#Freundes Lob hinkt & Fremdes Lob klingt

[rotblume]

For me, it wasn't my Mas fault or any specific influence, but I still don't feel comfortable 'boasting' about my successes.

It's not that I am never satisfied and content, despite this being complicated by me being a perfectionist, and I can indeed feel proud of myself for managing something, even if it's hard with how life has been going for a while and when it seems like hardly anything is ever actually getting done because there is problem after problem, but I tend to get overwhelmed and am always out of my depth when someone mentions an achievement of mine and I absolutely hate having to actively advertise or promote myself and rarely mention my accomplishments - or my previous struggles - on my own accord, except to very few and very close people; even then it ususally takes an honest "How are you? or "How is this and that going?"

I am trying to get better at not only silently savoring something, but rather deliberately relishing it and I have found it can help to generally celebrate more - to simply acknowledge the effort some things take and commemorate, to talk about difficulties and then the solution, but also to compliment others more often, so that it won't feel like trying to show off or attempting to overshadow someone else and steal attention for myself.

It's not a perfect solution, but it is an advice I can give which not only helps yourself but also the people around you when you include your loved ones in your experience for connection or whenever you praise strangers and gift them with a good memory.

We also have a saying where I live:

"Eigenlob stinkt." (self-laudation reeks)

but people tend to forget the addendum:

"Freundes Lob hinkt,

Fremdes Lob klingt."

(a friend's praise limps,

a stranger's praise chimes and rings.)

which means that while your loved ones might want to make you feel good or spare your feelings with a white lie, strangers can be trusted to be more honest with their feed-back and any positive appraisal or negative criticism as their own opinion.

Memories of a broken arm

Y'know what I haven't heard in a coon's age? I haven't heard anyone say "Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back." I don't know if that's an Appalachian saying or not, but my parents used to say that every time I said anything even remotely positive about myself. They had a fear of / distaste for "bragging," (which is what that saying vilifies) that bordered on the pathological.

Not surprisingly, this early training that I must never toot my own horn has created a lot of problems for me. Applying for an art show? Pretty hard to do when promoting myself/my work makes me anxious enough to throw up. Socializing? More difficult than normal when I feel I must downplay every positive thing about myself so I don't sound like a braggart. I am accomplished! Good at what I do! I should be able to mention it briefly!

Anyway. Every time my reasonable, sensible, kind daughter tells me "Oh, jeez, my hair looks GREAT* this morning!" or "I was the best in class for wiring panel boxes!" or "I love this outfit; I look amazing!" I quietly agree with her. Inside, I am cheering. She will never know.

Modesty is fine. Making yourself look smaller so that other people aren't intimidated is - just crap.

'* Although one day last year she grumped out of her room saying, "I really don't want to go to school today, but my hair looks great, so I'm going." I did laugh at that. Don't waste a 'good hair' day, girl!