#Everyone except Lunar really fit the characters we put them as

[notokbutthriving]

Completely unrelated from our Parable au this is a collection of the original 4 in various games that we think fit them.

Moon: Subnautica: Below Zero

Eclipse: Mists of Aiden

Lunar: Inscryption

Sun: The Mortuary Assistant

[fandom-collective-writers]

Mystery Date

Pairing: Ray Blackwell x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1,691

Written by : @rikumorimachisgirl

Disclaimer: I do not own Ikemen Revolution and its characters, but this fic is conceptualized and written by me.

It happened on a Monday - that fateful Monday morning, during the Black Army Officers' daily huddle, which you've started attending as part of Sirius's Intelligence Division. Today's meeting was the same as always - nothing uneventful, thank goodness - which meant you could start training with your troop in about ten minutes… At least that's what you thought until Ray asked the magic question.

"Are there any other items you'd like to discuss before we adjourn?" The young King of Spades scanned the room one last time after everyone had given their updates. 

"Oh! Oh, I have one! The Festival's on Friday, " your seatmate, Fenrir, cried out. 

"Yes, we are all aware and preparations are underway, " Sirius said calmly.

"Oh-ho, but we may have missed out on an item here - a very important item, " the Ace of Spades insisted, as he pulled you to your feet, much to your surprise. "This lady here doesn't have a date to the Lunar New Year Ball yet."

All in attendance gasped. All, that is, except for Ray. The King of Spades sat back at his desk, his gaze lingered at you, as you blushed furiously beside his best friend. 

"You should have said so sooner! I would've asked you instead of that Red Army chick that Kyle introduced to me at the bar two nights ago, " Seth whined. 

"Why not go with Luka?" Sirius suggested.

"I'm on duty that day, " the Lieutenant tenant General replied, dispassionately.

"See? Told ya we had a problem…" 

"You guys don't have to worry about it, " you said, cutting them off before they start giving out suggestions. "It's really not a big deal. I can be on duty on that day, too."

"Or you could get all dressed up and attend the ball with a mystery date, " Ray finally spoke, and silence filled his office once more, as he smiled smugly at you. "And I've got the perfect person in mind for you."

"Well, how about that, " Fenrir turned to you happily. "See? My best bud's getting you a date! What did I tell ya - it ain't a problem, right?"

"Yeah, " you replied, trying to conceal your nerves as you watched Ray leave his office, still smiling smugly. "It's gonna be fine." 

***

You lazily crawled out of bed, silently cursing Fenrir and Seth for your lack of sleep. Ray had snuck out of base after dinner and the two officers you were patrolling with did nothing but put ideas in your head. After getting dressed and applying concealer under your eyes to hide the dark circles, you head out to join the team for breakfast. 

"'Morning."

You jumped at the greeting and heard a familiar laugh behind you. 

"Did I scare you?"

"Not really, " you replied after taking a few calming breaths, as you heard him approach. "Good morning, Ray."

"Rough night?" He peered at your face, as the two of you stood in the hallway just outside the dining room. "Your eyes are red."

"Oh… I… I was up reading, " you started, while watching him cock an eyebrow at you. "I was reading through the applications we received to check for high potentials…"

"If you say so, " he said, but you knew well enough that he didn't buy your excuse. As he made his way to the dining area, you pulled at his sleeve to stop him. 

"Hey, Ray -"

"Hmm?"

As his emerald green eyes met yours, you felt your heart pound and your cheeks flush several shades redder. He was so attractive, it just wasn't fair - from his messy dark hair and naughty smile, his lean physique, commanding presence, and his love for books - everything about him was perfect…

Too perfect, you were sure his date to the ball was, too. 

"Uh, are you okay?"

"Yes. Sorry, " you said, shaking away your previous thoughts. "I was gonna tell you that you don't have to find me a date -"

"Oh? That's too bad because I already did and he said he's excited about it."

"W-what? You already told him?"

"Yesterday. But you can't find out who he is until the ball. That's how a blind date goes, right?" he smirked, gazing deep into your eyes. "Is there anything else you'd like to ask before we head on to breakfast?"

"Yes, " you said bravely, squaring your shoulders as you met his gaze. "What about you, Ray? Who will you be going to the ball with?"

His eyes twinkled as he smiled wider. "Why so curious?"

"N-no reason." 

"I'm going with the prettiest girl in Cradle, " he said, winking at you before he opened the door to the dining area and stepped inside. 

You watched his retreating figure, grateful to the gods that he was immediately greeted by the soldiers and the rest of the officers. If he had turned back, he probably would've seen the crestfallen look on your face. 

***

"He wanted me to ask you what color your dress is for the ball."

You stared at Ray in disbelief. He had asked you to stay behind after the Officers' morning huddle on Wednesday, and you thought for sure it was because of something urgent. There in his office, with no one else around but the two of you, you thought of all the dresses you currently own. 

"Don't tell me you haven't thought of that."

His remark made you wince. "Don't blame me. I wasn't planning to go in the first place, " you retort. "And I haven't even fully absorbed the fact that I have a date, so don't pressure me."

"Well, he has to know to be able to match what you're wearing." 

"I know, I know…, " you said, wishing that Seth was there to coach you. "What about the silver dress I wore to the summer ball? Jonah said I looked good in it."

You watched him wrinkle his eyebrows in thought. He seemed to be trying to recall what dress you were referring to. The dress had a modest neckline and a very low back and hugged every curve of your body. 

"Too daring, " he frowned. "Do you have other options?"

You sighed and shook your head. "I can't think of any at the moment, " you said. "But why don't you ask him what color he's wearing and I'll shop for a dress to match."

He looked at you briefly and nodded to signal that you could leave. That evening, you received a daintily wrapped package that contained the most beautiful blue dress you've ever seen. Along with the dress came a note that had three words. Three words that made your heart skip a beat. 

See you Friday. 

***

After the morning huddle the next day, you kept looking for ways to stall leaving the office before Ray did. When you were finally alone, he glanced up from his desk and smiled. 

"Is there a reason you're still here?"

"Yes, " you nodded and cleared your throat before walking up to him. "Please tell my date that the dress fits perfectly, and I love the color."

"Good." 

"Hm?"

He coughed. "Good. It's good to know you like what he chose."

"But I have a favor to ask, " you blurted out before your nerves got the better of you. "Can you please teach me how to dance?"

"Why me?"

"Well, I figured you'd know what kind of dances he'd like, and I don't want to embarrass him."

He stared at you thoughtfully, and you lowered your gaze as the silence engulfed you. 

After several seconds, you heard him exhale. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Meet me here after dinner, " he told you. "But if you step on my feet, we're stopping."

With that promise, you left his office with a spring in your step. He was glad you were distracted, else you would've seen how he smiled tenderly as he watched you bounce out of his room. 

And as you swayed to the music in his office that evening, you silently wished your mystery date was as amazing as the man you were dancing with. 

*** 

I'll meet you in the lobby of the Civic center at 8. 

You held the note Ray handed you that morning from your mystery date. It was five minutes to eight in the evening, and you had just arrived at the Civic Center in the Central Quarters. You smoothed out the elegantly embroidered blue gown your date had picked out, just as you had stepped out of the carriage. 

'This is it, ' you said to yourself. You were five minutes away from meeting your mystery date… and five minutes away from seeing Ray and his beautiful date. 

You took a deep breath and tried to shake the thought of the young Black Army Leader off your mind. Tonight should be about you and your mystery date - probably the only guy who took a chance at going on a date with you. 

"'Evening."

You jumped at the unexpected greeting, and you once again hear a familiar laugh behind you. You froze on the spot, your heart pounding wildly. 

"Somehow this scene seems so familiar, except I was talking to a spaced-out soldier that morning, " you continued to listen to the voice as it grew closer by the second until you finally felt his breath behind you. "And tonight, I'm talking to the prettiest girl in Cradle."

"Ray?"

You turned around and saw him standing right behind you, looking dashing in his crisp black suit and his bowtie that matched the color of your dress. 

"Hi, " he said, as he flashed you a dazzling smile. 

"Is this some sort of joke?"

"I can tell you it's not, " he said, as he tucked a stray curl behind your neck. "And you are the prettiest girl in Cradle - at least I think you are."

"Then why didn't you just ask me?"

"Because I wanted our first date to be something you'll tell our children about, " he winked and offered his arm. "Well then. Now that we've sorted that out, shall we go in, my lady?"

You smiled and placed your hand in his, playing his words over and over as you danced the night away with your one true love, your mystery date. 

The end.

[dradelcra]

Aspect Analysis for the J&H boys (Novel)(Hyde is not a separate entity during this):

Summary:

Jekyll: Aspect-Heart player; Lunar Sway- Prospit

Utterson: Aspect- Doom player; Lunar Sway- Derse

Lanyon: Aspect- Void player; Lunar Sway- Prospit

Analysis down below for better reasoning and to save the non-homiestucks the trouble. (These are just basic stuff I pointed out).

Jekyll: Heart

Why: 

-Splintered himself into two selves (a common trait of heart players (except for Meulin but we barely know much about her, Nepeta role played, Dirk had a robot version of himself along with alt dirk in hstuck2 and mind dirk made by Jake)

-I wouldn't say mind (sorry hekyll) since those in the mind aspect aren't too concerned with how others perceive them, Jekyll himself is so concerned with how others view him that even even splits himself into two so that he can Hyde a version of himself.

-Despite being a scientist and splitting his neurology, he does a lot of things driven by feeling or in the moment, especially as Hyde, which he says is his true self (doped up on extra drugs of course). He exudes irrationality as he declares to Utterson that he can get rid of Hyde whenever he wants and absolutely refuses to speak to him any more on the matter.

-Extremely passionate in his science where he was willing to test upon himself without thinking much of reperccussions (i'm sure he factored in the possibility of death but what did he expect to happen to his body when he died? He had his will written up and planned the possibility of being stuck as Hyde after the transformation but after a while of bad things it makes you think that he didn't truly think ahead of what would happened if he stayed as Hyde, knowing all the things he had done. Friendships Relations, his position in society. How prepared was he to be disliked by everyone, including his friends and the society. His decisions were in the moment while he was on the high of being "evil".)

Lunar Sway: Prospit

Why: Jekyll didn't entirely care what happened to himself when he drank HJ-7. He saw it's effects and analyzed them in the moment, not thinking of the consequences of his actions too much until it became problematic (when he started changing without the concoction). He co-exists with society as he doubles himself, being the sweet dr. jekyll by day and rebellious Mr Hyde at nights, keeping a good persona of himself while he is able to release steam at another time as another person who he won't have to face the consequences as. He uses Hyde as a safety net so he doesn't experience the consequences of his actions, sumilar to prospit player. He isn't fighting against the system, he is working with the system in his own way. Worries about how others would perceive him, even those close to him.

Similar derse aspects he shows would be living in a constant state of dissatisfaction, shown when he drinks HJ-7 and fuels the bad within him, and is able to keep a good hiding of his true self from others but at the same time, the irony of it is that he couldn't hide his true self due to HJ-7 forcing his transformations. He doesn't entirely lock his true self away either with the transformations under control, he goes out as his true self thereby exposing it to the world. A dersite wouldn't show that side to anyone even strangers. Another derse shown thing is

-He is more a problem maker than problem solver as his next mode of action of getting out of his Hyde situation is killing himself and before that, locking himself away until the inevitable took him.

-When he's shown, he is quite optimistic (especially when he came to the conclusions how Hyde may affect him) and cheerful (y'know, until he wasn't)

Utterson: Doom

Why: Unable to change things, could only provide advice for Jekyll and despite trying to help Jekyll it all goes down hill. He couldn't prevent his friend's downfall.

-Utterson is forced to suffer with knowing the secret of his friend, along with having those closest to him (long time friends) all die.

-Those in the doom aspect don't have much of a choice with what happens and are more of a "vent to" type of person. (He was there when Lanyon was dying and had conversation with him, he attempted to get him to open up and talk to Jekyll but Lanyon is stubborn and all right refuses to even talk about him.)

-He was the of narrator of the story, reading out the gradual downfall of the scenario (common trait i notice of doom players). Despite interacting with the characters, his actions had not influenced the decisions of his friends, and had the least impact. When breaking into the lab, Jekyll had already planned to end his life due to his inability to face the consequences of his actions.

- He is also a lawyer, holding Jekyll's will (and others) which means he was holding onto papers of plans for people's inevitable deaths.

-(True Headcannon on the extended zodiac website also describes Doom players as wise, kind on non-judgemental which are traits Utterson has displayed throughout the book.)

Lunar Sway: Derse

Why: Reasons (I was literally going to just put this here but I went “no, I love this guy too much to do that” and so i did it)

- A bit of a skeptic as to Hyde's realtionship to Jekyll.

- Thinking about information from the past (like the will) and outlooks of the future (is Hyde blackmailing Jekyll).

- Has a hard time letting go of the Hyde issue despite Jekyll trying to reassure him and telling him to drop it.

- He's quite shy but was willing to confront Hyde for the betterment of his friend.

- He kind of did that "entered a person's place without permission" like twice.

- Lawyer peeps abide by the rules, sure. But they are more focused on finding the truth for their client in the court of law, or preventing them from being arrested to the best of their abilities.

- Introversion is a common trait of derse peeps, and as far as i am concerned (and read), that man is not extroverted in the slightest.

-I think they would look nice in the dark purple, can you blame me? (my utterson already has purple eyes, it just fits owo)

Lanyon:

Classpect: Void ( he avoids the situation haha)

Why: Despite the disruptions occuring around Jekyll, Lanyon preferred to have stayed away from all of it, not caring much about it due to his feelings towards it. He kept the Hyde thing a secret from Utterson until Jekyll died or went missing. A secret he was willing to take with him to his grave.

-While Utterson was trying to seek the truth, Lanyon didn't want to even think about it.

- Quote from Headcannon aspect: "At their best, Void-bound are wise, intuitive, and vibrant. At their worst they can be dismissive, indecisive, and apathetic.”

- During his introduction, Lanyon displayed vibrance and his warmth, he is wise (he's a doctor after all) enough to decide when to cut himself from negativity but that also adds to the negative aspects of the void player (we see more of the negatives than the positive with him) where he is apathetic towards the downfall of his friend, not even willing to make amends as he was dying (well it was Jekyll's fault that he is dying, can you really blame the guy?)

- He let the curiousity get the best of him in wondering what Hyde wanted to with those chemicals (leading to his mental trauma lmao).

- Not much is really heard about or from Lanyon through out the book, except from some plot points.

Lunar Sway: Prospit

Why:

(I got lazy by Lanyon but I think it fits him; both Jekyll and Lanyon have similar personalities despite the difference in interests. Jekyll might be more collected and repressed though)

[b0sscrew]

Pokemon au!

Another Ducktales AU! Shocker!

Welcome to the inevitable crossover! There are three versions of this (trainers, human trainers, and reverse gejinka) but we'll just focus on the human trainers first because I'm not comfortable with showing my Ducktales drawings yet! This is just for fun and not definitive. I'm going to be doing this like a real adventure! We'll be following the triplets as they travel the region of... Americaw... Sure, we'll go with that for now.

I want this to be a story in many parts. I also want all their adventures from the cannon to be here as well, except it's just the kids facing them most times. Like let's say all the battles are monsters and baddies they've actually fought in cannon. That would be fun!

Oh, let's bring characters into the mix. Let's say that Webby is the boys' rival and best friend. Violet is also their rival but on a slightly lesser scale(mostly to Huey). Boyd also becomes a rival of sort later on(mostly for Louie). So that only leaves Dewey, and to be honest, I'm not sure. I think Webby would be his biggest rival but he doesn't have a secondary rival. I might just make my own rival for him too be honest, but I wish I knew who to put that's around his age. (Also, I realize Boyd is Huey's best friend but Violet is literally his rival in an episode.) I already have an idea for Lena so I can't add her to the rival crew anyways.

Let's talk about the Duck family.

So I decided it would make the most sense if Della and Donald shared custody of the boys. Donald is still Uncle Donald, don't worry. But since Della is always busy with the league they decided it would be easier to just have them both raise the boys. Donald is basically a stay at home dad while Della is constantly working as one of the core members of the elite four. Della is a flying type expert and Scrooge's favorite relative.

Feathery is an amazing boy! He's constantly working with the elite four as the Regions main professor. He's so excited about all pokemon, but his favorite are water types, because they make him giggle like a little kid. He's Huey's favorite uncle and the only adult he can truly relate to. Feathery is still the biggest sweetheart but now everyone takes him seriously and hang on his every word, even if he doesn't realize it.

Gladstone is one of the sole reasons the champion is still the champion. Because of his luck no one has gotten past him and his grass types. If he didn't have his luck people wouldn't have this issue, but he's cursed with it so he literally can't lose. Of course every Pokemon he has ever caught has been a shiny because they seem to gravitate towards him. The only time he can't find one is when he wants to give one to his family. I guess that's just his luck.

Scrooge McDuck, the richest duck in the world. Despite being part of the elite four, he doesn't really have to do anything. Since he's challenged after Gladstone his battles are few and far between. So he began running his company's full time. Although he does have to leave his work to protect the region at least once every two week. He is the most loved of the elite four and also the most hated, with all his enemies. Good thing he's the best of the league.

Region time!

So, Americaw is based off the world of Ducktales and all the places they've been to by the time of the season three hiatus. I also decided you can find any pokemon in this region (even if characters share pokemon sO MaNY TIMES!), and some come earlier than we're used to. Most of the region is mostly forests with ruins but later on is more of the places we know and love, victory road and the league is even one of my favorite places in the entire series.

Gym leaders, baby.

Gym leaders are characters that are associated with the McDuck clan, mostly working for them in some way. I also tried to put a twist on everything and some of the gyms are ones you wouldn't expect for that character. Let's go over them real quick, shall we?

Owlson, the Normal type gym leader. I thought she was perfect for this because she does technically work for Scrooge now. There's nothing too special about her except that she really wants things to go right and she doesn't have room for silly things. I thought she would be fun as a first gym so the kids could get a taste of the adventure ahead of them. She uses a Hoothoot (to harken to her being an owl) named Natasha, and she has a Porygon (to harken to her being a buisness woman) named Charity.

Ludwig Von Drake, the Poison gym leader! As goofy as the man is he is very competitive. He works with Gyro and Fenton on many projects but has his own lab away from them. I think he works the best for poison because than he could be more of a chemist than the other two scientists. He's also the gym leader we see the least of. He's always in a rush to finish his project just to get on the next one thats probably even more dangerous. He uses a Grimmer (chemicals) named Paul, and a Toxel (science in general) named Corey. He also has a Rotom, named Walker, that just helps around the lab.

Fenton, the Steel gym leader. Since fenton is a superhero I thought he could take his typing from Gizmoduck. He's the main one out of the three scientists that makes weapons and items for the police force. The military forces also thank him very frequently. But since he has so many idea's there's no way for him to do them all. He usually overworks himself because of this and it's obvious to anyone who so much as looks at him. Even so he is the most optimistic of the gym leaders and goes nowhere without a smile. He uses a Pawniard (Gizmoduck) named Hero, an Aron (Robots) named named Titanium, and a Scizor (Gizmoduck strength) named Bromine.

Gyro, the electric gym leader. I thought Gyro fit best with electric because of presumably obvious reasons. Gyro is the wildcard of the three scientists and will do anything for science. He can't count how many times he's almost accidentally killed himself with an experiment. He might seem like he's the only one that slows down out of the three scientists, but you're dead wrong. He probably works the hardest and has the most unhealthy habits out of all of them. He's the best scientist in the region and refuses to give the spot up for anything. He's currently trying to find a way to turn his blood into coffee. He's as brutally honest as ever, and still full of himself, but will admit defeat. He uses a Magneton (robots) named Maggie, a Rotom (Lil' Bulb) named Tom, and a Vicavolt (robots) named Vic.

Duckworth, the ghost gym leader. He might be a ghost but that just makes him better at his job. He's extremely neat and gets annoyed if a picture is tilted. He doesn't hesitate to greet challengers with a smile and even give them tips during battle. When he looses he still acts like a gentleman. He loves his work and refuses to leave life without "good reason". He uses a Gengar (his demon form) named Káge, a Banette (being able to poses things) named Mary, a Polteageist (because he's fancy) named Green, and a Mismagius (just because he's a ghost) named Lady.

Lena, the psychic gym leader. I told you she had a job. But I also know this typing might not seem like it fits. But trust me, it does. Her magic is what I imagine when a pokemon is Psychic type, so I thought it was perfect. She's rough around the edges when you first meet her but she grows on you once you get to know her. She's loyal to her friend's and already knows the kids once they get to her gym. I believe she is the only one that doesn't work for Scrooge in the cannon. She's basically the same she was in the show. She uses a Hypno (dreams) named Dreamcatcher, a Hatterene (being trapped by magica) named Princess, an Espeon (her necklace) named Garnet, and a Lunatone (the eclipse) named Lunar.

Launchpad, the dragon gym leader. Plot twist! Let me explain before you start yelling at me. I wanted Della to be the flying type specialist, so I had to do something else for Launchpad. It took me forever to figure out what to give him, I even considered the option of repeating flying, before I finally remembered dragon. It hit me that it was perfect! The dragon type embodies everything he loves. Flying? Boom, dragons fly! Superheros? There's a dragon that looks like it was made for a superhero. Airplanes? There's plenty of those. Acting like a child? How about one that looks like a child's imaginary friend! The list goes on! The dragon type was perfect because it's so loose. Anyways, back on track. He uses an Altaria (clouds) named Fluff, a Salamance (superheros) named Comic, a Noivern (DW) named DW, a Flapple (childish) named Flapper, a Drakloak (Sunchaser/Cloudslayer) named Sunchaser, and a Duraludon (vehicals) named Crash.

Ms. Beakly, the dark gym leader. She's a freaking spy, of course she's dark type. She's the hardest gym to beat, even for final gyms. She's tactical and knows (almost) every trick in the book. She'll point out what you're doing wrong and still beat you if you do everything right. She doesn't go easy on anyone so you better be prepared. Despite all of this she is one of the kindest people you will ever meet. When you loose to her she has a plate of cookies for you to take with you when you leave, and if you beat her she gives you an item that'll help you the most with the league, plus cookies for your travels. She loves Webby so much, enough to teach her almost all of her tricks. She's a good woman. She uses a Tyranitar (strength) named Tyrone, a Pangoro (capabilities) named Gordy, a Grimmsnarl (I just thought it fit) named Grimm, a Malamar (that expression) named Mal, and a Honchkrow (spy) named Krow.

I love this idea and can't wait to expand apon it. I alread have so many ideas that it's hard to not spoil any plans I have. I just hope I don't overdue it. I want it to kinda be like a little more serious version of the pokemon anime. Not too serious, but I want it to be like what you'd find in ducktales (just maybe a tiny bit less kid friendly).

Well I hope you enjoy my idea and have fun with it. Well anyways, have a great day!

Also, here's a picture of the HDLW designs.

[theonyxpath]

WOW! What a weekend!

And it started with our Legendlore Kickstarter funding on Friday! Now we’re moving into Stretch Goals – so please, if you haven’t already, check it out! The link is below in the Kickstarter section!

And and, to get you started, here’s a review of the free PDF of the complete text for the book linked on the KS site: https://thetabletopalmanac.wordpress.com/2020/06/15/rpg-reviews-legendlore-manuscript-preview/

Of course, this leaves the rest of the weekend, which just happened to consist of the first-ever Onyx Path Virtual Gaming Convention!

What a fun time!

We really didn’t know how folks would respond, but now that the three days of panels and gaming are done, I can say that our community was in turns hilarious, supportive, giving, excited, and energized. And that energy really flowed right back into all the events and energized all of us!

I mean, we’re still tired as all get out – who’d have thought that a con I could attend from my own house would do that? – but pretty sure we’re all still feeling the love, too.

Just to pull the giving part out for a second, we are absolutely thrilled that our charity goals were blasted through sometime mid-con, and we’ll be donating over a thousand dollars to each of our excellent causes: The Bodhana Group, and the Thurgood Marshall College Fund!

Now, back to the whooped by the con part, we are and I am, so today I’m just going to pull out some impressions of the events from a bunch of us who normally would have had our Monday Meeting today – we rescheduled it for later this week.

SCENES FROM A VIRTUAL CON:

Matthew: The Onyx Path Virtual Gaming Convention was the first con I helped organise, and while it had its share of stresses in the setup, it came to excellent fruition due to the fantastic teamwork of everyone working hard behind the scenes and amazing engagement from viewers, panelists, players, and those who donated to our charities and took advantage of our sales on onyxpathcon.com

RichT: I started us off on Friday night with the Opening Keynote speech, and then just sort of chatted with Matt McElroy, Dixie Cochran, Eddy Webb, and Matthew Dawkins about what was coming with the con.

For me, I then rolled into my first game, I played one per day, which was the first Actual Play of Exalted Essence. It really did run both fast and smoothly, and all of the various Exalted types we were playing had their times to shine. I was able to put a different, more easy-going, pie-eating, spin on my bear-totemed Lunar who still wound up grappling with the big bad and bear-hugging them in place for Danielle’s Solar to practically one-shot the sucker!

Ian: Convention was great, despite a few hiccups. I was on two streams early on: one Friday evening and one Saturday morning, and then the rest of the con was “free.” Travis and the GG crew were all-stars. Travis couldn’t get Nightbot working for a bit so I took over the random prize drawing for a few streams. I was often juggling two different streams in different monitors to help keep dialogue going in chat. Kudos to everyone, especially those of you who worked multiple panels and games in a single day.

RichT: In fact, the panel Ian refers to on Saturday morning was the “What’s Up With Onyx Path?” panel that started off the day at 9am. This is a panel where a bunch of developers and I talk about upcoming projects for their lines, and answer questions. Eddy and I started doing them about a decade ago when it was “What’s Up With White Wolf?”, but changed the name for obvious reasons after Onyx Path appeared.

During that panel, a couple of things came up: Matthew teased that we might very well do They Came From (the Old West!, or something more flavorful that fits the genre) as the third They Came From game, and Ian talked about Trinity Continuum: Aeon Mission Statements, a book all about the organizations in the setting that aren’t the Psi-Orders. We also noticed that some folks in the chat were new to Onyx Path and what we create, so that was unexpected but welcome news!

Then, I played my second game of the con, which was a sneak preview of Scion: Demigod! Neall took us through a voyage to the Grecian Afterlife, using the Ready Made Characters from Heroes of the World and I got to play a stern Horace Farrow ala Sam Elliott, while Steffie cut up many, many things with Yukiko’s Grass-Cutter Sword. Then, another panel on Community Content and why it rocks wrapped up my Saturday.

Matthew: I didn’t encounter one instance of bad behaviour in chat or anything dubious discussed on screen in games or on panels, and I attended most that I could as a viewer, if I wasn’t an active participant.

Viewership of panels and games peaked at around 250 to 300 people at one time for a couple of the shows, and bottomed out at around 50 people. Those are good figures. Our subscriptions and follows on Twitch rocketed, with many subscriptions being gifted by viewers and even more just being purchased or acquired via Amazon Prime.

My own highlight is impossible to choose between the games and panels I ran or appeared on, though the “Create Your Best Character” panel, which I suspected would be a sleeper, turned into an excellent talk on not playing harmful stereotypes and break out of dangerous tropes.

Eddy: The convention was great for me. My scheduling was a little odd, and I ran into one minor technical issue, but otherwise it went smoothly and it seemed like people in the chat were excited and appreciative. I felt like we got to dig into topics we aren’t able to do in normal convention settings, and attendance was definitely higher than usual for panels at other shows. I also heard that people had a good time watching the games or playing in ad-hoc games all weekend. I know there were some problems on the back-end of getting this all together, but I don’t think any of our attendees noticed anything but a nice, polished experience.

RichT: Sunday started out just like Saturday, with the second “What’s Up With Onyx Path?” panel, although with a different set of developers. The big news was when Eddy ratted out that he was working on Squeaks in the Dark, the mice/rats supplement for Realms of Pugmire!

I then had my second panel on Sunday, the “Art of Onyx Path” one, where Mirthful Mike Chaney joined three of our freelance artists and I in discussing just how illustrators work for us: how they submit their work, how they are contacted, how art notes work, how artists work, and what sort of music do we listen to while doing illustrations. Lots of great questions from the audience, and a wide range of experience within the panel, made it really interesting.

RichT: Then my Sunday game was the first public playtest of They Came From Beyond the Grave! run by Matthew, and featuring Dixie’s Rose Thorne, a driven vampire hunter with attitude, and 70s hair. She teamed up with B. Dave Walters’ smoooth street investigator to blast the ever-lovin’ hell out of evil cultists, while Ian Mueller’s exorcist (sorta) shot the big bad between the eyes with Rose’s derringer, and my slightly odd professor tried to save as much weird-science lab equipment as he could. Science! We left the haunted house as the superimposed fire effect began to devour it, fortunately for all involved (except the dead 70s prog-rock star sacrificed by the cultists).

I immediately had to log into my last event, but what a special event it was! Added late in the proceedings as we had to work within a lot of people’s schedules, I was thrilled to sit down with a bunch of my old co-workers at the original White Wolf in a “Memories of WW” panel with Bill Bridges, Rich Dansky, Ethan Skemp, Mike Tinney, and my old go-to designer for graphics, Matt Milberger.

Much reminiscing occurred, interposed with questions from the chat, that pretty much focused on our time from the early 90s to the early 2000s, although we did chat a bit about the late, lamented WoD MMO, as most of us worked on that in one capacity or another. Mike talked about how he cozened us an arcade version of Dark Stalkers for our little lunchroom, and we had fond memories of the WW Blood Bowl League.

(My Children of the Khorne chaos team won the cup two seasons in a row, just sayin’).

And although I didn’t want it to end, it did, and my time at the first-ever Onyx Path Virtual Gaming Convention was over. Which was actually pretty good because my brain was on autopilot at that point.

Ian: Everyone on both sides of the screen seemed to have a great time, and the only real complaints I heard were that there were too many good things happening at once and people had to make a choice on which stream to watch.

Matthew: While many games had a tendency to overrun, I’d say they each ran to optimal length and didn’t cause too much disruption farther up the schedule.

RichT: Which are all good things to happen, actually, with your first online convention, so we’re going to review all the metrics we can gather ourselves and from the super folks at Gehenna Gaming, and see what we can learn from all that.

Will we do another one? We just don’t know yet, but whether we do or not, this one sure did what we wanted to do – folks who attended had a whole lot of fun! If you missed out and want to watch the games and panels, they are currently on the Onyx Path and Gehenna Gaming Twitch channels for subscribers, but will soon migrate over to the Onyx Path YouTube page for all to watch!

So, from all of us to all of you, whether you attended or didn’t, thanks for making it a real joy to walk with you exploring:

Many Worlds, One Path!

Blurbs!

Kickstarter!

The Legendlore Kickstarter funded right before we started the Virtual Con last week! A really great way to start things off! Now we’re building towards Stretch Goals: the GM’s Screen, and starting the Legendlore Companion book PDF!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/339646881/legendlore-rpg-setting-for-5th-edition-fantasy-roleplaying-0

Grab your friends and escape to another world!

You’ve found an enchanted portal — a transition point — between worlds. The portal, called a Crossing, takes you to a world you thought only existed in novels and films: a magical land where dragons roam the skies, orcs and hobgoblins terrorize weary travelers, and unicorns prance through the forest. It is a world where humans join other peoples such as elves, trolls, dwarves, changelings, and the dreaded creatures who steal the night. It is a world of fantasy — of imagination.

It is the Realm.

It is Legendlore.

Onyx Path Media!

This week: the most exciting episode of the Onyx Pathcast ever, recorded live at the Onyx Path Virtual Gaming Convention!

As always, this Friday’s Onyx Pathcast will be on Podbean or your favorite podcast venue! https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/

Hi all!

We’ll be back next week with our usual promotion of all the excellent games on our Twitch and YouTube channels, but for now, we encourage you to do what it seems a lot of people are doing right now, and hop over to our Twitch: twitch.tv/theonyxpath

While the convention has ended, but subscribing to our Twitch channel (which you can do for free if you have Amazon Prime), you get access to all the panels and games that ran on it over the convention weekend. So, if you missed a panel or game you really wanted to watch, head on to our Twitch, subscribe, and browse our back catalogue!

Other than our content, we would like to promote a couple more games for those without Twitch:

Occultists Anonymous continue their excellent Mage: The Awakening game here:

Episode 106: Friends & Minions The cabal combats the uninvited guest summoned by an Exarchal Supernal Being. The danger of the Exarchal attention prompts further investigations away from the Supernal. https://youtu.be/YSErlwnC7Nc

Episode 107: Making Promises Songbird reaches out to the Queen of the Vampires of New York about a divine blessing. Wyrd and Atratus hatch a plan to make a car… https://youtu.be/dueYYUl0FrY

And A Bunch of Gamers have just started up a two-part extravaganza of They Came from Beneath the Sea! right here:

The Crabby Lizard from the Murkey Depths

Episode 1: In the small east coast town of Chatham Massachusetts things are easy. The soda pop shop is ready for any of the locals. The city comes together for a bake sale to help their neighbors, and everyone knows each other. All that changes when a strange electrical storm and a booming voice can be heard over the jukebox. Tonight, the strange, the horrid, the damp creatures from beyond the stars and the depths of the sea rise up to meet the people of Chatham.https://youtu.be/UwxzdwVoYQE

The Tabletop Almanac has released a lovely review of Legendlore that you’ll want to see! https://thetabletopalmanac.wordpress.com/2020/06/15/rpg-reviews-legendlore-manuscript-preview/

Please check these out and let us know if you find or produce any actual plays of our games! We’d love to feature you!

Electronic Gaming!

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is awesome! (Seriously, you need to roll 100 dice for Exalted? This app has you covered.)

On Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue from which you bought it. Reviews really, really help us get folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these latest fiction books:

Our Sales Partners!

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there! https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

We’ve added Prince’s Gambit to our Studio2 catalog: https://studio2publishing.com/products/prince-s-gambit-card-game

Now, we’ve added Changeling: The Lost Second Edition products to Studio2‘s store! See them here: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/all-products/changeling-the-lost

Scion 2e books and other products are available now at Studio2: https://studio2publishing.com/blogs/new-releases/scion-second-edition-book-one-origin-now-available-at-your-local-retailer-or-online

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

And you can order Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, Cavaliers of Mars, and Changeling: The Lost 2e at the same link! And now Scion Origin and Scion Hero and Trinity Continuum Core and Trinity Continuum: Aeon are available to order!

As always, you can find Onyx Path’s titles at DriveThruRPG.com!

On Sale This Week!

Available this Wednesday, we are just a bit embarrassed to say that we’ll be releasing on DTRPG the PDF and PoD versions of Swine and Cheese Party, Et Al., excerpts from The Complete Duke Rollo, for Trinity Continuum: Aberrant!

Also available this Wednesday on DTRPG: the Advance PDF for Quantum Entanglement the Trinity Continuum: Aeon Jumpstart!

Conventions!

Though dates for physical conventions are subject to change due to the current COVID-19 outbreak, here’s what’s left of our current list of upcoming conventions (and really, we’re just waiting for this last one to be cancelled even though it’s Nov/Dec). Instead, keep an eye out here for more virtual conventions we’re going to be involved with:

PAX Unplugged: https://unplugged.paxsite.com/

And now, the new project status updates!

Development Status from Eddy Webb! (Projects in bold have changed status since last week.):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep.)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

Adversaries of the Righteous (Exalted 3rd Edition)

The Clades Companion (Deviant: The Renegades)

The Devoted Companion (Deviant: The Renegades)

Saints and Monsters (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Anima

CtL 2e Novella Collection: Hollow Courts (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

M20 Technocracy Operative’s Dossier (Mage: The Ascension 20th Anniversary)

Redlines

Dragon-Blooded Novella #2 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Hundred Devil’s Night Parade (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Novas Worldwide (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Exalted Essence Edition (Exalted 3rd Edition)

M20 Rich Bastard’s Guide To Magick (Mage: The Ascension 20th Anniversary)

V5 Children of the Blood (was The Faithful Undead) (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

V5 Forbidden Religions (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Wild Hunt (Scion 2nd Edition)

Second Draft

Many-Faced Strangers – Lunars Companion (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Kith and Kin (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

Dearly Bleak – Novella (Deviant: The Renegades)

Mission Statements (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Contagion Chronicle Ready-Made Characters (Chronicles of Darkness)

Under Alien Suns (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

V5 Trails of Ash and Bone (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Adventure! core (Trinity Continuum: Adventure!)

Dead Man’s Rust (Scarred Lands)

Development

TC: Aberrant Reference Screen (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle: Global Outbreaks (Chronicles of Darkness)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Exigents (Exalted 3rd Edition)

N!ternational Wrestling Entertainment (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Assassins (Trinity Continuum Core)

Manuscript Approval

Crucible of Legends (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Post-Approval Development

Editing

Lunars Novella (Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

Player’s Guide to the Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

Contagion Chronicle Jumpstart (Chronicles of Darkness)

TC: Aberrant Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Trinity Continuum Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum)

Masks of the Mythos (Scion 2nd Edition)

LARP Rules (Scion 2nd Edition)

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

The Book of Lasting Death (Mummy: The Curse 2e)

They Came From Beyond the Grave! (They Came From!)

Scion: Dragon (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion: Demigod (Scion 2nd Edition)

Post-Editing Development

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

W20 Shattered Dreams Gift Cards (Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th)

Cults of the Blood Gods (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Hunter: The Vigil 2e core (Hunter: The Vigil 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Monsters of the Deep (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

Pirates of Pugmire KS-Added Adventure (Realms of Pugmire)

Tales of Aquatic Terror (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Terra Firma (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

One Foot in the Grave Jumpstart (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2e)

Indexing

Art Direction from Mike Chaney!

In Art Direction

Scion Titanomachy – Art coming in.

Tales of Aquatic Terror

WoD Ghost Hunters (KS) – Prepping KS assets.

Aberrant – AD’d. First new comic in.

Hunter: The Vigil 2e

Mummy 2

Deviant – Dividing up among current artists.

Legendlore – KS running.

Technocracy Reloaded (KS)

Cults of the Blood God – Rolling along.

Scion: Dragon (KS) – Waiting on art notes.

Masks of the Mythos (KS) – Some tweaking to art notes and hiring artists.

Scion: Demigod (KS) – Tweaking art notes, hiring artists. Splats in progress.

They Came From Beyond the Grave! (KS) – Finals coming in.

TC: Adventure! (KS) – Cover art finishing.

In Layout

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad

Vigil Watch

TC Aeon Terra Firma

V5 Let the Streets Run Red

Pugmire Adventure

Proofing

Trinity Aeon Jumpstart – New artist taking care of finishing missing art.

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate – Finishing Backer PDF errata.

Contagion Chronicle – Going to WW for approval this week.

Cavaliers of Mars: City of the Towered Tombs

Magic Item Decks (Scarred Lands)

Yugman’s Guide Support Decks (Scarred Lands)

Dark Eras 2 Screen and booklet

At Press

Scion Companion – Shutting down errata.

TCFBTS Heroic Land Dwellers – Prepping PoD files.

TCFBTS Screen and Booklet – Files at press.

They Came from Beneath the Sea! – Files at press.

Creature Collection 5e – PoD files uploaded. Traditional files sent to printer.

Pirates of Pugmire – Files at press. Prepping files for PoD.

Pirates of Pugmire Screen – Files at press.

Duke Rollo Aberrant Book: Swine & Cheese Party – PDf and PoD versions on sale Wednesday on DTRPG.

Pugmire Buried Bones – Gathering errata.

Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition Dark Eras Compilation – Gathering errata.

Today’s Reason to Celebrate!

Today is feet up and dozing after the busy, busy, Virtual Con and celebrating its success!

[echobearhsfanblog]

Hiveswap Friendsim Potential Sburb Session Totals

I enjoy making lists of certain things now and then, and figured since I started this fanblog I should share any HS ones whenever I make them.

On today's menu/agenda/whatever is figuring out how the friendsim trolls would fit into sburb sessions. Let's start with listing off their aspects as given to us through their signs. Plus their dream moons since we get that from their signs as well.

:33 <

Trolls and Aspects, listed in order of friendsim volume.

Diemen Xicali – Hope Derse

Ardata Carmia – Doom Derse

Amisia Erdahn – Mind Prospit

Cirava Hermod – Hope Derse

Skylla Koriga – Time Prospit

Bronya Ursama – Breath Prospit

Tagora Gorjek – Space Derse

Vikare Ratite – Mind Derse

Polypa Goezee – Breath Prospit

Zebruh Codakk – Doom Prospit

?????? Elwurd – Hope Prospit

Kuprum Maxlol – Hope Prospit

Folykl Darane – Void Derse

Remele Namaaq – Space Prospit

Konyyl Okimaw – Light Derse

Tyzias Entykk – Blood Prospit

Chixie Roixmr – Mind Prospit

Azdaja Knelax – Mind Prospit

Chahut Maenad – Hope Prospit

Zebede Tongva – Light Prospit

Tegiri Kalbur – Void Derse

Mallek Adalov – Time Prospit

Lynera Skalbi – Rage Derse

Galekh Xigisi – Blood Prospit

Tirona Kasund – Heart Prospit

Boldir Lamati – Heart Prospit

Stelsa Sezyat – Blood Derse

Marsti Houtek – Void Derse

Karako Pierot – Mind Prospit

Charun Krojib – Rage Derse

Wanshi Adyata – Doom Prospit

Fozzer Velyes – Heart Derse

Marvus Xoloto – Time Prospit

Daraya Jonjet – Hope Prospit

Nihkee Moolah – Rage Prospit

Lanque Bombyx – Life Prospit

Barzum Soleil – Breath Derse

Baizli Soleil – Doom Derse

Friendsim Aspect Totals

Time - 3

Space - 2

Heart - 3

Mind - 5

Hope - 6

Rage - 3

Light - 2

Void - 3

Breath - 3

Blood - 3

Life - 1

Doom – 4

Lunar Sways

Prospit - 23

Derse – 15

:33 <

Some interesting stuff here. Hope being the most frequent aspect and Life being the least. Also a pretty big Prospit over Derse asymetry. We have the numbers now, let's start categorizing things further down.

I don't think there's technicly any canon statement about a limitation of classpects within a sburb session within homestuck itself, so while I think mechanically multiple people of the same aspect could join the same session that'd make the minimum session number 1 if everyone could just pile in so for now I'll stick to the narrative style from the comic that doesn't have any cross over of classpects in any given sburb game.

Thinking about it the minium number of sessions isn't too hard to figure out because that's more or less determined by the aspect with the highest number, which is Hope. The maximum number of 'full' 12 player games (since there's only 12 canon aspects so far) would be 1 game Since Lanque is the only Life player to complete any 12 aspect loops. There's also only 2 Space Players in the Friendsims so that means only 2 possible regular/null sessions, all other sessions will be void sessions.  If we also try to balance games in terms of Lunar Sway we'd also have to put 8 trolls on the sidelines and make them wait for more Hiveswap characters to have enough balance for a classical sburb session.

Since we've gone this far how about we list out some possible session combinations? I won't list out all possible combinations because I'm not THAT masochistic, and I won't claim that the ones I list out will be optimal or your favorite groupings of these characters, they're probably not even going to be my favorite so I feel your pain on how bad some of these sessions might look. They're going to be organized to minimize the number of sessions while following narrative aspect and lunar sway balance of sessions, with the leftover extra prospits at the end awaiting some derse pairings.

This is all assuming of course that all of the classes pair up correctly with no doubles as well. While there's some good speculation on some of their classes I'm not aware of anything being confirmed (not to mention there can be red herrings figuring out a classpect) so we'll just ignore class conflicts for these lists for now.

D -->

Session 1

Skylla Koriga – Time Prospit Player

Tagora Gorjek – Space Derse Player

Boldir Lamati – Heart Prospit Player

Karako Pierot – Mind Prospit Player

Kuprum Maxlol – Hope Prospit Player

Charun Krojib – Rage Derse Player

Konyyl Okimaw – Light Derse Player

Folykl Darane – Void Derse Player

Polypa Goezee – Breath Prospit Player

Stelsa Sezyat – Blood Derse Player

Lanque Bombyx – Life Prospit Player

Ardata Carmia – Doom Derse Player

Session 2

Mallek Adalov – Time Prospit Player

Remele Namaaq – Space Prospit Player

Fozzer Velyes – Heart Derse Player

Vikare Ratite – Mind Derse Player

Cirava Hermod – Hope Derse Player

Lynera Skalbi – Rage Derse Player

Zebede Tongva – Light Prospit Player

Tegiri Kalbur – Void Derse Player

Bronya Ursama – Breath Prospit Player

Galekh Xigisi – Blood Prospit Player

Session 3

Marvus Xoloto – Time Prospit Player

Tirona Kasund – Heart Propit Player

Amisia Erdahn – Mind Prospit Player

Diemen Xicali – Hope Derse Player

Nihkee Moolah – Rage Prospit Player

Tegiri Kalbur – Void Derse

Barzum Soleil – Breath Derse

Baizli Soleil – Doom Derse

Session 4

Chixie Roixmr – Mind Prospit Player

Marsti Houtek – Void Derse Player

Leftovers

Chahut Maenad – Hope Prospit Player

Wanshi Adyata – Doom Prospit Player

Daraya Jonjet – Hope Prospit Player

Zebruh Codakk – Doom Prospit Player

?????? Elwurd – Hope Prospit Player

Tyzias Entykk – Blood Prospit Player

Azdaja Knelax – Mind Prospit Player

Galekh Xigisi – Blood Prospit Player

D -->

So apparently the Prospit/Derse imbalance shrunk the sessions from 5-6 potential sessions to 3-4. I'd say 3 of them are decent sized sessions, the fourth would need some more players but is at least viable as a void session as is, and I really didn't want to put Chixie in the same session as Zebruh even if it was as a miscelanious section. I really like how the first two sessions built out and the third was kind of fun making it a clown-y session.

Tagora seems to be the first HS character to be a male Hero of Space. Sburb session or not, that means Space is not a gender restricted aspect in HS canon. Considering how flexible everything is in the HS universe I wouldn't think it was anyway, but Space was one of the most common aspects with only female heros having it so I wasn't sure if it was an exception to the flexibility.

[sharethisgemwithme]

“Dewey Wins” instant reaction

It's about damn time.

Steven's back and, well, who's to say where we go from here?

PREVIOUSLY ON STEVEN UNIVERSE: A bunch of humans were abducted by Aquamarine and Topaz, the last of them Connie. As they attempted to find Greg ("mydad"), Steven instead gave himself up as diamond-killer Rose Quartz, and was taken to Homeworld. Lars accidentally tagged along. The two escaped and were found by an assortment of off-color Homeworld gems, but an attack resulted in Lars's brief death. Steven brought him back to life as a Lion-like pink being with wormhole hair, which he was able to use to get home. And now...

Tonight: "Dewey Wins". Right. I have nothing against townie episodes, and I understand the need to go back-and-forth with the heavy stuff, but this is a bit awkward of a followup. Potentially. Somewhere in this batch of six episodes, we're definitely making more progress on the gems telling us stuff, but this episode seems to be packed enough, that I don't know if it will fit here.

My predictions: First of all, disclaimer. I've seen the commercials, and the NYCC preview (which is as far as I know, the first two minutes), so I know Connie's sullen and Steven is unjustifiably smug (seriously, having just watched Wanted again, he is in tears for large portions, but I guess he found time in the last five months to once again convince himself he's just too tough to cry). I also sorta saw the episode titles, but I didn't really pay attention to them, or note their order (and I did my best to avoid the synopses of future episodes). So my predictions are colored by all that, but... If this is not a "Dewey Defeats Truman" joke, I am seriously baffled by the choice of episode title. So, that means that Nanefua is gonna become the new mayor by the end of the episode. Insert joke about an old person with a history of harassment winning an election in a stunning upset. As to the Connie plot, I think there will be a further conversation either about or with Connie, but I do think that Connie being upset with Steven for his actions will continue for a little longer. What he did was reckless, and for him to not even reflect on how he hurt those around him is cold and, frankly, a bit out-of-character.

All this intro is long, and for the benefit of those on mobile who can’t blacklist, the rest is below a cut.

All that out of the way, time to watch the episode! I'm watching via on-demand, and will start the clock with "We!" As always, first time I'm watching straight through with no pauses or rewinds.

[pre-start] I do notice the new episodes are marked as TV-G rather than TV-PG. Don't know if that means anything (or is a mistake). Also, LOL at the pre-show ad being for Match.com.

0:00 - And it's not in HD. Boo, Optimum. 0:20 - Lamar and Jeff for this one. 0:31 - They all look so glum. And they're right too. 0:40 - But Connie is the most pissed of all of them. 0:53 - None of this is stuff that should be said so happily. 1:09 - "But..." 1:18 - Massive missing of the point there, Steven. 1:30 - Regardless of Stevonnie, everyone was willing to work together. 1:44 - "Except for Lars", little bit flippant there, buddy. 2:00 - Didn't seem like a tough decision. 2:10 - Lion disapproves of your shenanigans. 2:22 - Sadie's not happy. Shockingly enough. 2:33 - "Also, he's kinda dead." 2:48 - THAT'S KINDA IMPORTANT TO DO. 3:04 - Here comes a new candidate. 3:28 - What the hell, Steven. This is not more important. 3:45 - This is a weak chant. 3:57 - THIS IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT. 4:05 - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GOING TO TALK TO DANTE AND MARTHA? Come on, dude! 4:24 - No! That would not have made things better! 4:40 - Why are you supporting him anyway? 5:06 - Have... you... have you told the parents yet? They're right there. 5:28 - "Everyone is safe." NO. Thanks, Sadie. 5:45 - Way to go, Sadie! 6:02 - OH YOU FUCKING IDIOT. 6:25 - Well deserved tomato to the face. 6:44 - Seriously, why are you supporting him?! What's wrong with Nanefua? 6:58 - Let's remember how well that book worked for Steven. Oh wait, it didn't. 7:20 - Jesus christ, this dude. 7:44 - "Speech-a-palooza". I chuckled. 8:22 - Do you have somewhere you're going with this? 8:40 - OK. And now Nanefua with the killshot? 8:58 - Oh boy, she's gonna blame Steven. 9:13 - "I will point them at Steven" 9:29 - Oh. That was surprisingly... nice. 9:55 - But what will we call Mayor Dewey if he's not Mayor anymore? 10:24 - This is not the thing to invest your energy in, Steven. 10:37 - Oh! You're making progress, without meaning it. Much like "Political Power" 10:54 - Thanks, Dewey. 11:05 - This leaves something to build on.

IMMEDIATE THOUGHTS: So this ending reminds me of "Political Power", obviously. In "Power", Steven makes the connection between Dewey lying to the town to make them feel better, and the Gems lying to Steven to make him feel better. Here, it's the analogy of Steven letting Connie down and... ok I'm not gonna lie, it's been three minutes since I watched the episode, and I can't quite place what the analogue in the Dewey situation was. There's a reason Dewey was able to say "Yeah I don't know what you're talking about", I guess. The other episode this ending reminds me of, right around the same time, is "Full Disclosure". Here, instead of Connie repeatedly calling and being ignored by Steven (the most callous he'd ever been until now), it's Steven trying to call Connie to ask forgiveness, and getting the cold shoulder. And given that he blew off her concerns, and then was flippant as all hell about "Oh hey, the mayoral election I didn't know was happening until just now is more important, can't hang out today", I don't blame her!

Second watch notes:

In the most recent episode of the official podcast, Matt or Ben mentioned how Connie and Lion have had an unspoken connection between them from the beginning, as they specifically brought up them working together to save Steven at the end of "Ocean Gem". That comes back here, as they ride off together without Steven. Does Lion just hang out at her place now?

Steven's most important power has always been reading the emotional temperature of the room. Him being so bad at it in the opening scene is painful.

There have been complaints of late about weak animation, and I think there's merit to those arguments (like the crowd at Nanefua's speech remaining frozen in place for a bit), but I do like the "camera" "focusing" on Steven and then "refocusing" on Connie during the last lines of their conversation.

Kate Micucci putting in a solid performance in this episode. Just want to throw that out there.

I might not have immediately noticed this if GC-13 of The Lunar Sea Spire podcast hadn't mentioned it, but the avatar of Ian JQ being present to cheer on Nanefua (modeled after his grandmother) is amusing.

Given the apparent outrage at Dewey for not doing anything, how is Steven not instantly a pariah when he says "Oh yeah, totally my fault." Does everyone just already dislike Dewey?

By the way, what a rift this must be causing within the Cool Kids. Is Sour Cream being forced to choose sides? Or is even Buck all "yeah I hope he loses"?

The economy of Beach "City" has always been baffling. The notion that the mayor thinks he can hire a new employee at a chain donut shop is an impressive amount of silly.

Ronaldo at the debate on his phone. Clearly typing up another KBCW post.

Nanefua will make a great mayor. She's already got the "emotional-sounding, and absolutely content-free speech" thing down pat.

OK, reaching the end I have now refreshed my memory on the Dewey-Steven analogy. Steven was taking the role of Connie, thinking that he was in a partnership that could do great things together, but the other member just gave up. The reason I forgot the analogy the first time around was because it doesn't make any fuckin' sense for Steven to have this level of devotion to Dewey (compared to Connie's belief in Steven), but that's where we were going with this, I guess.

Credits: No one credited for the generic townspeople, including the red-haired Southern-sounding woman at Dewey's first speech.

[kidsviral-blog]

Is It Time For Us To Take Astrology Seriously?

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/is-it-time-for-us-to-take-astrology-seriously/

Is It Time For Us To Take Astrology Seriously?

In an April marked by angry eclipses portending unexpected change, the ancient, long-debunked practice of astrology and its preeminent ambassador might be weirdly suited for the 21st century.

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Illustration by Justine Zwiebel for BuzzFeed

Every Tuesday and Thursday from noon until 7 p.m., Bart Lidofsky pins a small plastic name tag to his shirt (“Bart Lidofsky, Astrologer”) and receives customers at the Quest Bookshop on East 53rd Street in New York City. After I wander up to him and introduce myself — I am there to have my natal chart read — he leads me to a little table in the back of the store and pulls a gauzy green curtain closed behind us. “For privacy,” he says.

Quest specializes in spiritual, esoteric, and New Age literature, but also sells crystals, runes, incense, divination equipment, mala beads, essential oils, candles, pendulums, gemstones, and “altar supplies.” It smells like church in here. You can picture the clientele — people who are comfortable pontificating about auras, people who know how to hang wind chimes. Lidofsky has been performing astrological readings for 20 years, and his bio contains a long string of bona fides: He’s a member of the American Federation for Astrological Networking and the National Center for Geocosmic Research, and frequently delivers lectures for the New York Theosophical Society. Or, as he calls it, “the Lodge.”

After we sit down, Lidofsky asks for the precise date, time, and location of my birth, and spends the next 45 minutes determining, in his words, “how things fit together.”

Before I leave, Lidofsky — who wears a robust white goatee and small wire-frame glasses — hands me his business card. It is pale blue, and features a photograph of Saturn alongside all the pertinent contact information. “Feeling lost in a difficult world?” it wonders in extra-large type. “Help is available.”

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Until recently, I thought of astrology, when I thought of it at all, as frivolous and nearly embarrassing — a pseudoscience unworthy of consideration by serious people. I’m sure I felt at least partially implicated via my age and gender: A short screed in an 1852 edition of the New York Times called astrology’s audience “women and girls who are compelled to struggle as a living,” and declared the practice more odious than “the dozen other species of street swindles for which our city is famous.” In the late 1980s, when a former chief of staff published a provocative memoir claiming Nancy Reagan relied on a San Francisco astrologer to, as Time magazine put it, “determine the timing of the President’s every public move,” Ronald Reagan had to publicly insist that “at no time did astrology determine policy.” It was a major humiliation. Even the celebrity astrologer Steven Forrest has acknowledged his field’s dubious image. “I am often embarrassed to say what I do… Astrology has a terrible public relations problem,” he wrote in an essay for Astrology News Service.

But then there was this sense — suddenly, on the street — that astrology had credence. A 2013 New York magazine story claimed that “plenty of New Yorkers wouldn’t buy an apartment or accept a new job without an astral okay.” An occult bookstore opened on a dusty corner of Bushwick and was rhapsodically covered by the Times (its name, Catland, referenced a song by the British experimental band Current 93; its location in Brooklyn indicated a certain kind of culturally conscious clientele). People were talking frankly about their aspects. They knew which planets are in retrograde; they were jittery about eclipses. And it turns out what I’ve been observing anecdotally in New York — among my undergraduate writing students at New York University, in the press, between the otherwise high-functioning attendees of Brooklyn dinner parties — is supportable, at least in part, by statistics. According to a report from the National Science Foundation published earlier this year, “In 2012, slightly more than half of Americans said that astrology was ‘not at all scientific,’ whereas nearly two-thirds gave this response in 2010. The comparable percentage has not been this low since 1983.” While this sort of acceptance isn’t unprecedented, it’s still a curious spike. Astrology is gaining believers, and has been for a while.

In some ways, these numbers jibe with some broader cultural shifts: Whereas an astrological dabbler may have previously glanced at his horoscope in the newspaper while swirling cream into his coffee, there is now a vast and endless expanse of websites featuring complex, customized forecasts, some further broken down into insane and arbitrary-seeming categories (on Astrology.com, for example, you can consult a “Daily Flirt,” “Daily Home and Garden,” “Daily Dog,” or “Daily Lesbian” horoscope, among other variations). There is more access to astrology, just as there is more access to everything: A person can shop around, compare their fortunes, wait to find what they need.

When I speak to a former student, now 22, about the increase — it seems likely it’s at least in part attributable to her and her peers — she describes astrology’s mysteriousness as its most alluring attribute. She reads her horoscope every month, faithfully. Its inherent fallibility, she says, is precisely what makes it fun. For her, astrology is about feeling the strange thrill of indulging something (vaguely) supernatural, but it’s also about getting what she is really after, what we are all really after now: actionable, interactive information. These days, there aren’t many problems Google can’t solve. Except the problem of what happens next.

While folks her age are hardly the first group to feel the draw of the unknown, it also makes sense that a generation that came of age with the whole of human knowledge in its pockets might find the ambiguity of astrology a little welcome sometimes. For people born with the web, information has always been instantly accessible, so astrology’s abstruseness — and, ironically, its promises of clarity regarding the only real unknowable: the future — becomes appealing. This generation’s predicament, as I understand it, has always felt Dickensian: “We have everything before us, we have nothing before us.”

But then I’m reminded, again, that inaccuracy, or, at least, a belief in the fluidity of truth, is at the heart of the present-day zeitgeist: Our news is often hasty and unverified, our photos are filtered and retouched, our songs are pitch-corrected, our unscripted television programs are storyboarded into oblivion, and most everyone shrugs it all off. Astrology might not offer the most accurate or verifiable information, but at least it offers information — arguably the only currency that makes sense in 2014.

In that way, astrology seems perfectly positioned to become the defining dogma of our time.

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The earliest extant astrological text is a series of 70 clay tablets known collectively as Enuma Anu Enlil. The originals haven’t been recovered, but copies were found in the library of King Assurbanipal, a seventh-century B.C. Assyrian leader who reigned at Nineveh, in what’s presently northwestern Iraq. (Some of the tablets are now held by the British Museum in London.) The Enuma Anu Enlil contains various omens and interpretations of celestial phenomena, and accurately notes things like the rising and setting of Venus. According to the historian Benson Bobrick, the Assyrians at Nineveh had distinguished planets from fixed stars and figured out how to follow their courses, allowing them to predict eclipses; they also established the lunar month at 29 1/2 days.

By 700 B.C., the Chaldeans — tribes of Semitic migrants who settled in a marshy, southeastern corner of Mesopotamia — had discerned that the planets traveled on a set, narrow path called the ecliptic, and that constellations moved 30 degrees every two hours. In his book The Fated Sky, Bobrick explains how “the twelve [observed] constellations were eventually mapped and formed into a Zodiac round (about the sixth-century B.C.), and the signs in turn (as distinct from the constellations) were established as twelve 30 degree arcs over the course of the next 200 years.” As early as 410 B.C., astrologers had begun making natal charts, noting the exact alignment of the heavens at the moment of a baby’s birth.

Bobrick eventually suggests that astrology is, in fact, “the origin of science itself,” the practice from which “astronomy, calculation of time, mathematics, medicine, botany, mineralogy, and (by way of alchemy) modern chemistry” were eventually derived. “The idea at the heart of astrology is that the pattern of a person’s life — or character, or nature — corresponds to the planetary pattern at the moment of his birth,” Bobrick writes. “Such an idea is as old as the world is old — that all things bear the imprint of the moment they are born.”

It’s at least hard to untangle the development of astrology from the rise of astronomy, and for a long time, the two fields were essentially synonymous; the divide between the supernatural and the natural wasn’t always quite so entrenched. As Bobrick writes, the “occult and mystical yearnings” of Copernicus, Brahe, and Galileo helped to “inspire their scientific work,” and astronomy and astrology remained close bedfellows until almost the end of the 17th century.

Nick Popper, a historian and author who has studied the intersection of science and mysticism, explains the relationship this way: “In Europe before the Enlightenment, for example, most individuals recognized a distinction between the two. Astronomy was the knowledge of the map of the stars and their movements, while astrology was the interpretation of their effects. But knowledge of the movements of the stars was primarily useful for its service to astrology. On its own, astronomy was most valuable as a timepiece.”

For early modern Europeans, astrology was undeniable and ubiquitous, a guiding force in various essential fields, including medicine. “Every noble court worth its salt had an astrologer on consultation,” Popper tells me. “Typically a physician skilled in taking astrological readings. Many brought in numerous people to help interpret significant events. These figures were [frequently] charged with determining propitious dates, anticipating future transformations, and using horoscopes to assess the character of all sorts of figures. This predictive capacity was not deemed a ‘low’ knowledge, as now, but seen as an utterly vital political expertise.”

Johannes Kepler, one of the forefathers of modern astronomy (he determined the laws of planetary motion, which allowed Newton to determine his law of universal gravitation; Kant later called Kepler “the most acute thinker ever born”), wrote in 1603 that “philosophy, and therefore genuine astrology is a testimony of God’s works, and is therefore holy. It is by no means a frivolous thing.” Three years later, in 1606, he declared: “Somehow the images of celestial things are stamped upon the interior of the human being, by some hidden method of absorption … The character of the sky flowed into us at birth.”

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“There are so many misconceptions about astrology, it boggles me.” Susan Miller, arguably the most broadly influential astrologer practicing in America right now, is sitting across from me at a white-tablecloth restaurant on New York’s Upper East Side wearing a dark blue sheath dress, black tights, black knee-high boots, and Hitchcock-red lips. “The biggest is that it’s for women. I have 45% male readers. People just assume that it’s all women. It’s not.”

She is petite and precisely assembled, but not in a grim, bloodless, Park Avenue way. There is something openhearted about her, a vulnerability that borders on guilelessness. I find her instantly kind. We will sit here together for over four hours.

Miller founded a website called Astrology Zone on Dec. 14, 1995; the site presently attracts 6.5 million unique readers and 20 million page views each month. She released a new version of her smartphone app (“Susan Miller’s AstrologyZone Daily Horoscope FREE!”) late last year; her old app was downloaded 3 million times. Miller is hip to the way astrology functions online, having embraced the web from the very start of her career. She is active across most social media platforms, and fluent in the quick rhythm of virtual interaction, often acting as a kind of kooky, round-the-clock therapist. Offline, she employs 30 people in one way or another, has written nine books, and is aggressively feted by the fashion industry, a community in which she functions as an omniscient, beloved oracle.

Miller was born in New York, still lives in the city, and doesn’t have a whiff of bohemian mysticism about her. Instead, she presents as intelligent and detail-oriented, with none of the candles-and-crystals whimsy endemic to New Age bookstores. (A minor concession: Her iPhone, which beckons her often, is set to the “Sci-Fi” ringtone.) She appears legitimately compelled to help people, and offers an extravagant amount of free services to her followers. Of course, “free services” can be a potentially devious vehicle for other, less altruistic pursuits — and Miller does sell her books and calendars on her website, and frequently pushes a premier version of her app featuring longer horoscopes — but it is very, very easy to read and follow Astrology Zone without ever making an explicit financial investment in it. (Miller insists she makes “pennies” from the non-pop-up advertisements on the site.) I believe her when she says she considers her readers friends.

It had started to feel like a colossal waste of energy, fretting over whether or not astrology is “real” — whether or not there are accurate indications of our collective or individual futures contained in the cosmos, whether or not those indications can be massaged into utility by trained interpreters — because the fact is, even beyond our present disinterest in objective truth, reasonable people believe in all sorts of unreasonable things. True love, the afterlife, karma, a soul. Even high-level cosmology, the study of the origin and evolution of the universe, hinges in part on tenuous scientific presumptions. When I considered astrology objectively — the notion that celestial movements might affect activity on Earth, and that people born around the same time of year share might certain characteristics based, in part, on a comparable environmental experience in utero — it didn’t seem nearly as dumb as, say, waving one’s hands around a crystal ball. Or calling someone your soulmate.

Still, astrology is often (rightly) equated with charlatanism: hucksters peddling snake oil, burglarizing the naïve. As with any unregulated business, there are practitioners who aren’t properly trained, who haven’t done the work and don’t know the math; they will snatch your $5 and spit back some vague platitude about the stars. It makes sense, then, that astrology is so routinely conflated with fortune-telling, mysticism. “People think it’s predestination. It has nothing to do with predestination,” Miller says, forking the salmon on her chopped salad. She is careful, always, to emphasize free will in her readings — when properly employed, astrology doesn’t dictate or predict our choices, it merely allows us to make better, more informed ones. As the astrologer Evangeline Adams wrote in 1929, “The horoscope does not pronounce sentence … it gives warning.” It’s the same idea — in theory, at least — as a body undergoing genetic testing to unmask certain proclivities or susceptibilities: to find out what it’s capable of, to preemptively protect the places where it is softest, most at risk.

Miller has written extensively about the debilitating, unnamable ailment she suffered as a child (“I had sudden, inexplicable attacks that felt like thick syrup was falling into my knee,” she wrote in her 2001 book, Planets and Possibilities), and over lunch, she tells me she was bedridden for weeks-long stretches, and endured bouts of extraordinary, life-halting pain. She describes the problem as a birth defect, but her doctors were mystified by her condition, and routinely accused her of total hysteria. Around her 14th birthday, Miller’s parents finally found a physician willing to further investigate her case, and she spent 11 months in the hospital that year, undergoing and recovering from various vascular operations.

“The other doctors were like, ‘You’re very clever, aren’t you? You don’t want to go to school, and you’ve hoodwinked all of us,’” she recalls. “And you know, my mother and father were on my side. But they were the only ones. I could feel how a prisoner would feel when unjustly accused. It was the most horrible thing. To be in so much pain and to be screamed at!”

To date, Miller has received more than 40 blood transfusions. Although she no longer endures attacks, if she were injured again in her left leg — in a way that suddenly exposed her veins — she could easily bleed to death. As of 2001, there were only 47 other documented cases of her particular affliction on record.

The pain kept her out of high school, but Miller studied from bed, passed the New York State Regents exams, and graduated at 16. Shortly thereafter, she enrolled in New York University, where she studied business. The whole arc is remarkable: a narrative of redemption. I can’t tell whether I find it incongruous or inevitable that a kid who was constantly told her pain was not real grew up to adopt a profession that gets ridiculed, nearly incessantly, for being its own kind of con. It speaks to Miller’s self-possession that she is charitable, always, to her skeptics.

“No astrologer believes in astrology before she starts studying it,” she says. “What I have a problem with are people who pontificate against astrology who’ve never studied it, never looked at a book, had no contact with it. And they criticize it without opening the lid and looking inside.” She pauses. “But I’m not an evangelist.”

Miller is famously available to her readers, particularly on Twitter. The medium suits her: Her dispatches are sympathetic, personable, chatty. Aggressively educated young women, especially, share them in a half-winking, half-sincere way, indulging in astrology’s prescribed femininity and wielding it in a manner that feels almost confrontational. It reminds me, sometimes, of the way women talk to each other about nail polish: as if it were a political act to not be embarrassed by it.

Miller, for her part, spends loads of time answering questions from her more than 177,000 followers, like, “I need to have oral surgery. when should I schedule? Aries w/Virgo rising.” (“Every Aries I know is having oral surgery,” Miller wrote back. “My daughter had it too. Go ahead and have it — think of it as repair work. Good time!”).

Advice like this would be troubling if Miller was not always exceedingly mindful of her influence (she says she would never tell someone not to have surgery or not to get married on a specific day), and it is, in fact, troubling regardless; her readers take her work seriously. She is pestered with inane questions like some sort of human Magic 8 Ball. If there is any delay in the appearance of an Astrology Zone forecast — they are posted, en masse, on the first of the month — people get agitated. The tweets accumulate, and range in timbre from bummed to slightly desperate: “Waking up the first day of the month to find that Susan won’t post for another 24 hours is the worst,” “It won’t officially be spring until Susan Miller posts her March horoscopes,” “This wait on @astrologyzone is killing me,” “Why is @astrologyzone always late? Every other astrology website posts on time but the best.”

Eventually, the forecasts always appear. Miller stays up very late — until 2 or 3 in the morning, most nights — and wakes up at 7 to exercise, screen several news broadcasts (she likes to compare them, to see how certain stories are prioritized), run errands, and, eventually, around 11 a.m., start writing. She generates at least 40,000 words every month for Astrology Zone, and produces detailed horoscopes for Elle, Neiman Marcus, and a slew of international publications, including Vogue Japan.

Anyone who’s ever interviewed Miller has observed that she’s a circuitous, digressive storyteller, and her monthly forecasts are far longer — they’re essays, really — than a typical newspaper or magazine horoscope, which usually contains just a sentence or two of fuzzy wisdom. Miller can be specific in her advice (“I suggest you do not accept a job now, not unless the offer emanates from a VIP from your past. In that case, you would be simply continuing your relationship, not starting a new relationship, and you therefore would be on safer ground during a Mercury retrograde phase,” she cautioned in February), and she calls her work “practical astrology,” which differs, she said, from “psychological astrology.” She wants to be service-oriented. She wants to give people information they can use.

“I can tell right away if you had a harsh father or a critical mother,” she says. “I might mention it. But I’m not going to delve into your childhood and growing up. I think that’s the work of a psychiatrist.” Instead, Miller finds out how certain astrological phenomena have affected a client in the past, and then, when those events are about to repeat, asks them to recall the state of their life at that prior moment. “When I do a chart the first time, there is so much information there. I have to watch your proclivities.”

Miller pulls out her MacBook and opens a program called Io Sprite. She plugs in my birth information, and a pie chart appears on the screen. It contains several concentric circles; the outermost circle is divided into 12 sections, one for each sign of the zodiac. Individual slices contain glyphs representing the sun, the moon, planets, nodes, trines. It is a snapshot of the sky at the moment of my deliverance, and it is the lynchpin of Western astrology.

Besides the placement of celestial bodies, astrologers also consider what they call “aspects” — the relative angles between planets — and use the natal chart to determine an ascendant or rising sign (the sign and degree that was ascending on the eastern horizon at the time of birth; astrologers think this signifies a person’s “awakening consciousness”). The planet closest to one’s ascendant is that person’s rising planet, and is believed to indicate how we approach or deal with other people. Every astrologer will interpret a natal chart slightly differently. Miller compares this to how various broadcasters report the same news, but emphasize or deemphasize certain narratives. She tells me it is important to find an astrologer that I like and trust.

“You have Uranus rising the same way I do,” Miller says, staring closely at my chart. “Your thought patterns are different from everybody else’s. You think they’re the same because you’re living inside of your body, but they’re different. That influences your personality. People will remember you. And at some point in your life you will form a path for people. You will expose something or teach them something that they didn’t know about.” I’m not sure how or if I’m supposed to respond, so I chew on the end of my pen and look up at her like a puppy dog. I want her to tell me everything. Maybe I don’t believe in astrology, or at least not entirely, but I’m also not immune to the lure of whispered prophecies.

Obviously, the personality attributes commonly associated with most signs (and repeated by astrologers) are positive, and if they’re not immediately complimentary, they’re at least forgivable (“secretive,” “stubborn”). In astrology, no one is “strangely shaped” or “sort of dense.” I am a Capricorn, like Joan of Arc and LeBron James, which means, according to Miller, that I’m rational, reliable, resilient, calm, competitive, trustworthy, determined, cautious, disciplined, and quite persevering. “Your underlings see you as a tower of strength,” she wrote of Capricorns in Planets and Possibilities. “And indeed you are.” Meanwhile, I have Scorpio rising at 19 degrees, which means I have “awesome sexual powers” and a set of “bedroom eyes” that, I’m told, will get me “just about anything I want.” Like many people, I find my astrological profile to be spot-on.

The most noteworthy scientific repudiation of astrology was conducted in the early 1980s by a UC-Berkeley physicist named Shawn Carlson. He tasked 28 astrologers with pairing more than 100 natal charts to psychological profiles generated by the California Personality Inventory, a 480-question true-false test that determines personality type. The idea was to figure out if a trained astrologer could accurately match a natal chart to a personality profile. “Astrology failed to perform at a level better than chance,” Carlson concluded in Nature in 1985. “We are now in a position to argue a surprisingly strong case against natal astrology as practiced by reputable astrologers.”

It is a surprisingly strong case, in that I’m legitimately surprised that the astrologers fared so poorly, and then further surprised by my own surprise. I wonder, for a moment, if astrology has become so omnipresent and accepted in America — nearly everyone, after all, knows their sign, and has since childhood — that we’re all unconsciously performing our attributes now. That we have assumed them. This seems bonkers.

I recall Wittgenstein: “We feel that when all possible scientific questions have been answered, the problems of life remain completely untouched.”

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These days, it’s not terribly easy to find a reputable scientist willing to go on the record about astrology. The practice is so heavily disregarded that folks don’t even want to expend the energy required to debunk it. The American Museum of Natural History tells me they do “not have anyone to talk about this.”

I eventually get in touch with Eugene Tracy, a chancellor professor of physics at the College of William and Mary, who studies plasma theory and nonlinear dynamics, and who recently co-authored a new book (Ray Tracing and Beyond: Phase Space Methods in Plasma Wave Theory) for the Cambridge University Press. Plasma theory — that’s heavy. It posits that plasmas and ionized gases play far more central roles in the physics of the universe than previously theorized. It’s also what’s known as a “non-standard cosmology,” meaning it essentially contradicts the Big Bang, and hypothesizes a universe with no beginning or end. I get a little bug-eyed just thinking about it.

Tracy, who has taught high-level graduate courses in physics and undergraduate seminars in things like “Time in Science and Science Fiction,” acknowledges that science and mysticism now sit in total opposition. “The separation between what we would now call science and religion, philosophy and art, is a very modern development,” Tracy says. “The [early] motivation for studying things in the sky was the belief that either these things were gods, or they were the places where the gods lived,” he says.

Tracy and I talk for a while about Kepler, the last great astronomer who maintained faith in astrology; I am interested in how Kepler juggled his confidences. “He believed that astrology wasn’t working, that it demonstrably wasn’t very predictive. But he believed that it was because they were doing it wrong, not because the field itself was misguided,” Tracy says. “He had that scientific attitude: I need good data to build my models on. But his motivation was mystical.”

I finally tell Tracy that what I really want is a succinct debunking of the entire enterprise: I want to know, definitively, that it can’t work, that it doesn’t make sense. He is gentle in his reply. “Newton’s theory of gravity says that everything in the universe gravitates toward everything else. So that means there is a force exerted upon you by the other planets, by the sun, and so forth,” he says. “Now if you ask, ‘Well, the person who is sitting next to me in the room also exerts gravitational influence on me. How close do they have to be to exert the same gravitational influence as Jupiter?’ I’d say depending on where the doctor stood in the room next to you when you were born, [he] exerted the same gravitational influence [as Jupiter]. So gravity isn’t gonna get you astrology. The argument is that there’s something else going on. And that’s where you get outside the realm of science.”

In the beginning — my beginning, your beginning — gravity was everywhere, and the planets were just planets.

When I ask him why he thought people continued to believe in astrology — to cling to a myth — he likens it to our ongoing interest in science fiction of all stripes. “We don’t want to think of the planets as being empty, that there aren’t stories out there. Just like here,” he answers. “We want to fill the world with stories.”

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I have plans to meet my friend Michael in the West Village on a particularly frigid Friday night. Over email, I convince him we should go see an astrologer or clairvoyant of some sort — you know, just dip into one of those tapestried storefronts on Bleecker Street, slip some cash to a woman in a low-cut top. I anticipate resistance, so I tell him we can get a drink first. We meet at a quasi-dive called The Four-Faced Liar, and have 300 beers. I want to see for myself whether astrology — even when practiced in the most pedestrian, mercenary way — can distinguish itself from all your basic soothsaying rackets.

Sufficiently over-served, Michael and I stumble around the neighborhood. (It doesn’t even seem that cold out anymore!) (It is 11 degrees.) Walk-in astrologers in major cities tend to keep bar hours — they are often open until midnight or 1 a.m., at least in New York — and I suspect a decent chunk of their business is derived from rambunctious tavern patrons on the move and in search of one last thrill.

Street psychics obviously command a different clientele than high-end private astrologers (comprehensive natal readings tend to cost between $150 and $200, whereas most people can only stomach shelling out 10 or 20 bucks on a late-night whim), but the questions are often the same; all of our questions are always the same. Speaking on the telephone one afternoon, Miller tells me that people come to her for many kinds of personal advice: love, sex, marriage, friendship, health concerns, career counseling. “This is the most educated generation in history, and they’re reading me because they can’t get a job,” she says. “But they don’t read me just for solving problems. They read me to get a perspective on their life. That’s another misconception,” she sighs. “There is nothing but misconceptions.”

The promise of “perspective” is an interesting way to think about the basic appeal of astrology. It allows us to step back — way back — and get a broad-view portrait of our lives, to have someone say: “This is who you are.” A person could spend her entire life trying to figure that out (which is to say nothing of the subsequent quest — in the unlikely event of a successful self-definition — to have that identity validated). I wonder if part of astrology’s attractiveness doesn’t have to do with its rote assignment of signifiers. All the clues to how a person should be: rational, reliable, resilient, calm, competitive, trustworthy, determined, cautious, disciplined. It feels like a road map, in a way.

Of course, what people really want to know is the future. It’s supremely annoying, not knowing what’s going to happen to you.

Michael and I procure dollar slices on Sixth Avenue and wander over to Houston Street. We find a storefront with a neon PSYCHIC sign. The establishment is called Predictions, and is operated by a tiny Egyptian woman named Nicole, who immediately beckons us inside. Her card says “Horoscopes,” and I inquire about an astrological reading. She is dismissive of the idea. “They read your sign,” she says. “I tell your future.”

The best part of my 10-minute session with Nicole is when she asks Michael to leave, commands me to squeeze a clear quartz crystal in my left hand, and then announces, in succession, that my sex chakras are blocked, that someone bothered my mother while she was pregnant with me, that things other people find difficult I find easy, that I am destined to be with someone whose name begins with “J,” and that I am slightly psychic myself.

Back on the street, I find Michael deep in conversation with two young, dark-haired women who are both contemplating a consultation with Nicole. They say they are going to buy a scratch-off lottery ticket first, and that if they win, they’ll go in to see her. They do not win. I tell Michael how I am supposed to be with Jeorge Clooney.

We turn onto MacDougal and walk past a building with the zodiac painted on the window. The door is locked, but eventually an old woman — toothless, and wearing a pink bathrobe — appears and unlocks it. Despite the iconography decorating her building, she also denies us an astrological reading. “It’s too complicated,” she sighs. “You have to know what you’re doing.” Instead, she reads Michael’s tarot cards while I sit on a chair with a ripped cushion. The television remains on the entire time. “I don’t look at the past,” she says while he shuffles the cards. “That’s for you to deal with.” She proceeds to tell Michael a few things about his future — two to three kids! — but I’m not listening because I’m thinking really hard about nachos. Before we leave, he asks her if she has any ideas for a cool nickname. We discussed this question ahead of time, back at the bar. “Something with a T,” she says. “And an L.” He decides on “Talon” after a brief dalliance with “Toil.” The next morning, I text him the word “TOILET” repeatedly.

If there is a way to ascertain usable info about the future, I am not sure this is it.

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The question of why astrology has endured — why, of all the outlier theosophies and esoteric theories, astrology is the one that’s remained in the public consciousness for thousands of years, the one with a presence in nearly every daily newspaper in America, the one that’s flourishing online — might just be attributable to the endless romance of the night sky. Find a field out in the country, wait until dark, look up: It is a fast and easy way to find yourself cowed. There is something seductive about the stars, about their beauty and their strangeness, about what they imply regarding the smallness of our existence here on Earth. In his book The Fourth Dimension, the mathematician Rudy Rucker wrote: “What entity, short of God, could be nobler or worthier of [our] attention than the cosmos itself?”

Eugene Tracy suggests something similar during our conversation. “I think for most of human history, the sky has been very important to people,” he says. “And now we live our lives without it. We’re surrounded by artificial light.”

Astrology is, in the end, a kind of mass apophenia: the seeing of patterns or connections in random data. Although it resembles a pantheism and sometimes gets slotted as such, astrology has never struck me as a useful stand-in for organized religion — it doesn’t proffer absolution or any promise of an afterlife, nor is it a practicable ethos — and many astrologers (including Susan Miller, who is a devout Catholic) nurture active spiritual lives that have nothing to do with the zodiac. Astrology, unlike religion, is a deeply personalized, nearly solipsistic practice.

When I ask Dr. Janet Bernstein, a psychiatrist who’s worked in all kinds of contexts (privately, in prisons, in hospitals, in New York, in Alaska), if she has a sense of why so many different types of people turn to astrology, she points out that it often only takes one win — one “right” horoscope — to convert a skeptic. “Humans seem to like certainty and predictability in many, but not all, situations,” she says. “Astrology is just one of many systems that promises some certainty and predictability. Medical research is another. Stock market analysis is yet another. What often happens when one prediction in a system is born out is that the entire system [is] accepted.”

Back at the Quest Bookshop, when I ask Lidofsky if his belief in astrology requires at least a temporary suspension of cynicism — a “there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy”-type of open-mindedness toward wildly unquantifiable truths — he only shrugs. “I don’t see any logical reason why it works,” he replies. “It just does. Aspirin was the most prescribed drug in the world, and no one knew how it worked until the ‘70s.”

Ultimately, I understand astrology’s utility as a (faulty) predictive tool, even if most astrologers prefer that it not be used that way. I also understand its attractiveness as something to believe in: Here is an ancient art — rooted in the cosmos, the default home for everything divine and miraculous — that promises not only clarity regarding the future, but also a summation of the past. Humans have always been drawn to succinct markers of identity, to anything that tells us who we are.

There is also the assurance of change in astrology: The planets keep moving. The chart always shifts. The forecast refreshes on the first of the month.

One particular story has stuck with me: In July 1609, Galileo discovered that Dutch eyeglass makers had developed a simple telescope, and weeks later, he’d designed and forged his own (improved) version, which allowed him to define the Milky Way as a galaxy of clustered stars, to see that Jupiter had four large orbiting moons, and to reaffirm Copernicus’ heliocentric understanding of the universe. Still, several prominent philosophers, including Cesare Cremonini and Giulio Libri, refused to look through the telescope. Maybe they just didn’t want to see what he saw — didn’t want to challenge one worldview with another. In 1610, in a letter to Kepler, Galileo opined what he called “the extraordinary stupidity of the multitude,” but it’s impossible to say precisely what kept the philosophers away.

I like to think they chose to uphold a private sense of heaven. One that told them exactly what they needed to know.

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