#Fen's religious ramblings

[over-fen-and-field]

The religion section of my bookshelf has been growing more quickly as of late (something about the spring and autumn always gets me, I don't quite know why), and I am growing so tired of the incredible condescension toward anyone who leaves the faith community of their upbringing or heritage, either to join another tradition or to seek a secular life.

Most often, the 'failure' (and it's always framed as a failure) seems to be pinned on the individual as a sort of shallowness -- that they don't adequately understand their own tradition and if they'd delved deeper into such-and-such or so-and-so, they would have inevitably found renewed interest and commitment, or that they're too enmeshed in their day-to-day life and comforts to accept the inconveniences, discomforts, etc. that arise from maintaining a practice and/or holding the mental and spiritual space their tradition requires, or that they're merely giving into social pressure. In other cases, the authors gesture toward institutional failures -- inadequate outreach and programming (particularly for young adults or families without children), lack of support for struggling members, refusal to change with the times and address the anxieties and joys of their members, etc.

Certainly, both of these things can be true, and I don't mean to say that they aren't, but I wish the authors of the books I've been reading would leave some space for the simple fact that different things work for different people. If, after serious consideration of their own innermost desires and their relationship to their faith and associated community, someone finds themselves seeking a better fit for their values, sense of community, or other priorities, that seems like something that should be congratulated. Maybe they'll find that what they wanted was there all along and reaffirm their commitment to their tradition, maybe they'll find something else fits them, maybe they'll find that they need to step outside of faith communities to meet a certain need, in whatever degree each of these might entail -- regardless, good on them for being willing to explore themselves and the richness of the world around them!

Inevitably, questions of faith, belonging, and seeking are complicated and bring up a lot of difficult feelings and history, especially in marginalized or persecuted communities who've had to fight to maintain their faith and traditions, but that means you need a complicated and compassionate answer to them, stemming from a place that seeks to understand the range of individuals' experiences and desires rather than to immediately condemn them. No one tradition is going to work for everyone, and in any tradition, there's beauty and love to be found and nurtured.

[willtheweaver]

Bold the fact tag

Thanks for the tag @somethingclevermahogony @theink-stainedfolk @winglesswriter

I’ll be doing Fen for this:

• Personal

$ Financial: Wealthy/ moderate/unsure/ poor/ extreme poverty

+ Medical: Fit not applicable/ moderate/ sickly/ disabled

Class: Upper/ middle/working/ unsure/ other

Education: Qualified/ unqualified/ studying/ other

Criminal record: yes, for major crimes/ yes, for minor crimes/ no/ has committed crimes, but not caught yet/ yes, but charges were dismissed

•Family

Children: has a child or children/ has no children/ wants children eventually

Relationship with family: close with sibling(s)/ not close with sibling(s)/ has no sibling(s)/ sibling(s) is deceased

Affiliation: Orphaned/ abandoned/ adopted/ found family/ disowned/ raised by birth parent(s)/ not applicable

• Traits+ tendencies

Extroverted/ introverted/ ambivalent

Disorganized/ organized/ in-between

Closed-minded/ open-minded/ in between

Calm/ anxious/ in-between/ highly contextual

Disagreeable/ agreeable/ in-between

Cautious/ reckless/ in-between/ highly contextual

Patient/ impatient/ in-between

Outspoken/ reserved/ in-between/ highly contextual

Leader (reluctantly)/ leader (gladly)/ follower/ in between

Empathic/ vicious bastard/ in-between/ highly contextual

Optimistic/ pessimistic/ in-between

Traditional/ modern/ in-between

Hard working/ lazy/ in-between

Cultured/ uncultured/ in-between (depends on the culture)/ unknown

Loyal/ disloyal/ unknown/ highly contextual

Faithful/ unfaithful/ unknown/ highly contextual

Beliefs

Faiths: Monotheistic/ polytheistic/ atheist/ agnostic

Belief in ghosts or spirits: yes/ no/ don’t know/ don’t care/ in a matter of speaking

Belief in an afterlife: yes/ no/ don’t know/ don’t care/ in a matter of speaking

Belief in reincarnation; yes/ no/ don’t know/don’t care/ in a matter of speaking

Belief in aliens: yes/ no/ don’t know/ don’t care

Religious: orthodox/ liberal/ in-between/ not religious

Philosophical; yes/ no/ highly contextual

Sexuality & romantic inclination

Sexuality: heterosexual/ homosexual/ bisexual/ asexual/ pansexual/ nonbinary

Sex: sex repulsed/ sex neutral/ sex favorable/ naive and clueless

Sexuality: adventurous/ experienced/naive/ inexperienced/ curious

Potential sexual partners: male/ female/both/ agender/ none/ all

Potential romantic partners: male/ female/ both/ agender/ none/ all

Abilities

Combat skills: excellent/ good/ moderate/ poor/ none

Literary skills: excellent/ good/ moderate/ poor/ none

Artistic skills: excellent/ good/ moderate/ poor/ none

Technical skills: excellent/ good/ moderate/ poor/ none

Habits

Drinking alcohol: never/ special occasions/ sometimes/ frequently/ tried it/ alcoholic/ former alcoholic turned sober

Smoking: tried it/ trying to quit/never/ rarely sometimes/ frequently/ chain smoker

Recreational drugs: tried some/ never/ sometimes/ frequently/ addict

Medicinal drugs: never/ no longer needs medication/ some medication needed/ frequently / to excess

Unhealthy foods: never/ special occasions/ sometimes/ frequently/ binge eater

Splurge spending: never/ sometimes/ frequently/ shopaholic

Gambling: never/ rarely/ sometimes/ frequently/ compulsive gambler

Tagging @duckingwriting @riveriafalll @bookish-karina @fractured-shield @illarian-rambling

@diabolical-blue @sentfromwolves @revenantlore @late-to-the-fandom @splashinkling

@thepeculiarbird @thewritingautisticat and open tag

[pitofghosts]

Listen I know I said Saoirse is nonbinary now but I’m not one hundred percent sold on that (I do want someone to be nonbinary though. I’m just not sure WHO. It might still be Saoirse.) and I really do like the idea of Saoirse being a girl, but that means that the toxic relationship between her and Pelageya, and Pelageya’s eventual death is kind of... Iffy. I’m worried about it being a buried your gays trope even though they ARENT meant to get a happy ending together from the start (at the start of the story they’re ex’s, already broken up) and then if I keep Saoirse bi instead of making her a lesbian and keep a romance between her and Kai Fen, that feels like “straight romance are healthy, gay ones aren’t.”

Unless I make it clear that Kai Fen and Saoirse together ultimately wouldn’t work? It’s failures would actually be on Saoirse’s side. Any iteration of Saoirse clings to relationships and invests themselves into it too much, to the point of own self sacrifice and eventual anger when the other person isn’t doing the same. The failures between them and Pelageya were both of their faults and Kai Fen wouldn’t be FAULTLESS (he talks without thinking sometimes, can be rude and secretive and borderline paranoid, and he isn’t the most even tempered person) and when they break up I think Kai Fen would tell Saoirse that they’re wonderful, and amazing, but need to be able to see that in themselves before trying to attach to anyone else. (I think this would be one of the rare time he’s able to say something gently. I think he’d probably write it down and let Saoirse read it while sitting beside them to make sure none of his words come out too mean.)

And it isn’t like Saoirse, Pelageya, and Kai Fen are my only non straight characters. Michil is gay and he and Kai Fen might be end game material (they might not last forever into the future, who knows, they’re young. But they’re explicitly willing to try at the end of the story.) And the fact Kai Fen likes boys is NOT a secret. I don’t think he could hide it if he tried. Xiulan is bi although she wants to be a nun so she wouldn’t date anyone (but I do think she’d talk about the fact that she’s bi.) Izolda and Parvana, although background characters, are dating when we meet them and don’t break up even if they do have a petty fight about Parvana’s smoking habit.

And Pelageya dying isn’t just for Saoirse, and it’s not like the two of them would have had a happy ending together if she lived. It’s the end to Pelageya’s own (tragic) character arc. She could have lived but she won’t accept the help offered by Heila for [spoiler reasons], her religious prejudice against the godless Gorrans, and her belief that blessings other than Vikwo’s are ugly and unnatural. She dies because of her own belief system (as well as because of what Heila did but that’s a spoiler.)

This post is so rambly. I’m probably just gonna make Saoirse nonbinary but I’m constantly worried about them becoming TOO close to a self insert.