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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year ago

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How plausible sentence generators are changing the bullshit wars

This Friday (September 8) at 10hPT/17hUK, I'm livestreaming "How To Dismantle the Internet" with Intelligence Squared.

On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

In my latest Locus Magazine column, "Plausible Sentence Generators," I describe how I unwittingly came to use – and even be impressed by – an AI chatbot – and what this means for a specialized, highly salient form of writing, namely, "bullshit":

https://locusmag.com/2023/09/commentary-by-cory-doctorow-plausible-sentence-generators/

Here's what happened: I got stranded at JFK due to heavy weather and an air-traffic control tower fire that locked down every westbound flight on the east coast. The American Airlines agent told me to try going standby the next morning, and advised that if I booked a hotel and saved my taxi receipts, I would get reimbursed when I got home to LA.

But when I got home, the airline's reps told me they would absolutely not reimburse me, that this was their policy, and they didn't care that their representative had promised they'd make me whole. This was so frustrating that I decided to take the airline to small claims court: I'm no lawyer, but I know that a contract takes place when an offer is made and accepted, and so I had a contract, and AA was violating it, and stiffing me for over $400.

The problem was that I didn't know anything about filing a small claim. I've been ripped off by lots of large American businesses, but none had pissed me off enough to sue – until American broke its contract with me.

So I googled it. I found a website that gave step-by-step instructions, starting with sending a "final demand" letter to the airline's business office. They offered to help me write the letter, and so I clicked and I typed and I wrote a pretty stern legal letter.

Now, I'm not a lawyer, but I have worked for a campaigning law-firm for over 20 years, and I've spent the same amount of time writing about the sins of the rich and powerful. I've seen a lot of threats, both those received by our clients and sent to me.

I've been threatened by everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow to Ralph Lauren to the Sacklers. I've been threatened by lawyers representing the billionaire who owned NSOG roup, the notoroious cyber arms-dealer. I even got a series of vicious, baseless threats from lawyers representing LAX's private terminal.

So I know a thing or two about writing a legal threat! I gave it a good effort and then submitted the form, and got a message asking me to wait for a minute or two. A couple minutes later, the form returned a new version of my letter, expanded and augmented. Now, my letter was a little scary – but this version was bowel-looseningly terrifying.

I had unwittingly used a chatbot. The website had fed my letter to a Large Language Model, likely ChatGPT, with a prompt like, "Make this into an aggressive, bullying legal threat." The chatbot obliged.

I don't think much of LLMs. After you get past the initial party trick of getting something like, "instructions for removing a grilled-cheese sandwich from a VCR in the style of the King James Bible," the novelty wears thin:

https://www.emergentmind.com/posts/write-a-biblical-verse-in-the-style-of-the-king-james

Yes, science fiction magazines are inundated with LLM-written short stories, but the problem there isn't merely the overwhelming quantity of machine-generated stories – it's also that they suck. They're bad stories:

https://www.npr.org/2023/02/24/1159286436/ai-chatbot-chatgpt-magazine-clarkesworld-artificial-intelligence

LLMs generate naturalistic prose. This is an impressive technical feat, and the details are genuinely fascinating. This series by Ben Levinstein is a must-read peek under the hood:

https://benlevinstein.substack.com/p/how-to-think-about-large-language

But "naturalistic prose" isn't necessarily good prose. A lot of naturalistic language is awful. In particular, legal documents are fucking terrible. Lawyers affect a stilted, stylized language that is both officious and obfuscated.

The LLM I accidentally used to rewrite my legal threat transmuted my own prose into something that reads like it was written by a $600/hour paralegal working for a $1500/hour partner at a white-show law-firm. As such, it sends a signal: "The person who commissioned this letter is so angry at you that they are willing to spend $600 to get you to cough up the $400 you owe them. Moreover, they are so well-resourced that they can afford to pursue this claim beyond any rational economic basis."

Let's be clear here: these kinds of lawyer letters aren't good writing; they're a highly specific form of bad writing. The point of this letter isn't to parse the text, it's to send a signal. If the letter was well-written, it wouldn't send the right signal. For the letter to work, it has to read like it was written by someone whose prose-sense was irreparably damaged by a legal education.

Here's the thing: the fact that an LLM can manufacture this once-expensive signal for free means that the signal's meaning will shortly change, forever. Once companies realize that this kind of letter can be generated on demand, it will cease to mean, "You are dealing with a furious, vindictive rich person." It will come to mean, "You are dealing with someone who knows how to type 'generate legal threat' into a search box."

Legal threat letters are in a class of language formally called "bullshit":

https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691122946/on-bullshit

LLMs may not be good at generating science fiction short stories, but they're excellent at generating bullshit. For example, a university prof friend of mine admits that they and all their colleagues are now writing grad student recommendation letters by feeding a few bullet points to an LLM, which inflates them with bullshit, adding puffery to swell those bullet points into lengthy paragraphs.

Naturally, the next stage is that profs on the receiving end of these recommendation letters will ask another LLM to summarize them by reducing them to a few bullet points. This is next-level bullshit: a few easily-grasped points are turned into a florid sheet of nonsense, which is then reconverted into a few bullet-points again, though these may only be tangentially related to the original.

What comes next? The reference letter becomes a useless signal. It goes from being a thing that a prof has to really believe in you to produce, whose mere existence is thus significant, to a thing that can be produced with the click of a button, and then it signifies nothing.

We've been through this before. It used to be that sending a letter to your legislative representative meant a lot. Then, automated internet forms produced by activists like me made it far easier to send those letters and lawmakers stopped taking them so seriously. So we created automatic dialers to let you phone your lawmakers, this being another once-powerful signal. Lowering the cost of making the phone call inevitably made the phone call mean less.

Today, we are in a war over signals. The actors and writers who've trudged through the heat-dome up and down the sidewalks in front of the studios in my neighborhood are sending a very powerful signal. The fact that they're fighting to prevent their industry from being enshittified by plausible sentence generators that can produce bullshit on demand makes their fight especially important.

Chatbots are the nuclear weapons of the bullshit wars. Want to generate 2,000 words of nonsense about "the first time I ate an egg," to run overtop of an omelet recipe you're hoping to make the number one Google result? ChatGPT has you covered. Want to generate fake complaints or fake positive reviews? The Stochastic Parrot will produce 'em all day long.

As I wrote for Locus: "None of this prose is good, none of it is really socially useful, but there’s demand for it. Ironically, the more bullshit there is, the more bullshit filters there are, and this requires still more bullshit to overcome it."

Meanwhile, AA still hasn't answered my letter, and to be honest, I'm so sick of bullshit I can't be bothered to sue them anymore. I suppose that's what they were counting on.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/07/govern-yourself-accordingly/#robolawyers

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #chatbots #plausible sentence generators #robot lawyers #robolawyers #ai #ml #machine learning #artificial intelligence #stochastic parrots #bullshit #bullshit generators #the bullshit wars #llms #large language models #writing #Ben Levinstein

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ilyrafe · 7 months ago

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𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅'𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 ✧ 𝒓. 𝒄.

pairing: ex-boyfriend!rafe cameron x ex-girlfriend!reader

warnings: angst

word count: 1k

“hi, rafe.”

just your voice is enough to decentralize him entirely. he didn’t expect to see you at sarah’s party, only because he didn’t know you were back to kildare.

you look beautiful as always. your hair is shorter, but that’s the only thing that has changed about you, at least, it’s what he can assume. the flower crown you’re wearing adorns your sage green dress beautifully.

“hi.” he takes a sip of his mock tail, trying to pretend he’s cool with you there, as if he knew.

“how have you been?”

“good.”

you know rafe too well. his short answers tell you he’s not at all amused by your presence, and that breaks your heart even more. he looks so handsome with a buzzcut, and it’s like he knows it.

“i guess you didn’t know i was coming.” you chuckle quite awkwardly. “sarah convinced me to come, she said it wouldn’t be an issue, but... if you want me to leave, i will.”

“i really don’t care what you do, y/n.”

you sigh, defeated. he’ll never forgive you for what you said. you thought that maybe he would have changed, or at least, understood your point, but you see that he hasn’t done either.

“okay, um... i’ll see you around, rafe.”

he watches you leave, and you’re not even pretending to be happy. he ruined your mood and he knows it. rafe sees sarah comforting you, and she shoots him a glare, making him roll his eyes and leave his spot at the bar.

he should probably leave, too.

when he turns his back and makes his way inside tanney hill, he doesn’t look back. he goes straight to his bedroom and plops down on his king sized bed. the music is muffled, thank god.

he’s been trying to make amends with sarah, even letting her come back home and be with john b in peace. sure, he doesn’t get along with the pogues, but if accepting them is what it takes for him to have the smallest sense of peace, he’ll do it.

rafe has also decided to get sober. after almost dying of an overdose, he was really scared and decided to quit. he wants to make ward proud. staying away from alcohol is a lot harder than quitting coke and marijuana, it turns out. the mock tails aren’t as enjoyable.

as if doing all that isn’t hard enough, you’re back. and with you being back, all of the feelings he’s successfully repressed are coming back up again, stronger than ever.

he hates that he’s given you this amount of power over him.

rafe never did feelings before, and the one time he did, you left him because of himself. rafe is his worst enemy.

he really loved you. well, scratch that. he never stopped loving you. you took care of him, you improved his relationship with ward and sarah. you asked him to quit drugs and selling it. you listened to him and you took none of his bullshit. you held him accountable while giving him grace.

deep down, he knows he fucked up. he wasn’t ready to grow up, but no one likes to say they’re wrong, do they?

“i just think it’s funny how you really believe this little island is an entire world for you.” you snorted. “but i know why you don’t wanna leave this shit hole. you’re a nobody outside the outer banks. there is no “kook versus pogue” once you step out of this place. you’re just another trust fund baby with drug issues to everyone else, rafe.”

he never understood your incessant need to “explore the world”, it’s so childish. you always talked about how you wanted to live in paris, toronto, tokyo, london, seoul, or berlin or whatever (honestly, you have mentioned so many cities, he has lost count), and you always said that you would be happy anywhere else, but rafe doesn’t see himself being happy far from north carolina. from kildare. from tanney hill. it’s where he comes from and where he wants to die. it’s what he knows.

a knock on his bedroom door interrupts his thoughts. rafe huffs and rolls his eyes. when he opens the door, he comes across you.

“what do you want?” he questions, irritated.

you enter his room and close the door behind you, drowning out the noise of the music once again. you’ve missed his bedroom. his bed.

“i think... i think i owe you an apology,” you say. “i shouldn’t have been so mean to you that day, it wasn’t right.”

rafe remains quiet, sitting on his bed, just listening to you talk.

“i just… i never liked it here, and i end up projecting that onto others, and i did that to you. i’m sorry.”

in theory, hearing you apologize should be gratifying, but rafe can’t identify any sign of regret in you. it’s not that he doesn’t think your apology is insincere, it’s that the regret he wanted to see doesn’t exist. you don’t regret leaving kildare nor leaving him.

“apology accepted.”

“thank you.” you smile.

“y/n, are you happy?” he asks.

“hm?”

“are you happy there?”

your smile and small nod tells everything he didn’t want to know. you are happy. in fact, you’re happier than ever.

“i am.”

rafe has vivid memories with you, and your smile has never been so wide, your eyes have never been so bright. maybe this will take him to hell, but he hates that you’re genuinely happy away from there, especially because he isn’t happy. and if he is not happy in where he feels he belongs most, there is no place in the world that makes him happy.

maybe happiness isn’t an option for him, and the most upsetting thing about this is that money really can’t buy happiness. not the one rafe really needs anyways.

you want to tell rafe how you’re enjoying life for the first time, how being independent is amazing, but also sucks, but it’s still amazing, how the feeling of achieving something on merit is indescribable... but rafe would never understand.

it’s funny how two people who are so similar at first are so different in the end.

“that’s all that matters to me, then.”

i love feedback! let me know your thoughts! <3

#my writings #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron oneshot #drew starkey #drew starkey x you #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey imagine #drew starkey oneshot #outer banks

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lacesoflove · 7 days ago

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hi! ive never requested before so sorry if this is worded weird but was wondering if you could write something where hamzah make the reader squ!rt for the first tike and he assures her its nothing to be ashamed of

soaked for you (request) | hamzah x fem!reader

rating | smut (fem recieving)

warning | afab!reader, proofread

w/c: 1.5k

author's note | this was a god request! i love requests or prompts that allow me to incorporate plot with porn. this might be the hottest thing i've written dare i say? the ending lowkey sucks tho but wtv

THE LATE NIGHT, TORONTO RAIN WAS BRUTAL WITH IT’S RELENTLESSNESS.

You didn’t mind, not entirely, anyways, you liked the petrichor scent rain always brought in and the rumbling sound of thunder. The one thing you didn’t appreciate was the humidity. Thanks to the sheer fucking humidity, you had now found yourself wearing shorts, no underwear, and one of your boyfriend’s many stupid slogan shirts he had “jokingly” ordered from Temu (he claimed to have ordered them as jokes but considering the volume of how many he owned, you weren’t sure now). This one happened to read: best farter, I mean father, ever. It was comfy and didn’t make you feel hot, at least. Although, even with your minimal amount of layers and the fan blowing cold wind into your room, it wasn’t enough to rid of your uncomfortable state of being a tad too warm and, as if to make matters worse, you had found yourself occupied with an erotica novel that was causing you to burn with desire. You had picked the obviously low quality book from Ben McNally as a joke with some friends, it was something to laugh at, truthfully, given the book’s bizarre plot being centred around a woman and her computer that turns into a sentient male being. Shamefully, you found yourself squirming at the surprisingly detailed sex descriptions and it didn’t help that everytime you looked above your book you saw your boyfriend, Hamzah. The humidity had gotten to him too, it seems. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and chose to just wear baggy grey sweatpants that hung low on his hips, allowing the waistband of his Calvin Klein boxers to peek through. You felt easy. All it took was a shittily written sex novel from the discount bin and watching your boyfriend do something as mundane as organising the clothes on his side of your closet for you to feel yourself bloom with wetness. The need for him and his touch was making you antsy - jittery even. You chose to ignore the feeling.

After all, you and him had sex in the morning and the night before. You didn’t want to come off as needy so you resumed reading your book that you were convinced was partly written by Chat GPT, and sometime between the protagonist somehow getting pregnant by her sentient robot boyfriend and her nearly dying in some contrived plot point, your boyfriend had settled in the spot next to you. You closed your book and set it to the side, mentally bookmarking where you left off before turning your attention to him. “Hey.” You smiled at him, trying to ignore how shifty your legs had become against your own will. You hated how physically obvious it was that you needed him sometimes. Again, it made you feel easy or like a whore. Which didn’t really make sense because you only really slept with him - but your mind was a contradictory, and sometimes, cruel place. “Hey,” he smiled back, albeit a bit tiredly. “You good?” “I’m good.” You replied back, looking down at him. Fuck he looked good. He’d look better on top of me, you thought. You tried to cast that thought and others, similar, away. “Just tired from YouTube and shit,” he paused a bit as he rubbed his eyes. “I lost a brand deal because, according to them, we’re not ‘brand friendly’ enough,” Hamzah remarked, enunciating the words ‘brand friendly.’ “Like fuck, and they’re the ones that reached out to us for a collaboration.” You nodded, barely taking what he was saying in, as your eyes lingered around his V-line. “Damn that sucks.” You mumbled. You were distracted and Hamzah wasn’t an idiot. He took you in, properly, and the pieces of the puzzle fell together when his eyes landed on your shorts. They were of a thin material and white, so it was quite easy seeing the wet patch. “What’s this?” He asked innocently enough. “What’s what-” your question was quickly answered as his fingers traced the outline of the desire that had bloomed in your pants. “Uh, I just spilled water on myself.”

“Mmm.” Was all Hamzah let out, his finger lazily going from the crotch of your shorts to your plush thigh, grazing gentle circles against your perfumed skin. He knew you were lying - but if you were lying, it must’ve meant you didn’t want him to take it as a sign for doing something. He was happy with just touching you just like this. You felt your body wet with his touch. Fuck I need him, you thought, as you watched him continue to trace little outlines of abstract shapes against your body, his eyes boring into your body as if it was on display at the Lourve.

“Hamzah.” You spoke, finally managing to swallow the lump in your throat. You never knew why you were so nervous to ask him to touch you or have sex with you, you always wanted it, and you were sure he did too.

“Hmm?” He hummed, his eyes lifting to meet your gaze.

“I - I’d like to-” you were struggling to find words. Not that he needed any anyway. Your soaked shorts, the nervous lust that was blooming in your eyes and just your general energy was a dead giveaway that you were looking for something more. Something he was proud only he could give you.

He began to move, settling his head to rest on your upper thigh. “What would you like, baby?” He asked you, his fingers toying with the drawstrings of your shorts. “You.” You replied, breathily. With that, he had slid your shorts off your legs and discarded them sloppily somewhere in the chaos of your untidied room. He planted a kiss against your vulva, before lifting his eyes to meet your eyes - a silent ask of approval to go further. You nodded and he latched his mouth against your pussy. Always managing to do so with a hungrier desperation than the last time he ate you out. You felt your pussy throb as he licked long, hot stripes against it and felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes as his nose made repeated contact with your oh-so sensitive bud.

You felt euphoric.

He lifted his middle and forefinger to your mouth, grazing them lightly against your lip - gesturing for you to open your mouth. You obliged. You took the taste of his fingers in and rolled it against your tongue before letting them out of your mouth. His fingers, now lubricated, entered your folds and into you. You shot your head back as the pleasure overwhelmed you. You glanced down to look at the view below you and all you could think was, God.

The way his eyes were gleaming with dedication, the way his mouth was covered in your slick want as he licked - or rather, devoured - every drop of your desire and the way his fingers grazed the insides of your walls. Fuck it was too much and it made you feel so full - until you suddenly weren’t and you felt a release of sorts. You were overwhelmed with pleasure, sure - but you had felt more overstimulated sexually before, that there was no way you had orgasmed. Until it hit you and you felt an overwhelming wash of shame. You had squirted. At least you think you did, you had never had that happen before.

That was the only logical, and also most embarrassing, reason as to why you felt a release of liquid that you were, at least, certain wasn’t pee. Almost instinctively, you closed your legs and refused to look down at your boyfriend. For Hamzah, he was taken a little bit by surprise by your sudden demeanour change and became worried that he done something wrong. “Baby is everything okay?” He pressed.

“Uh, yeah. I’m just sorry about that.”

He was still confused. “About what?”

You stayed quiet for a bit before answering, “Whatever that was. That was probably gross as fuck for you.” Several realisations hit him at once.

He realised that you were referring to yourself squirting. You were embarrassed by it and were probably going to push him away because of aforementioned embarrassment. He took his fingers into his own mouth, cleaning your slick off of them and pressed his mouth against the back of his hand, wiping and promptly got up. “Baby it’s normal.” “I know it’s normal.” You groaned out. “It’s still embarrassing.” “There’s nothing embarrassing about you having a good time.” He assured you, reaching for your hand, lacing your fingers with his.

“I know but it still just is.”

“Well I want you to know I personally enjoyed it.” He said, with a gentle smile and shrug. “I like knowing you’re enjoying yourself, and me.” You couldn’t help squirm under his reassuring gaze. “So are you done feeling embarrassed by something that you shouldn’t be feeling embarrassed about.” You took his words in, And honestly? You did feel less embarrassed. “Yeah I do.” He feverishly began to plant kisses against your neck. “You know I love you right?” He asked you. “I do.” “And I don’t want you feeling embarrassed for dumb shit okay?” You nodded. “So can we go again?” He asked you. “And can I make you squirt again because, personally I found it hot as fuck.” With that you chuckled. “Yeah sure.”

And with that he took you back in.

taglist: @adiormoi @cheesecakeluver @sillyfungirl10112 @xoxoange1l @riddlerloveb0t (lmk if you want to be added)

#hamzah #hamzahthefantastic #hamzah x reader #slushynoobz #hamzah the fantastic #hamzahthefantasticxreader #slushy noobz #hamzah imagines #hamzahthefanastic x reader

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withwritersblock · 4 months ago

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Little Freak

~Little Freak by Harry Styles~

Author's Note: requested! I looked up interpertations of the meaning behind the song and picked my favorite :) Summary: Luke recalls his favorite situationship from college Warnings: mentions of sex ig? Word Count: 2,282 Luke Hughes x fm!reader

The season was starting to get harder and harder. The media was dragging him through the dirt because he wasn’t perfect. He made mistakes and he wasn’t allowed to do that. Even though he was a rookie. It was April, the Devils season coming to an end without a playoff appearance, all Luke wanted was to go home. Yet they had three games left.

It was well past midnight and his mind was wandering. His hotel bed was uncomfortable, despite being one of the nicer ones in Toronto. He kept tossing and turning.

Shutting his eyes, Y/N popped into his mind.

He agreed to the costume before he remembered how hot the fraternity parties got. How crowded and instantly sweaty he got. The Scooby-Doo costume was slowly started to be zipped lower and lower on his frame as more alcohol entered his body. He mostly stuck to his friends, the other boys in Scooby-Doo costumes. Many have already resorted to letting it hang off of their waist.

Luke was avoiding being shirtless at the party as long as he could. He kept his beer can in his hand longer than he should’ve this late into the night. It was becoming warm and nearly undrinkable. He still kept it in his hand as he leaned against the wall ignoring something Dylan was shouting towards the rest of the group.

He lifted his gaze to see a group of girls entering the party, all of them were wearing short dresses with white boots. He couldn’t tell what they were exactly until they spun around to see tiny wings on their back. Their costume came into his mind but it quickly drifted away as the girl in the green dress struck out. She was dead center of the group, quickly left alone as each girl ran towards another person they recognized.

She stood still scanning the crowded party before she started walking deeper into the crowd. Luke lost sight of her, he clenched his jaw as he slowly dropped his gaze towards his beer in his hand.

“LUKEY BOY!” Ethan shouted as he slammed his and onto Luke’s shoulder. Luke lifted his head, a little delayed in the action. “DID YOU JUST FALL IN LOVE!?” he shouted again teasingly. Luke smirked as he rolled his eyes. He brought the beer towards his mouth, sipping barely any of the liquid.

“Shut up, man,” he let out while shaking his head. “I need a new beer!” he shouted towards Ethan, implying he should come with. He nodded as the pair, shoved through the crowd towards the less full kitchen.

The girl in the green dress stood beside one of the girls she came into the party with. Ethan smiled towards Luke as they both reached into the cooler beside the girls.

“Lemme guess!” Ethan shouted excitedly towards the girls. They stopped their conversation, looking towards Ethan expectantly, “Tinkerbell and Silvermist!” he said pointing towards each of the girls. They smirked as they nodded.

“How’d you know that, Scooby?” the girl in the light blue dress asked. Ethan nodded confidently as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Luke tuned out the conversation as he tossed his old beer towards the nearly overflowing trash can in the corner of the kitchen. He quickly opened the tab to his beer in his hand and the liquid sprayed out for a second. It completely hit the girl in the light blue dress.

His eyes widened as his mouth fell open. She gasped dramatically, turning to Luke and giving him a glare. “I’m so sorry about him, let’s get you cleaned up!” Ethan said as he delicately took a hold of her arm. The girl huffed as she allowed Ethan to guide her away. Luke pressed his lips together trying not to laugh.

The girl in the green dress looked towards Luke and let out a sudden laugh. Luke started laughing as he took the spot of the girl in the light blue dress.

He leaned towards her, talking close to her ear, “I promise that wasn’t planned to talk to you guys.” He pulled away, a soft smirk on his lips.

“I didn’t think it was but now I’m starting to think it might’ve been,” she teased. He chuckled as he brought the beer towards his lips. He took a sip, unzipping more of the costume as he fanned himself with his other hand for a moment. “I’m sorry about Zoey! She’s a bit dramatic,” she offered.

“I mean I did get some beer on her,” Luke shrugged.

“Yeah, but it barely touched her skin,” she said laughing. “This whole fairy costume stuff was her idea, so I’m sure she’s so crushed a little bit of beer got on her,” she said sarcastically.

“Says the girl who’s dressed as the main character,”

“I’m only Tinkerbell because I look good in green,” she offered as she looked into his eyes. He slowly scanned her frame, admiring the color against her skin. His cheeks slowly pinked up.

“Yeah, you do,” he mumbled. She smirked as she delicately rested her hand onto his arm.

“It was nice meeting you-” she trailed off.

“Luke,” he answered for her, suddenly feeling shy.

“It was nice meeting you, Luke. I’m gonna go find my friends,” she uttered as she turned away from him.

“Wait-!” he called after her and she spun around and faced him again. “What’s your name?” he asked. She smiled towards him as she tilted her head to the side.

“Y/N!” she told him before she slowly started walking away from him. She spotted a few of her friends huddled in the corner and she approached them. They smiled wide as she approached.

“Where’s Zoey?” her friend, Brit, asked. Y/N smirked.

“Some guy spilled beer on her and then the other guy offered to get her cleaned up,” she explained. The girls all started laughing.

“So she’s probably-”

“Yup,” Y/N offered as she glanced towards the kitchen once more. She wasn’t sure if she was searching for Luke but if she was, she didn’t find him.

It was another hour into the party and it was only getting more and more crowded. Her friends were drunk and busy dancing but she was burnt out. She wandered towards the kitchen, the only space where she could get some air. Her face scrunched together as she shoved passed a couple grinding against each other. She let out a huff of air as she stepped into the free space.

Her eyes landed on Luke who was also leaning against a countertop, drinking a water bottle. He smirked as he met her gaze. “You alright?” he asked as he took a long sip from his bottle. She nodded as she took a deep breath.

“I just need a break from all of that,” she expressed.

He nodded. “Me too,” he muttered. He tilted his head back against the cabinet, meeting her gaze through his eyelashes. He pressed his lips together as he scanned her frame. “Do you wanna escape to my room?” he asked.

She hesitated for only a second before she nodded. He held out his free hand towards her and she gladly took it. She followed after him towards the room that had a lock on the handle from the outside. Luke quickly took the lock off before he shvoed the door open.

The room was surprisingly more clean than she expected. The rest of the house was disgusting, so she was shocked to see it look the way it did. He delicately guided her inside, locking the door behind them. He let go off her hand as he awkwardly held his hands out as if to show her the room.

“We can just chill and watch a movie or something-you know wait for the crowd to die down,” he offered as he pointed to the bed beside him. She nodded as she watched him hop onto the bed at the same time he turned on his TV. A soft giggle fell from her lips as she slowly laid beside him.

Luke opened his eyes, trying to send the memory far away. He hasn’t thought about her in months. He’s been in situations similar with girls but Y/N suddenly was on his mind. He reached for his phone and turned it on. He pulled up his Snapchat memories and began scrolling.

He kept scrolling until he reached the months that he was with Y/N. He kept glancing at the photos and videos, hoping to see some evidence of their time together. Perhaps to refresh his memory. His eyes land on the photo of him and Y/N laying in his bed together a few months after they met. He smiled to himself as he admired the way she looked in the photo.

She looked tired but happy.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she shoved his arms away with his phone held up. He chuckled as he dropped his phone down to the side. He crossed his arms over his chest. She brushed her fingers through her hair as she stared down towards Luke laying beside him.

“Just remembering this,” he muttered as he scanned her features. She rolled her eyes as she leaned towards him. Delicately pressing her lips against his. He raised his hands up and delicately ran his hands along her back slowly and cautiously.

She pulled away as she looked into his eyes for a moment before she laid beside him instead. “Am I sneaking out, or did you tell your roommates?” she asked as she stared towards her hands. He pressed his lips together as he took a deep breath. “Sneaking out, got it,” she muttered.

“Y/N,” he let out.

“No it’s okay,” she mumbled as she slowly stood up from the bed, she crossed her arms over her chest. She wandered around the bed towards the black hoodie she wore.

“I just don’t know what to tell them,” Luke said. She clenched her jaw as she covered her frame. She nodded as she slipped on her shoes as well. “Y/N,” he mumbled.

“I’ll see you next party, I guess,” she mumbled as she snuck out of his room, glancing down the hall. Luke tilted his head back against the pillow as he shut his eyes harshly.

“Stupid,” he muttered as he ran his hand across his eyes.

Luke frowned to himself as he continued to look for memories with her. He saw a few more photos of her in a similar light several weeks later. It was the last one between the pair.

His memory quickly returned, he rolled his eyes as he recalled how he ruined it.

He was on top of her, her thigh in his hand as he kissed her urgently. Her fingertips ran through his curls. He pulled away admiring her features as he began to trail his lips from her jaw down to her neck. She hummed as she began to breath heavier. He pulled away, leaning back as he pulled his shirt from his frame. She smiled as he leaned down towards her again, kissing her urgently.

“Luke,” she mumbled against his lips, he hummed as he kissed her urgently. His hands began to roam her frame and she pulled away, “Luke,” she let out again. He stopped and stared into her eyes.

“You alright?” he asked as he scanned her features. She took a shaky breath as she ran her fingers through his hair for a quiet moment.

“What are we doing?” she asked quietly. His gaze lowered towards her lips.

“Having fun,” he let out casually. She rolled her eyes. She slowly slipped her hands from his hair, down his chest towards her own body.

“Yeah? That’s it? All we’re doing?” she let out frustratingly. He furrowed his eyebrows as he rolled away from her. He sat up at the same time she did.

“What’s wrong with that?” he asked shyly. She rolled her eyes, a laugh leaving her lips as she stood up from the bed. “Where are you going?” he continued.

“I’m tired of this, Luke, I’m gonna go. Find another girl to have fun with because I’m tired of sneaking around. I want a relationship but I don’t want it with someone who has to hide the fact that we have sex from his friends,” she let out as she put on her outfit she had on prior.

Without giving him a second to think about what she said she opens the bedroom door and reenters the party. Luke let out a long drawn out breath as he collapsed onto his back.

He found himself pulling up her contact. He hasn’t tried to reach her since that night well over a year ago. He never saw her as a girl he wanted a relationship with, but he hates that he hurt her.

He pulled the phone towards his ear, hearing it ring. A sigh of relief fell from his lips hearing that she didn’t block him.

After a few seconds the ringing stops but it wasn’t sent to voicemail. She answered. “Uh-hello?” she let out awkwardly.

“H-hey, I was just thinking about you and I guess I called you,” he let out shyly. He wasn’t sure how to explain it, it was so fast. He truly doesn’t remember hitting the call button.

“Oh-okay, you doing alright, Luke?” she offered. He didn’t know how to answer.

“Ye-yeah, sure. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called,”

“You shouldn’t have,” she mumbled while giggling, “But you did, what’s going on?” she asked again.

“I guess I just miss being a dumbass college kid,”

#luke hughes x reader #luke hughes imagines #luke hughes #luke hughes fanfic #nhl imagines #nhl #nhl x reader #nhl fic #hockey #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes imagines #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes #jack hughes x y/n #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes imagines #new jersey devils x reader #new jersey devils fic #new jersey devils

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3416 · 2 years ago

Text

when people talk about auston leaving toronto... kinda wanna light them on fire

#unless he takes 1 minch with him then id be fine and just follow them wherever but NO BITCH #ppl that think austons ego doesnt want the toronto spotlight.. im sorry but u just dont hashtag get him :/#literally in the most relevant place... not even 365 days off from winning the Most relevant awards in this sport fldksjf aside from the cup #GET OUTTA HEREE EE E maybe when hes old n gray but no one in toronto hockey is ever wearing 34 again. get that straight in ur HEADS #wont tolerate it. wont perceive it. unless were talking angsty fic purposes then yes i would take 500000 words rn pls

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zegrasdrysdale · 8 months ago

Note

matthew knies smut — losing ur v card to him

[ helping hand ] m. knies

paring : Matthew Knies x fem!reader

summary : Matthew helps his best friend out after she asks him to take her virginity

warning(s) : smut ! loss of virginity, virgin!reader, light dirty talk, slight hair pulling (blink and you'll miss it tbh) oral (f receiving), fingering, p in v, protected sex, use of pet names during sex (pretty girl, baby, etc.), multiple orgasms

author’s note : felt like writing something cute so i decided to tackle this request and make it as cute as i could. this is my first time writing for kniesy so if it’s bad then pls tell me lol

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Being a 20-year-old virgin sucks. Every time she tries to hook up with a guy, she blurts out that she’s “never done this before” and it scares him away. Needless to say, she is getting very tired of being a virgin. She's loves sex, but she's never gone all the way with a guy.

Tonight was just another reminder that she's never been fucked. She thought that after her date, he'd take her back to his apartment and she'd finally lose her virginity. Then he said that his mom was going to be home soon just as things started getting heated, right after she had said that she's never gone all the way.

It's a tiring pattern.

She's frustrated, and frustration means stomping up to her longtime best friend's Toronto apartment a little before eleven. She pounds her fist on Matthew's door then waits. There are light footsteps behind the door before it's pulled open.

Matthew looks like he just woke up, and she feels bad. His Toronto hockey shirt is a little wrinkled and he's wearing sweats. His hair is a complete disaster. "Did I wake you?" she questions.

He yawns, but shakes his head no. "I was just closing my eyes," he tells her. "I thought you were out on a date or something. Why are you here?"

"You'll never guess what happened," she sighs as she walks past him into his apartment. "I did it again."

Matthew laughs and shuts the door behind her. "You need to stop," he comments. "You're never going to lose it if you keep telling guys that you haven't gone all the way. You're twenty."

"I know!" she groans as she plops down onto his couch. "It's like a get scared or something and it just comes out. I wish I could just get it over with and then it won't come out."

He sits beside her and she looks up at him. "Don't rush it," he tells her. "It's not all that anyway. Just wait until you find someone you trust and genuinely like."

A light bulb flicks on in her head. She sits up and turns her body to face Matthew. "Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Sleep with me so I'm not a virgin anymore," she finishes. He raises his eyebrows and looks like he's about to object. "I mean, I trust you with everything I have. You're my best friend. You're not bad looking. I've known you for years, Matthew. I'd be okay if you did this for me. It wouldn't change anything with us."

Matthew thinks about it. She knows by the way he sighs and runs his fingers through his messy hair. "You're sure about this?" he questions. "Because I don't want to do this then-"

She rolls his eyes in frustration and cups his jaw. She pulls him into a kiss, and it surprises her when she feels her heart beat out of her chest when her lips meet his. Even Matthew is thrown off by the kiss. He immediately pulls back. She drops her hands to her lap.

"I'm not going to regret it, Matt," she tells him as her eyes meet his. Have his eyes always been this pretty and blue? She's never been this close to see how blue they are. "I promise. It might bring us closer as friends if we do this. I'm not going to stop being your friend because you slept with me."

He still doesn't seem very convinced. "This is going to change us," he tells her. "No matter what. I just want both of us to be ready for that."

With a nod, her eyes flicker down to his lips for a second before returning to his eyes. "I know," she replies. "Just ... please. I'll never ask you for anything ever again if you do this for me."

Matthew searches her face for any signs that she doesn't want this. He won't find any. If she's going to lose her virginity to anyone, she wouldn't mind losing it to her best friend. She wants this.

He doesn't say "okay" or anything like that. All he does is grab her chin between his thumb and pointer finger. "If this is what you really want then I'll do it," he says to her, voice slightly higher than a whisper.

"I really want this," she confirms. "Seriously."

His eyes drop to her lips before he leans in and gently presses his lips to hers, and her eyes flutter shut. Her heart beats out of her chest with how soft and gently he kisses her.

The kisses don't immediately turn heated and needy. Matthew makes sure of that. When they do though, she climbs onto his lap in the red minidress that she's wearing. She straddles his thighs and wraps her arms loosely around his neck. Matthew's hands drop to the bare skin on her thighs.

Her heels clatter to the carpeted floor beneath them with a thud. Her fingers find a home and curl in his locks. She tugs gently and a soft noise comes from Matthew. She smiles into the kiss that follows and tucks this piece of information away for later.

She traps his bottom lip between her teeth and pulls back. She watches it snap back into place. Matthew looks up at her and she sees that his eyes have darkened a bit. There's a dark fire between them and she can tell he's trying to hold himself back.

"Pretend it's not me," she tells him as her hands drag down his neck and chest until they come to a rest on his torso. She play with the hem of his t-shirt. "I can tell, Matt. You're holding back because it's me."

Matthew shakes his head. "I'm holding back because I want to do this right," he replies. "It's not because it's you. I want to make sure that it's perfect for you."

"Then don't hold back," she whispers to him as she attaches her lips to his jaw right under his ear. "It'll be perfect no matter what."

A shaky sigh passes Matthew's kiss-bruised lips. He kisses the swell of her ear and she keeps working at his jaw.

Before she realizes what's happening, Matthew slides his hands to the back of her thighs and stands up. She wraps her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. "It's insane how easily you were able to just pick me up like that," she comments.

"I work out everyday," Matthew replies as he makes his way down the hallway to his bedroom. "Sometimes twice a day. I lay hits on grown men that weigh as much as I do or heavier for a living. I hope that I can lift someone up that is nearly a foot shorter than me and weighs less than what I bench."

She can't contain the giggle that rises in her throat as he crosses the threshold into his room. "That's kind of hot of you, Matt," she admits. "I mean, I don't know how you're single when you bench more than I weigh."

He kicks the door shut behind him and gently sets her down so she's flat on her feet. She sees the flush in his cheeks despite the dimly lit room. She smiles and gets on her tiptoes to instigate another kiss. Matthew has to lean down to kiss her because of the heigh difference between them. His hands rest on her cheeks and she rests against the door.

They stand there for what feels like an eternity. She's almost certain that the lace panties she has on under the dress are ruined. She hasn't be able to stop thinking about Matthew's fingers on her thighs while they were in the couch, not to mention the fact that he was able to pick her up with almost no effort.

Her fingers curl around the hem of his t-shirt and she pulls at it. "Off," she mumbles against his lips. "Matt, please. Off."

The kiss breaks and Matthew reaches down to pull the fabric over his head. Her eyes rake his body and it's very obvious that he works out every day. Her fingers trace his abs and she bites her bottom lip.

Okay, maybe he's more attractive than she's let herself admit. She's never really allowed herself to look at him like this. She's never let herself admire him like this.

Matthew hooks his fingers under the very thin straps that sit on her shoulders. She looks up at him and notices how focused he is on his actions. He pulls the straps off her shoulders and lets the dress fall so it pools at her ankles. She's in her strapless bra and matching panties. She notices Matthew's eyes drink her in.

She puts her hands on his chest and gently pushes him in the direction of his bed. She kicks the dress off so she can follow him. As soon as Matthew sits back on the bed, she crawls onto his lap. Her knees bracket his thighs. She leans in and ravishes his mouth with hers. One of his hands finds its way to her curls and he holds the back of her head so she can’t break the heated kiss.

Without realizing she does it, she rolls her hips against his. He hums and his other hand comes down on her bare waist.

A surge of confidence overcomes her and she reaches behind her. She unhooks her bra and lets the red lace fall between them. She tosses it somewhere at the same time Matthew breaks the kiss.

Her entire body shakes with nerves.

It’s just Matthew. They’ve been friends since his first year at Minnesota. Best friends since his sophomore year. She visited him earlier in the season and fell in love with Canada so she moved into an apartment down the street from him.

She can do this.

Matthew lifts her head up and says, “I’ve got you. Okay? I have you. Whatever you want.”

“I want you,” she tells him. “Please. I need you.”

He moves back on the bed and flips them over so he hovers over her. Her curls create a halo around her head. Matthew thumbs her swollen lips and trails it down over her chin, over her chest, between her breasts, and down her stomach until his fingers rest at the waistband of her panties. Goosebumps follow his fingers down her upper body.

She can feel the bulge in his pants so she bucks her hips up to grind her clothed core against the bulge. “Shit,” he gasps. “You can’t just do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll come before either of us are ready.”

She lets out a light laugh. “We wouldn’t want that, now would we?” she teases.

“Shut up,” he mumbles before shutting her up himself with a deep kiss. She smiles and hooks her fingers into the waistband of his sweatpants.

She pushes his sweatpants down and over his ass. He helps her out and kicks them off.

When she tries to put her hand in his boxers, Matthew stops her. He breaks the kiss and shakes his head. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right. I’m going to make sure you feel good and make sure you’re comfortable, okay?” he says to her.

“Okay,” she replies, voice barely above a whisper.

With her permission, Matthew hooks his fingers in the waistband of her panties and slowly pulls the thin fabric off her body. He tosses them to the floor and she lets her knees fall open.

Matthew attaches his lips to her jaw, then slowly trails his lips down her body. He makes a quick stop when he gets to her breasts. He gives each one a little attention and she lets out a soft noise. She bites her lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises.

He lies on his stomach and throws her legs over his broad shoulders. She watches as he presses soft kisses to her leg trailing from her inner knee and up her inner thigh. He stops right before he gets to her core.

“Already so wet for me,” he comments. She nods and grabs a pillow to rest her head on so she doesn’t get a crick in her neck.

That’s when Matthew slides a finger through her soaked folds. A whine passes her lips and she looks down at him with her eyes. He teases her entrance and she gasps, “I- Matthew. Don’t tease please. Do something.”

“Didn’t think you were a begger, pretty girl,” he replies. She shoots him a glare and he laughs.

She’s about to say something to him when he wraps his lips around her clit. “Oh my- fuck” is what comes out of her mouth instead. Matthew hums and sends vibrations through her entire body. He slowly pushes a finger into her and her back arches off the bed.

Matthew’s free hand slides up her body and cups one of her tits. She didn’t pick Matthew to be a boob guy, but today is full of surprises.

Soft pants pass her lips as Matthew keeps using his mouth and fingers to bring her closer to an orgasm. He adds a second finger and her hands fly to his hair. Her breathing has gotten extremely labored and soft noises consistently pass her lips.

He’s so careful with his movements, so precise. He knows what he’s doing, and she’s not at all surprised that he does. She didn’t realize just how much he knew. Despite never actually hooking up before, it’s like he knows her entire body and what she likes.

Once a third finger is inside of her, Matthew curls his fingers in a “come here” motion. She gasps and a knot forms in the pit of her stomach. “Matt,” she groans. “I- Matthew.”

“Let me hear you,” he tells her. “Wanna hear you when you come on my fingers. Can you do do that for me?”

She nods and hums. “Yeah,” she breathes out.

“Go ahead, pretty girl,” Matthew says. “Come for me. I can feel how close you are.”

His lips are back on her clit and she’s coming seconds later.

Her back arches off the mattress as her walls clench around his fingers. Her body turns into jelly as he fingers her through what’s probably the strongest orgasm she’s ever had. She swears she blacks out.

Her breathing is extremely labored as Matthew withdraws his fingers. She whimpers at the loss and watches him crawl up her body when her vision comes back. He smiles when he sees how out of it she probably looks.

Matthew peppers her cheek with soft kisses as she comes to.

“You okay?” he asks. “Can you do one more?”

“Mhm,” she hums. “Want you inside me, Matt. Please. I need you.”

He captures her lips in a soft kiss and she groans when she tastes herself on his lips.

It’s a very quick kiss. Matthew reaches over into his bedside drawer and pulls out a tiny foil package. He puts it between his teeth as he pushes his boxers off his body. She bites her lip as Matthew’s dick pops out of the confines of the boxers.

She accidentally saw his dick one time before now, and it looked nothing like it does right now. “Jesus, Matt,” she gasps. “Is it gonna fit?”

Matthew laughs and slides the condom onto his dick. “I promise it’ll fit,” he tells her.

He hover over her between her legs. The tip of his dick lines up with her entrance and she shakes. Her heart races in her chest and she stares up at the pretty boy above her. “Slow,” she tells him. “Okay? I don’t know-”

“Tell me if you need me to stop or if it hurts,” he interrupts. “I’ll move at your pace, okay? I have you.”

She nods. “Go.”

Matthew slowly pushes into her. She gasps as the unfamiliar stretch and grasps onto his biceps. The deeper he goes, the more it hurts. She pushes through though and pain eventually turns into pleasure.

He moves so slow though that it’s almost painful. She wants him to ruin her but she wants to be able to walk in the morning. Whatever that will look like.

She reaches up and slides her hair into Matthew’s hair. His eyes lock with her as he bottoms out in her. Her lips are pressed in a line. “Okay?” he asks.

With a nod, she says, “I’m okay. Give me a second. You’re fucking big, Matt. Damn.”

He laughs. “That’s not my fault,” he replies. “Most women I hook up with like it.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it, asshole,” she retorts. “I said I needed a second.”

Matthew laughs again and she pulls him down into a kiss to shut him up. He licks into her mouth and she groans.

Feeling ready, she rolls her hips. One of Matthew’s hands rests on her waist and he meets her movements.

It’s slow, but it feels good. He slowly but deeply thrusts into her. She moans into Matthew’s mouth and he swallows every noise. Her hands slide from his hair to his back. She gently digs her nails into his skin.

He speeds his movements up a bit and she throws her head back against the pillows. “Fuck,” she gasps. “God. Matt.”

“Okay, baby?” he asks. “Good to keep going?”

She nods. “Like you mean it,” she pants. Matthew’s smile reaches his ears.

Matthew throws one of her legs over his shoulder and is able to move deeper into her at the new angle. She cries out his name and he attaches his lips to her neck. He’s covering her entire body at this point. It’s not only his dick that’s big. Matthew himself is a bigger guy.

He slows his movements but continues to bury his cock in her. The knot forms again in the pit of her stomach.

“Matt, I-”

“Me too,” he interrupts. “This is about you. I’m not gonna come until you come on my cock, pretty girl.”

She feels tears in her eyes as she tries to keep herself from coming. It feels too good and she doesn’t want it to end yet.

Especially since this is probably the first and last time she gets this from Matthew. She wants it to last.

Matthew slides a hand between them and as soon as his fingers find her clit again, she comes.

His name is on her lips as he fucks her through what is definitely the strongest orgasm of her life. Her entire body shudders as she comes. Her vision goes white for a hot second and she completely melts against the mattress beneath her. Her legs fall to the bed.

He comes into the condom before he pulls out of her. They’re both panting messes as he ties off the condom and throws it out. She very lazily crawls under the covers and Matthew joins her.

There’s a comfortable silence between them as they both recover from their highs. She finally gains feeling back in all her extremities and looks over at him.

“Thank you,” she weakly says.

“For?”

“Doing that for me. It was fun. I enjoyed it.”

Matthew sits up in bed and leans back against the headboard just as she went to curl up next to him. “I should’ve said something before we did that,” he admits to her.

She sits up and holds the blankets under her arms to keep herself covered. “What?”

He bites his kiss-bruised bottom lip for a second. “I have feelings for you,” he confesses. “Genuine feelings for you and I feel guilty for saying yes before telling you that.”

A day full of surprises.

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel the same. There is a reason she asked him of all her friends to do this for her. She’s always known he was attractive, a genuine guy and an incredible hockey player.

She’s damn lucky that Matthew agreed to have sex with her.

Matthew looks terrified. She smiles and drops her head to his shoulder. “You should see the look on your face,” she laughs.

“I’m being serious,” he tells her.

“I know,” she replies. Her chin rests on his shoulder. “I like you too. Why do you think I asked you to do this and not someone else?”

He blinks. “I thought you were just tired of being a twenty year old virgin,” he flatly states.

“There was that but I wanted it to be you,” she admits. “I guess I was just shooting my shot.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Matthew laughs.

She crawls onto his lap and lays on him. “When do I get one of those cool jackets the wives and girlfriends have?”

“You want one?”

“I do,” she tells him as she looks up at him. “Is that okay? If I got one?”

Matthew smiles and nods. “I’ll get you one.”

༺═──────────────═༻

MASTERLIST

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#hockey imagines #hockey imagine #hockey fanfiction #hockey fic #hockey oneshot #hockey smut #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #nhl oneshot #nhl smut #matthew knies #matthew knies x reader #matthew knies smut #zegrasdrysdale request

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aeolianblues · 2 months ago

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‘Indie sleaze’ is not 2014, ‘Indie sleaze’ is not 2014, ‘Indie sleaze’ is not 2014, ‘Indie sleaze’ is not 2014!

It’s not tumblr-core and it’s not Lana Del Ray or 2013 AM, it’s not #girl interrupted, it’s not Ethel Cain (she literally is an artist of our time, what are you on about.)

It was 2001 with the Strokes on the cover of the NME every 2 weeks, it was cabaret night and English poetry with the Libertines in 2002, it’s those red and blue military jackets, it was the fucking grease in Julian Casablancas’ hair, it’s ’cocaine was the banker’s drug’ quoth Alex Kapranos, it was Don't Go Back To Dalston and the heroin, it was red and black horizontal striped tops and tight black shirts as evening wear, it was Russell Lissak’s mop top and a full page interview with London hairdressers in the NME in 2005, it was Jack and Meg’s saturated red and white dresses, it was cut-and-paste glitter on the cover of Santigold’s first album, it was the sleaze and the sex of CSS’s music, it was ‘cold light, hot night’, it was the anti-Bush and anti-war stances of the bands at the time, it was America by Razorlight, it was Popworld on telly and Simon Amstel being a little shit to musicians, it was Karen O defying death on stage nightly, it was throwing up in shitty nightclubs on god knows what drugs, it was the fucking danger knowing this could all collapse any second—and rightly, it should. It was the godawful egos at DFA, it was knowing that while you were lucky to be seeing these bands live, you’d fucking hate them if you had to spend even a minute in their individual company. It was Amy Winehouse telling the world to get the fuck out of her business, it was Leslie Feist and Peaches sharing a dilapidated flat above a sex shop in Toronto.

It was horrible camera flash and red-eye editing softwares and putting your feet by the warm, spinning fans of your computer while it whirred away and downloaded your albums in *checks* 46 more minutes. It was horrible, it was dirty, it was gritty, we all hated it and thought the 90s were the last time music was good and that nothing good had happened since 1997. It was garishly bright clothes we were all embarrassed of by 2011, it was multiple layers and leggings and asking your mum to cut the itchy tag on the back of your low rise jeans only for her to snip your back. It was bell bottoms at the start of the decade. It being thankful that by 2017, no one would dream of wearing low rises anymore, please please, please let them never come back.

It was faux nostalgic of the past itself. It was ‘please make sure baby you’ve got some colours in there’ in your clothes. It was moral panic over emos. It was wanting to escape into a better past that you could see was visibly impoverished in the present. It was watching your favourite programmes become less and less relevant on air. It was watching MTV decisively die a horrible death. It was watching important venues and nightclubs get bulldozed. It was watching the last regular broadcast of Top Of The Pops in 2006. It was seeing how the 2009 financial crisis most definitely put a stop to independent music in the western world for a decade, it was watching the rise of bedroom DIY and electronic music. It was seeing the phrase ‘SoundCloud rapper’ being coined. It was the rise of Disney pop. It was counter-culture Justin Bieber hatred. It was the MS paint meme of those tumblr girls thoroughly unimpressed by the guy.

It was not using the words ‘indie sleaze’ at all, in fact. That’s a retconned word. It was garage rock revival. It was ‘post-grunge’. We didn’t care what it was called, we hated it all the same. It was a lead into a decade of despair and nihilism, it was the last hurrah for the music industry before it splintered into a thousand little online ecosystems, it was the last time we had physical community and any shared pop cultural moments. It was Live8 2005. It was the same as it is now, and it was a time that’ll never happen again, for better and for worse.

But one thing is for sure: it was decisively dead by 2014. Santi and Karen O’s 2012 collab was its last hurrah and it was dead by Comedown Machine by the Strokes (2013). It has nothing to do with 2014.

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thecuriousbeauty · 4 months ago

Text

One more to love

(Famous!reader x Husband!harry )

Synopsis- You decide to surprise your husband for Valentine's Day. Harry's on Tour in Canada, not expecting you at all. You get back home after a few fun filled days with him and only when you fall sick does a doubt arise in your head. Can love making on the day of love lead to a baby?

This can be treated as part 2 to this, or you can read it as a stand alone.

Word count:6.7K

Warnings: Smut, some really sweet intimacy, praising. Lots of fluff, Harry being the sweetest husband, mentions of performance anxiety, pregnancy. Oh and watch out for best friend! Niall

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You leaned over the mirror as you swiped red lipstick over your lips. You reserve wearing red lips for special occasions. It was safe to say that today was one. You were in Toronto, to surprise your husband for Valentine’s Day! He was on tour, and you were busy with a few song recordings so neither of you could see each other in the last two months.

"Do I look okay?", you asked your friend Kiara, as you smack your lips together, before stepping away from the mirror.

"Hell, you look amazing.", Kiara said. You were wearing a sheer black top, ripped blue jeans and boots. You let your hair down in waves, and you were pretty satisfied with your look.

"He's going to get hard from just looking at you.", she said, making you laugh. “You sure you can’t come along?”

Kiara, one of your best friends is a model. You had flown out to Toronto with her from London. She had some work here for the next few days.

“Wish I could, but gotta go babe.”, Kiara pulls you into a hug. “Have fun with your man, eh?”

“Oh I will.”, you grin at the thought of seeing Harry. “I’ll see you soon Ki, thanks for helping me get ready.”

“Of course. See ya!”

You were now alone in the hotel room, your car was going to be here soon, that’ll take you to the venue Harry’s performing at. While you were putting on your heels, you got a call from another one of your best friend’s.

"Hello Nialler!”, you answer. If it wasn’t for Niall, you’d be a complete mess whenever you felt sad and alone about Harry being on tour. Even though Niall always annoyed the crap out of you, you know you’re lucky to have him as your close friend. You can count on him.

"Can yeh explain why there is a huge bunch of roses, chocolates and a big teddy bear on yeh doorstep?", Niall asks, making your face light up.

“Aw! That must be Harry. He might have had it shipped.”

“Yeh, looks like. I forgot it’s Valentine’s Day.”

“Wait, why are you at my house? You breaking in when I’m not around?”, you gasped.

“Not sure if it’s breaking in if the owner gave me the keys.”, Niall snorts. “And I’m just dropping by to search for my favorite hoodie I think I left here.”

“Can you please move all the things Harry sent safely into the house for me?”

“What if it’s not Harry? What if it’s your secret admirer?”, Niall gasps, and you laugh, shaking your head. “Oh, wait! There’s a card. Yes, it’s Harold, alright.”

“Of course it is. What does the card say?”

“You can see for yourself when you’re back.”, Niall says, and you hear noises of him moving things. “I’m gonna leave everything here except the chocolates. They look good, y/n.”

“No! Harry got them for me!”

After you convinced Niall to leave your chocolates alone, and he found his hoodie, he was locking your house and rushing to work. Your car was here to take you to the venue, and you took your bag having things you got for Harry, before getting in. Jeff greeted you backstage and unfortunately for you, the show started a little bit earlier than the scheduled time so your man was already on stage.

Never mind, you could wait until the show was over.

Your heart did a leap as you finally saw your husband. He wore a pink suit, hair perfectly done, and the crowd screamed as he moved around on stage. You loved watching Harry perform. He was in his element.

Something was thrown to him onstage and he caught it. He got to know that it was a bra only when he looked at it and he shrieked, throwing it away.

"Excuse me?", Harry said into the mic. "No throwing me bras, you know why?"

"WHY?”

"Because I'm a happily married man!", he did a dramatic hair flip and showed the crowd his hand bearing the wedding ring, making you giddy. That was your man right there. "The only bra I'd like to catch is my wife's and my wife's only!"

You blushed.

You hid when the team came off stage.

“Good show, guys, well done.”, Harry says as he makes sure to hug all his team members.

"Wait, Harry, we have a surprise for you.", Claire said.

Harry turns to look at her, smiling already. He loves surprises. "I do?"

"Yes.", she said. "Would you kindly close your eyes?"

"Why?"

"Mitch, please do the honors."

Mitch closed Harry’s eyes with his palms. “What the hell?”

Mitch just laughed in reply. You came out of your hiding place, and the people on his team who didn’t know that you were here gasped, some of them clapped waiting for Harry’s reaction.

"What? Is it the President?", Harry joked.

As he stood there clueless, Mitch pulled away and you wrapped your arms around him. You were so happy to be in his arms again. You squeezed his waist, pressing your head against his chest. Harry quickly wrapped his arms around you when he realized it’s you. Only you could fit like a perfect little puzzle in his arms.

Harry hugged you tighter and kissed the top of your head. "y/n?”, he whispers.

"Happy Valentine's day baby!", you smiled at him and pulled away. Then you got down on one knee and pulled out a rose bouquet from behind your back offering it to him. His hands flew to his mouth in shock.

"F-For me?", Harry squeaked looking at the beautiful flowers. You beamed and nodded. Other guys might not like flowers so much, but Harry does, and you know it.

"T-thank y-you.", Harry stuttered and took them. He remained speechless with shock for a while and you let him take his time. You were still on one knee so he shifted the flowers to one hand and held your hand with the other, pulling you up.

"H-Hi.", Harry blurted out and you giggled, kissing his cheek.

"Hey."

"Are you r-real?"

You laughed and stood on your tiptoes, closing your eyes before pressing your lips to his. Harry closed his eyes too, pulling you closer by your waist, feeling himself getting lost as the kiss deepened. As much as you wanted to keep kissing him, you were around others, so you pulled away slowly. “Does it seem real now?”

"Too much PDA!", Mitch complained, covering his eyes.

"Deal with it buddy!", you said.

Harry looked from her to Mitch. "Did you know?", he asked Mitch.

"We all did.", he said motioning to the rest of his crew.

"See babe, Kiara had the fashion week here, so I flew with her to surprise you. I told these guys and made them promise not to tell you. I'm sorry for not answering your calls today, now you know why. Did you get surprised?", you explained, still in his arms.

"I-I yeah!", Harry said and you giggled and hugged his neck.

"Oh H, you look like a tomato.", Sarah said. Harry shot her a glare.

"Cute though.", you kissed his nose. "I love you.", Harry whispered. He cupped your cheeks and stroked his thumbs on them, taking in every part of you, a smile tugging at his lips. His eyes fixed on your plump red lips, his favorite lipstick on you. “God, I fucking love you. You look incredible, love."

“Thank you, so do you! And, I love you too.”

Harry grinned. “Thank you so much for coming, this is the best Valentine’s day present ever. You! I’m so happy. Did you watch me perform!?”

“Of course I did! You were great!”

"Thanks! How long are you gonna be with me?"

"Um, four days. I go back to London Saturday morning.", you said softly, and his face fell.

"I-Including today?"

You shook your head. "From tomorrow."

You know Harry still wished he had you for some more time.

"Babe, it's okay, we'll make the best out of what we have.", you said. "And soon you're going to be on the UK leg, so we can see each other more, cheer up now.", you said, poking his cheeks with your index fingers and he smiled, nodding.

“I’m so glad you’re here, I was going crazy without you.", he said, nuzzling his head into your neck. You ran your hand through his hair and smiled in content. "Me too, I will fly over anytime for you." Harry kissed your neck.

"These are beautiful. Wait, so you didn't get the ones I sent you?", Harry asked about the flowers.

"Sorry no, but Niall’s got it all safe in the house..", she said. "Aw, here, we'll share.", he said and took a single rose out and gave it to you. You chuckled. "Thanks babe."

"Give me a few minutes to freshen up and we can get out of here.", Harry said, already shrugging off the suit. You went to talk to the crew while Harry was gone. He got back in record time.

"Let's go?"

"Yep." He kissed your cheek, as he took your hand in his. "How can someone be so pretty?", he wonders, making you blush. "Stop it, babe."

He laughs, nudging his nose against your cheek. "What do you wanna do tonight?"

"Whatever you want."

"No, your choice."

"I'm fine with anything."

"I am too."

"Harryyy.”

He laughed as you walked. “We could go out for dinner at some fancy place. Or we can go to the hotel room, just me and you there." Harry was leaning to the second option but he still wanted you to pick. He was already having a hard time keeping his hands to himself.

“Let’s go to the hotel room, I like me and you time.”, you winked.

So you made it to his hotel room, and while your luggage was being brought in, Harry kept the roses you gave him safely in a vase. Then he closed the door and tugged you into his arms, lips attacking yours again. You jumped a little so you could wrap your legs around his waist, and he hums in pleasure as one of his hands grips the back of your neck, and the other around your hip, keeping you steady. He bites your bottom lip, and you open your mouth, letting his tongue explore your mouth.

“I missed you so much.”, you breathe when he pulls away for a second.

“I missed you more, kitten.", Harry moves his lips to your neck, making you moan softly as you arched your neck back. You loved that nickname he had for you. “What did you miss about me?”, he asks.

“Oh everything.”, your hands play with the curls at the nape of his neck. “Everything about you, Harry.”

“Yeah? Did you miss my cock?”, Harry asks, taking your top off with one hand. He tossed off your bra in seconds, groaning as he squeezed your breast in his hand. You moaned at the feeling, you missed being touched by him. “S-So much.”

You could feel his dick getting hard, it was pressing against his stomach and your clothed center. “You miss my pussy?”, you ask him.

“Bloody hell, I’ve been dreaming about it every fucking day.”, Harry mumbles as he takes you to bed, lips leaving marks down your neck. “You gonna let me fuck your pretty little pussy today? As a Valentine’s day gift for me?”

“I don’t know, should I? You left me all alone to go on tour.”, you pout, gasping softly as you land on the bed, and Harry slides out of his pants before crawling over you.

“I know, I’m sorry, my heart.”, Harry mumbles, sliding his hands to your hips. “I’ll make it up to you, yeah? Make you feel so good.”

“I’d love that.”, you smile, and moan as his lips wrap around your nipple. You move your hand to feel his crotch, making him groan. “Get it all off, let me see you.”, you whisper. Harry listens, letting your nipple out of his mouth with a ‘pop’ and quickly pulling off his shirt and his boxers. You slide down your jeans, while your eyes roam over his body. His broad tattooed chest was heaving up and down and his sculpted abs made you want to run your hand over them. Your hand dips lower to his dick, which was hard and standing up straight.

“See what you do to me, kitten?”, Harry asks, fingers looping around the waistband of your panties. He moans as you stroke his dick. “I need to be inside you.”

“Yes, fill me up, babe.”, you lift your hips so he can slide your panties down your legs. “Let me see that pussy, been waiting for so long.”, he pushes your thighs apart and groans at the sight of your pussy. It was glistening, dripping down with your arousal.

“Never seen a pussy this pretty.”, Harry collects the arousal, bringing it to his lips. “Oh. You taste so sweet, baby.”

You moan as he dips his fingers inside you. “I think your little hole has gotten tighter, sweetheart. Didn’t have my dick in it for two months, hm? Poor baby.”

“P-Please Harry.” You needed to feel full.

“Gonna give you what you need, love. Always take care of you.” Harry circles his thumb over your clit, making you arch your back and let out another moan. “Did it feel good when you touched yourself, baby?”

“Y-Yes, but not as good as when you do it.” Harry smiles, capturing your lips in a kiss. “Don’t worry baby, I’m here to take care of you now.”

Harry slips his dick inside your pussy, and you throw your head back on the pillow, moaning. He slowly pushed his dick inside, and you realized just how much you missed having him inside you. Phone sex does the job for both your needs, but the intimacy, the closeness that you get when you’re together, phone sex doesn’t give you that.

“Oh fuck..it feels so good.”, Harry moans, hovering over you. He was letting you adjust since it has been a while. You pull him down closer, hands going to his back. “Y-You can move, babe.”

Harry thrusts his hips, and the rooms fill with sounds of pleasure. No other man has ever made you feel so good. You didn’t even know sex could feel so amazing, until you met Harry.

“Fuck you’re so perfect.”, Harry squeezes your boobs. “You’re all mine, aren’t you?”

“Y-Yes, yes, all yours, fuck, right there....” His dick moved in and out of you at a steady pace, hitting all the right spots. He knew your body like the back of his hand. He knew exactly what you needed. You saw pure love and adoration in his eyes when you looked at him, and you brought your hand to the side of the bed, opening your palm. Harry grabs your hand, letting you hold it.

“Shit, are you c-close babe?”, Harry asks, quickening his pace, making you curl your toes. “Oh yeah, yeah I’m gonna cum..”

“Cum around me, kitten, all over my dick.”, Harry presses kisses to your shoulder. You reach your high soon, and Harry kisses you through it. Harry couldn’t hold on any longer, he also cums right after you do.

“I love you.”, he breathes, collapsing on top of you. You smile, holding him close, running a hand through his curls. “I love you too.”

He brings your tangled hands up to kiss the back of your hand. “M’ so lucky you’re my wife, and proud.”

“Me too. Seeing all those girls going crazy for you today, and knowing that you’re gonna be in my arms later? No better feeling.”, you winked, and he laughs, pressing another kiss to your lips before lifting up on his hands and moving down on the bed, separating your legs again.

“I’m very hungry.”, he explains, looking away from your eyes and to your pussy. He hums, pushing some of his cum leaking out of you back inside with his fingers. “Gonna let me eat, kitten?”

______________________________________

“Those butter tarts were so good, I should have thrown some in my bag for later.”, you whisper to Harry as you walk back from the breakfast buffet, hand in hand. The plan was to go out sightseeing today, Harry said he could arrange a car.

Harry hums. “They were good. Think Canada’s famous for them.”

"Good morning!" Mitch and Adam popped out of nowhere, just as you were about to step into the elevator. "Where did you guys come from?", Harry chuckled. "Oh we were just-"

"Hanging around.", Adam completed.

Mitch nodded. "Hanging around."

"Great, morning, we gotta go.", Harry said and you nodded, waving to them. "Wait.", Mitch said. "Did you have a really nice night yesterday?"

"Yes.", you both said in chorus. He smirked and exchanged glances with Adam as they giggled. "I could hear you guys even with earphones.", Adam said and you blushed.

"Oh shut up.", Harry said, waving him off.

"No kidding, I was this close to banging on your door.", Mitch said, showing a little bit with his index and thumb fingers. "How was your night Mitch?", you ask back.

"Um, just like every other night, play video games after the show.", he mumbled.

"But yesterday was Valentine's Day.", you said.

"Uh huh so?"

"So, you’re just lonely cause you can't make a move on Sarah, how long are you going to keep saying you're friends?", you shoot back, making Harry and Adam burst out laughing. Mitch gave you a glare.

"Roasted.", Harry whispered to him and kissed your cheek, continuing to walk. "That is not true!", Mitch said.

"Yeah right.", Adam said sarcastically. "Come on mate, she's right, you had the perfect chance to take her out yesterday."

"He should learn from me.", Harry said, slipping his arm around your waist pulling you closer. "Ask the girl out before she goes away, cause she might just be the love of your life."

"Is it?", you tease. "Mhm. I love you."

You kissed him. "I love you too."

______________________________________________________________

“Ok, lets play a game…”, Harry started.

“You have to shoot these grapes into my mouth and every time you miss I get to dare you to do something in front of all these people."

“Ok but only if you play too.” Harry nodded. After some sightseeing, you wanted some place quiet and to be alone, so you found a place for a picnic, got a basket from one of the stores and sat by a lake. It was your kind of perfect.

“I'll go first.", Harry said while taking a grape. "Open wide." You moved a little away from him and opened your mouth wide.

Harry squinted his eyes aiming and shot it into your mouth. “WOO!” Harry exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air and doing a victory dance.

"Yeah whatever, my turn." He grinned and opened his mouth. You carefully aimed and threw it, but it hit the side of his lips instead of going in.

"Nooo."

"Yeah!! I dare you to…hmm… go ask that little boy for his number.” he said, pointing to a little boy.

“WHAT?! That's creepy, he's like 7 years old!", you said. "A dare's a dare kitten.", he smirked.

"Okay fine, watch me.", you ruffled his hair before getting up and walking to the boy who was playing football all alone.

"Hey buddy?" You wave at him. He looked up at you. "What?"

"I look at your shirt, it’s cool.”, you said and smiled. "Uh, thanks.", he mumbled in a Canadian accent.

"Hey can I get your number real quick?” You cringed at how that came out, but it was a dare.

He looked at you again, now checking you out. "Where are you from, pretty lady?"

You chuckled. "Um, London?"

"You can get my number on one condition."

"What?"

"You have to play soccer with me."

You smiled and nodded. "Sure, can we call my friend too?" You pointed at Harry giggling in the distance. "Of course."

"COME ON FRIEND, WE'RE PLAYING SOCCER!", you yelled. His eyes grew wide as soccer balls..

"FRIEND? YOU ARE MARRIED TO ME!", Harry marched up to you and you laughed. The boy took your hand and looked at the wedding ring.

"That is not cool, you want my number after being married?"

"It was a dare, you are not giving her your number.", Harry caught up. You pinch his arm. "Come on babe, he's a kid."

"What's your name?", you ask the boy. "Dan.", he said. "Is the offer still up for soccer?" He grinned and nodded. "Foot ball.", Harry muttered under his breath and you chuckled and kissed his cheek.

"What's your name tattoo man?", Dan asked Harry and he scoffed, as if the boy was some competition to him.

"I'm Harry."

He grinned and pulled you off to play with him.

"What is it with you and kids? You're like honey, and they're like bees.", Harry said as he tackled Dan with the football.

"I'm quite likable, you know...", you say as Dan passes the ball to you.

"We're going to get arrested if his mum finds us and thinks we're kidnappers."

___________________________________________________

"I have a show tomorrow.", Harry said slowly, leaving kisses down your neck. You were cuddling in his bed.

"Uh huh, and?”

"And, I can have special guests on my shows."

"Who do you have tomorrow?"

He looked up and gave you a look. "How did I end up with you?"

You grinned, tweaking his nose. "I give an awesome blowjob?"

He smiled and bit your nose. "True that. And I was talking about you, you dummy! You can sing a few songs with me if you’d like.”

"What-no.", you began shaking your head. "Harry there are more than twenty thousand people in your shows, not all of them like me."

"They love you, darling. You don't have to worry about the few who are just in their own imaginary world. I’d really love if I had my wife on stage singing with me.”

How could you say no to that face? Harry jutted out his bottom lip, making him look all cute. "Jeff will talk to Mel, I'm sure she'll agree.", he says. Mel was your manager. And before doing anything that might send the public into a frenzy, you had to talk to Mel.

"What if I freak out at the last minute?"

"That's normal."

"How's that normal?"

He chuckled and kissed your collarbone. "For you it is. You freak out before going onstage, then when you get in your zone, you're wonderful."

You smiled and pecked his lips. "You'll be there, promise? And will you protect me if your fans throw their heels at me?"

He giggled and kissed the tip of your nose. "I will darling, promise."

The last time you sang with Harry on stage was during One Direction’s last show. You had been their opening act. That’s how you started your music journey. Singing for the boys was like a dream come true. It was the best opportunity you got at that time, when you were just starting out. That’s also how you fell in love with the curly haired, dimpled lad.

_____________________________________________________

"Yeah but, I haven't sung in front of that many people in a long time, Ni.", you murmur as you talked to Niall on the phone while you got your makeup done. You had done rehearsals with Harry, and all was good, but you have a ritual of freaking out a little before going on stage.

"y/n, you'll do fine.", Niall said. "And Harry's onstage with you, so what's there to worry about?"

"Yeah, you're right. And um what do you do with your hands when you're not holding a guitar onstage?" You were not going to have a guitar around you like you do on your shows. Niall burst out laughing.

"I'm being serious!"

"You're so funny. What can I say about doing things with your hands? I think you'd better ask your husband that." You groaned. "Niaaaaall."

He laughed. "Stop over thinking, y/n, it’ll be fine..”

"Right, see you soon.”

"Yep. Love you, all the best, you don't need it but just in case his fans throw eggs at you?"

You gasped. "WILL THEY?"

"I was kidding! No, they won't."

"Hopefully. Love you too, bye Nialler."

“Bye love, tell Harold I said hi!”

You smiled and got up from the chair as the stylist handed you a beautiful dress. "This is cute!"

After you put it on, and got your hair done, you went backstage where the rest of the crew were.

Mitch let out a whistle as he saw you and Harry looked up who was fiddling with his ear piece. Harry's eyes widened and his lips spread into a smile.

"Do I look okay?", I asked him, who looked unbelievably good in that purple suite.

"Okay? You look beautiful!", Claire squeezed your shoulder. "Thanks, so do you.", you said back and she smiled and bowed. "Why thank you."

"You're stunning, darling.", Harry said. "That rhymed!", Mitch played a dramatic strum on his guitar.

You saw Sarah shaking her head and smiling at him from the corner of your eyes. "Thanks, you look amazing." You said, pecking Harry's lips. "Thank you.", he beamed.

"Will you be mad if I mess up?", you ask.

He chuckled and kissed your nose. "You won't mess up."

"I might, you know."

"Baby you won't, trust me, I know. And no, I won't be mad, I'm really happy that you agreed to sing on my show, it's the effort that counts."

"Yeah right, say that when I mess up."

He laughed and tugged you into a hug. "Famous young sensation or not, you haven't changed one bit, love."

"Famous young sensation?" You laughed.

"That's what the media calls you!", he said laughing too.

You smiled. "You love me the way I am, why would I change?"

He grinned. “Exactly, glad you know that. I love you, will you be okay?"

"I'll be okay."

"Don't go anywhere."

"I won't."

"See ya."

You kissed his lips and then his cheek. "I love you too, have fun."

"Will do." He grinned and kissed your forehead before he had to get going.

You did some vocal exercises in the meantime. You've dealt with some anxiety when it comes to shows, and Harry really helped you during your early days. He's helped you a lot, to get to who you are today.

You figured Harry prepared his set list for you, because it had all your favorite songs of his. You sang along with him from where you stood. He also sang If I could Fly, which he wrote for you during 1d days, and you got a bit teary eyed as he looked straight at you after the song.

Finally, it was time for you to be on stage.

"We have an extra song for you guys today." Screams just as he said that. "And a very special guest who has stolen my heart.”

You smiled.

"PLEASE WELCOME, MY WONDERFUL WIFE Y/N STYLES!"

YouI took a breath before walking to the stage and the crowd started roaring. You waved with your hand not holding the mic.

When you walked up to Harry, he smiled, hugging you gently and kissing your cheek. "SURPRISE?", he said to the crowd and you laughed as they shouted back 'Yes!'

"I thought so. She's here to sing one of her songs, also one of my favorites, with me!"

You said hi to the crowd, and nodded at Harry, telling him you were ready. The band started playing the music and you started singing. Harry took his ear pieces out wanting to hear you.

His face broke into a cute smile as he swayed and looked at you while you sang. Harry didn't join you for the first verse and chorus. He sang the second verse.

He looked at you while singing and you both eventually forgot the crowd and faced each other.

When you finished the song, Harry had a proud grin, like that’s my girl. You grinned back, wrapping your arms around his neck as you hugged him.

"I love you, y/n.", he whispered, kissing your hair. "I love you too, H.”

__________________________________________________

It was the day you were flying back to London. The last few days were so much fun and it went by so fast. Both of you were quiet that morning. You got some cuddles in, showered together, just enjoying each other’s presence before you had to part again. You were stuffing some of your last minute things into your bag with a sad frown on your face.

Harry was sitting on the bed, watching you. “Babe.”, he calls and you turn around to look at him.

“Come here.”, he pats his lap.

You happily sat on his lap and cuddled into his arms. Harry held you close, kissing the top of your head.

"So you'll come over and sing for free whenever I call you?"

"Hey, who said it was free? I need a hefty paycheck before I go.", you joked.

Harry laughs, kissing your cheek. "Think your manager has got it already."

"What? I was just joking, babe. I don't need to be paid for your show, you're my husband!"

"Yes, but you're also a gifted singer.", he squeezed your thigh. You press a kiss to his forehead. "All because of you. Thank you for everything you've done for me."

Harry shakes his head, smiling. "It's all you, love. Your hard work."

You played with the curls on the back of his head, as you remained quiet for a few minutes.

"Thanks for coming to see me even while having a busy schedule, love. It means a lot to me.”, he murmurs.

You kissed his neck. "Of course. We should do it again soon.”

Soon, it was time for you to go. Harry came with you to the airport, where you met with Kiara again.

"You shouldn't have come.", you tell Harry as you wait for the flight announcement.

"Why not? You didn’t want me to send you off?"

"Because I'll start crying in front of everyone."

He chuckled and squeezed your hand. "When has that ever stopped you before?"

"Not important.", your voice dropped a little. "Come with me?"

The bright green of his eyes faded. "You know I can't sweetheart, I would love to.". he said, putting his arm around you, and curling you to his side. You nodded, curling your fingers around his shirt.

"Hey,"he whispered, kissing your shoulder. "Don't be upset."

"I'm not.", you wiped under your nose.

"But don't lie either." You smiled a bit and kissed his forehead. "Maybe I am a bit."

He smiled back, brushing his fingertips along the skin peeking out of your top.

"If you need anything, seriously, anything, just call me. I don't care what time it is, or whatever. Even if it's just to talk, or take something off your chest, don't carry it around babe.", he said.

You nodded and ran a hand through his curls. "What are you going to do after reaching home?", he asks.

"Sleep and cry."

He chuckled. "Don't cry."

"You have no rights to say that after doing this to me."

He laughed again and pressed a kiss to your nose. "You’re so cute. I love you so much.”

______________________________________________

As soon as you got home, you saw the huge packages that Harry had sent you for Valentine’s Day. You began tearing it open. You saw a huge shiny red heart box. You opened it and out popped a teddy bear holding 'I love you'. You giggled and took it out. You set the box of your favorite chocolates aside to devour later. Then there was a super soft and fuzzy blanket which you rubbed against your cheek, instantly falling in love. Harry's the best. There was also a scented candle.

Then your eyes fall on the card Niall mentioned. The front is decorated with balloons and hearts. You knew Harry took the time to make it himself. You opened it.

Hi darling, good morning, good afternoon or good night. I'm not really sure when you'll get this, you know. Happy Valentine's Day!

So where do I start? I miss you, that's a good point to start. I miss you and I would do anything to be with you now but I am so sorry that I can't. I do want to cover you in kisses and hug you and never let you go. This is our first Valentine's Day after being married, and the third in total. This is supposed to be a day dedicated to your loved ones but I don't get it sometimes, my whole life is dedicated to you.

"Don't cry, don't cry, keep it together y/n.", you mumbled to yourself, while sniffling...

Did you know you make me so happy that sometimes I actually forget to breathe? I'll be looking at you, my chest explodes and all I want to do is take you in my arms and kiss you. You're breathtakingly beautiful. My life found a new meaning and passion when I met you. The way you look at me, talk to me, touch me, hug me, kiss me, everything, makes me feel very special. I wanna thank you for always being there, for forgiving me whenever I have messed up horribly, for trusting me after everything you've been through and for loving me. I hit the jackpot when I found you, you're perfect y/n, so damn perfect, I swear. I could go on and on about you, you know, I have to wind up. I hope you like everything I sent you. I miss you and I love you, y/n. I'm always here for you, whatever you need, I'm here.

P.S- Sorry if the drawings are bad, but I wanted to do it myself. If that makes you laugh then so be it, your laugh could cure diseases, that's how beautiful it is. I have to stop, god, I'm rambling even while writing. I'll call you as soon as the show is over. Have an amazing day my gorgeous forever valentine.

Bucket loads of love,

Your sexy hot husband, Harry.

______________________________________________

1 month later:-

"Uh how about lunch?', Niall asked.

"I'm not hungry.", you whined and curled around in the blankets.

"But you have to eat when you're sick.", he said. You were in the couch, curled up. You’ve been feeling a bit sick since the past few days.

"I might throw up if I eat.", you said.

Niall sighed. "Have you told Harry?", he asked, looking down at you in concern.

"No, don't tell him."

"Why not?"

"Cause he'll be worried for no reason and he can't concentrate on what he's doing.", you said. YouI just wanted to cuddle in your husband’s arms right now but of course that can't happen.

“Do you want me to go grab you some medicine or something?”, Niall asks. You smile and shake your head.

“I’m fine, Ni. You can go if you’re busy..”, you tell your friend, patting his arm. Niall was worried about you, so he dropped by to see for himself.

“I’m free today.”, Niall said.

"Can we watch a movie?", you asked hopefully. He smiled, ruffling your hair. "Course we can, if I get to pick.", he added.

You talk to Niall as you watch the movie, and when Niall goes to get some snacks from the kitchen, you get a thought. You hadn’t got your period this month. Now, you were feeling sick.

“Oh shit. No way.”, you gasped, and sat up.

“What’s wrong? You gonna puke again?”, Niall asks, munching loudly as he comes back with two bags of chips.

“No. I didn’t get my period!”

“Isn’t that good? You complain about cramps.”, Niall shrugs, sitting down beside you. You smack his arm, making him yelp. “Ow! What’s that for?”

“I-I could be pregnant!”

Niall’s big blue eyes widened, his munching slowing down in pace. “Wow.”

You stood up, your heart beating fast. So many thoughts ran through your mind. You know Harry wants to have kids someday, and so do you, but it’s not even been a year since your wedding and you both are so busy right now, with your careers.

“Oh god..i-it can’t be, right?”

Niall sees just how freaked out you’re getting in, and he cleans his hand before keeping it on your shoulder. “y/n, look at me. Deep breath. You don’t know for sure. And if you are pregnant, I’m sure you both will figure it all out, okay?”

You nod, taking a deep breath like he said. “I s-should take a pregnancy test.”

Niall nods. “Do you have any?”

“I think I have one. I’ll get some more later. I-I’ll uh..be right back.”

Niall gives you a hug. “I’ll be here, hm? You do what you have to do.”

“Thanks Niall.”, you whisper, squeezing him before pulling away and heading upstairs. You had two pregnancy tests laying around just for emergencies like these. It wasn’t the first time you were having pregnancy scares.

You decided to use both the tests, and you waited anxiously. You’ve always wanted to be a mom, and Harry would make an amazing dad, no doubt. You were just worried about the timing of it all.

Finally, it was five minutes and you took a look at both of them. Both showed a similar result.

Two lines.

“O-Oh my god.”, you gasped, your eyes welling up with tears. There was a human life inside you. You were going to be a mother!

_____________________________________________________

You were counting down days, waiting for Harry to come home. Tour would still go on once he’s back, but it would be the UK leg, so at least he’d be close. The only people who knew you were pregnant were your gynecologist, Niall and Kiara.You didn’t want to tell your husband the news over the phone, so you waited.

You thought of different ways to tell Harry you were pregnant, but then you decided just to show him the pregnancy test. You were too nervous for anything else.

Finally, it was the day Harry was coming back home, and you rushed to get the door as you heard the doorbell.

There stood your tall, curly, handsome husband. He wore a black shirt with the first few buttons open showing off his tattooed chest, paired with his usual skinny black jeans. His eyes were bright, and his face broke into a charming smile as he took you in.

Even after traveling for hours, he looked like that.

He let his luggage drop to wrap you up in his arms. “I’m home, baby!!”

“You are!”, you giggled as he spun you around. He grinned as he kept you down, only to grab your face. “You gonna kiss me or what?”, you smirk, and he laughs, closing the distance between your lips’.

You pulled him inside and closed the door. “Oh it smells so good, darling, and I’m starving.”, Harry hums, putting his arms out again. “Another hug, please. Missed you so much.”

You smile. “I have a surprise for you before that.”

“You’re surprising me every time we meet, kitten.”, he chuckles. You pulled out the pregnancy test from your pocket, and held it out.

Harry’s jaw hung open and a range of emotions flashed through his eyes.You waited for him to come down from his state of shock and when he did, he choked out, “R-Really?”

You nod, smiling through your tears. “I-I’m pregnant, Harry.”

Harry laughed, but the tears were gushing out of his eyes. “W-We’re gonna have a baby. y/n, sweetheart, this is amazing.” Your head crashed against his chest as he tugs you into his arms again.

“You’re happy?”, you whisper, looking up at him.

“Of course I’m happy.”, he sniffles, touching his forehead to yours. “I love you so, so much.”

“I love you too, Harry.” Harry brings a hand to your middle, and you smile, placing your hand over his as he greets your baby. “Hey there, little Styles. It's your daddy."

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