#For real tho I did miss my little russian man
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you know a bitch is emotionally unstable when you tear up with joy watching the first 5 minutes of chernobyl
#not because of the nuclear devistation to unite all peoples within our nation mind you#its because I see my little sweetie's face and I want to kiss him 🥰😘#really need to remember to switch out my blorbos to prevent stagnation I love francis so much but I may need a break#also I want to finish up those one shots in that series I started for valery deeply now#I really missed him I had no idea#can you believe this is how we all started? by my re-watching this? and now look at me#For real tho I did miss my little russian man#you would not believe#also so nice to see adam negatis being nice#wholesome show this is
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my thoughts on the faceoff doc:
- i do not like the leafs and the bruins, but I think i like willy and pastrnak a lot more today;
- loved willy going to games in the subway, thats hilarious
- who cares about eichel and mustache man? skipped episode 2
- swayman × Matthew, very nice. loved swayman's dad, but oh jeremy, some things you said can be used against you during your contractgate.
- tkachukfamily my beloved <3
- who tf thinks trouba is an example of a captain? they should've picked staal or larkin as the neutral 3rd guy, but the only real choice for me was Ovechkin. Only watched gabe's scenes. I really hope he gets to play again. Loved that his daughter's fave team is the penguins <3 even little swedish kids love Sid
- booooo the evil team episode. its clear to see them putting mcdavid as the main character and the bias towards the oilers. this is not just in episode 5, but i thought this doc repeats a lot of things unnecessarily. looooved the shots of Lenny. I had a LOT of fun seeing McDavids meltdown :)))
- games 1, 2 and 3 scenes are awesome, and my fave rat man eats it the fuck up!!! that man is made for the cameras
- skipped a lot of scenes from games 4, 5 and 6. what matters in the end is that evil was defeated and Matthew and the Panthers are Cup Champions ❤️
- i thought i got past tearing up after they won but I'm not
- my favorite shot of this whole doc is probably keith tkachuk crying while taryn and brady are like HE DID IT. thats love and pride and happiness right there in his face. i definitely cried, and i miss having my dad with me <3
- there werent enough paul maurice moments!!! not a single shot of him lifting the cup!!! not enough of his amazing lines!! him on the floor being a goalie, him calling the guys you fuckers... what an entertaining man!!!
- Overall a good series!! Id give 8/10
- Players i'd like to see in season 2: tyler seguin, sid and geno, trevor zegras even tho the ducks suck, mitch marner (hope you get traded babe), tim stutzle, jonathan toews coming back from the dead, someone on the kraken, kotchekov/svechnikov bc russian and in my wildest dreams Flower in his last run in the playoffs ever. hope he wins the cup lmao
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morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 13:
season 4, episode 1, “Game”:
- season 4!! let’s go
- need me some gay stuff
- season three was not very fruity
- wtf instrument is this lady playing
- thursday is such an asshole sometimes it’s a wonder i like him
- trewlove is perfect in every way
- “where do you stand with all that?” “suicide?” “love.”
- morse and debryn supremacy!!!
- look i KNOW morse thinks of joan when debryn referenced the “one that got away” but…. don’t you think they could be talking about jakes too?
- because i think they’re talking about jakes
- morse’s papers going missing is SO frustrating
- people hate to see my boy succeed and i’m sick of it!
- i know thursday is sad because of joan but morse has every right to be frustrated with him
- at the same time…
- morse copes by working
- with everhthing
- if anything upsets him he goes to work and locks in
- so i can see how he wouldn’t be particularly understanding of thursday not being able to push through and he should try better to be sympathetic
- i still think he has every right to be frustrated w him tho
- tessa knight 🤢🤮🤮🤮
- thursday is SO MEANNNNNNNN
- and for what!
- these scientists are gay <3
- they bicker like a couple and then immediately try to take care of each other it’s adorable
- morse speaking russian 🥰🥰🥰
- i’m giggling
- i love that bright is always so dramatically impressed when morse does something well
- bright and trewlove are so ����🥺 i’m obsessed with them
- trewlove showing that sexist motherfucker UP
- I LOVE HER
- “it’s not my place to say.”
- he is. so catty.
- these parents deserve so much better i feel so terrible for them
- thursday’s way of “making it up” to morse is so annoying
- i know he feels bad for hurting morse but just talk to him
- we all know we doesn’t care about validation or congratulations
- like he knows that! and yet 🫤
- the russian man being fully capable of speaking english and just choosing not to do so is so funny to me
- i already don’t like journalists about 60% of the time but this girl is ESPECIALLY annoying and i hate her
- this author is kinda…
- morse obviously doesn’t wanna talk to this author about his job so why on earth did he pull up to the guys house
- that’s my question!
- is it just because he’s….
- because he is!
- morse would be right
- ofc he quickly ends up disliking him but it’s the hope in that situation that matters 🙄
- also morse telling him that police work is boring in real life as if he didn’t get attacked by a tiger and experience all the events of The Great Gatsby is wild
- just straight up lying at this point
- STEALING FROM A POLICE OFFICER?????
- you stole. from a police officer.
- i cannot believe she is like this 😐 i hate her sm
- and of course the same day he finds out that he is being intentionally sabotaged is the day he’s being berated for “losing his notebook”
- cannot catch a break
- at least he and thursday are trying to make up
- these scientists are SO GAY (the awkward one w the glasses and the snobby one with the mouse)
- teasing him while massaging him and then putting his hand on his waist when he gets up
- Science Bros™️
- i don’t like her and all that but tessa didn’t deserve to die 🫤
- the face casts are so upsetting
- makes my damn skin crawl
- the odds of morse finding that paper in the doll were positively MINUSCULE he literally just can’t keep his hands to himself
- justice for frazil i just want her to be happy
- incest should never be the answer in a murder investigation tbh
- or like… even an idea of what happened
- grody tbh!
- NO FRAZIL NO
- aw GODDAM IT
- THE LITTLE GAY SCIENTIST IS THE KILLER
- i’m so upset
- i thought he and the mouse man had something 🫤🫤
- they would have been so cute
- but no he’s not gay he’s fucking incestuous
- i’m mad 🙄🙄🙄🙄
- morse finally driving his car at a reasonable speed
- GO FRAZIL GO
- NO FRAZIL NO
- i stg if anything happened to her i would lose my mind i’m so glad she’s okay
- morse just roasting the killer to get him to surrender is… a choice
- “you have to make a stand somewhere. they’re not going to drive me out.”
- YOU TELL EM MORSE
- morse has lost everyone he’s loved and all he had left is the place he loves and he will not leave and i love him for it
#this one is short but i’m going to bed#sleepy as fuck#endeavour#endeavour itv#endeavour morse#morse#itv endeavour
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How the cannon characters would react to my fannon versions of themselves
Ok, so I had an idea inspired by a convo with @smokeywhalee about cannon characters vs the fannon versions of those characters, and so I wrote this to explore the versions I write verses what it might be like if they met their cannon selves.
These are just my faves for this, since I write/enjoy writing for them the most, but I hope you all can enjoy!
Adler vs My Adler
Bro, Adler would probably shoot my Adler on sight lmao
I can't imagine he'd be very happy with the idea of a perfect clone of himself walking around
That, and the dad bod disturbes him
In all seriousness, I think Adler would give my Adler a chance and at least maybe try to talk with him
If he could somehow confirm that my Adler is indeed a perfect clone of himself, then I can gaurentee you it wouldn't be a very nice means of meeting up
Probably more like a black ops kid knapping tbh
Adler wants to know who sent my Adler and wtf is going on, while my Adler is (understandably) agitated and wants to get back home to Hilda (Bell 😌💖) because he knows she'll be worried
Of course, this would spark another conversation of a clone of Bell being alive in the world
This is of course completely unacceptable for Adler
While my Adler may be a bit more mellowed then regular Adler, he's every bit as tough and stubborn and would never give up Bell's location
All in all, things would end very badly
Like, possibly "fight to the death" badly
Adler sees an inferior version of himself who is a slave to his emotions rather then a solider loyal to his county
My Adler sees a government lapdog so deep and blinded in his own dogma that he's willing to kill anyone he's told to, including his Bell
Idk who would win that fight tbh
My Adler is a little more muscular and has a bit of a weight advantage, but cannon Adler is almost definitely more agile, so....
Best to just keep those two apart
Hudson vs My Hudson
Aw man, this would be the Adlers part two tbh
The only real difference is that my Hudson by and large shares cannon Hudson's average ish body type
They know the exact same stuff, they've been through the exact same stuff, the only difference is that my Hudson does not have a Jenny (he has you!!!)
That's negligible I think tho, so luckily you'd be safe
Hudson would certainly want my Hudson detained for interigation, just to see what's going on here
My Hudson would come willingly, on the condition that he can let you know he'll be away for a time first
I think Hudson would allow it, as long as it's from a secure, CIA line
After some time, my Hudson has been completely cooperative and everyone involved has come to the conclusion that he is indeed not a soviet spy
I'm sure there'd be some sort of security thing they'd have to do, considering you can't just have a man with Hudson's knowledge walking around freely
Maybe they'd try to hire him on lol
My Hudson would do it 10/10
Hudson probably would enjoy working with himself
Finally, someone competent
No, I think the only real thing he doesn't get is the head rubs obsession
It sounds nice, sure, but....
Hudson just can't imagine being that touchy feely
Lazar vs My Lazar
My Lazar would love nothing more then to be instant friends
Maybe chat a little, see what kind of stuff his other self does
Who can you trust if not yourself after all
Cannon Lazar could not disagree more
He's extremely suspicious and twice as freaked out of my Lazar
Probably would pull his gun on him tbh
My Lazar would be able to diffuse the situation at least and the two would try and make sense of what's going on
Lazar never lets his guard down, but he is willing to hear my Lazar out
The two don't become "friends" in the least by the end of it all, mich to my Lazars disappointment, but they would leave on neutral terms
Lazar probably assumes he had a weird hallucination or ate something that made him sick and forgets about the whole thing
My Lazar goes home to his S/O feeling a bit upset at being rejected by his own self
At least my Lazar gets cuddles
Cannon Lazar? I don't see him being very into that kind of physical affection
He seems more like a one night stand, make her breakfast in the morning, then move on type of guy
Definitely not interested in "cuddling"
Oh, and you can forget touching his stomach, even though he actually has abs... unlike my Lazar
Not on your life, my friend
Mason vs My Mason
Oof Mason would probably freak tf out if he met a perfect clone of himself
He'd probably assume that whatever the Russians did to him is acting up and causing this weird hallucination
My Mason understands completely though and tries to calm cannon Mason down
The two talk it out and eventually Mason realizes that there's nothing sinister going on here...
Just some weird ass shit
The two of them actually get along very well
It's kind of therapeutic in a way for cannon Mason to have a literal conversation with himself like this
They actually decide to stay in contact and hangout together more often
However, they do agree to keep each other secret
All hell would break loose in the CIA if they found out there were two Alex Masons walking around
My Mason teaches cannon Mason a little bit if what he's learned in therapy to deal with his anxiety and PTSD
It's a very beneficial and healthy friendship
Weaver vs My Weaver
Weaver is not at all interested in my Weaver lmao
He sees a pathetic, self pitying insult to himself, and my Weaver sees a callus tool who's afraid to open up
That does not go over well, and while the two might have a little old man fist fight if things go particularly bad...
I think they'd probably just agree to leave each other be at the end of the day
Cannon Weaver probably doesn't even report the phenomenon to anyone higher up, he just wants to let it go and do his current job
Meanwhile, my Weaver is pretty wounded by his doppelgangers words and spends the next while wondering if he really is as weak and spineless as he's been told
Luckily he at least has you to come home to and talk about it with
Cannon Weaver is another one where you can forget being touchy feely with him
Even if he did actually need a hug or something like that, you wouldn't catch him dead admitting it
... Perhaps his clone does have a point
Woods vs My Woods
Complete and utter MAYHEM
Woods would probably be pretty freaked out to see a copy of himself out and about
He'd have no problem approaching my Woods and seeing what's up though
Upon finding out that they are indeed the same person, the true trouble begins
Woods honestly doesn't care how my Woods came to be, what he does care about is figuring out what kind of stupid shit the two of them can get up to
Mostly that comes in the form of annoying and freaking out Mason
They both laugh at each other's jokes, but Woods wouldn't miss a chance to roast my Woods' dad bod
This is where the real difference is
Not so much in the physique, but in the personality
My Woods is actually pretty sensitive tbh, so I'm sure he'd get upset and pick a fight with cannon Woods just to shut him up
Which of course, cannon Woods would love
I mean, how often is he going to get the chance to try and kick his own ass?????
Once again, not sure who would win, but let's just say it wouldn't be pretty
Although, if I had to guess, I'd probably say cannon Woods
Only because I try to consistently portray my Woods as his physical age while cannon Woods is miraculously always spry and limber
Not very fair, but ok
Anyway things only would get worse if Woods found out my Woods has an S/O that fawns over him and such
Pretty sure Woods would puke on the spot just at the thought of letting someone "cuddle" him
They become enemies pretty fast and my Woods tries to avoid cannon Woods when he can
That guy's an asshole
#black ops cold war#call of duty#russell adler#frank woods#jason hudson#grigori weaver#eleazar azoulay#cod headcanons
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Friday, 14 March 1840
7 1/2
12 55/’’
Fine morning Reaumur 11 1/4º at my bedhead at 8 a.m. breakfast at 9 20/’’ to 10 10/’’ out at 10 1/2 to the Indian Pagoda with George and the son of our host – In vain – Nothing to be seen – Returned afraid of being too late for the Brügens at 11 – Had Mr. Stewart (60 poods = 1 Ton English) and then the Swede, music master, Hoeffner received en société here, till the carriage came at 11 1/2 and in it Madame Brügens’ sister and the General Attaman –
Off to the Metched (Mosque) – Too soon – Service begins at one – Went in – vestibule, nave, and square church – Good pulpit (a sort of little staircase, as usual, up to little platform to stand or squat upon) and little Apse – Low gallery 1/2 way over nave – Largeish, handsomish building – Far handsomer and larger and better than the little Metched we saw at Moscow, or the larger we saw at Kazan – All mosques? quite plain within –
The Persian Mosque in Astrakhan. (Image Source)
Then to the library – The few (a thousand or more?) books given by a merchant – Still ∴[therefore] librarian tho’ knowing nothing about it – Would sell books par l’anne –
A few birds almost all natives of the Government of Astracan – 2 (jagais I think) steppe-sheep and a few models of vessels used on the Caspian nothing particular – And nets and models of wind-mills used for pumping water from the river for watering the gardens and of the manner of fishing in the Volga (interesting) – And a few specimens nothing particular of salt from lakes in this Government – Some time turning over the plates of an old work on Russia in several 8vo.[octavo] volumes by Gmelin? –
Then to the Cossak Institution (school) 26 boys – Learn Geography Arithmetic Mathematics – French and German and the Eastern languages at the Gymnase – Mademoiselle Attaman the sister examined one or 2 of the boys in Geography who answered readily and well – The 26 boys are fed and clothed, and the fund (furnished by the Cossacks – Nothing of it paid by the Emperor) is 10,000/- per annum –
Then to the Puits Artésien – 60 sagènes deep – Water but not good rises to within 2 sagènes of the top – On the approach of a lighted candle the gas inflames and burns with a blueish light and rather sulphurous smell – Don’t mention it to Temirazoff – Sought water found fire – Disappointed –
Home at 1 55/’’ the carriage to return for us at 3 to dinner – had the soldier with his drawings – For an exterior and an interior of the Pagan Temple at Tumen and the back and front of a priest, 3 drawings = 75/- - this so far passed my ideas, said I would inquire tonight what they ought to be, and would let the man know if I wanted them –
Put on clean frilled handkerchief, and the same dress again (silk morning gown with velvet pelerine and flannel and black silk handkerchief round my throat) and silk stockings and black silk shoes – The carriage at 3 1/4 and off immediately to dinner chez lez Brügens, he General Attaman des Cossaks = en tout 10,000/- per annum the General Governor = 14000/- per annum but house and servants (soldiers) and wood found and the Emperor has twice given him 30,000/- - the Attaman finds his own house but he has 1500/- a year allowed for it and house costs about 900/- to 1000/- including his Chancellerie and 400/- = wood that there is a little to spare out of the fifteen hundred – And he too has soldiers for servants – They have one woman to wash – The family being small – Madame de Rebender has 2 women to wash – All the washing done at home –
Erast Dmitrievich von der Bruggen, Ataman des Cossacks when Anne and Ann were at Astrakhan. (Image Source)
Very nice dinner soup, and a roti (en morceaux as usual) of beef, and fish (Sterlet) and game, and some little gateaux the Ataman said the beef was hard – Grand Carême – Only 10 or 12 families – Or so few wanted meat, impossible to get it good now – As for me, my cold is so bad, I can neither taste nor smell – Coffee – The Ataman very civil and attentive – Put on his full dress Cossack uniform = 800/- did he say and common dress about 300/- - very becoming –
Home at 6 1/2 having staid (apparently?) an unusually long while after dinner – The carriage come again for us at 8 – On our return found Mr. and Mrs. and Miss Stewart – He has the rank of Captain – Was head clerk in the bank here – But the bank for some malpractices of some of the gents[gentlemen] (some cheating of Government) has been ‘put under law’ – The business has been 8 years already cleared, and those who have will be punished – But in the mean time all is stopped – Rank is stately and he is on 1/2 pay ∴[therefore] he has taken a situation in a Merchant’s House as clerk –
He dined with Lord Pollington when here, and went with him to an assembly – Lord P-[Pollington] and his brother were at the English House here (at the Missionaries) now broken up and got money of them by giving them a bill – The Missionaries having lost their rights here, went away – Dr. Ross is settled near London Mr. McPherson returned to Scotland, and Mr. Gleig is at Sabriz – Lord P-[Pollington] took Mr. Gleig’s son with him as interpreter or what not – But the young man thought they treated him too much like a servant – They quarrelled and parted before Tiflis – Perhaps all were in fault for all young together Lord P-[Pollington] 20 his brother 16 or 17 and young Gleig about 20 – It seemed as if Lord P-[Pollington] had made difficulty about passing G-‘s[Gleig’s] expense back – And Mr. S-[Stewart] seemed to think he (Lord P-[Pollington]) did not pay them –
Kazembeck [Kasembeck] was converted here by the 3 Missionaries above named – His father a Persian nobleman in command at Derbend under the Russians rebelled against them – His sons were sent to Persia and well educated by their friends there – K-[Kazembeck] was a handsome clever young man – Came here to see his father (was the father imprisoned here?) was employed by the missionaries to write Persian for them (translation of the scriptures) and ∴[therefore] converted – His father was reconciled to him before his death and on hearing him said that if he was not an old man, grey headed, he would be a Xtian[Christian] too –
Mrs. Stewart born in London – A poor sort of thin, pinchy-looking little woman but speaking better English than her husband – He evidently of Scotch origin and mixing foreign idioms with his own – The daughter Æt [aetatis] 16 hardly spoke – Poor people they staid as if for ever –
Madame Rebender called and sat perhaps 10 minutes or 1/4 hour – They staid all the while, tho’ my conversation was all addressed to Madame R-[Rebender] and she good natured as she is never uttered to them – To dine with Madame R-[Rebender] tomorrow – The S-s[Stewarts] staid some time standing after Madame R-[Rebender] went away but at last got off –
No sooner gone than another English came Mr. Strelnecky or some such unEnglish like name – He said it was he who was Directeur des Postes en Siberie when Captain Cochrane was there and who had travelled with him (but never on foot) so much – Certainly la tête montée at times – It used to come over him now and then – His marriage very queer – At a dinner party at Irkutsk he as usual calling his wife by an abbreviation of her name which in Russian meant ox – This being explained to her, she jumped pulled his hair off his head, and asked him how he dared call her so – On his return to England he put her to school and left her there when he went away to the Brazils and died and she never saw him more – He boasted of his Siberian tour costing him so little – His wife cost him 10,000/- -
How I did not quite make out for Mr. Phackler, the Vice Governor came (pronounced Pheller) and my conversation was all addressed to him about the Courier, the story of Gross and the pistol – Frightened jumptschik &c. &c. yet in spite of all this the persevering English staid till the end till 8 3/4 when the Brügens carriage having waited 3/4 hour was obliged to congéndier poliement both my two visitors – The Vice Governor thinks the Courier does not wish to go forwards with me – Mentioned leaving his wife so long – Not being prepared for so long a journey – Perhaps he wanted tempting by some greater gain – For he had not mentioned Gross – Advised my speaking to him in the morning and getting at the real reason for there would be no difficulties if he himself wished to go with me – I mentioned the 2/- per day that I had promised him and that he knew all about the length of journey and was satisfied enough before leaving Moscow – I thought it must be the Gross-affair that was at the bottom – The Vice Governor said it would be for me to consider whether I chose to give him any more gages or not –
Mr. P-[Phackler] was attaché to the Russian legation at Copenhagen some years ago – Would be glad to in the world again – Here all Calmucks and Kerguis except the Employés – But he himself grateful to the Emperor who has just given him tho’ he has only been 2? years here thro’ the interest of Temirazoff 1500 arpens de terre – Not get fixed where – But in some of the Governments where the Emperor has land to give unstocked with peasants –
Off at 8 3/4 to the Brügens nobody but ourselves at dinner – Baron and Baroness Taube in the evening – Agreeable evening – Excellent kind-hearted good people and très aimable – It seems the 15,000 Arpens are worth from 10/- to 15/- per arpent – Mr. P-[Phackler] will of course sell what he gets – He himself could do nothing with it – But someone who has peasants near will buy the land and people it – This is the way - ∴[therefore] the land is a perquisite worth at any rate 1,500 x 10 = 15,000/- -
Home at 11 1/4 – A-[Ann] would make tea for me – Had 3 cups – Very fine day – Mr. Stewart offered to do anything for us – A new Tarendass = 250/- -
[symbols in the margin of the page:] ✓c + ✓ ✓c ✓c ✓c ✓c ✓
[in the side of the page:] Metched
[in the side of the page:] Library
[in the side of the page:] Cossack Institution
[in the side of the page:] Artesian well
[in the side of the page:] Missionaries Lord P-[Pollington]
[in the side of the page:] Kasembek
Page References: SH:7/ML/E/24/0045 and SH:7/ML/E/24/0046
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january reading
why was this january at least 3 months long
unequal affections, lara s. ormiston (audio) this is jane austen fanfiction about an alternate version of the story where lizzy does accept darcy’s first proposal - their ensuing engagement, which (because lizzy doesn’t go off about how she feels about darc in this one) is full of unspoken conflicts and tensions & hella awks. the initial premise needed some suspension of disbelief but once i got over that i found it super enjoyable, pretty believable in terms of character interactions and interiority (darcy is a dick), funny & sweet. i don’t think i will necessarily start getting into JAFF now (tho goodreads rly thinks i should), but this was just. nice. wholesome. also now i want to reread p&p..... 3/5
lincoln in the bardo, george saunders (uni) ya know what i really liked this. this is about abraham lincoln mourning his young son willie during the civil war, not exactly a topic i’m particularly (at all) interested in, but the execution is so cool - it’s told partly thru fragments from historical records, books, letters (both real and imagined) and partly thru the voices of the many ghosts stuck in a kind of limbo in the graveyard, who are trying to get willie to move on, while they themselves desperately try to stay in limbo, bitter about what went wrong in their lives and in denial about their state. & it’s done really well, the polyphony and contradiction of the historical record (one chapter has a bunch of quotes about how ugly lincoln was & then the last is like ‘idk i thought he was kinda handsome’), and the ghosts are so sad & bitter & desperate & hopeful. 4/5
the steppe & other stories, anton chekhov (tr. from russian) bunch of short stories from 1880-1890s russia. to be honest, i found most of them pretty boring, although ‘the duel’ is pretty good, an interesting look at how sticking too closely to your worldview/ideology/morality will probably either make you a useless disaster person or a eugenicist douchebag. some of the other stories were okay as well, but overall: 2/5, i’mma stick with his plays
perfectly preventable deaths, deirdre sullivan teenage ocd witch book! this is a pretty good YA witchy horror book about twins who move into their new stepdad’s castle (yeah he has a castle) in a weird irish village where girls have been going missing for decades. creepy magical-ish things start happening (of course) & our narrator isn’t sure whether her sister’s new age-inappropriate boyfriend is just creepy, or creepy. i love the concept of ocd witchery & the atmosphere is really good as well, but the pacing is off, with slow build-up & a climax that happens way too quickly. also like can someone please say the word ocd it’s not gonna kill ya. 3/5
the priory of the orange tree, samantha shannon gonna be controversial here & say... yeah this should have been a duology. give the world some room to breathe, give the characters some room to breathe (give me another book w/ a cover this spectacular). anyway, this is a bigass book about eastern vs western dragon lore, a holy queendom (go sabran of inys!!), dragonriders, lesbian sword mages, how religion & historiography marginalises women, and magical trees. & like, okay, i wrote a lil thing right after finishing it about how i had some quibbles with it but enjoyed it overall but you know what? the more i think about it/let it sit the more complaints i have and the more annoyed/disappointed i get. 1) i liked all the characters fine, but none of them feel like they have any depth - i feel like i could sum all of the main characters up in like 3-4 words, and while i was rooting for ead/sabran, even this, the most central relationship of the book felt... surface-level. like, there were some big emotional moments but generally all i felt was like ‘good for her’ or ‘that sucks i guess’, 2) this world & its mythology is very much inspired by eastern vs western dragonlore so i understand the need to ground the fantasy world with real-world parallels but the extent to which some of the countries are literally just fantasy versions of real countries was... frustrating? irritating?? this is especially grating as, while inys is very clearly fantasy!britain, there is a lot of cool world-building (religion, aristocracy, history/myth) to make it more than that, while fantasy!japan and fantasy!china are literally just ... ‘what if japan but with dragons’. i did like fantasy!netherlands because at least you don’t see that a lot. 3) so much of the plot is just people travelling to different locations to get and transport different items but most of the travelling is cut short by some magical animal/being turning up and just transporting them in a cutscene.. 4) considering that this is all about dragonlore the dragons sure aren’t as important in the end as the three macguffins of power. 5) i loved so much about kalyba but not where it led, that said i want a kalyba-hawthorn-nurtha backstory. okay that’s it for now but like. idk. this had a lot of potential but the execution was just severely flawed. 2/5
trust exercise, susan choi this was super hyped, especially for a game-changing twist of some kind, but has a rather low rating on goodreads (3.18!) so y’all know i was intrigued. i’m not going to give away the twist because it is genuinely really cool if not really all that original, but this is a really clever & cool book about theatre kids, teenage dramatics, constructing your own narrative and what that excludes, elides, changes, and most of all consent & abuse (some very triggering depictions of sex/sexual abuse here). i really liked this, and am considering buying a copy so i can reread it. 4/5
soldiers of salamis, javier cercas (tr. from spanish by anne mclean) very meta novel about a writer called javier cercas writing a book (tentatively called soldiers of salamis) about a (real) falangist poet who escaped a mass execution & survived in the forest for a while with a group of republican deserters. ‘cercas’ researches, speculates, despairs, talks to roberto bolano (who compliments his previous books lol), and finally tracks down the man who he believes/imagines/hopes to be the soldier who let said fascist poet go, leading him to consider who really should be remembered & written about. made me think about that one poem about reading ezra pount that ends w/ a veteran saying ‘if i knew a fascist was a great poet, i’d shoot him anyway.’ interesting book altho i far prefer his book anatomy of a moment, one of the weirdest & most fascinating nonfic books i’ve read. 3/5
the stopping places, damian le bas (audio) damian le bas comes from a settled british romani family and, feeling somewhat unsure about his place in & connection to the community, he decided to go on a roadtrip through britain (+france) in a van to seek out the atchin tans or stopping places, starting with the ones his great-grandmother remembers from her childhood before the family became settled. he combines the travelogue with insights into romani culture(s) (mainly british) and history, as well as his own family history. it’s really interesting & engaging (the history&culture more so than the travelogue) and le bas narrates the audiobook himself & sounds like a cool dude. 3.5/5
confessions of a bookseller, shaun bythell bythell records a year of working as a second-hand bookseller, with an entry for every day. he talks about the impact of amazon, rude & weird customers (but also nice customers), his weird staff, and some of the books he’s reading. the look into bookselling in the age of amazon is pretty interesting but much of this is banal & repetitive, & if it wasn’t the perfect thing to read in little bits while at work i probably would have dnf’d it. 2/5
giacomo joyce, james..... joyce super short story by my man jamesy joyce that never made it out of manuscript (literal). not much to say about this - it’s interesting to see jj play around with themes while still working on portrait & thinking bout ulysses & the prose is nice, but the whole english tutor feels attracted to his student is a bit... eh. 3/5
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THIS WILL END IN TEARS [2 / 4]
All right, so this is the start of a series of self paras that all tie into each other. They’re not being posted in chronological order, so make sure to take note of the dates they happened. The information in this self para will spread through the Organization quickly. Enjoy being able to react to it, and be a little bit smug to Johnathan.
Date: August 6th, 2019. Warnings: Typical mob fare. It’s really long tho, so apologies.
“I’m going to level with you, I was looking to make this a bit more dramatic…”
The piece of shit hunched over in front of him didn’t respond.
“It’s not that I don’t care enough about you to put the effort in. It just turns out we picked the one sprawling estate without a fucking basement. Can you believe it?”
As the Frenchman took an exaggerated drag on his cigarette, he glanced around the room for a minute. It really was a world away from the basement he’d been forced to endure; decked out from floor to ceiling in palatial gold that could’ve only been by request of Aurélie. This prick must have thought himself so lucky to have ended up here. It didn’t matter to Laurent, though. Whilst this place mightn’t have had the same looming reputation the Russian torture chamber did, the former Commandant was more than content to make up for its shortcomings with his own hands.
When the man he addressed still didn’t respond, he could feel himself losing patience.
It was no fun if they didn’t play along.
“Come on, now. Did nobody ever tell you it’s rude to ignore your host?” Laurent asked, finally resorting to kicking at the leg of his captive’s chair as he blew smoke in his direction. “If you’re pretending to be unconscious so you don’t have to talk to me, I’m going to be offended.”
“You French cunts really do love the sound of your own voices, don’t you?”
As the man sighed, he appeared to deflate along with it.
“That’s more like it,” Laurent greeted, loudly enough that it visibly startled the Brit. As the Frenchman clapped his hands together in mock jubilation, the man finally looked up at his tormentor through his swollen eyes with a glare so evil, if looks could kill, Laurent would’ve been dead on the floor in a heartbeat. “I personally love the sound of my own voice, but don’t you go stereotyping us all, now. That’s racist.”
“What the fuck do you want, Laurent?”
It seemed an odd question to ask, under the circumstances. Did he even want to know?
“I just want a nice, friendly, productive conversation. How does that sound?”
Plucking this man off the streets had taken more planning than he cared to admit, but the boss had been adamant that this time, the biggest thorn in their side would pay the price for his sins. What happened with Théo had hit them all hard; they were, after all, an organization so used to absolute power that to be limited in this new city was a difficult situation for them to stomach. Whilst they hadn’t been able to intervene when it came to influencing the Met Police, however, they still had just enough eyes inside to know that a certain somebody had paid Théo a visit.
Laurent was sure that he hadn’t seen fire like that in her eyes since Versailles.
It was no secret that Westminster’s Commandant and Aurélie were close. Laurent reasoned that it was the only reason he’d gotten as far as he had in the first place. But for this to be the reason she finally snapped? For Johnathan’s unannounced visit whilst her friend was unattended to be the thing that pushed her over the edge? Unless there was something she wasn’t sharing—and as his short time as head of London, he’d already learned it was better not to ask—he was baffled by the escalation.
That didn’t mean they weren’t all happy to be finally making some moves, however.
Aurélie had been vague but absolute in her orders: Johnathan Parsons was to be reminded that despite what his ego might’ve told him, his actions did have consequences.
Johnathan Parsons was to suffer for all the times he had not suffered before.
The easiest way to get to the brute of a man would’ve been his child, and anybody who’d said the thought hadn’t immediately crossed their mind was a liar. No, they weren’t the Russians, and they tried to keep family off limits as best they could, but this was Parsons. Extreme measures were necessary. Of course, given that she was just about to bring a third into the world, and despite the fact she didn’t doubt they would stoop as low when it came to her, Aurélie had vehemently prohibited any violence against his daughter.
It’d taken slightly more grovelling on his part to spare Jessica Reyes what would’ve no doubt been a painful end. Aurélie hadn’t seemed pleased about that—she’d followed it up with a comment that made him wonder just how closely she was keeping an eye on him—but he had been insistent enough that eventually she’d got bored of arguing. Laurent didn’t regret it; partly because she reminded him of Claudia, but mostly because Johnathan reminded him of himself. The situation was not her fault, and she didn’t deserve to suffer for it.
Eventually, they had settled on the closest person that remained.
“And what exactly do you want to talk about?”
Laurent snorted. Where should they begin?
“I want to talk about everything, Jai. I want to talk about your boss. I want to talk about why one of my people was attacked by the Russians. I want to talk about Théodore Chaussard being behind bars. I want to talk about your business in Tower Hamlets. I want to talk about you slipping me Lara Rutherford’s number to make this go a little easier for you.”
It was his turn to scoff this time.
“No.”
For someone who was such a raging piece of shit, it was almost hard to believe that Johnathan could have any real friends at all. When it had become apparent back in Porto Velho that Jai Dalal was not only his right hand man, but also his most trusted confidant, however, the target on his back grew exponentially with every antagonistic move his best friend made. Jessica and Sarah might not have been ideal candidates, but a man who had committed just as many himself—or been passive to those his boss had in the meantime—was just as deserving of the pain as Parsons was.
“To which part? Don’t say Lara…”
“What the fuck was St. Clair thinking when she sent you here, huh? Her way of saying London is just a joke to the French, by any chance? How does someone like you make it to head of the city?”
If Laurent hadn’t already spent months asking himself those same questions to the point of absolute insensitivity, he might’ve taken the comment to heart. Instead:
“Fucked my way to the top.”
“I—” Jai started, but instead ejected yet another hefty sigh.
“Let me guess, you did the same thing? Johnny boy looks like the type…”
“So you don’t do basements. What, you and your dumb fucking comments like Chinese water torture are the new way of trying to break people?”
“I can send Varden back in, if you’d prefer?”
There was real beauty in seeing fear flash behind eyes that were trying so hard to hide it.
Jai said nothing.
“How about we bring someone else into the mix, instead? Maybe if there’s another person here for you to converse with, I won’t annoy you so much.”
It didn’t take long to tap out a message to his friends in the adjoining room.
“See, you’re the headliner, Jai, but we managed to pick ourselves up a little bonus prize whilst we were out scouting tonight.”
A few silent moments passed in which Laurent contemplated lightning another cigarette, before his action was interrupted by the sound of the dining room door swinging open. Two of his men flanked the hooded figure of a woman; it seemed an excessive entourage, given that she appeared far too injured to even think about fighting back. There was no struggle as they dragged her over, and dumped her square at Laurent’s feet.
It only took a quick once over to realise that the arm she was cradling had been so badly broken, it was visible through the skin. The silent weeping became more obvious as Sylvain and Jean walked away again, as did the realisation that they hadn’t restrained her because they didn’t need to.
“Don’t worry, it isn’t anybody you know,” Laurent assured, like he gave a solitary fuck, leaning forward to take a careful handful of the hood. “This is Ivanna.”
Laurent didn’t know why, but he hadn’t expected her to look worse than Jai did.
He was wrong.
It was a shame it’d come to this, really, because he’d seen her just before Varden and Daniel had been let loose. The woman had beautiful brown eyes, and features so feminine and delicate that it seemed impossible she was a fucking Russian. If she’d been walking down the street, with those same killer legs that were now twisted beneath her in an uncomfortable heap, she would’ve turned his head in a heartbeat. But now? Laurent didn’t doubt that it would take extensive amounts of surgery to give her back any semblance of…well, anything human in definition.
There was so much blood.
Aviv Kasyanenko sure could pick them.
The corner of his mouth turned upward slightly as he glanced down at her hands. The left ring finger was missing as a special fuck you from Daniel, no doubt.
“It’s okay,” Laurent said in a hushed whisper, as though comforting a child, reaching forward slightly to brush against her hair. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.”
It didn’t surprise him that nothing more than a strangled sob followed.
“You’re here because I want to talk to you, okay? Nothing else. The more you can help me out here, the less likely it is I send you back to them. I really don’t want to do that, Ivanna, but I’m going to need your help.” Sighing out through his nose, Laurent looked down at the dumb fucking bitch. It was a sight so pathetic he was finding it remarkably difficult not to visually cringe. Might’ve made that feigned sympathy a little less convincing, though… “How about we get you up off that floor and into a chair, huh? You can sit in my seat.”
Luckily enough, Jai had either slipped back into unconsciousness, or had just learned how to behave, because the idiot didn’t speak a word as the Frenchman slowly hoisted the pretzel into the chair. It seemed impossible, but she almost looked more uncomfortable now she was seated. Maybe he’d find a second to feel bad about it later. Until then, and now that he was without his own chair, he slowly crouched so that he was face to face with her.
“Is that better?”
Even though he knew it wasn’t, it seemed as though she’d nodded because she was scared not to.
“Thank you…”
“Did you hear that, Jai?” Laurent gasped, turning his head quickly to glance at the Indian. “That’s what it sounds like to have manners. You could learn a lot from the Russian, here.”
Silence.
Prick.
“Unfortunately, he’s not too chatty, Ivanna, but he’s going to help us with this conversation we’re going to have, is that all right?”
The brunette nodded stiffly, and his warm smile seemed to have comforted her somewhat, because for the first time since she’d entered the room, she finally looked up at him. Laurent immediately wished she hadn’t. They were as badly damaged as the rest of her. As his own gaze travelled down to the hands she cradled in her lap, he slowly took a hold of the one which wasn’t missing a finger or attached to a compound fracture. It felt like ice. As he brushed his thumb across her knuckles, he couldn’t help but wonder whether or not he still had that bottle of hand sanitizer tucked away in his jacket pocket…
“The first thing I need to ask you is when did you get here? When did you come to London?”
The interrogation proved to be an arduous process. Most of her answers were quiet, stuttered, or forced through the sound of what could’ve easily been her choking on her own blood. Jai seemed to have no understanding as to why he was present, and that amused Laurent even more than the bitch before him who genuinely believed that he was going to help her if she was honest. The Frenchman alternated between holding her hand and gently stroking her hair as she answered the basic questions about the Russians, where they were set up, whether she’d come with Aviv, and who else had followed her out to the city.
Ivanna bared all because she was scared.
Because she was not a mobster, and because she just wanted the pain to stop.
Laurent didn’t feel bad for her when she started to cry. All he could think about was how much Claudia must’ve been hurting when the Russians had done the same thing to her.
It wasn’t until he finally got to the most important question of all that Jai would learn why the Frenchman hadn’t conducted this discussion in another room.
“Why did the Russians come to London, Ivanna? Did Aviv tell you?”
When her eyebrows pulled into a confused frown, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the Russians could’ve headed to any city they liked. Why pick London?”
There were other things he’d wanted to ask; perhaps, he could’ve even phrased that more subtly. Unfortunately, it seemed as though her strength was fading by the minute, and as her head lolled back uncomfortably—like a child trying to fight sleep—he quickly moved his hand up to help her. The tears had started to well again. It was almost as though she knew that her answer would condemn her family, even though he was sure she didn’t realise quite how much.
“It’s all right,” he whispered, bringing her head to rest against his shoulder. Blood on his Hugo motherfucking Boss. Unreal. “This is the last thing I need to know, and then you can go, all right?”
“It was what they agreed.”
“What who agreed?”
Laurent spared a glance at Jai.
The man was a professional. There was no way on God’s green Earth the French would’ve been able to get the answers out of him, no matter how long he was left alone with Laurent. What seemed unlikely, however, was that he would be able to stop himself from reacting to somebody weaker spilling everything right in front of him. Ivanna might not have been the most reliable source in the world, but if he could get the back up of a reaction from Jai, then her words would surely hold more weight than that of a woman trying to save her own life.
Not that she seemed intelligent enough to lie.
“I don’t kn—” It sounded as though she was really struggling, now. If she didn’t hurry the fuck up, he might miss out on the confirmation all together. “I don’t know everything. Aviv doesn’t tell me.”
“Who agreed on what, Ivanna?”
“The Rutherfords, when they asked for help in Porto…”
In a split second, it felt like all of the air had been sucked from the room.
Of all the cancerous things he was expecting might leave her mouth, that was not one of them.
Porto? They were in fucking Porto?
“What do you mean? What help did the Rutherfords ask for in Porto Velho?”
“They needed help. Help. The hotel. If we helped with the hotel, they said we could come here…”
If he hadn’t been so stunned by the words that had just left her dumb fucking mouth, he might’ve made a solid attempt at ripping her head from her shoulders. The Russians had been in Porto Velho this whole fucking time, and it had gone unnoticed? Unpunished? Was the hotel she was referring to Versailles? It seemed pretty fucking unlikely they’d enlist Russian help to work on PR for the Chelsea fucking Royal… Laurent could feel every ounce of anger he’d felt about that whole cluster fuck—even if his pain had come at the hands of someone else—flood back in an instant. Aurélie had been stabbed. Alessia was dead.
“You stupid fucking cunt.”
The outburst was a solid reminder that Jai was still in the room, because for a minute there, lost in an absolute flood of wrath, Laurent had forgotten he’d existed.
Whilst he was fully expecting this to go his way—to get solid confirmation that it had, indeed, been the Rutherfords who had invited the Russians to London—he had not expected their desperate collusion to go back so far. For it to have been the Russians who had orchestrated the attack on their hotel, and not the British family they had been blaming for years. Fuck, they should’ve known… They might’ve had the money and the influence, but to attack the heads of two powerful crime families so boldly? It was out there. Too fucking out there.
The fucking Russians.
“Do you mean Versailles?”
It was impossible to keep himself from shaking. Laurent had long ago given up the gentle hand against her head for fear of crushing her skull before she could finish.
“She means Empire. The Russians helped us with funding for Empire.”
That particular bluff might’ve landed better if Aurélie didn’t have Amir, the actual fucking investor, wrapped around her little finger.
“The Russians help at Versailles, and the Rutherfords let some of us move to Haringey. It was the deal. I just wanted a fresh start. We just wanted to be anywhere but Launceston…”
“You people will literally say anything to drag us down,” Jai scoffed.
Even though he was gearing up to shout again, Laurent’s hand had already found its way to the cool metal of his gun. It did nothing physically to soothe the fact he felt like he was on fire, but the deafening sound of the point-blank shot—the sight of Jai slumping back as soon as the bullet smashed through his skull—was satisfying in ways he could only hope to relive with Johnathan. Laurent stared at the carcass as though he expected it to speak up again. Get fucking cocky now, you prick. Ivanna was now in fits of sobs so loud he could hardly hear himself think. Still, his hand held firmly onto his weapon, and he wondered whether he should turn around and shove the thing into her noisy fucking mouth.
“Wasn’t he helpful, Ivanna?”
“You said you weren’t going to hurt me…”
The sound of the door opening, Sylvain and Dan bursting through the door to see what was happening a second later, did little to distract him from the woman in front of him.
“I never break a promise.”
Her pathetic relief was the cherry on the top of the dead Jai sundae.
“But that man over there?” Laurent said quietly, lifting a hand to gesture toward the men with a smile. “This is Daniel. Did Aviv ever mention somebody named Daniel to you? Maybe Noa?”
The way that she seemed to freeze in an instant suggested yes. It hadn’t taken a bullet to drain the life from her; just a boyfriend who couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and the couple of brain cells it took to add two and two together.
“Aviv took some things that belonged to Noa. Wedding and engagement rings. He almost took their baby’s life, too, did you know that?”
Laurent had thought her face couldn’t possibly look even worse than it had done post-beating, but as it contorted into the ugliest fucking crying face he’d seen since Sofia Kurylenko, he realised that he’d been wrong. This was definitely worse. Dan could have dibs on the physical suffering, but Laurent was glad to be the one to make her suffer without having to life a fucking finger.
He would enjoy thinking about it for weeks to come.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Ivanna,” he said, standing up straight and slipping his gun back into the holster. “But Dan? I think Dan is probably going to hurt you a lot.”
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Old enough
words: 2.4k words
warnings: angst, fluff, awkward tension, age gap(no minors here tho!!) unrequited love?
summary: reader returns to the mansion after many years and her past relationship with Colossus is pretty tense. Is there something still there?
a/n: i’ve been reading up on colossus’ relationship with kitty pryde in the comics and this is inspired by it. basically kitty and piotr meet when she's 13 and he's somewhere around 19 and she has a huge crush on him but he doesn't allow it; he's just a sweet flustered cornball trying to protect her.
Part 2 here
Ever since you had stepped foot in the mansion you’d taken an immediate liking to Colossus, the giant but friendly Russian. He was so sweet to you, probably because you were scared of your new abilities and your new home. You had come to live at Xavier’s school because your father had decided it was best after you’d accidentally injured him. You were only 15 at the time and the first person you met as you walked through the large double doors was him. Piotr. His friendliness toward you led to your slight crush on the steel man. He was 6 years your senior making him 21 when you’d first met. Of course your little crush was kept in secret. You wanted him as your support, your friend, and he saw you the same way. Of course when you got older things shifted a bit in your head.
-7 years ago (age 16)- “Hiya Piotr how are ya doin’ today?” you said cheekily, wrapping your arms around his neck from behind and giving him a quick peck on the cheek.
You knew he would be upset with your actions, but you couldn’t help it. You had become bold in showing your feelings toward the mutant and knew it flustered him to no end.
He immediately grabbed your hands from his body holding onto them tightly for a moment too long before letting them go and folding his arms to his chest. He sighed, and you walked in front of him sitting at the table he was at. Concern etched your face. He had never acted this way toward your advances, granted you had never kissed him on the cheek, but you had held his hand and hugged him plenty of times.
“Y/N this is highly inappropriate. You cannot do this anymore. I must put stop to it rebenok” /child/
Your lips quivered as he said this. You would’ve never acted in such a way had you known this would be the outcome. You only wished to be around him and make him happy. A tear had slipped down your cheek as you waited for him to reprimand you more, or at least comfort you. But nothing happened. He sat there firmly. This angered you. In your previous shows of endearment, he would appear bashful and tell you ‘not now’, ‘please stop’. Never had he been so bold.
You wiped your few tears and stood from the chair pushing it in abruptly, causing it to slam against the table. The sound did nothing to startle him.
“Yeah well, you know what Colossus? You won’t have to worry about it for long. In a few years, I’m leaving and you’ll never have to worry about a ‘child’ like me bothering you again- you- you ass!”
You were heated and breathing heavy but he wouldn't even look at you. You knew your words were childish, but he just sat there. It infuuriated you to no end. You turned on your heel and walked out the door. You caught yourself on the frame and turned to him one last time.
“I liked it better when you called me dorogaya Colossus.” /darling/
You left the room and went to your bedroom to cry. Colossus sat in the chair, he hadn't moved since he had said those things to you. He hadn’t meant to be so brash but he wanted you to understand that no matter how much he wanted to, he just couldn’t.
“And I liked it better when you called Piotr,” he whispered to himself. -
Just as you had promised, you no longer became his problem. You stole yourself away from him, only speaking to him when necessary. This lasted for two years until the day you graduated from the school for gifted youngsters.
No one in the house dared to say anything about your fragmented relationship with Piotr, they were afraid of what Logan would do. As your stand-in big brother since the beginning, he had taken your side and was very upset at the way Colossus pushed you aside. He hadn’t known the true reason for your broken friendship, just that he wanted to protect you, so much so that his own friendship with Colossus was also strained.
You left the mansion shortly after your graduation to travel to other countries and help other mutants like yourself. Your going wasn’t dramatic. You just disappeared only telling Charles and Logan that you could no longer stay in the house.
-present (age 23)-
“I can’t believe I’m finally back,” you muttered to yourself as you approached the grand steps of the place you called home.
You figured a lot had changed since you left. Of course, you’d been keeping tabs on the place but you weren’t certain if the furniture was the same, if you still had your room, or even who was presently at the house.
You opened the door and entered into the mansion duffel bag in tow.
“Well hello beautiful you must be the sexy new Xman in town, besides myself. Wade. Wade Wilson at your service.”
You rolled your eyes, “Trainee-” you corrected and smiled offering your hand, “last I heard anyways. It’s a pleasure. I’m Y/N.”
“Ughhh Ellie got to you too huh well fuck.” “Language Wade,” a deep accented voice said from the other room. “Well fuck me.”
This time it was you that swore, not Wade. Colossus walked into the room about to castigate Wade, but he paused as his eyes met yours. You gulped audibly and dropped your gaze. “Wow, I’m sensing some real thick sex tension in the room. I would say I’ll leave but we all know I’d be lying and then I’d be upset because I couldn’t join so let’s just skip that and move straight to the three-“
He was shut up by Colossus’ hand covering Wade’s mouth.
“Not now Wade.”
He quickly removed his hand and wiped it on his pants.
“Wade what did I saw about licking,” Colossus said, clearly exasperated. “You shouldn’t put that lovely chrome hand on my mouth then big daddy.”
You couldn’t help but giggle. Both Wade and Piotr’s attention shifted to you and you suddenly felt embarrassed.
“Ms. Y/N it is a pleasure to see you again,” Colossus said.
You nodded to him and smiled but couldn’t shake the weird tension in the room after what Wade had said.
“I’m just gonna head up to my room,” you muttered. “Wait- um Y/N your room is now occupied by student. We’ve had full class past few years. I can find you a place if you give me one moment.”
You nodded. You couldn't deicide if you were upset that your room had been filled. A part of you always thought it would stay the exact way you left it.
Colossus went into the other room. You could hear him shuffling around, you assumed he was cleaning whatever non-existent mess was in there. He reappeared moments later and motioned for you to follow him up the stairs. He waited for you to catch up with him, shortening his strides to try and match yours. He was silent the whole way to the spare room. There were so many things he wanted to say to you but had no idea how to start.
He started with the best thing that he could think of.
“Hello Y/N,” he said clearly.
You had missed your name coming from his Russian tongue, but you didn’t let it show.
“I thought we already did introductions downstairs big guy,” you laughed trying to ease the tension.
He looked down at you and smiled. You looked so much older now, you were no longer just a young woman to him. You met his eyes and couldn't help but smile back.
“I’m sorry,” you murmured, looking away from him and dropping your bag on the floor.
“Why dorog-Y/N you have nothing to be sorry for.” “I do though, I want to apologize for everything I did. I was so childish- god I ignored you for two years. I’m so sorry that my schoolgirl crush got in the way of our friendship. You were just being nice to me and I was too ignorant to see that. I put you in such a tough spot. I was foolish to think anything like that would ever work between us,” you were rambling now, but you just had to say your peace.
Your last statement shocked him, but his face never showed it. You had grown away from your crush on him, he thought.
“It is ok Y/N. That is all in past,” he sighed.
You smiled at him, thankful that he understood.
“I will let you get settled, dinner is at 7 if you wish to join.”
You nodded and thanked him. After you had finished packing you decided to go down and join whoever was still in the house for dinner. You recognized a few faces walking through the halls, mutants who had decided to teach at the school, but most were young kids you had never seen before. Wade and a girl you had met previously today, Ellie and her girlfriend were at the table. Colossus was grabbing plates from a cabinet.
“What did you do to chrome dome for him to order pizza?” Wade said incredulously, “big guys a health nut he never lets us eat out.”
You grinned.
“Yeah well when I knew him, he would eat a whole pizza himself and share the second one with me,” you laughed reminiscing at the wonderful late nights the two of you spent laying on the floor watching TV and eating pizza. You frowned after, of course, you had to ruin those short-lived times by acting so bratty and shutting him out of your life.
Dinner went off without a hitch. You were a few drinks in and feeling a slight buzz. You could tell something was wrong with Colossus, but Wade caught you to it and shouted at Colossus to stop being a party pooper.
“I’m not. I’m just tired,” he assured.
“It’s because I’m here,” you murmured.
You started giggling too, your slightly drunk behavior getting the best of you.
“I fucked our friendship up because I tried to kiss him. Can you believe it?” “Y/N perhaps you are too drunk, I can take you to bed.” “Oh my god straight to bone town after one night of being reunited. Rasputin, I had no idea you were such a ladies man!”
You scoffed, “yeah right Wade! The Man of Steel would never touch me he still thinks of me as his 15-year-old kid sister”
“Bozhe,” he murmurs under his breath and stands up. /my god/
“Watch your language mister! I tried to learn Russian for you ya know. Can’t believe you kiss your mother with those lips,” you shouted, pointing your beer at him.
“That is enough Y/N,” he said sternly. “Wow this sounds a lot like the last conversation I had with you in the kitchen. The one where you made me think I’d violated you or something,” you shouted at him.
By now the conversation had sobered you up immensley.
“This is not conversation to be held among comrades,” he said calmly to you. “It’s because you’re embarrassed by me!”
This time you knew you had overstepped. You immediately apologized and said you were turning in for the night. You left the kitchen, ignoring the big clunking steps you heard after you.
Before you could make it to your room Colossus grabbed your arm gently.
“Is that what you think? That I’m embarrassed by you?” “Why else would castigate me like a petulant child?” “Y/N I would never be embarrassed by you, I was angered at myself for feeling certain ways about you. You were-“ “A child?!” you interrupted him.
“No dorogaya, young. I didn’t want to be bad influence on you. Professor Xavier would never let me be around you if he knew that I liked you in such way,” he continued, “I’m so sorry I hurt you, but it hurt me too very much. I regret those words every day It felt like I lost you forever.”
You were shocked at his confession, you knew that he had liked you but after that morning in the kitchen you had thought all those times he blushed and told you to stop were because he was embarrassed of you.
“I never thought of you as child you were brave, strong young woman,” he paused waiting for your response.
“Oh Piotr I’m so sorry,” you murmured.
You stepped towards him and into his arms. He wrapped them around you still looking down at you.
“Please don’t cry dorogaya, it hurts my heart.”
You laughed and slapped his chest, the sound reverberated. You wiped your tears.
“You’re such a sap moya lyubov’,” you smiled. /my love/
“May I kiss you?”
You gasped your eyes admiring his strong shoulders.
“I don’t know am I old enough?” “Yes,” he finished for you.
Your lips connected and it felt like fireworks. Your skin seared where it met his. The mixture of cool metal to your warm skin made to want more, so much more. He moved his lips from yours moments later and kissed your forehead. You sighed. You were going to remark on how sickeningly sweet he was but held your tongue.
“You know a lot of things have changed since I saw you,” you whispered, reaching onto your tiptoes to try and whisper seductively in his ear.
“You are still drunk dorogaya,” he reminded you. “I’m not. I promise,” you stated grabbing his large hand and moving it to your hip. The teasing boldness you had as a teen had found you again and you grinned.
“ty tak krasiva,” he huffed gripping your waist with both hands now. /you are so beautiful/
“But we cannot do that tonight. You must sleep. What kind of man would I be if I take you a day after seeing you again?” “A man that wishes to fulfill his darlings deepest desires,” you moaned. “I might have fallen for your tricks at 20 volshebnitsa, but I am man now.” /enchantress/
“I’m no witch but I’ll have my way with you. In the meantime old man, will you sleep with me at least?”
“Da,” he smiled.
#piotr rasputin#colossus#piotr rasputin x reader#colossus x reader#colossus fluff#angst#deadpool#deadpool 2#colossus imagine
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Truth or Dare Part 1
Warnings: Cussing
Word Count: 3,752 (it’s gonna get longer tho)
Pairing: Bucky x OFC
Masterlist
Summary: After going to Italy and avoiding any romantic relationships for pretty much all her life Joey comes back to the U.S. to move in with her life-long best friend, Sam Wilson, and his two closest friends from college. Joey’s met Steve but is apprehensive to meet the elusive Bucky, whom she’s always missed despite having visited Sam consistently throughout college. Once she meets him, however, she wonders how she’ll be able to run from love when they share a bathroom.
A/N: Hey, so I'll be updating this most Wednesdays. I'll try my hardest to stay regular.
I wrote this using an OFC bc I cannot work my brain to replace my name with fucking Y/N and I know I'm not the only one. (I always end up reading it as fucking "yuuhnnumm"). I am fully in love with Zazie Beetz so our OFC is completely based on her except maybe a lil chubbier because why not. Really for the apartment just picture the layout of the New Girl loft.
I always have a confusing time picturing characters in fics so I'm gonna lay it out for y'all. Steve is full nomad, them honey brown locks and the full beard. Joey's hair is natural like Zazie so often wears it. Bucky is just Seb in fall/winter 2017 because I am weak for the I, Tonya press tour look. Sam is Mackie's classic look. The rest of the characters can be left to the imagination.
Also I mention good music so listen to that if you want. Please let me know if you like this and follow my hot garbage tumblr.
Special thanks to @buckybarnesxoxo for asking to be tagged!
the AO3
Stay Sexy
It’s the bathroom that really impresses Joey. She believed Sam when he said the apartment was nice. On seeing it for the first time when moving in, she discovers that her best friend is distinctly incorrect. A working sink is nice. A proper heater is nice. A nearby laundromat is nice. This loft, this four-bedroomed palace, is exquisite in comparison to her previous abodes. The kitchen has all its necessary appliances. There are a washer and dryer in unit. The walls are thick enough that if Sam was stabbed in his neighboring room, she would maybe hear it. Four bedrooms with their very own closets. All of these have her speechless as she tours around. However, as stated above, it’s the bathroom that is killer. The idea of sharing said room with three men is maybe one of the more foreboding aspects of her new sweet digs, but once she sees the giant clawfoot shower and tub, she is sure the positives will heavily outweigh the negatives.
She immediately slides down into her new porcelain palace. She’s a medium height at 5’6”, and even she has to point her toes to touch the far end of the tub. She sighs comfortably and is already planning an essential oils combination for her first real bath when the door swings open and her fantasy is interrupted by one her new roommates. He’s the one she hasn’t met yet but Sam and Steve have shown her plenty of pictures. His hair looks soft and well-coiffed and he wears a tank top under an unbuttoned striped short sleeve button down. Rather than judgment appearing across his abnormally handsome face, he smiles like there was nothing else he could have expected when entering the bathroom.
“You see I specifically told Steve to get a bathtub that doesn’t come with a human.”
“Oh no, you got it all wrong. I’m actually a ghost here to haunt you but hygienically. Instead of boo, I say floss.” She says without a beat and he nods, very seriously, in response to this.
“You know I’m pretty sure I just carried in a bed to our fourth room that might be more comfortable than the tub, but who am I to judge one’s preferred sleeping arrangements.” His quip is followed by another fantastic smile, and based on the past ten seconds of her life Joey is absolutely sure that this is her kind of human.
She smiles back and extends her hand from the tub. “Joey.”
“Bucky,” He shakes her hand and nods again.
“You guys brought up my bed? I told Samuel to let me handle that shit.”
He laughs and scratches his beard, “Ah just gave me another opportunity to show Sam how much stronger I am than him. And Steve the chance to show up both of us.”
Joey chuckles and silently appreciates how Bucky balanced his dig on Sam with some light self-depreciation of himself. Although it would be unrealistic to pretend that anyone was stronger than Steve. The man is built. “Seriously though, I’ll come help y’all out. I’m not gonna be the useless roommate.” She gets out of the tub and starts out the door.
“Oh I wouldn’t worry about that, I think Sammy’s got that title covered, Darlin’.” He follows her out and therefore doesn’t see her face cringe at the pet name.
She considers calling him on it when Sam yells from the front door, “I know you’re not in there besmirching me to my very own best friend Barnes,” He enters view sweaty and smiling, “And I especially know she wasn’t participating, because she is my best friend and therefore automatically on my side.” He wraps his arm protectively around her shoulders causing her to shrug away from him with her nose scrunched.
“Consider our friendship on sabbatical until you take a shower, Wilson.” Joey continues backing away.
“Jesus I always knew your personality stank but I guess the inside always comes out huh.” Bucky mirrors Joey’s disgusted face as he walks towards the door.
Sam rolls his eyes, “Not funny.” Although the involuntary “Hah!” Joey lets out at Bucky’s comment seems to contradict his statement. Sam just flips her off.
“Thank you, Doll. You see Sammy, even your best friend thinks I’m right.” Bucky mocks as he heads back outside.
This time Sam sees her face twist in reaction to the nickname. Misinterpreting it he grumbles, “Oh come on there’s no way you can smell me from over there.” He starts to head to his room, presumably for deodorant.
Joey follows Bucky downstairs to help with some more furniture moving. Steve is outside their building, ass in the air, bent over picking something up. “Damn Rogers,” Joey calls out appreciatively, “If I knew I’d be getting a view like that I would have shacked up with you years ago.”
He stands up, holding up an entire bookshelf on his own, further challenging the poor under armor shirt that is being stretched to hell on his giant frame. “Hey killer, thanks for joining us.”
She picks up a lamp and smiles at him, “Well I figured you guys needed the extra muscle.”
His smile is bright against his beard as he walks into the house with the ease of a man who isn't carrying a bookshelf.
The four of them finish loading their sporadic furniture into the loft and the afternoon fades to early evening. An old but amazing and huge high-quality leather sectional provided by Steve’s mom. Sam’s flat screen, whom he’s named Esmeralda, and may or may not have a near sexual attraction to. Bucky’s records and a player that’s older than any of them, plus a big wooden dinner table his Dad handmade. Steve’s varied level of completed canvases and paint stuff. Joey’s shelves and chairs she found on the side of the road her senior year in college. A mix of plates, bowls, and utensils have been loaded into varying drawers and cabinets. As well as cooking instruments, although, beyond Joey’s waffle iron and an old cast iron from Steve, it’s all Sam’s. Everyone’s personal boxes and furniture is piled in their own rooms.
Joey sits on the kitchen island as the boys lean against it, all sipping the cheap beer Joey bought as penance for them carrying her bed in. She takes that moment to appreciate the weird chain of events that got her where she is now. She and Sam have been friends since grade school. They went to different colleges but remained good ol’ buddies throughout. When they graduated Joey traveled around and did an apprenticeship with an Italian glassblower. Sam went to Culinary school, and when he graduated the second time around Joey was offered a job with a world-renowned blower (god she will never get tired of calling her profession that) stateside. After little luck finding a two bedroom inexpensive enough for the two of them, Steve, one of Sam’s old college buddies Joey had met many a time during visits, mentioned his friend's dad owned a couple lofts in the neighborhood they were looking in. Sam toured with Steve and Bucky and the three of them signed the lease that day. Sam called Joey that night and announced he was so confident that he forged her signature. He was insistent that it was the best option they’d find, all Steve is a good guy and fellow artist, and even Bucky is sometimes bearable but don’t tell him that. Steve paints and sketches in his free time and works as a personal trainer to pay the bills. Joey knows he isn’t passionate about it, but with his perfect body and matching attitude, she is sure he is fantastic at his job. Sam is starting at a new restaurant with a name Joey can only pronounce thanks to high school French. A plus for living with Sam is that he brings work home with him. Although Joey had visited Sam plenty over the years and even struck up a solid friendship with Steve, she always seems to have missed Bucky. They had never met but she knew he was a language major with a focus in Eastern Europe and Russia. Sam had told her Bucky translated English books into Russian and vice versa and made more money than he should. Earlier Joey had heard him curse in some sort of Slavic tongue when Sam “accidentally” dropped his end of a coffee table on Bucky’s foot. She also had heard a few stories about Steve and Bucky’s childhood, the rambunctious troublemakers lived up to every tall tale. As the four nursed their beers she felt confident that this was going to be a very important group of people in her life.
“Joey?” Sam snapped her out of her thoughts.
“What?”
“Barnes suggested we get more beer and pizza and invite some friends over. Are you down?” The three men looked at her expectantly.
“I say hell yeah. Who are we calling?” She looked down at her watch and was surprised to see it was only 6:30.
“Well there are the couples, Nat and Wanda and Thor and Bruce,” Steve suggested.
“I told Shuri I’d pay her in alcohol if she set up all the tech shit,” Bucky adds.
Steve nods, “Now that you mention it, we should probably invite Tony, he’s the reason we got this place.”
“Tony means at least Rhodey and probably Pep, Clint is a must, and if we invite Wanda we should call Pietro too.” Sam finishes his beer and scrolls through his messages.
“Brunnhilde and Okoye are in town too.” Joey hops off the counter and recycles the empty bottles collecting on the island.
“Alright you guys decide who to invite, and I’ll go get libations and sustenance,” Bucky grabs his keys.
“With the list we’ve got you’ll need some help, I’ll come with,” Joey volunteers.
Bucky smiles vibrantly and nods towards to Steve, “You okay babysitting Rogers?”
“As long as Killer doesn’t mind your unreasonably picky ass,” Steve’s retort is so quick that Bucky and Sam raise their middle fingers simultaneously at their aggravator.
Joey and Bucky decide to start off to the pizzeria three blocks away and pick up the beer on the walk back. The walk begins in mildly uncomfortable silence.
“So… you’re picky?” Joey asks to spark some sort of conversation.
“Nooo..” Bucky’s defensiveness creates an endearing drawl, “Those two pompous asses just don’t understand that I like my pizza simple. Margherita pizza is a fucking gift. Who am I to screw it up with a bunch of American bullshit?” He gestures widely as he speaks.
“You’re kidding right?”
Bucky’s must have misinterpreted her smile as he quickly responds, “Alright I’ve been judged enough in my life, I know you lived in Italy and-”
“No, no, Bucky!” She grabs his forearm, “Margherita is my favorite! I ate it all the time in Italy, judgment-free.”
“Jesus Christ Doll, where have you been all my life?”
She smiles and they continue a brisk pace to the pizza place. “How did you know I lived in Italy?”
“Ah, I know plenty about you. Sammy talks about you non-stop, has since I met him. Steve even thought he was secretly in love with you until he hung out with you in person.”
This makes Joey raise her brows, “Really? Wow. What, if I may ask, ultimately caused him to accept our relationship as extraordinarily platonic? Was it the sibling-like side hugs? The lack of sexual tension in our banter? The fact that I knew him during his first mustache phase?”
“Are you telling me there was a skinnier mustache than the one we know and mildly tolerate?”
“I’m talking Prince but pubescent. It was so thin models asked his mustache for dieting tips. It was so thin his first girlfriend thought he had an eyelash over his top lip. I mean you would’ve thought he drew it on with a ballpoint pen. In fact, it’s very possible it was. Just because I never saw doesn’t mean he never-”
Bucky is laughing uproariously, “Please, please, you’re killing me. I’m gonna need pictures as soon as possible.”
“No can do. I will recite the epic of the mustache homer-style until the day I die, but any physical evidence shared will prompt an all-out war between Samuel and me. That is just something I can’t afford.”
“Oh now I have to see them. What’s your secret shame, sweetheart? Bangs? Braces? Please tell me it was an emo phase,” As he lists off he starts walking backward, the goofy smile didn't dim once.
“I’ll never share, but trust me when I say if you find something behind my back, I’m sure Steve will be more than willing to share some pictures of your past. Emo phase is a good guess, but if I didn’t know any better I’d say that was a projection, hmm?”
That does a good job of replacing his smile with pursed lips and a quirked eyebrow, contemplating his next move in this battle of embarrassing adolescence. “Steve would never betray me.”
“Don’t be so sure, all men have their weaknesses,” She smiles deviously.
“Oh yeah, you gonna seduce him for a picture of me in eyeliner?”
“First of all, I would seduce Steve for much less so thanks for confirming my emo theories. Secondly, I may not know Steve like you do, but I know him well enough to see that seduction would hardly prove fruitful.” She holds the door open for him and they both bask in the practically orgasmic scent of the pizzeria, “Steve is so suspicious of anyone who wants to sleep with him that he’d see through me. My method would be to trick him to do some sort of high school ‘Where are they now?’ portrait. He’d be so inspired he’d paint your lined eyes and black, I’m guessing, over parted hair in a second.��� The line is moving slowly and he admires how she never lowers her volume or hides from strangers eyes.
“Damn, Doll, you’re good.”
“I minored in manipulation.” The store isn’t too packed for Saturday night and Sam Cooke is playing lightly in the background. She’s nodding her head and he’s mouthing along to words and when they both realize this they share a smile at the music.
“So Steve is a suspicious mind in your book?” She chuckles at his reference.
“I’m not the biggest drinker and neither is Steve, so when Sammy went hard when I visited, Steve was always good for a tipsy talk. The poor guy has the same self-esteem he must have had in high school. Unlike us three cool cats Steve will show me pictures of his past self. I know you were there through it all, but just because the outside changes doesn’t mean the inside follows suit. I have seen the most dedicated and gorgeous women throw themselves at him and yet he remains sure that she was ‘just being friendly’. It’s actually impressive.”
“I know what you mean. To be fair though a lot of that is just his college girlfriend. She really did a number on him.” He runs a hand through his hair but doesn’t hide his contempt for whoever she is.
Solemn surprise covers Joey’s features, “I never knew. Never met her on any visits.”
“She wasn’t big on him talking to other girls, probably hid him anytime you came around. Although that isn’t my story to tell, I’m sure the punk will tell you about it sometime.” She follows his eye line down to his shoes. He’s drawing stars with the tip of his shoe, a tic she’s just noticing.
“What about you? You have a girl hiding you away, distracting you during your collegiate years? She the reason our meeting was so unluckily delayed until today?”
He thinks about the answer for a second or two. “Nah, no anchor to this ship. At this point, I’m just convinced Wilson just didn’t tell me you were around because he knew you would like me more than him.”
“Well turns out I like Steve better than both of you.”
He puts his hands up and reassures her, “I don’t need to be first, Sweetheart, just as long as I’m on your radar.” As he lowers his hands the song changes and they simultaneously recognize the song, both begin humming the initial notes. “Penny & The Quarters fan huh?” He asks.
“Nobody, baby, but-” she sings before quickly turning her attention to the cashier, “We’ll have two large Everything Pizzas and one large Margherita.” Facing Bucky again she smiles and drops another line that makes his heart race, “Just for you and me, huh?”
The pizza is out quick, and a trip to the local gas station provides them with more than enough beer. They continue discussing music, Joey is surprised at their similarly irregular taste. He describes his favorite Etta James songs, but can’t forget the Simon and Garfunkel song that he thinks is his first love encapsulated. He lists his top three favorite rappers after ranking contemporary folk bands. She adds in her opinions sporadically, and he apologizes twice for dominating the conversation when they get in the elevator.
She is being honest when she says, “There’s nothing I want to hear more than whatever you’re going to say right this moment.” He thinks that every lyric in every song he’s just listed doesn’t have shit on that sentence.
He’s about to tell her so when an alarming large hand last minute catches the elevator as it closes. The doors open to the Thor and Bruce. The couple is the lynchpin of every good party, from rager to kickback. Thor is the greatest hype man in history but is never hammered, probably because it would take two handles of tequila to get him there. Bruce is much more chill but a secret god at beer pong, not to mention he always has weed. Bucky’s favorite part of their presence always happens when Bruce is particularly high and begins a lecture on some sort of subject no one else understands. He isn’t exactly captivating, especially not to anyone far from sober although his passion is palpable, but Thor will plop down on the couch next to him and watch him like he’s the only thing in the universe (while rubbing Bruce’s neck to keep him from getting too wound up). Bucky loves those guys.
“Looks like we arrived just in time, wouldn’t you say Thor?” Bruce shakes Bucky’s hand and smiles at Joey.
“Of course! I was worried we got too much pizza, but now that you’re here Thor I’m sure you’ll help us with any surplus.” Joey sets the pizzas down before Thor pulls her into a bear hug.
“Joey, you know I never leave a damsel in distress,” Thor agrees as he sets her back on her feet.
Joey’s eyebrow playfully shoots up, “Who are you calling damsel, Odinson?”
“In this case, definitely Sam. I’m surprised he even let you order out.” Bruce answers for his boyfriend.
“My love is right in my insinuation. Never ever have I seen you anywhere near damsel status Joe.” Bucky watches their interaction with curiosity.
The elevator dings and Bucky asks, “This may seem like a dumb question but how do you guys know each other? Just through Sam?”
Joey picks up the pizzas as Thor holds the door open, ”Thor’s siblings and I were all in a group home together as teens. I’ve known this big lug long before he was the Nordic party god we see before us.” Thor laughs and he and Bruce go to greet everyone inside.
“Are you telling me Thor hasn’t always been a blonde beefcake?” Bucky whispers in Joey’s ear as they set the pizza and beer on the counter.
“Sadly no, he’s looked like that since I met him. I just like making that joke because he’s too humble to care.” She makes note that he doesn’t question the foster home part of her story. She wonders just what Sam has told him about her past.
People start to crowd the food and drinks, so Joey and Bucky greet everyone who has arrived. Nat is there sans Wanda, who is at home sick. Bucky knows this means Nat will be leaving early. Pietro made it despite his ill sibling, but he still looks pretty sick of the conversation in front of him. Shuri and Clint are mid-argument about the chicken and the egg when Bucky thanks them for coming. Clint gives him a smile and points to a fake succulent on the table and mumbles, “Got you guys a housewarming present,” before returning his attention to telling Shuri that the Chicken is the obvious choice. Shuri tells Bucky she set up the wifi and the apple tv and Clint doesn’t even register that she’s talking over him. Bucky kisses her cheek and hands her a beer.
Steve is sitting with Bruce and Thor on the couch, all of them engrossed in conversation and pizza. Sam is chopping fresh onion for his pizza when Bucky asks, “These are the few you could bribe to get here?”
“These losers are the only ones without any plans on a Saturday night,” Sam says without looking up.
Clint and Pietro both look up and say a simultaneous, “Hey!” Before turning their attention back to their conversation.
“T’Challa and Nakia are in Paris. Brunnhilde has a gig tonight. Okoye hung up on me when I said pizza and beer. Parker has an exam. Tony named six events he was invited to tonight and would’ve kept going if Steve hadn’t hung up. Pepper and Rhodey are probably plus thing one and two wherever Tony ended up at. Thus, this motley crew is all we got.” Sam sprinkles his diced onion on top of his already spilling slice and when he bites into it his groan stops the conversations surrounding the apartment.
“Lame. Your intestines are not going to be thanking you for that monster you are devouring under the alias of pizza.” Joey makes a face as he continues to stuff his face.
“Like eating just mozzarella and basil is enjoyable at all,” Sam dismisses her and joins the rest of their crew.
“Heathens,” Bucky dramatically admonishes their friends, “You ready Doll?”
This time he catches the tightening of her expression at his comment, ”Born ready.” They both grab a piece of their untouched pizza and taps crusts in cheers.
Part 2
Part 3
Thanks for reading!
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes au#bucky x ofc#marvel au#modern au#roommate au#bucky roommate au#steve rogers#captain america#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky imagine#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barns fanfiction#sam wilson#zazie beetz#bucky x poc
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CHAPTER ONE.
It was a very busy night in Dallas. The Stars are beating the Nashville Predators to enter the second round of the Stanley cup and I’m entering on my fourth hour of tattooing this big master piece on the back on my client. I’ve enjoyed every single minute with client who didn’t even move and not even a single complaint came out of my client mouth. The thing that I’ve enjoyed the most with him is all the stories that he was telling me. It’s nice to have this connection with a client and feel that the trust is there at 100%. It’s we known each other since ever and sometimes, it’s like he really knows me. A lot of memories are coming back with his stories and at some point, I wanted to let out some tears out because just like him, family is very important. I’ve gave up on so many people when I decided to go on my own way and try to found out who I really am. When I started to shadow around in tattoo shops, I’ve never in life knew that being a tattoo artist would’ve been my future. It’s not easy to found success when you constantly moving around. To be honest, I didn’t know in what I was going into. The fear of being homeless and always feel of regretting those bad choices was always a nightmare. I eventually found my way and got back on track with a mentor who found me on Instagram. Social media was my only hope. Posting new content everyday so I’d make sure that people are getting my attention, it was exhausting. I’m grateful to work for my mentor. Learning from him was all the stars in the sky. It was a blessing and a life saver for me. I even can’t believe that I also won on Ink Master last year. Seeing my face on the cover of Ink Magazine was like a rush in my veins. It was like I was hit by lightning. There’s so many positive things who is coming in my way and all of that makes me happy.
I was almost at the end of the session. It’s a good thing we are closing late because even if we started early, I wanted to make sure that this master piece has all the right detail in it to impress who ever will notice this massive back tattoo. I’ve always love the Greek mythology, the Egyptians and my favorite of all are the Vikings. My origins are from Russia with my great grandfather who ran from the World War II. My grandmother always had a pleasure to tell us stories about him and sometimes she will speak Russian just for us to feel how important it was for us to know where we come from. I’ve learn to speak this foreign language with her teachings. I was pretty much the only one in the family who had the determination to learn Russian and the people around me are surprise to hear that actually. I think it’s important to speak more than one or 2 languages because now a days, everything we know is needed to save our asses. I miss my grandmother very much. In a few weeks I will surprise her for her birthday and I just wish that she will be happy to see me. I know that I being here in Dallas didn’t quite make my family happy and especially my friends, but I was not happy where I was. I was not being myself what so ever and also starting to be very depress. The only person who understood that was my best friend Lindsay. We know each other since were in kinder garden and we are pretty much like sisters. Nothing can pull us a part and even if I’m not in Ottawa anymore, we always found a way to see each other and spend some good quality time with one another and the fact that no one know that I’m coming for my grandmother 80th birthday, that’s will be very special.
I led back on my chair and looked at this amazing tattoo that I’ve spend almost 2 weeks to make. My client didn’t wanted to have anyone else then me to work on that project. I was very happy to see how good this tattoo was and I’ve took numerous pictures of it after cleaning the excess of blood on his back. Seeing the joy and the excitement of client was my biggest reword of all, but what surprised me the most was how generous he was. I was almost speechless to see all the money he gave me for my work. I didn’t even realize that he gave me is phone number under 2 100 dollar bills. This guy is the most unpredictable and he always has something different every single day. I might call him cuz’ he’s kinda cute, but he’s a little bit too much and what I mean by too much is that he looks like a douche bag. I kept that thought for me because I don’t wanna desrecptful in regards my clients. I some tattoo artist who doesn’t give a shit sometimes and that’s just too much for me to handle when I’m hearing them swearing against the clients and sometimes for them sky is the limit and I will never tolerate bullies. I wrap up my client to make sure that he doesn’t get stuck on is shirt. I almost went through the half of my Vaseline jar with that back tattoo. I got surprise with a little kiss on my cheek before he when out of the tattoo shop. This job will always surprise me.
I was finally out of the shop. I set up the alarm so we don’t have any surprises in the middle of night and I decide to go take a drink at the bar to relax a little. I’m not a drinker, but a beer doesn’t hurt once in a while. I went home to change first. My apartment was at 5 minutes max from the shop and this place was perfect for me. I enjoy those big windows who brings the natural lights inside. I enjoy the high ceilings who make the place bigger and I also love the fact that it’s a big open space who regroups my living room, my kitchen and dining room. The only rooms who are closed are my bedroom and my bathroom, but other than that, everything is great here. I took a quick shower and change clothes before I when out. I was wearing a long black shirt with high white socks with 2 black strips on the top with Vans shoes on feet. The stop at the half of my thigh so everyone can see my big tattoo on my right thigh. I put my hair in a big flashy red pony tail and added just a bit of makeup to not look to zombie. I decided to go to the most popular bar downtown in Dallas where usually we can see big popular names hanging around there. I’ve been twice to this bar and there’s a very good vibe over there. The music and liquor is quite good so it’s a must to go hangout there. I took a Uber to go to the bar. I need to be at least responsible for myself and not being a stupid brat and make an accident. I gave him a good tip before I went in the bar. It was crowded with so many people and I heard that the Dallas Stars are supposed to come by tonight for a little party. I wanted to take only one drink and leave, but I think I will stay for a little bit longer and have some fun.
I’ve stop counting all the drinks I had received over the past 15 minutes and I needed to refuse some of them because I didn’t wanted to be wasted if by any chance I met a celebrity or a hockey player. I’ve probably hurt somebodies feelings by rejection, but to be honest I needed to say NO. Some people doesn’t take NO for an answer but hey, I’m not interested to have childish people around me in a grown ass man body. I order a Perrier water battle to change a little bit. That will also help with my headache who is slowly starting to take effect on me, but it’s not this annoying little pressure on my forehead who will stop me to have some fun. I was surprise to see my boss here tonight. I caught his eye at the end of the bar with a girl who was totally on to him. He notice me with a little smirk on is lips and I roll my eyes while shaking my head with a smile on my face. Well damn, he is such a womanizer and I hope his wife is not around tonight. Farrah is a real pain in the ass to be honest. When I started to work with Alain, she was pretty much accusing me of pushing her away from her husband. Since I told her what I was really thinking about her behavior, now she totally respect’s me and also respect’s the engagement I have with Alain in our work space environment. I still think that she’s a lot to handle tho’ but I think with good communication and respect, we can work something out without a cat fight. The crowd started to be more agitated. The arrival of the Dallas Stars with the cheers of the crowd broth an enormous vibe of good energy here and it was nice to see how everyone cares about that team. My heart will always be with the Ottawa Senators, but it’s awesome to see this wave of love for them. I’ve joined the crowd and cheer with them to encourage the team. This night will be promising and with the awesome job I did at the shop earlier, I think I will spoil myself tonight.
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[Blog] Discord is not for me, and that is okay too
So (many times) I've been invited over to servers and stuffs in the past and or recent. and pretty much in all situations I always end up muting all the servers quickly and forgetting about it.
Well you can say, "it's a social instrument you have to engage with it, you are not using it correctly!"... well that's kinda the issue; you see, there's only so much attention span you can give to something and things on the PC and time on the day overall.
The problem with servers is that if it needs or have more than one channel and a significant number of ppl that don't know each other that well it stop being something personal you are with friends, and more like a club of some sort. you keep adding people and it gets impersonal, it gets more formal. You have to start to add rules, then some add bots, some can get messy, jumpy, crazy, all it's fine on it's own, have their audience, but it's not for me.
I prefer a more smaller group of friends and places where I know everyone or at least I seen everyone, if it grows it does it more organically. If I never seen the person before you can get you know, a bit closed, at least I do. Well I'm shy, at the beginning at least,
I reply to messages if I'm pinged but that's about it. Discord ends up feeling impersonal and more corporate when you compare it to my platform of choice Telegram.
In telegram I can use my sticker pack, express myself more freely, use the gifs I love, groups are more simple (at least many are since you don't direclty have channels like in discord tho yes they can easily get into complexity, not into those either>).
And well, telegram is way more useable for productivity since I can easily pull over my stuff from the ipad to my pc via telegram without having to use a more inconvenienced dropbox or something and that's a godsend I guess. (Like a gb max for send files you know that)?
Yes telegram is not like, the place you want to voicechat. About that - well not being a native speaker does hurt a bit into confidence and if I don't know the ppl in there I do get a bit nervous, setting up the mic is a minor inconvenience anyways tho those are mostly excuses x3, real reason is that I type much faster than what I can express on voice and I like to listen to music. VC means I have to turn off music to pay attention to someone mumbling when I could have achieved the same typing, doing it clearer and better. Yeah it has it's uses, I guess some things are better said in voice obviously but for the cases I have so far there's not much need to be constantly on the front of a mic. Unless it's a clear chat with defined goals and stuff, a fringe chat can be easily as well be done in chat while not having to not listen music or whatever (Yes music does chill me out a bit).
There are other things that I don't like about discord, the interface does look cluttered for 1 on 1 chat which I do prefer the most anyways. To give you an idea, I can't search chats globally like in telegram, so it's VERY easy to miss someone if they change name - more than once I had to ask out the handle of someone I had because the chat dunno where it went and they switched name to something.
Sharing of images compared to telegram is inferior, (telegram can group images in albums or together, and do them faster anyways). 10 MB file transfer limit means that compared to telegram I can do little if I fancy sharing something interesting that has a mild size unless I pay (and it still very restricted to telegram). The stickers, obviously, (Having to paste them manually is not fun).
The scandals related to discord T&S team do not help; specially since they are manned by some furries with an apparent case of power tripping/ego and I do not really like that in an administration position that gets to chose what can be done in a platform or not. The censorship and accusations of surveillance of some servers do leave a sour taste in my mouth tho it's not my cup of tea those things it do end up making Discord a more corporate non personal entity, that you don't know if it'll flip a switch to strangle some users for some reasons (I read discord has a minority investment by tencent, the spy arm of the chinese goverment, yikes!)
Telegram, yes it has flaws; like I guess the phone number registration requirement is a huge turnoff for many which I understand and some criticize the well, lack of surveillance that allows some scum to make it's place there (Ironic). Well frankly if there are more flaws I have not encountered them nor they are an issue for me.
Ultimately telegram is way superior for me compared to the counterpart whatsapp that everyone uses in my region, primarily because you don't need your damn phone conected like a parasite if you want to use it on your PC and well, it's not owned by damn facebook (But by a russian millionaire that opposes putin and has intent in keeping telegram free, or so I read)
For foot notes, there was other chat platform I used, well it was Steam. Yeah, valve slacked there, they take too much to make it modern compared too ther platforms, everyone including me uses something else for chatting, I just reply messages and game I guess.
Skype; well everyone knows the story, it was used a lot, bad managed. Guess the ads and the bad changes were really offputting. I don't like it anymore. Noone I know uses it, good ridance anyways.
To sum it up, if you did read and not skim, I don't like discord, it's not a bad platform for what it does, has more flaws than I would feel comfortable with in any case and telegram offers me what I need for what I do. It does have it place and obviously ppl like discord more, and that's fine. Not for me tho.
That's all Sjru~
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Rian Reads: X-Man #2
Writer: Jeph Loeb Artist: Steve Skroce Inker: Mike Sellers, Bud Larosa & Kevin Conrad & Scott Hanna Letterer: Richard Starkings & Comicraft Colorist: Mike Thomas & Digital Chameleon
Cover Date: April 1995
As X-Man #2 opens we catch up with Domino, who was tasked by Apocalypse with tracking down the source of great telekinetic energy that he’s been sensing (psst! It’s X-Man). Along with Caliban and some big, red guy named Grizzly, she tries beating information concerning their prey out of a big Russian mutant named Rossovich who seems like a combination of Omega Red and Dr. Octopus. A quick trek down Google Avenue informs me that Grizzly is a member of Wild Pack/Six Pack in the 616 Marvel Universe while Rossovich is, indeed, the Age Of Apocalypse incarnation of Omega Red. So, there you go.
Inevitably, Domino kills Rossovich without gleaning any useful info from him and we move on to see Nathan Summers (aka X-Man) training with Forge. After Nate has a temper tantrum he wanders off in a bad mood because he feels that Forge still treats him like a child, which is the perfect frame of mind for him to be in so that a less-than-ethical guy like new member of the group Essex can take advantage of him. Despite Forge’s orders for Nate to keep his power usage to a minimum so as to avoid detection, Essex is like, “Hey boi, can u fly, tho?” Then Nate’s all like, “Dunno, son. Let’s give ‘er a go, eh?” X-Man then does a few aerial laps around the forest clearing they’re in, after which he and Essex decide to keep this little experiment to themselves.
Later on the group is discussing what their next plan of action should be when Essex pipes up and tells everyone that he just so happens to know about a lab that is integral to Apocalypse’s plans that they could go and try to sabotage. The group hesitantly agrees to at least go check this place out and where they end up is the facility where beast performs all of his twisted mutation experiments and creates Apocalypse’s army of homegrown goons. When the group spots some members of the Madri (who, to recap, are one of the many groups of particularly dangerous mutants in Apocalypse’s employ, all of whom I find it hard to keep straight from series to series and issue to issue), the consensus is that they should peace out, but X-Man has other plans. And those plans consist of diving into a fight head first to destroy some of Beast’s equipment.
Following the obligatory fight scene of the issue during which X-Man substantiates Forge’s concerns about him not being ready for a real fight, the team retreats to an abandoned farmhouse to get some rest. Desiring answers, Nate sneaks away and, with new girl Theresa (who now goes by the codename Sonique because of her sonic scream powers, and also because Jeph Loeb can’t help himself when he has the opportunity to give characters unnecessarily weirdly spelled names) in tow, takes a little trip through the astral plane to the would-be X-Mansion in Westchester, New York just as he did in the previous issue. There he once more observes Magneto, who can’t see or hear him and Theresa in their astral forms. As it turns out though, Magneto’s young son Charles CAN see them and, freaked out by all this, Theresa somehow breaks their “psi-link,” sending them back to the farm.
Finally, Brute, the biggest, strongest and dumbest member of Forge’s little band of merry men, has an epiphany about where he recognizes Essex from and confronts him in a barn. Just as Brute calls Essex out as actually being Mr. Sinister (which, I mean…we all knew that’s who he was, but they hadn’t come right out and said it until now), Domino and her gang show up and pose menacingly for some of Jeph Loeb’s overbearing “Hey, it’s a cliffhanger!” narration.
I enjoyed this issue of X-Man much more than I did the first one, which is due in no small part to the fact that there’s nary a mention of Shakespeare nor traveling theater troupes this time around. Steve Skroce’s art, while, as I mentioned before, would get much better in subsequent years during his Marvel tenure, is still a welcome addition to the line-up of AoA artists. Conversely, if you couldn’t tell from the amount of jabs that I took at Jeph Loeb’s writing in the preceding review, his dialogue and narration hasn’t grown on me at all.
This issue marks the official halfway point of my journey through the Age Of Apocalypse. Part of the reason why I began reading Uncanny X-Men starting at #300 all those months ago was that I wanted to experience an era of X-stories that I’ve always felt I’d missed out on. Another part of the reason for starting this little project of mine was that, while I love the X-Men, I haven’t been able to get into any of their recent runs or stories. So many mainstream superhero comics these days seem to have a “every story arc has to be 5-8 issues long so that it neatly fits into a trade paperback for the aftermarket even if the pacing and storytelling suffer as a result” vibe to them. Those earlier days of superhero comics rarely worked out into neat little story arcs and flowed more naturally as episodic, ongoing stories, which is a style of superhero comic storytelling that I sorely miss these days.
While I’m glad that I’m finally taking the opportunity to scratch the Age Of Apocalypse off of my bucket list of comics that I’ve been meaning to get around to reading for years, I have to admit that, even though I’m largely enjoying it, AoA does have a bit of that larger storyline stink to it that I was hoping to avoid. The experience has been largely positive though, and while I’m excited to move past the Age Of Apocalypse and tackle some more of the random issues and stories beyond it, I am very curious to see how this whole crossover event is going to wrap up.
Onwards and upwards, true believers!
- R.
#Rian Reads#Rian Reads X-Man#X-Man#X-Men#Age Of Apocalypse#Forge#Grizzly#Caliban#Domino#Sonique#Brute#Soaron
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Favourite avengers movies scenes?
i went through avengers 1-2 because i’ve done similar posts to this about IW and i’m not really in the mood for reopening that wound at 1:32am and this really got away from me i make no apologies LOL
(but i do thank you for asking!!)
avengers
Nick Fury’s drama in the opening scenes surpasses Real House Wives
NATASHA ROMANOFF
the fact that her stockings are ripped when she leans down to pick up her heels was such a fucking moment for like 11 year old me it meant big things that my badass angel was also feminine and still badass
Bruce pushing the baby carriage when he first meets Natasha foreshadowing omf he deserves more (and so does she)
Tony’s “his first name is Agent” to Coulson
Tony’s hair in this movie
Tony in this movie
Tony in every movie
Steve’s costume, specifically the cowl that makes him look like a big dumb EGG
“What you scared of a little thunder?”
pilates
Dick measuring contest between The Big Three that levels a forest
the sexual tension that launched mcu stony
tony rubbing at his eyes afterwards
literally i could do an entire thing about the argument on the helikraft mac and cheese
LOKI BLENDING THE GUY’S EYE AND THAT SMIRK
LOKI’s GERMANY OUTFIT
“you rented my room”
bruce banner was not here to play in this fucking movie
BLUEBERRIES!!
maria hill’s fucking useless “INCOMING!!” as like something i can’t fucking remember flies through the window this could be ultron actually idk i’m in a convent with nuns right now my memory is hazy
“ta r g ET ANGRY T A GRET ANG RY”
THE HULK ROCKETING OFF AND JUST YELLING DISTANTLY
“son you’ve got a condition”
NICK FURY’S FUCKING BAZOOKA WHY DID H E HAVE T HA T
the comic book styling of having the camera track tony buzz around
tony and steve firing off the shield paralleling civil war angst omf
[TRUMPETS INTENSIFY]
the theme song that my heart beats to
tony hero stark saving the fucking world again
okay actually for the first time but you know, starting a trend
OKAY WAIT ONE OF THE FUNNIEST “NOT FUNNY” SEQUENCES IS WHEN TONY IS FALLING BACK TO EARTH AND THOR JUST STARTS WINDING UP THE HAMMER AND IS LIKE “HE’S NOT SLOWING DOWN” IDK WHY BUT I ALWAYS INTERPRETED THAT AS HE WAS GONNA LAUNCH THE FUCKING HAMMER AT TONY FOR NO FUCKING RE A SON
thor ripping the iron man mask off is hot
STEVE’S FUKCING FACE WHEN TONY WAKE S T UP
tony literally died and his first thought was like literally DID CAPTAIN AMERICA KISS ME
the fact that in canon all of the big gay babies also known as the Avengers decided it was necessary to smoosh together for a big group shot just to be like “hey loki we w o n” and loki being just like “booze. now”
loki in chains ;)
get in losers we’re going to do science
the super dramatic nick fury monologue that is never addressed or revisited in ca:tws like fury is really like reverent about the avengers in this movie but then in winter soldier he’s just all like cap, listen, i have a story about paper bags and grandaddy
avengers: age of ultron
guys i know this movie sucked but it was also a stevetony Event
gROUP SHOT in the opening sequence
tony’s little “yay!” with the secret door
the vALIDATION OF TONY’S BIGGEST FEAR BEING STEVE DYING ESSENTIALLY IN HIS ARMS OMFFFFFFFFFF STUCKY WHERE
tony grabbing the scepter and then bIG DOOMSDAY MUSIC
literally the entire party sequence
especially slutty, slutty thor
bruce’s hair is BIG in this movie for no reason lol
tony looking sO CUTE WHEN THEY’RE BUILDING ULTRON
cliNT WHIPPING THE SHIELD TO CAP
TONY AND THE FONDUE FORK THING
tony mourning jarvis (j fucking k whedon sucks)
“aw junior you’re gonna break your old mans heart” foreshadowing to hoco
im joking but imagine ultron having a “i didn’t want a little brother” complex with peter lmfAO
ultron chopping the guys from black panther’s hand off
i really really hate the 9/11 symbolism with the hulk and the tower ngl just wanted to put it out there how not okay that shit is
Bruce Banner sponsored by Beats by Dre
“we can go home steve” fORESHADOWING KINDA WHATEVER PARALLEL IDK TO IW STEVE BEING LIKE “LET’S GO HOME” I JUST REALIZED THIS AS I WROTE THIS IF YOU COULDN’T TELL
natasha backstory
when the red room lady is just like “schloppy” instead of sloppy and like the Russian Intensifies
“together” is the gay agenda
tHOR STRANGLING TONY MAKES ME ANGRY BUT IT’S ALSO HOT
hawkeye’s stupid fucking family sucks bUT
bed-sharing fics
i wondered who got top bunk (steve)
THE LOG SCENE FASKLJFSDFSASF
I WILL FUCKIGN YEET MYSELF INTO THE SCREEN JUST TO FUCKING SHAKE STEVE FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL ROGERS LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE
MY TEAMMATES DON’T TELL ME THINGS
HUH
WOW
YEAH
HOW RUDE
AND COMPLETELY COUNTERPRODUCTIVE
TO HIDE CRITICAL INFORMATION
FROM TEAMMATES
INFORMATION THAT AFFECTS THEIR ENTIRE LIFE
EVERYTHING THEY KNOW TO BE TRUE
INFORMATION THAT IS NOT YOURS TO HIDE
WHAT A COMPLETE BETRAYAL OF TRUST
ON WHICH THE AVENGERS WERE FOUNDED UPON
TRUST THAT SHOULDN’T BE B ROKE N
ESPECIAKLY TO SERVE YOUR OWN NE E DS
PRIORITIZING YOUR OWN AGENDA OVER THE TR UT H
okay sorry im back
nick fury is tony’s dad!!!!!!!!!!!!
STEVE IS SO FUNNY IN THIS MOVIE FOR NO REASON
when clint is like “cap hold off ultron” and steve is just getting his ass kicked and dangling off of a truck or something and is like “wHAT DO YOU THINK I’VE BEEN DOING”
“you’re not a match for him cap” “thanks barton”
WHEN THAT TRUCK TAKES FLIGHT
yOU DIDN’T FINI S H
“thor you’re irritating me”
quick little bastard
nobody
the entire ending of that movie lowkey sucks
costel. we were in the market more like L AM E you let the wrong twin die
“They think order and chaos are somehow opposites and try to control what won’t be. But there is grace in their failings... I think you missed that” is weirdly beautiful but also a whole lotta yadayadayada it’s like a fake deep lana del rey song which i really never thought i would associate with vision but now that i think about it he’s like basically carmen
elVATOR’S NOT WORT H Y
BESIDES THIS ONE, THERE’S NOTHING THAT CAN’T BE EXPLAINED
that man has no regard for lawn maintenance
a lot of manful tears oh tony if only you knew how he was gonna break your heart sweetie im sorry you never stood a chance
self driving car was a nice touch
why is tony’s car that hideous red tho like it’s loud and ugly
“i’m home”
i thought you two were still gazing into each other’s eyes
why was nat just staring at that wall in the room
what the fuck is that room anyway
like is that in interpretative art peace
what the fu c k
#outrageously long#avengers#avengers2#avengers: aou#aou#ultron#stevetony#superhusbands#brucenat#iw#infinity war#marvel#mcu#lana del rey#vision#thor#bruce banner#tony stark#steve rogers#natasha romanoff#meta#long post#jarvis#eobardwellscavanagh
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SPN 7X7 The Mentalists
This Week has been ABSOLUTELY dfa;os'ias, I am Tired, and my schedule is WACK, but
eh...I think I need an episode here, comfort shitshow here we go
ah yes angsty Sam
ah a medium
ouija board
man literally nothing good happens on a ouija board
there is science somewhere in there
huh what was her reaction
what was that face
sir the important papers?
this is not going to go well
uh oh
vengeful spirit?
oh god why are you ANGERING THE SPIRIT
oh boy actual spirit signs
HOLY SHIT THE PSYCHIC IS FUCKING DEAD
he's stealing a car? huh?
he looks so disgruntled
THE FUCKING RADIO
AHAHA HE FOUND A JOB THROUGH SHITTY RADIO
bruh where's the Impala, isn't the impala always with Dean?
I was gonna say they should call Cas and then I remembered :(
ah he notices the lil know..fake psychic stuff
ooo vibe
he's gonna say something incredibly out of pocket isn't he
BEN ACKER AND BEN BLACKER WROTE THIS AHAHAH
this is a fun themed cafe tbh
"special of the day: you" LMAO
ah hippies
DEAN'S FUCKING FACE
LMAO SAM'S WORKING THE SAME JOB
Sam's gonna be a lil bitch about this
I miss Pamela
I miss Missouri
WHERE IS SHE
"virile manifestation of the divine"
DEAN'S FACE
HE'S SO PRESSED THAT SAM DOESN'T CARE
...it is a little bit like Sam cares too little and Dean cares too much
"we're not the winchesters, lmaooo we get that a lot"
"we're completely harmless" LMAO
"energies" "completely gentle"
what the actual fuck is going on
"I'm Russian, I can spot the law"
THIS IS HILARIOUS
ooo a necklace that passes down the next of kin through fake psychics? interesting
"he broke my spoon" he's so huffy
they're literally both so huffy
"It's an honest living"
S I R WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR JOB IS
ah she's a profiler
body language
"I've got a open mind"
oh they're FUN tho
she's also a nonbeliever like he was, but they both kinda read people? I think?
Sam sorry bud ur third wheeling gain
"we did NOT know"
b r u h can you maybe chill
THE SIMULTANEOUS BADGE RAISE
bruh EVERYONE CAN READ THEM LIKE A BOOK THIS IS HILARIOUS
like yes I know I'm supposed to find this sad, but it's so funny how they're like "oh we can work together and bury things" AND THEN EVERYONE LITERALLY READS THEM LIKE A BOOK AHAHAHAAAA
ah man not the Russian
oh god not the fork
oh god nonono
I SWEAR TO GOD SINCE WE CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT IT'S EVEN MORE GRUESOME NOW
OH GOD NO PLEASE CUT AWAY
WHY DIDN'T THEY CUT AWAY
WHAT THE FUCK
OH MY GOD
I have no idea what the hell the tone is supposed to be anymore
"agEnT bouRNe"
"chest full of cutlery" lmaooo
"it's either this or los angeles" (in terms of policing)
they're both different kinds of cynical ha
they stopped talking like FBI agents
his FACE aHHH
self recognition through the other yada yada
is lily dale really like this
wait HOLY SHIT THEY ARE APPARENTLY LOTS OF PSYCHICS
"I hate this town" of COURSE YOU DO DEAN OF C O U R SE
this is not sarcastic it's literally everything he would hate
"family is a pain in the ass anyhow" LMAOOO
"thank the spirits" Ma'am this is a wendy's
"now will that be cash or credit"
it really must be lucrative
huh oh there we go vision of death
ah accent gone
and she called the girl, who brought Dean
they're all kinda phony
ah the camera
there we go caught on camera
ah chokes from behind
two am huh
oooo and she gives people visions of their death interesting interesting
heh sibling acts
the costume design is really cool though, honestly the concept is kinda cool
lmaooo ham fisted "sibling acts never work"
...the campbells
ah they were gay
DEAN YOUR FACE
bro the adr in that one bit sucks
lMAO THE PARALLEL
"no magic powers(full of crap) but took care of her younger sibling with Magic" aka Dean and Sam
ELLEN?? TELLING HIM NOT TO BE STUPID?
THANK GOD FOR FUCKING ELLEN I LOVE HER
"you lied to me and killed my friend" ok finally mention her
bruh and you didn't kill Sam
"That's what family does, the dirty work"
he is kind of acting like a dick though
AHAHA THE BAD SIBLINGS HAVE TO DIG
what if one warns and the other doesn't
Dean doesn't want the powers lmao
DAMMIT I THINK SHE WAS WARNING YOU
Always the fucking lighter
that was a fun design though
aw they're vibing that's fun
aw she'll stay with her
uhhh
SHIT YEAH THEY DIDN'T KILL HER
THE SALT
HOW ARE YOU OUT OF SALT
AH THE IRON
ah yay dies right in front of her
ah of course Dean hug
good sis bad sis
aw he's mad he killed an innocent ghost
they really focus on Dean I swear to god
ah the questioning
she was smiling ah jesus christ
ah they're doing it in the morning
ah the juicy lighter
ope bones are gone
the headliners of a specific carnival?
top psychic dogs
ah it's her next of course
ah sand circle
"does it hurt 'em"
"never thought about it"
OH AND HE ACCEPTS IT BECAUSE SHE'S ALSO A SKEPTIC
Ah here we go
find the bones before she kills them
this is like genuinely creepy tho
ooo vibes
ah a gun
OO TRAINING
"I hate when they do that" LMAOO
ooo the dual monologue
real thing isn't pretty or entertaining ok
"I can't pay my rent"
Is...is there a cultural appropriation thing in there
he missed
wasn't Sam also a psychic
ah the yellow teeth
ah JEEZ
bro poor Melanie jesus
"he was boning her"
it was right there
THIRD WHEEL SAM YA BOI
heh she got him
"I wish I had better weeks
bruh his eyes are SO GREEN wow
wow one episode to get over Amy huh
no Dean is not ok
"ever since cas, I'm having a hard time trusting anybody" UH
"we're poster kids of functional family life"
SIR
1. horror. Ok here's the thing. It's less vibe-y, but it's clear as day, it really drives home the mundanity of the horror. Like it could happen to anyone is the thing, and since the thing is bright, lit normally, it drives it home. Seriously I think the horror(when done well) works better.
2. Dean and melanie. Listen. He understood her bright-eyed questions and considered them better not because she was hot(let me have this) but because they were both skeptics. Like bright eyes without the bright eyes, yk?
altho third wheel Sam lmao
3. concept. Listen the concept of a cursed locket, but then it's the sister ghost and then the other sister was really fun! like it was an actual mystery, and lily dale itself(being a town of frauds, Dean feeling like fraud, Sam having to be the one that confronts the real psychic) was excellent, I liked that concept.
they were annoying as shit to deal with tho.
4. reading people! I just like that the whole idea was based on reading people(something neither of those fuckers can do) and how they, with the lies and repression, were uncomfy with it. I thought that was neat.
5. the cultural...appropriation? Like it kinda reads as "I wasn't as Flashy or Palatable so I starve and everyone else gets to be fine and profit off of what's fake versions of mine. Like..you can make the reading. The way it was done makes me uncomfy, but also that's a kind of real reading.
6. Sam(and Amy?). IT felt like Sam forgot about the fact that Amy was his friend and was more angry that Dean lied to him. But his lil Huff was in character and made sense for Anger Issues Winchester.
7. Dean's spiral(CAS). Dean's guilt spiral and trust spiral literally after Cas? Like the man is fucked, Ellen from beyond the grave is trying to tell him to shut up, and it's basically...entirely hinging on Cas and his feeling of doubt and insecurity there.
Bro I'm sorry but what the fuck even when he's not here he's here
#pawswatchesspn#7X7 The Mentalists#I mean decent episode#but fuck this also felt really good#this really is my fucking comfort show#good lord
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The Ballad of GG Scrumptious, Part 1
Credits and Lyrics for Episode 7 of Days of Future Fuzz
starring:
“Narrator” - Jordan Gelber Golden George Scrumptious - Andrew Radford Butler
written by Jonathan A. Goldberg music by Matt roi Berger
recorded, mixed and edited by Marcus Bagala and Will Melones
NARRATOR
Oh hello there, what’s that? You want a story?
Something real and true, but perhaps, too, allegory?
Oh well, let me see, let me see, let me have a drink
And think up a story worth your time - let me think-
Ah! I’ve got it, and it’s got it all!
A hero and prophecy, a warning, a fall
A promise, a history - hidden, but crucial
And a secret you’ll never guess - though maybe you will
I think you look smart, I mean, you came here to me
When you needed some fun - that’s as smart as can be.
So what do you say? Let me lay out the scene
Let’s start at the beginning, the best place to begin:
Born beneath a lard-shaped star
The moon was in the House of Starch
(The house, by far, the fattest -
Like being born in a fry basket)
His mother labored in great pain
16 lbs, this fellow weighed
And his eyes shown like a grease stain
Skin glowed like a casserole fresh made
His mama named him Golden George
Papa Scumptious was overjoyed
Said “we’ll call him GG for short.”
He was in the kitchen by age two
Cooking breast milk cheese fondu
Had his mama spooked - but one taste she knew:
Her boy cooked naturally
Over time his talents grew
And his confidence grew too
Said he would shape the world of food,
Fast and Casually.
He sang:
GOLDEN GEORGE
My gifts know no restraints
Soon all the world will know my name
My gift to all shall be
An escape from drudgery
Via culinary artistry.
NARRATOR
So how do you like him? Guess he’s our hero
The boy with a wish and a gift… and an ego.
But this amico was on to somethin’ -
The world is bitter and cold and troublin’
But nothing’s so warm as something straight out the oven
And filling you up and giving you comfort
Adjusting your dials and pushing all your right buttons.
So why not toot his honker when he’s so much to offer?
Food and drink HEAL - and this boy was a doctor
But he needed more than a gift or a wish
He needed more than an ego - he needed a DISH.
GOLDEN GEORGE
It’s time to make my fortune
So let the world prepare
I’ll save their mouths from boredom
All other chefs beware!
I’ll keep the oil flowing
I’ll keep the oven hot
I’ll find the dish that shows them
What I’ve got! Yeah!
Teryaki steak tips!
Buttered sweetbread fries
Cheese-laced onion blossom
Ranch on the side
Now, here’s my masterpiece! It’s
Piled high with 7 cheeses
What taste, what artistry
Baked Macaroni - I’m a genius!
NARRATOR
And though it sounds simple, and maybe you laugh
That macaroni pasta put GG on the map
That macaroni pasta was better than yours by half
His use of thousand island dressing WAS astounding
Over seven layers of cheeses, french AND italian
And one that might be Russian but ain’t NO body telling
Mm mm!
See, the recipe’s a secret, and GG’s smart to keep it
Cuz everyone wanted what that bastard was selling
The momentum of this dish on every wish list
Was enough to propel him to the highest echelon
Of chef’s and give him what they all were eyeing:
FRANCHISING!
But as GG sat in his kitchen, in Centralia New Jersey
Sizing up contracts, showered in glory
He felt a worry, an itch left un scratched
He was lost in the dark, lost his spark, all seemed black.
Something ached in his twice baked heart
Tho his macaroni was a work of art
All that work felt artless heartless
See, at the top, the drop’s all you got left
Now, his hostess was a beauty queen
Named Melanie Marie Manzine
Triple M saw GG’s depression
And so she pulled him near to tell him:
TRIPLE M
“I watched you build this place -
The joy that played across your face.
Why not give everyone
A taste thereof
Fill your menu with that joy and fun.”
GOLDEN GEORGE
Fun? Yeah,
NARRATOR
thought GG,
GOLDEN GEORGE
that’s the one!
The ingredient I had, but since had shunned
I’ve been so high on my own hot air
I’ve lost the fun that got me there.
Food should always be fun!
It’s entertainment for tongues!
That was obvious once
But I was blind I was dumb
As to what I’d become!
Goodbye to former pursuits!
Better to give and include!
Without further ado, I present you
A place where the food can always lighten the mood
The all new GG Scrumptious, where fun is always on the menu!
NARRATOR
Well, you can guess what happened next
Oh, you can’t? Well here it is:
GG rethought the plot of his vocation
He let go of the top and focused on elation
The silly joy and fun of stuffing your face and
Drinking your weight in
Milkshakes and
When his restaurant reopened after a short renovation
It was a success! He was met with adulation,
And opened up franchises in 7000 plus locations!
GOLDEN GEORGE
GG Scrumptious, where fun is always on the menu!
NARRATOR
And he married his muse! Yes he truly fell for
That clever, wild woman who’d been running the door.
Triple M and double G had their lives intertwined
By a wild west rabbi named Tex Rubenstein
Beneath a papermache macaroni
In the most beautiful mixed-denominational ceremony
GOLDEN GEORGE
Finally everything is right
I love my work, I love my wife
This is more than I ever could have hoped for
TRIPLE M
[Crying]
GOLDEN GEORGE
What’s this? My love, why do you cry?
Tell me and I will make it right!
There is no worry we’ve in sight
TRIPLE M
“GG, I’m pregnant!”
NARRATOR
What? You don’t feel the tension?
Yes of course a child’s a blessing
It’s just - oh, I get the impression
You’re missing a key component to our hero’s depression.
So, for a second let’s leave the present.
It’s time for a little history lesson…
Long ago when the world was young
When the restaurant game had not yet begun
Casual eateries didn’t exist
And the only fast food was that you couldn’t catch
If early man sought something good to eat (yeah!)
He’d best fall down on his knees and pray to the gods of drink and feast.
It was the perfect way,
And would still be today, but…
A lesser god of feast was this gal Edesia
Ha - your face betrays you never heard the name.
You missed nothing if you never met her
Though she thought she was an up and comer in game
She made a plan to be
The greatest god of food and drink in history
She’d show humans the holy ways
And thus secure their love and praise
Till the end of days
Well she didn’t wait more than a thousand years
When a man hit bottom and her chance appeared
A failing chef named Ray of the Romulus line
Stumbled in and begged at the foot of her shrine
He wanted fame and a chance to succeed
He was a fine mix of talent and greed
She saw her play
And she didn’t delay
Gave him a vision:
Her, descending on the gravy rain.
The salty brown drops
Washed his pain away
And she offered him the deal
That saw the world changed
In her vision, she said to him:
EDESIA
“Oh Ray unknown, how your talent and your pallet go to waste
As well you know, Gods tip the balance, and in their talons grip your fate
In this market how can you make
Your name known? Oh no!
But I’ve a deal that, if you should take,
Your fame will grow, and grow, and grow!
I see your wonder, see the hunger in your eyes
With my secrets you’ll stun ‘em be their culinary prize
All that I charge of you
Is never have a child - your praise alone is mine
Yes, no children shall you bear
Though many will you claim as hairs in time
Yes the king of food for all your days
The people will taste and they will praise
O’er all you’ll reign, you’ll not be done
You’ll rise so long as the sun has rays
You’ll rise so long as the sun has rays
You’ll rise so long as the sun has rays
And only set when the Rays have son.”
NARRATOR
You’ll rise so long as the sun has rays
And only set when the Rays have son.
Well Ray thought that sounded mighty fair -
A heavenly answer to his despair.
He bowed in praise, swore his faith blindly
Which, for gods, is legally binding
Ran down to town to his deep fried peacock eye food cart
In an hour he’d sold out, he was the talk of the town, his food a work of art!
And it grew and it grew and it grew and it grew
And Ray learned the secret that the Gods all knew
And he used them to create a new empire
Food that’s fun served fast, with cheer
Paired with a casual atmosphere
Fills all with food, yes, true, but too - delight!
People could not get enough
They came to get their faces stuffed
How nice! … for Ray…
The gods of food and drink were forgot
Edesia too, it seems her plot
Backfired.
And Ray looked down over all he commanded
By his death, to 1042 locations had he expanded
And as the ages changed, so did Ray’s descendants menus
As they took the empire to new, exciting venues
The Visigoth Grill, Crusader’s Crudo
Pita the Great, Dynasty Noodles
The Original Scythian Style Pub
Bennigans, Arby’s and Stubbie’s Subs
Mongol Flay It Yourself Easy Horse
And on and on til present day, of course.
And the most powerful chain on down that line
Was the Ray’s Pizza Franchise
Featuring Real Ray’s, Original Ray’s, Real Original Ray’s
Famous Ray’s, Infamous Ray’s and Ray’s of other Names
From the first Ray’s cart, this chain had continued
And you could still order peacock eyes off the secret menu.
And they ruled all the franchises with an iron fist
Ah - but how did Ray’s have heirs, if Ray’s never did have kids…?
Listen to this:
Oh it was all part of Edesia’s promise
Which was so poorly thought out it was almost comic
The contract was written up by the best lawyer of the time
Marcus Legislatus, and the print was very fine
As his wife had written it all by hand
And Marcus had married the most beautiful cricket in all the land!
But we don’t have time for that part!
What matters is the deal at this vile contract’s heart:
The Ray to Play Stipulation…
…which stated
That any chain restaurant whose owner mated
Forfeited their first born child to the Rays
Or they handed in their restaurants - either way, they all paid.
And the chains turned over became the Ray’s
And the children turned over - well, the Ray’s they became
Many chains tried to avoid this doom:
Ray Kroc hid his son in a Grimace costume
Papa John put Baby John in a basket of reeds
Dave Thomas sent Wendy to live in a tree
But each was found out, and each child was claimed
And through old, evil magic, was changed to a Ray…
Mama chef, papa chef, RUN! Hide your child away.
Look how the Rays come, on the 5th birthday of,
Oh!, what you most love, they’re gonna take away, and,
Oh!, what you most love -They’re gonna make a Ray.
They’ll file in, eat up all that you’ve got
And you must feed them your best - whether you wanna or not.
Then when they’re done - oh! - that’s when you give ‘em either
The first child of your blood, or all of your franchises
All that you’ve built, oh!, is it worth the pain
Worth all the guilt - oh - to see your child a Ray?
Many parents chose of course their child to keep
But many a chef was overcome with greed
And that’s how the Rays stayed on top of the game
And that about brings us up to date.
So now you may be keen
To the fear that chilled GG
When Mel
Said that she was with son…
All he’d made, all he’d created
Was to crumble lest he gave their
Son…
What was to be done…
GOLDEN GEORGE
My dear please dry your tears
You’ve nought to fear for our son’s life…
Let the Rays take all I’ve made,
I promise I won’t contemplate
The trade of child for franchise…
NARRATOR
Well, Triple M was overjoyed
But you and me, we know our boy
GG’s not the sort
To sell himself short
He doesn’t give - he takes!
And he’d fight, he might even tempt fate…
Sure he’d changed his ways,
But to give up everything he’d made?? it-
Was a thought that repulsed him, everything he hated.
Well GG Jr came short months later
And his parents love - well, it couldn’t have been greater
And though GG’d been conflicted on what was to be done.
He’d greatly underestimated how much he’d love his son.
GOLDEN GEORGE
Feel how his smile calms me
See how his hands are strong
He’ll be flipping frying pans before too long!
God, he’s such a nat’ral!
See him with that spatula!
One day all that I’ve made will be… no…
NARRATOR
Yes…
And two weeks before lil G turned 5
A letter came in the mail, said “It’s Time.
We march your way in 14 days.
Prepare our feast. Signed, the Rays.”
Outside there was a storm, but there was a knock at the door
GG turned and saw dripping on his floor
A chef, clad all in mauve
How’d the man get inside? GG worried this was bad
But the chef simply smiled and acted as if he had
All the answers in the world. And GG eased, suddenly calm.
He offered the Mauve Chef a drink, but then the chef dropped a bomb:
He looked GG in the eye
And the Mauve Chef said:
MAUVE CHEF
“I can save your son
Save all that you’ve done
But you must be brave,
No matter the pain
And do as I say.”
To be continued…
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danger force christmas special livewatch
welcome to the final livewatch of 2020, ‘chapa kills santa!’ ...jk it’s called ‘down goes santa’ (same thing right?). without further ado, let’s dive into the chaos of ‘the best story of christmas’!
the little pre-show channel bumper has a kid skating on tp... ONLY IN 2020!
the theme at the beginning of the ep is ‘deck the halls’ aww :)
chapa: “did you get a job at nacho ball?” bose: “i got a career at nacho ball.” eyyyy ;D (also how does he have a job isn’t he like 12?)
OH NOES THEY HAVEN’T DONE XMAS THINGS TOGETHER!! :O
chapa: “i’d say that’s an emergency, MILES!!!!!!!” oh boy will there be screaming chapa in this??
also since she cares a lot about christmas stuff maybe she won’t be the one to kill santa?
chapa: “no i don’t love christmas” BOIIIII
mika: “you took a long time to answer that question.” lol :D
SUP RAY
why does ray sound so creepy when he says “oh you wanna hear a... christmas story?”
OMG RAY DON’T SHOVE CHAPA OUT OF THAT CHAIR BRO
ray: “do you wanna hear the real christmas story?” the kids: “NO!!” lol :D
OMG RAY HAS THE BOOK IN THE HEADER PIC! :D
also all the kids said ‘ew!’ at the sight of it they really don’t want this story huh
story: “the first one was generous and jolly. the other was hot and fun.” lol
santa’s bro was named crampus wut
OMG SCHWOZ JUST SHREDDED THAT GUITAR YO!!! also hello george harrison’s lucy nice seeing you here :)
crampus wanted a jet ski and spent 1000 years on the naughty list where does this take place
this story is awesome not gonna lie :D
ray got the book from the truth store lol
story: “one day in the mid 90s” CLARISSA IS THAT YOU???
santa was lured to the desert with ‘promises of fish tacos, motocross and illegal fireworks’ lol
‘dill-weebs’ lol
santa and anti-santa fought in an abandoned mall lol
that was such a great story! :D
miles: “i don’t believe any of that!” ray: “CRAMPUS TOUCH!!!” miles: *SCREAMS*
and ray walks away with an evil laugh... >:)
mika’s sweater is so cute! :D
YO SCHWOZ JUST MADE AN XMAS TREE AND PRESENTS APPEAR IS HE MAGIC THO???? :o
and the audience cheers! :D
MIKA JUST KICKED A LITTLE TREE AND SCREAMED YO MIKA!!!
schwoz: “the big man will be here soon!” bose: “you mean shaq?” lol :D
schwoz cleans santa’s sleigh how cool! :D
there’s a corn lady in a corn truck ICE CREAM TRUCK WHO??? I DON’T KNOW HER
ooh the gums can be used to transform their civilian clothes too!
RAY AND CHAPA BOUGHT ALL THE CORN OMG :O
awww ray did it for chapa’s christmas love! ♥
ray: “our pants are down. we’re exposed!!!” ???
OHHH IT’S ‘P.A.N.T.S’ :o
is santa gonna land in the man’s nest without protection?
YO I WAS RIGHT CHAPA DID KILL SANTA!!!!!
SANTA’S ON FIRE OMGGGGGGG
santa’s beard is gray now is he my dad lol
chapa: “WE SHOT SANTA CLAUS!!!” out of context that line is so sad yet still hilarious
why did the meme airhorn just play
YO CRAMPUS ANTI-SANTA IS REALLLLLL
crampus: “it’s party tiiiimeee!!!” lol
the intro happened 10 AND A HALF MINUTES INTO THE 22 MINUTE EP what a record! :o
why did ray return with a big af senpai ball of yarn and needles
ooh the kids brought back strawberry ice cream :o
miles’ actor’s name appeared just as he was on screen coolio :D
there’s a sign on santa that says ‘none of your buzyness’ NUNYA WHO
also miles and chapa say ‘buzyness’ like nunya lol
CHAPA’S FREAKING SCREAMING ABOUT HER KILLING SANTA YOOO
santa doesn’t know who he is HO HO NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
chapa keeps zapping ray when she disapproves what he says YO CHAPA
YOOO SANTA’S MISSING!!!
bose is a mechanic apparently coolio :D
they’re getting christmas day off BUT NOT XMAS DAY
CRAMPUS LIKES THE MEME HORN YOOOOO
bose: “it could be worse!” *sees crampus* “hey, i was right, it’s worse!”
crampus: “where’s my brother uglies!” his watch: “sick burn, crampus that stings!!” lol
CRAMPUS IS GONNA DESTROY CHRISTMAS NOOOO
crampus can teleport coolio :D
the side effects of catching crampus are ‘hotness and diarrhea’ why :(
mika: “OH MY GOD SHUT UUUUUPPPPP!!!!!!!” SAME MIKA SAME
ray: “don’t say anything!” bose: “he left!” ray: “...seriously”
BOSE WHY DID YOU SAYYYYYY :(((((
YO CRAMPUS TURNED BOSE INTO A PUNK SKATER YO :o
OMG RAY HAS A TAZER GUN SANTA’S DEFINITELY GONNA DIE
ray: “news is boring” indeed it is
on the newscrawl it says orphans were hit with a sack of presents who
the newsman said ‘in part 2 of our news-’ AND THERE’S A PART 2 OF THE SPECIAL EYYYY ;D
miles and mika transformed to applause! :D
punk bose thinks taco tuesday is the best holiday lol
english orphans are on the news WHY
HOLD UP are those the orphans from one of the previous eps???
the english boy sounds like schwoz when he’s crampus-fied lol
english girl: “percy you know i only have one lung!” ...omg
crampus is putting his hands all over the xmas sack AND IT’S SO WEIRD WTF
news lady: “now that you’ve found the sack of presents you can give them to the orphans!” ray and chapa don’t sound too thrilled with that...
DON’T CRAMP THE NEWS LADY NOOOOO
it’s 8:28 pm when ray and chapa are at the news station NOT A LOT OF TIME LEFT TO SAVE SANTA!!!
the news people, orphans and crampus with energy drinks: “TACO TUESDAY LIFE!!” news guy: “LIFE SPELLED WITH A Y!!!” ray chapa GET THESE GUYS BACK FAST!!!!!!
CHAPA JUST HIT CRAMPUS WITH HER POWERS YOOOO
aaand it didn’t work :/
news guy: “looks like this story will be c-c-c-continued!!!!” indeed it will! :D
onto part 2!
YO MIKA AND MILES WALKED INTO SANTAS DANCING TO AN EPIC ‘UP ON THE HOUSETOP’ EPIC
the main santa lady almost sounds like nat from bob’s burgers :D
did schwoz just speak russian??
YO HE’S SINGING IS THIS A MUSICAL NOW???
schwoz: “♬ you’re never too cool for the holidays! ♬” yay! :D
bose: “rule number sleighven-“ i thought crampus hated christmas WHY THE XMAS PUN DUDE??
schwoz gave bose a candy cane AND IT TURNED HIM BACK YAS!!!! :D
bose: “♬ i used to love these as a boy... ♬” schwoz: “♬ you’re not a man... ♬” lol :D
bose’s singing isn’t the best but schwoz is great! :D
bose is happily helping yay! :D
AND THE SLEIGH IS BACK!!!!!
the magic of christmas is tossing people a wrench lol :D
YO SCHWOZ JUST CARRIED BOSE AND CALLED HIM BOSIE! ♥♥
did bose just say ‘i still have these gross dimples’??? DIMPLES ARE ADORABLE BOSIE
an hp ad just played TWICE IN A ROW WHYYYYY
mika and miles look great as santa! :D
all the santas think they’re the real santa lol
real santa’s a rapper dj now lol :D
OMG HE HAS A RAINBOW HAT LOVE YA REAL SANTA!!!!! :D
the santa lady just got a text from a 909 number is that the swellview version of 1-800?
santa lady to crampus: “who are you and what’s your number?” WOAH WOAH LADY YOU DON’T WANNA DATE THIS DUDE BRO
the lady didn’t change when crampus touched her WAS IT THE GLOVES???
mika used her shouting powers on crampus AND HE’S IN HIS UNDIES GROSS CRAMP :(
the santa lady likes crampus’ max body spray WHY LADY????
the into for this ep is 7 and a half minutes in and this is more like it! :D
i skipped the intro last time BUT IT’S AN XMAS THEMED ONE YAS!!!! :D
ray: “outta the way poor people santa just got his christmas bag!!” ray stop
also the card for ray’s actor appeared when he spoke cool :D
YO WAS RAY CRAMP-IFIED TOO????
...no he’s just being ray
OH NO THERE’S A BALLOON CALLED ‘PARTY TIME’ CRAMP’S COMIN’ TO GET U!!!!!!!!
santa lady: “why do i get thrown through a door at this party every year?’ either you’re drunk or you just like slamming yourself through doors???
schwoz calls crampus ‘crampooss’ and it’s just his accent but it’s super funny :D
AND THAT HP AD PLAYS 2 TIMES IN A ROW AGAIN UGHHHH
crampus got away WITH EVERYTHING SANTA NOOOO
bose: “things can’t get worse!” news guy: “things just got a whole lot better...” bose: “see?” news lady: “for CRAMPUUUSSSSSS!!!!” bose: “...they got me.” lol silly bose! :D
crampus’ message is ‘rap, rock, love and CHRISTMAS HATE’
schwoz called italy ‘itallee’ lol :D
the world wide news anchors are just the swellview ones with accents lol :D
bose sees all those anchors being infected AND ALL HE WANTS IS A RUSSIAN HAT
oh hello ray
ray: “why didn’t anyone tell me lake swellview was frozen?” chapa: “,,,it’s december.” lol :D
bose called the infected people ‘crampas’ lol :D
schwoz pronounces christmas ‘christmuss’ :D
909 is san bernadino AKA WHERE THE STORY TOOK PLACE OHHHHH :O
they have to go to the abandoned mall OMGGG!!!!!!!!!
the kids really don’t want ray to take a coal bath
crampus called the santa lady ‘babe’ ARE THEY A THING????
santa: “can i get nexties for a massage?” ...nexties?
YO DID THE SANTA LADY DATE RAY????? :O
UGH the hp ads AGAINNNNNN
YO the lady has cardboard cutouts of bts in her bathroom YOU’RE NOT DAN AND PHIL WITH THE 1D PIC
909 reminds me of ‘one after 909′ and that’s a lot better than this place!
bose got ‘ultra dark sick glasses’ OH NOES
AND MIKA WAS SILENCED WHILE CHAPA WAS TRAPPED IN CHAINS NOOOO
miles is still standing GO MILES!!!!! :D
crampus said he and miles could be friends awww :)
...did crampus just say ‘your call t-mobile’
santa lady: “oh god THEY’RE FIGHTING OVER ME :D’ no they’re fighting for the other santa MS LADY
ray cried at KUNG FU PANDA????
maybe ray can give his jet ski to crampus to redeem him
OH WAIT THAT’S FROM THE STORY OMG :o
THE JET SKI SHALL REDEEM!!!!!
ray said ‘oh gross that’s mine’ to miles’ (and my) suggestion :/
WAIT RAY HAS 4 or 5 JET SKIS WHY
GIVE CRAMPUS THE JET SKI RAY COME ONNNNN
mika says muffled things and ray completely understands her lol :D
RAY GAVE CRAMPUS THE JET SKI KEYS YAAAS!!!!
OMG CRAMPUS IS BACK!!! and he kind of looks like henry??
the hp ad played but the 2nd one had text this time so that’s cool i guess?
santa still doesn’t remember oh noes :o
bose could lift the sleigh and miles could teleport to different houses AND CHAPA IS RUDOLLLLLPHHHH!!!!!
bose said the ‘guide my sleigh tonight’ to mika lol :D
christmas is ‘taco tuesday’ but better :D
the kids are great as santa
miles: “merry christmas you filthy animals!” ooh home alone reference
a button down shirt and a ball made the news anchors transform back aww :D
AND THE ORPHAN GIRL LOVES A TOOTHBRUSH PENCIL
all 7 members of bts are next omg why can’t it be blackpink
YAS THE SPECIAL WAS THE BEST STORY I GUESSED IT RIGHT!!! :D
and mika is still muffled
RAY IS IN LAKE HAVASU AZ REFERENCE!!!! :D
crampus looks like freddy mercury
and he’s with ray and santa! :D
that was a fun christmas special and it’ll certainly be a classic! what a way to end 2020 livewatches! :)
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