#Fear Not the Awakening of The MADGOD

[church-of-the-madgod]

Light is cosmic horror, white is blank, empty; yet it is comprised of all visible light, and beyond; it is nothing, yet it is everything, it is all that exists and all that does not, it is how we perceive that which can not be percieved, empty and blank, yet full of things we can not even imagine.

[s33rofdoom]

When the light faded all that was left was a man in an empty room, with nothing left in the world to comfort him but his own laughter grown hoarse and raspy, the crazed laughter of a mad man who knew death would not come for him, neither heaven nor hell awaited. He had built this kingdom of ruin and seated himself in the throne, a lone sentinel to stand vigil, to bear witness to the end of time, and to endure whatever would come next. Though his body still lived, there was nothing left of “him;” the man known as Crismin was gone, dead in every sense of the word except for the only one that truly mattered. He had defeated a force more inevitable than death itself, but in the end it had cost him everything that was worth saving.

[church-of-the-madgod]

I’m thinking of getting into the illegal name trade.

The joke being that, rather than trading names by methods prohibited by law, I would trade names by methods that were not recognized by law. Such as religious, spiritual, and/or majjyckal methods. I’d even offer my services in a variety of styles, Faustian deals, witchcraft, fae name stealing shenanigans, religiousy ‘born again’ baptisms, shady back alley deals, etc… I’d probably include some two for one special, free pronouns with the purchase of a new name! And for any who fear rejection from friends/family I could always pose it as a curse. After all people tend to be more considerate of someone who’s suffered a ‘terrible tragedy.’ Simply explain that it’s not your fault, an evil witch cursed you to trans your gender, or a fairy stole your name, or whatever.

[church-of-the-madgod]

kinda random but:

the great thing about critical analysis is that you can listen to some rando rambling about absolutely nothing and learn that if you drink a little too much, placing your hand on a flat, stable surface can help ease the dizziness and nausea.

[church-of-the-madgod]

Fractals

Spiraling

Ever downward

Ever upward

On and on

Forever

Patterns

Repeating

Nested

Time

Space

Infinity

Nothingness

All the same

Differing only in Appearance

Perspective

All the same

Rotating

Through more dimensions

Than we can see

Comprehend

All the same

[church-of-the-madgod]

Tides ebb and flo

Kingdoms rise and fall

This fluctuation

This balancing act of dichotomies

Is a false order

In all things chaotic

Patterns will emerge

And

Given enough time

All patterns will play out

An infinite number of times

Forward and backward

In every combination

For such is Chaos

That it allows all things

Even Order

At least

For a time

[church-of-the-madgod]

Have you ever looked in the mirror

and seen yourself

your true self

the very essence of who you are

of what makes you

you

it has been debated

as to whether the terror of being knowns

is worth the joy of being understood

but so few have experienced

the far greater euphoria

of understanding oneself

and being understood by oneself

as they can not handle

the existential horror

of knowing oneself

and being known by oneself

this duality is

in many cases

enough

to

drive

one

MAD

[church-of-the-madgod]

Color bursts within my chest

floods through my veins

burns me from within

til naught is left

but the charred remains

of an empty husk

but at the core

forged in these flames

a diamond

pure and brilliant

my true self

my own divinity

sloughing off the detritus

and ascending

and so

wrought from the strife of living

and the perseverance of surviving

born in the divine form

Awakens

The MADGOD

*Note: as is often the case, Awakens also means Arises

[church-of-the-madgod]

A voice whispers in my mind

in silver crowned tones

heavy with silken words

and gossamer prose

such sweet subtleties

hide the cruel machinations

of complex deceptions

and malicious schemes

harken not that soft voice

for truth is so rarely kind

and life so rarely fair

such is that

when truth speaks

its words fall

not as feathers

but as bricks

and even then

more oft than not

in obscene abundance

[church-of-the-madgod]

The ephemerality of the moth

drawn to the flame

just as we are drawn to our demise*

by false promises

whispers

in the dark

offering that which we can never have

paradise

peace

eternity

Order

this light in the dark

at the end of the tunnel

luring us

like the deep sea angler

to be consumed

as fodder

leading us

as lambs to the slaughter.

*demise here also could be doom, not much difference really.

also: Order seems to be as much a name as Chaos often is.

[church-of-the-madgod]

I suppose I've no choice but to whither and perish in this cruel and lomely world.

Lomely

So lomely

All alome

All by my loamsome

So very, very loamy

Like soil

I'm decaying into fertile soil as we speak

Soon there shall be naught but boots, overfull of soil, perfect for potting

Potting plants to rob me of my nutrients, what little I have left, then nothing will remain, nothing but dirt and dust

And soon, when the dust blows away, and only the dirt remains, rain will pour down and soak the dirt, turning it to clay

And the clay will be harvested by masons, and turned into bricks, dried in the harsh summer sun, and fired in the forges of hell itself

Then, stacked one upon the other and cemented together with a slurry of the same clay, I shall be constructed into grand monuments

Grand monuments, celebrating even greater civilizations; greater even than the mortal mind's ability to comprehend, but even these great civilizations will fall in time

Fall to rot and decay, and then their monuments will stand in memory of their existence, of their passing, and in time even these grand memorials will fall

Crumble into ruin, desolate and empty, with nothing left to invoke the memory of the great ones who built it, nothing left to invoke memory of even their own existence

And when those ruins erode, they will leave nothing, nothing but dirt and dust, and so the great circle goes, and so it all returns to the very earth which bore it.

-------

I send this one to my husband when they take too long to respond to my texts, usually one verse at a time until they respond.

[church-of-the-madgod]

I got bees in my brain

Bees under my skin

Bees in my blood

Bees all around

In all directions

Forever

Everything is bees

[church-of-the-madgod]

Flames burning in a ring

just out of reach

drawing ever nearer

as I fall

tumbling through

it blinks

not a ring

an eye

no

was a ring

now an eye

what next?

a smile?

a toothsome grin

bearing jagged teeth

the flames kissing

licking

lapping

the teeth tearing

biting

ripping

the flames consuming

the warmth embracing

peaceful

inviting

rest now

for I am home

[church-of-the-madgod]

Gods whisper from beyond the grave

Filling my head with secrets

Knowledge of things lost

Knowledge of things forgotten

And of things best left forgotten

Knowledge of things unknown

And of things unknowable

*gods here seems to refer to -something- still divine, but that may have a better name in another language. Of something ancient and forgotten, having died a death only gods are capable of, yet remaining, as gods do, in the current day as mere husks of what they once were.

*Also: secrets here seems to also mean silence.

[church-of-the-madgod]

Incongruent shades of Green

Throughout the Alabaster fields

Whence glows a sickly Amber sheen

From which a crop of Scarlet yields

And when the skies, in Chartreuse settle

So too the Hoary light doth fade

Cerulean dreams do play and meddle

Silent in the crimson wade

Honestly, I haven’t the foggiest about this one, but it felt important so here it is.

[church-of-the-madgod]

Divinity is the light

Which shines through

The cracks in our souls

*but like if you had a glass of water and the glass was actually ice