#FOR REAL THO? I'M DRIVING UP THERE AS SOON AS I CAN I MISS U

[crguang]

violinist au kafka hit the second tower. but actually she's so annoying😭 she needs to shut up atp. but this actually driving me crazy. like the monday after the friday bus ride...her driving by that store a couple times a week just to see r in the window, she's awful. love serval just lying to r so they'd see each other again, loved that, but she didn't know how much kafka sucks. also blade driving, is he actively suicidal in this au still? honestly i feel like blade would be a bad driver, but on purpose, and kafka doesn't seem like the type to drive if there's someone else to do it. her annoying r on purpose and comparing them to when they were both teenagers was great, esp with the contrast after she makes her cry. also her smiling perpetually as part of her mask is also very interesting to me, but i did love this part bc kafka would def come off as a rich asshole if she wasn't a criminal already. and her just like staring in disbelief when she made r cry like it's literally not her fault. she's so good at hiding her emotions too, ugh. and her giving her card too, is she even real. (she is unfortunately not.) the angst is killing me, but in the good way, (how many rereads is between me and my history). this au is amazing.

btw forgot to mention ur so right, folklore is the album for this au. personally seven was never one of my faves, but it fits so well with this au, yea. would have more thoughts but I'm about to fall asleep.

very glad I have this week off uni tho, (thanksgiving) very not looking forward to seeing my relatives and I'm applying to a writing program, but instead I'm yapping about kafka, so really great productivity coming from me. I also got an arcane s2 spoiler abt one of the favs as soon as I opened tumblr, I literally blocked all the arcane tags, fml hate being on the internet sometimes. I have to wait to watch it bc my friend is driving 3 hours for a visit and we're watching it together.

-🌠

HEHEHEHEHEHE I LOVE UR COMMENTSSS kafka’s so obvious but especially to blade since hes the one driving her around lmfao. hes still suicidal otherwise a big part of his character would be missing i feel like, kafka’s just the bravest😭😭😭 he’d never crash the car with her in it… maybe. i think hes a good driver he just has to fight demons every day. k def can come off as a snob sometimes but thats because of the way she dresses and her confidence + her picky tastes 😭 if i saw her in the streets i personally would just think thats a sexy rich lady but maybe im biased. i’d say she looks nice tho bc of her constant smile. she came in that store with a mission and got bamboozled by the consequences of her actions like shes too funny fr. making r cry then giving them her business card shes actually crazy hdhfnfmf there is so much lore to this au im only writing the parts that make me go insane but like the whole thing is just so great, i havent had a story obsess me like this in a while and the best part is that im making it up so i can add whatever i want 😋 even started a pinterest board first them… like we’re really deep in this

hope thanksgiving isnt too tedious but at least youre free of uni for a week and u can sleep as much as u like !! i havent watched arcane yet either, i might do it when i get home but im also pretty tired so we’ll see. hope u and ur friend have fun tho

[edith-is-a-cat]

Edie's Moots!!! - Archieved.

The ones I've interacted with (alphabetically organized)

💕@angelhairpastawithherbs - Mx. Rose Moth!! - HAS THE SAME MOTHMAN SHIRT AS ME AND THATS HOW WE BECAME MUTUALS SO LOVELY (thats why you are called Rose Moth in my head!!) #mx. rose moth!! 💕

🐙@azulashengrottospiano - Ms. Auburn!! - DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON IS MY MUTUAL GUYS /j, Seriously so very lovely love dropping art in there inbox. *Silently foaming at the mouth with their writing* Literally feels like a celeb followed me back. Tumblr mom/oldest sister skjdnbvkjerfl ily /p and thank you for being so nice to me #ms. auburn!! 🐙

💫@bloody-puppets - My child!! - HIIIIIIII *spins you around like a hula hoop* Yes his tag may have been "father" but those are lies this is my child. Acc snatched up and will help u around tumblr bc you are child. please ill make a terrarium you you goobers #my child!! 💫

@ - Mr. !! - OMG TELLS YOU ABOUT EVERYTHING IM EXCITED FOR YOU WELCOME IN!!!

#mr. !!

🎩@dapperceature - Mx. Dapper!! - EHEHEH IVE MISSED YOU UNDERTALE FANDOM AND ITS SO COOL THAT I HAVE AN UNDERTALE MOOT ILY MWAH /p #mx. dapper!! 🎩

🍬@ - Mx. Ferris!! YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE AND BE RLLY NICE AND SUPPORTIVE FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN MY BLOG BEING VERY BLUE, why thank you the rolls will be done in a bit. (ALSO PICKED ME UP BY THE SCRUFF AND ADOPTED ME?) My favorite moot to chew on #mx. ferris!! 🍬

🦀@fryofthefrench - real person. WALKING NONBINARY PRIDE FLAG 🫵 #mx. samsung!! 🦀🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🫵

🐍@l7k-a - Mr. Haru!! - I THINK I LOOKED AT UR PROFILE ONE TIME AND THOUGHT ABOUT FOLLOWING YOU THEN I CHICKENED OUT-- NOT TODAY and u like Basil freaking spinning and shaking. U r like my dad... you have asked me to sleep and isn't late several times. love u sm #mr. haru!! 🐍

🪻@h2llish - Mr. Devil!! I have a fourty bucks, and hopefully the ability to drive soon, wanna grab food?? #mr. devil!! 🪻

💪@i-like-forgs - Mr. Ryoko!! - reads your posts like I read the newspaper, making dramatic gasps ever now and then. I love being to see a little bit of your life. Rattles the bars of my cage, I'm so happy to see you. #mr. ryoko!! 💪

🐎@jangletam - Junior!! - Ken irl -- carefully fits you with a lovely cowboy hat and matching pair of boots #robin jr!! 🐎

✨@officialdaydreamer00 - Mx. Irene!! Picked me up off the side of the road after I reblogged one of his things an unholy amount of times (it was so cute tho I plan to read more when I have time :3!!) #mx. irene!! ✨

💤@vntey - Mx. Leo!! - Ur cool i like you goober #mx. leo!! 💤

🌸@ - Mr. Momo!! - PLEASE PLEASE you are so cute and sweet and im a seal plushie to you omg my heart <////3 /pos thank you for existing here bpufvbehbtvhrbtvhbrv you are so neato#mr. momo!! 🌸

🎀 @shinysparklesapphires - Ms. Sapphire!! - HSHVJKDNVJERVHJBERHD PRETTY MAGICAL GIRL SO COOL HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-- u r so neat I would love to hand feed you (edible) glitter #ms. sapphire!! 🎀

🪷@twistwonderlanddevotee - Ms. Sofia!! - THE WAY I STOOD UP AND RAN AROUND WHEN I SAW U REBLOG THE THING WITH THE PRETTIES WALLPAPER EVER-- I hope you get so much pretty stickers get you arts and crafts supplies and gives you stationary cause i feel u would like it (btw DO NOT WORRY ABOUT TAKING LONG BUT THAT WAS JUST SO SWEET AND I HOPE YOU DID SUPER WELL ON UR FINALS!!!!) #ms. sofia!! 🪷

🐇@twst-om-lover - Mx. Nightmare!! - spins you like a basketball #mx. nightmare!! 🐇

🐇✨@vivislosingitagain - Mx. Vivi!! Can we turn the ocean into tea together??? And then have a tea party if ocean tea doesn't taste weird! (I decided the second emoji for you hope you don't mind!!) #mx. vivi!! 🐇✨

🐈‍⬛@v-anrouge - Mr. Aster!! - You can have some of my blood if you want, fun fact, my blood type is ab so it's not really too useful if I donate it. I would love to bake you something and sit you down to watch a ghibli movie. I really like scrolling through your blog its very neat and i wanna put stickers and sparkles on it. Internet dad. do i have to say more? #mr. aster!! 🐈‍⬛

⭐🐍@weskers-husband - Mr. Miles!! - Hi gremlin boy I'm very glad you are here, post your art right fucking now.. Cool dude please talk to him and be cool to him, if you are mean to him I'm taking your keratin (also check out his poetry account @poems-husband >:D) #mr. miles!! ⭐🐍

🦈@whspermy-name - Mr. Minty!! - *gives you a 10 pound bag of gummy sharks and BOOKS IT for the hills* #mr. minty!! 🦈

🐀@xen-blank - Mx. Xen!! - IM INVITED TO YOUR WEDDING??? GIGGLES AND SHAKES YOU LIKE A JAR OF PICKLES glitters you glitters you glitters you glitters you glitters you glitters you glitters you glitters you (EHEHE U R SO NEATO) #mx. xen!! 🐀 You are welcome to ask to be mutuals! I will usually become moots with you on my own if I find you interesting or we just interact a ton!!

[eternallybroken7604-blog]

We have been up for 2 days. I accepted years ago that this has to be part of my life. He's a package deal. But I am so tired. I do it with him. Idk y. I don't enjoy it most times. But I'm also afraid and to sleep while he's up. I learned not to the hard way.... A part of me wants my life back. My before life. But I know it will be the fight of my life. And I'm not ready. I sometimes tell myself that this was God's plan. I believe that each of us have at least one person that they are mentally to impact in some way and set in motion a positive path. Or bring a lost soul to God. God made me strong and brought me this man. He had to put me thru it to equip me to be wha this man needs. Maybe I'm the only one capable of sticking this journey out with him and bringing him out other side with me. That's why my addiction is so odd. My husband gets locked up from time to time, and when he's gone, I don't do any dope, I smoke my weed. But with the dope, he does my shots, from start to finish. He twirls the bowl. I don't want to know how. I tried once, he got arrested at the end of an 8 month horrendous, traumatizing bender. Suddenly my person is gone and I've been up for weeks. I tried to do it myself. I had the audacity to tell him about it at visitation, because he has always hated doing my shots. He feels enough guilt over where my life is and where it was. He's scared that bnb if I die, he will go to prison. So I always take sure my prints are on it too. He's not ready to even see that he needs to change. I can see that it weighs on him sometimes. And he will want to do better. But then he has no way to stop the guilt, the pain, self hatred. The high and associated relief are his constant and a very erratic life. I'm aware of all this and more. I'm aware I could be completely wrong and he really is just a piece of shit junkiethat destroy a family by joining it. I can't even fault him for that. My kids adored him. And he them. He had a family finally. He was know where near ready to be a step dad. But he gave it an honest try. Then again maybe I just rrwa lly ne ed there to be a greater purpose beh9nd all this, losing my babies, my self respect, my family. Everything.

I can't hate him for being selfish and out for number one, it's all his life has really ever been. I can see what drives everything about h, I study him cause I have never met someone that level of addicted. I cant explain why his thought processes fascinate me, I have to study them til I understand them. Which is hard to do because it's so complex and I'm juggling moneyissues, homelessness, the hustle, him in general, and the dope. The more I learn him, the more pity I feel and I cant leave. I love him to a fault, but I am not ready to abandon him to his demons. He won't survive it with any sort of sanity. He would argue with me on that but it's the one thing I believe with no doubt, he does need me. I think he knows it deep down. He knows I'm 100% on his side. Even if he dont like how at times. He knows I'm real. Even if he tells u I'm not. It's like his pride and years of telling me in so inferior refuse to allow him to recognize anyachievements, no matter the size. I know this but I forget every time we fight, cause it's his defense mechanism with me, it's about the only thing that works. He will reach I to the depths of cruelty and verbally destroy me. He knows what hurts me too. He has left scars that will never go away. I will never forget his eyes and voices and the feeling of my own pain at things he has said. My first husband beat me, that's not how u hurt me. The act of being able to hurt me, that really hurts. My now husband has gotten physical a few times. I cant hate him for it long because I see how much he hates himself for it. But that pride tho, he wont apologize verbally, but he will show me best he can that he's sorry. He knows I deserve better. He went thru a phase where all the blame was put on me for not leaving when it first started, woth the dope and us losing the kids. I tell myself I pushed him too far. It's no excuse I know. But I know how much weighs on him daily, and when substances are u introduced, well I am the embodiment of a large portion of his pain and stress and guilt. I forgive him because I know he's not mentally able to deal with all that and day to day life without help. To stubborn to ever agree with me but I just k ow I'm right. Cant explain that but it's never led me wrong. I shoulder as much as he will let me. And getting high and drunk and my mouth can sometimes push him too far, exacerbates things.

I knew he was a 'recovering' addict when we met. But he only smoked weed when I met him. I thought all that was his past. I didn't mind weed. I didn't personally smoke when we met. I was a divorced mom to 3. We were all finally happy and stable after my horror of an ex-husband. Idk y I fell in love with this man. But I did. He was my first serious relationship in the 2 years since. I never even missed sex, I wasn't lonely. I didn't miss that kind of love until...I was reminded.

8 mos later, we have a place together with my kids. Then a neighbor moved and offered my husband dope. He hid it for a little bit. But I picked up on his different behaviors and made him tell me. Then I wanted to smoke some too. I'd heard of Meth. But I grew up very sheltered by a pill head. I didnt know that when this gorgeous man told me he used to be an addict that he meant thousands of dollars and many hears of hardcore IV drug use. Herion, bar salts. His drug of choice was simply, more. He named his addiction Maria. He needed that relief so badly that once he discovered its power to 'fix' things, he personified his addiction. Maria has been his stability. Shes lways there when everyone else let's him dow. I can understand the desire not to feel. So badly u wanna die. But I was raised different. U can be weak, but dont stay weak. .

But by the time I realized that he didn't recover from his addictions, he fled his former home state and had no access to those things here. He was big on the run big ti.e qhen we met. Hes a hardened city boy. I'm a small town countrygirl. He let me smoke with him. A week later, hes got a needle. I have never seen a pill snorted. I wanted him to let watch him and he did. Seeing the man I love so in thrall to drugs, it broke my heart for him. Women pray to God to see a man look at them with that look. His addiction borders worship. As I write this we are also high with a few friends, he just finished fixing his shot and has decided to ask them to film him. I cant keep going. Thats bothers.me and ill to tore up now to try to figure out my feelings. So I'll wrap this up. My emotions are going every where and I really hate him like this. I hope he watches his video and hates himself. I love him and wint leave him to feel all that guiltalone, that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to feel most of it. God knows I feel my fair share. I promise myself one thing, I will not live like this forever. I'll keep looking for my way out. I'll keep praying for strength to leave. Or for God to open his eyes. I know better than to preach too much at him. He usually shuts down as soon. as he realizes what I'm saying. But I still try. He doesn't know it yet, cause he has never felt it before, but I love him enough for this. I will win this fight. Even if he hates.me in the end. (Forgove any typos, I'm intoxicated and when I get adamant about a topic, I type too fast)

[slinx]

u got it babe ✌🏻️✨