#FlashBack Fever

[digrupert]

flashback fever!!! + details

[toychive]

bratz : flashback fever fianna

[anotherartblock]

The Girls with a Passion for Fashion!

Bratz - Flashback Fever (2004)

[littletroubledgrrrl]

When Bratz dolls were at the height of their popularity, furious angry adults hated them with a passion.

There's no doubt those adults who hated Bratz in the 2000's were people who grew up in the 1970's, 1980's, and before those decades.

I wonder how those angry adults that grew up in the 70's, 80's and 60's would've felt about these "Flashback Fever" Bratz dolls---dolls that were meant to be nostalgic and retro?

Even though some of the Flashback Fever Bratz dolls don't look very retro, their theme was meant to be vintage and they even would come with little CD's that had a playlist of songs from those decades.

[littlenimart]

i gotta focus. I’m shifting into Gomens mode.

[bitter--boxx]

flashback fever callie 🪩

[osiiiris]

A beautiful day

Yes, there is one explicit reference to my favorite angel’s statue (do you know which one?). I finally got the chance to draw Iyrin with wings and took the chance.

So… I had started this before my fic IYRIN reached 5000 readers on Wattpad, to celebrate, and I’m posting it as it almost at 8000. I’m very happy, thank you, so cheers queers 🥂

This in particular is a new scene that will be featured in the unreleased (yet) sequel No Peace in Hell (it is next in line). I have no specific reason why I chose this snippet in particular, I just liked how the scene came out. I had started with a more romantic scene but NAH, angst be upon ya!

Despite the macabre topic, all I can say is that this is a good and pivotal moment of the plot (snippet and context follows):

“That’s what’s left of us in the end.” Terzo looked at the grave and then turned around, briefly including the landscape in his sight. “I never really liked graves. He’s not really there.” Iyrin glanced at Terzo and then back at the grave. It was one of the many ways humans coped with death, they thought. They had witnessed various death ceremonies during their visits to Earth: fire, water, ground… rituals of any kind with what was left of their vessels, each one so hard to let go of. “What… would you prefer?” they asked hesitantly. “Embalmed.” Iyrin patiently waited for him to continue; they knew him too well to think that was the end of it. “Put on display in the Ministry forever, like a Greek statue. Naked.” They raised an eyebrow, slightly tilting their head down as if inviting him to finish. “…My dick well visible, fully erected,” he finally added. Iyrin nodded, satisfied. “‘Here lies Terzo Emeritus but his dick is still alive’, a nice line for an epitaph,” they murmured, glancing around. They were glad Terzo could still mask his discomfort with humor. They tightened their grip on his hand. “What would you really want?” Terzo stiffened, uneasy at the thought of his own death. “Cremated,” he said, narrowing his eyes at the grave. “You can scatter my ashes wherever you want, or keep them... I don’t know for what, honestly. That or anything that doesn’t imply being eaten by worms.” Iyrin blinked, surprised he was entrusting them with such an important decision. Perhaps he really couldn’t care less about what would be done with his remains. Terzo’s eyebrows twitched in a moment of clarity: were they really discussing his death and how he wanted to be disposed of? Was that really the point of the story? Then, after a few moments of silence, he resumed, “Do you understand this?” he asked, seemingly disconnected from the moment. Iyrin understood only after a bit what he meant. “Do you understand what it means to us when it is truly over?” But even though they knew he needed to be comforted, they found themselves unable to reply. After a moment of silence, Iyrin finally spoke. “I know what it means to me. All the humans I have loved… I lost all of them. Sometimes they ended up in places I could not reach. I lost everything, always.” Terzo frowned beside them. “Sometimes you just need to be the one that leaves first. That’s what I have always done.” After a few moments filled with silence, their lips moved again. “Eternity isn’t better,” they considered sadly. “You really cannot escape that.” Then, just like a child who gets distracted too easily, they looked around. The sky stretched out in a clear, dazzling shade of blue, while the air carried the light warmth of the late summer sun's rays. The only sounds around them were the cheerful chirping of birds and the gentle rustling of leaves in the breeze. It seemed like even the voices had quieted, leaving their head in peace for a while. “Look…” they said, inviting him to appreciate the beauty around them, “It is such a beautiful day.” Terzo looked, and suddenly, he felt warmth enveloping him and the bright rays of light shining in his eyes, like a sun appearing brilliantly after an eclipse. Everything was still so full of life.

Backstory:

Iyrin is an angel (of a specific kind I won’t spoil here) who was kidnapped by a group of drunk Ghouls and finds themselves held hostage (or “guest”) in the Ministry.

Papa Emeritus III must handle the diplomatic incident, but we know how he is when an opportunity to play a bit with a new prey is served to him…

The story has two different endings, and one of them allows me to continue it. After the main story and the little spin-off, the final sequel will close this circle.

[crazylittlejester]

adding to the list from earlier I said about things I believe could send LU Warriors into a coma or just kill him directly: The whole James Charles/Shane Dawson/Jeffree Star thing. Like not just the controversy analysis videos, all of it. The actual drama and watching it in real time. The mere idea of everything that went down would probably put him in a coma, and the Jeffree Star apology video with the expensive ass couch would send him to the grave immediately

that being said i think he and legend would together go through and rank a bunch of youtuber apology videos and keep the list accessible for years and years so they can always go through and add all the new ones that come in

[friendlylocalwhumper]

“Daddy is sick.”

Penelope’s jam-smeared face sets in a displeased frown, chubby arms crossing over her chest. “But, but - but, but, but! But we’re s’posed to - big park, go to the big park today, he said.”

Hands planted on the edge of the kitchen counter, Emory keeps himself anchored against pacing around the room. “I know, baby.” At her expression souring worse, he shakes his head at himself. “Sorry. Not a baby. I know, Penny. Listen…” A smooth crouch down to be on her level, and sullenly, the six year old approaches, tugging on her dress like she means to subtly indicate that she looks pretty today so her dads should do what she says.

As if he can sense something silently going wrong in the other room, Emory glances back at the closed bedroom door and worries at the thermometer in his pocket. “We both know how Daddy gets when he’s sick. You remember last time? The sadness fort?”

Penelope groans and tosses her head toward the living room, picturing the pillows and blankets that made a fort there, inside of which there was a Lux pretending not to cry every time someone came to check on him.

“Today, he’s feeling even worse. He’ll be okay, but when you’re too sick, sometimes it’s hard to believe that. And we know sometimes these…” He points to his arm where one of Lux’s more prominent knife scars lies. “Are on the inside, too. Right?”

~

It’s terrible. He’s been… he’s been terrible. So, so bad.

He’s been bad, and he’s not supposed to feel like he’s been bad. It’s embarrassing. Lux can’t pinpoint why, can’t figure out who he’s disappointing by being afraid… but it feels like a death sentence to not be scared out of his mind.

At some point, his shoulders must have stopped being shoulders. When do joints stop being joints, if they don’t move how they should anymore? If they creak, and swell, and need hours of stretching and soaking each morning just so he can get through the day? They haven’t felt like working shoulders ever since the first time they were broken.

He is not in the cellar. He knows, and he knows he should believe… this is a bed. He is confused, but not a kid anymore. Lux can feel the pillows under his back and a blanket under his legs. But that doesn’t mean he can’t feel the concrete floor, too. Feel warm metal around his wrists, his arms draped up at the angle they were kept at for years. Every time he returns to this place, in his memory or dreams or hallucinations… it feels right. Scary, painful, hope-crushing… but right. Like he belongs here. Lux can’t quite look around the cellar, because the persistent reality of his bedroom keeps on leaking through. But if he tips his head back until it is stopped by the headboard, blurry vision and the fever wracking his body work together to let him see the top of the staircase, a glow of distant light.

He is not in the cellar, he has a home and he is safe. It is not really cold in here, his skin is just too hot. He is not hungry, Emory spoon fed him chicken broth earlier.

But he remembers, and the physical ache of remembering feels more real than anything else, right now. Blinking bleary tears from his lashes until they slide heavily down his cheeks, Lux stares up at the ceiling and thinks of loneliness so deep that he never fully believes it ended. Hours, days and days alone in the dark, hearing things, trying to remember friends or family, anything at all… the spider that he watched, when it skittered in the faint light. How hard he cried when the spider found its way up the stairs and escaped under the door. His only friend, gone and gone and gone.

His feverish mind skitters around the peripheries of the tall, broad frame he doesn’t want to imagine directly. It might summon his attention, somehow. Might make him appear. Lux doesn’t have to think about the Hunter to ache. The worst of the pain, of the mind-breaking loneliness, happened when he wasn’t down there, anyway. When there was no new pain, no taunting or cooing, no punishments. Lux longed for the punishments, sometimes, because there was nothing else. No way to tell how much time was passing, when food would come, if he was the only person left alive in the world…

Jolted from the cellar that will always live on in his mind, Lux pictures a bland gray carpet with blue stripes. A couch with stiff pillows, glass side tables, a kind face that is never half-hidden by a clipboard anymore. His therapist, an older woman with squishy cheeks and wisps of gray around kind eyes.

She says that minds do funny things, even if they haven’t been twisted up on purpose. That sometimes people in prison lose their mind after a couple hours in isolation, and Lux was in it for months and months. Minds aren’t made for the dark and the quiet, she says. They come up with thoughts and memories to survive it, and if you’re stuck alone too long, they make up new things, unreal things, too.

So it’s not really that scary that Lux feels hands on his shoulders. Pressing in at aches, pulling. It just happens sometimes. His face twists with miserable discomfort, but what can he do? Whine for it to stop? Somewhere behind all of the terror and miserable defeat, he knows that Penny is out there. The need to protect her from seeing her father in an awful state keeps him from crying out. Under the shivering and silent crying, there is a cool determination to never let her know how afraid he is.

It’s fragile, her sense of safety. He thinks it is, at least. His therapist says that children are resilient and fearless, if you’ve kept them safe long enough, and that Penny won’t flip over to being a terrified, obedient child at the first hint of fear that she sees. But every time that it comes up, Lux locks himself down. He doesn’t mean to, he just… remembers, in his whole body, trying not to be noticed. Trying to be good, even though still breathing was a bad enough offense, sometimes. And he imagines Penny feeling that way, and then blood rushes in his ears, and his therapist has to call in Emory to help, because no one else can get through to Lux in panicking dad mode, not even someone with a doctorate in these things.

Terrible feverish thoughts have taken over. Lux watches in horror, tear-flooded eyes aimed up toward the ceiling, as Penny is tossed down the stairs. Tumbling across the steps, crashing into the concrete floor, scrambling to cower against a wall as a much bigger form descends into the darkness.

“I’m sorry,” Croaks Lux, fingers skittering nervously over the covers as he panics. “Please, please plea-, please I can’t - you can’t, y-you can’t you can’t… I-I-I can take it, I can take it I can, please…” Penny isn’t in full detail, more a small blob that he just knows is precious. And the Hunter is coming, coming down to loom over her. His shoulders hurt, he can’t move, been stuck for so long… Lux weeps, chest hitching with congested sobs, quiet and mortified.

A hand brushing across his forehead, sliding in sweat to unstick curls from his skin. Lux shudders and waits until the hand cups at his cheek, then leans into it on cue. He can, he will do anything, anything to keep his attention. While he is being good and leaning into the touch, the Hunter isn’t looming over Penny anymore. He isn’t anywhere, really - Lux can’t see him right now, and the cellar is unfocused again… but he feels the hand on his cheek.

And one on his chest, now. Lux chokes on a ragged breath in. If the touch to his chest is that gentle, and sweeping a thumb back and forth as if to soothe, then it’s probably going to drain his lungs of air. He will sink, will sag down, floppy and breathless, weak with fever. He will be praised, his hair will be petted, and it will go on for hours.

Fresh tears sink from his lashes and wet his face, smearing when the hand lifts from his cheek to wipe them away. Lux leans into it, eyes closed, following that hand like an oxygen mask. He should, he has to. He wants to, because if he doesn’t, he might be left alone.

He’s doing a good job, he thinks he hears. It comes in as more of a hum than words. Sobs wrack his body, and he is shushed, not unkindly. The hand on his chest rubs back and forth in slow swoops.

“I can be good. I, I, I can… please…” Desperation clogs his voice and makes the pleading almost impossible to decipher. “I want, I-I, I want…”

“What do you want?” Comes the answer, and his hair is brushed back some more, a tissue swiped under his nose. Lux sniffles and waits until the hand is back on his cheek as an anchor, a guide to indicate that it is time to be sweet.

“Want… wan’... wanna be good.” It’s the right thing to say. It always is. A shiver tears through him, and Lux’s brow furrows with the throbbing of his shoulders as the shudder awakens them. “Please, please… anything, I can… please don’ hurt… ple-, I, don’t hurt, an-nyone else…”

It was the wrong thing to say. He knows it instantly, a second before the hands are yanked away. Lux’s throat is stuffed with despair, a sob lurching out of him, mortified tears spilling quicker as soon as he’s done something wrong. It’s palpable in the air. Did he just secure a punishment for Penelope? Will her first lesson, her first time with the whip, be because he was begging wrong?

~

“Pen is safe. Pen is safe.” The bathroom door is pulled shut, and locked, and no one can get in to interrupt his self-soothing. Emory paces, back and forth across the tile floor, flexing his hands. “Pen is safe, it’s okay. It’s okay to leave my kid in a safe room for a minute. She’s a big girl. It’s okay, you don’t hold a baby when you’re mad, you… don’t talk to your kid when you might yell, you, aw fuck… okay, you don’t - don’t have hands on him when he’s trying to be good.” Emory pivots, suddenly, to yank the sink on and shove his hands under the cold water. “You don’t hold a baby when you’re mad. You put it down. You don’t… you pull over when you’re crying.” He isn’t crying, right now, and it’s infuriating. He has to whisper all of this because it would sound angry, to anyone else, but he isn’t angry, he’s scared. He’s scared.

“Pen is safe, Lux is safe.” His hands get a good, panicked scrub, and then his face. The cold is doing something, helping. “He’s survived, fuck… nightmares, flashbacks, fevers.” They had to skip shoulder rotations this morning, with the fever setting in, and now those shoulders have to feel like crushed up concrete grinding against gravel. The sheets are soaked with sweat out there, and he needs water, and to get his temperature taken again… “But you don’t hold a baby when you’re mad. You don’t drive when you’re crying. Don’t… just… it’s fine. It’s fine, he knows. He knows he’s safe. I’m not… I don’t…” The Emory in the mirror finally gets a glance, which turns into a glare.

“He needs help,” Emory scolds. “You know that? Like, real help. Somebody else could be okay, freaking out with a fever. But it’s real to him. In his head, what he’s seeing… it’s real to him. A fucking - a veteran, with flashbacks at fireworks, and stuff, he’d get help. This is Lux’s fireworks, this is… he sees it, he feels it, he’s… he’s back there.” Knees wobbling, Emory sinks down to sit on the floor with a huff. “Okay. Fuck, okay, guess we’re sitting.”

His therapist would say… what would he say? He’d say the oxygen mask thing. God, he hates the oxygen mask thing. Because like hell he wouldn’t put an oxygen mask on Penny first, then Lux, then himself, if they were in a crashing plane. How could he not make sure his little girl got saved first? How could he try to breathe before Lux, knowing what he’s been through?

Knuckles rubbing anxiously over the seams between the tiles, Emory sighs, frustrated. “I get it first.” He hates saying it. It doesn’t make sense, when he feels this worked up. “I get it first. So they get theirs. So stupid…” His palms press to his eyes, and Emory sighs. If he focuses, he can smell the air freshener that needs replacing in here. He should crack the window open sometime, to smell the summer air, too. “...He’s not a kid.” It’s annoying to have to explain to himself, but it’s all that works against the drive to rush back out there and scoop up his husband. “Thirty-four, paying taxes, PTA meetings… we’re not kids. He knows, he knows… he’ll know, he’s safe.”

[bolithesenate]

i showed a friend the really weird short story (?) i wrote in a heat-induced state of delirium a few days ago eight after waking up and her first comment was

"oh wow, one can tell you were traumatized by german classes."

and you know what? she was right

[sickficideas]

it's alright, it's okay || akutagawa siblings sickfic

ao3! 11.1k - please refer to the tags in the link for content + warnings!

16 May, 2012, 09:31am - Yokohama

"You look awful, Ryuunosuke."

She has a feeling that he's heard that a few times today, because all he does is sigh. She's waiting for him to protest that comment, he always does, but she has enough evidence to prove her point. He's unusually pale and she can tell he's dizzy just by looking at him. That red around his eyes is always either a sign that he's beyond exhausted, or he's starting a fever.

"Good morning, Gin," he opts for instead, despite sounding entirely annoyed. Gin decides she's not going to play this game and bother with pleasantries. She reaches up to lay a hand against his forehead, and before he swats it away, she gets enough proof to make her case.

"You're warm," she tells him.

"I'm fine. I haven't slept," he offers as an explanation as he starts to walk off towards the entrance to the subway station. That might be entirely true, but she thinks he doesn't realize that wouldn't necessarily cause him to look like this, with a fever on top of that.

Gin caught a glimpse of Higuchi when Ryuunosuke was first walking over, and she turns to wave her off, and the latter gives a meek wave in return. She probably had to deal with Ryuunosuke's attitude all morning. She feels sorry for her.

"Thank you," she mouths behind her hand, and she catches a smile from Higuchi before she turns around again.

"I hope you were nice to Higuchi," Gin says when she catches up to him. She notices the container in his hand. "What do you have there?"

"Tea," he answers simply.

"What kind?" she asks.

"Ginger," he says.

"Who made it?"

"Higuchi."

That tells her all she needs to know. Higuchi wouldn't make him something like that for no reason, she must be at least a little aware that he's ill, or not feeling well, at the very least.

"That was nice of her," Gin says. Higuchi is always that nice, no matter the occasion, whether he wants it or not.

"Mhm," he mumbles. "You're talkative today."

Gin huffs out of her nose. He’s not saying enough, but she won’t bother arguing with him. 

She takes Ryuunosuke's arm as they walk down. It's painfully obvious how dizzy he is and she really doesn't need him cracking his head open on the subway stairs, that's entirely inconvenient. "You should have taken the elevator."

"It's out of service," he tells her.

The line to their apartment is always quick to bring them a train, and this time she's especially thankful for it. She leads Ryuunosuke to one of the only open seats. He, of course, stares at her for a few moments, expecting her to take it, but she grabs his shoulder to push him into sitting down, leaving him without any choice.

She takes a bit of a defensive position in front of him as she takes hold of the pole right next to the seat they've found. It's just a few stops, thankfully.

Ryuunosuke looks tense. She's not entirely sure what happened. She knows he and Higuchi had to meet with Mori, but she doesn't know why, when, anything, and she doubts Ryuunosuke will tell her - but clearly, whatever happened there is still heavy on his mind. But at least, now, he's closed his eyes.

She wants to think of something that will help him relax, but with how unwell he's looking, she has a feeling she'll need to think of ways to prevent a worsening illness instead.

The train arrives and Gin quickly kneels down to take his arm to lead him through the doors, they're always so quick. This time, Gin really has to make an effort to keep him upright once they're on the platform, and she's really worried he's about to pass out. She stood him up too quickly.

"I'm okay," he assures her with a shake of his head in some attempt to get himself together, but she keeps their arms locked regardless. She knows at least that this station has a working elevator that they will be taking advantage of.

The elevator doors let them out on the street level, and they begin the short walk back to their apartment.

"Did your job go well?"

"It did," Gin tells him with a nod. It's not uncommon for things to go smoothly - she, Tachihara and Hirotsu make a good team. "Tachihara is out for four days, by the way."

"Is he now," he says, after a few faint coughs. Gin nods. Tachihara never elaborates on what he leaves for, but it’s at least once a month that he’s gone for something. "I suppose…the timing is good."

Gin has a feeling that means Ryuunosuke knows he won't be going back to work tomorrow, either.

There's a cat in front of their apartment that Gin always likes to stop and pet. It's a little thing that she looks forward to. Ryuunosuke doesn't usually engage. He pretends he's not a fan of cats, but she thinks he secretly is. Regardless of his feelings on the cat on any particular day, though, he usually waits for Gin. But today, he's unhooked Gin's arm and he's already headed up to their apartment without a word to her.

Gin stays for a while, regardless, just to give Ryuunosuke some silence for a few minutes. She's concerned about him being sick. It's never just a little cold or a headache, it's always a whole ordeal for him. He can never catch a break from it.

"What should I do with him, hm?" Gin asks the cat, who of course, gives her no good answer. He just purrs and presses against her hand for more pets, but before long, he's moved on to his spot on his doorstep in the sun.

Once she's back inside, she realizes this is where she's going to have to really take care of her brother. This is where he'll let his guard down enough for her to help him. She hangs her coat and keys by the door, takes off her shoes, and peers into the kitchen.

She sees him almost doubled over the sink. She sighs. That was inevitable, really. He's lucky he even made it this far, that willpower of his is something else, but as she gets closer, she realizes he hasn't actually thrown up. He's still breathing heavy like he's nauseous.

"You okay?" she asks gently as she walks over. Of course, he doesn't look okay at all. The arms holding him up over the sink might collapse on him at any moment, but even so, he nods. He could be on the brink of death and still be in denial.

"Okay, let's take this off," Gin says as she tugs on his coat. He doesn't look thrilled by the idea, but he's gotten better about letting his guard down in these kinds of situations over the last few months. He views himself as completely defenseless without long coats like this, and often he'll refuse to take it off even when they're at home. She turns him around and unzips it, pulling his arms out of the sleeves, and getting another feel at just how warm he is. She's worried he's going to turn into jello if he's standing any longer.

She takes his wrist to lead him to the bathroom, so she can at least wash his face for him. He often grumbles in protest about how he doesn't see the point in such things, but she knows how much it helps her after a long day, and insists on it anyway. She sits him down on the toilet lid and he rubs his eyes at the harsh bathroom lights, which she turns off for him, instead opting for the natural light coming in through the windows.

"I'll be right back. I'll get you a change of clothes."

And she does just that, finding a t-shirt and a light pair of sweatpants for him to wear. He's not going to like the t-shirt, but Gin won't let him walk around in a sweater with a fever, which she's sure he has.

She's done this countless times, ever since the first time he came home to their apartment with injuries so bad he couldn't brush his own hair. He knows by now that if she brings him to the bathroom, that she's going to help him whether or not he wants her to.

"Do you need help changing? I was thinking I could check if we have any medicine," Gin says when she places his change of clothes on the counter.

"I think I can do it," he says quietly, gingerly reaching for the clothes. He looks and sounds so tired. Gin won't keep him up, but she wants to at least help him wash up before he gets to bed.

Gin isn't sure they have much of anything, but she's concerned about his nausea. She needs to think of something to relieve him of that so that he can rest comfortably.

But of course, before she can start a proper search for medicine she hears Ryuunosuke fall. She scrambles to get back to the bathroom, already horrified that he's hit his head and he's out cold - but thankfully, he's still conscious. He's managed to get the sweatpants on but the shirt seems to have been the problem. He's leaned against the cabinet with a hand pressed against his head and his shirt only halfway on.

"Did you faint?" she asks him gently, deciding to not force him back up. The way he moves his head doesn't tell her if it's a yes or a no, but it's obvious enough to her. It must have had something to do with holding his arms over his head. She helps pull his shirt down all the way, since it seems he got most of the way there on his own.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, hardly audible.

"Stop. Don't be sorry, Ryuu," she tells him gently. The last thing she wants is for him to feel guilty. "How long have you been feeling bad for?"

"Not long," he murmurs, coughing into his hand, "it hit me this morning."

Gin doesn't think he's being dishonest, because she's seen this happen before. It always seems to go downhill incredibly quickly for him with his poor immune system.

She does her best to be quick, but she has a feeling that he's gotten used to letting this help him wind down. She's careful with washing his face, but she thinks the cool washcloth is soothing with the fever he's running. He probably needs a shower at some point, but she would rather he rest first, especially after he fainted.

She takes a moment to brush out his hair, too. She's thankful that in recent months it doesn't seem to be falling out as much, in fact, there's not much hair caught in the brush at all. She hopes that means he's taking better care of himself, but it's hard to say. It could be a coincidence.

She takes his hand to help him up. He has to lean on the counter for support for a few seconds before he takes any steps further. He's still very dizzy.

“I’m fine,” he tells her, even though she doesn’t say anything to him. He makes it clear that he doesn’t want any help, and Gin knows not to push his limits, so she doesn’t offer it.

"Please go lie down, I'll go get us something to eat," Gin insists.

"You don't need to do that," he murmurs with a sigh. He doesn’t move from where he’s standing.

Gin sighs back at him. "When did you eat last?"

Of course, Ryuunosuke won't answer that.

"It's been over twenty-four hours, I'm guessing. You need to eat, Ryuunosuke,” she says. They’re six years out of the slums and Ryuunosuke is still this stubborn when it comes to food.

"I don't think I'll be able to."

She's always stressed about his weight. He hides it well underneath his clothes, well enough for Gin to forget, most of the time. Gin feels guilty for it. She can see it now, his collarbone past the t-shirt, the way he’s standing making the bony surface of his shoulders a little more prominent.

"Then I need you to take some medicine for your nausea. I'm picking up food whether you can eat it now or not,” she tells him. She won’t push his limits most of the time, but she will when it comes to things like this.

He doesn’t say anything to her, his expression just falls a little like he’s silently accepting her response. That’s good enough for her, he thinks. He takes his body off of the counter and keeps a hand on the wall, tracing it as he takes himself to his bedroom, thankfully with no incident.

Gin decides she’s just going to place an order for something online. She doesn’t want to leave Ryuunosuke alone while he’s feeling like this, and she knows he’s afraid of being left alone with his guard lowered like this - so she finds her phone and puts in an order for something she knows will arrive soon.

She straightens up the bathroom for a few minutes after washing her own face and brushing out her hair. She needs a shower, too. There’s a lot of things she’d like to get done, actually, but she won’t distract herself with things that will take her attention away from Ryuunosuke right now.

She closes the door behind her and peers into the bedroom, hoping he’s at least laying down, by now - but he looks like he’s just sat up, and now he knows she’s there.

"Gin," Ryuunosuke stammers with a hand over his mouth, "the - the trash bin, please -"

By the time Gin can get the bin to him, he's just dry heaving between already painful sounding coughs. Gin can't imagine he has anything in his stomach to bring up, considering how long it's been since he's eaten - and he did this earlier too.

That makes it clear enough how unbearably nauseous he must be. He's far too good at hiding it.

After several minutes, he lies back down with a shaky sigh, not looking relieved in the slightest. He looks like he's in pain, his eyebrows knitted together. His body is frail and weak, he can hardly handle the exertion it takes to even attempt to vomit. Gin can't realistically give him any comfort, which is one of the worst parts of seeing him like this.

“I’ll leave this here, okay?” Gin says, setting the bin down on the floor beside the bed. “Will you take some medicine for the nausea?”

He just nods, sinking back into the pillows underneath him. Gin has always thought he has far too many of them, but if it’s comfortable for him, that’s all that matters to her.

She goes back to the kitchen to fill up a glass of water for him to take with the medicine. She’s a little worried about if he’ll be able to keep it down or not with how nauseous he is right now, but he has a better chance at feeling better taking this than he does just suffering through it.

He takes it without any complaints. Gin busies herself with a few quiet tasks in the apartment - straightening things up, things to keep her hands busy while she decides what to do. She would really like to get a doctor to him now, but she thinks she’ll have a hard time getting him to agree to that. Now, if it has to wait until tomorrow, should she call one in or take him to one? He doesn’t like having people in their apartment for any reason, understandably, but with how he feels right now, any sort of car ride or train ride to a doctor would make him feel significantly worse.

She should probably call Higuchi too, seeing as how the two of them are planned for another meeting tomorrow, but she may put that off to avoid worrying Higuchi for a longer period of time.

She peeks back into his room after half an hour or so, hoping he’s asleep. He's curled into his side, a pillow tucked between his arms. She's thankful that he's finally decided to lie down and stay there, but he looks miserable.

"Can I call a doctor over for you?" Gin asks quietly.

"No," Ryuunosuke murmurs. He’s completely avoiding eye contact, likely very aware that Gin doesn’t like that answer. "I'll be fine tomorrow."

Gin knows he's lying, but she'll respect the boundary he's setting, at least for now. As long as he’s not doing worse.

"If you're not doing better by tomorrow, I'm calling a doctor. Okay?"

He doesn't object to that. He shuts his eyes, and Gin decides to close the door and let him sleep for a while.

17 May, 2012 05:27am

Ryuunosuke sleeps through the day and into the night, which is troubling enough on its own. He’s never been known to sleep for long periods of time at all, not when they were younger and living in the slums, and still not after all of their years outside of the slums. Gin managed to find time to shower, order food in, and not any of her movements woke him. Not even when she laid clothes over his hot forehead, or when she slipped a thermometer under his tingue to take his temperature.

It’s a quarter until six the next morning when she takes his temperature again, and it’s steadily climbing. It stayed at around a hundred even throughout the day, and now as it beeps, the numbers ready one hundred and one point six. She bites her lip, brushing his hair out of his face.

He looks exhausted, but worse than normal. His gaunt face is only dimly illuminated by the lamp in the corner of the room, but even its warm light can’t cover up his horribly pale skin.. She doesn’t think he would have the will or energy to move even if he were awake. His brows are twisted together like he’s still uncomfortable, in pain. Even while he’s sleeping.

“Ryuunosuke…even after all this time, you still look the same when you’re sick,” she says quietly to herself, brushing back his hair, remembering his thirteen-year-old face illuminated by the candle she managed to find at the time. At least they’re safe here. At least she can properly take care of him, now.

Now is probably a good time to call Higuchi.

She steps into the bathroom and shuts the door, to help conceal the sound just in case it were to somehow wake him, as she pulls up Higuchi’s number.

"Gin, is everything okay?" Higuchi stammers almost immediately, not leaving room for a ring. Gin realized she hasn't exactly thought of what to say.

"Hi, miss Higuchi," Gin says a little nervously. She doesn't want to alarm Higuchi, but this isn't exactly a good situation, either. "I just wanted to let you know my brother needs to stay home today…maybe a few days. He's not well."

"I knew he was coming down with something…" she grumbles, sounding frustrated with herself. Gin wasn't want her to put any blame on herself, she's positive Ryuunosuke did his best to hide his condition from her. She hears shifting around, the sound of keys. "I can call a doctor over. Or if you think it's a better idea, I can come pick you two up to take him to the clinic at headquarters, but -"

"I think he'll be okay. It's not too serious," she assures. She’s not quite sure how truthful she’s being, but she didn’t have any plans to involve Higuchi. "I just don't want him to overwork himself."

The shifting stops. “Okay…if you’re sure. But, Gin, please call me if there’s anything I can do to help.”

Gin almost feels herself tearing up at the sentiment. She’s thankful for Higuchi’s kindness and willingness to help, and she’ll certainly take her up on it if she needs it, but for now, she thinks everything is okay.

They end their conversation with a few pleasantries, and Gin steps out into the kitchen.

She hears the cat’s little paws on their front door, and she opens the cabinet at the front door to access her secret stash of cat food for the little thing. There’s a few others on the street that feed the cat, but she thinks that lately, he has begun to favorite her. Ryuunosuke has made remarks here and there that they can’t keep a cat, they’re not home enough, but she thinks there’s no harm in this.

She fills up a little bowl with some kibble and sets it outside the front door for him. It’s started to rain a bit, the cat’s fur is damp. He purs and meows at her, rubbing his head against her hand as she sets it down. She scratches behind his ear as he eats. He really is cute. She wants to give him a name, but she can’t think of anything. She can already hear her brother telling her not to name stray animals, that it creates attachment, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

"Gin…?"

It's so quiet in the apartment that Gin can hear her brother's weak, raspy voice despite being at the front door.  She pats the cat and tells it to be careful before she shuts the door and heads for Ryuunosuke’s bedroom.

She doesn't think that he'll be able to hear her, so she doesn't bother responding. When he’s sick like this with fevers at those numbers, he's so out of it that he has trouble understanding her even when she's right next to him, so she makes great haste in taking a new washcloth from the kitchen to replace the one that's still resting on his forehead.

She's careful when she opens the door just like she always is, but especially now, to avoid scaring him.

His eyes follow her the moment she can see him, but that's all. He doesn't have any energy to move, not even lift his head.

She kneels down beside him on the futon to press the new washcloth against his forehead. She lets a hand linger on his cheek to get an idea if his fever has gotten any worse, and she thinks it may have.

"What's the time…?" he croaks. He’s still so exhausted, it almost looks like he’s fighting to stay awake. She can see it in his eyes.

"I think it's around six in the morning," Gin tells him. She's not entirely sure. She's been up all night looking after him, but she doesn't find herself tired at all. She's used to it. "I contacted Higuchi earlier, she knows you won't make it in today."

"Higuchi…"

"She was very concerned for you," Gin tells him.

Ryuunosuke is quiet from that point forward.

It's raining hard outside. It puts her on edge. It always has, it's a feeling from the slums that she's never been able to shake off, and Ryuunosuke's the same way. But she's worried right now that his fever is bad enough to make that feeling subside. He's so out of it that he almost seems relaxed, which isn't right at all.

His shirt is damp from sweat, she’s noticed. She needs to shower him later when he’s a bit more awake, maybe with some lukewarm water to help bring his fever down a little, but he’s not awake enough to even sit up, right now.

She holds up his head, gently, to slide out the pillow under his head and replace it with a dry one, a cooler one that’s bound to feel nicer. She sees him visibly relax at the feeling as his head sinks back into the pillow.

"I had a strange dream," he says quietly, after a few minutes of silence. His voice is hoarse, it gets quieter with each word to save his throat from the trouble.

"What kind?" she asks him.

"All of our money turned into chocolate."

Gin isn't sure if he's being serious or not, but she remembers this is her brother - he doesn't joke, not ever. She chuckles, she can’t help it.

"Chocolate? Like back in the slums?" she asks.

"It seems so,” he says. She almost sees his lip twitch into a smile, but in the end, without the energy to commit.

She laughs, this time.

"That won't be very useful to us now," Ryuunosuke says.

"It would've been gold back then," she tells him. She’s still plagued with a strange sense of relief whenever she sees chocolate of any kind. They would trade it for anything they needed back then. It was especially useful to them when he was sick - they could trade it for medicine, blankets, clean water.

She brushes through his hair again.

"I remember the time you were really sick, before we lost everyone," she says quietly. They didn’t have anything for him back then, not until she took he situation into her own hands. "They were all so afraid you weren't going to make it through the night."

She sees him tense up.

“It’s only thanks to you that I survived,” he says quietly.

Gin chews her lip.

28 February, 2006, 16:57 - Suribachi City

"How's your shoulder?"

"It's fine."

Gin knows he's lying, but right now, arguing with him isn't worth it at all. Ever since they were forced out of their last place, Ryuunosuke has been on edge. She's afraid even speaking too loudly to him will scare him, and with the loose control he has on his ability, that could be a dangerous situation for her.

"You two should go to sleep," he tells her, and Sayaka meekly standing behind her.

"I can stay up," Gin tells him, but the look he shoots her says he's not willing to accept that answer.

Right now, it's just the three of them. This is how things often end up when Ryuunosuke isn't fit enough to leave their shelter. She's pretty sure that he's broken bones in his knee and shoulder, but he's used his ability to force everything back into place and now he's simply pretending he's not in any pain. Gin can see it, though. He’s trying really, really hard to hold it together.

“I’m not - I’m not gonna argue with you, Gin,” he huffs, clearly frustrated with her non-compliance.

“And I’m not gonna argue either. I’ll stay up. You need to rest, Ryuu,” she says. “I know you’re in pain.”

She knows that he hates her talking like that in front of Sayaka.

Ryuunosuke turns his head away from her, but something else is on his mind, now. She watches his breaths start to pick up the pace. He waves her off and stumbles out of the shelter, I’ll be right back, he tells her silently, but Gin won’t let him run off. She gives Sayaka a look to make sure she doesn’t follow them, and runs after Ryuunosuke.

He didn’t get far at all. He’s just outside of the shelter in the little makeshift alley, sitting on the dirt ground and leaning against the unstable wall.

“What's wrong?” she asks him as she kneels down beside him. She knows he's nauseous, she can see it in the way he holds himself up, in the expression on his face, the way he’s breathing. But he won't say anything. He never does.

He brings a hand over his mouth like he's trying to stop himself from throwing up.

Vomiting is probably the worst thing for them to do here. Food is so hard to come by, especially as they’re just coming out of winter now, and throwing it up is so much worse than just losing the food. The dehydration that follows is the worst part. They don’t have clean water, they don’t have anything at all.

“It’s okay, Ryuunosuke,” she tells him quietly, laying a hand on his shoulder. She bites her lip. If he really is sick, they’ll figure it out. They have to.

She rubs his shoulder and he leans off to the side to choke up what little he’s had in his stomach to begin with. He has a hard time breathing through it, he’s really trying - but she thinks between the nausea and the pain from his injuries, this is all too much. He groans and lowers his head, trying to keep quiet but ultimately losing the battle.

She’s trying to think of a game plan. Rin and Shinya should be back the quickest, the left first this morning, maybe she can leave in their place to see what she can find for him. They won’t have brought back any medicine, they don’t have any idea that Ryuunosuke is sick - and she can’t ask them to turn around, if they’ve been out scavenging for hours.

She takes his arm once she thinks he’s finishing throwing up to lead him back into their shelter. She’ll get him to rest for a while this way, at the very least - he can sleep on the couch cushions they managed to find a few weeks ago.

Sayaka doesn’t say anything when they walk back in - she knows not to, but she can already tell what’s going on, Gin can see it in all of the concern in her eyes.

"Lay down, okay?"

She's shocked that he listens to her, it's telling enough of how he's really feeling. He curls up on the cushions with a little pained noise, his uninjured arm wrapped around his middle.

“It’s just from the pain,” he says quietly, but she knows he’s lying. She’s angry with herself that she didn’t realize he was sick.

Gin isn’t sure what to make of this. She lays a hand on his cheek and realizes he’s warm, so he’s been sick all this time. Getting sick from eating something bad is so much easier to deal with, but he must have an actual illness.

What else can she do? They can't take him to a doctor. Medicine is impossible to come by. They’ve already used everything they could trade in to replace everything they lost at their last shelter. They have absolutely nothing for him.

"What do we do?" Sayaka asks meekly from behind Gin.

“We’ll just see if some rest will do him some good,” Gin assures her with a nod. She’s hoping that will help, she’s praying for it, but she has a feeling they won’t be so lucky.

Shinya and Rin make it back an hour or so later, unfortunately with nothing more than a water bottle - but that’s certainly better than anything else they’ve been finding.

“Gin? Is Akutagawa…?” Shinya starts, eyes darting to Ryuunosuke’s curled up half-asleep form in the corner of the room. Both of them saw him as soon as they got back, but held off on saying anything.

She just nods, she doesn’t need to say much else. Shinya and Rin both exchange nervous glances. Ryuunosuke was sick for nearly two weeks last time, unable to do much other than sit up - and they need him more than anyone else, a fact everyone is painfully aware of. Ryuunosuke’s very aware of this too - that’s why he’s so hesitant to rest at all. He’s the reason all of them are alive. His ability is invaluable.

“He’ll be okay. He has to be,” Rin says with as assuring smile. Gin appreciates the sentiment, it helps her a tiny bit, but she can’t avoid her concern.

A few hours later, most of their group has returned, and Ryuunsouke is doing much, much worse.

He’s thrown up two more times since the first, and Gin’s holding a bin out for him now, Takehiro helping him keep steady because he doesn’t have the fight in him to even hold himself up. He doesn’t even have anything left in his stomach - they tried to get him to drink water a few hours ago, but it just came right back up.

Not to mention the fever. His skin is so hot that it burns to the touch. He’s covered in sweat, his hair is damp from it, but he’s freezing. She watches him shiver under the blankets, even with the fire going, and there’s no telling how bad that fever really is. Gin’s stomach twists, he’s gotten so much worse in a matter of hours. He’s still in so much pain, too.

She watches him blink away tears as he lays back down. It’s humiliating for him. All of these kids look up to him, he’s their pillar, their protector - and now he can’t even sit up on his own. She knows he would rather suffer alone than with any help.

“Gin?” Yuji starts quietly, just after Ryuunosuke has calmed down enough to rest his eyes. Yuji is abnormally quiet, like he doesn’t want anyone else to hear. The rest of them are curled around the fire pit on the other side of the room.

“Yeah?” she says.

“Do you remember…a few months ago, when Akutagawa told us that the Sheep owe him for something?” Yuji starts quietly.

Gin’s eyes widen.

She’d forgotten about that.

She doesn’t remember what he did for them, but she’s not sure he ever told them - but she distinctly remembers that they do in fact owe him something. And right now would be the perfect time to cash in on that and get him some help. The two of them only know this because he's told them that if they need something important, that's the route to go.

This is important. He may not consider it so, but she’s not sure he would survive this kind of illness this time around.

Gin stands up and walks toward the fire pit, where the rest of the group’s wide eyes stare with concern.

“I’m going to get help. Please take care of him while I’m gone,” she says quietly. At least, while he’s this sick, he can’t try to stop her.

“By yourself, Gin?” Rin asks nervously. “I’ll go with you.”

“I won’t be long. I know where I’m going,” she says. Rin’s already been out all day, she can't ask her to waste her energy to simply accompany her. “If I’m not back in two hours, come look for me.”

“Please be careful,” Sayaka squeaks.

Gin nods. She has to make it back for her brother, after all.

She takes her pocket knife out of her bag and stuffs it in her pocket, looking over Ryuunosuke and decides she has to go without saying anything to him - she can’t worry him, not with how awful he’s feeling already. She’ll be back before he can even realize shes left.

She scurries out, only with her knife and a plan to hunt down a sheep.

28 February, 2006, 19:49

Gin spots one after only half an hour of sneaking around their territory. Long, brushed out pink hair. She’s walking inside the building, but Gin won’t let her get that far. She’s cornered this girl before, and she knows that of she gets her, she can get who she wants to come out.

Within seconds, Gin has her against the wall with a knife up to her throat, close enough for her to feel how sharp it is, but not drawing any blood.

Her wild eyes stare straight into Gin’s. She seems to recognize that screaming right away may be a death sentence for her, so she stays quiet for a moment.

“Where is he? Your leader?” Gin growls.

The girl somehow manages to push Gin back long enough to shout something without a knife against her neck. “Shirase!”

“Answer me. Where is he? Where can I find him?” Gin snaps at her, digging the knife again, feeling her hand shake. Realistically, she has no solid way to defend herself, and no reason for them not to kill her - but she doesn’t live in a world where she can politely ask for help.She has to demand it, or else, her brother will continue to suffer.

“Get offa her, bitch!”

Gin whips around fast enough to catch the new boy off guard, presumably Shirase, and she holds the knife up close enough to his throat to draw blood. He's frozen in fear for just a second, caught off guard by Gin’s quick movements, but that’s all she has. He pushes her to the ground.

“Where is he?” she stammers, standing up on her shaking legs. The girl runs behind Shirase and grabs his arm, pointing straight at Gin.

“Kill her! She’s crazy, she tried to slit my throat! I didn’t even do anything!” she shouts, and Gin swallows back her fear. She wants to shut this girl up. If she wanted to slit her throat, she would have.

“The hell do you want with him, huh?” Shirase growls, sticking an arm out over the girl like he expects Gin to go after her again. “I’m not gonna let you near him if you think you can just go around holding knives to our throats, you psycho!”

Gin, for some reason, has enough courage in that second to try to go after him again, but he kicks the knife out of her hand and pushes her to the ground, pressing the heel of his boot into her chest.

“What did I just say, dammit!” he yells, stomping once against her ribcage. She cries out, fairly certain he’s cracked one of her ribs with that action. What they hell was she thinking? Why did she think this was going to be easy, that she could simply get help for her sick brother? She can’t hold her own against these people.

“Get off her, Shirase!”

Another voice shouts, and a boy with red hair suddenly appears in her line of sight. She knew she made the right call. She always sees these two around the leader.

“Don’t go near that bitch, she tried to kill me and Yuan!” Shirase growls. Yuan has already scurried over to snatch Gin’s knife off of the ground before she can reach for it again. “Held that knife to our throats!”

“Well, you still got your heads,” he huffs. Shirase looks completely taken aback by that. He scoffs.

"You're the Sheep's leader, right?" Gin asks. Her hands are shaking as she sits herself up. She has no chance in fighting anyone back now, so she needs to make her case.

"I'm not anyone's leader. Whaddaya want, kid?" The latter snaps. He keeps his hands in his pockets, glaring down at her with a raised eyebrow. The way he looks at her makes her wonder if he recognizes him.

"The Sheep owe us. Our group," Gin says quietly, slowly trying to stand herself up. Shirase and Yuan back up as soon as she does. "My brother, he…he helped you guys with something. A few months ago."

He looks suspicious, and waits for Gin to continue making her case.

“You’re not seriously gonna hear this bitch out, Ch-”

“Shut up. Let her talk, dammit,” he groans, waving his hand around to signal her to continue talking. He doesn’t make any steps forward, anything to make he think he’s going to retaliate. She tries to swallow back her nerves.

"I'm sorry, I don't…he didn't tell me what happened,” she mumbles quietly. She doesn’t have any idea. All she knows is it was significant enough for them to make this deal together.

"Ability user?" The red-head asks, cocking his head to the side, like he’s recovered a memory.

Gin nods.

"The one whose clothes turn into knives," he confirms.

Gin nods again.

"Yeah. We owe him. Where is he?" he asks. Shirase drops his jaw, starting to argue again, but the boy waves up his hand to shut him up. “Why’d he send you and not come here himself?”

"He needs a doctor. He's really sick," she murmurs, eyes dropping to the ground for a moment, intimidated by the red-head’s intense stare. "Do you know anyone that can help him?"

He exchanges a glance with Shirase for a moment. Shirase looks angry that he would even consider helping, but he knows what the latter is about to suggest without him even saying it, it seems.

“We know one in the city,” The leader says.

“Don’t help this punk ass kid, dammit. She just tried to slit Yuan’s throat! And mine!” he reminds him. Yuan doesn’t seem to want to speak up against this, for some reason. She stares back at Gin with a confused look.

“Well, we owe her brother a favor,” The red-head huffs, not even bothering to give him a look. “No take-backs for that kinda stuff. You know how it works, Shirase.”

Shirase pushes his shoulder and nearly knocks him to the ground. “Since when do you put outsiders over the rest of us, huh? The hell’s your deal? If I wasn’t here, this bitch would’a probably killed Yuan, you fuckin’ - ”

“This girl’s brother took out the guy who stole Yuan, you dumbass,” the leader snarls. “She’d be - if it wasn’t for him, she would -”

“This - that guy…?” Yuan starts, eyes suddenly full of concern as she looks over at Gin, and she starts to put all the pieces together. She remembers the day Ryuunosuke killed the trafficker, the man whom he met with to get supplies in exchange for favors. She suddenly feels sick, remembering his face, and then, his dismembered corpse at her feet. She doesn’t remember why Ryuunosuke ended up killing him, but even if it meant their supplies significantly dwindled, she was thankful he was gone for good.

Shirase is suddenly quiet.

“Please,” Gin starts quietly, feeling her eyes flood with tears with the resurgence of those memories, “I just want him to get better.”

“We’ll help you. I’ll get the doctor to come here if you can get your brother here by tonight,” the Sheep’s leader says.

“Next time, you can just ask for help, instead of trying to kill us,” Yuan grumbles, but her expression still holds that sadness.

Gin feels tears slide down her cheeks.

17 May, 2012 10:03am

Gin thinks to herself, that kid looked an awful lot like Chuuya. But that can't be right, there's no way Chuuya's from Suribachi City. Besides, she knew the Sheep leader's name. What was it again…?

"I'm going to go pick up the dry cleaning, I won't be gone for longer than half an hour. Do you think you'll be okay?" she asks Ryuunosuke. He’s been okay over the past few hours. No change in his fever, but he hasn’t thrown up. “I’ll pick up something to eat, too, but I think you might not be ready for that yet.”

“Not yet,” he confirms, letting his eyes fall shut. “I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Gin says with a quiet sigh, fixing the cold cloth on his forehead. “Just call me if you need anything, I’ll have my phone on me.”

He doesn’t say anything, but Gin knows she heard him. She dresses herself quickly and scurries out of the front door.

Motomachi isn’t far at all from the apartment, she wouldn’t have left if she knew she couldn’t make it back in a timely manner. She places an order at a restaurant right around the corner from the dry cleaners, that yall it’ll be ready for her once she’s finished picking up their clothes. Efficiently using her time.

She’s caught off guard by a familiar voice before she can wander inside, though.

"Gin!"

Higuchi. Gin whips her head around a little too fast.

"Good morning, ma'am," Gin says, bowing her head for a moment. She’s made herself a little dizzy, but manages to keep her composure.

"You don't have to call me that, Gin. I've said you can call me Ichiyo," Higuchi says. Gin isn't sure she wants to do that. Higuchi is still technically her superior, but she thinks she's latched onto the fact that she knows Gin's secret, now. "How's Akutagawa doing?"

"He seems to be doing better," Gin says, but it's not necessarily true. She'd rather give a vague answer than worry Higuchi any more than she already has. She wonders why Higuchi isn’t at work, but it makes sense that she wouldn’t have any reason to go in with Akutagawa home sick.

There's a girl standing close enough to Higuchi to lead Gin to believe they're out here together, and she almost does a double take at how similar they look. They must be related, but Higuchi's never mentioned anything about having siblings - let alone one that’s near identical to her.

"Ah, sorry, Kuniko," Higuchi says. The girl smiles as Higuchi politely gestures to Gin. "This is one of my coworkers."

"Subordinate," Gin corrects, bowing her head again.

"And Gin, this is my younger sister, Kuniko,” Higuchi introduces cheerfully. The girl smiles back at her.

“It’s nice to meet you! I’ve heard a lot about you,” Kuniko says, a statement that warms Gin’s ears up. What kind of things is she telling her sister about them? “Sorry if we’ve interrupted your plans.”

“Oh - no, it’s okay,” Gin says politely. “I was just going to pick up dry cleaning and some food before I head back home.”

“Do you think he needs to see a doctor, Gin?” Higuchi asks, her eyes suddenly full of concern. She’s not sure what tipped her off. Maybe there was too much urgency in her voice.

“I’d…I’d like him to, but…” Gin says nervously. She chews at her lip.

"I'm so sorry, I should've tried harder to get him to see one yesterday," Higuchi murmurs. She knows that Huguchi’s best efforts would have been wasted on him anyway, he’s far too stubborn to ever take advice or listen to that sort of thing - but of course, Higuchi’s guilt over the situation is tangible nonetheless. Gin doesn't blame her one bit. “I wish I’d noticed sooner…”

"It's alright, ma'am. He's stubborn," Gin says. Of course, to her, the signs are obvious, but she's known Ryuunosuke since she was born. He'll start to space out and become confused over things that make perfect sense. Sometimes he'll get quiet. He way he breathes has been engraved into her memory. She spent several nights keeping watch over him in the slums when he was sick enough to make her think she would wake up to hear his breathing cease.

"Gin?" she says.

"Yes?"

“He’s been getting sick more often,” Higuchi says quietly, her eyes lowered. “I’m worried.”

“I know,” Gin says, but it’s all she can say. She doesn’t know why. He’s never had a good immune system, but it’s only gotten worse. He won’t see doctors, he won’t tell Gin how he’s feeling or why, not ever. All she can do is watch.

"I promise I'll keep a better eye on him, next time,” Higuchi says.

"Please don't blame yourself,” Gin tells her. She would rather take the blame onto herself.

The dry cleaners and picking up food both take much longer than she would have liked them to, and she ends up back at their apartment about an hour later than she planned.

She sets the take-out back on the counter and drops the dry cleaning bag onto the floor before she scurries back to Ryuunosuke’s bedroom, but there’s no sign of him in bed. The sheets are disheveled like he was in a hurry to get out.

"Ryuunosuke?" Gin calls out, but she doesn't see him anywhere in the room. He might be in the bathroom. She’s worried that he’s thrown up again.

She knocks, briefly, to no response. She opens the door, slowly, carefully - Ryuunosuke is curled up against the wall, arms wrapped around his middle, features twisted up in pain. She doesn’t think he’s entirely awake, but he’t not asleep.

“Ryuunosuke?” Gin starts, kneeling in front of him, "You should go back to bed. It's not good for your body to sleep like this.”

She thinks his fever's gotten worse. He's not responding to her. He looks as white as a sheet, and he doesn’t show any sign that he’s heard a word she’s said to him.

"Ryuunosuke, I think -"

Her hand grazes his waist in an attempt to grip his arm, only for a moment, but it sets something off. He flinches so hard that she's worried for a moment he's hit his head, but the bigger problems begin when the ends of his sweatshirt turn into tendrils and hurdle toward her throat. They're wrapped tight around her neck before she can even think to fight back. He’s almost using enough force to pull her off of the ground, and no amount of pulling at his ability could possibly get her out of the restraint.

She feels like she’s going to die. She can feel it start to get sharp, but the choked plea she manages is enough to bring her brother back to reality.

As soon as he lets go, coughs and coughs, really thinking for a moment that she was going to stop breathing. She lifts her head and sees Ryuunosuke halfway up, staring at her wild-eyed, horrified at what he’d just done.

She knows why. He's never once told her, but she knows.

"Gin…I, I'm -" he hardly manages before he forces himself up to vomit into the toilet bowl, clearly not for the first time that day. Gin's angry with herself, she chose a terrible time to leave him. She should have known he would only get worse.

She knows she's safe to touch him now. He's alert, he's said her name. She scoots up closer to him and rubs his back. There’s nothing left for him to bring up. He’s just coughing and dry-heaving. It sounds so painful.

Gin bites her lip when she spots blood drip down his chin.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. His voice shakes. He can’t lift his head just yet, he’s still trying to catch his breath.

"Please don't be sorry," she says quietly. "It's okay."

She holds him for a few moments after he finally lifts his head. She wants him to know he's truly safe, and leave no doubt in his mind.

She can't help but cry.

"Gin…" he manages pulling back and reaching a hand out like he’s trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, it's not - it's not what you did," she murmurs. Of course, it scared her, but she's heartbroken that he still reacts like that. He'll never, ever let his guard down. That’s the worst part of it all.

"Your neck…" he says, his face all twisted up with the slew of emotions he’s feeling. God, he’s so pale. He looks like he’ll pass out any second.

"It's okay, Ryuunosuke, I promise,” she assures him, rubbing at the spot that’s starting to become sore. This is truly the last thing he needs to be worrying about. She’s dealt with much, much worse. “Let’s get you back to bed, okay? I think - ”

His eyes roll back and his whole body goes limp and falls forward before she can even finish her sentence. She hears a tiny noise of discomfort from him as she lifts him up to take him back to bed, but she certainly can’t let him fall asleep in the bathroom again.

She manages to get him back to bed, deciding to change out his comforter to something not so damp. His skin is so, so hot - she bites her lip when she feels his forehead. It must feel nice, her cool hand, she can see him visibly relax at the touch.

His eyes open again when she lays a washcloth over his forehead. His eyes don’t look for Gin for a few minutes. She takes his temperature, and the thermometer reads one hundred and three, now. It’s a miracle he’s able to talk to her at all. God, he must feel absolutely miserable.

“Hey,” she greets quietly when his eyes finally find her face, “you passed out.”

She doesn’t want to cause any confusion. He sighs, like he’s disappointed in himself.

“I think I should take you to a doctor, Ryuunosuke,” she tells him. She knows he’s not going to get any better on his own, especially with how much he’s throwing up despite eating nothing.

“I’ll be fine,” he breathes out quietly.

She sighs again. She wishes he weren’t so stubborn. She can’t imagine feeling as miserable as he is right now and refusing any kind of outside help.

"I ran into Higuchi earlier," Gin tells him, “she’s worried about you. She offered to take you to a doctor. Or call one in.”

"She's a fool," he whispers, turning his head away. He can’t comprehend anyone else caring for him. He’s never understood the lengths that Higuchi has gone to for him.

"She's just worried," Gin says. "You don't need to be so secretive with her. It might have saved you some trouble if you told her you weren't doing well yesterday."

"It's not her problem to deal with," he murmurs. He coughs a few times.

Of course he would think that way.

Gin isn't sure what she can do to change his mind. This has been the way he's thought since they were kids. His problems are his own. He never shares them with Gin, she always just happens to find out.

"That doesn't mean you should suffer alone, Ryuunosuke,” she tells him. "You wouldn't want me to suffer alone, would you?"

He scoffs, like it’s a ridiculous comparison, somehow.

"I doubt you would want that for Higuchi either. Or Tachihara, for that matter… any of us. I know you’re not heartless,” she says, patting his hair.

“You always say strange things,” he says quietly, the last of his words drifting off as he starts to fall asleep once more.

17 May, 2012, 17:41

Only a few hours later, Gin’s finding it hard to breathe after she checks the thermometer.

One hundred and four point one.

She can’t wait anymore. He needs to see a doctor right away. Even if it’s not what he wants, someone needs to help him, to do more than Gin possibly can from their apartment. Her hands shake as he brushes his hair from his face - he’s not reacting to anything. Not to any pinches, squeezing his arm, nothing.

But the worst part is that even through his delirium, only a few moments ago, he turned his head to the side to choke up a mouthful of blood, staining the white pillowcase beside him.

She scrambles for her cell phone and searches for Higuchi’s contact. It rings. Once, twice, three times, and Gin almost hangs up, but Higuchi finally answers.

"Miss Higuchi," Gin murmurs, trying her hardest to hide the shake in her voice. She knows there’s no hiding it.

"Gin? Are you okay?" she asks immediately, evidently recognizing the hurt in her voice right away. She already hears shuffling, like he’s getting ready to leave her apartment.

"He’s not…he’s not responding anymore. He needs a doctor,” is all she says, tears slipping from her eyes. She dips her head onto his shoulder and squeezes his arm, tight. His far too hot skin. She can’t see anything in front of her, the salty tears blocking her vision.

“I’ll be right there. Please don’t worry, I’ll be there very soon, okay?” she says gently, but Gin can hear it in her voice, too. She’s afraid.

Gin hangs up the phone and chokes back a sob.

Higuchi arrives in record time only minutes later, Gin stumbles to the front door to let her in, tear tracks staining her cheeks. She tries to wipe them off, she sees the way Higuchi is looking at her like she’s absolutely heartbroken to see her like this - it only makes her cry more.

“Hey, it’s okay, Gin,” Higuchi tells her calmly, holding her and squeezing her tight for just a moment. Gin sobs, covers her face, Higuchi pulls out of the hold and takes her hand before Gin leads her to Ryuunosuke’s bedroom.

Gin won’t have any problem carrying him, he’s so horribly thin, but Higuchi is still on standby. She sees the horror on her face as soon as she’s in the doorway, seeing Ryuunosuke in the state that he’s in - the blood, his white skin, the way he’s nearly limp as Gin lifts him from the bed. Even then, she gets no reaction from him, nothing but a pained moan.

“He’s not responding at all…?” she asks with a shake in her voice as she follows Gin out of the front door and down the steps to her car. Higuchi opens the back door for her to set Ryuunosuke in.

Gin gets into the other side of the backseat just as Higuchi climbs into the front, and without any deliberation, they’re off.

Higuchi tells her on the way there that she’s already notified the nursing staff at the Port Mafia headquarters infirmary that they would be on their way, which is reassuring, they’ll be ready. Gin cries and squeezes her brother’s hand the whole short ride there. Nothing has changed. Even six years later, she’s still terrified of losing him.

They get him up to the infirmary floor of the building in no time at all, and without any reaction from Ryuunosuke. She watches his eyes flutter, like he was trying to regain control, but simply couldn’t. She quietly reassured him the whole way, just in case she could hear him.

Once Gin takes him inside, she lays him down in the cot that they’ve prepared for him and she kneels down beside it, her hands reaching up to the guards on the side. Higuchi has already run over to the staff, and she tries to listen in, but she’s too focused on the restraints on the sides of the cot.

Her stomach drops.

"We won't treat him unless he's been stripped of anything he can weaponize," the doctor says as she approaches, neither her nor any of the nursing staff daring to come any closer.

Gin freezes in place, and stares at them in horror.

She understands their hesitancy to treat him. He's dangerous. He's killed members of their staff, years ago. After that point, Dazai was required to be present for any treatment that Ryuunosuke underwent, to negate any effects of his ability.

But he's not here. There’s no one who can do that anymore.

"Please don't do this," Gin says quietly, slowly standing beside the cot. She’s familiar with this doctor. She’s treated her many times, but she becomes very cold whenever her brother is brought up in conversation. "You don't understand how humiliating that is."

"It's not worth risking the lives of my staff, sir,” the doctor says. She holds eye contact. She almost looks like she feels guilty. Higuchi stands behind her, eyes wide and confused. She likely had no idea that this would be involved at all. 

"I'll stay here while you treat him. If it looks like he'll hurt anyone at any point, I'll take the hits," Gin stammers, biting her lip. She’s not even sure that would work. She’s just so desperate for someone to help him, She knows he's dangerous. He's hurt her against his own true will many times. She can still feel his sweater wrapped around her neck and holding her in the air. But it's all out of fear. He's lived so much of his life with no choice but to be that way.

“Please, please help him. He’s so sick,” Higuchi begs, eyes darting between the doctor and her staff.

“I will have him thrown out the moment he hurts any of my staff. Do you understand?” she says.

Gin begrudgingly nods. She just needs someone to help him.

They’ve made their agreement, and finally, the nurses start treating him.

Gin stays beside him the whole time, knees on the tile and elbows on the side of the cot, squeezing Ryuunosuke’s hand. He’s so out of it. He doesn’t react to a single thing that’s going on. Not even the multiple attempts to palace an IV catheter - he had terrible veins and it’s always a painful process for him, but even now, there’s no reaction.

They’re able to get some medications in him, too, through the IV, ones that she doesn't have to worry about coming back up. Something for the nausea, his fever - the doctor said she’s concerned about his lungs, she doesn’t like the sound she’s hearing. Gin knows they aren’t good to begin with, but the doctor is concerned about him developing pneumonia. She squeezes his hand tight again, and just as the doctor sets her stethoscope on his chest again, she feels him flinch.

The tendril stabs through her shoulder before she can recognize it, and she stops breathing for a moment. It's so painful. She's never felt anything more sharp than the fabric of Ryuunosuke's ability, it's almost so sharp that it's numb. She realizes it’s only hit her because of the angle she’s at. He meant to hit the doctor.

"Ryuunosuke," she chokes out, gritting her teeth. "They're trying to help you, Ryuu, please let them. Please."

His eyes are so wide and full of fear. She squeezes his hand tighter. The doctor is frozen in place, fully aware that one wrong move could result in a decapitation.

“I’m here, okay? I would never let anyone hurt you,” she says, tears flooding her eyes.

“I’ll try to give him a sedative,” The doctor whispers. She mentioned that she’s been hesitant on giving him one with the condition of his lungs, but it’s necessary.

One of the nurses has already had one on standby.

He makes a sound that almost resembles her name. He’s fighting to keep his eyes open. Gin cries just looking at that expression, it’s more heartbreaking than anything she’s ever seen on him. She can feel the tendril start to slide of her shoulder and return to its normal form as the doctor injects the sedative into his IV line, and the blood from the hole in her shoulder starts to drip down onto the cot.

Within seconds, his eyes fall shut.

“Gin - ” Higuchi gasps as she runs over, two other nurses following one they realize Ryuunosuke is sedated.

“Will he be okay?” Gin breathes out, wincing as one of the nurses rip the cloth from her shirt to expose her shoulder. “With - with that sedative?”

“I’ll keep a close eye out on him,” she says, brows knit together at the sight of Gin’s injury. She doesn’t want to look. It hurts so much, she hears the whispers from the nurses behind her as they try to coax her into sitting on the neighboring cot, but she doesn’t want to move.

“Gin, let them help you, please,” Higuchi tells her gently, taking her hand and moving her back to the cot. Her voice is shaking so much. “I’ll watch Akutagawa, okay? Let them help you before they can’t fix this anymore.”

Gin's finally starting to get tired herself. She feels her eyes roll back, a few shouts of her name, and everything is black.

May 19, 2012, 18:03

The soreness in her shoulder is the first thing she feels when she starts to feel herself coming back.

“Thank goodness, Gin,” she hears Higuchi say with an exasperated sigh. “I thought you were going to sleep forever…”

She finds Higuchi looming over her when she opens her eyes again, looking concerned but relieved all at the same time.

“Guess not takin’ care’a yourself finally caught up to ya’,” a new voice says, one that she recognizes, but certainly not one that was in the room last time she was awake. She rubs at her eyes as she tries to figure it out, and her stomach drops when her brain finally connects the dots.

Tachihara. Tachihara, who said he would be gone for four days last time that she saw him. Which, if she’s doing the math right -

“How long was I asleep?” she gasps as she sits herself up, wincing hard at the pain in her shoulder. Higuchi squeaks and lays a hand over it, frantically looking around for something to help her.

“I think…it’s been over forty-eight hours, now…” Higuchi says, meekly asking her to be careful as she leans forward to see if Ryuunosuke is still in the cot beside her.

He is. He’s sitting up, propped up by some pillows, leaning forward a little like he’s been watching her, too - as soon as they make eye contact, his shoulders relax with a sigh.

God, she’s so glad to see he’s doing better.

Gin scrambles to get out of the cot, with Higuchi nearly stumbling after her. Ryuunosuke seems a little surprised to see her move so quickly, and she regrets it a little - she feels dizzy, but she needs to check him over.

"Gin," he whispers, eyebrows knit together, "your shoulder."

She looks down at it, finding that blood is starting to seep through the hospital gown she’s been dressed in. It hurts, a lot more than most injuries she’s recieved, but she won’t show him that. She lays her hand over it.

"It's okay," she tells him quietly. He looks so much better than before. There’s color in his face again, his eyes aren’t so glazed over - there’s still an IV catheter in his arm, so he’s still recovering, but this is a massive improvement from before. “You look like you’re feeling a lot better.”

He sighs, like he was expecting her to say that. “You need to look after yourself, Gin.”

“Only if you promise to do that yourself first,” she tells him. Higuchi has found a chair for her and she urges her to sit down, taking note of her shaking legs, not quote yet ready to be walking around after being asleep for so long. She sighs. She hadn’t slept the entire time she was taking care of her brother, and the stress of it all really knocked her out for that long.

“I’m sorry, Gin,” he says to her, very quiet, eyes turned away. He feels guilty, she can see that clear as day. It hurts her to see.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault you got so sick, but you have to let me get help for you sooner next time. Okay?” she tells him, taking his free hand. He just nods, not quite wanting to look her in the eye yet, but that’s fine. As long as he’s acknowledged her words.

“You guys are scary similar,” Tachihara puffs.

“They are…” Higuchi sighs.

[blackhillverse]

the day i will get a canonically correct movie about the red room will be the day of my eternal rest. also, i could write my whole master's thesis on why i hate the black widow movie (2021) and why it sucks. it barely explores natasha’s character and leaves you with this feeling of being unfulfilled and still waiting for the other half of the story. btw, i just think we should all collectively agree that hollywood fucking sucks when it comes to portraying any slavic characters.

[toychive]

bratz : flashback fever cloe

[koishua]

first started writing for nct when this place was infested with neozens and then started writing for enha during given-taken when there were barely any engene writers at all and now its the total opposite lmao i find that actually hilarious 😭😭

[velvetjune]

i played the remastered alan wake a while back and am replaying the original on steam, and, honestly, they’re so similar, I couldn’t tell which is which if you held up comparisons. ive come across reviews about the game looking outdated and bad (mostly compared to other releases in that time), but the original looks great and I like the hazy dark lighting for both this and awan

[slowdive1994]

i just think @literatureisdying needs like an award or smth for never accidentally unfollowing me despite the fact that i am almost always sitting in their biggest fans list