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vinbee631 · 1 year

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17 - Being Back Here Makes Me Hot in the Face

Prodigal Sons and Daughters Alike

Virgil woke the following day to a text message from the school’s counselor.

The text itself wasn’t inherently surprising; instead of an annoying PA system, the staff opted for text reminders for ongoing events or fire drills. They seemed to think it was a more effective way to communicate, and most of the kids agreed.

So no, the notification wasn’t out of place. What was out of place was the second text, a direct message from the guy himself to Virgil alone.

Chapter title from Hot & Heavy by Lucy Dacus. This is the longest chapter, only because I literally had no idea how to split it somewhat evenly. Anyway, here is the apology you've been waiting for!!!

Virgil woke the following day to a text message from the school’s counselor.

So no, the notification wasn’t out of place. What was out of place was the second text, a direct message from the guy himself to Virgil alone.

He tensed instantly, rubbing at his tacky eyes and tapping on Dr. Picani’s name. Below the useless drone of stuff that didn’t apply to him in the announcements, sat a much more concise, yet excruciatingly more worrisome, text.

*When you have the opportunity, please meet me in my office. You aren’t in trouble! Just have something to discuss.

The reassurance of not being in trouble did nothing to stop the nervous flutter in Virgil’s chest and the way his breaths turned frantic. He huffed, counting off to himself as he stood, attempting to calm himself down as he got dressed.

Class wouldn’t start for another hour, and Dr. Picani had messaged him just over 5 minutes ago. He didn’t necessarily have to rush through the steps he took to get ready, but, well, he was already panicking.

He grabbed his bag and hefted it over his shoulders, haphazardly brushed out the wrinkles in his shirt, and rushed out the door.

Thankfully, he didn’t run into any of his roommates in his speed; he didn’t even think he could make eye contact anymore, much less spend a second talking to them before either snapping at them or doing something mortifying, like crying.

Last night had been… Virgil had a rough night. He couldn’t call it guilt, maybe dread, but the words Remus had said to him. How innocently he’d admitted it all. It made Virgil question whether he had been too harsh, but then he would cycle back through the anger, and any regret was gone in an instant.

He’d cried himself to sleep.

Virgil was… he was furious still, but also overwhelmingly upset. Confusion and hurt and confused about being hurt, and he wasn’t sure he would ever get over having his trust broken so severely, and he wasn’t even close with any of them, they’d barely had more than one conversation each!

It was… he didn’t know how to deal with losing friends he’d barely had in the first place. But now, he had to admit, he was growing attached to them. Why else would it be so hard to let them go?

He clenched his fist as he marched down the halls, accidentally glaring at someone who happened to give him a friendly wave.

Now was not the time for extroversion.

Virgil turned the corner to the staff offices in record time, hesitating when he reached Picani’s door. He still had no idea what this was about, or why it had to be today, or how the guy even remembered he existed, but here he was. At this point, he just wanted to get this over with so he could go sulk in his room for another day. Or three.

He carefully pushed the door open, making eye contact with a smiling Picani first, and a teary-eyed Remus second.

He slammed the door and ran.

…

Remus didn’t know how to cope with living through his actual nightmare scenario.

It, of course, had started with royally fucking up any chance he had at being Virgil’s friend. He spent nearly an hour blubbering about his failure to his ever-patient brother, who just sat with him and held him until he managed to stop crying.

That was kind of pathetic, but hey, no use dwelling on it now.

The twins sat down with the rest of their roommates that night to explain what happened and figure out what to do next. Remus knew there was no way he’d be able to approach Virgil personally to apologize, and giving him a note just seemed like salt in the wound, so he was out of ideas.

And honestly, he wasn’t keen on coming up with any more ideas any time soon. Not after… everything that went so desperately wrong.

Eventually, Patton suggested they go to Dr. Picani, as Remus had done just days before.

They couldn’t go right away, though. Office hours had ended, and Janus pointed out that Virgil definitely needed time to process his feelings alone before he could listen to and possibly accept an apology.

Remus wasn’t thrilled about it, but what else was he supposed to do? He could wait until the morning to make things right.

It didn’t help that he didn’t sleep a wink.

Oh, he tried, did his nightly stretches that he normally forgot to do, got up and went for a short walk to burn off some nervous energy, and lost count at 1,470-something sheep. Nothing worked.

Inevitably, he resigned himself to the sleeplessness, carefully exiting his room once more to brood in the living room.

He flopped onto the couch with a quiet huff, wincing at the creak in the springs. He wasn’t used to this, to feeling so hopeless. He didn’t run out of ideas, and his plans never failed in ways that were so completely irreversible.

Nothing was ever this… hopeless.

He just didn’t get it! He’d done all he could think to prove to Virgil that he could trust him, could open up to him, could spend time with him free of judgment. But his lack of trust ran so deep that nothing stuck.

Remus wanted to find whoever had broken Virgil’s trust and break them over his knee like a glowstick.

Ugh, no, getting off track, breaking spines was not going to solve any of his current problems, unfortunately. What he needed to do was figure out how he was going to apologize. Properly, and without the expectation that Virgil had to forgive him.

He knew exactly what he needed to say, the points he truly needed to get across, but he was so much better at premeditating and writing his thoughts down than coming up with something to talk about, in person, without any proofreading or second drafts.

Virgil deserved his best. So, he started writing.

This would be perfect, the best… what was it his public speaking teacher had called them? Extemporaneous speeches? No, those had papers… whatever, he was gonna memorize this shit in less than six hours and impress the hell out of her anyway.

That wasn’t the point, anyway, his public speaking teacher didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was Virgil, and making sure he knew Remus never meant to hurt him, and that he could be mad forever if he wanted, but Remus was sorry anyway.

It was only when the others began to rouse and found him pacing in the living room, reading over the harshly annotated paper in his hands, that Remus realized he spent all night on it.

Roman sighed, opening his arms for his brother when he spotted the nervous tic.

They sat for a bit, Roman flicking him genly on the forehead when he admitted to being up all night.

“I just…” Remus started lamely, “it’s gotta be perfect. For him. The one thing I haven’t… completely fucked up, I guess.”

Roman sighed. “I don’t think you need to worry about it being perfect, Ree. The fact you’re apologizing in the first place makes it perfect, yeah? Let’s just worry about him showing up first. Okay?”

Remus couldn’t really disagree with that, he supposed.

“Okay.”

The five set off for Dr. Picani’s office, arriving just as it opened, though thankfully, not as the counselor was arriving himself.

“Well. Good morning, boys. Why don’t you come in?” The five filed in after him, settling next to each other in the chairs scattered around the room, positioning themselves to surround Remus in support.

After a breath, Remus, for the second time in less than 24 hours, explained everything.

He started from the beginning this time, with the notes, how they set him up for failure. Virgil was so hesitant and so scared and Remus ached to help in any way he could.

Then, he fucked it up. And again. And again.

Dr. Picani (“Emile,” he insisted, “you really can just call me Emile”) tried to insist that it wasn’t his fault, but Remus didn’t care. It might not be inherently his fault, but that didn’t fix the hurt he caused.

“So now,” he admitted, “I need help fixing it. Or, at least, doing something more to help him than just making him uncomfortable.”

The counselor sighed. “Well, there’s not much I can do, in terms of speaking with him. I can’t imagine he would trust me any more than the five of you. However, I could try to get him to meet us here, and I can host a healthier, supervised conversation. I can’t force him to stay, but I can help him to try.”

A moment later, the boys hovered anxiously as they waited for Virgil to read the text and come greet them.

That anxiety turned into something much more bitter when he slammed the door on them.

“I’ll go talk to him. Alone, at first,” Dr. Picani reasoned as the boys jumped up to try and find him. “If he doesn’t agree, then we can’t force him to talk. Just remember that as long as you still care about him, this isn’t a lost cause. I’ll be back.”

With a bit of direction from a few concerned and observant students, Emile worked his way to the bathroom Virgil was hiding in.

“Hey,” he called quietly, sitting down by the only locked stall in the room. “Virgil? Is it alright if I talk to you for a moment?”

“Can’t stop you,” Virgil huffed through a shake in his voice.

“You can,” he gently insisted. “If you’re not comfortable, I will leave. Okay? No questions asked.”

Virgil scoffed again, but didn’t say anything else. Emile took that as a sign to keep going.

“Now, I want to apologize for what happened earlier. I can imagine it was quite overwhelming for you, and I didn’t exactly think through what that might look like if you didn’t know what was going on.”

He heard a short rustle of fabric, then a frustrated sigh. “‘S fine.”

“Clearly, it’s not. And it’s okay that it’s not, Virgil. I’m not here to make you uncomfortable, and neither are any of your roommates. They came to me this morning because they were worried about you and wanted to apologize.”

“I don’t… no, they don’t,” Virgil whispered.

“I promise, they do. You do not have to accept it, nor do you have to talk to them today, but… well, they were concerned enough about the situation that they came to me. Remus, especially. However, they also informed me they didn’t want to rush into apologizing to you. You should be able to take all the time you need to decide if you accept it or not.”

“They don’t care,” Virgil sniffed. “You’re lying. He… it’s all this… big, elaborate- trick. They won’t leave me alone… Leading me on so I… I trusted them, and he… I hate him, I think. For… for tricking me.

“None of them, wanted to spend time…they all just- convinced me… made me like them. And then… revealed it all, it was fake. Remus… he planned it all, it was fake!”

“I know it seems that way,” Emile soothed, shuffling closer to the door so he could lean against it. “Is therea reason you think they would? To me, that seems a waste of time, to put in the effort to find ways to show they care enough to seek out time with you, just to betray you in the end. But, it’s not my experience, it’s yours.”

“Because they… it’s like- bullying. It’s funny… to see someone- someone with no friends… attach, so easily. I think. I wouldn’t know, that’s… it’s fucked up,” Virgil insisted.

“Has Remus done something, in particular, to make it seem like his plans were supposed to hurt you?” He continued.

“I don’t… he… it’s everything! The whole thing! He… invited me to stuff I wasn’t comfortable with, then didn’t care when I said no, and just- asked about other stuff, I guess. Then… he couldn’t- I wouldn’t talk to him, so he got other people to do it for him! He tricked them into talking to me so I’d let my stupid guard down and he could do the same thing all over again!”

“Have you considered,” Emile started carefully, “that he kept asking questions because he wanted to get to know you? And, after seeing that it made you uncomfortable, he changed his approach to avoid making you more uncomfortable?”

“No,” he grunted, “because that’s wrong. That doesn’t make any sense. Why would he… why would they waste their time… trying to be friends with me? That doesn’t… they have plenty of other people that… actually care. About them,” he explained weakly.

“Then, why would they waste their time trying to pester that same person, if he didn’t care about them?” Emile countered.

Virgil didn’t respond for a while.

“I don’t get it,” he mumbled. “Why… if they care, which- dubious, at best. But… why would they… care about- me? It doesn’t… I’ve given them nothing. They get nothing from being around me.”

“I don’t think it has escaped your notice that your roommates, Remus in particular, are quite friendly. What they have to gain is a friend. That is what they ‘get’ when they are with you, they get a friend whom they enjoy being around and talking to.”

“I’m not… used to that,” he admitted. “No one’s ever… I don’t- have, friends. They don’t… people don’t- tend to stick around. So… why would they be the ones to… not do that?”

“I’m sorry to hear that, and I cannot answer that for sure. Trusting people is a vulnerable action, and it isn’t easy, especially if it hasn’t worked out in the past. However, it couldn’t hurt to listen to their apology and hear their reasoning, if you’re up for it. I’m sure they’d give you time to decide if you’re still willing to trust them or not if you asked for it.”

Virgil sat on that for a moment, then gave a decisive huff and stood. He quietly clicked the door open, and it swung in to reveal his tear-stained face. “Okay, I’ll talk to them. I better not regret it.”

“Okay,” he breathed, glancing up from his spot on the floor. “That’s great, Virgil. Do you need a minute?”

He shook his head, offering a hand to his teacher, allowing him to stand with only one of his knees cracking in the process. Nice.

“No, I should… I need to hear this from them. Before I… yeah. Let’s go.”

As the boy led the way back to the counselor's office, Emile couldn’t help but indulge in a little smile along the way.

There was hope for these boys yet.

…

Remus jumped from his seat the second Picani came back. Except, he wasn’t alone this time.

He tensed a little, running over the apology in his head once more. It had to be perfect, he needed to make things right. Not for his own sake: he needed Virgil to understand that he cared, that he never meant for things to go so wrong.

Before he could open his mouth to express that, however, Emile cut him off.

“So, before anyone starts, I guess I have some ground rules. As cathartic as it may be for you boys, I can’t sit here and allow you to scream at each other. I think you should lead the conversation on your own, and I trust you, but I will step in if things get too out of hand, understood?”

The boys nodded. “And, are you all staying for this part?”

Remus nodded. “Um… I’d be a bit more comfortable if everyone stayed. But, they don’t have to.” He turned to Virgil expectantly.

“That’s… okay. Not gonna say I love it, but… that’s cool,” he eventually decided.

“Alright, sounds good. I’m here if you need me, okay?”

The boys nodded, and Remus jumped at the chance before he lost it.

“I’m so sorry! I… I already said that, and it’s hard to make it meaningful when I did and said things that very blatantly made you uncomfortable. I never wanted that, ever. You’re so… I… I really care about you, Virgil, even if you couldn’t give two shits about me.”

Virgil frowned at his feet. “Not gonna lie, I’m still kinda pissed. I just don’t… you spent so much time. With… with the notes, and- and the… I’m sure the- the planning took… y’know, a while. I just don’t… understand, why?”

“I did it because I want to be your friend,” Remus answered honestly, matching what Picani had just reassured him of earlier.

Huh.

“You… we talked about you, the week leading up to when school started,” Remus continued. “We wer so… I was so curious. I wanted so badly for you to gel with the rest of us right away, but you didn’t, and I wanted to know why. I just… you seemed like you needed a friend, and you seemed cool. Should I have more justification than that?”

“So you pestered me endlessly for weeks?”

“...Basically, yeah. I’m not saying I’m proud of all of it, or that it was even a good idea. Honestly, at first, I thought you might be just- putting on a show of being uninterested, or like… I dunno, that being contrary was just- part of becoming your friend, so yeah, I made some big mistakes. But then, I- tried to find a way to fix that, to still get to know you without making you uncomfortable. And… well…”

“...I guess, that checks, but you could’ve just- told me that. Would’ve probably been easier that an elaborate scheme,” Virgil pointed out.

“I tried! I tried straight-up talking to you, and you either yelled at me or clammed up, and you looked so… scared. I couldn’t do that again. I couldn’t… I didn’t really know what to do, and leaving you alone seemed like… like I was giving up on someone that needed me.”

“I didn’t need…I’m here for school, not- not friends. I don’t actually care that much, I’m not- lonely, or whatever you seem to think.”

“Just because you don’t care doesn’t mean that I don’t,” Remus groused, wincing as the words came out of his mouth. “Er, sorry, but my point still stands. I mean, obviously, if you want me to leave you the fuck alone, I will. But… wouldn’t it be a little more fun, at least, to have something to do other than be married to school?”

“I… I don’t know. I’ve never…” Virgil trailed off, not sure how to address that particular fact of his life.

“Look, if you want me to not bother anymore, I will. But I promise, I was never trying to make you uncomfortable with the notes. I wasn’t leading you on in a friend way, and neither were any of the others. We all just… we like you, Virgil. You’re- you’re pretty cool.”

“...You promise?”

“Yes, definitely, Virgil. I promise.”

“...Well then… I guess, it wouldn’t be the worst thing, to- have friends.”

Remus jumped up and down in a circle, clapping his hands like Virgil had just performed something, for god’s sake.

“Yes! That’s great! I’m- yeah, really happy about that, can I hug you now?” Remus blurted.

“I…” Virgil expected to be more uncomfortable with the prospect, but actually being asked instead of forced… well.

Who was he to say no?

“Um, just- a quick one? Sure?”

Remus practically screeched, throwing himself forward to wrap his arms tightly around Virgil’s waist. He found the added pressure wasn’t actually as uncomfortable as he worried it would be.

It was actually… kinda nice, he guessed.

And then, he realized the prickly sensation of someone staring at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the others, expressions in various degrees of pleased (Logan) and overjoyed (Patton).

“Oh, come on, we all know you’re thinking about it,” Virgil grumbled, shifting slightly to wave them over. “Might as well get the sappy shit done now.”

Patton was first, obviously, but the others followed suit, cuddling up to surround Virgil in, what was probably a ridiculous-looking group hug.

“You guys do know this is an incredibly annoying and cheesy way to end this whole thing, right?” Janus pointed out.

“And yet, you’re still huggin’!” Remus rebutted with a smile, clinging to Virgil just a bit tighter.

“...Okay, fine, you got me there, enjoy your sitcom moment, then.”

The others chuckled, and okay, Virgil thought that maybe, this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

#sanders sides fanfiction #tss storytime 2023 #cw cursing #virgil sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #emile picani #finale!!!

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