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bangtiddies · 4 years ago

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Until the Light Fades

Pairing: Seokjin-centric platonic OT7, a smidge of romantic Yoonjin Genre: Angst, Fantasy Rating: PG13 Words: 3.7k Warnings: sad ending, panic attacks, lots of crying, confession gone wrong

Summary: To them, Seokjin is a beacon of light, an ethereal being sent to take people out of the darkness. One day, Seokjin’s time runs out.

Note: unedited because I’m a fool. This took way too long for me to write. Writing funk really got me hard but I finally just,,, sat down and wrote. Biggest biggest thank you to all my friends in servers who were there to support my writing when I was feeling my lowest. Specifically thanking @staerrylights @moonmintrails and @j-sope for helping me with parts I was unsure of and giving me validation ❤️❤️

Part of @bangtanscenery’s April Showers Bring May Flowers Collab

Sad smile on his face, Seokjin looks at the six boys he got to call his friends. They’re all inside, sleeping in the living room of Seokjin’s flat, all passed out from too much soda, popcorn, and movies.

“I’m gonna miss them, you know,” he says to the stars. He leans back on the railing of the balcony, looking up at the stars above him. He tries not to cry. But soon enough, tears are streaming down his face and he tries to rub them away. When he looks back at his sleeping friends, he notices that one of them is awake and has opened the sliding the door to the balcony, worried frown etched on his face.

“Jin-hyung? Are you okay,” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah,” Seokjin wipes away the tears on his cheeks and fakes a smile. “I was just moved by the stars.”

Yoongi laughs. “That beautiful, huh?”

“Very,” Seokjin says quietly, looking back up at the stars in bittersweet melancholy.

Your time is almost up.

The stars are beautiful tonight. Jungkook looks up at them, marvelling at how different the stars look in the countryside compared to the city. He sits in the tray of Seokjin's truck, pile of blankets making a comfortable place to cuddle up in as he stares at the stars with the rest of his friends.

No, they're more than friends now – they're brothers.

Some of them are cuddling up in sleeping bags and blankets on the grass, drinking from mugs filled with hot chocolate provided by Seokjin's many metal bottles. Yoongi is wearing an over sized sweater, one that probably belongs to Seokjin, and he lies on the grass with Jimin and Namjoon, who are pointing at the stars and telling stories about the constellations, while Yoongi listens closely. Hoseok and Taehyung sit by their tent, tin mugs of hot chocolate in their hands and talking animatedly about the best shenanigans their dogs got up to.

Seokjin sits with Jungkook in the tray, mug of hot chocolate in his hands, looking up at the stars with a smile. Jungkook notices a hint of melancholy in Seokjin’s expression.

“You must really love the stars, huh,” Jungkook comments, thinking back to the many times Seokjin would look up to the sky.

“Yeah,” Seokjin says quietly. “They remind me of home.”

Seokjin’s hometown, to all the boys, is still a mystery. No one knows where he’s from, and nobody has asked. But tonight, under the stars in the middle of nowhere, Jungkook has the courage to ask.

“Hyung, where are you from?”

Seokjin’s smile falters a little. He looks at Jungkook, blinking as if he’s thinking of what to say. He sighs. Looks at the stars again.

“Somewhere really far away.”

There’s something about the balcony of Seokjin’s flat that emits comfort. A lot of nights are spent on it, no more than three boys piling on it at once for it’s so small, but each time they find themselves on the balcony, there’s a nice intimate moment with Seokjin under the stars.

Hoseok had just finished his last dance performance of the year, the rest of the boys deciding to cook dinner as a celebration. Yoongi, noticing that Seokjin looks unusually exhausted, tells the two of them that the rest of them can handle the dinner, encouraging Hoseok and Seokjin to relax on the balcony. The moment Seokjin steps out onto the balcony, Hoseok notices the elder sighing in relief, exhaustion soothing away under the moonlit sky.

They stand on the balcony and chat for a while, Seokjin congratulating Hoseok on his performance for the umpteenth time today. Hoseok blushes at the compliments from his hyung, heart smile wide and bright as he thanks Seokjin again and again. Then, they talk about small things. The weather, the new exhibition at the local art gallery, upcoming projects, new clothes that they bought.

Namjoon joins the two on the balcony moments later, exiled from the kitchen by Yoongi for being a hazard, the other three brats agreeing and betraying their disastrous hyung. Pout on his face for dramatic effect, he makes his way to the balcony while Seokjin and Hoseok are talking about how much of a brat Jungkook is. They turn to him when he opens the sliding door to the balcony, just as Seokjin was about to go on a long rant about how disrespectful the brats are. Hoseok tries to hide his relief.

“What happened,” Hoseok asks, although he already knows the answer, judging from the pout and the amused looks from their friends in the kitchen.

“I’m a hazard to society,” Namjoon mumbles, making Seokjin laugh.

“Why did you even help them in the first place?”

Seokjin’s laugh brings a smile to Namjoon’s face and a laugh out of Hoseok. There’s something about Seokjin’s laugh that brightens a day, that brings people to laugh with him.

“You’re looking a lot better, hyung,” Namjoon says with a fond smile. Seokjin stops laughing and cocks his head, confused. Hoseok isn’t sure if bringing up Seokjin’s tired state from earlier is a good idea.

“What,” Seokjin asks.

“You were looking a bit pale. Exhausted,” Namjoon replies. Seokjin purses his lips. His smile gone, now a memory that hangs in the air. He looks at the sky, the stars littered across the dark canvas, shining above them.

Seokjin sighs, before letting out a chuckle, a smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah. I’m feeling a lot better now.”

Something about the way Seokjin looks at the sky, the way his sigh sounded melancholic, the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes, feels unsettling to Namjoon and Hoseok.

The rain hits on the door to the balcony, the sound echoing through the flat. It’s movie night Friday, the group of them gathering in Seokjin’s flat to get slightly drunk and eat too much popcorn, while reacting dramatically to every jump scare on the screen. Blankets are thrown over laps, heater on, keeping the cold air out and the warmth in.

The night ends like it always does, with the boys passed out in the living room after many runs of movies. Only, there’s one difference – the weather. Every night, Seokjin sits out on the balcony and admires the stars. Only tonight, the storm stops him, the stars hidden from the sky. Tonight, he sits by the sliding door to the balcony, curled up, trying to control his breathing, looking so small, so terrified.

They were going to cancel their movie night Friday because of the storm, but Yoongi insisted that they go to Seokjin’s place. Now, looking at Seokjin’s state, Jimin knows why.

Seokjin is afraid of storms.

Jimin feels like he’s seeing a part of Seokjin that he’s not supposed to see, a part of Seokjin that’s hidden from the rest of them. He thinks about how long they’ve known each other. How long Seokjin’s been hiding this fearful state.

Jimin can’t help but stare, afraid to go close to Seokjin and risk being pushed away. But when Seokjin lets out a soft sob, Jimin’s instincts take over and he’s walking toward his hyung.

Seokjin shivers when Jimin wraps his arms around him, but he doesn’t push him away. Questions sit on Jimin’s tongue but he doesn’t utter them in the silent room, Seokjin’s breathing calming down as Jimin rubs his hands against the elder’s back.

Looking out at the storm-filled sky, Jimin wonders if the reason Seokjin’s on the balcony often is because the stars comfort him.

The poster on the wall by the city hall shows an image of fireworks, big letters giving the name and dates for the local firework festival. Taehyung stares at the poster for a few seconds, taking in every single detail, before elbowing Seokjin who’s walking by with him.

“Yah!” Seokjin yells, ready to tell Taehyung off for elbowing him, before noticing the same poster that Taehyung’s looking at. “A firework festival?”

Taehyung grins. “We should go to it.”

Seokjin stares at the poster, reading through the details of the poster once, maybe twice. Taehyung looks at his hyung in curiosity, seeing the cogs work in Seokjin’s mind. He’s calculating something. What for, Taehyung doesn’t know. Finally, after what seems like forever, Seokjin smiles and turns to Taehyung.

“Sounds like it would be a great idea. We should take a photo of this poster and send it to the group chat.”

Taehyung blinks. He watches Seokjin take a photo of the poster on his phone, smile on his face, as he talks animatedly about the kind of food stalls that may be there.

As they walk back to Seokjin's flat, Taehyung can't help but think about the expression on Seokjin's face while he was reading the poster. Something about the expression on his hyung's face was melancholic, relieved, calculating.

Something is going to happen at the festival and something about Seokjin's expression tells Taehyung that it's not going to be good.

There are moments in life that Yoongi cherishes and those moments are mostly with Seokjin. Fleeting touches, deep conversations with Seokjin on the balcony, he especially loves those moments when it’s just the two of them.

The stars above them are beautiful tonight, and sitting on the balcony with Seokjin, a little tipsy from the wine they had with dinner, hands intertwined, Yoongi has the courage to confess.

“Hyung,” he mutters and Seokjin answers with a hum. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Seokjin freezes and Yoongi wants to bury himself deep into a hole. He thought that Seokjin felt the same, that the touches and affection was more than platonic. He wants to cry, but he holds his composure as Seokjin lets go of his hand.

“Yoongi-yah,” Seokjin says softly, and Yoongi has just enough courage to look at his hyung in the eyes. He looks sad. Yoongi is ready for rejection.

“You don’t feel the same, right?” Yoongi whispers. He’s ready.

“No, I do,” Seokjin says, and Yoongi’s heart skips a beat. “But I can’t. I can’t be here for long. You shouldn’t love me.”

What? Yoongi doesn’t understand what’s going on. There’s a confession. Seokjin feels the same. So why does Yoongi’s heart feel like it’s going to break worse than a rejection? Why does Seokjin look like he’s going to cry?

“What,” Yoongi takes a deep breath in. “What are you talking about?” Seokjin smiles sadly, tears rolling downs his face, looking away from Yoongi to look at the stars. “My time is almost up, Yoongi-yah.”

“What does that mean? What time?” Yoongi’s voice cracks. No, not Seokjin. He’s their brother, their best friend. Yoongi’s… no, he can’t imagine life without Seokjin, not since he met him.

Seokjin sobs, the sound striking Yoongi’s heart in an unsettling way. There’s something that Seokjin isn’t saying, something that is troubling him, and Yoongi knows that it’ll leave him heartbroken. Yoongi stays silent, unsure of what to say as Seokjin continues to cry on the balcony. He wants to reach out, to wrap Seokjin in his arms and kiss his forehead, to comfort the one person who took him out of his own darkness. But somehow, Seokjin feels too far away, untouchable. He can’t move closer to his best friend without feeling like he might break down too.

“Please,” Yoongi manages to find his voice, reaching out his hand and holding Seokjin’s. His heart hurts. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

Tears continue to paint Seokjin’s cheeks, replacing old ones. He looks at Yoongi, at the stars, and then back at Yoongi. “I’m disappearing, Yoongi. I can feel it.”

“What--”

“You wouldn’t believe me,” Seokjin mutters, taking a deep breath. In, out. Yoongi watches the despair in his hyung’s eyes, not understanding what’s going on but knowing that Seokjin is telling the truth. “But one day, I’m going to disappear. I don’t have enough power to stay.”

Picnic blankets are laid out on the ground, the group of them ready for the firework event that’s about to start. A few beers in their systems, they talk over each other in excitement, teasing each other about potential facial expressions and reactions to fireworks.

Yoongi stares at Seokjin as he laughs with Jimin over an impression Jungkook did. The laugh, the smile on his face, while still genuine, has an inkling of sadness, one that Yoongi knows very little about. Seokjin's words run through his head, but Yoongi still can't understand exactly what he means.

I'm going to disappear.

People are gathering more in the area and the group decide to settle into comfortable positions on the blankets. They fit snugly on the blankets, Seokjin carefully sitting behind them right next to the food that’s tucked away into a picnic basket. He hands sandwiches to the boys, and their minds focus on the sandwiches and the fireworks that are yet to come.

Every time Seokjin thinks that one of his friends wants to sit by him, he hands them a snack and tells them to share it with another. He wants to make sure that no one is sitting next to him, only directly in front of him. He slowly moves back, little by little, so he’s not suspiciously too far, but far enough that no one would notice him moving.

And then, the fireworks light up the sky above them, the sound echoing around them.

Everyone looks up to admire them, and Seokjin finds this the perfect time to slip away. Now is a good time. He’s left letters for each of his best friends, each with personalised messages and enough information to explain his situation. He brings himself to a small clearing in a forest just off the park. Far enough away from the park that they wouldn’t find him when they realise his absence.

Or so he thought.

He looks up at the stars, ready to accept his fate, when he suddenly hears people running through the forest.

“Hyung!”

Seokjin recognises Hoseok’s voice almost immediately. He wants to turn to look at him, to reply to him with a smile like he always does. But instead, he looks down and shuts his eyes tight, fists clenching by his side. No. Not now. He can’t let them see him leave.

“Please,” he whispers to himself. “Please don’t find me.”

He looks up at the stars, trying to fight the tears forming in his eyes. He pleads to his brothers and sisters in the sky, to let him disappear before any of his friends find him. They reply to him, but don't answer his pleas.

Your time is almost up.

But it doesn't take long for one of the boys to find him.

Jungkook stares at him with wide eyes, confused at the situation, wondering why his hyung had taken off. He remembers how Yoongi had freaked out at Seokjin’s absence, telling them to make sure that they find him. That it might be the last time they'll ever see Seokjin.

Seeing his hyung in front of him, Jungkook feels dread in the pits of his stomach. Something is wrong. The tears forming in Seokjin's eyes, the way he looks at the sky with a sad and pleading expression, the sense of giving up on his shoulders. Jungkook doesn't like the sight one bit.

"Hyung," he starts. "Where are you from?"

It's a question that burdens Jungkook, the somewhere really far away on his mind. He feels like the true answer to the question is the reason why Seokjin tried to slip away from them during the fireworks.

Seokjin takes a deep, shaky breath in. Breaths out. Breathes in again, before answering. "If I say, will you promise not to cry?"

Jungkook knows that he'll cry. But if being strong in front of his hyung means that he'll get some answers and not spend his whole life wondering, then he'll fight those tears like it's his last fight.

"I promise."

And Seokjin explains. How he was a small speck in the sky, wishing to live life as a human. A star, one that had enough power to give himself a physical form. He wasn't just a ball of gas and elements, but a soul, a spirit. He looked down at the Earth and had fallen in love with the idea of life and love. Deciding to use the power he had, he created life and love for himself on Earth.

But unfortunately, his power wasn't enough, and no matter how much he had pleaded to his family in the sky, they wouldn't allow him to stay on Earth for any longer. No matter how much he had explained that he had found love and happiness in the six friends he had made.

The only compromise he was given was that he could return to the sky as a star. And he could watch over his love and happiness, rather than disappearing into nothing.

As Seokjin explains his situation to Jungkook, he lets the tears out. He cries out his soul, his thoughts, his spirit. Jungkook listens, ignores Seokjin's additions of you probably don't believe me, and keeps his ears and heart open. He stares at his hyung, watching him fall apart in front of his eyes, and he can't help it anymore. He takes a step toward Seokjin, and then more, until he’s holding his crying hyung in his arms.

And Jungkook didn't know that they were there, but he finds more arms wrapping around him and Seokjin. First, Jimin, then Taehyung, then Hoseok, then Namjoon. There's a slight hesitation from Yoongi, his breath hitching as his mind blanks at the information that was uttered, but soon enough he joins into the group hug, as Seokjin continues to cry in their arms.

"I'm sorry," he cries out, after a few minutes of them hugging.

"There's no need to apologise," Jimin whispers. "We'll always love you, hyung. Even if you have to leave us."

Seokjin cries even more, sobs shaking through his body. Taehyung soon joins in, soft whimpers escaping his lips as he runs a hand through Seokjin's hair. The seven of them hug there for a while, some crying, some rubbing Seokjin's back for comfort. Jungkook keeps his promise, and fights away his tears.

And then, Seokjin hears the voices of his brothers and sisters in the sky.

It's time.

"I'm sorry," Seokjin says, letting himself stop his tears and sobs. He looks at his friends, his brothers, his happiness, and gives them a genuine but sad smile. "It's time."

Those two words don't sink in until Seokjin's skin stars glowing, shimmers of white scattering on his skin like freckles. They all believed his words, but when the evidence starts materialising in front of them, they realise the seriousness of the situation. Seokjin is going to disappear. Right in front of their eyes. They slowly pull away from the hug, looking at Seokjin in awe.

"Wait," Namjoon says. "Is there something we can do? To help you stay?"

Seokjin shakes his head, smile not leaving his face. "If there was, I think I would've told you about this sooner."

"But we'll miss you. You can't leave us," Taehyung cries.

"I wish that I didn't have to," Seokjin says, voice cracking. The glowing white freckles on his skin gets a little brighter. There's nothing they can do. The reality of the outcome sinks in.

"Hyung," Jungkook finally says, still fighting his tears. "I promised that I wouldn't cry. I kept my promise, hyung."

Seokjin looks at Jungkook, the younger's fists clenched, shoulders tense as he tries not to cry. Seokjin's heart hurts for Jungkook, a little guilty at asking Jungkook for a promise. He wouldn't have minded if the younger cried, considering all the crying he just did. He pulls Jungkook into a hug.

"Thank you, Jungkook," Seokjin says. "You can cry now. Hyung is proud of you." Jungkook breaks out into sobs in his hyungs arms, gripping Seokjin's clothes as his tears soak into Seokjin's chest. Tears fall down Seokjin's cheeks, as he looks up at the stars for his last wish.

Please. Give me just a little more time.

Your time is almost up.

Seokjin lets go of Jungkook, giving the younger a sad smile, caressing his cheeks as he wipes Jungkook's tears.

"I'm so glad I met you, Jungkook. You might be a brat, but you're my favourite brat."

Jungkook cries even more, hiccuping as he throws himself in his hyungs arms again. The rest join them, group hug forming once again. The glowing white freckles on Seokjin's skin brightens once again.

"I'll miss you all," Seokjin says.

"We'll miss you too, hyung," Hoseok says, as they pull away from the hug again.

"Thank you," Seokjin smiles. "Thank you for being my happiness on Earth."

Seokjin's skin glows brighter, and the end is near. They all look at Seokjin, at the tears running down his cheeks, at the sad but loving smile on his face.

But Yoongi feels like there are words left unsaid, and there's only one way to say them.

"Jin-hyung," Yoongi says, getting Seokjin's attention. Yoongi steps forward, heart beating in his chest, grabbing Seokjin's hand. "I love you."

"Yoongi--" Seokjin starts, but Yoongi interrupts him.

"I said before that I think I might be falling in love with you. But I can't have you leave without me saying anything, and spend my whole life regretting not telling you. I want to tell you about the times I wanted to kiss you under those stars on your balcony. I want to tell you about wanting to hold your hand all the time. Even if I can't have you by my side anymore, I want to tell you that I love you, hyung."

Yoongi's voice cracks a little, tears streaming down his face but he doesn't let himself take his eyes off Seokjin. Seokjin nods, smiles, and tightens his hold on Yoongi's hand. He lets himself sob as he utters his last words before the glow on his skin brightens.

"Thank you, Yoongi. I love you too."

When Yoongi blinks, Seokjin's no longer in front of him. All that’s left is the faint feeling of Seokjin's warm hand around his own.

Yoongi looks up at the stars on Seokjin’s balcony, letter addressed to him in his hand.

I love you, Yoongichi. When you look at the stars, I hope you think of me.

Yoongi reads the last lines over and over again until Seokjin’s handwriting is etched into his mind.

I’ll never stop thinking of you.

The stars sparkle in the sky.

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