#FUN FACT! there is a matching elain that goes with this but will she ever be finished? idk

[winterrens]

looshien……………………….

[harmonyindark245]

One Last Time [Chapter 6]

Summary - Elain and Azriel have known each other since they were 11 and had never been separated. But when their view for their future no longer matches, things break apart between them, causing a rift which had never been fixed. Elain goes on to become a neurosurgeon, while Azriel works for the deadlier part of the community. Ten years later, their lives get entangled as they cross paths, this time stakes much greater than just their hearts.

An: All characters belong to Sarah J. Maas

Warnings: Mature language, violence, alcohol consumption, smoking, drugs

Hope you all enjoy!

Masterlist

Songs:

Tornado Warnings - Sabrina Carpenter Forget Forever - Selena Gomez Blood // Water - grandson

It had been an entire week since Elain had called him out for cheating. 

It had been so long since he thought about that day that he had actually forgotten the specifics. All he remembered were Elain’s tears as she ran out of the room, him not even trying to explain. 

He knew he deserved all the hate she was spewing, but he wished it were different. He wished he could tell her what had truly happened that day, but he was a coward. 

Rhysand’s birthday and Thanksgiving both passed quietly, with no suspicious activity that indicated any harm to Elain or Daemon. He found it funny that he was now protecting the two people he was meant to kidnap. 

Azriel had been spending his early mornings with Daemon, getting to know more about him, telling him his own childhood stories. It felt surreal, to have a son. It disheartened Azriel whenever he heard a fun anecdote from Daemon’s initial years and Azriel realized he missed out on them because of his own mistakes. 

He was proud of how mature and smart Daemon was. He knew it had to do with the fact that Elain was too young when she had him. He was also proud of Elain, for being able to handle a child while managing college, all on her own. Azriel knew though, if he ever told that to her, she would backhand him with as much force as she could.

Azriel had thought things would manage out when, out of nowhere, Daemon asked why he didn’t have a sibling. He didn’t even know if a ten-year-old knew where babies came from, and he didn’t want to give an answer that Elain wouldn’t agree with. So he just said, “Your mom might know.”

Daemon easily accepted the answer and continued eating his chocolate chip pancakes. Azriel wondered if Daemon was aware of the situation going on between him and Elain. Or did he think they were a perfectly happy family, all back together now?

Azriel snapped back to reality when his phone started ringing through his car system. He picked it up without looking. 

“What?” 

“Hello to you too Az.” Nesta’s cool voice came through the speakers. 

He rolled his eyes. “Is this a reminder for Sunday? Cause that’s 3 days away and yes, I will just get her a gift card.”

“No Azhole.” Nesta snapped and Azriel smiled at the road. “I want you to bring Elain and Daemon.” Azriel instantly pushed the brakes, causing the cars behind him to honk at him.

“Elain and Daemon? You want me - the guy she wants to kill - to tell her that I’m taking her to a birthday party when she’s supposed to be kidnapped?” 

Azriel let out a laugh as he started driving again. “Nesta, with all due respect, that is the worst idea you’ve ever had, and that’s saying a lot, considering you’re married to Cassian. Shouldn’t you be the one to invite her?” 

“I can’t. I fought with her a few days ago.” Nesta said with a sigh. 

Azriel ran a hand through his hair, releasing an aggravated sigh as he considered her request. “Fine, I’ll tell her, but no promises.”

“Good.” Azriel thought she had disconnected but suddenly her voice came through the speakers, soft and timid. “And Az, maybe you should talk to her. About that night.” He didn’t respond and eventually, the click sound came, indicating that she cut the line. 

He huffed out a breath as he thought about Nesta’s words. Maybe she was right and he should finally tell Elain the truth about what had happened ten years ago. 

~~~~~

Azriel had finally reached his destination. It had taken him an hour and a half from his office to get there. 

He had managed to hack into the iPhones he had grabbed from the dead bodies of the men that had attacked the ball. There wasn’t much information available on it but he tracked a number common on both phones, which led him to an abandoned warehouse on the docks. Azriel scoffed at the cliche location. He sent his live location to both Rhys and Cassian as a fail-safe. 

He parked his car hidden behind the large building. He checked his gun and blade before getting out of the car. He didn’t see any cars nearby and took his bag along with him. He reached inside to find it empty, a bunch of empty containers loitering the area. His phone beeped with a message from Lucien. 

All is good here. Elain wants to talk. Daemon and I will be upstairs. 

Elain wanted to talk. Good. Because so did he. He closed my eyes and promise himself that he would tell Elain everything once he went back home. 

Azriel took out the surveillance equipment he had brought and started hiding them all around the warehouse. It took him quite a while to install the audio recorders as well as the cameras, placing multiple, covering the whole area. 

As he was just about finished, he heard the sound of tires on gravel. He cursed and quickly wrapped up, ducking behind a container.

He saw multiple men enter the warehouse and took his gun out of his pocket, to be prepared. He slightly faltered when he saw Graysen along with the men. Azriel had not even considered Graysen could be related to the attack. 

“You promised that you would give me the girl as well as a kid. Where are they Graysen?” Said a muffled male voice. Azriel looked at the group of men that had convened in the middle and saw Graysen had his phone out. The voice was most likely coming from there. 

Azriel concurred that the girl and kid the man had mentioned were probably Elain and Daemon. What he didn’t understand was why them. And why Graysen would orchestrate an attack at his own father’s ball to get his fiancee?

 “I’m really sorry, but I don’t know where they are,” Graysen muttered. “They’ve been gone since that night. I guess someone else took them.” 

The other man clicked his tongue. “It really is a pity that people like you have power.” Azriel couldn’t help but wonder how the voice sounded eerily familiar. 

“I suspect Rhysand took her. He’s married to his sister.” Another man spoke up. 

Graysen let out a laugh. “What’s he gonna do? Torture his sister-in-law? He’s weak. They’re all on a deadline anyway.” 

Azriel frowned at the confidence in Graysen’s voice. He had to figure out what Graysen thought he knew. Suddenly, a cat came out of nowhere and crashed into a pile of bottles behind Azriel. He jumped back and held back a groan as something pierced the skin of his back. 

“Hey! Who’s there?” Someone called out. 

Damn it. 

With no time to think Azriel started off in a sprint, running towards the exit when gunshot sounds started. 

Azriel moved quickly, trying to cover himself from any bullets with the help of the containers. He took his own gun and cocked it, taking a deep breath right before he straightened and fired shots in the direction of the voice. 

He hit one man, which gave him time to get out of the warehouse. He darted towards the exit when suddenly, there was blinding hot, searing pain running through his shoulder, causing him to stop. He touched his arm and found his hand red with blood.

Motherfucking shit. 

He didn’t stop running until he reached his car. Suspiciously, no one came out of the warehouse. He didn’t take any chances, and started the car quickly, flooring the gas pedal and driving away from there as fast as he could. He felt his breath get shallower and cursed knowing that by the time he reached Headquarters, he would bleed out. He couldn’t even go to a hospital.

He could only think of one thing.  

Elain. 

She was a doctor. She could help. Hopefully not kill him in anger. He decided to take his chances and swerved his car, heading towards his home.

For the first time in his life, he wondered what would happen if he didn’t make it. He might not be able to tell Elain the truth about everything. He might not be able to be an actual father to Daemon. 

He groaned as his shoulder hurt while driving. He was glad he didn’t bring his manual. He stopped the car for a moment, tore a piece of cloth, and wrapped it around his wound to stop the bleeding. He could feel excruciating pain in his back as well but ignored it, choosing to reach home as quickly as possible.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, each breath more difficult than the previous. 

Maybe he was going to die. 

~~~~~

She didn’t actually mean putting a bullet in him when she thought about talking to him. 

Although if this was a sign, it was a pretty massive one. A bedridden Azriel would have no choice but to listen to her. If he survived. 

Shit. 

She somehow managed to drag Azriel’s semi-conscious body towards the dining table where she laid him down, pushing away all the objects present. 

“First-aid-kit” He breathed out shallowly. “Kitchen.” 

Elain ran quickly and opened various drawers and cabinets until she found the first aid kit in the cabinet under the sink. It was as big as a medic kit, which she was grateful for. 

She ran back to Azriel’s side and took out a large pair of scissors, cutting open his t-shirt to get access to the wound. She removed the piece of cloth wrapped around his shoulder and slightly winced when she saw the bullet wound. She took a deep breath. You’ve seen worse than this. This is just a small wound. You can do this. She tried to reassure herself. 

She searched the bag for anything to help with the pain and groaned when she came up empty. She once again ran to the kitchen looking for alcohol. She found an unopened bottle of Absolut in a cabinet and decided that it was the best option she had. 

She unscrewed the bottle and poured it into a glass. She brought Azriel’s head upwards and poured it down his throat. “I’m sorry, but this is the only anesthesia I could get in a short time.” She took another glass of vodka and frowned. “And this is going to hurt like hell.” Without another word, she poured the glass over his wound. 

He let out a disgruntled scream causing Elain to flinch. “I’m so sorry, but you don’t have hydrogen peroxide to clean it and this was a better option than using actual sanitizer.” 

“It’s in my bathroom cabinet.” He groaned out, glaring at Elain.

Elain narrowed her eyes at him. “How was I supposed to know that?”

Azriel ignored her and tried to get up. “I need to call Rhysand. He’ll know what to do and get me to a doctor.” He doubled over in pain and that’s when Elain noticed the gaping wound in his back, gushing more blood than the gunshot wound. She gasped in surprise and pushed him down. 

“By the time that happens you’ll have bled to death. Let me fix you.” She started rummaging through the kit to find a Rampley and cotton. When she didn’t hear anything in return, she turned around to find Azriel passed out on the table. She quickly checked his pulse to find it slow, but there. 

She decided to not go searching for Hydrogen Peroxide and doused the pieces of cotton in alcohol hoping it would not cause sepsis. She decided to pay attention to the wound in his back first as it was still bleeding. 

She managed to stitch the wound and bandage it before moving on his arm. She wiped it clean and used a pair of travers to keep the wound open, checking if there was a bullet still present inside, as there was no exit wound. Luckily, it wasn’t embedded deeply and she easily removed it. However, she found it to be slightly purplish in color, causing her to frown. She glanced at the bullet and found it laced with some substance. Her eyes widened and she quickly took an injection and extracted as much as she could from his blood.

Elain cleaned the wound properly, knowing he would need to visit an actual hospital soon. She stitched close the wound and cleaned away all the excess blood, placing a bandage over it. 

She checked Azriel’s pulse once again and found it returning to normal. She finally felt as if she could breathe properly. 

Elain grabbed Azriel’s phone from his pocket and took a swig from the bottle of Absolut kept beside her. She used his face ID to unlock it and called Rhys. 

When he picked up after a while, she slumped down against the table. “Get here quickly, and get me a proper surgical kit. With blood bags.”

She cut the call and glanced at her hands, covered in blood. She ignored them as she covered her face with them and started sobbing. 

~~~~~

Elain stayed on the floor until she heard the doorbell ring. She quickly wiped her face and rushed to the door, opening it to find Rhysand standing there, worry etched into his face. 

He rushed inside, motioning to someone outside to come inside. Then a group of men came along with multiple iceboxes and cardboard boxes. “Everything you need to set up a surgical station.” He pointed to each box that was labeled. 

She moved around looking inside the icebox to find multiple blood bags, each box holding a different blood group. “Did you raid a hospital or a vampire den?” 

Rhys scoffed. “Had this in storage in case we needed to set up in a remote place. Usually, our resident doctor handles these kinds of things.”

Elain shook her head and asked the men to help her set up important equipment like an ECG machine and IV stand. “Should we set him up in the room?” She inquired. 

Rhys just shrugged in response. “You’re the boss.” 

“What’s going on?” Lucien’s voice came from the stairway. 

Elain turned towards him and rushed to him quickly, once again breaking down. Lucien quickly hugged her, glancing at the table, and understood. He patted her back and shushed her. He grasped her shoulders tightly and shook her. “You see this every day at work. Go into Doctor mode, okay? You can do this.” She glanced at him and nodded, knowing she had to control her emotions. 

She set her shoulders firmly and instructed the men to help her set up everything in Azriel’s room. 

She could cry after she was sure Azriel was fine.

~~~~~

AN: I have a feeling I overdid the surgical process. Well. Hope you liked it!

Next Chapter on 10th Feb.

[theladyofbloodshed]

I don't know if you take requested but you write Nesta so well! Can you write a little fic of Nesta calling out Feyre for siding/choosing Rhys's friends/family over her friends/family (sisters and Lucien)?

This was fun to write 🤭 Nesta having balls of steel is always my favourite thing to write.

‘The Band of Exiles?’ Mor arched a brow, barely containing her mirth.

Feyre shucked out another laugh at Lucien’s expense. ‘It’s accurate, at least.’

Nesta glanced sidelong at Elain to see if those infamous mate instincts might come into play as the group chuckled over Lucien’s new found family in the mortal lands. None came. Elain remained fiddling with a bracelet, attention fixed on that instead.

‘Don’t you call yourselves the Court of Dreams?’

Mor bristled at once at Nesta’s words. Her brown eyes narrowed.

‘That’s different,’ Rhys said coldly.

Nesta smirked, giving a raise of her own brows to Mor. ‘Is it?’ For good measure, she let out a little chuckle. ‘I’m of the opinion that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Especially when the most valuable male in Prythian lives in one.’

‘What do you mean by that?’ Cassian’s temper had flared, of course, at the very notion that Nesta might value a male in this world. A male that was not him. She let the moment drag on, let Cassian’s worry wring out of him like a soaked rag.

‘I simply mean that when Lucien is able to move across courts, making friends wherever he goes, that it’s perhaps not wise to mock him. I rather think it is better to keep Lucien on side. His loyalty might match your own, Feyre.’

Nesta catalogued each of their faces; the two Illyrians, the high lord, his cousin, the high lady, her sister, and Amren. They surveyed her with cool disdain, except for Elain who pretended she wasn’t in the room. They were never keen to have their own lives inspected with the same scrutiny or mocking they gave to others.

‘Then again, Feyre, your loyalty moves with whichever wind is most favourable.’

Rhys pressed his palm on the top of Feyre’s hand, comforting or soothing, Nesta wasn’t sure.

‘Excuse me?’

High lady or not, she was still a younger sister and using that voice on Nesta would never sting. It lacked the authority to bring Nesta into line.

‘I mean that you treat Lucien like a second class citizen - as if he should be blessed to be in this city - when he was your first and only friend in Prythian.’

Colour dotted on Feyre’s cheeks. ‘And I should thank him for all the help he gave me with Tamlin?’

Nesta picked the skin around her nails. Nobody could ever accuse her of being hot-headed, no, Nesta was all ice, a sheet so thick that no temper would ever melt it.

‘You feigned a nightmare and put Lucien in harm’s way for your own agenda. That’s right, isn’t it?’

It was Cassian’s turn to redden. He’d boasted of Feyre’s execution of her plan to pull the rug out from beneath the Spring Court’s feet, not caring who came into danger. From the look Rhysand was shooting him across the table, Nesta supposed it wasn’t information that should have been shared.

‘He helped you travel through Prythian, did he not? Would you have made it to this city without Lucien sacrificing his position? Without him crossing a land that he is exiled from?’

Her sister struggled on speech, syllables catching on her tongue.

‘Feyre, the fact is, you never care who gets in your way, whether that’s Lucien or us, as long as you get your way.’

Rhys moved to speak, likely to defend his mate, but Feyre cut in quicker. Her grey eyes were wide with outrage and she’d sat upright in her chair.

‘When have I ever not considered you and Elain?’

Elain chose that moment of silence to gulp. The noise made Nesta’s lips quirk upwards.

‘Would you like it listed alphabetically or chronologically?’

‘Your sister kept you fed. She risked her life every day in that forest,’ Rhys snarled, power swirling around him.

‘Yes and she told a priestess everything about Elain and I. Practically gift-wrapped her sisters for Hybern. You dragged us into this world through your involvement with this court and your meddling in Spring. It is because of you that we went into the Cauldron.’ Nesta slammed a hand on the table so hard that a glass shook. ‘You choose this court above all else, these people who would never pick you over your mate. You see Elain and I - Lucien too - as pawns to be used. Do you think any of them would ever put you above Rhysand?’

Nesta wondered which one would lead the attack. Would Cassian quash his affections for her to serve his master? Or maybe it would be a knife in the dark from the shadow singer? Mor was sizing up the distance between them, bearing her teeth like a rabid animal.

‘You’re a real piece of work,’ Amren said, her voice as sharp as a blade’s edge.

‘Am I?’

Nesta sipped her wine, unbothered by the stares around the room.

‘I am loyal to this court,’ Feyre stated, voice staying strong, ‘and they are loyal to me.’

It was met with nods and Cassian reached out to brush a hand against Feyre’s.

‘Like you were loyal to Clare Beddor?’

All colour drained from Feyre’s face, Rhysand’s too. It was a guess, an educated guess. Clare’s house has burnt to the ground, but her body was never found in the ruin. Feyre had been unable to stomach the news when she’d returned from Prythian. Even now, whenever Elain had mentioned Clare with a wonder over what had happened to her, Feyre blanched. From the high lord’s reaction, Nesta knew he had a part in that poor girl’s murder.

‘Who is Clare Beddor?’ Azriel’s eyes glanced between his high lord and lady. A shadow danced through the room in an attempt to wheedle out the information.

Rhys kept his hand firmly on Feyre’s, willing her not to speak.

‘A girl from our village,’ Elain said quietly, lower lip pushing outwards. ‘Her family were killed. The house burnt to cinders. But they never found Clare. She was our age. One of our friends.’

Nesta held Rhysand’s stare. ‘And how did your friend die, Feyre?’

A heavy silence pushed against the walls. Nesta was spiteful and vicious, she knew it well enough. When it served their court, they relished it. On the receiving end, the Court of Dreamers squirmed with discomfort.

‘With friends like you, who needs enemies?

‘I want you out of this house,’ said Rhys with quiet authority.

Nesta tipped back her head with laughter. ‘Maybe I’ll join the Band of Exiles. I would love to see what stories they tell of you.’

[flowerflamestars]

Would you write a HC of Nessian being that childhood enemies to lovers in high school? I can only trust you with it

Trust accepted and golden. 

-Okay, okay, so on the very first day of first grade, Cassian met the prettiest girl in the world. Little Nesta was absolutely one of those tiny polite children who has a vast hidden well of rage and imagination only displayed when playing witches with Elain in their mother’s garden. She’s quiet at school, utterly shy.

Cassian, meanwhile, is a gremlin. He’s energetic! and sweet! Dimples and curls, an enormous smile. He runs right up to the new girl on that rainy late summer day to introduce himself.

And trips. The Prettiest Girl in the World- as he tells Az, later, while they hide in Rhysand’s treefort- gets mud all over her perfect first day of school dress. 

- Baby Nesta is not okay, okay? She has no idea what to do with this friendly boy. She wants him to stop talking to her. She’s sure her mom is going to be disappointed when she comes home with her white dress ruined, and it’s her first day at a new school without Elain.

Cassian keeps apologizing, but it is Not Okay. 

-Nesta decides she hates him.

- Three years later, Nesta destroys Cassian in the spelling bee. Cassian begins to tip from the Prettiest Smartest Girl in the World is incredible to, the Prettiest Smartest Girl in the World keeps beating me at everything and I want to win JUST ONCE

Once, because he’s pissed. Once because then she’d be looking. Cassian just wants Nesta to look at him, and by sixth grade this feeling goes from earnest to furiously incandescent. 

HEAVY ON THE FURY

- Jump ahead, to the very end of middle school, the Archeron’s mom dies. 

Cassian is a happily adopted foster kid, former orphan who just barely remembers his parents. He finds out, and carries around this horrible heavy feeling in his chest all day like he can’t swallow. 

He wants- he doesn’t know- he wants to say something. But Nesta isn’t at school, and they aren’t actually friends, but he just wants to say: someday. He wants to tell her what his foster moms told him: that it’s okay to cry. (He cannot imagine perfect, smart, Nesta Archeron crying). Whatever you feel is okay.

Entirely by accident Cassian runs into her at the local library. Outside, crying on the sidewalk, arriving just in time to watch her hurl her water bottle at the cement.

Cassian, being Cassian, brings it back to her. 

It turns out pretty girl tears are terrifying.

So he very quietly hooks it back onto the pretty lavender backpack Nesta has carried around for the last three years- his is purple too, not at all to be weird, just because- and sits down on the sidewalk too, a couple feet away.

And Nesta is Not Okay. Her mom is dead, and she doesn’t know what she feels because it’s huge and terrifying. Everything hurts and she’s so, so angry and that stupid water bottle lid doesn’t really fit anyway, because it’s actually Feyre’s lid on Nesta’s bottle, because their Aunt doesn’t know anything and doesn’t know them, and Nesta only has that stupid baby backpack because their Dad spends all his time at work so he doesn’t know that before Mom got sick Nesta and Elain got new backpacks every year, whichever they wanted, and they always matched, but Elain’s ripped last summer and their dad had his assistant get a new one but it’s pink and Elain hates pink and it clashes with Nesta’s-

Cassian watches the Pretty Perfect Girl curl in on herself and scream. 

This, in the end, is when Perfect Girl becomes Nesta.

Cassian is is panicking, okay? PANICKING. His ability to comfort other people is 85% knowing when Azriel is overwhelmed and 15% hugging his dog during thunderstorms. He doesn’t know what he can possibly do for Nesta- so he just grabs her hand. 

Holds on, like Az did without laughing at him when Cassian cried that his adoption had gone through.

And Nesta hangs on, so hard it really actually hurts. He doesn’t ask her what’s wrong, or why, and Nesta is so grateful that hurts too. He’s always so loud and laughing, and Nesta has always hated it a little, thinking he was laughing at her.

(he was not)

The complete simplicity of that sweaty grip is just enough that Nesta can think. And poor baby Nesta thinks. 

She has to go inside and return all the sisters books so they don’t have a fine. She needs to figure out how to cut Feyre’s bangs because she’s running around like a sheepdog because Dad didn’t remember to schedule her a haircut. Elain will help. And Nesta will help Elain water the houseplants because Mom loved them and Dad told the maids they’re fake but they’re not, only the ones in the living room are. 

And Nesta- Nesta has a plan.

-They go in the library. If the volunteer behind the desk is making faces at Nesta’s tearstained face or grubby, iron grip on the boy beside her, Nesta isn’t going to acknowledge it, because Mom always said rude people didn’t deserve attention.

Nesta picks out her books, Cassian silently follows. And then he walks her home. They live in the same neighborhood, so it’s fine- but whats not fine is Nesta still hasn’t said anything, and Cassian just wants to say something-

But what happens it this- Nesta carries half the books in a grip so hard it looks painful. Cassian knows its probably painful, because she’s really hurting his hand now. 

Cassian will look later at the imprint her tiny fingertips had made and feel like his whole body is fluttering- but now, now, she’ll steal his half of the books like it’s nothing and stomp up the porch steps of her house, right past a wilting delivery of lilies slowly dying before her front door. 

She won’t say thank you. Cassian won’t say goodbye.

But Cassian will think it’s okay, it’s okay- because Nesta wasn’t alone like he’d been alone.

The blue door slams shut, and they don’t speak again until junior year of high school.

- Nesta Archeron is seventeen and ready to eat the world raw. She’s top of her class. She has goals, she has terrifyingly perfect hair, and she is not going to let anything stand in her way- especially not the fact that she ran for junior class president and tied, with Cassian.

-Cassian has become very, very Cassian in the intervening years. He’s popular but kind, a loud laugh that echoes down halls. Smart, but not a stratospheric over-achiever like Nesta. College is a year away, but everyone know’s he’s going to get an athletic scholarship. 

They run in very, very different circles.

-Listen, it’s not even on purpose- it’s just that something about Nesta’s horrified expression and color-coded organization and perfect fucking red lips makes Cassian his most insane golden retriever self. He can’t help himself. 

They have to work together. They fight constantly. 

But Cassian’s fighting, at seventeen, is like 80% teasing and 20% very real, very earnest flirting. 

And maybe- maybe Nesta knows that and it makes her even grouchier.  She has a plan, okay? She’s on track to graduation top of her class. She’s going to Standford, then Harvard. She’s going to be a surgeon. 

It’s not so far away she can’t still be there for her sisters. Elain wants to go to Berkley and obviously will because she’s brilliant- Feyre will only be alone for one year, but she’s already all set for that to be her study abroad year, so she won’t be trapped at home in their empty house. She’ll be in Spain, and then she’ll go to art school. 

All three Archeron sisters will be of age to pull from their enormous inheritance left from their mother- they will never need to ask anything of their absent, silent, bastard father ever again. It’s just a matter of waiting.

Nesta is on track, and she can’t get distracted.

But Cassian- Cassian really seems to think Nesta doesn’t remember him. As though she could forget, as much as she wants to, that absolute disaster of a boy who was the only person in the world who made Nesta feel like she wasn’t responsible for everything.

Of course, that little boy grew up to be beautiful. 

Of course, now he’s a goddamn menace who’s a clear foot taller than her with broad shoulders to match. Of course, that enormous kind smile sits even more tantalizing on an older face. Of course his dimples are so deep they flash when he grimaces at her student council timeline, broken down for the next two years.

- Azriel, Nesta’s AP chem lab partner, bound forever in respect by mutual silent competence and scorn for the assholes who sit behind them who keep lighting things on fire, says nothing about any of this until Nesta comes into class holding an enormous rainbow concoction like it’s going to explode.

Together- perennially left to their own devices by a teacher who really does not know what to do with them, and maybe fears they both know the coursework better than she does- they stare at the rainbow sprinkled whip cream mountain, slowly melting into the equally bright froth of the drink. 

Some of them are heart-shaped. 

Azriel breaks first, and asks, “Cassian?”

And Nesta, sweet baby ice princess Nesta, numb from being swooped upon by a giddy, grinning, blushing 6′4 quarterback who darted out of the culinary building to force this into her hand and run back away says: Does he think I’m a lesbian?

This is the moment Azriel’s soul actually leaves his body. 

The visceral cringe is so apparent Nesta keeps talking: I mean, the rainbows? why? 

It’s just close enough to a wail that Azriel decides to take pity on this whole new level of romantic idiocy. He proceeds to explain it’s a unicorn frappuccino? maybe? probably? not that he could advise actually consuming anything Cassian makes.

Nesta’s big What the Fuck face does not fade, so Az finally goes: he’s trying to get your attention. 

Nesta: He has my attention. I see him every day. 

Azriel, thinking about how much fun telling Lucien about this will be, imagining his very beautiful boyfriend howling with laughter: Right, and why would he want more?

Nesta: Because he’s a menace?

Az:

Nesta:

Az:

Nesta, glaring with heartfelt intensity at the melting hearts and stars, food coloring weeping: Because he wants my attention. That- that bastard.

Az, opening his mouth, only to be cut off by Nesta furiously unzipping her bag:

Nesta: that stupid fucking- are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? He- HE- he made me go to a soccer game last week and called it OUTREACH. 

Azriel, watching Nesta tap her phone at top speed: Are you...texting Cassian?

Nesta: that motherfucking, stupid, college admission essays- I’m going to-

Az: Nesta??

Nesta: Do you know how much of a disaster he is? Do you know how much of my time he has wasted? He wants my attention, he has my fucking attention. Why didn’t he say so?

(In the background, the boys behind them have, indeed, started another fire)

Three buildings away, Cassian, vibrating with a frequency that can be seen from space: Mooooor, you don’t understand. She’s so smart, she’s going to be trauma surgeon.

Morrigan, trying in vain to get a full rainbows worth of food coloring off her pearlescent manicure: Cas, you literally want to be a nurse. 

Cassian: Exactly

Morrigan gives up on her nails, distracted from Cassian’s lovelorn expression by his silenced phone flashing repeatedly: Who’s sparkle heart sparkle heart bomb peach firework sparkle heart? 

Cassian, flailing: 

Nesta, here expressed as sparkle heart sparkle heart bomb peach firework sparkle heart: Coffee. 3pm, Sunday. Yes?

Cassian, chewing on the inside of his cheek: Yes! Did the senior class shunt all their work down again?

Nesta: Not to work.

Cassian, life flashing before his eyes, thinking it was the sprinkles?!!

Nesta: A date.

Nesta: Is this supposed to taste like sour candy? 

- They go on the date. Cassian overcomes his transcendent nervousness by getting into a pretty squabble with Nesta over the book they’re currently reading in AP English. 

(The entire argument is a false premise, he loves Jane Austen. Nesta knows this.)

- Nesta takes him to this beautiful coffee shop that is like 70% just a lush tropic garden. 

(Elain sees them coming and has to literally duck behind the counter to laugh. Lucien, her shift partner and dearest friend, watches the whole song and dance of ordering, sitting under a flowering tree and staring at each like lunatics with utter glee, ready to rely every detail to Az)

The Thing is, they keep fighting. They keep fighting, but Cassian’s smile gets softer and softer, his laugh brighter and brighter. The arguing is turning into banter and Nesta is actually? having? So much fun?

- The thing is, Nesta needed a plan to survive. 

But maybe- maybe Cassian was there all along. Maybe, if she can’t be distracted, the obvious answer is to stop letting him make her crazy and- and let him in. 

Maybe, she can hold onto responsibility for everything and still let someone else have a little responsibility for her.

Maybe, Cassian is exactly what she needed. 

[senstia]

Nessian Fic post acofas

This is my first fic so please enjoy and no hate please!! Smut and fluff are involved!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cassian

I’m tired. Tired in my heart and in my bones and for once I can’t muster the strength to joke. Being in the Illyrian mountains with Nesta caused a whole host of trouble, not to mention the fighting, oh did she love to fight, and she loved to shut me out too.

In the beginning it was unbearable, to see her so broken, so empty. It felt like someone was putting a knife in my gut every time I looked at her. But over the months we have been here she has settled, still healing, but there is a new calmness in her I’ve never seen before. Not that she would ever talk to me about any of it, not that she would ever let me in. The steel in her heart runs deep, the fire in her soul burns bright and i’ve yet to get through it. I haven’t tried to touch her, haven’t tried to get close, even though every part of me is yearning for her; mind, body, and soul.

The verbal sparring matches with her are always quite entertaining, it is so fun to bait her, see that fire glow in her eyes when I say the right thing to make her see red. Oh fighting with Nesta can be fun. But sometimes when our breath becomes ragged from yelling at each other so much and we both have to take a breath, I see it flash in her eyes, quick as a lightning strike. The emotion, Feyre’s words flash through my mind,

“I think Nesta feels everything—sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.”

I can see the feeling come in waves through her eyes when she’s too tired or angry to hide it. I want to beg her, beg her to let it out. I want her to let that wall down, I want to tell her that she should feel everything, she should care, she should let it burn and let it burn bright. But I never do, and that cold wall snaps back up in her eyes and she walks away, she always walks away from me and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

But today I am too tired to fight for her to let me in when I can barely keep myself from drowning. Azriel is gone on a mission, Mor is at the Court of Nightmares and Feyre and Rhys are keeping Elain company is Velaris and I don’t want to trouble anyone with my own personal emotional breakdown. Nesta is all I have and she couldn’t care less if I lived or died, at least that’s what she tells me day after day.

Sometimes it haunts my nightmares, that day when she was human, when my mouth was on her neck and her scent was the only thing that mattered, but that was a lifetime ago and neither of us are the same people we were then. War changes people and Nesta is finally coming out of her emptiness. I’m so happy that being in the mountains has helped her. For a while I thought I wouldn’t be able to pull her out of that cold, empty hole she buried herself in. But of course I didn’t pull her out. She did. My- no not my- strong Nesta dragged herself into the light wearing illyrian leathers and fire in her eyes and I knew she was ready to fight for herself again, for her happiness and healing, but I was no part of it, I never would be, and that fact terrifies me more than anything.

Whenever she gets tired of hearing me talk, tired of listening to me try to get some scrap out of emotion out of her she walks away and there’s nothing I can do about it. Once that wall goes up there is nothing to be done to get it down again.

I’m hoping she ignores me completely right now because i’m too tired to fight her and maybe I’ve stopped caring, stopped caring about the fact that she holds my heart in her hands and doesn’t even know it or care to know it, the fact that my heart feels as if it’s going to explode every time she gets close, even if it’s just to scream in my face, maybe I just don’t care, for now at least.

Nesta

My throat is burning and every muscle in my body is sore but my heart is awake. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel empty anymore. My nightmares are still there but they don’t consume me in the way that they used to. I can always feel the power thrumming in my veins but it has slumbered in me recently, like it is finally content.

Being forced to the illyrian mountains made me see red for a long time and Cassian was always there for me to let my anger out. He never faltered, never flinched, insult after insult I would hurl at him and he took it, he took all of it. No male every affected me the way he does, he gets under my skin in a way that terrifies me and coldness and anger is the only defense I have against him. But no matter how cold I am, no matter what I say or what I do, he looks at me with those hazel eyes and he sees me. Right through the mask I wear, to the broken soul underneath. He sees through every word I say and every facial expression I make and it is terrifying.

Vulnerability is something that I do not tolerate and Cassian strips me bare. And when i’m too tired to keep that mask up and he sees the emotion in my eyes, if just for a second, he doesn’t look afraid, he looks at me with hope in those hazel eyes and every time he does my heart almost shatters into a million pieces.

Then there’s other times when we are silently eating or he is in the sparring ring and I am not, when I watch him. The way he moves, the way he looks, the way he talks, I find it fascinating to watch him and I realize that I could watch him forever and I think I would like that very much. But he can never know that because if he knew that somehow over these months I have come to like his company, to trust him and rely on him, maybe even love him if I dared, then he would have the power to shatter me completely and I don’t think that is something I can live with, that sort of vulnerability.

I’m in the mood to fight with him, only because it secretly makes me smile and more and more recently I have found myself craving his company, not that I would ever let him see that. So I walk into where I know he always is at this hour with my back straight, chin high, and ice in my eyes. But something is different when I see him, something is wrong. He is sitting on a couch with his head in his hands and it looks as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders. He doesn’t even look up when I walk in and the ice in my eyes melts away into nothing. I’ve never seen him any way but cocky, arrogant and teasing. But right now he looks broken. Something snaps in me. Some instinct deep inside to protect what I care about and damn my own stupid feelings and insecurities. Elain has always been the only one who ever struck that instinct in me, I would ruin myself to keep her safe and there has never been anyone else but Elain, and Feyre too, that I would do that for. But right now, seeing Cassian look so tired, so broken, I know in my bones that I will ruin whoever caused him to feel anything but happiness, no matter the cost. And I realize that maybe I should stop fighting him and start loving him, maybe being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak, maybe it makes you strong. So I walk up to the couch and sit beside him, so close our thighs brush against each other. He doesn’t shift.

Cassian

She’s sitting next to me. That is the only thought in my head right now and every nerve in my body is focusing on the spot where our thighs are touching. My heart is pounding out of my chest and I make no move towards her, not even to lift my head.

“Cassian,” she says in a low voice.

I slowly lift my head towards her and now i’m 100% sure my heart is going to explode because her face is so much closer to me than I expected it to be and our breath is mingling together and her scent is filling my nose and that easily everything that was broken in me is mended.

“Nesta,” I say and my voice is husky.

Please no fighting, please please I can’t do it anymore please Nesta, thats what I want to say to her but I won’t because i’m truly a coward and I can’t stop staring at her face, every inch of her perfect face and i’m trying to memorize everything before she walks away again because she has never been this close before and I don’t want this moment to end and I—

“I hope the pain eases soon,” is what Nesta murmurs.

My heart is shattered and my bones are all on the floor and there is nothing left of me because she took it all, those 6 simple words and she owns me completely. How did she know how did she know how did she know.

“Iloveyounestaarcheron” the words come out of me in a gasp and I can’t believe I just said that out loud.

She looks at me, I mean really looks at me and I think i’ve never been so petrified in my life.

“What did you just say,” she says quietly, coldly.

I cringed to keep from shaking, “I said, I love you Nesta Archeron? Or or I didn’t say that at all... I’m not completely sure,” I laughed nervously.

Im an idiot. I can’t believe i’m here professing my love and stuttering to a girl who obviously couldn’t care less about me, I just ruined everything, everything I’ve ruined—

Her lips are on my throat and she is kissing me slowly, lightly and for a moment there is hope. Her lips move downward and now she is kissing across my collarbone but I don’t want her slow right now so I take her beautiful face is my hands and our lips are crashing together all tongues and teeth and I can’t taste her fast enough, can’t hold her close enough. Her hands are in my hair and my hands are making their way down down to her waist, to that perfect ass and I think i’m dreaming when she shifts so she is sitting on my lap and she starts grinding against me and a moan escapes my mouth and she pulls back and looks at me.

“I.. I love you too Cassian,and I want you, all of you, right.. right now,” she says.

I’m definitely dreaming right now but I don’t care because this is ecstasy and my cock won’t stop twitching beneath her and it’s getting harder by the second and I can feel her arousal against me and I think I might come right now. Her lips find mine again and she is kissing me deeply and fully, meanwhile she is unbuttoning my shirt and ripping it off and her hands are on my bare chest and she is grinding against me and I can’t handle all the things I’m feeling right now.

Nesta

I pull back from him and look at him. At his muscled tan chest and those hazel eyes and i’m not scared anymore and being vulnerable feels right, it feels right with him. So I lift my shirt from me and now i’m naked except for my pants and within half a second one of my breasts is in his mouth and I can’t stop moaning as his soft warm lips tease my nipple and he bites it relentlessly and I want more, more more more. I stand up quickly and slip off my pants and undergarments and he is unbuttoning his and soon we are both naked and i’m back in his lap. His hands move down to my sex and he teases my knot and i want more.

“Please Cas,” I moan.

And he responds by plunging two fingers inside me and it feels oh so good and I grind against his hands as they move and my release is coming fast but he stops, stops and looks at me, a question in his eyes.

“Yes,” I say breathlessly and then his considerable length is inside me and i’ve never felt anything so good and once he’s inside me to the hilt he waits so I can get used to the feel of him but i’m tired of waiting so I ride him, fast and hard.

He is moaning my name over and over and I think i’m screaming his but i’m so lost in the feel of him that I can’t hear a thing. He is moving fast and hard against me too and im building to a climax and so is he.

He screams my name as he spills inside me and I scream his as my release crashes through me too. We slow and my head is against his chest. We are both breathing hard and both coated in sweat but I have never been more content in my life.

“I love you i love you i love you i love you,” he whispers in my ear. We moved to his bed roll 4 hours ago where we made love thrice more times each more amazing than the last.

Now im in his arms with my head against his heart and I can hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat and I know that with him by my side, I don’t have to feel cold and empty anymore, not if I don’t want to. I am home, I am safe, after all this time.

[placetobenation]

Welcome to Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch! On a regular basis, JT Rozzero, Aaron George and Andrew Flanagan will watch an episode of TV’s greatest sitcom and provide notes and grades across a number of categories. The goal is to rewatch the entire series chronologically to see what truly worked, what still holds up today, what feels just a bit dated and yada, yada, yada it will be a great time. So settle into your couch with the cushions flipped over, grab a Snapple and enjoy the ride!

Best Character

JT: I liked Kramer the most here. He had some real funny lines and physical comedy throughout this one. His buried conversation enders are so good, especially slipping in that Newman was sleeping in Jerry’s bed. I also loved the delivery of his “for a fat man” line to Jerry. He was on his game in this one.

Aaron:  You’d think a pile of lesbians were fighting/lovemaking on stage if you were reading my mind, sifting through the depravity and listening to the “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry” chant. In an episode full of characters trying waaaaaay too hard, Jerry delivers with one liner after one liner. Imagine an episode where Jerry Seinfeld is the most grounded of the actors. This is it. Wait till you see the score.

Andrew: I think it was Elaine. The obsession with proving someone wrong, even at great cost to yourself, always gets me. Also, I’m a sucker for Elaine annoying people with a cigar.

Best Storyline

JT: I liked the blood the most. Jerry was annoying at points by being such an ungrateful bitch but he had some good dismissive lines and watching battle the Mandelbaums again was well done. And like I said above, I really enjoyed Kramer and this was the story he lived in for most of the episode. The meat sex stuff had funny moments but not much of a story to it and the Elaine stuff was fine too but didn’t have as many laughs.

Aaron: Polish, sausage, dancing.

Andrew: I’ll go with The Blood. I wasn’t a fan of any of the storylines, really, but the return of the Mandelbaums was my favorite part of the episode.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

JT: If someone saves your life, you should probably not be a dick to them as soon as later that day.

Aaron: I’m going to go the opposite of JT and ask: even if you’ve saved someone’s life (which us debatable considering they were in a hospital full of blood) how do you live with yourself bringing a sworn enemy literally into someone’s bed? I get that these guys share a lot, but do they not even have a bed for that beast of a mailman to sleep in? If anything Kramer STILL owes Jerry favors for years of mooching and advantage taking. Has he ever borrowed that car without completely destroying it?

Andrew: What is the limit of the obligation when graciously accepting a gift from one’s parents? I’m going to say it’s somewhere short of “tying myself to a car”.

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

JT: Kramer and Jerry, finally brought together by blood. A love made official. Relationship Grade: 3 Pints of Kramer/10

Aaron: George should keep banging that Vivian like a middle aged Neil Peart stuffing his face and trudging his way through YYZ. Relationship Grade: Boun ba ba boun ba baoun baoun baoun, ba ba baoun, ba ba baoun. Baoun badrrruuum. Down da down da down daaaaun. Dawn da down de daoun daounnnnnnn.

Andrew: I know the kid is presented as a burden, but I’m into the George and Vivian pairing. I just like the thought that there is a match for every kink out there. Relationship Grade: 10 sensual cured meats/10

What Worked:

JT: The plum diet seems like a good one; I always mark out for Morty saying “Mister Kramer”; Jerry’s point about responsibility is good one; George’s bus transfer excuse made me laugh; Jerry and George’s conversation about George bailing on Tara was really funny; Kramer going all in on calling Jerry fat in various ways was great; I enjoyed Elaine shoving Kramer into the bushes and smacking him with the broom as he yelped; I liked the payoff with the exacto knife, it was set up well earlier in the episode; Kramer demonstrating how he would rip out his kidney was great; Canadian Parliament; Newman sneaking in to watch the movie; Izzy putting the hurting on Jerry with his training was well done; the sausage making scene is a classic; Jerry calling George “Caligula”; Newman giving Jerry his blood was a good capper

Aaron: All of Jerry’s analysis and pleading with George to, for once think of someone’s else’s needs. The group screaming and Kramer’s messed up justification for needing to store so much blood in a blood bank. As someone who has watched Canadian parliament it busted me up to learn that Kramer not only watches, but records for later viewing. It’s not nearly as polite as one would imagine. Think more childish, with a lot of high pitched voices screeching “MISTER SPEAKER.” George’s series of lies, which inexplicably won over Vivian,  were great and the only thing that felt anywhere in the realm of reality.

Andrew: There’s not much to praise here, story-wise, but the episode still has some memorably great dialog. Kramer’s “for a fat man, you’re not very jolly” is excellent, and George and Jerry have some great back and forth in the diner (“I’m not suggesting getting rid of the girl”, followed by the “needs” line, is the high point for me). Elaine being compelled to prove her responsibility, and getting stuck with a permanent babysitting gig as a result, was well done. I enjoyed seeing the Mandlebaums again, and Kramer’s screen door callback got me.

What Didn’t Work

JT: Tara saying “love making”, eh; Jerry being so insanely afraid of Kramer’s blood was a bit much, just way too over the top; someone should pull a President Lincoln on that kid; I also thought Jerry was really ungrateful for Kramer’s blood, dude saved your life… stop being a bitch; who fucks a random at their kids’ birthday party?; The Izzy voiceovers at the end were terrible; why is Jimmy wearing that hat? Is it 1954?

Aaron: Is Jerry dead? They dragged him for a quarter mile which was way longer than it took to kill that dog in National Lampoon’s Vacation. This whole episode felt fake. If the paragraph above is what I felt worked then you can comfortably put the rest here. I know George has pulled some schemes but are we really to believe that a man whose entire mission in life has been to get laid, is now trading that for food and television? What kind of animal is this man? What’s wrong with Jerry? I get he’s a germaphobe, but he can’t be in a building with blood. A building???? Elaine would rather raise a child than tell a woman she barely seems to know or care about that she hates her son. Her son might be the most hateable character in western civilization. Even Kramer felt forced. I get he’s dumb, but blood in a car? Come on writers. Do better. I don’t want to go on any more. This was a mess. Also Mandelbaum sucked the high hard one.

Andrew: Vivian is wearing a gray pantsuit the first two times we see her, which seems pretty unimaginative. The dubbing of Mr. Mandlebaum’s dialogue at the end has always seemed really distracting to me.

Key Character Debuts

– Vivian

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

– “That’s why we joined a program. We walk once around the block three times a week.” – Helen “And every morning I eat a plum.” – Morty

– “Did you give blood?” – Jerry “No, not giving. hoarding. I’m storing it in to a blood bank. Just in case.” – Kramer “In case of what?” – Jerry “Jerry, I know myself. If I’m out on the street and it’s starts to go down, I don’t back off until it’s finished.” – Kramer

– “I know, I’m glad I got to see him before he hit puberty and got, you know all lurchy and awkward.” – Elaine

– “Who wants to responsible? When ever anything goes wrong, the first thing they ask is: who’s responsible for this?” – Jerry

– “So, she didn’t appreciate the erotic qualities of the salted cured meats?” – Jerry “She tolerated the strawberries and the chocolate sauce, but eh, it’s not a meal, you know? Food and sex, those are my two passions. It’s only natural to combine them.” – George

– “Maybe instead of trying to satisfy two of your needs, how about satisfying one of somebody else’s.” – Jerry

– “You know, for a fat guy you’re not very jolly.” – Kramer

– “You? I’m more responsible than you are!” – Elaine “Don’t be ridiculous. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to fill my freezer with my own blood.” – Kramer

– “Oh yeah, you’ve got three pints of Kramer in you, buddy.” – Kramer

– “She’s right, I heard Kramer got mugged out on the suburbs on a baby-sitting gig.” – Kramer

– “So, my blood is not enough. Would you like a kidney too, because I’ll give it to you? I’ll rip it out right here and stack it on the table!” – Kramer

– “So, the free love buffet is over?” – Jerry “I got greedy. Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami.” – Jerry “Yeah, that’s what you did…I can’t believe I got another session with Izzy Mandelbaum, he’s probably makes me box a kangaroo.” – Jerry

– “All right, Even Steven. Oh, by the way, when you get back to your apartment try to keep it down because Newman is taking a nap in your bed.” – Kramer

– “Yes it is. I find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats. Hungry?” – Vivian

Oddities & Fun Facts

– Lloyd Bridges was nominated for an Emmy for his role as Izzy Mandelbaum

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

JT: This wasn’t the strongest episode we have watched and did fade at the end but there is some quality dialogue peppered all through this one. It is definitely an episode carried on the back of actors that know their characters and relationships on a top notch, deep level because it was often the timing and delivery that made the big lines pop. The Mandelbaum return was a nice surprise but that really just kind of ends too, as do all of the stories here. Nothing quite paid off in a satisfying way. Also, that stupid fucking hat that Vivian’s kid had on was obnoxious. Fuck him. I am off to box a kangaroo. Final Grade: 6/10

Aaron: This episode sucked. It felt like a different show devoid of the characters we know and love. The writing was forced and I feel worse for having watched this one. Final Grade: 1/10

Andrew: I didn’t really care for this one. None of the storylines do it for me, which makes it hard for me get into the episode. And there are no big moments to make up for the less-than-inspired writing. But there are some genuine laughs and quality dialogue to be found, so the episode isn’t a complete disaster. Final Grade: 6/10