#Fushimi has no idea how to be a parent besides tossing money at the child

[ridiasfangirlings]

middle school sarumi are given an egg to take care of for homework, thing is, the teacher tries to group them separately with girls at first, but the two refuse. Things escalate to an lgbt rights debate in the classroom (note, neither yata or saru are participating at all or even know what everyone is talking about) and eventually, they are allowed to do the project together, unaware that the school's view on same sex couples adopting children depends on them

they break the egg on the first day

(yes this is inspired by the south park egg episode, come on class lets rip on the freak egg two daddies two daddies)

I doubt their school cares that much about gay rights and the class probably would be more than happy to let the two unpopular people raise an egg baby together, honestly I’m mostly here for middle school Sarumi egg baby experiment XD Like imagine their class is told they’re all going to split up into pairs and raise a baby egg for like a week. It’s intended that the pairs should each be one girl and one boy but of course Yata starts getting light-headed about the very idea of pairing up with a girl and having a (egg) baby and Fushimi isn’t interested in working with anyone else at all. The teacher tries to get them to pair up with girls and Yata just shakes his head wildly and grabs Fushimi’s arms like can’t I pair up with Saruhiko, Fushimi doesn’t react at all and just continues looking bored. The teacher sighs like these two are going to be handful aren’t they but he eventually gives in (also maybe this is like same timeline as that one ask from a while back where everyone thinks Yata and Fushimi are dating anyway and the teacher doesn’t want to get another angry call from Yata’s mom lecturing him about diversity and inclusion). 

 So they get their little egg in a basket and I imagine Yata is very pumped to take care of this little guy, he draws glasses on it and starts calling it Tamagohiko until Fushimi threatens to just break it over his head. Yata’s like how could you suggest doing that to our son and Fushimi just rolls his eyes all it’s an egg you moron, if we break it we can just buy a new one at the store. Yata’s eyes get all wide and then he grins because he didn’t even think of it that way, Fushimi’s like just don’t break it in a place the teacher can see. Yata’s like we won’t need a new one anyway, I’m gonna take care of our kid. They end up walking back to Yata’s place together and imagine the moment they get in the door Minoru runs into them and the egg goes flying, making a splat on the carpet. Yata gets this devastated look as Minoru bursts into tears and Yata’s mom peers into the room like Misaki don’t throw food.

One trip to the grocery store later and they have a new egg, safely ensconced in a nice secure basket with a seatbelt that Fushimi put together. As part of the egg experiment they have to make a diary of how they’re taking care of their egg (Yata omits the untimely death of Tamagohiko the First), like pretend feeding and enrichment and baths and stuff. Yata figures they can take turns taking the egg home but Fushimi refuses and tells Yata to do it, Yata’s like wait you’re gonna make me a single dad. Fushimi looks away and mumbles quietly that he isn’t going to go home anyway and Yata suddenly realizes that with Fushimi’s…family situation it’s probably best if he takes care of the egg. Yata sighs and is like fine I’ll watch our kid overnight and you can watch him at school. 

This leads to Fushimi having to carry the basket around at school all day, imagine at lunch they’re on the roof and Fushimi keeps looking at the egg while Yata’s pretending to feed it snacks. Fushimi rolls his eyes and says it’s just an egg you idiot, Yata’s like don’t talk about our kid that way. Then Yata’s eyes shine as he’s like hey let’s buy it some clothes or something, to show that stupid teacher what good parents we are. Throwing money at a child you don’t care about is a part of parenting that Fushimi understands so he buys some cheap plushie clothes that they’re able to fit on their egg, Yata grins like we really are awesome parents huh. Fushimi pokes the egg and shrugs, mumbling that at least Yata didn’t break it again. 

Finally they have to turn in their ‘kids’ at the end of the experiment, Yata is like crying while Fushimi just gives him a withering look. After all the teasing and people making comments about them being the only same sex egg parents though the teacher is actually surprised by how thorough their egg diary is, Yata probably put all kinds of things in there like ‘Took a bath with Tamagohiko, he’s an awesome little dude!’ and ‘Saruhiko bought a bunch of clothes for our kid, I think they’re finally bonding.’ This is the first time Yata has ever gotten a high score on an assignment and he’s thrilled, like look Saruhiko we’re good at something, while Fushimi clicks his tongue and says Yata did most of the work anyway. Yata’s like no I didn’t, you really helped, you were a great co-parent. Fushimi looks away at that but there’s a little flutter in his stomach, like maybe he actually did a good job taking care of something.