#Explaining all this to anyone who havent experienced severe depression is also basically impossible lol
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Mom, who have no idea how I am on a daily basis: please go out and shovel snow off your porch!
Me, who have been avoiding going outside and people at any time the last year: (:
#miranda talking shit#Not just pandemic situations but like... Going on walks and buying food and stuff#Ive only left my house to go to the hospital and to buy food a handful of times its concerning lmao#Mom thinks ive been going outside on walks like i do during summer at home ... No mama im isolating myself and feeling like trash thats all#Im meant to come along to grocery shop with my home help but ive been sending them out alone 9/10 times since this autumn#Only time i somewhat feel motivated to go is if oliver is going but he have only had my shopping twice in the year I've had them#At least i.... Am awake at the time ? Like i could just go back to sleep and let them go but i take my meds and try to get up#I miss seeing friends.... One of my two friends from my city moved away for study this autumn so i am like well dang#Explaining all this to anyone who havent experienced severe depression is also basically impossible lol#Its eady to just say 'but just do it (:' when you genuinely have to use so much mental energy to even eat... Keep up ones hygiene ... Do#Basic chores... Its deppressing how much willpower i use to just do the minimum and it still looks like im just bein lazy#I wish i had my mental capacity as my brother so i could just play video games 12 hours per day and basically be happy with that#I love video games but i feel guilty playing them because its not productive so instead i just lay in bed and zone out#My brother is the biggest stain and liability to society and everything one shouldnt be but he actually can do it without feeling guilt#Hes probably also autistic and definitely got hdhd but my emotional intelligence and awareness of others is the biggest thing dividing us#And anxiety i guess is a problem for me and not him. Then you know he basically mentally abused me growing up because he took out all anger#On me who was 6 yrs younger than him so now im here and hes ... There#Its almost funny how the most 'failed' child of us siblings is probably the most content with their life and less likely to off themselves#My sister got a family but im fairly sure shes somewhat unhappy with being a mother. She never wanted that life#And my oldest brother is... Well i guess hes me in man form to some extent. Hes definitely deppressed and havent finished high school etc#But he's still ... Trying ? Doing work and stuff and last couple of years hes very into gardening...#And then theres me ... I guess that im the only one getting 'the help' i deserve bc i have personally basically wanted to get diagnosed (':#All us siblings are just fucked one way or another ... Wish i didnt get the deppression etc part. Mental illness really runs wild in my fam#I love my mom but damn... She really came from an deppressed/bipolar dad and schizophrenic/autistic mom ... And then mom got kids with an#Shit who probably got add and something else but of course with a ton of unresolved family trauma which he then put his own kids through#All families have their issues ... But i dont really have one in anything but name and its filled with mentally ill people who can't adjust#To this society. Some people should not have biological kids... My family is part of thay group...#Negative
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