#Funnier still was that one comic Roman wanted him dead

[masquenoire]

@question-marked "That's why I'm your husband, you fucking sexy man."

Type Bingo || Accepting!

"Damn right you are, tesoruccio." Roman replied smugly, peering over Eddie's filled form with an amused grunt. His husband didn't need to do it when they were already together but it was nice that he did, and he ticked all the right boxes even though he wasn't a woman. Roman was very particular in his taste of men, rarely liking them unless they were unconventional in some way and Eddie filled that niche with his sharp mind and even sharper dress style. It was unusual though, because the two had not gotten along the first time they'd met. He was a thug in Edward's eyes and Roman thought him a coward, playing mind games behind the scenes and acting as though he were the smartest man in Gotham. Well, he'd gotten his ass thrown in Gotham City just like the rest of them, and for a man who wasn't easily provoked to violence, the death traps he'd constructed for the bat certainly appealed to his base urges of cruelty. Roman cackled as he noticed the box about being spicy between the sheets had been filled in and grinned approvingly, skeletal grin levelled at Eddie as he leaned towards the man he was married to, eyes dark with lust. "You know, my schedule's not that busy today if you'd like to... spend a little time together. Show me how much all that working out's been doing for you lately." Oh yeah, Eddie had a nice ass alright and he couldn't wait to get his hands on it.

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[ethanalter]

'SNL' recap: Show us your jazz hands

At long last, Mr. President, here is your post-Emmy victory lap. Fresh off collecting his statue for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy — one of nine awards that Saturday Night Live received for its record-setting 42nd year on the air — Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump was unsurprisingly front and center for the season premiere. “Welcome back from Bedminster, Mr. President,” Aidy Bryant’s Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in her real-world counterpart’s measured drone of a voice.

It wasn’t exactly the smoothest homecoming for either Trump or SNL. The cold open alternated between sharp comic jabs and listlessly penned topical references as it ran through a list of the headlines from the past few days, starting with the Puerto Rico fracas that began that morning. Speaking on the phone with the San Juan mayor, Carmen Yulin Cruz (Melissa Villaseñor), Baldwin more or less repeated Trump’s actual quotes about islands and big water and tossed in a “Despacito” shout-out for no real reason. On the other hand, the line “That woman was so nasty” — a callback to 2016’s leading hashtag — was slipped in with just the right amount of comic calculation.

Fortunately, the great Kate (as in McKinnon) showed up to rescue the sketch by reprising her expert “Jeff Sessions as demented elf” take on the attorney general. “I might look adorable, but I’m frightening,” McKinnon said, as her already slanted grin threatened to slide completely off her face. Sessions was still plenty beautiful to Trump, and cuddled up in the President’s lap until fellow New Yorker Chuck Schumer (Alex Moffat) walked through the Oval Office door. At that point, the POTUS dropped his AG faster than his falling approval ratings. The countdown to the real Trump’s tweet-critique of the SNL season premiere starts… now.

Best Sketch: Papyrus This one goes out to all you font-lovers. In a Times New Roman world, this sketch is Comic (Gold) Sans.

Runner-up: Italian Restaurant The “It’s not delivery, it’s Digiorno” approach to hawking pizza is taken to its illogical, but amusing conclusion. A closing punchline revealing it was a Domino’s ad all along provides the perfect topping.

Worst Sketch: Henrietta and the Fugitive The sight of poor Bryant in a chicken suit more or less guaranteed this sketch was going to be trouble. Like the pro she is, Bryant gave it her all, but her all couldn’t overcome the WTF.

Best Use of Ryan Gosling: Opening Monologue La La Land may be so 2016, but the “Ryan Gosling saved jazz” jokes will never get old. In fact, the actor’s digs at his own movie may be the best of the bunch. The monologue also gifted him the chance to smolder with a cigarette, and break into laughter for the first of many times that night. Basically, it’s peak Gosling.

Most Satisfying Sequel: Another Close Encounter “Close Encounter” wasn’t even the funniest sketch to air during Gosling’s inaugural hosting stint last year, but it’s the one everyone remembers because the star cracked up on air. He broke again this time around, and all it took was McKinnon burying her face in his butt.

Best Weekend Update Joke: Angela Merkel Speaking of McKinnon, she easily owned Update with her bit of business wherein German chancellor Angela Merkel tries to quit former POTUS Barack Obama once and for all by rifling through a keepsake box from their time together. The nothing-but-Creed mix CD was funnier than anything that Colin Jost or Michael Che had in their own box of one-liners.

Watch Saturday Night Live on Yahoo View, available now on iOS and Android.

Episode MVP: Kate McKinnon Whether playing world leaders or hawking Levi WOKE jeans, McKinnon is still SNL‘s resident superstar. Memo to Lorne Michaels: Pay her whatever she wants to stick around at least one more season rather than make another Rough Night.

Saturday Night Live airs Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. on NBC.

Read more from Yahoo: ‘Halt and Catch Fire’ postmortem: Scoot McNairy talks Gordon’s shocking [spoiler] ‘The Walking Dead’: 10 things you didn’t know about Khary Payton Why John Denver music is seemingly in every movie these days