#FREAKING OUT IVER THIS

[katmaibearfan]

okay so the explore.org comments are annoying me right now -- a better phrased version of these points will go in the new pinned post im making. but, for now:

the bears are better at being bears than you think they are. they are better at all aspects of bear life -- whether it's a new subadult being on their own and needing to provide for themselves for the first time or a momma bear fighting a boar much larger than herself or spring cubs swimming when the current is strong -- they are more capable than you think, they have a better understanding of their situation than you do, and they know their limits and capabilities better than you do. because they are a bear, and you are not. they have evolved to do these things. trust the bears to succeed at being bears.

similarly, we as viewers have no rights to know all details of their lives and what happens off camera. this is not a tv show, there is no script, and we are not entitled to loose ends being tied off neatly at the end of an 'episode' or a season. the cameras see very little of the very large area that is Katmai National Park. there will always be things that we will never know. if a recently emancipated subadult is never seen on camera again, that does not mean they are dead. they might be! but in all likelihood, they are alive, and simply somewhere else. maybe they'll come back after 3 years, or 8, or 12. maybe they won't. us not seeing them means exactly that -- that we cannot see them. nothing more, and nothing less.

we also have no right to demand that we be provided with a sanitized version of reality, or a version that aligns with our human morals. the policy at explore.org is specifically NOT to shy away from seeing "the gross stuff" because "the gross stuff" is a necessary part of the natural world. they will show cubs going over the falls, and they will show them being charged by a boar. they will show the nasty fights boars have among themselves, and they will show the resulting injuries even if they look quite bad. they will show it when two bears court and they will show it when they mate. these are all part of the realities of these bears' lives. these are all part of nature. it is important that nature not be sanitized for mass consumption. it is important that nature is allowed to be nature.

i will not sanitize the realities of these bears. i will give warnings for posts that have images, gifs, or videos of fights between bears. i will give warnings for posts about bears that have died, and will specifically note if the dead bear in question is a cub. if a bear has a wound that is particularly nasty and i post an image of it, i'll give a warning for that too. no one has to look at things that upset them, but neither should these things be removed from the conversation for the comfort of some humans. it is a great privilege that we are able to watch a small sliver of these animals' lives, and we need to be responsible with it.

also, like, don't humanize the bears. its fun to make jokes about them, even if that involves a human concept that the bears have no way to know. but like, bears are bears. don't apply human morals to them. let them be bears.

[calkale]

btw guys i am completely fine this is the best ive been in a while which is why im doing this, i love my job and things are looking really good rn so im most likely gonna be going to uni in the fall and i just wanna pay more attention to my life rn

[thinkinpoink]

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[abnormallycreative]

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[littl-vs]

ehy am i fuzzy what the fuck

[echidnana]

Logan is having trouble being disabled, luckily I am very skilled at being disabled!

[okcoolthanks]

WERE SO BACKCKCKKCKKKK WHATTTT

IT HAS A NEW LOAD UP SCREEN

[wlwsoccerfics]

Smoke(PernilleHarderXMagdaErikssonXTeenReader)

AN: as requested a Hardersson one

Warning: Smoking cigarettes, Asthma mentioned and Google translate used

Summary:your moms find cigarettes in your room.

You had no idea what was waiting for you at Home. But you found out rather quickly. As soon as you walked into the Apartment.

"y/n Smilla Eriksson-Harder!kom till vardagsrummet nu!(come to the living room right now!)" Your Mama(Magda) said in a tone that let you know you were in trouble. Not that the full name use wasn't an idication for that already. You swallowed and walked into the livingroom.

"what's wrong?" You asked, biting down on your bottom lip.

"er der noget du vil fortælle os?(is there something you want to tell us?)" Your mom(Pernille) asked. You shook your head no.

"ikke rigtig!(not really!)" You answered, having no idea what was going on.

"er det sådan?(is that so?)" Your mom tried again. Holding up the Pack of cigarettes,she had found while putting away some laundry in your sock drawer.

"vill du förklara?(care to explain?)" Your mama asked, crossing her arms over her chest. You looked down and sighed softly.

"måste jag?(do I have to?)" You wanted to know. Not really ready to talk about this. Magda looked like she was about to lose it.

"ja! rökning är farligt!(yes! smoking is dangerous!)" She told you.

"din mor har ret! du har astma, kære!(your Mama is right! you have Asthma, love!)" Pernille replied. Trying to bring into some calm Energy cause you Mama was freaking out.

"de är inte mina!(those aren't mine!)" You explained. Sighing softly.

This did calm down your Mama a bit. She was only this angry cause she was stressed. You had a few health scares growing up and she was always worrying about you. Not that your Mom wasn't worried about you but Magda surprisingly sure was the stressed out parent and more emotional.

"hvem tilhører de?(who do they belong to?)" Pernille wanted to know.

"Jeg kan ikke fortælle dig det!(I can't tell you!)" You stated. Looking away. You couldn't tell them cause the cigarettes belonged to your twin brother Iver Jerik Eriksson-Harder. And you were the one that took them away from him cause you didn't want him to smoke them . Worried about his health. You two were 16 after all.

"älskling, jag tror dig.(sweetheart, i believe you.)" Magda answered. "men jag behöver fortfarande veta varför du hade cigaretterna i ditt rum och vem de tillhör." Your Mama spoke up again.

You looked at her and then your Mom.

"Jeg kan virkelig ikke sige noget. kun at jeg bare tog dem fra den person, de tilhører, fordi jeg ikke ville have dem til at ryge. (I really can't say anything. only that I just took them away from the person they belong to because I didn't want them to smoke.)" You wanted to say something else but another voice spoke up. Entering the room.

"de tilhører mig.(they belong to me.)" Your twin brother told your moms. Pernille and Magda looked at him.

"du er i problemer.(you are in trouble.)" Your mom let your twin know.

"jeg ved det. jeg er ked af det.(i know. i am sorry.)" Iver replied and sighed softly.

Your mama hugged you and you hugged back.

"jag är ledsen för att jag anklagar dig!(i am sorry for accusing you!)" She told you.

"det är bra!(It's fine)" You replied and smiled slightly. "nu till dig, du är jordad.(now to you, you are grounded.)" Your Mama said, turning to your twin brother.

"det är rättvist.(that's fair.)" He nodded his head.

Your brother was grounded for two weeks, so you tried to spent as much time at home as possible so he wouldn't be alone so much. But you had practice and games to Focus on. And your new girlfriend. So of ourse you wanted to spent time with her as well.

[npuppet]

LaDs rambles #6

Songs/mini playlists I think fit each LI + YouTube links (I don’t have Spotify)

‼️A lot of songs are explicit so listen at your own digression‼️

⭐️ are personal favorites (recommended)

(It starts out with overused Insta songs lol) (I branch into more niche songs out I promise)

Zayne:

Disease by Lady Gaga (obv) (“I could play the doctor, I can cure your disease, If you were a sinner I could make you believe”) (die Astra)

⭐️Digital Silence by Peter McPoland (what if Foreseer was in modern time and was a desperate to warn MC of her future?) (“They’re gonna blind date everyone until you love them too”)

Arcade by Duncan Laurence (“Loving you is a losing game” huh? Man)

Wash. by Bon Iver (“Where ice snaps and the hold clast are known”) (It just fits the calmness he has I dunno)

Changing of the Seasons by Two Door Cinema Club (not because he fell out of love with MC but he doesn’t seem to remember as much as the other LI’s) (“The door is open, you whispered to me, As you stood frozen in deep uncertainty”)

Christmas Kids by Roar (“The Christmas kids were nothing but a gift, And love is a tower where all of us can live”) (just thinking if Zayne did remember)

⭐️Cursed Romantics by Maude Latour (bc who said Zayne can’t be girlypop?) (“‘Cause I’m obsessive when you call me “baby”, Your love is poison and no don’t can save me”)

Heavy Eyes by Zach Bryan (I just know Zayne would have tired eyes if he didn’t deal with his myth trauma right) (“Remember all the days we had, I say it ain’t so bad, Keep those heavy eyes soft and kind”)

⭐️Am I Dreaming by Metro Boomin, A$AP Rocky and Roisee (Dawnbreaker and Zayne) (“One of a kind, one of one, the only one, Got one shot and one chance to take it once”)

Rest of the LI’s under the cut

Caleb:

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens (based on Caleb and MC being experimented on and MC dying over and over, tragic and existential) (“What could I have said to raise you from the dead?…And I’m sorry I left, but it was for the best, though it never felt right”) 🙂

⭐️i am not who i was by Chance Peña (“so if I fly to far, Will I still have a place inside your heart?…Will you love me for who I am not who I was”) (it’s him, it’s Caleb)

SPIT IN MY FACE! by ThxSoMch (man will do and tolerate anything to be with MC I mean) (“I don’t know what to say except you’re mine mine mine mine mine”)

⭐️Nobody’s Solider by Hozier (this song fits him like a glove, like his whole deal is that he’s trying to wrestle control back in his life) (“Holding my world together with a bootstring, Living the dream”)

Freaks by Surf Course (after he left MC in the explosion) (“My head is filled with parasites, Black holes cover up my eyes”)

Broken by lovelytheband (“I like that your lonely, Lonely like me, I could be lonely with you”) (our obsessive king)

⭐️Tangerine by Glass Animals (he would get on his knees anyways-) (“You only look at me properly now, When you’re drunk watching movies, Where are you? What happened?”)

Sweet Talk by Saint Motel (at this point I think I’m just giving him a degradation kink…) (“Yeah, well, I’m not scared, I’m not going nowhere, Yeah, you might want me to drop dead, but I dont even care”)

She Said No by BoyWithUke (mmm angsty) (“I don’t blame you, I hate me too, but I can’t, Do a lot to change it or the thoughts in my head”)

Sylus:

Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High by Arctic Monkeys (just based off of reckless MC) (“Incapable of making alright decisions, and having bad ideas”)

⭐️Like Him by Tyler the Creator (but very Dawnbreaker coded too so) (based on when MC got flashbacks in the story with Sylus but still doesn’t remember fully) (“How could I miss something that I’ve never had?”)

MILLION DOLLAR BABY by Tommy Richman (bc why not) (“I could clean up good for you, Oh, I know right from wrong”)

The World We Knew by Frank Sinatra (when MC went on a rampage after Sylus left, she’s real for that) (“Each road we took turned into gold, But the dream was too much for you to hold”)

Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs (just feels like Sylus)

Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay (ok but hear me out) (“I’m a dream that died by light of day, Gonna hold up half the sky and say, Only I own me”)

Bury Me Face Down by grandson (vengeful dragon) (“Wanted with a bounty on my head, But somehow someway, I’ma keep moving along”)

⭐️City on a Hill by Mon Rovîa (Sylus trying to comfort MC abt their past) (“Who was by your side, When the fire subsides, And it rains in your head?”)

⭐️Gold by Spandau Ballet (what was going through Sylus’ head when MC started to like him back lol) (“Nothing left to make me feel small, Luck has left me standing so tall”)

Rafayel:

Sex, Drugs, Etc. by Beach Weather (something I think he and MC should listen to on an open hood convertible kind of night by the sea) (“Dressing up for polaroids and cigarettes, Socilaize, romanticize the life”)

Softcore by The Neighborhood (kinda based off of the theory that Rafayel wears safety pins) (“You’ve been my muse for a long time, You get me through every dark night”)

⭐️All I Want by Kodaline (“When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside”) (ow)

Here With Me by d4vd (another slow heartbreak song what’s new) (“I wish I could live through every memory again, Just one more time before we float off in the wind”)

Applause by Lady Gaga (bc I’m on a Lady Gaga binge lol) (“Pop culture was in art, now art’s in pop culture in me!”)

⭐️Blood // Water by grandson (I think alternative fits Rafayel) (“The price of your greed, your son, and your daughter”)

Drama by Spencer Sutherland (Raf is just feeling himself)

Love Me Less by MAX (I think it’s fitting since he’s not as forthright with his underground activities as Sylus is)

Xavier:

I Love You So by The Walters (I think it fits his 5* Outcast’s Voyage and just his story in general) (“I’m going to pack my things and leave you behind, This feelings old, and I know that I’ve made up my mind”)

Army Dreamers by Kate Bush (based on that the people who came with Xavier all had dreams but turned into Wanderers instead) (“We’ve a bunch of purple flowers to decorate a mammy’s hero”)

Towards the Sun by Rihanna (“Shadows chase me far from home, I remember when my heart was filled with gold”) (also funny that the movie this song is from is based on aliens lol)

⭐️When Will I See You Again by Shakka (song is literally made for my poor boy) (“Shooting stars never fly for me, My hearts on Mars, kinda hard to see”)

Alien Boy by Oliver Tree (just bc) (“I still make it work, But it’s overrated and somehow, played out”)

⭐️Are We Ready? (Wreck) by Two Door Cinema Club (I dunno sometimes the lyrics aligned with his story to me) (“I saw the world today, It comes in green and gray”)

Jealous by Eyedress (our jealous possessive king lol)

All LI’s:

Mind Over Matter (Reprise) by Young the Giant

Harpy Hare by Yarlokre (yup)

⭐️Chamber of Reflection by Mac DeMarco

her by JVKE

Again and Again by The Bird and the Bee (need I explain?)

ALL GIRLS ARE THE SAME by RØNIN (lmao)

⭐️Mr. Feel by John Michael Howell

can’t slow down by almost monday (kinda a song I imagine MC, Caleb, and Zayne playing on a roadtrip when they were younger)

Aphrodite by Ethan Gander (yearning my favorite (: )

We’ll Meet again by Very Lynn (obv)

MC lol:

Daydream by Gunter Kallmann Choir (MC and Sylus)

GONE, GONE / THANK YOU by Tyler the Creator (give girl a break yknow??)

Wasted Summers by juju<3 (after Caleb left her in the explosion)

I wanna be your lover by €CHO€D 4W4Y (yessir)

⭐️Apple by Charli xcx (once delulu, always delulu)

Sunshine by OneRepublic

Sick of Being Young by Krooked Kings

Feel free to leave ur songs u attribute to the LI’s ((:

[86espresso]

there’s holy ground beneath them, and sparks fly when they kiss ✯ jh86

-> insta edit (my first one. be nice ill cry)

-> high school sweetheart!jack <3 bc yes

-> I love him bye

-> other things coming soon dw I didn’t forget 👊

-> under the cut !

liked by jackhughes, alexturcotte, and others

ynzonedout my boy<3 and also cam york’s boy apparently<33

replies . . .

jackhughes baby I can explain 😔

ynzonedout is there something you need to tell me ://

cam.york j, babe, don’t ✋

ynzonedout wtf

jackhughes I was gonna tell u eventually 😔😔😔

alexturcotte have some decorum yorkie that’s a taken man

ynzonedout tell him.

trevorzegras 💻👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

jackhughes oh! that’s

liked by ynzonedout, colecaufield, and others

jackhughes look at her go !!

replies . . .

ynzonedout oKAy but I did so good omfgfoMFG

jackhughes you did amazing bambi ☺️

ynzonedout but I didn’t fall over this time so bambi doesn’t check out ✋✋

jackhughes you fell over taking off your skates. off the ice

ynzonedout DELETE DLETEY

ynzonedout why do you hate me

jackhughes wtf I would stab trev for you

ynzonedout aw ur so <33

trevorzegras EHAT THEVFUCK

liked by spencerknight, colecaufield, and others

ynzonedout you see this when you enter a room. what would you do 🎤

replies . . .

alexturcotte run in the opposite direction FAST

liked by ynzonedout

jackhughes nightmare blunt rotation

colecaufield notice how his sense of humor skyrocketed after he started dating bambi…

ynzonedout oof

jackhughes the heck. ur right 🙄

cam.york ALL at the same TIME 😮‍💨

ynzonedout none of those words are in the bible

jackhughes skshjskwjwaj

liked by ynzonedout, trevorzegras, and others

jackhughes @/ynzonedout lookinf suuper extra fine today I need her mroe than air 😪 LOVE her so baf

replies . . .

ynzonedout jackie, baby, this is your public instagram

trevorzegras accidentally gave him too many edibles thats on me

ynzonedout ofc ur at the scene of the crime

trevorzegras ??!!??/)$ cole was involved

jackhughes bsmbi come iver imy:((((((((((

ynzonedout omw baby just two mins of homework left 🥹

quinnhughes just projectile vomited

ynzonedout lowkey ate down 🎤

colecaufield lookin goood ma’am

alexturcotte stunna

user1 proof that your fav white boy needs a baddie in his life

ynzonedout ur so adorable im jumping ily :)

liked by jackhughes, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout happy 18th birthday to my fav princess angel white girl jacklyn <3 despite the growing pressure on you and big things coming up, you never fail to make me feel like the only girl ever. you’re the sweetest and kindest ever, everyone deserves a you. my forever crush, i love you to death. muah 💗

replies . . .

jackhughes im drowning in my own tears.

jackhughes bambi wtf ill end it all i love you so much 🥹🥹🥹 thank you baby

alexturcotte my heart

trevorzegras ill actually cry. who knew you had a heart

ynzonedout im in ur Walls

colecaufield everyone’s crying. The streets exploded. bambi this is too much for all of us

ynzonedout THE STREETS EXPLODDE

ellenhughes aw this is adorable :)

ynzonedout thank you for your contribution to society 🧎‍♀️

liked by ynzonedout and others

jackhughes 1 week before the draft. cant wait !! ✊ replies . . .

ynzonedout im so fucking proud of you the fuck. What the fucking fuck im sobbing

jackhughes language 😔

ynzonedout no im fucking emo rn dont even

ynzonedout WAIT

ynzonedout jack oh myfuckingh god COME OVER RN my columbia letter just came in I can’t open it

jackhughes SHUT UP IM LN MY WAY IM shaking

alexturcotte columbia wth

trevorzegras ayo WHAT

colecaufield DID YOU GET IN

user3 COLUMBIA IS SO CLOSE TO NEW JERSEY AND ITS IN NEW YORK

cam.york everyone start freaking out like right now. bambi and jack will probably live toGETHWR SKSJKSJS

liked by jackhughes, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout happy weekend <3 a girl doesn’t deserve less

replies . . .

jackhughes proud doesn’t cut it, angel girl. you deserve all this and more 🩷

ynzonedout jackkk 🥹🥹🥹 you mean everything to me

jackhughes also we r so getting our own place and living together

ynzonedout damn fucking right we ARE

alexturcotte brb crying

trevorzegras you guys 🥹

colecaufield #bambijackforever agenda going strong . who’s dropping acid in my eyes

quinnhughes great achievement!! you’re so smart tf

liked by nicohischier, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout I hope you know how proud I am you were created 🩷 @/njdevils if you suck the youth out of him I’ll suck the soul out of you 🔪

replies . . .

njdevils 🫡🫡🫡

jackhughes BABE. we’ll get in trouble

jackhughes honestly couldn’t have done it all without your support. I love you :)

ynzonedout love u more forever :))

a/n: if I made mistakes no I didn’t. feedback appreciated but only the nice kind 🩷

[epione-xx]

Our weather

Short and cute bbys

Thunder flickered through the apartment windows, but with Damian’s hand in your own it just felt like dramatic lighting that was emphasising every move you both made.

One hand in your own and a hand in your waist you two both danced across the hardwood floor of his bedroom in the manor, a big grin on your own face and a content smile on his own.

He twirled you, you giggled, the world was perfect as you landed back in his arms.

“I love you” you whisper softly as you lean against his shoulder, his strong arms wrapping you in a cuddle with his chest to your back and his chin on your forehead.

“I could tell you a million times iver believed but it would never express how much I love you “

The rain pelted against the window, but it was no match for the old record player and the two heart bears that filled the room.

‘1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3’

“It’s half past four Damian!”

The scene changed quickly, you’re wrapped in white sheets and your hair is messy as you stared at your boyfriend.

His covered in blood- your floors are covered in blood! It’s 4 a.m, you’re freaking out but he doesn’t move a muscle as he looked at you.

“Damian! Answer me!”

Your angry, your pissed, your tired and your sad and most importantly, your begging for him to answer you and to tell you what you need to hear.

Finally, he does.

“It’s half past four” his boots are heavy and stiff and he doesn’t know how to get out his next words “and I think we need to break up”

Seconds feel like hours, but hours feel like minutes. He’s gone and get his stuff is still here but you know he’s not.

And he’s never coming back, and the only sound that filled the room is the clock, no longer his voice or the music that you two usually had.

And like before, you count, but not to the beats of the music but to the ticks of the clock.

‘1, 2, 3, 4-‘

“5 more minutes beloved, that’s all it’ll take”

Damian’s hand is intertwined with your own, five years later and now 23, you couldn’t even recount the says that got you here, the days that got you both back in each others arms.

There’s so much weight on you, Damian is trying to support you as he holds your hands, rubbing soothing circles into the back of it, but it’s not enough, it hurts and you want it to stop.

Five seconds, you bare down hard and sobs escape your mouth, you wish you had done this at home, in the comfort of your own bathtub and with only your husbands fingers near your special places.

But you didn’t, and now you have to deal with that.

Damian does the breathing with you, but all you can focus on now is the immeasurable weight that you feel on your lower end.

Legs raised and body tense, you pushed again.

A baby cries- no screams- you’re the one crying.

A weight is placed on your chest, it’s so familiar yet so different and you and Damian both shed tears.

His hand lays on the back of your new child and kissing your hair as you cradle the tiny baby in your arms and wept.

He is so immeasurably proud as the doctor counted up the weight of the baby,

‘3, 4 , 5-‘

“6 counts beloved?”

You’re both sleep debt, the baby hands between you and Damian in a carrier that you both take turns of, right now it’s fastened to Damian and then baby is asleep against Damian’s back.

He offered his hand to you, you both look horrible but you can’t help and think he’s the most beautiful man in the world.

He helped you up, hand in his own and his hand on your waist, he begins to guide you. Counting the bears of the sing as you dance.

It’s raining, just like so long ago.

Damian thinks the rain is your weather, like how couples have a special place or day, the rain is your social weather.

It represents the two of you he thinks- well the three of you now.

He spins you lightly and pulled you back, you stare into his eyes and slowly pressed your nose against his own in a small Eskimo kiss.

“I love you”

“And forever I’ll say it, even if it doesn’t show how much I truely do…I love you too beloved”

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader

Chapter 6

CW: lots of angst, jealousy is not even the right word to describe neteyam's state anymore, emotionally hurt neteyam, yandere neteyam, reader has a hard time trying to fight her feelings for neteyam, mentions of using someone with the intention of forgetting someone else, mild violence, mentions of sexual fluids, possessive and territorial neteyam, mentions of depressive symptoms, use of alcohol, feelings of fear, tension, confessions of love, fluff. I think that's all (??)

✨ IM BACK ✨ I can't even believe I managed to finally update this fanfic! 😂 All of a sudden I spent days on end being a 24/7 nurse for my spayed kitten and didn't have time for anything + having to give her 2 different pills at 2 different times, all during the am hours, plus another one in the morning, left me SOOO sleep deprived. It was horrible. Thank God she doesn't have to take the pills anymore. ANYWAY lol Guys, in the beginning of the chapter until the middle of it, I think, I know you guys are gonna want to murder me or reader or both (you know that y/n meme with the pic of the blonde girl "choking" her own shadow in the wall, saying like "babe this is not us" or smth? so… pretty much that! lol) BUT I PROMISE it's gonna be really good in the end 🥲 trust me, please 🥺 it's the moment most of us (yes, me included!) have been waiting for! 💕 Also, this is a longer chapter, compared to the usual. Maybe a compensation for my absence? Idk! lol I just hope you guys like it! haha OKAY if I say anything else, it'll be a spoiler lol love y'all to death!!! my readers are my babies, my lil angels… I truly freaking love you guys so much!!! 🫀⚘

Not proofread.

Chapter 5

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

I can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body

Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all

(...)

I can see you staring, honey, like he's just your understudy

Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Second, third, and hundredth chances

Balancin' on breaking branches

Those eyes add insult to injury 

exile (Taylor Swift, Bon Iver)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

The air was thick and chaotic at the Olo'eyktan's hut that morning. Everyone seemed to be a bit too restless, either getting ready to go show up to their duties to the clan, like Neytiri, or thinking about some personal struggle, like Kiri, who was lost in thought, looking a bit sad. But she was also mixing some herbs and flowers, preparing a thick, violet colored substance that was used to treat wounds, that she would later give to Neytiri. Kiri would always help Neytiri a lot, assisting her in her Tsahìk position in the Omatikaya clan.

But Neteyam still stood out among the whole family. He was unmistakably grumpy that morning, Lo’ak noticed, as he was - once again - watching the weird way his older brother was behaving. Neteyam was not being his usual calm and caring self. He was not trying to take care of everyone, not giving out smiles and trying to cheer his siblings up. He was even distracted when Jake was giving him instructions about how today's training would go and giving him other orders, like telling him to keep an eye on Tuk whenever he's able to, as she was growing and becoming even smarter, more energetic and mischievous and was starting to get into more trouble, sometimes even picking fights with other girls in the clan, becoming a bit too much like Lo'ak, which had been making Jake rub the sides of his forehead in worry lately, way more often than he liked to admit.

"The Mighty Warrior, distracted when dad is telling him what to do?! What the fuck is happening?!" Lo'ak thought. Something was very wrong. And Lo’ak was determined to find out what it was.

Neteyam sat with his legs slightly open, his hands were crossed, his elbows resting on his knees. He had a lost stare in his eyes, gazing at the nothingness, looking like he was mad at someone who had just maybe punched him in the face.

He did not know how to deal with it all, that turmoil of emotions you were causing inside him felt overwhelming to the Sullys first born. He had taken on just so many challenges throughout his life and conquered most of them, but he feared you were gonna be a war that he might lose. He had to admit it bruised his ego. Suddenly, he did not feel like such a Mighty Warrior after all. An adversary that most people would judge as a weak one compared to him, a mere human girl, so small in comparison to his size, was defeating him. Suddenly all his skills with bows, arrows, big knives and even big, intimidating shotguns were not enough.

And Neteyam felt lost. He did not know what to do. For the first time in his life, his rational and smart brain could not seem to produce a war strategy that could help him win. Win you. He felt just like a wounded warrior, bleeding on the floor.

༊⁀➷

You decided to finally answer Derek’s messages today, after ghosting him for a while. You were feeling weird and lonely. And shaken. God, still so shaken... What the hell happened last night? Did that really happen? Was it all just a dream? You could swear those words Neteyam Suli had given you, about how he was in love with you, that his hauntingly tall and broad figure, vulnerable, kneeling on the ground in front of you, telling you he could tell you desired him too, had all been just part of a weird, eerie, anxious, borderline wet dream.

You knew very well what you were doing to Derek. You were using him to forget about the mess Neteyam was making of you. You knew that was wrong and you did feel guilty and ashamed. But you also knew you had to step back into your old reality, into that familiar world, into your comfort zone, a place where there were only regular human guys interested in you, not that current unsettling reality you were living in - you could still swear it had all just been a dream. Or a nightmare, perhaps. You were not sure -, where there was an almost 10 feet tall alien boy pursuing you, declaring his love and his nearly inappropriate desire for you, talking about the intimate parts of your body in a way that made you uncomfortable, anxious but... that lured you in too, at the same time. You needed an escape from it all. Your already disturbed mind did not seem able to deal with those facts at that moment and Derek seemed like the perfect distraction. 

Damn, what had you become? That was not ethical or moral at all - using a human being like a tool to distract you from your conflicting emotions - but you did not seem to be capable of caring too much about being ethical or moral at that time. Your whole perception of the world seemed to be changing. You felt bedazzled and unsteady. You did not want to admit to yourself that you were starting to feel too much for Neteyam, that you were running away from your feelings like a thief runs away with an expensive item he just robbed. No, you were not in love with him. How could that even be? Everybody knew the na’vi don’t get romantically involved with humans. Your races were more like enemies than buddies. There were only a few humans who were loyal to the na'vi and maintained a somewhat close relationship with them, but never a romantic one. What was making you and Neteyam feel like that for each other? That could only bring problems and you sure as hell did not want more trouble in your already complicated life.

You would be better off sticking to a human male instead. It was safe and familiar. It did not make your anxiety skyrocket. But it also did not excite you a single bit. Derek caused you nothing. You could barely even feel actually turned on when he touched your body and kissed your lips. It was just like he was a habit you had gotten used to, making out with him here and there, to numb the pain you felt inside your heart almost all the time. His biggest efforts to make you wet never seemed to work. Meanwhile, Neteyam got you wet without having ever touched you. That sure spoke loud enough. 

So why were you rejecting Neteyam and going after Derek?

Maybe you felt too afraid to take a risk, to follow your heart. God knows following that damn reddish muscular organ had put you in the worst situations possible in the past. You felt numb but you felt safe. And safe felt good. Bearable, at least. You were afraid if you gave into what you felt for Neteyam you just might explode. The feelings were that strong. You did not know what to do to try and ignore that tiny but extremely annoying creature inside your brain that would always be whispering “What if something actually good came out of it? Take a risk. For once in your life, don’t play it safe.”

But you were choosing to play it safe, anyway. At least this afternoon. You were gonna meet Derek, after two weeks without doing so, and just hang out, eat junk food, drink some alcohol and talk about non important things, just laugh and be silly, like you two always used to do. He was a good friend. Too bad he never made any type of fire light up inside of you, not even in the very beginning of your rendezvous, that’s why you never got to have sex with him. You were simply not interested. At all, to be honest. You wondered why you still insisted on being physically intimate with him. There were many things in your life that you did and did not really think too much about. They were just pure routine, they just kinda happened and you let them, almost like you weren't really living your life, but only a mere spectator to the events that were happening to you. And it seemed like you felt too emotionally numb to put an end to them. Your involvement with Derek was one of those things. He started to flirt with you one day, you were bored and you thought "why not?" and now, months later, you were still caught in this situation. If anyone asked you if there was any other reason why you were gonna see Derek today other than to try and get Neteyam out of your mind, you honestly couldn't say there was. It was crystal clear to you that, even though you were fighting like crazy to deny your feelings for Neteyam, you were indeed falling for him.

But how could that be? Some days ago, he was only an Omatikaya famous warrior - and, oh, let's not forget, the next Olo'eyktan of their clan - that you had only heard people talk about.

༊⁀➷

Neteyam was up in one of the highest tree branches he could find that day. He did not want anybody to see him, as usual, but he also did not want you to know he was watching you, either. He knew you were now aware of his constant presence around you. He knew you were not oblivious to his love anymore.

The sun was harassing his eyes, so he put his hand over them and squinted hard to try and see if the guy next to you, in the laboratory’s cafeteria, was really who he thought it was. When his eyes could get a better view, once the sun was not bothering them so much anymore, he felt something sinking in his stomach and his heartbeat accelerated considerably.

He had just confirmed who the guy was. It was that disgusting little human male that liked to act like you were his mate. Neteyam hissed ferociously, his protruding na’vi fangs looking scarier than ever, as his wide feline eyes watched Derek leaning close to your face and kissing your lips. Neteyam wanted to die - or maybe kill Derek - when he noticed you kissed him back.

༊⁀➷

You forced a smile while looking at Derek, after you had the initiative to break that damn kiss who seemed to never end. He seemed satisfied with the fact that you two had just kissed, contrary to what you were feeling. You honestly felt like you wanted to throw up. All you could think about was how it would feel to kiss Neteyam, to smell his scent again, that was so abundantly different from what you were used to, but that fact only seemed to make you want him even more.

You looked away to try and forget the ridiculous mistake you were making by being with Derek at that moment. You were looking at the ground and your gaze moved upwards. Now your eyes were directed towards the outside of the lab. What you saw startled you beyond reason. Neteyam was squatting, up in the branches of a huge tree, not too close but not too far from the part of the laboratory you and Derek were currently in. His fangs were out, seeming bigger than ever, as he hissed ferociously. Neteyam's animalistic side had completely taken over him and you could tell.

A chill ran down your spine. You could feel in your guts something bad was about to happen.

Your heart throbbed in pain as you saw how hurt he was now that he had seen you kissing Derek, even after he - Neteyam - had confessed his feelings for you in such a vulnerable way last eclipse. You saw in his eyes how betrayed he felt, like you were just silently telling him that his love did not matter at all to you and you'd rather be with any other guy but him.

༊⁀➷

"Hey, I'm going outside for a while, 'kay?" Derek spoke as he got up from the place he had been sitting, beside you, kissing your cheek "The boys are gonna meet me behind the lab in a while. "

Oh, no. Derek would not be safe if he went outside. Not with Neteyam spilling hate for him out of his soul like that. You had to try and find a way to keep Derek inside.

"Oh." You said, not being able to conceal your nervousness "Why don't you wait for them to actually get there before you go?!" You almost begged, visibly tense

"God, you seem nervous." He chuckled slightly, seeming uncomfortable " Is everything alright?"

"Yeah! I just want you to spend some more time with me." You pouted at him, coming up with an excuse to try and keep Derek from going out of the lab

"Sorry, sugar. It was nice hanging out and stuff but I really need to go now." He was already walking fast towards the door before you could try and talk him out of that stupid idea

You couldn't let any of the people in that cafeteria know something was up, so, you pretended everything was alright and finished eating your chips and took the last sip of your canned whisky and coke and stood up, walking slowly (when you actually wanted to freaking run) in the direction of the lab's metal door that led to outside.

You put your oxygen mask on, took a deep breath and walked out the door. 

You heard a noise, it was like a really heavy object falling to the floor. You also heard some strong thuds.

When you started to walk around to try and see what was happening, you realized your fear had become reality. Neteyam was sitting on top of Derek’s squirming body, his toned, striped thighs straddling Derek’s torax. You gasped when you realized Derek was no longer wearing his oxygen mask and Neteyam's huge hand was over Derek's mouth, preventing him from screaming for help. Neteyam looked at him like a hunter looks at their prey, while his big fangs and loud hisses put fear in the human boy's eyes. Derek was completely terrified.

Your heart beat sped up insanely and your hands were now cold as ice. You were afraid for Derek’s life.

You knew that the way Neteyam was taking out his frustration and jealousy on Derek was indescribably far from okay but still, as cruel to Derek as it seemed, you still felt incredibly sorry for the Omatikaya in front of you.

At the end of the day, you had a big percentage of blame for what he was doing right now. You were confused and afraid and torn but you knew to whom your heart belonged and it was not Derek. So why the hell were you being so selfish to the point of hurting two boys at the same time just because you didn't know how to deal with your own feelings? You realized it was time for you to stop being a coward and put an end to that madness.

You could tell Neteyam was not okay mentally and you knew that you were being toxic too, that you were contributing for his mental state to get worse with your indecisiveness and fear, despite his efforts to show you he would never hurt you. You wanted to stop hurting him and help him instead, to finally let go and admit to yourself and to him that yes, despite the way you had been acting, you were in love with him too.

"Neteyam, don't!! Let him go, please!!" You shouted, running towards the human and the na'vi boy.

You finally got close to Neteyam. He stopped and looked at you, his eyes so fiery, the calm golden pools they always used to be were now boiling with feelings of anger, jealousy, hurt and betrayal.

"For me! Please?" You pleaded him, looking deep into his eyes while stroking his strong blue arm

You watched that beast inside of Neteyam slowly calm down, as his feline ears pointed downwards and his eyes became softer. He moved his hand away from Derek’s mouth and the human boy let out a series of labored breaths. Neteyam slowly got off of him, revealing his beyond intimidating height as he stood up, and stepped away from him.

You walked as fast as you could to where Derek's oxygen mask was laying on the floor and picked it up, checking if was broken (it wasn't! Thank you, Universe.) and went back to where he was lying down and gave it back to him.

Neteyam watched your movements and felt jealous when you got close to Derek, so, once you got back to the place where you were standing before, Neteyam stood right next to your arm. His instincts told him to mark his territory.

Derek swiftly put it back on. He was almost completely out of breath. Derek breathed in deep once the mask was covering his face, taking in all the oxygen he possibly could.

"Are you okay?" You looked down at Derek’s body, searching for any visible wounds. There were none, at best. "God, I'm so sorry about this…"

"Yeah, I'm fine, somehow." Derek seemed afraid, shocked, frustrated and angry, all simultaneously, as he got off the floor and got back on his feet

"Please, don't tell anyone that you saw Neteyam or that he tried to hurt you, okay?"

"What the fuck?!! This psycho almost tried to kill me!! Why are you defending him?!"

Neteyam hissed at him when he heard what he had just called him but you squeezed his arm and he looked at you, remembering your pleas were the thing that were keeping him from killing that small, pink male. Even though it hurt him deeply that you were protecting that human, he couldn't bring himself to ignore you when you were begging him not to hurt Derek. You had Neteyam in the palm of your hand.

"You don't understand! If you let anyone in that lab know what Neteyam did to you, the RDA will eventually know about it too! Do you understand how serious this is? Do you wanna see Neteyam dead?!" You urged him, looking deep into his eyes "You could even help start another war between the humans and the na'vi. Do you understand that it is a much bigger issue than it seems to be? Just forget about what happened and I'll make sure Neteyam won't ever try to hurt you again."

Derek smirked in contempt 

"How can you be so sure he will listen to you?"

"I know he will! He loves me. And… I love him too."

Derek’s face had a big question mark all over it now and his mouth fell open.

Neteyam seemed to be shocked for a while. He did not expect you to say that, at all. He thought you would never love him back. Neteyam couldn't seem to believe those words had actually just come out of your mouth.

You breathed in deep, trying to stay calm amidst all that chaos "This thing between us…" You looked at Derek "It's over. I don't know why I was still insisting on it, I never even felt attracted to you, in the first place. I'm sorry."

"I'm outta here! All of this shit that's going on… feels like a fucking nightmare"

"Can you do as I said and not tell anyone about Neteyam? Nobody, ever? Please?!" You were nervous, brows furrowed, talking fast

"Okay!! Just let me go now! I think it's better if you and I keep some distance from each other from now on. I don't want your crazy na'vi boyfriend trying to kill me again." 

Neteyam hissed at Derek again when he heard the word "crazy" and Derek rapidly looked at him, startled, but couldn't be brave enough to spend more than some seconds staring at him, so, he swiftly looked away 

"Neteyam, please!! He's going already." You looked at Neteyam, a bit angry and impatient, asking him to calm down "Just go, Derek." You spit out and sighed, feeling physically and mentally drained after having to stop that stupid fight

Derek finally turned his back to you and Neteyam and left.

You looked at Neteyam. His eyes were glued on you. Those pretty amber eyes. His face wasn't full of hatred and anger anymore. His demeanor was much calmer now. His body language radiated love towards you. His tail was wagging softly. You felt pain and regret consuming your chest. How could you have treated Neteyam so badly last night? You realized now you couldn't hold him to the same standards you hold human males. The na'vi are animalistic beings, in spite of their high intelligence. And worse, how could you be irresponsible enough to kiss Derek even not actually wanting to, making Neteyam see it and get as hurt as he did? You sure were being trashy.

"My tawtute…" he cooed as he turned to look in your eyes "I won't let you run away from me anymore." Neteyam had a big smile on his lips "I don't care if you try to. That's all I needed to hear, that you love me. Now that you've said it, even if you didn't say it directly to me, I'm gonna fight for you even harder, even if you keep trying to push me away, I will keep bothering you." He kept smiling, blissful "You're like an Ikran. I just need to be patient with you. Eventually, I'll tame you and you'll be mine. All mine, hi'ì 'emyu." (small cook) "Bonded to me through tsaheylu. I can be patient and I will be."

You could only look at him, stare at his face and ask yourself why. Why was he willing to put so much work into making you his mate? 

"I'm not gonna run away from you anymore." You finally said "I'm done running. I'm done keeping myself miserable and alone because I'm too afraid to trust you and let you in. While trying to keep myself "safe", I was hurting myself and hurting you. I'm not doing that anymore, Neteyam. I was so stupid… I can't really say what it is, but there's just something about you… I think about you all the time, since the first time I saw you when you appeared for me outside that window. I don't believe someone can fall in love so fast but…" You were about to burst into tears "I'm in love with you."

Neteyam looked at you with the biggest smile on his plump lips, while his heart beat uncommonly fast inside his chest. He was overwhelmed with joy but as he was seeing the tears welling up in your eyes, he felt like he was about to cry too. But he didn't. Having learned throughout his whole life to always act with self control and rationality in front of everyone, - not really by choice, but because he knew that was how the Olo'eyktan to be should act, to keep a good reputation, to let his people know he was strong enough to control his emotions and not let them get in the way of him making good decisions for the Omatikaya - his ability to show some aspects of his feelings was a bit impaired now and that included crying. Even though he almost cried in front of you when you rejected him, he couldn't bring himself to cry of joy, now that you were saying that you wanna be with him too.

"I'm sorry for… what you saw. Me and Derek. I never liked him, Neteyam. He was just-"

"Yawne, no." Neteyam interrupted " It's okay. I don't wanna hear about that human." He looked disgusted only by the thought of Derek "And I don’t want you thinking about him either. You're mine now. Just forget about him. It's me that you like, right?" He gave you a gentle smile now and you nodded your head positively "Then focus on me, yawntutsyìp."

You looked at him, shyly, and smiled

"So… Can I ask for a hug, now?" your heart beat fast inside your chest cavity as you nervously said that

"Oeyä tawtute…" (my human) "You don't even need to ask." He opened his big, strong arms as he spoke "Come here."

༊⁀➷

Taglist: @kitsunefirewail @tumblingdevils @a-blog-name-2003 @xylobee @nerdybouquetofkittens-blog @henhouse-horrors @lala-1516 @xylianasblog @samistars @crazy4books1 @explosiongamora @lik0 @your-girl-mj @darktyrantwinner @sereisstuff @yeosxxx @die4niyahhh @iman-lu @manumanulau @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @hana-yuri @thehoneymushroomhealer @melllinaa @annaibansworld @siriuslysmoking @avatar4eva @ellabellabus07 @badbishsblog @neteyamsmate4life @c-h-i-l @criticallybella

[musicallisto]

clara my dearest role model, clara my devoted friend, clara my delicate muse... i am sending this right as i'm finishing the final chapter of romancing mister bridgerton on audiobook, so forgive me for being so inexcusably brief </3. might i request one of these 💿 lovely surprises with literally any f1 driver, i want to see a violent characterization of these loser men from my most respected author friend yuki tsunoda? i am, in all things, horribly on brand.

· · · · ♡ EXILE (yt22)

… starring yuki tsunoda x f!reader ... based on exile by taylor swift ft. bon iver ... 1.2k words ... in which yuki tsunoda, fresh from his formula 1 debut, returns to a tokyo both familiar and foreign, where ghosts and feelings still linger. ... i really hope you enjoy this my darling olive!! when i saw i had pulled exile out of all songs i freaked out a little,, this song has gotten me through a lot so i had to pay homage </3 happy august 1st to those who celebrate!!!

"I can see you staring, honey

Like he's just your understudy

Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐒𝐓, 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐇𝐄 comes to Tokyo, always brings her heat with her.

More than the temperatures, it's a joyous sort of effervescence that coils around the street corners, trickling down like the first monsoon rains. Day after day, Tokyo attires itself in the most festive of summer colors, until all of a sudden all the festivals, open-air markets, and traditional dances flood the city like budding poppies. Here, rows upon rows of sunflowers sway to the soft breeze in Kiyose; over there paper lanterns float off into the night sky over the Sumida river, each cradling an unspoken wish.

To Yuki, August is always the best time to return to the capital. Or rather, the second best; nothing beats the cherry blossoms of late April, but late April is home for Imola now, and it's been years, really, since he last saw the sakura of home.

He doesn't mind the heat—he never did, and his Japanese friends joke that he was already a fiery character before his time in the West made him brazen. He's always glad to be back home over the summer break. Even more so since he debuted in Formula 1 six months prior.

It's Yuki's first time returning to Tokyo since he started racing with AlphaTauri, and one of his increasingly rare visits to his homeland. He's been eagerly anticipating the break; to recharge, certainly, and most importantly to meet with his family. In the cloudy skies the plane traverses, Yuki can see his elders' crinkled eyes, beaming with pride as he, the picture of practiced humility, answers every question about the sport, about Italy, about the world he made it big in. It matters not they won't understand much about racecars, or the FIA—he's coming home aureoled in a gladiator's glory. Honor to his family, to the Tsunoda bloodline! He smiles to himself as the plane touches down on the tarmac.

Yet as Yuki steps into the urban jungle he's so ardently missed… he finds the city changed. Not transformed, entirely, but… almost misplaced. As if street names and trees and playground slides have been shuffled over his time abroad, all of them still there but in a disposition unknown to him. Sure, he is a child of the suburbs, and Tokyo a fidgety creature—maybe Italy's stone roads have eroded his memory. But wasn't there an old laundromat on this corner, on which the papier mâché dragons would cast fantastical shadows as they snaked down the street? And the brand new KFC—this was a pet store, where he'd press his nose against the glass to watch the colorful fish and guinea pigs until his mother forcibly dragged him away.

This is still home, he tells himself to soothe the unease away. Things change, but they don't leave you behind, he repeats as he checks his phone to make sure he's going in the right direction.

They're all little details. Like when he stops at a food vendor's cart and has to repeat his order twice, taken aback by the sound of his very own mother tongue coming out of his mouth. Six months without speaking Japanese to another person, other than the odd calls to his parents, have left his voice chalky. The woman looks at him for a brief second, quizzical, but hands him the sugary buns; he thanks her, seamlessly this time, and it's all back to normal. Yuki Tsunoda is home.

They're all little details until they aren't. Until he turns on his heels, biting into the snack, and catches sight of her.

It's unmistakable, and it's her. Even with the facemask, it's the same silky hair and smooth skin, same little bounce to her step, and even the same linen pants she used to wear in high school. Tokyo's immutable certainty on the other side of the street. Y/N.

Yuki stops dead in his tracks as their eyes meet, thirty feet away, and a flash of recognition has her almost recoiling, but she holds firm onto the hand she's holding and stays immobile. A man's hand; he's a little taller than Yuki, black hair in a neat middle part and dark eyes distracted by an advertisement on a screen. Wearing nice clothes, sunglasses hanging from his neckline, shoulders relaxed but holding Y/N with the casual affection of a man who cherishes a great treasure.

Yuki's throat dries up. He thinks about reaching out—to say what? Giving her a polite wave—but what for? High school confessions play in his head, back when he loved her as zealously as he raced, and when her laugh ringing in his ears, more than the trophies and the European circuits and the million-dollar contracts, was his only belief.

"So when do you plan on coming back?" she'd asked him the last time they'd ever seen each other, sitting on a park bench that cherry petals flecked.

"Eight months to a year, maybe," he'd answered after a little while, knowing there was no return once he said it.

"Eight months?" she'd exclaimed, disbelieving. "Yuki, I can't… I don't think I can go eight months without seeing you."

"I don't think I can ask you to do that, either," he'd said, sounding sadder than he'd wanted, though he had rehearsed the moment over and over in his head.

She'd stared at him wordlessly, her incomprehension feigned. She knew what he was about to say, but pretended not to. He'd wished she'd piece it together on her own, admit it to herself so he wouldn't have to say it out loud, but…

"I think it's best for both of us if we just… go our separate ways. I don't want to hold you back, and you deserve to be happy here. With someone who's here with you."

You are among the twenty best in the world, Yuki, had told him Franz Tost after some F2 race he couldn't remember, when news had broken out into the world the Japanese rookie would be AlphaTauri's shiniest, newest addition. It's rough getting here and it's only gonna get rougher staying here. The engineers may cut out what's slowing you down… but you need to do it too.

"All right," was all Y/N had said, her eyes glassy. Steel. Dignified, like he'd always known her. Like he sees her right now, staring at him from the other side of the street.

Her new boyfriend taps her shoulder to show her something in a shop, and she turns her head, breaking eye contact with Yuki. Up the road, the lights turn green, and a flock of cars of all shapes and colors buzz past, invading the crosswalk and hiding the couple from view.

Twenty seconds later, when the street is quiet once more, and Y/N eagerly turns her gaze from her boyfriend to the opposite sidewalk, she finds moms pushing strollers and well-behaved Inus on leashes, but no trace of Tsunoda. A flame, gone in a flash. Her heart drops.

She squeezes her boyfriend's hand, and they keep walking.

I'm not your homeland anymore, so what am I defending now?

You were my crown, now I'm in exile, seeing you out

I think I've seen this film before

So I'm leaving out the side door"

… tagging @retvenkos @heliads @faerieroyal (the f1 girlies🥺)

… masterlist here

[queermania]

No that's exactly why I'm asking you. I think you can be normal about it and I trust your opinions but it's totally okay if you don't feel comfortable doing it but if you do I'd be really grateful 🙏🏽

ummm okay yeah i can do that. i'm just gonna straight up start with the songs that i've used for my swiftnatural posting. it just seems like the most obvious place to start:

maroon for this destiel set. listen to it with the volume up and headphones on. it does some really freaking cool stuff sonically.

would've could've should've for this samruby set. this song is for anybody who likes religious imagery or hates john mayer for any number of reasons including but not limited to the way he speaks about women in public. fuck that guy :)

i did something bad for this demon!dean set that i hate and should redo but that's neither here nor there. i linked a live performance simply because i like what her and her band and her backup singers do with it live more than i like the studio version. you don't have to actually watch the performance if you don't want (i personally have a very hard time watching her perform for reasons that i won't get into beacuse i don't want to get yelled at) but the production value is crazy and nobody can argue that she isn't putting on a Show. i also just think this song is so fun and i think if it came from anybody else everyone would agree.

this is me trying for this post that i never really made haha. this is also not the studio version but i think this is a song that really benefits from a more stripped down intimate feeling.

as for what else you should listen to, well, to be honest it's really hard to say because her catalogue is vast and all over the place. the song that is like thee taylor swift song that everybody points to in order to showcase her songwriting ability is all too well. there are three four versions of this (not counting live performances) and i think most people will probably say the ten minute one from the vault is the one you have to listen to but my unpopular opinion is that the original five minute recording is the strongest version as a finished product. but i will say that it's impressive that a song can be ten minutes without a chorus or really even a hook and not make you wonder when it's going to be over already. so i don't disagree that the ten minute one is worth a listen too.

my tears ricochet is another one that's really strong in terms of songwriting. i'm of the opinion that knowing all of the ~lore behind every single song is not necessarily a good thing but i do think in this case it elevates the song so: it's about being screwed out of her masters by a record executive whose record label she helped make.

exile and evermore with bon iver are good options simply because of how interestingly the deepness of his voice pairs with the softness of hers.

i would die for cornelia street. i don't know how anybody else feels about it and i don't have any deep thoughts about it. it just makes me happy.

i think her newest album is Not Great but i like the lead single, fortnight, a lot and it continues to grow on me. from what i've gathered i'm in the minority on this one though haha.

another unpopular opinion: i don't love 1989. i know it's thee album for a lot of people but i've just never loved the sound of it. but! (and this is where it gets really unpopular) ryan adams covered almost the entire album and i adore his version of most of those songs. unfortunately ryan adams is a garbage person so i don't really want to rec him but it is what it is. for a more rock-y, almost country-ish sound i highly recommend all you had to do was stay and i wish you would.

also, i don't care what anybody says, we are never ever getting back together was and still is fun, especially the live version with the electric guitar.

i like a lot more of her songs but i think this is a nice little starter?

(sorry for linking to youtube instead of spotify or whatever streaming thing the youth are using these days but i am just not hip)

[enden-k]

Ok so usually with OCS I create like a partner dynamic for them, and there's this specific little freak, I call Iver, (the red riding hood based oc) 'nd I usually choose dynamic like sun x moon, or something of the sort sssjsjsj but I'm in a stump

ohh got it got it. do you already have a few ideas and need some help with picking smth? also do you have the partner all done? maybe it helps getting a better idea for their dynamic when you flesh them out more, their personality etcetc

[sadpeopledancing]

i truly thought this year would not be anything too exciting music-wise but boy oh boy was i wrong. i've somehow found myself enjoying literally every release this year so here are my top 9 albums of 2024!

since it was almost impossible to choose just 9, i also have to mention these albums that i really loved (or basically here's my top 20 in no particular order):

eternal sunshine by ariana grande ('hope you feel alright when you're in her' altered my brain chemistry)

what happened to the heart? by aurora (the 2nd half of this album blew me tf away, the run from dreams to body is not mine is literally INSANE)

post human: nex gen by bring me the horizon (kool-aid! top 3 easy)

for cryin' out loud! by finneas (little window goes crazy)

i love you so f***ing much by glass animals (wonderful nothing is the song honestly)

in waves by jamie xx

timeless by kaytranada (both kaytra and jamie were in the top 9 but bc i couldn't choose just one i had to move them here)

this wasn't meant for you anyway by lola young

chaos angel by maya hawke (maya has been on heavy rotation this year which also tells you a lot about my 2024)

welcome the night by sad night dynamite

chromakopia by tyler, the creator (in my head it's in the top 9 tbh)

i’d also like to continue with the category for ‘the album that somehow escaped you in the past but has truly grown on you this year’ and give it up for in rainbows by radiohead (i don't need to tell you what sort of year i've had if 3/5 songs in my top 5 on wrapped are from this album).

& other albums i really want to mention:

the great impersonator by halsey (conceptually this is SUCH a great and intimate record, with 'lonely is the muse' being easily in my top 5 songs of 2024. arsonist, dog years & darwinism as honorable mentions)

what happened to the beach? by declan mckenna

nobody loves you more by kim deal

mika's laundry by matt champion

songs of a lost world by the cure

dark times by vince staples

& EPs/rereleases:

sable, by bon iver (he's always on heavy rotation in this house)

unreal unearth: unending by hozier (since it's not a new album, i couldn't put it on the list but just know it was in my top 9 in 2023 & it's in my top 9 in 2024 also <3)

high fashion by tommy cash

out of ashes (deluxe edition) by dead by sunrise (y'all cannot even comprehend how hard i ride for this album)

freak (10 year anniversary) by olivver the kid (this one also with genuine being in my top 5 easy)

i hope everyone had safe christmas celebrations and here's to 2025! 🥂 we've made it guys, this year is almost over. huz-fucking-zah (i cannot do this again) much love to everyone 💕💕💕