#Even so! They arent nearly as built up as this spider! And I feel So Bad about that 😭😭...

[cconfusedkat]

another Shamura infodump just cuz ,,, yeahg ! :-]c

Since i always wanted to do this with one character i wanted to make a bunch of hcs with Shamura and regarding the effects of aging ,,,

To start , i want to explain like. The really terrible effects of stress and not being able to cope properly. My family history is often very vulernable to dying at younger rates because the inability to cope with stress which leads to heart conditions and/or strokes

My aunt died earlier than expected years ago, because she held so much stress in for 17 years she died at 30

Another one of my family members, my grandma, she used to be 6'1 ,, but due to her stressing shes lost that height and is now 5'3 , i dont rlly know how to explain how its possible but it definitely does happen (i used to be 5'7 , now im 5'3 due to stressing frequently)

Regarding Shamura and their stress of being alive so long / immortality as well as lacking the proper functions in their head to cope (since they now lack the cognitive functions in their brain to properly express their emotions or keeping things to themself etcetc) i sorta portrayed that based on someone i know ,, she too has brain damage as well as i do and its different for everyone ive come to notice ? But we're very similiar in the way of lacking words frequently and being unable to use our emotions in a proper way ? Im overly energetic at times and im not sure how to Not be that way

Nooow regarding my hcs with shamura,,, theyre the smallest eldritch form in game ,compared to their siblings, so i think its out of both loss of strength and. The amount of stress on their back

Truthfully thats the reason why i make them so short ,, as a child they used to be much taller (6'0 by far) as well as being thinner ,,, But when you age its often very common you put on weight

Basically theyre already the oldest of their family ,,,, So theyll have more different experiences unlike their siblings ,,,

And also lastly i wanted to project onto them a bit more regarding my identity :-] they also have PCOS (intersex condition) and by now theyll experience other things as they age ,,, The sad part is that they never had anyone to go to to ask whats normal and what isnt normal for them as they age ,,, Especially since they also happen to be the last one alive of their biological family left too 😭 they cant go to anyone ,,, But i mean they frequently get along with the elders of the cult so theyre happy to at least have an age range to interact with sometimes better ?

Okay yapfest over ,its just my excuse to project my shortness and mental illness onto them is what im getting at /silly

[murasakiyuzu]

3 - "Please don't leave" for renkuri (O3O)

girl ur just out for blood arent u ilu

thanks for sending a prompt, angel!

warning for angst and uh semi explicit sex? ¾ explicit? lmao

edit: read on AO3 here!

"Clear... We have to goback."

Ren stands beside Clear, holding anumbrella over his downcast head. The unrelenting rain pounds into the beatendirt of the cemetery, drenches the lawn and glides down the black canopy ofRen's umbrella. It drips copiously onto Ren's shoulder, but he pays it no mind.

It takes one second too long for thehead of fluffy white hair to tilt towards Ren. Clear's hollow gaze leaves thetombstone in front of them, fixing itself on Ren's golden eyes.

Doesn't suit him. To Ren, Clear's eyes were made to glimmer with glee and his lips weremade for the irregular bow of a smile. Every line of his face was sculpted andidealized to stretch around palpable happiness. So it feels like a crime to befaced with the tight, straight line of his pale lips, the quietly roaringdespair in his rosy eyes.

"Where's Aoba-san?" Clearasks, voice barely above a whisper and nearly overpowered by the constant hissof the rain.

A wince flashes across Ren'sfeatures, but it's gone as soon as it appears.

"He's already left with Grannyand everyone else. You and I are the last ones still here."

"Oh..." is Clear's answer,almost a simple exhale.

The boy seems about to go back tostaring blankly at his grandfather's tombstone, and Ren is resigning himself towait for another hour. However, Clear straightens up and smiles at Ren.

This smile is completely wrong, andit's with the impulse of a silent scream that every hair in Ren's body pricklesup in rejection.

"Sorry you had to wait for me, Ren-san."

Ren shakes his head slightly."I stayed out of my own will."

"I see... In that case, thankyou. We should leave now, right?"

"Yeah." Ren turns back andglances in the direction of the cemetery's entrance. The rain seems to fallheavier and heavier by the second, to the point his umbrella is becoming morelike a decorative piece.

"I wonder how long it'll takebefore we get to the bus stop and until the bus actually rides by thisplace," Ren mutters to himself.

"My house is closer. We'll haveto walk a bit more, but we won't need to sit around waiting in drenchedsuits," Clear reasons as he gestures to their ruined attire.

Ren scrutinizes him for longseconds, then nods his assent.

The hem of their pants becomes moremuddied up with each step they take. Even though Ren is almost halfway out ofhis umbrella's cover, it still isn't enough to completely protect Clear fromthe rain—they'reboth broad-shouldered, after all.

It could be enough, if only Renslung an arm around Clear's waist, if he pulled Clear closer to his side. Renwon't do that, though. He lacks the guts, or rather, the certainty that he'llbe able to keep himself together if Clear pushes him away.

Since the moment they met, over fouryears ago, Ren has known he has romantic feelings for Clear. For almost aslong, Ren has also been certain that Clear has eyes only for Aoba. Even whenAoba never responded to his feelings and started dating Koujaku, his love didn'tonce falter. Time and again, he'll throw himself at Aoba's feet, and let himtrample over his one-sided feelings.

Of course, Aoba doesn't have a clue.He'd never be this cruel if he knew, but still, he is. Ren doesn't know if heloves and loathes him for it, but he knows he hates himself for thepossessiveness and egoism clawing at his heart, slithering their way into hisrelationship with Aoba, one he's valued since childhood.

Without asking, Ren knows the painof Clear's unrequited love has become dear to him. In the same way, Ren's pureaffection has turned into bitter resignation, an ever-burning thirst drying histongue as he glances at the wisps of white hair on Clear's flushed-pink neck,the long lines of his neck and collarbones. At every side-long glance Clearthrows Aoba, Ren thinks of shoving him against the nearest wall.

Feelings change. Feelings that growin the dark, distant from one's eye and care, become ugly, wretched.

Beating the mud off the soles oftheir shoes, they slip them off their feet by the entrance and enter Clear'shouse.

"Do you want some hot cocoa?"Clear asks Ren pleasantly, shrugging out of his suit jacket. He's shiveringfrom the cold, and Ren can't say he's much better.

"No, thank you. Don't mindme."

Clear smiles kindly at him. "Imust have some clothes that fit you. Feel free to look into my wardrobe; I'llsee if there's any hot water in the shower."

Ren looks on as Clear throws his jacketon the kitchen counter on his way to the bathroom, and remains rooted in hisspot as the door clicks shut behind Clear. Only when Ren listens to the soundof the shower running does he sigh and turn to the door that he remembers tolead into Clear's bedroom.

It's been at least two years sincethe last time he's been here, and he doesn't think much has changed. DespiteClear's cheerful personality, the room is surprisingly bare, if not for thenumerous glasses and bright knick-knacks sitting on wooden shelves built intothe wall.

Ren walks into the dark room, litonly by the thin strip of light spilling through the crack of the door. Unbothered,Ren undresses himself blindly. Slowly but surely, his eyes get used to thedark, and the outlines of Clear's bed and the curtains draped over his windowetch themselves in his vision.

How many times Clear has touchedhimself in this bed, Ren wonders. How many times he brought himself to thebrink of pleasure, imagining it was Aoba's fingers on him instead. And then,how many times did he cry himself to sleep, knowing it was him alone and it'dbe him alone every time after that.

Ren reaches for a stray piece ofclothing on the corner of the bed; a white dress-shirt. Without thinking toohard on it, he fists both hands into the fabric and crumples it against hisface, letting the dizzyingly sweet scent numb his senses.

So lost he is in the mouth-wateringaroma of citrus and chocolate, Ren never hears the door opening wider and stepsmoving closer. He only catches himself when a warm, undoubtedly naked bodypresses against his own from behind—scorching breath beating on the shell of his ear, chest flush againsthis back, and what he quickly realizes is a hard cock, hot against the curve ofhis ass.

Out of surprise or in a panickedattempt to hide what he's be doing, Ren simply drops the shirt. If Clear hastaken notice of his earlier actions, he says nothing.

Instead, Clear clutches at Ren'swaist, blunts nails sinking into his skin without reserve and rocking his hipsagainst Ren's backside. Fire licks up his spine from that point of contact andRen shudders, growling low in his throat.

No words are said between themovements of Clear's arms twisting Ren around and pushing him into his bed.Even when the neurons in Ren's brain are finally popping back into activity andlanguage is something that makes sense again, Clear harshly bites into his lipsand licks and sucks all traces of a sound mind out of him.

It's in his rosy eyes. Clear'sbeen pushed to the limits of his loneliness, his inadequacy and finally, hisgrief. He doesn't speak of how his grandfather has been the only support he'sknown since birth, his only source of unconditional love and care and now he's goneforever. Clear doesn't speak of how much it hurts, how afraid he is of beingalone, doesn't ask for any consoling words.

Ren knows everything without needingto hear it. He also knows this is Clear trying to assuage his pain by torturinghimself further, and he knows it didn't need to be him here. Through the thick haze of fear and self-hatred in hiseyes, Ren doesn't see himself reflected.

Still, he sprawls his hands on Clear'sshoulder blades like spider webs, trapping him in that bed, embedding his teethin any expense of skin he can reach. Clear's resulting moans warble and distortinto what could be interpreted as either laughter or sobbing. Ren decides hecan be whoever Clear wants him to be now—even Aoba. This will be his only chance to be withhim like this, so he stays quiet.

Clear's skin is glittering withsweat and dotted with red and purple marks when he drops a thin bottle of lubeon Ren's chest. His hazy eyes never lock with Ren's, and he doesn't wait for areaction of any kind before tilting his hips up and sinking dry fingers intohimself. He's whimpering and Ren watches budding tears slipping down Clear's ruddycheeks, trickling onto Ren's chest.

Ren is trembling violently underhim, hands clenching and unclenching, uncertain if he wants to brush thosetears away or make him cry more.

Clear yells out as Ren's cock drillsinto him, and between hoarse moans and the creaking bed springs, it's the mostrampant noise in the room since they started this. However, what followsrattles Ren the most, tearing into the pleasant, mind-numbing fog he's lethimself be drawn into.

"Ren..." Clear sighs, andthe name thins out like the ending notes of an old song.

Ren stops breathing, stops moving.Something snaps in his chest, and traitorous warmth spreads to the rest of hisbody, to his lower and upper members, getting to his head. Like venom, likealcohol buzzing euphoric in his veins, but sure to give him hell in themorning. Ren's shivering starts anew with an entirely different reason to be,and he's suddenly very aware, and very terrified.

Why is Clear calling out his namenow? What will be of Ren, having heard it this one time and knowing it'll neverhappen again?

Ren scrambles to sit up and extracthimself from Clear, who yelps in surprise.

"No- Ren, pleasedon't...!"

Clear's arms lock around Ren's neckin a vice grip, and his legs desperately coil around Ren's waist as well. Ren isthe one who ends up trapped, eyes wide and muscles tensed up.

"Ren... Ren-san... Please,don't leave," Clear whispers, pained, expectant.

A choked gasp leaves Ren's lips, andhe hurries to bite them shut. It does nothing to stop the burning tears pushingagainst his eyelids, the knot swelling in his throat and threatening tosuffocate him to death.

Words which are, at once, so sweetand so deceptive.

Ren lets Clear push him into the bedonce again, feels him clench around him as if echoing his earlier plea with hiswhole body. Tears spill over the sides of Ren's face. In that moment, Renpretends and prays quietly, just this once, that he can be what Clear needs,exactly for who he is.