank Christ he had the decency to come to Benny’s, where at least Joyce would take care of him - make sure he doesn’t do anything else stupid. 

“Steve!” Robin yells, rushing over to his side “Steve, we didn’t know where you were. And you left your keys. I was so worried. We thought you were dead, I swear….well I thought you were dead. Alex was much more rational, but…” 

A groan falls from Steve’s throat as their attention turns to Joyce. She opens her mouth to speak but Hopper interjects before she could even get a word out. 

“Your buddy here is a fucking mess. He’s lucky this is Rick’s third stop on his daily tour of downtown dive bars. Recognized the bastard and drug him over here after he got kicked out of wherever they were before this. I honestly don't know where. Ricky’s always so drunk I probably shouldn't even be serving him by the time he gets here anyway.``

“Steve, honey.” Joyce’s honey soft voice stirs him “Your girls are here. Rob and Alex, they’re here for you, baby. Let them help you, okay? Y’cant stay here like this.” She says as she rubs his hair back and tries to soothe him awake. 

“He’s been drinking straight ginger ale for at least an hour. He thinks it's mixed with whiskey but I just couldn't. It was easier than him and Hop arguing ‘bout it.” she says under her breath, just out of his earshot. 

After agreeing to let him sweat it out for a bit longer, Joyce passes the girls a drink while they wait and slides another ginger ale in a rocks glass in front of Steve with a wink.  With soft voices they talk about what has unfolded today just loud enough to hear each other over the din of the jukebox playing “Hunger Strike” in the background. 

Shit. 

As she hears the deep roll of his voice on Eddie Vedder’s verse she’s reminded of you, and remembers the cryptic message she most likely left you on your answering machine. Even though the boy is sitting there in the flesh in front of them, his eyes now open enough to see the whites of them, his stare is vacant and he hasn’t looked this way since… well. Ever. Robin has seen him through some pretty serious shit, and he’s never looked quite this detached. 

“I’m worried about him, girls.” Joyce coos. 

With a nod in agreement, she asks for the only thing she can think to do next. “Joyce, can I use your phone? I gotta call someone who might be able to help.”

Alex’s eyes go wide and she winces, “You sure that’s a good idea, Rob? I mean, I see where you’re going with this, but he’s gonna be pissed, isn’t he?’

Seeing the look of confusion on Joyce’s face, Robin grabs the phone and continues “It’s..a girl. He’s fine. It’ll be fine. I don’t care if he’s pissed about it at this point. We need help and… I might have already left her a message earlier in a panic. Oh - Hey!” interrupted in her rambling as you answer the phone on the first ring. “Yeah, yeah I’m so sorry about that weird message earlier. It’s been a… day - a real bad one. We need some help. We’re at Benny’s, and…it’s just - Steve. We need help with Steve, can you come?”

Of course you will. You were there to help as soon as you could. And just like Robin and Alex assumed, Steve was pissed. 

“I'm just saying Stevie, you didn't have to be so mean to her. She came because I called. Didya really expect the two of us to be able to drag your sorry ass home without calling in reinforcement? Have you seen my arms? They're basically twigs!”

“I wasn't trying to be mean to her. It was you guys. I was pissed you called her…cause I didn't… It's embarrassing. She didn't need to see me like that. I know you were trying to help. You can barely carry a damn grocery bag, so I get it, its just… I was pathetic.”

“Well. You said it, I didn't.” Robin shrugs, kicking her feet up on the stool next to her by the register. It's been a few days and they're at least able to poke fun a little bit at the whole thing. Steve and Rob had a long talk after he was able to shake off a two day long hangover that he spent in the dark, shades drawn - crackers and some Pedialyte by his bedside. 

Steve eventually spilled his guts to Robin on the fire escape while she smoked, his throat still too sore from the pack he inhaled in his drunken rage that day. He wouldn't even look at her when he told her about how his dad was talking about… her. Told her that there's been a lot of terrible, downright rude things that his dad has done and said over the years that he's made an excuse for or ignored, but that…that disregard, that intolerance he showed for someone that Steve cared about. That when it comes down to it, Steve loved. That was the last straw. He couldn't turn a blind eye anymore. 

He didn't feel he owed his dad an explanation. If he really thought Steve would show up this weekend with his bags and his Beamer ready to put on a suit and head to the office alongside his dad on Monday, he has another thing coming. 

Murray saunters into the storefront then “Before I finalize this schedule, ya sure you're gonna show up on Monday, dude? Last chance to turn in your notice and go shadow daddy dearest, because if you no call no show me on this schedule next week consider this bridge burned.”

“No way in hell, Murray. I'm fully committed to your dick shop. I'll sell anything you dream up over spending one hour in a building full of pricks like my dad. Don't care how much the salary is or how big the guilt trip.” 

“Well in that case, Steve, it sounds to me that where your dad works is the real dick shop, huh? We…deal only in one way tickets to pleasure town here.” 

“Touche” Steve gives Murray a pow pow with his finger guns before walking through the dangling beads hanging at the entrance to the break room. 

Emerging twenty minutes later (and five minutes late from his break) Steve is unsurprised to find Alex spread across the length of the couch. “What are you two assholes doing?” 

“Hi Alex, thanks again for saving my life and ensuring I don't die in a ditch or need my stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning and ensuring that my most magnetic and caring roommate and best friend didn't have a stroke while I was missing. It's nice to see you again. I am forever in your debt.” Alex mocks with a deep voice meant to imitate his while Robin cackles, slapping her thighs. 

“Smash or pass” she deadpans. “Julia Roberts.”

“Pass” Steve and Robin say in unison. 

“Really?” Alex pops up in surprise. 

“I guess I just don’t get the appeal with that one. I like her movies, though, just…don’t wanna see her bush. No rolling in the hay with her for me.” Robin says very matter of factly. 

“Yeah, for me” Steve quips pointing right at Robin. “Reminds me too much of this asshole right here. Can’t even think about it.” 

Madonna. Demi Moore. Sharon Stone. Liv Tyler was a unanimous smash. An hour went by throwing out names and shouting out whether or not they were fuckable before Alex’s bisexual ass snuck in Brad Pitt.

“Bleh, pass. That's a dick.”

“Smash.” Steve's eyes go wide. Did he just…

“Stevie boy, did you just smash Brad Pitt?” Alex is literally on the edge of her seat at this point. Robin's jaw is just about on the floor. He's waving her off “That…that's not.. I mean. If I were I guess…he’s a good looking guy, s’all I’m saying.”

 “You would like the golden boy type shit. I'm more of a ruggedly handsome older man kinda bisexual. I bet you'd smash Patrick Swayze too, handsome. UNLESS…are we talking Interview with a Vampire long hair type Pitt because…”

“This is too much for me!” Robin is shouting as she starts pacing. 

“Robbie, I’d expect a little more tolerance from you. I’m disappointed.” Steve pokes fun. “Anyway, you do have the late shift today, so I’ll save you from thinking about me boning Brad Pitt and get out of here.”

“Ew. Steve. No. You and Pitt? You’re definitely bottom. He’s batter dipping the corn dog, not you.”

Raising his middle finger in the air, he gestures behind him to the girls as he walks out the door. 

After grabbing a coffee, Steve swings into the record store to browse for some new vinyls. The guy at the front desk is starting to get to know Steve, and he likes that the guy is comfortable enough to make recommendations or pulls a vinyl or two to save for next time Steve comes in. It makes him feel memorable. He’s little more than guy at the record store to Steve, but yet guy at the record store cared enough to think about him and what he might like even when he’s not here. 

It’s stuff like this, that he hasn’t really experienced until he moved here to the city, that makes Steve feel less than insignificant. Who would have thought that coming to a city filled to the brim with more people than he knows what to do with would make him feel more seen than a small town where everyone knows your name ever did. 

He grabs his bag, filled with three new recommendations from guy at the record store, and he’s heading for the door before the cashier yells out “Oh damn, bro. I almost forgot. Someone left this for you. It’s already paid for, so don’t worry about it, but she said you gotta hear this one.” Steve reaches out to grab the bright red sleeve and turns it over twice before slipping it into his bag. “Yeah thanks dude. See ya around.” 

He lies to himself when he thinks that the brisk pace he is walking on his way home is because the nights are turning colder in the city and he wants to get home. He lies to himself a second time when he says he wants to keep moving so he takes the stairs two at a time instead of waiting on the elevator. He lies to himself for a third time, pretending that he’s not really in a rush even though he doesn’t take off his shoes and jacket before he makes a beeline right for his record player all while unwrapping that vinyl he knows that you left for him. 

The whirring of the player and the zap of the scratching needle connecting with the plastic make his brain start to buzz and he’s done lying to himself when he thinks that he was so fucking stupid when he shouted at you - drunk out of his mind or not, he has been expecting you to never speak to him again, so…you leaving this for him might just mean…

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey

Butane in my veins and I'm out to cut the junkie

With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables

Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose

What the fuck did she leave me? He thinks, as he lets the record spin and listens, patiently. Waiting for the hook. Waiting for the bass drop. Waiting for those deep drum rhythms he likes so much. Waiting for the lyrics that are supposed to hit home.

Oh. 

Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

(Double-barrel buckshot)

“Maybe I should just move home and take a stupid job with my dad like he’s been telling me to do since junior year of high school.”

Murray hears the boy complaining as he walks through the door with three giant boxes stacked on top of one another. “Casanova. Hey!” Setting them down he snaps both his fingers right in Steve’s face “We’ve been over this… focus on my dick shop, not your dads. I got new goods, get your sweet ass over here.”

He waves Steve and Robin over to the front window, and they dutifully follow. Ripping open the boxes with a rusty pocket knife he pulls from his tube sock, Murray rambles about the boxes filled with a new Latex fashion line he was checking out at the expo. He shoos Steve off to grab the mannequins from the back storage room so they can set up the window display. “Make sure to grab the dudes with the biggest packages back there, Stevie-boy!” before looking at Robin curiously, asking her to spill the details and explain the pivot back into full on self-loathing Steve took. 

“Ah, the lady friend? She gave him that? Sassy. I think I like her. If he doesn't want her…” wiggling his eyebrows, Murray is quickly cut off as Steve re-enters the floor.

“Doesn’t want who?’ Steve says, male mannequin under each arm. 

“Oh, nothing. I gotta go get some lunch. I’ll grab the plastic girls on my way back in and you two can play dress up.” 

“Hey Stevie, whaddya think?” Robin’s got one of the black latex outfits held out in front of her as she tries anything but effortlessly shaking her hips to the beat of the song playing overhead on the speakers. The would-be seductive dance is cut off when her face lights up, running off to the break room with the package in hand.

“I don’t like that look Robbie. What are you doing?”

Shaking the beads dangling from the door frame to announce her re-entry, Steve’s eyes glance up before doing a double take. Robin stood there, leaning into the wall looking as casual as she possibly can (which isn’t that casual, honestly), standing in a full head to toe black latex catsuit. If Steve could have, he would have taken a polaroid if not just to gift to Alex as a thank you, or apology. Whatever she needs most from him - he’s not too sure at this point. Robin arches her back like she’s posing for a centerfold and it’s not long before the two of them are deep in a fit of laughter from her antics. 

Except something goes wrong. The fit of laughter soon lets up, but Robin still can’t catch her breath. Steve is breathing deep, grinning again and shaking his head at her, and while she’s happy she’s coaxing out a laugh and a smile she hasn’t seen from him in over a week, her chest is getting tighter by the second. 

Looking at his friend's pallid face, his eyes dart around thinking while she starts wheezing for air. “Rob…are you...you’re not allergic to latex, are you?”

She shakes her head no adamantly but quickly backtracks, realizing that no, she can’t be sure she’s not allergic to latex. Holding up her hands between the two of them, her wrists are ballooning up around the seam of the catsuit sleeves, body swelling up making the suit stretch over her skin even tighter. She starts to claw at it, trying to get it off, but it’s so slippery and tight, and suctioned to her sweaty skin that it won’t budge and her panicked expression locks on to Steve’s. 

“You didn’t know you were allergic to latex? What the fuck Robbie?” 

“When was I supposed to find out, huh? Not like I’ve been carrying around condoms since I was 15 like you, you asshole!”

“So what…that’s not… What about a balloon? Haven’t you ever been around a fucking balloon before, Rob?”

“Steve, I'm poor. We didn’t buy balloons for birthday parties. I didn’t get….extra…shit. I…no. I can’t remember …ever having a…. balloon.” She’s sucking in breaths between words as much as she can. “Steve, help. It’s….I can’t…”

Walking down the street, Murray is on his way back from grabbing his sandwich, when he spots the flashing lights on the street ahead. What he doesn’t expect is to see those flashing lights belonging to an ambulance pulled up outside of his store. Dropping his sandwich into the grimey gutter, he’s absolutely dumbfounded at the sight before him - Robin laid out on the stretcher, clearly naked and covered with a white sheet and his new inventory in shreds on the sidewalk after the paramedics had to cut it off of her. “Oh for fucks, sake. I didn’t literally mean you should play dress up, Red.” 

It takes the paramedics another 20 minutes to get her settled and breathing from an oxygen tank in the back of the rig and explain the situation to Murray and Steve. Her reaction was bad, so they should expect her to be down and out for at least three days until the swelling goes down and she can recover her breathing enough to function normally. Murray storms off into the store grumbling about Workers Comp paperwork and throwing his hands in the air while Steve stays back, readying himself to climb into the back of the rig and ride with his friend before she stops him. 

“Listen, dude. I’m clearly not gonna be home tonight, and you don’t need to worry about me. Don’t you dare think you’re gonna sit and keep watch at my bedside. This is definitely the only time in my life my tits will look this big, so I’m not about to invite you in. Alex gets clear first dibs before the swelling goes down.” 

Steve grimaces, scrunching his nose up in disgust “Ew, gross Robbie. Stop talking to me about your tits.” 

“Whatever. All I’m saying is, maybe take advantage of the empty house? I know she sent you a message loud and clear with that record but I still don’t buy that she won't give you a shot to explain. Call her. Please?” 

All he can do is nod as she pats his hand and smiles. He backs away so they can close up the rig and watches as they pull off, lights flashing with his swollen raspberry of a friend in tow. 

Murray ends up closing the shop early that night, saying he’s had it up to here with both of them and he just wants to go see Hop and Joyce for an ice cold drink. Before Steve could even respond, Murray’s finger is in his face “NO. You’re not invited this time, buddy. I don’t wanna see your face until tomorrow. And you have the late shift. I don’t wanna close and I think you two owe me.”

“Owe you?! What the heck, I didn’t do anything, man. Robin, she is the one that -”

“No, you listen here. Your moping and loathing is getting irritating. I like you, unfortunately. I’m not sure why, but I like you Steve, and you’ve been fucking annoying since you let your dad get in your head. And whatever is going on with this lady friend, you better fix it.” He pokes Steve right in the chest - hard.

“Is she a girl, or a woman, Steve?” he says, and Steve remembers their chat about Steve’s choices. Why they never seem to work out and how he keeps going for the wrong kind. 

“She’s … she’s a woman. Obviously. She doesn’t want to put up with my bullshit.”

“Fix it, Steve. Thank me later.” 

He had two beers before he worked up the nerve to pick up the phone. He probably would have had another, but he thought better of it considering the last time he saw you. More like the last time you saw him because he doesn’t fucking remember a lick of it. An apology probably wouldn’t go over very well if he was shitfaced again all because he needed some liquid courage to get the balls to call you up. 

It took three, long, agonizing rings for you to pick up, your voice suddenly some sort of beacon in the night for him. He was silent for a beat too long, and just when you went to hang up muttering “whatever asshole, prank call someone else next time” he finally was able to whisper out your name just loud enough that it traveled through the phone line and made it to your ears. 

“You got my record?” 

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“I deserved that… and it’s actually good.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

“I know. Can I see you?”

And to his surprise, you agreed. You asked him to meet you outside, so you can walk to the cafe together. Promised in a way that had him believing it would all be fine - that you’ll figure it out from there. So he’s sitting on the bench outside of his building waiting, legs bouncing up and down uncontrollably mind weight down from anticipation, nerves and his least favorite piece of baggage, self-doubt. 

“You look like you’re waiting on something, boy. Don't wait too long, or you’ll end up looking like me and still never finding what you’re lookin’ for, ya know?”

Steve chuckles and nods. He thinks he does know. And God, he doesn’t want to spend his life chasing an idea and running away every time he gets close because he’s sure he’s not good enough for it. He doesn’t want to be sitting on a bench when he’s 80 lamenting about how he used to look good, had the good hair before it all fell out and turned gray, would get the girls and throw the parties, could pound back a six pack like it’s no big deal, how he was the former Keg King - King Steve. Like that all means anything at all. None of it did. It was all bullshit. 

“I’m Steve” he says, holding his hand out and reaching across the bench. The man reaches out accepting his grasp and introduces himself as Robert.“You live here too?” he nods back at the apartment building. 

“Sure do. Me and my little rascal Dart.” and Steve notices the small dog laying quietly at the man’s feet. 

“What you said before…I am waiting on something. Someone actually. But…I think I’m mostly waiting on myself.” 

“Ah, yes. That’s the age old problem innit? We’re always late to our own party. Been in this city for decades and it’s all the same. Young kids like you are lost until they find what they’re looking for, but some of ‘em, they never find it. No one leads ‘em to it and they forget that it’s even worth lookin’ for along the way.” 

Steve nods, a little solemnly, at the wisdom the old man is sharing. Resonating just a bit closer to home than the old man probably knows. But then he sees a flash of you from down the sidewalk, your jacket wrapped tight around your body, a tentative smile on your face when you see Steve waiting for you like he promised. 

“Ah,” the man laughs a hearty laugh. “She looks like she’s worth waiting for though, my boy. You should go.” 

“Maybe I’ll see you around.” Steve says with a bright smile, and it’s genuine. Maybe she's worth it? Or Maybe Steve will see the old man again. He's not sure which he meant, actually. Maybe…both. 

The walk to the cafe seems to go on for eons. After an interaction teetering on awkward, feet pushing at invisible rocks on the pavement and tentative smiles, you both head in that direction side by side, stealing glances for a block or two before either one breaks the silence.

It seems like both of you have let the dull drone of the city take up enough space in the night and you finally speak up at the same time. 

“I am sorry for being such a mess.”

“I'm sorry for being a bitch.”

“No. No.” You cut him off. “Yeah you're right. You were a mess and you were kind of a dick about it. I'm not gonna excuse that. But you were a mess, and Robin and Alex were worried for good reason, obviously. You were a mess because something happened and I can't be mad at that. I can be frustrated with how you handled yourself…how you treated people who were just there to fucking help you, man, but at the end of the day, you were going through some shit and…I held it against you instead of helped. And then I got you that record and…”

“I…yeah I should not have drank my problems like that. I shouldn't have. I was an idiot. I am an idiot. That song is…not that far off. Might be my theme song, actually.” He holds back a small laugh to himself. “I do stupid shit. That's not new. But…I wasn't mad at anyone until -”

“You sure seemed mad, Steve.”

“I was…it's just. I guess I'm realizing now I wasn't actually mad at anyone but myself and my dad until you showed up.”

“Correct. You made that loud and clear.”

“Oh. I -” silence falls over them for a few steps, Steve finally looking over at you in a way that makes you feel like he's looking into you not at you this time. “I think I finally understand. Can…can I try and explain? Once we get there?”

You nod. And you let him. 

Like a floodgate, the honesty Steve holds back on a regular basis flows out the minute he starts. Tucked in the back corner of the cafe, a steaming hot chai in front of you, a black coffee with cinnamon and nutmeg there in front of him, he tells you how growing up actually felt for him. Not just the my dad is an asshole version but how it really affected him. He says it out loud and admits the way his dad made him feel. Tells you stories about all the sports and the winning and the popularity that was never what he wanted anyway. Tells you how his dad has spent his whole life grooming him to be a mini-version of Mr Harrington, and that's the absolute last thing in the world he wants to be. He just wants to be Steve - whoever that is. 

And he cries. He cries when he tells you about the phone call. You notice it's not at the mean things his dad says to him, the names he's called or the put downs about his life that break him down - it's when he tells you about the disdain in his dads voice when he berates him about being friends with the gays. How he couldn't look at Robin after the way his dad talked and how he felt more shame in that moment than any other. Not ashamed that he’s friends with Robin. Not in a million years, but more from the idea that his dad - no anyone - would be lucky to find a friend half as good as Robin is, so who the fuck cares who she loves, right? Jesus Christ. Shame that someone he loves has to live in a world where people like his dad exist. 

You both need a refill before he can get through the hard part, though, the part where he hurt you. Steve motions to your empty cup asking if he can get you more and before you know it, comes back a short time later with two new steaming mugs and plates of assorted pastries and snacks balancing on top. I didn't know what you'd like, so I got it all. 

Something tells you that even if you don't actually say it, Steve would know for next time. He'd know that you're a sucker for their blondies and like to snack on their homemade caramel corn because even as he's spilling his guts he's paying attention to you, and from here on out every time you meet Steve Harrington at the cafe, he'd have your drink and a plate with a blondie on it waiting for you every single time. 

Then, Steve tells you about that day. About how he remembers chain-smoking inside the house and how he knew Robin would fuck me up for it but I didn’t care. He recalls for you how he sat on the sofa with the whiskey bottle muttering to himself about the things his dad said, trying to figure out why this man thinks he can still push his grown son around. He tells you he remembers leaving to get another 6-pack when he ran out but that was the last of it. He doesn't remember much of anything or how he got to Benny's. Hop had told him, and he makes sure to remind him every time he's seen him since that he was pitiful watching Steve being drug in by the drunkest man on the block. Never thought I'd see the day anyone was more drunk than goddamn Rick, boy. Sure proved me wrong. 

And when he gets to the part where his friends show up, when you show up, he looks downright ashamed and worried. With a deep sigh, falling from his lips, he tells you that the next and only other thing he remembers from that night was you walking through the door. With his head lain on the bar, vision completely sideways, what he saw was a fucking angel walking into the bar. Thought he was hallucinating or maybe even finally out of his misery and you were coming to bring him towards the light, until his brain made you right side up and he realized who it was. 

He didn’t remember the yelling, but Robin told him later how big of a douchebag he was when all he did was start yelling at you and making one hell of a scene. Hearing Robin tell him about how he shouted and asked in such an accusatory tone What are you doing here? made him wonder if he was no better than his dad in the first place. Sounded an awful lot like him in the moment, at least. 

You think he looks like a kicked puppy as he explains the rest. “I - I don't expect you to say anything. Or do anything. I don't expect you to forgive me or…” running his hands through his hair you can tell he's trying to pluck up some semblance of courage. 

“The thing is, I was mad when my drunk brain finally registered that you were there, and you were there to help. Because I didn't want that. Help sure…I fucking needed help. You saw me. But you….” His swallow is so loud it's audible. 

“I was embarrassed I didn't want you to see me like that. I… “

Reaching across the table you gently touch his forearm and it gives him enough courage to finish what he has to say. 

“I didn’t want you to see me like that, because I like you too much…Like, the real kind. And I feel so stupid saying it out loud, because I thought that if I showed you how broken I was, you’d see that I wasn’t worth it. Maybe you don’t think I am in the first place and that’s fine I can be just your friend. S’probably all I deserve, honestly.” 

He chances a look at you just then, and when it’s not a scowl or indifference he feels safe rough to continue. “Before I didn’t know why I was being such a jerk and I figured it was just because - I am a Harrington, after all. But, I understand why I did it now. I understand that even though I did it wrong, I was trying to protect you from me, and I was trying to protect myself from… ”

Scooting your chair closer to Steve, you push his wild and windswept hair back so you can see him even when his head is hanging low. His eyes flit up to yours and there’s no pity in your eyes. He was expecting pity at the very least, but it’s not there.

“Steve, who says I need to be protected? Especially from you?”

He doesn’t expect your fingers to find his on the walk away from the cafe. He doesn’t expect your touch to be soft. He doesn’t expect it to stay longer than a second - maybe just the gift of something fleeting. But it is. It does. Your fingers hook into his and they don’t pull away, holding on to him and his limp hand before he can even process what he’s being given. Fingers hooked and coaxing him to just let go and embrace it. Fingers he accepts as he laces his with yours, and they stay that way for the entire walk back to his apartment. 

—-

A nod of the head with a huge grin spread across his face, Robert welcomes Steve back to the building, still perched on the same bench he walked away from a few hours ago. Maybe Dart needed to go out again, or maybe Robert never left, but in that moment, Steve thought about everything the old man said to him earlier. He’s done with waiting. Waiting has gotten him nowhere. Hiding his feelings has gotten him nowhere. The only person standing in his way is himself. 

Your name falls from his lips softly, but there’s something there that wasn’t there earlier in the shop. It’s more sure of himself, almost confident. The predictable thing to come next was a goodnight kiss on his front stoop, and you’re thinking that maybe after all this time and him finally admitting that he’s into you, you’ll get what you’ve been wanting since that night in the back seat of the cab, or when you felt your tummy flip sitting across from him eating that ice cream. Poised to lift up on your toes to close the distance, instead he surprises you when he tugs your arm and pulls you inside the front door to his building with a grin. 

And you got that kiss. Oh God, did you get it. 

When the door closed to their apartment, Steve turned around to look at you. There was a heat behind his eyes as he slid your coat off of your shoulders for you, and a yearning hiding there when he looks up at you from below as he crouches down to help you slip off your shoes. Rising back up in front of you he’s close. So close that his lips are just barely apart from yours and the heat of his breath tickles your cheeks. The pair of you are so close that there’s barely any space between your bodies when you suddenly find your back pressed up against the door behind you. 

Lips finally touching, slow and just barely you breathe out “Robin…” 

“That’s not my name, honey.”

And you laugh. A sweet thing that makes Steve’s insides twist and turn.

“She won’t be home tonight. There was some latex…She’s fine. I’ll explain later.”

The kiss you finally get is sloppy, but in the best way. There’s no time for chaste kisses here, pillowy lips slotted together and moving effortlessly between one another. He adjusts your chin with the tips of his fingers so that he can gently caress the line of your jaw, following it back down and up again as he slides his fingers through the base of your hair. His grip there is tight, but not painful, Possessive but not overwhelming. It’s like he’s got something he wants so desperately and he’s afraid to let it go. 

He gently touches your upper lip with the tip of his tongue, coaxing you open further for him, letting his tongue follow the outlines of your teeth before letting his dance together with yours. He lets out a small sigh as you continue to nip at each other's lips and play with how you both respond to one another's kiss. The sigh makes your mouth crack open in a smile, cheeks drawing up with the grin and encouraging his kisses to explore elsewhere. Small pecks start on the corner of your mouth and then your cheeks, right on the apple of them as their pulled taught by your smile. 

Moving down towards your jaw, your neck, they get more and more salacious the lower they get. Red and pricking, a bruise is blooming at the spot on your neck just under your ear where he settles in to suck and kiss at your skin while the whimper that falls from your lips as he does it and your fingertips running through his hair and scratching at his scalp keep him grounded - barely capable of holding it together as is. 

When you ask him what he wants, the answer he gives you is not one you expected. Sure you expected him to want to dote on you - after all, he’s attentive like that on any given day, so Steve being a giver in the sheets was almost…a given? But when his gasping breaths punctuate each word that comes out of his mouth Can you … I want you to ride my face? was a pleasant surprise. 

Now surprising him, you not only agreed, but were confident about it. “Always wanted this. No…no one would let me.” He tells you as he breathes into you, chest heaving, foreheads touching. He barely notices as you pull the top of your dress down and work it over your shoulders, then the swell of your breasts. He only registers your exposed skin as you guide his hands down to your waist so he can hold you steady as you step out of it. 

Coaxing him backwards towards the sofa, you tap his shoulder and tell him to sit down on the floor, back against the furniture, as you make a show of removing your bra. He does as you ask, unable to tear his eyes away from your supple skin and perfectly peaked nipples, making a mental note that later he absolutely has to get his mouth on them. As you shimmy down your underwear in front of him, you pause to add a kiss to the top of his head before dropping the garment directly in his lap.

He bunches them up in his hand, sliding them into his front pocket for later as you settle over him, “Y’know…they call this Queening?” perched there on your knees, you’re fully undressed and slotted above his face so casually. 

“Mmmm. Makes sense.” He says, against the seam of your pussy and your thighs, making you vibrate with his words and his gentle hum. 

“R’mind me to tell you why one day.”

“Mmmmhmm. Sure thing.” In a haze, he reaches around you, fingers digging into your supple ass and pulling you closer. Forward and over, just where he wants you. The perfect position where he can use both his mouth and his nose - just like Robin told him he should.  Head moving subtly left to right, he tests it out, tip of his nose gently nudging your clit left to right and right to left and his warm breath teasing your wet, glistening folds. You let out a gasp followed by a small breathy little uhh, that has his ears ringing and he’s happy. Pleased with his position, he slips his tongue out and traces you with it, before returning with a big, firm lick - tongue flattened and wide making sure you touch all of you in one pass. Those big hands wrap further around you, now snaking over the tops of your thighs and this time tugging you down. Down down down and there’s nowhere else to go. 

Now you’ve had some fine oral sex before. It’s a non-negotiable for you when it comes to relationships: If a man is worried about tasting your clit, you don’t want him. You’re worth more than that. You’ve even done this a time or two, but Steve nestled between your thighs, under you like this fully clothed and pulling you into his face further despite there not being anywhere else to go is otherworldly.  

Other times you’ve found yourself in this position were tactical. A position change, a new angle, just for fun, a lazy guy. But being perched on top of Steve Harrington’s face is making you feel like a true goddess. You were about to give him a history lesson and tell him why this is called Queening and instead he’s proving it to you. Making you feel just like one.

Between smooth glides of his tongue, Steve sucks at your lips, your clit, the seam of your thigh. Once you’ve settled and allow yourself to fully relax over top of him, he releases his bruising grip - perfect tiny crescents left behind in their wake - and uses those free hands wherever he can reach. Sliding up your spine, ghosting over the peach of your ass, along the curve of your backside and between them, too. 

You’re not quiet anymore. You couldn’t be if you tried, and if you weren’t muffling the sounds coming from him with your thighs, you’re pretty sure the symphony of both of your moans would be enough to tip you over the edge. Since his are busy elsewhere, your hands find their way to your tits, rolling your nipples between your fingers and throwing your head back in pleasure as you start to absentmindedly grind on his face. 

He lets you bask in your pleasure for a while before tugging you out of your daze, hands covering the small of your back, pulling and angling you forward so that your hands fall to the arm of the sofa behind him. Now, leaning over him, soft and subtle grinding returning like muscle memory, he takes the opportunity to slide his fingers in from behind, just alongside his mouth. Thick digits slipping inside, scissoring alongside the wet muscle of his tongue, nose nudging your clit between deep rolls of your hips against him, he notices the twitching of your velvety walls first, followed by the shaking of your thighs. 

Freeing his hands, he finds your legs again, if only to hold you down to ride out your climax, combating how badly your sensitive body is trying to pull away, just slightly. The work he’s putting in on your pussy is paying off tenfold when you tremble and shake above him. Unable to move from the vice grip he has on your legs, you have no choice but to cry out and let him lap at you, drink you up until you're overstimulated and begging him to stop. 

Limp and satiated, you easily fall into his arms as he moves up between you and the couch, pulling you into his lap. Your head lolls forward has he grabs your cheeks to look at you “Y’feel good baby? Y’feel like a Queen?” 

You nod, dazed but eager and happy as he lifts you and stands. Legs wrapping around his hips while he peppers you with kisses that taste like your own pleasure, he carries you down the hallway to his room. 

Kicking open the door, he stalks over to his bed and tosses you onto it without a second thought.  Looking up at him with big doe eyes, he knows he’s done for. He can’t move fast enough as he loosened his belt and tugs down his pants. Crawling over you on his bed, he nudges that nose against yours again to get your attention. “You wanna? We don’t have to y’know?”

“Steve Harrington, I want to so bad, I’m gonna make you forget your name.” 

TAGLIST: @livsters @katie-tibo @johnrichardpapen @angywritesstuff @k-k0129 @tisthedamngoldrush @middle-of-the-sky @thebrazilianatheist @mochminnie @micheledawn1975 @falling-throughthe-hourglass @rafaaoli @ash5monster01 @gabessock @onyxslayss @scoopshxrrington @superblysubpar

[happypotato48]

Century of Love EP 3-4 Unhinged Tangent Thoughts

Ok ok ok we're going fast baby! need to catch up so i can start doing this weekly.

Kanom krok! if any of ya'll ever coming to Thailand you better get this dessert. imo it's the best Thai street food. i'm not fond with the ones that has corn in them, but for real the green onions ones are heavenly.

Best advice in bl ever grandma. yeah fuck them hoes whose only judged you for your past mistakes and social status.

Tit-bit about thai nickname trend. people who only has two kids usually named their two kids to rhyme and/or in similar theme. for an example Nammon (holy water) Namhom (scented water.)

This is a BL alright :)

the three (generations) stooges. god i loved this family so much.

This is the sexiest scene in all of the recent Thai BLs. fight me, this man brush work got me more work up than butt naked sex scenes. anyways i'm calling dibs on this man he's my future husband and non of you bitches can have him!

Yeah as much it is ashamed for me to admit this but i can only count to ten in mandarin.

Gramp you already had sex dreams about this boy. also the heaven don't give no shit about two men getting married. it's the dinosaurs that you have to be worry about.

The OG Y girl Nu Wa striked agian.

One bad choice and your life is ruined. i related to that.

One class solidarity flashback and this man is ready down to clown, respect.

I know this scene is suppose to be funny but like i'm trash so... berate me more Daddy!

Dashing! so since the marriage equality bill passed i've been start thinking about my own hopefully one day will happen wedding. and yeahhhh i'm a basic bitch i probably going to wear black but after seeing this maybe red is not a bad choice. still need to find a man first tho.

What did i said! our girl Nu Wa is the OG!

Another bad choice to be make, that's life i guess.

And now to EP 4!

I wish i have the audacity of this boy. it's very inspiring to be this shameless.

Ok i love this homophobic grandpa. idk why but i don't feel bothered by a homophobic lead in this show contrast to other older Thai BLs.

Noooo you hurts my baby old man! although bloody noise Tao is kinda turn me on.

Food!!!

I don't care i support this boy very bad choice in saving his grandma. this baby and his grandma deserved the world.

My heart! ahhhhhhh!!!!

*incoherent noise* Gay love is indeed magical.

I will kill you motherfucker. classist pig.

+1 Point for show up for the wedding - 1 point for not beliving your friends outlandish BL nonsense.

Hell yeah, this shit alway bothered me in vempire show.

Danm this boy is jacked! i support (as long as they're not straving themselves) twink death for all BL actors.

This show is bonker lol i loved it.

Hi uncle Suchat.

Yesss finally some good god danm Thai BL. these two EPs is so good, i loved the silly bickering between our leads but also how the emotional stuff are very much not overshadowed by all of the sillyness. i'm very much invested in Wee's quest to save his grandma and the genuine budding romance that started to bubbly up cause of the mutual cares and empathy that the leads has for each other. i'm having a great time with this show and i can't wait for this week EPs.

[asmoshoebox]

you know i love those dash simulator posts but it would be silly to make one for bvm haha

0 notes

🤖 hellzbelz reblogged blasphem-baby-one-more-time

💿 gerard-streets-thighs Follow

cashier at hot topic yesterday said he liked my shoelaces but he seemed really genuine and i was wearing my boots with the gay laces so i just fistbumped him and walked away. do i deserve to be drawn and quartered over this minor social faux pas yes or no

#prev LMFAO #keep doing it

423 notes

🌈 becks-lox-rebagels

the only thing worse than applying for jobs is interviewing for jobs what the fuck was that phone call ??????? i swear the guy (?) sounded like they were literally dying. prolly just a smoker though 💀 i hope this gig works out man i dont feel great about it

#the good news is my bubbe is coming to see us next week :) #becks personal log

1 note

🤖 hellzbelz reblogged

🚬 maiale-e-fagioli

WHY THE FUCK IS GAS SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE IM GOING TO EXPLODE EVERYONE ON THIS DAMN PLANET

🚬 maiale-e-fagioli

they don't know this post is about the hearse running out of gas on the turnpike last week. with. you know. things. inside of it

#wtf misnis

327 notes

🎸 blasphem-baby-one-more-time reblogged

🤖 hellzbelz

dude qhat if there was a way to make like. so so you knwo how money s madeup right .well wht if it was worse

🤖 hellzbelz

like if isnteadof it being materials we assign arbitrsry value ot based on manufactres scarcity wht if it was digital adn the value was based onlike uniqhe digital signaturess and algorthims qnd all the value came fromn specualotye invensitmetn instea d of anything REMTOELY real lmfaooooooo

doctorsexy-deactivated20210504

🌐 worldheritageposts Follow

Date of Origin: March 3, 2009

#who keeps bringing this back lmao cryptocurrency is already dead

93,672 notes

🕸 inthefogofmyowndarkinnermind reblogged

👻 beetlejuicebeetlejuicebeejeezus Follow

girl help there's a cosplayer on the bus rn in FULL monster mode it's SO FUCKING COOL and also HOT

👻 beetlejuicebeetlejuicebeejeezus

they did like an eldritch double face thing and the makeup is impeccable, it looks so real that i just. i just wanna lick it. "i saw you from across the bus and think you're super intimidating, can i bite you?" but genuinely !!!!!!!!! also they're like suuuper gnc which makes it one morbillion times sexier. god. definitely drawing them when i get home

#woagh that sounds rad as hell. and soooo valid op #like. i just want to eat a demon out and die with its talons inside me #and frankly i dont think thats too much to ask

315 notes

🔥 vintagefaggotry reblogged starry-cocked-adonis

wetnwilde-secondedition

"oh, i don't think you're ready yet," he says, pressing a broad, calloused finger against your dripping cunt. "i wouldn't want to hurt you, after all.....

Keep reading

🍷 starry-cocked-adonis Follow

new blog same fat wet manhole! they will never kill me in a way that matters!

#asmo originals archive #i miss my old url smh

667 notes

💀 damiens-demon-lair reblogged

🕸 inthefogofmyowndarkinnermind

rly loved the dusk over campus tonight 🦇

#omg slay #gothcore #goth #aesthetic #alt aesthetic

25 notes

🤖 hellzbelz reblogged

🎸 blasphem-baby-one-more-time

bee butts. you agree. reblog.

1,634 notes

🔥 vintagefaggotry reblogged

🚬 maiale-e-fagioli

#bestie why are you polling tumbler about this #personally id keep it #makes a great tactile stim

2 notes

💀 damiens-demon-lair

might change my name again. i like damien but it just doesnt feel like me anymore idk idk

#i dont understanddd it just feels Wrong #sometimes i feel like theres really smth wrong with me man #and not in the goth way #like im goth i know that but being a goth guy is just. blegh #goth girls just have so many more options for looks it's not fair

1 note

🎸 blasphem-baby-one-more-time reblogged

😈 mallratgothbandofficial Follow

We're coming.....and we hope you will too...

This Saturday at the Moonbeef Cafe in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania

#BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

[thedragonholder]

The Titan squad-3

Hatsune and kung lao were on their guard seeing a titan Scorpion with his kunai chain wrapped around Kitana "what should we do?" Kung lao asked Hatsune she thought for a second and had an idea she then looked at Kung lao "wait for my signal and then- Kung lao!!" Hatsune said as kung lao threw his hat at scorpion but scorpion ducked and smirked "nice try" scorpion said only to look in front of him only to see Hatsune as kung lao had disappeared.

"what the-" kung lao grabbed Scorpion by his neck quickly as he jumped out from his hat and slammed Scorpion on the ground Kitana removed the kunai chains quickly from her neck while Hatsune observed the fight.

"not bad of a plan" Hatsune said to kung lao "thanks" kung lao said getting off from scorpion as kung lao went to Hatsune and Kitana scorpion stood up from behind kung lao Scorpions hands engulfed flames as he was about to burn kung lao "kung lao behind you!!" Kitana shouted Hatsune created bright flames in her hands but her flames weren't red they were hellish blue she blasted scorpion before he could harm kung lao.

Scorpion got off from the ground dusting himself off as the flames didn't have any effect on him "a worthy opponent" scorpion said with a devilish smirk "let's see who wins this round hell face" Hatsune said as she stepped infront of scorpion with her guard ready scorpion threw his kunai chain at Hatsune wrapping it around her legs and throwing her towards a bunch of trees.

Hatsune got flung back in mid air but she landed on the ground and dashed forward scorpion also dashed towards Hatsune.

Hatsune had her blue flames around her hand ready to kill scorpion there and there and scorpion was going to do the same to her as their flame fists were going to collide their legs and lower torso got frozen.

Scorpion and Hatsune flames disappeared and they looked at each other confused "Hanzo, Hatsune stop this fighting at once!!" The two looked to see sub kuai Liang standing there with a stern expression "kuai Liang/ Sub kuai Liang" Scorpion and Hatsune said as they melted the ice off.

Scorpion went to sub kuai Liang "kuai Liang" Scorpion said "Hanzo" sub kuai Liang said as Scorpion approached sub kuai Liang Scorpion grabbed kuai Liang's collar and bent down a bit kissing the cryomancer on the lips.

Kitana was shocked, kung lao clicked a picture and Hatsune stood there in disbelief Scorpion hanzo pulled away from the kiss "kuai my depressed snowflake I have missed you dearly" Scorpion hanzo said "as i missed you Hanzo my sun warrior" Sub kuai Liang said looking up at scorpion Hanzo "what the fuck!?" Hatsune shouted.

"sub kuai he tried to kill us!!" Kitana said "this is so gay.. can't wait to show this to Johnny and kenshi" kung lao said. "Kitana calm down and kung lao delete that picture" sub kuai Liang said Kung lao pouted "no fair" kung lao said "sub kuai Liang mind introducing us to him?" Hatsune asked Sub kuai Liang. "This is Scorpion Hanzo he is from another dimension a titan he's my fiancee" sub kuai Liang said "okay first of all congratulations second of all why did he try to kill us?" Kung lao asked Sub kuai Liang.

"it was a training exercise" Scorpion hanzo said "yea you tied Kitana up with your kunai chain, almost burned kung lao and we almost punched each other to the depths of netherrealm," Hatsune said with a frown. "Okay why don't you all head to bed," kuai Liang said Hatsune, kung lao and Kitana bowed and wished them both good night before going.

"it seems we have a lot of work to do" scorpion Hanzo said "wait Hanzo, why are you here all of a sudden?" Sub kuai Liang asked Scorpion hanzo "i am here to protect you and those kids from our new titan killer and perhaps help you train those kids into proper fearless warriors" Scorpion hanzo said.

"i appreciate the help hanzo but i am afraid that something bad will happen" sub kuai Liang said scorpion Hanzo put his arm gently around sub kuai Liang's waist bringing him closer and kissed his forehead "let's get you some sleep kuai you'll need it for tomorrow" Scorpion hanzo said sub kuai Liang wanted to protest but sighed in defeat.

Hatsune was currently in her room reading the book when she saw a picture of a dragon on one of the pages "what's this..?" Hatsune asked herself only to see the title.

'κόλαση (kólasi): the creature of hell'

Hatsune looked at the dragon that was drawn on the page "this is exactly like hell in my opinion but okay" Hatsune said to herself as she looked at the picture of the dragon but no details were written about it "huh that's weird.." Hatsune mumbled to herself she then put the book down and went to sleep.

The next day

It was early in the morning when kung lao had gone to the wu shi academy to meet kenshi he wanted to talk to the blind warrior about Hatsune and what had happened between them but he didn't want to tell kenshi Hatsune was here because the girl had a lot going on in her mind and telling kenshi might make it worse or risk being better.

Kenshi was currently at the wu shi academy talking with Johnny under the shade of a tree "Johnny.." kenshi said with a frown "come on kenshi it's just a week vacation besides it's not like your work is going to fall behind" Johnny said to kenshi "fine" kenshi said to Johnny "kenshi!!" The blind swordsman sensed kung lao approaching him from behind "yes kung lao?" Kenshi asked kung lao as he turned to face him "I need to talk to you it's important" kung lao said to kenshi with a stern look on his face "now lao bro you can talk to kenshi later starting from now he's on vacation so your problems can wait until a week" Johnny said kenshi was about to say something "kenshi i need to know what happened between you and Hatsune" kung lao said to kenshi who faced kung lao with a suprised look on his face "what.. Hatsune?" kenshi said shocked "i need to know what happened between you two of you" kung lao said to kenshi "come with me" kenshi said to kung lao.

Hatsune was currently going to visit Hanzo again in the shirai ryu she had reached the backyard of the shirai ryu compound only to see that the empress has came to visit with the umgadi.

Empress mileena had come to visit due to personal problems in outworld and beside mileena was Kitana who was also there because of the problems.

Suddenly Kitana looked at Hatsune who was pretty quiet and was listening in on the conversation "so this is the situation-" "Hatsune!!" Kitana went to Hatsune who looked at Kitana "Kitana what-" Hatsune got cut off as Kitana hugged Hatsune "what are you doing here?" Kitana asked Hatsune "i was just going to check on Hanzo but what are you doing here?" Hatsune asked Kitana "outworld problems" Kitana said to Hatsune who looked at Tomas who looked at Hatsune "alright but i should leave I can come back later-" "you are not leaving, come with me" Kitana said dragging Hatsune with her.

Tomas stared at Hatsune and Kitana "since when were they friends?" Tomas asked Hanzo "Hatsune doesn't usually make any friends but-" "hanzo, Tomas" kuai Liang said to Tomas and Hanzo who stopped talking.

"Netherrealm soldiers have been attacking our war camps and are trying to take over Outworld" mileena said to kuai Liang "did you say netherrealm have been attacking your war camps?" Hatsune asked mileena "indeed they have been attacking for the past two weeks" mileena said to Hatsune "past two weeks huh.., I'll go have a look at them" Hatsune said to herself.

"And what can you possibly do to help?" Mileena asked Hatsune who looked at mileena with a smirk "let's just say i know how to solve your situation" Hatsune said to mileena.

Kenshi and kung lao were in the private backyard of the wu shi academy where they can peacefully talk without anyone hearing them "it's been a while since we talked with just the two of us" kenshi said with a smile but kung lao still wanted to know "so what happened?" Kung lao asked kenshi "kung lao it's hard for me to tell you but Hatsune is my half sister we are both related through my mother who had an affair.." kenshi said to kung lao "alright" kung lao said to kenshi "let's just say in the beginning the two of us were inseparable" kenshi said with a smile remembering the happy moments he had.

Flashback

At the yakuza mansion a six year old kenshi was currently training with his sword in the backyard when he suddenly heard the sound of crying coming from behind the tree.

Kenshi went behind the tree to see a four year old Hatsune crying behind the tree she had gotten injured badly on her leg "Hatsu what happened!?" Kenshi asked as he bent down on one knee to Hatsune level to see her leg injured "i got hurt oni-chan " Hatsune said crying kenshi sighed and picked Hatsune up "come on let me patch you up" kenshi said to Hatsune as he carried her on his back.

kenshi was currently being scolded by his father "you'll be sleeping outside tonight until you realise your mistake!!" His father shouted at him.

Kenshi was currently sleeping outside freezing in the cold night 'looks like I'll definitely catch a fever' kenshi thought to himself hugging himself to sleep when he suddenly felt someone warm against him he opened his eyes to see Hatsune putting a blanket on him he pretended to be asleep and felt his sister hugging him as she snuggle against him kenshi opened his eyes and hugged his sister close "thank you Hatsu" kenshi mumbled to her and wrapped the blanket around both of them.

Flashback end

"i still remember them every time she would try to hide her bruises i would always heal them and whenever I was punished and slept outside she would always be there" kenshi said to kung lao who tried not to cry "what happened next?" Kung lao asked "the day we drifted apart, the day i started to hate her was when our mother died" kenshi said to Kung lao.

Flashback

An eight year old kenshi was currently training with his sword when suddenly his father came running towards him his father's sword was covered in blood and he was in panic "kenshi!!" His father said "father what happened?" Kenshi asked him concerned "you sister has gone crazy!!" His father said kenshi was shocked "what do you mean-" "she killed your mother" his father said to kenshi his eyes widen "what-" "your sister has been banished for this and if you don't believe me see for yourself" the father said kenshi quickly stood up and went.

Kenshi eyes were in tears when he opened the door to his mother's room to see the dead body.

Flashback end

Kenshi looked down "wait Hatsune killed your mother?" Kung lao asked kenshi "I know I was shocked too considering she was always innocent and sweet but when my father told me that she did and when I saw the dead body of my mother fallen on the ground as my mom was bleeding from the stomach and that my sister was responsible for it.." kenshi looked down sadly and in grief "that memory is still on my mind" kenshi said to kung lao.

"that explains but- wait you saw the body? Like it was just lying there?" Kung lao asked kenshi as he thought about his story for a moment "yes with blood.." kenshi said to Kung lao "kenshi if your mom was killed why would her body just lay there shouldn't it be covered with a blanket and shouldn't your people be there to investigate?" Kung lao asked kenshi"my dad made it clear she killed mother-" "kenshi try to remember what you actually saw when your dad told you" kung lao said to kenshi.

Kenshi remembered when his mother had died he remembered his father "his sword was covered in blood and his face had blood all over it but he was.." kenshi paused realisation hit him "never on a mission that day.." kenshi said to kung lao "kenshi do you think that Hatsune actually killed your mother?" Kung lao asked kenshi "i am not sure anymore" kenshi said.

Kenshi was in shock kung lao hugged kenshi "it's okay kenshi we'll fix this" kung lao said to kenshi "how am I supposed to fix this? How am I going to explain to her why i never looked for her and-" "never looked for her!? Kenshi you never looked for your sister but how would she have such hatred towards you, that doesn't seem right" kung lao said to kenshi "kung lao how do you know about all this?" Kenshi asked kung lao "well...." Kung lao said as he began to explain himself.

At liu Kangs office sub kuai Liang and scorpion Hanzo entered the room to see a worried liu Kang "liu Kang what happened!?" Sub kuai Liang asked concerned "the safe has been opened and whatever was in there was taken" liu Kang said to the two "what!? that safe contained ancient magic and information that was important!!" Sub kuai Liang "who could have taken it?" Scorpion Hanzo asked "Geras said the safe was opened by powerful nether realm magic but who would have this powerful magic that's the question" liu Kang said.

Scorpion Hanzo thought for a moment "powerful nether realm magic, liu Kang where is Hatsune from?" Scorpion Hanzo asked "the netherrealm she's an assassin not a mage" liu Kang said to scorpion Hanzo who quickly went out of the door "I'll go with him don't worry" sub kuai Liang said to liu Kang "be safe kuai Liang after your condition-" "I'll be fine don't worry" sub kuai Liang said before going out of the door.

Kung lao was talking with kenshi explaining everything when Kitana came to them "have you guys seen Hatsune!?" Kitana asked them "no wasn't she at the monastery?" Kung lao asked "no she isn't lord liu Kang sent me a message, Hatsune might be in danger" Kitana said to kung lao "i am coming with you" kenshi said to them "kenshi it might be dangerous" kung lao said to kenshi "i think it's time i have a chat with my little sister kung lao this might fix everything between us." kenshi said to kung lao "fine" kung lao said to kenshi.

[wickedwonderlandd]

hii, you've always been very open about sexuality and so on in here, so I really wanted to ask you as a bi-girly who's always wondered how some things work in the gay sex world. it's genuine curiosity! so, I know this varies a lot from people and preferences and so on so forth, but is it possible to have frequent anal? doesn't it require a lot of prep before? and is it possible to have it impromptu? and if a guy isn't into it, what other things are common to just do? because I've had partners who complained that handjobs can be really underwhelming, so oral it is? I know that there's a whole world of stuff that can be done, but I've always wondered how it usually goes.

if this is too much, please, you can ignore this ask completely!!! again, I really don't mean to be intrusive and annoying, it's just that I've had my fair share of sex with women and with guys, and I've had gay friends asking me about the ✂️✂️ y'know? but I never had the courage to ask the same question back, not face to face at least.

anyways, you're really lovely! it's always cool seeing you in my dash. stay safe and hope you're having a lovely day, xx.

First, you're sweet and im so glad you like my blog. It can be a bit random at times, I know haha

I am not exactly the expert on sex myself. Tldr it has been a LONG time for me, lol. I'd hate to speak for anyone else as well. However, I can at least tell you from my own experience a few things. And at the very least answer the more direct questions. So I think that yes, it is possible to have anal sex frequently. It just depends on what state your body is in atm. Unless you're about to hop on right after winning a chili eating contest, I don't see you having issues. Prepping isn't always necessary, but it helps if you have the time. You don't have to sit on a toilet for like an hour, either. You're not a pornstar getting ready for a scene. You just want to clean the pipes out enough for it to be comfortable. It also depends on how big your partner is, too. A more endowed man may need you to clean a bit more deeply. However, there is such a thing as too much douching. Do it too much, and the walls of your anal cavity will dry up and make things a bit uncomfortable during and outside of sex. I've had it happen that when i use like water-based lube, it seems to get absorbed quickly and makes it harder for a guy to stay sufficiently lubed during sex. Which can be irksome, lol. That aside, eat plenty of fiber and things should pass smoothly and you'll hardly need to do any extensive cleaning. Every guy is different when it comes to preferences of pleasure. Some like blowjob and Handjobs and some don't want either. Handjobs can be boring to some, im sure, but also, what are you doing during this. Are you kissing him, talking dirty, stroking slowly or quickly, are you stimulating him with things besides your hands? Many a guy can get off from just a HJ. You just gotta spice it up a bit. And if it's still not enough, then go down on him but alternate between the handjob and the blow job. Let him feel the strokes of your hand and then let him feel the tongue. Hell, play with his balls if he is into that. Communication is important, of course. Ask your partner what feels good to them. It's ok to talk to someone during sex. You're there for each other's pleasure, after all. And you're right. There really are so many things that can be done to enhance the pleasure for both you and your partner. It doesn't hurt to try new things outside the norm. Nothing immoral of course :D. Hell, I've picked up a few things watching porn. Within reason course. We aren't pornstars but you may see something you'd never thought to try. As I said, this is just from personal experience, and I do apologize for the late and very long reply. Hope this helps ^_^

[mobius-m-mobius]

Bottle Rocket anon reporting in 🫡

First off I very much appreciate your note about Bob’s big brother in fact being Owen’s big brother—I did think Future Man had a curiously outsized role in the behind the scenes. Granted, that behind the scenes’ whole vibe was ‘we emailed everyone involved, professionally shot three who turned up, and stuck in the self-filmed rambles mailed in by a smattering of others’, so I sort thought maybe his screen time was a matter of ‘well, he did in fact show up’—although itbf his being Owen’s brother doesn’t strictly discount that theory 😆 (Also my other favorite bit of that video was the very opening clip where Wes is talking about how people tend to respond strongly to his films, whether positively or negatively, and the cameraman goes, ‘well, that tells you something!’ and Wes replies with such earnest befuddlement, and a tinge of hope like this cameraman just might reveal the secret of it all to him: “Yes, but what?”

I haven’t properly sat down for another film yet, but I’ve been putting on the Night at the Museum films in the background. I have seen them before when I was pretty young—in fact it’s about the only thing I’d seen Owen Wilson in for more than a cameo pre-Loki. Between having watched the NatM movies at an age when I only vaguely distinguished between actors and characters, and the association being reinforced by Owen’s habitual cowboy hat, for a long time Owen Wilson and that excitable little man were basically synonymous in my mind.

So going back to it now was, silly though it may be, the first time I watched it going ‘oh hey—that actor right there is acting! :D’ And sure it’s no Mobius or Dignan for complexity, but it’s good acting, too! Genuinely I think it’s one of the best performances in the series when it comes to capturing the sort of cartoon-y tone of all the museum-pieces while also giving the feeling that that’s a whole person right there. And he also, once again, a completely different physicality to Mobius or Dignan. I adore the choice to play his physicality in such a way that it sometimes feels like his body just isn’t big enough to contain or express the size of his emotions.

I also didn’t realize I’d never watched the third film until I started it, which was a nice surprise. And I knew about the whole handholding bit with Jedediah and Octavius, but not the context. It has such clearly defined beats of: Oct: “We should hold hands.” Jed: “For what reason 👀” Oct: "No reason! Unrelated, I am in fact gay.” Jed: “Hell yeah, hand holding time.” (With an added dash of sweetness in that it’s become a well-defined character trait that Jed is ready to deploy his dying speech at any time, but once it’s been established as on the table he goes, ‘I’d rather just be close to you, actually). Anyway, to me at any rate it plays as ‘close to canon as we could get away with in a big budget 2014 kids movie’, and I do appreciate it.

Hi again Bottle Rocket anon, always a pleasure!! 😊🚀💖

Oh I'm positive you're right about Andrew getting such a big role in the bts documentary just because he showed up regardless of being Owen's brother lmao, but they did luck out considering of everyone involved from an acting perspective he was the most likely one to actually give them decent talking points regarding the process leading up to filming, set vibes, and more insight on Owen and Wes than Owen and Wes themselves actually wanted to 😂

Definitely feel you too about not finding time to sit for another movie as I'm just the same and when I do manage enough free time to start one it's still not even enough to finish in a single sitting 😅 You're not the first who's mentioned NatM being the main association with Owen pre-Loki which is completely understandable, I hadn't seen any of the movies until after Loki S1 and would've been way happier having grown up with an excitable mini cowboy at the forefront of my mind, lol.

Love that you brought up his physicality and setting the vibe because one major thing that's constantly delighted me about Owen is how he naturally adjusts to not only the tone of a film but the other actors in a scene better than anyone I've seen before and I think people really underestimate how valuable that is?? It's easy to think "oh well that's just what acting is" but actually pulling it off across such a huge range of genres the way that he does is really rare and like you mentioned in NatM it's extremely noticeable that he makes Jed feel real in a very exaggerated premise which also stands out massively in his cameos where I always find myself wishing whatever movie took place during the ten minutes he showed up in is the full movie I was actually watching because he's such a breath of fresh air.

Also constantly get caught up in the way he carries himself because that's such a huge element to the personality of his characters! In comparison to how Dignan approaches people in a unexpectedly blunt way that leaves them wanting more and Mobius intrigues in such a genuine manner that catches everyone off guard, for all Jed's teasing he's direct enough that Octavius knows where he stands but not so much so that there isn't room for the big dramatic moments they both enjoy before settling right back at his side. It's not only nice to see they did get as close to canon as likely was possible in such a big budget kids movie but that we all at least have a lasting ship of Owen's with a happy ending to console ourselves with after the Loki finale! Small victories and all that, haha

[jinglerat]

Tell us more about your local legend thesis!!! Please!

wow i didn't think anyone would care about that but sure! get ready i'm gonna spout some shit about philippine mythology and legends and also poetry.

i'm gonna put this under the cut so it doesn't clog up the dash

so basically, my thesis specifically covered legends and this one gay filipino poet, j. neil garcia, retold a handful of legends via poetry. but before we get into that, i'll establish what legends are and how they are different from folklore, mythology, and fairytales.

legends, mythology, and fairytales are all different subcategories of folklore. folklore is body the oral or written stories within a culture.

legends are stories that explain phenomena (why earthquakes happen), objects (legend of the pineapple), animals (legend of the lizard), or places (origin of Mount Makiling). the protagonists of these stories are common folk.

mythology is a body of stories that explain the origins of existence (why is the philippines made up of islands, why are the earth and sky far apart, how did filipinos get their skin color, etc). characters here are usually deities whose actions directly affect common folk.

fairytales are stories that are more fantastical and don't necessarily contribute to the "lore" of a culture and usually varies from region to region. characters here are a mix of common folk and mythological creatures like tikbalang, kapre, manananggal, etc.

now that we got that down, back to legends.

aside from providing an explanation for unique objects, animals, places, and phenomena, legends also function as a moral story. for example, in the legend of the pineapple, the young girl protagonist doesn't want to look around in her home for things that she needs and instead keeps asking her mother to look for these items for her. eventually (the manner differs from each retelling of the story) the young girl gets turned into a pineapple, a fruit with many "eyes", so she can learn to look for things herself.

the protagonists in filipino legends are also often the victims of their own stories. so the poet i mentioned earlier, j. neil garcia, retold these legends in verse to make the protagonists no longer the victim of their stories and instead gave them agency and desires. in the poems (garcia calls these poems "legendizings") these protagonists are now actively pursuing their wants and they became these objects, fruits, animals, etc with the full knowledge of their fate. in the legendizings, the protagonists are now aware that these are just the consequences they have to accept to pursue their own goals.

basically my thesis was about how the legendizings are a postcolonial take on filipino folklore as it breaks from prose and empowers the victims within those stories.

so i dealt with a lot of legends like how the sea cow was a mother assaulted by her own father, how the bamboo used to be a mother who lost her child in a river, how the mango was an abandoned maiden tricked by her lover, plus a bunch of other stories that i've already forgotten.

tho to be fair, a lot of filipino legends taught in elementary schools are more age appropriate, like the pineapple one, or they use the versions of the legends without the adult themes like assault and child death.

but yeah, these legends are fucked all the way to hell lmao.

[dashboarddiaries]

Dashboard Diaries is a production of Atypical Artists, hosted by Lauren Shippen (@thelaurenshippen) and Cher McAnelly (@overchers). Our theme was composed by Lauren Shippen and mixed by Brandon Grugle. Art by Shae McMullin. Transcription by Laudable.

For bonus clips, ad-free episodes, and more, become a patron at atypicalartists.co/support.

[intro music]

Lauren: Hello, Gaiman’s gay men (gender neutral), I’m Lauren Shippen, Professional Writer, who wishes that she had the kind of presence and gravitas on Tumblr that Neil Gaiman has. 

Cher: And I’m Cher McAnelly, Head of Entertainment at Tumblr. And Neil Gaiman re-blogger!

Lauren: And this is Dashboard Diaries, a podcast for you – the folks who are in this internet bunker with us. We talk about what’s going on in our favorite hell site, get into what we like to call “tumbl-lore,” do fandom deep dives, and share the times when we’ve gone feral over a new ship.

As you can probably guess, we’re going to be getting into Tumblr’s I think longest standing and most beloved celebrity in a little bit. But first, Cher, what has your last month on Tumblr been like?

Cher: My last month on Tumblr, both maybe surprisingly and unsurprisingly Lauren, has been pretty much exclusively Neil Gaiman related. (laughs)

Lauren: Yeah, that’s true, that’s fair.

Cher: Which honestly, very fitting for this episode. But Dead Boy Detectives came out a few weeks ago and we did a big interview with the cast and obviously it’s been one of the top shows on Tumblr since as soon as it premiered. And Neil Gaiman has been super actively re-blogging Asks about it and some of the ones from the Answer Time as well. So, overall, really big on ... I feel like 85% of everything I’ve done and seen on Tumblr over the past month has been Neil Gaiman with that 15% being Bridgerton. 

Lauren: Wow.

Cher: Because you have that coming up, too.

Lauren: Oh, yes!

Cher: Very excited about it. But also the Fairy Versus Walrus has returned, or maybe never left. Because it tied in with the Dead Boy Detectives and kind of Neil Gaiman universe of it all which we will talk about. So, yeah, my last month on Tumblr was very on brand. How about you, Lauren?

Lauren: I love that. Yeah, I mean, I think I’ve also been somewhat skirting the Dead Boy Detective posts just because I haven’t actually watched it yet. It is on my list. But my partner and I just got fully sunk into Shogun and couldn’t find our way out until we finished it. We actually finished it last night. So, now we’re ready for a new show to watch together.

I did finally dive into the Shogun tag. I don’t know if you’ve watched it, Cher?

Cher: I have not yet. 

Lauren: It is remarkable. I just thought it was excellent. It was so well written and so well acted and beautiful and compelling and on top of that I’ve also been watching (by myself and not with my partner, who does want to watch Dead Boy Detectives – hence why I haven’t tackled that one yet!) ... I’ve been finally watching Black Sails, which is a show that Tumblr has loved for many, many years. I think the show first premiered about ten years ago. And that I’ve been seeing on my dash for a very long time but that has been on Starz exclusively up until quite recently. And now it’s on Netflix. 

So, I have finally dove into the Black Sails sort of journey and fandom. I’m in season three and I’m greatly enjoying it. But it’s interesting because Shogun takes place sometime in the 1600s. And Black Sails takes place in the early 1700s. So, I feel like I’ve been really in a particular time period of Tumblr fandom. I’ve sort of been in that pirates and all of that kind of stuff, crappy one-shot guns and things like that. Which has just been fun. It always really makes me, I don’t know, emotional in a particular kind of way that people can get so excited about stories of people from hundreds of years ago. I don’t know, there’s just something about the way the stories connect us through the years and all of that.

Shogun is based off of a book that was written in the ‘70s. And Black Sails is a prequel to Treasure Island, which was written 100+ years ago. I forget exactly when. So, I don’t know, there’s just something about the universality of stories that’s really getting me this month.

Cher: That’s wonderful. I agree, I think it’s so fantastic that we can essentially visit these times and places both in ways that are accurate and ways that are not so historically accurate. And kind of, yeah, get to explore these worlds through so many different lenses and ways. I mean, it’s so special. And then the fact that you can go and connect about these worlds and create within these worlds with fan fic and everything, fan art and all the things that come out of it. It really is ... just because time passes doesn’t mean that that story doesn’t actually end when you close the book or the book is still there and it’s still, I don’t know, there’s so much more ... it’s always happening. The story is technically always happening, right? 

Lauren: Oh, I love that. Yes!

Cher: You can always open to any page and that’s where you are. 

Lauren: That’s so well put.

[game show trill]

I love that so much. And that actually I think is a perfect segue into our main topic of Neil Gaiman because so many of Neil Gaiman’s most beloved stories involve immortal beings and Good Omens and Sandman give us these glimpses into the past through the lens of these characters that then we’re seeing in present day. I think that so much of his storytelling is about kind of the human experience and how it doesn’t actually really change that much over time. Right? 

People have always been people. And I think that’s what makes his writing, one of the things that makes his writing so compelling and makes him such a compelling creator. AND one of the creators who has been on Tumblr the longest! 

Cher, what is your relationship to Neil Gaiman and Tumblr? What was kind of your first awareness of him either as a creator or him on Tumblr or both?

Cher: I think I was first aware of Neil Gaiman ... I’ve been aware of Neil Gaiman’s work before I was aware of Neil Gaiman, which obviously I’ve come to realize because his body of work is just so enormous. I was first aware of Neil Gaiman and his relationship with the Tumblr user base’s connection with the community, Neil on Tumblr, around the time that Good Omens came out. 

Because we did an Answer Time with Neil around Good Omens season one and then Good Omens just immediately became the biggest ... it was the number one topic on Tumblr of the year in 2019 when it came out. Followed by BTS, the Kpop group, at #2 and Marvel at #3.

Lauren: Oh my god‼

(laughter)

Cher: Yeah. 

Lauren: The first season of Good Omens is six episodes. And I know that it’s a book that has had a previous fandom, but that’s crazy!?

Cher: Right!? Truly an unbelievable thing. We did a history of Good Omens post as part of our year in review in 2019 and it included some facts about Neil Gaiman on Tumblr, including that he answered over a thousand asks in 2019. I haven’t calculated exactly how many asks he’s answered since then, but I’m pretty positive it’s 1000 plus per year. 

Lauren: That’s so crazy!

Cher: It’s wild to me. Yeah, as soon as ... I really can’t think of anyone else who has used Tumblr in the way that Neil has and does. He joined in June 2011 and he immediately started posting pretty heavily and has just really continued. It makes so much sense to me that his shows and films and books are as big as they are on Tumblr. Not only because of the subject matter which is just so fantastically Tumblr in every sense of the word but also because of the way that he engages directly with the community and is actually a part of the community. Users/Fans can feel like they are directly speaking to him – because they are – and he’s speaking back. 

Yeah. I also think how you said that Neil deals with so many things like some of the oldest stories. Like the gods and mythology and things. Which kind of clicked for me when I was prepping for this episode. I wrote, “Is Neil so popular on Tumblr because he’s writing fan fic about some of the oldest stories on earth?” 

Lauren: Yes, oh my god, I love that. I mean, one of the questions that he gets asked the most is about his views on fan fiction. Right? I dove deep back into his archive on Tumblr and was shocked to see that he joined in 2011. That’s crazy. And then I filtered the posts by “ask” type and it’s crazy. It’s crazy. 

Cher: I also love that he has an FAQ pinned to the top of his blog. And then he has ... a user has also created an FAQ that he also deep links to. (laughs)

Lauren: Which is so ... when you have to have an FAQ about the questions you receive ... you know that you really reached something. This was back in 2021, so something that he answered a little bit more recently but somebody asked, “Do you consider fan fiction legitimate writing?” And he said, “I won the 2004 Hugo Award for Best Short Story for an HP Lovecraft Arthur Conan Doyle Mash up Fiction. So, fan fiction better be legitimate because I’m not giving the Hugo back, or the 2005 Locust Award for Best Novelette. I’m not giving that back either.” 

I don’t know what the 2005 Locust Award was for, but yeah. I think he very much admits that a lot of what he’s doing or some of what he is doing is fan fiction. Yeah, Good Omens is the Bible and the Sandman is a bunch of different mythologies sort of wrapped up into one. Then with this whole new mythology on top of it. 

What was the first Neil Gaiman creation that you encountered as a reader/viewer?

Cher: Stardust. 

Lauren: Ohhhh, Stardust‼ I always forget about Stardust! 

Cher: I love Stardust.

Lauren: I always forget that that’ Neil, too!

Cher: Right!?

Lauren: It’s so great. 

Cher: One of my favorite movies, honestly ... When did it come out? It came out pre-

Lauren: 2007?

Cher: Okay, it came out the year that Tumblr launched.��

Lauren: Ohhh. I think it came out in 2007. 

Cher: Yeah, you’re right. It did come out in 2007. July 29, 2007. So, it came out five months after Tumblr launched. Wow.

Lauren: That’s incredible. Wow. A match made in heaven.

Cher: Right. Truly. What a year for the internet.

Lauren: What a year.

Cher: What a year for Neil. What a year for us. 

Lauren: Seriously. Seriously.

Cher: What about you? What was your first piece of Neil ... what’s the word I’m looking for? Not discography ... He is also a DJ. 

(laughter)

Repertoire. What’s your favorite piece? Is that the right word?

Lauren: Yeah, I think so!

Cher: Yeah, okay.

Lauren: I was a very big reader as a child. I really enjoyed fantasy, science fiction, all stuff like that. And so mostly for my birthdays from relatives I would get books. And for my 12th birthday I believe I was gifted Coraline. And I don’t know what edition it was. I don’t know when the book was first published. But the cover of it ... I’ll see if I can dig up the original cover that I had ... was a very Edward Gory kind of style cover. Just a little creepy. 

I read the book and it absolutely fucking terrified me. I was so, so scared after reading it that I kid you not, I hid it behind the other books on my bookshelf so that I didn’t have to see it. I think it says a lot that I didn’t get rid of the book, right? Because it’s like I enjoyed the book but I was so scared of it. And then I remember seeing a quote from Neil Gaiman years and years later that ... I’m going to very badly paraphrase. I’ll see if I can find the original thing and then post it. Basically him saying Coraline is my strangest book because it delights children and terrifies adults. 

I think that I was just at the wrong age to be reading it. I think I was a little bit too old where all of a sudden I understood the deeper themes of the book. And that was really, really scary to me. (laughs)

Cher: You know what, you’re so right! I haven’t heard that quote before and it’s just so accurate. 

Lauren: Right!? Have you read it?

Cher: I have not read it, I’ve seen it. And was so deeply terrified by the film. 

Lauren: I have yet to see the movie because I was too scared to! (laughs)

Cher: The mom with the button eyes ... I am right now like uhhhh. [crosstalk 00:14:31] sleep paralysis demon. Oh my gosh! I looked it up ... the book came out in 2002.

Lauren: Okay. So, yeah, I turned 12 in 2003 so yeah, I would have been ... if you look up the book, if you just Google “Coraline book” the first Google image is the cover. And it’s Coraline holding a candle and it’s just a very eerie painting of a girl. Right? It’s creepy.

I really do want to see the film. I actually live in Seattle and there’s a museum of pop culture here, the MO POP. And it does a bunch of cool exhibits. It did an exhibit on the studio that did Coraline and Kubo and the Two Strings and all of those stop motion movies. And so they had a bunch of the models and sets from Coraline. It’s just exceptional craft. Right? Just absolutely stunning. 

Cher: Did Tim Burton do Coraline?

Lauren: I don’t know ... I can’t remember. 

Cher: Because Coraline makes me think of James and the Giant Peach. 

Lauren: Totally.

Cher: Which is not Tim ...

Lauren: Henry Selick.

Cher: Which makes so much sense because Henry Selick did James and the Giant Peach.

Lauren: Right. And Nightmare Before Christmas, right?

Cher: Yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah. Which ... why did I put Tim Burton? I mean, it makes sense. 

Lauren: Now, I mean, a lot of people think that Tim Burton directed Nightmare Before Christmas and I ... did he write it? Was he a producer? What is Tim Burton’s connection to Nightmare Before Christmas?

Cher: Just vibes.

Lauren: Story vibe. Yeah, yeah, he did the story for it. Just vibes. So, yeah that was my first encounter with Neil Gaiman. But then-

Cher: Terrifying entry into the world ...

Lauren: Terrifying. And I just didn’t read any of his stuff then for years because it was scarring. And if Neil Gaiman happens to hear this, I don’t know how he ever would, I mean that as a compliment. (laughs) It was very effective. Same way the first time I read The Shining when I was like 20. I was like, wow, this is really good and I can’t read any Stephen King for at least three years. Because it was so scary. 

Cher: Yep. 

Lauren: I think I sort of became aware of him as a person sort of through Tumblr and then read American Gods and just absolutely loved that book. Still love that book. And yeah, now here we are and I’m a big fan.

Cher: And great show as well. I also need to read all of Neil Gaiman’s books. I love every single show and film that comes out. 

Lauren: Same. Yeah, I need to do a deeper dive into the discography. (laughs)

Cher: Of Neil’s discography, as we say is remixes of originals, of some of the oldest stories and lore in the world, which is your favorite? Which one stands out the most for you?

Lauren: Ooh, I mean, I do love the Bible fan fic. I have to say. I do love the good immortal beings. But okay, so yeah, Neil’s wonderful art aside, we could just talk about that forever. I do want to talk specifically about Neil on Tumblr because we sort of refer to him as uncle Neil between the two of us. I think other people do as well. He is sort of ... I would say, him, Linda Carter, and Will Wheaton are sort of the celebrities that get Tumblr. They participate ... in jokes, they re-blog things, they’re not just there. Neil isn’t just answering Asks on his Tumblr. He’s also re-blogging things. Right? He’s also engaging with the eco system.

Yes, as somebody who is sort of behind the scenes on Tumblr, what’s your view on that? What’s your insight on that? Is it sort of lightning in the bottle, only these three people have been able to achieve it? Have you ever seen ... you don’t have to name names ... but seen someone attempt to try and understand Tumblr and not be able to because they’re not from that world? What’s your view on all of that?

Cher: I mean, I’ve definitely ... I wouldn’t say it’s lightning in a bottle. But I think, yes, he absolutely gets it and understands Tumblr and his fans and the audience and the community and how to engage with the community in a really authentic way. But I also think that what he is ... the reason that what he is doing on Tumblr is so special is because he’s engaging with the community ... meeting everyone at the same level. 

I feel like very much Neil Gaiman’s Tumblr presence is kind of like you’re at a cocktail party or some kind of event and people are coming up and chatting with him and asking questions and he’s engaging as well. It feels very much like, yeah, he’s re-blogging stuff and not just posts that pertain to him or his work but also he’s fully involved in the memes. Every year he re-blogs “Neil banging out the tunes” on April 13th. He doesn’t just answer Asks about his titles either.

One of my favorite Asks that I saw recently was, “Neil, when you type “wait” does your phone auto complete “guess and see?” And he was like, “Let me try ... yes it does.” So, those little things. 

Lauren: That’s awesome.

Cher: I think the reason he has such a special connection with the Tumblr audience is because he is just having ... he’s just here with us having a conversation. And it feels very ... yes, obviously we know that him being on Tumblr increases the engagement and communities around his work, of course. But that doesn’t feel like why he’s here. He seems to be on Tumblr because he loves engaging with the community. He is passionate about the work that he does. And he wants to connect with people who feel the same way. And I think that is kind of what feels special – meeting the community where they are and being just authentic and passionate about it. And not too polished or promotional in any sense.

Lauren: Yes. I totally agree. I think it’s something that kind of continues to astound me. The fact that he’s been on the platform for 13 years and has only become more prolific as a creator and more famous and more well known as his things get adapted into these very successful TV shows. I think that this is something I think about a lot as a creator who is also on Tumblr and loves engaging with Tumblr fandom. Both the fandom’s that I’m in and the fandom’s for the things that I make. And how hard it can be to strike a balance of being involved and engaged with your community and the community of people who are excited about the thing that you’re excited about but also not run rough shot over what Tumblr is first and foremost, which is a fan space. Right?

I think that is what makes Tumblr unique from other places. Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok, all of those places like you can engage with fandom there but when you engage with a celebrity there all of the celebrities are there and so it’s very much this formal thing. Whereas I think when celebrities are on Tumblr it’s a little bit like you’ve come into our house and so you have to behave as a guest in our house. And I think Neil just does a beautiful job of that. Right? He understands that even as much as he is a fan of things, too, that on his public Tumblr who knows, maybe he’s got a private Tumblr that he fans all over about other things, but he is different from the average Tumblr user, right? 

I feel like he understands and takes that responsibility seriously. Because I do think it’s a responsibility to not intrude upon the space where fans are enjoying their thing without sort of your prying creator god eyes, right? 

Cher: 100%. I think he does that in such a good way because of those boundaries that he sets about fan fic, for example. He doesn’t read or look at fan fic. For a very valid reason. He said that of course because I am always, it’s a legal issue, I am always writing, I can’t ... I just legally can’t look at it. But I think that’s a great thing. 

Lauren: Oh, absolutely.

Cher: The same thing with so much fan art and fan work is he encourages- I will have to double check but I believe he encourages fan art to be sent to him and he shares fan art very extensively. I think that, again, is not ... some users or fans are posting their work not because they want the creator to see it. And they often would really, really rather that not happen. And I think, yeah, he has a special connection and understanding with the community and understanding of that. He’s very understanding of the fact that there is a lot of content on platform about the work that he’s created that the creators might not want him to see. And I think he strikes that balance really well. As you said, that is what is so special. A lot of the time users are saying, “Hey, did you know it’s the 13th? Are you ready to band out the tunes?” That kind of stuff. He often responds a lot to kind of the ... not direction of but kind of prompts from the community. I would say.

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: He reads the room. 

Lauren: That’s exactly it. He reads the room. That’s a very, very good way of putting it. I mean, I think I have modeled a lot of my ... I’ve mentioned this plenty of times on this show before but I have my actual Tumblr that I spend most of my time scrolling on that has been carefully curated over a decade that I’ve got 90 followers on there and they’re all mutual’s basically. But then I’ve got my actual public facing Tumblr. And I think I’ve modeled a lot of my behavior on there off of Neil. I’ve learned a lot about how to be a creator on the internet from him because it’s like, yeah, I can’t ... now I can look at fan fiction for the Bright Sessions if I wanted to, but I haven’t yet because I’m done with that story. But I can’t look at fan fiction but I want people to write it. And I want people to send me fan art, right? Because that I can look at and it’s fine. And also I always make sure that people know if you don’t want me to re-blog something just put in the tags, “Lauren, don’t look at this.” Right? Because I also know ... part of why I have a very secret Tumblr that is just me and my mutual’s is because I am in the entertainment industry and I do work with a lot of people who are in or have made my favorite things. And sort of back in 2018/2019 as I was starting to get more of these jobs I just sort of shut down ... because I used to do a YouTube channel about Tumblr and that Tumblr used to be ... but I literally soft blocked everybody except for my mutual’s. And then just nuked the URL and that kind of stuff because I don’t want the creators of my favorite things to be seeing what I’m talking about, because I might have to work with them. 

That’s also I think something that I imagine Neil Gaiman doesn’t have to worry about because he’s Neil Gaiman, right? And so he can kind of do whatever he wants. But also whenever I’m engaging with I’m fandom’s I’m a part of on Tumblr I sort of have to think, “Is this a fandom that I would be likely to end up working with people involved?” That’s why I re-blog so much 911 stuff. because the chances of me ever encountering any of the people involved with that show are like really small, just given the genre that it is and its TV and all that kind of stuff. So, it feels safe to sort of be a fan in that space. I’ve gone completely off topic here but it is something that whenever I’m thinking about Neil Gaiman on Tumblr I’m always thinking about my own behavior on the platform.

Cher: I also think that one of the reasons Neil gets Tumblr so much is because he really is himself a Tumblr user whose stories have escaped containment. He was writing before Tumblr existed. But I feel like if Neil was a teenager just starting out when Tumblr also launched and he was also just starting his writing work I feel like a lot of it would have been posted on Tumblr.

Lauren: Yeah, that’s a really good point. That’s a very good point. I wonder, what do you think the odds are that Neil also has an AO3 that no one knows about? 

Cher: I would say that the odds are yes. And I’m not saying this because I know it. I don’t know for sure, but I know for sure. 

Lauren: Right, yeah. 

Cher: He does. Yeah.

Lauren: He does.

Cher: We can’t officially say that he does. We don’t know that for sure. But come on ... yeah. What do you think? Yeah. Oh yeah. (laughs) I would so love to know what he’s writing on there.

Lauren: I know! Or reading, right? 

Cher: Oh my god. I think another reason that he connects so well with the Tumblr community is because he genuinely wants to be on platform. He wants to be on Tumblr. He wants to be answering these Asks and sharing and re-blogging and just participating in the community. We just know that he wants to be here and answering these Asks and it feels authentic because he’s like, yeah, I want to see if my auto complete says “wait and see.” 

Lauren: The idea that you can just sort of be on a platform, being yourself, and enjoying things and that drives people to your art is such a ... Tumblr truly is the only place on the internet that that exists anymore in my opinion.

Cher: And he’s been ... I looked back on fandom and he’s been one of the top 20 celebrities of the week every single week. I think he drops off maybe ... there’s a week or two a year that he wasn’t, that he dropped off for a week or two for whatever reason. But since we’ve been tracking this. So, he has consistently on Tumblr been one of the top 20 most talked about people.

Lauren: That’s wild.

Cher: Actually, since he joined the platform. 

Lauren: That’s crazy.

Cher: I honestly just think it’s because he’s continued the conversation. 

Lauren: Yeah, absolutely. And I think the way that he has the conversation, right? His answers are often very ... either they’re incredibly thoughtful musings on writing or they’re very pithy short answers. And to that end, I’ve got a little quiz for you. Which is I’m going to read to you three Asks that Neil answered on his Tumblr and you have to tell me which is the fake question reply. 

Cher: Okay. 

Lauren: First, someone asked, “Are you coin operated?” And he answered, “I’m afraid not.” 

Someone asked, “Does Aziraphale cry, ‘Holy water?’” And he answered, “Yes.”

And someone asked, “How do you take your coffee?” And he answered, “Orally.” 

Cher: I’m sorry-

Lauren: One of these things ...

Cher: It’s two truths and a lie? 

Lauren: Yeah, basically two truths and one ... one of these question answer combos.

Cher: Two Neil’s and a No?

Lauren: Two Neil’s and a No. Exactly. 

Cher: This is a great ... GAME ON. Okay. Sorry. God, that is hard. That is really challenging because any one of them can be ... I feel like orally is going to be my guess. Is the one that he didn’t-

Lauren: For the lie? 

Cher: Yeah. I’m wrong, huh? 

[buzzer]

Lauren: So, yeah. 

Cher: Yeah, no, you ARE wrong. (laughs)

Lauren: You are wrong. And I will say, I did kind of ... this was sort of a trick question. I was looking through all of his Asks and I was like, I don’t know that I can come up with anything more outlandish than this particular Ask. And so technically all of the Asks are real. The one that was a lie is when someone asked, “Does Aziraphale cry, ‘Holy water?’” He responded, “No.” 

Cher: Hmm.

Lauren: So, Aziraphale does not cry “Holy water.” Though I do like that idea that he does. (laughter) But yeah, no, when someone asked back in 2011 – when I say I went into his archives, I mean, I went into his archives. 

Cher: Oh my gosh. 

Lauren: So, on October 26, 2011 a now deactivated blog asked, “How do you take your coffee?” And he responded, “Orally.” 

Cher: Incredible. See, again ...

Lauren: And somehow this only has 594 notes and that is going to change when we re-blog it. 

(laughter)

Cher: 100%. It contains multitudes. 

Lauren: Truly. So, speaking of diving back deep into archives ... let’s round out our discussion this week with our Dashboard Confessionals. Cher, what do you have from your archives today?

[guitar riff]

Cher: I have a fun little post that I re-blogged from Handjob in 2016 but the post was originally from user @grolley and ...

Lauren: But you personally re-blogged it.

Cher: I personally re-blogged it from Handjob, yeah. So, just to clarify ... And it’s a re-blog chain. The first post says, “What did Tumblr look like back in the ‘90s?” And then @Grolley re-blogged, and it’s a gif set of like very clip art looking dancing letters that say, “T-U-B-R” and then someone else @GothTIA re-blogged and says, “This says tuber.” And @Grolley re-blogged again and said, “It was the ‘90s.” So, that’s ... (laughs)

Lauren: I’m literally crying laughing right now. The moment I opened this I lost it. This is so good. 

Cher: What a journey. (laughs)

Lauren: What. A. Journey. Oh my god. I love this post.

Cher: What about you, Lauren? What do you have for us this week?

Lauren: I brought two because one of them doesn’t really work as far as I can tell because one of them is a re-blog from 2015. It is a Vine. And the embedded Vine video I think maybe doesn’t work anymore because Vine does no longer exist. It is a little golden retriever puppy in someone’s lap and he’s drumming the drum break of Can You Feel It In The Air Tonight. And it’s very, very good. I’m going to try and find it on YouTube and just post it in a re-blog of this post because unfortunately I cannot get the video to play. So, that was one of them because I love it very much.

Cher: Oh my gosh. I definitely would love to see that. I miss Vine every day.

Lauren: Oh, every day. Every day.

Cher: Every day. 

Lauren: And then the other one is also from 2015. And it’s just a little memory of my own I guess journey on Tumblr. It’s just a screenshot from an NPR article about Ask Me Another. And it’s a quote from Jeffrey Kraner talking about one of his favorite descriptions of the show Welcome To Nightvale. And it just says, “It’s like if Stephen King and Neil Gaiman started a game of the SIMS and then just left it running forever.” 

I chose this post for a couple of reasons. A) the Neil Gaiman mention, right? Perfect. But then also just I think that’s a great description of Welcome to Nightvale. And 2015, later that year, I started the Bright Sessions. I found Welcome to Nightvale on Tumblr. And so this was already when I was deep in my Welcome to Nightvale fandom. That’s the reason I started in podcasting in the first place. So, it was just a nice little origin moment for me of like, oh, my whole career in life began here on this platform by finding a podcast. And that’s lovely.

Cher: Oh my gosh. What a full circle moment. Oh my god. I love that. 

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: That has me in my feels, Lauren.

Lauren: Oh!? Perfect transition. Thank you, Cher. What does have you in your feels this month?

Let’s go over to our Feels Corner.

[gentle music]

Cher: Heading on over to our Feel s Corner. I am feeling very emotional about the new season of Bridgerton, which will be out when ...

Lauren: Have you seen it?

Cher: I have. I have seen part of it.

Lauren: Ohhhh. JEALOUS!

Cher: But I’m so excited because I’m doing an interview with the cast tomorrow and the show is just ... I love the new season. I think it’s great. So, back further into my feels. I have re-watched Derry Girls and Derry Girls is one of my favorite shows. Oh my gosh. It’s so good. And I’ve been feeling just a lot of feels about that. And then also the new season of Hacks. Hacks is back. One of my favorite shows and this new season is so good. I cried during the first two episodes because they were just so great. And so that’s all the things that have me in my feels at the moment. I’m feeling a lot, Lauren. How about you?

Lauren: I love it. I mean, Hacks was going to be one of mine as well. Because the portrait of a creative marriage that it shows is just ... creative marriages just really get me, right? It is a unique relationship that is not romantic, not platonic, but a secret third thing, right? It is that. And I think that Hacks just does such a wonderful, wonderful job of displaying that.

And then as I said, Shogun. I really ... it was really funny, actually ... after we finished, sitting on the couch with my partner, and this is a perfect example of the two people that we are. He started reading all about that particular era in historical Japan and the historical accuracy in the show. And I was like, “What does Tumblr have to say about Shogun?” 

(laughter)

Cher: The two people in any relationship. 

Lauren: Exactly. And he was like, “Do you think it’s a show that Tumblr would be into?” And I was like, “Oh yeah.” It’s got a hot old man at the center. 

Cher: Check!

Lauren: Which Tumblr loves. It’s got a doomed romance. Which is so piney and just horribly heartbreaking. And then there’s this one character, [inaudible 00:37:55] the hot old man, is Toranaga who is the main kind of like guy aspiring to be the Shogun basically. And he’s just a very, very attractive 60 something year old man. 

And then there’s this one character Yabushige who I was like, “Tumblr is going to go nuts over this poor little meow-meow.” He starts as a terrible villain and he has this really interesting arc. And lo and behold, I pop into Tumblr and what’s the first three posts I see? People lusting over the hot old man. People posting about Yabushige’s arc. And then this doomed romance. And I was like, I know Tumblr SO WELL.

(laughter) 

And those things have me in my feels, too. Yabushige especially. I just think the actor has done such a phenomenal job. So, yeah. Shogun as well as Hacks. 

Cher: I love watching a show and picking out what Tumblr is going to specifically fixate over, or latch onto. Because it’s never the main ... okay, often it can be the main ship, like Good Omens and Deadboy Detectives and a lot of shows we’re talking about. It’s often, yes, the main thing. But it is also often a secret third thing. 

Lauren: Yes! Exactly. 

And with that, I’m Lauren Shippen, and you can find me at TheLaurenShippen.Tumblr.com.

Cher: And I’m Cher McAnelly and you can find me at OverChers.Tumblr.com. 

This has been Dashboard Diaries. And ... 

[outtro music]

Lauren: May your anons always be loving.

Cher: Your dash always refreshed.

Lauren: Your gifs always be loading.

Cher: And your ships always canon.

Lauren: May the fics you’re reading always be finished.

Cher: And the answers you seek always in the re-blogs.

Lauren: Thanks for scrolling with us!

Our TVs have been graced with @neil-gaiman in recent years, but Tumblr has been graced with him for over a decade! This month we discuss Uncle Neil's influence, as well as Dead Boy Detectives, Bridgerton, Shogun, and taking your coffee orally.

Credits and transcript in our reblog. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Find the posts discussed in this episode in this tag!

[republictrooper]

The Elysian Kingdom Spoilers

“It begins, like all good stories... once upon a time.”

THAT. THAT. THAT RIGHT THERE IS WHAT STAR TREK IS FUCKING ABOUT.

It’s 55 minutes of a rollicking good story and then 5-10 minutes that absolutely RIP YOUR HEART OUT AND CRUSH IT TO PIECES.

And that final line is just, so peak episodic fantasy sci-fi Television, just the POV character for the episode making one final wistful statement about what just happened.

It’s those old classic ST episodes where they somehow stumbled on the Greek Gods or the TNG Episode where the Holodeck went weird or Q turned them into Robin Hood and his Merry Men.

THAT. THAT is what Star Trek has been missing,and why SNW remains the best new trek since the DS9/VOY era, hands down.

But seriously.

Ortegas. Carrying on the tradition of Sulu by both turning into a dashing sword fighter when she loses her mind AND being gay as hell.

Spock, playing the role dark wizard way too damn well.

Pike just being the exact opposite of what he is and hamming it up as a simpering little traitorous chamberlain.

La’an. Oh my GOD La’an.

And then Hemmer realizing he needed to play to type to push the story along and just absolutely SLAYING the powerful wizard act. Abra-cadabra INDEED.

Ugh. It’s so good. SO. GOOD.

And then that last scene. See, this is why SNW gets it. 90% Episodic Hyjinks, but then it gives you that 10% of giving the characters compelling personalities and trials and storylines so that you are invested in what they do and what happens to them in all those hyjinks, and when they finally pay off, when they finally hit that final arc... it just floors you.

Honestly, only 2 real complaints, and both of them are like, really minor.

1. I wish they’d just go the hell ahead and make Ortegas confirmed queer as herself and not as a character written by Rukiya (but also, kudos to Rukiya for writing in that rep. Like, hell yeah, girl).

2. I wish they’d had at least SOME characters remember.

I mean, mostly because I feel so sad for M’Benga, even as he made the right choice and gave Rukiya the life she couldn’t otherwise have, but it would be nice for him to have that sympathy, that compassion, from the people who remember, who know what he felt and gave up and are ready to stand by him to help him as he finds his happiness again. I mean, Hemmer. Hemmer just reaching out to him and offering to help broke my heart.

But also, imagine:

 Ortegas teasing La’an about her little run as the Princess and yelling “Totally Worth It” and she chases her down a corridor.

Christine greeting Ortegas everytime she walks into the Sickbay with “To what do I owe the pleasure of this vist, Sir Ardya?”

Actually, just half the people on the ship doing flourishing little bows to each other and calling each other “My Liege” and stuff.

Uhura just absolute owning Queen Neve’s poise and grace to crush whatever department they give her next.

Also, that last little scene with Hemmer like... “Am I in your quarters?”

...I... I kind of might ship Hemmer/M’Benga now. Not gonna lie.

Like, imagine Hemmer enjoyed being a Wizard so much that he wanted to understand more about human literature featuring wizards, and M’Benga points him towards TH White and Tolkien and Prachett and others, and sometimes they just meet in his quarters to talk about it and, like, after they kind of realize they like each other’s company, and one thing leads to another, and the first time M’Benga wakes up in Hemmer’s quarters, he looks up at him, and says with a smile, “Chief... am I in your quarters?”

Anyway, Silly little injokes are my love language and there’s so many that could come from his episode is all I’m saying.

Also, please. Please. Paramount. Just give me more episodic trek like this forever. It’s all I want.

[zap-apple-cookbook]

*Rainbow Dash age 13 in her room*

Dash: Auuugh! I hate this!

Windy: *overhearing the very loud outburst and coming into Dash's room* Are you okay, Rainbow Dash?

Dash: My stupid heart won't stop yearning!

Windy: Oh, Rainbow.

Dash: Can I just punch it out of me?

Windy: Rainbow, you know punching never solved anything.

Dash: It made Hoops stop bullying Fluttershy.

Windy: Well, it won't stop you from feeling this way. Why don't you just tell them how you feel?

Dash: Punching myself feels better.

Windy: Are you afraid?

Dash: NO! I'm never scared of anything!

Windy: How about telling them then?

Dash: Okay, I'm scared of telling them.

Windy: Why are you afraid?

Dash: It's because, I'm not...I don't know...

Windy: Oh sweetie, is she a girl?

Dash: Duh! (I'm gay as hell)

Windy: Do you know if she likes girls? (No swearing)

Dash: I'm pretty sure.

Windy: Okay, that's very good. Is she a friend?

Dash: ...yes.

Windy: Is it Applejack?

Dash: *Pauses for a moment and punches her chest*

Windy: *grabs Rainbow's wrist* No punching!

Dash: Sorry...

Windy: I know it can be scary telling someone how you feel about them, especially when they're so important to you.-

Dash: What if she doesn't feel the same way?

Windy: Keep calm, Dash. -It's better to be honest about your feelings with her. Now, if she doesn't feel the same way, it will be okay. She's still your friend, and she cares about you. Your father and I will be here for you when you're sad and hurt. And Applejack is a nice girl, she won't be rude or mean.

Dash: How bad will it hurt?

Windy: I won't lie to you, it still hurts a lot. BUT it's much much better than constantly desiring and hiding. That eats away at you and makes you feel empty. Telling her will be like ripping off a bandage! It hurts for a bit, but you'll feel better afterwards...well feeling better is a lot later, but the metaphor doesn't really go much deeper than the pain part.

Dash: Huh?

Windy: Maybe you shouldn't be focused on whether you might get rejected, there is the other side of that coin. She can say yes.

Dash: *she raises her fist, but curls up into a ball instead* I want to tell her so bad, Mom. She's so perfect in everyway. She taught me how to bake an apple pie from scratch, and I don't think I've ever been happier.

Windy: Happier than the gold medal you won at the Cloudsdale Dirt Bike Race?

Dash: You could melt down all the trophies I've ever won into the awesomest prize ever, and I'd throw it into a stupid volcano if it meant Applejack would say yes to me.

Windy: Well, there's only one way to find out.

Dash: I know, but I'm still...scared.

Windy: And that's okay sweetie, we love you and support you. Whenever you're ready to try, we're behind you to help however we can.

Dash: So if we got a big cannon to launch me into Applejack's room, would you light the wic?

Windy: Yes, but Applejack probably wants the simple approach.

Dash: Okay... I'll try to think of something simple.

[verus-veritas]

Legacy

Revenge, Technology, Mind Transference, with a dash of unrequited love. What’s not to love? /Verus

"Dude! P-please! I'm sorry! Whatever you think I've done, it must all be a mistake!" Andew yelled, thrashing against his confinements and eyeing the only point of exit in the room. His firm muscles were wet and taut against his clothes, and his handsome face flush red with terror and worry.

"Are you really sorry though? It didn't seem like it from the way you acted during Gavin's funeral. The sneers and laughter you made as his parents said their final words to him..." I said, hiding in the shadows. Only my feet and the contours of my body was visible for him to see.

"N-no offense. I just found it funny when the parents said they wish he'd atleast gotten a girlfriend before he passed away-" The same devious sneer returned on his perfectly handsome face, as he most likely remembered the scene in his head.

"Of course you found it funny. Because you knew he was completely gay. Gay, and had a massive crush on you for ages. He literally worshipped the ground you walked on, and spent most of his waking hours wishing he could be with you." I explained, slowly walking around him as I pulled out a flimsy latex cap with electronical nodes attached to it.

"And I let him. I did no wrong." Andrew talked back. His eyes following my figure until I stood directly behind him.

"No! You lead him on, made him believe you were actually interested in him. And then you destroyed him. You are the reason he ran out of the house crying, and you are the reason he didn't see the truck speeding towards him!" My voice was shaking as I quickly slapped the cap onto his head, accidentally pulling out a few strands of his hair.

"Ouuch! Get this thing off me!" He shook his head and began thrashing about again.

"You know. He really loved you... He said he was going to make you the happiest man on earth. Showering you with gifts and undying love, and be by your side forever and ever. That's why he trusted you so wholeheartedly and let you do whatever you wanted."

"Naive..." He quietly muttered under his breath.

"He was even fine with you staring and drooling over other girls. As long as he could stay by your side."

"What a fag..." I could hear him gritting his teeth.

"But that evening when you invited him over, only to have him find you in the bedroom hooking up with a random girl... that completely ruined him. You shattered his dream, his self-confidence, and his sensitive soul! He didn't know what to do and where to go, which is why he ran straight out into the traffic..." My voice was uncontrollably going up and down now, as I was unable to hide my emotions.

"Dude only had himself to blame. He should've known I only had him around for the free stuff he bought for me." Andrew snickered, as he looked down at the expensive shorts Gavin had bought for him a few weeks prior.

"How dare you!" I tried to punch his shoulder, but knew I was too weak to do any real damage against his hard muscles.

"Y'know... it almost sounds like you had feelings for him- Wait a minute! You're that pastry white kid that always walked around with him aren't you?! Hah! 'Ghost boy' we called you!" The tone in his voice shifted - with more confidence and arrogance. Back to the way he normally talked - a manipulative bastard at heart. "I see. So you best friend Gavin never had feelings for you, and now that he's gone you blame yourself for not having stopped him."

"......" I clenched my hands till my knuckles turned white.

"Hah! Maybe you really were a horrible friend. Have you thought about that you might be the reason he's dead?" He laughed, obviously enjoying the way he was toying with my feelings.

"...you have no idea..." I mumbled, as tears began to flow down my cheeks.

"Maybe you should be the one sitting in this chair - tied up and wearing this stupid cap on your head. Hehe."

I took a deep breath and calmed myself, before walking around him once again and turning so he could see me. See the real me... one last time. "I will. Soon."

"W-what do you mean with that? And why are you also wearing that ridiculous cap?" He asked. His tone in voice once again becoming panicked and anxious.

"You see. The reason why I'm so pale is because I spend so much time at home playing with my inventions and devices. Coding is one of my favorite things to do. And for the last few months I've relentlessly been working on creating this device we're both wearing right now. It was originally only meant to be used on you, recoding the patterns in your brain into loving Gavin as much as he loved you. While also erasing all of your bad traits and turning you into his ideal boyfriend... but there's no reason for that anymore, is there? So, I upgraded it into 2.0, which can now be used with two people."

"P-pff... yeah right... and what does this new version do then?"

"It can transfer the consciousness between two human brains. Even recoding the brain into believing the new consciousness have always been in control of its own body. All the memories, habits, and even muscle memory will be easily accessible to the new permanent owner." I explained, as I began fiddling with a machine by our side. The nodes on our caps lit up.

"Permanent?! Wait a minute. Let's say all of this freaky sci-fi stuff is actually real, what's going to happen to my consciousness?" Andrew asked, as he began to get more anxious by the beeping sound of the nodes on his head.

"All gone. Overwritten by mine. Erased out of existence with no way of restoring it." I answered nonchalantly. Flicking the last switched around, the device was now ready to be activated.

"What the fuck! Then you're basically killing me?! Get me out of here, you sick freak!" He began violently thrashing against the back of the chair, and flung his head around to get the latex cap off... but to no avail.

"Am I really though? Your memories, your body, and your relationships will all still be here, under my complete control. I'm just... discarding a small part of you that's no longer necessary."

"No...no... Help! HELP! SOMEONE!! THIS CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER IS GOING TO KILL ME!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, but the soundproofed walls would do him no good.

I flicked the final switch and walked over to him as the machine began buzzing. Standing in front of him, I suddenly sat down on his lap and grabbed hold of his face. I stared into his fearful yet piercing blue eyes and slid my hands across the cheeks and contours of his face.

"This beautiful face of yours that Gavin loved, I promise I'll take good care of it and cherish it until the day I die. It's the least I can do to honor my friend Gavin." I leaned forward and gently laid a kiss on his sweaty forehead, while holding him in place as he screamed for all he was worth.

"No! Noo! NOoO-Uoogguuughhhh" His scream turned into a gurgle as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. At the same time, my eyes went white and hazy as my pastry body slumped over and fell on the cement floor. Most likely cracked open its head or something from the sound of it.

"NgOOuoouughhgguuuhh!!!" Andrew's head flung back and forth as if to fight whatever was invading his head, but it barely took a minute before the thrashing suddenly stopped and his head slumped down.

His eyes were closed, his face flushed red from exertion, and the sweat and drool pooled down onto his expensive shorts. A further five minutes of stillness and blinking nodes passed before any activity was seen.

---

*Gasp*

I awoke to the cap on my head giving me a quick electric shock. In front of me laid my old withered body, lifeless and without a doubt stone dead. My throat felt dry and tired, and the ties on my arms hurt like hell. In fact, everything felt, looked, and smelt different. The smell oozing from my sweaty clothes that once smelt great now stunk in my nose. I could recall from Andrew's memories that he showered atleast twice a day. I showered atleast twice a day.

After some fiddling with the special knots in my back, I easily slipped the rope off. Massaging the sore parts on my wrist, I soon relished in how big and strong my new hands looked now. Hands who should've been holding Gavin's...

I explored further up till I reached my new bulging biceps. Squeezing them I felt how firm and taut they were. I never in a million years would have managed to get myself this big, but here I was, standing in the body of a perfect specimen. The body of the man who my friend loved, but who didn't truly love him back. If only I could've done this before Gavin died... Would he have loved me instead, or would he have hated me for what I had done? Well, atleast he would've been alive.

My focus went to my Andrew face, as I caressed the blemish-free skin and the small stubble forming on it. The face of the man I had hated for a while, the face of the man whose identity I would have to take over, and the face I would see in the mirror for as long as I breathed. It was one of the most handsome faces I've ever laid my eyes on no doubt, so I'm perfectly fine with that decision.

My hands continued to explore what was now mine; running fingers through my lush but wet hair, following the outline of my cobblestone abs, and shaking my strong and muscular legs awake from sitting too long.

Not long after I finally slipped the drool and sweat-soaked shorts off myself and watched as the tool between my legs arose to its new owner. It might not have been as long as my former one, but the very girth of it made up for it. As I enveloped it between my palms, I realized that no one had ever been as intimate with Andrew's tool as I was now, and no one would ever be. Not even Gavin would if he was somehow resurrected. Only I, Andrew would ever know how this throbbing member would feel in my own hands, the endorphins and pleasure its touch would send throughout my amazing body, and the ultimate earth-shattering orgasms I would experience as I edge myself to climax every day from now on.

The very thought of it immediately brought me to the brink of orgasm, so I quickly spread my legs apart and thrust the member fully through my grasp. It was all that was needed as I suddenly began shaking with pleasure and exploded shot after shot of Andrew seed all over the floor, myself and my former lifeless body."Ugh! Uuuugh! UUUuOOGggHH!!"

“.... Holy shit.....” I moaned, slightly shocked by the unfamiliarity of the new voice coming from my throat.

Reeling from my first ever orgasm in my new body and life, I sat back down on the chair and took a breather. I was sweaty, my crotch sticky, and my armpits stunk. Yet, I know I still looked glorious. How couldn't I? After all, I am Andrew. The man who Gavin loved, and who loved him back just as much, if not even more...

I will dedicate this new life of mine to worship and care for this body just as much as Gavin would have. His legacy, Andrew's body and life, and my consciousness have finally become one... and I promise I will carry them with pride and confidence to the grave... even if it is the only thing I will accomplish in this short insignificant life of mine.

[winchest09]

Join The Bunker Party

Guess what’s back? Back again? 

April’s Bunker Party is here!

The Men of Letters Headquarters will be the location of a Bunker Party once again this April and I am SO excited to see your darling faces, hear your wonderful voices and just have a fun filled evening. We are also celebrating a WHOLE YEAR since we first started doing these! Time flies! 

SO! Come and join me, and a few of my already confirmed wonderful friends and authors on here, for the event of the month! Going LIVE this SATURDAY (April 17th, 2021) on Jitsi!

Yes…SATURDAY. I know we normally do these on a Friday but due to circumstances changing in personal lives, it is now being held on SATURDAY.

You can join the Bunker Party in all manner of ways. Video, audio or just using the chat function! If you wish to remain anonymous, that option is available too. You pick your name when you enter. I will provide the link details on the night.

We’re cool with whatever you’re comfortable with!

We can talk fanfiction, writing, talk about the SPN cast, cons, favorite episodes, play games, have a ton of laughs and a hell of a frickin’ good time! Maybe you can even persuade some of the regular livestream guests to sing and dance, they’ve done it before! If you have any suggestions, please let us know!

How to join?

If you’re using your phone - you will need to download the free app to join us.

If you’re using your laptop or PC, just use the link provided on the night!

It’s that simple!

Timezone Information:

Los Angeles: Saturday 17th @ 12PM New York: Saturday 17th @ 3PM London: Saturday 17th @ 8PM Paris: Saturday 17th @ 9PM Melbourne: Sunday 18th @ 5AM (we know - timezones suck and so do daylight savings!)

Guidelines for the evening and tags are below the cut (so I’m not clogging anyone’s dash)

Guidelines:

This chat is HATE FREE.

Drink alcohol responsibly. It’s fine to have a drink if you wish to but please don’t get intoxicated while on the streams. We want the live streams to be a place of fun and laughter, but also a place where people can ask us serious questions and receive honest and heartfelt answers.

Please don’t ask personal and direct questions to livestream participants. I.E sexuality, personal experiences, lifestyle choices, religion, ETC. This puts people on the spot and not everyone may be as open as you are (if you are). We want everyone to feel comfortable whilst participating in these streams.

Let people speak. Do not talk over one another when a question is being answered. If you have something to add; an opinion, an idea or a suggestion, please let the person finish speaking first. On Jitsi there is a chat function and a raise hand function, please use these to save talking over each other. We want to hear everyone and avoid anyone suffering from sensory overload; this can take away the enjoyment of the streams. If these rules are broken, we reserve the right to kick you from the stream for the remaining participants safety.

Be mindful and respectful of others.

Any questions? Please do not hesitate to get in touch with me! I’m super excited and I hope to see you there!

Tagging those who participated last time & forevers. (If you could signal boost, that would be fab! Thank you!)

Who may be interested in joining:

@libraries-and-coffee /  @savior-adriana  / @jules-1999

Joined last time:

@waywardbeanie / @whatareyousearchingfordean / @jensengirl83 / @superfanficnatural / @soaringeag1e / @janicho88 / @downanddirtydean / @carryonmywaywardcaptain / @sams-sass / @flamencodiva / @deangirl93 / @anathewierdo / @emoryhemsworth / @anaelsbrunette / @impalawrites / @defenderrosetyler / @wonder-cole @that-one-gay-girl / @katelynw93 / @chocolateheart / @anotherspnfanfic / @440mxs-wife / @abuavnee / @lovealways-j /  @zooaliaa / @carolinabeauty6298 / @akshi8278 / @thinkinghardhardlythinking / @torn-and-frayed / @our-jensen-ackles-love / @watermelonlipstick / @catching-up-with-kayla / @deanwinchesterswitch / @msmarvelouswinchester / @calaofnoldor / 

Forevers:

@katehuntington / @waywardbeanie / @chocolateheart / @deanwanddamons / @whatareyousearchingfordean / @deandreamernp / @smol-and-grumpy / @talesmaniac89 / @jensengirl83 / @wonder-cole / @atc74 / @flamencodiva / @superfanficnatural / @janicho88 / @suckmyapplejacks / @emoryhemsworth / @malfoysqueen14 / @anaelsbrunette / @teresa-67 / @miss-nerd95 / @tatted-trina6 / @msmarvelouswinchester / @that-one-gay-girl/ @akshi8278 / @lyarr24 / @phantom-soilder / @daughterofthenight117 / @donnaintx / @hobby27 / @jesseswartzwelder / @mrswhozeewhatsis / @iwantthedean / @i-make-questionable-choices / @briagallen / @snffbeebee / @dean-winchesters-gardian-angel / @amandamdiehl / @couldabeenamermaid / @thefaithfulwriter / @stoneyggirl / @afangirlsbubble / @spnbaby-67 / @lynne1993 / @tranquility-or-chaos / @markofdean79 / @miraclesoflove / @cpag7 / @s-ravenall / @broiderie / @death-unbecomes-you / @igotmadskills / @deangirl93 / @sams-sass

Phew!

Get those fics/blogs ready for recs, get your own ideas ready to share - I can’t wait to hear them!

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 29: Prinxiety/Loceit (pt 4)

Aaaand, part 4, the finale! 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 29:  You have a telepathic link with your soulmate until the two of you meet.

Content warnings: discussion of conversion therapy/after effects, PTSD, food mentions, anxiety/panic attacks, internalized homophobia, mentions of the foster system/abuse (mental, emotional, neglect, past eating disorder), minor self harm/blood, mentions of dissociating.

Word count: 5.1k

Despite Roman’s claims that being around other people would only distract him, and he didn’t want to have to walk to the library every time he had homework, Patton’s constant pleading eventually broke him down. Now, much to his roommate’s delight, they spent every night in the middle of the study floor in the library, and Roman found that he actually looked forward to it. Sometimes someone he knew would walk by, and give him a valid reason to take a short break, and having other people around somehow motivated him to work harder. He was starting to understand the appeal of the place. 

Now, Patton and him were spending their afternoon there between classes, both working on their own projects and sharing a bag of popcorn twists. It was the only oil soaked snack that didn’t leave much residue on their fingers. Roman was deep in thought, struggling to remember an especially flowery Shakespeare monologue for a mock audition next week, when Patton kicked his leg under the table.

“What, Pat?” He took another moment to finish the sentence before he tore his eyes away from the book, surprised at his roommate’s barely contained excitement. 

“You’ve been humming for half an hour!” 

He hadn’t even noticed. He tended to do it a lot without realizing; humming along to his soulmate’s music. Ever since he’d come back almost a year ago, an occurrence he’d never had explained but held onto with fondness, Roman’s heart jumped every time his music played. It was just like old times, their old system immediately reinstated, and more than once he’d found himself singing along to the melodies in his head. Patton knew this, and could probably tell by the genre whether Roman was listening to his soulmate’s songs, or just had his own earworm.

“No, no, no, I like your humming! That’s not the point!”

“Then what’s the-”

“The guy behind you has his earbuds loud enough to hear!”

Roman strained his ears, and yes, he could barely hear the music coming from behind him. He definitely hadn’t noticed before, too deep in thought to notice something so trivial. But Patton was always on high alert, never able to keep his mind on one thing at a time. 

“Okay, but what does that ha-”

“You’ve been humming the same songs as he’s been listening to for half an hour, Ro! I think he’s your soulmate!”

Roman’s eyes widened and he spun around, effectively dropping his book onto the ground. Yeah, if he concentrated, he could tell that the song in his head was the same as the one just audible through the other’s earbuds.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive!” 

That’s all the convincing Roman needed. He jumped to his feet and rounded the other table so he was face to face with the stranger and knocked on the table a couple times. When he made eye contact, he thought he saw fear in the other’s face, but that couldn’t be right. Roman was not intimidating. The man at the table reached up to pop out one of his earbuds. 

“Hello lovely, I have a question for you,” Roman purred, dropping onto his elbows on the table. 

“I- I don’t-”

Apparently that counted as a meeting, because in that moment, the music in Roman’s head faded into nothingness. And he could tell it wasn’t just the music being paused. He was left with a neutral emptiness he hadn’t felt in a long time, a silence that was rare, and an innate knowledge that it had happened: their link was no longer necessary and had dissipated. Roman grinned wide, barely concealing a squeal. 

“You’re my soulmate!”

He didn’t know what reaction he was expecting, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected the man at the table to get up and sprint out of the building at full speed. 

“Stay here, Ro,” Patton was suddenly at his side, laying a hand on his bicep, “I’ll go after him. I don’t know what just happened but I don’t want it to happen again.”

Patton scooped up the other man’s things from the table and jogged out the library door.

-----

Virgil didn’t know where he was going; he hadn’t planned on running out of the library. Dammit, he hadn’t planned to run into his soulmate. And he knew that was his soulmate, and not just some weird coincidence. Because the moment they’d locked eyes, it was as if something in his mind had snapped, like a rubber band that had always been there but the pressure was so constant he didn’t notice it there until it was gone. Their bond had snapped; it was no longer necessary, because he’d met his soulmate. 

He recognized the guy, just barely. They were in the same first year math class, a course often taken by upperclassmen (probably like his soulmate) because they’d put off getting a math credit until their final years. Logan had warned Virgil of that when he was choosing his first year courses, and so he was safely getting it out of the way so he could focus on his major in the coming years. 

His breathing was choppy and strained as he tried to calm down his panic attack, dropping onto the ground under a large tree. He couldn’t keep running lest he collapse and draw more attention to himself, and that was far worse than anything he could imagine. Fighting the urge to scratch at his skin, he buried his head in his hoodie clad arms, fumbling with one hand to free his phone from his pocket. 

It’s actually a guy, it’s a guy, he’s gay, wrong wrong wrong-

No, not wrong. It’s not wrong.   

Yes it is, it’s going to hurt, you’re going to hurt, wrong wrONG WRONG!

His hands were shaking far too hard to text but he tried anyways, begging Janus to come pick him up early. Logan wouldn’t be done work for another couple hours, and usually Virgil would be fine just doing homework until his dad was ready to drive them home, but he didn’t think he’d be able to handle being on campus much longer. 

“Hey, kiddo?”

Virgil’s head jerked up just as he clicked send, fighting every urge in his body to bolt again. It wasn’t the guy… his soulmate… but someone else he hadn’t met before, panting. 

“Heya, my name’s Patton! You ran out without your stuff, so I brought it!”

Oh, he was holding his backpack, and his folder under one arm. Virgil was just trying to encourage his legs to move, to stand so he could take his things, when the stranger dropped into the grass in front of him. He flinched. 

“Here ya go,” He pushed it towards him like a child trying to coax out a scared cat, “I’m so sorry me and Ro scared you. He just gets over excited sometimes. I promise he’s actually very gentle.”

Virgil stared, pulling in a halting breath. 

“The guy who ran up to you, that’s Roman. I’m his roommate, by the way. I’m Patton. Did I introduce myself? Doesn’t matter. I’m a third year psychology major. Roman’s in third year too, music and theatre major.”

He should probably introduce himself too, but his hands were frozen, clamped around his phone, and he found his voice wasn’t cooperating. That didn’t deter the other dude, though.

“Here, I wrote out both of our numbers. Roman feels super bad for scaring you, so you can take your time, if you want.” He delicately placed a ripped piece of notebook paper on the backpack between them, “His is the first one. But I put mine in there too, so you can text me if you want to talk. The more friends, the better.”

Virgil’s phone buzzed, alerting him of Janus’ response.

“I’ll let you be, okay? Remember to text!” With an exuberant wave, he dashed back to the library. Virgil read Janus’ panicked message, asking what had happened, in a bit of a daze. His dad agreed to come get him, so he stuffed the paper into his pocket and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

-----

Janus had asked him not to go into his room when he was so worked up, instead giving him free reign of the living room while the older restarted the dinner he’d abandoned in favor of picking his son up. He’d turned on the TV for Virgil, changing the channel to a nature documentary, given Virgil his favorite weighted blanket, and left him with strict orders to call him if he started spiraling or needed a hug. 

The distraction had worked for a while, the soothing voice of the narrator almost lulling him to sleep, until his racing brain had come to the conclusion that this was the worst thing to ever happen in the history of ever and that he was going to die alone. He’d been a little hopeful that his soulmate would be a girl, to somewhat appease his trauma, but life was never that easy. A part of him had also been a little miffed about that hope, because as much as he liked to pretend, he had a preference for boys. A big preference. And his soulmate was cute. 

“Everything okay, Virgil?” Janus called through the pass through window into the kitchen, taking his eyes off his food preparation to watch his son’s pacing. 

“Yup!” He lied, picking and scratching at the skin of his hands out of his dad’s view. The pain settled him a little, giving him something he could control, but he knew he’d get a figurative slap on the wrist for it later. A concerned slap, not an angry one. Maybe more of ‘a cuddle on the couch and wrap the little patches of broken skin and an update with his counsellor’. So not really a slap. At all. As it usually went. 

Everything was wrong. What kind of shit first impression had he given his soulmate? Getting up and running away like an actual child? And that was only part of it. He was damaged goods, a broken person, who needed more help and reassurance than any other person. How could he explain to his soulmate that he was the cause of his problems without making him feel guilty? That wasn’t the life the man had signed up for, wasn’t the soulmate burden he’d wanted. He would want someone easy, someone who wouldn’t have panic attacks when they got shocked by a door knob, who didn’t stop eating when they were scared, who pressed pause on life when he woke up in a dissociating headspace. He couldn’t say that to him. He’d lost everything, that vague musical connection to an invisible soulmate, that had given him a subtle hope. It had been a quiet illusion, a promise that he’d be fine if it were never fulfilled. Knowing there was someone out there, providing him music, had been enough. But now…

“Virgil, hold these for me.”

When had Logan gotten home? He put his hands out obediently, clenching the fingers over the ice cubes placed in each palm. The sensation startled him and sent a shiver up his spine.

“Four, seven, eight. Ready?”

He followed the breathing pattern eagerly, feeling the curls of anxiety in his stomach slowly settle into butterflies. When he was breathing normally, an overwhelming sense of dizziness almost knocked him over. Logan took his arm and led him to the couch.

The next moment, Janus was kneeling in front of him, rubbing disinfectant into his few bloody scratches, the melting water dripping through his fingers and onto the carpet. 

“I should have noticed,” he murmured as he stuck a couple bandaids onto each hand, refusing to meet Virgil’s eyes.

“Don’t blame yourself, Janus. I don’t think it was happening for too long,” Logan assured, running a hand down Virgil’s spine. “Did this have to do with the reason you left school early today?”

Virgil nodded.

“Are you nonverbal?”

“No,” he choked, clearing his throat, “Just dry throat.”

“I got it,” Janus leapt to his feet and hurried to the kitchen.

With a heavy sigh, Virgil leaned into Logan’s side, the hand on his back traveling to wrap around his shoulder comfortingly. The last drops of the ice cube hit the carpet, and he dried his hands off on his jeans. “I met my soulmate today.”

“I see,” Logan said. For the umpteenth time, Virgil was beyond grateful that Logan was an expert at masking reactions. It made difficult conversations easier.

“It’s a guy.”

“How did that go?”

“I ran out of the library and had a panic attack. His roommate brought me my stuff and gave me their numbers. I made an idiot out of myself.”

Logan was quiet, giving Virgil a little squeeze. A water glass was pressed into his hands and Virgil downed the whole thing, passing it back to Janus, who placed it on the coffee table. 

“I think… I think I’m magnifying. Maybe.” He described his thoughts that led to his spiral as quickly as possible, feeling slightly pleased when Logan agreed with his hypothesis. 

“You are definitely magnifying. Good job for recognizing that, Virgil. You don’t even know him, much less what he thought of your interaction.”

“What’s our next step?” Janus spoke up, resting a hand on Virgil’s knee and rubbing it with his thumb.

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Can you sleep on it, and message him tomorrow?”

Virgil thought about for a second before shaking his head even harder, “No. I have class with him tomorrow, and we’re getting a study guide for a test. I can not miss it. But what if he comes up to me, or wants to talk, and I embarrass myself again, and-”

His dads both hushed him at the same time and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes against Logan’s side. “What do I do?”

“You could message him tonight,” Janus drawled.

“Are you crazy?” He shrieked, “No! What would I even say? ‘Hey, you freaked me out today, sorry for running like a lunatic’?!”

“Why not explain the cause for your hasty escape?” Logan piped in.

“That’s way too much to load onto him as a first conversation.”

“Not all the gory details, just a vague explanation. That’s how I started talking to Logan,” Janus stated, adjusting his position on the floor. “If he’s your soulmate, Virge, he’ll be okay to deal with this. It’ll come out eventually, and if something else happens, it will be nice for him to have some context.”

Virgil groaned. “I hate when you make sense.”

“We can help you construct an adequate message.” Logan squeezed him again, meeting Janus’ eyes with a small smile.

“Fine.” Virgil snarled, pulling out his phone and the two numbers, typing the first one into his ‘new contact’ list. “Okay, what do I say?”

-----

V: Hey, I’m Virgil. We met earlier today. In a manner of speaking.

R: OMG, hi! I’m Roman. I am SO sorry for startling you!

V: It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. 

R: I still feel bad DX

“He feels bad, what do I do?!”

“I would suggest explaining the reason you ran off to ease his concerns.”

“Me too. But ask first, and don’t give more details than you’re comfortable with.”

V: Can I be brutally honest for just a second?

R: Should I be nervous? Haha go ahead!

V: I was forced into conversion therapy about a year back, and I still carry a lot of the trauma with me. That’s why I ran. It was just gut instinct.

“He’s not responding, oh god, he’s going to block me, why isn’t he responding?!”

“I assume this news would take a moment to process. Focus on your breathing, Virgil. Don’t magnify.”

“You also sent it, like, ten seconds ago.”

R: Holy shit, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry. 

“...That’s not what I expected.”

“This is a regular reaction from a human being with even a lick of common sense, Virgil.”

“Seconded.”

V: It’s okay, I have a really great support system now. 

R: That’s good. I’ve never experienced anything like that, so I can only imagine how hard that was. 

R: I don’t expect you to answer if you don’t want to or don’t know, so please don’t feel pressured, but do you know what kind of soulbond we have? Is it platonic?

“Shit, fuck, who do I answer that?”

“With the truth, I’d imagine. Do you have an answer to his question?”

“Remember what I told you, kid. Your own pace.”

“Logan, if I explain it, can you put it into words? Please?”

V: I’m not averse to a possible romantic relationship in the future, but at the moment I am still learning to become comfortable with myself, as I have negative connections to that part of my identity that can become problematic if not properly worked through at my own pace.

R: Give me a couple seconds to decode that

V: My dad wrote it, he’s a prof. I have both of them helping me not freak out right now. 

R: You might want to date one day, but you need to take it slow because of your trauma. 

V: Uhm… yeah. I could have said it like that. 

R: Is talking to me upsetting you? We can always talk another time.

V: No, I’m okay. 

R: Okay, then as far as I’m concerned, we move at your pace. That’s not an issue for me at all. 

“I… oh. He’s… wow.”

“I agree with your sentiment.”

“I like this boy already.”

“DAD!”

R: Your dad’s a prof? 

V: One of them is. He teaches at our school, Prof Sanders. 4th year chemistry?

R: Oh shit. I’m in his class.

V: Lol he thinks he knows you

R: You have two dads?

V: Yep

R: That’s so cool. I’d really love to meet them.

V: Wow, we met today and you’re already wanting to meet my parents?

R: Heeey, I want to meet them as a FRIEND. 

V: My dad says after the semester’s over, you’re free to come by

One at a time, Virgil’s dads left him on the couch with an ear to ear grin, Janus to reheat dinner and Logan following him just so he could cling to his husband's waist as he moved around the kitchen. Neither of them wanted to disturb the little bubble their son was in. 

-----

In the weeks following, they’d started to sit together in the one class they shared. Virgil had begun to join him and Patton on their nightly library study sessions, and after some more gentle convincing, had given in to sitting with their whole friend group during meals at the cafeteria. He was growing more comfortable with Roman, no doubt about that.

Didn’t mean he wasn’t fighting off an anxiety attack as he waited by the door to get picked up for their first outing alone.

He kept checking his phone and glancing out the peephole as Janus ran calming fingers through his hair. Virgil leaned into the touch instinctively, consciously slowing his breathing as Janus hummed. Logan was watching him from the entrance to the hall, leaning on the kitchen door frame. There wasn’t much he could do, but dammit if he wasn’t going to watch his son go off on the most anxiety inducing situation of all of their lives.

“You’ll be okay, kid,” Janus muttered, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “You’ve been friends with him for a while now, and he said there were no expectations. You’re in total control here.”

“What if I have a flashback, or a panic attack, or go nonverbal or something? He’s going to freak the fuck out and then all the work will be for noth-”

Logan spoke up. “You’re worried about things that may not even happen. And besides, haven’t you spoken to Roman about these things already?”

“A bit. Not in detail,” he whispered.

“I would suggest you do so, today if possible. It will make any possible situations that arise easier and less jarring to deal with.”

Virgil looked up at Janus, a pleading look in his eyes.

“He’s right, kid. The sooner you get it out of the way, the better.”

There was a knock at the door and Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin. To his disdain, Janus backed away until he was next to Logan, gesturing at the door with a small smile. Virgil growled out a curse and opened the door, the scowl on his face melting into a sickeningly authentic smile.

“How’s my favorite emo? Hi Mr. Sanders, hey Prof.”

“Hello.”

“Salutations.”

“Your favorite emo?” Virgil snarked, pulling on his jacket. It wasn’t cold, not in the slightest, but he’d rather have the extra layer.

“You’re the only emo I know, so the choice is easy.”

“By process of elimination, doesn’t that also imply I’m your least favorite emo too?”

“Don’t start this again, Mr. Son-of-a-professor.”

“I’ll start it if I want to!”

The door closed behind them with one final wave to his parents, and the house was quiet. Janus leaned into Logan’s waiting arms, resting his head on the other’s collar bone. 

“He’s all grown up.”

“That he is, my love.”

-----

Virgil smirked as Roman set out a large cliche picnic blanket, gesturing for him to sit. He did, crossing his legs and leaning on his knees as the other began to unload the basket. 

“Okay, so for sandwiches, I have turkey, peanut butter and jelly, and ham. Patton made me bring apple slices because he’s a dad, but I’m sure we can convince the ducks to eat them.”

To prove his point, a group of ducks paddled out from under a weeping willow half submerged in the creek.

“I like apples,” Virgil defended, grabbing a slice from the open container and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. “How many people were you intending to feed with that much food?”

Roman pouted from behind a container of potato salad. “I had to show off my food skills, duh.”

“You made that?” Virgil asked with raised eyebrows as Roman set out a tin of mini quiches and a smaller one stacked with brownies and cookies. 

“The cookies were Patton’s, but he insisted I take some. And I would have bought more, but…” He tipped the basket towards Virgil, revealing the bottom absolutely filled with different canned drinks and water bottles. “I didn’t know what you wanted to drink.”

Virgil actually did laugh as he stretched forward to snag a Doctor Pepper, taking another apple slice as he sat back. 

“Do you have a sandwich preference?” Roman asked, choosing a Sprite for himself. 

“Turkey looks good.” Virgil said before his choice paralysis could come into play, breathing a sigh of relief as Roman handed one of the sandwiches to him. The less stress he added to his own life, the better. 

Roman had been right to bring an assortment of food, because dammit, he was a really good chef. Virgil was nervous to try a quiche, since he’d never had them before and the texture was odd to him, but Roman assured that if he didn’t like it, he’d eat it instead. Apparently he wasn’t eeked out by germs. After a nibble though, Virgil ate almost half the tin. Who knew cold eggs could be good? Roman took the ham sandwich, and they split the PB&J. The ducks were more than pleased to be given Roman’s half of the apple slices but Virgil refused to share, since fresh fruits were still a treat after a life of preserves. The younger wasn’t a huge fan of the potato salad, so Roman eagerly finished it, seemingly more excited to move onto the desserts but not wanting to leave any leftovers. 

They were just finishing up the frankly absurd amount of cookies and brownies when Roman broke their casual bickering, chasing a chocolate chip bite with a long swig of Sprite and tossing another apple to their swarm of awaiting ducks.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself, Virge.”

“What do you want to know?” Virgil replied, leaning back on his hands. 

“Anything, really. Childhood, siblings, favorite color, darkest fear.”

“Quite a spectrum, there.” There was a lot he could talk about, but he felt it might be better to get the bigger things out of the way. Janus was sort of the leading expert on this kind of thing, so his advice had probably been sound. He brushed his hands together to get the crumbs off them as he spoke, “Okay, so I grew up in the foster system.”

Roman tried to hide his wince. “Ouch. I’ve heard a lot of bad things.”

“It’s fucked,” Virgil drawled, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn, “I spent most of my time in a group home, though, because I was called ‘difficult’. No one wanted to deal with my ass.”

“Why?”

“Mmm, ran away, didn’t listen, talked back, antagonized any biological kids.”

“So like, a normal teenager?” The last apple slice was sacrificed to the feathered hoard. 

Virgil snorted, “Yeah, but I came with a receipt. And I kind of liked the group home more.”

“How many kids were in the home?”

“Never more than fifteen. It was a big home. But they circulated, and I was like a housecat. Never gone for more than a month.”

“Jeez,” Roman sighed, taking a sip of his soda. 

“My foster homes weren’t better.”

“Oh?” It was a subtle encouragement to keep talking, but now it was getting into territory that Virgil liked to avoid. 

“One of my foster houses was really neglectful, forgot to give us food, didn’t let us do laundry, that kind of stuff. Gave me a wicked ED. I was twelve.”

Roman grimaced.

“My next one was more emotionally and mentally manipulative. I was kind of made into a babysitter for their younger bio kids. I had to get them ready for school, make them dinner, just basically be a parent. After I ran away from them, they started having trouble placing me. I was older, had a shitty record, kind of a left over. I mean, I deserved it. I was a dick.”

“You were a kid, Virgil.”

“A kid who chose to make his own life harder.” He shrugged, “That’s why I was placed into… that home. They were a last resort place for other ‘trouble kids’.”

Virgil took a deep breath and, with Janus’ words in his mind, began to explain his attempted conversion; the slip of tongue that led to the placement, the verbal abuse, food deprivation, electroshock therapy, the snuck antipsychotics, forced isolation, ending with the day the wife had called the police behind her husband’s back out of guilt and he was rescued. 

Roman was quiet for a long minute after he finished talking, staring entranced at the can in his hands. The ducks had dispersed during Virgil’s story, upset at the lack of food. 

“I…”

Virgil waited for him to get up and leave, to say with false apologies that he didn’t think they would work out, that the connection was wrong. Because who would want to deal with him, his stupid trauma? But the man next to him didn’t move except to breathe, and Virgil took that as an invitation to continue, his tone quieter.

“I was super out of it for a while. Honestly, I don’t remember the rescue, or like a solid month after that, except for snippets here and there. The drugs were fucky. And then my social worker, god bless her heart, found Janus and Logan. Janus was in CT too for a while when he was younger, so they took me in. Took a long time, but I opened up to them, but by then I was eighteen. They still insisted on adopting me, though, and there’s absolutely no convincing Logan once he’s made his mind up, so… they did.” He waved his hands around a little. 

“Three months,” Roman blurted out of nowhere, making Virgil flinch.

“What?”

“Were you in ther-... CT for three months?”

“Two and a bit, why?” The moment it was out of his mouth, he realized the implications, and his heart froze.

“You were gone for three months. I thought you died, or… I don’t even know.” Roman looked like he was about to cry, watching Virgil imploringly. Him going MIA must have affected his soulmate more than he’d thought. 

“Two months of CT, and then another one before I got a new phone. I’m…” All the guilt he’d felt at the time came rushing back, the reminder of his soulmate’s music dwindling to almost nothing and him being helpless, “I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry. That must have been…” 

“No, Virgil, you don’t get to apologize. That was not your fault.” He reached out a hand as if to grab Virgil’s and immediately pulled back, wringing his fingers instead. “Sorry, my choice of comforting is physical. But I won’t.”

“Thank you,” Virgil choked out, running his hands through his hair.

“Can you look at me?”

He did, taking a shuddering breath. He was moments away from a panic attack and he was not looking forward to that disaster. 

“You were being- quite literally- tortured for months. You were abused in ways that shouldn’t be legal, and you came out the other side stronger. Frankly, I’m amazed at your perseverance. You’re amazing.”

Simultaneously, Virgil felt a hot blush rise to his ears, and a sharp jolt run through his arms into his chest. He jerked violently, tipping over his own soda onto the grass. 

“Shit, did I say something wrong?” Roman gasped, reaching over to pluck up the can before it could spill more. It was already half empty, thank goodness. 

“No, I just… do that. Sometimes. From… CT. Kind of like ghost shocks, I guess.” Why couldn’t the ground just open up and swallow him whole, he wondered. He hadn’t done that jerk thing in front of anyone in so long. The last time had been in front of his now-parents, and they’d quickly grown used to it. He’d grown used to their own contact very soon and his twitches had stopped after he was accustomed to it, but it had never been directed towards him, and he had a feeling he’d need time to stop his impulse reactions. 

“And me calling you amazing…”

“Triggered them. It’s an exposure thing though, so I’ll just need to get used to it. Don’t blame yourself.” He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes until bright white flashes of light burst into his vision. Suddenly, he was exhausted. 

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Roman asked, already packing up their picnic basket. Virgil nodded, his social meter drained, and all ability to be a civil person was quickly deteriorating. His therapist said that would also begin to heal after a while. 

Roman was an absolute angel though, letting the silence linger so Virgil could cradle his slowly growing headache, even opening the door of his car like a perfect gentleman. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Virgil rested his head against the seat and let a tiny smile tug at his lips. It would be a long process to retrain his brain (in theory, he was okay with being in a relationship with a man, but actually doing it? Infinitely harder), but for once, he was actually looking forward to the process. 

Would you guys like a collection of one shots surrounding Virgil’s gradual warming up to his new family, a decent mix of angst and fluff? I have some ideas. 

Thanks for reading! Now, a taglist. 

@sapphic-satan

@anxious-logic

@wigsnatchedhoteltrivago

@extraintrovertedalien

@punk-academian-witch

@ray-does-stuff

@chimneychimney

@i-cant-find-a-good-username

@falsemood

@wtf-casper

@cpmansion

@killjoyjay

@fandomfan315

@anxious-darkwolf

@eternalmoonlight19

@winterwynd

@espepspes

@ironwoman359

@willowaudreykeyes

@mycatshuman

@weweregoddesses

@im-an-anxious-wreck

@imknittingahat

@surohsopsisofclouds

@korsaromantic66

@astraheart04

@quartz-z

@mikalya12

@koalas-in-coffee

@isabelle-stars

@a-ghostlight-for-roman

@existentialeggdogg

@pumpkinminette

@coffeeflavoredtears525600

@wyvern-tales

@heyhalloween

@grayson-22

@bullet-tothefeels

@mostlikelytokillyouwithaspoon

@lovelivingmydreams

@sarcasmremovedsoul

@crofterskinnie

@blissbiscuit

@baka-monarch

@lostspacecat

@green-call

[wolfstar-supremacy-innit]

"Tell who?"- Part 2

Remus smiled into his pillow. Why’s he so cute? He felt something rustle under his stomach. Reaching under himself, he pulled out a wrinkled piece of parchment. His resolutions list. Remus flipped onto his back and squinted at the letters. Warmth was pooling in his chest. Something is missing here. He patted the bed in search for his quill and ink, then wrote:

5. Fuck this I wanna tell him I love him

The paper slipped to the floor as Remus’ arms gave out and he drifted into an instantaneous, profound sleep.

Alternatively:

The Marauders are in their 6th year at Hogwarts, it's New Year's Eve and Remus writes a New Year's resolutions list. Sirius finds it the next day. The story is written from Remus' point of view. It's wolfstar and lighthearted. Kinda inspired by this fanfic.

This is part 2 of the story. I will be posting the other parts separately here and also the full fic on ao3 (I will link everything when it's done, check this post for that in some time). Warnings: underage drinking and smoking, mentions of anxiety disorder.

Part 1 Part 3

Enjoy! :)

“Moony! Get up, mate!” Like it was that easy. He couldn’t even get himself to pry his eyes open. It was James that woke him. “Come on, mate. We gotta show up at breakfast, so nobody gets suspicious.” Remus groaned and turned onto his back. A dreadful headache split his forehead.

“Ugh, fuck me.”

“Not right now, Moony. We gotta dash.” He could practically feel James’ stupid grin.

“Fine, fine. I’m getting up.” He blinked his eyes open, pushing onto his elbows, then slowly sat up. The throb in his temples was menacing. He got up gingerly. No nausea. Good. Picking out clean clothes from his neatly organised wardrobe, he headed for the bathroom. “Pete and I should probably go as soon as possible. Will you be alright to bring him down to the Great Hall,” he heard James question as he shut the door.

The shower did wonders to Remus’ hangover. It diminished his headache and helped clear his vision. It also felt nice to be in clean clothes, even though it was devastating having to take Sirius’ shirt off. But letting himself feel his emotions was no more, so he pushed down that thought. Remus walked back into the dorm, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. Lifting his gaze, he noticed Sirius leaning against his bedpost with one ankle crossed over the other. His lips were pulled in a small smile. Their eyes connected.

“Tell who?”

Remus’ stare fell on the yellow paper in Sirius’ hand and the realisation hit him momentarily. His heart dropped all the way to the floor. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no... His mouth was utterly dry. Fear and panic washed over him like a thousand giant ocean waves coming down at once. ‘I wanna tell him I love him,’ he had written. Holy fucking fuck, he thought, Sirius knows I like a boy. There was a deafening, high pitched ringing in his ears.

“M-my dad... I never tell him that.” He was grasping at straws.

“Remus, come on,” Sirius huffed out a short laugh as he pushed himself off the board. He was shooting Remus this terribly meaningful look, and Remus begged the ground to crack open and claim him.

“I...“ Then before much further thinking, Remus turned on his heel and darted out the room and down the stairs as Sirius called out his name.

Fucked. He was so fucked. Idiot. Imbecile. How could he have written that and then just left it lying around?! Idiot. He smacked his forehead as he rounded a corner, then scuttled down the hallway. He was headed for his favourite hiding spot- a cosy alcove in the wall behind a tapestry on the fourth floor. Settling on the stone ground, Remus went through his breathing exercises. It wasn’t the first time he’d had an anxiety attack, except it was usually something associated with his lycanthropy. Shit, thank Merlin I didn’t write his name. He exhaled a shaky breath. It could have been worse, at least. He’s never drinking again, he concluded. Well, Sirius knew Remus liked boys. A boy. That was that. He rested his head on the wall behind him and closed his eyes. He stayed like that for a while, just breathing.

“Moony,” a voice called behind the tapestry. It was Sirius. Remus’ heart rate spiked again. “Stop freaking out, mate.”

“I can’t,” Remus replied.

“Can I come in?”

“Okay.”

Sirius pulled back the tapestry and gracefully climbed inside. He was clutching the map. He sat opposite Remus and drew his knees to his chest so they could both fit in the alcove. Remus was looking at the ground.

“Here, I brought you a sandwich. You skipped breakfast. Can’t imagine it helped your hangover.”

Remus took it without looking up. “Thanks.”

After a moment, Sirius started: “This is because it’s a him, right?”

“Well...” Remus cleared his throat. It’s also kinda because it’s you. “Yeah.”

“And what? You think I wouldn’t be okay with that?” Silence. “I don’t care about stuff like that, you idiot.” Sirius’ voice was incredibly soft and comforting. Remus finally looked at him. He shook his head and buried his face in his knees.

“Christ. Of course you don’t. It’s just... It’s a big deal for me. Nobody knows.”

“That’s alright, Moony, I get it. It’s all good with me." He paused. "So, are you... if you don’t mind me asking...” Remus drew his head back up. Sirius was asking if he was gay.

“I have no idea what I am, honestly. This has never happened before. Then again, it hasn’t happened with a girl, either.”

“Well, that’s fine. You have your whole life to figure it out.” Sirius flashed him a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah.” Remus’ lips curved as well.

After a few beats of silence, Sirius continued: “Moony in love... Blimey, this bloke must be something else, eh?” Yup.

“Well, I don’t know about love... I was pretty pissed last night when I wrote that.”

Sirius chuckled, throwing his head back. “Right. So... Does he fancy you back, d’you reckon?”

Remus couldn’t suppress the panicked short laugh that escaped his mouth. “No.” Sirius liking him back? What a joke.

“Well, how do you know? He doesn’t even know you fancy him, it seems.”

“Nope, and I hope it stays that way until the end of time.”

“Merlin, who is this lad anyway?”

“I’m not telling you!” Remus’ cheeks were flaming. There wasn’t a force in the world that could have made him look Sirius in the eye. This was a little too close for comfort.

“Hah, fine. One step at a time.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Their ankles were touching. Remus pushed down his feelings of affection with all the mental strength he could gather.

“Um, could you not tell Wormtail and Prongs, please? I’m just not ready for people to know.”

“Of course, mate. You know you can talk to me about it, though?” His expression was soft and understanding.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Brilliant. Okay then.” Sirius pushed himself up and dusted off his trousers. “Should we get out of here? This is definitely a secret snogging spot.” He offered a hand to Remus and pulled him to stand as well.

“Please don’t taint the aura of my favourite hideout, Padfoot.”

This is why Remus liked Sirius so much. Of course, he was strikingly good-looking and cool as hell, but Remus liked his personality more. Sirius was a troublemaker and joked around with everyone, but when it came to moments like this, he was an incredible and supportive friend. Never short on advice (even if it was questionable a lot of the time). He never hesitated to go above and beyond for the people he loved. These were also the reasons why Remus reckoned he’d had a crush on his best friend for much longer than 4 months. Sirius’ looks just made it crystal clear, but Remus had been falling for him for years. Maybe love wasn’t such a strong word after all...

On the way back to their dormitory, Sirius asked: “Is it that Ravenclaw guy you study with at the library? What’s his face? Oliver?”

An obvious choice, but wrong. “Shut up,” Remus said, looking straight ahead, but the corners of his mouth lifted.

“Okay.” Sirius put his hands up, smiling. “Not Oliver, then.”

Sirius kept prodding him like that every once in a while for the following two weeks. Sometimes he would point at a random bloke in the hall and ask if that was Remus’ mystery crush. It made Remus laugh. Generally, it didn’t bother him at all and even became rather amusing. It grew into a sort of an inside joke between them.

They were sitting side by side at dinner one evening after all the students had returned from the holidays. Sirius was in his curious, mischievous mood.

“Oh! The- the muggle kid we hung out with last Christmas? When we were at James’,” he tried.

“Hah, no,” Remus answered, “I saw him like twice.” Sirius huffed.

“Is it somebody from home, then? Somebody I don’t know?”

Remus could’ve lied. He could’ve lied so easily. Still, he decided against it, given how dreadful he was at keeping life-changing secrets. He shook his head, looking at his plate. Sirius leaned so close to him, their shoulders touched. He all but started bouncing in his seat.

“So it is someone from Hogwarts!” Remus didn’t bring himself to answer. Instead, he shoved a particularly packed fork into his mouth. They were silent for a few moments, then: “Is it Snivellus?”

“Yuck, Sirius!” Remus shoved his shoulder as they both laughed.

“So, why don’t you just tell this bloke of yours, then?”

“Ha. Because he’s straight.”

“Oh, bummer. Sorry, Moony.”

Remus wanted to bang his head on the table. If only Sirius knew he was apologising for himself being straight. “It is how it is.”

Back in their dorm, a parcel was sitting on Sirius’ bed. “Padfoot, something arrived for you earlier. I paid the owl,” James explained.

“Oh, yes! They arrived! Cheers, mate.” Sirius leapt onto his bed and started tearing the paper. “What is it,” James asked, leaning closer to Sirius’ bed and peering at the package. Remus and Peter were doing the same. “My rings,” he exclaimed, sliding a silver loop onto his finger. He placed one on his ring finger, one on his thumb and two on his index finger, then stretched out his arm to examine his hand. They were all different shapes.

“Wicked,” James blurted out.

“Yeah, wicked,” Peter repeated. Remus could just sit and gawk like his mouth was sewn shut. What the fuck, Remus thought. He’s trying to kill me. It was hot. It was hot. Like his hands could get any sexier.

“Don’t worry, Moony, it’s not real silver,” Sirius said with the biggest grin on his face. Remus could just nod, swallowing thickly. Yeah, that was a good excuse for why he was baffled.

Sirius wore his rings everywhere. To class, to every meal, sneaking around the castle at night to arrange their next prank. And Remus loved it. After the initial bewilderment subsided, he adored looking at them. However, it didn’t help reduce his massive fucking crush on Sirius. Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. Girls would come up to Sirius at lunch to tell him ‘his rings look amazing’, and Remus would almost start growling. It was a bit of a problem. He needed to repeatedly tell his brain to shut up in these moments.

***

Sirius was running out of ideas for who Remus' infamous crush could be. Remus was a bit concerned he would actually figure it out. However, Sirius just started bringing it up less and less. It seemed like the entire thing was blowing over and Remus was getting away with it.

They were sitting on James’ bed, leaned over the map. There was nobody else in the dorm. Their bodies were close together, Remus’ right shoulder behind Sirius’ left.

“Good old Prongsy,” Sirius said. James’ dot on the map was in the hallway outside the Great Hall. Lilly’s dot was right next to it. “He’s probably making an idiot of himself again. Poor lad’s gonna get himself hexed.” Remus laughed.

“I admire him,” Remus said, “I would have died from embarrassment by now.”

“Oh, have you seen it?!” Sirius suddenly turned to look at him, their noses almost brushed. Remus’ heart skipped a beat.

“Seen what?”

“The abomination James made for Evans for Valentine’s day!”

“For Valentine’s? But it’s January,” Remus said as Sirius opened the drawer of James’ bedside table and reached inside. He pulled out a wooden cube that fit in the palm of his hand.

“It opens on my voice for now. Later he’ll change it to activate when Evans says ‘James’.” In that moment the top of the box popped open and the sides fell to reveal a petit yellow bird figurine. Just as Remus thought: Oh, this is cute, a blearing sound spread through the room. “Evans,” the bird boomed in James’ voice, “go on a date with me this Hogsmeade weekend!” Remus grimaced at the volume of the noise.

“My idea to make it loud,” Sirius said with a proud grin.

“Oh, why did you help him with it?!” Remus started laughing.

“He’s gonna transfigure it into a real bird and make it sit oh her shoulder giving her compliments the whole day. I haven’t decided whether I’m gonna let him go through with it. Reckon it might be worth it to see the look on Evans’ face.”

“This is bad.” Remus couldn’t stop sniggering. “This is so bad.”

“The lad has no shame. Maybe you could make one for your mystery man. I bet it would change his views,” Sirius joked. He was being incredibly charming. Remus couldn’t help it. When you’re not supposed to look at something, it’s all your eyes want to do. He dropped his gaze to Sirius’ flawless lips. It wasn’t discreet at all. Remus realised he was leaning towards him, smiling stupidly. Sirius’ eyes flickered between Remus’ as realisation flashed across his expression. He drew back a little. “Oh,” was all he said. Remus’ smile dropped suddenly as he pulled back as well.

“Me?”

Remus’ heart was thumping in his ears. It kind of felt like his soul was leaving his body. No, actually, he was sure his soul was leaving his body. Suddenly, he scrambled off the bed frantically, saying: “Fuck, sorry,” then crossed the room in three large, quick steps and bolted out the door. “Moony,” he heard the dim and distant shout. Deja vu. Only this time he’d had enough sense to grab the map.

Part 1 Part 3

[plounce]

what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out