#FlawedFridays

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FLAWED FRIDAYS: ON ESSENA QUITTING SOCIAL MEDIA

Her video was a needed wake-up call for me. I always believed that my self-worth and value were defined by my social media presence. I thought I needed to get a ton of followers or beautifully shot, carefully thought out, and perfectly edited photos to be validated because we get so much praise out of it. Who wouldn't want that? And I know that saying social media is fake is a bit extreme, but it becomes fake because the other side of it all is left out. We have become obsessed by perfection and beauty because we are heavily influenced by it. Even if the intention was not to deceive, it's not the whole truth. All I ask is that you know this and not waste so much of your time online just comparing yourself to those you see on your feed.

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FLAWED FRIDAYS: GIRLS RUN THE WORLD

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FLAWED FRIDAY: BE REAL!

You are HUMAN.

You have only ONE LIFE to live.

And in this life you go through different experiences.

Good and bad.

You meet people.

You get hurt.

You try new and different things.

You make mistakes.

You learn.

You grow.

You go on adventures.

You acquire fears.

And you conquer them.

You lose things.

And you change.

You feel.

You think.

You eat.

You have talents.

You cry.

You gain weight then lose it then gain it then lose it again.

You have emotions.

You can be REAL. Nothing to hide.

You find opportunities.

And everyday is another opportunity.

Another opportunity to start fresh.

To love like you've never been broken.

To chase dreams like you've never failed.

To find happiness even if it means finding sadness along the way.

This is life and it is worth living.

This is it.

The best thing in this world.

To live this life and go through everything.

So no matter who you are, you are perfectly imperfect and beautifully flawed. Whether you are a girl or a boy or old or young. It doesn't matter.

We have billions of people around us who are in this life too.

Share this precious gift with them.

Spread love and kindness everywhere you go.

Be a light in this world.

Love and Light,

Kate

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FLAWED FRIDAYS: I'M BACK!

Hello!

Glad to be making another video after a long time! Hope I can make lots of these!

Love and Light,

Kate<3

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DAY 34: WHAT MAKES YOUR HEART BEAT?

Hello! :)

It all started with a photo I came across on Instagram. It's amazing how the little things sometimes make the biggest of impacts to us, right? I don't even know personally who posted it! This, however, doesn't change the fact that it sparked a light bulb in me.

I remember the caption saying, "Always do what makes your heart beat. Whether it's of fear or of love, go for it." He was talking about how he was about to venture into something scary and how the thought of it made his heart race all the time. When he realized that this was not a bad thing, he became more excited rather than by being paralyzed by his fear!

These moments signify a life of enthusiasm and excitement, not of boredom. When we have something that gets us all pumped up, we need to savor and enjoy that because it's what makes life worth living! It doesn't matter if it terrifies you or makes you feel blissful. Either way it is something that involves a risk, a step into something wild and unknown that allows us to learn.

I recently just made a pact with myself to completely erase "boredom" in my vocabulary. For me, I'd rather feel any other emotion, except being bored. Be it sadness, anger, or joy, at least these are emotions that help me grow, that keep my heart pumping.

So I hope from here on out you learn to embrace all the heart-clenching moments you'll encounter for the rest of your life! Go for them, face them head on instead of resisting these opportunities. Our hearts deserve to feel alive too.

Love, Light, and Kindness,

Kate

P.S. Thank you for visiting my blog! <3 Drop a comment or message anytime you'd like! I truly appreciate you taking the time. :)

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DAY 33: YOU DESERVE THE BEST!

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DAY 32: I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY

I feel incredibly blissful today and I just wanted to savor this feeling because I know this doesn’t always come so easily to me. I feel contented and secure right now. Genuinely happy to be where I am. In touch with this world, with my emotions, and with the people around me. This is what I live for. Moments such as this one of pure joy for the simplicity and stillness of life. To just be sitting outside a coffee shop, alone, blogging, listening to music, and feeling the sun and wind on my skin, nothing gets better than this. I’m not fazed out by the fears and doubts I had last night. I’m not worried about the next minute or so. I am just here. In the now. Happy and free.

I’m sharing this because I want you to know that you deserve nothing less than what I feel right now. You can be all these things, no excuses. I want the best for you and know that everyday I dedicate an intention for you. That you be loved and cared for and that you never lose hope.

Always remember, “You are beautiful, you are bountiful, you are blissful.”

Xo, Kate

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DAY 31: SELF-WORTH?

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DAY 30: GIVE LOVE GET MORE LOVE

I just recently picked up another book called The Power by Rhonda Byrne. I know many have their own opinions about her works, but I think her points are very interesting! I already read The Secret a couple of years ago and that experience was quite life-changing. It definitely opened my eyes to my own capability in taking charge of the rest of my life.

I don't want to push anyone into reading any of these, but I just wanted to use it as inspiration to what I'm about to write for today's Flawed Friday.

If you don't already know, the book basically says LOVE is the greatest POWER out there. Doing everything for love and with love, will bring back more love. That emotion creates other positive feelings such as happiness, joy, peace, passion, gratitude, the list goes on and on! When we let these good feelings consume us, nothing is impossible in our life.

You see, like attracts like. If you're surrounded by negativity and if negativity is how you respond to that, it'll only bring more negativity. And here we are wondering how a bad day unfolds from one mishap to another. But once you respond to everything in a more optimistic manner, that's when everything starts to turn around.

This is what I have learned in the past few months. If I'm having a bad day for any reason at all, instead of allowing it to be just that, a bad day, I'll dig up all the positivity in me to trump all that negativity!

Maybe come up with a list of things you love, or things you are grateful for. If you're feeling unhappy about your current circumstances, what I like to do is claim the things I want in life as mine now, instead of categorizing them as things yet to come.

Doing these things make me feel like I'm on the right track, like I have control over my life, I'm more certain and secure.

I truly believe you deserve the life you dream of. And it can be yours today. Everyday, think of ways to ignite positive emotions in you. FEEL the love in you. Love for yourself, your family, your friends, your past, your present, your future, your career, your hobbies, your decisions, YOUR LIFE.

When any negative feeling starts creeping up, don't hold on to it. Just let it come and go and replace that with something good. You don't have to keep waiting for the life you want. Claim it as yours now, even if it's not there yet, and it will come faster than you could ever imagine.

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DAY 29: MY DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

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DAY 28: I'M SO INSECURE!

For a minute there, I swore I was as confident as the sun. Shining all throughout the universe. Proud of my light and my rays. I felt like the mountains. Tall, strong, breathtaking.

But then all of a sudden, all of that came tumbling down. Right now, I feel so insecure and conscious again. I'm sure we've all had these moments.

So what do we do when this happens?

I know exactly what I would have done before. I would have ignited this negative feeling with more self-hatred and loathing. I would have labeled myself as weak, vulnerable, worthless. I would have succumbed to all the emotions and put myself down even more.

That is what we should steer clear of. I have learned the beauty of accepting these moments wholeheartedly. Instead of trying so incredibly hard to fight it like an enemy, it's better to acknowledge its existence and believe that it won't be staying for too long. It's just an unwanted "guest". Just let it come and go.

At this moment, it's like my insecurities seem to be peeking through a little bit.  Since I'm pretty tall for a gal, I suddenly feel so conscious about  my height again. My lanky, long limbs feel like flaws. And I feel the need to chisel myself to fit some unrealistic "mold".

This time, though, I'm not going to panic and get all paranoid about the way I'm feeling. It's normal. It's okay. What I will do is remind myself everyday to love my flaws and insecurities. To reassure myself of my own beauty. To shower myself with the self-love I need.

Only I can fully accept everything that I am. Nobody else. Nothing else. So it's best I start practicing this until I finally feel comfortable and at ease in my own skin again.

I know it's not going to happen in an instance. Tomorrow, I might still feel the same way. Maybe even worse! But I have faith that I am capable of feeling secure with the real me!

So, this means for you who may be wanting to get rid of that flabby tummy, wanting to have that "tumblr thigh gap", or just feeling like you're not enough at all, why don't you make today the start of you accepting who you are as is.

Instead of feeding yourself with words and thoughts that make you want to change who you are, why don't you counter that with kind and loving affirmations. Remind yourself how beautiful you are as much as you can.

You're not skinny, SO WHAT? You're too short, SO WHAT? You have horrible acne, SO WHAT? These things make you YOU. It's time to accept that and believe that if you feel ugly and shitty right now, you'll learn to love all those flaws with pride sooner than you realize. It will happen. Trust me.

Xo, Kate

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FLAWED FRIDAYS: It's all up to ME.

Hi Hello It's Kate! :-)

Right now I'm a little lost in life again. Yesterday, I had the best conversation with the most unexpected person. This person isn't even family or necessarily a friend. I never thought the both of us all this time related to each other so much.

She told me her story of moving back and forth between Italy and California. Just like I have been doing all my life. She, too, struggled with adjusting in the US and deciding which place she belonged to. Eventually, she made the choice that California was the place for her and she fought through the urge of running home.

I told her how I was experiencing the same thing. So torn between two places, trying to make the right decision. What a relief it felt to know that of all people, she understood me the most. The conversation didn't, of course, solve all my problems. What it did do, though, was open my eyes. It made me realize that truly, so many people have gone through the same thing I'm going through right now. I'm not wrong in all that I feel. I no longer feel so awful about myself and my situation.

She reminded me of how much potential I still have as a young woman. So many opportunities and chances that I have yet to take. "Go out there and find yourself! Before you make your decision, give this place one last shot. Give yourself the chance to try really hard before you choose to go back." I am so lucky to have a life ahead of me. I should be looking forward to that, not dreading it.

I thought I already made up my mind with where to go with my life, but obviously I'm still at a crossroads. I'm still torn but I guess that's not unusual under my circumstances. My heart seems to be mute at the moment so I can't "follow it". I know I should be out there right now making things happen for myself, but honestly I'm not there yet. I'm just not ready. This is going against everything I say on this blog, but for now I just want to let it be.

What a fact it is that we are in control of our own happiness and our own success. I've learned that happiness has always been something we look for outside of ourselves. But the truth is, when we treat happiness that way, nothing will ever be enough. It needs to come from within us. What that means and how to do that, I'm still trying to decode. I can't rely on the Philippines to bring me the happiness I'm missing right now. I can't rely on my friends and family back home to make my life better than it is at the moment. And I can't expect my life to be a dream once I decide to move back when I can't even do that for myself here.

How my life plays out depends on ME. It all depends on how I perceive everything. Everything can be perfect here if I let it. No matter where I go, no matter what decision I make, if I stick to this poisonous mindset, nothing will change.

Where do I go from here?

Xo, Kate

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DAY 25: LETTER FOR YOU

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FLAWED FRIDAYS: Where's Alaska?

I just finished reading Looking for Alaska by John Green. I felt like this was the perfect book for me at the moment.

"How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!"- Simón Bolívar

"I go to seek a Great Perhaps."- François Rabelais

I think this book truly stands testament to those two quotes. All the characters with their personal struggles, their personal labyrinths. And each one seeking their Great Perhaps. Just as I was all throughout the book. Turning and turning each page in search of the profound ending, my own Great Perhaps in my labyrinth. That's why I picked up this book in the first place anyway, right? To escape my own life for a moment in hopes that being a part of Pudge's journey could bring about a sense of fleeting happiness.

I think I'm at that point where I'm looking at life through a magnifying glass. This does make the world so overwhelming sometimes, makes the labyrinth appear more complex and daunting than it actually is. This book made me realize how my every move, our every move, is all about looking for our Alaska. Most of the time I think this is so self-destructive, like Alaska herself. But most of the time I hope this could get me to a better place, like an enlightenment of some sort, just as it did for Pudge.

"If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can't know better until knowing better is useless."- Miles Halter

I don't know if the best way out is straight and fast. Or if it's better to keep seeking a Great Perhaps. All I know is that like you, I, too, am in the labyrinth, understanding it and finding a way out.

Xo, Kate

P.S. This is me trying to be a sensible, over-emotional writer. How am I doing? ;)

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FLAWED FRIDAYS: Day 23- I'M BALANCING!

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FLAWED FRIDAYS: Day 22- Today YOU will be kind to YOURSELF.

I wrote so much for the past few weeks that for today's Flawed Friday, I just want to remind YOU that TODAY we're going to TRY and love the person in the mirror. Not only for his/her physical appearance, but everything he/she stands for. His/Her past, mistakes, insecurities, flaws, worries, doubts, hopes, dreams, future, friends, family, quirks, achievements, happiness, guilty pleasures, and beliefs. TODAY we will PRACTICE accepting everything that makes us, US and we will LOVE that beyond the moon and the stars, NO EXCUSES.

We will do what we can to work on this, whether it's by repeating a mantra to ourselves, posting a sticky note on our bathroom mirror, or singing a "feel good" song at the top of our lungs. We can do this together!

I am confidence. I am love. I am happiness. I am courage. I am faith. I am strength. I am who I am. I love my flaws, my past, and my body. Today, I will be kind to me.

Xo, Katie