#Everytime I'm like ''i don't actually care that much I shouldn't be so negative'' I remember that Gege treats disabled characters like shit

[trans-leek-cookie]

so kusakabe and higuruma Megumi and fucking MEI MEI can survive but Mechamaru Nanako Mimiko and Mai had 2 die. Alright.

[abearinthewoods]

Hi, I have in fact ended up on this page from velvetvexations reblogging you to mock you, so you've got that right lol

And scrolling through your blog for a while I agree with almost all you're saying, but I'm left with two questions I'm really curious about, and I hope you do take them in good faith

Why do you describe yourself as, as you said in that post, MRA? I kinda get both people being extremely wary of hearing that term *and* wanting to reclaim it, since yeah, "men's rights activist" shouldn't be an inherently bad thing to be, but it does associate you with a specific movement that was actually really shitty, and did way more to be sexist to women that to even address the actual issues men face - which you genuienly do! That's the reason it perplexes me. In my country there's a really cool charity that works for men's rights while making it known that it's working for equality and not what the MRA movement wants - and while a lot of people do hate them just because they don't care about men at all, like, I've seen their subreddit - it's an extremely toxic environment that very much supports the same structures that do oppress men.

And second question, what do you mean when you tag your posts with "anti feminism"? I haven't seen a post when you talk about it more, sorry if I've missed that, but it shows up in your tags a lot and I think may be the other reason people are fast to dismiss you. Because, yeah, the general feminist movement has a fuck ton of flaws, and a lot of it is way closer to radical feminism than the people involved would like to admit. The theory behind it, the central idea is about equality, and there are a lot of people who still do care about it though. I generally consider "the purpose of a system is what it does" a good rule, and I'm certainly not opposed to critiquing the current feminist movement, but calling it "anti feminism" specifically does sound more like opposing the core idea, and it is what usually people mean when saying they are anti feminism . It didn't seem, reading your posts that you're against actually treating women equally, so why do you choose to use a term that does imply that? It feels kinda hypocritical if you discard the whole movement/idea, but still align yourself with the MRA movement when it's even further from ideal

Again, I'm asking this out of genuine curiosity. Sorry if you've discussed it before, I didn't manage to find it, but I also haven't scrolled too terribly far.

I get why people dismiss you, but I don't think that's fair. I'd be really happy to see more of your point of few

Context: https://abearinthewoods.tumblr.com/post/768152067433021440/everytime-misandrist-assholes-like

This ask has three parts:

Why do I call myself an MRA given the connotations™?

Simple, the connotations were always bullshit. I have been posting on reddit about men's issues since obama's first term. (and arguing about it among school since the bush administration) People have always had an *idea* about what a mra is about before they ever meet one. Reactionary people (as in reacting negatively out of impulse to the basic concept of men's equality or caring about misandry) have an even stronger idea. It infects how they see the entire movement and how they interpret our words. They read this bias into everything we write, and it doesn't matter what we say or how we say it, its always some how coming from a place of misogyny.

We want to end the male only draft because it re-enforces harmful gender roles and male disposablity? Clearly its just an excuse to imagine women dying on the front line if we actually cared about men instead of using it as some excuse for hating women, we'd fight to end the draft altogether. We want to call out misandry among women? Clearly we are just neckbeard losers who can't get laid and are lashing out at women. Want to address male rape? No if we didn't hate women we would fight against rape culture and rape of women so that there would be time for men's victimization. We want to discuss our experiences being discriminated against? No, clearly we just want to drown out women's voices. Accused of claiming women oppress men, or of hating women. Interrogated with questions to prove we aren't trying to dismiss or take away from xyz "real" oppression.

Hey wait a moment, this is starting to sound like the transmasc oppression discourse. You can take any post of a trans man talking about why they use transmisandry and transandrophobia instead of what ever assholes on tumblr tell them to use and transplant that post on to my answer to the question of why I call myself an mra and not a feminist.

I'm not interested in preforming my gender advocacy under the banner of feminism, and I am not interested in giving way to people operating in (sometimes subconscious) bad faith misreading our posts to fit the ideals in their head by changing what words I use to advocate for myself or my gender to fit their biases. Its pointless because subconsciously what a lot of them object to is the advocacy in general. They are so clearly doing it to trans men now that anybody who has been paying attention on tumblr shouldn't be blind to what I'm talking about. Is it really that farfetched to some of that which was directed at trans men's advocacy was directed at cis men's advocacy?

The rest of it, the bad apples, i consider to be a counter part to something that exists in feminism. We have our terfs you have your terfs. We have our tradcons, you have your radfems. A lot of the most "known" MRAs are just the most viral who are only viral because they are controversial and get shared via ragebait. (To the point that even the less reactionary/hatefilled MRA influencers admit to dipping into ragebait just to compete. (i'm people)).

I think MRA in particular should be protected because I found it at 4th grade. it was the obvious set of words. This would be y2k bug panic year 2000 pre reddit, google, youtube, tate, peterson 4th grade me. Its a descriptor. it can not ever be allowed to be anything else. In the name of every boy who will naturally stumble upon it after facing sexism against themselves and waking up to the concept of sexism against men like I did.

Why do I tag posts anti-feminism given I seem to genuinely be for gender equality for both genders?

One reason I do it for is to normalize criticizing feminism. Its gotten way too easy to dismiss as originating from misogyny or bad faith something or another. That needs to change.

But on a bigger note, I do consider myself a kind of anti-feminist.

I think feminism has gotten too comfortable having a presumption of the moral high ground that it does not analyze its own biases about men.

A big example of what I mean is how feminism will all too often try to theory craft some gender stereotype and harmful trope filled reason for why men do xyz thing and what I need you understand is that from my position, this theorycrafting is itself an expression of bigotry. Manspreading being casted as a "patriarchal signal of domination over public spaces"? How the fuck is that not just 100% stereotype fueled bigotry? Men spread their legs in the train more than women because parents teach only girls to cross their legs (for mostly dress reasons). Not because we are operating out some malicious desire to dominate the world. Jesus fuck. It is anxiety inducing to know feminists are looking at your actions under this kind of light purely because of your gender.

There is also the issue with how feminism's way of looking at the sexism issue actually contributes to misandry. I'm referring to the obsession with privilege and "oppression" as class descriptors and how this is used to excuse "punching up" or denying men access to services they also need, its just women need a bit more. I consider this to be a core aspect to the overall ideological identity of feminism that opposing it is essentially opposing feminism as it currently exists.

The path forward is to remove the concept of oppression and privilege and patriarchy and all the petty dick measuring and bullshit excuses about "punching up" they entail from the conversation. I think this is required to move forward on gender equality. Anybody who has seen how the same fucking arguments mras were having 16 fucking years ago about the existence and validity of misandry as a concept and term, are playing out on the transmisandry tag can plainly see by now the oppression olympics have done more harm than good. Its time to stop.

Allowing this way of looking at gender issues to exist in the culture zeitgeist harms men. I read a post on here about a guy who got SA'ed in highschool because someone made his ride back home contingent on, well, things. He mentioned how he didn't have a cell phone to call his parents for a ride home but his younger sister did, specifically so something like that wouldn't happen to her. Because of this us vs them oppressed vs privileged bullshit he was not given a tool to prevent sexual assault his younger sister got.

Nope, no more. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. I will except no less moving forward.

Aren't I a hypocrite for doing both at the same time given I'm trying reclaim the MRM from the connotations set by the worse while holding feminism to the worst?

Here's the difference. When I find out somebody calls themselves a feminist, I don't assume things about them, laugh at their face, make some flippant remark based on my ideals about feminism, or even make them prove what kind of WRA (Women's rights advocate/activist) they are. I watch, listen and let them demonstrate what that means to them.

Be mindful of the distinction between The movement(the waves, etc), the general concept(anti-sexism), the ideology(the theory and written work), and the people who are associated by means of either of the three (feminists).

And lets be real. Feminism sits in the culture limelight, the men's movement does not. Feminism has the sway within corporate culture and mainstream political ideals to actually harm men when its misandry is allowed go unchecked. Meanwhile the MRM is listed as a hate group by organizations that command respect purely because of the existence of the same types of bitter hate filled vocal minority. This listing subtly hinders any men's advocacy, because, as i've said, Men's rights Advocate/Activist, is a *descriptor*. Like Civil Rights Activists or Women's Rights Activists. When you tie that strong of a negative connotation to a descriptor people will have a hard time differentiating between what ADL and SPLC are talking about and men's advocacy (what the the descriptor points to) in general. This can not be allowed to remain the status quo. It has to be pushed back against.

If feminism as a whole starts getting listed as a hate group because of "the worst of the worst" members by orgs with a lot of respect around the world and this hinders feminism's ability to gain any traction or do any advocacy for women calling me out for hypocrisy would start to become a fair cop.

One final note, I'm not even defining feminism by the worst of the worst. That once piece of shit radfem with her male tears coffee mugs aren't the standard i'm judging feminism by. The countless men and women who took to twitter to defend her right to have said mug and mocked any man who objected to it, is. The feminist leaning major publications that were pushing articles defending it as punching up and mocking any man who dared to express his emotions about it as a fragile wittle wite male, are. They (sadly) define feminism more than intersectionists on tumblr do. (as does Jezebel mag bragging about their staffers domestically abusing men) Ps: saturnian-catboy, I hope this helps you view my prospective a bit better. I could write for ever on the topic of feminism. thats why i got this blog, so i'm sure there are points i'll punch my self for forgetting. thank you for the kind words about my blog. I appreciated them.

[aesopsbaby]

Sup, hope u doin well. Could I get 500 special? The kins are : Kris (deltarune), max (camp camp), Larry (Sally face), karkat (homestuck), shinso (mha), Edgar (bungo stray dogs), suna (haikyu), Norton (idv), venti (genshin impact) and husk (hazbin hotel). I am intp, tran boi who is unfortunately also bisexual. Thx and have great day

500 followers Special:Calling people out for their kins >:))

Request:5/10

You've always felt that you're not good enough. That you'll always be the "second choice".

You blame yourself,for everything. Even if it isn't your fault entirely,you still shoulder all the responsibilities.

You shouldn't have to feel the need to blame yourself for any minor mistakes.

You always lose to that one person and it makes you so helpless,you constantly berate yourself over it and you are just filled with self-hatred.

No one ever told you that it's okay. No one ever told you they care for you. Or you've just never heard it much.

Why do you feel the need to take the blame? Could it be your form of coping? In order for others to not feel hurt,you take the blame. You get hurt for them. And that's alright for you because as long as others are happy,then you're fine.

But in reality,you aren't. You've bottled up all your emotions and every now and then,all those emotions just comes pouring out and you start to fall apart. But even then,no one ever showed you any care nor affection. So you grew up thinking you never deserved it.

Therefore,because of that,everytime you are showed affection,you get shocked and tense because you just don't know how to react to it.

Rest. Take a break,you deserve it <3

What's your sleep schedule like-?

You gives amazing advice to others but you are never able to use those advice for yourself.

You have such a negative image of yourself,you see yourself so differently from others and you overall just hate yourself. But really,you just hate the image you created,not you.

Who hurt you-

Anger issues ✅

You just want to get better at handling your emotions,you despise how you act.

Trust me,you're doing well and I'm proud of you ♡

You've never had someone tell you they believe in you nor that they are proud of you. If someone tells you something like that,you'll never be able to believe it because they are just "lying".

Trust issues as well 📈📈📈 You push people away because you just can't wrap your mind around the fact that someone actually is willing to care for you and stay with you. You can't believe that someone would actually love you for you.

Gifted kid burnt out,huh? :(( You're enough,stop thinking otherwise.

Constantly in a state of "I'm about to lose my shit right now."

You grew up way too fast and always feel the need to be mature. You never let yourself rest.

Ah yes. Mother Mother,free therapy.

You constantly put on a chill or happy facade,in order to push everyone and their worries away so no one has to be "bothered by you". You don't feel sad anymore,but rather tired and dull. You don't feel anything.

You don't even know who you really are anymore. You've put up with those front for so long that everything doesn't feel real.

You just wish everything could go back to the way you loved. You hold onto the little bit of the past you missed so much that it hurts.

You also seem like someone who would love The Front Bottoms music,,,

I would have recommend Mccafferty's music but,,,we all know what happened,,,<\3

You don't feel special,and you don't think you'll ever do.

I'm here if you need me and I hope you know that so many people believe in you ♡ You can achieve your goals and even if you can't,we're all still so very proud of you.

[backslashdelta]

just for the record I have never not wanted to hear you talk about the things you enjoy. also I've been thinking lately about tumblr as a platform and how, while i love the loyalty to the chronological feed, it does mean that things can get lost in the shuffle - if I post something when other people happen to not be online, it won't get attention even if people totally would have liked it/interacted with it if they saw it. so that's just to say that you shouldn't feel weird about reblogging your own things - that's something that I've been thinking I should do more often, and that creators in general should feel free to do! even if I've already seen a post of yours, I will probably be more than happy to see it again.

Thanks! This is a really sweet message, and I appreciate it very much 🥰

Like logically I know that some people want to hear the things I have to say and see the things I need to show, and I've never posted anything that hasn't been shown at least a little bit of love, so I even have evidence to back it up.

But also the fact of the matter is that there are people who don't want to hear me – or anyone else, for that matter – talk about certain things. And that's not actually a problem! That's totally fine! There are things that I don't really care to hear other people talking about, either. That's why we can filter tags, and use that as a way to keep following people and ignore the things they post about that we either dislike or are otherwise just indifferent about.

And like obviously I'm not suggesting that's a bad thing, I enthusiastically encourage people to filter whatever they want and curate their online space, and I do that as well. It's just that I also know for a fact that there are people who follow me and I follow them who don't want to see me talk about that certain ship, or that particular character, who don't want to see my art or gifsets or read my fanfic or whatever.

I literally cannot stress enough that this isn't a bad thing. The point of fandom is to be able to engage with the things that interest you, and ignore the things that don't. But I've personally felt, since a young age, that the things I liked weren't interesting to other people, and so I should keep them to myself. Tumblr has helped with that mindset, but my initial reaction to knowing someone wants to specifically avoid something I like, especially if they're a friend, is to feel like I should keep it to myself in general, even though I know other people do enjoy it. I think it's partly a result of how conflict-averse I am. It's not even a conflict, but I just don't want to ruffle any feathers or annoy anyone and have to come anywhere close to a conflict, so it's easier to just shut up about it.

I don't know. There are places that I've wanted to share certain things, but I don't because I talk myself out of it thinking that nobody will care. And part of that is true, they won't; there's no point in me sharing a fic I wrote for ship X when everybody in the group likes ship Y and is either indifferent to or straight up dislikes ship X. But sometimes I wonder if those decisions are because it's just not the best place for it, or if I'm doing it from a place of fear and insecurity.

Ultimately, it's not a huge deal. I'm psycho-analyzing myself right now I guess, but I'm not that upset about this, and ultimately I do end up sharing my work and my thoughts and people do engage positively with the things I put out into the world and I've rarely gotten negative interactions, so I'd call that a win.

But I'll also probably continue to feel a little weird everytime I promote myself in some way. And I'll continue to warn people that they might not want to read my writing for xyz reason because I think there will always be at least a little part of me that has that thought in the back of my head that something that is self-indulgent to me must not be interesting to anyone else.

I still appreciate knowing you feel this way, though. And I'm sure you're not the only person who does, and Tumblr as a whole really is a huge help in trying to combat that mindset, so I appreciate everyone here who engages with me in this fandom space in any way. I appreciate you all, and this has just been me talking what may or may be a lot of nonsense but I'm just feeling weirdly... pensive? philosophical? melancholy? tonight.

[liquid-geodes]

Read at your own risk

Vent post, feel free to ignore. Pretty much just a summary of yesterday and how it's left me feeling today. Nothing you guys really care about but I guess I just also feel like I owe an explanation for why I'm so.. off these next few weeks. I don't mean to be too much of a buzzkill, or be too clingy, or too annoying trying to keep people around but it's just, a lot right now and I know that doesn't make it okay but I'm just-

There's a lot going on and it feels like I have absolutely no one to talk to who will actually get it because they're part of the situation and will also take the time to just listen

Like obviously I have mutuals who have listened already or even just asked if everything was okay, but it's just different when I know that nobody else in the world is going to know just how bad I'm hurting because they just aren't me

I honestly appreciated you two that were there and just listened, and I appreciate you who just asked if I was okay and reminded me that you were here for me

So yeah, the situation itself is pretty bad. But for some reason, the entire time I was sitting there I was just.. so numb to it? Like, I didn't have any feelings towards what was happening or anything even though this is maybe one of the most serious times in my life where I should just be incomprehensible and feeling everything about the situation.

But none of my negative feelings are about the situation, y'know the thing that matters like a LOT.

And I know that what I'm feeling isn't fear or something like that, because that part already came to pass last night, and even then I was afraid for all the wrong reasons.

But now I'm just filled with insurmountable guilt, I guess? Because things have already been strained between my parents for a long time, not to mention just how my mom has been lately mentally and physically. But the fact that it's yet another fight and, even though I'm technically not involved in the situation, I'm still a major reason people are mad at each other. And it's all because I was dragged into the situation and am having to face consequences for something I shouldn't.

And I guess my guilt really just ties back to the way I've always blamed their fighting on me: it's genuinely my fault they're even still together. Mom tried to leave him before when I was young, and yeah that fucked me up, I wanted to be back home where I had friends and both my parents and I wasn't just somewhere completely unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Understandably I was miserable, and that's the whole reason mom even decided to come back anyway, IM the reason she came back and stayed where she was unhappy. Like, that isn't a new thought for me. I have felt this way every single time there's been a fight, every single time mom's been upset and hurt by his words, every single day I think about how I fucked up my mom's chance at being happy. Pretty fucked up a third grader can even put things together like that huh?

But that's just how it's been ever since we came back. Now Everytime there's a fight or something goes wrong it just always leads back to "well this wouldn't be happening if you weren't here" and I think the worst part is that it's true... A lot of this WOULDNT be happening if I just, never existed...

So imagine how fucked up I have to be feeling inside now that, at 20 years old, the only thing I've heard recently is "if it weren't for you I would have killed myself a long time ago" so now I'm the only thing keeping my parent alive?? I'm now singlehandedly responsibly for the life of my own mother while simultaneously being the exact starting point and cause of why she's so unhappy and has been treated like shit and wants to die in the first place.

And I want to clarify: neither of my parents have EVER blamed me for being the cause of everything. But I'm not stupid. I know that if I had just shut up back then about not being happy and just not make my mom feel guilty for leaving everything would be FINE. I logically can not think of any other reason for things to have gone the way they did except for because of me.

And isn't that just a really fucked you thing to have to hear almost every single day?? How much stress that has to put on me because if I say the wrong thing or disagree with her in any capacity she might react like I don't love her and decide "hey you were the only reason I haven't killed myself, and now you're treating me like everyone else, guess I will proceed to kill myself and it's your fault now because hey, like I've said multiple times before, YOU are the only reason I put up with everything and even bother trying to live! Good luck living with yourself!"

I shouldn't have to be afraid to leave my mom home alone while she's upset because I have to go to work and can't be home to keep an eye on her. Like how absolutely FUCKED is it that every second of every day I'm having to fucking plan for what to do in case she fucking does it??

I'm physically incapable of giving a shit what happens to me anymore. Yeah I still get scared and afraid of however my dad will react because hey we can all agree it's big scary when someone loses their temper and screams at you. But that's it! Those situations have resolutions! They end and you finally don't have to dread waiting for it to happen anymore because it just happened! It's all this other stuff that I have no fucking idea if or when it'll even happen! And it's really fucked up! How could parents make their children feel this way! How can they acknowledge that what they're doing isn't good for you and still do it anyway!

IDK everything just has me feeling sick to my stomach, and my body wants to just cry... But my brain hasn't let me cry for me in a very long time... I don't get to be sad over my own issues, because hey you brought this on yourself by being the reason this dysfunctional marriage is still together

But youre allowed to cry over others and how the situation is affecting them, because while you don't really get to care about yourself or your own feelings anymore, you actually care a LOT about the people around you and THEIR feelings

I never knew it was possible to care so much yet be so numb at the same time....

[mytwistedhome]

Pomefiore and Ignihyde when they find out you have Anorexia

Trigger warning to anyone who suffers with an eating disorder!!

I decided to write these headcanons because I've been having a really tough two weeks, and thinking of the twst boys makes me happy...

I hope this can maybe bring comfort to someone else, or at least provide some bit of entertainment. My intention is not to cause harm or trigger anyone. That is the last thing I want.

Other dorms will be coming as well! I already started working on all of them, but I just haven’t finished them. They will most likely be posted the next time I have a bad day //

One more quick thing: I will be posting requests this week! I’ve already broken several promises that I made in regards to the time I’d post, and I feel horribly guilty. I’m sorry for the wait. I know I shouldn’t tell you to expect something on a certain day and then delay it for weeks. I should be honest about my efficiency, and I am sorry.

I'm also sorry for not responding to message (this applies to all my blogs...) I see them, but then forget about them, and then cower away because I feel like I'm already too late. I hope this little apology is enough to suffice... I'll apologize properly to every person when I find the courage. I know I shouldn't be doing this to people who've been kind to me just because I feel unwell. Please know that I am very sorry, and I'm trying to be more responsible and less careless to those around me.

💜

Vil Shoenheit

So that's why your skin is so dry and you have bags under your eyes

He scolds you at first. He believes that you’re starving to get a good figure, and he tries to inform you that doing so is unhealthy and that being malnourished actually makes a person quite ugly.

As if you haven’t already heard all this before

You try to tell him that you’re not doing this to look good. At least, not anymore. Sure, it started out as a way to lose weight, but it soon became an obsession much more meaningful than beauty or weight-loss.

He doesn’t understand. Why would you deliberately hurt yourself like that? Especially when you’re aware of all these negative outcomes?

Nevertheless, he is still very worried about you

He wouldn't normally concern himself with such a personal problem, but he would feel so guilty if he just stood back and watched you whither away

So, he does, indeed, go out of his way to try and help you

He finds a psychology book about eating disorders in the library, and he reads it in its entirety

He is... quite disturbed. He never imagined that you could be suffering so badly.

He's smart enough to realize that he, himself, can't do anything to make you better

He encourages you to seek professional help, and he even searches for phone numbers you can call and therapists/counselors close by of whom you can see

You are really touched by his efforts to find help, and you promise him that you will see one of the counselors he recommended

But... several weeks go by, and you haven't done anything

Vil grows furious. Don’t you want help!?

He takes your lack of seeking help rather personally... He went out of his way to provide with the things he felt that you really needed. Don’t you appreciate that? Don’t you care about yourself? What more do you want him to do?

You try to tell him that you don’t want him to do anything, that you’ll find help when you’re ready--

Vil isn’t buying that

What does “ready” mean, anyways? When you’re already in the grave?

He’s a bit harsh on you... He points out the patches of dry skin along your neck and chest, the way the hairs of your arms always stand on end from goosebumps, the metallic taste in your mouth...

Are you happy with those things? Do you really want to live this way?

You try and try to explain to him that it’s hard to get help and go back to eating normally

It spirals into an argument...

Vil is done with this. He did what he could and got you the resources you need to begin recovery. Once you decide to get help, he will be there for you. He will be there whenever you reach out for support, comfort, or care. But, until then, don’t talk to him about it. Don’t complain about your misery until you have sought proper help. It’s your fault at this point, isn’t it?

Rook Hunt

He had noticed that you were very quickly losing a lot of weight

He was concerned, but he never imagined that the problem could be something so serious

You're actually surprised with just how much he's concerned. You thought that if there was anyone to romanticize such a disease, it would be him

But he seems to know more than you thought about such disorders

He begs you to get professional help, and he is quite a bit more pushy and earnest than Vil is...

You try to explain to him that no doctor or therapist could ever help unless you were READY and WANTED to be helped

Well, he doesn't understand why you don't want help

He's pushing and pushing you... begging you to seek a professional

You get so frustrated that you turn and leave. He just doesn't understand!

And now Rook is even more distressed. How will he ever get through to you? How can he ever help you?

Now, every time he sees you, he looks at you with such sorrow

He sadly remarks upon how your beauty is fading... and how he fears that your life may be fading as well

Your heart aches to hear such sincere worry... Your chest feels tighter than it normally does as you crumble with guilt

You promise yourself you'll get better... Just so you won't have to see Rook with a horribly sad expression whenever he passes you

You start eating more in front of him to ease his worry, which does work a little bit

You add about 400 more calories to your usual intake--enough so that your "recovery" becomes visible through the way you bounce with energy

But you stay up late at night, running laps and doing situps to burn off some of that intake

And you keep losing weight

In fact, it's worse now because your body is aching from the unfamiliar intake and exercise...

Well, at least you look better

At least you have Rook fooled

Or so you think. It'll only be a matter of weeks before he catches onto your schemes and grows so distressed once again

He tries to sit you down and have a talk with you... He just really wants you to get help

Epel Felmier

Poor Epel finds out after he witnesses you collapsing in the middle of the hallway when no one else is around

He panics and rushes to your side, trying to see what is wrong and how he can help you

You blacked out for several seconds, which is why you collapsed, but even though you have your vision back, everything is still very cloudy and you are too weak to stand up

This makes Epel panic even more

You try to calm him down, despite your weakness

"it's okay, Epel...! Just get me something to eat. Please, I need something to eat. Hurry!"

He is a bit confused, but he does what you say, and he rushes off to find you some food

While he is gone, you try to stand, but to no avail. Your stomach aches with hunger and you are cold all over. Your body just feels so miserable

He rushes back to you with an apple and places his hands on your shoulders in concern as you quickly eat it down

That apple... It's the best thing you've ever tasted, but it's gone too quickly, and your mouth waters for more as the last bites slide down your throat

Although it was small, it still gives your body such a blissful burst of energy. All your senses are ignited now that you have finally eaten something after such a long fast, and your head is hurting far less

You stand up and smile at Epel, thanking him graciously before turning to leave

Uuuhhhhh.... What was that?

You suddenly collapse on the ground and then are all better after eating a simple apple?

No way is Epel going to let you go just like that. He holds you back, demanding an explanation, for it surely seems you know quite a bit about this bizarre thing that just happened

You try to tell him it's nothing, just a strange thing that happened this one time

Well, then, how did you know how to fix it by eating something?

You quickly lie and tell him you get dizzy sometimes and fall due to low blood sugar

Well, now your story is inconsistent

He presses you for the truth, growing rather angry

His harsh tone begins to scare you, and you tell him... You tell him that, sometimes, you go days without eating, and it of course causes you to grow so weary that you faint

You watch as all the frustration quickly rushes away from Epel's face, leaving his eyes wide and mouth hanging open in shock

"That... That's really unhealthy..."

Oh, great. Not this speech again

But, it actually isn't a lecture about how this is such a "dangerous diet"

Instead, Epel pours out all his concern with a sad look upon his face

He knows that he can't do much, but he assures you that you can come to him if ever things become too tough to handle

You're touched by his offer, and you thank him for his understanding

But, now, everytime he's around, he watches you with care to see if you're doing alright and to make sure you don't fall over again

You hadn't expected him to worry this much...

If Epel ever thinks that things are getting out of hand, he will likely go behind your back to someone who can help for your sake

💙

Idia Shroud

He really wishes that he hadn't found out because now he can't stop worrying

This is the kind of thing that would just be easier to ignore and shut away from his mind

But how could he possibly ignore something as serious as this?

He keeps telling himself that this isn't supposed to be his issue

But... It is his issue, isn't it? If you ended up dying and he knew all along about your suffering yet did nothing to help, than that would mean that he aided in your death, right?

He's really starting to panic. He doesn't what you dead. Not at all

But... What is he supposed to do???

He calms himself down and tries to think

Perhaps if he built you a mechanical body that didn't need food this whole thing would seize to be a problem...

No, bad idea

Well, that will be his last resort if nothing else works...

He messages you and tries to plead with you to please just eat and take care of yourself...

You message back, explaining to him that it really isn't that simple

He decides to ask why you're doing this, and he tries to show through his words how much he really cares

You feel comfortable enough in telling him some of the reasons why you think you started, and why it's now so hard to stop and all you want is to continue with it...

Idia is happy that you were able to open up to him this much, but what is he really supposed to do with this information? He's no therapist...

Well, being vulnerable with you emotions and talking about the problem is at least one step in the right direction, isn't it?

Idia continues to try to be a source of comfort for you, while also encouraging you to seek proper help

Ortho Shroud

Oh, no... He can’t help you with this, can he?

Why can’t he help you? Why won’t you get better?

Surely nii-san programmed him with something that could help you...

Right...?

RIGHT!?

Why aren’t you better?

Why are you doing this to yourself!?

Ortho is a mess... so distressed. He can’t understand--he doesn’t have the capacity to understand such a disorder, and he is so frustrated that nothing he does is helping!

And he does everything

He exhausts himself trying to “fix your mind”

His eyes are wide, yellow irises shaking with misery

Knowing that you are willingly hurting yourself actually traumatizes him...

He can't wrap his head around such an awful mental illness. To him, it looks as though you're really trying to harm, hurt, and even kill yourself by your own accord

Something must be wrong with your brain, but he just doesn't know what!

The poor child is so upset. He's panicked and worried sick

And now you feel even worse

Sorry for ending on such a horrible note... I was originally going to have all the dorms, so Diasomnia would’ve come and saved the day, but I just didn’t finish them.

[myvelouri]

Where's the sweet tender care, the promises...

I feel so betrayed, like I was with a traitor

I can't think of all the good memories without thinking it was all actually fake, actually tainted

The way you'd reach out your hand for mine... Even just five days ago, before everything suddenly drastically changed and you hated me... You'd soon already reach out your hand in the same way to another man? After everything we've been through?

Wow I can't believe it

I was hurt too. I put up with hurt too. A lot of it. A lot you don't know. I can't believe it that you'd choose me being gone over a new resolve to see each other again

I'm gutted. I've been used. I think of all the times I brought you food from downstairs up to my room for you. Now I feel violated... I did a lot of little things and big things for you.

I trusted you

I think you not having feelings for me within a week is abnormal and I don't think it's neurotypical.

I'm so gutted

I've been looked over

All the times I stopped and talked to you and comforted you for hours cause you were upset and angry... All the times I held you, all the times you wanted to turn the fan off even though I was hot and I sacrificed my comfort for you otherwise you'd become so moody and mean, everytime we were together and kissed, talked, hugged, shared... It wasn't worth anything to you, you still hate me and couldnt make a promise like you did when you truly wanted me and loved me

All the time during Montrose and how I drove you to class every day, how you'd come with me and we'd go everywhere together, we'd walk so much. I tried to find your special pen. I'm shaking. How I'd come pop up at work while you worked there and I missed you and loved you and then you'd pop in to see me work too. I got that job to be able to work with you, a terrible job I got just to be able to be with you. I sacrificed a lot. And I loved you.

I feel like absolutely nothing

I can't believe I was so easy to get over, a week?

I feel like I'm treated like a terrible wife beating, abusive, shitty husband that doesn't deserve anything... Actually women don't get over those guys as fast as within a week either

I'm so low to you

Nothing precious to me was precious to you. My time with you, it wasn't precious. You came into my life, I let you in. I spoiled you as much as I could until I couldn't. I was your favorite. So I thought. Everything seems like lies now.

I don't know if you know what love is after all this. Because I don't feel it now that I know it was so easy for you to push me away... You did all the things you always angrily accused me of... Like everything...

I didn't realize I was with someone who didn't like me

I had a hard time dealing with you and your day to day anger, upset, mood... But since you loved me I tried my best...

You'll never actually know how much I did or went through for you. You don't know what it's like to date you. I always put up with you to the point you were glad I never gave up on you and got tired and left. Yet you did that to me

Everything you didn't want me to do to you you did to me

Everything that we went through hurt me as it hurt you. I wasn't numb to it. I always listened but couldn't always do the things you asked cause I just wasn't able or comfortable.

I could go on. But I feel so betrayed. My best friend let me go forever... Wow I'll never be able to comprehend that. I don't think I can ever trust or show someone the extreme care I showed you

You say you'd come to my funeral. You shouldn't.

I can't believe you were okay to drop me and not hear from me ever again after all the talk about you saying it's such a big serious thing to you if I wasn't in your life. Yet you chose to not have me in your life given the option just because you didn't feel like it.

I'll never get it

I'll never be the same

I'm so fucked up

I don't know how you're fine

I don't know how you're okay

I can't believe you can let go someone you were with for so long just like that

I must be a terrible person to you

You're a terrible person to me now. You've ruined all the memories I have of you. Everything is torture. Everything I can't understand.

All lies

All of them

So many of them

Spurt? What spurt

I'm a shell of who I was

I'll never cope

I don't know anything

I still love you. I still miss you. I still would have your back. I was honest with you at all times. You were my lover and my best friend. You joked about what our kids would look like or do... You wanted to be my wife.

I was going to marry you

I'm aging faster than ever now from this stress

I still am not over you, and yet you've already left me

Baby

I don't know how you severed the bond. I can't imagine how, I don't know how you're the same girl that was crying for me and saying she wasn't over me... I stayed with you, I wasn't with anyone else when you told me not to be. I tried to talk to you as much as I could. I can't believe you're that same girl... When I see you now that part of you is gone. You don't look at me the same. All cause I briefly blocked you and you just instantly started to think of every negative thing between us... You won't think of the good. You purposely won't think of anything. You'll forget me if you don't think of me.

I can't believe it

I thought you'd fight for me forever

I thought we'd become nurses together