#F*ck Bucket

[theinfinitedivides]

78 for the Wrapped ask game if it's still open, if you wouldn't mind

inbox is still very much open anon, we'll probably be doing this through the f*cking weekend sksksksk. as for the song: Chaiyya Chaiyya by Sukhwinder Singh, from the Dil Se.. soundtrack.

(ask me about my Spotify Wrapped!)

[guilty-pleasures21]

The roommate

Oh my gosh! I totally forgot that they had their first kiss at a Halloween party too!! Ahh! The world is round 🥹!

Credits to @tojishugetiddies for the base idea.

Original story

BONUS Halloween story!

Part 1

Part 2

Warnings: explicit descriptions of sex (male x female).

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Roommate!Miguel who you can’t keep your eyes off as he hands out candy beside you. 

He looked so good in his Gomez Addams suit, the jacket tightening around his muscular biceps every time he moved. He smiles at a group of kids as he drops a few pieces of candy into their buckets and you swoon quietly at the reminder that he was a father - that you had made him a father. Soon, your candy finishes and you drag your husband back into the house and up to your bedroom. 

“Querida,” Miguel laughs, the sound travelling into your ears and straight down to your core. “¡Desacelerar, mi amor! (Slow down, my love!)” 

“We’ve got … half an hour, querido!” you exclaim, checking your phone for the time. “Minimum! Let’s go!” 

You stop finally, slightly out of breath as you turn to face your husband. You reach up to cup his cheeks in your hands and he bends over to press his lips to yours. Your knees go weak as he teases your tongue with his, but he holds you up against him, wrapping you up in his strong arms. You feel yourself go wet between the legs as your core presses against his, his large bulk already seeking out your warmth, but you stop him before he can toss you onto your bed.

“Can you … go wash your face first, jellito?” you ask in between soft pants. Your husband obliges and dashes into the bathroom to clean himself up as quickly as possible. 

Roommate!Miguel who swears his heart stops when he sees you sitting on the end of your bed, your body so deliciously dressed up in a set of lacy back lingerie. 

You smile at the dazed look on his face as you shuffle up the bed and lay back in a sexy pose. Your core throbs excitedly as your husband shrugs off his jacket and starts undoing the buttons on his shirt, exposing the shape lines of his broad chest to you.

“Were you wearing this the whole time, mi amor?” he asks, sinking into the space between your legs. You shiver as he slides his calloused palms up and down your bare skin, then you nod in confirmation. 

“Ay, mierda,” Miguel mutters, shaking his head at the thought of you wearing such naughty underwear whilst you’d been greeting the neighbourhood at your gate. He squeezes your thighs, then slowly slides your underwear down your legs. 

Roommate!Miguel who thrusts himself into you slowly, taking his time now that you’re his wife.

Ay, mierda, his wife! The mother of his kids! He bends over to press his lips to your neck, his fingers trailing down the soft breasts that had fed his children, the stubborn little belly that had grown his kids and the rough skin that had stretched to hold his little babies. F*ck, you were so, so perfect. 

He wraps you up in his arms and you whine his name as he picks up the pace of his movements, pumping himself into you hard and fast. Thank god your kids were out of the house - you didn’t think you’d have been able to hold back your pleasure-filled moans as your husband continued to fill you up with his thick c*ck. You dig your fingers into his ass, squeezing it as you try to pull him even deeper into you, then finally, you hit your climax. Miguel slows the movements of his hips as he comes too, his swollen shaft hitting you slow and deep as he fills you up with his warm c*m. He lays down beside you when you’re both done, his c*ck still nestled deep inside you as he hugs you to his chest. You reach up to bury your fingers in his hair and the two of you enjoy the quiet moment of solitude together. 

Roommate!Miguel who helps your son sort out his candy at the kitchen island. 

Rafa had come back first, followed by Gabi and the few friends she’d invited to sleepover at your house. Miguel helps Rafael check the expirations dates on his candy while you get the girls sorted out and you feel a warmth fill your chest as you watch the two of them grin excitedly at Rafael’s plentiful haul. 

“Hi, girls,” Miguel greets them as they walk past. “Looking scary tonight!” 

The girls giggle their thanks, then run excitedly to the guest room you’d made up for them - it was easier to access any late-night snacks and television if they stayed downstairs, so you always had your kids’ friends sleeping in the sizable spare room when they came over. 

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” you tell the girls once they’ve set their things down. “Gabi’s dad and I will just be upstairs watching TV. Have fun, girls!” 

The girls thank you and you close their room door just as Rio walks into the house. 

“Hola, mamà,” he greets you as he dumps his own bucket down by his brother. “Whoa! ¡Bien hecho, pollito! (Good job!) How’d you get so many sweets?!” 

Rafa grins up at him proudly. “Everyone was really impressed by my costume. Hmm … I can share with you if you want …” 

Rio ruffles his hair and adds his own candy to the pile before helping his dad sort through it. They finish the task quickly and all of you head upstairs to start getting ready for bed. 

Roommate!Miguel who starts dozing off on the sofa in your bedroom.

You’d cuddled up with your sons to watch a movie together and your eyelids had started to drop just after you’d reached the halfway mark. You’d looked over at your husband and found him resting his cheek on Rafael’s head, his eyes already closed. You smile and nudge Rio to get him to look and the two of you snicker softly together at the sight. Finally, the movie ends and you and Rio help Miguel get to bed before you go to tuck your sons into their respective rooms. You give them each a soft kiss on the forehead, then shoot your daughter a quick text to check if she was all right. She replies that she’s fine and you leap under the covers, snuggling up against your big, warm husband. Miguel’s arm comes around your waist, tucking you into his side, and you wriggle against him happily. 

You could still remember that very first Halloween party you’d gone to together all those years ago: your first couple’s costume, your first kiss, the first time you’d slept together … You tilt your head back and touch your lips to Miguel’s, thanking whatever God of Halloween there is for blessing you with your wonderful, sweet, amazing husband. It was official: Halloween was the best holiday to have ever been invented. 

Tags: @sukunash0e @safixiovi @amberbalcom14 @shack-wheel-oneal

[guttergirlcore]

Could we get part 03 of that pls🙏 I stan one (1) Cregan Stark who loves cockwarming (to ease his pain too okay Lord Stark🩵🩵🩵 absolute my favorite part) but does he have his new gorgeous beloved wife ride him or does he f*ck her🤔 also when is she gonna drop the lore about being treated terribly by her Lannister fam and would dearest Cregan comfort her?

Our Cregan is a man of many interests & talents <3

A Den of Lions & Wolves: Part III

Cregan Stark x Lannister! Reader

SERIES MASTERLIST

SYNOPSIS // Your husband, Lord Cregan Stark, the Wolf of Winterfell, has returned to you. With his return, Cregan shows an unexpected gentleness in your conversations--a gentleness that reminds you just how deep your desire for companionship goes.

WARNINGS // HotD universe, smut, aftercare fluff, Lannister!reader, AFAB she/her reader, mentions of familial trauma/emotional abuse, angst, possessive behavior, Cregan being a big [kinda scary] softie <3

>>READ RESPONSIBLY<<

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Word count: 1.8k

"You're not done, little wolf." Cregan chuckled humorlessly, his throbbing member still embedded within you.

His hands found the bottom of your ass, effortlessly lifting you up as he crossed the room to the large basin tub at the far side. Your back met the cool stone wall alongside it as Cregan hungrily devoured your mouth.

His strong, wet tongue swirled and pushed against yours, the sensation making you grow wetter by the second.

Cregan pulled back, his long brown hair coming undone from his bun. A thin, silvery trail of saliva connected his plump mouth to yours.

"You will draw me a bath and join me, yes?"

"Yes, husband," you obediently confirm.

Cregan gently allows your feet to touch the floor, slowly slipping from your warmth. You couldn't help but let out a soft moan from the sensation.

As you gained your balance again, Cregan slowly released you, and you knelt down to the tub, pouring several buckets of hearth-warmed water into the basin.

Behind you, you could hear the light thud of Cregan's pants hitting the floor along with his heavy boots. Once unburdened by clothing, he climbed in, sinking down into the warm embrace of the water. Simultaneously, he let out a groan of relief that had you quivering at the knees.

Once he was settled, he looked up at you expectantly. "Remove your gown and sit on my cock," he instructed, getting straight to the point.

You did as you were told, standing and pulling the thin material over your head. You dropped it to a pile on the floor and stepped gingerly into the water, one foot on each side of Cregan's hips. The red head of his cock peeked above the water's surface, ready to split you in two.

Slowly you lowered yourself down until you could feel his tip prod at your dripping entrance. Growing tired of your delay, Cregan's large hands grabbed your waist and shoved you down hard, burying every inch of himself within you. You yelped in surprise.

"Fuuck--such a tight, delicious cunt," Cregan moaned out, rocking his hips slightly.

Your face heated at his comment, and you shyly looked away from him. He grabbed your chin in a nearly bruising grip and turned you back to face him.

"You will look at me as I breed you."

You throbbed on top of him as his fingers dug into your hips, lifting you, and then pushing you back down on his length. The water provided even more lubricant between the two of your bodies, allowing you to fit his massive size more comfortably.

He eased you into a steady rhythm, his thick cock hitting that sweet spot inside of you over and over. Once your pleasure mounted, he leaned back against the back of the tub, watching you pleasure yourself on his cock.

"Cregan! Gods--!" You moaned, bouncing up and down of your own volition now.

Cregan darkly chuckled. "I am your god, my love. You pray to me now. Your mercy comes from me."

Leaning forward, Cregan pressed his warm mouth to your nipple, making goosebumps erupt all over your body. His full lips pressed against the flesh of your chest, his tongue rolling and swirling over the swell of your breast. His other hand kneaded into the flesh of your ass, massaging and grabbing in what was sure to leave fresh marks in the morn.

The feeling of his hard cock prodding you relentlessly and his wet tongue swirling and sucking your sensitive nipples was all too much to bear. Without much warning, your first orgasm of the night washed over you, and you pressed your body tightly against Cregan's, allowing him to take over and thrust more fully inside of you.

He slowed his pace, delivering long, deep thrusts that made you sink your nails into the hard muscles of his back, biting back sobs of pleasure. When your orgasm was had, you sagged against his hard body, panting and glowing with sweat.

"I'm close behind you, my love. Stay with me," Cregan groaned, the water splashing over the sides of the basin.

Utterly exhausted from your first orgasm, you allowed Cregan to use your cunt as he needed. He pumped in and out of you harder now, more desperate for his own release. You whimpered against his ear, overstimulated but still craving more.

With his right hand, he grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled you back, forcing you to look at him, just as he'd instructed.

"That's right, darling, right here," he moaned loudly.

His thrusts grew sloppier, throwing more water over and causing you to throw your hands out to the sides of the basin for stability. With one brutal thrust into your deepest spot, Cregan threw his head back, emptying his full balls into your needy cunt.

"Ahhh--fuck! Mmm, that's it, take every drop, my love," Cregan shouted in ecstasy, his wet hair sticking to his beautiful face.

The sensation of his hot cum shooting into your womb forced you over the edge once more, and you found yourself bearing down on his still-pulsing cock for your second orgasm of the night.

Your moans came out high-pitched and hurried as you rocked against him, his hands stroking up and down your stomach.

"That's it, baby. Gods, you're beautiful. Taking my load so well." His voice was dripping with sex, and it made the rolling waves of your orgasm all the more intense.

Once again, you collapsed against his chest after your pleasure was through, panting heavily and sighing with complete satisfaction.

As gently as he could, Cregan lifted you from his spent cock, setting you back down in his lap. After you both had caught your breath, you plucked the sudsy sponge from the tub's ledge and swiped it across your husband's broad chest.

Coming down from both of your highs, you and your new husband spent the night caressing and scrubbing, cleansing and holding each other until the water had well gone cold.

After your eventful bath, neither of you bothered to get dressed. You simply lay in bed bare together, as husband and wife.

"You are a wonder," Cregan whispered into your hair, his fingers tracing shapes over your back as you lay atop his chest.

"You may be the only one that thinks as such," you chuckled, absentmindedly.

"Oh, I doubt that greatly. From the way the handmaidens speak of you, it's clear they are quite enamored with you. As am I, my lady.''

Your heart ached at his words. All your life, you'd only ever wanted to be adored.

"I am wondering why you are so quick to discredit others' good word for you." Cregan quietly spoke into the room.

Where should I begin, you thought. You weren't even entirely sure if you were ready to share this with your new husband. He had been quite kind to you and giving in more than a few ways. Didn't he deserve to be given back to?

With considerable effort, you responded, "I suppose I don't have to tell you that I've never fit in within my own house. Though I was born of Lannister blood, they have never treated me as such."

Cregan nodded his head, silently encouraging you to go on.

"I can't recall many memories of youth, but I can remember how cruel my father could be when he wanted. Sometimes, I think he was even cruel when he hadn't wanted to be. It was his way."

"Just before my father offered me to you, he took me aside and told me I'd been useless all my life--a dark stain on the ancestral tapestry of House Lannister. That this union was his chance to prove to himself that my birth hadn't been for naught. My father promised me no riches or respect for my compliance. No, he promised me something far greater than that--his complete and utter absence from my life. I feared you would reject me, and I'd be stuck beneath the crushing weight of his boot forevermore. I could hardly stand the thought."

Cregan's soothing circles on your back stilled. It felt as if every muscle in his body had gone rigid.

The air in the room seemed suddenly sucked out, it was nearly suffocating.

"It is a good thing your father promised you his absence."

"Why is that?" You asked your husband, picking your head up to look at him.

His eyes shone nearly amber in the candles' ambient glow.

"Because if I see him again, I may kill him for what he's done to you."

Your heart seems to take several quick stutters. How could this man who you've known for less than two weeks care so deeply for you when your own father and mother hadn't in all your life?

"I suppose that is very good, then." You chuckled nervously, unsure of how to respond to the intensity you'd come to know as characteristic of Lord Stark.

"I've always been rather unremarkable, so I suppose I understand my parents' disinterest in me."

A long moment of silence permeated the room and you wondered if Lord Stark had drifted off to sleep during your tale. Just as you were about to resign yourself to sleep as well, Cregan's voice sounded again, his chest rumbling underneath you with his words.

"You would dare to consider yourself plain?"

Bathed in the pale light of the high moon, Cregan's eyes shined bright and you were once again reminded of the bone-chilling gaze of a wolf. You felt embarrassed, somehow.

"It pains me that you think yourself deserving of the Lannisters' taunts. That you would justify their deplorable treatment of you with self-depreciation." Cregan's voice rose with each sentence until it rang out with the highest conviction.

"Hear me in this. I did not idly accept Therion Lannister's offer on a whim. You are the single most magnificent creature I have and will evermore lay eyes on. You are my wife, Lady Stark of Winterfell, and soon, with the grace of the gods, the mother of my children. You have no more ties to the Lannisters than I do to the desolate days before I was blessed with the gift of knowing you."

Your eyes shined with tears welling beneath the surface. In all your life, you'd dreamed of someone who might someday speak to you with an ounce of kindness that Lord Stark had just commanded.

"The next time you speak against yourself, I will consider it a personal affront to House Stark, and you won't like to know what a man will do when his House is insulted, do you understand me?"

You quickly nod your head in understanding.

"We may not know each other well, my lady, but I plan on rectifying that very soon. I want to know you, Y/N. And what's more, I want you to know yourself."

Stunned into silence, you nuzzled your face against Cregan's chest, inhaling his warm, woodsy scent. His fingers combed through the hair at your temples gently as the two of you drifted off to a peaceful sleep together.

[saiyanprincessswanie]

SaiyanPrincessSwanie Reading List Week 213 & 214

A/N: Thank you again to those who recommended fanfics or tagged me. 💜 This week had me reading 50 fics. Absolutely amazing fics here. This has been so much fun for me and I hope you enjoy my reading lists.

As always these will be listed in no particular order. None of these stories are mine. I’m just signal-boosting them. The author is listed next to the title. My goal is to signal boost writers and spread positivity in the community.  💜💜

Click HERE to see what I will or won’t read. This is very important.

Click HERE for past reading lists.

For my Masterlist click HERE.

Please make sure you’re reading the warnings on every story. They range from dark to fluff. Do Not Read if you are under 18 years old. These stories are meant for adults only. You’re responsible for your own media consumption.

Page-break by @whimsicalrogers

Header by @fictional-affairs

If you can, please reblog these lists so they can reach more people on Tumblr.

I love you 3000 💜 Missy

Need You Now - (Bucky x Reader) - @saiyanprincessswanie

Mafia Bucky Drabble - @angrythingstarlight

Goldi locked - (Curtis x Reader x Ari x Steve) - @biteofcherry

one for you and me - (Bucky x Reader) - @mellowsaturns

no place like home - (Steve x Reader) - @mellowsaturns

Drugged Courage - (Steve x Reader) - @mercurial-chuckles

Berserk Captain Rogers - (Steve x Reader) - @mercurial-chuckles

Out of My Head - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817

Stay - (Bucky x Reader) - @jobean12-blog

Making Time - (Bucky x Reader) - @jobean12-blog

Sunrises and Sunsets - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817

More time - (Brock x Reader) - @nekoannie-chan

somebody else - (Bucky x Reader) - @lunarbuck

Deception - (Andy x Reader) - @stargazingfangirl18

Fate Part 1 - (Curtis x Reader) - @thezombieprostitute

Fate Part 2 - (Curtis x Reader) - @thezombieprostitute

Guilt - (Bucky x Reader) - @deliciousangelfestival

Oh My - (Jake x woc!Reader) - @syntheticavenger

hard drive - (Jake x Reader) - @syntheticavenger

Comply - (Winter Soldier x Reader) - @tumblin-theworldaway

Mafia Bucky Drabble - @angrythingstarlight

A Much Needed Reminder - (Andy x Reader) - @stargazingfangirl18

Hold Me - (Ari x Reader) - @flordeamatista

Losing Control - (Bucky x Reader) - @flordeamatista

till the end of time - (Thor x Reader) - @sergeantxrogers

for so long as you live - (Bucky x Reader) - @witchywithwhiskey

"My King" - (Thor x Reader) - @fluffyprettykitty

Vicious - (Bucky x Reader) - @fluffyprettykitty

Another Ending 1 - (Bucky x Reader) - @deliciousangelfestival

Another Ending - 2 - (Bucky x Reader) - @deliciousangelfestival

You Should've Seen Him - (Steve x Reader) - @buckets-and-trees

I Will Always Come When You Call - (Bucky x Reader) - @eat-limes-bitches

Love Marks - (Bucky x Reader) - @flordeamatista

Betrayed heart - (Brock x Reader) - @nekoannie-chan

Hold You Tight: Part 6 - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817

Cold hearted - Chp 3 - (Multi Pairings) - @missvelvetsstuff

Cold hearted - Chp 4 - (Multi Pairings) - @missvelvetsstuff

Indecent Proposal - (8) - (Stucky x Reader) - @holylulusworld

Leap of faith - (Steve x Reader) - @mostly-marvel-musings

Drabble Roulette: F*ck Machine - Bucky Barnes - @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

Touching - (Steve x Reader) - @nekoannie-chan

Delivered - (Curtis x Reader) - @stargazingfangirl18

Big Pharma - (Steve x Reader) - @ronearoundblindly

Back to the Office - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817

liquor - (Thor x Reader) - @syntheticavenger

I know what you did - (Lee B x Reader) - @tumblin-theworldaway

Chivalry - (Steve x Reader) - @mostly-marvel-musings

So, This Is Love! - (Ransom x Reader) - @americasass81

Life Is Short So Make It Sweet - Chp 10 - (Curtis x Honey) - @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

Your Mark On Me - Part 13 - (Steve x Reader) - @georgiapeach30513

[autism-autobot]

How I think each autobot would react to seeing rain for the first time:

Optimus Prime: Just stares in awestruck wonder.

Ratchet: Is interested but keeps a good distance since it is a falling substance that he doesn't know the affects of.

Bumblebee: Immediately tries to run into it to play, but gets stopped by a very cautious Ratchet.

Bulkhead: Thinks to himself "Hi, what the f*ck is this?" but doesn't say it out loud to save Bumblebee's small audio receptors.

Arcee: Same as Bulkhead but blurts the above phrase out loud for all to hear.

Smokescreen: Same as Bumblebee, but is too fast for Ratchet to catch.

Wheeljack: Puts an empty bucket out to catch some rain water to run some experiments with.

Ultra Magnus: Forces everyone else to remain inside until he can make sure it poses no threat to them.

Heatwave: Just says "What the scrap?" before Blades promptly shushes him to save Cody's ears.

Blades: Gets scared because surely Dani will make him fly in it.

Boulder: Same as Optimus and then goes to make a bot-sized umbrella so he and Graham can go for walks in the rain.

Chase: Looks up safety regulations for rainy weather and does research on the cause of rain.

Blurr: Goes out racing only for him to spin out on a turn with a big puddle.

Salvage: Puts out all of the empty containers he can find and watches them all fill up.

Quickshadow: Just rolls her optics and goes about her own business.

Hightide: Says "OH GREAT SO THERE'S WATER UP THERE NOW TOO!"

Sideswipe: Same as Quickshadow but might stomp around in puddles to piss off Strongarm.

Strongarm: Same as Chase but ask Bumblebee how and why it is raining.

Grimlock: Tries punching raindrops falling from the sky and later stomps in puddles with Sideswipe but only because he thinks it's fun.

Drift: Same as Quickshadow and finds rain to be a general nuisance.

Fixit: Does tons of research on rain and it's potential affects on both bots and humans.

Jetstorm: Wants to play in the rain but listens to Drift and seeks shelter.

Slipstream: Same as Optimus but also follows Drift to seek shelter.

[askmrtorgue]

IT'S TIME FOR MR TORGUE'S RECIPE CORNER

TODAY'S RECIPE: MOOSE STEAKS

AND WE'RE PUTTING BULLET POINTS ON THIS BECAUSE F*CK COUNTING

FIND A MOOSE AND SCREAM AT IT UNTIL IT DIES OF FRIGHT. MOOSE ARE NOT SCARED OF SH*T SO THIS WILL TAKE SEVERAL HOURS.

THROW THE MOOSE CORPSE OVER YOUR SHOULDERS AND CARRY IT BACK TO CAMP. BE SURE TO STOP AND CONSIDER THE DELICATE-ASS MAJESTY OF NATURE'S BEAUTY. IT IS AWE INSPIRING

SET MOOSE CORPSE ON PILE OF KINDLING. MAKE SURE THAT THE BODY IS SPREAD EVENLY, WITH NOTHING UNEXPOSED OR FOLDED ONTO ITSELF.

ENSURE THAT KINDLING IS SUFFICIENT TO LAY UNDER MOOSE'S BODY, WITH NO PARTS LAYING ON THE DIRT.

ADD SEASONS LIBERALLY. YOU MAY BE ASKING ME, "MR TORGUE, WHAT TYPE OF SEASONINGS SHOULD I APPLY?". ANSWER: BUCKETS FULL

GRAB A MATCH, LIGHT A HANDFUL OF GRENADES, AND THROW THEM AT MOOSE

SERVES 12

THANK YOU FOR JOINING MR TORGUE'S RECIPE CORNER. JOIN ME NEXT TIME, WHEN I SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A FIVE COURSE MEAL USING NOTHING BUT A FOOD DELIVERY APP AND CRUSHING AMOUNTS OF DEBT

[varenykmeson]

(spoiler warning for the first Gungrave game, Gungrave Overdose, Trimax and the Trigun 98 anime I guess??)

Look, I know everyone and their grandma has made a comparison post between Wolfwood and Bunji but do you know what's even worse? The first time Wolfwood kicks the bucket ever is in the 98 anime by fighting his mentor, getting shot and then dying in an abandoned church.

Meanwhile what does Bunji do the first time he keels over in Gungrave ? That's right, he fights his mentor, gets shot and dies in an abandoned church (with slight nuance but still).

(Also don't forget that the second time both of these sh*theads meet their ends (in Trigun Maximum and Gungrave Overdose respectively), it's partially thanks to the involvement of their respective white-haired younger brothers they hadn't seen in ages.)

Anyway, what the f*ck Nightow.

[erathene]

Safe with You (Part 1)

Summary: Strider turns up unexpectedly at The Pony, wounded and needing help. You're a barmaid, not a doctor, but right now he doesn't have much choice, and emotions are running high from his last visit.

Word count: 2.1k

Pairing: Aragorn x Female!Reader 

Warnings: LOTS of swearing and cursing, again. Graphic descriptions of blood/injury, (probably inaccurate) descriptions of medical treatment, loss of consciousness.

AO3 Link: Safe with You

Author's note: Special thanks again to DocFigureskaterM for being my beta reader. This story follows on from my previous Aragorn x F!Reader series called F*ck It; whilst there are references here to that story, both works can be read independently. I am still trying not to swear in front of my toddler so I couldn't resist continuing with the feisty curse-laden reader I developed in F*ck It. Enjoy!

Part 2 has now been posted!

......................

The Prancing Pony was lit dimly by a handful of small lanterns. Most of the larger hanging lamps had been extinguished after the last punters had left for the night, and that had been around an hour ago. The main fire had burned low, with only glowing remnants of firewood remaining. The Gaffer always insisted on saving the fuel for when paying customers were occupying the place; this meant doing your cleaning with the bare minimum of brightness. 

Your shift was almost finished. Finally. It couldn't have come soon enough. You leaned low over a table in the bar where your lonely lantern stood, giving the polished wood a good scrub with your cloth. It was the very last table to be cleaned. The balls of your feet ached from standing, your shoulders twinged from lifting and scrubbing and carrying many mugs of drink from table to table all evening. Tossing your rag back into the bucket, you sighed and quickly massaged the back of your neck. At last, you could hang up your apron and call it a day. 

No sooner had this thought crossed your mind, there was a thumping knock on the door. You rolled your eyes. "We're closed!" you yelled, glancing over at the main entrance to the inn to ensure that the door was still locked and bolted.

The knocking came again, this time with less force and urgency. Fuck's sake. You strode quickly across the room carrying your lantern and unbolted the door, readying yourself to tell the visitor to be on their way in the politest way possible with the least amount of curse words.

"Strider!" your voice gave away your surprise as light fell upon the familiar ranger's face. "What are you-" you began to ask, but the question died on your lips as you took in the full sight of him. 

Blood caked the side of the man's face and cheek, running freely from an open head wound. He was panting as he leaned against the doorway of the Prancing Pony, as though the very act of standing upright was exhausting for him. The hand that hadn't been thumping on the door to get your attention was wrapped around his middle, and you could vaguely see his clothing was stained dark red where there were obviously further injuries. All in all, the ranger was a fucking wreck. He managed a weak smile, before staggering forwards over the threshold as his strength almost gave out.

You cursed aloud as you caught him, his dead weight landing in your already worn-out limbs. Gravity worked against you both as you heaved Strider's form into the main room. His head lolled as you shuffled him over to one of the nearest high-backed armchairs that lined the closest wall. "Don't you go leaving mess on this chair, you hear me Strider?" you gave him a good poke in the ribs, which caused him to groan with pain, but it brought him back to lucidity which was what you wanted. If you were up all night scrubbing his bodily fluids from the fabric of that chair, you might actually kill him. 

"Would I.. do that?" he spluttered as you hurried back to the door to bolt it shut again. 

As you crossed the room, your attention was drawn to something that glittered on the dark wood floor near the armchair where Strider was sitting; a small silver ring with a singular polished green emerald. It probably belonged to a punter who would come searching for it tomorrow. You quickly bent down and pocketed the trinket, before rounding on the ranger. 

"I'll not remind you of the last time you were here then, when you decorated my bedroom floor with the contents of your stomach," you said sarcastically. You stood in front of him with your hands on your hips, looking down at him like a mother would regard a scorned child. "Cleaning that up whilst you took a nap was a fucking delight. Won't forget that in a hurry, will I? Now, up with you, let's get you to a bed. You look like you fucking need it."

Strider groaned again, even more so when you started to heave him to his feet. With one of his arms slung over your shoulder, you awkwardly shuffled him towards the staircase, vaguely trying to recall the guest book entries and which rooms were free tonight. One of the hobbit-sized rooms would likely be free of disturbances for at least a week, but this option was discarded almost immediately; with Strider's stature, you'd have to line up all four beds together just to allow the ranger to lie horizontally. Not ideal. 

Just when you were considering which other bedrooms might be available, something caught your attention. A dampness was seeping into the fabric of your clothes where you were supporting the ranger, making the cloth stick to your skin. Strider was bleeding, and bleeding bad. Fuck. Panic setting in, you instinctively headed for the safety of your own room.

Once the door to your chamber was firmly shut, you rounded on the ranger. "What the fuck, Strider? What happened? Who did this to you?" you bombarded him with questions as you helped him remove the belongings he carried on his back, noticing how he swayed dangerously in the process. 

"It's nothing," he said with gritted teeth, tossing his pack down onto your bed. His hands shook as he fumbled with the clasp of the worn travel bag. 

"Do not bullshit me," you wrenched the bag from his grasp. "Sit."

Realising that you were not buying his attempt to brush off your concerns, Strider lowered himself to the edge of the bed, wincing as he settled on the mattress. You watched as he held his breath for a couple of seconds before exhaling with his eyes closed. Clearly whatever injury he was sporting underneath those travel-stained and blood-soaked garments was giving him a lot of pain. Your brain was in full panic mode, trying to decide what to do for the best. There was a doctor in town, but he lived on the opposite side of Bree. If you ran, perhaps you could get Strider the help he so desperately needed. "I'll go get-“

"No," Strider barked, seemingly reading your mind. "If you want to help me, find my healing kit. Green leather pouch," he clarified as you began to sift through the bag. You soon located the item, handing it over to the ranger. If it weren't for the gravity of the situation, you might have made some comment about the distinct Elvish look and feel about it, the fine stitching and intricate embroidery on the front giving away its origins.

Strider hastily unbound the kit and grabbed one of the many small vials, tearing out the cork stopper with his teeth and consuming the contents in one large gulp. Tossing the empty vial to one side, he then picked up a small leather packet which was no bigger than his palm. He shrugged off his travelling cloak before attempting to remove his overcoat. Seeing how much he strained, you stepped forward to help him, pulling off his coat and shirt as delicately as you could manage.

Fuck, there's so much blood. You stared, wide-eyed and frozen, your jaw hanging open like an insect trap as the man in front of you poked and prodded his own flesh. A giant gash ran from his ribcage to the top of his hip. It looked deep. You weren't unused to seeing blood; the Pony had seen its fair share of brawls that had ended with bloodied noses and fists. But this was different. Worse, even. This lesion had been inflicted by a weapon, perhaps a knife or dagger that had sliced through the ranger's skin. So much blood. You continued to gape as he finished examining himself and opened the small leather pouch he had been gripping in his palm, revealing a needle and thread.

"I need a clean cloth and water," Strider murmured.

Realising that he intended to literally stitch himself back together, you finally unfroze from the shock of seeing his injury. "Have you lost your fucking mind? This isn't an infirmary, Strider. You need a doctor!" You were almost shouting. Shit, maybe if you had ignored him and ran across town to the physician's house, you would be halfway back with help by now.

Strider looked at you with exasperation. Fuck. Whether you liked it or not, there was an injured man in your bedroom, and clearly he was a help me or don't, that's fine type of patient. You quickly went to your cupboard, retrieving a couple of clean face cloths, followed by a bowl of water filled from your water jug. Your hands shook as you dipped the fabrics in the bowl and handed one to the ranger. He groaned under his breath as he pressed one of the cloths to his own skin, wiping away the excess blood that continued to weep from the wound. The material came away crimson, but the wound seemed no cleaner than it was before.

You sighed loudly before kneeling in front of him. The sight of the ranger struggling to tend to himself tugged at your heartstrings. You might have scorned him, shouted at him, but he was still Strider. He was still the ever-so-slightly hunky, weather-beaten ranger who you often thought about even when he wasn't around. Taking one of the damp cloths, you grimaced as you set to work cleaning the wound, wringing out the material in the bowl of water between every stroke. Strider took out his needle and attempted to thread it, yet his hands still quaked uncontrollably. You put him out of his misery by taking the sharp silver implement from his grasp and completing the task for him. He glanced at you apologetically. "You're going to have to do it for me."

You blinked at him. "Me? Strider, I can barely sew a button, there's no way-"

"You have to," he choked.

"I can't." Your eyes started to sting as tears threatened to escape.

Strider gripped your hand. "You must. I'll tell you exactly what to do. Please," his final word was barely a whisper. 

You cursed aloud. Curse Strider and his inability to act like a normal man. Curse his wandering nomadic ranger lifestyle that meant he drifted in and out of your life whenever he felt like it. Curse this rotten situation that you found yourself in; you should be tucked up in bed after a hard day's work, and yet you were about to quite literally stitch a ranger back together. Curse it all.

"Okay, fine." Resolved to the fact that he wasn't going to take no for an answer and he clearly needed medical help, you swallowed the giant lump in your throat and took the needle from his hand once more. "What do I do?" 

Strider laid himself down on your bed and began to instruct you on how to stitch his wound. Start in the middle, work towards the edge. Push the needle through, not too far. Bend and loop through to the other side. You were morbidly impressed that he managed to give out his directions through gritted teeth; maybe that meant he had a ridiculously high pain tolerance. If your roles were reversed, you were pretty sure you would be screaming in agony with each jab of the needle, especially if the hands holding it were as inexperienced as your own.

Eventually you had stitched half of the open wound, and you asked Strider how to tie off the thread as you finished the final suture. There was no response. You glanced up to the head of the bed and saw Strider's eyes had closed. "Hey!" you poked him in the ribs once more. "No falling asleep, not until I'm finished," you said firmly. And not until you've checked what I've done to you is satisfactory, you added inwardly. Who knows if the stitches you had put in would actually hold.

"Sorry," Strider mumbled. "The vial I drank.. was for pain relief. A side effect is drowsiness. I should have warned you.." His eyes opened and closed slowly as he fought the effects of the medicine he had ingested. Eventually he stilled, his chest rising and falling slowly as he slipped into unconsciousness. 

Great. You were now on your own, and the job was only half finished. There was still the cut to his head to examine, too. Fucking great. 

You took a deep and shaking breath, before starting back on stitching the remains of the wound. It was going to be a very long night.

[ll-but-its-random]

You know what it is

Nine: So, we're gathered here today for a very special reason and I'm sure you'll all agree with me on this. Nine: and if you don't, well f*ck you. Nine: Yes, I'm looking at you, Five. You jealous mop. --- Ella: How is spring not everyone’s favorite season? The trees are PINK, guys! Sarah: Allergies are also a problem, y'know. Ella: But pink. six: And it's hot. Ella: PINK! --- Sam: So the burn on my hand the other day hurt so I put a band aid on it. Sam: Does it make sense to put a band aid on a wound that isn't open? No, but it makes me feel better, so screw first aid. --- Someone: State your name, rank, and intention. Eight: Eight, Eight, fun. --- Ella: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange? Marina: Which came first, the orange or the orange? Sam: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago. Eight: What was the color called before then? Nine: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white --- Lucas: Forgive me Father, for I have sinny-sin-sinned. --- Isabela, in a room with Five, Einar, and Caleb: It’s calm in here. Isabela: It scares me… --- Nigel: *carrying several water bottles at once* Ran: What's going on. Kopano: Nigel wasn't drinking enough water. Ran: So... Kopano: So Taylor challenged him to see how much he can drink. Nigel: 16 OUNCES IN 10 SECONDS B*TCHES --- Einar: Five, why does your bucket list have ‘Die’ on it? five: So I can die feeling at least a little bit accomplished. --- Sam: Define 'dream'. John: Dream- the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works. --- Kelly: We need to find a way to cut our expenses. What can we live without? Adam: Ivan, probably.

[diamondzoey]

Mafia!Sammy looking at Azren: Azren, how do I get vengeance on those who have forsaken me?

Mafia!Azren: aww, I’m sorry little buddy, but the best revenge is letting go.

Mafia!Sammy: your answer disappoints me.

Mafia!Azren: sorry buddy.

Mafia!Sammy looks at Calamity: Calamity

Mafia!Calamity who was asleep: umm…I..uh…

Mafia!Sammy: Well?

Mafia!Azren who has a smile on his face but has a dark aura around him: Yes Calamity, please give us your HONEST answer.

Mafia!Calamity: daa…umm… *Looks at his hand which has writing on it* the best vengeance is forgiveness.

Mafia!Azren looks at Sammy: see buddy everybody agrees.

Mafia!Sammy:…That’s not your real answer is it Calamity?

Mafia!Calamity: yeah you’re right.

Mafia!Azren looks at Calamity: I’m sorry!?

Mafia!Calamity looks at Sammy: how big are they

Mafia!Azren: why do you need to-

Mafia!Sammy: roughly a head and a half taller than I am

Mafia!Calamity: but theoretically if folded correctly they can fit in a gallon bucket with some space to spare?

Mafia!Sammy: indeed, with the proper amount of cuts administered they would.

Mafia!Azren wondering how Sammy knows that: The f*ck

Mafia!Sammy: you thought about this a fair amount haven’t you Calamity?

Mafia!Calamity: more often than I’d like to admit in front of present company, but yes.

Mafia!Sammy: understandable, likewise.

Mafia!Calamity: Weapon of choice?

Mafia!Sammy: A metal bat with bar wire around it

Mafia!Calamity: ooo~, fun choice, I like that.

Mafia!Calamity looks at Azren: Me and Sammy are going on a field trip. *Walks out the door with Sammy following him

Mafia!Azren chasing after them: like f*cking heLL you are!!!

(What do you think the aftermath would look like?, also you can continue this if you want)

————————

The bugs in this one

Azren/calamity- @strayharmony943

Sammy- @ccstiles

[ask-a-bot]

Prime. I promised Starscream I would have a word with you, and I have full intention of honoring that promise. Be grateful that I am currently ill, and couldn’t muster up an entire lecture because my head feels like someone has shoved a knife into it, and I subsequently don’t have the energy.

Also, I feel like the Bucket guy and their Seeker siblings beat me to it.

First order of business:

Could this situation really not have been approached differently? Preferably in a way that didn’t risk triggering a Panic Attack in Starscream? He’s incredibly emotionally attached to that spider and was already in a state of extreme distress. If it had been me in that position, I wouldn’t have been able to breathe due to the panic.

Also: do not take the spider away from him. I understand why you feel like it might be necessary, but the long term affects on Star’s mental health would be negative. I know for a fact I never recovered when it happened to me.

Lastly:

No. That just sounds unhealthy to me.

I understand your perspective, and I understand you were in a difficult position. But my priority is Starscream. I’m not expecting any grand gestures, or long winded apologies. Just… just go sit in the corner. If the kids have to sit there when they f☆ck up, so do you.

Alright. I’ve said my piece. I’m going to go nurse my damn headache now, hopefully I’ll never have to do this again.

Cullen out 💤

Cullen.

I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering.

I admit that I didn't handle that well, but if you'd seen the state Megatron was in at the time, you might appreciate why I... why my judgement was somewhat impaired.

Looking again at Starscream's repeated pleas for his pet's life hurts my spark. He's never even begged for his own life like that. I did apologise to him – profusely – once we were alone in his room. I explained to him that I won't harm Rust and that Megatron just needed to believe the house was a giant spider-free zone.

I want to make it up to him but I don't know how just yet. Maybe I could take him out to get Rust a better enclosure or some other present.

Rest assured, Rust isn't going anywhere.

Megatron has warned Starscream that he can't control his fear and that, now it's been severely triggered, he is likely to kill Rust if he sees him. Starscream understands and will keep him safely hidden away. Megatron is gonna stay away from Star's room. That should solve everything, providing Rust doesn't get loose (I hope he doesn't).

Look, how am I supposed to react to stuff like that? Do you have any idea what "eat my skidplate" means? The gesture that went with it made me see red. I apologise, but you might understand if you knew what he was saying to me and if you saw what he did as he said it. Made me feel sick to the fuel tanks!

You... you want me to go sit in the corner? Do you really think that's necessary? Well... OK. But only if you'll have a little talk with Starscream about the stuff he gets up to, because... he could get himself seriously hurt if he tries that with the wrong guy – and I'm not talking the violence I implied in my response.

Truly, I hope you feel better soon. I suspect you wanted an apology and not for me to try to explain myself.

Seriously, I do apologise. I will try not to react to Starscream's... behaviour issues. But there are things that get under my plating and he's good at finding them in people.

OK. Well. I think I've said plenty. I'll go sit in the corner for ten minutes. That's twice the longest time I've made Star sit there.

[hanahaki-ghost]

Howdy howdy folks,

So I have some stuff I’m working on right now and currently have finals weeks upon me but, in between or in May before I finally buckle down and stop getting distracted from TSoH planning what AU would you like to know more about or just see more art of

This does not mean you cannot send asks about AUs feel free to I love to info dump about them and feel free to give suggestions about what specifically you want to see from these AUs, weather it’s specific characters designs for it or just info tid bits

And for those who don’t know TSoH stand for The Soldiers of Hate(I just don’t like typing it every time I refer to it)

[mbrainspaz]

been at the lake for 2 hours and my conservative gay uncle is already back on that capitalist bullshit. I appreciate his intention was to help me brainstorm ways to navigate my latest job/living crisis (in which the rich people are once again f*cking me over for doing the best at my job it's possible to do) but he strayed off the mark when he said 'there are jobs you could do for more money' and I said, 'oh? Do tell. I'll take one.' And of course he can't name any jobs paying a livable entry level wage. We'd just been talking about how all the jobs I've interviewed for in my field have been offering $17 max.

But okay—I'll do anything. I don't care what I have to do for 8-10 hours a day anymore as long as it pays enough to live (and isn't causing harm to others). He essentially goes, 'but an advantage of your current job is that it's fun.' Bruuuuuuh. I don't think there are many jobs outside of farm & ranch that pay so little for so much back breaking work. Probably mining. Some construction jobs. I heard railway inspectors have to walk about as much as I do, but I'm pretty sure they make more.

But you know there's no way I'm ever going to convince my corporate CEO uncle that what I do on the daily is one of the most grueling jobs on the planet because it's horsies, right? It's fuuuun. omg so fun. I love shoveling 3 tons of manure daily in 120 degree summers. I love dumping carrying dozens of 100 pound buckets because our equipment broke down again. I love walking 12 miles while getting eaten alive by mosquitos. I love trudging through rivers in lightning storms in the middle of the night. I love casually risking life and limb to calm a panicking horse.

I mean, I do kinda love it, but not because it's 'fun' or 'easy.' I love it because it's metal. I could probably make more as a barista if there were a coffee shop that'd give me enough hours, which apparently there isn't because lots of my friends have tried that already and they're just as broke as I am.

I tried to tell my uncle the only friends I have who're making a living are the ones who inherited either a house or a job from their company owning dad. He mentioned 'working my way up' in a company and I nearly fell off the bar chair laughing. Dude I'm litterally in the process of getting punished by corporate for doing The Most And Best Work at my job for two years.

Then he had to top it off by telling me my comic is a hobby and if it's costing me money I can't afford to do it and should just quit.

Oh like... my passion project? The main thing that's given me the will to keep living through most of the last 7 years? That comic? For f*ck's sake man.

He wasn't even done there! He decided to go for the jackpot of Bad Life Advice with, "well you should consider getting rid of your dogs then."

"The dogs I've had for almost 10 years that also give me the will to live and have been my best friends and companions through it all?"

"You can make new friends."

Anyway, I'm chilling in my hideout in the attic now and I'll probably be here for most of the next 4 days. Gonna try to finish one more page of my comic before the year is over and my life fully goes back to broke hobo mode.

[little-watcher]

It’s pitiful, really. That you think you can do any of that. How does the saying go? You can’t pour for an empty bucket or some such. You’ll never get anywhere like this, little watcher.

fu ck of f. i ca n pr otect the m perf ectly fi ne. i hav e thi s lo ng. i ts fi ne. scr ew yo u.

[yin-yun]

@lookismaddict Bro i got another dream of gun just last night, istg that this man is really haunting me 💀

Story time:

Ok it started like last time i wake up in a room (the same f#cking room 🤡) it was morning this time im wearing a kimono a different design it was like a brown color the design is like a branch of petals with different shades of orange, blue and dark brown to black it was pretty, but back to the story the kimono was covering me but my shoulder was exposed i was covered with bandages and there where some exposed bruises abd black spots, i saw the door slide open and a girl come in she was around 16-14 yrs old she was carrying a bucket of water and a towel, i had assumed that she was a maid cuz of the clothes she was wearing and what she was carrying, i was right about that cuz she said to me is "my lady im glad your ok!!!!" she cried "the master is an @sshole for doing that to you" while she said that angrily i was so confused on who this girl is, as she continues "so what if you talked to that prince of Seoul, the prince is WAY better that him, i hope master d!e in a the most clueless way possible for the thing that he have done to you!!!" i was nervous to say the lest but she didnt noticed, she was business cussing that "master" guy, when i calmed down a bit i ask "who are you, and what happened?" she looked at me as she was calming down and said "you must have forgotten like the other time this had happend" as she told everything to me that had happened, I'll give y'all a summary of this

first of all WTFFFFFFF IM GUN'S F#CKING WIFEEEEE his WIFE i rather D!E then become his wife i assume that i was his concubine or something because of last time but NOOOOO I HAD TO BE HIS WIFE, OF F#CK SAKE

second I WAS IN A COMA FOR MONTH AND HALF i was not surprised about that, im getting side tracked here i'll continue

After that i learned her name was Nana and she was one of my personal maids and i also learned that the prince she mentioned was Daniel and that we where friends, in her story she said that me and gun are in a ball or some celebration and lot of different kingdom where there, i was close with Daniel cuz we went to the sa school as children, and she also said the my father was the grandduke of Seoul Empire.

idk if y'all want me to continue but i'll leave it at that.

P.S thanks for reading this (≧∇≦)/

[bronzecats]

Lyrics below the read more:

(Heh. This is ridiculous.)

One of me is my enemy the other me is a pretty cool guy but I haven't seen him around lately we don't see eye to eye

There's too much noise and too much spit but I think I've gotten the hang of it or at least I thought I did until you up and kicked the bucket (Wait! I mean... oh, f*ck it)

(Would you just get out of here? I'm trying to concentrate!)

What do you see in him? What could I say to convince you not to hop his way? I've never been too good at the ebb and sway much prefer the electrical current

The bees are buzzing in my mind that double crossing and two-timing (get it?) prospectors pan shifting through sand searching for a golden nugget

Little brains build little bridges trying to connect, but I'm already on the other side, you'd know a lot about that, right? I'm twice the man as he is, I'll work for you double-time

Would that be fine?

:D *SNARKY WHISTLE BREAK!* :D

(C'mon seriously?)

Of course it's fine.

(Okay, cut it out. That's it. I'm serious. No whistling.)

Primarily, I'm primary though some may say I'm incomplete and should be in a jar label me "DO NOT EAT"

Hope has struck me in the face and with his ace of clubs he shoved me back into the race cause second place still wins a trophy

I might have overheated, now remind me how I died, was it my motherboard, or just my RAM? Now I've found a player two in you, I'm glad I fried, I'm using every second that I can of Double Time, Double Time...

Double trouble bursting bubbles Where you go I'll follow Hollow-eyed and now I'm fine I'm only making up for lost time

Tick and tock and red and blue The colours and the sounds I never knew When they were all I saw Now sightless-eyed and empty-jawed

Double Time...

(...Oh geeze, what is it now? Okay, here. Give it over here. You're just making it worse.

But don't bug me anymore unless it's an emergency, okay?...)