#For charms tho the lines gotta look nice *sighs*

[shima-draws]

Me, sketching out charm designs: Fun!! Ehe! So fun!!

Me, lining charm designs: Why did god put me on this earth. Why was I put here only to suffer. Such a cruel fate has befallen me

Me, coloring and shading charm designs: Fun!! Ehe! So fun!!!

[luvelyhs]

if i could go back

i’ve been telling you guys i am incapable of writing anything without angst so... enjoy 

Pairing: Y/N and Harry 

Warnings: angst lol, happy ending tho

Summary: Y/N caught feelings for Harry, who was already in love with someone else.

~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N groaned at the blaring sound of an alarm, reaching over towards her nightstand to grab her phone. In the process, a body shifted beside her and she realized she wasn’t alone. Sitting up, she looked at the person next to her and the memories from last night seemed to drown her. 

“Mm, hello?” Harry’s deep morning voice grumbled to the caller who dared wake him up on a Saturday morning. Y/N grabbed the covers and wrapped it around her to cover her nakedness, and she felt a little embarrassed.

Y/N couldn’t wrap her head around the fact she actually slept with one of her good friends. She was always adamant of never crossing that line with him, but somehow it happened and she basked in the memories of last night. He was so sweet and good to her, like how she imagined he would be, and honestly her imagination didn’t do him justice. 

“You okay?” Harry’s voice turned concerned and Y/N tilted her head slightly in curiosity of who was calling Harry at--she tapped her phone screen and it lit up bright in front of her--nine in the morning. 

“Don’t cry, baby, don’t cry. I’ll come over now, yeah? You’ll be okay.” The words rushed out of Harry and before you had a chance to process it, Harry was turning to you.

“Hey, Y/N, there’s an emergency.. I think you should go.” Y/N blinked in confusion, this was not how she was expecting things to go when she woke up.

“Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, it’s just Daisy. Her boyfriend just broke up with her and she needs me right now.” Of course it was Daisy, and as long as she was in the picture, Y/N would never mean anything more than a friend to him. That’s been how it was for as long as she knew him. He was wrapped tightly around Daisy’s finger. She couldn’t help but feel jealous of her, Harry was so in love with her but she just wouldn’t see it. If only Harry felt like that around her, Y/N thought.

“But.. last night?” He looked down at her beside him, pity gracing his features.

“It meant nothing.” Y/N sighed, embarrassed and full of shame. She shouldn’t have done this. 

“I’m sorry..” Harry reached out to grab her hand as she gathered her dignity and got of his bed, grabbing her items and stepping into her clothes. 

“Save it, Harry. I can’t believe after everything she’s put you through you’d still walk through hell for her. You’re only hurting yourself, I hope one day you’ll see that. But I won’t stand by you through it.” 

She raced out of Harry’s bedroom, Harry following behind her trying to explain himself, but Y/N wasn’t having any of it, not when Daisy still had his heart.

“Call me when you get your shit together.” She turned towards him one last time, regarding him with a look that was full of anger and heartbreak.

“Don’t do this, Y/N. Please..” Harry was torn between saving his friendship with Y/N and going to see the girl he was in love with, but he didn’t need to decide because Y/N decided for him.

Y/N exited his front door, and in that moment they didn’t know it would hurt them more than they expected it to.

~~~

A few months passed, Harry tried every possible way to get Y/N to talk to him, but she wouldn’t have it, not when he was still under Daisy’s influence and being stupid. She cut off most contact with Harry’s friends, only because she didn’t want to break and ask how he was doing. She already got enough of it through social media. 

Y/N was a stylist, and she worked herself up, booking celebrity clients left and right and eventually became good friends with a few of them. She liked her new life without Harry in it, but that’s the thing. She didn’t love it, she missed him deeply, but she wouldn’t succumb to his charms. She still had that one night burned into the back of her mind.

“Are you going to Max’s party tonight?” Y/N turned to her assistant, Emily.

“I’m not sure, I’ll probably just leave after I get him ready.” Max Graham was a good friend and client, he was a big producer and would occasionally host big parties. She rarely attends, even though he always begs her to stay and mingle. She just doesn’t want to risk seeing him again.

“Why don’t you stay? I heard some big celebs are gonna be there. Maybe you can book Rihanna or Ariana Grande.” 

“You already know Grande’s stylist is my friend, I’m not stealing her away. Although, the thought is tempting..” Emily giggled at her boss and continued putting together some outfits on her iPad.

“Just stay this time please! If you get bored I’ll leave with you and order you some take out.” Y/N thought about it, he most likely won’t be there, he never used to attend these parties. She thought one night wouldn’t hurt. Also, why was she letting him still have control over her life? She could go to a party that she wants to go to, whether he was going to be there or not. It was her life, her choice.

“Fine, but you’re treating for lunch on Monday.” Emily rolls her eyes but nods anyway, excited her boss was finally going to enjoy herself at a party.

~~~

“Y/N, my darling angel!” Y/N giggled at her friend and client and bowed down exaggeratedly. 

“Hello, good sir. I come bearing gifts.” Y/N stepped aside and the clothing racks full of designer clothes held in plastic coverings was pushed in.

“What look are you going for today, Max?” She came up behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders, holding his stare in the opulent mirror in front of them.

“Surprise me.” He boldly said, a sly smile on his lips. 

Y/N was excited. She loved dressing people up, she’s always had a knack for fashion and it was great that she enjoyed it as well. 

“Emily!” Y/N called, needing the help of her assistant. 

“Could you grab that new belt, I think it’s in the trunk.” She asked her while unzipping the bags she knew would look super well on Max. 

“Yup, be right back.” Emily walked away and Y/N held the two articles of clothing together, trying to picture it on her client and she shook her head, discarding the top she picked and plucked another from the rack. 

“Aha..” She whispered, grinning in excitement. 

“I have found the perfect outfit for you. You will love it!” 

Max turned around to grin at her, he loved the outfits Y/N dressed him up in. He was truly fond of his stylist, she was so caring and he knew she had been hurt in the past. He could tell from the way her eyes dimmed sometimes, looking to be in another world with a frown on her face.

He wanted her to have fun, and if there was one thing about Max’s grand parties, it was that you had fun. He prided himself on ordering the best hor’dourves for his guests and the best djs.

“I hope you’re coming tonight?” He basically pleaded with her, giving her his puppy dog eyes. She always said no, though. She didn’t like going to big parties, but he didn’t know why. 

He was prepared for her to decline his invitation, but Emily approached and answered for her.

“I got her to come tonight, you can thank me now, by the way.” She grinned at both Max and Y/N, and all Y/N did was roll her eyes at her perky assistant.

Max gasped over dramatically, turning his head to face Y/N.

“I’ve got a ton of people to introduce to you, my dear. Prepare yourself.”

Y/N laughed at her friend’s dramatic antics and switched the topic to the matter at hand.

“Alright.. I was thinking some stripes.”

~~~

Y/N decided to head back to her apartment really quick to change and get dolled up. She wanted to look good, not for anybody but herself. It’s been a while since she went to a party... the last time was definitely pre-Harry.

She swung by Emily’s apartment to pick her up, before heading to Max’s. His mansion was lit up with pretty colorful lights and multiple cars parked in his long round driveway. She and Emily greeted the valet and prepped herself mentally before heading inside.

She’s gotta give it to Max, this looked like a great party. Everyone was mingling and the atmosphere was nice, she decided she would have a good time, even if she had to force herself.

She caught the eye of the host and he quickly went up to her and greeted her with two cheek kisses and she praised his outfit.

“You look amazing, your outfit is to die for, who’s your stylist?” Max rolled his eyes at Y/N’s teasing and pulled Y/N and Emily along with him. He was giddy she finally made it and he wanted to show her off to a few major celebrities he had invited.

“Darlings, you both look absolutely stunning.” Max complimented them both and Y/N blushed, looking down at the short dress she wore. The little black dress with glitter sparkled under the twinkling lights above her. She hadn’t dressed like this in a few months and she missed it.

Max guided them to a few celebs, even getting to meet the Jonas Brothers who she was a big fan of when she was younger. She mingled with them and got into a deep conversation with Zendaya. She laughed and drank and danced, it was overall a fun time.

Until Max led her to a familiar figure. His back was turned to her in an all cream suit. She spotted Jeff first in front of him, who had a full view of the incoming people. She watched as his eyes saw her and they widened, pausing mid speech which made Harry confused.

Y/N wanted to run, she wanted to leave and forget she had ever saw him here. What the hell was he doing here in the first place?! The one time she had decided to have a good night and have fun he had to be there to ruin it.

Max held her hand and pulled her along as her feet reluctantly took the steps to their destination. Her mind was blank but then he turned around, and it was like everything she tried to repress came out again.

The feelings- the hurt, the pain, and the love? He was surprised to see her, that she could tell. His hand reached out to her and she watched as he pulled it back.

“Gentlemen! I’d like you to meet my beautiful and amazing stylist, Y/N Y/L/N!”

Silence. Jeff was the first to break it.

“Hi, Y/N. You look great! How are you?” He leaned forward to hug her and she reluctantly hugged him back.

“Jeff, hi. Yeah, I’ve been good, how are you? How’s Glenne?” They pulled back and Max clapped.

“You already know each other? Perfect! Y/N, do you know Harry?” She blanched, she hadn’t meant to, she just wasn’t ready to confront her feelings with Harry. She thought she could get away with never seeing him again but she should’ve known that in this industry, probably not.

“Yeah, uh, we met a year ago. Hi, love.” Then Harry had to give her that smile, that damn pantydropping smile. That damn handsome smile that made his eyes sparkle.

“Harry.” It was a whispered breath, taking him in. She missed him. They were friends, very good friends, before she caught feelings. And she missed him and their times together. But then the thought bulldozed into her mind. The reason she left him and everything about him behind- Daisy.

She assumed she was still in his life. And as long she was there, Y/N wouldn’t be.

The thought made her turn cold and rigid.

“Nice to see you again.” She smiled politely, turning her head to Max and seeing Emily wave to her to come in the background.

“Emily’s calling me over, bye guys.” She did a little wave and hurriedly walked over to Emily. She passed by Jay-Z and Travis Scott and she couldn’t believe she was in the presence of some big names.

“Girl, I just met Beyoncé. I died inside!” Y/N laughed at her assistant and they walked together to the bar.

“Should I introduce myself to Shawn Mendes?” Emily was a fan of him, and they were the same age so Y/N told her to go for it. But in all honesty she didn’t want to be left alone. Not while he was in the vicinity.

They grabbed their drinks and Y/N played with her straw while she watched Emily strut over to Shawn. Emily flipped her hair and turned her head back to look at Y/N, where she just gave her a thumbs up and a wink.

She took a deep breath in and let it out, shrieking and jumping a little in shock when the man she was hoping to avoid appeared beside her.

“Shit! You scared the shit out of me.” She clutched her chest and tried to calm herself from the fright.

“What are you doing here?” She mumbled, when she was around him now her confidence dropped and she became a nervous mess. She hated that. She hated he had so much control over her still.

“I miss you.” It was a simple statement, but her heart fluttered when he uttered those words.

Y/N looked away.

When enough seconds passed and Harry knew he wouldn’t be getting any response to what he said, he took a different approach.

“Dance with me.” Y/N laughed, startled by his request.

“Huh?” She was confused, they hadn’t talked in months and the first thing he wants to do was tell her he misses her and to dance with him.

“I’m not doing that.” She was being cold and callous but that’s how she did things. This was how she hid and masked the hurt. It was better that way, she thought.

“Y/N..” He uttered her name, she missed it. She missed him so much. But it also made her angry. If he wasn’t so far up Daisy’s ass, maybe they could’ve still been friends. Maybe they could’ve been something more. But Y/N was naive to think that they could’ve been. He wasn’t obligated to love her just because she loved him, no, it was her own fault for falling in love with her friend who was already in love with someone else.

“You can’t just do this, Harry! I cut off contact with you for a fucking reason. Can’t you take a hint?” He seemed hurt by her words, and she wanted to apologize but the words died in her throat.

“Just a conversation, lovie. Just tell me how you are.” She scoffed before thinking about it. He could tell she was weighing her options and the pros and cons so he decided to help a little.

“After, you can decide if you never wanna talk to me again. I’ll never bother you again, never contact you. You’ll be free of me.” That caught Y/N’s attention. That’s what she wanted, right?

“Alright..” He softly smiled at her before guiding her away from the loudness of the party.

“I’m so, so proud of you, lovie. You’ve made a name for yourself. I’ve heard people rave about you. Made me jealous how they got to see you and spend time with you and I didn’t.”

Y/N sighed. “Distancing myself from you was the only way I could cope. Truth be told, Harry, I really liked you. I mean.. it must’ve been obvious that morning. Seeing you hooked on Daisy just hurt me a little. It’s okay now, though.”

He stopped walking, turning to fully face Y/N. There was a light glow from the tennis court lights but otherwise they were wrapped in darkness.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t see it sooner. I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize your feelings, and I’m so sorry for making you feel like shit that morning. If I could redo that morning, I would’ve ignored the call, no, no. I would’ve answered and told her to fuck off, I would’ve woken you up with so many kisses all over your face and body. We would’ve made love that morning and I would’ve confessed my feelings, and all this pain and hurt could’ve been avoided. But that didn’t happen, and all I could say now is that I love you. And if you’ll give me another chance, I swear I’d never hurt you again.”

Y/N inhaled deeply at his confession. It was full of conviction and truth. Her eyes welled up and she couldn’t stop yourself from full on sobbing.

“Oh baby, no, don’t cry!” He wrapped his arms around her, which made her cry just a little harder.

Harry thought he was too late, thought he made her so sad with his words that she would never want anything to do with him anymore, and that broke his heart into pieces.

“God, I just- I just never thought I’d ever hear those words.” She giggled while crying.

When Y/N had left that morning, he was hurt, but he had to see Daisy. He had went to her house, and he had convinced himself that he loved her. When she opened the door, her boyfriend was wrapped around her, and she dismissed Harry rudely. And then Harry thought long and hard. He had Y/N, the sweetest most caring girl, and he had chose Daisy over her? The one who had always used Harry as her backup when her boyfriend would grow tired of her. Y/N had always been there for Harry, had been there to hold his hand when the going got tough. He went home to wallow in his thoughts and really only fully came to his senses when Gemma whacked some sense into his brain. He realized he didn’t deserve Y/N, but it didn’t stop Harry from trying to contact her. She ignored every call, every text, and then eventually blocked his number. He’s ask his friends how she was and they’d say she was doing good, gave some vague details about her life but that was it. He missed her so fucking much and now that she was in front of him, he would never let her go.

“These are happy tears. Do you, do you mean it?” Harry was carefully wiping the tears streaming down her face, leaning forward to press his lips to her cute nose.

“Of course, I meant every word. I love you so much and I hate that it took me so long to see it.” He wrapped his arms around Y/N and she hesitantly hugged him back and instantly sighed in relief. How she missed this.

“I love you too.” She smiled and initiated the kiss between them, the first kiss since that night. It was passionate, they kissed deeply and smiled happily into the kiss. Y/N pulled back a bit but Harry followed, pressing multiple kisses to her lips. She laughed and swatted him away.

“Wait.. that was the cutest thing ever!” She heard her friend’s voice and the sound of someone being hit, followed by a groan and a whine. Harry and Y/N both looked at the two people hiding behind a rose bush.

“Really?” Y/N groaned, embarrassed of her friends spying on their intimate and personal conversation.

They popped out, both appearing drunk as hell. Harry laughed at their appearances and wrapped his arm around Y/N’s waist, while Y/N tucked her head into his chest.

“Can y’all make some babies? They would look so adorable!!”

“Max!” Y/N scolded, cheeks heating up at his words.

“I’m down if you are?” Harry suggested, winking down at her. She rolled her eyes at her man, pulling him down for a deep kiss, her friends cheering her on in the background.

[spideyswifey]

Power Couple: FootballStar!Thomas X Cheerleader!Reader Chapter 1: Practice and Parties

Okay so... this is my first x reader fic and I’m nervous on how this turns out 😬 I just had this idea of Thomas as a high school football star and the reader the cheer captain and they’re just a power couple! Also this was suppose to be like a little imagine, but ya girl ended up writing so much that this is now definitely going to be a series. Anyway without further ado I give you; Power Couple Chapter 1!!!

P.S I was inspired by @daveeddiggsit Wideout series for this. Y’all should go check her out if you haven’t already because her writing is AMAZING! And because of her I have become a simp for a football star thom! 🥺

Word Count: 1.4k

Pairing: FootballStarThom! X CheerCaptain!Reader

Warnings: None for now, as far as I know, but if you see some let me know!

Summary: For Y/N, being the freshman cheer captain definitely had its perks, a cute uniform, a badass squad that’s always got your back, and getting the attention of a certain freshman football team captain. And one day, Thomas Jefferson decides to approach her after practice.

“5, 6, 7, and 8! Whoo! Good job everyone!” Y/N exclaimed to her team as they just finished the last steps of their routine. Their coach nodded in approval, “Yes, now go ahead and rest up for the weekend! I’ll see you all on Monday!” A chorus of “Okays” and “See you coach!” could be heard by the rest of the team.

Y/n had knelt down on the track putting her stuff away in her gym bag, along with a few of her teammates/ friends. Her friends were excitedly chatting about the first football game of the season next Friday. She shared a smile, excited for their first time to cheer in front of a crowd at the freshman game.

“I just hope we get a pretty good turnout,” one of her best friends, Peggy piped up beside her, “Not a lot of people really come to the freshman games.” “Well they will this year once they see the amazing freshman cheer team led by the best captain ever!” Her other best friend, Lafayette, had proclaimed while he nudged her, giving her a cheeky grin. Y/n playfully rolled her eyes at her foreign friend, “C’mon Laf, you give me way to much credit!”

“Nah, he’s right Y/n! You’ve worked your ass off for the captains spot and you’ve earned it, you’ve gotta give yourself some credit at least!” Peggy declared, disagreeing with her friends previous statement. “Ok ok I’ll admit,” Y/n sighed contentedly “It is pretty rewarding to be where I am after practicing till my legs felt like they would fall off!” They all laughed together at her comment, finally standing up to leave the track.

“Speaking of rewards,” Peggy spoke up, a smirk suddenly appearing on her face, “It looks like a certain someone has also noticed your hard work.” Y/n followed Peggys stare, leading her to none other than the freshman football team captain, Thomas Jefferson; who had been caught, not so subtly staring at the three.

Thomas quickly looked away, hurriedly putting the rest of his stuff away, as he had just finished practice himself. He couldn’t help but look at her tho, she exuded confidence in a way that made him attracted to her. The way she smiled while performing a cheer, the way her ponytail bounced while she moved in step, everything about her was captivating to him and he knew right away that he had to at least talk to her, and then hopefully date her. Thomas then zipped up his bag, said a brief goodbye to his teammates, and decided to head over to Y/n’s group.

“No way!” Y/n scoffed, “We were probably just laughing too loud and annoyed him.” It was her friends’ turn to scoff, “Y/n,” Peggy started, “You’re hot girl! Why wouldn’t he be looking at you?” “I agree mom amie, you are a ray of sunshine who’s beauty over flows! Any guy would be foolish not to be attracted to you!” Lafayette concurred with Peggy.

Y/n began to blush at her friends praise, trying to hide the smile growing on her face. “Thanks guys.” Just as they were about to reach the exit, a figure jogging toward them caught Peggys eye. “Oh and look! Thomas Jefferson sure ain’t a fool since he’s coming right over here!” She tried to contain her squeal of excitement. Y/n’s head shot in the direction of Peggys excited gaze. Suddenly she could feel her heartbeat speed up and her hands begin to sweat. Thomas Jefferson was approaching her!

“And I think that’s our cue to go Peggy, Good luck mon amie!” Laf shot her a wink as he and Peggy hurry to leave so they can give Y/n some time alone with Thomas. “I want details later!” Peggy harshly whispered, seeing as Thomas was now in earshot, and quickly left giggling with Lafayette about their best friend.

Thomas stopped right in front of her, quickly doing a once over of her practice outfit. “Uh, hi! It’s Y/n right?” Her eyes widened at the way her name left his lips. “Oh, Yeah hi! Thomas?” She mentally facepalmed, you already know his name idiot!

“Yeah” Thomas gave her a small smile, “Uh, I hope I don’t come off as creepy but, I couldn’t help but notice you practicing.” “Oh?” She questioned, a smirk now appearing on her face, now that he had admitted to watching her, a certain confidence started to ease her nerves. “Uh, yeah. Your moves are pretty good!” Thomas sheepishly complimented her while mentally scolding himself. Dude what is wrong with you? You’re never this nervous!

“Oh, thanks!” She grinned happily, “You’ve got some pretty good moves yourself captain!” She winked. “Oh really?” Thomas asked, “You’ve been watching my moves?” It was now his turn to smirk. Y/n looked down timidly, biting her lip quickly before responding. “Well, I’ve gotta keep tabs on who’s gonna possibly lead us to victory on our first game next Friday, you gonna prove me right?” She challenged. “Oh absolutely!” Thomas beamed. “And when I’m doing so, I hope the cheer squad is able to pump us all up!” He winked. “Oh trust me! We’re more than ready!” Y/n exclaimed. They both shared a laugh, the nerves leaving both of them as they bantered and started walking towards the front of the school together.

“So, listen,” Thomas started, “I’m not sure if you heard, but there’s gonna be a party at my house after the game on Friday, regardless if we win or not, and um I’d like it if you could come.” He looked at her with hope in his eyes. She was just so infatuating and he couldn’t get enough. “Oh, um ok!” She replied bashfully, that blush coming back to her cheeks. “Um my squad can come too right?” “No yeah of course, um everyone’s invited, especially the cheer captain.” He smirked.

Y/n was about to respond when a honk caught her off guard. They both looked in the direction of the sound and saw her older brother Zack, waiting for her in the drivers side. “That’s my ride,” she sighed, not wanting their conversation to end. Thomas nodded defeatedly. “I’ll see you around then?” He asked, hoping this wasn’t the last time they’d get to interact. Y/n smiled, “Definitely!” And with one last burst of conifidence, she took her phone out of her gym bag and placed it in Thomas’s hand. He glanced at her, eyebrows furrowed.

“How else am I gonna get directions to the captains party, hm?” She answered his puzzled gaze with a small giggle. Thomas chuckled and put his number in her phone, then gave her his so she could do the same. They exchanged gleeful glances as y/n started to walk towards her brothers car. Just before she opened the door, she turned to give Thomas one last line, “See you around, Captain!” Thomas chuckled shaking his head, his curls bouncing. “You too, Captain!”

With that Y/n entered the vehicle , hardly containing her smile. “So, who was that?” Her brother eyed her as she sat in the front seat with a goofy grin on her face. “No one.” She replied while trying to hide the smile growing on her face. “Mhm, ok” her brother quipped, deciding to ignore it for now and interrogate her later. Y/n paid no mind to her brother, looking out the window as he drove off towards their house. The alert of a text from her phone brought her out of her daze as she checked to see who it was.

From: Football Captain Thomas 🏈🔥😉

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that it was nice talking to you. 😅 Here’s the address for the party! Hope to see you there, cheer captain 😉

Y/n bit her lip while typing a reply.

Thomas watched as the car took off, the smile never leaving his face. He quickly pulled out his phone to text the girl that has him charmed, while walking towards his moms car as she just pulled up. His mom made small conversation as he sat himself in the front seat. He then felt his phone vibrate.

From: Cheer Captain Y/n 📣😍🔥

It was nice talking to you too! Bring us a victory and we’ll see 😜 Don’t let me down football captain 😉

Thomas beamed as he read the message. If there was any more motivation he needed to win this game, he knew this was it. He was gonna do it so the beautiful captain of the freshman cheer squad would go to his party. And Y/n herself knew either way she would go, if it meant more time with the freshman football captain, she would definitely go to this party.

Looks like being the captain of the team definitely has its perks.

I hope you all liked it! I didn’t even think it would be this long and yet, here we are! 😅 Also what do y’all think about male cheerleader Laf?!? I just had the idea and it wouldn’t go away and honestly I love it!!! Also if you want to be tagged in upcoming chapters just let me know and I’d be more than happy to do so! 😘 Anyway let me know what y’all think! 🥺♥️

-With Love,

Spidey’s Wifey 🕷♥️🖤

[sometimes-i-write-4-you]

Steven Hyde x reader

Butterflies. Terrible.

Trigger warnings: weed (probably badly written cause I don't smoke but I tried), cursing, some angst I guess.

I sat in the basement, watching TV and eating chips. I was in my brothers superman pajama, which I steal from time to time from the laundry. He didn't care until the time Steven saw me wearing it and now he won't stop reminding Eric his pjs fit his baby sister. To be fair, he had it for years, it's just really stretchy, and I have to tie a double not for the pants not to fall. Steven didn't care about the small details tho.

It was quite, which was unusual. The longer I sat there the more it bothered me. Something was off. Why isn't my brother here? Where's his friends? They can't be at the hub, they'd invite me. Sure I was a year younger, but I had weed connections plus, it is my birthday. Wait a minute. It's my birthday. I turned off the tv and went upstairs.

"Oh, honey, why are you still in your pajamas?" My mom asked when you entered the kitchen. "Because only you, dad and Eric are going to see me, and You saw me in my pink faze, these superman pajamas are an upgrade" i replied, taking some water out of the fridge. "We are not the only ones who are going to see you" My mom said, but once she realised what it meant, she hurried up and added "not because i'm throwing you a party, it's just that, um, Steven lives here! he'll see you" she said. "Yeah, Steven already saw me wearing this, and as much as I hate being seen in the same outfit twice I could not care less" I said, and left the kitchen to go to my room. "Wait!" My mom said before I could follow through with my plan. "I need you to go get some sugar from the store. So put on some normal clothes, preferably fancy. Something you'd wear for a party, you know, just so that people can look at you and know you are the birthday girl. A birthday girl, in general" my mom said. "Fine" I sighed, and went upstairs to get ready.

I got to the store, wearing a bottom up with a fun print on it tucked in a Jean skirt. My shoes had a small heel, just enough to a little fancy, yet casual if paired with the right outfit. Now, where's the sugar… I finally found it, and went to the counter.

"Hi, (y/n)" the cashier smiled at me, "happy birthday" he added, taking the sugar from my hands. "Hi Derek" I smiled at him. Derek is my classmate (and my weed connection), who is incredibly hot with his dark hair, and eyes as blue as the sea, but he's as desperate as Fez if not more. "Thanks" I added, just to be nice. "and that'll be 2 dollars, should be 2.50 but, I'll give you a happy birthday discount" he said, "I also forgot to give someone 50 cents back, so..". I laughed,  he was charming in his own way. "Well, I'll see you later at your party" he said, waving goodbye. "I fucking knew it" you muttered as you waved him goodbye. 

I got back home to find Hyde sitting in the basement, wearing a decent button up. “Yo, Hyde, whatcha doing?” I asked, sitting down next to him. “Watching TV in hopes your mom won’t call me upstairs for your party. I am not going to hang out with a bunch of 17 year olds” he said. “You’re hanging out with me” i said, “and i was 16 until today” i said. “Yeah, but you’re forman’s sister” he replied, ending the conversation. “By the way, 17 suites ya” he said. “Thanks hyde” I smiled. “Ya know what, as a birthday gift, here, take a sip of my beer” he said, handing me the can in his hand (obviously it was wrapped so it looked like a can of orange soda). “Hyde. I drank with you guys more than a sip of beer” I said. “Fine, take the whole can. Women, you give ‘em a finger they grab your wallet” he sighed as i took the can off of his hand. I laughed and took a sip. “Steven. Come upstairs. I need your help with something only a man can help me with” i hear my mom. “Ask donna!” Hyde called back. I laughed. “STEVEN” my mom yells. “Well, (y/n), i gotta go" he says, tapping on my thigh. I smiled at him, "bye for now". Gid, I hope he didn't notice me blushing.

A few moment later I was called upstairs too to find my mom, my dad, my brother and the gang plus a few of my classmates. "Suprise!" They all called in unison. "Wow! I cannot belive it, mom, you throw me a party?" I said, and Derek looked confused. "I told you I'll see you at the party-" "shhhh" I cut him off. My mom bought the fact I was surprised every single year. She looked at me, then at him, confused. "You? Really? I do not…. Okay fine mom, I knew about the party. I know every year" I finally admit. "I can not belive you…" she opened her mouth, but gave up and left the livingroom, allowing us kids have fun. My dad walked behind her, in a mission to comfort her. 

The hours passed by, and most of the people left. It was now the gang, me and Derek. Turns out the guy actually has a personality. We laughed and talked, and I was actually having a decent time. I sat with him on the couch,  drinking a beer sponsored by Kelso. "Okay, okay, so here's a joke. Once there was this doctor, and he visited a mental hospital, y'know, for like, crazy people. Then one of the guys just slaps him, like" he said, and then softly "slapped" me. His hand stayed on my cheek for a moment, but soon enough he needed it for his overly dramatic way of talking. So many hand gestures. "And then the doctor goes to the principal and he's all like, "why did this guy slap me?" And the principal is like "that's just how they say hi here" so the doctor is like, okay, whatever, and he keeps walking around and then that guy slaps him not once, but 10 times. Now, one time is acceptable, y'know, it's polite to say hello, but 10? That's crossing a line" Derek said, and I laughed. "I'm not even at the punchline!" Derek smiled, nudging my shoulder and smoothly resting his hand on my shoulder as he took a sip of his own beer. "So anyway, he goes back to the principal, and he tells him just that. The principal looks at him and say, "well, this one stutters" " Derek smiles. I laugh, and so does the rest of the gang who apparently listened. The only one not laughing was Hyde, "yeah, saw that joke on playboy too" he said. "There are jokes on playboy?" Eric asks. I look at him, mortified. I did not need to know my brother.. uses these. "Because I don't… I don't have any, so like, maybe I should get one to check out the jokes" Eric said, attempting to save himself from Donna's stare. She rolled her eyes and decided to let it go. "Well, it's getting late, I should probably head home" Derek said, and took my hand, dragging me to the door and hugging me goodbye.

"Finally, I was dying for a smoke" Kelso sighed, and grabbed a metal box off of his pocket, taking out a joint as the rest of the group arranged in the infamous circle. "Y'know he is my weed guy, right?" I say, and he looks at me surprised. "Are you kidding me? He can get you weed, he looks good, he is funny, and so clearly into you? Girl, make a move" Donna says, nudging you. "He is not good looking" Hyde says, taking a puff off of the joint Kelso just passed him. "He is" Jackie said, "like, really good looking" I agreed. "Whatever, man" Hyde sighed, giving up, "but you gotta admit, the weed I get is better, I'm better looking and I'm also funnier" Hyde said. "Whatever, man" I mimic his tone, taking the joint off of his hands. "Guys,do you think I have a chance with the pretty lady that was at the party?" Fez asked. "You mean Josaleen? I've seen you talking to her" Jackie said. "I don't know her name, she said it but I was focused on… something else" Fez admitted. "Oh, definitely Josaleen. She was wearing this top, i wouldn't even call it a top, her boobs were completely out, she's such a slut. She'll sleep with anyone" Jackie said, taking a break from talking to inhale the smoke, "so no, I don't think you have a chance Fez". "But I am anyone" Fez said. He sounded so broken, "and she gave me her number, look!" He added, showing us a piece of paper he kept in his pocket. "Sweet!" Kelso smiled, taking the number off of Fez's hands, "thanks men, I'll call her later".

The next day, I went to the basement to find Hyde smoking all alone. "Hey man" I said, jumping on the couch from behind it, grabbing the joint off of his hands. "Hey" he says, taking the rolled cigarette before I could smoke it. "Hyde, are you okay? You were kinda quiet at the circle. You barely even laughed when kelso stole the number of the hot girl from Fez" I said, resting my hand on his far shoulder. "Yeah, I'm fine" he said, blowing the smoke and handing me the joint. I took it, "yeah okay". I gave up getting anything out of him. He just had no emotions and I had to face it. This is why I said yes when Derek asked me out over the phone two minutes ago. He doesn't make butterflies appear in my stomach like Hyde does, and his touch doesn't burn my skin but whatever, Hyde is a non-reachable dream. "Listen, uhm, Derek asked me out" I said, a part of me hoping he'd get jealous. "poor guy" he said. "Why's that?" I ask him. "Well, you crushed his heart. You shouldn't have let him hold your hand and be all over you, got his hopes high" Hyde said as he took his cigarette back. "Actually I said yes. Donna was right, ya'know, he is hot, funny and got weed connections" I say, moving my hand that still rested on him. He faced me, shocked. "But you deserve better than that drug-dealing-playboy-reading, pot-head teen" Hyde said. "You're a drug-dealing-playboy-reading, pot-head teen!" I reply, slightly amused but mostly upset. "Well, I'm better at it!" Hyde replies, and gets up. "Whatever, man" he says, and makes his way to the door. "No, non of that whatever man shit, hyde. Sit down and tell me why the fuck do you care" I say, and Hyde turns around. "He's just trying to get in your pants cause your hot" Hyde replies. "I- did you just say I'm hot?" I say, tempted to laugh. "No, I didn't. Look, (y/n), all I know is that you can do better than him" Hyde says, turning off the bearly used cigarette and resting it in the ashtray. He finally sat back down next to me. "Look, Hyde, in case you missed it, there aren't any guys lining up to date me. Is it so hard for you to believe someone can be actually interested in me for more than sex?" I sigh. "It's not, you're a cool person, (y/n) it's just… god, how do I explain that? I don't want you to get hurt okay? You're like… my best friend's sister, and…" he started, but gave up what he wanted to say. "And…" I ask. "Do you promise not to laugh?" He says. "Sure" I say, intrigued. "Well, it's just that… When i’m around you, i have this annoying feeling like- like there are butterflies in my stomach. Have you ever felt that? It’s terrible" he says. "I know what you mean, got someone that makes me feel like that too. It is terrible" I agree. "Derek, I'm assuming? I really think that-" he starts, but something cuts him off, and I am proud to say that something is my lips crushing into his. He breaks the kiss quickly. "Woah, man, hold up" he smiles. "God, I'm so sorry" I say, covering my mouth, "i- I guess I misunderstood you" I say, getting up. "Nononono you didn't, you didn't!" He calls, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the couch. I fall right in his lap. "I just wanted to make sure you mean it" he admits, looking anywhere but into my eyes. "I do mean it" I say, cupping his cheeks as he pulls me back into a second kiss. This time we are far more into the kiss, our lips move in perfect synchronization. It was amazing, I bet Hyde is a much better kisser than Derek. "Wait" I say, cutting off the kiss even tho I wish the moment would last forever. "I need to cancel on Derek".

[astro-break]

Thoughts on the third ep of Hypmic Rhythm Anima (as always, spoilers beware but not only for the anime itself but for future things covered in the Drama CD and the Manga. If you’re an anime only, those are marked with a *)

Right off the bat. Super disappointed that it isn’t a MTC episode. I wanted an MTC episode. :((((

Still got my MTC crumbs this week tho and I think I can hold out until next week which hopefully will give me the MTC episode I so desperately want (Yes, i have a division bias and i’m not afraid to show it)

Jakurai entertaining kids are just so cute. I think its very very precious.

* Also. What kind of doctor is Jakurai anyways? So far we know that he’s a councilor/therapist (helps Doppo w/ his anxiety), a pediatrician (he helped a kid), a family doctor (I think i might be wrong on this one), a surgeon (In the FP vs MTC manga he’s shown preforming surgery), a hitman/assassin (:/ yeah evil line records seems intent on retconning this one), a battle field medic (he’s state to be one during WWIII) and now he’s getting called into the orthopedic (things concerning the musculoskeletal system) and gastroenterology (working w. the digestive system) department, two things that have nothing in common with each other. And I’m sure I’m missing some. There is no way in hell this man can do all that he’s 35 for fucks sake. You’d be old and grey before you could learn and complete the credentials needed to work half of these jobs

Nice to now that theres some hints of jakurai’s past. I have a feeling that we’ll be seeing more of the detective later in the story, esp for Matenrou

Doppo being overworked as usual *sigh*. When will the man ever rest? Never... Though im a bit skeptical as to why one of his co-workers calls him doppo. this is a work environment, usually he’d be called “Kanonzaka” for the least amount of informality. seems sus to me. Though his depiction of his insecurities is nice

I love how his first reaction is to call Hifumi and as him if he’s killed anyone. Peak bromance guys. 

Honestly Doppo’s method of trying to calm down is nice but not at all effective. He has the right mindset of calming down and letting his body breath, but the way he goes about it is... eh. 

Tom and Iris’ argument is hilarious and I really want to see more of them and Rex! Can’t wait to see what happens with these three new characters

Iasdgfjsd;flkasjdflkasdjfkasdlvn ajsdk, MTCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

MY BPOYS OH MY GOD RIOU NEVER CHANGE

fsajghasdf i love them asdhfoiksldjfasdfj riou’s food looks so so so so so good omgggggg

Samatoki respecting the fuck outta Jakurai is amazing and I never get tired of their father-child kind of relationship (yes jakurai is a dad to TDD fight me.)

The Riou and Samatoki interactionnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ah my heart!! they know each other so well and play off each others strengths. its so cute and I love how Samatoki knows his teammates well enough to know when to play each of his pieces. He isn’t just some brute who speaks through his fists, but he does use his head too. I think this is one of the reasons why he’s also high up on the Yakuza ladder since he’s not only brawny but also brainy

EAT RIOUS FOOD SAMATOKI

ah yes, Jyuto kneeing a bitch. just what I needed to see on a stressful friday thank you for feeding me

I love MTC, im very happy with the MTC crumbs. Since MTR showed up in BB’s ep last week, i really really hope that next week’s ep will be MTC

There it is. Jakurai’s “Jitsuni Kyoumibukai” line

lolololololol the sound effects for MTR is hilarious. Though please give Doppo a break, man deserves it

Jaku’s hair man. its beautiful

Again, please give Doppo a break, he deserves with the 4 joints that they attacked

They say 3 times, but they attacked 4 places?? Did they not report one of them?

Ahhhhh the DoHifu interaction on the temple grounds is both hilarious and cute. Though I can’t help but feel bad for Doppo

* Huh, Jaku did you get that from your hitman days loll

Oh man host mode. Though I like how Doppo recognizes when Host Mode is  a legitimate shield that Hifumi needs and is willing to give him that shield when he needs it. God I love their dynamic]

wow... yet another female stalker for Hifumi... very original. This is pretty similar to the stalker girl from the manga and CD

Lol callback to when Doppo was in the toilet and trying to calm down. 

pffft the girl is so weird. I can’t stand her or Uwabami. 

The plot is so convoluted holy shit. Is this a drama now? (I’ve never watched any c-dramas or k-dramas so I’m the furthest thing from a voice of authority but this seems like a drama show plot lmao.)

This is just a drama at this point lol. Misunderstandings, plot twists and cheesy shit all over the place. Its a badly written and hilarious drama thats for sure

Someone please write a fic where instead of the hypmic universe, the boys are all in a tv drama show plot and their hijinks bc it would fit perfectly. please

Ah, Doppochin snapped~ He’s very interesting once he gets fired up and thats when I really really like MTR. Don’t get me wrong, I love them normally but its when they get down to it that really makes me squeal in delight

Oh! So i think each character gets their own personalized intro w/ their speakers, not just the leaders. Thats honestly so so so cool. The 3D didn’t get in the way of the sequence and was really flashy and smooth. I love how they show the transformation and reveal of the mic and speaker. Honestly the Anime has so many good takes on thigs that aren’t touched on often in the franchise.

The rap was honestly fire this time around. I love it and have replayed it almost 20 times. According to the ending credits its called Welcome U which is so cute for such a funny and badass song. The strong base beat and imagery were so strong and included a lot of homages to things that really matches both Shinjuku, Matenrou and the lyric’s themes and they’re really small but important details! The humor was on point without sacrificing any of the amazingly cool elements and the three distinct styles of rap were integrated in such a catchy melody!

EG) the verse All Year Round features a quick shot of the four seasons and the things most prominently associated with each season. Spring has cherry blossoms and flower viewing, Summer has festivals, Fall and Winter have food that corresponds to events that happen in those seasons.

Doppo’s line of “The flea counters w/ a bite” is so so so cute bc he’s got a little w at the end and thats jp chatspeak for a laugh and skjdfhsdjfkslad adorable

Hifumi picking up right after and asking if Doppo is okay is just. Goals. And his gratutious english works really well and is super smooth! Very very good

Also the small homage to The Champions with Hifumi’s “Jump around” line and the format where Hifumi takes separate lines than Jaku and Doppo. Its a brilliant way to sneak these references in and they’ve kept that theme going from last episode

Foreshadowing with “We’re the true leader, Matenro!” Nice touch there lol.

Lol of course its attempted murder. Still gotta keep this PG 13 even though theres swearing abound

The ending w/ mimimi..... leaves me kind of torn since i don’t like how it ended but they did provide some nice advice. i guess

lsdf;jsalkdfjsldf Hifumi please you’ve known Doppo for over 25 years, you should know better than anyone what his charm points are. and shouldn’t you be the one who understands Doppo’s appeal? smh

SCREEEEEEE THAT TITLE OF THE NEXT EP. if its an MTC ep i will scream even more bc asudhfsdkjflasd A friend in need is a friend indeed this is just pushing my Poly!MTC agenda isn’t it

Final thoughts:

Please please please let next week be MTC please please please

DoHifu are goals, both romantically and platonically

The rap was fire and I’m going to keep listening to it on repeat. First ep was a bit of a disappointment in terms of CGI and raps but these latest two eps are really picking up the slack! I really hope they continue this for the next two!

JAKURAI WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR ARE YOU PLEASE TELL ME

[freewheelshippin]

Major insomnia and heartache in this chili’s tonight (this morning), so here we are with a quick little fic about two dum dums learning how to share heartache.(SFW, no major content warnings I can think of.) 

next day edits: well, now that it’s not ass o’clock, i went back in and tidied this up and added a fair amount more!!  (much more satisfying ending instead of something so abrupt, haha.) doesn’t add any further content warnings, tho! 

Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed her, he thought as she tensed and her demeanor changed entirely. 

“I want to know,” he continued, resolutely. 

“Everyone says that,” she spat. “And nobody actually does.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Ranmaru barked. “You heard me out when I told you about everything. Were you lying all those times you listened? Pretending to care just long enough I get over myself and shut up and move on?!” He knew, in his heart of hearts, of course she wasn’t, but the way she said it insulted him so badly he could practically taste the bitterness. 

She paused, looking to the side ruefully, shamefully. He had a feeling she’d struggle with eye contact this conversation, and he slouched his arms together, dropping back onto the couch with an irritated sigh, out of her line of sight. 

“....No. Absolutely not. Look, this … is different.” 

“How,” he growled. “You want to fucking talk about it. I tell you I’ll listen, it’s the least I owe you, and you say ‘no.’ You think I’m not gonna say ‘why’ after you shit all over my answer like that?” 

She took a longer time than usual to find words, so just a few empty seconds where he waited, frustrated and somewhat furious at the disconnect. 

“...You’re right that I shouldn’t have put it like that. That was shitty, and I’m sorry. But there’s...just...some kinds of life experiences that I’ve found nobody has any reason to learn to understand if it doesn’t happen to them. And...nobody’s prepared to deal with it -- meaningfully, anyways -- even secondhand.” 

“Are you just looking for excuses to run away from--” He nearly hesitated over the words, realizing what they were almost a second too late, but marching forward with them anyway. “--trusting me?” 

Another pause. “....I don’t know. I...can’t think of a time I’ve talked about it and….it hasn’t been taken from me.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” 

“It means....” She lingered long enough that Ranmaru worried, rousing himself a bit from staring blankly at the ceiling as he sprawled on the couch. She hadn’t moved from where she had been standing, but she looked at a far-off bare wall with nothing on it. “...that...the way people aren’t,” Another pause, as she searched for the word, “magically equipped with how to deal with it. It...turns me from a person into….anything else.” 

“Like what.”

“An after-school lesson. Entertainment. A new toy. A pet. A messiah to burn later, if I’m being really dramatic and cynical. I don’t know, it depends on what flavor of asshole feels like coming out, and it’s never anything good.” 

“Then tell them they’re being an asshole -- tell me I’m being an asshole -- and don’t quit until you get what you want out of them!” 

“Look!” She finally lost that last twinge of polite restraint, of saying things more nicely than Ranmaru thought was worth bothering with. “What if I didn’t know how to do that, ‘cause how could I?! And what if I don’t want to have to fight every fucking time? What if I just want to be important enough to get it right on to begin with?! And-- don’t give me that shit about being so strong, you’ll survive the mistakes, blah blah -- fuck that! I’m tired of it! I’m not a crash-test dummy! So fucking crucify me for not buckling in to crash myself into who fuckin’ knows what just ‘cuz you got it in your head this is how you’ll repay this stupid friend debt you think you’re in -- you’re not! Just---” she grunted exasperatedly, her uncharacteristic stillness disappearing as she felt less cornered. 

“I don’t care if you think I don’t owe you!” Ranmaru shot back. “I do! I want to even the score! If you did right by me, then I gotta do right by you! It’s how I do things, and I’m not about to just forget and let you keep diggin’ yourself into this hole--”  (this hole I know very well, Ranmaru thought) “-- where you get so hellbent on doin’ it on your own you cut down all your vision, ‘n your potential, ‘n all the ways you reach it, ‘cuz you keep having to re-invent the wheel just to take a step forward with all the shit you’re carrying!” 

“Will you stop trying to quantify this!?” 

“I’m not! I’m just tellin’ you what I think, and I’m right!” (I know I’m right because of y--) 

“Okay! Maybe you are! About the hole thing -- not the whole thing, the -- the fuckin pit, not the whole-- ah, fuck it, you know what I mean! But I still think this debt system you keep putting basic acts of friendship into is dumb as shit!” 

Ranmaru could already feel the point of this argument slipping away from them. “Are you gonna tell me what’s eating at you so bad or not?!” 

She froze again. “---I’m. ….No. I’m not. I...my heart’s not ready, if things....go badly again.” 

“Fine,” Ranmaru said, resolutely. He was hurt, in a small way, but he felt better that she was at least being truthful, and least acting out of her best interest, not some idiotic idea of useless martyrdom. H couldn’t fault her for protecting her heart. He, of all people, couldn’t possibly do that. 

“...then I’ll work to be someone worthy of the trust you deserve,” he murmured, somewhat less resolutely. 

The words just came out of him before he could think better of it, so Ranmaru hadn’t considered any reaction to expect. But stunned silence, then sniffling tears, that was probably the reaction he’d been least prepared to deal with. 

“Oi-- don’t---” Ranmaru leapt to his feet, like he were a startled prey animal. “Don’t cry!” 

“Don’t tell me what to do!” she huffed through a miserable, contorted, crying face. “Come here, you stupid bastard!” She came towards him with arms outstretched, only just enough warning for Ranmaru to open his own and receive the gesture, an awkward stalwartness to him as he stiffly supported her while the tears ran their course. 

“I think it’s amazing how when you say shit like that,” she murmured, her arms tight around his chest. “I really do believe you mean it.” 

“....’cause I do,” Ranmaru grumbled, realizing his face burned just a little as she squeezed tighter, and he felt just a little colder when she let go. 

“...It’s not about you changing yourself, you know,” she continued, busying herself with cleaning up her tears and snot. “It’s not about you not being enough. You know that, right?” 

“...I don’t care if it is. I’d want to do it. I know you don’t expect people to be anyone but who they are. Whatever change I’d have to make was one I should be working on, anyway.” 

“Oh, god,” she sighed, stepping away to the nearest sink to wash her face, but there was a smile on her voice. “I really can’t underestimate how seriously you take everything.” 

“I told you. I’m always serious about what I do,” he muttered, a little sourly, as the faucet ran. 

“Charm point~!” she called from the bathroom in such a silly, mocking voice Ranmaru could hardly believe she’d been crying like she had just a bit ago. 

“Shut up! Stop saying weird shit like Reiji!” 

“Oh.” She came back with an ominous smile, a little at odds with her puffy eyes and smudged eyeliner. “Well, that’s how I know I really hit the nail on the head.” 

“What’s so charming about taking things seriously,” he bristled. “It’s just what people should do!” 

She laughed, so genuinely, so warmly, Ranmaru felt a twinge in his stomach. Maybe it was pride, maybe something else he didn’t want to unpack just yet. 

“C’mere,” she said again, despite going right to him, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly before leaning back, hoisting him higher until his toes dragged against the floor. Ranmaru let it happen, feeling his weight shift onto hers as she growled into the effort of getting him into the air, even with his extra height on her. He complained about these kinds of hugs, once, but had since grown so used to them, there was something about them he could admit to liking. 

“...Alright, alright. Put me down. Oi. Don’t swing me around, put me down!” The cats had gathered around, looking ready to pounce at his toes and pant legs as they waved through the air. 

“Is big baby scared of heights,” she said with that facetious tone that always got him. 

“Who said anything about that!? Put me down before the cats get on me -- like -- damn it, exactly like that!” One took a flying leap, batting at his legs until her claws her tangled into his pant leg. He could feel her grin into his shoulder as she obliged, slowly enough that the cats could get out of the way.

“It absolutely is what people should do,” she murmured, flopping back around him after he freed the the paw from its fabric prison (and his pants from any more catscratches). “You’ve just got the big stupid, stubborn heart to follow through with it. With literally everything you do.” 

“...Tch.” Ranmaru wrapped his arms around her then while he felt his cheeks, the tips of his ears prick with heat. “Of course you’d make it about heart. It’s not, it’s about the ways souls burn when you give ‘em the right passion and drive....” 

“Mmhmm,” she said, squeezing one last time before she released again. “Heart. It’s very rock of you.” She patted him on the back as she slipped out from his arms. “I’m gonna get myself a glass of water, you want one?”  

“...Oi. It’s not --” He sighed. “Whatever. Yeah, I’ll take one,” he replied, stretching back over the couch.

She disappeared, and ice and water clinked into glasses. Ranmaru, for a stolen moment, rested his right hand over his chest, quietly lingering at how open and warm it felt beneath all the skin, muscle, and bone. 

Even if she didn’t like the idea of it being a debt, Ranmaru swore to himself that he would’t let this sort of favor go unreturned. It was how he did things, after all. 

[pseudonymfox]

This is a mess (1/2)

Bucky x Reader

Summary: After an surprising return from his former crush, Bucky has to make some choices and try fixing his bad decisions...

Warnings: Language, lot is going on idk, fluff, anxiety

A/N: It’s been a while but I decided to not rush everything I do just because I am so damn impatient. I am so out of this game haha pls be kind it’s been a while. Also let’s not talk abour Abort Mission cause I have it all played out in my mind. i am just scared to write it.

Waking up from a deep sleep Bucky turned over to his side seeing his girlfriend still sleeping. Her hair almost perfectly laying on the pillows, not a single strand is out of place. Almost like in some movie with the birds singing outside, the first sun streams shining through the blindfolds and lighting up her perfectly shaped face. Rose is her name.

It was still fresh between the both of them and everything was going fine. To normal, to perfect. Like they have been together for 10 years already. It was supposed to be a one night stand after a bad day, a bad week, probably a bad month so he walked to the next bar and just wanted to get off some steam and forget about it, forget about the Avengers, the person that left but never left his mind than Rose showed up and just stuck to him, something Bucky never wanted but also didn’t wanted to lose. Maybe it was just that she showed up to the wrong time, it is a difficult situation that was for sure.

Slowly removing the blanket that laid over him, Bucky tiptoed with his clothes out of the room. Dressing himself and going back to the tower which wasn’t far away. She would understand why he left, that was always like this and she would be always so nice and respectful towards him. They didn’t had a fight or even an argument once in the months they already “dated”, if you could call it that. Nobody also knew about this, well besides Steve but he noticed that right away. Pinching the bridge of his nose all he wanted was know to get back to bed and maybe eat something before disappearing into his room for the rest of the day.

The Elevator stopped midway to his stop, Steve appearing as the doors opened, his brows querking up as he saw his friend.

“Well look who is it. How’s Rose doing?” Steve teased Bucky knowing exactly where he was because that was already the routine they went through.  

“Good. I was supposed to tell you that she wanted to meet up with you for something called..’Yoda’?” Bucky sighed out shrugging with his shoulders as he heard Steve chuckling out.

“Oh yeah Yoga..Listen I wanted to let you know that someone came in today” he turned serious and Bucky frowned turning to his side as Steve tried to avoid eye contact.

“Who?” Bucky asked but before Steven could answer to his question the doors opened and like a scene started playing in his head turned to reality. (Y/N) came in sight, she was carrying a box that seemed to be a touch to full, breaking and all the belongings inside falling in front of feet to the ground. She angrily huffed out went to picked her stuff up. He didn’t even realise that he said her name out loud as her head snapped around, her lips forming a happy smile as she got up again and darted towards him. Steve patted his back let them have their little reunion.

“Bucky!! It’s so good to see you. It’s been so so long. You have to tell me everything that happened, Steve told me Nat and Wanda are still on a mission so you gotta stick with me” she hugged him tight, with her arms around his neck so he could nuzzle his face into her neck, relaxing immediately and forgetting the rest of the world. What is main goal was since she left after she got promoted and put in charge of one the headquarters in europe. She still smelled like home to him reminding him on his first crush that he had on her after everything he went through.

“Everything alright?” she asked worried and ran her hands through his hair just the way he liked it, making him puddy in her hands.

“Yeah of course. I am just surprised to see you..that’s all.” He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy it for a bit longer but she pulled away and kissed his cheek, something she always did after a hug.

“God yeah.. I can’t believe it either. Sorry I didn’t had the chance to call as often as I wanted to. How are things here? Did something else happened here? Something interesting to know about?” she looked deeply into his eyes and he got almost lost in her eyes. Oh how much he missed her but he couldn’t bring himself to it to tell her about Rose. If it was something he would never expect than it was him being insecure or scared about telling you about his huge crush but things just changed and so did Bucky would he have been the old charming 40’s Bucky he would for sure not have a chance with you, the way you are you would have called him asshole probably. Well much to his dismay you’re main reason to come back was because of Bucky but of course you didn’t had anyone know that.

“No same old, same old. You didn’t miss anything. How long you are staying?” he lied and quickly changed the subject.

“Forever. I won’t go again. I just couldn’t do it over there. I missed you way to much” she confessed  blushing and he couldn’t believe the words that left her lips.

“- Steve’s captain behaviour, Sam’s stupid jokes, Tony well just him general..You, our movie nights..just all of that” she got on and Bucky gulped down heavily, to good to be true.

“Good to have you back (Y/N)! I’ll help you unpack” Bucky said and she thanked him, walking out of sight with the first box.

“Thank you Buck the rest is still in the garage” she called over her shoulder and he went to the elevator with a grin plastered over his face, his exhaustion just flew out of the window and his thoughts replaced with daydreams just like she never left and as the doors opened Rose walked out almost stumbling into him.

“Oh hey I was looking for Steve. He’s late again. How are you Babe?” she kissed him but he couldn’t respond or even return the kiss. This day must be cursed.

“Hey Buck!” he heard you call out and Bucky praced forcefully onto the elevator button for it to open, shoving Rose into it. “Steve is downstairs waiting for you. See ya later” he kissed her cheek and pressed on the floor, not even looking which one it was.

“Who was that?” she said but Bucky stood in front of the elevator and shook his head innocently.

“Nat just came back. Steve is waiting isn’t he? Have fun” he waved as the doors slowly closed and they shot each other a quick smile. What just happened he thought to himself as he turned to you again changing his anxious expression to a grin.

“How about Lunch? We have some catching up do. The boxes can wait” (Y/N) linked her arm with his and pressed the elevator floor again.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked as they waited for the elevator to come back up again, kinda hoping that Steve and Rose are gone. He felt like a asshole with whatever he is doing right now.

“Only a few things” she winked at him and went into the elevator.

“No..I-I mean like food? What did you think I was talking about?” he grinned, slightly confused. Not taking his eyes off her even tho Bucky blushed for sure hard.

“Nothing. I know you like this Pizza store a few blocks from here. Is that still there?” She always knew what he liked, what he wanted or sometimes what he thought.

“Yes it is, good idea haven’t been there since forever”

Nope he was there yesterday, why did he say that? They both stepped out and he immediately heard and mostly saw his tall figure sticking out from the rest, Steve with obviously Rose by his side. His heartbeat increased and quickly looked for an escape.

“Look (Y/N). Remember Stan our delivery guy. You must haven’t seen each other yet.” he turned her towards the post delivery guy who was always so nice and talked a lot with (Y/N) who was always up for long talks.

“Oh yeah wow hold on a sec’..Hey Stan!!” she said making her way to the other side and he turned quickly towards Steve nodding him away for a private conversation. Away from both of them.

“What are you doing?” Steve looked straight through him noticing his weird behaviour.

“You gotta keep Rose as far away from (Y/N) for the rest of...well our lives probably”

“Buck...No, don’t do this. You gotta introduce Rose to her no matter how much you try to hide her. I know you good enough by now” He crossed his arm, turning on his lecturing mode. Of course he knew that he can’t keep doing this but it had to be this way until he was sure what to do.

“Please save it, I know it by know. How am I even supposed to do this now? ‘hey Rose this is (Y/N) the love of my life. Oh and (Y/N) this is Rose who I also like and is my distraction from you after you left and broke my heart” he threw him back a look and whispered-yelled at him.

“Bucky. do you listen to yourself?” Steve replied shaking his head at him.

“Just do it Stevie, please.” he pointed at him and turned away making a b-line straight to you.

Already on a walk through the park after the delicious pizza you talked for a bit, enjoying the outside and each other. Bucky noticed that nothing has to be perfect, he liked it how it is. You had your insecurities, both of you had arguments about the most stupid stuff, just now you tripped twice and both times let your ice cream fall. He knew now that it might be stupid to break that up with perfect Rose but he didn’t want anything perfect, he liked every insecurity from you and that you indeed had your bad days. It might hunt him forever to break this girls heart and maybe that won’t work out with you but he will be damned if he didn’t try it. Bucky wanted the mess that you are. One your way back to the tower, dark clouds started to form and it rained and didn’t stopped but neither of you could care less. You got completely drained and he was for sure that you would get sick but seeing you this happy while literally jumping through the puddles. Your makeup running down your face looking like you got out of a bad relationship. But it was worth to do so. Why not for once enjoying things like this instead of being angry about everything that it is put in your way.

“So we definitely have to get changed but we could maybe pick up some boxes on our way up before I hear Tony stumbling over them and getting moody again” you let him know, wringing your hair and clothes out a bit so you wouldn’t leave a trail of water behind you.

“Really good idea. I had to listen to that way to often. Good thing you’re back, might be the only one that could handle Tony in this state” he laughed out letting his mind wander off.

“For sure. I haven’t even seen him yet. Let’s see how he will react” After you got two or three boxes you made it back upstairs and moved them all in your room which surprisingly still looked very much the same. Nothing was moved or touched, it was also very clean which you don’t even remember leaving it like this.

Three knocks let you flinch up a bit as you got a little to lost in packing your stuff out again. It felt so good so to be home. Just the smell and having friends or you could say family right besides you was everything you’ve ever wanted no matter how much you could loose your nerves sometimes.

“Come in” you shouted from your positions between the mess you’ve created, still in your fluffy bathrobe that you forgot here all these months ago and also missed really badly.

“It’s me. I thought maybe you needed a little bit help packing things out” Bucky suggested sticking his head through the doorway. “How nice of you. Of course, let me get a bottle of-”before you finished your sentence Bucky already came through the door with what you really wanted know. One of Tony’s not so expensive wines, after you once accidently drank one of the ‘good one’ and wouldn’t want to repeat this after you saw Tony’s head almost exploding from anger.

“You know me to well Bucky” you smirked and made some space besides you petting the carpet for him to sit down.

“Of course I do..so where do you wanna start doll” Bucky said taking a look around the room, boxes all differently labeled but not with Shoes or clothes. Not it was with countries, states and cities you must have been to, Spain, Paris, Rome, Croatia, Russia and even Bucharest, he had for sure a few good memory and bad about Romania.

“Just grab a box and let’s get started because I think we will have a long night ahead of us” you told him grabbing the Paris one while Bucky chose right away the Bucharest one. You shouldn’t have packed the boxes while being so excited to get back it was even a mess inside of the boxes. You just hoped there wasn’t anything embarrassing in one of those boxes that could get into Bucky’s hands or worse Sam’s, who always found a way to find everything about anyone out. The teasing would never stop.

“Wait why is here a gift with my name on it?” He suddenly said as he pulled out the small wrapped box that laid in there and you totally didn’t forget about.

“Uhm right, I forgot I got some presents for you because sometimes this random stuff reminded me of you guys. That’s is honestly a bit more seriously because I found in the archive a box with your belongings from your apartment in Bucharest and well I thought they belonged to you..obviously and I didn’t look any further into that. Don’t worry” you said and tried to fish out his present from rome, the rather not so serious one. Bucky just stared back and forth from the box and you, speechless that you did that for him which also could for sure cost you your job.

“That is what I believe I picked up the second I landed. So I know you will love this but also probably won’t wear outside your room” you handed him the second one and chuckled a bit which died down as you saw his straight face just looking at you.

“-What don’t you like it? Was this to much.. I-I should have thought more about this.” you face palmed yourself but he stopped you with a gentle touch on your shoulder, his hand then running down your back, but not to far obviously.

“No no I am just speechless (Y/N)..that’s it. Thank you so much. I appreciate this a lot” Bucky said with all of his honesty and reached out to you, hugging you so long he was sure you knew that he deeply meant it. After this beautiful moment you entangled yourself from his arms but stayed still not far away from his face, just looking into each other eyes, your hot breath hitting each others skin. The perfect moment to kiss and you leaned in first already imagining his soft lips against yours moving in unison and fulfilling a dream you both shared. His hands still gripping your side while you were toying with the end of his long hair you always loved so much, especially after you braid it a few times so it would fall into these gentle locks the next day which you adored even more. You Nose started to tickle and suddenly you ruined this wonderful moment. Sneezing but thankfully not in his face.  Turning away you felt the heat rushing into your face making you for sure look like a cherry.

“Sorry” you mumbled, to embarrassed to look back up.

“I knew you would get sick the second you jumped into this puddle. We should take a break for today and finish this tomorrow” he laughed nervously, standing up while stuttering over his words and escaping from this weird situation.

As you heard the door close and steps going further down the hallways you sighed out loud. “You are such a dumbass (Y/N)” you told yourself standing up and going straight to bed in hope you would forget this very last part of your day.

Bucky had also a restless night. Just staring at the ceiling with his hands behind his head and his mind plaguing him with thoughts he shouldn’t be even thinking.

Why didn’t you kiss her? Isn’t that what you wanted all along? What the ever living fuck Barnes? You have a girlfriend!

Even before the sun rises again he jumped out of his bed to run a few miles. Clear his head. Get out and forget it or more like think it over, considering that the last time he wanted to forget he got a girlfriend.

It actually helped, all the people, the fresh cold air, the music blasting through his earphones and the day beginning, like a fresh start.

“Someone seemed to have a good rest. Can’t sleep in your own bed anymore (Y/L/N)?” Steven greeted you as you dragged yourself into the kitchen in need for a strong coffee. A blanket draped around you, your hair in a messy bun on top of your head. To sum this all up you also felt the way you looked. A mess. Not like you weren’t already one.

“No it wasn’t that. Something happened last night and well..I just didn’t get much sleep” you tried to keep it short not wanting to throw him into this. In case he was uncomfortable talking about this, Steve is one of your best friends but well some things should be kept private especially if it’s about Bucky, his best friend. The “Girly” talk was probably more something what for Wanda, she loved to brag about stuff like this.

“Oh no. What did Bucky do? I told him to tell you about it before I had to do it..” Steve rolled his eyes and dropped his newspaper dramatically, the only one who would still read newspaper along with Bucky and they get constantly teased about it.

“How do you know it was him?” you questioned and turned your attention fully towards him. his eyes wandering away as he gulped down and tried to get his attention back to something else.

“Because..well you’ve spent the last..day..mostly together” he hesitated told you and sipped way to long on his drink. Something was going on, you just had to figure out what. Most importantly because Steve was lying and he needed a damn good reason for him to do so Mister-Golden-Boy-Dorito-looking-granpa never lied, never good enough.

“You are still the worst liar. What is going on Steven?” You were the one of the only few ones on the team with no special powers but they could get easily get scared of you. With the sweat starting to form on his forehead he folded his newspaper back into place and took his mug, starting to walk away as you narrowed your eyes at him and leaning slightly towards him.

“Sorry (Y/N) I am going to be late..”He only called out making quick steps to the hallway.

“I will find you Rogers! You can’t hide from me” you shouted back and grabbed your coffee to make your way back to your room, catching up on sleep or just doing something to shut your head off for a little bit.

After an angry call from Steve, Bucky decided to break it off with Rose and also tell you about his relationship with her. Instead of walking back home he continued his run right to Rose apartment and he got there all sweaty even tho he didn’t care much, it just had to be done now or it won’t happen at all until you would found out yourself or Steve would tell you or Rose would find out, there were a lot of possibilities for this end up. As a decent amount of time has passed standing in front that door Bucky brought his hand up and knocked a couple of times. Voices came from inside that toned down as he knocked, one of those possibilities that run through his mind just came reality he thought right before Rose opened the door in a swift motion smiling brightly with a sparkle in her eyes as she saw who it was and he smiled too but that fell down as the door further opened and a slightly older couple sat on the couch looking at him just as brightly.

“Bucky finally! I was starting to worry. You haven’t answered my texts or calls. I wanted to tell you but well that are my parents. They took an earlier flight to surprise us!” Rose told him taking his hand into hers to take him inside to greet her parents as all what Bucky could hear afterwards was glass shattering in his mind or a long silent tone like he got disconnected from reality. This couldn’t be real. This was starting to turn serious, way to serious!

Just as he wanted to break up with her because he still had feelings for someone else her parents had to of course show up!! “Nice to meet you.” he shook both of their hands and decided to just play along and take this as his punishment from karma.

“Nice handshake. I like him Rosie” her father chuckled.

“She told us so much about you. I am really happy that she finally found the one!” she laughed and got quickly cut off by Rose, thankfully before Bucky’s jaw would fall to the ground.

“Mom!! I thought we talked about this?”she blushed and he had to excuse himself as he got a phone call from who else could it be. (Y/N).

“Hey what’s up?” he closed the kitchen door behind him to get some privacy. The thought of jumping out of the window became a better idea from second to second.

“Tony is back and he decided to throw a party today. The rest of the team might come back today too so he thought he has a reason now to throw a party which he never really did but..sorry anyway I wanted to ask if you wanted to come too?” you stopped shortly and he had to chuckle as he practically heard you facepalm yourself.

“Not like you wouldn’t come..I- I mean you live here but like..I mean like a date?” you added, on the other line already biting your lips so hard it was for sure bleeding and blushing too as you pace up and down in front of the couch as Tony watched you who just talked you into this after a long talk with him.

“Uh sure. Of course. I would love to” he frowned and looked through the small window seeing Rose giving him thumbs up. That turned to the rom-com movies he hated so much way faster than expected. This was just really fucked up and it’s to late to turn around.

“Ok I’ll send you the details.” you breathed out like a pressure was taking off of you and hung up again. It was time to get going to make the most out of yourself with a new dress and there were still so many errands to run but it was worth it since you after all this time did something you were so scared for. A date with Bucky Barnes. Who would have thought.

After the parents of Rose luckily made their way back to their hotel again after a way to long talk, Bucky wanted to disappear just fast to get to the party. The only thing right now on his mind besides you. The sun setting already broke a sweat in him and as he excused himself from her she stopped him at the doorway with a kiss and a last sentence that let shivers run down his back.

“Goodbye hun. See you at the Party!”

Oh no.

Feedback appreciated!

Tags: @learisa / @escapetheshackles / @racheo91 / @torntaltos / @1967-chevy-impala-called-roscoe / @haru-ririchiyo / @memory-of-a-goldfish

-Sophie <3

[yxppeo]

wait for me

pairing: hyunjin x reader

genre: angst, fluff

au: friends to lovers, breakup, college

summary: you thought you’d never see your first love ever again

you and hyunjin go way back

i mean way way back

so let’s have some background about you two

you two met each other in middle school

you were assigned to sit next to him in your science class

and you befriended him right away

you both found a common interest in video games

“is that gta?” you asked hyunjin, pointing out the doodles on his papers

“y-yeah. you like video games?” he said as his eyes lit up

you nodded eagerly

“yes! i love them!”

and since then you two would talk about different video games when you got to class and before the teacher started her lesson

you were more on the tomboy side

so being around hyunjin was comfortable

like you were one of the guys

and the two of you became best friends

hyunjin was always at your side

you two would send each other horrible jokes

“do you want to hear a joke about pizza?”

“let me guess hyunjin, it’s too cheesy?”

“y/n! i was supposed to say that!”

overtime, you two were really close

and you started to develop a crush on him

it started with a classmate that sat near you and hyunjin

you two were laughing as always

when jisung goes

“when are you two going to start dating?” he jokes

you both stopped laughing

and started blushing

around wintertime, your best friend, nayoung, found out that a certain hwang hyunjin had a crush on a certain y/n

of course she told you, and you were red the whole day when your other friend, hyeri, wouldn’t stop teasing you

you kept your giggles to yourself, even with hyunjin around

continuing your jokes, despite your heart beating really fast the whole time

and after science class, he walked you to your next class

and that’s when you confessed to him

“jinnie, i like you.” you said quietly but loud enough only for him to hear

hyunjin smiled widely

“i like you too y/n.” he replied as he ruffled your hair

you walked into your english class with pink cheeks and a big grin

“what happened? did you tell him?” hyeri asked

“he likes me too.” you simply said

causing hyeri to hug you in happiness

hyunjin was the cutest and dorkiest boyfriend

he was shy to hold your hand

and when he did

it would be under the lunch tables as the teachers walked by

he would send you pick up lines that would only make you blush even more

you showed him a love song that reminded you of him

he was blushing while listening to the words

your first date with him was at an amusement park

it was filled with smiles and food

running around to find the different attractions

buying many toys and charms

you bought a snoopy plushie that both of you picked out

you thought it was cute

and it reminded you of hyunjin

you two went on a few rides, like the viking and bumper cars

but at the top of the roller coaster that you convinced hyunjin a thousand times to ride

before the carts could push everyone into the rest of the ride

you suddenly kissed his cheek

making him blush as you screamed in excitement when you accelerated through the tracks

don’t worry

at the top of the ferris wheel, he paid you back by kissing you on the cheek too

making you blush

over the months, you were so happy and in love with him

hyunjin was your first love

and your first kiss

he planted a quick kiss on the lips in front of your friends at your birthday party

immediately followed by screams from said friends

there were many kisses that came after that

in school, he would sneak you to where no one would see you two

or made sure there were no teachers

and he would give you a sweet kiss on the lips

which drove you insane for a fourteen year old

over the next few months, you and hyunjin didn’t talk that much

was it because of schoolwork?

was it because you two were too busy in your hobbies?

you honestly don’t remember

but you knew that you and hyunjin were drifting apart

and sadly

the summer after eighth grade ended

you and hyunjin broke up

hyunjin said that you two weren’t close as you were before

and as sad as you were

you decided not to fight it

and let him be

you remembered crying in your mom’s and dad’s arms

crying in nayoung’s arms as she visited you to make sure you were okay

crying as you saw your old yearbook filled with signatures and messages about you and hyunjin being together forever

tears falling where hyunjin wrote ‘i love you’ as he tried to draw you

laughing as you felt a bittersweet feeling in your heart

thankfully you felt better as time went on

freshman year of high school was so weird

your other peers were just learning that you and hyunjin were no longer together

and it was weird seeing him in a few of your classes

but you both remembered you were friends at first

so you tried to get along with him

it did work most of the time

especially when you were in a group with him

and had to do a project with him

but then you caught feelings again

you missed his hugs

his kisses

his cheesy jokes

unfortunately he did not miss yours

and it became awkward

you two didn’t talk for a long time

you returned your snoopy plushy to hyunjin at school since that was the only time you could see him

and you swore you could see the pain in his eyes as he saw what was in the gift bag

the only time you talked was at the end of the year, joking around like you did in middle school

at least you two weren’t strangers to each other

you felt relieved

but then you remembered one thing

he was moving schools

although it pains you

it also gave you some closure on your relationship with hyunjin

sophomore year came

then junior year

then senior year

you never contacted hyunjin

but he was following your social media

he became more handsome

taller

he worked out more

but he was still the game-loving dork you loved years ago

you also changed too

you swapped out your ugly glasses with contacts

you swapped your old wardrobe for a new style

you discovered how to apply makeup

and even dyed your hair a whole different color

you were a whole new woman

you didn’t really date anyone after hyunjin

hell

you haven’t even kissed anyone since hyunjin

deciding not to focus on relationships

especially since you were starting college

and you really want to focus on your studies and finding a stable job

you went through your first week with a breeze

seeing your old friends even tho it’s just been months since you’ve seen them

smelling the sweet coffee being made by the baristas as you go on your laptop

you got home when you heard your phone ring

‘hyvnjxn sent you a message.’

you had to do a double take

“is that who i think it is?”

you responded to it

and started a conversation with him

“it’s been a while hasn’t it?”

“yeah, it has. how have you been?”

you were shocked that you were actually talking to your ex

your first love

and you two weren’t awkward with each other

at all

it’s like those three years of not contacting each other happened

like you two were still good friends

you were talking to him as if he was one of your best friends

typing in all caps

smashing the keyboard

you found out that hyunjin wanted to serve in the navy

while you wanted to be in criminal justice and become a detective

“i never saw you as an army kind of guy”

“yeah, well i never saw you as a cop”

“…shut up lmao”

you also learned that he moved across the country

so sometimes he would message you while you were sleeping

but it was a nice thing to wake up to

the next few months have been hectic

you were balancing college with your part-time job

and although it can be stressful

hyunjin was there to message you and make sure you were okay

and if you needed to vent

he was there to listen

you both would skype a few times

whether it was just talking to each other face to face while doing homework

or playing games and yelling at each other

“hyunjin you missed that guy! now you gotta run to the other side before his teammates get you!”

“i’m trying my best here! let me live y/n!”

everyday, you kept talking to hyunjin

and before you even knew it

it was time for hyunjin to leave the country to go into the navy

you skyped him for a bit during your break in between classes

“you’re leaving already!”

“i know, i’m so sad.”

“who am i gonna cry to when i don’t have the motivation to do my readings or yell at when i’m playing games?”

hyunjin laughed

“it’s only gonna be two years, then i’ll be back to be yelled at by you.” he smiled

you pouted

“i’m so glad I talked to you – to have you back in my life again.” hyunjin said

you blushed at his words

good thing your laptop camera isn’t that good

“i could say the same to you. i mean, we used to date, you were my first love. i didn’t think i would see you again.”

hyunjin smiled

“you were my first love too. i didn’t think i would even have the balls to talk to you again.” he joked

you two kept talking for another five minutes

“hey, y/n, i really have to go, but i’ll talk to you later?”

“of course. bye hyunjin!” you smiled as you clicked on the end call button

you sighed

“i’m not supposed to love you again.” you thought to yourself

after finishing your last class, you drove home

drowning your thoughts in your music

you sulked into your living room

“why are you so sad for?” a voice called out

you jumped, holding your fists into the air

turning around to see hyunjin with wide eyes

“whoa there. it’s just me.” hyunjin said with his hands up

“h-hyunjin? is that you?!” you said, running towards him

wrapping your arms around his torso

“it’s nice to see you too y/n.” he giggled, engulfing you into a bear hug

you pulled away from him

“what are you doing here?”

“i’m gonna be leaving soon, so why not spend a few days here, with you?”

“with me?”

hyunjin nodded

“yes you, silly. now go get ready!” he said, pushing you towards the stairs

after getting ready and whatnot, you and hyunjin hung out at the mall

eating lunch at the cafe located in it

your friends were spamming you the moment you posted a snap of him

but you didn’t care to answer

you were caught in the moment

looking at hyunjin who sipped on his drink in front of you

you had a bubbly feeling that you haven’t felt in a long time

yet it felt so familiar

“stop looking at me.” hyunjin joked

shaking your thoughts away

“i’m sorry! it’s just feels like a dream. are you really here in front of me?” you said, poking his cheek

hyunjin grabbed your hand, wrapping it with his

“yes, i really am here.”

the next day, hyunjin picked you up from school, and headed straight towards the pier

the same pier with the amusement park you and hyunjin went to on your very first date with each other

“hyunjin!” you called out as he parked the car

you felt tears building up

hyunjin giggled as he unbuckled his seatbelt

“i’m glad you remembered. now come on!”

you two ran into the park like little children

holding hands

“remember when we kissed each other’s cheeks on the roller coaster and the ferris wheel?” hyunjin asked

making you blush a bit

“yes! we were so young back then. look at how much the park has changed.”

you two enjoyed the park’s new attractions

playing the games that took half of your spending money

but it was worth it when hyunjin won you a huge teddy bear

“hyunjin, it’s not gonna fit in your small car!”

“but it’ll fit in your room.” he winked

causing you to slap his shoulder, trying to hide your blushing face

you and hyunjin decided to ride on the roller coaster

the infamous cheek-kissing ride

“you still scared of roller coasters?” you teased hyunjin

“hey! i am not!” he whined

and yet here you two were at the very top of the roller coaster

you really had the balls to look down and look at hyunjin

“you sure you’re not scared?” you smirked

“a little, but i’m not scared of doing this.”

before you could even breathe to ask him what he’s talking about

he quickly cupped your face and planted his lips onto yours

you melted into the kiss as the carts moved forward at a fast speed

screams from other riders blasting through the park

but everything felt like it was in slow-motion

like it was just you and hyunjin in the world

he pulled back near the end of the ride

leaving you looking like a tomato

hyunjin was grabbing your things when you grabbed his hand

interlacing your fingers together

hyunjin smiled as he pulled you away and into the park again

enjoying the night winds

hyunjin dropped you off home, walking you to your door

“i’ll see you tomorrow at the airport?” he said, inches away from you

you felt your heart break a little

you forgot that hyunjin was leaving tomorrow for the navy

“yeah.” you breathed out

“good night y/n.” he said, deeply looking into your eyes

you lifted yourself up with your toes

pulling hyunjin for a kiss

you stayed in that position for a while

until you pulled back and opened the door

leaving hyunjin in a dazed state

you went into your room, placing down the huge bear in the corner of your room, and cried yourself to sleep

despite having the most amazing day ever with hyunjin

the next day rolled in

you found yourself in the freezing airport

you were waiting with hyunjin as he rested on your shoulder

his family that stayed on your side of the country was with you two

waiting for his departure as well

his flight was leaving in half an hour

you looked through your phone

until you heard the call for his flight

“hyunjin, wake up.” you said quietly, patting his cheek

he stirred in his sleep as he slowly got up

“it’s time to go.” you said with a small, yet painful smile

hyunjin reflected your smile, rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb

you walked him to his terminal

“i guess this is goodbye.” hyunjin said

that bittersweet feeling you knew too well filled your body

you couldn’t say anything to him

you just hugged him, squeezing him tightly

letting your tears ruin his shirt

“i’m gonna miss you a lot.” you said, muffled by his chest

hyunjin chuckled

“i’ll call you when i can.” he said

you looked up at him

hyunjin instantly wiped your tears with his thumbs

giving you the sweetest smile

“wait for me.” he quietly said, kissing your forehead

“i love you.” he added

“i love you too hyunjin.” you said, trying not to choke up

he pulled away, said his goodbyes to his family and started walking towards the boarding bridge

you sniffled as he turned around and waved to you

you couldn’t help but smile as more tears ran down your face as you watched him walk through the doorway

but wait, there’s more

two years without physically seeing hyunjin seemed like forever

but you distracted yourself with your friends, schoolwork, and your job

you were in your third year of university

you found a paid internship at the police department

and they guaranteed you a position after you graduate from the police academy

you were ahead of your classes, so that meant a lot of down time for you

you hung out with your friends on weekends doing whatever you felt like doing

whether it was shopping

eating

or watching cheesy romcoms

which reminded you of hyunjin

laughing to yourself as you remembered you both loved horror and action movies more

your friends were quite shocked at how well you were doing without him

but little did they know

you two were still in contact

you never told them about your late night skype calls whenever he was available

you two would eat while video chatting

taking him with you while you ran errands

even falling asleep while on the call

“y/n, you haven’t been on a date in forever!” nayoung yelled

“you haven’t dated anyone since hyunjin, and he’s literally the only guy you’ve dated.” hyeri said

“i am literally right next to you. i can hear you loud and clear.” you said, rubbing your ears as you and your best friends continued walking through campus

“yeah, why don’t we set you up with that cute guy from your english class?” hyeri added in, taking in a bite of her sandwich

“i’m not interested.” you chuckled

“you haven’t even tried to mingle with anyone once during college, and we have a year left here.”

“you even shot down the guy who was totally flirting with you when we were shopping.”

“i thought he was being nice!” you exclaimed

“but seriously, it’s no big deal. you don’t have to worry about my love life.”

“you sure you don’t want me to find someone for you?”

“i can hook you up!”

you looked ahead to see a tall figure wearing camouflage

instantly making eye contact with them

once you realized who it was

you two broke into the biggest smiles

“i think i’ll be just fine.”

you ran towards the figure and leaped onto him

wrapping your arms tightly around his shoulders as he lifted you up

not caring that there were people staring

“hyunjin!” you said as tears were already spilling from your eyes

“holy shit.” nayoung and hyeri said as their jaws dropped

“i see you’ve missed me badly.” hyunjin laughed as he held you

“of course i did!” you said as he lowered you onto the ground

planting a sweet and chaste kiss on your lips

you couldn’t help but blush at the familiar feeling

“i hope you didn’t wait for me for too long.” hyunjin said

“for you, i’d wait forever.”

[stuck-in-jelly]

Day 9: Witch's and Hot Chocolate

Me tiptoeing into the bnhawlw2018 tag: I uh can explain.

"SEASONAL DEPRESSION!!"

I'm getting better so I wrote as much as I could to make up for my tardiness @bnhawlwmonth

--------------------------

This is going to be quick she assured herself, all she had to do was get some herbs. She told herself thing but starting into the woods she didn't feel so sure, the way the branches reached outwards to the world as is pleading to be apart from the forest itself, the errire silence that crept into her very soul whispering for her to leave, and the darkness of the trees cramped together hiding any sunlight as if huddling together for comfort or warmth. She really needs to stop thinking!

She just needs a few herbs from this place just a few, this potion required them and she was desperate. With a sigh the young witch reached into her traveling bag and pulled out a small wand if you could call it that.

It was stout but cute, made of ash wood the wand was adorn with many decorations and charms; around the entirety of the wand copper wire weaved around beautifully, from underneath the copper special runes were carved into the base ( Laguz, Sowilo, Algiz, Eihwaz, Hagalaz, Wunjo, Kenaz, and Ansuz) all meant to help her.

Covering the bottom base was a light blue cloth simply their to make the wand eaiser to grasp, and last but not least tied on the bottom by a yarn was several crystals and bells.

Last but not least on the top her name was carved 'Yuyu'.

Taking a breath Yuyu closed her eyes casted a small protection spell on herself the words rolling off her tounge by instinct. Opening her eyes she straightened herself and took her first step into the unknown.

The darkness seemed to engulf her and in seconds the dim sunlight was barely viable. She muttered another spell and her wand jerked small lights radiating from the copper before racing to the tip and out in the air and small sparks before a baby blue light appeared by her side and quickly leaped from place to place lighting the area and waiting patiently to see where theirs summoner would travel.

Yuyu kept her eyes in the ground hoping to find the herbs quick. Clove, clover, and Camomile. Just those three. And these woods are said to be covered in herbs perfect for witches then again it is also said here some dangerous witches casted horrible spells meant only for harm. Again she has to stop thinking!!

The wind picks up and the light flickers and ducks behind a tree as Yu tries to hold her bag in place. Strange. Her spells told her it wouldn't be windy at all.

Shaky it off she ushered the light and follow quickly

"Common on now, lets hurry then you won't have to be hiding there"

She was full aware the light had no sentiance but it felt nice talking to it when she was nervous, almost as if she isn't alone. The light obeyed and jumped up scanning the area quickly before waiting again.

Walking off the young witch failed to capture a faint movement in the trees above and curious eyes the followed.

As Yuyu wandered she found many herbs she couldn't help but stop and pick up although she didn't necessarily need them. These woods were strange all type of flora grew here even tho they typically don't exists in the same area, even the types of wood from the trees changed. Some serious magic dabbling happened here to cause all of this.

The light suddenly brighten. An alert, it spotted something. Hardly thinking Yuyu gripped her wand letting her energy speed through it and glow beating to the rate of her heart. She looked around eyes darting

"What is it little light? What do you see?"

She whispered desperately wishing it could talk back but then the stopped its panicked glowing and lowered itself down. Yuyu stayed on guard her eyes taking up every inch of the forest but only silence and darkness greated her.

After a few moments she lowered her wand the glowing dying and her pulse slowing. Maybe it was a squirre-

A branch smacked her square on her nose, the pain was quick but the panic was quicker. In the initial shock she dropped her wand the the light glowed in panic again, her vision was blurry as she fumbled on the ground for her wand

"ABOVE YOU!"

Her voice obeyed and her head shot upwards just in time to see a large long slithering form barreling straight for her face quickly she scrambled away just as the creature made landfall rearing its head.

Oh god a basilisk.

She never thought she'd have to see one in person. The panicked light continued to flash illuminating the features of the creature. The creature hoisted itself up on its feathered legs, the large talons tearing into the dirt as its scalied tail whipped around angrily. But She dared not look at the face.

Those eyes could kill.

Just don't look in its eyes

"DUCK!"

No questioning. She ducked quickly her body acting on its own only for imminently feel a large guar of wind wash over her threatening to draw her into its current but she dug her fingers and feet into the ground as loud crashes filled her ears. The wind slowed and her curious eyes looked upwards to see a mass wreck.

The trees that stood mighty before all crumbled and snapped under the weight of the beast. It squirmed and withered in clear pain, its talons grasping for support on anything. The light besides it flickered before dying completely

"Get up we gotta go!"

The voice pulled her from the sight as a girl leapt out from the trees running and scopping up Yuyu's wand from the ground and some feathers from the beast before dashing to her side pulling her up

"It'll get up soon"

Usually she'd be opposed to following a stranger deeper into the woods but it doesn't seem like there is much of a choice here. Their hands claps together tightly

"Hold on"

The girl pulled her own wand, it was carved into a spiral with decorative crystals logged into the oak wood. She muttered a spell a smile on her face, their bodies got lighter and squeezing her hand softly the girl dashed the world zooming by in a blur barely registering what was going on. In a blink of an eye they were in a wooden cottaged.

A really cozy cottage, they seemed to be right in front of the main door and to the right was a living room and to the left was a dinning table with a kitchen behind it, it the center was a hallway and stairs that lead to the top floor. The cottage was painted blue with white lining the frame, the furniture to compliment house was a pale yellow with blue and/or white pillows or blankets. Most of them had some desgin on them.

The mysterious girl slowly let out of Yuyu's hand before sighing loudly in relief and laughing

"Wow! That was crazy! Did you see all of that?!? Hahah! Its a good thing you're okay! Gee I have no idea how that big guy got there"

Yuyu could only take in the girls features as she rambled on and on, her hair was long reaching all the way down to her knees it light blue and curved and curled at the ends, her eyes were wide and blue as well with a light in them a spark only a child could have.

Then the girl was in her face

"Where ya from? Your hair is really cute! Is that bag for your spellbook? What are you doing out here alone? Want something to drink?"

This was too close, she could feel the blush creep around her face. She was really cute

"Umm I uh yeah would like a drink. Anything is fine"

The bubbly girl beamed wider practically bouncing over to the kitchen and and fumbled in her cabinets before successfully pulling out a pot and setting it on the stove

"Care to answer my questions?

She ask as she set the flame and dashed to a curburt full baking ingredients and sweets. Yuyu considered the girl for a moment. She did save her life and seems to be making her some hot cocca in her small cottage. There is nothing to lose. Yuyu made her way to the small dining table and sat down.

"I um I'm from a small village by the riverside. The river has been cursed and a lot of us are dreadfully ill. I wanted to get herbs from here to treat them. It would have been faster if I am here and I was just really worried about them..." Yuyu spared a glance up and those eyes stared at her with wonder, Yu could feel the blush starting up again

"I-I mean we are a tight knit community! We all basically know each other and I- uh just wanted to h-help" the girl smiled and turned back to the stove and stirred the chocolate

"That's really brave of you! I can sense you have a lot of protection spells on you but the water has also made you ill hm?"

That wasn't a thing was proud of but she knew the girl was right, her magic was weak. The light spell usually cast 2 blue orbs that circle around the summoner and usually they don't flicker in the wind. Yuyu sighed and barely managed a nod

"You should take care of yourself you know, I get you're worried about your village but you won't do them any good dead" her voice was cheerful and light and Yuyu couldnt help but feel overwhelming trust

"Guess so"

"What herbs were you looking for?"

"oh it was looking for Clove, Clovers, and Chamomile"

The girl gasped and suddenly abononded the stove and ran down the hallway and disappeared past a unseen door way. Yuyu waited a moment before footsteps ran back and the girl appeared in her arms were 3 large bags, she plopped them down in front of Yuyu

"You are in luck! I found a whole field covered in this beauties!! There was defiantly a herboligst who worked here, maybe they divided the area by medicine and poison! The outskirts of the forest are covered in poisonous plants but the center is beautiful!"

The girl rambled again as Yuyu cautiously peeked into the bag and nearly squealed with delight, there was a lot!! So much! Enough to help her village. She couldn't hold her smile as she looked back to the girl who went on about the plants and the amazing craftsman ship of the forest.

There was a faint smell of burn "Umm ma'am?" The girl stopped

"Hm?"

"The hot chocolate"

She gasped and ran back to the stove turning it off as quickly as possible and pulling the pot away from the heat

"Its not too boiled I hope!"

She muttered a small spell and a small gust of wind breezed over the pot calming the stream of heat, she left it before grabbing some mugs and heading back. One mug had Jasmime's painted along it and the other had Lilly's

"Which would you like?"

"The lily"

She nodded and poured a even amount of hot chocolate in each up before making her way bbefore making her way back to the table and sitting.

Yuyu graciously grabbed the cup and drank, it was different but tasted good.

Then it dawned on her. There is no way this girl will let her get the herbs without a hefty price. Clearing her throat Yuyu got ready to bargain

"So how much?"

"Hm? Oh! I usually put about ⅓ a cup unsweetened cocoa powder and sometimes add a bi-"

"No no! I mean how much for the herbs?" The girl feel silent and blinked in confusion

"How much? You think I'm going to charge you?" Yuyu went silent now.

Would the girl charge her now? She could feel sweat forming in her head

"A charge...oh! I got it!" Yuyu tense as the girl stood her expression turning back to its happy state

"It will cost you 1 date!" Yuyu all but chocked on her coco her face burning bright

"Really? A date?!" The girl nodded hopefully.

Well this is too good to be true

"On one condition"

The girl tilted her head intrigued

"You tell me your name"

The girl beamed

"I'm Nejire! Nejire is my name!"

Yuyu smiled, this girl had to be the cutest thing in the universe.

The forest might be cursed but if it meant getting her a girlfriend she isn't complaining too much

[coalitiongirl]

ive been watching your scenes to rewatch and ive been crying at literally all of them. out of curoisity, what are your favourite ouat scenes? either sq or general? also side note, i love your latest fic, such an interesting premise. i get so scared every time someone says an order and emmas forced to comply, that scene with the trolls had me on edge. and the fact that cora must suspect something about emma now - im so scared but excited ahah :D have a nice day :)

OH I super dropped the ball on those omg, i have so many others!! but i haven’t been able to rewatch in a long time, it hard 😩

of course i LOVE almost every swan queen scene!! it’s hard for me to pick favorites because nearly every one pings something else inside me omfg. I don’t think there’s a single sq scene I couldn’t write an essay about WHOOPS. so lemme try to answer this with just some of my favorite non-sq scenes 😅

Emma in True North: hoo boy, this is probably in my scenes to rewatch but that scene on the road, MAN. there’s so much careful buildup with emma’s abandonment issues and how much she sees herself in nick and ava. and they have a chance she never does and dammit, she fights for them!! she fights for two kids just like her and they get their moment and jmo turns that realization into agony with sheer artistry in emma’s FACE in their final moment. god.

Regina in We Are Both: this was the episode that sold me on Regina! tbh i’d marathoned s1 as soon as they announced mulan was going to be in s2 so i hadn’t been focusing much on thinking before that?? and then suddenly there’s Regina, in all her rich and layered stories, and i fell hARD. the whole narrative of the episode- Regina resisting parental abuse until she becomes what she’s always feared to be free!! and that translating into her saying ‘no, this isn’t going to continue to the next generation. even if i lose the only thing that matters to me.’ do u ever stan!!! I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE VERY WELL. END ME.

Emma in Firebird: listen. never follow ur idols to ur next fandom or you’ll suddenly realize they actually hate women and then get ‘’’muted’’’ for ‘’’yelling at her too much’’’ but jane espenson did a GOOD with the flashbacks in this one (present day still literal and figurative hell tho!!). The concept of Emma’s jacket as armor isn’t an original one, but the execution was honestly stellar. Emma forging this connection with an older hardened woman who can’t let go of the past either!! emma destroyed and remade into the lady we met on her twenty-eighth birthday. GOD. SHE FINDS HER DAUGHTER. and i gotta say, the vulnerable-tearful-young thing jmo was doing w emma in s5 didn’t work for me in terms of what present day was trying to convey, but it’s a perfect fit for that flashback, i WEPT.

Regina in Quite A Common Fairy: Lana OWNS the cave scene with Tink, god. The depth and breadth of emoTION. The episode and the narrative itself builds it up from episode one! because this regina on the road to redemption but finally giving us a glimpse into the emotional and mental state she was in as the young queen- she has all this rage and she’s SUSTAINED by it, it’s her only real truth and constant and she’s terrified of what might happen if she lets it go for even an instant and chooses hope instead. (Lana’s voice when Regina says she’s afraid that without rage she might just ‘—float away’ is something that has stayed with me for a long, long time.) REGINA PULLING OUT HER HEART TO MAKE A POINT. far from the last time she will, but how affecting!! god!!

Emma and Snow in S1: There are a few moments i’m thinking of (and i’m literally writing this on the treadmill so pls forgive the lack of episode names) and all of them are so stellar, god. The moment when Snow finds Emma living out of her car early on. Snow and Emma sitting at the table at the loft holding hands. Emma lying down next to a crying Snow. Snow yelling at Emma for being so selfish when she tries running off with Henry?? EMMA SHOWING UP AT MARY MARGARET’S DOOR SEARCHING FOR A ~PERSON~ AND MARY MARGARET SILENTLY LETTING HER IN. Snow and Emma work best in S1 in the silences and the fights, where they’re allowed to just care and be family, and I treasure each of those moments as much as they do.

Regina and Zelena in the Kansas: There’s a lot of effort put into this dynamic right near what seemed like the end, playing with how exactly Zelena perceives her happy ending to go- and then Regina strikes it all down by being different, by changing, by being someone Zelena hadn’t believed either of them capable of. And then Regina goes to Zelena’s cell and offers her!! sisterhood!! my god. i instantly fell in love with the dynamic in that moment and i’m forever pressed that the ‘it’s nice to have family in town’ line was cut. because you can tell that regina craves family and craves unmaking this second monster of her mother’s and zelena was going to TAKE that second chance and hey! this seems the perfect time to go off-message and

Belle in Family Business and Heroes and Villains: imma be honest, i like belle just fine in the early seasons but i have zero interest in rumbelle, which means a lot of fast-forwarding through her scenes. But these two scenes were ENCHANTING. Mirror Belle preying on Belle with the truth that she’s afraid to face! Emilie does such a fantastic job conveying so much cruelty in that scene, I was gaping and enthralled and hoping shattered sight was going to work exactly like that (and tbh props to ginny for doing a hella creepy snow at the start of Shattered Sight). And that town line scene!!! What a stunning, evocative scene. Belle reclaiming agency and taking action in such a 100% cold-blooded but necessary way!! that’s my ravenclaw babe!!!

Mulan and Aurora: I was young, and I Believed, and I Believed for a very long time. I am appalled at my naïveté too, don’t worry.

Regina in Enter the Dragon: LOOK it’s not about the leather but it’s a lil about the leather!!! I really appreciate both Regina in the past and present in this one and also how gay it is, and I’m most charmed by lil evil pep talking nugget Regina who just wants you to be the very best villain you can be! It’s such an artful melding of the exuberance of young!Regina and the delight in chaos of eq!Regina and i, for one, am a fan.

Emma (and Henry) in The Stranger/An Apple Red as Blood: my gOD. Okay I think one of the first times I cried while watching this show was in Emma’s desperate, hysterical denial to August about the curse. She’s so clearly hit rock bottom and she’s TERRIFIED of believing and it’s breaking her. SHE DIDNT ASK TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONES HAPPINESS. SHE DOESNT WANT IT. THAT IS CRAP!!!! i love her!! i love emma swan!!! i do!!!!! and then moving into the end of the next episode when she tells henry she’s leaving and just!! ‘henry! life isn’t a story!’ man this show had some incredible early work. sigh. emma kneeling in front of henry begging him to listen! my god.

Regina in the Cricket Game: so i’m leaving out all my fave sq moments which severely limits the number of regina and emma scenes i can talk about here but the flashbacks in this one SURE ARE SOMETHING. regina has hit rock bottom in this set and you feel it in every moment, in her REGRET THAT I HAVE NOT CAUSED MORE PAIN and frickin stABBING snow and that dark scene with the candle oh god. this is a regina who doesn’t think about looking back anymore but who doesn’t think about looking forward, either, and she’s terrifying. it reminds me a lot of the scene later this season in Welcome to Storybrooke where she takes out snow’s heart and ‘see? i can have everything’ but there are tears sliding down her face. regina in enraged despair is something to behold!!

Henry (and Emma and Regina) in Operation Mongoose: Henry doesn’t often get lengthy times to shine that aren’t about other characters, but he was literally a YA hero in the author’s universe! man! what a kid! and his scenes with bandit Regina are some of my all-time favorites, as is that heartstopping moment when he reaches the top of that tower and flings the door open and Emma KNOWS him. reader, i wept. i wept hard. talk about your earned moments!!!

Emma as Dark Swan: posture! clothing! positioning! voice work! dark swan was a revelation i’m still rightfully bitter about, because she was EVERYTHING in those early episodes. the way she caressed snow’s face in first episode of 5a. the faux-innocent with the calculating eyes on the ship with whats-his-name. every interaction with henry where she was trying to be a PERSON. the way she moved! the way she felt more reptilian than human! i wanted to know everything about her!! (then i did and quit the show lol) honestly some of jmo’s best acting to date, i’m forever in awe.

That Still Small Voice: look, this is an episode about a cricket and it remains one of my favorite quality ouat episodes. Archie sells it best as an adult influenced by his past without quite knowing it, and Archie and Henry make for a really engaging dynamic in here. There is nothing about Archie’s professional behavior that doesn’t make me want to scream but this remains a very, very good episode.

Emma in Sympathy for the De Vil/Lily: okay this is cheating a little because so much of this is also Regina but!! Emma individually shines in this narrative and throughout 4b. From the moment she finds out about what her parents had done, you can watch it slowly draining a part of her?? yes her eyes got redder but there was also this kind of apathy about EVERYTHING. And tbh the Cruella episode is pretty awesome on its own (I love the slow revelation that Cru is the villain, what a stellar execution of a fave trope) but WHEN EMMA KILLS HER. In the exact moment that Cruella says ‘heroes don’t kill’. that’s what pushes emma over the edge!! and then emma ready to kill again the next episode because she feels like she’s sliding into an abyss, i couldn’t BREATHE. emma is incredible when the narrative lets her be angry, and i wanted So Much More. Speaking of which, Emma getting angrier and angrier and almost losing it in The Snow Queen was more of that anger!! i am HUNGRY for it.

Regina and Snow in The Evil Queen: This episode is messy af but damn did my heart skip a beat when a hooded hero saves Regina and tears off her hood and it’s SNOW. This episode does so much of what makes Snow/Regina so fascinating and frustrating, both in the present and the past. Their interactions in the woods moved me! changed me! and Regina had already crossed the point of no return but oh man, oh man, the way they’d almost gotten somewhere for a minute there.

Regina and Henry in Save Henry: A classic, a work of art, and I’ve said so much about it in the past that I’m exhausted just thinking about expressing it all again now. But what a STORY of an evil queen who falls in love with a little boy. What a narrative!! The promo pictures from this episode came out when I was sitting in the hospital for a checkup while I was expecting my daughter, and I was tearing up and the nurses thought it was about the ultrasound. I’M NOT PROUD. This is a love story!!! And it culminates again in A Curious Thing, by the way, which put another ten years on my life, an Epic !

Emma and Henry in New York City Serenade: boy was this a journey, but I was absolutely spellbound omg. This was a love song to a fantasy but it’s a fantasy that never unmakes Emma– she’s afraid of commitment and happiness and everything permanent in her life that isn’t Henry, but she’s still going to take that leap despite herself. It’s a wonderful character study that captures Emma’s essence in a new world, with a new past.

Snow in The Miller’s Daughter: Snow is at her best when the show isn’t painting her with rose-colored glasses and we get to see her darker side, and I don’t think she ever gets quite as dark in the first three seasons as she is when she’s standing there, smiling earnestly at Regina as she tells her that the key to Cora loving Regina is in the poisoned heart she holds. My god. It’s so incredibly cold-blooded and vile, and it’s absolutely the kind of manipulative pragmatism that suits Snow best. I am enthralled and horrified.

Neal and Emma and Henry and Gold in Manhattan: This is one of those really cool scenes where even though I don’t particularly care for half the characters within it, everyone acted the hell out of it and it’s so GOOD. There’s so much tension and you’re holding your breath through the squabbling, and then Henry shows up and you KNOW. You know what’s going to happen and you’re terrified for Emma and it’s so visceral, right up until the instant when Neal demands Henry’s age and Henry shouts ELEVEN and my god, my god. What a reveal. What a scene.

There are more!! so many scenes and moments i’ve loved over the years. Emma and young!Lily! Snowing in Snow Falls! Anna of Arendale!! Snow and Emma in Lost Girl!! Ruby in Red Handed! The David/Emma dragon fight in A Land Without Magic! Regina tearing out that heart in The Doctor and meeting Daniel again?? Regina and her father in hell. all of Hat Trick. i think twenty is a good place to stop, but hoo boy, when this show was good, it was GOOD. alas.

[thedegenerateasexual]

anyway time to go back to reblogging My Favorite Book, this time w/ chapters 8-11:

chapter 8:

i have decided this book does have one flaw and it’s this:

Alice wanted to lose herself in season five of Supernatural and pass out once her serotonin levels overloaded on the cutie patootie badass with the biggest heart named D*** W*********.

there are...frequent mentions...of Fandom

and bless alice but she does not always have good taste

i could absolutely do with 10000% less of that shit

“I think this is going to provide a perfect opportunity.”

“For?”

“To sleep with him, of course. You need to have sex with him.”

FEENIE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD EGG

“Feenie.” Alice sighed so deep, her chest hurt. Of all the things she had expected Feenie to say, that wasn’t it. “I’m really going to need you to stop doing drugs. It’s affecting your cognitive thinking at this point.”

girl mood

“If you’re attracted to Takumi, that means sex might be different. Remember how disappointed you were before?”

Every time Feenie brought that up, regret walloped Alice upside the head. After Sam but before Margot, Alice had begun to think that maybe she’d had sex too early and maybe she should try it again. The result was a one-night stand with a boy named Louis to see if maybe she had been wrong.

She wasn’t. She had picked him randomly (he had seemed nice enough), they fumbled around for about thirty minutes, he managed to give her an orgasm, and … that was it.

Sex, Alice had decided, was like jogging. All the people in the world could say it’s so amazing and great for you, but if you don’t care about jogging, you’d rather spend your time with a Netflix queue and a box of doughnuts.

Orgasms, Alice had decided, were like stretching after exercising. It felt amazing in the moment, but who really thought about that perfect stretch two hours later? She certainly didn’t.

okay 1. i wanna hug alice jesus christ she has such a bad history ): 2. this author Knows

“I was not disappointed. Some things were just confirmed and I was more affected by it than I thought I would be.” Truth be told, Alice was relieved, but hadn’t figured out how to explain why she felt that way just yet. She didn’t need sex to be sure. She had always known.

“Yeah. There’s a word for that. Disappointment.”

“Anyway,” Alice said, eager to move on. They would never see eye to eye there. “I don’t know if that’s something I’m ready for. After Margot, it feels like there’s no point in me having sex with anyone, not even to make them happy. I just don’t want to do it.”

FEENIE’S GIVING ME THE HEEBIE JEEBIES LEAVE HER ALONE...like okay to be fair alice isnt speaking up w/ how she really feels but STILL she gets to have the final say on this

“What about the other side? What if it never happens again? What if he is it for me? I only get one shot, it all goes to shit, and I go back to feeling nothing and thinking I’m broken. I finally feel balanced. I don’t want to lose that.”

haha wow what a gray-ace mood this book is calling me OUT on internal bias like technically im gray-ace and just say ace because ace by itself is already hard enough to understand and explain (i had to explain it unexpectedly the other day on stream outta the blue and it really threw me my shoulders were up around my ears like so much for out & proud yikes)

Feenie flicked her right between the eyes.

“Ow, you ass.” Alice rubbed her forehead.

“First of all”—Feenie pointed at her—“you are not broken and I don’t ever want to hear that again.”

thank u

“Second, being attracted to one person doesn’t necessarily change who you are. Maybe you’re graysexual instead of straight up ace.”

LITERALLY THEY SAID IT AS SOON AS I THOUGHT IT WOW THIS IS THE REAL ACE EXPERIENCE ic annot believe this

Yes, Feenie’s suggestion to have sex with Takumi was questionable. However, she wasn’t suggesting he would cure her.

Graysexual.

In spite of everything, Feenie had acknowledged she was still on the spectrum where she felt most at home.

“It’s not lust,” she said. The words felt true. “It’s something, but I don’t think it’s that.”

i’m crying this is the true gray-ace mood i can’t believe this book called me out so thoroughly in one second and made me feel so valid in the next

Feenie sighed. “Inspirational, ‘Kumbaya’-type shit is not my jam, so I’m only going to say this once: You can’t let one or two bad experiences stop you from being happy. Maybe it’s with Takumi, maybe it’s not. But you’re not going to know until you try.”

i can’t decide if i wanna be in feenie’s corner for encouraging her or be weirded out that feenie is pushing her but i guess both is okay man sometimes bad experiences are Real Bad! let her do what she wants! she’s gotta be ready!

chapter 9:

Alice’s inability to say “being asexual” plagued her. The words formed but lodged themselves in her throat. One night she had stood in front of the mirror repeating, “I’m asexual,” over and over again. She had thought that if she could get used to hearing it, she’d accept it as truth faster. Alice knew it had made sense. She could check off all the little boxes. But she wasn’t sure it was a title that she had necessarily wanted everyone else to know.

im literally already choking up again there’s a reason too we so often say “ace” instead of “asexual” the word itself invokes connotations of 1. plant jokes and 2. frigidity, How Lovely...like im an Old Ace i’ve been grappling w/ this since 2006ish so this isn’t much of a mood anymore but GOD it used to be - literally a reverse of the gray-ace mood above “i will take anything, gray-ace, demi-, whatever, just not asexual”

She didn’t want to be known as Alice the Asexual. She wanted to be Alice who had an (admittedly) unhealthy obsession with all things cute and ate ice cream in the winter and taught all her friends how to make a Soul Train line and, and, and …

Being asexual would trump everything else about her, good and bad and weird.

If Alice had told someone, would they begin to use that as the primary defining characteristic for her from then on?

Oh, hey everyone, some person would say as they introduced her, this is Alice. She’s asexual. Sorry if you had any plans for her. She won’t ever desire you, regardless of how much she likes you.

Was it really anyone’s business that Alice didn’t feel sexual attraction when the rest of the world did? It was Alice’s secret. She could guard it like Smaug hoarding gold if she wanted to.

it’s so weird how like, un-internalizing bad shit moves along in stages, but those stages come in a different order and mean different stuff for everyone - i am the total opposite of those first two paragraphs, i love being Liz The Asexual (most of the time...), but i’m so far along - yet if i was around someone i Liked i would literally kill anyone who brought it up, and when i do Like people it’s just easier to keep it buttoned because 1. can only give them so much 2. of course they already know & assume there’s no interest, so what’s the point! can’t date as ace. impossible. i hope alice finds so much happiness so i can live thru her vicariously

yikes her sis signed her up for a lawyer seminar even tho she doesnt wanna do it & paid for it too so now she has to go ): dude

chapter 10:

Takumi had parted his hair on the left side, creating a slight pompadour to the right with sides closely cropped to his head. The asymmetry complemented his already balanced features and clean-shaven jaw.

Looking at him stressed Alice all the way out. That stupidly beautiful man was slowly giving her high blood pressure. Steam was mere moments from spewing out of her ears.

But.

But.

That was it. Nothing else happened.

Alice’s lips ticked up into a smile, her breath came out as an excited laugh. She was fine. She was herself again.

awww babe

ok i cant copyapasta all of this but takumi is cute & charming & also has hit on alice at least once:

“You seem better today,” Takumi said, keeping up with her pace. “Almost like a different person, really.”

The three of them entered the elevator. Essie pressed the buttons for the first floor and the basement.

“I can see how you would think that. I was having an off day. I’m fine.”

“You were fine last night, too.”

“Last night?” Essie exclaimed. “Yeah, hi, still here.”

“He meant at the bus stop. He waited with me.”

SMOOTH

“I’m definitely getting a vibe.”

“There is no vibe.” She rolled her eyes before realizing this would be great information for Feenie. Was Takumi being friendly or flirting and why, oh why, couldn’t she tell the difference? “But if there were, how would said vibe feel? Just, you know, wondering.”

“Stop being silly. You know what I mean.”

No, she really didn’t, and she hated when people made that assumption. If she had known, why would she bother asking?

mood. alice’s boss is being aphobic smh

“So what color would Takumi be?”

“I have a color?” Takumi asked, walking back in.

“Yes!” Essie held up her hands like she was preparing to tell an epic story. “Okay, so Alice has this color system she calls the Cutie Code and she uses it to determine how cute something is. I’m Yellow-Orange, which is close to the top by the way.” She actually began to preen.

If Alice weren’t mortified beyond recognition, she would have gotten up and run for her life. The Cutie Code™ was sacrosanct. Essie didn’t know Alice told only certain people about it—people she thought would understand and not ridicule her to death.

“Oh yeah?” Takumi asked, turning to Alice. “What color am I?”

NOOOOO THAT’S SUCH A PERSONAL THING TO ASK oh no poor alice i can’t believe her boss outed her like this

Kneecaps were generally uncute, so Alice stared at his. She had only one option in this increasingly perilous situation: damage control.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I decided to retire the Cutie Code. So.”

awww babe htis is so sad wtf

“Could you unretire it for two minutes? If you randomly saw me, what would I be?” Takumi asked once Essie was gone.

“Why?” Alice said, ducking behind her monitor.

He walked to the other side of her desk. “I want to know. I figure I have to be Yellow-Orange. I’m at least as cute as Essie is.”

His tone wasn’t superior or arrogant or mocking, surprising Alice. She lifted her gaze to his face. The amused way he smiled at her, interested and waiting … she felt like her answer would mean something to him. He cared about what she would say.

A spot in the center of her chest began to warm up.

THERE’S THE VIBE ALICE YOU USELESS ASEXUAL this is so cute

so they go back and forth with some banter “girls rank higher” “cats rank highest” and she never does tell him what his color is but THEN

“For the record,” Takumi said, making her look up. “I think you’re very, very cute, too.” 

[DEEP BREATH] BOY

listen is he SMOOTH god damn

He smiled, took one step before turning back. “I realize that could have been construed as sexual harassment. I’m sorry. You said it about Essie and, uh, yeah. I’m sorry.”

Alice, who had entered a slight state of shock, managed to say, “It’s okay,” without smiling hard enough to make her cheeks hurt, but, oh Good Lord, was it coming.

and a gentleman omg

chapter 11:

“Don’t you get it? This is good! I need to know things like this. You’re making progress, but I can’t help you if you withhold information from me. He thinks you’re cute and admitted it. That’s like steps one through three already done.”

“So? I think he’s cute, too. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“I think it does.”

“Well, I’ve decided it doesn’t. Mind over matter.”

“Okay, so you don’t want to get to know him?” Feenie poked Alice in the cheek and left her finger there. “I’m getting confused.”

“Because it is confusing. I don’t really want to deal with it,” Alice admitted, feeling wearier by the second. “Why are you so into this?”

GURL LITERALLY SLOW UR ROLL

oh shit lmao:

A big part of Feenie felt like she was missing out on the dating world and was scared to admit that to Ryan. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him think she didn’t want to marry him. If living vicariously through Alice’s predicament helped Feenie feel fulfilled, Alice was willing to share this experience with her.

It was the least she could do for the one friend who had always stood up for her.

yikes thats not a good dynamic yikes

so anyway alice is going to therapy and:

“Yeah. Well, I have a problem,” she said. “It’s not really a problem, I guess? I’ve been dealing with it, dealt with it really. Did the whole coming to terms with it thing in high school, you know. Got my experimenting phase out of the way, and I’ve sort of lived my life since then, learning to work around everyone else’s perceptions of how I should be. Everything was great. Fine. I was happy most of the time.”

“And now you’re not,” he prompted. He tilted his head to the side.

“I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy, but I am confused.” She swallowed hard. Her jaw ached. “I don’t … experience … you know, I’m not sexually attracted to … boys.”

His face remained blank except for a small, encouraging smile. Alice practically saw the word LESBIAN flashing in his eyes.

“Or girls,” she continued. “Or anyone.”

And there it was. A subtle lifting of his eyebrows, one blink too many, the corners of his mouth evening out.

“While it’s rare, it’s not uncommon.”

Great. Rare. That was the exact opposite of comforting.

“There is a name for it,” he said. “Do you know what that’s called?”

“I do.” Alice fidgeted in her seat. “That’s how I identify. That word.”

WHAT A MOOD...man when you dont feel anything for any gender it’s so easy to assume, first, that you’re gay bc boys don’t do it for you, then that you’re bi because girls dont either and if you feel the same way about both that’s bi, right? from ages 13-17ish i was fully convinced i was bi

also like lmao “oh..............that’s kinda weird” as a reaction literally that’s where the Dread lies i love also that she can’t spit it out, but at least he knows there’s word

you know not to be like this but damn raphael sure had some gusto to say it to isabelle’s face right in the middle of nearly making out i probably would have rabbit froze

“You seem to be uncomfortable saying that word, and if it’s okay with you, I’m going to say it. I think you know what I’m talking about.”

“It’s fine.”

alice is so far from fine lmao

“Asexuality isn’t something that’s black or white. There is a multitude of shades of gray in between. Being potentially sexually attracted to one particular person isn’t as outlandish as you’ve convinced yourself it is.”

“I know that stuff. There’s this thing called the Internet, and it’s quite handy,”

i love alice she takes absolutely no BS i love this anti-vocabulary-lesson view on things im cackling

“I don’t think I’m being clear. Everyone talks about sex like it’s the greatest thing ever in the history of all the things, and I don’t get it. I kept waiting to want to do it, to not have to be convinced all the time, to even think about it and it just never happens. But like, even knowing that I knew I could get aroused—I’ve experienced it before. That was just the first time it happened because of another person and I didn’t even think about sex. My friend brought it up later. None of this makes sense and I need it to.”

“Why?”

“Because how else will I ever—”

Alice snapped her mouth shut, promptly staring at her feet.

“Ever what?” he asked gently.

Alice closed her eyes. “Look, I know all of this. I’ve read books and articles and websites. I know what asexuality is and isn’t.” She opened her eyes, staring at the couch, defeated. “What I don’t get is why this is happening to me now? I figured all of this out years ago and now all of a sudden, I’m changing? How am I ever going to explain this to anyone?”

...................oh

“But you know!” she said. “You get it. I’m not trying to trivialize anyone else and what they have to do, but if I go to my parents and say I’m a lesbian, they would know what I meant. If I went to my siblings and said I’m bisexual, they would know what I meant. If I tell anyone I’m asexual, they’re going to look at me like there’s something wrong. They’re going to tell me to go to a doctor. They’re going to tell me I’m too young to know what I want or I’m still developing. Or they’ll tell me how important sex is to finding a good man. Or they’ll think they can fix me, that I’m lying because I don’t want to sleep with them. It’s hard enough trying to explain that word, so how in the hell am I going to explain I’m biromantic asexual? They’re really going to think I’m making this shit up.”

WOW

OKAY THEN

jesus christ god damn

haha man this book goes from chill to no-holds-barred on a DIME it is absolutely wild

look i literally do have an entire post about this on my main which is way more rambly and less concise but i feel this deep, deep down in my soul - you literally CAN’T come out as ace without having to explain it, much less some wacky variation of it

“You’re worried whomever you choose to tell won’t believe you. That’s important to you?”

“Of course it is. How would you feel if you exposed your identity and the world pointed, laughed, and called you a liar to your face? Would you ever want to do that again? How am I supposed to have any kind of romantic relationship with someone if I feel like I can’t tell them the truth?

“My girlfriend broke up with me because she thought that since I didn’t desire her, I wouldn’t be able to love her, which is not true at all. I am very loving. I cry at the end of romcoms. My favorite movie is Splash. I want someone to give me flowers and take me on dates. I want to fall in love and wear a giant princess dress at my wedding. I want to have a happy ending, too, and all that other magical stuff. I want what books and TV and the world has promised me. It’s not fair that I should have to want sex to have it.”

i am FULLY SOBBING

hhoholy shit!!!!

i had to stop and mop up my face lmao

Dr. Burris passed her a tissue box.

fuck!!!!! mood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He folded his hands, placing them in his lap. Calm. Serene. “This isn’t something where I can tell you to go read a book and it will methodically list the steps of how to come out. It is a personal and individualized experience. My advice to you is to be prepared to educate. It may feel unfair that the onus of that responsibility will fall on you, but when most people think the A stands for Ally, you will have to speak louder, with bravery and dignity, to be heard. You will have to be willing to inform and to educate. And you will have to know when it is time to remove yourself from situations and disconnect from those who either do not understand or are unwilling to. You have to do what is right for you.”

htis is literally me right now!! me @ this therapist: UR RIGHT!! UR RIGHT THO

Alice knew he had spoken the truth. Everything would boil down to her having to speak up.

Those were not the words she wanted to hear. It made her tremble inside. Her jaw locked into place, teeth grinding and vibrating in her skull.

Sam hadn’t bothered to ask.

Margot couldn’t be bothered to try to understand.

Alice didn’t want to go through that again. How would she ever explain to the one person she might possibly be sexually attracted to that she was asexual? How would she explain to the next person that it was maybe possible her body could experience attraction, but she wasn’t attracted to them?

THEY DIDN’T BOTHER...look, don’t we just all want to be understood...i’m fully weeping, alice is asking herself some big questions and i couldn’t be more here for it

that’s the end of the chapter i gotta take a break before i pass out sdkfjgh