#Finn just probably grows out his hair until for whatever reason it gets chopped

[redrobin-detective]

the first language

Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last, and it always tells the truth. ~ Margaret Atwood

"Simon! Simon!" Finn shouted excitedly as he and Jake burst into Simon's house. Well it had technically been Marcy's first but though it's only been a few months since Simon became human again, it felt like it had always been their place. "Wait until you hear about this crazy wild monster we foug-"

"Stop," Simon commanded, peeking around from around the kitchen wall to give them a light glare, his lips pressed together in a line. He and Jake froze midstep. Finn was a bold teenage adventurer who took orders from no monster, king or extraterrestrial entity. Until Simon, only PB could boss them around and even that wasn't a sure thing. The older human flicked his eyes over them with an unimpressed stare that made Finn want to shrink into himself. Even without powers or magic, Simon was way more intimidating than Ice King. 

"You boys are filthy and I just cleaned up the place." Simon sighed and rubbed at his eyes underneath his glasses. "There's a hose outside, wash off the worst of the dirt and other various stains. I'll leave towels on the porch and for god's sake take off your shoes before you come in."

"Yeah okay, sorry Simon," Finn said, trudging outside and turning on the hose to spray down his arms and legs. Now that he looked, they were pretty gnarly covered in mud and monster guts.

"Simon's kinda like a mom, dontcha think?" Jake added as Finn sprayed him down with the hose. He laughed as Jake guzzled some of the water and spat it back at him. 

"I mean I guess," Finn shrugged, pointing the hose up so they both were getting rained on. "It's kinda nice you know, to be fussed over. It's different."

"I fuss over you," Jake frowned.

"I know man and I appreciate it," Finn said, showing his appreciation by spraying Jake in the face. "I can't explain it but it's different with Simon, kind of like how you and Lady have your own thing going on that's special but separate from what you and I have."

"Yeah okay," Jake responded. "Is that why you insist on stopping by to see him anytime we're in the area?" Finn didn't answer, instead impressing Jake but wiggling the hose to make it look like a snake. They continued to laugh and splash each other with the water until Simon stepped outside and hung some towels on the porch.

"When you're done playing, I have hot chocolate waiting for you. Then you can tell me all about your latest adventure," Simon smiled before stepping back inside. Finn whooped and rushed over to turn off the hose. Hopefully Marcy wouldn't be back before all the water on her porch and front lawn dried. 

They toweled off and Finn did remember to take off his shoes before entering the house. The place looked different from when it was just Marcy living there. The small loveseat had been exchanged for a bigger couch along with some mismatched armchairs. A keyboard was propped in the corner next to Marcy's bass. The house was cleaner, more organized with Simon around. It really felt like a home.

Simon was at the stove, stirring something in a pot as they took their seats at the kitchen table. Their assigned mugs were set out for them and snacks were on a large plate in the middle. He and Jake dug in. Simon came up behind them and poured the hot chocolate into their mugs from the pot and sat down, pouring his own cup.

"Finn, your hat still has blood on it," Simon noted, taking a sip. "How do you usually clean it?" 

"Oh uh you know, I usually just rinse it off and if it gets too grody or it comes to life, I go skin another bear," Finn said awkwardly. Simon nodded as if he expected such an answer and excused himself to go get something.

"Ohhhh Finn's in trouble with Mommmm," Jake sang under his breath and Finn kicked him under the table. Simon returned with a box of something before it could escalate into a full out foot war.

"Animal skin usually requires special care, it's doubtful those products exist anymore so we can also use shampoo to get some of those stains out. May I?" Simon asked, holding his hand out.

"Oh yeah, thanks, Simon," Finn said pulling off his hat which caused his long hair to flop against his shirt with a wet plop. Jake snickered, it was probably getting time to cut it again. Like his hat, it was getting dirty and tangled, easier to just shave it all off. Simon turned on the sink and began gently washing the hat. 

"I've talked a bit to your mother and some of the other Islanders and the history of humanity and the animals hats post-apocalypse really is interesting," Simon lectured. "The hats originally were intended to keep people warm in the elements but evolved to protect humans from vampiric attack, covering their vulnerable neck area. Even when vampires went extinct, humans continued to wear the skins as a form of cultural identity."

"Mom uh Jake and I's Mom said I was wearing a hat like that when they found me. It used to be the only clue I had about where I came from so I kept making similar hats in case someone was looking for me." Finn took a long sip from his cocoa to avoid the look Jake was giving him. He wasn't usually one for sentiment but hanging out with Simon usually made those deep inside feelings spill out.

"Okay, we'll just let that soak and- Finn," Simon said before turning around and sighing. "Finn, your hair is a mess. I keep telling you it's not healthy to jam your hair in that hat 24/7. Your scalp needs to breathe, especially with all the running around you do. Here," he grabbed the towel from earlier and wrapped it around Finn's shoulders. "Let me wash it for you and try to work out the worst of mess."

"Oh uh you don't have to it's fine, I'll take care of it when I'm home," Finn stumbled, embarrassed. Ice King had been a mess but Simon always looked so put together. It made Finn a bit self conscious but then again, until recently, he didn't have any other humans to compare himself to. Simon gently guided Finn back to the chair, tilting his head back. 

"I want to," Simon smiled from his upside gaze. "I used to do this all the time for Marcy. Besides, we humans have to take care of each other after all." Simon poured some shampoo in his hands and went to work on Finn's hair. The feel of fingers scrubbing at his roots, running through the length of his hair and massaging those sensitive, untouched areas of his head made him go boneless. Finn groaned, worried that his bones had become soup and he'd slide right out of the chair and into a puddle on the floor. He can't remember ever feeling so relaxed in his life.

"Oh my glob Finn, are you alright? What did you do to him?" Jake demanded but Finn barely noticed. He felt like he was in the 47th Dead World or something where everything was good and nothing hurt.  

"Head massages are relaxing to humans," Simon paused in his scrubbing and Finn moaned in disappointment. "Has he never had one of these before?"

"Mom and Dad used to pet us and I do it to Finn sometimes when he's upset," Jake defended.

"He's not a dog," Simon said, some unnameable emotion in his voice. "I'm sorry, I suppose I'm taking for granted what it was like to live in a society designed by and for humans. Finn, I'm going to rinse out your hair and start working on these knots. You really should work on maintaining your hair if you're going to keep it long. It's such a lovely color and texture."

"Hmm don't really know what to do with it, no one really had hair like mine," Finn mumbled as Simon rinsed the shampoo out.

"I suppose so and Marcy's is much thicker and textured requiring different styling," Simon mused out loud as he massaged some thick goop and gently, so gently, began working out the knots. Finn could die here happily. Jake hummed and stretched himself so he could see what Simon was doing.

"What's that stuff?"

"Conditioner or my best homemade equivalent with honey, olive oil and milk. It softens and moisturizes the hair and scalp. It will help prevent the hair from tangling so easily and overall keep it healthier, especially if he's going to continue to wear his signature hat," Simon explained. They chatted easily about human grooming methods while Finn's eyelids fluttered in relaxation, drifting in and out of the conversation as the comb made long, easy swipes through his hair before rinsing it out again. He loved his Mom and Dad, knew they did his best with him but he knows he missed out on something being raised by dogs. If he could recapture even a little bit of that missing piece with Simon...

"Finn? You still with us? Ground Control to Major Tom?" Simon teased, gently tapping at Finn's forehead. Finn blinked up at him. "What do you want me to do with it? I can braid it, put it in a ponytail, leave it flat." Finn wasn't ready to stop being touched.

"Braid please," he said quietly, sighing in contentment as Simon began combing and separating the strands.

"I'll write some notes on how to best care for it. Maybe next time you talk to your mother, you can get some ideas on what they've have been doing since I was last around." He paused in his braiding. "There's so much to being human, Finn, both past and present. Maybe it's selfish of me but I want you to proud of who you are. You may not be the last human anymore but that just means you're not alone. And we're done, not bad considering it's been about a millennia since I did my last braid."

With great reluctance, Finn raised himself up from the back of the chair. His braided hair was still wet but it felt cleaner and lighter than it had in a long time. Moreover, tension Finn didn't even realize had been in his neck, head and shoulders was gone. Jake suddenly popped into his vision.

"Bro, you look so pretty also like you just had the best rest of your life," he smiled awkwardly. "So is this like human equivalent of getting scratched in that itchy spot behind your ears? I guess that didn't really do anything for you, huh?" Finn smiled and reached up to scratch Jake's ears, smiling wider when Jake's tongue lolled out in satisfaction when Finn got to the right spot. 

"So I'm still waiting to hear about this monster you two got so dirty defeating," Simon added, cleaning up his supplies. Finn and Jake regaled Simon with the story of the evil monster they'd fought which had been terrorizing the Goblin Kingdom. Finn had felt tired initially but was reinvigorated, animatedly reenacting the epic battle. They finished their cocoa as Simon discussed his own research into the history of Ooo. They decided to head out soon after as BMO was probably getting lonely back at the house. Simon handed Finn his now cleaned hat and a container of the hair products he'd used.

"The animal skin needs to dry fully before you put it back on but it should be good by tomorrow. You should wash your hair when it's dirty or at minimum every few days. Shampoo first, rinse then a small amount of conditioner before rinsing that out too. And do try to keep your head uncovered every now and again," Simon said, before patting Finn's shoulder. "You can call or stop by anytime if you have questions about anything."

Finn had searched his whole life for answers, for comfort, for someone like him. His dad had been a massive wad and his mom was nice but disconnected. But the former sad wizard he used to beat up had shown him the best way to wash his hair. Life was funny like that. He couldn't wait to see what it was going to throw at him next.

"You're gonna regret saying that because I have about a bajillion questions."

"I'll do my best to answer them, after all, we've got all the time in the world." 

[regrettablewritings]

So because @xemopeachx is a sadistic heathen goblin who haunts my dreams and soul, I must now name the top 10 characters of whom I hold near and dear. Which is essentially like choosing which 10 children of yours you’re gonna save from a house fire. But in any case, in no particular order, here are just 10 of the ones that come to mind. There are many more, but the rule of tagging dictates that I must only name 10. . . . What a load of cockwaffle! 😭 😭 😭

10. Bruce Wayne (Batman v Superman)

I know that there’s a plethora of Bruces to choose from (and don’t worry, the Animated Series version is definitely the best Batman in general), but Ben’s version of Batman is my favorite live action rendition. I know some people have their issues with a gun-wielding Bats (don’t even get me started on my argument against this view), but a surprising amount actually will admit: this Batman is downright interesting. He’s on the cusp of moral bankruptcy and cutting corners and his psyche is just not in the best place and -- God, I could go on about why I love this version of him!! (Besides, you know, him being Daddy(TM).

9. Light Yagami (Death Note)

So lemme tell you youngins about Death Note. The real Death Note: What Netflix failed to capture about this acclaimed, timeless series is just about everything that made it creative, unique, and thrilling. One such example is our villain-protagonist, Light Yagami. Light is a golden boy: Gets good grades, is decent-looking, intelligent as all getout, and an all-around pleasant guy with a bright future ahead of him -- until he gets his hands on a notebook that kills. Light Yagami is an insanely intelligent and ambitious motherkiller and it’s just all so amazing to see how far one person can fall in the name of what they consider justice. He’s this seemingly perfect guy whose god complex overwhelms his morality in the pursuit of purifying the world and it’s just so interesting! Please, if you haven’t seen Death Note or are hesitant to see where the Netflix flop supposedly got its ideas from, I suggest you check it out!

8. Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer)

(Fun fact: I had to scroll through the “Lucifer Morningstar” tag in the gif selection just to find one image that didn’t make my face burn or make me reflexively smile because I smile when I’m nervous. Because lordy, Tom Ellis is one handsome devil, pun intended.) So the reason Luci is here is kinda concerning but at the same time, kinda not. On the heavier side, it’s because everything he has issues with (being hated for doing his job, being punished for stepping out of line when his dad knew what was going to happen yet nobody tried to help him, etc.) were things I was thinking about around a year or two prior to the show’s announcement. I’m kinda at a crossroads with my spirituality but it felt weird to realize I wasn’t the only one thinking that there was something a bit messed up about the whole Falling Situation(TM). But on the brighter side, Lucifer is just an all around interesting character. He’s like a teenager who covers up his emotions with legal alcohol-drinking and the pleasures of the flesh and you kinda gotta feel for the little/big guy. When he’s actually feeling truly himself (instead trying to cover up his sadness with outright giddiness), he’s a complete goofball and I love it!

7. Toshinori Yagi aka All Might (Boku no Hero Academia)

What even needs to be said about Toshi? Other than he is love and he deserves a nap. And many other things . . . Hint-hint at the people who’re caught up with the manga. Anywho, Toshi is such a freaking freeaboo and I love him because even though he’s this unhealthy guy, his heart really is in the right place and he just wants to help people and make sure that the next generation of heroes is capable of upholding the safety of the innocents. Toshinori is the pillar of peace to the world, and the pillar of love to my heart.

6. Finn (Star Wars: The Force Awakens)

Ngl a hefty reason is because John Boyega himself is such a sweetheart. But it translates quite well into reasons why I heart Finn. Let’s be real: Finn doesn’t like conflict. He’s not a coward or anything, he just doesn’t like the idea of harming others, particularly the innocents. But don’t get it twisted: He’s brave as hell. Do you think just anyone would take a risk by freeing a Resistance pilot to help them flee a tight situation? Or use a weapon they’ve never used before in order to fight of a behemoth of a guy? Hahahahahabichnah. Finn may get a lot of flack from some more uncultured parts of the Star Wars fandom, but let’s be clear: I ain’t havin’ it. Finn is bae, Finn is brave, and this fandom better come correct about him.

5. Mr. McCarthy (Me and Earl and the Dying Girl)

M’kay, there’s only, like, two gifs for this film and none of them feature this man and that’s a crying shame. Because even though he’s only in the film, like, several times . . . Guys, it’s Jon fucking Bernthal. And I’m not even able to lie and say he’s not on this list for looks alone. However, to be fair, for the time he was in it, he made an impact on me at least. And he does manage to play a part in the film’s overall lesson. He always pops up in my mind and I can’t shake him, so surely he’s made enough of an impact on me. . . . Or maybe I’m just thirsty because he looks like my type: Dark hair, tattoos, wears vests well, intelligent, loves history --

4. Karamatsu Matsuno (Osomatsu-San)

I just feel so bad for this adorable butt-monkey. His taste in fashion is gaudy (but still somehow wonderful) and despite the vain demeanor he tries to present, he’s actually surprisingly the second nicest out of all five of his siblings, following Jyuushimatsu. It’s not saying much, as he’s still a pervy NEET with technically poor social skills (which is odd, considering that he’s an extrovert), but he actually has his heart in the right place. Unfortunately, that place means helping and serving his siblings only to get beaten up or ignored in response.I hope this new season will do something kind for him, but I doubt it. But all the more reason to be a Karamatsu Girl!!

3. Linda and Louise Belcher (Bob’s Burgers)

This may be cheating, putting two characters into one slot, but also consider this: Whatever, I do what I want!! Ahem. Anyway. Linda and Louise have special places in my heart because Louise reminds me of myself in some ways (particularly, that we both have trouble expressing out attraction to people and our first instincts scream, “SLAP THAT PRETTY FACE, HOW DARE THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO WARM WHEN MY INSIDES ARE COLD?!?!?”). And Linda? She’s like a slightly more eccentric, wine-loving version of my mom. No joke, they even sometimes where the same glasses, it’s weird. (My mom hates when I call her Linda.) I also like watching how Louise is growing up and developing a better sense of empathy, as well as how Linda’s crazy antics don’t push her away from Bob but, instead, give them something to grow from. And that’s not something you see too often, let alone in adult cartoon couples.

2. Drake Mallard aka Darkwing Duck (Darkwing Duck)

I grew up with this motherclucker!! . . . Or should it be “motherquacker”? Either way, I remember having this VHS of Darkwing Duck that had “Tiff of the Titans” and “Negaduck” on it and I would watch it all. The. Time. Honestly, I probably didn’t see too many other episodes (if any at all) because we didn’t have cable while Toon Disney was still running episodes but the fact that I still love this duck to this day should say a lot.

1. Rafael Barba (Law & Order: SVU)

How does one begin to describe their feelings for Rafael Barba? Do they start with how he was a character made with love by both a showrunner and the actor for whom the part was made for? Or do they talk about his prowess in the courtroom? Do they speak of how, despite his aloof and workaholic demeanor, he genuinely does care deeply for those whom he cares about at all? Or should they bring up his “suicidal streak” that causes him to take on crazy cases and even put his neck on the chopping block (even though this is technically problematic in so many ways)? Or maybe they can just start it off with, “He’s a Cuban-American man who’s had to work his way up into a position where, in spite of his seeming bitterness towards everything, he actually does love what he does because he wants to make a difference in some way, shape, or form. He is a symbol of the ‘American dream’, in the sense that nothing was ever handed to him, nothing is still really handed to him, and yet, he persists every day.” Regardless of what is said, there is but one agreement: Rafael I. Barba is a blessing, both in-universe and out of it, and he deserves so much more than what the writers have been giving him as of late. So here’s to hoping that season 19 will give him new opportunities, and a new set of fangs so that he can go for the jugular in these next cases!

Bones: #0

Frank Castle (Daredevil)

Do I . . . even need to explain why this giant pitbull is on this list? JK yes I do

Frank Castle is a beautiful if troubled man. I just love the complexities of his character, particularly the mindset of absolutism in terms of permanently putting down whomever Matt just knocks down. He’s a broken, hurt man and this is what he chooses to do. I may not agree with in in reality, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get it. There’s so much more I could say, but it’s, like, 2AM and I’m bushed. So in the meantime, just keep marveling at this battered, bruised, beloved pitbull of  honeybunch.

I tage @junieyes , @ohbelieveyoume, @skittle479, @thisisnothowidie, and whomever else wants in! Sorry for making you pick children, tho 😗