#FOUND THE FIC. and i was right they DO reference a twilight zone episode but it’s not the one i thought it was

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

well i mean if you’re giving me the opportunity

ok so like. the thing about scott’s after life in empires is that the the whole thing is meant to be scott’s perfect happy ending, and in order to facilitate that, everyone involved is a Little Weird. xornoth doesn’t remember the events of the series. his parents are alive. jimmy is a perfect house husband. jimmy’s weirdness is compounded i think by the fact that unlike everyone else, his soul is still busy being alive and is definitely not here, whereas scott’s soul is definitely here, xornoth is probably here, and his parents might be? could be? that’s definitely not jimmy’s soul though.

but like. ok in the words of @pixlostinatos when i was running my thoughts by them: the jimmy we see in scott’s after life “is how scott can be happy. but he’s not the jimmy that scott is pretending to be happy with.”

because that’s just Not what jimmy was like. and ultimately had scott lived/had the world not ended/you get the idea, i don’t think fh would’ve worked out because both of them wanted the other person to be someone they’re not. both of them see in the other someone who isn’t there.

scott wants and has convinced himself that jimmy is this perfect domestic house husband, that jimmy would move to rivendell for him, that they would have an idealistic happy ending. jimmy wants scott to be a good ally, for scott to be nice to him all the time, for scott to never go beyond the “butt of the joke” level of joking that he gets from lizzie, pix, and joel (see: his reaction when fwhip traps his nether portal and scott takes fwhip’s side). they both want the other person to be something they’re not and never will be, and so, had everything not gone down the way it had, i don’t think they would’ve worked out. and it would’ve been fine! it probably would’ve been amicable! but instead we have scott living with the idealized version of jimmy that never existed and jimmy wandering the world entirely alone (and left to imagine what things could’ve been like if the world hadn’t ended. and left to reminisce and warp his memories of everyone into the way he thought about them rather than the way they were). i think about empires fh a lot they’re. they’re something.

sits down at the kitchen table with my head in my hands… long despairing sigh… The “home? home” scene. it takes place in Scott’s perfect afterlife, seeing as the world had been changed to reflect what Scott “always wanted it to look like” and whatnot. this is all well and good but have we considered this from Jimmy’s perspective. have we considered the implications of Jimmy being sent to an afterlife catered specifically to Scott

[frenchfrysplash]

fic: between heaven, the sky, the earth

The Haunting of Bly Manor

Dani/Jamie

Chapter 1/10

Read on AO3 Here! Or you can continue into the Read More.

Summary: Jamie goes between one moment, and the next. Falling around her like rain, like snow.

She's here for a reason. Here to help.

She just needs to remember.

--------------------------------------

They say a dream takes only a second or so, and yet in that second a man can live a lifetime. He can suffer and die, and who's to say which is the greater reality: the one we know or the one in dreams, between heaven, the sky, the earth"- Perchance to Dream," The Twilight Zone, Episode 1x09

April 1984

Jamie's fingers twisted together, so tight it almost hurt.

The kitchen of Bly Manor was silent, save for a clock ticking on the wall, driving Jamie slowly insane. Her heart was thrumming in her chest, the starch of her collared shirt itching at her throat. She should have chosen a blouse, something more feminine, instead of the slacks and grey button up she wore. Who knew what the Wingraves would think of her? They might take one look at her and send her home, not wanting their grounds cared for by a dy-

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Miss Tayler!"

Jamie practically leapt out of her seat, almost knocking the chair over. Charlotte Wingrave swept into the room like a breeze on a warm day, her smile lighting up the kitchen and making the corners of Jamie's lips pull up of their own accord. She reached across the table to shake Jamie's hand, and Jamie found herself resisting the ridiculous urge to pull Charlotte's hand towards her to kiss her knuckles. Charlotte Wingrave, with her dark hair, her kind eyes, and her easy elegance, seemed to inspire the chivalrous side of Jamie's nature. It had been the same the first time they met, when Jamie called on the manor to answer the ad for a new gardener.

"Don't worry about it," Jamie said. And cleared her throat. "I wasn't waiting long. And please, call me Jamie."

"Well, thank you, Jamie" Charlotte settled herself in the seat opposite. "I do try to be on time, but, with two young children, the day does get away from you."

"I can only imagine, ma'am," Jamie replied, sitting back down. "I knew a pair of kids once, right pair of wee gremlins they-"

She stopped, furrowing her brow. She had never known any children, had none of her own, and didn't know anyone with kids. She wasn't sure what had made her say that, but fortunately, Charlotte didn't pursue the tangent.

"Now, you told me you were interested in the gardener position when you dropped by the other day," Charlotte said, hands folding in front of her. "The letter you wrote was excellent, and you seem to have plenty of experience. So tell me, what interests you about the job?"

"Oh, well," Jamie sat up a little straighter, trying to ignore her sweaty palms. "I've been working as a labourer for a landscaping company in London. Worked on a lot of different gardens, all over the city." She paused, trying to work out how to say the next part. "If I'm honest, I wanted to get out to the countryside. London is a bit fast-paced for me, even with growing plants, and I've been wanting to slow down. It's like," Jamie hands came up, like she was trying to pull the words out of the air, "people there don't understand that growth takes time. I thought somewhere like this," she gestured vaguely, "somewhere with so much history, so much growth over time, I thought, somewhere like that, the people might just get it."

She held her breath, hoping she hadn't put Charlotte off with her speech. But Charlotte was smiling, and nodding along. Jamie felt herself smile back.

"Very good," Charlotte said, voice warm and approving. "Now, with this position, you would be responsible for the upkeep of the entire grounds. Does that sound like something you're comfortable with?"

"More than comfortable," Jamie replied. "Sounds wonderful to me. I like the idea of caring for something like that, keeping it happy and healthy."

"Excellent." Charlotte beamed, and Jamie blinked. For an instant, a different face had beamed at her from across the table; a beautiful face, with blue eyes and blonde hair, and a smile that tugged at Jamie's heart. But she must have imagined it, because a moment later, it was just Charlotte again.

She realized Charlotte had said something that she'd missed, and Jamie leaned forward.

"Sorry? I didn't quite catch that."

"Oh, apologies." Charlotte cleared her throat. "I asked, how did you start gardening?"

Oh.

Jamie hesitated, casting her eyes away from Charlotte's face, her own falling. Here it was. She could lie, and hope Charlotte never found out. Or she could tell the truth.

"Well, I got into it because-" Jamie stopped, and sighed, shoulders drooping. For the first time, she avoided Charlotte's gaze. "Honestly, the garden was one of the work rotations I was given in prison."

She risked a glance. Charlotte's smile had faded, replaced with a furrowed brow. She nodded to Jamie to continue.

"I had never so much as picked up a spade before," Jamie admitted. "But when they put me in that garden, it was like something…settled. It was hard work, and it kept my mind quiet. There were other women there I learned from, and when I got out, one of them helped me find my job in London. Haven't looked back since."

She let herself meet Charlotte's eyes, fully expecting to find disapproval and disappointment there. Instead, she found the older woman was looking at her thoughtfully, finger tapping her chin. Jamie shifted uncomfortably, a sliver of hope blooming in her chest.

"You know, Jamie," Charlotte said kindly. "I think of myself as a great judge of character."

Jamie said nothing, just nodded.

"After all," Charlotte sat back in her chair, waving her hand as if to indicate the entire manor. "I hired Hannah Grose. And that woman is a miracle, let me tell you."

Despite herself, a small smile quirked Jamie's lips. She had briefly met Mrs. Grose on her way in, and could tell right away that she would get on well with the housekeeper.

If she got the job, which didn't look likely in that moment.

"So you see," Charlotte continued. "I knew straight away when you walked in that I would hire you, and I'm not one to distrust my gut feelings."

"I understand, Lady Wingrave, I-" Jamie stopped. "Wait, I'm sorry?"

"Jamie," Charlotte said patiently. "Will you be able to care for the garden and grounds of Bly Manor?"

"Yes," Jamie said, hardly daring to breathe.

"Then that's all I need to know," Charlotte smiled at her. "Your reference from your former employer is impeccable, and the experience you outlined in your cover letter lends me the utmost confidence that you are the perfect candidate for the gardener position. When can you start?"

"I-" Jamie's brain stuttered. She swallowed. "When do you need me, ma'am?"

"Right away, if possible," Charlotte said, standing up and smoothing down her skirt. "Of course, you're still living in London, I take it? You can stay in one of the rooms here until you find your own place. Don't worry, I'll help you."

"Thank you," Jamie stood up as well, eyes wide, hardly daring to believe what had just happened. "Ma'am, I -"

"Your past is your past, Jamie," Charlotte said. "Let's live in the present, shall we?"

She held out her hand to shake again, and Jamie took it, beaming from ear to ear. But when she went to drop the hand, Charlotte didn't let go.

"Uh, Lady Win-"

The words died in Jamie's throat, replaced with a strangled gasp. Charlotte Wingrave had disappeared, and instead, a monster stood in front of her. A woman, in a white nightdress, dripping wet from head to toe, her long dark hair hanging like weeds over her shoulders. And her face, her face-

She had no face. No eyes. No nose. Only a wide, gaping mouth.

Jamie tore her hand away, gasping, scrambling back, hitting the wall, as the creature stepped forward, hands reaching, reaching, reaching-

"Let's get out of here," a voice whispered in her ear. Jamie turned, finding herself inches from the blonde woman she thought she'd seen earlier, a grin on her lips, blue eyes twinkling. The woman laced their fingers together, and tugged-

--------------

September 1987

"How the hell is it so hot?" Jamie whined, letting herself be pulled along the street. "I didn't think America would be this hot."

"You're a baby," Dani said. "A giant baby. I can't believe how much of a baby you're being."

"I miss the rain," Jamie said.

"You hate the rain."

"Do not. Rain is lovely. Waters the plants for me. Gives me a nice break."

Dani laughed, and Jamie grinned. That was the best sound in the world, right there. Dani Clayton's laugh. She could spend the rest of her life making Dani laugh.

With that thought, she tugged on Dani's hand, stopping her in her tracks.

"Jamie," Dani started, voice threatening annoyance. But she was smiling as Jamie pulled her in, kissing her soundly and sliding her fingers through blonde hair. Dani let out a happy sigh, other hand landing on Jamie's hip, pulling her closer-

"Fuckin' Dykes!"

The shout came from a passing car, and Jamie tore herself away from Dani to flip them off and yell some obscenity back. Dani shook her head, scowling.

"It's not worth it, Jamie," she said dully.

"So much for San Francisco being gay friendly," Jamie grumbled, as the two started walking again.

"There's always gonna be assholes," Dani told her. She took Jamie's hand again, slotting her fingers together like they'd been doing it all their lives, not just a couple of months. "But come on, we've faced down ghosts. Homophobes've got nothing."

"I'd still like to punch their lights out," Jamie said, glaring in the direction of the car. But she hadn't missed the quip about Bly Manor. Were they really at a point where they could joke about it?

She didn't get a chance to ask, though, because suddenly Dani was pulling her along again, their leisurely stroll turning into a brisk clip. Jamie let herself be led, content to watch Dani's hair flutter in the breeze, Dani's earrings glint in the sunlight, Dani's ass swaying in her jeans-

"Here we are!"

Without Jamie noticing, lovestruck as she was, they had gone through a parking lot and over sand dunes, and now the deep, white-capped blue of the Pacific Ocean stretched out in front of them, with no end in sight.

"Oh," Jamie breathed. "Oh, wow."

This time it was her leading the way, Dani trailing behind her, their hands still clasped together loosely. Jamie had never seen the Pacific before; had grown up with the Atlantic in driving distance, but hadn't had a real reason to spend much time there. She had always been anchored to the earth, never the sea, but the vast expanse before her took her breath away. It was all part of the natural world that Jamie loved, that she surrounded herself with and took care of. Just a different part.

"Poppins," Jamie said, unable to keep the awe from her voice. "It's beautiful."

"Yeah," Dani said, sounding strangely far away, and Jamie knew if she turned her head, she would see Dani gazing at her adoringly, like a scene out of a bad romance movie. And once upon a time, she had. She had turned her head, had met Dani's gaze, had pulled her forwards and nearly kissed her, but stopped at the last minute, remembering the shout from the street. Had instead turned on her heel and raced down towards the water, dragging a laughing Dani behind her, and plunged in, not caring they were in their clothes, trying to wash away a memory of another plunge into cold water.

She knew she had done all of that, once. She could taste the salt on her tongue, feel the chill of the water on her skin. But here, now, in this moment, her eyes had landed on something in the water, and her entire body had frozen, standing at the edge of the surf. The sun seemed to suddenly hide behind a cloud, and an ill wind whipped Jamie's curls around her head.

"Dani," she said. "Dani, do you see that?"

There was no answer. Jamie turned, only to find Dani gone. In fact, the beach was empty now. Jamie was alone.

Well. Not completely alone.

Slowly, she looked back at the water. The creature stood, waist-deep, eyeless face turned in her direction. It did not seem to notice the waves, or the wind that now gusted, and it did not move. Jamie fought the urge to run, terrified that any movement would cause the thing to come after her. Why was it here? Why was it just standing there? Why wasn't it at the bottom of that lake where it had dragged Dani-

Wait.

Unbidden, Jamie took a step forward. The water soaked her shoes immediately, washing up and over her ankles. Another step, and it was at the cuffs of her jeans now, shoes sinking into the sand. Another, and another, and another, until she was standing up to her knees, entire body trembling, staring at the The Lady in the Lake with wide eyes.

"I'm supposed to be doing something," Jamie said to her. "I'm here for a reason."

The Lady in the Lake said nothing.

"It's there, on the tip of my tongue." Jamie let out a frustrated breath. "At the back of my brain. Just-"

--------------

October 2000

Her clothes were still wet when she arrived back at the hotel room. She stripped them almost as soon as the door closed, and stumbled into the shower, standing under the spray and staring at the wall. She only turned it off when the water turned cold, and she was pretty sure there were no more tears in her eyes. She towelled herself off, and dug through the little overnight bag she'd thrown together haphazardly as she rushed out the door an eternity earlier.

Rushed out the door after Dani, who had been long gone by then.

She hadn't packed any sleep shorts in her hurry, so she threw on some underwear, and an old shirt. The scent of it hit her immediately, and a fresh wave of tears started to fall. It was an old shirt of Dani's. One she'd worn a million times, even after the armpits were getting a bit threadbare.

Dani, who was lying at the bottom of a lake.

She went through the motions of getting ready for bed. She didn't have a toothbrush, so she just rinsed her mouth out with water, and splashed her face. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror - red-eyed, pale-faced - and paused, staring. Hoping against hope that another face would appear. Like had happened so often back home, in their little apartment, when Dani looked in a mirror, or into water, or into a pane of glass. Maybe Jamie's cry in the lake had worked, and maybe instead of that monster she would see-

Just let me have this, Jamie thought, not taking her eyes off her own reflection. It's you, it's me, it's us. Let me have this, Dani.

But nothing appeared, and Jamie shut the light of the bathroom off, and climbed into bed.

She didn't sleep. To sleep meant two things. First, it meant waking up again, into another day in a world where Dani wasn't. Where Jamie was just expected to keep living her life without her wife by her side. What would she even do? Go home? To their little apartment filled with memories? To the flower shop? Keep living the little life they had built together? Alone?

How could she be expected to do that?

Sleep also meant dreams, and Jamie was possibly more frightened of that than waking up. Dreaming could mean seeing Dani again, whether alive and happy, or dead, staring at her with lifeless eyes at the bottom of a lake. Neither option was appealing in the slightest, so Jamie lay awake, staring at the clock as it ticked towards midnight.

She deemed 5 o'clock in the morning as good a time as any to wake up. Or at least, get out of bed, as waking up implied she had slept at all. She supposed she would go to the airport, and get on a plane back to Vermont, decide what to do from there. Dani would want her to keep going.

It was as she mechanically got ready to leave that she found it. Dani's note, folded up with her passport, thrown in her bag along with anything else she thought she might need. It had fallen out when she changed, and for a moment, Jamie just gazed at it. Then, she knelt down, and opened it with trembling fingers, reading the last words Dani had left her.

Jamie,

The beast has come for me. Viola is calling, and I have to answer, or I don't know what could happen. I can't risk that anything would happen to you, my most important person. I love you. I'm so sorry.

Dani

If only she had woken up. If only she had stopped her. Convinced her that it was ok, that they would figure it out together. If only she had been able to figure out a solution before Viola took her. If only Owen had driven a little faster that night, thirteen years ago. If only she had run a little faster towards the lake. If only she had stayed the night when Dani asked. If only, if only, if -

Viola?

Jamie frowned as she scanned the note, the name standing out to her as strange, unknown. Viola? Who was Viola? Where had that come from?

Water dripped on the carpet in front of her. Jamie found herself looking at mud-covered feet, eyes tracing a soaking wet nightdress up until they reached the face - that terrible, terrible face.

She felt like she should scream. Scream and run from the room. Or better yet, attack the monster and hope she could get a few good licks in before it dragged her down too.

But she didn't.

Jamie stood slowly, hand still clutching the note, staring at the creature in front of her. The creature did nothing. Simply stood, as though waiting for Jamie to make the first move.

And so, Jamie did.

"Viola?"

[caladblog]

2017 The Year in Review

jesus h. fuck, we’re still doing this whole... “the passage of time” thing? really? ugh. okay. give me a moment.

*drags hands down face*

*sighs*

okay! it’s been another year! goddamn look at us go! welcome to my Second Annual Recap of New Fiction Stuff!!

(hark! a disclaimer: this features things that i experienced for the first time in 2017, not necessarily things that were released in 2017, because i live literally underneath a rock and it’s a bit out of step with the zeitgeist down here)

Books

Nominations: Neuromancer by William Gibson, The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin, The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

Winner: The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet. Neuromancer was good but this fic did it better. The Fifth Season was excellent and beautiful-- if you’ve read Jemisin’s previous trilogy about gods, there were aspects and elements from those stories that were really brought into perfect focus here; it’s a testament to her growth as a writer and I can’t wait to get my hands on the next two books in the series.

But The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet takes home the title because it is pretty much everything I want in a space opera. Everything. A galactic civilization that isn’t just an echo of European colonization. Interspecies conflict that isn’t a thinly-veiled allegory for racism. Aliens that are truly alien, different from humans and different from each other, with societies and cultures and values that logically follow from these differences. Lush worldbuilding (universebuilding?) that never sacrifices the plot or the characters. An artificial intelligence who sidesteps or directly refutes every frustrating AI trope in the book. Three-dimensional characters! Found family! ‘Xe’ being used as the linguistically-normal gender-neutral pronoun! A lesbian relationship between a human and a reptilian!

it’s good is what i’m sayin

Movies

Nominations: Rogue One, Thor: Ragnarok, And Then There Were None

Winner: Thor: Ragnarok. Stop the fucking presses, I saw a movie less than a month after it was released. This has only happened, like... twice in the last decade. Literally.

Anyway. Rogue One was good, but I’m not a huge fan of the war stars universe. I’m even less a fan of the marvel cinematic universe, especially what it’s become since cap2, but Thor: Ragnarok just fucken blows everything out of the water. No contest. It’s hilarious, it’s epic, it’s the first movie to get Thor’s characterization right. It loses points for including B******t C*********h, but it gains more points for everything described in this post, especially the way it specifically called out the way that societies built on imperialism try to cover up or whitewash the shameful bloody parts of their history. (“Proud to HAVE it. Ashamed of how he GOT it!!”)

Video Games

Nominations: Space Pilgrim Saga, VA-11 Hall-A, Fallen London

Winner: Fallen London. Confession time: I played a lot of video james this year, kind of went wild at the steam summer sale, and it was really hard to narrow it down to three nominations. Ultimately, though, Space Pilgrim Saga was nominated for humor and space and an endgame relationship between a gray-ace woman and a bisexual woman. VA-11 Hall-A was nominated for design and good music and queer representation and me being super gay for Dana.

But Fallen London wins because I’ve never played something that so naturally and regularly validates my gender identity and queerness. Not only do you get to choose a nonbinary option when creating your character, you also get to choose how the game addresses you and change it whenever you want, however many times you want. It’s always there (being referred to as a ‘gentleperson’ or any one of several non-gendered titles) but it’s never the defining aspect of your character or the subject of scrutiny/ridicule/whatever by any NPCs. Similarly, every point at which a romance is ‘required’* provides you with a male and a female option (and, as far as I’ve seen, the option to romance them both at once, too) and your choice of these is never determined or impacted by your character’s gender. Despite the ‘historical’ setting.

*in scare quotes because it’s needed to advance some stories and unlock others, but you do have the option of just. not doing them. or seducing the character for money or social status or some other personal gain, and not love. i'd like it if there was a non-romance option to advance these storylines, but eh.

It’s also just really well-written and interesting and funny and free to play-- there are storylines that cost money, and I’ve got my eye on several, but you never have to spend anything to advance. Even just keeping to the free storylines, there’s a ridiculous variety of things to do for whatever sort of person you want to play as. Go sign up now! Beware of wells! Don’t go North!!

Comics

Nominations: Harrow County vol. 3 “Snake Doctor”, Bitch Planet vol. 2 “President Bitch”, Ms. Marvel arc “Mecca”

Winner: “Mecca”

Okay.

I don’t remember if I ever posted it anywhere, but when this arc was being released earlier this year I had a Debate(TM) with myself about escapist storytelling vs. storytelling that holds up a mirror during rough times--how can you write escapism when hiding from problems does nothing? how can you write realism when the world already does so much to grind us down?--and I eventually settled that we need both, to read and to be written. Realism to show us how to fight. Escapism to help us rest so we can get back up.

This arc is so real it hurts, especially when you can only read it in monthly installments, but it’s the same hurt as pressing on a sore muscle. It’s necessary. There’s not a single aspect of this story that isn’t directly related to what’s happened this year, and what will go on happening next year, and the difficulty of resisting it, and the importance of continuing to do so anyway.

Also G. Willow Wilson appears to be the only Marvel writer who remembers that hydra is literally a splinter group of fuckng nazis so like

Podcasts

Nominations: Archive 81, Wolf 359, The Magnus Archives

Winner: Archive 81. What can I say? It’s precisely my shit. In fact, it’s so much my shit that it’s kind of hard to believe I’ve only known about it for a few months. Time is fake? I’ve already written in depth about how much I like this podcast over here, so I’m not gonna repeat myself.

Has to be said though that The Magnus Archives was a very close second. Like, when I started writing this post a few weeks ago, I had most of the winners already chosen, but this one was a last-minute decision. Especially when episode 81 (*EXTREMELY LOUD TWILIGHT ZONE THEME SONG*) was released and marked the first time in my life I’ve ever related to a male main character. Maybe a main character, period? At some point I’ll post a list of sampler episodes you can listen to without being too spoiled for the main plot to see if you wanna invest in a thing that’s got 86 installments so far.

so there we go! that’s been a sample of my year’s experience in fiction. see you all on the other side of this arbitrary dividing line that’s only marginally related to physical reality!