#Fighting Pax by Robin Jarvis

[theforbiddentower]

"Much like myself in skintight leather, Martin, it was impossible to resist."

- Austerly Fellows, Fighting Pax (Robin Jarvis)

[slashingdisneypasta]

The Jockey stepped forward. "And what of me, my Lord?" he asked humbly.

The Ismus smiled indulgently. "Of course. Take yourself away to the Great Hall and enter the furtherance with the rest of the Court there. You have behaved yourself well this night, my caramel-coloure jackanapes. I thank you for that. Go and find your deserved reward- and take Posy here with you. I'm sure she is also anxious to read Fighting Pax."

~ Forty-Eight pages Later ~

"No trick, no game," The Jockey promised, holding up his hands. "Not against you, not this time."

"You'd say that anyway! Stay still! I mean it, I'll use this if you take another step. Why aren't you off reading Fighting Pax? Or have you finished it already?"

The Jockey gazed beyond Martin, towards the glorious spectacle of the Dawn Prince. He ached to go and worship Him. But first of all...

"One last naughtiness, Martin," he explained. "The Jockey must ride everyone of the Court, including the Ismus. That is why I am here, that is why I sent Nosy Posy to the Great Hall alone. I must pay one final trick on the Holy Enchanter before I leave this dreary place for good."

Martin didn't understand.

"'Tis the way I am," the Jockey said simply. "'Tis the part I play. I can be no otherwise. I am tasked to hinder and needle, thwart, upset and confound and now, at the very brink of the Ismus's triumph, I am compelled to meddle."

- Fighting Pax, Robin Jarvis

[fixer-upper-gets-shit-done]

Honest Book Reviews #1

Let’s talk for a minute about the Dancing Jax series by Robin Jarvis.

Firstly, it’s a trilogy, making it of the perfect length. Not so short as to keep you yearning, but not so long as to melt your brain.

It starts off fairly innocently with a break-in and a student being kicked and pummeled, but begins to get sinister. We’re talking demons and Satan levels of sinister-ness (that’s not a word, is it?). The plot starts of at a bit of a jog, like a student would strut into, trying to excape the gaze of a PT teacher. Then it picks up into a gallop, going up like a car in flames *wink* *wink* and then basically ends up in a dead sprint.

Unlike most book series though, the plot doesn’t stop running after a while. It keeps going through the back cover of Dancing Jax into the first page of Freax and Rejex, aka Book Number 2. Everyone knows that being the odd one out can be a bit of a pain. I mean, who would want to be an abberant, am I right? Or am I? And I’m sure you’re feeling torn between tossing me out of a window and finding the books so that you can read them too. Or perhaps you’ve just stopped reading this review.

If you’re still here, you’re going to also love Fighting Pax, the final book, the tip of the pinacle. Everything happens for a reason, especially dastardly plots that overtake the world. And you’re probably wondering what in hell I’m talking about. If you are, voila, just think of WHAT in hell I could be talking about and there you have it.

As for the review, here I go: I read the books when I was 11 years old and I have nightmares even now, 8 years later. The books do not hesitate to hide some gory details. For other’s you may want to read between the lines a bit. But the series is amazing. It gets you hooked and makes you want to read it, ‘til you’re rocking back and forth, back and forth, I am the Jack of Clubs, I am the Jack of- Whoo! Need to stop. But seriously, you really want to read this series, because

‘Beyond the Silvering Sea, within thirteen green, girdling hills, lies the wondrous Kingdom of the Dawn Prince.’

[wicked1will0sparkles]

Dancing Jax-Robin Jarvis: Barry Milligan/The Jockey

*SPOILERS AHEAD*I love this book so much! And Barry/The Jockey is my absolute favourite character. Anyway, I believe that Barry was back for the last book! I don't care if it's actually canon that he wasn't or if I’m reading this wrong and this might have even already been done but just hear me out! 

1. Remember when the Jockey was ‘pretending’ to be Barry when he came to get Martin and the Refugees from N. Korea? Well I definetly remember him saying something along the lines of(Sorry, I don't have my copy of the book yet so this will be sketchy) ‘I got a glimpse of Fighting Pax and then I had this terrible pain in my head and then, boom! I was back’ or something like that, at least. My question is: How would he have known that's what the Fighting pax did?! How would he have even imagined thats what would have happened. Why would he think anything along those lines? He could have said something easier like that he remembered the joys of rugby or something! And as for the bit where whoever reads the Fighting pax book tries to kill someone...well...who would he need to kill? People would want to kill him, not the other way around and isn't that the reason Kate/Columbine eventually did? 

2. HE HELPED MARTIN BAXTER. Martin Baxter. Barry Milligans best friend. He prevented Martin from doing something the maths teacher would surely regret. And yes, ‘The Jokey’ did say that it was because he has to ‘ride’ everyone in court, including the Ismus, which is why he was helping Martin. But he had already ridden the Ismus. Remember in Freaks and Rejex when the Ismus thought he had the Castle Creeper practically in his clutches already because Lee left his earplugs in Mooncaster on accedent and all Jangler had to do was find which kid was missing a pair? Well who messed that up and forced the Ismus to take Christina’s body? Hmmm? THE JOCKEY! He stole all the earplugs and bundled them all up! That was seriously messing up Austerly Fellow’s plan!! So the Jockey had already played the Ismus! 

He helped Martin because he wanted to. Why would the Jockey do that? He wouldn't. But Barry would. 

3. Why did RJ have to be so mysterious in the blurb? The exact words are ‘but when someone accedentally reads the manuscript’. Why not just say ‘One of the queens’ or ‘Queenie’? Why be so mysterious if not to keep our minds open and it's not like RJ hasn't left things to our, as the readers, interpretation before! 

Ehem, anyway, sorry if that was completely obvious to everyone else or I feel it was canon and just went off on something completely obvious to everyone else! 

[slashingdisneypasta]

"Much like myself in skintight leather, Martin, it was impossible to resist."

- Austerly Fellows

[theforbiddentower]

The Jockey stepped forward. "And what of me, my Lord?" he asked humbly.

The Ismus smiled indulgently. "Of course. Take yourself away to the Great Hall and enter the furtherance with the rest of the Court there. You have behaved yourself well this night, my caramel-coloured jackanapes. I thank you for that. Go and find your deserved reward- and take Posy here with you. I'm sure she is also anxious to read Fighting Pax."

~ Forty-Eight pages Later ~

"No trick, no game," The Jockey promised, holding up his hands. "Not against you, not this time."

"You'd say that anyway! Stay still! I mean it, I'll use this if you take another step. Why aren't you off reading Fighting Pax? Or have you finished it already?"

The Jockey gazed beyond Martin, towards the glorious spectacle of the Dawn Prince. He ached to go and worship Him. But first of all...

"One last naughtiness, Martin," he explained. "The Jockey must ride everyone of the Court, including the Ismus. That is why I am here, that is why I sent Nosy Posy to the Great Hall alone. I must pay one final trick on the Holy Enchanter before I leave this dreary place for good."

Martin didn't understand.

"'Tis the way I am," the Jockey said simply. "'Tis the part I play. I can be no otherwise. I am tasked to hinder and needle, thwart, upset and confound and now, at the very brink of the Ismus's triumph, I am compelled to meddle."

- Fighting Pax, Robin Jarvis

[theforbiddentower]

Yikker had brought her and the six lads here and ordered them to keep silent and still. He warned that they could only move when the lights came on and no earlier. If they disobeyed, he would bury his spear in their guts and tear out their livers. And they believed him. He was enraged to have missed out on the massacre, so was itching to make up for it.

Squatting on a stone bench, blocking the exit leading to the common lawns and courtyards, and looking like the most grotesque garden gnome imaginable, the Punchinello squinted up at the harsh lights, then gave the order.

"Go seek your lambies. Nobel gardens only."

~

Yikker was still sitting on the stone bench, a hideous smirk on his face. They pleaded with him, but he wouldn't give away any hint or clue as to where the Garden Apart was situated.

"Curse you!" Maggie spat. "If they're harmed, I'll keep that promise and kill you. You hear me?"

"Sexy Bo Peep," the guard hissed lustily, waggling his tongue at her.

~

Glancing at Yikker, she saw his expression change into an exasperated scowl and she knew she was right.

~

Before Maggie and the boys could dash into the widening gap, a squealing guard burst through, thrashing his short arms above his head. Dark blood was streaming down his face. Squatting on his hump, a crowfly was greedily gulping down his remaining eye. Maggie and the others didn't waste any time or pity on him. He blundered past, shrieking and yowling, into the Gentle Garden and Yikker's displeasure intensified.

~

Running across the Gentle Garden, they discovered the blinded Punchinello lying dead in the grass. His head had been hacked off.

Before they had time to react, a dirty laugh sounded and Yikker stepped from behind the topiary. His spear was in one hand, a drawn sword was in the other and it was drenched in blood.

"Me no likey Mizcha," he said, staring down at the decapitated Punchinello. "Him yap yap too much. Him no yap no more. He no use with no eyes- is better this is."

His own eyes slid up at the aberrants and even under the blue lights they saw his cheeks were flushed. His infernal bloodlust was burning. He'd missed out on the massacre beside the moat and now he was determined to make up for it. He scythed his sword through a clump of plants and they gave off an aromatic, minty scent. His great nose inhaled deeply and the blade turned in his grasp as he looked from one child to the next.

"Yikker want lamb chops," he drawled. "Cutlets and mint sauce- juicy tasty."

"You will not touch them!" Maggie warned, holding her crook before them protectively.

"Touch, slice, skewer, rip, chew- Yikker do all this- yes."

- Fighting Pax, Robin Jarvis

[slashingdisneypasta]

Yikker had brought her and the six lads here and ordered them to keep silent and still. He warned that they could only move when the lights came on and no earlier. If they disobeyed, he would bury his spear in their guts and tear out their livers. And they believed him. He was enraged to have missed out on the massacre, so was itching to make up for it.

Squatting on a stone bench, blocking the exit leading to the common lawns and courtyards, and looking like the most grotesque garden gnome imaginable, the Punchinello squinted up at the harsh lights, then gave the order.

"Go seek your lambies. Nobel gardens only."

~

Yikker was still sitting on the stone bench, a hideous smirk on his face. They pleaded with him, but he wouldn't give away any hint or clue as to where the Garden Apart was situated.

"Curse you!" Maggie spat. "If they're harmed, I'll keep that promise and kill you. You hear me?"

"Sexy Bo Peep," the guard hissed lustily, waggling his tongue at her.

~

Glancing at Yikker, she saw his expression change into an exasperated scowl and she knew she was right.

~

Before Maggie and the boys could dash into the widening gap, a squealing guard burst through, thrashing his short arms above his head. Dark blood was streaming down his face. Squatting on his hump, a crowfly was greedily gulping down his remaining eye. Maggie and the others didn't waste any time or pity on him. He blundered past, shrieking and yowling, into the Gentle Garden and Yikker's displeasure intensified.

~

Running across the Gentle Garden, they discovered the blinded Punchinello lying dead in the grass. His head had been hacked off.

Before they had time to react, a dirty laugh sounded and Yikker stepped from behind the topiary. His spear was in one hand, a drawn sword was in the other and it was drenched in blood.

"Me no likey Mizcha," he said, staring down at the decapitated Punchinello. "Him yap yap too much. Him no yap no more. He no use with no eyes- is better this is."

His own eyes slid up at the aberrants and even under the blue lights they saw his cheeks were flushed. His infernal bloodlust was burning. He'd missed out on the massacre beside the moat and now he was determined to make up for it. He scythed his sword through a clump of plants and they gave off an aromatic, minty scent. His great nose inhaled deeply and the blade turned in his grasp as he looked from one child to the next.

"Yikker want lamb chops," he drawled. "Cutlets and mint sauce- juicy tasty."

"You will not touch them!" Maggie warned, holding her crook before them protectively.

"Touch, slice, skewer, rip, chew- Yikker do all this- yes."

- Fighting Pax, Robin Jarvis