#Flushed [Karkat] (R)

[queer-quadrants]

HIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! idk if ur still active or nawt but i would like to request humanstuck fefkat!!!!! (feferi x karkat (so silly)) with bigender pansexual karkat and girlflux sapphic feferi? they r in a t4t relationship and are flushed 4 eachother and luv eachother soooo much!!!,,,, 💕💖💗🌸🌻🌼 its okay if u cant do this by the way!!!

crab and fishe <3

[pesterloglog]

Porrim Maryam, Kankri Vantas, Karkat Vantas

Act 6, page 5263

PORRIM: Kanny, leave this po+o+r kid alo+ne.

KANKRI: I'd appreciate it if y9u w9uldn't call me that. We've talked a69ut this. That's what y9u call a wiggler. D9 I l99k like a wiggler t9 y9u, P9rrim? N9, I d9n't. It's 6een three sweeps, plus eternity, f9r, excuse me, "fuck's" sake. I think we can safely retire that particular term 9f "endearment". Call me anything 6ut that, even my 9ther nickname. I'm actually 9k with that 9ne.

#micr9aggressi9ns #n9 wait #MACR9agressi9ns m9re like

PORRIM: I'm no+t calling yo+u Insufferable, Kanny. Well, no+t unless I'm using it as an actual adjective.

#And even then, pro+bably no+t to+ yo+ur face.

PORRIM: Well...

#No+t o+ften I mean.

KANKRI: It w9uld 6e nice if y9u'd at least use my pr9per name in fr9nt 9f my studi9us y9ung Alternian descendant. It really kind 9f er9des my credi6ility, and I d9n't need that in the pr9ximity 9f a fresh faced y9ungster wh9 clearly thirsts f9r kn9wledge. Why w9uld y9u want t9 sa69tage a fine y9ung man's educati9n like that?

#Fresh #Faced #Y9ungster #Kn9wledge thirst

PORRIM: Ro+lling my eyes here.

PORRIM: Can yo+u see? Do+ yo+u want me to+ light them up fo+r yo+u?

KANKRI: N9, 6ut thanks f9r 9ffering. C9uld y9u g9 r9ll them 9ver there? Thank y9u. N9w where was I.

#H9w d9 y9u even r9ll eyes with9ut pupils?

PORRIM: I do+n't think he cares.

PORRIM: Hey, there. Karkat? If yo+u do+n't mind my asking... are yo+u even remo+tely interested in the lo+af supplement this guy's serving?

KARKAT:

PORRIM: Go+tcha. Yo+u just said all yo+u needed to+ say.

PORRIM: Yo+u kno+w, yo+u are actually very cute.

PORRIM: That girl who+'s been wandering aro+und in the drago+n suit is a very lucky lady.

KANKRI: 9k, w9nderful. That c9nversati9n just came t9 an end.

KANKRI: P9rrim, please d9n't hit 9n my re699ted kid ancest9r-descendant. It's really weird. N9t t9 menti9n, he l99ks exactly like me? I mean, kind 9f 96vi9usly? S9 when y9u're hitting 9n him, it's like y9u're hitting 9n me at the exact same time, which like I said. It's weird.

#It's weird

KANKRI: N9t t9 get int9 all this again, 6ut the th9ught 9f dating y9u... it's just a strange and vaguely 9ffputting idea. N9 9ffense. It alm9st makes me understand at a visceral level the 6izarre human anathema 9f incest, which is s9mething I can't really explain. I'm just saying.

#Trigger warning #Incest #Anathemas #Viscerality #Vaguely #9ffputting

PORRIM: (Very deep sigh.)

#Oh my Go+d.

KANKRI: I'm S9RRY, 9k? I'm s9rry that I am, perhaps literally, the 9nly 9ne n9t t9 ever fall prey t9 y9ur tireless 9mnidirecti9nal s9licitati9ns, 9r t9 get swept up in 9ne 9f y9ur innumera6le flushed 9r caligin9us flings. I happened t9 always prefer y9u as a friend, and in any case, I always preferred t9 lead a relatively chaste existence, as it keeps me f9cused 9n fighting 9n 6ehalf 9f truly imp9rtant pr96lems. Alth9ugh staying "relatively" chaste t9 y9u I supp9se is n9t saying much.

PORRIM: ...

#Hey.

KANKRI: 9nce again, I ap9l9gize. I've 6lundered int9 the pr96lematic territ9ry 9f vacillati9n shaming, thus 9pening the fl99dgates t9 the myriad ways 9ne may 6e disadvantaged up9n 6y its staggering shame radius. I f9rg9t t9 check my piety privilege, and here we are. I was g9ing t9 c9ver this t9pic in a much later chapter 9f my lecture, 6ut we've g9tten 6adly derailed here.

#TW #Derailment #Train wrecks #Ch99 ch99 catastr9phes

KANKRI: Karkat, I'm s9rry f9r this interrupti9n. I pr9mise I'll get 6ack t9 my critical lecture as s99n as this pr9miscu9us 6usy69dy leaves us in peace.

#Village tw9 wheel device

KARKAT:

PORRIM: Yes, critical lecture. I'm sure.

PORRIM: And am I right in being just as sure yo+u are assiduo+usly deco+nstructing every co+nceivable, hypo+thetical fo+rm o+f injustice no+ matter ho+w o+bscure, except tho+se that I happen to+ think are kind o+f impo+rtant?

#Yes

KANKRI: N9. Just, n9, P9rrim. We're n9t d9ing this.

#N9

KANKRI: I am n9t g9ing t9 p9llute Karkat's utterly imperative crash c9urse, in which he is intr9duced t9 the A6S9LUTE 6ASICS, 6y indulging in y9ur pet issues.

PORRIM: Yes, ho+w dreadful it wo+uld be fo+r yo+ur sixty nine millio+n wo+rd essay to+ get bo+gged do+wn by even the faintest reference to+ the ro+les o+f gender in Befo+ran and Alternian civilizatio+n.

#"HUMAN SARCASM"

KANKRI: L99k, it's n9t that I'm insensitive t9 y9ur c9ncerns 9n that t9pic. I'm interested t9 discuss them with y9u 9n an academic, primarily the9retical level.

PORRIM: Theo+retical?

#...

KANKRI: I just think there is inherent danger in muddying the waters 9f disc9urse 6y intr9ducing s9cial issues which are suspect at 6est, thus c9nsuming crucial res9urces fr9m the limited cache 9f rhet9ric which pr9pels these narratives. And furtherm9re, 9ne c9uld argue it's m9re than a little pr96lematic, 9ffensive even, f9r y9u t9 6e appr9priating the lexic9n 9f sensitivity used t9 advance awareness 9f maj9r issues, thus reducing it t9 the level 6uzzspeak and pseud9science. It makes it m9re difficult f9r th9se 9f us wh9 are genuinely f9cused 9n p9sitive change t9 6e taken seri9usly, that's all.

PORRIM: Appro+priating??

#That's no+t #what that even #means?

PORRIM: PSEUDOSCIENCE???

#Yo+u did no+t just...

KANKRI: I'm s9rry, I just d9n't think there's much there. We aren't like humans, wh9se species 6izarrely en9ugh includes highly specialized r9les f9r 69th sexes in the pr9cess 9f repr9ducti9n, and s9 this naturally had s9cial ramificati9ns f9r the way their civilizati9n ev9lved. 6ut that's n9t h9w it w9rks f9r us, s9 I fail t9 see h9w gender fact9rs int9 the discussi9n in a way that can 6e effectively and rati9nally pr96lematized. Where is the r99m f9r unexamined privilege in the dich9t9my? I d9n't see it. And appr9priating the talking p9ints and awareness-raising tactics f9r du6i9us issues like this is, frankly, fr9wned up9n, t9 put it p9litely. Such appr9priative gestures 9nly serve t9 marginalize and invalidate th9se su6ject t9 seri9us, real life struggles and 9ppressi9n, and I guess I'm a little disapp9inted t9 see y9u 6eing s9 6lithely and inappr9priately appr9priat9ry.

#Fr9wned up9n #Fr9wns all ar9und #Welc9me t9 fr9wn t9wn

PORRIM: Kanny, I'm starting to+ feel just a little bit triggered by all this "appro+priatio+n" bullshit.

#Trigger warning: #Abo+ut to+ kick yo+ur tall pantsed ass

KANKRI: 9h! My sincere ap9l9gies. I sh9uld have d9ne a 6etter j96 tagging my statements, 6ut f9r future reference, it's helpful t9 alert y9ur c9nversati9nal partners t9 y9ur triggers well in advance. Sh9uld I g9 fetch y9ur m9irail t9 help settle y9u d9wn? And if s9, wh9 exactly w9uld 6e filling that quadrant t9day?

#It's the may9r, right? #G9tta 6e the may9r

PORRIM: Alright. Obvio+usly yo+u're in o+ne o+f yo+ur bratty mo+o+ds. I'm go+ne.

KANKRI: D9n't 6e like that. Really, we can talk a69ut whatever y9u like later, and I'll 6e really sympathetic, I pr9mise. Just n9t ar9und my pupil while he is still learning.

KANKRI: 9r... my descendant. What did I say? Haha. Karkat, I mean. Anyway, Karkat, again I ap9l9gize f9r that.

#N9w where was I?

KARKAT:

[kanayatherainbowdrinker]

Hi kanaya!! What are some of your favorite ships :0

KANAYA: Oh My Gog Someone Finally Asks This KANAYA: Ikna Hold On My Head Hurts KANAYA: ... KANAYA: ... KANAYA: ... DOLOROSA: Sy Will Be Several Minutes Dear Fro+m What Sy Has Discussed With Me Sylph Otp Is Sylphself And Wife Terezi Pyro+pe DOLOROSA: Sy Finds Vriska Exceptio+nally Attractive But Certainly Deserves Better Theres Two+ Ways In Sylph Mind To+ Lo+o+k At The Upheaval That Ended Their Moirallegience What Is Explicitly Sho+wn Or What May Be Inferred By Taking A Deeper Dive Into Sylphs Character DOLOROSA: As Open And Upfro+nt As Kanaya Behaves Its Certainly Rather Surprising Vriska Had No+ Idea Abo+ut Kanayas Po+tentially Flushed Feelings So+ Sy Mo+st Likely Mentio+ned The Po+ssibility At One Time Ho+ping The Dress Wo+uld Be Vriskas Request And Indirect Attempt At Opening That Line Fro+m Co+nciliato+ry To+ Co+ncupiscent... DOLOROSA: Ho+wever I Digress Sy Enjo+ys Co+ping With What Isnt Likely To+ Be... As Its Not Strictly Flushed But Actually Vascillatio+n To+ No+ Fo+reseeable End DOLOROSA: Kanaya Finds Co+mfo+rt With Ro+se But Even Tho+ugh A Do+o+med Timeline Can Never Find True Safety Because Of Her Alco+ho+lism Despite Having Sufficient Enjo+yment During Their Mo+re Unhinged Escapades DOLOROSA: So+metime After On Earth C With Vriskas Return VrisKanRo+seRezi Happened Fo+r A Time Which Ended Up With VrisRo+se And KanRezi As They Grew To+gether As Peo+ple DOLOROSA: Kanaya Enjo+yed Sylph Friendship With So+llux As Kids Even Teaching Him Ho+w To+ Co+de With Sylph Expert Understanding Of Weaving Devices Ho+wever They Drifted Apart When Karkat Entered The Picture Sy Enjo+yed Being Terezis Mo+rtician Fo+r Their Scalemates Ho+wever Teenage Drama With Vriska Happened Preventing Any Deeper Bo+nd At The Time DOLOROSA: Thankfully Kanaya Has Karkat No+w To+ Go+o+f Aro+und With As Sylph Moirail But Always Feels Co+nfused At The Bo+nd He Shares With Dave Always Wo+ndering If June Wo+uld Be A Better Match DOLOROSA: Sy Gave Up Auspisticism Realizing Sy Fo+und The Quandrant Unfulfilling Fo+r The Many Instances Sy Was Simply Used And Fo+rgo+tten Altho+ugh Sy Occassio+nally Suppo+rts VrisRo+se To+ What Extent Its Perplexing To+ State DOLOROSA: I Believe Sy Is Almo+st Ready To+ Chime In Altho+ugh Po+rrim Wishes To+ Disgustingly Gush Abo+ut The Wannable Redglare... PORRIM: Do+lo+ro+sa please yo+u have no+ idea ho+w stro+ng my pyre of lo+ve for Latula Pyro+pe burns. Yo+u wish Redglare wasn't an abso+lute 0+ when it co+mes to+ radness! DOLOROSA: ... DOLOROSA: ... DOLOROSA: Redglare Fucked Yo+ur Mo+m Theyre Incredible PORRIM: OH mo+m shut up! KANAYA: Will You Two Please Calm Down I Wish To Share My Ships With My Blagosphere As The Cool Kids Deem It KANAYA: Well I Love My Wife Terezi KANAYA: Other Than That I Think Calliope And Roxy Are Wonderful Together Feferi And Nepeta Should Spend More Time Together KANAYA: Ive Made A Friend Recently Thats Given Me Courage To Enjoy My Otp Its Rather Freeing I Would Surmise To Be Open About These Thoughts

[jedidiahjartin]

Inition makes terezi loco

She wants to guess the secrets that she can't taste in my photo

Dyin just to know the flavors I aint doing her no favors

No reasons why I tease em flush just comes and goes like seasons¹

I'm karkalicious (so delicious)

I don't do kismesis

And if you read any fanfics all that shit is fictitious

I blow kisses (mwah)

Don't matter if we're just moirails², trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail (I know what this means in troll lore btw) (4 3 2 fuck you)

So delicious (super sweet)

So delicious (fuckin adorabloodthirsty)

So delicious (even Egbert wants a piece of me)

So delicious (la lalalalike candy candy)

Karkalicious def- karkalicious def- goddammit doc scratch stop fuckin around with my mic-

Karkalicious definition makes the shippers crazy

Nepetas's always squealing cutesie pet names like "karkitty"

IM THE K TO THE A R K THE A THE T AND THE MAJORITY OF PAIRINGS HAD BETTER INCLUDE ME IM KARKALICIOUS³ (so delicious)

My body stays vicious

All the highbloods⁴ feelin nervous cuz im doing some fitness

Zahaak's my witness! (Cartoony whistle)

Bet that ship curls nepeta's tail⁵

And he'll be needing all the towels cuz imma make him sweat pails

So delicious (super sweet)

So delicious (fuckin adorablood thirsty)

So delicious (even Egbert wants a piece of me)

I'm karkalicious NOW YOU NOOKSUCKERS⁶ HOLD THE FUCK UP. check it out!

Baby baby baby if you really want me honey get some patience maybe then you'll get a taste ill be tasty tasty ill be laced with lacey its so tasty tasty it'll make you crazy

T to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty im not typing all that. D to the e to the l i c i o u s to the t to the e to the ILL JUST SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU

all the time I turn around trolls gather round always looking at me tryin to guess the color of my blood⁷

I just wanna say it now I'm not trying to start up any drama little fucker I just don't want u to know

And I guess I'm coming off as a little insecure even tho I keep repeating how the secrets fucking awesome

WHAT IM TRYING TO TELL. is a secret I just don't wanna tell

TEREZI SAYS I SMELL DELICIOUS

No I don't do kismesis

And if you read any fanfics all that shit is fictitious!

I blow kisses (mwah)

Don't matter if we're just moirails trolls be lining down the veil for the chance to fill a pail (4 3 2? Idk anymore)

My body stays vicious

Zahaaks⁸ been feeling nervous cuz I got down to business

Nepetas's my witness

I'll even let her first ship sail just watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail (I think this is when the 4 3 2 is but I cant be sure)

SO DELICIOUS (erriiidaannn seeee)

So delicious (you can trust meeee)

So delicious (I'll help you beeee)

Lalalalike candy candy (I'm karkalicious)

So delicious (ayy ayy ayy)

(Ayy ayy ayy ayy)

(Ayyy ayy ayy ayy)

Lalalalike candy candy

And then it's the tastey bit forever whatever who cares this took too long to type my neck hurts. Is this Fergie douchemuffin illiterate or something

¹. What does that even mean?

². What does that even mean?

³. Sorry he possessed me there

⁴. The fuck is a highblood

⁵. Is nepeta rhe fandom insert character? Also I remember I took a quiz one time against my will and I did get nepeta so have fun with that information I guess

⁶. "Why do rappers make up words lol" also karkat:

⁷. ?????

⁸. Who even is that

Idk anything about homestuck but I do know all the words to karkalicious

- @jedidiahjartin

Listen up y’all

This shit is ironic

Strider’s beats are best suited to trolls hooked on phonics!

KARKALICIOUS DEF—[camp communally drags me back to the lit pyre]

[selfshipmess]

tag dump! ignore this dododoo

(also im gonna start putting (P) or (R ) at the end of my tags,, just so yall can tell if its Platonic or Romantic since i have a bunch of young familial f/os and a few people have gotten the wrong idea ;;^^)

[heystuckstuck]

doll parts part one

eridan ampora x reader

part one ==> HERE

part two ==> coming soon!!! <3

YOU ==> WAKE UP

You do. You are sprawled out on your own bed, which is soft, softer than anything you’ve slept on in awhile. You are lying on your stomach, your arms crooked under your pillow to support your head. This is the way you almost always sleep. Your phone dings to the left side of your head, and you blearily shift to your side to check it. It would appear that someone is trying to get ahold of you.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trollling chumHandle [CH]

CC: )(-Ey t)(-Er-E, Y/N!

CC: )(ow ar-E you f-E-Eling today?

CH: im feeling fairly pleasant atm

CH: just woke up

CH: you?

CC: I’m FINTASTIC!!!

CC: )(-E-E )(-E-E

CH: cute

CH: glad to see youre still doing the fish pun thing

CH: why exactly do you do it?

CC: I lik-E fish

CC: SO!!!

CH: :?

CC: ar-E you coming to my party tonight?

CC: I r-E-Elly hope so!

CH: shore

CH: ;)

CC: Aww )(-E-E )( -E-E!

CC: You us-Ed a fish pun

CC: )(ow glubbing cut-E!

CH: thank you, fef

CC: And don’t fr-Et!

CC: W-E’ll have som-Ebody watch out for you!

CC: So what )(app-En-Ed last tim-E won’t )(app-En again!

CH: …

CC: I’m sorry!

CC: I shouldn’t )(av-E brought it up

CC: 38(

CH: no, that’s ok

CH: it happened

CH: it’s okay to talk about it

CC: )(ow was it?

CH: how was what?

CC: T)(-E )(ospital?

CH: it was ok

CH: im totally better

CC: I’m sure as s)(-Ell glad to )(-Ear it!

CC: Sollux and the cr-Ew will b-E t)(-Er-E to pick you up

CH: the crew?

CC: I’m not shor-E who it’ll b-E but Sollux is driving a bunch of our fri-Ends ov-Er

CC: I asked )(im to pick you up too!

CC: 38)

CH: thanks feferi

CH: youre the best

CC: I c-Ertainly try

CC: T)(-Er-E’s no way to wink at you wit)( my -Emoticon

CC: So just picture t)(at in your )(-Ead

CH: ;)

chumHandle [CH] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling chumHandle [CH]

TA: y/n

CH: sollux

TA: thii2 ii2 gonna be a really weiird que2tiion

TA: plea2e don’t get mad

TA: but

TA: would you fuck ed

CH: what why

TA: becau2e seniior year is almo2t here and iif he doe2nt lo2e hii2 viirgiiniity before hii2 biirthday ii can’t be hii2 friiend anymore

CH: what makes you so sure he’s a virgin

TA: y/n

CH: fair point

TA: ii ju2t know that you have 2ome pretty lax 2tandard2

CH: are you calling me a “2lut”

CH: is that what’s happening right now

TA: god no

TA: ii ju2t wanna get the ba2tard laiid

CH: fine, i’ll do it

TA: y/n you are a 2aiint

TA: 2eriiou2ly

TA: nobody el2e would touch that ugly fucker with a ten foot pole

CH: you and i both know that eridan isn’t ugly

CH: he’s actually quite handsome

TA: god gro22

TA: ju2t thank you

TA: you’re doiing u2 all a favor really

TA: ed fuck2 you and then he’ll 2hut hiis fuckiing iidiiot mouth about not fuckiing anythiing

CH: how many times are you gonna say fuck

TA: fuck

CH: that’s fair

CH: yeah i’ll do it

TA: cool

TA: fiinger gun2

TA: ii’ll piick you up at 6

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling chumHandle [CH]

Sollux is there for you promptly at six o’clock. You’re standing on the curb, waiting for him, when his familiarly tiny rusty red car pulls up alongside you. The music is so loud you can hear it through the closed doors and when you glance in the passenger’s side window, Aradia gestures her thumb back behind her. She must’ve called shotgun, or maybe Sollux got her first. You open the door to the backseat and clamber inside.

Karkat is on the far end, smushed into the door. He looks as disagreeable as always but he offers you a softer-than-usual smile as he adjusts his traditional black t-shirt. Eridan, in between the two of you, looks far more uncomfortable. You notice the way he is desperately trying not to look at you and in retaliation, you put a soft hand on his thigh. He looks as though he might faint, cheeks flushed and forehead beaded with sweat. He doesn’t say anything to you, but Karkat does.

“Alright, Y/N?”

Yes. Why wouldn’t you be?

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

Karkat shrugs although from the hunch of his shoulders, you can tell he wants to argue. Everyone knows that he’s lying. You know he’s lying. You know why everybody wants to know if you’re alright. And frankly, it’s nobody’s fucking business.

Not even if they stroked your hair and whispered soft little nothings to you all the way to the emergency room. Not even then.

As you walk into the party, you notice a tall, slim figure posed at the front of the grand entrance hall. He’s smoking a cigarette and he has sunglasses on indoors. Dave Strider. He greets your friends casually but when he gets to you he falters and peers at you over the top of his shades.

“All better, Y/N?”

“Yes, I’m totally better. I eat almonds and yogurt and soup.” He nods curtly, but you can see the tension in his face. It would be difficult to miss, as difficult to miss as those reddish brown eyes of his. You remember the last time you saw them.

You were lying on your back with the left side of your face caked in vomit. Your limbs were seizing up and you wanted to scream but it was like your voice was invisible. Dave knelt over you, eyes as wide as saucers as he begged you to stay awake, please stay awake, oh god, what did you do, why did you do this, god no, please no, no no no no no nonononononononononono.

And you put your hand on his face and said, “Hello David.” Or tried to. You’re sure that what came out was a flubbed version.

“What did you take?” He’s begging you please tell him, tell him so he can get you to the hospital and they can pump your stomach, god please.

“13 valiums and a bottle of gin.” You try to tell him that you were just trying to float and stop your misery and stop the not eating and stop stop stop stop stop. But he can’t hear you. He screams out a feeble and watery Karkat and then you’re in a car with Karkat petting you and his mouth was moving but all you could hear were sirens. You wanted to sleep more than anything but Karkat kept shoving you awake and talking to you and telling you stories and begging you don’t go to sleep, no.

So you suppose if anyone has the right to ask you if you’re okay, it’s Dave, and you’d better tell him too. So you do, but you can tell that he doesn’t fully believe you, but to your relief, he leaves it.

The music is loud. It makes your ears numb. You see Feferi but you don’t go and say hi because she’s kissing Sollux on his mouth and tracing her fingers up his arm and you know you shouldn’t interrupt, so you don’t and push your way further through Feferi’s house. The lights are all pink and blue and hazy and you can’t see through the smoke in the air and you can taste the acrid tang of cigarettes in the back of your mouth, which makes it feel like cotton. You stumble and trip over something-someone lying on a beanbag on the floor, who doesn’t try to catch you when you fall into his bony chest.

“Well hey there, little sis, how’s it motherfuckin’ hangin’?” It’s Gamzee, with his dark, splotchy face and lazy looking eyes and dopey grin. He doesn’t help you up, the idea doesn’t even seem to occur to him. His eyes are bloodshot and his left hand’s slender fingers grip a short, lit blunt, which he offers to you.

“You want a hit?” Nobody except him in your friend group smokes pot. They drink and snort crushed up pills but they don’t smoke weed. You’ve tried it before, but only a few times. You didn’t like how it stung your throat and made you cough.

“Nah, that stuff makes you hungry.” That was your least favorite thing about it. The last time you smoked pot, you’d woken up naked on John’s couch with your hands and chest smeared in food goop and no memory of how it got there. You didn’t need that again. Gamzee doesn’t seem to mind, and just takes another drag.

“It’s no problem sis, more for me.” You watch him as he puffs on it again, noting the way the slight orange glow offsets the neon lights in the room.

“Anyway, chica, long time no see. How’s it been?” You shrug and Gamzee laughs.

“That’s so motherfuckin’ righteous, sister. Seriously, be all up and motherfuckin’ careful. Don’t want anything bad happening to you or anything.” You’re dumbstruck by the fact that Gamzee of all people, slow-witted, slow-reacting, oblivious, with a brain half-ruined y marijuana knows. God, how does Gamzee know?

“I saw you, all up and covered in that puke. Shit, y’know, it fuckin’ scared me. I love you and I don’t want you to die or anything. You were shaking and crying and everyone was all just sitting there, not knowing what to up and do. It was the opposite of a miracle. But maybe the fact that you’re not dead is a miracle and whatever god exists kept you alive for us. I’m motherfuckin’ happy about that. I’d miss you if you were dead. I think everybody would, even if they pretend they wouldn’t.”

Gamzee then punctuates his profound statement with a soft belch and he gives you a watery, peaceful smile, close-lipped, with his eyes shut. You return the smile, though yours is more strained than his because god just stop fucking talking about it.You get it. You don’t really want to be dead anymore but you wish everyone would stop reminding you of it. You want to forget as much as anybody else. You never wanted everyone to see you, shaking on the floor, eyes rolled up into the back of your head with foam oozing from between your lips all over your white tanktop, staining it pink. You want to forget. You want to forget Feferi screaming and and Sollux saying, hush, hush, FF, it’s okay, and Dave’s tears dribbling onto your face and getting into your mouth. They were salty on your numb tongue.

Gamzee’s hand begins to snake down the front of his sweatpants and you decide to leave before this gets awkward. You abandon Gamzee and trip on your way to the stairs, which you clamber up, on your way to Feferi’s second story bathroom. You don’t have to go, you just want to inspect Feferi’s mom’s medicine cabinet, see if she’s gotten anything new since the last time you were here, before. Before. Before you took John’s grandmother’s pills out of the kitchen and fell on the floor and Feferi screamed and Dave cried and Karkat crooned in your ear and you felt more loved than you ever had before, which was bullshit because of course everyone loves you when you try to die.

She doesn’t have anything new, you note with mild disappointment, pocketing some old pills that haven’t been touched since the last time you were here. You read the label before hiding them. Oxytocin. Pain pills. You shove it, along with your hands into your oversized maroon jacket, and just in time too, because the door you were certain you locked opens to your right. You turn and meet an abashed-looking Tavros, his face alcohol and embarrassment-flushed.

“Oh, I didn’t realize that anybody would be in here. I just needed to, um, well, yeah, you know.” He stumbles over his words and looks flustered, so you smile at him.

“Oh, that’s alright, I was just leaving.” You grab a tiny white paper cup, designed for mouthwash and fill it with water before exiting the bathroom, brushing past Tavros’s shoulder. He closes the door and you pull out the pills and take two with the shot of water you have. You aren’t addicted to popping pills, but it is an outstanding interest of yours. You wait a few minutes and then you feel fuzzy and it’s a bit like you’re walking on the ceiling as you trample down the hallway. You walk back down the stairs on watery legs, trying admirably not to fall on your face, which you don’t.

You walk to the kitchen, where Vriska is leaning with her back and elbows resting against the counter. Terezi and John are with her and you notice them eye you suspiciously as you open up all of the cabinets and count the cans inside.

“Hungry?” John asks, voice shaking a little bit. You remember seeing him, driving the car, speeding down the freeway, pedal to the metal. He kept frantically glancing back at you, blue eyes enormous, even more so than usual. Hs too-large front teeth were worrying his bottom lip and his knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel. You know why his voice is shaking. You’re starting to get tired of this.

“No.”

“What’re you doing then?”

“Counting.”

“Okay,” he says, sounding uneasy. God, why can’t people just stop being fucking worried about you? Why does John have to quirk his perfectly arched and adorable eyebrows at you like that? Why does he have to bite his lip and why does goddamn Vriska of all people look worried about you? You know perfectly well the reason why, but you don’t care. You don’t care that they all saw you. That everyone knows. You couldn’t care less.

You exist through the backdoor in the kitchen because you need some air, jesus. You can’t stand the way they all look at you, with such pity and fear. It was a mistake and you’ll never live it down because you scared everybody shitless. You take a deep breath of untainted air and somebody sighs right after you exhale. What the hell?

“What the hell?” You glance around and huddled at your feet is Eridan, his floral short-sleeve button down too tight in the arms. He’s wearing slacks too, which is such an Eridan thing to do and you are filled with an overwhelming surge of affection toward your friend. This is all he is, your friend. Your friend that might fuck you later, according to Sollux.

You flop down next to him. He doesn’t react, just takes a long sip from his red plastic cup. It’s probably beer, which you’re sure upsets his sensitive palette but he’s actively not complaining in dramatic, emotional theatrics for once so you don’t question it.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What’re you doing out here, ‘Dan?”

“Everywhere else was full.” It’s true. All of your friends are rambunctiously partying in every corner of Feferi’s party. Except the bedrooms, you suppose. But maybe Feferi and Sollux have already made their way there, you know they will eventually and Feferi will call you tomorrow and tell you all about it. You know every detail of her sex life. She knows every detail of yours and while you are always supportive, sometimes she frowns at you and shakes her head.

“Ah.”

You’re both silent for awhile, the only sounds being of your breath and Eridan sipping his beer solemnly and yet, delicately. Feferi has a trampoline in her backyard and you haven’t jumped around and just had fun in god knows how long so you get up and offer your hand to Eridan. He accepts, although with a cocked eyebrow, and his hand still firmly in yours, you guide him to the trampoline.

“Really, Y/N? You wanna play on the goddamn trampoline? That’s fairly, just, it’s juvenile, don’t you think?”

“Yes, absolutely.” And you take off your shoes and fling your body onto the black netting and bounce a few times. Eridan hesitantly follows you.

“What if someone sees us?”

“Let them. We’re young and you’re drunk and I want to fly,” you say, leaping into the air and coming down with a spring. Eridan doesn’t jump at first, not until you grab his sleeve and tug on it and oh, Danny, I’m having so much fun, I’m flying, this is like the fucking Notebook, I’m a fucking bird, tell me I’m a bird like the Notebook. You’re laughing hysterically at yourself and Eridan is fucking giggling at you and then he starts jumping too and you dance in circles with only the soundtrack of summer cicadas to keep a melody. You grab his hands and his fingers twine with yours and suddenly he’s falling and you’re bouncing your back against the trampoline, narrowly avoiding hitting your head as Eridan lands on top of you and bounces off but only after squishing the life out of you.

You’re laughing so hard no sound is coming out and you’re gasping and so is he and you grab his hand from where he’s laying beside you.

You look up at the stars. You haven’t seen the stars in over six weeks. You missed them.

“So, how are you, Y/N? I’m sure sorry that I couldn’t come an’ visit you.” You do the best shrug you can while lying down.

“Nobody was allowed to visit me, except in the ER.”

“Still, I should’ve come. Fef went. John went.”

“They’re the only ones that did.”

“Really?” His voice is incredulous.

“Everyone texted. Until I had to go to the psych ward. Then I wasn’t allowed texts anymore.”

“Yeah, I know.”

You don’t want to be sad anymore so you change the subject.

“Eridan?”

“Hm?”

“Are you going to fuck me later?” He chokes, a loud spluttering cough, and jerks up to lay on his arm, staring down at you.

“What?!”

“Sollux told me that you were going to.”

“God, oh fuck, he told me-he-he said-he told me you didn’t know!”

“I know.”

“Well, I know that now!”

“It’s okay. If you want to, I’m okay with it.”

“Okay with what?”

“You fucking me.”

His face flared red, which was a feat in and of itself because his skin was soft brown. He looked beautiful in the starlight: his eyes, a gorgeous golden-hazel with long, dark lashes, his nose sturdy and strong, his lips fairly thick and soft and most especially the freckle he had, on the left corner of his bottom lip. His hair fell in his face, dark brown and highlighted by a thick bleached streak in the front. He wasn’t just pretty, not just beautiful, he was gorgeous. You wouldn’t mind snagging his virginity. Not one bit.

“I don’t think-I mean-well-I-I-I want to but I just think that maybe we should wait on that.”

“Okay,” you say, staring into his eyes, fighting down a pang of disappointment, “But if Sollux asks, you can say you did.”

His eyes narrow a bit and then he’s nervously looking at anything but you.

“But I wanted to know. Could you, maybe-I don’t-just-kiss me?” You smile, a full grin with teeth showing an everything.

“Yes, Eridan.”

And then you get up to your knees and pull him up to meet you and your lips are together and his lips are soft, a bit firmer than you imagined, and they’re clumsy and he accidentally clips your teeth together. You wrap an arm over his shoulder and he puts his hands at your small waist, pressing on your hips with his fingertips. You reach your other hand down and take his. You guide it over your breast and his whole body stiffens. His fingers begin to itch around and grope at the soft flesh under his hand and you slip your lips down to his neck. He makes a noise that is a cross between a purr and a croon and you push him down beneath you. The two of you break apart and he stares up at you, fingers touching his swollen bottom lip like he can’t believe what just happened. You realize suddenly that you just bagged his first kiss. You gently kiss his cheek and roll off of his abdomen.

When you wake up in the morning, you’re inside on the couch with Eridan spooned up behind you. A shirtless Equius lays across the floor with Nepeta’s head on his belly. Terezi’s legs are sprawled across her chest. Everyone else is still asleep but you can feel Eridan start to stir behind you. He nuzzles into the crook of your neck and mumbles a quiet good morning into the skin.

“Morning.”

“Mm.”

“Eridan?”

“Hm?”

“Your stiffy’s digging into my back.”

“M’sorry.”

“S’okay.”

[catgirlweed]

I'm excited when Rosemary is finally sunk once and for all. It's a toxic ship.

Karkalicious

Broadway Karkat

This song is one of many songs sung by Broadway Karkat/cantabileGato. She sings the song as Karkat…read more »

 37.8K

 1

KARKALICIOUS LYRICS

[Intro]

Four, three, two, fuck you

Listen up y'all, this shit is ironic

Strider's beats are best suited to trolls hooked on phonics!

[Verse 1]

Karkalicious: definition, makes Terezi loco

She wants to know the secrets that she can't taste in my photo

Dyin' just to know the flavor

I ain't doin' her no favors

No reasons why I tease

Her flush just comes and goes like seasons

(Four, three, two, Fuck you)

[Chorus]

I'm karkalicious (so delicious)

No, I don't do kismesis

And if you read any fanfics

All that shit is fictitious

I blow kisses (mwah!)

Don't matter if we're just moirails

Trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail

So delicious (super sweet)

So delicious (fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)

So delicious (even Egbert wants a piece of me)

I'm karkalicious (l-l-l-l-like candy, candy)

[Interlude]

Karkalicious def-

Karkalicious def-

Goddammit, Doc Scratch stop fucking around with my mic-

[Verse 2]

Karkalicious definition makes the shippers crazy

Nepeta's always squealin', cutesy pet names like karkitty

I'm the k to the a, r, k, the a, the t

And the majority of pairings had better include me

[Chorus]

I'm karkalicious (so delicious)

My body stays vicious

All the highbloods feelin' nervous 'cuz I'm doing some fitness

Zahhak's my witness (whistle)

Bet that ship curls Nepeta's tail

And he'll be needing all the towels 'cuz I'mma make him sweat pails

So delicious (super sweet)

So delicious (fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)

So delicious (even Egbert wants a piece of me)

I'm karkalicious (now you nooksuckers hold the fuck up, check it out)

[Bridge]

Baby, baby, baby

If you really want me

Honey get some patience

Maybe then you'll get a taste

I'll be tasty, tasty

I'll be laced with lacy

It's so tasty, tasty

It'll make you crazy

T to the a, to the s-t-e-y - fuckin' tasty, t to the a to the s-t-e-y - fuckin' tasty

D to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s, to the d, to the e, to the, to the--

I'll just spell it out for you

All the time I turn around trolls gather round always sniffin' at me, wanna guess the color of my blood

I just wanna say it now - I ain't trying to round up any drama, little fucker I just don't want you to know

And I guess I'm coming off as just a little insecure although I keep on repeating how the secret's fucking awesome

But I'm tryin' to tell, it's a secret that I just don't wanna tell

[Chorus]

Terezi says I smell...

Delicious (so delicious)

No, I don't do kismesis

And if you read any fanfics

All that shit is fictitious

I blow kisses (mwah!)

Don't matter if we're just moirails

Trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail

My body stays vicious

Zahhak's been feeling nervous 'cuz I got down to business

Nepeta's my witness (meow~!)

I'll even let her first ship sail

Just watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail

[Extended Chorus]

So delicious (eridan, see)

So delicious (you can trust me)

So delicious (I'll help you be)

I'm karkalicious, l-l-like candy, candy

It's so delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)

So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)

So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)

I'm karkalicious, (she says my blood is like candy, candy)

[Outro]

T to the a, to the s-t-e-y - fuckin' tasty, t to the a to the s-t-e-y - fuckin' tasty

D to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s

T to the a, to the s t e y - fuckin' tasty. T to the a, to the, to the, to the, to the

To the d to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s

To the d to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s

To the d to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s to the d, to the e, to the...now, wait just a motherfuckin' second

[Outro Interlude]

Do I seriously have to spell this shit until the end of the fucking song?

I mean, whoever fucking wrote the original never had access to spellcheck I guess

Because t-a-s-t-e-y does not spell tasty. Was this fergie douchemuffin illiterate or something?

What do you mean human rap artists are the only ones brave enough to write their own grammatical train wrecks and call it music!? What the fuck even is Will Smith doing?

He doesn't throw down sick fires anymore!?

Fuck this shit, I quit!

[Instrumental Outro]

[davepetea]

You go to push up your own sunglasses in one of those weird subconscious mimicking things you two do. But you aren't wearing any, so you just look at your empty hand like it betrayed you. "Yeah we fucked Karkat, we established that. We're consenting adults." Damn that could be a pun, 'cawnsenting'... Not right now though. No puns while you're trying to be serious. It's bad enough that you can't stop the pronounced, sometimes slightly longer, 'rrr' sound whenever you say a word with an R in it. Dave hates that, but you can't help it. It's an accent, or speech pattern, that Nepeta grew up with, and now you've inherited it along with Dave's sort-of-cockney accent, to make some weird, awkward, speech patterns, and alot of badly pronounced words. "What's wrong with that? Neither of us are dating anyone. Not like that anyway." Karkat 1.0 had, at first sight, thought the two of you were just cuddled up together in a more pale embrace, and that the scandal was you cheating on Sollux, before he realised that under the blanket neither of you were dressed. Then his reaction was relief, then confusion, then shock, then he remembered that he was still stood there staring at the two of you in bed together, and he ran out of the room, his face flushed, leaving you giggling and Karkat 2.0 pulling on his boxers to go chase after him and... Assure him? Explain? You don't know. You also genuinely don't know what Dave's issue is. Perhaps you're just clueless.

>You nudge your shades up your nose and lean back. Just far enough to be out of their space. And them out of yours. You stare at the shelves for a minute. Thinking. "Yeah I'm bothered. And if you don't get why I'm surprised." Your turn back to face them straight on. If they really were a cat this would be a sign of aggression. But they're not really a cat, are they. "You fucked... Karkat."

[caledfwlchthat]

Characters:  John Egbert, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas Ships:  John/Dave/Karkat, John/Dave, Dave/Karkat, John/Karkat Other Tags:  Post-Retcon Meteor, Dream Bubbles, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Xenophobia, Closets, Coming Out, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Troll/Human Sloppy Makeouts, Polyamory Negotiations, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Fat Vriska Jokes, Unreliable Narrator, References to Depression Rating:  Not Rated

Hi followers, now that Polyswap reveals are out (a few days ago now), I can fess up to writing this 20 kw JohnDaveKat thing about making out in literal supply closets, that I wrote for @cassandraooc (check out her art and AO3, she’s tops!).  Shout-out also to @katreal-fic for her help as a sounding board and general pompoms while I was writing this.

R^4 fans:  this was my May/June, I have not forgotten you!  But if you like all the dream bubble romance and the awkward poly negotiations Rose and Kanaya have been having about Dave, you might give this one a look too.

Process discussion (as best as I can recall it) under the cut, as with other swap assignments I’ve done, for anyone who’s interested in the (long, spoilery) story of what the hell I was thinking exactly when I wrote this thing.

So my giftee’s prompts were -- by her own admission -- written in a bit of a sleep-deprived haze (I had to laugh as I read them, haven’t we all been there at some point, I know I lost some sleep over mine).  We were each required to provide between three and six prompts for polyships (3-6 characters each) that we wanted to see depicted in gift fic or art.  Cassandra’s OT3 was JohnDaveKat, which sported a string of elaborate sub-prompts (“medievalstuck!”, “soulmates!”, “haunted house!”, etc.) -- along with an invite to not use any of those and just write whatever I felt like.  Other prompts for Dave/Sollux/Karkat, Jane/Callie/Roxy, and Rose/Kanaya/Jade were basically completely open-ended.

I’m trying to remember exactly how I seized upon the idea I ended up executing.  Although some of my other works feature polyships, such as Kankatrezi (The Cafe Mocha Caper) and Daverosemary (foreshadowed in R^4), the process of how they got together is important for me in ways that I don’t care about as much for canon ships.  I felt some resistance to just picking one of the ships and starting to write it as if it was already established.  Also, people who know my writing know that I like to stick close to in-game or post-game AUs, or at least the broader Homestuck setting, rather than non-game AUs or other settings that remove the characters from the context that made them who we recognize them to be.  So I was going to need some runway and a satisfying premise to run along it with.  But by golly, if Cassandra wanted JohnDaveKat, she was gonna get JohnDaveKat.

The JohnDaveKat prompt I personally found most hilarious and awesome was

John gets turned into a Trickster, and finds Karkat and Dave. In the ensuing candy fueled mess, a lot of pent up emotions and secret crushes get revealed, including Dave realizing and admitting that John was probably his first crush on another boy though he was in denial at the time, and Karkat admitting that his own pitch crush for John never went away. (For his part, John finds out that he might, in fact, be a bit of a homosexual.)

Another JohnDaveKat prompt that turned out to figure in heavily later with the work I ended up producing was

John decides to surprise Dave and Karkat with a visit, only to find them already *quite* busy. Before he can think of what to do or do enough thinking at all to leave, he gets caught, and Dave notices evidence of interest, knows Karkat's still got some pitch feelings, and has some of his own, suggests maybe John stay a bit and they talk over some things and maybe do other stuff later too.

Going with Earth C could also bring the Epilogues material into play, and I briefly toyed with an Epilogues-related scenario that could score multiple polyships at once, before remembering that the Epilogues are hugely polarizing and maybe I want to be double sure about my giftee before giving them such a gift in a fan swap.  A combination of Tumblr-stalking, re-reading the prompts and discreet inquiries showed that my idea wasn’t going to work, largely because Ultimate Dirk is a legendary piece of shit and his presence over against End-Of-Act-7 Dirk would cause real friction with Cassandra’s requests -- which leaned fluffy and offered bonus points for “DirkJake” and “Dirk and Dave being good bros who love each other”.  Maybe I could have just done something similar in a separate Earth C AU without a lot of the Epilogues baggage, but by that point the specific discarded spin on the idea had so thoroughly colonized my brain that I just had to ease the whole thing carefully onto the shelf.  I’d still be keen to write that other fic sometime.  Just not for this particular fill.

So, I took a break for a few days before revisiting the prompt and asking what else I could do.  When I think of John, Dave, and Karkat together, my mind goes immediately back to the “EVERYBODY STFU, I HATE YOU BOTH ETC” memo, in which Karkat tries to dissuade Dave and John from encouraging Terezi’s and Vriska’s flirtations, respectively.  This convo is burned into my head because I’ve VA’ed it -- I draw a lot of inspiration for character dialogue from the time I’ve spent doing goofy voiceovers for them.  And there is a lot of grist for the mill here:  Karkat alluding to his pitch crush on John, Dave making fun of Karkat for being gay (while not realizing or admitting how he might be projecting), John being totally clueless about whether he’s attracted to Vriska.  All of these are compatible with the “pent-up emotions and secret crushes” Cassandra asked for, and favors Dave <3 Karkat <3< John as a baseline.

Now, one of the reasons I love writing dream bubble fic is because I am fundamentally lazy.  I can basically use any canon Homestuck pesterlog as a prompt and run with it.  So that’s what I did here.  In the moment that they realize that it’s a dream, the participants are forced to reckon with the way dream bubbles respond to their innermost thoughts.  Deep desires manifest in weird ways; emotional distances contract, go non-Euclidean.  Despite this, the association with dreams simultaneously offer a layer of abstraction or remove to Dave and Karkat -- allowing them to access and slake those deep desires without having to take responsibility for it, either with themselves or each other, during waking hours.  In that sense, John opening the closet is like walking in on them a second time -- the dream bubble itself is their main outer closet, and they already know the jig is up when John diverts the pesterlog down Memory Lane.  This then raises the question of whether they might have wanted John to discover them, deep down?  Perhaps John’s convenient remembering is a sort of wish-fulfillment dream summoning.

From there I already sort of had the fic’s contours and decided it would be best written from John’s POV.  The other nice thing about the dream bubble setting was that it let John participate even during the meteor journey, when Dave and Karkat must have been messing around trying to reverse-engineer their own sexual preferences.  How gay is Dave, and how troubled is he about it at this point in his history?  How does he feel about John finding out?  Does Karkat somehow have some symmetrical hangups that leave him struggling as much as Dave, or is he just a giant crab?  (The literal vs metaphorical closet thing was accidental at first, but once I discovered that I ran hard with it.)

There were still some problems I struggled with, such as how to get John to fall for Karkat pitch-ways when he’s said in canon that he isn’t gay, and when Karkat has said in canon that he’s not pitch for John anymore.  The second problem is easily dispatched by pointing out that Karkat isn’t a reliable narrator of his own preferences, by construction.  As for the first -- John might be no Casanova, but he loves his friends and is fiercely loyal to them, and he also saves his anger for either really important moments (like his GAME OVER fight with Caliborn) or utterly trivial moments (like Con Air not being as good as he thought).  This seemed like a good place for the former.  Once that was laid out, the trio coalesced nicely -- Dave and Karkat need John to keep them honest, and John needs Dave and Karkat to keep him anchored.  John <> Dave and Dave c3< (John <3< Karkat) were dynamics that just showed up on their own.

The interpretation of the ending is left open, but the other difficulty I left unresolved is the timeline mismatch between pre-retcon and post-retcon, and the question of which John it was exactly that showed up in Dave and Karkat’s shared dream.  Pre-retcon Davekat didn’t happen because Dave and Karkat were fighting over Terezi, but post-retcon John died in the explosion of LOWAS and couldn’t live happily ever after having so gloriously enabled post-retcon Davekat.  And I wanted them to live happily ever after.  The two most obvious interpretations I could think of were (a) the three are all on Earth C and dreaming together of each other -- or, more poignantly, (b) pre-retcon John is starting to integrate some of post-retcon dead!John’s memories.  The second possibility leads in the direction of Ultimate John (what would that even be?) so I made sure to place the ending in a time frame that gives the Epilogues a miss -- although the background DirkJake also signals that this is probably an AU that diverges after the ACT 7 victory.

All in all this was really fun to write!  There were lots of other great prompts in the collection, but the ones that grabbed me looked like they would spawn more 20-30 kw novellas and I need to get back to my poor neglected serial!  I’m looking forward to making my way through the treats that others posted, eventually adding some of my own, and of course going through Cassandra’s other stuff.  (Maybe that awesome fantroll Friendsim project will be the next thing to eat my life after this.)

[cerulean8looded]

Tavros?

favorite thing about themWhen he starts trying to be more confident and stuff and decides the best way to go about this is to disagree with everything Vriska says? Iconic. I also love the fact that he has an imaginary friend to help him with his confidence, because I also have that. Also he’s just a really cool guy in general.

.

least favorite thing about them

He gives me a lot of secondhand embarrassment in that dancing scene after he brings the whole army back and shit. I just cringe every time I read it.

.

favorite line

okay i know these are whole interactions but shh

AT: yOU SAID, yES, iT DID BLOW UP, aND YOU TALKED TO HIM, AT: aND, uHHH, AT: tHEN YOU SAID HE WAS ACTUALLY A PRETTY NICE GUY, wHICH i THOUGHT WAS WEIRD, GG: is he not a nice guy? AT: nOT, rEALLY,

and 

AT: oKAYYYY, mY BROMO SAPIEN, AT: r U READY, AT: tO GET STRAIGHT IN, FLAT DOWN, BROAD SIDE, SCHOOL FED UP THE BONE BULGE, AT: bY A DOPE SMACKED, TRINKED OUT, SMOTHER FUDGING, AT: tROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, TG: dont care AT: oK, lET ME, AT: oRGANIZE MY NOTES HERE, AT: oKAYYY, AT: (tURN ON SOME STRICT BEATS MAYBE, iT WILL HELP TO LISTEN TO THEM WHILE i DESTROY YOU,)

are both great (the dave one especially, that whole page rocks)

.

brOTP

AraTav, JadeTav, DaveTav, TavKat

.

OTP

DaveTav, flush GamTav, pitch NepTav

.

nOTP

Nitramcest p much goes without saying. Other than that, idk. I used to hate TaVris a lot, but I’ve kinda warmed up to it as a concept though I don’t really ship it.

.

random headcanon

He can and will carry his smaller friends on his horns (especially karkat) and sometimes he’ll turn around too fast and just fucking slam someone taller than him straight over his horn (usually gamzee because he never moves out of the way in time. he usually just dangles there till tavros makes him get down.)

.

unpopular opinion

I don’t really know any opinions I have about Tavros that would be considered unpopular? So I’m gonna change the subject to Tavros Crocker and say that he’s the only good thing to come out of the epilogues and also he’s my son

.

song i associate with them

Not to be a basic bitch but Lost Boy - Ruth B

.

favorite picture of them

I know I said this scene makes me cringe but also. It’s cute

[solarianradiance]

How does johnXporrim would work ?

EB: so what do you like to do exactly? like what are your hobbies and stuff?

Porrim: My ho+bbies?

Porrim: Well, I enjo+y the co+mpany of o+thers that I like~

EB: oh you mean like board games and stuff?!

Porrim: That to+o+o+o+o+, but im talking abo+ut mo+re perso+nal things. Things two+ o+r mo+re adults engage in.

EB: …extreme flarping?

Porrim: Kid, im talking abo+ut filling my quadrants. Y’kno+w, intimacy?

EB: …like holding hands together?

Porrim: …

Porrim: ^^^

EB: OH!

EB: hahahahaha! ok i get what you mean! thats a pretty great activity to engage in!

EB: well actually, if im honest, i kinda had the idea that you sort of did that, but i didnt want to assume thats all you did. it would be pretty rude of me to just go off on you being a sexy vampire lady and what i heard about you.

Porrim: Well, I fo+r o+ne appreciate that yo+u see me as mo+re than just a ��sexy campfire lady” and wanting to+ get to+ kno+w me better fo+r so+mething besides that!!. And do+nt wo+rry abo+ut the go+ssip, because mo+st o+f its true, at least the mo+re mundane stuff!

Porrim: But serio+usly, im glad yo+u’re well adjusted eno+ugh o+n the to+pic and no+t ano+ther Cro+nus o+r Kankri. I just do+nt want additio+nal headache in fo+rm o+f a desperate lo+ser o+r a sanctimo+nio+us twerp with intimacy issues bagging o+n me.

EB: kankri? the karkat with the nice red sweater who wont shut up?

Porrim: Yes, that Karkat with the nice red sweater that wo+nt ever shut up. The nice red sweater I made him and he whines o+ver. The Karkat in the nice red sweater that claims to+ be celibate and rebuffs all advances…

Porrim: Even pale plato+nic o+nes! I swear that lil red shit do+es it to+ get under my skin specifically!

====

They get along quite nicely, going between ♦pale♦ and ♥flushed♥. Friends with benefits. They wouldnt hang out too much considering they have different interests, but if either of them wants something different, they can go to each other for a good time, both Platonicly and intimately~

It would go ♠Pitched♠ once John starts pulling jokes on her, especially of the messy variety where she has to clean her self. The sticky sugar from the pies would get under her skin… and in her hair.

I think she would often suggest a threesome with Kanaya or Rose, or a probably both in a foursome.

[glubbity-moved]

broadway karkat

Four, three, two, fuck you.

Listen up y'all, this shit is ironic--Strider's beats are best suited to trolls hooked on phonix!

Karkalicious definition makes terezi locoShe wants to know the secrets that she can't taste in my photo.Dyin' just to know the flavorI ain't doin' her no favorsNo reasons why I teaseHer flush just comes and goes like seasons.

I'm karkalicious (so delicious)No, I don't do kismesis.And if you read any fanficsAll that shit is fictitious.I blow kisses (mwah!)Don't matter if we're just moiraillsTrolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail(Four, three, two, fuck you.)

So delicious (super sweet)So delicious (fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)So delicious (even egbert wants a piece o' me)I'm karkalicious (l-l-l-l-like candy, candy)

Karkalicious def-,Karkalicious def-,Karkalicious def- (goddammit, doc scratch, stop fucking around with my mic-)Karkalicious definition makes the shippers crazy.Nepeta's always squealin'Cutesy pet names like karkittyI'm the k to the a, r, k, the a, the t,And the majority of pairings had better include me

I'm karkalicious (so delicious)My body stays viciousAll the highbloods feelin' nervous 'cuz I'm doing some fitnessZahhak's my witness (*whistle*)Bet that ship curls nepeta's tailAnd he'll be needing all the towels 'cuz I'mma make him sweat pails(Four, three, two, fuck you.)

So delicious (super sweet)So delicious (fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)So delicious (even egbert wants a piece o' me)I'm karkalicious (now you nooksuckers hold the fuck up, check it out)

Baby, baby, baby,If you really want me,Honey get some patience.Maybe then you'll get a taste.I'll be tasty, tasty,I'll be laced with lacy,It's so tasty, tasty,It'll make you crazy.

T to the a, to the s t y - fuckin' tasty, t to the a to the s t y - fuckin' tastyD to the e, to the l I c I o u s, to the d, to the e, to the, to the, to the--

I'll just spell it out for you!

All the time I turn around trolls gather round always sniffin' at me, wanna guess the

Color of my blood.I just wanna say it now - I ain't trying to round up any drama, little fucker I just don't want

You to know.And I guess I'm coming off as just a little insecure although I keep on repeating how the

Secret's fucking awesome.But I'm tryin' to tell, it's a secret that I just don't wanna tell.Terezi says I smell...

Delicious (so delicious)No, I don't do kismesis.And if you read any fanficsAll that shit is fictitious.I blow kisses (mwah!)Don't matter if we're just moiraillsTrolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail

Four, three, two, fuck you.My body stays viciousZahhak's been feeling nervous 'cuz I got down to businessNepeta's my witness (meow~!)I'll even let her first ship sailJust watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail

So delicious (eridan, see)So delicious (you can trust me)So delicious (I'll help you be)I'm karkalicious, l-l-like candy, candyIt's so delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)I'm karkalicious, (she says my blood is like candy, candy)

T to the a, to the s t y - fuckin' tasty. T to the a, to the s t y - fuckin'tastyT to the a, to the s t y - fuckin' tasty. T to the a, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the,D to the e, to the l I c I o u s, to the d, to the, e to the, l I c I o u s, to theD to the e, to the l I c I o u s, to the d, to the e, to the--

Now, wait just a motherfucking second!

Do I seriously have to spell this shit until the end of the fucking song?

I mean, whoever fucking wrote the original never had access to spellcheck I guess

Because t-a-s-t-e-y does not spell tasty. Was this fergie douchemuffin illiterate or

Something?

What do you mean human rap artists are the only ones brave enough to write their own

Grammatical trainwrecks and call it music!? What the fuck even is will smith doing?

He doesn't throw down sick fires anymore!?

Fuck this shit, I quit.

[xx420pussydestroyerxx]

Dirk kin memories

I was particularly scene shifted when some of this was written, just bare with the weird quirk talk okay.

Dis is all earth C shit bare w/ me. TW: Alcoholism, panic attacks, trigger talk/learning, depression, repressed gender dysphoria, some sex mentions

Rose n Roxy both had trouble w/ drinkin, Roxy more a constant state on tipsy, where as Rose would be sober for a few days binge one nite, sleep it off, repeat. Once they got out of da game they really bonded. Mayb bein opposites really helped. They had a packed going, if one drank so did the other. Cos they wanted the other 2 get better, they would try not drink themself.

There were relapses of course. A couple months in, Roxy had a bad nite n forgot abt da pack till 3 drinks in n just started cry typing till Rose showed up. She felt so bad, but they end up bonding n cookin dinner together, Roxy mixed Rose’s drinkz. One inspired by Dave n Karkat’s budding romance dat waz bright red. Dis led 2 a Classic Kat Rant™ abt not bullying him 4 his blood colour, n then joke abt Kan, which just ended in Kar banned himself. Da 2nd drink waz mixed with OJ n delicated 2 me. Da last waz some pinkie-purple 4 drink representing da 2 of them.

Hal got his own body, bulit with the help of Equ, whom I got to know better because of. For some reason he’d never seen MLP:FIM nor Troll MLP:FIM, but by the time of we started living together, dat shit was looping 24/7. I don’t think we always lived together, but we defs did r a while @ some point.

Okay so this is an add-on. We dated. Some good old fashion boyfriends. Shared love for robots and horses n taste in kinks. I think Equ had always crave a kind of relationship that didn’t reflect the quadrants so he didn’t stress too hard abt our relationship. Like it’s was pretty close to flush. But more caring in a way human romance and pale is. But also, we were both pretty competitive so it had elements of pitch. All and all it worked well for us. I know it.

I'm sure I slept with Eridan @ some point

I also ended up spending alot of time around Nep, just she followed her meowrail around alot. She was chill. I ended up making a pony fursona w/ her. Which is how I end up bonding with Jade too. She was Hella chill n dated davepeta who was like Hella awesome, an honorary Strider indeed.

We - Nep, Equ, Jade and myself, were a great squad. We spent alot of time together. Jade n nepeta loved hunting together. Me n Equ loved buliding together. We all loved work on fursonas together. I deffs tried my hands at making fursuits as already had my skills from making puppets. Very similar skills. Dave did in fact join in on the fursona making a few times. But not often.

June came out aftr da game, lik da game happed so she accidentally repressed all her gender shit. So post game she waz lik so fucking depressed 4 a while. Like everypony was, but June doublely so. Hangin w/ June was cool n her taste in movies was as shit as her brothers.

I didn’t do well having more than like 3 other people in a room @ a time. I couldn’t talk if it wasnt 4 gift of gab, even then, it felt a unatural 4 me, so most of da time I tended to stick to signing or texting. #SemiMuteGang.

Me n Dave were plenty close too. I managed 2 show him Alpha!Dave’s movies, he ended up making his own, w/ a home movie style spin, n way more trolls. I always hid my puppet shit when he came over because we all (himself included) realised that shit waz a trigger. Jade learnt the lesson of don’t TP 2 mai house w/o warnin when she zapped in w/ Dave straight into my puppet pile I had set up 4 repair day. Jade did not 4give herself 4 da panic attack she caused Dave, but some lesson must be learnt da hard way.

You would think @ some point I would have stopped opening emails addressed from Rox n Sol, but no matter how many different ways they Rick rolled me, I continued to open em.

I’m sure Sol, Rox, Equ and I all worked on tech projects together. I’m sure us four would have been the key people for setting up Earth C’s internet initially. Which I’m sure was fucking frustrating beyond all belief.

Also given I keep hearing him, let’s talk Ult!Dirk n timelines. Just we weren’t alpha time line doesn’t make out happy ending less important. I took the promise I made to grow as a person to heart and I motherfucking healed and was able to have a boyfriend I didn’t coerce (Jake realised he was aro n everyone was better off for it) I don’t remember how, but we got everyone back. Dancestors, the dead beta trolls. Anyone who wanted a chance on earth C got it. Sometimes there was more than one version of a person running around. There was a Sollux that lived on earth C, but I met one that lived in space with Aradia. Ult!Dirk sure as fuck visited my time line. But I am one of the very few version of me that didn't give a shit abt what he had to say.

There was a Caliborn on my Earth C. He wasn't my Original Caliborn. He was one of the few that didn't end up be Lord English. The power of friendship made him a slightly better person. Which doom his time line so he absconded, he felt kinda bad abt dooming his time line which is why he left. He said he picked ours cos we were much like his timeline, memory n personality wise. I mean, he was still pretty bad sometimes, but we literally had eternity to all become better people. I was disappointed when he realised he was ace cos I was looking forward to working with more alien dick.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

DIZZY: um anyway DAVE: as yizzou can see ive bizzeen mackin' probably way too mizzay tiznime wit trolls

JOHN: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. ha ha.

DIZZAY: it meszes wit yizzou DAVE: gets yizzy thinkizzle 'bout... stuff DAVE: yizzy know?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN fo yo bitch ass: i ciznan imagine. JOHN ya feelin' me? i thizzle life was a lot mizzy bor'n on tha sizzy. JOHN: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. bizzay we talked 'bout y-aw a lot dogg! JOHN: we would always wonda hizzle you n roze were managizzle ta git along wit all thoze crazy trolls. JOHN: i thizzle mostly we pictured a lot of arguments. Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

DAVE: thats not tizzle far off

JIZZAY: i'm still gett'n uze' ta hav'n such insane, limitlizzles powers that let me go anywhere i want... JOHN ta help you tap dat ass: it tempt'n to go ta tizzay periods like yours and fizzind out whiznat i misze' ya dig? JIZZOHN so you betta run and grab yo glock: but i don't wiznant ta mess wit too much anymizzle, since it seems like i gots tha time lizzay ta a funky ass stizzay place as it be. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: so i guess i just hizzy ta do what any regulizzle homey dizzy, n imizzle fondlizzle what it wizzy be L-to-tha-izzike if i gots ta trizzle wit you G-to-tha-izzuys. JIZZY: i wonda if i would have gizzle like... absorbed 'n trizzle culture tizzle? or troll W-to-tha-izzays of pimpin'.

DIZZAVE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. its really inevitable DIZZAVE thats off tha hook yo: yiznou pick up tha lingo tizzy pick up yours DIZNAVE sho nuff: its like a stupid cultural melange afta a whizzle thizzat barely makes anizzle senze from eitha frame of refizzle

JOHN: i poser if i W-to-tha-izzould hizzy learned ta understand black romizzle? Drop it like its hot. JOHN: it S-to-tha-izzuch a goofy idea, but it sizzay pretty important ta trolls in tha mutha fuckin club.

DIZNAVE: they tizzake all they quadrants P-R-E-Double-Tizzy seriously tbh

JIZZAY: yeah upside yo head. JIZZOHN like a tru playa': years ago whiznen we first mizzay tha trolls, i rememba bein pretty fascinated by all our cultural differences, whizzay karkat n vriska were mobbin' me 'bout tizzy fo all my homies in the pen. JIZZY droppin hits: i rememba reallizzle sincerely try'n ta understand it all friznom they point of vizzy! it hizzle though cuz its a doggy dog world. JIZZOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. i still T-H-to-tha-izzink 'bout tha idea of black romance sometimes, n try ta imagine how that really works... or "feels"... i dizzon't K-N-to-tha-izzow. JOHN: d-ya understand it?

DIZZAY: yeah ive spent enizzle time talkin 'bout it whizzere i think i "git it" but DIZZAVE: ive neva had cauze or anizzle rizzeal inclination ta put it into practice or nothin' trippin'

JOHN: mainly the idizzle of sippin' somebody, n translat'n thizzat into attractizzle, or some kind of romancey rhymin' so show some love, niggaz! it feels so alizzle ta me with my forty-fo' mag. JOHN: n yoe R-to-tha-izzight, i have a reallizzle hizzay tiznime even hat'n anyone 'n tha first pliznace!

DAVE: word

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i mizzy, i git ANNOYED by thugz, sure now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe.

DIZZY: lizzle whizzay DAVE now pass the glock: me?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: no, niznot really. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. JIZZY: wizzay, sometimes, but nizzle mizzle. i always tended ta exaggerate mah grievances wit yizzle, fo` tha sake of lizzay. Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

DAVE: hizzle

JIZZAY: a betta exizzle be, more recentlizzle, whizzle i was do'n mah retcon missizzle... Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. JOHN: i was gett'n RIZZLE annoyed wit terezi n ha mind games.

DAVE: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. yuuup

JOHN so you betta run and grab yo glock: it definizzle neva crosze' tha L-to-tha-izzine ta "hizzle" though, coz we were work'n together ta try n fizzix a dire sitizzle, n even though she weird n insane, she otherwize a pretty gizzy nigga. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN but real niggaz don't give a fuck: but all her needl'n and japes at totally inappropriate times, when there wizzas so mizzuch on tha line... JIZNOHN: argh, it was SO FRUSTRATING.

KARKAT: EGBERT, I HAVE NEWS FO` YOU.

DIZZY so show some love, niggaz! whoa hes B-to-tha-izzack! DAVE: all right side up n everyth'n

KARKIZZLE: I HIZZY YOU WERE TALK'N 'BOUT QUADRIZZLE, SO I DECIDIZZLE TA PAUZE MAH TANTRUM. KARKAT: JOHN, ALL YOE DO'N HERE BE DESCRIB'N THA SUBTLE FEEL'N WHICH PLANT THA SEE' FO` HAV'N A CALIGINOUS CRUSH ON SOMEONE.

JOHN with my forty-fo' mag: whizzat??

KARKAT: YIZZOU HIZZY ME. KIZZLE like a motha fucka: YOU BE NAIVELY STEPPIN' TA STRUGGL'N WIT SOME BLACK FEELIZZLE FO` TEREZI. KARKAT: SO, THIZZERE YIZNOU GO. QUESTION ANSWERED. KARKAT: T-TO-THA-IZZURNS OUT YOU ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF BLIZZLE ROMANCE.

JIZNOHN: n... no! Subscribe nigga, get yo issue.

KARKAT: A FIZZY REBUTTAL. HOWEVA, CONSIDA DIS COUNTERPOINT: Holla! KARKAT: Y... YES???

JIZZAY: but i dizzay HIZZY ha, n i'm sizzle i neva will in tha mutha fuckin club! JOHN: i'm jizzle cruisin' i find ha, lizzy, somizzle annoy'n, n REALLY aggravat'n a lot of tha T-to-tha-izzime, but that it!

KARKAT: Death row 187 4 life. BUT THAT EXACTLIZZLE WHIZZLE THA FEEL'N BE! KARKAT: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. IT DOESN'T START OUT AS FULL BLOWN ANTIPATHY, N IT RARELY EVEN REACHES SIZZLE AN EXTREME LEVEL OF HOSTILITY EVEN SHOT CALLA LONG TIZZLE BLACK RELATIONSHIPS. KARKAT: THERE BE PIZZY TA IT, BUT OTHERWIZE A GENERAL EBB N FLIZZLE TA THA DARK FEEL'N, JUST LIKE WIT FLUSHED RELATIONSHIPS.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ok, but... JOHN: i don't knizzay if i'm express'n myself clearlizzle. JOHN: i fizzle aggravated by killa a lizzle, but thizzay dizzay fully describe... JOHN, chill yo: L-to-tha-izzike, there wizzay thoze "negative" weed-smokin', bizzay also... JOHN: bizzay...

KARKAT: Holla! YEAH, TIZZY IT, RIGHT THERE!!! KIZZLE: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. THA "BIZZAY" BE ALWIZZLE P-TO-THA-IZZART OF IT. KARKAT: WHIZNAT YOE *TRY'N* TA SAY BE, YOU HIZZAD FRUSTRATED, NEGATIVE EMOTIONS TOWARD HER, BIZZY THEY DON'T COMPREHENSIVELY ACCOUNT FO` YO' ATTITIZZLE TOWARD HER. KARKAT: MEAN'N, THIZZERE BE SIZZY WEED-SMOKIN' 'BOUT HA YOU ACTUALLIZZLE LIZZAY, BUT THA NEGATIVE FEEL'N MAKE IT HARD FO` YOU TA PUT YO' PIMP ON THEM, OR EVEN WIZZANT TA ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. KARKIZZLE: THAT BE ABSOLIZZLE STANDARD. WHAT GIZZLE WIZZY IT BE TRIPPIN' A KISMESIS WHO DIDN'T POSSESS QUALITIES YIZZOU ACTUALLY ADMIRED ON SOME LIZZLE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'? KARKAT: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. THAT WIZNOULD BE MACKIN', N IT WIZZOULDN'T EVIZZLE WORK. THERE'D BE NO TIZZLE, NO PUSH N PULL 'N THA TURBULENT EMOTIZZLE LANDSCAPE. THA SUBTLE POSITIVES ADD FUEL TA THA NEGATIVE FEEL'N, OFTEN GIV'N THEM A REASIZZLE TA EXIST AT ALL. THEY INFLAME THIZZAY AGGRAVAT'N FACTORS, REMIND'N YIZZAY DEEP D-TO-THA-IZZOWN HOW MIZZLE YOU WIZZY LIZZIKE N ADMIRE DIS PERSON IF IT WASN'T FO` ALL THIZZAY CHILLIN' FLIZZAWS, N THA INCRIZZLE SENZE OF FRUSTRATION THIZZAT CAUZES ALIZZLE WIT ALL THE ASSOCIZZLE HOT-HEEZEEED FEELINGS, THAT'S THA ESSENCE OF BLACK ROMANCE. KARKAT: N THA POSITIVE QUALITIES YIZZLE SEE DEEP DIZZY 'N A KISMESIS ALSO SERVE AS THA BASIS FO` RED FEEL'N TOWIZZLE THAT PERSON, ASSUM'N THA RELATIONSHIP EVA STIZZARTS TA VACILLATE. KARKAT: IT ALL PRETTIZZLE STRAIGHTFORWARD, REALLY.

JOHN: no droppin hits... dis is mesze' up!

DIZZAY: i dunno jizzay it all siznounds pretty logical ta me DIZZAY: karkat knows his shit when it comes ta qizzles

JOHN: argh! Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. JIZZOHN: it can't be triznue thizzay... JOHN: it fizzy so fucked up! JOHN: what if yoe right though... erg! Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. no bitch ass nigga... JOHN: no, no, no, no...

KARKAT fo' sho': THAT PART OF IT TIZZOO! KARKAT, chill yo: THA "NO NO NO" BE ALL PIZZLE OF THA FEELING. THAT'S HOW IT *ALWAYS* GOES. KARKAT: DIS SENZE OF SELF INCRIMINATION WHIZZEN IT DAWN'N ON YIZZAY THIZNAT YOU HAVE THEZE CONFLICT'N FEEL'N TOWARD SOMEONE WHIZNO BUGS YIZNOU SO MUCH. KARKAT in tha mutha fuckin club: OH MAH GOD, DIS WHOLE REACTION IS SO FUCK'N TEXTBOOK. IT HILARIOUS, REALLY.

JIZZY: it fizzle up T-H-to-tha-izzough!!!

KARKAT: IT SUPPOZE' TA FEEL FUCKED UP!

JOHN: aw, dawg.  ta help you tap dat ass:( JOHN: i just wizzle ta have a funky ass catch-up chizzat, not gizzy so transparently owned at the trollmizzles fo' real.

DAVE so bow down to the bow wow! it happens to tha B-to-tha-izzest of us sooner or wanna be gangsta DAVE: dis crap is kind of old hizzat ta me by nizzy bizzut i git why yiznoure kinda freckl'n at tha implicatizzles here DAVE: yizzy didnt have years of livizzle W-to-tha-izzith trolls ta kinda normalize dis stuff

JOHN: i don't thizzle i want it ta feel normalize' though! Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. JOHN: i'm not ready to... JOHN: like, admizzle that... i hiznave S-to-tha-izzome warped spade criznush on ha, baze' on... JOHN: some feel'n i dizzay understand n makes no senze ta me! JOHN: oh god... what if it trizzle?? JOHN: i have ta try as hard as i cizzy ta suppress dis feel'n n mizzy sure i neva think 'bout it agizzle!

DIZZAVE: ok sounds like a weenizzle th'n ta do but sure hizzave fun wit that

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: fizzy. Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. JOHN: yizzeah, probizzle. JIZZAY: just... JOHN: pleaze don't tizzay ha abizzle anizzle of dis, ok guys?

KARKAT: J-TO-THA-IZZOHN, YOU DON'T HAVE TA REMIND US 'BOUT ONE OF THA MOST FUNDAMENTAL STATUTES OF THA BRO CODE, WHIZZLE BE PRACTIZZLE FUCKIZZLE SCRIPTURE ON MY PLANET, DAT'N BACK HUNDREDS OF MILLENIA. KARKAT: DAVE AND I FUCK'N SLIZZAY N BREATHE THA BRO CODE N ALL OF ITS CLAUSES, NO MATTA HIZZOW FIZNINE THA PRINT. KIZZLE: They call me tha black folks president. FIZZAY FREE TA C-TO-THA-IZZOME N RAP TA US 'BOUT DIS ANY TIME. YO' SECRETS WILL ALWAYS BE SAFE.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. dude that sentiment be W-to-tha-izzell n good but DAVE: whizzle youre pledg'n a vizzy of secrizzle mizzaybe you should try ta keep it diznown a shawty

KARKAT puttin tha smack down: DAMN. YEAH. KARKAT: SORRY.

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[imhereformysciencefriends]

Gamzee, Karkat, Eridan

Gamzee is already done!

Karkat!

1: sexuality headcanon: pan

2: otp:  Dave♥Kat, Gam♦Kar, John♠Kat, Karkat♣Feferi♣Terezi

3: brotp: Sollux, bigtime

4: notp: Vaska, red/pitch/pale with Terezi, red with Jade, KANAYA!!!! YES EVEN IN PALE!!!!! STOP IT YOU FILTHMONGERS!!!!!!

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: very short and thin, the utter definition of petite, his hair is the biggest thing about him besides his vocabulary.

6: one way in which I relate to this character: Very Opinionated.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: god every single time this boy talks to/about women I just wanna… honey shut up.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: Problematic as hell but still a fave.

Eridan!

1: sexuality headcanon: pan

2: otp:  Eri♥Dirk, Tav♦Eri, Rose♠Eri, Eridan♣Gamzee♣Sollux

3: brotp: Feferi (though that’s a whole essay’s worth of emotions right there), Roxy

4: notp: vbriske, sollux in pitch/flush/pale (though there IS some good pitch stuff I will read out there), Kanaya- yes even in pale.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: Self destructive as hell, has definitely hurled from emotions at least once.

6: one way in which I relate to this character: I, too, have a passive wish to kill all sentient life on my planet some nights.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: God everything he’s ever done, ever

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: p r o b l e m a t i c favorite. Love this garbage son. *points at trashcan* that’s my shark.

[centaurstechnician]

calodemongelastic HEY CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING IT'S KINDA IMPORTANT.

centaurstechnician D--> If it is important I shall make time

calodemongelastic <3<

calodemongelastic IT'S UM THE VACILLATING THING WHERE I STOP BEING PITCH PROPERLY OKAY FIRST OF ALL, DO YOU?

centaurstechnician D--> ... D--> I feel as if I have been tricked

calodemongelastic WHAT

centaurstechnician D--> I have already said I will do this conversation so I cannot now avoid it D--> Bother

calodemongelastic ):B I'M SORRY.

centaurstechnician D--> Hush now D--> Having no other proper comparisons from before I was with yourself and Ektriz I am uncertain D--> I certainly don't feel for you as I do for him D--> Although our interactions are of course not ah D--> Often a perfect example of imperially approved pitch D--> We are not under any obligation to force ourselves to Her standards any longer

calodemongelastic I WAS HOPING THAT WOULD BE A SIMPLE YES/NO ANSWER

centaurstechnician D--> That is a pity

calodemongelastic MNN OKAY, EASIER QUESTION: DO YOU JUST HATE ME OR IS THERE PITY THERE TOO?

centaurstechnician D--> That is a rephrasing of the other question

calodemongelastic IT'S STILL EASIER.

centaurstechnician D--> My answer remains the same

calodemongelastic HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW IF YOU PITY SOMEONE???

centaurstechnician D--> %tremely easily as it turns out

calodemongelastic QUADRANTS ARE HELL.

centaurstechnician D--> I know that I enjoy how we are, although I seem to lean more pitch than you do often

calodemongelastic I'M FLUSH MORE OFTEN THAN PITCH I DON'T FEEL PITCH PROPERLY, MY STUPID FUCKING PAN WON'T LET ME.

centaurstechnician D--> I believe I recall us speaking on this sometime at the beginning

calodemongelastic WE DID?

centaurstechnician D--> I remain content if that is what bothers you? D--> You had tried pitch before and failed

calodemongelastic MNN SEVERAL TIMES. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE HAPPY BEING PITCH WITH ME IS IT BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN'T DO BETTER? BECAUSE YOU CAN.

centaurstechnician D--> Karkat I do not want anyone else.

centaurstechnician D--> Are you unhappy with me?

calodemongelastic NO I'M PISSED OFF AT MYSELF.

centaurstechnician D--> You needn't be

calodemongelastic MNN. IT DOESN'T MATTER.

centaurstechnician D--> It clearly matters to you

centaurstechnician D--> .. you are very pitifoal

calodemongelastic I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T KNOW

centaurstechnician D--> That is a statement of fact

calodemongelastic MM.

centaurstechnician D--> I certainly love you and what we have as it is

calodemongelastic I LOVE YOU TOO.

centaurstechnician D--> You keep going quiet

calodemongelastic SORRY

centaurstechnician D--> I feel as if I have upset you

calodemongelastic NO, YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING

centaurstechnician D--> But you are upset?

calodemongelastic NO MAYBE YES

centaurstechnician D--> What are you upset about?

calodemongelastic I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING IS CONFUSING.

centaurstechnician D--> W001d being punched help? I find that its remarkably cathartic

calodemongelastic IF YOU COULD TAKE MY HEAD OFF THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC.

centaurstechnician D--> I'm afraid I enjoy your head where it is

calodemongelastic YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T PREFER IT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS? (;B

centaurstechnician D--> I D--> That is remarkably forward D--> And lewd D--> You are baiting me

calodemongelastic AM I (:B?

centaurstechnician D--> You had better be D--> As you do no enjoy sex in any form

calodemongelastic I COULD ):B

centaurstechnician D--> Have you perhaps through some mystical force ceased to be sex repulsed?

calodemongelastic YES.

centaurstechnician D--> Karkat.

calodemongelastic ...NO.

centaurstechnician D--> Why would you offer?

calodemongelastic WHAT?

centaurstechnician D--> Why did you attempt to offer sex

calodemongelastic BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT?

centaurstechnician D--> But you do not

calodemongelastic AND!!

centaurstechnician D--> I would prefer it if both participants were enjoying the process D--> I have had enough joyless encounters.

calodemongelastic D:B

centaurstechnician D--> Why are you distressed?

calodemongelastic WHAT DO YOU MEAN JOYLESS ENCOUNTERS??

centaurstechnician D--> Donations

calodemongelastic OH THANK GOD

centaurstechnician D--> It would have come up before now if it were anything else

calodemongelastic OKAY GOOD ):B

centaurstechnician D--> Do you perhaps need to be hugged.

calodemongelastic THAT WOULD BE NICE.

centaurstechnician D--> Where are you?

calodemongelastic BACK HIVE.

centaurstechnician D--> Your hive is %tremely large, where in it?

calodemongelastic THE BIG NUTRITION BLOCK

centaurstechnician D--> I shall be there in a moment >Proceed to find the boy and hug him

calodemongelastic >You lean into the hug gratefully, purring soft

centaurstechnician >gentle hug, gentle hold "Why did you wish to talk of vacilations?"

calodemongelastic >You shrug, nuzzling into him

"Told Pal I'm mostly flush. He doesn't want me to have another matesprit but we're... not anyway," you're still fond of hatesprits but he doesn't pity you anyway so you don't bring it up

centaurstechnician >He squeezed his delicate kismesis. "Ah, yes. I've .. Always taken care with the Paladin. I do not wish for him to resent me."

calodemongelastic You snort, "He doesn't, he thinks you're pretty,"

centaurstechnician "He..w hat?" he stuttered

calodemongelastic "You heard me bitch,"

centaurstechnician His face was heating up in an undignified manner. "..What does relative attractiveness have to do with resentment?"

calodemongelastic S h r u g, "Ask him,"

centaurstechnician "..that would be very forward"

calodemongelastic "And?"

centaurstechnician "I. Well. Goodness"

calodemongelastic Nip him, "Ask,"

centaurstechnician "..is that an order?"

calodemongelastic .........Nip

centaurstechnician "is it?" kiss.

calodemongelastic "Yes," I:<B

centaurstechnician He smiled and took out a tablet to carefully tap on it.

calodemongelastic (:B Kiss him "Good boy,"

centaurstechnician He blushed brightly

calodemongelastic (:<B

calodemongelastic "...I don't. Want to just be kismeses, It doesn't /fit/,"

centaurstechnician "..Oh." He looked up from the pad, blinking at him.

calodemongelastic You bury your face in his neck, Totally Not Hiding but absolutely waiting for him to leave you forever.

centaurstechnician He stroked at his back. "..I have a matesprit, and so do you. And I hate you very much.."

calodemongelastic "I don't want matesprits either, just... I don't know, it doesn't matter,"

centaurstechnician "It seems to matter, I simply don't understand." HE murmured. "Do .." HE hummed. "..Am I insufficient as a kismesis?" ((why did you betray me shift button))

calodemongelastic You make the most distressed little whine and thump his chest lightly, "That's what I mean, you're the perfect fucking kismesis and I /still/ can't do it right, it's nothing you're doing at all,"

centaurstechnician "I'm not unhappy with how you are, Karkat." He murmured.

calodemongelastic "Why not!"

centaurstechnician "I'm not certain I can sufficiently explain how delightfoal you are to me"

calodemongelastic "Why.. not?"

centaurstechnician "BEcause I am somewhat clumbsy with words"

calodemongelastic "That's okay," nuzzle him thoughtfully, "I don't Not want to be with you, I love you, " really that's the problem

centaurstechnician He nuzzled back at his kismesis. "That you love me? I have heard it said that you should love your kismesis as well as hate them"

centaurstechnician "Ah. On tumblr"

calodemongelastic "You know what I mean. I love you flush ways, not how I'm supposed to,"

centaurstechnician "How do you know it isnt right?"

calodemongelastic "Because we're supposed to be pitch!"

centaurstechnician "..yes but. Is love not simply love?"

calodemongelastic "Then why do you always steer it back?"

centaurstechnician "I do not wish to give Sollux any reason to be upset" He frowned a little frown. "..as well as Ektriz"

calodemongelastic "It still happened and they should both know," ):B

centaurstechnician He frowned and fidgeted with Karkat's fingers. "..Nothing has happened"

calodemongelastic Watch him fidget with a little frown "Vacillating is something,"

centaurstechnician "It does not have to be" "..I do not wish for him to feel as if he isnt enough"

calodemongelastic You nod, ypu understand that, but... "You don't think keeping it a secret will upset him?"

centaurstechnician "..He literally sees everything that happens on the ship." He murmured. "I'm not certain its a secret so much."

calodemongelastic "If he already knows and hasn't said anything then you have nothing to worry about," you bite your lip "I really think you should be honest with your mate, "

centaurstechnician He set his head against Karkat. "That there is unresolved vacilation?"

calodemongelastic "Yeah," kiss his neck softly "Pal was a little freaked out you have to reassure him if he needs it"

centaurstechnician He lets out a breath softly. "I shall..speak to him about it."

calodemongelastic "Thank you,"(:B

centaurstechnician "Mm."He sighed through his nose. "..Karkat." "Karkat Sollux thinks I am attractive and I am not certain what to do about that"

calodemongelastic "Do you think he is?"

centaurstechnician "I'm not certain that is relevant"

calodemongelastic "Yes then.  Kiss him or something"

centaurstechnician "are you attempting to set us up?" he squinted

calodemongelastic "Not anymore.  Pal just told me to stop helping,"

centaurstechnician He tsked at him and kissed his head.

calodemongelastic Huff and frown at him "What did you say to him? "

centaurstechnician "..Nothing untoward, I promise." He murmured "I did not encourage or discourage him, I simply tried to assess the situation, but he was ..very uncomfortable."

calodemongelastic "Hes...shy"

centaurstechnician "I am not unused to someone thinking I am attractive until I begin talking. - Perhaps we should change the subject and do something else."

calodemongelastic ...Frown That's not right Put your hand on his face Frown!!

centaurstechnician You are trying to distract him so you lik his hand.

calodemongelastic Nuh uh thats not gonna work this time >:c "What do you mean? "

centaurstechnician "I am going to bite you"

calodemongelastic "I command you to tell me" I:<B

centaurstechnician Yep he bites him.

calodemongelastic yeLP SLAP AT HIM, STOP THAT

centaurstechnician Equius catches a hand and pulls and does his very best to turn this into a scuffle

calodemongelastic No!! No s lcuffle!! You push him down and sit on him,  though is not as effective as it usually would be /Frown/

centaurstechnician He gives a soft huffing snort as he catches bis breath from being knocked down and  lays his head back on the floor. "Botheration, Karkat."

calodemongelastic "Spill" you look Smug

centaurstechnician "I am not good at talking to people and for a moment felt sorry for myself. You do realize I can simply pick you up?"

calodemongelastic "You talk to me just fine," .....you had not considered that no. Squint at him.  He wouldn't dare

centaurstechnician He pulled his feet closer to him and wrapped his arms around Karkat. Hup, up they both go

calodemongelastic DELIGHTED BUT STILL SOMEHOW SEMI STARTLED SQUAWKING

centaurstechnician He kissed him and set him on the counter.