#Filmmaker Q&A
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
mechanichuntsman · 7 months ago
Text
some small comparison
(they're not all accurate and some may be missing some stuff because I have enough/am too tired + this old and I just finished it recently)
bedroom
Tumblr media Tumblr media
living room
Tumblr media Tumblr media
kitchen
Tumblr media Tumblr media
15 notes · View notes
markiafc · 3 days ago
Text
very, very special place in my heart for queer docufilms. transgender-focused ones in particular. so much of chinese queer cinema and the queer activist movement owes itself to lgbtq+ documentaries, shorts and movies. many of china's queer filmmakers ended up creating lots of docufilms, some are notable landmark releases as well. there's just such a strong tradition for non-fiction and/or (auto)biographical films in chinese queer cinema. it's cheap and accessible to make, produces something tangibly and compellingly queer as it's real life, plays a big part in archiving queer history, etc. and a major subset of the genre is the trans documentary scene. love love love, always!
6 notes · View notes
jerek-sfm · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Q and A #7 what is the best job for me?
3 notes · View notes
kev-doso · 6 months ago
Text
5/90 - Q&A ⁉️
2 notes · View notes
blackcatfilmprod · 10 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hollywood Arrives to the Gold Coast. This month we attended a festival event organised by Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts (AACTA) and Home of the Arts. Special panel events where different filmmakers & writers come and talk about their filmmaking journey in the industry & how they got to where they are today.
2 notes · View notes
emilyschooley · 1 year ago
Text
Recently, I chatted with Hamish Downie of Two Gay Geeks about my short experimental film "fuck" screening as part of the Raising Awareness programming block at the Gilbert Baker Film Festival. Check out the interview, and be sure to grab an all-access pass to experience everything that the festival has to offer!
2 notes · View notes
o-the-mts · 4 months ago
Text
The Buffalo Soldiers bicycle corps 1,900 mile, 41-day bicycle journey from Montana to Missouri by way of Yellowstone National Park.
A bunch of historical events I think would make great movies:
Shakespeare’s company being commissioned a special performance of Richard II, the night before Lord Essex attempted to overthrow Queen Elizabeth and the subsequent trial to see if they’d committed treason. (1601)
The life of Bernard-François de Chauvelin, a man who experienced the American Revolution , the French Revolution, the Reign of Terror, the Napoleonic Wars and the Restoration of the Monarchy. (1766-1832)
The Great Emu War: Australia’s lost war against emus. (1932)
Hrotsvitha, the first known German female writer, historian, poet, and the first person since the Fall of the Roman Empire to write drama, and her fight to be heard. (935-973)
The 1915 Glasgow Rent Strike which was seven months of working-class solidarity which forced the government to give in and freeze the rent.
301 notes · View notes
jasonaaronpro · 29 days ago
Text
A Killer Duo in the Studio: Don Becker & Topher Chambers on “Night Talkers” 🎬🧛‍♂️
Get ready for thrills with Don Becker & Topher Chambers! Join us as they reveal the making of Night Talkers & their Oct 14 VIP Premiere! 🧛🎬
This week on IN the Loop, we’re joined by Don Becker and Topher Chambers, the creative masterminds behind the chilling new horror film, Night Talkers. These versatile talents bring an impressive background – Don, a Marine veteran and retired Foreign Service officer, and Topher, an archaeologist-turned-writer/director. Together, they discuss what it takes to bring horror stories to life on the big…
1 note · View note
motherearthday · 7 months ago
Text
Hopeful stories of heroes among us that are defying the odds to heal the planet with regenerative practices.
Tumblr media
Gather your friends and family to watch the extended Earth Day edition of the film, including Q&A discussion featuring filmmakers, narrators, and special guests. You will experience the hard truths about our food systems, and walk away with tangible solutions after seeing the profound and hopeful stories of heroes among us that are defying the odds to heal the planet with regenerative practices, one acre at a time!
youtube
0 notes
lyricalopposition · 8 months ago
Text
Re-Entrification: Documentary Screening | Presented by BraveMaker
With lyrical poetry, this film tells the story of residents displaced from their homes due to the Bay Area's high cost of living.
Re-Entrification is a feature-length documentary film that tells the story of residents that have been displaced from their homes due to the city's high cost of living. Tiny homes became a sanctuary where families can have the fundamental human right of a home. This film tells their story on how they made the decision to seek this type of support. Re-Entrification sheds light on the housing crisis in the Bay Area.
Re-Entrification means being able to move back into communities and neighborhoods that a person is originally from. It’s the way to bring back its history, beauty, struggle, pain - the soul. Re-Entrification is to create and reclaim sustainable economic structures that allow people living in the neighborhoods to thrive within their own neighborhood; to recapture the native essence of that place.
Doors open at 6pm SATURDAY MARCH 9TH. Capacity is limited.
Film program starts promptly at 6:30pm which includes a question and response time with the filmmakers and special guests.
BraveMaker is HQ'd at Sequoia Church in Redwood City and has a cinema quality screen, projector and AV system.
Parking is in the large parking lot found at 1840 Harding Ave/Cross St Topaz St.
Director Fego Navarro is a Salvadoran American Artist/Filmmaker from San Francisco, CA. Fego is the Creative Director of the artist collective Lyrical Opposition, a California 501(c)(3) arts nonprofit that cultivates lyrical artists to oppose injustice through social awareness & systemic change. Lastly, he is the Director of a poetic documentary titled Re-Entrification, a film that tells the story of 5 residents displaced from their homes due to the city's high cost of living.
https://www.instagram.com/lyricalopposition
0 notes
travsd · 2 years ago
Text
The Oeuvre of Leslie Zemeckis
In the spirit of our recent post on Marion Meade, we thought you’d use the occasion of Leslie Zemeckis’s natal day for a brief appreciation of, like, everything she’s ever done (with fervent hopes that, unlike Meade, she will live and produce many more cool works long after I hit the “publish” button.) We first became aware of Zemeckis via her first film, 2010’s terrific classic burlesque…
Tumblr media
View On WordPress
1 note · View note
david-talks-sw · 4 months ago
Text
The OTHER type of Star Wars fan
We've already covered (through this longer post and this addendum) that research shows George wasn't that involved or interested in the derivative material of the Star Wars franchise, also known as the Expanded Universe (EU). Aside from approving a few points, he let Howard Roffman and Lucasfilm Licensing handle it.
He is the first to say that he ain't as knowledgeable about Star Wars lore as we fans are.
Thing is... he's also not as passionate as we are.
Recently, I was watching some Q&A videos of George R.R. Martin, the author of Game of Thrones... and it occurred to me:
Martin is what most Star Wars fans wish Lucas was.
Think about it.
He's a talented writer who likes to focus on morally "gray" characters and complex political plotlines,
who created a series of novels for a mature audience in which his narrative merely asks questions and lets the reader draw their own conclusions,
knows and engages in the lore behind his creation and will often respond to those lore-heavy questions, and has gone on record stating that canon is the glue that holds a story together and keeps it coherent.
Contrast that with George "continuity is for wimps" Lucas, who:
Wrote a movie franchise which is also, partially, political... but he makes it for kids, and he's explicit about how this is thematically a clear-cut story about how the conflict of "good vs evil" is really about "compassion vs greed",
with flat dialogue, boring cinematography,
and whose approach to lore and canon can be summed up in his answer to how Anakin got his scar:
"I don't know. Ask Howard [Roffman]. That’s one of those things that happens in the novels between the movies. I just put it there. He has to explain how it got there. I think Anakin got it slipping in the bathtub, but of course, he's not going to tell anybody that." - Pablo Hidalgo’s set diary, August 2003
And as a Star Wars fan, I will admit that some of his casual retcons felt disrespectful, growing up.
"Boba Fett is NOT Mandalorian?!"
I had the same reaction when I saw an interview of Kathleen Kennedy stating she was a fan of Star Wars... from a filmmaking perspective. That seemed like such a finagling cop-out for me, at the time.
"Just say you're not a real fan, God!"
And it's easy to divide it in two camps, like that. You have 1) the fans, who will delve into deep lore, and you have 2) the average moviegoer.
But looking back on it... holy shit, that is actually a completely valid way of being a Star Wars fan.
Yes, Star Wars is a transmedia franchise, it's books, it's video-games, it's deep lore, it's lightsabers and Jedi and Sith and bounty hunters and Ewoks and Jabba and High Republics and Tython and Revan etc.
But before it was that, Star Wars was a filmmaking revolution. A juggernaut of innovation for the silver screen that inspired most of today's filmmakers.
So, sure, George Lucas isn't an avid lore-loving Star Wars fan like you and me. But he is a movie fan.
"I'm not that passionate about this story. I like it, it's fun and I enjoy doing it. But it's definitely not my life. I'm a bigger movie fan than I am Star Wars fan. I like making movies. At the end of nine years of making Star Wars, I was not ready to continue it. I was completely burned out on it. I was more passionate about raising my kids than making movies and especially making Star Wars. So I made other kinds of movies and TV shows and advanced the technology I needed. It's not a matter of passion. My passion is for filmmaking. I'll go and do filmmaking that is easier to do, where you can realise your ideas better. And nine years is a big part of your life, and to commit to another nine years, I didn't wanna do that right away." - EMPIRE, 1999
And you can tell this, when you watch the Star Wars films.
There are honestly so many homages and interesting filmmaking techniques, peppered throughout the six films, which only a nerd for cinema history like George would know how to implement.
C3-PO being based on the droid from Metropolis (1927) is a perfect example of this.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
And that's interesting.
Because there's essentially this entire other dimension to the films, where it's not just the story unfolding, but to filmmakers it's also a series of techniques that make them go "I wonder how they did that!" or homages that make them go "OH! I know where that's from!" like we do when an comics characters appears in live-action.
Here's other examples:
Tumblr media
CINEMA HOMAGES
All of Star Wars is absolutely littered with homages to cinema history.
I mean, you may already know this, but Flash Gordon is what George originally wanted to shoot, but the copyright holders said they only wanted Fellini to direct it (ironically, George wasn't artsy-fart enough for them). So he decided to write Star Wars instead.
As such, the inspiration from Flash Gordon is also present visually and spiritually throughout the two trilogies.
Tumblr media
"It was like a Republic serial, a 1930s-style matinee adventure. The idea was that you came in, saw Episode IV, had missed the first three episodes, and wouldn't get to see the rest of it." - Starlog Magazine #300, 2002
Tumblr media
The dialogue that a lot of people refer to as "campy" and "flat" is actually a mix of George being an experimental filmmaker who doesn't give much of a fuck about dialogue (and is by his own admission, not the best at it)...
"I'd be the first person to say I can't write dialogue. My dialogue is very utilitarian and is designed to move things forward. I'm not Shakespeare. It's not designed to be poetic. It's not designed to have a clever turn of phrase. [...] I just wanted to get from point A to point B. This film doesn't lend itself to that sort of thing because it's not about snappy one-liners.  I think that Lethal Weapon-style dialogue is overused, it's a necessary aspect of high action films where you have to have the smart retort. You have to say "I'll be back baby" and stuff. It's not my style. It takes away from the integrity of the movie. [...] I'm aware that dialogue isn't my strength. I use it as a device. I don't particularly like dialogue which is part of the problem." - EMPIRE, 1999
... which is convenient, because it helped him simulate the dialogue of 1930s matinee serials, such as Flash Gordon.
"Let’s face it, their dialogue in that scene is pretty corny. It is presented very honestly, it isn’t tongue in cheek at all, and it’s played to the hilt. But it is consistent, not only with the rest of the movie, but with the overall Star Wars style. Most people don’t understand the style of Star Wars. They don’t get that there is an underlying motif that is very much like a 1930s Western or Saturday matinee serial. It’s in the more romantic period of making movies and adventure films. And this film is even more of a melodrama than the others." - Mythmaking: Behind the Scenes of Attack of the Clones, 2002
But beyond that, literally it's everywhere.
The scene where Palpatine ascends to being Emperor as Anakin slaughters his political rivals parallels the final scene in The Godfather, where Michael becomes the Don while his goons do the same thing.
This video compiles all the tributes beautifully. Check it out.
youtube
Even The Clone Wars has whole episodes that are direct homages to cult classics. The Zillo Beast episode is a clear reference to Godzilla, the episode The Wrong Jedi is inspired by The Wrong Man, etc.
Tumblr media
"CINEMA VÉRITÉ" CINEMATOGRAPHY
I've already written a whole post (one of my favourites) showing how his fascination with cinéma vérité documentaries is reflected in the cinematography of all six Star Wars films, and it's part of what makes the entire franchise feel so immersive.
You can check it out here:
Tumblr media
KUROSAWA
We've gone over how he's a big fan of Akira Kurosawa, and how big an influence Hidden Fortress was on both the Star Wars trilogies...
... but so is the mise-en-scène and the way George approaches production design. The reason Star Wars feels so "lived in" is also a lesson George learned from Kurosawa, which is that by making everything just a bit off-kilter, a bit dirtied-up and imperfect...
Tumblr media Tumblr media
... and yet keeping it all consistent, in a way, you manage to make the film feel grounded and immersive, no matter how alien it is.
"[It] may sound odd in a movie like this, but credibility and realism, even in the most unrealistic situation… to sorta create that sense of realism is very important to making the story work and making you feel like you’re actually in the environment that transports you and gives you the suspension of disbelief that you need in order to enjoy a movie. [...] Kurosawa used to call it “immaculate realism” which is to make it slightly off-kilter, slightly eccentric, like things are in real life. Even if it’s a very predictable situation, give it that little funny edge that takes it away from that and makes it realistic. And I had to struggle very hard, in the Star Wars films, to make them appear to be realistic, even though they’re totally fantasy." - The Phantom Menace, Commentary Track #2, 1999
Tumblr media
POST-PRODUCTION & VFX
Another one of the more impressive aspects of the first Star Wars was the dogfights and the trench raid of the Death Star. The camera pans with the spaceship, the dynamism of the cuts. The space battles is what made George creat ILM in the first place.
He was determined to do the opposite of what 2001: A Space Odyssey had done with that opening scene where the space ship moves into frame slooooowly...
Tumblr media
... so he gave the team a collection of WWII dogfight footage to give them ideas.
Tumblr media
(note: this was the same approach he would take years later with Dave Filoni, when teaching the latter how to edit and craft dogfights in The Clone Wars)
The attempt to film the trench run eventually led to the creation of the first motion control camera dolly.
Tumblr media
Best analogy I can think of, when describing George's approach to Star Wars, is the following:
An avant-garde esoteric contemporary artist - y'know, the type who puts a blue dot on a white canvas and calls it art - creates a comic.
Why? Because he wants to make this one art installment for a gallery exhibition. After that, he intends to move on to other things.
But the comic is really good! And like, its audience quickly expands beyond just gallery visitors, no, everyone likes it.
Suddenly, the comic develops a cult following, and the entirety of comic book geek culture has zeroed-in on the artist and they're all asking him to make more art! And he makes more! And more!
Then he stops for two decades, moves on to other art projects, raises his kids. Years later, he discovers new ways of drawing, and he's like "I'm making a Prequel to the comic, y'all wanna see it?"
Everyone cries out gleefully: "Oh God, yes! Finally! Show us!"
But this motherfucker makes a manga.
Why? Because he feels like it.
And of course he does, he's just creating art, right? He discovered the graphic tablet, so he's having fun with it, because he's always innovating and pushing the envelope with his art.
And the movies are fine, by manga standards. But by comic book standards, they obviously suck! The comic book audience is mad. They wanted another comic book, not a manga. Why is it in black and white? Why is read right-to-left? This comic sucks!
(And arguably, they have a point... as a savvy businessman, he's made a whole lot of money off this comic, he built a media empire out of it, and instead of giving them what they want, he made something else)
But again... this guy isn't a comic book illustrator, and has been very explicit about saying this.
He's an artist who - for a very specific project - drew a comic.
Tumblr media
Many things can be true at once:
the fact that these creative decisions didn't always hit their mark for the average moviegoer, or fans of "Star Wars, the space fantasy movies and expanded universe" (usually the lore-loving geeks like myself)...
... and the fact that they were meticulously and carefully crafted in a way that fans of "Star Wars, the revolutionary film" (aka fans of cinema and filmmaking) can appreciate.
There's a spectrum of the fandom, and there is a spectrum in the way we can appreciate Star Wars. Which kinda reminds me of that scene in Chef (2014) where Carl goes on a rant explaining the intricacies of making his chocolate lava cake to a food critic.
It's not just undercooked chocolate.
Tumblr media
It's molten.
Conversely, it's not just flat, campy dialogue. It's an homage to the 1930s matinee serials à la Flash Gordon.
It's not just boring cinematography. It's a reproduction of cinéma vérité documentary-style camera work which effectively grounds the film.
Having considered all this, when I hear that Tony Gilroy or Kathleen Kennedy were more in the latter camp, I go "fair enough".
First of all, because like it or not, so was George. He clearly didn't give a single crap about the comics and books, besides signing off on minor plot points. He's not a "sci-fi movie director", he's an experimental filmmaker who makes movies set in space.
But secondly, because - aside from children - it's clear the audience he was targeting was these cinema-savvy folks who'd get his references and would be inspired by the filmmaking techniques.
Not the fans or the critics.
248 notes · View notes
jerek-sfm · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Q and A #6 Would you listen to rock or eat candy corn or both? thank you for asking.
5 notes · View notes
disneytva · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Disney Announces Jam-Packed D23 Fan Event Lineup With Many Animation, Muppets Panels And Screenings
With less than one month to go to the highly anticipated D23: The Ultimate Disney Fan Event presented by Visa, Disney today revealed details about what fans will be able to experience at the Anaheim Convention Center during this sold-out event, which will include an outstanding lineup of over 230 panels and presentations, show floor offerings and Talent Central interactions. This announcement builds upon plans previously shared��about this year’s D23 gathering, which is set to be bigger and better than ever before.
Animation on Stage at D23
30 Years of Toy Story Celebrate 30 Years of Toy Story with filmmakers and Pixar Legends as they reflect on the making of the groundbreaking classic nearly 30 years ago and share never-before-heard anecdotes about how the historic film came to be. Exploring New Parts of the Mind: Behind the Design of Inside Out 2 + a Dreamy Surprise! Join Inside Out 2 production designer Jason Deamer as he gives an in-depth look at designing the new emotions joining Headquarters as Riley enters teenagehood. And stick around for a special dreamy sneak peek of an upcoming Pixar series! Marvel Animation Sneak Peek See what’s coming next to Disney+ from Marvel Animation, with special guests and first looks at hotly anticipated series including Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, Eyes of Wakanda, future seasons of What If…?, X-Men ’97, and more! The Animation Greats + Cast and Creator Sessions featuring Bob’s Burgers, Futurama and The Simpsons Presented by Hulu Animayhem & 20th Television Animation Four of the most influential creators in the world of animation — Matt Groening (The Simpsons, Futurama), Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy, American Dad!), Mike Judge (King of the Hill) and Loren Bouchard (Bob’s Burgers, The Great North) — come together for a historic and extraordinary conversation you won’t want to miss. Then, the voice talent and creative teams behind Bob’s Burgers, Futurama, and The Simpsons take the stage to entertain with clips, conversation, and fan Q&A. Whether you’re a longtime fan or an aspiring animator, this is a must-see panel for all! Behind the Summer Shenanigans with the Phineas and Ferb Creators Join Dan Povenmire and Jeff “Swampy” Marsh, the masterminds behind the beloved animated show Phineas and Ferb as they look back at the creation and legacy of this pop culture phenomenon. Hear behind-the-scenes stories and get ready to laugh! Making A Goofy Movie: The Road to Lake Destiny The creatives behind the A Goofy Movie phenomenon reunite, reminisce, and share clips from a new documentary about the incredible origin story of this beloved cult classic. Stay Tuned: You’re Watching Disney Channel Join beloved Disney Channel stars on the Walt Disney Archives Stage for a look at some of the iconic series and movies that have created generations of fans. Stay tuned for laughs, fun and moments you won’t want to miss! Big City Greens the Movie: Spacecation Screening Blast off for a hilarious outer-space adventure with a screening of the animated comedy Big City Greens the Movie: Spacecation, introduced by the talented creative team, including creators and executive producers Chris and Shane Houghton. Restoring Disney Animation Classics Director of Restoration Kevin Schaeffer and Disney Animation artists Eric Goldberg and Michael Giaimo will delve into the history of Disney’s preservation program, showcase before-and-after clips, and share how classic films are brought back to life. The Muppets 70: A Glamorous Miss Piggy Retrospective Join Walt Disney Archives Director Becky Cline and The Muppets Producer Dani Iglesias for a fabulous look back on the past 70 years of the Muppets, but mostly Miss Piggy! We will dive into the vaults to uncover nostalgic artifacts along with how we preserve this collection today! Disney Epic Mickey: Rebrushed – The Return of a Beloved Classic Wield the paintbrush once more in Disney Epic Mickey: Rebrushed out this fall! Join Disney Games, Epic Mickey Creative Director Warren Spector, and more special guests, for a conversation that delves into how this beloved classic adventure came to life.
75 notes · View notes
rwrbmovie · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
NewFest is hosting a virtual screening of Red, White and Royal Blue, followed by a q&a with the cast and filmmakers (participants unspecified).
June 13 (however my confirmation email says June 12, 12:01am)
As always, I’ll share on the blog if I find out more info!
🔗 Book your ticket
61 notes · View notes
richardlawson · 9 months ago
Text
The End
After a few years away from that particular couch, I started seeing a new therapist at the end of last year. It had been long enough, I sagely determined, after I was felled by a series of really nasty panic attacks—one happened while I was doing a Q&A on stage with some filmmakers. They didn't notice, nor did the audience, nor (most importantly) the publicists. But it was happening. Me contemplating running off stage, into the Soho afternoon. It was a terrible feeling, and eventually feeling terrible starts to be a drag, so I found, after a fair amount of searching, someone new.
He is in his late 50s and has a kind, open comportment. He's much more giving and lean-in-and-nod than my last therapist, a sort of prim and watchful gay guy who retired to Florida. I like this new gay guy, I think. Or, I am warming to him. At first, I thought his platitudes and constant quoting of various people were corny. But I have resisted such sentiment for so long, and lack of sentiment hasn't cured me, so maybe I should try the earnest stuff. He has me meditating for one minute a day. The panic attacks went away.
For a little while, anyway. They've been creeping back, when I least expect them, and when I most do. I am afraid of what I am afraid of, I hate what I hate, I feel increasingly indifferent to what I love. Winter hardens care. Do I like movies anymore? Do I like a play, seen on some chilly Saturday afternoon? Maybe it's just seasonal. Or it's media malaise in a time of such austerity. They're trying to lay off the best people while the worst people watch, safe as houses. They're trying to take the whole thing apart and replace it with nothing. I have worked in my business for 16 years, well over a third of my life, and for the first time it now feels truly dire and terminal and like I need to start making other plans for what to do with the rest of my time here in the waking, working world.
Something I talk about a lot with my therapist is inertia—I use the word constantly. Why can't I just, why can't I just, why can't I just. I know something's in me, latent under my lazy skin, but it never makes its way to the surface. At least not yet.
Which causes panic, this stasis. I am scared of the drugs that might help, and am resistant to other concrete life changes that might make this better. (I like a glass of wine too much; I'm a fan of my vape.) I have tried avoiding things, I have tried not avoiding things.
I guess it's not circumstance, really. I have panic attacks when I'm home at night, Andrew asleep in the other room, me watching some murder show or YouTube video (same thing) and suddenly a feeling hits me, the conviction that a blood clot or some other lurking thing is making its way up my body and that this is my sorry, lonely little nighttime end. Here it is, the moment when I'm carried off, when I disappear, when I slip away into nothing.
My parents just finished a cruise, a lifelong wish fulfilled, in South America, hooking around Cape Horn and then exploring the fjords and inlets of Chile. All the reports were good. They had the best time. I had worried about my mom itching for her work email, about my dad being newly 90 years old and maybe feeling exhausted by all the activity. But it seems they managed well. They saw Patagonian cities, they saw mountains rising out of the sea, they saw the shy, retreating edges of glaciers, so quiet and demure in their dying. My mom sent us pictures and I thought most about the glaciers, those last cracking murmurs of a time before. When I was in Alaska for a wedding, years ago now, we went to a park of some kind and the visitor's center that was once built over a glacier then stood cantilevered over dry land. The ice had crept much farther up the mountain, winking goodbye.
How awful. And yet, in the depths of my hypocrisy, I relish an unseasonably warm day. Whatever lifts me out of winter, I guess. Whatever can drag me out of the feeling that everything is indeed going to ruin—a career, a life, a liver, a future. My best friend moved out of my neighborhood recently, which is sad. But it also affords us the opportunity to explore new territory, to find backyard bars with good deals where we can huddle in forgiving late-winter winds and make uneasy escape plans, where we consider what parachutes could ever be made of.
It's not always enough, of course. I too often have nights, far too late, when I go pacing around the living room, circling the coffee table in a weird sort of marching step in my underwear, shaking my hands to get the dread to go away. My new therapist has urged me to find what centers me. To think of all that is known and steady.
I try to gather myself and remember the people I have, arrayed across the planet. Andrew, in restless sleep down the hall. My sister in her Los Angeles canyon, surrounded by trees. I walk the room, knees high and somehow defiant, chest straining with worry. And I see my parents, on a boat at the tip of the world, dreaming of lost things.
56 notes · View notes