#Fuck endgame and fuck AOU Pietro deserved better

[imavikingo]

Steve Rogers was a lot of things, but a two faced son-of-a-bitch he was not, have some respect for his mother Sarah. Thank you very much.

What he was though, is a liar.

He has lied plenty, more times than he can even remember.

Every time he arrived home with a new bruise before his mom, and stayed in his room until she was gone again he said he was A-ok, only tired.

All the times Bucky asked if he was fine after a fight, and if he was having fun after another rejection by a pretty dame. He said he was just peachy.

When he was on death’s door he said it was nothing.

He lied more than what he was willing to admit (Steve from New Jersey ring a bell?)

Every time people expected him to be the ideal man with a plan, THE Captain America, he just faked a smile and performed how they wanted him to.

Lie, after lie, fake smile after fake smile.

He was so tired of pretending. At least he used to lie for better reasons before, and for himself.

He was what they needed him to be now, and more times than not people didn’t need Steve.

No one seemed to see HIM after being defrosted either: Steven Grant Rogers, the person behind Captain America. They only saw what they wanted to see and expected to hear.

Thats why he didn’t try and be friends with his teammates after the New York incident. Thats why he let them do those shitty “educational videos” for high schoolers.

Thats why he stayed alone for the most part.

(Nick Fury didn’t let him be either, what an asshole).

They needed him, they wanted him. But not really, right? Because Captain America is an ideal, a superhero. It isn’t HIM really.

Steve Rogers is only a man after all, tired, lonely, a sad man out of time.

Who would need HIM?

Thats why he tried to contact Peggy and have a somewhat relationship with her again. He didn’t care if it was based on “what ifs” at this point and that she was old. He needed something, someone from his past, anything at this point that made him feel like Steven Grant Rogers, human again. Maybe she would need him in some way?

Once he knew she couldn’t even remember him for the most part, he went back to square one.

He missed her, the old her. The strong independent woman that she was, and sometimes he lamented the fact he didn’t give her the coordinates in time. Maybe he would have had a good life with her by his side. If he only loved her so…

Maybe he wouldn’t feel like dying in this new scary and terrifying world every single day.

Thats why he came back alive when he saw Bucky again.

Bucky was his home, his everything, always was, always will be. He never thought he would have another chance to be near him again.

So he once again became Steve Rogers. Sure before Buck he was friendly with Sam and he had a cordial relationship with Nat. But after knowing of Bucky’s existence in the present (he’s alive, he’s here) did he became friends with them.

He fought with tooth and nails for Bucky, because he wouldn’t let anyone tear them apart again. Not even the man himself (not matter what Sam said about co-dependency. What did he knew anyways?)

When Buck wanted to stay in cryo Steve wanted to scream and cry in his face. But didn’t, because he knew Bucky needed it, needed to have his own choices and for them to be respected.

So once again he started to lie. He didn’t want to make his friends worry about him after all, he was fine. Bucky was the one that needed all the attention, not him.

Then… The battle of Wakanda happened and…

Never in a million years Steve would have thought he would lie to himself without knowing.But he did, and for literal years until present.

See? Steve didn’t know he was in love with his best friend until he lost him for the sixth fucking time. He knew he loved him, but not that he was in love with him. He didn’t realize, but even then he couldn’t admit it. He was terrified, so he replaced his name with Peggys, even on his mind.

That was safer, more “normal”. He knew people weren’t that homophobic anymore but… he wasn’t a regular Joe, right? No. That would be a disaster.

Even if he didn’t have the mantle of Captain America anymore, he was horrified. He didn’t even want to think about Bucky that way. So he started to lie to himself.

He has lied to everyone else for literal decades, what was lying to himself now?

And well… talking about deluding himself and lying… he couldn’t let himself think that Bucky and Sam were… they weren’t! They could change things, they needed to bring them back. Bring him back.

So they planned and they succeeded, for the most part (Only at the cost of one of his best friends and people he cared about).

Steve was so happy once he knew he had Bucky with him again (he’s fine, he’s alive). But he couldn’t forget about what he now knew about himself. And couldn’t let himself be distracted by any of that, after all there was also a hole Nat and Tony left on his heart, on everyone's hearts and lives (And Wanda wasn't stable anymore, he needed to fix that too).

He wanted to lie again, be comforting to Bucky, treasure him, but he only seemed awkward and cold. He was uncomfortable with his own feelings and on his own skin, and didn’t know what to do to fix things with Buck. (I love you, I'm in love with you please forgive me, I’m sorry).

So he once again fucked things up and tried to bring back Nat, Tony and Vision with him. Only… he didn’t discuss this with anyone else so he had no back up, nor help. No one knew of this plan of his after all.

He was on his own. On a prison cell for what it seems. (For the crimes of creating new alternatives timelines apparently, huh. Who would have thought that fighting and talking with himself from 2012 would lead him here. Trying to bring back the others didn’t help either).

This place was bare of anything recognizable, it was ugly and cold.

He was a man out of time once again.

Bucky probably hated him now, Sam too.

What a joke.

Everything was fucked up

For what they told him a “Skrull” (what is even that?) replaced him and everyone bought it, even Bucky. (And no, no no no... Bucky would notice, he would know!).

And would you believe it, he wasn’t the only fucker that was here too, huh. What a weird place.

So yes, Steve Rogers is a liar and a disaster…

and what a good companion that would be for Loki, the God of mischief, no?

So both tried their best to escape that fucked up prison.

Together.