#Funny Camping Slogan

[noisycowboyglitter]

From Comfort to Camp: How Camping Is Living Like a Homeless Nomad

"Camping is living like a homeless" may sound stark, but it captures the raw essence of embracing simplicity and freedom in nature. For many, camping offers a break from the comforts of modern life, allowing individuals to reconnect with the natural world. This lifestyle encourages self-sufficiency, where one learns to appreciate the basics: shelter, food, and companionship.

Buy now:19.95$

While the comparison might evoke feelings of struggle, it actually highlights the beauty of minimalism and authenticity. Camping becomes a transformative experience, where the thrill of sleeping under the stars, cooking over an open fire, and waking up to the sounds of nature prevail over the distractions of urban living.

Funny camping captures the lighthearted moments and humorous experiences that often arise during outdoor adventures. Whether it’s struggling to set up a tent, misplacing gear, or encountering amusing wildlife, these moments bring laughter to the great outdoors. Sharing funny camping stories around the campfire can create lasting memories and foster camaraderie among friends and family.

Buy now

From mishaps with cooking over an open flame to entertaining anecdotes about ghost stories gone wrong, the charm of funny camping lies in its ability to turn challenges into laughter. Comedic camping gear, such as quirky mugs or gag gifts, can also add to the fun atmosphere.

Ultimately, funny camping reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously and to embrace the unpredictable nature of outdoor life. With the right mindset, every camping trip can be filled with joy, laughter, and unforgettable stories that will be recounted for years to come!

Buy now

When searching for gift ideas for the outdoor man in your life, consider items that enhance his adventures and embrace his love for nature. Practical gifts like high-quality camping gear, durable backpacks, or versatile multi-tools are always appreciated. Outdoor apparel, such as moisture-wicking shirts or hiking boots, can add comfort to his excursions. Fun accessories like portable grills, personalized water bottles, or survival kits make great additions. Ultimately, thoughtful gifts that cater to his adventurous spirit will not only show your appreciation but also inspire him to explore the great outdoors!

Buy now

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

random percy headcanons:

wants to be the photographer friend SO bad and he technically is but like 70% of the pics come out blurry or weird bc there was a monster attack in the middle of them. his instagram is truly so chaotic looking.

literally always has seashells on him someone will ask him for a pencil or spare change and he has to empty all his pockets of shells to find it. drops his backpack and a bunch of shells fall out. kicks his shoes off and sand and shells fly out and his mortal friends are like percy What the Fuck

his eyes glow underwater!! bioluminescent king. no one told him though and he didn't find out until he joined his school's swim team and terrified everyone (he managed to convince them his contacts were having a weird reaction to chlorine lmao)

he really likes art!! he doesn't just pretend to for rachel's sake he genuinely enjoys painting with her. he likes splatter paint, collages and pop art styles the best. one day after splitting some edibles they realized percy could manipulate water colors and went CRAZY with it

will ask to be excused during class and comes back like an hour later with scorch marks all over his face bleeding from one of his ears covered in dust missing three fingernails rips in his jeans and a fat lip and the teacher is like percy what the actual hell were you doing in the bathroom all this time and he's just like uhhhhhh I have ibs

the brand from camp jupiter did unfortunately (for sally) Unlock something in him lmfao he keeps getting shitty little tattoos. usually stick-n-poke but someone's friends cousin's girlfriend's brother has a gun that gets brought to parties every now and then. most of them are sloppy but you can tell what they are HOWEVER he has one that was supposed to be a seal that came out looking like one of those shitty ms paint crying memes. annabeth laughed at him for ten minutes straight when she saw it.

he wanted to dye his hair blue but he was too chicken to bleach his entire head so he just did the tips. his hair is curly though so it looks absolutely ridiculous but he loves it

percy and annabeth get a crusty little yappy white dog in college and he carries it around like a baby lmao

back to his chaotic instagram, he's got so many pics of him like, relaxing at the bottom of the mariana trench or hugging a giant squid or riding on a whale shark and his mortal friends all think he's just really good at photoshop and this is a very specific bit he decided to commit to. they're always like lol percy where do you even FIND these pictures are you subscribed to like scientific journals for the laughs? but no he just took them all on his shell phone

has an ongoing prank war with annabeth's little brothers bobby and matthew but like it's Unhinged. they're playing 5D chess and she has no idea whats going on

weird tshirts!!! he loves them! like

shit like this or those 'women want me fish fear me' shirts, anything with a funny or incomprehensible slogan is going in his closet right along with his band tees lmfao

bought estelle a panda pillow pet when she was born 🥺

can NOT bring himself to eat seafood no matter how many times poseidon has told him its fine. he's like NO these are my FRIENDS JONATHAN WAS TELLING ME ABOUT HIS GRANDDAUGHTERS WEDDING LITERALLY YESTERDAY WHY IS HE ON A PLATTER DAD. they had to give up and just start eating normal land food at the palace every time he comes to visit lmfao

gets into horsegirl antics with hazel she NEEDS to know everything the horses have to say. they spend hours gossiping in the stables.

movie nights in the poseidon cabin were 10000% a thing and when he was missing annabeth and thalia and grover (and a few others) would still sleep in there every now and then and talk about how much they miss him :(

percy and beckendorf had the worlds most elaborate handshake

he DOES impulse buy stuff just because they're ocean-themed. stuffed animals, home decor, school supplies, clothes, you name it he bought it if theres like a fish on it

has more scars from crashing off his skateboard than he does from monster attacks

grover is somehow the only person who's ever noticed percy is severely claustrophobic

has a deep passion for adele. I can't explain this one I just feel and know it to be true.

he and annabeth both proposed to each other at the same time and they were SO mad about it they kept yelling over each other's speeches lmao

he can SING but he doesn't know it. sally keeps trying to record him singing to himself but something always happens to the camera and she loses the evidence

called chiron a brony one time and mr d thought it was so funny he was nice to percy for an entire week

the camp keeps trying to convince him to teach sword fighting lessons to the younger kids but he can NOT bring himself to swing a sword at a 9 year old so he keeps getting injured

has the most complicated iced coffee order in the world his go-to local coffee shop finally just put the damn drink on the menu and named it after him

he IS the quiet kid in the back of your math class that always has his hood up to try and hide his headphones and eats increasingly elaborate meals out of his backpack when the teacher isn't looking. one time someone caught him with a rotisserie chicken in the middle of a geometry final.

he argued that he DID have enough to share with the class

currently obsessed with the image of him knocking back a container of sea salt as if it was a shot and his mortal friends being like hey! what the actual fuck! and he's just like uhhhhh anemia kills!

its his birthday<3

[sam-keeper]

funny how we never got hectoring thinkpieces denouncing the bad and divisive politics of slogans like "enjoy the camps" and "if you criticize my party leadership you're a subhuman orc", the way we did for slogans like "defund the police" or "medicare for all"

[communistkenobi]

they also have the gall to say the movie has no room for overt hatred as if the way the characters talk about Jewish people isn't evil. it's indicative OF overt hatred it's just subtle because that's the point of the movie

it’s insane to claim the movie is not depicting hatred just because it does not directly show individual Nazi officers individually killing people in a concentration camp while shouting Nazi slogans. like “hatred” is reduced to interpersonal acts of cruelty and violence in this case - the fact that there is a Nazi program to house officers directly next to the concentration camps they manage, the fact that CEOs are sending them “fan mail” to express their excitement over Nazi use of industrial technology, that there is a constant hum of screaming and industrial buzzing in the background of every single frame of the movie - none of those are depictions of violence. it is funny in a very bleak way that some of the negative reviews I’ve seen are doing this “depiction is endorsement” style of morality discourse, where if you show a fascist with a garden that means you’re idealising Nazi lifestyles unless you also directly visually tell the audience it’s bad

[boom33713]

alright after struggling with how i wanted to continue this post for like eleven hours i have come to a decision: i WANT to post all the clips here in a giant reblog chain but tumblr would probably explode. so. dual raph and leo clips and then im leaving a dropbox link to the rest and also all the previous clips for perusal and download xoxo

and your promised dropbox:

tmnt 2007 gamecube propaganda time, have some donnie voice lines.

some context for two of them: "this is awesome!" plays after donnie mentions a location he's in having high-tech security and electric barriers. he's so excited by the fact lmao. "did i... shock you?" is a pun because the fight occurs in an area surrounded by electrified water.

(adding more in the reblogs... when tumblr allows me to add more audio)

[nrilliree]

tumblr.com/darylandbethfanforever9/751909330175016960/possibility-of-rhaenyra-being-daemons-daughter

The delusion of Rhaenyra being Daemon's daughter amazes me. Because it would “reinforce the Greens tragedy, because it would mean that Aegon II has been the heir all this time.” Look no further for your answer as to why. The person who made this post literally said it themselves. It's simply a fanfiction to give points to their favorite greens. Like it changes everything they've ever done. The joke. Greens are not tragic beings. They are the antagonists and villains of the story.

Plus, the other excuse of "it wouldn't be surprising, Daemon is a depraver"...

Um... why ?

Because he went to prostitutes in his twenties ? (A fairly banal thing for a man of his time) Because he had Mysaria as his mistress for a little over a year ? (So ​​a serious relationship ? Especially since he was never reported to have been with anyone other than her while they were in Dragonstone) He then married Laena, a marriage that lasted 5 years, then Rhaenyra with whom it lasted 10 years before dance changed their lives. Daemon's last two marriages never reported any cheat before the dance began (and which are at best questionable in their contexts and reported by supporters of the other camps in the majority). Then the relationship with Nettles was never proven. So how is Daemon a depraver ?

I remind you that Aemond, their favorite, took Alys as his war prize, therefore he raped her. Contrary to popular belief among green stans, being a prize of war is not the equivalent of being a mistress.

Then we have Aegon II who sexually assaulted and raped servants. Not only that but he is also a pedophile because he slept with a girl (and not a maiden) of at least 11/12 years old. Not to mention that he is generally lazy and an alcoholic. Then he enjoys watching his own illegitimate children fight in arenas and then survive.

Then I'm not going to be made to believe that neither of them has ever gone to prostitutes !

But is Daemon the depraver here ?

Also, the person in the comment referring to Daemon as a villain... RIGHT ?! He is a protagonist. Not an antagonist. Next, he is described as having equal parts light and darkness within him, capable of being the greatest hero and the greatest villain. This is literally a perfect description of the gray character /anti hero.

When is this going to sink into their heads ?!

This is exactly what everyone has written many times: TG just really want to show that they are better. They like to claim that "there are no good and bad people here", "everyone is the same", "we just choose our favorite war criminal" (it's funny that all these slogans say just TG…), and then they start inventing various excuses and stories, to whitewash their favorites and at the same time show that TB are the worse ones. They want to be the good guys.

According to TG, stans team green is a group of victims oppressed by the authorities. Collecting all their fairy tales, the story probably looks like this: Alicent is an innocent little child who was forced first to become Rhaenyra's servant and then to marry her father, whom she faithfully served as his wife. Faithfully, honorably, caring for his well-being while he brutally humiliated her in public (repeatedly!), ridiculed her, beat her, terrorized her and raped her. She was abused many times by him and by Rhaenyra, who terrorized her and her children. Poor Alicent survived at the royal court only thanks to her loving father, who trembled in fear for her life and that of her children, his most beloved grandchildren. When he was completely unjustly dismissed (after being used and abused by the crown for many years), Alicent found only solace in an honorary knight on a white horse. Poor Criston, who came from a poor and smallfolk background, was brutally raped by Rhaenyra, abused, and then she laughed in his face, calling him a whore. She also called poor Alicent a whore because she abused her. She compared poor Aegon, an innocent child, to a pig, and when she murdered the boar, she surely imagined it was her younger brother, because Rhaenyra was so terrible…

And so on, adn so on…

[bandofchimeras]

ACAB its not just a slogan or a meme.

police make everywhere feel so unsafe.

when you aren't one of the demographic they serve (landowning upper class white cishet people). i don't even think about calling the cops if my life is danger. I did that one time. they arrested me.

if there was a murder need investigating, sure, but i wouldn't trust that they would actually put any effort into the search based on who my friends tend to be.

in this city, they paid serial killers on the force 500,000 pension to "retire" and then get hired again by another county force the next year. everytime a cop car drives by, I imagine that verified murderers and accomplices, heavily armed and angry, are in the drivers seat. how is that NOT a fucking "gang"?

I'm white. I'm never going to understand the particuarly terrifying relationship Black Americans or Native people have with the police.

but when other middle class people make jabs at "unsafe" neighborhoods and places...they forget elite, rich neighborhoods can be just as deadly if you don't look like its residents. My blood pressure rises whenever i have to drive my junker truck with the taped over window into a wealthy area, or park near businesses where most of the other cars are shiny. recently all the side streets in this city have been full of "NO PARKING" signs to target houseless folks. In Kentucky they're working on passing the H5 bill the "Safer Kentucky Act" - which would decriminalize shooting homeless people. and criminalize sleeping in your car. and implement a three strike rule, which can lead to a life sentence or execution.

state sponsored execution for being "undesirable" think about that. they get to just decide who gets to live and die? for being "dirty" or using substances? for being disabled by a disabling virus?

its easy to let ACAB become a slogan and not think about why cops are bastards if you aren't exposed to dangerous situations regularly, and then default to them in a panic when the chips are down. because you haven't seen it. you're the white church mom I used to know posting about how nice the cops were to her when she got pulled over. the lady who makes her blonde friend drive when they go on road trips because she can get out of tickets. but once you witness the level of betrayal and mishandling in the criminal injustice system, the level of abuse and violence, the way your neighbors and friends are trigger-happy to use this armed gang against you the second you're perceived as "out of control, "the second that violence touches you it becomes so obvious these bastards are not your friends and never can be.

unless you adopt the ideology necessary to justify their aggressions against yourself and your neighbors. and even then. you ever seen some wacko with a Blue Lives Matter wrap get pulled over? its funny but also it shows, nothing will protect you. cops are doing heavy PR right now. town halls, coffee and donuts. they're recruiting for the upcoming militarization that's coming in response to Palestine protests and this horror show election in November.

Amerikkkan cops are heavily infiltrated and practically equivalent in many cities to other white supremacist, militant gangs. They are militarizing more and more rapidly. Using AI and integrating with the court system, more survelliance, more rules for how you're allowed to exist in public. think about that. why should it matter? if you loiter, if you skateboard, if you wear glasses or masks? you are being trained to see yourself and your neighbors as potential-crime-committers rather than human beings. we are self-survelling. reporting. getting off on correcting and ignoring eachother. What Israel is doing is a mirror held to our collective potential future. and you should be very, very alarmed. Fuck the cops. Fuck the prisons. Fuck the detention centers. We already have the Gestapo and the camps. Look the fuck around.

[terastalungrad]

BB20: Friday 20 October (cont)

Who's booing Zak?? I thought the whole point of this version of the show was to avoid booing among the eviction night crowd.

Yinrun is delightful in this horrible burger task.

Right, I really have to remember to actually vote, and not just use the app to buy mugs.

Very funny that to vote on the app, you have to watch a 5-second ad for Vinted. Gang - I assure you that anyone watching Big Brother 20 is more than aware of Vinted by this point.

I enjoy that Jenkin and Dylan keep chanting "happy happy happy!" to boost morale, when that's the dystopian slogan of Big Brother's torturous camping task.

[progiftreview]

Funny Rv Dad Camping Road Trip Rv Gifts For Dad Gift T-Shirt

Are you looking for the perfect gift for your RV-loving dad? Look no further than the Funny RV Dad Camping Road Trip RV Gifts For Dad T-Shirt! This unique and hilarious gift is perfect for any dad who loves camping, road trips, and RV adventures. The Funny RV Dad Camping Road Trip RV Gifts For Dad T-Shirt is a great way to show your dad how much you appreciate his love for the great outdoors. Whether he's an avid camper or just enjoys the occasional road trip, this t-shirt is sure to put a smile on his face. The design on the t-shirt features a funny and clever RV-themed slogan that will surely make your dad laugh out loud. The shirt is available in different colors and sizes, making it suitable for both men and women. So, if you're looking for a gift that your dad can wear with pride, this t-shirt is the perfect choice. Not only is the Funny RV Dad Camping Road Trip RV Gifts For Dad T-Shirt funny, but it's also made with high-quality materials, ensuring its durability and comfort. The t-shirt is made from soft and breathable fabric, making it perfect for those hot summer camping trips. Your dad will love how comfortable and lightweight the shirt feels, allowing him to enjoy his outdoor adventures without any discomfort. What makes this gift even more special is that it's suitable for everyone. Whether your dad is a seasoned camper or just starting to explore the world of RVing, this t-shirt is a great way to celebrate his love for the outdoors. It's also a fantastic gift idea for family members and friends who enjoy camping and road trips. The Funny RV Dad Camping Road Trip RV Gifts For Dad T-Shirt is not just a gift; it's also a conversation starter. Your dad will love wearing this shirt and sharing his RV stories with others. It's a great way for him to connect with fellow RV enthusiasts and make new friends on his camping trips. So, if you're looking for the perfect gift for your RV-loving dad or anyone who enjoys camping and road trips, the Funny RV Dad Camping Road Trip RV Gifts For Dad T-Shirt is an excellent choice. It's funny, comfortable, and suitable for everyone. Your dad will love wearing this shirt on his camping adventures and showing off his love for RVing to the world. Grab this hilarious t-shirt today and make your dad's next camping trip even more memorable!

Get it here : Funny Rv Dad Camping Road Trip Rv Gifts For Dad Gift T-Shirt

Home Page : tshirtslowprice.com

Related : https://progiftreview.tumblr.com/post/720883055278145536/united-states-air-force-thunderbirds-4th-of-july

[taiteilija]

Die if you want to, you innocent papaya!

I’ve just watched Jesus Christ Superstar (2000). I’m on my marry way to check all versions of this musical and since I’ve been a little bit down today (and as of late, in general) I thought that watching what is apparently considered to be the most ridiculous version would be a good idea. It was. There’s a reason why I keep reading that this fandom thinks of it as something so bad that it’s actually good. It’s absolutely horrible... I LOVED IT! 

My spontaneous remarks:

I honestly think that they simply decided that 2000 fashion was great enough to be left as it is so most of Jesus’ fam looks like 2000 fashion trademarks with Simon being the peak of ‘00s with his bleached sticky hair and dot-like beard-thing under his bottom lip

Jesus in baggy ‘00s cargo trousers... XD

Why are there like tons of graffiti from all possible times, like hippie signs, antifascist slogans, slogan of french revolution... it’s just too much, it’s an absurd, like they could not decide which one should it be so they put them all there

CAMP is everywhere!

overacting is strong with this one... Oh, so strong!

Judas and Herod are just the worst singers I’ve ever heard in JCS... THE WORST... I mean, I keep thinking that Jesus has the blank, leave-me-alone-Judas face not cause Judas complains all the time, but because it hurts his ears to hear him singing like... for Someone’s sake, shut up, already! And it's the same way with Herod who, btw, reminds me of some Tim Burton's villain from 90s.

BTW, Judas is weird mix of being Very Gay & Jealous and being Violent & Pervy Little Shit... What the hell was that about when Mary kissed Jesus while he was sleeping (btw, consent, no?) and she looked up and there he was: the Pervy Stalker Judas and he tried to kiss her to be a Mean Shit (consent, again? Come on, guys!)? I don’t actually like the way he treats Mary in this version. Really, he gets handsy and violent and I hate it

And also... like in the last song, the Superstar, he’s like devil-style and looks far too happy making it hard for Jesus to carry that cross... and also why is he still there after Jesus is crucified? Dude, you are dead, I get the Superstar cause that’s the narrative thingy, but this? 

Gethsemane was not half as bad as I expected

Jesus singing that Judas would be sorry when he’s gone and then fainting dramatically like a golden diva he is 🤣

Why the Temple is full of the Orientalism shit? 

Pilate was so damn weird with his... camp Nazi clothes and gay dreams (yeah, that dream, dear ppl, was played out pretty gay here)

Pilate: Die if you want to, you innocent papaya! - I LOVED IT! Hahahaha! 😅

the creators really do love the slow motion, don’t they?

Caiaphas, Annas and the Gang are in... the Death Star?

Caiaphas voice is frighteningly low... and so damn slow? And then he has a vision I think cause he overacts wildly to my utter amusement!

And this one guy during Jesus Must Die who realised he had left his stove on...

The emphasis they put on Jesus loosing control over his fam is quite interesting to watch, like in the Simon song, Simon is giving people guns and Jesus is really confused and angry about it all. Usually the loosing control thing is a little bit less obvious... Actually, I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing in JCS 2000... too literal, perhaps?

Jesus face when they sing Hey, J.C., J.C., won’t you die for me?’ being like: O.O A whaaaaaaaaat?

Jesus and Judas chasing one another around the table during the Last Supper made me laugh so hard... and then after this: Look at all my trials <sob> and <sob_sob> tribulations <sob>... They really ruined the family dinner, didn’t they?

Judas crawling across the table to get Caiaphas and the Gang and they are all like... <panicking> Back off, gentleman, Judas went bonkers! 

I’m out of quick remarks, I think? Head empty. But even though it was so odd and just badly done it was campy, funny and made me laugh so hard I almost forgot I’m feeling down so, yeah, as weird as it sounds, this musical can be an odd ‘00 comedy. Probably it shouldn’t, but well... I’m not complaining. 

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

The Sweetest Taste

AU Ice Cream Shop Featuring Cake for the 5sos fic event sponsored by @maluminspace and @h0tsos

Word Count: 5,979 (I’m a long winded bitch, oops)

CW: this is smut so 18+, NSFW etc. M/M and M/F oral as well as sexual situations and strong language from the outset and throughout.

Special thanks to @adoring-lrh for helping me edit this monstrosity.

Event Masterlist

"I'm so bored," Calum complained, leaning back against the counter. 

"Me too, but I have to train you how to close so you're not leaving early," you told him but you were just as bored as him. 

Your parents had recently expanded the family business by opening up a second Cali-Cone Dream location in the touristy "historic district" downtown. Your dad's grandparents started the ice cream shop after moving to California from Missouri after World War 2.  They'd invested their life savings in the shop and helped build the boardwalk. You’d grown up in this shop, and since it was early in the season and still slow, it was up to you to train the new hires. It was a pain in the ass, but at least your parents weren't breathing down your neck. 

"If you keep complaining I'll make you clean the freezer. You'll have shrinkage for a week," you teased him. 

"Like you wouldn't find a way to fix that," he shot back, wiggling his dark eyebrows at you. 

Calum was the only new hire you liked. Jeremy was a kiss ass to your parents, Rico was boring, and Amanda was dumber than a bag of hammers. The smartest thing to come out of that girl's mouth was her boyfriend's dick. You'd already told your Mom it wasn't going to work out when you'd asked her to cut lemons for tea and she came back with oranges. Calum, however, was funny, a quick learner, and great with customers, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous.

"How is it only 3 o clock? Can we play cards or something? If I stand here much longer I'm gonna keep eating ice cream, and this is supposed to be my hot girl summer," he pouted before giving you a saucy wink. He was a total flirt and you weren't complaining. Three weeks ago he'd barely said a word, but you two had become fast friends and he'd really come out of his shell. 

"I don't think you have to worry about that," you laughed.

 The dark blue, slightly too tight, uniform t-shirt accentuated his bulging biceps, broad chest, and golden brown tan. The Cali-Cone slogan, "The Thrill of the Taste" scrawled across his back in bright red letters kept giving you dirty thoughts. 

"We could close early, maybe show me another of your secret spots." Calum leaned towards you with a smirk and you rolled your eyes.

 A week ago you'd gotten tired of him whining that there was nothing to do now that the college bars were dead since most students went home for the summer. You'd taken him out with you after you closed up shop. You'd avoided the popular rowdy country bar, and the dark thumping underground hip hop club, choosing instead to head for the beach. You took him to a spot under the boardwalk past the large boulders known as "The Breakers" where the local police patrols usually stopped.

You brought your beach bag and a popup tent you could both lounge in so bugs wouldn't eat you alive. He'd managed to sweet talk a bottle of wine out of his landlady, who knew he was only 20. It wasn't very strong, but it made you giggly and warm. Perhaps Calum lounging next to you on the blanket had something to do with that.  After a few rosé flavored kisses his hands began to wander, and you had to put an end to it.  Calum started to apologize, but you told him that the only reason you stopped was that your cycle hadn’t ended yet. 

After that, Calum laid back on the blanket and began to talk.

He told you he was in his second year studying music composition and theory at the Strozzi Conservatory. He'd recently broken up with his high school sweetheart, and it had been painful. As a result Cal decided to not go home for the summer, deciding instead to take a workshop on-campus teaching local teens. He was a bit lonely but looking forward to the tourist season.

"This is the first time I've had time to myself where I don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks about me or what I do," he told you, taking a gulp before handing you the wine to finish off. You were sitting up and he was laying across your outstretched legs looking up at you.

"Ooh the wild college years," you laughed. You had seen many sheltered middle-class suburban kids get the first taste of freedom away from their helicopter parents and lose their minds. "If you're trying to get fucked up don't buy anything on the boardwalk. I've got a friend so at least you know it's clean." 

"Nah not like that, but good to know." Calum took a deep breath, looked up at you, and then away. The shadows from the small camp lantern made him look mysterious and brooding. "Can I tell you something? I feel like I can trust you." His voice was soft and he rolled on his side concentrating on tracing lines along the skin on your legs. 

"You can tell me anything," you assured him.

"I want to--uh I guess experiment with different sorts of types of experiences with something new. I mean, obviously new. What I mean is, not what you'd expect maybe. Shit!" Calum rubbed his eyes and you held back a smile. "What I'm trying to say is that," he paused again.

"Calum, are you into guys?" You ask, not wanting to rush, but you were running out of time. You only had about half an hour before the tide would start coming in and you had to leave. 

"Is it obvious?" He asked, his eyes wide. 

"Nope, I wouldn't have guessed at all, but I've had this conversation with a friend before. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me, but we have to leave here in a bit." You checked your phone.

“So that’s it?” he asked. 

“Dude, it’s not that serious. Tell me who you’re scoping out and I’ll let you know what’s up. That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun as well,” you told him.

He looked so relieved, and you could only imagine what it took for him to tell you that.

Calum sat up and you started rolling up the blanket. You packed up your beach bag and Calum held the lantern as you twisted and folded the tent in three quick fluid motions before sliding it into its bag. 

"How did you do that so quickly in the dark?" Calum looked impressed.

"Practice, now come on, follow me, watch your step. It's slippery," you cautioned him.

It had gotten chilly and you were both shivering as you ran back to your car. 

"You won't tell anyone at work will you? I know it's not a big deal but I don't want everyone in my business." Calum bit his lip and you could tell he was questioning his decision.

"Dude you're fine, but what made you decide to tell me?" The question slipped out before you realized it.

He looked embarrassed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I was hoping maybe you could help me out. I don't know how to read people and I don't want to make an idiot out of myself." 

"Of course," you replied, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “Did you have anyone in mind?”

“Well there’s this lifeguard. He’s blonde and has a bird tattoo on his arm,” Calum told you. 

You cringed, knowing exactly who he was talking about. “Sorry sweetie,” you replied, “ that’s Cody and he’s not only straight, he’s a complete jackass.”

Calum slumped and looked defeated. “Don’t worry sweetie,” you reassured him. “The summer is just getting started”

A clap of thunder pulled you from your daydream.  If it was going to rain there was no chance business would pick up. You glanced over at Calum perched on the stool behind the cash register playing on his phone. His dark curls were falling across his forehead and your fingers itched to play with his hair. Being bored and horny was never fun and you were willing to bet Calum could take care of both. As if he could read your mind Cal looked up and caught your eye. The smirk that spread across his face let you know you were being too obvious, but you didn't care. 

"If you keep looking at me like that I might forget I'm on the clock,"  Calum licked his lips and looked you over. "You're lucky there are cameras."

"Oh yeah? What did you have in mind? It just so happens I know all the spots the cameras can't see," you raise your eyebrows at him, challenging him to take it further. 

The loud jingle of the bells hanging from the door startled both of you. You look up to see a familiar figure ducking through the door just before the sky opened up and began pouring rain. 

"What's up Luke? Since when are you afraid to get wet," you teased the tall blonde walking towards the counter. You'd known Luke Hemmings for years, his dad was on the city council with yours and his mom taught sixth grade. He'd been a year ahead of you in school, and you'd both played varsity basketball in high school. He'd dated several of your friends, and before that, your older sister had a tumultuous relationship with his brother Ben several years back. 

"Maybe I'm sick of the pool and want my old job back," Luke shot back. He'd worked three summers scooping ice cream next to you until he turned 18 and could work as a lifeguard on the beach. 

"Sorry, dollface, I've managed to replace you, I even found someone better looking," you replied. 

The Hemmings brothers were gorgeous and always had girls falling at their feet, but you'd never been that impressed. Not that it stopped y'all from hooking up on occasion, including once in the walk-in cooler after closing the summer before your senior year. It was a small town and you'd dated, hated, or hooked up with most of the guys your age.  Luke's history was more extensive than yours. He'd not only hooked up with you and many of your female friends, but you'd kissed many of the same boys. 

He looked from you to Calum who was standing to your right suddenly engrossed in the patterns on the tile floor. You could see the flush on his cheeks and his leg was jiggling nervously. Luke looked Calum up and down, his blue eyes lingering on the younger man before shooting you an approving grin. 

"I see you found a college boy. Can't say I blame you, much better looking than that ginger from last year," Luke snickered.

"I'm gonna go check the cooler," Calum told you, barely audibly before ducking in the back. 

You looked at Luke who was as confused as you were before excusing yourself to follow Calum. 

You barely made it around the corner before Calum popped out at you nearly scaring you to death. 

"What the hell," you squealed as he pulled you into the freezer.

"That's the guy I was telling you about," he hissed as the door shut behind you.

"What are you talking about?" 

"Remember when you drove me home the other night? You asked if I had anyone in mind so you could find out which team they played for," his voice was a panicked whisper, and his dark eyes were wide as saucers.

Then it clicked. "You were talking about Luke?" I asked, my voice louder than I meant for it to be.

"Why are you yelling? Yes, obviously that's him, except you told me his name was Dylan."

"You said tall, curly hair, with a bird tattooed on his arm. Luke doesn't have any tattoos, his mom

hates them," I replied, but doubted myself now. I hadn't seen Luke in ages, he'd always been a spoiled Mama's boy and maybe Liz finally caved.  

"That tall drink of water has a hummingbird tattooed on his arm, but that's not important right now. Have y'all hooked up?" You nodded and Calum scowled. "Figures he would be straight," he sighed.

Your brain finally caught up to the situation at hand, and you had an idea. 

"Listen to me Calum, you're gonna wait on him. Offer him a strawberry waffle cone, it's his favorite," you pushed him out of the cooler and back towards the front. 

You popped your head around the corner and whistled making Luke look up from his phone. "I'll be out in a second. I keep telling Dad this freezer needs replaced, have one on the house, but try not to scare off my new employee please," you shoot him a stern look as Calum came around the corner behind you. 

"I'll try not to bite, but I make no promises," Luke laughed before turning his attention to Calum. 

You moved just out of their sight, but still within earshot to see if your little plan worked. 

"So uh, yeah, the boss said you could have a free waffle cone. She said you like strawberry ice cream," Calum started out a squeak but he cleared his throat and continued, in a deep rough tone that gave you the shivers.

"Did she now?" Luke's voice dripped honey and you could hear him smiling. "I'm surprised she remembered, but she's good like that." 

"That's why she's the boss," Calum was cautious, and you stifled a laugh. "Have y'all known each other long? Are you close?"  

"Oh we know each other very well, and we've been close, very close sometimes. She's easy to talk to, I'm sure you know how it is," Luke answered and you had to put your hand over your mouth to hold back a laugh. You'd recognize that syrupy flirtatious tone anywhere, it was obvious Luke was seducing your new employee. You peeked around the counter to see Calum handing Luke his ice cream cone. A double scoop, perfectly dipped, pink and creamy, just barely starting to drip around the edge you watched Luke begin to lap it up while keeping his eyes on Calum.  

The power flickered as Luke leaned back against one of the tables in the dining area, half sitting half standing, his long legs crossed at the ankle. He was wearing the black swim trunks trimmed in bright red every lifeguard wore on duty and a thin white reflective windbreaker unzipped almost all the way to his waist revealing his broad bare chest. You could see Calum fidgeting nervously with the ice cream scoop while trying not to stare. Luke was not making that easy, his lips and tongue working obscenely in a way that was starting to make you horny, and you knew what he was doing and why. Poor Calum didn't stand a chance. It didn't help that he'd worn basketball shorts to work and the clingy fabric made his arousal obvious even where you were standing. 

You stepped back trying to figure out your next step. Your intention had been to introduce Luke and Calum but watching them together made your thoughts wander places they shouldn't. The rain was really coming down, sheeting the windows and sounding like pebbles being hurled against the roof. Daylight had turned dark as the storm really kicked up. You could hear the guys talking as you checked the weather on your phone. You were stuck here at least another 30 minutes as a big blob of red on the radar moved through your area. 

"She said I dare you to kiss the person on either side of you, and I didn't know if I wanted to kill her or kiss her." You heard Luke's voice and realized you'd zoned out and you headed back towards the front. 

You stepped through the swinging doors just in time to hear Calum ask, "why was that?" 

"Because the girl to his left was my friend who was absolutely gagging for Luke's cock," you answered as Calum jumped and Luke laughed.

"What was her name? Crystal? Kristen?" Luke bit the tip of the waffle cone off and sucked the remainder of the ice cream out of the bottom, glancing at you before his eyes returned to Calum. 

"Kirsten, you did end up sleeping with her, " you reminded him. "Tell him who was on the other side."

Luke licked his lips and grinned. "Keeeerstin, that's right, and that 4th of July we all did crazy things if I remember correctly. To my right however was the hottest soccer player in school who I'd had a crush on for ages." 

Calum nodded and Luke's gaze flickered your way once again, his blue eyes bright and mischievous, before he continued, "I was freaking out when we kissed but then he ended up taking me back to his house and we fooled around on his sister's swing set." 

You laughed along with Luke as you watched Calum realize what Luke said. His head snapped up, blinking rapidly and his mouth opened and closed refusing to find words before you saw him look at you, then Luke, and then back to you as everything clicked into place.

"Is that what strawberry ice cream meant? Were you setting me up?" Calum asked.

"Not a setup, but wanted to see if Luke remembered the code. Turns out there's not as dumb as he looks," you walked up to Calum stopping just inches from his chest looking up at him. "And you did say you were bored." 

"What did you have in mind?" He raised his eyebrows at you, still unable to look at Luke. 

“I mean, Luke likes strawberry ice cream, and so do you. I doubt we’re going to have many customers with this rain,” you told him. 

“They closed down the beach because of lightning so no one is coming out,” Luke chimed in. 

“That’s what I was thinking, so it sounds to me like the three of us have some time on our hands,” you replied. You looked at Calum and he nodded but his eyes burned into you.

“Are you sure you’re up for that?” he asked apparently reading your thoughts. 

“I can handle anything,” you puffed your chest out and heard Luke snicker, but you didn’t dare take your eyes off Calum.

“I’m down if y’all are,” he challenged, finally looking at Luke. 

Am I really going to do this? Your thoughts were racing and your heart was pounding as hard as the rain. CAMERAS you thought before remembering you'd been the one who updated the security system and there was a workaround.

Thunder crashed so loudly you felt it shake your bones. No one would come around today, and it made no sense to stay open or send Luke home in this storm. 

"Calum, go make sure the back door is locked, Luke if you could flip the bolt and get the blinds," you told them before you ran back into the office where money was counted. Behind the desk was the breaker box and you flipped the switch that shut off the security cameras and half the lights. 

You poked your head out at Luke and motioned for him to follow you towards the back. You bumped into Calum as he came back towards the front.

"Where are you going?" He asked

"Break room, even with this storm I'm worried about someone peeking in," you reply.

"Really?" Calum was skeptical.

"Around here you never know," Luke told him.

You flipped the light switch, but only two bulbs lit up casting the room in soft blue light with long shadows. 

"So I hear you got a tattoo, Hemmings," you said, trying to break the ice. Calum looked even more nervous than you felt, and you silently asked Luke to take charge. 

He winked at you unzipping his jacket and shrugging it off his shoulders. You noticed he was still lean and lanky but he'd definitely filled out, added some muscle definition. Sure enough, there on his right bicep was a small hummingbird. 

"I can't believe Liz finally caved," you teased.

"Honestly I just went and did it, and then dealt with the consequences. She's still mad, but nothing I can't handle," he replied. Luke looked over towards Calum. "You have way more than I ever will, can I see them?" 

Calum nodded and came up beside you. He started off nervous, but as he explained his tattoos starting with his parents’ initials on his hands, working up past his wrists, to the lovely bird with his sister's name, he explained when and where he'd gotten them. Some, like the thistle on his left bicep, had special meaning relating to friends and family. While others, like the spade and the horseshoe, were aesthetic choices. 

"Is that it?" Luke raised his eyebrows and bit his lip. 

"Nope," Calum smirked, warming to the other's man's attention. He reached behind his neck and in one swift motion pulled his shirt off over his head. You felt your pulse quicken and heard Luke suck in his breath next to you. Calum was brawnier, broad-chested with black ink on brown skin. Without realizing it you reached out to touch him, trailing a fingertip along what looked like a feather etched underneath his collarbone.

"What's this?" You asked, feeling your insides quiver when he turned his brown eyes towards you. 

"It's a silver fern, my mom's Maori from New Zealand," Calum's voice was a sultry whisper.

"And this?" Your fingers slide down to the "Choose Life" on his chest.

"It's from Trainspotting and- OH," Calum moaned as you absentmindedly tugged his nipple.

"Do that again," Luke told you, his hand sliding down over his dick now a bulge in his black and red lifeguard trunks. 

You tugged, harder this time, and were rewarded with a sound somewhere between a moan and a hiss. Calum licked his lips before his mouth hung slightly open as your fingers traveled to the other one, repeating the motion. Both men moaned in response and Calum noticed Luke palming himself through his shorts.

"Enjoying the show?" He asked with a slight smirk.

"Oh my God yes," Luke responded, squeezing his cock slightly. "All I can think about is the two of you sucking me off." 

"I'm down for that," you reply. "What do you say Cal." 

Uncertainty crept into his expression and he paused, "I want to but I've never done that before."

"If you want I can show you," you offered, the idea had you excited like never before. 

"Is that ok?" Calum asked.

Luke's blue eyes went wide. "Fuck yes, please," he whispered.

You untied the drawstring on Luke's shorts and tugged them down past his hips letting his long cock spring free. Rock hard and leaking as you wrapped your hand around the shaft, you could feel his body react to your touch. You stood on your tiptoes and playfully kissed his lips before you sank to your knees in front of him. 

You looked up at Calum who was watching your intently, lips pursed in concentration. 

"You know what you like so start there. Personally I like to tease a bit to start off," you tell him, flicking your tongue around the tip. "You wanna keep it wet and keep it moving. I think spitting is gross but if you gag a little it gets everything nice and sloppy." You took Luke's cock in your mouth getting it slick and shiny as you bobbed your head, taking him further down your throat each time until your nose was almost touching his belly. 

"Oh shit," you heard Luke's growl above you as you came back up for air. You continued pumping him with your hand as you looked up at Calum. 

"Come on, you try," you beckoned to him. 

Calum was eager now, as he kneeled next to you, looked up at Luke, and wrapped his hand around your much smaller one as you stroked Luke's cock together. 

"Oh God," Luke moaned, the sight almost sending him over the edge. 

Calum leaned forward and brushed his lips against the taut skin before his tongue darted out to get his first taste. Luke's knees started to buckle and he leaned back against the break table which was inches behind his thighs. Calum hesitated, eyeing the table before glancing at you, but both you and Luke knew the table could easily hold his weight. 

"It's fine, keep going," you pulled back and gave his arm a nudge.

"Are you sure? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do,” he replied.

"You're sucking a dick not disarming a bomb, just don't bite and you'll be fine," you told him with a giggle.

Calum swirled his tongue around the tip and you saw Luke grip the table's edge, his knuckles white. Calum began sucking, softly, and slowly before gaining confidence he built up a rhythm. Luke grunted, his eyes screwed shut and his chest heaved.

"Stop," he pleaded, "you're gonna make me cum too fast." 

Calum pulled back with a pop. "I thought that was the point,"  he smirked up at the older man.

"God what I wouldn't give to let you both take turns riding me," Luke moaned, grasping his cock tightly, fighting for control. 

"What's wrong Luke?" You reached up and ran your thumb along Calum's plump bottom lip. "His pretty mouth got you all excited. Thinking about how you're the first guy he's ever sucked off? About how lucky you are?

"You keep talking like that and you're gonna make me cum in my pants," Calum warned you.

"Not yet, I wanna help with that," Luke growled. 

"We gotta finish you first," Calum grinned and got back to work. Luke cursed loudly as his cock disappeared down the other man's throat. Calum stopped and almost pulled back but kept going. 

You looked up at Luke, he was staring down at the two of you with half-open eyes. You reached up and cupped his balls, giving them a gentle tug. That sent him over the edge.

"Oh shit I'm gonna come," Luke yelled, bucking his hips. Calum tried to swallow but he started coughing so he leaned back, cum dripping from his chin and splattering on his chest. You watched Luke fight to keep his eyes on Calum before they rolled back in his head as his knees shook and his breath escaped him in ragged gasps. 

He sank to the floor next to the two of you watching as you pulled Calum in for a kiss tasting Luke on his lips. When you broke away, Luke was there kissing you first and then Calum. 

"That was so good, let us take care of you now. I bet you're ready to burst. Let's see what we're working with here," he said as he reached into Calum's shorts. You both smiled as Luke pulled out a cock that was a bit shorter but thicker than Luke's. 

"Damn Cal, you've been holding out on me," you purred in his ear as you moved behind him. 

"I would've fucked you that night on the beach if you'd let me," he admitted.

"I was indisposed, but we'll have to make up for that," you tell him before you kissed your way up his neck.

"Raise up a bit," Luke told him as he pulled his shorts up before laying on the carpet. He positioned his head just under Calum's balls blowing on them as you reached around and massaged Calum's cock. "This is gonna be all I think about tomorrow at work. I'm gonna be rock hard sitting up in that chair just thinking about what I wanna do to the two of you." 

A huge thunderclap seems to shake the building and the lights flickered as your lips found Calum's neck as you nipped at his skin. You'd been fantasizing about marking up his throat and couldn't resist leaving a mark. He whined in response and pushed back into you before moaning as Luke's mouth went to work getting Calum's cock nice and wet before sucking and humming on his balls. You continued to suck tiny bruises on Calum's flesh as Luke's mouth stayed busy alternating between working over Calum and talking dirty. 

"I'd love to watch you fuck her before I come up behind you and take that ass. Imagine being between us, having your cock buried in her pussy while you're stretched and full," Luke told him and the idea gave you the most delicious thrill. The idea of Luke fucking Calum into you had you aching for your own release, but right now you wanted to make Calum feel good. You twisted your hand slightly as you stroked his cock.  Calum's head rolled back resting on your shoulder, moaning over and over as you kept one hand on his dick and the other tugged his nipples. You couldn't see what Luke was doing but you heard sucking noises between Calum's moans. 

"I'm getting close," Calum warned you. "Oh God keep doing that," he gasped and you could hear Luke humming as he sucked. 

You jerked him faster, concentrating on the tip, tugging his nipples harder as your teeth grazed along his shoulder. 

He erupted onto Luke's chest with an "Oh God" that was both a prayer and an exultation. Luke quickly moved so he was sucking the tip and the two of you worked together to drain every drop. 

Calum slumped back against you and you peppered his skin with kisses as you felt him shudder as he came down from his high. 

"That was incredible, I don't think I can feel my legs," Calum said as he shifted so he was no longer kneeling. 

"I bet," Luke laughed as he got up. He walked over to the sink in the corner by the refrigerator and grabbed some paper towels. He got himself cleaned up before bringing some back for you and Calum. 

"Are you ok?" Luke asked when he noticed you were breathing heavily. "Do you need your inhaler?" 

You reached out your hand so he could help you up. "I'm fine, that was just intense and I got excited," you winked at him as you stood up. He pulled on your arm and caused you to stumble and fall into his chest. He wrapped you in a cuddle and bent his lips closer to your ear.

"I haven't forgotten about you princess," Luke's words made you shiver with the anticipation. You could tell your panties were soaked and your core throbbed as Luke gripped your hips and lifted you on to the break table. He stepped between your legs and put this hand under your chin and pulled you in for a kiss. Calum was still on his tongue as it tangled with yours and you tasted his essence which was sweeter than Luke's. His hands tugged at your shirt and you broke away to let him lift it over your head. He kissed you again as you fumbled with your bra, unhooking it before you tossed it across the room. Luke's mouth moved to your breasts and you saw Calum still seated on the floor as he watched you with Luke, his eyes glazed over with lust.  

When your eyes met Calum jolted out of his gaze and scrambled to his feet. You almost laughed as he tripped over his own feet as he readjusted his shorts, but at that moment Luke's mouth closed over your stiff nipple and the laugh became a moan.

Luke's fingers were clawing at your waistband and you lifted your hips as he pulled your shorts and panties down at the same time. 

The rain was beating against the roof in sheets now, but you could barely hear it over the sound of your own heartbeat.

Luke spread your legs and stepped back to show Calum. "She how pretty and wet she is for us. We gotta give her something special as a thank you. Want me to show you how to make her squirm," Luke teased, running a finger in between your soaked folds, and you pushed your hips up with a frustrated grunt. 

"Nah," Calum looked you dead in the eye with the cockiest smirk you'd ever seen in your life.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing. I've been fantasizing about this for weeks," he was talking to Luke but his eyes were on you. "Tell me princess, do you taste as good as you look. I bet you're as sweet and juicy as a pink Starburst." 

You don't even recognize the sound that escaped your lips when Calum's mouth moved between your thighs. His tongue danced and moved in ways you'd never experienced, curling inside you before swooping up between your lips and lapping up your nectar. His pillowy lips sucked on your clit alternating with soft cool puffs of air over your fevered skin.  

Luke buried you in a flurry of kisses and you didn't know where each one was going to land, your mouth, breasts, neck, belly, shoulders, along your hairline or on your fingertips. 

Calum was relentless, barely coming up for air as he buried his face in your pleasure. You felt like a live wire as your nerves danced under your skin while Calum's tongue found every pleasure spot. Your heels beat the table in time with the storm raging outside as your orgasm started to build. You wanted to praise him or cry out but Luke covered your mouth with his. 

You arched your back almost slamming your head back on the table as Calum furiously worked on achieving your high. He wasn't going to let up until you were screaming for him, and you gladly obliged. Your climax hit you hard enough to see stars and your whole body let go.

"Damn baby," Luke's voice was in your ear but sounded very far away. 

You tried to close your legs but Calum wouldn't let you. He held them open still sucking your clit his fingers buried inside you as he coaxed another orgasm out of you.  He moaned into your skin as you drenched his face, your thighs, and the table as you came undone. He didn't stop until you were whimpering from being overstimulated, and only then did he finally pro back. 

He stood up and grabbed Luke for a kiss leaving the tall blonde as breathless as you were. The storm was still raging but your heartbeat was returning to normal. You sat up, a bit embarrassed by the mess.

"Sorry about that, can one of y'all get some towels?" You ask even though you hated to interrupt them. 

"Don't apologize," Luke stroked your thigh, and Calum did as you asked. "That was the hottest thing I've ever seen." He looked over at Calum, "will you teach me how to make her squirt like that." 

"Hell yeah," Calum answered as he gently cleaned you up. He landed a tiny kiss on your nose. "Thank you," he whispered, almost too softly to be heard. You reached down and squeezed his hand as you shared a smile. 

"How about I help y'all close up and we head back to my apartment?" Luke asked. 

"Great idea, we'll order pizza and see where the night goes."  You slid off the table, wobbled a bit but Calum wouldn't let you fall.

"Sounds like a plan, boss," Calum grinned. "Can we get ice cream too?" 

"Sure, what flavor?" You asked as you pulled your shorts up and Luke tossed your bra to you.

"Strawberry," they answered in unison before you all cracked up.

"Oh this is gonna be a great summer," you called over your shoulder as you walked out of the room.

@kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @ghostofmashton @sexgodashton @sublimehood @ihatetigers @calteahood @5-secondsofcolor @tea4sykes @wildmichaelflower​ @noshamenion​ @punkrockpreferences​ @rosecolouredash​ @cal-pal-cuddles​ @damselindistressanu​

[noisycowboyglitter]

 "Funny Gamer Life: Embracing the Bush Life with Humor and Style"

Bush Life Funny Gamer combines the charm of outdoor adventures with the humor of gaming culture, creating a unique and entertaining experience. This phrase resonates with gamers who enjoy the great outdoors while embracing their love for video games. It captures the essence of balancing the ruggedness of bush life with the quirky and often humorous aspects of gaming.

Buy now:19.95$

Imagine a gamer who jokes about setting up a gaming station in the wilderness, complete with a portable console and a comfy chair under a tree. This playful twist highlights the contrast between nature and gaming technology, offering endless opportunities for funny anecdotes and memes.

Bush Life Funny Gamer merchandise, such as t-shirts, mugs, or stickers, can feature hilarious graphics or slogans that resonate with both nature lovers and gaming enthusiasts. These products not only celebrate the joy of gaming but also the fun of outdoor escapades.

Ultimately, this blend of bush life and gaming humor creates a relatable and lighthearted community, encouraging gamers to embrace their diverse interests while sharing laughs and unforgettable stories from both worlds. Whether in the wild or at home, the humor of the Bush Life Funny Gamer is sure to resonate!

Buy now

The Video Gaming Camper is an innovative concept that combines the thrill of outdoor adventures with the excitement of gaming. This idea appeals to gamers who love to explore nature but don’t want to leave their passion behind. Imagine a camper equipped with all the essentials for gaming, including a portable console, a comfortable seating area, and high-speed internet access.

These mobile setups allow gamers to enjoy their favorite titles while surrounded by stunning landscapes, from mountains to lakesides. The blend of gaming and camping creates a unique experience, where players can unwind in nature during the day and dive into immersive virtual worlds at night.

Buy now

The Video Gaming Camper is perfect for gaming retreats, road trips, or simply enjoying a weekend getaway with friends. It celebrates the joy of gaming while embracing the great outdoors, making it an ideal choice for those who want the best of both worlds!

Board gamer gifts are perfect for enthusiasts who love strategy, competition, and social interaction. Thoughtful options include unique board games that challenge players, expansion packs for favorites, and accessories like custom dice or organizers.

Personalized items, such as engraved game pieces or playmats, add a special touch. Consider themed apparel featuring beloved games or quirky board game-inspired art for added flair.

Buy now

Gift cards to local game shops or online retailers provide flexibility for gamers to choose new titles. Whether for birthdays, holidays, or just because, these gifts celebrate their passion and enhance the joy of gathering around the table for memorable game nights!

[stabletwooriginals]

CHAPTER FOUR: Perspective

LittlePip had the bright idea of looting a building she is way too underleveled for. That's not really a Gamer Joke, as FoE really does seem to take a lot of rules and mechanics from the Fallout games. But it's also funny.

Her opponents are the classic brain-bots we know from the games, made more horrifying with the simple detail of sounding like children. "Come on out. We only want to kill you for trespassing!" also reminds me of the turrets in Portal.

This is also where we get our first reference of the zebras as the enemy, via the intercom playing an ancient, automated message. Oh, and the first mention of the Minstry of Technology too!

The Mr. Handy equivalent of a plasma weapon is said to look like a unicorn's horn. That's cool.

While trying to escape on collapsing catwalks we get the first instance of self-levitation! That's a creative use of the canonical ability unicorns in the show possess. I'm not even sure if a unicorn levitaed *another* pony in season 1. But I think they never levitated themselves? This also gave me flashbacks (or rather flashforwards) to all the cool stuff LittlePip can do later with her levitation, I'm excited to get there.

 Oh fuck me with Celestia's forehooves!

The first instance of a PipSwear! Now, I love them. They are iconic. But heck, gosh, darn it if they don't sound awkward when said out loud. Which kinda makes them not work as swears, in my opinion. But for me, they are dumb fun and sometimes that's enough. Her remark that she picked these exploitives up from the raiders is a nice touch. That she keeps them up and builds on them is all her, though.

IRONSHOD FIREARMS How do you like *them* apples?   I didn't get it.

So, I am not a native English speaker. I know this saying, but I was curious where it comes from. *Apparently* that's not really known, but according to this article the phrase was used like this in 1895 already. However, it was also used to refer to anti-tank granades in World War I, for their apple-like appearence. Since granades also look like apples in FoE, I will take the risk and say that I think I do get Ironshod Firearms' slogan.

The anti zebra propaganda found in the factory overmare office is both creative and glossed over. The slogan ("Better Wiped than Striped! Join the Equestrian Forces Today!") is heavily reminicient of the German rhymes of similiar racist nature from the world wars. And the depiction of the zebras as some dark creatures with evil glowing eyes is over the top, but only a reread might reveal this as the neon sign it is, as the zebras have not yet been introduced as the enemy force properly.

In the overmares office Littlepip finds a ton of useful items, from spark batteries , a StealthBuck and gum (which could be the first instance of MintAls, altough not called such, as LittlePip doesn’t know them yet (and if they aren’t, she finds some later in this chapter in an abandoned camp under a bridge), to the one, the only: little macintosh. This revolver will become LittlePips iconic weapon that she keeps until the very end of the story. Presumably made for or at least by Applejack, so this also gives Littlepip a neat little tie to one of the original shows main characters.

Hacking the terminal LittlePip discovers that she could have opened the safe she picked with a bobby pin remotely from there. Intentionally or not, this is a dig at Fallout 3′s design philosophy of giving you several ways to open locks, making only learning one of them enough, while skilled characters are left feeling a bit overqualified.

Leaving Ironshod Firearms, LittlePip admits to having given up on finding Velvet for now and being set on just exploring the world instead. Again, very Fallout 3 in my book.

Past a playground that became a graveyard for little ponies (dark!), she finds a “Sparkle~Cola” vending machine. This becomes LittlePips favorite drink and when I first read it, I was super happy about that for some reason. The book keeps mentioning how she sipps on carroty cola sometimes and every time I remember thinking it was a fun detail. I have no idea why.

Resting on a bench closeby we get a description of this poster:

(Art by Droakir - DeviantArt)

First mention of the Ministry of Morale, first instance of Pinkie Pie and a really fun description of how her graying mane makes it look like a candy cane. Like the poster on the zebras, this is also great, classic propaganda writing. Obviously it is a reference to the episode Green Isn’t Your Color, but while I feel that it is referencing some real life propaganda, I do not know a specific one.

Watcher suddenly is back, helpfully explaining that the MoM is “another well-meaning idea that was so much better on scroll.” What a fitting description of pre-war politics in FoE.

Getting jumped makes LittlePip call back to the slaver, that complained about sprite-bots sneaking up on ponies. If I recall correctly this will be one of the biggest sources of fun in FoE: Callbacks like this, that help paint the world in your mind by connecting the dots for you. Im certain some find this aspect annoying, as they rather enjoy doing that work themselves, but as a casual reader (of a very long story) I always welcomed it. I will also stop pointing them out from here on, unless they strike me remarkable in other ways.

A quick reminder of the raider armor she is wearing and some foreshadowing how it makes her look like “a nightmare pony”, before Watcher offers that she needs to find her virtue. This will be as important as in the original show, but also almost take LittlePip until the end of the story to really figure it out. Right now, she doesn’t quite believe him and his connection to the sprite-bot drops. Now we get a different voice from the radio the sprite-bots play, when Watcher is not in control of them. Similiar to President Eden of the Enclave in Fallout 3. This however, is Red-Eye, altough not named yet, giving a motivational speech about the posibility of rebuilding Equestria. Naturally, this confuses LittlePip even further, having seen no trace of any leaders or reconstruction efforts.

Well, technically she has seen slavers, so, unbeknownst to her, she actually has seen a part of Red-Eyes plan.

But it gives her the idea to look for settlements and actually finds one in the distance. A undamaged looking caravan is moving away from it, all in all a great disovery.

While a fun and memorable scene in itself, what follows is meant to reflect a corner stone of LittlePips character. As she approaches the settlement she gets mistaken for a raider by her barding and shot at. Remembering the caravan she collects her strength and stands up to her agressor, threatening to kill them if they attack the others. This reveals the misunderstanding -- her attacker thought she was endangering the caravan -- and LittlePip exits the chapter loosing consiousness from her insuries.

Footnote: Level Up. New Perk: Egghead -- You will add +2 skill points each time you gain a new experience level.

What a chapter! While it might feel like not much happened, so many pivital and iconic elements were introduced here. Even if a lot weren’t named yet. Like Calamity! It does feel weird that LittlePip just admits on giving up on Velvet like that, though. On my first read I didn’t mind, because I just enjoyed how similiar the experience felt to playing Fallout 3, which I liked more than any other entry at the time. Now it seems odd, but there are a lot of other things to focus on and enjoy in this and the coming chapters.

[semi-imaginary-place]

rewatching decadence

ep1: so... indoctrinating kids that they life their life in service to an upper class. also like, the way deca dence takes care of giant gadoll is to punch it like no giant sword or laser canon or anything just the power of a giant mountain sized fist. this show actually has some good foreshadowing from seeing Natsume from the perspective of Kaburagi’s hud, to Natsume’s dad (Muno) finding the Solid Quake logo at the beginning of the episode and the logo again being shown in the last shot at the announcement signs off with have a profitable day which is a weird public safety announcement but makes sense as a company slogan. I’m still not sure what the “TIME 1:00  POINT SE,07,G” means. I didn’t write it down last time because I was unsure of myself, but my first thought when the cyborgs showed up was VR chatroom for the upper class.

ep2: yeahs that’s totally an advertisement that plays right after natsume realizes the human costs of war as the tankers pay respects to the fallen. I realized what it was with the cartoony designs, the bright colors and patterns, the funky shapes of all the structures aboard the space ship, it looks like a tv show for toddlers. inoffensive and deliberately cheerful to distract from the horrors of a corporation owning your person. the eng subtitles are confusing here it should be “real death(simulation) awaits” in that the company is advertising being able to experience death but not have any of its permanent consequences as a feature of the game. The cyborgs are corporate wage slaves being compensated for their labor in company credits and the only other things we seen them do outside of work is play the company’s mmo, or recreational drugs. “I should be proud of my function and to be scrapped” as property of the company. aaaa that’s terrible. aaa. what are cyborg cores??? and why are they valuable. Solid Quake has no control over the core, only the cyborg’s housing. Is it that they cannot produce more? Considering the others on the team got executed for sentenced to an eternal forced labor camp with appalling conditions, Minato really did pull some strings for Kaburagi. ooh so “time until scrapping” and “operational limit near are two different warnings. the first is a general reminder of lifespan and the second is because oxyone levels are low. now its “TIME 20:00  POINT SE,05,I”. all those new gadoll events probably wreck havoc on the tanker economy. its 400c now and i think it was 500 for 2 earlier. First time through I wasn’t paying attention and totally thought kaburagi was an assassin, but no he’s just clean up crew. ahh yes, come spend you wages at the company run stores. micro transactions... wait so where were people getting the number 13 from?

ep3: ah yes Solid Quake charges to use the media center, truly a micro transaction hell. Natsume’s character arc is about whether to push herself or not. Here Fei acts as part of a continuing dialectic saying that Tankers have no place outside of Deca-Dence, that sooner of later Natsume will die from it, and once again highlighting Natsume’s right arm. In the other level of this though, tankers shouldn’t go outside because that’s not their role in the solid quake mmo, and those who would disrupt the mmo are killed. I like how you can see Kaburagi switch from videogame logic (oh she’s low level so let’s just stick her in the tutorial zone) to real life (what skills and experiences would help in fighting). So several corporations took advantage of desperate people to sell them a service that would augment them with mechanical parts. I get that pipe in a little outfit is funny, but does no one really realize its a gadoll, i meant natsume recognizes it instantly. like the scene where Natsume talks about her right arm, the anime does a good job of showing how her feeling about it are complicated. She’s lived with that arm for years, but it also hinders her sometimes, and people will comment about it. there’s this specific type of humor that pops up in this show and given how its the same joke, my guess is that its the same person behind it. The “joke” being that Natsume is put in a position that references sexual assault. The first is with fennel where she makes up an excuse of having to go see kaburagi to get away from him. And then there’s this episode. There’s also a few stray lines here and there that alarm me in that they imply Natsume has dealt with the threat of assault before. Since they didn’t do anything meaningful with this, I’d rather it just not be there. Minato is in on the secret of Pipe’s existence and by the way the two talk, they’ve called each other before in the last 7 years. Its good to know that Kaburagi wasn’t JUST brooding for 7 years and that the two of them stayed in contact.

ep4: Natsume after having gained confidence in herself takes down several gadoll and earns her place in The Power. Its a fulfilling payoff after seeing her train for several episodes. Natsume is where she always wanted to be, fighting gadoll in the Power. gahh It really is a patch release trailer. Ohh so I assumed that the other structures on the cartoon earth were other corporations, but in this episode we see one of them (the white and red striped cone thing opposite the deca-dence dome) and the cyborgs there are talking about the game (MMO LARPing lol), so either Solid Quake owns multiple of those structures, or these cyborgs are customers not owned by Solid Quake and playing of their own volition. that would makes the cone cyborgs where solid quake is deriving its profit from since its not like it pays its workers. reading comments online, a lot of people missed that because a ranker was found to be cheating (mikey), the rankings were abolished. In the present time, gears/players are not ranked. Ah so Kaburagi was transferred to the maintenance department from the warrior department. Wow reassignment is so much better than the poop jail. I remember it being said, armor repair, doctor, and weapon shop could be employee(cyborg) run so I wonder if the medics and that one armor shop guy are tankers or not. So this anime already snuck in a sex joke with the when the poop gang swapped kaburagi’s avatar with a sex toy, so i wonder if the safetyprivatemode was made so that the mods wouldn’t have to listen to robot sex. I really wish this show could have had 24 episodes. The trend for the past 20 years has been shorter and shorter shows so I know it would have been likely impossible to get the clearance and funding for 24 eps but oooh in som alternate universe maybe... i brought up fleshing out minor characters and character relationships before but there also stuff like Natsume’s right hand almost clamping on ... Mindy? Which usually would be a narrative flag but is completely dropped because of the episode limit. And the confidence Natsume gained last episode come to work against Kaburagi trying to keep her from the suicide mission. Its only from this point on that Kaburagi starts to really change, as of this point he is still a loyal cog to a machine that does not care about him. Kaburagi and Natsume in the 2nd half of the episode continue the same dialectic that runs through the whole of the show, about giving up and learning to try again, about pushing your limit, about why someone bothers trying. On the collectivist versus individualist spectrum, Deca-Dence is on the individualist side with assertions of the importance for deciding for yourself what you will do with your life. Its an interesting counterpoint to The Twilight Mirage (Friends at the Table) which I am currently listening to in that The Twilight Mirage is a western production and strongly collectivist with one of the antagonist being sort of kind of an embodiment of independence/individualism while japanese works as a whole tend to be more about the whole over the individual than western ones. Kurenai talking about why she fights is very good and very important for 2 reasons, first it help flesh out not only her but offer a very needed other opinion on what its like to live as a Tanker, second it segues nicely into Natsume’s memories of her dad telling her about the outside world and him being the only one to believe she can do it (fight in The Power) as contrasted with flashbacks of all the other characters telling her she can’t. This culminates in Natsume gathering her resolve to fight not because of something grand like changing the world or the fate of humanity, but something very personal scale: changing herself and proving to herself that she can do it. The is also the climax of her character arc, the point of no return.

ep5: If last episode was natsume’s point of no return, then either this episode or episode 7 is Kaburagi’s. Rationally speaking, the optimal scenario would have been for Kaburagi to stall long enough for the Tankers to escape before pulling back himself, but emotionally and narratively, there’s no way he couldn’t. After all the build up of deciding for yourself how to live and pushing your limits. Its appropriate that here in defense of the girl that inspired him to live and choose for himself rather than just continue existing in the default of what Solid Quake demands of him, that Kaburagi chooses to release his operational limiter (literally pushing him limit) and derail the company’s plans. How did no one realize purple dude was breaking imprisonment to play on a hacked avatar. Like he’s still as purple and bloodthirsty as ever. He acts and speaks the same. Someone would have totally seen him and gone “eyyyyy [i forgot this guy’s name] is back” and talked to people about it and someone should have heard. So I remember reading comments from various idiots who were mad because they mistakenly thought the anime took place in a virtual space and that Natsume was made of lines of code. And first off even if that was true there’s a difference between objective reality and the lived experiences of a person and what’s to say her experiences and emotions would be any less real than yours. And second, did everyone forget The Hunger Games? Like its just another game that plays with real lives and doesn’t care who gets killed. Solid Quake is just using humans as a stage prop. Man this episode is jam packed. Its like getting punched in the face 4 times. The pacing of the last 4 minutes was really good. The quiet scene as dawn breaks acts in direct contrast to the high energy of the Stargate takedown that preceded it. After time and against not listening to him, Minato still calls Kabu to check in with him. There’s also his certainly that it was Kaburagi that saved the Deca-Dence mech (i need to be clearer when I’m talking about the physical fortress city mech, the mmorpg game, or the deca-dence system itself). And then when the world state gets reset is just so good because it make it clear that the gadoll were never the true enemy. The tankers could kill as many gadoll as they want and nothing would change. Kaburagi’s at an interesting point here, in that he’s no longer in a state of having given up like he was in episode 1 just waiting to die and following along with Solid Quake’s orders, as of this episode he has deliberately gone against the company’s rules, and yet he’s still believes that nothing will actually change. He’s broken a rule and resigned himself to punishment instead of say for example getting rid of the punishment all together. He’s still a good little employee that hasn’t rebelled against the system. And then the “Take care of Pipe” and Natsume turns around and he’s already gone, is sooo good. The final shot too of his avatar face down in the snow! The “This world needs bugs” is in direct contrast to Hugin/Fugin(?) repeating that this world must be rid of bugs, and the same phrase Kaburagi repeated 7 years ago when he was transferred to the Maintenance Department instead of being killed. I wonder how much the cyborgs feel in their original bodies  vs. how much they feel in their Gear avatars. Kaburagi doesn’t seem to care about food and no food stalls were shown in the Gear area so maybe they doesn’t have much sense of taste? The avatars also have a lessened sense of pain. And then the limit release sequence shows connections increasing between the two bodies so does it make the cyborgs more attuned with the avatar’s senses?

ep6: eh so this is another example of what I mean when I say some of the humor in this show is in bad taste. They probably put the oxyone port where the ass would be just to make this joke. But this is better then doing to it Natsume. The animators even had a gleam censor for the over where the capsule was inserted as if it wasn’t obvious enough what it was suppose to look like. Spurned on by the the promise that one day if they work hard and behave (”rehabilitated”), the cyborgs will get let out when in actuality its a forced labor camp so that Solid Quake can squeeze just a little more labor our of the cyborgs for even less compensation. The cartoony style here helps offset just how horrific there working conditions are. And Kaburagi still the good little employee (iiko) tries his hardest to play by the rules and win. Except in this game, there is no “win’ written into the rules. So finally he is forced to move outside of the system Solid Quake has made. I still can’t believe they let Donatello keep the gun... Maybe cyborg cores are brains. In 5.5 Kaburagi’s core is in the top half of his metal case, and Donatello’s is also in his head. I’m still not sure what that sequence where Kaburagi takes the head fin and an image of a cyborg core is overlayed, means.

[borisbubbles]

20. SAN MARINO

Senhit - “Freaky!”

Before we start, SORRY for not updating sooner. PED hit me sooner *and* harder than I anticipated and one of my tooth fillings dropped, so I’m currently on painkillers. Also the EBU’s online ‘replacement show’ for the first semifinal... :shudders: 

However, allow me to bring some happiness into my life (and by proxy, yours), by discussing the one, the only, the true 2020 Queen of EuroTRASH....

...

...

... Samanta Tina, in a few updates. 🤭

Until then, let’s dish on Senhit.

Entry Analysis. 

Hang on. Senhit you say? THIS SENHIT?

Yes, I am FOREMOST cuckoo-completely for the fact that SRMTV dug up this haggard frump from her crypt and forced her to do Eurovision simply because they had no other options <3 (and also because they had an Azerbaijani hand-me-down more on that in NF Corner). I always liked Senile Drunk Auntie Senit more than probably should (yes, “Stand by” is boring but 2011 is a dungheap, LET ME HAVE MY RANDOM FAVES OKAY)

Second of all, the accompanying transformation of Senit into SenHIT. We went from this:

to this?

LIFE IS GOOD WHEN YOU’RE IN A FREAKING(!) MIDLIFE CRISIS. 

Holy shit, what a transformation into... idek what to describe FREAKY!’s video clip as? A neo-neon-nightmare, featuring aggressively sexual grinding by Senhit, inflicted upon half-naked men in a setting that borrow heavily from Hatari’s BDSM couture? It’s fucking BONKERS. 

 May I also remind you that Senhit is EVEN OLDER THAN *BICENTANNIAL WOMAN TAMTARATAM* and despite this she manages to sell her sexual aggression as a something *FUNNY* without making herself look like a desperate tart? HER POWER. 😍

I also have to mention the fucking MARKETING campaign that accompanied this mad, menopausal circus of bad taste. You diehards probably noticed the San Marino 2021 mugs (those HIDEOUS teal/pink/sand coloured mugs <3) like I did and like me probably thought it was an elaborate hoax? Turn out... it somehow *wasn’t* a hoax and you could order them on Senhit’s personal website??? WHAT??? Btw, forget about the mugs, how about PERSONALIZED CONDOMS?

SOLD OUT lmfao <3 Bet most Senhit fans never actually used a condom before <3

All of this hogwash for a song that can best be described as an irrideemable pile of disco dreck. 😍  God I was SO on board with UNIRONICALLY stanning San Marino for once. #YesWeSen. 

and... then Eurovision 2020 was taken away from me, you and Senhit, and my appreciation towards her quickly dried up before it could settle as unironic stanning.😬 Sigh. BUT WORRY NOT QUEEN’S GOT YOU COVERED.

<3

NF Corner

Oh my fucking god, yes, the codswallop that was “Digital Battle Eurovision”. So, after months of silence (other than Senhit nasically spoiling her participation on social media, which no one really took seriously because come on, it’s Senhit) San Marino held something that was supposed to pass as a “national final” and it’s the shoddiest thing I’ve ever seen in the 8 years I’ve been following the preshow <3 

Okay so... This is where Azerbaijan come in. You may not know this yet, but “Cleopatra” by Efendi was, at some point during development, given to San Marino. I’m not sure about the exact details, but from what I heard and assumed, Azer’s broadcaster Ichtimai decided they didn’t need “Cleopatra”, so they gave the demo to San Marino, who then recruited Senhit to sing it in. Sounds like fan fiction and fortunately for us the recordings have made they way to the yubtubs so I can prove you it is gospel. Observe:

Senhit - “Cleopatra”

YES QUEEN OF THE GAYS <3 (lol I should keep my opinions on Efendi’s Cleopatra hidden for now, but spoilers I am going to fucking RIP that crock of shit to shreds once I get there).

So anyway, at *SOME* point after giving “Cleopatra” to the San Marinese, Ichtimai must’ve decided that “nope, Cleopatra will be OUR entry, thx” and punted Senhit out of her glorious pseudo-historical trash anthem (more on that too when I rank Azerbaijan), a WEEK before the deadline, (😂🤣) which of course meant that San Marino had to *improvize*. 😅

Enter: a ramshackle SING-OFF between two songs, deadline ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING. 🤣. Your choices:

SONG #1 A trashy disco song that never would have stood a prayer at Eurovision and would’ve been a disaster in every universe, especially *and* including our own, but was complete lip service towards any vocal Stan Marino.

SONG #2 The English translation of a competent, but somewhat tepid electropop song that Senhit had released in Italian in September, mere days after the 2020 season had started. Good, but nothing too exciting. 

Senhit - Obsessed

And honestly, it seemed clear that FREAKY! would win from second one? It seemed like the clear follow-up to Serhat (sorta?), a perfect fan service song to keep the balding gays busy so they don’t pick up their phones and vote for boring shit such as Gjon’s Tears. However, when FREAKY! won it was revealed it had only won by a TINY margin over Obsessed anyway. What the FUCK was this year honestly and why does NONE of it make sense. 

San Marino 2020 & San Marino 2021

I mean... yes, the second semifinal was compiled of a series of oozing trashheaps and boring smug, and yes, both demographs would provide qualifiers and no, Senhit *never* would’ve been one of them, being stuck in the first half. 

It would seem as if “FREAKY!” was a worthy successor to “Say na na na”, but I don’t think that comparison really works. The only things those two songs have in common is their camp and their singer’s inability to sing (lol have I ever said a positive thing about Serhat, ever, in print? I should counteract that by saying something kind: Serhat is very good at... um... being a dentist. 🙂)

However, “Say na na na” also had a universally positive message, even if it adhered the tried-and-true “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF IF YOU DO THIS BANALE THING” cliché.” FREAKY!” literally is a hodgepodge of acid trippy menopausal nonsense, which I personal find more endearing, but Europe would swiftly whisk towards the rubbish bin for being bad and female. C’est la vie. 

Nada on 2021 yet and given how desperate and scarce with information San Marino are, I expect no news until the literal last minute. I personally wouldn’t be too surprised if they withdrew, but eh, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. As long as we have Samanta Demon to cover our trip-hop-trash needs, I couldn’t rly care less about San Marino. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I mean, even if you had *any* doubts how well Senhit would score in the category I named after her, let me recap

- San Marino recruited a random-ass-returnee nobody really asked for. - They initially gave her an Azeri hand-me-down trashpop song about a Macedonian-Greek pharaoh - Azerbaijan then took BACK said hand-me-down trashpop song and made it their entry - Which forced San Marino to flimsily put together a last-minute digital NF where you could decide which of these two HOPELESS songs would facilitate their NQ - The deadline of which was set *ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING IN ROTTERDAM* (aka the literal submissions deadline) - The obvious winner *almost* lost the vote everyone expected them to win (again!) - and of course: the video clip, the website, the emails, the slogans, the CONDOMS. This is honestly what FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTORS! are made for. Happily take away the first (but not last) perfect score, queen. 

Score: 5 Senhits out of 5. 

[maulie-dyke]

A Small Lumberjanes Fic

So, I was thinking about the headcanon I sent to @luminouslu about Jo’s past, and I made myself sad. Thus, I wrote a fic. I’m not new with The Lumberjanes, but I am not the most confident with my writing of the girls, so this is the first time I’m posting a fic for this fandom. (I have 3 others in the works now!) I swear the flashbacks are supposed to be in italics on mobile why does Tumblr hate me.

Fic under the cut:

It had been six years. Six years that included some interesting revelations, from Jo coming out to her dads as trans three moths before camp, to said camp, which she was currently being allowed to leave for two days with the rest of her cabin. Sitting in a seat in Ripley’s family’s van, she stared out the window and remembered.

Mothers’ Day, 2014.

Climbing out of Uncle Alan’s car, she she watched as April, surprisingly carefully for a seven-year-old, pulled a box out of the passenger seat. Reaching behind her best friend, she grabbed the vase of flowers and envelope still on the seat, and nested them into her arms, along with her lunchbox from school.

“Come on, Alex! You’re so sloooooow!” April shouted from the steps.

“I’m coming!” she replied, climbing the few stairs leading to the front doors of Group Health Central Hospital.

Following April inside, she reached the receptionist desk and grinned.

“Hi, Ms Betty, how are you?” The greying receptionist smiled at her words, an odd expression on her face (She would later find out Betty thought she was adorable).

“Hello, Alex, April. Here to visit your mother, Alex?”

At Jo’s nod, Betty reached for a clipboard and a pen.

“Since it’s regulation, you still have to give me your names, first and last, please,”

Looking at April, a silent understanding passed between them.

April spoke up, “April Burnett, ma’am.”

Following April, she added, “Alexander Sakiyaki. Do you need it spelled?”

“You’re here every week Alex, I think I know how to spell your name.” Betty made that weird expression again as she filled out the paper in her clipboard, “You can go on back, you know the way.”

Laughing, she raced April through the halls to her mother’s room. Reaching the door, they stopped to catch their breaths and compose themselves before knocking on the thick white door.

“Come in!” a voice, a bit rough, but still musical, called.

While April walked in calmly, with a bit of bounce in her step, Jo ran in full speed and jumped to hug the woman sitting in the armchair by the window.

“Mama!” she shouted, laughing as she was peppered in kisses.

“Alex, April, hello darlings!”

April waved, a grin splitting across her face. “Hi Aunt Kyoko! Happy mother’s day!”

Scoffing, Kyoko opened her arms more, bringing April into her hug as well.

From her place tucked into her mother’s side, Jo spoke up, “We brought you some things!” Sitting up, she grabbed the flower vase and card from April, and presented them to Kyoko with a flourish, at the same time as April with the box.

“Thank you, darlings!” Opening the card, a pile of glitter fell on the Asian woman’s lap to reveal the classic slogan of the holiday. After reading the card and admiring the flowers, she opened the box.

“Look! They’re cookies! We decorated them ourselves!” April pointed at the cookies, half covered in glitter and mermaid scale like designs, one with a shaky Japanese character written on it, and one, pristine, almost perfect flower. “Uncles James and Leo did that one.”

“They’re wonderful!” Kyoko said. Dropping her voice to a whisper, she added, “To be honest, I like yours the best.”

April and Jo beamed.

“How did you and Papa get married?” Jo asked, out of the blue.

“Let me tell you a story.”

April and Jo sat expectantly at Kyoko’s feet, star struck as she began her story.

“Many years ago, at a museum in Paris, was my first ever art show as a professional. I was bored out of my skull, having to talk to so many stuffy business people. Then, I met a man who was charming, funny, nice, and incredibly good looking. I asked him out to lunch, and he complied. At said lunch, I confessed to him that my parents (who were pretty famous business people in Japan, at the time) were expecting me to marry a nice, rich MAN so I could continue the Sakiyaki familial line. I continued with the fact that, as a lesbian woman, I had no plan to do so. The man laughed, and added in he was gay, with a partner back in America. We quickly became friends, so when my parents pressured me into getting married, I married him, with consent from his boyfriend. A year later, I had a baby, a small boy with a head full of hair and very long fingers, that we named Alexander Hiroki Sakiyaki. Then, we got divorced so your Papa could marry Dad, but we still lived together because we were best friends, like you two. The end.”

After a few moments of silence, April blurted out, “You went to Paris? Did you meet Emilie Agreste, the famous actress?”

About an hour later, Kyoko was teaching April how to draw while Jo worked on a project.

Hearing a small bang, then an ouch, Kyoko looked at her child.

“Alex, love, what are you doing?”

“No! You can’t see yet, It‘s a surprise!” Jo leaned over her project, glaring at her mother. “You’ll get to see when you come home! When is that gonna be?”

“Saturday, love. The doctors say I’ll be well enough to go home then!”

Cheering, April and Jo jumped up, bouncing around the room in a hug.

“Mama’s coming home on Saturday!” was all anyone passing by heard.

Two days Later, 2014

It had been a nice day, sunny and not too warm, to get prepared for Kyoko’s move back to the house. Leo and James cleaned and redecorated her bedroom while Jo ran around finishing her project for her mother.

Nice until the phone rang, at least.

Jo watched silently as Leo answered the phone.

“Hello? Yes, this is him. Oh...oh my god.” her heart froze as the normally so composed man’s hand went to his mouth and tears filled his eyes. “Yes, I’ll tell him. And Alan and April, they deserve to know too. Email me the papers and I can send them to you.” hanging up the phone, her father just stood there, hand over his mouth. Sighing, he bent down to Jo’s level and took her hand.

“There’s no easy way to say this, but mama won’t be coming home this Saturday, or any Saturday.”

“Friday?” Jo asked, her heart still frozen.

“No. She’ll be coming home never, love.”

Her eyes widening, Jo dropped her Papa’s hand and walked to the door in a sort of daze. “Nope, nope, nope, nope...”

Now halfway down the long driveway, she startled when her dad picked her straight up off the ground.

“I’m so sorry, buddy.”

She buried her face in her dad’s suit jacket and cried.

Present Day

“Jo! Jo! Jo! Jo!”

A voice broke her out of her thoughts. Ripley’s voice, presumably, as the small girl bounced in the seat behind her.

“Where are we going? Is it somewhere fun? Is it-” The blue haired ball of energy was cut off by Jen, who had placed a hand over Ripley’s mouth.

“Why don’t you leave Jo alone, Ripley? The place we’re going is not fun, it means a lot to Jo.” Jo looked at Jen, then, silently thanking her. “Also, we’re here.”

Once the Roanokes, Jen, and Ripley’s parents were out of the van, Jo started down the familiar path that she had walked on this day for the past six years. Her dads falling into step with her, with April holding her hand tightly, Jo spoke up.

“It’s my mom’s birthday. I want you to meet her.”

“If we’re meeting here, why are we in a graveyard?” Ripley had broken free from her mother’s grasp, and was now bounding along behind Jo.

She heard Mal and Molly go to shush the 12-year-old, but waved them off.

“We’re in a graveyard because she died a few years ago. When I was seven.” she looked down after her statement, kicking at rocks on the path as a silence fell over the group.

“We’re here.”

Her mum’s grave wasn’t anything fancy, just her name, years she lived, and an engraving of her favourite flower on a basic stone tombstone.

After a few moments of silence as the rest of the Roanokes digested this information, Molly spoke up.

“I bet she was amazing.”

“She was. She would have liked you guys.”

“She taught me how to draw, how to be a good investigator, and how to use a sword. She was the greatest.” Jo sniffed, fighting back tears as April grabbed her hand and guided her to sit down in front of the tombstone.

“I bet, wherever she is now, she’s smiling at you, glad her beautiful daughter has such good friends.” her dad said, placing a hand on her shoulder (the most he could do, with all the Roanokes hugging Jo at the same time).

Tears freely dripping down her face now, Jo nodded slightly.

Maybe it wasn’t okay. But it would be.

//END//

A few things explained for clarity:

The idea behind Jo’s mom being said to go home on one day but not doing so was shamelessly taken from My Neighbor Totoro.

This is in the same universe as Miraculous Ladybug, but only because I don’t know of any famous french people besides musicians.

This was completely un-beta’d, so if there are any mistakes they are all mine.

I based the years off of this present year, hence Jo’s mom dying when she was seven, in 2014. Jo in this fic is 13, as one of the writers for Lumberjanes has stated the only one with a concrete age is Ripley (12), but all the other girls are somewhere in between 12-14. 

Jo’s deadname is entirely headcanon.

Thanks for reading my long, rambling thoughts!

XO,

Nath