#Forgive how messy this is ok I was moving Fast

[moltengoldveins]

WAKE UP SUCKERS NEW BLORBO JUST DROPPED

LETS GOOOOOO BOLAS PHILZAAAA

[fyodoro]

Hi there! Love your writing 💖

Can I request Wonderland x Showtime with a bedridden reader? Feel free to ignore it, if you are uncomfortable.

A Flower Bloomed Too Illuminate You

Featuring Tsukasa Tenma, Emu Otori, Nene Kusanagi and Rui Kamishiro

Hi anon, I’m not uncomfortable with it! Tried to keep the angst light so I hope you enjoy:) though i didn���t know what you exactly meant by bedridden. also saki’s illness is mentioned here- but im not using it as an extension to tsukasa’s character… if that’s not clear enough

Cw) reader is bedridden, light angst?? probably messy writing…

Tsukasa Tenma

Tsukasa already has a great understanding of your condition, as his sister has struggled being bedridden for a good portion of her life. He knows all too well what he should and shouldn’t do.

Tsukasa is always by your side when he can, and never wants to miss a moment with you. Granted, he’s upset about your physical state and worries for you, but he’s determined to brighten your mood!

He wants you to see his shows very bad, but if you can’t go to them, then Tsukasa might as well bring them to you. So often expect him and his troupe performing in your room- no matter how cramped it could be. They’re all happy to do it, and you’re just as happy to watch.

Although he won’t say it out loud, Tsukasa prays every night that you’ll get better soon. He’s send what being bedridden did to Saki, how how it took away so much of her childhood. He doesn’t want to watch you get your teen years ripped away from you just like that.

But for as long as you’re with Tsukasa, he’ll always make sure to keep your hopes up and a smile on your face.

Emu Otori

Emu feels obligated to keep you smiling, she absolutely refuses to allow you to lose any hope. It makes you worry for her at times- she seems too desperate to keep you happy.

Eventually you explain to her how it’s ok if you feel down sometimes, that it’s only natural in your condition. Emu will apologize if her antics were too much and that just wishes for you too feel better. Of course, you forgive her immediately, she is only trying to help.

After this, Emu is much more calmer around you but still makes you feel even a tad bit better just by being there. Often times she’ll tell you all about her troupe and the shows they perform, she’s even though about introducing you to them one day. Though she didn’t know if you’d like meeting multiple people at once like this. Depending on your answer, she’ll follow through with what you want.

Emu had the idea of recording a WxS show and showing it to you after- and it was one of the best decisions she’s made. She enjoyed watching your eyes light up and hearing your laughter from the performance. The happiness is contagious- as eventually Emu will be telling you all about the behind the scenes.

It’s a good thing Emu is like a walking sun, or else you’re life would probably be much darker without her.

Nene Kusanagi

It’s not often that Nene visits anyone besides Rui’s home, but that changed fast when she met you. Although she doesn’t quite understand what to do or what can help; she is trying her best!

You already knew Nene wasn’t much of a talker, and prefers speaking through actions. So every little thing she does for you means a lot more than she thinks. Whether she’s bringing multiplayer games over for the two of you or just a few snacks- you appreciate it from her so much.

Nene herself doesn’t quite get your condition, but does understand it’s severe enough to keep you bedridden. She tries to keep you from moving too much or pushing yourself, and usually you’ll listen to her.

She tries to keep your spirits up by using distractions, whether she’s telling you about her day or playing games with you, she just wants you to keep your mind off your physical state for a bit. But if you ever do need a shoulder to cry on or to just vent, Nene will listen and try her best to give words of comfort.

Overall, Nene is just happy you can still be here with her. She appreciates your strength just as much as you appreciate her actions.

Rui Kamishiro

Your condition doesn’t make Rui view you any differently, this is one of the first things he emphasizes with you. That no matter how poor your physical state may be, it won’t ever change how he sees or feels about you. He doesn’t want you to think that he’ll leave you over something so out of your control.

Because of how much he works on his own, and how he doesn’t want to leave your side, Rui brings his work to you- as long as you’re ok with it. He hopes that the little gadgets and robots he creates can brighten your mood, or give you some kind of entertainment.

Rui also enjoys late night chat with you; while you’re still awake and he’s at his most awake point, these moments feel really intimate to him for some reason. That you could be asleep resting right now but instead you’d rather talk to him means something more to him. However, he will make you rest at some point.

Expect a lot of random food bags from Rui as well. On his way home he’ll stop at a place he knows you enjoy to order you something. The glimmer you get in your eye when you eat it makes Rui feel proud. And he hopes that sooner or later he can take you out to eat at this restaurant.

Although he wishes you weren’t bedridden, Rui will happily stay by your side till you’ve recovered enough to move more.

[crescentlyautumn]

heyyyyyyyy

so. im feeling emotional over the kpts brother relationships so. headcanons about porsche and chay postcanon? how do you think their relationship is changed by everything that happened? in the pool scene, chay doesn't put up a fight, but he says "i miss you" (present tense) and that's about all we see of them "reconciling." how do you think they deal with their damaged relationship?

Oh boy! Do I have feelings! Ok, so, I don’t think nor vibe with Chay ever “hating” his brother because of many reasons. But I do feel he feels betrayed and hurt for many reasons.

1) Porsche and him are/were close. It was them against the world and they were each other’s best friends and worlds. And after what goes down, I feel Chay feels his “world” is already crumbling (Kim, the kidnapping, his Mae, etc) so he wants to cling onto his last pieces (Porsche), but he doesn’t even know him anymore, so I feel he does what most people believe, and shuts down and closes up.

2) Which leads to Porsche missing many things with Chay and Chay feeling isolated as ever and alone. Now, he will lash out. I have no doubt a breaking point will be reached, and Porsche will probably drop, “What’s going on with you!? This isn’t like you!” And oh boy, the venom that Chay will spit, but not trying to hurt his hia, but because he’s hurting. He’s hurting, alone, confused, and feeling like everything is changing way too fast.

3) So I feel that’ll be a wake up call for them both. And that’s what’ll change for them. They won’t be just them anymore. It’ll be so many more people, and it’ll be a lot of hurt, healing, and finding balance. Chay will most likely be hurting for a long while and will have repercussions from that, and the forgiveness won’t be swift and sudden. It’ll take time. And Porsche is also hurting and all the things, so similar, yet different pains and experiences here.

But I just, I feel so many forget that fights, misunderstandings, and hurt don’t always mean toxic or the end of things. So their relationship after everything is gonna be jagged, painful, and different, but I believe these two will figure it out. Just because things aren’t exactly as before doesn’t mean they still wouldn’t sacrifice everything for each other and love each other more than life itself. They just have more to love and sacrifice for.

So bottom line? It’ll be messy and painful, and Chay is gonna deal with a lot, and he’ll feel forgotten, betrayed, and like his trust has been broken. But they’ll reach a breaking point, and than after that? Not sure. Maybe Chay moves back home because the main house isn’t a place he can live. Maybe he takes up bodyguard training to distract and make himself feel stronger and more connected to his family. Maybe he moves into his own place like Kim. But once he breaks enough, Porsche will see it, and he will come running. He always does.

[nopointic]

Op *gets down on knees* My libra heart is feeling seen in this chili's tonight!!!!!!!!!!!

This fic has core values I live by every single day and people have shamed me for well ages because "what do YOU know about love if you've turned down every single person that's asked you out" MIND YOUR BUSINESS FAMILY MEMEBERS and op back to you. :)

maybe if... has everything i want in media and rarely find.

The love of "I want you to find happiness even if I'm not the one in the picture making you happy"

The love of "I love you, but you have hurt me, and although I love you, I need time to heal, and we can maybe try to get back together but there will be work to be done. Boundaries set. Feelings felt and etc"

The love of "I have grown as a person and I am regretful for my past mistakes (the main one of hurting you by my carelessness) but I understand that does not mean you will take me back, and that is perfectly ok because forgiveness does not mean things go back to what they were once before"

That love.

So many think love is how much abuse one can take from another and they're baffled to why NOW more people are saying, ugh, no, I won't stay in a marriage or relationship where I am constantly taken advantage of or my needs not being met. They say those people are fickle and too young to understand and they don't know anything.

And then holiday season rolls around and the drinking is up, earplugs are sold out, sleeping pills and drugs are everywhere, memes about "never again, the cycle ends with me" "when your older family and let's face it fascist cosigning neighbors look at you in shock for your relationship being kind" etc etc etc.

I strongly believe love is kindness you choose over and over again. It's not one gesture and that's it. The patriarchy thrives on that. That's where we get the whole bullshit society of "Well I bought them a drink so they owe me". It rolls into rape culture and many bad things. That everyone likes to write think pieces about. But when you get to the nitty gritty of it. It's how people weaponize love.

Love is not excusing bad behavior either.

And so many do it.

It's why we're immensely disappointed and take it person when someone who we think is "sweet and kind" supports a person who has a track record of abuse and bigotry etc.

Love is you wanting better for someone but that also includes yourself.

I loved how OP portrayed this in the fic and it's why I sat here digging through my old blog to find my love for another source that also portrayed a form of this love where it's not toxic, and it shows growth and boundaries and also well how it's messy and leaves you with puffy eyes but that is NOTHING to be ashamed of.

I wrote in reference to WW84

when diana said “i’ll never love again” and steve said “i pray that isn’t true” my heart… hurted. because love is not holding someone captive to your spirit even when you’re gone. it’s about letting go. you can’t hope that another person stays single after losing the love of their life. you can’t want that for them. if you really love someone, you’d want them to love again even after you’re not in the picture. like. steve understands love and i love how they portrayed that in the movie. 

Now their situation was different based on well, he got a chance to "live" again with magic and he was going back to being well dead, but the point still stands about LOVE.

And why I get HEATED when people say oh, this person moved on too fast after their person died

and I'm like wooooooooooooooooow none of your fucking business tbh but ok! I can't beat the whole world's ass but I can say who I love and how love should be KIND and FREEING and make the person feel SAFE.

But yeah.

Um op I will totally delete this if you want me too.

I always feel so BAD for writing a mini essay about how I love something. ok bye!

maybe if

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: jeongguk, a free spirit, an adventurer, sees you a year later still picking up the pieces he left behind.

genre/tags: exes, angst, post-break-up, hurt & comfort, some fluff here and there

word count: 4k

a/n: i play favorites with my stories and i will say that this one sits on the throne— at least for now. there will be a mini-sequel for release soon (fingers crossed)

Walking into the club, Jeongguk feels his throat tighten. After being away for a year to figure out what he wanted to do in life, it wasn’t easy to just slide his way back into the lives of the people he once knew—

—into the lives of the people he once left behind.

The welcome back party his friends have thrown for him was nice. He hasn’t felt the company of familiarity in a while now. It was good to see them again— like nothing ever happened. Like he never left.

Backpacking across Europe, Jeongguk felt free and light. He has always wanted to see beyond the confines of his home, to see what’s out there, what’s waiting for him.

Yet in doing so, he also had to make sacrifices— ones he didn’t want.

Stepping out of the club, Jeongguk needed to breathe. He might have been in and out of festivals and parties during his stay abroad, but the stuffiness of a crowded club will always make him uncomfortable. As soon as he is out, he hears a pair of heels tap against the pavement.

To his right, he sees a man trying to support a woman by her waist, her heels making dull noises as they hit the cold pavement.

“Come on, beautiful, let me take you home.”

Jeongguk hears the woman groan and slur at her words seemingly drunk, “I don’t know you, can you just please let me go.”

He recognizes that voice.

“My place is just a few blocks away, we’ll be there in no—”

“She told you to let her go.”

The man whirs behind him, only to see Jeongguk standing too close to where he is.

“Let her go,” Jeongguk says as his jaw slacks.

“And who are you?” the man sneers.

“Her boyfriend. Do you have a problem with that?”

The man chuckles and huffs, “You have got to be kidding me.”

“I’m not going to ask you again,” Jeongguk’s voice is now lower than it’s supposed to be. “Let her go.”

The man raises his arms in surrender, causing the woman to stumble all on her own. Jeongguk is quick to not let her fall on her own feet.

“Walk away.”

Jeongguk is honestly ready to fight if he has to, seeing that the man tensed and looked like he was about to pounce. Luckily, he didn’t. Jeongguk watches him stride back inside the club before looking at the woman.

He would recognize you anywhere.

Your hair is longer and you dyed it a light brown. Your eyes still shine, even though they look tired. You are still beautiful.

And very much drunk.

When you finally had enough strength to look into the eyes of the stranger who seems to have saved your ass, recognition dawns on you.

“Shit, I need to stop taking sleeping pills. For a second there, I thought you were my ex.”

Jeongguk swallows the lump forming in his throat, “____, it’s me.”

As soon as you hear his voice, your will to become more lucid has never been stronger.

“W-ait wha—? J-jeongguk?”

“Are you with anyone? They should know that you’re out here,” When you don’t respond, Jeongguk continues, “You’re drunk, ____. If you’re with someone inside—-”

You pull your arm away from him, slightly stumbling backward.

“I a-am not with… anyone. No—” You started to stumble once more, causing Jeongguk to hold onto your waist.

“Okay, come on, let’s get you home.”

“I am not going home with you,” you mumble.

“You’ve had enough to drink.”

“That— that is true,” you sloppily agreed, your head bobbing to the side, resting on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“Okay then, the night’s over for you, let’s go.”

Surprisingly, you do not put up much of a fight. Jeongguk ushers you to his car and gently placed his palm on top of your head to prevent you from hitting your head on the car door frame. Getting into the car himself, he reaches across you to fasten your seatbelt. He can smell the alcohol on you, yet once the honey and lavender notes of your shampoo invade his senses, he has to keep himself from pulling you into a tight embrace.

Fuck, he misses you.

You shifted in the passenger seat as Jeongguk started the engine. “I need to know where you live, ____”

You lay your head back onto the headrest and mumble, “You know where I live.”

For a while, Jeongguk couldn’t move. He didn’t want to believe it. You must have sensed his body grow tense because you turn to look at him, eyes half-lidded but enough to tell Jeongguk about the sadness lingering.

“I still live there.”

The car ride back to your place was a quiet one. You seem to have fallen into a light sleep, occasionally stirring when Jeongguk stopped at a light or when he took a turn. He still knows the way to the apartment—- almost like muscle memory, like the back of his hand. As he listens to the sound of your breathing, his thoughts are all over the place.

What were you doing in a club all alone?

Why do you still live in our old apartment?

Why do you look like you’re still hurting?

Jeongguk tries his best to help you get into the apartment in one piece. You being drunk isn’t something new to him, not really. When you were still together, there were nights when he had to do the same thing—- take you back home safely.

Jeongguk wanted to chuckle at the irony but quickly realize that the only difference now is that you’re no longer his.

Not only does Jeongguk know what kind of drunk you are—- the quiet one—- he also knows that you require, at all costs, a shower before lying on the bed because you hate the idea of alcohol and smoke touching your sheets. He knew you’d throw a fit when you didn’t get your shower.

He watches you stumble your way through the dark surroundings of the apartment, trying to find the light switch. When you finally find it and light helped illuminate the room, Jeongguk feels his chest ache. A quick look around the apartment tells him everything and nothing has changed since he left. He is quickly pulled out of his thoughts when he hears a dull thump.

“Shit.”

He sees you rub on your leg right after it hit the kitchen counter and he quickly rushes to your side. As he was about to lead you into the master bedroom, he feels you resist.

“That’s not where I sleep.” Jeongguk looks at you, all puzzled until you try to redirect him to the other side of the hallway.

Jeongguk’s heart drops upon realizing one of the changes in the apartment since he left—- you now sleep in the room that was once his own small photography and video-editing room.

“M— I’m going to take a s-show—er,” you tried to say coherently, but your tongue still felt like lead.

“Do you need any help?”

You shake your head and stumble, “M’ fine…”

“I’ll be here if you need me.”

You seem to nod your head, at least that’s what Jeongguk likes to think. As soon as the bathroom door closed, Jeongguk allows his eyes to wander around the room.

The walls still hold the same hue, there was now a small bonsai sitting on the window sill. The bed you sleep on holds the same familiarity and it grips at his heart—- it’s the same bed where you both whispered promises of love to one another in the middle of the night, the same bed where you both made love as two souls intertwined, the same bed where you held each other through good and bad. Tears threaten to prick at Jeongguk’s eyes. He didn’t expect his first night back to turn out this way, didn’t anticipate he’d run into you and see you moving on yet also holding on to everything you both once shared.

The whole time, Jeongguk listens intently for any sign of you on the other side of the door, ready to help you if you need it. When he heard a loud clank, he jumped to the door but hesitated last minute. He heard you curse.

With one hand on the doorknob, he knocked, “_____? Are you okay?” When no response came, he tried again, “I’m coming in, okay?”

When he opens the bathroom, he finds you sitting on the floor, a green bottle with its contents spilled out onto the floor. Jeongguk immediately kneels before you, holding your face in his hands.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Your eyes start to droop, the effects of alcohol still kicking in. “M’fine, I just—- I think I wasted a whole bottle of toner because I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, ____. It was an accident.”

His words made the corner of your lip twitch and you hummed. Jeongguk helped you up and carried you to the bathroom counter.

This was another familiar setting between you and Jeongguk—- him helping you with your skincare after taking a shower, especially when you’re too inebriated to do it yourself. Picking up the bottle of your toner, he smiled, “There’s still some left.” He grabbed a piece of face pad and dabbled the toner onto your skin. Your eyes fall close and sigh as soon as his fingers did their work.

Jeongguk misses seeing your facial features relax under his touch. In the past, he used to see you smile even just a little bit as he ran the tips of his fingers, trying to get all that serum in. He misses this quiet intimacy you both shared.

He opens the medicine cabinet and found your moisturizer. He squeezed a bit of it onto the back of his hand before gently rubbing circles across your cheeks, forehead, and neck.

“Jeongguk I’m so sleepy…”

“We’re almost done, love.”

The term of endearment naturally slips and Jeongguk immediately looks at you to see if you picked it up. His heart swells at the sight of you—- glowing, whispering a soft agreement, almost like you’re giving him your full trust. If you had heard what he just addressed you with, you were good at hiding your reaction.

Jeongguk helps you settle in for bed, tucking you in under the soft blankets. As he smoothens out the creases in different places, he hears you whisper his name.

He didn’t expect tears to stream down your face as you look at him through half-lidded eyes.

“Hey, hey… _____ what’s wrong, why are you crying?”

He knows how you tend to get emotional during those rare moments you get really drunk—- that was another thing that bothered him since he saw you back at the club. You only get drunk when you’re really, really trying to escape from something.

He wipes your tears using his knuckles, “_____ please don’t cry.”

“Did you… did you find what you were looking for?”

Jeongguk knows what you were trying to ask and his heart aches because you haven’t forgotten, “What do you mean?”

“Did you get to experience a good life, Jeongguk? Because—- because it’s all I ever wanted for you…”

Your eyes were starting to close, almost fully succumbing to sleep. Jeongguk allowed his own tears to fall.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

Jeongguk tried his best not to sob right there and then, “Hmm. I did experience good things.”

It took you a while to respond and for a minute, Jeongguk thought you had already fallen asleep. “Was I ever enough?”

Jeongguk feels his whole body tense and freeze, his fingers stopping in the middle of caressing your cheek.

“Was I ever enough for you?”

There have been a lot of things you had wanted to ask Jeongguk in the past but didn’t get to. Jeongguk knew now that he could have done a lot of things differently—- that he could have chased his dreams without letting you go.

“You have always been more than enough for me, ____.”

You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes, “I’m glad—- I’m glad life has been kind to you.” You try to fight off the sleep because even in the state you are in, you still manage to see how Jeongguk tries his best to fight off his tears. You slowly lifted your hand to reach out and touch his face. “You deserve to be happy, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk holds your hand in his, kissing your palm as he cries. There are a lot of things he could have done differently in the past—- and that includes not losing you and making you sad as you have been since he left. He cried for you— the only person who made life worth living. He cried for the both of you— the only good thing in his life that he ruined.

You wake up with the sunlight peeking through the blinds. The first thing you felt was your throbbing headache. You couldn’t remember how you even managed to come home last night. You went into the club to have some fun, maybe look for a good time, all because you wanted to do anything except wallow. You tried sitting up, realizing there is already a glass of water and aspirin on the bedside table— you definitely do not recall putting both of those there. You were almost finished drinking the whole glass when you heard the sound of plates and cutlery outside your room. You don’t remember bringing anyone home last night, no no no.

The moment you step into your kitchen, you see someone with their back to you finding their way around the pots and stove.

You recognize those broad shoulders.

“Uh… hello?”

Jeongguk slightly jumps at the sound of your voice. His features relax when he realizes you’ve woken up.

“Good morning, ____”

“Y-you’re here.”

“I’m here,” Jeongguk whispered, holding his breath.

“H-how did you—” Goddamn, you really need to stop drinking so much.

“I ran into you last night at the club. You were trying to get away from someone and I told them to fuck off.”

“O–oh.”

Jeongguk placed the cutlery on either side of the bowl, “Come, I made you some hangover soup.”

You timidly made your way to the kitchen counter, trying to wrack your brain as to what happened last night.

“I can hear you thinking, ____.”

“Did I— Did I say anything… last night?” You weren’t one for dilly-dallying, you have always been straightforward with Jeongguk. You were also like that the night he left.

Jeongguk didn’t respond right away and proceeded to pour another serving of soup onto a bowl. “No, not anything significant. Although, you did drop your new bottle of toner onto the bathroom floor.”

He hears you groan almost immediately. When he turns around, you had your head in your hands. “That was a new bottle of toner.”

“I know, you said so last night.” Biting your lip, he added, “I can swing by the store and buy you a new one.”

You continue to just look at Jeongguk, eyes turning glassy. You don’t remember everything you said last night, but you do recall Jeongguk crying.

“It wasn’t insignificant.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“What did we talk about last night, Jeongguk?”

“____, you need to eat first. You haven’t eaten anything since last night, I think.”

“No, Jeongguk. I asked you a question.”

Jeongguk knows this isn’t a battle he could win. Since last night, everything about you and him has been unconventional and this isn’t how he planned on meeting you again.

“You asked me if I found what I was looking for. I said I did, I had a good time… you also asked me if you were ever enough for me. I answered yes, _____. I will never stop saying it until you believe it. You have always been more than enough for me.”

Your hands were on the counter's edge, ready to stand and leave, “That’s unfair, Jeongguk. You do not mean that.”

“Why? Why is it so hard to believe?” Jeongguk briefly closed his eyes, reminding himself to not lose his cool because that stubbornness was one of the things that tore you both apart. “Look, _____. When I saw you last night, you were almost taken advantage of by some sleazeball. You never drink that much unless there’s a reason, but when I tried asking you if you were with anybody else, you told me there wasn’t. Since when did you start drinking alone at clubs? You could have gotten hurt—-”

“You don’t have any right to care about me, Jeongguk. You should have just left me there.”

“I know I lost that right a long time ago, but I can’t help it. You were once my girlfriend, _____, I cannot just leave you.”

The scoff you let out tore at Jeongguk. “You already left me once, Jeongguk. Surely it isn’t hard to do it the second time around.”

Jeongguk stands up to come near you, but you flinch. His heart aches once again.

“Now that’s unfair, _____,” Jeongguk closes his eyes for a fleeting moment, trying to temper the pain in his own heart, “You have every right to be angry with me—-”

“I am not angry, Jeongguk, I am in pain,” you try to level your voice despite wanting to scream, “I am still hurting so much and you put me here.” Your tears were now uncontrollable. “You were supposed to be the one person I could turn to when things became hard. Since you left, I tried to understand what I did wrong, what I did so bad enough for you to just up and leave.”

You turn your back on Jeongguk because looking at him is becoming too painful for you to bear. Your tongue is faster than your thoughts, threatening to spill every single ounce of pain you have kept in for far too long. You bite your lip in an attempt to stop talking, but then a small sob comes out instead.

“Shit, this isn’t supposed to be happening, I was already trying to move on from everything and I just—-” you bite on your bottom lip again before turning back to face him, “Did you know that it was supposed to be our third year anniversary yesterday?”

The gears in Jeongguk’s head started to turn; once more, he failed to remember. He failed you.

“I loved you so much, Jeongguk. But you broke my heart so much I can’t even bear to see you—” Jeongguk runs and catches you just before your knees gave in.

None of your fights with Jeongguk were this emotionally driven before. This is completely new territory to both of you and now you’re drowning in it. Jeongguk held you in his arms as you continue to sob, still too exhausted to push him away this time.

“I’m sorry, ____, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I was wrong to leave you behind. I should have just asked you to come with me, but I didn’t. I was selfish and I didn’t want to drag you down with me just because I didn’t know what I want. I’m sorry, ____, I know it isn’t enough to fix anything, but I really am sorry for hurting you like this.”

Both of you stay like that on the floor for a while, holding each other, not knowing what is going to happen next. Jeongguk cradles your head as close as you allow him as he cries tears of his own. He used to know how to comfort you, how to take care of you when you were upset.

This time around he doesn’t know how to do any of that because he knows he is the cause of your misery.

You open your eyes to a dim room. As you slowly come to, the argument with Jeongguk at breakfast came rushing back. With rain making itself known through the sounds of its downfall on your bedroom window, you realize Jeongguk was beside you— head laid on the edge of the bed, sleeping. You bring a hand up to remove the stray hairs that clouded his tired features. It’s been a year, you thought. Yet Jeongguk still looks peaceful despite the more evident circles under his eyes.

It’s been a year and Jeongguk found you again.

Tracing his cheek with your fingers didn’t last long because Jeongguk’s eyes slowly opened. Despite the tension from earlier, you didn’t feel the need to pull your hand away. Jeongguk turned his head to face you, chin resting on his hand.

“Hi,” Jeongguk whispered.

“Hey,” you replied, “It’s uncomfortable down there.”

Jeongguk carefully shook his head. “I only closed my eyes for a while, trying to listen to the rain.”

“It calms you.” You supplied.

“And you remember,” Jeongguk murmured with silent glee in his heart.

“Of course I do,” you said, giving him a small smile.

“I’m sorry, ____.”

“I know you are. I know. It’s not wrong to want things for yourself… to find yourself.”

“But it doesn’t change the fact that I left you for wanting those things. I could have handled it better,” Jeongguk defended.

You find yourself nodding, “I understand why you had to leave, Jeongguk. I didn’t want to be the one to hold you back from experiencing the good things in life,” you take a deep breath, “Even if that does not include me.”

Jeongguk moved to sit on the bed with you and gently held your hands. Looking up at you, he finally sees the stars in your eyes once more. They’re barely there— they have lost their light, but maybe he can still fix it.

“There are so many things I wasn’t able to tell you… not after we left things the way we did. I walked out on you, ____. You can’t let me off so easily for that… But I do want to make things right, somehow. If you will let me.”

You keep your eyes trained on your hands, the one being held the love of your life. If you really have to ask yourself, nothing has really changed about your feelings for Jeongguk. You still love him, deep down you know that.

“Hey, ____?” Jeongguk asked tentatively. You hum in response as you finally look at him.

“Why didn’t you move out? I mean—- the lease was up days before… before I left, and I just—”

“It was a hard decision at first,” you supplied, gripping Jeongguk’s hands just a bit tighter, “But I realized I didn’t want to move out. Honestly, I just really missed you and I’m reminded of it every single day when I’m here. But somehow, it also helped keep me going. Even though we didn’t end things well, I still wanted to hold on to what was left. I moved into your old studio because I wanted to feel close to you even though you’re no longer here. Deep down, I knew I didn’t resent you for leaving. It hurt like hell, I’m not denying that. But It also made me feel proud of you because you were finally achieving your dreams.”

Jeongguk reached out to cradle your face in his hand, “Why are you still so kind to me, _____? After all I’ve done to you?”

“You’re the only person who has ever made me feel happy,” you held his hand in yours as a tear trickled down your cheek, “I never stopped wishing for your happiness, Jeongguk. I want you to know that.”

“Can I— can we still work things out between us, ____? Will you let me make it up to you? I know it won’t be easy, but I am willing to do everything I can to mend us. Will you let me, ____?”

You reached out to wipe the tears that stained Jeongguk’s cheeks once more, “I would love that, Jeongguk.”

“I love you, _____. You— you don’t have to say it back, I just really want you to know that I love you so much… and I will wait for you for as long as you’ll have me…”

You lean forward to plant a soft kiss on Jeongguk’s forehead. With all the love in the world, you hope that for now, this will help him feel that you’re just as willing to wait for him, too.

“I love you too, Jeongguk. I always have.”

[stumacherstan]

hello can you do yandere damian wayne alphabet ?

An d if you do it tag me too pls ok ?

a/n: omg yes yes yes!!!! i haven’t gotten requests for my batboys in sooo long @simligul obvi damian is aged up for this!!!!

Yandere Damian Wayne Alphabet:

A- Attribute: What brought on this side of them? What made them suddenly click?

Honestly for my own head canon purposes, it’s in his bloodline to be possessive and obsessive. he just never thought it would happen to him because he thought the Wayne side of him would have more control. That didn’t happen. Damian could admit he was a jealous protective person over you but it would get worse over time. It clicked when he would bite his lips hard enough to draw blood when he would just see you interacting with anyone that wasn’t him or his father, and of course Alfred.

B- Blood- If they’re extreme how messy are they willing to get?

May his father forgive him. He’ll sometimes go through Jason despite their relationship. Damian is willing to get messy messy. But he’ll never get caught.

C- Cope - Do they try to deal with this jealousy sooner so they don’t lash out?

it’ll depend lol. Damian before he completely snaps just ushers you away with a glare at the person but he never stopped himself. He would never lash out at you! Only others.

D-Death, Do they feel any sorrow for their victims at all?

lolololololol no!

E- Earnest, Are they intense?

Yes. Very intense. It can be overwhelming you because you don’t know why he’s like this.

F-Fight, How would they feel if you fought back against them?

Betrayed. How could you not see that Damian is doing this for you guys to be together forever??? He loves you.

G- Game: How much do they enjoy watching you run and have a fearful expression?

Okay so this is like wack. Damian likes seeing you run from him, because you’re so silly and cute. You think you could escape him? However the fearful expression pisses him off. You started this game. Why are you scared???

H- Hell: What would be your worst experience with them?

It wouldn’t just be with Damian. It’s the fact the family would go along with him. The manor is your hell.

I- Iron: How emotionally stable would you be throughout the events that unfold?

You know it depends. If you were naïve or accepting of your fate, you would be just fine!!! Just a little sad here and there because of lack freedom if Damian isn’t by your side. However if you were the running and fearful type, stockholm syndrome would set in to protect yourself. But your dreams are never peaceful. 

J- Jet- How fast would it happen for them to go yandere?

For Damian, it would be a slow burn. He knows it’s wrong but he can’t he’ll it. He has to have you all to himself.

K- Kill- Would they hurt anyone to get to you?

Yup. As long as it’s not on his fathers radar. Bruce has suspicions but doesn’t do much investigation.

L-Lonely, How much loneliness would they feel if you two were apart?

Damian is a little dramatic. He would say, “without you, it’s as if there’s no oxygen. Your smell is my oxygen and your eyes are my water to drink in. Without you, I might as well die.” He’s very lonely.

M- Might: How aggressive would they be towards you?

The most aggression he’ll show is when you’re attempting to escape him (which see back to G) and you have the fearful expression. Otherwise Damian is very gentle. He doesn’t want you to be scared of him.

N- Next: Would they ever move on after you?

No, I don’t see it.

O- Oppression- How many rights would they take away from you?

You would kinda have rights. They’re just all tied to Damian. You can’t do anything unless he’s there.

P- Prize: Would they consider this a game?

If you keep resisting, yes. You’ll love him eventually.

Q- Quality: Would they to be secretive or be flashy about what they do?

VERY VERY SECRETIVE.

R- Rain: Would they keep you trapped inside forever?

Nah he would let you out, as long as he’s there. However if you keep running, yes. But you can still go to the backyard :) as long as he’s there :)

S- Stalker: Would they stalk you? How intense would it go?

If you two aren’t together, yes. It would be intense because you’ll always feel eyes but you can’t see them.

T-Turmoil, Would they force you to team up with them?

Damian would never want you to be a vigilante. Leave that stuff to him and his family. You always have to be safe.

U-Usage, Would they use you to get what they desire?

There is nothing else he desires than you. (also sometimes i don’t understand what this question means)

V- Version: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Damian is the weirdly sweet doting yandere so it would depend on the situation.

W-Wild Card, a random yandere headcannon.

Damian has handcuffed you to him. You have to get use to being around him all the time anyway

X- Xenophobia: How much would they get angry from their jealousy?

Damian is seething. He froths at the mouth. He’s probably throwing up from so much anger and being upset. So very angry but never with you. Only at the other person.

Y- Yander: How many crimes would they commit?

maybe 6

Z-Zesty letters, give me your own and I’ll answer it!

[babymetaldoll]

As long as you are safe (Spencer Reid/ Reader)

Requested: Yes: could i request a spencer x reader where she’s on the team and she ends up sacrificing herself for him and she gets hurt because of it. and can it end fluffy cause i don’t think i can take a non happy ending! 

Summary: People say “I would die for you” a lot, but never actually mean it. She never said it, but she was willing to take a bullet for Spencer Reid if she had to.   

Warnings: Angst, fluff

Pairing: Spencer Reid / Reader

Word count: 2K

A/N: This is my first angst request, so bear with me, ok? 

Masterlist 

.

Nothing had ever hurt so much. But it didn’t matter to (Y/N). Spencer was safe, that was all she cared about. 

- “Pressure dropping”- one paramedic warned and kept checking (Y/N)’s vitals- Stay with me- he looked at her right into the eyes- I need you to stay awake, ok?

- “She’s hypoventilating”- someone else warned 

- “Come on (Y/L/N)”- Morgan held her hand as he rode with her to the hospital- “Come on pretty girl, hold on”. 

- “She has to be taken to the ER now!”

Derek was sent with her in that ambulance, Reid wanted to go instead, but he was a nervous wreck, he was no help at all. No one had ever seen him lose it before, not the way he had when he saw (Y/N) bleeding next to him. 

It all happened too quickly. And it felt it was all his fault. 

He could see the moment she got shot, repeating in his mind, over and over again, the whole drive to the hospital: The unsub was right in front of him, he was sure their job was done. Derek was already handcuffing him when Reid felt (Y/N) jump on him and push him to the ground at the sound of a gunshot. 

Spencer shook his head and tried to wipe off the tears from his cheeks, as the image of that specific fragment of his life kept coming back. But the tears kept falling, and he couldn’t stop sobbing. 

He should have seen it. He should have foresighted the idea of a second unsub, an accomplice… it was now too clear, but also, it was now too late. 

Reid quickly grabbed his gun and shot the killer right in the middle of the forehead. But he didn’t care about him that second, he did it out of instinct, all he could think about was (Y/N). He quickly crawled by her side and started yelling for a doctor. 

- “I’m ok silly”- she whispered and tried to calm him down. She was lying, and he knew it. It was frustrating how even bleeding on the floor, she would always try to make him feel better. 

- “Shhh, come on, stay with me, stay with me, (Y/N)”- Spencer was trying to keep her awake, but it wasn’t working, (Y/N) was bleeding out too fast, even when Reid kept pushing his hands against the wound on her chest. 

- “You are ok, that’s what matters”- she whispered and made her best to smile, but she couldn’t, her eyes shut, and Spencer lost it. 

- “No! no! no! no! (Y/N)!! (Y/N)!!”

Medics took her from the ground and onto the ambulance, as Derek held Spencer back. He was sobbing and yelling, no one had ever seen him like that. He blamed himself and if anything happened to (Y/N), he was never going to forgive himself. He couldn’t pull himself together for a second.

That’s why Hotch took him to the SUV and asked Morgan to go with (Y/N). Reid yelled and argued, he didn’t want to leave her side, but he was forced to. It felt it was a movie, it was… wrong, everything was wrong. An hour ago they were laughing in the same car he was now sitting in. And now… now he might never see her again. Now the last thing he had said to her was “Stay with me”, and if she didn’t, Spencer didn’t know how he was going to survive.

Reid loved (Y/N) more than he actually loved himself. But never said a word about his feelings. He was sure she knew and didn’t reciprocate them, so he settled for best friends, and that was ok, he was happy that way. But now, suddenly it hit him: she might die, and he might have never told her how he really felt. If he did, he might even get a chance to be happy, and he had been wasting his time, all because he was afraid. (Y/N) wasn’t afraid when she jumped to save him, even if that meant getting shot. Why should he be scared? why was he allowing himself to be so afraid? 

.

- “Spence, listen to me”- JJ tried to talk to him, but he was lost in thoughts, standing in the hall of the hospital, waiting for any news from (Y/N). His friend stood in front of him and rubbed her hands on his arms, trying to comfort him, but all she managed was to make him flinch. He wasn’t good with physical contact, everybody knew that, but after all those years, you could think he was going to be able to be comfortable with his friends. Apparently, he wasn’t. Or maybe, it just wasn’t the right time.  

- “You should get some rest”- he shook his head and kept looking at the door, waiting for a doctor, anyone that might tell him (Y/N) was ok, that it was nothing, just a scratch, that she was going to be ok in a day or two. 

- “Reid, you have to rest, there's nothing you can do standing here”- JJ insisted, but the look in Spencer’s eyes was a dagger. She knew he could be cruel when hurt, and maybe it was better to let him alone for a moment. Penelope walked over and gave him a cup of coffee. She didn’t say a word, just smiled and saw him thank her with his eyes. JJ nodded and walked back to the waiting room with the rest of the team. 

(Y/N) didn’t see her whole life pass flash before her eyes. She just remembered a loop of her favorite moments with Reid ‘cos that was what she wanted to hold onto. She knew what she had done, and she knew she could die. But she didn’t care. She honestly didn’t care, as long as he was ok. That was how much she loved him, and she was hoping if she died, he could understand it. 

People say “I would die for you” a lot, but never actually mean it. She never said it, but she was willing to take a bullet for him if she had to.  

Rossi looked at Hotch sitting next to him, and he could read it on his friend’s face there was something he was hiding, maybe not to worry the team even more. If possible. 

- “What aren’t you saying?”- he asked and watched the team leader close his eyes. In that job, you get used to pain, but nothing prepares you for these kinds of situations. 

- “I spoke with one of the paramedics that brought her in, it doesn’t look good” 

Waiting was agony. Emily kept walking around the room, trying to keep herself busy just moving. Morgan, JJ, and Penelope sat together, in silence. They were repeating in their heads over and over again everything was going to be ok, that (Y/N) was tough. She was, but… they all knew it was a hard thing to recover. 

.

After four hours in surgery, a doctor walked out. Spencer nearly jumped and looked at him, hoping he was there to give him some good news. 

- “(Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”

- “Yes!”- the whole team walked over quickly. All of them looking weary after a whole night awake. 

- “The bullet went in her chest and ricocheted into her abdomen… it was hard, she lost a lot of blood, and we almost lost her, but we were able to repair the injuries”. 

- “Is she going to be ok or not?”- Spencer snapped at the doctor, and Derek quickly put a hand on his shoulder, to calm him down. 

- “One centimeter over and it would have torn right through her heart”- Spencer wasn’t breathing- “But happily, she is going to be ok, and she will be able to leave in a couple of days”

The way Spencer sighed relieved could never be described. He felt the weight of all the books in the world had been taken off his chest. 

- “When can I see, I mean, when can we see her?”- Reid asked and reformulated his question not to look as desperate as everybody knew he was.  

- “She needs to rest, you can see her in the morning…” 

- “Is there any chance I can stay with her tonight?”- he asked and the doctor looked at him confused- “I think someone must be here when she wakes up”

- “Are you family?”- she felt like family, but technically, he wasn’t. The doctor sighed and nodded- There’s nothing comfortable to sleep on in the ICU

- “I don’t care, I’m not gonna sleep”. 

The team hugged Spencer on their way out and promised to come back early morning. Then, he walked into (Y/N)’s room, and tears blurred his vision. She was pale, asleep, looking dead. His jaw tightened as he stood next to her. He was afraid to touch her, afraid he could hurt her, so he just ran his thumb on her hand and bit his lips, trying not to make a sound. 

- “I’m so sorry”- he whispered and just stood there, looking at her for a few minutes. He knew it was a miracle that she was still there with him, and he wasn’t going to waste any more time. He wanted to share his life with her. 

.

When (Y/N) woke up, in the most excruciating pain she had ever felt, the first thing she saw was Spencer’s messy hair resting by her side on the bed. He was sitting on a tiny chair - that looked incredibly uncomfortable- and he had fallen asleep with his head on the bed. She smiled - even that hurt a little- and made his best to move slowly her hand to him and run her fingers through his hair. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes, confused, and looked at her. 

- “(Y/N)”- he whispered and she nodded

- “Still me, yes”- talking hurt too, so she just whispered and made her best to hide the pain. 

Spencer couldn’t talk. He had no idea what to say. He had thought all night of all the things he wanted to tell her, but at that minute, it was too much, everything was too much. His eyes filled with happy tears and he leaned in to kiss her forehead. 

- “I thought I had lost you”- he managed to murmur, even when his chin quivered and his voice cracked- “I thought I was never going to see you again” 

- “You are not getting rid of me so easily”- she whispered and sighed

- “Are you ok?”

- “Yeah… don’t worry... “- Reid stayed close to her and tucked a flick of hair behind her ear.  They just stared. No one had ever been so glad to see each other ever before.      

- “When I was in the ambulance”- (Y/N) broke the silence and held Spencer’s hand tight, feeling him caressing carefully her fingers- “I kept flashing in and out of consciousness, everything was so bright around me… and I remember thinking it didn’t matter what happened to me, as long as you were ok”   

Spencer shook his head, crying, and leaned in to kiss her forehead again. He had never done it until that day, and he couldn’t stop now. He just wanted to kiss her, forever. 

- “You shouldn’t have done it”

- “I wanted to do it…”- she made a pause and closed her eyes. When you defeat death, you start taking chances, I guess- “I wanted to do it because I love you, Spencer, and I couldn’t stand the idea of you being hurt”

Reid had no idea what to do. He just looked at her in adoration and sighed. She loved him. Of course, she loved him, she had taken a bullet for him. He could be happy with her, he had a chance to make it right. He had a second chance to make her happy. 

- “You shouldn’t have done that, because I love you too much to live without you”- Spencer said and moved a little closer, resting his forehead on her, closing his eyes. She sighed and did the same, holding tight onto his hand 

- “I love you, Spencer” 

- “I love you too”- he smiled and whispered- “I love you so much, and I am going to say it to you every day until we die... if you have me”

He looked at her and kissed her lips sweetly, slowly... carefully, still afraid to hurt her.

- “Then, you will have to hear me saying “I love you too every day””- (Y/N) smiled and kissed him again. She never imagined it took a bullet to finally make her confess her feelings. But it had been worthy.   

[darkh3llscap3]

Can't help but love you (pt.2)

A/n: I know it's moving fast but I have a bullet point plot and it involves it to move a little fast.

Warnings: Very detailed smut, swearing, abuse, dry humping, oral (woman receiving), virginity loss, vaginal penetration, murder, drugs mentioned.

General Masterlist

Ahs Masterlist

<<<Part 1

Tates pov:

After yesterday with the kiss, I couldn’t wait to see Y/n again. I'm happy we are finally becoming more. I was listening to Kurt Coban when a knock sounded from the door I rolled my eyes and shouted “Come in.” My mom strolled in looking around in disgust.

“Why don't you ever redecorate?” She asked me my frustration with her was already becoming overbearing.

“Don’t feel like it.” I said simply “What do you want?” I asked her.

“I wanted to let you know that Larry’s coming over for dinner again." I rolled my eyes of course she has that lame excuse still around.

"Ok well, you told me you can go now." She nodded and left the room. I felt uncontrollable anger stir in my veins. It took a couple of minutes for it to numb itself out.

A girl with h/c walked in my doorway, making me smile. She didn't look well a frown on her face. She sat down in front of me she had one of my old hoodies on her delicate form. She was looking down at her lap in silence. 

My hands beckoned me to grab her soft chin forcing her to look at me. Even with her chin in my hand, she refused to look me in the eyes. She did everything to avoid me. 

I scanned her face purple and red Mark's covered under her eye, Cuts and scratches on her cheek. A tear escaped her e/c eyes and a little sniffle came out. She looked so broken and unhappy. I took a deep breath trying to control my anger.

"What happened to you?" My hands tangled in hers before continuing "Who did this to you?" I rephrased it so I could get a better answer. 

"M-my dad got mad at me last night for hanging out with you." She stuttered out in a hushed whisper. The thought of her getting beat for being with me made me feel like this was my fault. But it made my blood boil that he would even lay a finger on her precious body.

"How long has this been going on baby?" I moved her so she was sitting on my lap sideways so she could have her face in the side of my neck while I played with her hair. 

"Ever since I was a little girl but it stopped when he finally left. But when he came back it's like I'm not even his daughter. My mom usually tries to stop him but then he just takes it out on her. Now that I'm older she doesn't even try. Whenever he comes back the first few days he's sweet and gets me to forgive him but it's always the same. The second I disagree or do something he doesn't as he hits me relentlessly." I slowly play with her messy hair untangling it gently trying not to cause her more harm than what's already been affected.

She disconnects and looks at my face for the first time today. Her eyes trail down to my lips and get what she's hinting at. So I kiss her chapped lips in a slow passionate moment. She sits upright on my lap and kisses me harder. Her body rocking into mine agonizingly slow. A grunt leaves my lips as I kiss down her soft neck. 

"Please make me forget, you've always been so gentle with me." She says to soft hand connecting to my cheek running her thumb across it, her mouth close to my ear. "Please I want this."

I pick her up and carry her to the bed and lay her down. I start with taking off the hoodie and kissing down her mouth again so I can control my other thoughts. My hands slid down her body worshipping her even though she was fully clothed.

"You're so beautiful," I said as I stripped her of her shirt. Her body flexed into mine so I could take off her bra. My mouth attached to her nipple as she took a breath. My mouth switched to the other doing the same while she moaned under me. I pulled my shirt from me so I could kiss her again. The skin on skin contact drives me crazy. 

"Don't ever leave me." She whispered in a daze my heart leaped at her meaningful words. I gripped her hips like she was my cause she is she always will be.

"I'll never leave something that brings me so much happiness." My hands glided down her s/c skin to tug down her sweats. She had on plain cotton underwear that looked so simple but yet they urged a fire within me. 

I looked at her to visibly get permission to take off her underwear. She nodded and I slipped them down. She widened her legs for me to get a better look at her glistening folds. I could only describe her as perfect. 

My mouth went to taste her cunt. She tasted so sweet it was addicting. My hand had to go to her mouth to silence her. Then I let it lazily trial back down when she got the memo. My mouth sucked on her clit harshly while my fingers fucked into her tight pussy to get her stretched out for my cock.

She was so wet you could hear the sounds echo in the room, her hands tangled in my hair, an obscure moan coming out of mine. She tried to wiggle out of my hold in bliss. I easily stopped it with my hand putting pressure on her stomach. 

I looked up slowly, our eyes connecting as I got back on top of her. Her hands guide all over my chest soaking it all in. Y/n stares at me in awe as she analyzes me.

 Everything about her was driving me crazy up from the way she looks at me to how good it feels when she touches me. She was so perfect in many ways and it made me feel content that she was letting me be her first. I've always dreamed that we would grow old together and be buried together one day. She's one of the biggest influences in my life and I would kill for her. She connects our lips again I start to undo my belt. Her eyes watching me from above her hair was spread out like an angel carefully fanned out on the pillow. 

I stretched my arm out to open my drawer to pick up the metal pack that I've had for a moment like this. Pushing my pants down my legs and slipping them on I connected our lips again. My hips slowly guided into hers, her face wincing in pain. As I stopped my movement to check up on her. "Do you want me to stop?" I asked in a low tone while my hand pushed the hair out of her face. 

"Just go slow please." I nod and go in slower and stopping every few moments so I don't hurt her fragile body. I had to stop after almost every thrust cause it was hard not to cum. She felt so warm and tight I wondered how she'd feel without the condom. She kept her eyes closed but I didn't mind. I was busy trying not to finish before she even started feeling good.

"You can go faster Tate." She whispered to me. I nodded and thrust faster and fuller a moan came out her heavenly throat. It beckons me to go faster in her wetness the sounds of skin slapping. Whimpers of pleasure coming from her mouth as her nails go in my back-breaking the skin. My head goes in her neck trying to control myself. 

I hastily picked up her leg and put it over my shoulder so I could get a better angle. I go deeper if it is possible as she takes me as a good girl.

"Fuck Y/n you feel so fucking good please tell me you're close." I praise her shallow breathing getting heavier within every second I'm in her. Her hand leads my thumb to circle her clit.

"Tate ugh I'm gonna cum soon." Those simple words encourage my thrusts as I go faster, my other hand clawing at her hips, my red face in her neck while hers is in mine.

 Her hands connect with my cheeks as she kisses me deeply, making an ounce of control leave especially when she wraps tightly around my cock. I spill into the condom while she cums under me, grunts leave my throat as I fuck the last of my cum in her.

In a tired daze, I remove the condom and throw the substance in my trash can. She gently cuddles into my chest as I whisper little praises in her ear.

Y/n pov:

Tate had given me one of his shirts and told me "How can you possibly look even more angelic when you're just wearing my shirt?" It was a simple but cute phrase I'll always be in the back of my head. What happened almost an hour ago I never imagined it to feel so good. It warmed my heart how soft Tate was with me. 

It's just nice to have someone care for me. After we finished we took a shower together and got dressed. He was laying down as my head was on his chest and his hand played with my wet hair. It was nice having Tate so close to me. Loud footsteps caught my attention as I slowly sat up it sounded like it was getting closer. Then we could hear Constance screaming at somebody.

That's when the door opened with a breaking sound as I jumped Tate was by my side when he saw him. My dad. Panic began to rise in my chest my breathing starting to falter.

“You’re gonna stop seeing him or your punishments gonna be a worse okay baby girl.” His word from yesterday ring in my ears.

His angry form radicals with anger as he came close to me Tate pushed me behind him but it was pointless when my dad punched him and grabbed my hair. Throwing me on the ground "I warned you you fucking slut I'm going to kill you and that low life." He went and kicked my stomach as state some up from behind him and slammed something down on his head. As he fell to the ground. 

I felt my body shaking and tears coming out of my eyes as I hugged myself looking down at his incoinciois body. Tate looked down at me and quickly came by my side as he scanned my face but I couldn't stop looking at my dad. "Hey, hey he's down he can't hurt you, come on let get you cleaned up." He picked me up and wrapped my legs around him. We left the room and he carried me to the bathroom. He left the room but I could hear him talking to Constance.

When he came back he got some tissues and wiped under my eyes. I took a good look at him and noticed a bruise starting from under his eyes. "Shit, Tate." I leaned forward more seeing the different shades of red around his beautiful brown eyes. "I'm so sorry this is all my fault." I looked away I couldn't look him in the eyes I felt too bad it's my fault he got hurt.

"No baby it's fine I'm just happy you're safe. Let go to bed." He led me to his room when we stepped in I noticed he was gone. "Where is he?" I asked in confusion as he tucked himself next to me in the bed.

"My mom's taking care of him just go to sleep." I nodded and let myself drift off feelings safe now that state was here with me.

Constance pov:

I roughly dragged the dirtbag down the stairs his head building on every step. The medicine I injected in his neck knocked him out cold so he didn't feel me throw his body in the trunk. 

I went to ally and threw his body and got a needle that had something Tate gave me in it. I stuck it in his arms and pushed the serum in it. It should be enough to overdose him and make the cops think him dying was an accident since his record is bad.

Finally, my son can be happy and stay with that nice girl. I bed they can give me the cutest grandchildren. My eyes rolled at the thought of having to cancel on Larry tonight. I walk away from the scene and get in the car to go home and check on the kids.

Taglist:

@1800-fuckbitchesgetmoney

[forthehpfanboys]

Hate Me Part 2

Pair: Cedric Diggory x Reader; he/him.

Summary: You finally find out.

Warnings: Hints of depression, mentions of bullying and jealousy, angsty~

Notes: This was so highly requested, I hope you guys like it and I hope it lives up to the first one- It’s lowkey painful so have fun. Also, sorry if the ending is fast and for some reason, I almost cried while writing this???

Part 1

~DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE~

-

As Cedric was handed the badge, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. As his thumb ran over the engraved letters, his frown deepened. His breath stuttered in his chest when he finally looked up to the head of his house. His professor had stopped him right after Herbology to present him with the fantastic news, but the brunette just felt confused. He made no move to hide his emotions and neither did she. Her cheerful smile had molded into a mixture of confusion and worry over the strange reaction. Her voice was filled with care, like always.

“What’s wrong? I thought you wanted to be a perfect, Mr. Diggory.” Mrs. Sprout’s hands moved to her apron pockets. Her eyes flicked from the badge in his dirt covered hands to his eyes. 

“I did, but what, um..” He bit down on his lip, worried to even ask the question. His hand tightened around the badge while he built up the courage to speak again. “What about (Y/n)?”

“Well.. Mr. (L/n) has been lacking in his prefect duties and his grades have dropped tremendously. In fact, he hasn’t showed up to my class in quite a bit.” She put a finger to her lips, her foot tapping quickly against the tile of the green house. “Hmm, I should tell Albus.” She whispered to herself before looking back up at Cedric. It was like she forgot he was there for a second. “Oh well. Hurry along now, you have a lot more to worry about now.” She smiled and gently shooed the Hufflepuff out of her classroom.

Cedric’s blank gaze went from one end of the hallway to the other, where his friends waited for him. They were all grinning, all proud of their ‘Golden Boy’. They cheered for him, high fived each other and shouted congratulations, but when they moved toward him, he darted in the other direction.

The memories of how he treated you played almost on repeat behind his eyelids, nothing knew to him, however. What made him slow his pace down to a walk was the memory of why. 

It was the sunny, spring morning when his best friend was declared the Hufflepuff prefect. When you stole his pin, his position, and you didn’t even want it. You didn’t even try, you were just naturally talented, so the headmaster claimed. Dumbledore had also spouted about how he saw fantastic things in you and it made Cedric’s blood boil like a cauldron. You still wore the pin with pride and every day he hung out with you, he couldn’t help but feel robbed.

And that was the same week when your his friends turned on you. They knew just how badly he wanted it and they knew you knew. Except, Cedric was the only one who knew you didn’t want the badge, you didn’t feel worth it. And his friends made you feel far less than worth anything else. They called you names, told you to stay away from them, told you do unspeakable things to yourself and he just sat there- encouraged it, joined in.

He hurt you. He dragged you through hell over a few privileges and a shiny pin. He should’ve realized how horribly he made you feel. He knew most days you sat all alone beneath the Whomping Willow, occasionally comforted by Potter or one of his friends, but most days, you were alone.

Guilt was pumping through his veins like blood. His bottom lip sunk into his teeth when he walked out of the castle and noticed your form sitting underneath the Willow once again. He gripped the pin hard enough for the sharp corners to dig into his hands and he knew the pain as nothing compared to what you were going through.

If he was a good friend, he would’ve been proud of you, supported you through everything, but he acted like a child. He couldn’t believe he got so lost in greed he left you. He missed you right now more than ever. It had been weeks since he last talked to you. It had been longer than that since he sat beside you, heard you laugh, or even hugged you.

Cedric took careful steps when approaching you and even noticed you were sitting on the opposite side than usual. His hands moved to his pockets, leaving the pin abandoned in the sewn robe pouch. He thought about what he was going to say before he opened his mouth.

“Hey, um.. Why are you on this side?” His voice was barely a whisper. He was shaking now.

“Other side is out of rocks.” Your voice was just as quiet. His eyes watched your dirt covered hands dig into the dirt next to you and pull out a small rock before throwing it weakly into the Black Lake.

“I see..” He walked closer and sat down, a few feet away from you. He was worried he was making you uncomfortable. Cedric slowly turned to look at you, his eyes scanning along your messy hair, flushed features and tired eyes. “Are you ok?”

“If you're going to yell at me, please hurry. I have more rocks to dig up and my evening cry session is coming up. So please hurry.” You didn’t even turn to him and that hurt him the most.

“No, no, I’m not.. I..” His words caught in his throat, leaving him silent. When he stammered over everything, you turned to him. He licked his dry lips out of pure worry. You didn’t say anything to him, just stared into his eyes while he tried to find words. Eventually, they came out.

“I’m sorry.” Tears built up in his gray eyes as his head dropped down to look at the dirt floor beneath him. “I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t stop them. I’m sorry you have to be alone. I’m sorry and I know I don’t deserve your remorse or forgiveness, but I am truly sorry.” He didn’t realize when the first tear fell down his cheek.

He raised his head to look at you. Your eyes were wide and mouth gaping open. He wanted you to see his remorse, his self hatred, his own pain so you knew it was real.

“I-” You stammered, looking down at your fingers.

“You don’t have to believe just my words alone, let me show you. Let me earn your trust again. I know you're broken and it’s my fault, but the least I can do is piece you back together.” He reached his hand out, the pin in his open palm. “Dumbledore was right. You do deserve this.” He scooted a little closer, slowly. He’d hate himself even more if you flinched away from him. He gently pulled your shirt away from your skin so the metal pin didn’t stab into your chest. You grabbed his wrist just before he could pull himself away.

“I’m going to need time.” You were looking down at the mud, and your voice cracked in the middle, but when you looked up and gave him the smallest hint of a smile, his heart shattered in his chest.

“Of course you will, but I’m not going anywhere this time. Not unless you want me to leave, anyway.” His other hand came to your hand, cupping the cold and dirty skin gently before his thumb rubbed across your skin in a soothing manner. “I didn’t expect an apology right away. I don’t deserve one right now anyway, (Y/n/n). Please, just let me make everything right.” His voice was laced with sincerity, sorrow and sadness.

You nodded slowly, a small sniffle coming from you as tears filled your tired eyes. He stood up, gently bringing you up with him. He brushed the dirt off your robes gently, castling a cleaning spell on the fabric after.

“Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.. Besides, we get the prefect bathroom and I have chocolate frogs hidden away.” He smiled ever so slightly as his hands fell to his sides again. His smile grew when you nodded your head. As he began to walk away, he felt your arms wrap around his waist, hugging him from behind.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered into his shoulder.

“Nope, no more tears or apologies from you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He patted your hand, pulling you around to his side, where he gently wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “I’m the one who was irrational and pushed away his best friend.”

“Yeah, you were a little bitch.” You let out a soft chuckle.

“I deserve that.”

He felt whole hearing you laugh again.

[nalgenewhore]

every world and every lifetime

elide x lorcan, modern au, first ‘i love you’ fluff, word count: 2728

Elide looked around her parent’s house, miserably pushing her food around. 

She wasn’t hungry. 

Her eyes stung with tears as she saw her parents, Marion perched on the arm of Cal’s chair. Her mother’s arm was around her father’s shoulders and she fussed with his hair, smiling and speaking quietly to him. 

Suddenly, all too quickly, her heart squeezed painfully in her chest. Elide bit the inside of her cheek and sniffed, her vision blurring. 

It was so stupid. She was being such a coward. He was her boyfriend. She’d never cared about another person quite like she cared about Lorcan. She should’ve invited him to her mother’s birthday party. 

The cushion shifted when someone sat down beside her. Elide hastily blinked her tears away and looked up, smiling shakily at her father. “Hey, dad.” 

“Hey, kid,” Cal said, his kind eyes crinkling. He passed her a plate of miniature desserts, a collection of her favourites. “Saved ya some, gotta get it before these rabid animals.” 

Elide snorted and took the plate, choosing the brownie. She ate quietly, knowing what her father would ask her. 

“So, uh, where’s this boy of yours, hmm? Your ma was really lookin’ forward to meet him,” Cal said, watching his daughter. 

She mumbled something and put her plate down, toying with a rip in her nylons. Elide looked at her short nails, painted black and meticulously cared for. “I... I’m having some doubts about it an’... I didn’t want to invite him to this close family thing in case he says something like... I dunno, ‘I love you’.” 

He raised a brow, “And would that be so terrible? If this boy loved you?” 

“No,” she whispered. Elide looked up, her eyes red rimmed and watery, “I don’t think so.” 

Cal sighed as he stood up, his knees creaking. “Well, stop being a coward and call him, kid.” 

Elide huffed at him calling her a coward, but knew it was true. 

She stood up too and walked up to her bedroom. Elide slid her phone out of her zip-up sweater pocket and toyed with it. 

Entering her room, she perched herself on the edge of her bed and pressed on his number. 

The phone dialled and her throat tightened. 

“Hello.” 

“Lor, is that you? It’s... it’s me.”

“I know, Lee,” he laughed. It sounded like he was shifting from his bed and he groaned as he stretched, presumably, “What’s up, though? You said you were busy tonight.”

Elide glanced around as she steeled her nerves. “Are you- are you doing anything tonight? ‘Cause... it’s my parent’s- they have this- and it’s my mom’s birthday and we’re having this… party, so I wanted to invite you if you want to come tonight?” 

Lorcan paused, “Oh, yeah, that.” 

“What do you mean? Did you-“ her cheeks blushed furiously in self-loathing. “You know about it?” 

“Yeah, Rowan mentioned Aelin inviting him. I was... I don’t know, I guess I thought you’d invite me, but we haven’t even been dating that long.” His laugh was choked and unclear. “Don’t worry ‘bout it, princess.” 

“Wa-wait, I want to worry about it, I want- I want you here,” Elide stammered. “Please, come?”

For a moment, a long long long moment, Lorcan didn’t say a word. Elide swallowed, her stomach dropping. “I’ll come, El. Is there a dress code or whatever?” 

She grinned, “Nope, they’re pretty chill. But, maybe... more grunge than anarchy, yeah?” 

He chuckled, “Yes, ma’am.” 

“Good,” Elide whispered. “I’ll- we can talk, ok? Promise.” 

“Pinky promise?” 

She blushed, “Mm-hmm. Pinky promise.” 

They said their soft, stupidly in-denial-in-love good-byes and Elide hung up. The moment the call was over, her anxieties crept back in. 

Elide walked downstairs in a daze and stood by the table, her eyes nervously flicked between the door and the room. 

Aelin noticed her practically shaking and she snuck on over, “Hey, hon.” She tweaked something about Elide’s hair and smiled, “How’re you doing? You’ve been so quiet tonight.” 

“Oh, I- I’m fine,” Elide nodded, her voice teary. “I just-“ she sighed and collected herself. “I didn’t invite Lor ‘cause I didn’t want him to think it was too fast or too serious and then my dad called me a coward so I called him an’ now I’m just... I’m thinking I fucked up and maybe I’m ruining this? Like,” Elide swallowed, shaking her head, and laughed half-mad, “maybe he’s only coming to say that I fucked up too bad and he’s breaking up with me.” 

Aelin gave Elide a look and sighed, “Hon, you know I don’t like him, but I’ve never seen you two so happy. If - if Lorcan was going to break up with you, it wouldn’t be about this. Something would have to have been really, really fucked up for him to leave.” 

Elide huffed a laugh, “Ok… you’re probably right.” 

The blonde smirked, “I’m always right. Now, I’ve got to find Rowan. I’ll see you later?” 

She nodded, waving her friend off, “Yes, yes, go find your boyfriend.” 

Turning, Aelin called over her shoulder, “And good luck with yours.” She disappeared into the crowd, easily seeking her boyfriend, whose head was far above everyone else’s. Elide watched for a moment. Rowan turned when Aelin tapped his shoulder and smiled, leaning down to kiss her cheek. They looked so… happy with each other. 

They looked how Elide felt around Lorcan. Like how nothing else mattered and how she would damn the world for him. Elide walked into the kitchen, where the kitchen staff were busy cooking and prepping. She stayed out of their way and offered the few that noticed her a small grin. Elide pulled a bottle of beer from the fridge and quickly exited. The stash was her dad’s, but they both knew he stocked it for her to take on the rare occasions Elide even felt like drinking.

She looked around the party and cringed. There was no one here that she wanted to talk to. Through the large front window, Elide could see that the front porch was empty. That was probably because it was still relatively cold, but Elide would rather sit out in the chill than talk to any of her parents’ guests. Elide somehow managed to escape unscathed and sat on the porch steps, hidden from anyone’s casual glance. 

Elide twisted the top off and took a long sip of the cool drink. Her knee bounced uncontrollably, and she didn’t try to stop it. She looked up and down the street, waiting for his crappy little car. 

As she waited, Elide nervously picked at the bottle’s label with her thumb. She shivered, but didn’t care enough to move inside. 

Elide breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly, deciding to list the things she knew. 

One: Elide had never been as happy as she was with Lorcan. 

Two: Elide wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. 

Three: Elide loved Lorcan. 

Four: If she had really ruined this, Elide would never forgive herself. 

A black, 1995 Honda Civic parked across the street. Her throat ached with tears and her eyes stung once more. Elide’s breath trembled as a tall, lanky man stepped out of the car. His dark hair was half shoved up in a messy bun, the rest tumbling down his back. 

Lorcan looked up at her and nodded, his face impassive. Her heart clenched, even though she knew that he hardly ever smiled. He crossed the street without looking, putting his keys into the pocket of his lined flannel jacket. His coat was worn and the cuffs frayed. Elide liked to steal it and wear it. It was warm and smelled like him - cedar and sweetgrass. 

She stood up, leaving her half empty beer on the step. “Hey, you,” Elide said, trying to pass for casual. 

Lorcan walked up the stairs and stopped a few below her, still taller than her. His dark, hooded eyes sparkled with something and the corner of his lips quirked up, “Hey.” He lifted his hand, curling a strand of her hair behind her ear. “You–” 

“We-ell, lookie what we have here,” said a new voice. Annoyed, the couple turned, their brows lowered. When they saw Elide’s drunken uncle, Vernon, Elide shifted closer to Lorcan and curled her arm around his shoulder. “Oh, and you m-must b-be-” Vernon hiccuped, his eyes unfocused, “Lorcan. You know,” he began, stumbling closer to Elide. 

She flinched and Lorcan slid his hand across her lower back, fitting it around her hip. “Hello, uncle. Are you enjoying the party?” 

“Yes, yes,” Vernon slurred, waving his drink around and sloshing it over the rim of the glass. “I’ve been asked to leave. Apparently,” he chuckled humorlessly, “I was not invited! How ‘bout that, hmmmm?” 

Elide attempted a fake laugh, hoping he wouldn’t be able to tell. “That’s- that’s a shame, uncle. We’ll have to see you another time, then.” She looked at Lorcan, her eyes worried, “This is Lorcan, uncle. We’ve been… seeing each other for a couple months.” 

Vernon nodded dodgedly and addressed Lorcan, “Th-this one’s a handful, hmm? Never could listen to the simplest of commands, even as a child, could you?” He reached out to do something, maybe even pinch her cheek, but Lorcan moved her, lifting her onto the step he stood on. The heavily inebriated man didn’t notice the quick shift, nor did he notice the relief on Elide’s face as she did not dare look anywhere else except for him. “I didn’t- I didn’t think you were even gonna come, ya know.” 

Elide’s cheeks heated and she looked down at her feet. Lorcan’s hand squeezed reassuringly around her hip, “I was busy until now.” He moved to the side, leaving a path for Vernon, “It was nice,” Lorcan paused purposefully and looked Vernon up and down with disdain, “to meet you. Have a nice night.” 

The man staggered down the stairs and out of the front yard. Elide stayed where she was until he had disappeared down the street corner. When he had, she disentangled herself from Lorcan’s arms and stood in front of him, looking up at his face. 

He looked back at her, nothing, not a hint of emotion on his features. Elide took his hand and walked him to the swinging bench. They sat, his feet against the floor and Elide’s legs tucked beneath her. 

She let go of his hand, though Lorcan kept it on her thigh, and looked down at her lap, “So. Hi. I missed you.” 

Lorcan grinned softly and kissed the curve of her cheek, “I missed you too, Lee.” 

Elide smiled a small, constrained smile. “I’m really happy that you’re here and I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to come earlier. I- I thought- I was being a coward ‘cause I thought this was moving too fast and I was scared and I don’t care anymore and,” she forced herself to meet his eye, quiet joy shining there. “I love you.” 

Before Lorcan could say anything, before he could reject her, Elide stood up and hastily dragged her hand through her hair, “That’s all I wanted to say, so if you have any plans tonight, you can go.”

She squeaked slightly when Lorcan sharply tugged her back, making her land with her legs across his lap, “What–” 

“Princess, shut your yappy ass for once, would you,” he said, laughing quietly. Elide frowned at his words, but remained quiet, her eyes expectant. Lorcan’s hand rested on the crook of her neck and his thumb stroked over her jumping pulse. “I love you too.” 

Those words, those beautiful words, settled around her heart and Elide let her grin grow widely. She leaned in and kissed him softly, lifting her hands to cup his face once more. They kissed for a short while, his other hand gripping the side of her leg. 

She pulled away first and rested her forehead against his, her eyes still closed. “Do… do you want to meet my parents?” 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Lorcan joked, his tone teasing, “I think this is moving too fast for me, babe.” 

Elide rolled her eyes and got to her feet, holding her hand out to him. “Come on, dummy.” 

He grinned and accepted her hand. Lorcan slung his arm across her shoulders and kissed the side of her head as she led them into her parent’s house. Lorcan toed off his untied, beat-up and retro Jordans, and hung up his jacket. 

After, she walked them into the living room, their fingers laced together. She held onto his arm with her other hand and leaned her head against his bicep. 

Rowan and Aelin noticed them first and made their way over to the pair. Lorcan and Rowan did their secret handshake and chatted quietly as Elide nervously looked around for her parents. The two boys and Aelin chuckled at her obvious absence.

She didn’t notice it and when she saw her parents, Elide walked, hardly glancing back to see if he was coming. 

Lorcan laughed under his breath, “We’ll see you two later, I guess.” Aelin and Rowan waved them off goodnaturedly. 

Her mother noticed them first. Lorcan was almost taken aback at the similarities between Elide and her mother. They looked like twins, except that Marion’s face was matured elegantly, her eyes slightly more narrow than her daughter’s. “Hello, you two,” Marion said, patting her husband’s shoulder, “Callan, dear, look who it is.” 

Cal turned and smiled at his daughter, his brows raising slightly when he looked up at Lorcan. Her father was a relatively tall man at six-foot-four, but the difference was still quite significant. 

Without thinking, Lorcan turned to his girl and said, “How are you so tiny? Your dad’s tall, man.” Elide gasped in offence and pinched the underside of his arm, hard. Lorcan yelped, “Ok, ok, ok, Creator above, I’m sorry.”

She smirked smugly and turned back to her parents, who watched the scene in amusement, “Please ignore him, he thinks he’s funny. This is Lorcan, my boyfriend.” 

Marion and Cal arched their brows, laughing quietly. Lorcan reached his hand out to her mother, who accepted it and shook his hand, “It’s nice to meet you and happy birthday, Mrs. Lochan.”

“Oh, please, call me Marion. Mrs. Lochan is my mother-in-law,” Marion said. 

Lorcan chuckled and nodded his head, “Of course, Marion.” 

Elide looked up at him the entire time, knowing that her smile was smitten and ridiculous and not caring at all. As her father spoke with Lorcan, Elide looked at her mother and talked in Blackbeak, too quiet for either of the men to hear, “You’ll tell dad to not threaten him with gross bodily harm or death, right?”

Marion laughed, the sound tinkling and bright, “Your father knows we Blackbeak women can fend for ourselves. Besides, I think he’s half in love already.”

Elide rolled her eyes and looked at her boyfriend and father, their postures relaxed and faces happy. She snorted and hid the sound behind her hand, though Lorcan still heard it and turned to her. “Are you good?” 

“Mm-hmm,” Elide hummed. “Do you want some food? I haven’t eaten yet.” 

He nodded, “Yeah, ‘course.” 

They said their farewells to her parents and wandered off. 

“That went well, right?” Lorcan asked her quietly, his words… nervous. Elide hadn’t ever seen him nervous. 

“Yeah, it did,” she said. They passed by an alcove, and Elide pulled him in. It was a small bay window with a cushioned seat. 

She sat and pulled him down too, her knee against his thigh when she folded her leg up. Elide mindlessly fixed his hair, though it didn’t need fixing. “But, you know, even if it hadn’t gone well, I would still love you.” 

Lorcan smiled and gently kissed her, not caring that anyone could walk by and see them. “Really? What would make you stop loving me?” 

Elide hummed and thought for a moment. She pressed her lips to his again and murmured, “I think our story is a fated one, you know?” Her long lashes fluttered against his cheeks when her eyes fell shut, “I think I would fall for you in every world and every lifetime.” 

“Yeah,” Lorcan whispered. They drew back at the same time and pressed their brows together. He thumbed something from her cheek, “I think that too.”

☽ ☼ ☾

an: i wrote this last night and i wanted to post because i hit 900 followers today !! and im very happy and thankful for all of you - it’s been almost two years since i had this account and nearly two years since i started to write fic and there’s so many who i love so much that i never wouldve met without this so !! thank you !! 

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[shingia]

hii ! I love your writing and this is going to be my first request on this site so i'm a bit nervous. May I request your angst prompt #6 with either akaashi or bokuto (or anyone you want but I just love them gah) and something accident related if possible (but if not it's fine!), i'm an angst sucker ;-; thank you and have a nice day!

MEMORY - BOKUTO X READER

hi !! dw it’s completely ok to be nervous about your first request, i was literally shaking when i first sent mine ! and thank youuu it’s always nice to know that my work is appreciated 💕 i had no idea of which boy to choose but i never wrote angst for bokuto so here it is, i hope it’s what you had in mind ! <3

-> angst prompt #6 “stop saying my name like it’s the last time” (that one HURTS omfg)

-> bokuto x gn!reader | Angst with a capital A | word count : 2K

warnings : car accident, mentions of blood, hospital environment

bokuto always thought it was funny how a smell, a sound or a sight could hold enough power to trigger memories that he thought had been erased by time. 

but no smell, sound or sight was ever needed for him to remember the day he first met you. how the purple lights of the bar were slowly dancing on your skin, casting shadows that made your features look different every time he casted guilty glances at you. he remembered the feeling of his sweaty palms when he asked for your number, and how you had to blink exactly four times to read his messy handwriting on your arm.

all these seemingly insignificant details were kept safe in the depths of his mind, patiently waiting to resurface every time his heart needed them. but if these kind of memories were kept so vivid by choice, others - much darker - had a terrifying way of imprinting into one’s brain…

it was a bright april afternoon, the kind of day that made people forget about their worries, and bokuto had just finished what he considered to be one of his best practice. as usual, his heart swelled with excitement at the thought that he would tell you all about it as soon as he’d step foot in your house, where he was just heading.

but the sudden vibration of his phone in his pocket made him stop dead in his tracks.

he was not particularly stressed by phone calls, but something about the way his heart dropped made his hands start shaking and his surroundings blurry ; something was off. he hesitated a few seconds before getting the phone out - maybe it was cowardice, but his body already knew that he was not ready to handle what was coming at him.

the voice he heard on the other side of the line was undoubtedly yours. the vibrations, the tone, the pitch, he had heard it whispering sweet nothings in his ear way to many times to be mistaken. so why did it take him so long to admit that it was well and truly you, calling him for what looked an awful lot like a goodbye ?

although pain and fear had grabbed you by the tongue, you miraculously managed to tell him about the poor driver that had been distracted by his kid - too distracted to see you crossing the road on your way to the store, and too slow to hit the brakes.

your voice was weak, so weak that bokuto did not even hear the last thing you said before passing out on the warm asphalt. and so he started running, as fast as humanly possible - if not more - because he knew he was only two streets away from you, and he knew that he would never forgive himself if he arrived too late.

bokuto had many preconceptions about the way he would ever react to an accident. panic, anger, sadness, incomprehension… but nothing could have prepared him for what it truly was. in one second, his mind had time to produce hundreds and hundreds of questions, and they all remained unsolved until his eyes finally laid on you, or more like what seemed like a nightmarish version of you.

a woman was frantically screaming, a hand over her mouth like it was of any use. behind her, a young girl was staring at the blood stain on the white car’s bumper, eyes wide in terror. and in the car, a giggling toddler was happily chewing on his teething ring, having no idea that today had changed his father’s life forever. the latter seemed stuck in a cataleptic trance, and it seemed like the first aider was not going to get anything out of him.

bokuto was ready to beg on his knees for the ambulance driver to allow him on the ride to the hospital.  he had a thousand ways to prove that you were the love of his life : the picture of you in his wallet, your matching key rings attached to your respective bags, the crumpled receipt of the necklace he had bought you a month ago, the one that was now hanging loosely around your dreadfully immobile neck. but just a glance at his despaired eyes was enough to understand that he deserved his place by your side in what would probably be the worst moment of your life - and his.

three paramedics were too busy putting you on a stretcher for bokuto to even catch a glimpse of your face. and the fact that he was left alone with his imagination made him want to throw up. yet when his eyes finally laid on your bruised and bloody features, it felt much, much worse than anything his imagination could have thought about. his heart skipped more than one beat at the thought that maybe he had arrived too late.

but no, your eyes fluttered open while the medics were still yelling orders at each other, meaningless words that were only background noise for bokuto. his hands gripped the edge of the stretcher, even though they were longing for the touch of your skin, no matter how scratched and wounded it was.

« hey, hey, stay with me, alright ? » he articulated in a hoarse voice as your hand found its way to his cheek. seeing that, one of the medics started reaching for your arm - you had too many broken bones for him to allow you to move so carelessly. but one of his colleagues, a tall woman with the kindest eyes, stopped him before his fingers could wrap around your wrist. and the look she gave him was screaming for his indulgence. ‘let them’.

although the opaque windows were filtering most of the ambulance lights, faint beams of red and blue were still dancing on your face. it was true that bokuto did not need anything to trigger his memories of the first time he saw you, but the alternation of the two colors on your features were a bitter reminder of the purple neons that had lightened your face in that bar, where everything had begun.  and so were his sweaty palms, warm and shaky against your wrist which he had grabbed as carefully as if it had been made of porcelain.  but the blinks of your eyes looked nothing like when you tried to guess the numbers he had written on your arm. they were desperate movements of your lids that were painfully trying to stay open - because if you had one last wish, it was that bokuto’s face would be your last sight.

your facial muscles only allowed a few painless movements, and luckily for the both of you, a faint smile was one of them. « h-how was practice ? » you asked, the left corner of your lips curling upwards. he let out a sorrowful laugh, ignoring the tears that were prickling his eyes as he started to kiss your palm at an alarming pace, like he was so desperately trying to get something out of the feeling of your skin against his lips.

« you’re gonna be okay, i promise… i love you » he told you, eyes intensely locked with yours like it was the first time these words were leaving his mouth. « i love you. so much. i love y- i love you. so fucking much, i really love you » he repeated like a prayer, words mixing up in his mind that was too focused on your eyes to think clearly about anything else.

« kou… listen to me » you whispered, still trying your best to keep your smile when it felt like every fiber of your body was being torn apart. your thumb caressed his cheek, but so stiffly that you knew it probably did not even feel like your touch. « thank you for everything, for being you and for loving me. i love you too, and you deserve to be happy… »

no. this didn’t feel right. this wasn’t a promise of love, it had the bitter taste of goodbyes, of words that are said just to alleviate the pain of the living. « don’t say it like that, please » bokuto pleaded, hating himself for ordering you when you were in such obvious distress. but for the first time since that god-sent night at the bar, he hated the sound of every word that had left your mouth. he would have given anything to go back to just a few seconds ago, when you were still joking about his practice. because back then it didn’t feel like you were going to leave.

« you’re gonna be ok. i love you, kou », you said in an almost maternal tone. « stop saying my name like it’s the last time ! » he exclaimed with such vigor that even the medics stopped for a second. but you didn’t flinch, your eyes were still kind and peaceful. and they still were when your thumb progressively started moving, and when your lids slowly closed.

──

the hall of the hospital was cold - in every sense of the word. akaashi was nervously playing with the lid of his coffee, sat upright on a chair even though his legs felt restless. bokuto, on the other hand, had refused to eat, drink or even sit for one second until he had talked to one of your doctors. it had now been almost two hours - and every second felt like torture.

but oddly enough, akaashi was the first to react at the sight of your surgeon that was coming towards them at a frustratingly slow pace.

« how did it go ? » he asked, the joint of his hands white from holding his coffee cup so tight.

« they made it. our nurses brought them to a private room where they will be watched v- »

bokuto didn’t need to hear more. he had no idea of which room you were in, but it didn’t matter - the hospital was not that big, he’d find a way. he always found a way.

running like a madman, he couldn’t even hear akaashi yelling at him to come back. his heart was throbbing with happiness at the thought that you were patiently waiting for him in a room. safe and sound.

he had spent so much time hammering the most terrible scenarios in his head that he had almost started to believe some of them were true. in a sense, he had already felt how it would be like to live without you - and he was now promising himself to never feel that pain ever again.

tired of running around without knowing where he was headed, bokuto eventually asked a nurse to indicate him the room you were kept in. and, although it did not respect the hospital’s privacy policy, she gave him without thinking twice ; because just like every other member of the staff, she knew about the boy that had spent hours crying and waiting for his loved one. her eyes were blurry with tears when he thanked her about three time before heading to the said room.

and there you were. laying on your back, staring at the ceiling with your fingers fiddling with the sheets - just like you always did when you waited for him on his bed.

« oh thank god » bokuto breathed out, taking a few seconds to admire your features before running to your side. his hands were still wet from his tears and his eyes were red and puffy, but he had never felt so happy to hold you. his lips immediately found their way to your hands, completely ignoring the strong smell of betadine, and they stretched in a grin at the familiar feeling of your fingers that seemed so tiny against his.

when he finally looked up at you, he felt like the luckiest man alive. just the sight of you breathing was something he had started to give up on. your chest was slowly heaving and your eyes blinked exactly four times before an embarrassed chuckle left your lips :

« excuse me but… who are you ? »

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

[neon-wisp0831]

Healing broken hearts: A fatgum x reader bittersweeet fanfic

Warning: cheating and heartbreak, if you don't wanna read this you'll have to skip over it to the best of your abilities

Chapter one: The Bitter

He wasn't sure why he had to let it happen.. Why he couldn't say no despite his heart telling him to..

Then: You were working late, he had taken the day off in hopes to spend more time with you but you were called into work for an emergency, you were disappointed.. He was disappointed, but he understood either way, as a hero things could be complicated for himself, it was one of the reasons he took time off work in hopes to be closer, the relationship you both had wasn't bad, just very distant. He hated that, he loved you more than anything and he didn't want to lose you, so he wanted to find some way to make it work out, but your emergency call got in the way. He was lonely, he needed some company, but he wasn't sure what to do. That day he was scrolling through his phone, trying to keep himself entertained, looking through some media,that's when he noticed her. An old friend, a colleague back in his younger days, it seemed like the perfect time to catch up...

But it all came to this moment

Now: He was sitting in his office at his agency, skinny, nervous, his gloved fingers constantly running through his hair and over his masked face, how could he possibly tell you what happened without losing you for good?

He couldn't look at himself the same way after that night, it really did start off innocent, they talked, walked through the area.. It was a good time. But when they got back to his house that the two of you were living in, it all went downhill from there. A simple movie night, that was all it was supposed to be before she would head back home, he noticed it too late when it started happening, the way she leaned against him as they watched the film, he only brushed it off as a friendly gesture, then the flirting came, he should have stopped her there, but the attention he craved so dearly that day caved in on him, he didn't return the favor, but he didn't stop her either..

The door opened, he jumped and looked over at you, the face he grew to love so dearly had the same worried look he had

"Tai.. I got your message.. Is.. Is everything ok?" You asked walking over to him, he stood up from his desk chair, stopping you from coming any closer, the life he once had in those beautiful gold eyes burned out a while ago from the tears he had shed, his hair seemed to lose that fluffiness it had before, it looked more messy like it had just been through a rough storm, his hero outfit he was wearing had tear stains on it, one of his hands stuck in his pants pocket, the other moving up to scratch his head

"H-hey gummy bear.." Even the voice that always made your day a little brighter sounded just as gloomy and slightly hoarse, he had been crying..maybe even screaming... That's when you knew it was serious..

A week... The guilt he held onto lasted a week.. The messages that would remind him everyday how bad he messed up, came to him almost every day.. things like "if you ever need someone to satisfy your needs, you know where to come to~" "I miss you~ wanna come to my place?~" Things that would keep him at night with guilt, silently crying himself to sleep whenever he thought about it, the fact he was capable of doing something like that to you was just unbearable, him.. Taishiro Toyomitsu.. Fatgum the BMI Hero.. Could he even be called that anymore? It wouldn't be something that would be considered that villainous, not to most of the public at least.. but in his heart and soul, it was as if he had went on a major massacre out of blind rage, his heart ached knowing that he betrayed you like this.. it seemed that way, he massacred your trust in him, possibly your friendship... your Love.. In his mind, he had committed a major crime. And he was going to pay the price for it one way or another.

"I'm so sorry baby.. I-i didn't mean for it to happen-" He started to explain, but you couldn't bare it anymore, it didn't seem possible.. But the texts he showed you, the emotion put into his words, you knew it was real.. You backed away from him when he tried to come closer, your whole world felt as though it was crumbling around you, eyes flooding with tears, his arms came around you, the soft warm embrace tempted you, but you couldn't.. His words came in stutters of apologies, telling you it only happened once, how much he regretted it, but you weren't sure if you had in your heart to believe him, if he was lying, maybe you didn't know him like you thought you did.. If he was telling the truth, could you still forgive him, knowing he had done this to you?

"Let me go tai... Please..." You whimpered, lightly pushing him away.. He did..reluctantly

"I'm sorry (Y/N) I.. I'm sorry.." It was all he could say at this point, his head lowered full of shame, he really hated seeing you like this.. It broke his heart more than anything, but how could he possibly fix this? Would you hate him for the rest of your life? What would he tell Kirishima and Tamaki? They looked up to you, saw you as parenteral figure.. How this would affect them.. Or his relationship with them? Would they hate him for this too? He had no idea.. But it wouldn't be good either way.. If things had to end off between you, he'd understand, he'd at least want to stay friends, but if you didn't want that either.. It would really make things worse for him..

"(Y/N) can we.. Please.. Just talk this over? Please I know I messed up.. Really bad.. But.. Just for a little bit.. I just want to talk.."

You thought about this offer for a bit, tears rolling down your face, your heart shattered, he was doing everything he could to make this right, to fix what he could.. Your eyes slowly scaled up his mountain of a body, and as they continued your heart hurt more, you shared great memories with this man, the times you spent together, how open and honest he was throughout the whole relationship.. The moment your eyes met his, the floodgates came. Hard. You couldn't stop the tears that were flowing down your face like a dam had just broken in your head, it only hurt you more as you cried, torn between asking for his comfort, and pushing him away, your hands clenched into fists, you almost wanted to hurt him, physically..to have him feel what the pain he had put on you felt like.. But you decided against it, not only because it would seem bad to hurt a hero but because you knew he had taken worse... You turned your back to him, grabbing at the door and forcing it open, slamming it on the way out. Storming through the halls of his agency. You were making your way out of there when you noticed Kiri and Tamaki were walking in, they saw you, ready to greet you until they noticed how grim your face looked, but you stormed right pass them and out through the doors, heading back to the home you shared with the local hero, which thankfully was his own, you knew an area that had some rather cheap, yet good apartments, it was going to be a hassle moving your stuff in on short notice, but you had a friend willing to help you out in any kind of situation when you needed them. You couldn't be more grateful.

Kirishima and Tamaki were worried after seeing you like that. You had tears freely running down your face, the aura you were giving off said something was wrong..

The only thing that proved their rights to worry.. Was the sudden agonized scream that rang throughout the agency coming from their mentors office, the two boys ran as fast as they could to him, opening the door to only see him curled up on ground, one hand holding his chest, the other hitting the ground below him as he shouted towards it, it only made the sound of his voice worse as he cried, eyes burning from the tears he previously cried before, now he cursed himself for his agony.

His interns could only watch with sympathetic looks, already having an idea of what had happened. Tamaki hid his face in his hood, leaning against the office wall, trying to hide his own sorrow, kirishima could only try to hold in the tears brewing up in his eyes, he wasn't angry.. He couldn't be. Not at you or his mentor.. But it wasn't easy to take.. He wanted to help, to have his questions answered, to fix this somehow, but how can you fix two broken hearts without a even little time on your hands?

☰ ☱ ☲ ☳☰ ☱ ☲ ☳☰ ☱ ☲ ☳☰ ☱ ☲ ☳☰ ☱ ☲☳

(Well this was fun-- writing. I'm gonna go think about how to write out the next chapter... Despite the uh.. Situation going on here.. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Somehow... It's my first time trying something like this. So... dunno anyway see y'all next chapter)

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Californian Dream (Pt. 03 of 11)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2.9 K

Summary: Being part of one of the richest families of California doesn't mean you're happy. Your life is boring, and you're surrounded by meaningless people and their meaningless talk. Even during Summer, with the break you have from college, there's nothing good going on. Nothing but the new pool guy, Billy, the most handsome man you ever saw. You were successfully avoiding him, not wanting to act like an idiot in front of the guy until Billy accepts to be your date for a fancy gala you're forced to attend. The night was going well, even better when he sneaked you out to go to the beach. But a gang of criminals breaks into the party, kidnapping the heirs to the wealthiest families, which includes you. So, for your safety, your parents want you to stay with Billy, living in his apartment until the criminals are caught. And that could take weeks, maybe even months.

Warnings: Light violence

<- Previous part (02)

Next part (04) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

×

Pandemonium

It takes a while to process what's going on. The explosion, the flames, the smoke. And the vans, the shooting. It feels like some kind of dream, something too far from reality to be understood. Yet, it's very real. You can tell by how cold you feel now, from your soaked dress glued on your legs, or maybe the wind, or perhaps what's happening not too far away. The chaos emerging from the place you were at only some minutes ago.

“We have to see what's–”

“Bad idea.” Billy grabs your arm, both of you getting down, the sand hurting your knees through the soft fabric of your dress. You barely feel his grip, eyes locked on the hotel, the smell of burned things reaching your nose. “Hey. We gotta get out of here. C'mon.” He starts pulling you with him, and you try to follow up the best you can given your state. The gunfires are loud, nonstop, persistent, and soon enough you can distinguish the yells too. Cries for help, probably.

“Billy, wait. My parents are there.” Resisting him, you try to make him stop, to head back there. “We have to–” Then, when you reach the sidewalk, you see it. Even from the distance, you can see people being dragged, violently pushed inside the back of the vans. You can't see their faces, but it's quite obvious now. “They're...”

“It's called kidnapping. Let's go.” You both set in motion again. Billy's grip on your arm slides down until he's holding your hand, but you don't mind. The only thing in your mind right now is that you don't want to be pushed into the back of any van. He let's go when you finally reach his car, thankfully parked far enough from the pandemonium, and he has no trouble maneuvering it and speeding away, a lot faster than on your way here.

Only when the noises are a distant echo you release a breath you didn't even know you were holding. Then, you start breathing fast, a hand on your heart as you close your eyes shut, trying to calm yourself down. That gotta be a mistake. A misunderstanding. You were supposed to be there. What would've happened if you and Billy were in there? Would you be shoved into those cars too?

“(Y/N).” He calls, and you give him a glance, your hair covering half of your sight. “You're hyperventilating. You have to slow down.”

“Ok, ok.” You mumble, trying to breathe in deeply and push the air out slowly. After doing that a few times, you feel tears in your eyes, wiping them away. “Where are you taking me?”

“My place.”

You were just about to complain, ask him why he isn't taking you home, where you should be to check if your parents are ok. But it makes sense. Your house may not be safe. “Alright.”

Billy doesn't slow down. He only stops in a small parking lot, beside a building. You don't know exactly where you are, so you just follow him through the sidewalk and into the building, upstairs for two or three floors until he's finally unlocking a door, gesturing for you to walk in. The first thing you notice is a TV, and you quickly make your way over it. “Can I put on the news channel?”

“Sure.”

Turning the TV on, you stop on the first news channel you find, and you immediately recognize the hotel. The reporter is by the fountain, and behind her, there is a lot of firemen, trying to put down the flames. But what gets your attention isn't the destruction, or whatever the woman is saying. Is the blood. You can see it staining the light gray rocks of the hotel's entrance. “Is that...”

“Sit down. C'mon.” Billy pulls you with him, forcing you to take a seat on his couch. Leaning forward, elbows on your knees, you bounce your leg, trying to bring some sense to what the reporter is saying.

“Thirteen of the heirs from the most important and wealthy families of California were taken on a violent, brutal action performed by masked men. According to witnesses, they came right after an explosion in the kitchens, surrounding the hotel and forcing everyone to lie down.” She makes a pause, looking at something behind the camera. “As they expertly picked up the kids one by one, some people were shot as they tried to keep them from taking their children.”

“What?” Gasping, you stand up abruptly, tears in your eyes again.

“The deceased are Mrs. Laurel Whayland, Mrs. Karen Garret, Miss Elena Williams, Mr. Harry Hench, and Miss Gisele Everline. Three more people were taken to the hospital but we still have no news about them.”

“Gisele is dead?” You mutter, tears rolling down. “I-I know those people, Billy. I know them.” Their faces start flashing in your mind, and despite you never being too fond of them, it still hurts.

“I'm sorry.” Billy stands up, and without thinking twice, you hug him, collapsing against his chest. With one hand around his midsection, you use the other to cover your mouth, trying to control the sobs shaking your body. You were supposed to be there. You would be taken, that's for sure. And maybe it would be your mother or father dead by now.

“If it weren't for you I'd be in there.” You cry, stepping away just enough to look at him. “I'd be who knows where now... Maybe even dead, like Gisele.” Gisele. You're superficial, redhead friend. She wasn't your confidant, she wasn't someone you could trust. But she was there, earlier today, playing volleyball on your pool, happy, smiling, breathing, living. Now she's gone.

“Calm down, alright?” Billy seems pretty shaken too, and that's when you notice it could have been him too.

“I-I'm sorry, Billy. I dragged you to that stupid party and if we waited just a little longer you would be in the middle of that mess because of me. I'm so sorry.” Speaking fast, you struggle not to sob again, your voice cracking. “If you died because of me I'd never forgive myself.”

“Alright, I need you to slow down, ok?” Again, Billy guides you to the couch, pulling you to seat down with him. “First of all, there was no way in hell you could've know something like that would happen.” He gestures at the TV, but your eyes are focused on him. “So don't blame yourself. I took you to the gala because I wanted to, you didn't drag me.”

“I–”

“It is now confirmed.” The reporter starts again, and both you and Billy stare at the screen. “The kidnappers left a tape, which is now with the police. Chances are they want a rescue, we just don't know how much yet.”

“This can't be happening.” You mutter, running a hand through your now messy hair. “I don't–”

The phone's loud ring makes you jump, a hand on your heart. “Let me answer that.” As he moves to answer the phone, you finally notice the living room and kitchen are an open space, and there's a small hall with two doors, one of them must be his bedroom. Billy speaks low, facing away from you, so you take the chance to pace around a little, wiping off more tears and trying to calm down, pushing the memory of the explosion and the shootings away.

You stop by the living door window, looking out, and you notice his apartment is only one block away from the beach, and you can see it from here, the moonlight reflecting on the water.

“(Y/N).” You mmediately turn around at the mention of your name. “It's your father. He wants to speak to you.”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you walk over to the kitchen space. “My father has your number?”

“Company policy,” Billy says, handing you over the phone.

“Dad?” You say, more tears now threatening to roll down. “Are you ok? Is mom ok?”

“We're both alright. We're alright.” He starts, and you can hear your mother's voice in the back. “I need you to listen to me, and listen carefully, understood?”

“Yeah.”

“We know what those lowlives want. They'll ask for a rescue so high even the Whayland will have trouble paying. And they won't stop. There's nothing on the media yet, but they said it, out loud, that they'll go after the rest of the heirs. That includes you and some other kids too.” With a hand on your forehead, you turn around, finding Billy standing by the table, arms crossed. “I don't think the media will let it out because it'll cause more panic, but we know and we won't let anything happen to you.”

“What should I do then?” You inquire, staring at Billy.

“You'll stay there.” Your father explains, and a low, humorless laugh escapes your lips. He can't possibly think it's ok for you to stay here.

“Dad, that's crazy. I can't just–” Looking away from Billy, you lower your voice, trying not to let him listen. “I can't just ask Billy to stay here dad, this is his place and I don't want to–”

“I've already spoken to Billy and he agreed. Don't worry, he'll be well paid for this... Kindness. But it shouldn't be long. I'll put my men in the investigation. It may be just for some weeks.”

“Let me talk to her.” Your mother says, and soon enough you hear her voice through the phone. But after making sure you're ok, she goes on about the usual stuff. How well you should behave, mostly now, that you'll be living with an employee. And how Billy will be now serving you since he'll be paid for this ‘job’ once this is over. So you just listen, rolling your eyes more times than you can count, muttering a ‘yes’ or a ‘fine’ now and then. It goes on for several minutes until your father takes over, telling you to take care of yourself and hanging up.

Unable to believe what just happened, you put the phone down, slowly walking over to the table, not sure what the look on Billy's eyes means. “I'm sorry for... For this.”

“Your father just hired me for another job, that's all.” There's something on his tone you don't understand, but you don't think he'd answer if you ask.

What you know for sure is that this is a mess, a situation that's complicated for everyone. And of course you're not comfortable with this, having Billy forced to endure you at his place for... Weeks. “Billy, look... I had a nice time today. I had more fun in a couple of hours with you than I have with my friends. And I know this sucks but maybe we can make it work.” Drumming your fingers on the table, you avoid looking at him. “It can be a job, formal, and I can behave just like my mother told me over the phone or it can be an extension of that walk on the beach.”

“Alright.” He breathes out, and you feel a little relieved. “But this is nothing like your house, as you probably already noticed.”

Giving one more look around, you take in the simple kitchen, which is very well organized and clean. “I think your place is fine.” Billy scoffs, walking around the table. “What?”

“Come. There's only one bedroom and I guess it's yours for as long as you'll be staying here.”

“Absolutely not.” Exclaiming, you hesitate a little before following him through the small hall. “I can take the couch, it's no big deal.”

Billy opens the second door, gesturing for you to get inside. “It's small and plain, but I guess you'll manage to sleep just fine.” Billy's bedroom has faded blue walls, two windows, and a double bed set in between them. A wardrobe, a dresser, and a nightstand, on the right side of the bed. There are some posters on the wall, and you pace around, taking a look at them.

“It's cozy, I like it.” Turning on your heels to face him, you manage a small smile. “But I mean it. I'll take the couch. It's more than enough that you're being forced to have me in here.”

“What would your father say if he knew I was making his precious daughter sleep on the couch?”

“First of all, I don't think he has to know. And second, I don't care.” Shrugging your shoulders, you take a deep breath. “We can take turns then if you like.”

“Alright. Today is your turn, you need it more than me.”

“Yeah...” Reality kicks in, and you realize that for a moment you forgot why you're even here. “Can I take a shower? I mean, I'll have to sleep on this dress but...”

“I can give you some of my shirts if you don't mind.” When you nod, he moves to his dresser, searching for a while before handing you a dark blue shirt. “There's a bathroom there and another in the hall. But this one is bigger, so... You should use it.”

“Alright.” Hugging the shirt against your chest, you walk over to the bathroom.

“Use the green towel. Is clean and–”

“Thanks, Billy. I'll be alright.” Giving him one last glance, you walk in, locking the door behind your back.

When you're done, you stare in the mirror as you try to decide what to do with your dress. That's what you were thinking about for the thirty minutes you've been in the shower because you don't want to think about anything else. The explosion, the smoke, the people you know being held hostage... Gisele's death. The fact that it could've been you...

Taking a deep breath, you decide to throw the dress away, so you take it with you when you leave the bathroom, finding the bed made, with two pillows set on the edge. Leaving the dress folded on the dresser, you decide to lie down. You'll probably have nightmares, no doubt, but trying to stay awake won't last long since you're tired, very sleepy already. Tossing around to lie on your side, you hug the spare pillow.

You're almost falling asleep when the door is open, and so are your eyes, following Billy as he comes in. When his eyes meet yours he halts, seemingly surprised, a funny expression on his face that makes you chuckle. “What?” You ask in a low voice.

“Nothing, just... It's weird to have a girl on my bed.” He shrugs his shoulders, moving to look for something in his wardrobe.

“Uhm... I honestly doubt that.” It was Gisele who kept reminding you of Billy's behavior. Going so far as naming the girls he was seen with as if you knew any of them. As if she knew any of them. But the memory that made you so angry earlier, feels weird now. Empty, distant. “How many girls have already slept in this bed?”

“You're the first.” When he says that, you move to sit up straight, eyebrows furrowed. “I don't bring girls here.”

“Why?”

“Just an old rule of mine. There's no reason to let them in, they won't last.” Billy turns to face you, a hand holding blankets and a pillow as the other closes the wardrobe doors.

“And why don't they last?” The moment you ask, you regret it. “Nevermind. I'm just a little too curious.” Looking down at your hands, you blush. You're already invading his house, you can't invade his personal life too.

“Do you wanna sleep or do you wanna talk about my love life?” He scoffs, slowly making his way to the door. “Or the lack of it.”

“We're on the same boat then.” You giggle, running a hand through your hair and pushing back a yawn.

“You? That's something I don't believe, princess.”

Your head slows down at the pet name, and by the way Billy stops by the door, shifting his way from one leg to another, you can tell he's a bit surprised too. “Well... You know the options I have so...” Your mind quickly goes through the boys your mother and friends talk to you about. Some of them were kidnapped. But you push this thought back, not wanting to call in more bad dreams than you'll probably already have. “I'll die alone.”

“I'm sure your mother wants you to marry someone. Rich and powerful, of course.”

“Absolutely. So we can join our fortunes.” Kneeling on the bed, you give your voice a dramatic tone. “And make the family even richer and have very rich babies who will inherit more money than they could ever spend in a normal lifetime.” Rolling your eyes, you drop to the bed again, folding both legs beneath you. “Some shit like that.”

“But you always do what's expected of you. Your mother will end up pushing you into someone and you gave up arguing with her so...” Billy shrugs his shoulders, and you ask what this is. How exactly you got into this matter, and why is he making you see through the flaws of your existence. Damn, you're so sleepy. You're not thinking straight.

“I'd leave California before she forces me into it.” This certainty hits you like a brick, and you know you'll do it. You'll get your girly pink Cadillac, throw your luggage in the back, and drive away. “California never felt like home to me anyway.” You mutter, suddenly feeling empty. “I'll get some sleep now, Billy Hargrove. I'm done with opening my heart for today.” Not waiting for him to leave, you lie back down, pulling the blankets up. When you hear the door closing you take a deep breath, closing your eyes once again.

There's something about Billy. You've known some of your friends for many years, but you never spoke to them about the things you've spoken to Billy. He makes you feel different, like you're free to do and say the simple things you could never share with anyone else. Or maybe it's just the sleep taking over, you're not sure. But from all the people on Earth that you know, you're glad you got to do this with Billy. At least here you won't have to put on an act.

×

@multific @dontxfearxthereaper @nope-thanks @nikkixostan @shinydixon

[paperbodiesamongthestars]

Safe & Sound

Billy stared up at the ceiling. It was different from staring at the ceiling in his own room, which always felt a little like a cage, or a trap. The walls always felt like they were closing in there, probably because they always were. There was no safety to be found in that house, no matter how hard Billy tried to carve out a space that was just his.

Here, though. Here felt different. Here, he started to understand why people used the expression ‘safe as houses.’ Steve hated this house, always said it was too big, too empty, too sterile, but Billy loved it. It smelled good, in the subtle, expensive way that Steve always smelled good, and the carpets and sheets were all thick and soft, and there were so many different places to be. It felt separate from the rest of the world, like he could actually hide away here and never be found. This room in particular was a sanctuary, in every sense of the word. He wasn’t sure if that was because it was Steve's or not, but he thought it probably was. 

He turned his head to look at Steve, fast asleep on the pillow next to him, breathing slow and even. It was only ever here, in the darkness and the solitude of late night, that Billy let himself actually admit how fucking into Steve Harrington he was. Only when he was alone, only when Steve was asleep and there was no risk that anyone would see the potentially fatal weakness at the center of him. 

Steve didn’t sleep easily or well, and Billy felt a fierce sense of pride that he slept better when Billy was here. He had learned, through careful experimentation, that he could reach out to gently brush the hair back from Steve’s face, could run a fingertip, feather light, over the curve of his cheekbone or the sweep of his hip, and Steve wouldn’t wake up. He might stir, might reach sleepily for Billy’s arm or throw his own arm across Billy’s chest, but that wasn't exactly a deterrent, now was it? He was careful, though. Steve needed the sleep, and Billy was hiding the frankly humiliating desire to give him everything he ever needed, preferably before he realized he needed it, so. He rationed out the light brush of his fingertips against Steve’s skin while he slept, and memorized all of it. Because as safe as he felt here, and as foreign and exhilarating as it was to start to accumulate multiple days that actually felt good, there was a part of him that knew this couldn’t last.

His dad would find out and murder him, or Steve would wake up one day and finally realize that he could do a lot better, or some other disaster would come along to ruin it. If there was one lesson Billy had learned since his mom left, it was that he didn’t get to keep good things. And Steve was perfect, so he had to assume the clock on this thing was pretty fucking short.

He brushed a lock of hair out of Steve’s face, more exquisitely careful than he would ever dare to be when anyone could see him. He let himself stare, just taking in Steve’s face, marking every detail so he had it for whenever this thing blew up and he was back in his normal life, back in an uninterrupted string of bad days. He could get his head around those. It was the days like this that were so disorienting. 

“I’m going to miss you so much,” he found himself barely breathing into the darkness, confident that Steve wouldn’t hear him. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to how it was before.” It was true: having had this, having learned what the occasional full day without fear felt like, having learned that he had the capacity to be content instead of angry all the time, he worried that he didn’t have enough armor left to go back to life without days like this. And God, he wanted to be so mad at Steve about that; he had made himself vulnerable for this beautiful idiot--even if he wasn't sure he could ever admit it to anyone except himself--and he knew he was going to have to pay for it at some point. He just...couldn't manage to stay mad at Steve. It wasn't like any of this was actually his fault. He hadn't done anything except be way too pretty and far too forgiving and completely, stupidly irresistible; Billy was the one making all the dangerous choices here. He wasn't about to stop, either—moments like this were beyond worth it—but he wasn’t looking forward to the day it all fell apart.

Steve stirred next to him and Billy froze. He had been careful; Steve could not have heard him. He never said sappy shit like that if there was the slightest chance that Steve could hear him. He closed his eyes and cursed his stupid fucking mouth as Steve tucked his head further under Billy’s jaw and Billy instinctively closed his arm more tightly around him. He hadn't ruined this already, had he?

“Not allowed to go anywhere,” Steve muttered next to him. He didn’t open his eyes, and his voice was blurry with sleep. If he was awake, it was barely. This could still be salvageable. 

“Oh yeah?” Billy murmured back, keeping his voice soft. Steve tightened his arm across Billy’s chest.

“Everybody leaves, so you have to stay,” he said sleepily, as if it was just an obvious truth, and goddamn, mostly-asleep Steve didn't pull his punches. Billy prided himself on being pretty fucking observant, so he was well aware that the only reason Steve had so much time to spend with him now was because there had been so many hours in his days before when he had been achingly, painfully alone. It made him sort of generally furious at everyone in this awful town when he thought about it, so he tried not to think about it. “You have to stay,” Steve murmured again, eyes still closed, his brow furrowing, the slightest thread of distress in his voice now. Billy knew that the smart move here was to keep his damn mouth shut and not expose his gooey fucking center any more than he already had, but Steve made him so stupid and he couldn’t help himself. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Steve's messy, perfect hair.

“I’m not going anywhere, ok? Go back to sleep. I’ll be right here.” The worst thing about it was that it was the truth; he had no intention of going anywhere. He would spend as much time as possible here, in this big fancy house, in this room that felt like sanctuary and smelled like Steve, for as long as Steve continued to invite him into it. Steve tried to snuggle closer, as if there had been any empty space between them anyway, and then settled. His breathing slowed and evened out. Billy watched him go back to sleep and then went back to staring at the ceiling, heart pounding in his chest. God, he was so in love. It was infuriating. 

He took a couple of long breaths, trying to slow his heart rate, and then figured that if he was going to be an idiot tonight, he might as well fully commit to it. For just a moment, in the darkness and solitude of Steve Harrington's bedroom, he allowed himself to consider the possibility that he wouldn't have to give this up. That disaster wouldn't come. That he could get out of Neil's house in less than a year and have a life made up exclusively of days like this one. He sat with it for a minute, let himself taste the freedom and the comfort of it, let himself admit exactly how much he wanted it, and then he let the part of himself that knew better shove all of it back down. That particular fantasy was fucking intoxicating, and he couldn't afford to let it make him careless or soft. He knew what it felt like now, though; he could take it out and treasure it when he was back in his own room for good, trapped and furious and alone, lost in a sea of bad days. Until then, he figured he should keep going, try to memorize as many moments in as many good days as he could.

He turned his head so he could get a better whiff of Steve’s fancy shampoo, and then went back to staring at the ceiling. He knew he was going to drift off at some point, and he knew he would regret it later. He was greedy; he wanted to memorize as much as he could about times like this, warm in Steve's bed, safe and sound, listening to Steve's even breaths next to him and feeling confusingly, impossibly good.

[gra-sonas]

Roswell, New Mexico returns for season three tonight on The CW at 8/7c. CBS’ Matt Weiss caught up with two of the show’s stars, Jeanine Mason and Nathan Dean to get the inside story on everything coming up in the show’s third premiere.

MW: Jeanine, Nathan nice to see you both! Season three of Roswell, New Mexico coming up tonight at 8/7c on The CW. How does it feel to be back?

JM: It feels so good. The timing of our show rolling out as the pandemic started in the States at least, was real a blessing because we could connect to our fans and give them a little labor of love of ours in the midst of a really difficult time.

It also meant that we had a little bit more time before we could start back up. It’s truly been a year and everybody is so excited. It’s an actual year of change for our characters. Kind of nice even though we know everybody is ready to see it.

ND: It’s hard to believe that we were able to pull this off with everything that everyone’s had to go through. That’s a credit to our showrunner Chris Hollier and to our amazing, amazing crew in New Mexico that we were able to not only get this thing started but not get stopped, not get cut short. We were able to create a product that we can now say, hey guys, we’re back, hope you’re all doing well.

JM: Back on Mondays!

ND: Here we are!

MW: I know the fans are all very excited. Jeanine, like you mentioned a year has passed since we’ve seen all your characters particularly Liz. How are things going for her in Los Angeles?

JM: Liz is per usual really focused, head in her work to save Maria. She hasn’t quite taken the time to realize her life in LA is pretty good. It’s even-keeled, we’ll say. She’s got a great place, she’s got a great job, that gives her access to everything she needs and requires to do her best work, to make her best contribution to health and medicine.

She’s got a real meeting of the minds in her lab partner played by Steven Krueger, Heath is his name. He matches her in intellect and in sarcasm in a way that’s really fun. They sort of really spar with each other.

The truth of the matter is, Liz is a woman who’s made to give to her community. She’s missing Roswell,  she’s missing her people, she’s missing Max Evans. She finds her way back to what is ultimately her real purpose, which is working with and for them.

Pretty quickly we find out how dire things are there for our alien trio. As soon as she finds out things are bad of course she’s miss hero protagonist. She wants to get involved and save the day.

MW: Nathan, pulling double duty on this season, with two characters, what’s that experience like?

ND: It was wild. It was a blast and I’m still grateful to Hollier and all of our writers for trusting me with that. Diving into it, it’s so fun to create a new character. In this world that I’ve known now for three years and meeting everyone in this town again for the first time, from a completely different perspective.

It was a lot fun. It was a lot of work. It’s a very weird process doing scenes with yourself because you’re joking back and forth. It’s really fun though. I’m so grateful to our showrunner and our writers for trusting me with that.

MW: I’m sure it’s confusing talking to yourself and also as part of that Max doesn’t even really know a lot about his own history. Are we going to get more light shed on that this season?

ND: That’s one of the wonderful things that Jones embodies is he’s sort of the window into the past of these three aliens. Since last season Michael, Isobel, and Max have always had that question. Who am I? Who are we? Where do we come from? Jones is a little peak into what that world was.

Also, a little example of who Max could’ve been had he not grown up on Earth and it’s sort of cool to see the humanity that Max has grown up in versus the sort of Alien world that Jones was in. We’re going to learn a little bit more about where we come from.

MW: Jeanine, for Liz how do you think she’ll be with Max this season? Do you think she’ll be able to forgive everything that went down with the lab?

JM: I just want to tell you. [Laughs] But that would be spoiling the fun of watching I assume. I guess what I’ll say is so much of her life has been decided for her. She is the answer to the Earth’s need for a protector and steward So much of her own opinions on it haven’t been taken into account yet. This is really the season where she just needs to for herself make the decision to take on this huge responsibility and that it feel like what makes most sense for her and her life.

So quickly she starts finding her way back. I love that she’s not a perfect protagonist. No one is perfect. No one is squeaky clean. She loves the complication. She loves that her life is so big and messy and loaded. She has huge grounding forces.

For her it’s Max and it’s Roswell and it’s her community. She finds her way back to a very big messy situation with Jones and falls into that rhythm really fast and starts making choices on where she wants to… I’ll say this, by the end of the season she’s made a decision that’s permanent. Ok, that’s it. [laughs]

MW: I mean it would be a great exclusive, so if you want to just tell me everything go right ahead! [Laughs]

JM: Just so you know. It’s my favorite Liz and Max season. It really is the one where they make their final decision with each other. That’s it, because if I say another thing I’m going to get in trouble. [Laughs]

MW: We don’t want that, you’re good! Last question for you both here, what are you most excited for people to see?

ND: I don’t know. I think for me it’s just awesome to be back. This season is wild. There’s a lot more of the alien stuff. We get to see more from all of the characters; a more adult mature experience and reaction to their world.

JM: It felt like such a gift to get a third go at this. That’s not an easy thing in this current television landscape. I think you can feel our enthusiasm throughout the year where we were just so excited to be back. We were just throwing things at the wall and trying everything and going full out.

By the end the of this season we were all so beat up and I mean that positively. That’s my favorite kind of way to finish the season, when you feel it physically; you’ve exhausted yourself. Our stunt team was just on call every minute of this season this year. I’m excited for the action and the enthusiasm I hope fans feel from all of us getting to finally be back doing what we do.

MW: Thank you both so much for the time and all the best moving forward. Stay safe!

JM: You too, stay safe!

ND: Thank you.

[whumpingcrow]

Pt. 1 "First Impressions" (Elias Intro)

CW: foster care mention, tourettes syndrome, ticcing, drug mention, food mention, conversation about abuse, hospital setting, injury mention, discussion of poisoned food, vomit mention (let me know if i missed anything!)

Elias was nothing special, really, not in his eyes. He was taken from his deadbeat parents when he was 11, he was tossed around from foster homes to group homes and back again for an exhausting seven years, he didn’t finish high school. The most interesting thing about him was his tourettes, but even that was embarrassing and shameful, another reason to be ignored. Truth was, he was swept under the rug and forgotten for his whole life, so no one, including himself, thought he would ever amount to much, or thought he was worthy of nice things. People like him didn’t just get nice things, unless they were very lucky, and Elias had found out time after disappointing time that he was not one of the fortunate ones.

But Tyson sure as hell made him feel like he could be.

It was amusing to Elias how they met, even though Tyson claimed he wished it would’ve been more pleasant. Tyson had yet to learn that Elias repelled pleasantries. Elias had been staying with a few people he knew from high school, before he dropped out, in their cramped apartment, working part time at a diner so he could try and move out and be on his own. He was so tired of sharing small spaces with people. He would walk home from work everyday, because of course he couldn’t afford a car or even a bike. On that particular night, it was dark and raining, and Elias was in a particular rush to get to the apartment and change out of his wet clothes. Which is why he tried to rush across the street where there wasn’t a crosswalk, unaware of the fast car turning the corner until he heard the screech of tires next to him.

The man that got out of the car looked just as scared as Elias felt, rushing towards him in a flurry of apologies. “I am so sorry! Are you ok? Are you hurt?” His voice was shaking, and it made Elias uneasy, he didn’t look like he would scare easily, with his strong build and his mature face.

Elias scowled at him, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t drive so fast on this road, dickbag,” he scolded, “you could’ve fucking killed me!”

The man looked surprised, like he wasn’t expecting someone of Elias’s stature to have such a foul mouth. “I...I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you crossing and I...Where are you headed? Let me give you a ride.”

“What?” He squeaked in response. Logically, he knew it was his fault anyway, he wasn’t supposed to cross there, it was dark and rainy and not this stranger's fault, he was just quick to anger and too afraid to admit when he was in the wrong. “GIve me a ride?”

“Please, it’s the very least I can do. I feel awful.”

Elias knew that he shouldn’t get into a stranger's car, that it might be dangerous, that this man's kindness could be some sort of sinister facade. But he seemed so genuine, so concerned. So he slowly nodded, ducking into the passengers side door carefully. It was better than walking home in the rain. “My name’s Elias.” He heard himself saying.

“Elias,” the man repeated, “I’m Tyson.”

That was over a month ago, and the two were much more than strangers who almost had a horrible accident, by now. As Tyson was driving him home, they were talking about surface level things to fill the awkward spaces, and Tyson mentioned his ex-boyfriend, at which Elias mentioned his ex-boyfriend, and when they got to his apartment, Tyson asked for his number. They’d gotten much closer since then, Elias even stayed over at Tyson’s apartment a few days a week.

Tyson was so down to earth, so kind and forgiving and patient. He smoked weed, but he never pressured Elias into it, like other people had in the past. He was a nurse at a behavioral health hospital, he only worked nights, so they typically spent all day together. Elias was so enthralled by him and everything he did, often he would sit with Tyson as he drew sloppy, drug hazed sketches, or talk with him about the way the world worked, or things of that nature. The best part about being with Tyson was that he never felt forgotten or ignored, and he rather enjoyed the new attention. He enjoyed feeling cared about, important.

Sometimes Elias would stay at Tyson’s apartment when Tyson went to work, sleeping in his bed and waiting for him to come home in the morning. Tyson came home and crawled under the covers to catch up on sleep he’d missed at work, and after a while of holding each other while they slept, Elias got up to cook breakfast. He wasn’t a great cook, per say, but he could fry an egg alright, and maybe whip up some french toast on a good day. Today was apparently not one of the better ones, and the burnt food ended up in the trash, leaving him with scrambled eggs in the bottom of the pan. It wasn’t spectacular, but it would have to do.

“Good morning,” he called to Tyson as he came into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He always looked so nice upon waking up, his hair messy and how the late morning sun hit his beautiful dark skin as he stretched. “I made eggs. Not sure how safe they are to eat, though.”

Tyson offered a weak smile, but didn’t seem too amused at the joke. Elias wondered if he’d done something wrong, Tyson was usually so light-hearted.

“I need to talk to you about something, Eli.” He grumbled. Elias quite liked that nickname, but not when the rest of the sentence sounded so heavy. “Can we sit for a second?”

Once they were at the table, Elias took a deep breath, ready to put his defenses up, ready to be angry instead of hurt. He found himself thinking over the last few days, had he said something wrong? Was he annoying him? Overstaying his welcome at his apartment? “You’re tired of me, aren’t you?” He asked.

“No! Oh God, Eli, no!” He reached forward to take his hand as he spoke, smiling at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. You’re fine, we’re fine. This is about...well, it’s about my ex.”

Elias relaxed a fraction at the reassurance, so he was fine, Tyson wasn’t sick of him. Then he nodded for him to go on, listening carefully. Tyson didn’t talk about him much, but Elias knew that his name was Allen, that he had a lot of issues that were never really discussed in detail.

“You know how I told you that he had a lot going on? That he was sort of...a mess?” He paused, taking a deep breath to organize his thoughts. “Well, a while ago, he got mixed up with these really bad people, it wasn’t his fault, it should’ve never happened, and he got really hurt.” Tyson sounded nervous, and Elias squeezed his hand gently to comfort him. “Anyway, this guy he was with really hurt him, for a really long time. His name is August. I mean, this guy was a monster, he ruined his life.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Elias asked. The subject seemed to make both of them uneasy, and he stroked his thumb mindlessly against Tyson’s knuckles.

Tyson took a deep breath then, looking like he didn’t want to answer. “Well...He got hurt again, he’s at the hospital. I guess he didn’t want to call his boyfriend so they called me instead. I have to go pick him up. And I wanted you to come with me, if you’re comfortable with that.”

Elias didn’t know why he agreed to it, really, he just knew that within an hour he was walking down the cold, sterile, hallway of a hospital, hand in hand with an obviously nervous Tyson. He wasn’t really sure what to expect, having heard very few things about Allen in the past. Allen didn’t have his shit together, Tyson had told him, so as much as they had tried to work through things, it just wasn’t possible. From what he gathered, Tyson cared a lot about this guy, even if it wasn’t in that way anymore, and he believed him. Allen had someone else anyway, so he didn’t have anything to worry about. At least he hoped he didn’t.

Elias was shocked at how horrible Allen looked, like he was seconds from keeling over right there on the hospital bed. He was bruised up every few inches from head to toe, a sick pallor to him. Tyson wasn’t lying when he’d said that the person, August, had really hurt him.

Tyson rapped gently against the door frame, causing Allen to squint up at them with a pained look on his face. His black hair fell against his jaw and a few strands over his face, like he couldn’t be bothered to push it away from his eyes. He would be very attractive, if not for the splotchy bruises on his face, Elias thought to himself. His features were striking, all sharp angles and piercing eyes, his full lips parted slightly in fear.

“Oh, Allen.” Tyson breathed, his voice disdainful, upset at the state he was in. Recognition finally fell across his face, as if he couldn’t see who it was before he spoke.

“Tyson,” he whimpered, “you ca-came.” Relief coated his words, like he was expecting Tyson to say he didn’t want to come help him. Elias knew Tyson, knew the selfless way he cared for people, and if that’s what Allen was expecting, it was completely unrealistic.

“Of course.” Tyson reached to the side and flipped on one of the lights, which made Allen flinch horribly and squeeze his eyes shut for a moment. Elias was watching on with a pitiful interest, he had never seen someone so hurt, so scared. This August guy must’ve really done a number on him.

Elias followed close behind Tyson as he went to pull up a chair next to the bed, and Allen stared at him apprehensively. As if just remembering he was there, Tyson reached for his hand again as they sat down. “I forgot to introduce you, this is my boyfriend, Elias.” He shot him a fond look, and Elias smiled brightly back. He liked the sound of that, “his boyfriend”.

“Nice to finally meet you,” he spoke softly, trying not to startle him, “I’ve heard quite a bit about you. All good things.”

Allen nodded, dropping his head to look at the blanket and picking at a loose thread there. “Nice t-to meet you, too,” he stammered. “Ty, you didn’t uh...tell Leo, right? That I was here?”

“No,” Tyson assured him. “Did you want me to?” He sounded so comforting, so kind, just like he always did.

“No, I do-don’t think I’m ready to see him.”

They fell into a heavy silence after that, no one knowing what the right thing to say was. Eventually, Allen began to ask questions about their relationship, trying to get them to talk about themselves so he didn’t feel the attention on him. It worked for a while, up until Tyson had to excuse himself to the bathroom, and then Allen looked even more frightened as he realized he would be alone with Elias, a perfect stranger.

Elias ran through ways in his head of how to make Allen know that he meant no harm, that he wasn’t going to hurt him. Before he could think about it, he blurted, “I hope you don’t still like him.” He felt bad as soon as he said it, Allen was sitting in a hospital bed, covered in aches and pains, the last thing he needed was for Elias to interrogate him in his insecurity. He was surprised when Allen let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head.

“Who, Tyson?” He replied. Elias nodded half-heartedly. “No, I haven’t for awhile. D-don’t worry.”

Elias relaxed, leaning forward in his chair. “Ok, cause I really like him.” He bit his lip, a thoughtful look on his face. “He really cares about you. Maybe not in that way, but he really does. And that’s ok, cause you look like you could use someone who cares about you.”

Allen’s face softened, and he seemed to deflate from his afraid, panicked demeanor, at least a little. “I could. Th-thank you.”

Just then, Tyson walked in, smiling softly at the two of them. “Are you talking about me?” He teased, ruffling Elias’s blond hair as he walked past him to sit down.

“Us? Oh no, we were talking about football.” Elias joked. Tyson laughed, but Allen couldn’t even smile. He seemed glad for the company, but he didn’t look like he was used to being talked to, included in conversation.

“So, if you’re not staying with Leo right now, do you have somewhere to stay?” Tyson asked. Allen didn’t answer, didn’t even look up. He seemed like he was checked out, his thoughts somewhere else, very far from the safety of the hospital room. “Allen?”

Allen flinched at his own name, then looked up at him. “Sorry...what?”

“I said do you have a place to stay?”

Allen looked thoughtful, staring back at the wall. “Oh. Uh...I hadn’t thought about it, really. I g-guess once I start talking to Leo again...if he’ll even want to talk to me again…”

“Maybe you could stay with us,” he interrupted, already seeing where the anxious thought was headed, “Would that be ok, Eli?”

Elias nodded eagerly. He didn’t even realize that they were “us” at that point, as far as living together. It was nice to hear him phrase it that way. And he could tell from looking at Allen that he really needed a safe place to stay, and Tyson could definitely provide that.

Allen thanked them, then went quiet again. After a few moments, he sighed heavily, like simply existing was extremely taxing on his well being. “I always feel so l-lost without him.” He admitted. “I know I shouldn’t, b-but I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong and just d-don’t know.”

Elias assumed he was talking about August, and he felt bad. He couldn’t imagine how shitty it must feel to miss someone who had caused so much pain, damaged him so badly. Elias had been hurt and betrayed by people who were supposed to take care of him plenty of times, but he’d never missed them after, only looking back with resentment and anger.

“Yeah,” Tyson breathed. “I know it’s really rough on you. He really messed up your view of good and bad. But you’re doing great, someone will tell you if something isn’t ok, you’re not gonna be in trouble or anything.”

It was amazing, how Tyson could talk someone out of their panic so easily, how he seemed to know just what to say to assure them. Allen merely shrugged, clearly not as amazed as Elias was. “Leo probably hates me. I’m so afraid to call him.”

“We’ll figure that out when we get back. I’m sure he doesn’t, he’s probably just worried sick. You’ve got a tendency to do that to him.” He smiled softly at him, trying to get him to relax. It didn’t work.

Allen only had to be in the hospital for about an hour and a half after that, and then Tyson drove him and Elias back to his apartment. Elias glanced back at him every now and then, frowning when he saw he had pulled his hood over his eyes and was covering his ears with his hands. He turned the music down, thinking that maybe it was too loud, but Allen stayed tucked away into his little shell the rest of the ride back.

Finally, he was sitting at the kitchen table with his hands folded in front of him obediently as Tyson cooked them lunch. Elias came and sat with him at one point, smiling at him. “I really like your hair,” he said, “really suits your face.” He hoped that if he was nice enough, Allen would stop being so afraid and get comfortable. It was sad to see him looking so worried.

“Thank you.” Allen replied, almost mechanically.

Tyson joined them minutes later, setting a plate in front of Allen, who began staring at it trivially.

“What, you don’t like it?” Tyson teased. Even though he knew he was trying to ask it in a joking way so he wouldn’t freak Allen out, Elias could tell he was genuinely concerned. He hoped Allen knew that too.

Allen only frowned up at him, like he was too afraid to speak. He was so god damn quiet, Elias gathered. He didn’t know how, because Elias had been through his fair share of hard times and they all made him loud and pissed off. He couldn’t think of a single time that someone had treated him like garbage and he decided he would be quiet. He couldn’t tell if that signified that what happened to Allen was more dreadful than he could guess, or if they just handled things differently. He hopped, for Allen’s sake, that it was the ladder.

“N-no..I just uh...just…” he trailed off, picking up his fork with shaking hands. He looked like he was going to be sick, staring at the food. Elias tasted it, out of curiosity, but it was just fine.

“You just what?” Tyson prompted.

Allen had tears in his eyes as he stabbed through the food, staring at it in fear, like it was going to hurt him itself. For a moment, he looked like he was going to try to eat it, but then he dropped the fork to the plate with a clink and covered his face. “I’m s-sorry,” he choked out, “I really am.”

“Hey, it’s ok. Why don't you tell me what’s going on? We’ll figure it out.”

“J-just...last time someone gave me f-food, it was August, and he put something in it th-that made me sick for days... I just can’t stop thinking about that.”

Tyson and Elias exchanged a disgusted frown, not wanting to believe that someone would do that. “What a dick,” Elias remarked, “seriously, who the fuck does that?”

Allen shook his head, wiping at his tears furiously. “No, he only did it because I was doing something wrong. I d-deserved it.”

“Don’t say that. You did nothing wrong, Allen.”

He nodded at that, shutting himself up. Elias suddenly wasn’t hungry. None of them were.

“I think I need to call Leo,” Allen suddenly said, standing from the table. He grabbed his phone, then went outside.

Elias stood up and began helping Tyson clean up the untouched food from the table. He wondered if what he said upset Allen, that’s why he suddenly wanted to leave. It was true though, August was a dick for it, and there was nothing Allen could have done to warrant that kind of treatment. “Did I upset him?” Elias asked Tyson, a worried look on his face. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No, love, it’s not your fault. He’s just fragile right now.” He sighed heavily as he set the plates into the sink, looking rather overwhelmed. “I know this is a lot to handle, thank you for being so cool about it.”

Before he could respond, Allen came back in, tears streaming down his face. “Leo’s coming to g-get me,” he murmured, leaning against the wall as if it was too hard to stand upright on his own, “thank you f-for everything.”

Tyson nodded at him, a look of relief slipping onto his face. “Oh, that’s good. How did talking to him go?”

Allen shrugged uselessly, not wanting to go into depth. He seemed exhausted, and no one could blame him, with what he’d been through. Tyson offered to walk him outside to meet Leo, and Elias sat inside by himself while he waited. He thought about how strange of a circumstance it was, usually when people met their partners ex, things were tense and awkward, but meeting Allen wasn’t like how he’d expect, he wasn’t jealous or insecure, he mainly just felt bad for the guy.

When Tyson came back inside, it was like they were both too afraid to talk about what happened, so they just turned on a movie instead, leaning against each other and pretending there was nothing to talk about.

[staywritten]

All In│Bang Chan «Chapter TwentyTwo»

Synopsis: After a messy break up your sophomore year, you decided that the best thing for you was to finish off your college career single. You wanted to focus on yourself, grow as a person and finish off your degree strong. There’d be plenty of time for love after college. But after losing your camera you become friends with the seemingly perfect boy that threatens to ruin your plans.

Genre: SocialMedia!AU, College!AU, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut

◄Back «Masterlist» Next►

*Chapter Rated Mature, contains smut

Written Portion of the Chapter Below

It took absolutely everything in Chan to come to your apartment. You invited him but it still felt like he was somehow violating your space. That this was the sole thing he’s been wanting and yet it felt so surreal to get this far. There were only two possible outcomes after he left here. It was either he continued to be someone you allowed in your life or he wasn’t. That in itself was nerve wracking. He took a deep breath before finally knocking on your apartment door. 

Momo swung the door open, glaring at him. “Chan.”

“Hi Momo… it’s been a while”

“I honestly could have gone longer without seeing you” she sighed letting him in. “But if you’re here to just break her heart some more, I’ll save you the trouble.”

“I’m not...I’m trying to make things right…” he looked down fiddling with his hoodie sleeves. “I just want her to be happy…”

“I’m serious Chan...I’ve never seen her as happy as she was with you...but I’ve also never seen her so heart broken as she is now…” she pressed her manicured finger into his chest. “Fix this.”

“All I can do is beg for her forgiveness”

“She’s in her room...I’m going to dance practice” Momo grabbed her bag “Good luck” 

Chan looked at your door, his hand hovering over it before falling back to his side. He didn’t really know what he was gonna say, his only plan was to answer any question you had and try to be as upfront with his feelings as possible. But he knew in the back of his mind that there was a strong possibility that it just wasn’t going to be enough, that he wasn’t going to be enough and this could be the last conversation he had with you and that in itself terrified him. 

After what felt like an eternity the door opened, Chan’s hand falling back down to his side again, never finding the courage to knock. “H-How’d you know I was here?”

“Momo said she was gonna get the door a while ago…”

“Sorry...I got nervous…” 

You nodded “It’s ok…” you stepped aside letting him inside your room, and gesturing for him to have a seat on the bed. “We needed to talk...I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you...I just...I wasn’t ready…I needed to organize my thoughts”

“No, I’m sorry. If I had just been upfront about everything this wouldn’t have happened.” he bowed. “I’ll answer anything”

“Chan I ran away from you instead of letting you talk. I’m at least partly to blame” You hugged yourself, gaze falling to the ground. 

His eyes widened hearing you can him Chan, it’d been such a while since he heard you say that. It was so unfamiliar off your lips. You were still distancing yourself from him. He nodded “Mistakes were made… I don’t have any excuses to offer you… I’m just trying to be honest...I want to have what we had before...I wanna make you happy again”

“What is Rosie to you…?” You didn’t know if he knew that Rosie reached out to you and gave you her side of the story. After your talk with Rosie, and Changbin you realized they were right. Chan wasn’t the kind of person to purposely hurt you. It did seem like a genuine misunderstanding. Perhaps it was self sabotage, like it was so unbelievable that you were happy in a relationship that the moment something wasn’t perfect you fled. It wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to everyone that put up with you. You already knew your decision about Chan before he even arrived but you needed to hear him say it. 

You needed confirmation. 

“Rosie was…” he sighed “No, Rosie is one of my best friends, especially growing up. We met in primary school and were friends all the way until graduation. Sometime during my freshman year of highschool feelings developed and we just kind of ended up dating. We never really had a talk or anything about it, things just progressed naturally. I did like her a lot and at the time I’m sure I could have called it love. There was no reason to break up until graduation. I knew I wanted to move to Seoul, and Felix was gonna join me here in a few years.” He fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie, looking up at you sincerely. “Rosie was gonna stay in Sydney she wanted to be a singer there and already signed to a company”

You nodded taking in his story. “Why didn’t you break up when you moved?”

“I guess we thought we’d make it work? When I first got to Seoul I was overwhelmed, there was culture shock, a huge workload with classes and the swim team. I even had a part time job. I barely even spoke to Rosie, she had a career. We’d talk occasionally but there was never an urgency.” he gave you a small smile. “I don’t think either of us were that invested in our relationship. But when I went back home to see my parents me and Rosie would pick up where we left off, we’d act like a couple again filling each other in on lost time. That kind of thing worked for us.”

“You said before, you guys were on a break… When did you guys decide that?” 

“Sometime during my sophomore year I told her I wasn’t able to come home for her birthday and she told me not to worry about that anymore, that she didn’t want to pressure me. She was the one who suggested the break, said there was a guy she was starting to get close to but wasn’t sure if it was more than friendship.” he laughed “It was selfish but we both decided that it was good for us. Honestly neither of us wanted to deal with the guilt from talking with other people but we were cowards and didn’t want to break up properly.”

“How is that fair to anyone? It’s like you have one foot out the door in every relationship… This other person is all in and you guys are just playing with them, because if it doesn’t work out you both had a trump card” you hugged yourself “It’s cruel to date someone and make them think that they’re your number one when they’re actually just on a wait list”

“I know that now… I promise we didn’t think of it like that… We were just trying to spare each other's feelings… I think we both thought the other was in love and the only thing in the way was distance but it was more than that… But you’re right that whole one foot out the door thing...it was the reason why me and Rosie both failed with other people.” 

“What are your feelings for her now?”

“She’s still a great friend, we’re both busy with life so we only keep up through instagram. I don’t regret my relationship with her, but I do regret not ending it properly in the beginning. We could have spared a lot of people's feelings. We broke up officially right before I went back to Australia.” he gave you a sheepish smile. “She has a boyfriend that she was hesitant on living with because of the guilt and I’ve never seen her so happy.”

“Does he know about this?”

“When I went to visit her we both talked to him and apologized. It took a little bit but he understood…It was the mistake of two very immature kids who held on to a memory, and ran from our feelings…”

You stood in front of him with a pout on your lips. “Very selfish, immature kids…” 

“Very very selfish” he looked up at you and held your fingers, as gently as possible, gauging your reaction. It was the first physical contact he had with you in so long. He missed your warmth, how you felt in his hand. How you immediately calmed his rising anxieties. 

“How do you feel about me? Was I just a fling? Was I just another person you were trying out while waiting for Rosie?”

“No...you were never a fling...I never meant to fall so hard...so fast, but I know I love you.” h e looked down at your intertwined fingers, rubbing your hand softly. “The first time I saw you with Hyunjin I thought you were so beautiful… It was only for a moment you were waiting for him outside the gym but i just couldn’t stop thinking about you… When we finally started talking because of your camera i was happy enough… I could be happy with just a friendship, but then I-” he stopped himself to look at you, to gaze in your warm eyes that gave him the courage to continue. “I couldn’t stop imagining you by my side, thinking about you when I went to sleep...You were my first thought when I woke up…I never felt like that before”

Your frown turned into a small pout. All the time lost and heartbreak could have been avoided had you two just communicated better. If your first instinct wasn’t to run,if you didn’t let your past trauma dictate your present. Yugyeom took a lot of things from you. You weren’t going to let your pain from him take away your present happiness anymore. “I love you too” he gently tugged pulling you on his lap and cupping your face, his thumb tracing over your bottom lip. 

“I’m so sorry for all the trouble and heartbreak I caused you… You have to know it’s my worst nightmare to hurt you.”

“Don’t do it again…” you whispered against the palm of his hand, leaning into his touch.

“You forgive me?” his voice barely a whisper. 

“I’m not gonna hold your past against you. After talking to you...and to Rosie...I’m ready to forgive you. But you have to be all in… No backup plans…no cards up your sleeves” you made him look into your eyes, squishing his face in your small hands. 

“I’m all in” He brushed his nose against yours, smiling brightly. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

You laughed and nodded “It almost sounds silly to hear at this point.”

“I’m done with ambiguous relationships” he smirked “I want to be very clear with what we have… Can you say it for me?”

“Yes, Chris. I’ll be your girlfriend” you giggled as he pulled you into a deep kiss, his fingers tangling in your hair. 

“I missed you so much…” he mumbled against your lip. “I’m not letting you go again...I promise…” his heart fluttered seeing your smile brighten, he could practically see the sparkle in your eyes. He chuckled as you tried to chase his lips every time he pulled away. 

“If you missed me, then kiss me” you pouted in frustration, whining when his lips were always out of touch.

His eyes raked over your face, the little scrunch of your nose, the furrow of your brow, how your pout deepened. His thumb traced your features slowly. “My gorgeous babygirl…” he whispered against your skin.

You couldn't help but feel so exposed as he just stared at you, like he was trying to memorize every feature. It honestly made you feel so vulnerable. “Chris….stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” his smile turned into a playful smirk. “How am I looking at you?” 

You caressed his cheek, your eyes softening at his gaze. “Like I’m precious…”

“Because you are…” the moment the words left his mouth he hid his face in your sweater.

“Chris…” you brought his chin up to you, your nails running through his curly hair. “Make love to me…”

He pulled you down with him, rolling on top as he peppered your faces with kisses. His warm fingers running down your side and pushing your night shirt up. “My beautiful girl…” He nipped at your lips, cupping your breast from under your sports bra. You shivered under his touch as he made quick work of your shirt, tossing it behind him. “Stop~” he groaned as you covered your chest, shrinking yourself the moment he took off your bra, leaving you in your panties. “Lemme see”

You huffed pushing him away with one hand. “No, I’m too naked and you’re fully clothed.”

“Then undress me” his voice laced with teasing. 

“Close your eyes” you warned, waiting for the moment he closed his eyes before you took off his shirt. Your fingertips lingering for a moment too long on his strong abs. Your eyes watching the slightest movement of his body as he took in a breath. He peaked an eye open to watch you follow the rigids of his abs down toward his belt loop. While working on undoing his belt you looked up from the feeling of being watched. “Hey you’re supposed to-”

He silenced you with a deep kiss, smiling against you. “How could I…” he smiled brightly, placing his hands on top of yours helping you get the belt off. “I don’t wanna miss a second of you…” his expression was just so soft, so gentle. His little butterfly kisses working down your body, as he occasionally stopped just to maintain eye contact with you, making you squirm before you shut your eyes in embarrassment. He chuckled watching you get shy. “God I missed you…” he pressed a kiss against your panties, his tongue teasing you from the outside. 

“Chris…” his name a prayer on your lips, only encouraging his teasing. 

Slipping your panties down your leg he returned to your core, hooking your thighs over his shoulders

You whimpered feeling his tongue dive in. Your back arching against the mattress “Chris you don’t have to-Ah” you gripped the bedsheets harder. 

“I want to…” he gave you the softest puppy dog pout “I want to make you feel good… I want you to only think of me…” his dark eyes watched you, making sure this was ok “May I?” 

You nodded, breathlessly giving him permission to continue. From how he held you, to how his tongue flattened against all the right spots you were at his mercy. He made sure to work you over with his fingers, letting you ride out your orgasm. Your vision, blurring from the pleasure.

He left kisses back up your body, his full lips covered in your slick as he kissed you. You deepen the kiss, holding him as close as you could. “I need you…” you begged. “Please Chris…”

“I love you..” he cupped your face before kissing your nose, your cheek, your throat. “You have me Baby girl…” he rubbed himself against you, slowly pushing himself inside. Letting you take him inch by inch, slowly finding his rhythm. He never broke eye contact with you as he moved faster. He spoiled you with sweet kisses as you held on to his shoulders, your nails dragging down his back as you held on to him. 

And as much as he brought you immense pleasure while making love to you. The things that really got you were his little giggles when he’d catch your smiles, the way his free hand would always find yours to hold your hand and give you reassurance. How his kisses always managed to taste like watermelon juice. 

“I love you so much Christopher…” you whispered between moans, holding his face closer to you, his lips ghosting yours. 

He buried his face in your neck, pressing a kiss at the base of your throat. “Please don't’ let me go again…” his hand gripped your intertwined fingers as he reached his climax, you following right behind him. Despite him cumming he continued to pump you a few more times, each one becoming lazier than the last. “Stay with me…” he whispered more so to himself, not intending for you to hear him. 

“I’m not going anywhere…” you brought his lips back to yours in a sweet chaste kiss. You two definitely weren’t perfect, and mistakes were made. There was no telling that your relationship was going to be perfect from now on. But some things were worth taking a gamble on. He was worth trying for. You weren’t gonna run away from this one. 

To be continued…

That was a lengthy chapter, but thank you guys for being so patient while waiting for the update. I was dealing with a lot of bugs with the app and finally managed to get through it. There’s only two more chapters of this series left 

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