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dreamifics · 3 years ago

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Love and Monsters

Steve Harrington x Reader!Henderson

Oneshot

Y/N Henderson's life was not like any other normal teenager's life, on a very young age her only friends was her brother, Dustin and his friends.. She was not popular in highschool, but she was not a nobody neither.. Y/N was just invisible, lost in the sea of students.. She was almost through highschool though, one day her life was turned upside down, literally and figuratively.. It's been months since the 'thing' happend, but she was still shaken up.

Y/N was laying in bed, My Generation blasting from her stereo.. She was home alone, her mother was out with some friends, her brother was hanging out with 'King Steve'.. Ever since Steve helped them about Dart, she grew closer to Steve but their short lived friendship ended when Dustin left for camp and Steve worked on their family business while she was stuck preparing herself for college.. Y/N misses Steve, his unfunny jokes and oh god--his laugh..

A loud knock startled her, she shot up from her bed, memories of what happend was flashing back to her.. Despite what she tells her friend, she was not okay.. She almost died twice and that opened up trauma's and issues within herself..

Another loud knock startled her, Y/N shakes her head and just ran to the door.. Reaching their front door, her icy hands made contact with the cold steel knob..

It revealed a disheveled Dustin and Steve, she could tell that there were excitement dripping all over them.. Steve was still wearing his sailor work uniform, he looked cute to Y/N but she once threw that thought in the back of her mind..

"What's up?" She questioned the two.

Dustin just smiled and pushed pass her, while Steve was reluctant to go in.. Steve avoided Y/N for almost the whole summer because of the daunting realization that he was catching feelings for her and that scared him.. Y/N was the kind of girl that likes to watch nerdy movies, spend hours playing games with a bunch of kids and save the world two times.. However, Steve was scared, he was still stuck in the unjustified rules of highschool and popularity. . He still wanted to be 'King Steve', but he also wanted to be Y/N's..

"Nice outfit, sailor boy.." Y/N winked and laughs at Steve, he just shakes his head and went inside their house..

Steve made his way to Dustin's room with Y/N right behind him, but before reaching Dustin's room, he passed Y/N's room.. He unconsciously stopped as he looks around, observing every corner of her room.

There were posters plastered all over her walls, books were all around her room in her bed, shelves and even floors.. In the other side she had a small collection of music that made Steve smile.. Because they had the exact same taste, she is the perfect girl.

"If you want to go in, you're free to wander around my room, anytime.."

Steve turned around to face Y/N, he misses her.. How Y/N sarcastic remarks leave her sweet lips or how she rolls her eyes whenever she see something stupid.

"I might just take you up on that.."

"Hm-mm.. You didn't even talk to me when Dustin left, you broke my heart, Steviee.." She jokes, but it sounded a little bitter.

Y/N did get hurt, Steve stopped talking to her when Dustin left, it seems like Steve didn't really like her as much as she thinks he did. Y/N was bored and got stuck just studying and sometimes hanging out with the party.. It was fun but she was looking forward to hanging out with Steve.

"I'm sorry about that, I didn't want to see my old friends hanging out with someone like yo---" Steve stopped his sentence, he didn't mean that.. His mind was a mess, he said those things because he didn't want Y/N finding out his stupid feelings

"Right..Yeah, I get it.."

"Y/N that's not what I me--"

"Cause King Steve shouldn't be hanging out with people like me?Gotcha.."

Steve didn't even had the time to reply, he was met with Y/N's slamming door.. He didn't mean that.. Steve loved hanging out with Y/N, he want to give her something special.. Steve wanted something more from Y/N.. He knew exactly what and he didn't need a reason why but Steve wanted to give Y/N something more..

Y/N was hurt, she didn't know why but Steve words brought devastation to her.. She felt disappointed and upset, Y/N was expecting something special.. She didn't know what or why but she was expecting something more from Steve.

Y/N was dropping off Dustin to the mall where Steve was working, her lips were in a unsual frown.. Y/N wasn't usally like this, she was having a bad week, Steve just hurt her feelings and she was taking it much harder, it was very unsual.. The two Henderson was making their way to the Scoops Ahoy shop, Dustin was rambling about a message he picked up while contacting his girlfriend.

"Are you listening?" Her brother asked as they reach the store.

"Yepp, you should go in now.."

"Y/N, this could be a good thing!"

"I know..If you need my help, you can find me in the food court.."

"Y/N.."

"Yeah, Dus?"

"Are you okay?"

Y/N's mind went blank, she hated lying to her brother but she didn't want to worry anyone. She laughs and messed Dustin's hair.

"Of course.. Now go, you know where to find me.." With that she left..

Y/N was not okay, the last time she slept was a month ago.. Nightmares kept crawling back to her, she was growing more paranoid by the day.. She was not okay, but she couldn't tell anyone that.. Everyone else is okay, even Wil who had it more rough than her. And to top that up, she was broken hearted by Steve's rejection of their friendship.. Y/N just massaged the bridge of her nose, when will she be fine?

Dustin and Steve was in the corner of the mall with binoculars in their eyes, Steve saw Y/N.. Sitting alone in the corner, a walkman in her ears and a book in hand.. Y/N was mouthing the word as her eyes read every word on that book and Steve couldn't help but feel all giddy and guilty inside.

"You see anything?" Dustin snapped Steve back to their current task.

"Uh, I guess I don't totally know what I'm looking for.'' Steve answered honestly, Y/N distracted him again.

"Evil Russians."

"Yeah, exactly. I don't know what an evil Russian looks like."

"All blond, not smiling."

"Mm-hmm?" Steve's eyes didn't looked for any Russians, his eyes drifted to Y/N spot but she was gone.. Where did she go? He couldn't help but worry, was she talking to someone else?

"Also, look for earpieces, camo, duffel bags, that sort of thing." Dustin added.

"Right, okay, duffel bags." Steve darts his eyes away from Y/N seat but it only fell on a girl he asked out earlier.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Steve mutters.

"What?" Dustin questioned.

"Anna Jacobi's talking with that meathead Mark Lewinsky."

"If you're not gonna focus, just gimme the binoculars."

Dustin got annoyed by his distracted partner, he should have brought his sister along.. But he knew that Y/N was not okay, she seemed distant and lost in her own mind.. Always spacing out and Dustin can hear her cries from his room, it killed him to see her loving and hyper sister transform into a walking corpse.

"Aw, Jesus Christ, whatever happened to standards?"

"I mean, Lewinsky never even came off the bench." Steve rambled on, annoying Dustin.

"Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?"

The two fought for the binoculars, but they just looked stupid.. Dustin initially gave up and gave the binoculars to Steve.

"I don't get why you're looking at girls. You have the perfect one in front of you."

"Seriously, if you say Robin again..." Steve closes his eyes waiting for Robin's name to come up but it never did.

"No, Y/N.. My sister.."

Steve's heart clenched at the mention of her name, he wants Y/N too.. What can he do? Y/N hates his ass now, he was a jerk and he didn't deserve Y/N.

"No, man, she's not my type." Steve answered while he diverts his eyes away from Dustin.

"I saw you staring at her closed door for about 5 minutes."

Steve eyes grew wide at the realization that Dustin was watching the whole time.. Dustin just shakes his head, if he was asked he'd say that her sister felt the same way..

"She's not even... in the ballpark of what my type is, all right?"

"What's your type again? Not awesome?"

"Thank you."

"Hm."

"For you information, your sister is too sarcastic, she's too nerdy for me.."

"Also, she's too...boyish.."

Beautiful, that's what he wanted to say..

"Dude, that's my sister you're talking about, and besides she's not like that.. She's nerdy but so what? Y/N's also not boyish, she's just secured with her masculinity.."

Dustin's word echoed throughout Steve's system, he already knew that.. But somehow hearing it from another person's perspective made him like you more.

"Y/N's just not my type.." He lied..

Y/N was everything he ever wanted in a girl.

"Thanks for the clarification, Harrington." A voice surprised the two.

Y/N was standing behind them, her arms crossed.. Steve's eyes widen in surprise, did she hear everything? He didn't mean that, what did he mean?

"I didn't mean t--"

"Dustin, if you told me you'll stalk people in malls, I should've brought you to a psychiatrist.." Y/N ignored Steve and just focused on her brother.. Y/N would be lying if she haven't felt more hurt by the words Steve dropped.. She had been listening since the talk about girls came up, Y/N spotted the two doing eccentric things and she decided to eavesdrop.

"No, it's called spying.." Dustin rolled his eyes at her sister remarks while Steve was still frozen..

"What's the difference?" Y/N asked, her eyes still focused on he brother..

"It's just different, okay? Were looking for the--" Dustin stopped and looks around to see if anybody was near..

"Russians?" Y/N continued in a loud tone.

"Shh!" Both Steve and her brother shushed her. Y/N was surpised, she glares at the two and moved closer to them.

"Fine, can I tag along? I'm bored and it'll be nice to be a national hero."

The two looked at each other, Steve was nervous.. Y/N obviously didn't want him around, but this could be a chance for him to apologize to Y/N.

"Sure, you can help us look for russians with dufflebags and camo." Dustin pulled her sister to his side.

"That's kinda racis--"

"No, it's not!" Dustin cuts her sister off making Y/N laugh..

"Whatever you say Dus.."

And that's how she ended up inside a theater with two kids and two drugged teenagere.. Y/N's breathing was heavy, they were captured by Russians just moments ago.. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, she thought this town was finally normal again, but turns out she was wrong.. Very very wrong..

They needed to get out of this hellish mall, Y/N need to find out if there's still russians lurking out, looking for them.

"The two of you need to stay here and take care of them." Y/N instructs to her brother, she pointed at a floopy Steve and Robin.

"Wait--Where are you going?!" Dustin stopped her by pulling her arm.

"I'm going to see if those fuckers are still looking for us.."

"No, we'll come with you.."

"Dustin, you need to stay here and keep a low profile.."

"Y/N don't be a hero.."

"Hey, Dipshit!I'm not trying to be a hero, what I'm doing is protecting you guys because our two friends are drugged and beaten while we brought a little kid into our mess!And I will do everything to keep you all safe, even if that means I get hurt or killed!"

Dustin knew that there's no talking Y/N out of this, her sister was right.. Taking a deep breath, he just nods and hugs her sister..

"Just please, stay safe.." Dustin was in the verge of tears but Y/N held him tight in her arms.. Dustin pulled back, Y/N gave her brother a comforting smile, she rubbed his cheeks and pat his head.

"I'll be okay, I'm a Henderson for god's sake.."

Dustin laughs as tears stroll in his face, she kissed his forehead and walked away, trying not to attract attention.. Taking a deep breath she left the theater, she'll do whatever it takes to keep her brother and her friends.. Y/N's mind flew to Steve, she was pissed off but she was not sure anymore.. The way he saved them and got beat up for them, she couldn't find a reason to be mad at him, all she can think about is his childlish look and how hot he is in his sailor uniform. Y/N just shakes those thoughts away and tried to focus on her task..

Russians..

Steve and Robin were throwing up in a seperate cubicles, they were getting the drugs out of their system.. Retching and puking can be heard all through out the theater bathroom, Steve groans and flushes the toilet.

"The ceiling stopped spinning for me. Is it still spinning for you?" Robin's voice can be heard from the other cubicle.

"Holy shit. No. You think we puked it all up?" Steve rested his back to the mini wall inside the cubicle..

"Maybe. Ask me something.."

"Interrogate me." Robin said in a mocking russian accent.

"Okay. Interrogate you. Sure. Um... When was the last time you, uh, peed your pants?"

"Today."

"What?"

"When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw."

"Oh... All right, my turn."

"Okay. Hit me."

"Have you... ever been in love?"

"Yep. Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year." Steve imitates a gunshot.

"Are you still in love with Nancy?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I found someone else, she's a little bit better for me.It's crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying, 'You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie.' "

"Wait, who's Suzie?"

"It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real."

" But that's not- that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this girl, you know, the one that I like, it's somebody that I... didn't even talk to in school. And I don't even know why."

"Maybe 'cause Tommy H. would've made fun of me or... I wouldn't be... prom king. It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with this girl the whole time."

"First of all, she hates me now because of a stupid thing I said but when we hanged out, we were bonding and shit.. She was perfect for me, she's nerdy, hangs out with kids too much.. She likes the same things I like, her brother is my bestfriend.. Sometimes I wonder if she's real, because she's too perfect."

"Wait--You like Y/N?"

"Yeah, ever since last year.. I like her so damn much, I can't even believe that I said to her that I shouldn't be hanging out with someone like her."

"YOU SAID THAT?" Robin's voice boomed out all over the bathroom, Steve just sighs and slids out of the cubicle..

"Unfortunately, yes.."

Steve slid in to Robins cubicle, she was glaring at him.

"If you ask me, Y/N doesn't deserve someone like me.. She--She's too nice to be caught up in my miserable life.. And besides she would never like me.."

"I think you're still high.."

"No, I'm not.."

"Do you remember what I said about Click's class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?"

"Yeah?"

"It isn't because I had a crush on you. It's because... she wouldn't stop staring at you.."

"Mrs. Click?" Robin chuckles and just shakes her head.

"Y/N Henderson, I wanted her to look at me. But... she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And- And you didn't even like her then and... I would go home... and just scream into my pillow."

"But Y/N's a girl.."

"Steve.."

"Oh.."

"Yeah, now listen..Don't give me the 'she doesn't deserve me' and 'she doesn't like me back' crap.. Y/N was inlove with you since highschool, now you will tell her all about your mushy mushy feelings and you'll two will get married, have kids and you'll have me to thank for. "

"But what about you?"

"Please, I moved on.."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah, with my pretty face?I could find someone in a jiffy!"

The two were laughing when Dustin and Ericka burst into the bathroom.. Annoyance and frustration written all over their face..

"Okay.What the hell?!" Dustin asked very annoyed.

"Dude, we're normal again.."

"That's not the problem now, we need to find Y/N and go with the rest of the party."

"Y/N's not with you?"

"Do you see her?" Erica asked with the normal sass in her voice. Robin rolls her eyes at Erica who just glares at her.

"Where did she go?" Steve ignored Erica's sarcastic question

"She said she'll check the perimeter, but she hasn't come back since." Dustin answered, she was worried for her sister.. In their situation, who wouldn't?

"Shit." Steve and Robin both utter at the same time.

Y/N was changed into a much more inauspicious clothes, it was just some pants and a shirt tucked into it.. She fixed her disheveled hair and wiped her sweat.. She needed to blend in, her eyes wander around the mall.. There were Russians walking around, bviously looking for someone and that someone was them.. All the exits are heavily guarded by guards, there's no way out..

Taking a deep breath she walked back to the theater, praying that her brother and friends was safely still there but before she could even reached the theater, a russian man spotted her..

"I got eyes on one of the target!" The russian said into his earpiece, making Y/N run to the higher level of the mall, her heart racing and she was starting to feel tired.

Y/N just ran until she lost the russian, her breathing was getting shorter by the second.. Y/N's leg was starting to hurt but she ignored it and looked down to see if she can spot her brother..

And there they are, getting chased by guards.. Worries pumped into her brain as they run.. She needed to help them, if not they could get killed.

"Hey stupid spies!I'm right up here, morons!" Y/N screamed at the top of her lungs as she waves her hands around..

Steve and Dustin was horrified as they hide into the counters, Y/N was risking her life for theirs..

The guards that was chasing them made eye contact and targeted Y/N but before they could do anything a car honk.. The russians looked at each other, confused and dazed.. Eleven can be seen controlling the car, she throws it at the bad men and all they could hear were groans..

Y/N felt a surge of relief, she made her way to her brother.. Dustin, Robin, Erica and Steve pop out from behind the counter, steam hissing.. Y/N saw her brother and they all rushed up to hug her..

A tight hug welcomed Y/N, but this hug wasn't just from Dustin.. It was also from Robin, Erica and Steve.. Suddenly they all look up to see the rest of the party.. The hug was cut off by Dustin running to hug Mike and Eleven.

"Lucas?" Erica saw her brother and it made Lucas confuse..

"What are you doing here?"

Y/N who was just taking in deep breaths smiled to herself.. They were safe, but she knew this was not over.. Steve stayed in Y/N side, Robin's word replayed in his mind.. This is his chance to say his undying love to Y/N.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?" Y/N saw Steve besides her, she was growing tired but Y/N needed to keep thriving for everyone.. Y/N saw that Steve was hesitant, he was nervous and it made her felt nervous too.

"I--I uhh.." Steve mumbles, his tongue was backing out.. Y/N had such a powerful effect on him, to the way she says his name, and everytime Y/N calls him, his heart skips a beat.. It sounds corny, but it was true..

"What?Do you need a speak and spell?" Y/N joked, it didn't help a struggling Steve.. He started to grew more anxious, he needed to get this off his chest.. This could be the last time they all see each other alive, there's no telling what could happen to them.

Y/N was just staring at him

"I have something to confess---"

Steve was cut off by El who was in pain and grunting in the floor.. They all ran to her aid and helped her with the pain she was going through.. Steve slightly curses at himself, maybe this was not a great time for a love confession.. He needed to focus on surviving this hellish adventure.. Again

It finally ended.. Y/N was relieved, it was over.. They were safe, Y/N and Dustin were sitting in the back of an ambulance, a blanket around them as they hug each other..

"If this shit happens again, we're moving.." Y/N jokes.. Dustin chuckled, maybe they should.. However, the adventures were growing more fun and dangerous..

"Nah, we love being heroes.."

Y/N laughs as she held her brother tighter, she fixed his hair and wipe some dirt off his face.. Even if he's old now, he'll always be Y/N's baby brother.. She smiled at the memory of Suzie and Dustin singing in the middle of mayhem and chaos.

"Stooop, I'm all grown up now!" He stood up and made his way to his friends..

"Don't get too far, lover boy!" Y/N shouted causing Dustin's cheek to blush..

Y/N sighs at the sight of her brother walking away from her, this is the last time she'll save the world, she was tired of monsters.. Y/N was just enjoying the cold air of the night when someone cleared their throat.

"Hello to you Harrington.." Y/N smiled at Steve, he was just standing infront of her.. Y/N can't help but feel giddy when Steve's in his sailor outfit.. It saddens her that Steve was still stuck in his highschool mindset..

"I have something to tell you.." Steve mumbles incoherently, but Y/N understood it.. Steve was always nervous when Y/N's around, he remember the first time he saw Y/N..

Steve saw Dustin on the street asking for help, and he didn't believe at him first but he was soon convinced by how Dustin was nervous and scared.. They pulled up at the Henderson's residence, that's where he first saw--no that's not the right word..

That's where he first acknowledged Y/N..

She was sitting on the porch steps on her pajama's, there were dirt on her face and her hairs a mess.. Y/N's face lighten up when he saw Dustin getting out of the car..

"Hey Dus------What is he doing here?" Y/N's face dropped when he saw Steve also getting out of the car.

"He's our back up.." Her brother answered short and continue walking into the entrance of the basement.

"I'm back up..'' Steve said cocky at Y/N, she just scoffs and followed Dustin..

"For a guy with a black eye, you're awfully confident.."

"That's what seeing a pretty girl like you does to me.." Steve didn't know what he ate that time but he had this whole new confidence when he started talking to Y/N.. However, Y/N didn't seem impressed to his corny jokes and pick up lines, she was always scoffing and rolling her eyes..

"Yeah, you said that too when we were inside..That" Y/N's voice pulled him back to the present.. Y/N gestured at the burning mall infront of them.

"Yeah.." Steve cleared his throat, he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out he's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now, the clocks run out, times up, over, blaow .

"Are you gonna say something?" Y/N was starting to get nervous, did she do something to make Steve act strange? He was shaking, the sweat on his forehead is flowing like the Niagara Falls.. That's not attractive yet for some reason she found it hot..

"Oh--Yeah--Uhh.." He failed to say words again, why can't he just go straight to the point?

Robin who was with the rest of the party was staring at a stuttering and nervous Steve.. The rest started to notice even Jonathan and Nancy who was in each others arms..

"When is he gonna tell my sister that he likes her?" Dustin ponder as he stares at the two..

"I don't know, he's taking forever just uttering one sentence.." Lucas pitched in making the others laugh..

"I thought Steve was a suave and cool guy?" Mike jokes causing some of them to laugh, some was just quiet.. They were still having a hard time grasping all of this, especially Max..

"He's a nerd just like you guys.." Nancy answered, they all shake their heads as they watch Steve nervously fidgets..

"Alright, I finally had enough.." Robin whispers, the party turned to Robin, carefulky watching to what she had under her sleeves..

"HEY Y/N!" Robin shouts..

Y/N broke her gaze with Steve and brought it to a shouting Robin, not far from them.. Steve just froze to his place, panic started blaring out through his mind..

"WHAT STEVE'S TRYING TO SAY IS HE FREAKING LIKES YOU!" Robin shouted, and it all made them freeze.. Y/N blinked rapidly, did she hear that right? Steve l-likes her? What? When? How? Where?

Steve felt embarrased, he wanted the crawl in a hole and die.. Robin was dead to him, how could she do that? Now Y/N's gonna start to avoid him, she obviously doesn't like her back.

"I-Is that true?" Y/N finally asked the question she was dying to ask, she never really thought about Steve that way.. Fine, she's not gonna lie, there were some thoughts about Steve that kept her up at night..

"I can explain--If you don't feel the same it's totally fi----" Steve panicked and randomly said any excuses he can think off, not giving Y/N a chance to speak..

Y/N rolled her eyes at how Steve was rambling on, she smiled and stands up.. Pulling Steve sailor outfit, she kissed him..

Steve pressed his lips harder on Y/N, he wanted this kiss to happen since he first saw her.. And now it's happening, Y/N puts her arm around Steve's neck.. This was her first kiss and she was glad that it was to Steve.. They both kissed as the burning Star Court crumbles infront of them. Y/N didn't knew that you can find love and monsters in this terrifying situation..

Dustin groaned at the sight of her sister and bestfriend kissing, he wanted to vomit and scoop his eyes out.. This was not a sight for sore eyes..

"Ugh!I don't want to watch my sister exchange salivas with Harrington!" Dustin sigh under his breath

"Get used to it, you'll be seeing a lot of him.." Robin teased making Dustin die inside.

"Dammit!"

Y/N was just thinking that some people lost someone special, Eleven lost Hopper.. Max lost Billy and the rest will wake up in the morning with terrible memories haunting them everyday, they can no longer feel the assurance that they're safe in the quiet town they grew up to. They knew everything that lies withing the depths of this ground, all the horrible things that Hawkin Labs brought.. Chief Hopper and Billy Hargrove died for them, they were heroes.. And the sad part is, no one will ever know.. Those who deserves to be recognized is no longer here, the heroine act they did save the world yet the world doesn't even know about them.. But Y/N and the rest knows that the sacrifices they made won't go to waste, they'll do everything in their power to keep whatever haunts this eerie town at bay.

I found this highly nice but cringey at the same time so bear with it, I also wanted to update my series about James Potter but I just can't seem to end it ughhhhh..Anyways, I hope you guys like this one..

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heeberry · 3 years ago

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Forgive And Forget

(Loona) Jung Jinsoul x Gender Neutral!Reader

Requested: yes!

Berry: hey, i really like your writing style and i saw that you're taking requests again—can i please request a jinsoul x reader imagine wherein they are in an argument and she said some really hurtful words to her s/o? Please let it be angst to fluff and i don't really mind if it's either gender neutral or not, hope u have/had a great day !! :)

A/n: sorry this took awhile :< it’s been awhile since I’ve written something so hopefully my writting hasn’t rusted lmao. Thank you for requesting! I hope you like it <3

Your back slid against the wall, head spinning and lips parted. You cover your mouth with a hand, not believing the words that came out of Jinsoul’s mouth.

“Jinsoul what is up with you?” You asked, eye brows raised in curiousity. “You don’t even have any time for me anymore, and everytime you do, you don’t even hang out with me.”

Something about the words spilling out of your tongue made you feel relived. You couldn’t help but to think that Jinsoul was avoiding you on purpose, the thought only made your heart sink.

Jinsoul turned around, visibly tired. Her eyeslids looked like they were about to shut at any moment laying on the bed, but she fought the urge, wanting to answer you first before anything.

“Y/n what are you talking about?” She mumbled, loud enough for you to hear.

You let out a breathy sigh, sitting on the corner of the bed, watching Jinsoul give you the same curious look you gave her.

“I mean, I don’t know” you paused, “it suddenly feels like you’re avoiding me on purpose or something”

“It’s not that y/n, I’ve just been busy” Jinsoul softy replied, she grabbed you by the hem of your shirt, pulling into a cuddle.

You frown, the same excuses were given everytime. You knew she was free, her company hasn’t gave them any schedules yet.

“Don’t lie Jinsoul”

Never in your life had you imagine that you were getting into a heated argument with your girlfriend, whom you’ve been with for two years now.

You and Jinsoul rarely fought, even if you did the two of you would laugh at how immature the argument was.

But this wasn’t an argument the two of you could laugh about. The argument continuessly got more heated, after accusing Jinsoul of being a liar she sat up within a second.

“Are you accusing me of being a lair? Why would I lie to you?” She look at you with disbelief, “y/n what has gotten into you?”

“Me?” You gasped, “you should be the one telling me. You say all these excuses yet none are even true. You don’t even have time for me, saying your busy when in reality YOUR SHEDULE IS LITTERALY TRANSPARENT??” You began rising your voice, making Jinsoul’s jaw drop, never has she seen you rise your voice, never ever.

“So tell me Jinsoul, what have you really been doing?” You crossed your arms, leaving Jinsoul’s grip as you stood up, tapping your foot onto the cold ground.

You couldn’t believe the way you were currently acting, it left yourself surprised. Despite all that you kept the act up, letting Jinsoul know you weren’t kidding about anything.

Jinsoul let out a cry, “how many times do I have to tell you y/n! I’ve been busy. Just because my schedule is cleared doesn’t mean I don’t have anything in particular to do”

You slowly nod, realizing she did have a good point. Something in your heart still clenched though. Your mind wandered off into wanting to know what she’s been doing in particular, as she likes to say.

“Okay then what have you been doing outside of the company hm?” You asked.

“I’ve been hanging out at the dorms”

“Bullshit!”

Jinsoul gasped, she felt herself slowly grow angry. At this point she kept her mouth shut, not wanting to explode. How could you accuse her for lying? She knew how she hasn’t been spending time with you, and she’s fine with you being upset about it, you had the right to be.

But saying her words are full of bullshit ticked her off. It was the truth, she had been spending time with the members at the dorm, due to Haseul finally returning.

It made her ecstatic knowing her member had finally returned. Ready to be in the next comeback and surprising orbits with her appearance.

“Y/n-”

“Enough Jinsoul! Enough!” You cried, “how are you not upset about this? Am I the only one who’s feeling like this?”

“Y/n-”

“no I don’t wanna hear it, I’m tired Jinsoul. I’m tired of waiting that we’d spend at least some time together, the last time we hung out was a month ago Soulie! A month-”

“Y/n” Jinsoul finally interrupted, pressing her teeth together as she stared at you, her eyes getting darker.

“Are you hearing yourself? You’re such an idiot for saying all this.”

“What I said was nothing but the truth, and if you don’t believe it than that is on you”

You opened your mouth to speak but Jinsoul quickly shushed you. “I’m sorry I haven’t been hanging out with you. The members wanted me to spend some time with them before our comeback soon”

“But if your gonna continue being like this then we mind as well break up, because I absolutely don’t want someone who acts like a total idiot! I mean accusing me of a liar? Really?” She scoffed, “you know I wouldn’t EVER lie to you”

“And most of all I don’t wanna be with someone who’s so attracted, enough of being like this!”

“You always act possessive, I have the right to hang out with others don’t I?”

This all brought you back to present time. Your back sliding against the wall, head spinning and lips parted. After the argument Jinsoul had left to get a breather.

You rested your head against the wall, sighing you couldn’t yourself.

Never had you been like this, a total idiot like Jinsoul said. You didn’t know what had gotten into you at all.

All you know is, is that you owe Jinsoul an apology.

You could’ve handled this in a mature easy way, but you crossed the line. Accusing her of a liar and ignoring almost all of her side of the story.

“God I need to fix this” you thought, getting up in hopes of finding Jinsoul somewhere nearby. It did shatter your heart when she told you how attached you were, and her wanting to break up with you. But you also didn’t blame her for it.

You lifted that heavy heart of yours anyway, finding Jinsoul sitting on the bench at a park.

The sun had just begun to set, so you sat next to the silent girl, who seemed to be staring off into space with glossy eyes.

“Jinsoul?” You lowly spoke, fighting the tears from falling down your already tear stained cheeks. “I’m so so sorry”

Jinsoul turned her head to you, she shook her head as a response. “You shouldn’t be sorry, your feelings are valid y/n, I understand”

“I should be the one to say sorry”

“Jinsoul no” you quickly started, taking her hands into yours. “I’m serious about this, I’m sorry for what I did”

“For calling you a liar, saying your words were bullshit. I handled this so badly, I let my emotions get to me”

“It’s okay if you don’t have time for me, that’s totally fine” you slowly smile, “you are your own person, you have other things to do and other places to be.”

“Pretend I never said those things, I can’t believe I did all this” you sighed, face palming.

Jinsoul could only look at you, slowly beaming out a smile as she pulled you by the waist, engulfing you into a hug.

“Don’t worry y/n. I know you didn’t mean it” she rubbed the back of her neck with one hand, “I’m sorry I said I was gonna break up with you and said you were too possessive for my liking.”

“I didn’t mean that at all, it’s just you really ticked me off” Jinsoul laughed, making you crack alittle laugh of your own.

“You aren’t THAT possessive, I mean I am too so that makes us even” she added.

“So are we okay now?”

“Yes y/n I forgive you, we’re okay now” Jinsoul rubbed your shoulder. “You know I’d never lie, especially to you.”

You leaned onto her shoulder, feeling her kiss the top of your head. The red, orange, and yellow hues began to display themselves beautifully, making the two of you appreciate the scenery in front of you.

“Hey Jinsoul?”

“Yes baby?”

“I love you”

Jinsoul looked at you with a smile. She felt her heart beat become faster as she processed those words. She caressed your hand with her thumb, bringing you comfort as she replied with the words you hoped she’d say.

“I love you too”

#kpop #kpop gg #kpop imagines #loona #loona imagines #loona scenarios #loona drabble #loonawork #loona 1/3 #loona odd eye circle #loona yyxy #Jinsoul #jung jinsoul #jinsoul imagines #loona x reader #girl group scenarios #loona fic

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coldmilkcreamery · 4 years ago

Text

lux in tenebris

~ 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 ~

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: jung jaehyun x male reader 🌹🥀

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 4182

��𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: set in the 1960’s, your relationship with Jaehyun blooms as you navigate a time when homosexuality is unacceptable.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴/𝘀: hinted homophobia (but never shown)

𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝘆 🌙

𝗮/𝗻: because valentines is jaehyun’s birthday !! hbd to my first bias <3 this story is so so fluffy, which is so unusual for me because i’m an angsty writer 🥴 also, i thought of this story while listening to ‘put your head on my shoulder’ !! every time i would write a part, i would listen to it <3 this is the longest story i’ve written, surpassing memories (which is also a jaehyun one btw, i think this unintentionally proves my dedication to him) !! i hope u guys like this because i’ve worked the hardest on this 🥺 happy valentines everyone ! <3

> 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 <

(some time in the 1960s~)

Everybody thought they were friends. The class-skipping, the after-school hangouts, the dinners at Anka’s Diner—everybody thought they were friends. And truly, they were.

But is that really all they were?

“So…” Jaehyun asks as they walk down the halls of Neo High, “Anyone approach for Valentine’s yet? I bet you’ve gotten more than three people to ask you out by now.”

Y/N chuckles, lightly shoving Jaehyun as the latter chuckles as well. “Man, stop it. No one asked me out. And who are you to say that? Star athlete, 6 pack abs, Jaehyun of the Neos, I'd say… 6 girls?”

“7, actually.” They both giggle as Jaehyun continues, “But… I shot all of them down.”

They both near Y/N’s locker, Jaehyun leaning on the ones beside as the former opens his and gets some books out. “Why? 7 girls… neat.”

“I have my eyes on someone else.” Jaehyun says, looking up, blushing at the ceiling, glad that Y/N’s locker door is obstructing the latter’s view of his face.

“Lucky girl.” Y/N says, nonchalantly as he closes the door to his locker. “She’ll say yes, don’t worry.”

“Sure hope they do. So… I'm guessing you're still on the make? You know, looking for a date?” Jaehyun says curiously, unknowingly hoping for a certain answer.

“I told you no one asked me out. And honestly, I’m fine with that. It's a Saturday on the 14th—maybe I should just stay home and listen to the radio.”

“Aww. That's fine little man.” Jaehyun says as they begin their trek towards their classes. “Maybe you could go out with me…” His voice softens, not wanting to alert those around them, “If you can't find anyone.”

Y/N chortles, smacking Jaehyun on the shoulder once again, “Kinda gay ain't it?”

“Nothing wrong with it.”

“You think the people around us’ll say the same?”

Jaehyun hums in acknowledgement as he fixes his tie, replying, “Okay then. Well, see ya’ later alligator.”

Y/N smiles as he sends the boy a wink, entering his classroom as the latter walks to his.

They both knew it. It was mutual knowledge. But unspoken. It was unspoken knowledge. The sly touches, the flirting—they both knew it.

But neither have made a real move yet.

“If you had one thing you could do right now, without being interrupted—without any distractions,” Jaehyun says, lying down on Y/N’s bed, throwing a baseball up in the air as he asks, “what would it be?”

“Hm.” Y/N ponders, pausing the movement of his pencil over the créme sheet of paper, placing it down. “Maybe…” he looks out the window, observing the orange to black ombré, “Moongazing. I just love the moon. The stars too.”

“You always talk about the moon.” Jaehyun stops throwing the white ball knitted with red fabric, catching it on one hand as he sits up. “What’s so bewitching about it anyway?”

“I don’t know.” Y/N continues writing, the graphite marking the pages as it produces the only sound in the room apart from their voices. “It’s… calming. Not to mention, the twinkling stars look pretty too.”

“Twinkle twinkle little star…” Jaehyun sings softly as Y/N chuckles, throwing a pillow at the former.

“If you don’t believe me—”

“I do. I’ll take you for your word.” Jaehyun replies almost instantly. “I always do.”

“Neat. Now flake off. The sun is setting. You live three streets away, and I don't want you walking in the dark alone.” Y/N gets up from his seat at the window, turning to face Jaehyun.

“Walk me home then.” Jaehyun replies, a smirk on his face.

“That would mean I would be the one walking home alone in the dark, you dork.”

“Alright, alright.” Jaehyun replies, getting up from Y/N’s bed to give him a long, warm hug. Their bodies separate as Jaehyun blows Y/N a kiss, walking out the bedroom door, getting a snort in return.

The marmalade sun hides itself on the horizon as Y/N looks out the window, waving to Jaehyun as the latter walks out their front yard, beginning his journey home.

Oh God, was he falling.

It was getting increasingly difficult to resist. The sneaky flirts, the clever comebacks—it was getting increasingly difficult to resist.

And maybe he should stop doing so.

“Baby~” Jaehyun sneaks up on Y/N, whispering the words as the latter stiffens in surprise before smacking him lightly in the face.

“Dude. You gotta stop saying shit like that.” The boy sitting on his assigned chair replies, looking up at Jaehyun who is now seated on his desk. “Why are you here anyways? Don’t you have class soon?”

“You do.” Jaehyun replies, pointing at Y/N before pointing at himself, “I don’t. My first subject isn’t ‘till 9.”

“Hm.” Y/N mumbles as he looks back down on the sheet of paper with two unanswered math problems waiting to be solved. “Well, I forgot to complete this last night because I was too pre-occupied with English, and there’s five minutes left ‘till my class starts so I really gotta finish this.”

“Maybe you don’t.” Jaehyun replies, a plan already devising itself in his mind. “Do you maybe wanna… go to the park?”

Y/N looks up, a smirk forming on his face as he observes the same smirk on Jaehyun’s. They hold a stare for about five seconds before Y/N shoves the gray sheet of paper into his backpack, not caring if it was getting crumpled. In laughing fits, both boys run out the hall and eventually out the school too. Slowing down from their marathon-like sprint, they don't notice that they have their fingers interlocked. Y/N realizing this, he quickly untangles them as he straightens his uniform, Jaehyun unconsciously bummed out.

“Well,” Y/N says, looking up at Jaehyun who was already staring at him, “lead the way, my good sir.”

Jaehyun bows as he jokes, “Why of course, Milady. I’ll have you back in school by 9, just in time for your second subject.”

Both giggle as they skip to the grassy park, unknowingly spending the whole day out of school.

Maybe it was something in the air. Something they inhaled, passing their airways as it made its way to their heart, freeing them from their icy restraints. Maybe it was something in the air—or maybe something in the grass. But it made them both come out of their shells.

What took that damned O₂ so long to enter their lungs?

“Oh shit.” Y/N realizes halfway through fawning about a low-graphic, black and white but new cartoon that had just come out. He looks down on his right wrist as he scoffs. “You said you’d get me back in school by 9.” He says, annoyed, looking up at Jaehyun, “It’s 9:05”.

Jaehyun chuckles innocently, planting his palm on the back of your shoulder. “Well… if people see us here in the park when we’re supposed to be in class… we’ll get detention for skipping.” He says, matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, totally didn't know that, Jae.” Y/N says, facetiously.

“Well… we could go to the movies? Or the fair…” Jaehyun brings his lips closer to Y/N ears as he whispers convincingly, “Or both.”

The flustered pulls away, hands pushing Jaehyun towards the opposite direction. “Fine. But I didn't bring my wallet today.”

“What do you want me to do about that?” Jaehyun replies, a look of sarcasm cascading his face. Y/N rolls his eyes before staring straight into Jaehyun’s, cracking his knuckles. Before he could get a word out, Jaehyun already surrenders. “Okay, okay! Calm down dude.” He chuckles. “But on one condition.”

“I’m listening.” Y/N replies, crossing his legs.

“Be my Valentine. For tomorrow.”

“W-”

“Dude, you don't have a valentine, I don't have a valentine—”

“Because you turned them all down!”

“Okay fair enough.” Jaehyun admits, “But it's not like I can ask them out again, it would be too humiliating for big ole’ Jae, wouldn't it?” He pouts, sticking his bottom lip out as he stares into Y/N’s eyes.

Y/N contemplates, sighing after a minute as he replies, “Fine.”

Jaehyun jumps in glee as he cheers, acting like a kid whose parents agreed to buy them ice cream.

“Just take me to the movies already.” Y/N sighs yet again, scratching his head as the taller calms down, bowing facetiously.

“Of course, Milady.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay.”

The popcorn was exceptional. Splendid indeed. The pop of flavor just made everything fall into place. The popcorn was exceptional—maybe that’s why Jaehyun held the bag so cautiously.

And soon enough, that won’t be the only thing he’ll be holding—and eating, too.

“Mmmh.” Jaehyun moans as he sips his pop, taking a handful of popcorn right after.

“Dude, stop! We haven't even gotten in the theater yet and you're already devouring everything.” Y/N whines, upset. “By the time the movie starts, we’ll have nothing!”

“Chill,” Jaehyun replies, taking one last sip from his straw before he smiles at Y/N, “we can just buy another one.”

“You’re just wasting money.” Y/N groans, not wanting Jaehyun to spend any more.

“Okay, okay.” He replies, sealing his popcorn as they wait to be let in the theater.

Was it the popcorn in the theater? Something that gave Jaehyun the courage. Because Jaehyun had not been this bold 6 months ago. Was it the popcorn in the theater—or was it the soda pop?

It didn't matter. What he was going to do with his newly-found virtue did.

In the darkness, the mono-colored movie played as the bag of popcorn was set in between the boys.

“Remind me why we decided to watch a romance movie again?” Y/N brings his lips closer to Jaehyun’s ears as he whispers, not wanting to disturb the rest.

“People say it’s a good movie.”

“They both die.”

Jaehyun peels his eyes away from the screen to stare at Y/N, a look of disbelief washing over his face. “You just spoiled the movie for me.”

“Everybody knows the story of Romeo and Juliet.” Y/N replies, rolling his eyes.

“Well, I don’t.” Jaehyun whispers, looking back at the projected movie, correcting himself, “Didn’t. I guess I do now.”

“I still can’t believe you didn’t know though.” Y/N remarks, grabbing popcorn from their shared bucket, staring at the movie playing.

“Now I do, and…” Jaehyun looks at Y/N once again, his cheeks burning as he braves and says, “I guess it’s a good thing we’ll both be Romeos tomorrow.”

Y/N lightly chuckles, trying to ignore what Jaehyun had just said, keeping his eyes glued to the movie.

Unsatisfied with Y/N’s reaction, Jaehyun slips his fingers past the bucket of popcorn and onto Y/N’s, resting on the armrest. With the sudden weight and warmth on his hand, Y/N tenses—but doesn’t look at Jaehyun. Rather, he watches the movie intently, silently hoping he doesn’t give in.

Jaehyun leans closer to Y/N, lips right next to his ears as he whispers, “I’m cold.”

And he gives in.

Their fingers interlock in the dark of the theater, the sounds of dialogue from the movie filling the enclosed space up. No one can see them—it’ll be alright.

Jaehyun always found rings cute. A cheese ring, a metal ring, the ring around Saturn. Jaehyun always found rings cute,

But his greatest wish was to put a diamond one around Y/N’s finger.

“This is a scam.” Y/N retorts, hands crossed. He stares at Jaehyun as they stand in line for a hoop game on the board walk’s carnival, a few minutes after their exit from the theater.

“There’s no harm in trying.” Jaehyun replies, his eyes on the prize—a teddy bear the size of a toddler.

“That’s like saying ‘There’s no harm in getting scammed’, Jae.”

“Well,” Jaehyun cheekily replies, smirking as he blurts, “there’s no harm in getting scammed for you.”

Y/N looks at Jaehyun in disbelief as the flirt grabs 3 round hoops, preparing to land them on the moving bottles. Much like Y/N’s prediction, the first hoop falls too early and too far from the bottles, the second slides off after nearing and the third one flies too far and hits the stall owner. Jaehyun cringes as the owner painfully smirks, the feeling of victory of scamming another customer engulfing the latter’s mind, accompanied by the feeling of pain from the metal object recently hurled at his stomach.

“At least we have consolation candy?” Jaehyun’s face agonizes, embarrassment taking over.

“At least we have consolation candy.” Y/N repeats, grabbing a handful as he smiles at the owner and makes a 180°, leaving the booth. Jaehyun follows behind, hands in his pocket as he looks around the fair.

“Oooh,” Jaehyun interests, “What about that one?” He says, pointing at the game with a man in his 20’s trapped inside a container with water below, fate depending on his partner’s aim at the target.

“How about no?” Y/N replies, chuckling shortly after, “If you like water so much…

how do you feel about the beach?”

Tonight was the night. It wasn’t the 14th—it was the day before. But Jaehyun was more than confident enough to make a move. Tonight was the night—and nothing could go wrong.

Or so he hopes.

The tangerine sun meets the navy water once again, its center resting at the edge of the coast. Both boys walk down the beach, hands in pockets as they keep their feelings in.

“Pretty isn’t it?” Jaehyun perks up as he stares at Y/N breaking the silence. “The sun setting.” Jaehyun nods as Y/N continues. “It’s a shame that it’s disappearing soon. Give it a few minutes more and there won’t be a trace of orange on the sky.”

“It’s just how it is.” Jaehyun replies.

“Exactly.” Y/N gleams, the wind blowing on his shirt. “As much as I love seeing the sun, and as much as I hate seeing it go, I see it as a good thing too.”

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun replies, sparkles in his eyes as he stares at Y/N, only the calm waters and the sun’s secant behind him.

“I see it as, ‘if you love something, you have to let something else go’, or something of the sort.” Y/N chuckles, his hands still in his pockets, “I love the sun so much, but if it means seeing the night sky again, I’d give it up every single day, every single time, every single chance I get.”

“You must love the moon and stars so much, huh.” Jaehyun awes as his skin glows under the dying sun’s radiating tint.

Y/N nods as both boys settle down on a spot by the ocean, watching the sun submerge, darker and bluer hues taking over the early evening sky. They sit there for a few minutes, staring at the ocean waves, thinking about their current situation. As they contemplate, the sky has completely changed, from warm hues into cooler and darker ones, the moon showing itself first.

“There you go.” Jaehyun chuckles, laying his back on the sand as he points up, “Your favorite.”

Y/N follows the direction Jaehyun’s finger is pointing at as he looks up at the indigo atmosphere, a faint, glowing crescent standing out. He beams as he appreciates the moon’s presence, basking in it. “Thank you for today, Jae.”

“You’re welcome. Don’t forget about tomorrow okay?”

Y/N nods as he gets up, dusting his shorts off from the sand. The other gets up as well, doing the same as Y/N watches.

Just as the latter is about to leave, Jaehyun speaks up. “Wait!” Y/N faces him once again, a sparkle on his eyes as he wonders why he was called back. “I— I have something to say.” Jaehyun shivers, clenching his fists as he breathes in and out, preparing himself for his own confession. “For the longest time I’ve— I’ve looked up to you and I just wanna say,” Y/N raises his eyebrows, the sound of waves crashing onto the beach filling his ears, “I like you.”

‘I like you’. The words ring in Y/N ears, the syllables painting his eardrums with love. It seems great at first but then he remembers—the predjudice, the shame, the disgrace, the dishonor—and doubles back. “Y-you can’t.”

“Yes, I can.” Jaehyun says as he inches closer to Y/N, his hand grazing the latter’s cheek as he pulls closer. Their lips touch under the moonlight, the stars and benthics as their witness. The taste of strawberry fills Y/N’s taste buds, the savory flavor of intimacy filling his mouth. With the doting feeling of passion engulfing Y/N’s body, he kisses back. They move in sync for a few seconds until Jaehyun pulls away, the feeling of endearment filling his mind as he registers that he had just kissed Y/N—the one he's been pining for for the past few years. Of course, that feeling isn't long-lasting as he notices Y/N take a step back, fear in the latter’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun questions, his words coming out as a mere whisper. Y/N doesn't reply as he takes more steps back, mortified. Jaehyun reaches his hand out—and that’s all it takes to send Y/N running.

He sprints the opposite direction, ignoring Jaehyun’s shouts behind him. Adrenaline rushes through his veins as his shoes hit the sand continuously, fear and disappointment fueling his run.

Jaehyun is left alone, under the moonlit beach, and instead of hearing his beloved’s voice, only the sound of waves fill his ears, sending him into full regret.

Was it like water? Sometimes everything would be blithe—calm, tranquil water, their insouciant selves enjoying the world. But sometimes it would be erratic too—the unpredictable waves engulfing them and their relationship. Was it like water—their love for one another?

Jaehyun just hopes it wouldn’t dry up.

“Thought I’d find you up here.” Jaehyun mutters as he closes the rooftop door, making a sound as it closes again. It’s been a few hours since the beach incident, the moon already glowing brighter. “Look, I’m sorry for kiss–”

“Don’t be.” Y/N replies, keeping his voice as stern as possible, despite already being on the verge of tears. “It was great, I just,” Y/N pauses, takes in the night sky’s view for the last time before he breaks down, and plants his eyes on Jaehyun, still by the rooftop door. “Don’t you think this is wrong?”

“What is?” Jaehyun replies, already knowing the answer he would receive.

“This.” Y/N replies, whining dejectedly as he gets up from his sitting position, facing Jaehyun. “This is. We’re both guys, we shouldn't be flirting, let alone kissing!”

“Why does it matter?” Jaehyun questions, stepping forward as he tries his best to keep his tears in.

“It just does Jaehyun!” Y/N yells back, the exact opposite of Jaehyun’s hushed tone, his voice echoing out into the night sky. “It just does.” He repeats, tears pooling on the corner of his eyes.

“If it does, then…” Jaehyun steps back, the feeling of woe engulfing him, “you never liked me the same way I like you.”

“No!” Y/N replies almost immediately, a tear already slipping out, painting his right cheek, “I, I like you Jae, I like you so fucking much. Every single moment we’ve had, every single moment we’ve shared—I relish every bit of it. I can’t stop liking you—I’ll never stop liking you. But,” Y/N pauses, “I’m scared.”

Jaehyun steps closer to Y/N, pulling him into his embrace as the latter cries out onto his shoulder, tears staining his t-shirt, “Don’t be.”

“But I am.” Y/N replies, sniffing as he tightens his grip on Jaehyun’s body. “I’m scared of everything—What if people talk bad about us, behind our backs? What if our parents kick us out? What if we get expelled? What if—”

“Shh.” Jaehyun shushes, his hand rubbing Y/N’s back slowly, the strokes calming the latter down. “Stop thinking about the ‘what ifs’, just focus on me.”

“I’m sorry, I know I overthink a lot.” Y/N mumbles, pulling away from their embrace as he looks Jaehyun in the eyes, the moonlight shining on them. “I’m just… scared of the darkness that awaits, you know?”

“I get you.” Jaehyun replies as he stares at Y/N, melancholic. “And I’ll do whatever it takes, okay? I’ll be your candle, your shining light, anything that’ll get you through the darkness.”

“Thanks.” Y/N chuckles, looking down, noticing the sand still on Jaehyun’s shoes. “But that still doesn’t change what people would think about…” He points to Jaehyun, then at himself, repeatedly, “this.”

Jaehyun hums as he guides Y/N to the ledge of the rooftop, sitting both him and himself down as they stare out onto the deserted school field below. “Remember what you said about the sun, just a few hours ago when we were down at the beach?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I’d give it all up. All of it. My status, my family, my friends—all of it…” Jaehyun says, peeling his eyes off the dark field below them and locking them with Y/N’s, passion fueling his words, “if it meant I could be with you. Because as much as I love them, if it means seeing you in my arms, I’d give them all up every single day, every single time, every single chance I get.”

Y/N forces a sob in, trying his best not to break down. “But why?” He replies, feeling tears pool again.

“Because I’m serious with you, dude.” Jaehyun replies as Y/N chuckles, the tears still in his eyes. “I’ve been wanting to tell you all this for a while now.”

Y/N snickers louder, he and his best friend’s intimacy overwhelming him. He takes in Jaehyun’s form, the moon casting its light down on him, and makes a desicion. “Fine.”

“Fine what?”

“Fine, you can be my candle. Fine, you can be my shining light. Fine…” Y/N pauses, trying to find the right words, “Fine, I’ll give this—us—a chance.”

Jaehyun quickly switches moods from his dejected one to a grin from ear to ear, painting over his gloomy look. “Does that mean you’re still my valentine for tomorrow...” Jaehyun pauses, looks at his watch then looks back into Y/N’s eyes, noticing all the sorrow fading, “I mean later?”

“Yes, dude.”

“We have to stop calling each other that now, babe.”

“Ew. Too cheesy don’t you think?”

“Not at all. I think it suits you.”

Both men chuckle as they stare out into the landscape, a completely new bond between them formed.

“Since it’s Valentine’s Day already,” Jaehyun mumbles as he looks toward Y/N’s direction, “do you mind giving me a kiss?” Y/N stops his peaceful gaze on the stars as he locks eyes with Jaehyun, noticing the sparkles in his eyes. “No running away this time though.”

Y/N chuckles before he places his hand on Jaehyun’s cheek, moving closer and closer, feeling their taboo love get stronger and stronger. Their lips touch as he realizes that Jaehyun’s lips taste more like peaches than strawberries. With this thought in mind, he smiles into their kiss, the feeling of fear leaving his body as he feels his best friend’s—now boyfriend’s—lips on his.

Instead of the briny ocean water witnessing their love wither merely 6 hours earlier, it was now the magnificent moon and the stunning stars bearing witness to their young, requited love bloom.

Maybe it was the stigma. The thing that kept them apart for so long. Maybe it was the stigma—or maybe they were both just pussies.

Good thing they grew some balls.

“I think I get why you like the moon and stars so much.” Jaehyun blurts as the two lay on the beach once again, staring up at the glittered night sky, the valentine air floating out and about.

“And why’s that?” Y/N says as he looks up at Jaehyun, curiosity devouring him.

“It reminds me of a phrase in Latin.” He replies, smiling as the bijou stars twinkled at them, as if they were smiling. “It means light in darkness.” Y/N nods. “The moon, the stars—they paint the plain black sky and turn it into something stunning. I can’t look away from it now. Whenever I look up at night, I’ll always remember you.”

“Good for you.” Y/N chuckles, shifting his gaze from his boyfriend’s cheek and placing it back on the painting-like sky above them, miniature dots glistening on the canvas. “What’s that phrase again? If it sounds pretty, I just might get it tattooed on me.”

“Light in darkness,” Jaehyun stops, smiling back at the specs winking at them, “and in Latin,” Y/N looks up at Jaehyun, only to catch him staring back, stars in his eyes,

“Lux in tenebris.”

End.

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙: 02.04.21

𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙: 02.13.21

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teknicaldifficulties · 3 years ago

Note

Ooh! Maybe a post-Paulkins established relationship and Emma's talking/gushing about Paul and Ziggs is being a little pest about it, sibling-like content and tomfoolery ensues?

This is kind of a rewrite of a Factory Reset ficlet I wrote a hot while back. Also I totally forgot what kind of car Emma had in Perky's Buds, so I gave her a pickup truck for the sake of convenience.

Initially, Emma and Ziggs had no real plans for the Honey Festival. Just like last year, they were going to show up, sneakily stick some fliers for Perky's Buds around, maybe grab some grub and watch some of the live performers, and then head home around midnight. But then, Emma's boyfriend Paul- who she'd started seeing about a month after last year's festivities, called and invited her on a date.

The night had been going smoothly, Ziggs had left Emma and Paul alone for the most part. Give the two lovebirds their space, y'know? Ziggs had mainly hung around to watch the concerts, while the couple had gone off to watch the Honey Queen pageant. Now, it was almost midnight, and the party was dying down. Vendors were beginning to pack up, as were all of the musicians at the concert hall. Emma had texted Ziggs, saying that she was about to wrap things up for the night, and that they could wait for her by the pickup.

That had been nearly half an hour ago.

So as Ziggs sat on the back of the pickup near the outskirts of the festival, smoking a joint and snacking on some homemade honey candy they'd bought from one of the vendors, they couldn't help but wonder what was taking Emma so long. Sure, the festival covered most of the downtown area, but she couldn't be that far away, right? Unless... Oh god, what if something happened? What if those creepy Metzger guys that were always hassling them jumped her or something? What if-

"Hey, Ziggs, I'm back."

Ziggy was snapped out of their paranoid trance at the sound of Emma's voice, and they looked up to see her approaching the truck. The farmhand let out a relieved sigh. Okay, she was fine. Just another bout of weed-induced anxiety, it would seem. She hopped up on the back of the pickup, sitting down beside Ziggs.

"So she finally returns!" they snarked lightly.

"Yeah, sorry for the delay," Emma said. "I... got a little sidetracked."

Before Ziggs could ask what she meant by "sidetracked", they noticed something... different about their boss. Her hair was noticeably more disheveled than it had been when the pair left earlier this evening. She had a spaced-out look about her, but not the kind she'd get while high. No, this was different. The look in her eyes, combined with her small, content smile, just screamed "lovestruck". And perhaps Ziggy's eyes were playing tricks on them in the dim lights of the festival, but they could've sworn there were a few conspicuous specks on Emma's neck where there hadn't been before.

Ohhhhh!

"Emma Perkins, you sly dog!" Ziggy exclaimed, impressed.

Emma met their eyes, looking bewildered. "What?"

A smile broke out across Ziggs' face. "I take it you and Paul had fun tonight?" they asked teasingly, vaguely gesturing to the apparent hickeys on her neck.

Emma sighed, smiling once more as she laid back on the pickup. "Yeah, we made a quick pitstop at his car before I left," she replied, a dreamy tone to her voice. "I'm tellin' you, Ziggs, he's the one."

Ziggy quirked their brows, amazed to hear rough-and-tough Emma Perkins sounding so... mushy over this one milquetoast-ass guy.

"Dare I say," she continued. "Being around him is better than any high I've ever experienced."

Ziggy gasped, dramatically clasping their hand to their chest in mock-offense. "Say it ain't so, Perky!" they said with a theatrical gusto.

Emma nodded. "Oh, it's so, pal," she assured them. She let out another smitten sigh. "I'm in love, Ziggs. I'm on cloud nine, and I don't wanna come down."

Once again, Ziggy grinned. Some sort of urge that hadn't surfaced within them since elementary school was beginning to rear it's head. The urge to be a little shit on purpose towards a friend with a crush. Perhaps as revenge for making them wait an extra half hour, they could let that urge take over for a little bit.

"Awww!" they cooed playfully, taking a quick puff from their joint. "Perky's gone all soft!"

Emma rolled her eyes, resting her arms behind her head. "Oh, shut your damn mouth," she snipped. "I'm a total fucking hardass, and you know it."

"Oh, you sure are," Ziggy retorted sarcastically. Emma propped herself up on her elbows. "Only the meanest, most intimidating hardasses sigh like that, after all."

"Sigh? What sigh?"

Without missing a beat, Ziggy let out the most exaggerated impressions of Emma's lovestruck sighs from the past five minutes, only to bust out into a fit of laughter upon catching sight of the almost scandalized look on Emma's face.

"I do not sound like that!" she exclaimed, sitting up fully.

"I beg to differ!" Ziggs argued between snickers. "Face it, Perky, you're a total sap for your boyfwend~"

Emma winced. "God, ew," she spat. "Don't say it like that! Makes you sound like a fucking Watcher World ad."

"What?" Ziggs pressed, still not quite done teasing. "When I say boyfwend~?"

Emma shook her head, looking as though she was fighting off a smile. "Ziggy, I swear to god, if you don't cut that shit out..."

"What? What're you gonna do, huh?" Ziggs cut in, egging her on. "What'cha gonna- GAH!"

Quick as a flash, Emma suddenly wrapped her arm around their neck, pulling them down into a headlock. And before Ziggs could protest, she began to roughly rub her fist atop their head.

"Wait, Emma!" Ziggs exclaimed, thoroughly caught off-guard. They tried to pry themself out from under Emma's arm, but to no avail. "C'mon, Perky, not the hair!"

"I'm not stopping until you take back the shit you said about me being soft," Emma explained casually as she continued to noogie her farmhand. "Now lemme hear it."

"Okay, okay, I take it back!" Ziggy cried out, struggling as their face started to go red. "Now quit it!"

Seemingly satisfied, Emma released Ziggs from the headlock. They sat back up, running their fingers through their now-mussed-up hair, embarrassed beyond belief.

"God, fuck you," they grumbled, trying to sound more irritated than they actually were. "I hope no one saw that..."

"Who? Like your college friends?" Emma asked playfully. "Yeah, it'd be a real shame if they saw chill-as-fuck Ziggs being treated like the little kid they wanted to act like tonight."

"Okay, Perky, I got it!" Ziggy huffed, a begrudging chuckle escaping them. "We're even!"

Emma gave a victorious snicker, picking up the blunt Ziggs had dropped in the tussle and taking a quick puff. "Damn straight we are," she said. "I let you off easy that time, so consider yourself lucky."

Catching their breath, Ziggy sighed and leaned back a bit. They were done being a little shit for tonight, now it was time for sincerity mode.

"For real though, Emma," they began. "I'm happy for you. I haven't spoken to Paul much yet, but just from the way you talk about him, I can tell you guys are perfect for each other."

Emma met their eyes, and smiled softly. "Thanks, Ziggs," she said, a little bashful. She scooted over to the side, and hopped off the back of the pickup. "C'mon, it's late, and we've got a lotta work to do tomorrow. Let's head home and hit the hay."

Returning the smile, Ziggy hopped down the other side, making their way towards the passenger seat. "Right behind ya, Perky."

#nightmare time #hatchetfield #nightmare time spoilers #just in case ig

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stargaze-issei · 4 years ago

Text

— "𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞" (𝐛. 𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; when your father, the head of the japanese mafia, was killed, your childhood friend swore to protect you till his death. now, you're the empress of the underground world, and he doesn't know what's harder, to keep you safe or manage to hide his feelings. what will he do when, for the first time, your life's at risk and he isn't anywhere near?

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; mafia!au, angst.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; swearing, mentions of blood, guns, murder, kidnap, yk... mafia stuff.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 2.7k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; lemme know if u want a part two bc i felt like it was getting too long and i don't know if anyone will read it or like it 👉🏻👈🏻

"where the fuck are you?" bakugou's voice stroke over the phone, noticeably angry. he had told you several times to never go anywhere without him, which you mostly did, if it weren't for him being away a lot of times. nothing less was expected from your right hand, who handled every dirty job, and considering your line of work, it wasn't scarce. but you did had other bodyguards, just as trained as katsuki, willing to give their lifes for you, which was extremely better than having bakugou giving his life.

to his eyes, you were still the little girl from before. he saw you as a someone who needed protection. at first, you agreed. your father was murdered, someone managed to get through all his security and killed him, none of the guns he and his security team carried around could protect him, killing you would be like stealing a sweet from a baby. bakugou had always kept you safe, despite his agressive usual safe, he cared about you more than he cared for himself. so you stuck to his side, believing, hoping, he'd die for you. but that was a long time ago, now, you could defend yourself, and had raised a sense of loyalty in your people by your own. your father's empire was based in fear, yours? by admiration. you didn't see your people as working ants, but as important parts of a whole. still, anyone who was a threat to you, bakugou made sure to erase them forever.

"don't talk to me like that, i'm your boss" you could feel him losing his shit, a smile began to form in your face. even when everyone respected you, he was still the same.

"you can't boss anyone if you're fucking dead, you dumb shit" a laugh came out of your throat, he couldn't avoid smiling at the sound "wait, oh, okay, i know we're you are. stay there, i'll be in three" he hung up before you could reply.

you looked back, at one of your guards who was just putting away his phone. of course they told him. why couldn't you go get your own coffee? being in the office all day was tiring, to be five minutes outside was all you asked for. a few seconds after, they handed you your coffee, obviously, a guard had to try it first, in case that barista wanted to suddenly murder you. of course he didn't.

"who let her go outside without me knowing, huh?" a furious katsuki appeared through the door, making a scene in the place. you gave him a warning look. if there was something you hated, was that. everyone in the area knew who you were, but why make it any more obvious. those people were just living their usual lifes, and people tend to get nervous around you. "the car is waiting outside" he understood, but you knew he was going to scold you anyways.

you walked outside, smiling, and got into the car, followed by katsuki and one of his subordinates, the other one got in the front sit, next to the driver.

"save it, i'm n–"

"the fuck you are" he cut you "your safety is my responsibility, if i say you can't go out without me, then you fucking don't. specially not when there are people after your head" there was no denying he was right, but still, it upset you.

"there's always people after my head, bakugou".

two weeks ago, two men went into your office. they were in charge of some dealing territories, though small, important. most contraband had to pass those places, you controlled those police departments making everything easier to your truck drivers. they were beaten, cover in blood and barely standing.

"our men, all of them... they all..." only one of them could talk, the other being too shocked to even look at you. "kazuhito's men, it was them... they said we had to tell you, they're coming after you" you couldn't show any fear in front of your so called soldiers, and your template remained at ease. a shout was enough to get those men the help they needed, after holding their hands, you promised to go see them once they were checked by doctors. you called bakugou as soon as they left, he was the first who should know and help you decide what to do next.

the kazuhito family had always been rivals, enemies of the worst kind. everyone suspect they were behind your father's assassination, but with no proof, even you knew it would be the biggest mistake to charge against them, despite your personal desires.

"i already told the drivers they had to take rout b for a while, but we can't let them just keep what's our" you explained to katsuki once he arrived. "those drugs have to get in town by us, damnit". it was clear how frustrated you were, those assholes had mess with your and your father's hardwork.

"if we retaliate, a war will unchain. your father tried to avoid that for years"

"and see how he ended up" bakugou didn't know if it was the anger, or you talking. "we will lose everyone's respect if we don't do something, they killed dozens of our people, katsuki".

he was trying hard to stay objective in that situation, but it was near impossible. a war would put you in more danger than ever, your life was at stake, and bakugou wasn't sure if he was willing to risk it. growing up by your side, your father taking him in when his parents died, you were his only family. more than that, he loved you. the only reason he was able to do his job right, was the fear of losing you. your head was already valued in millions, how could he protect you in the middle of a conflict, that would end only with your death or the kazuhito's leader's death? your power was bigger than theirs by little, but they did something that reckless, which meant they thought they had out powered you. had they? or were they just bluffing? had they miscalculated?.

"we're taking action, wether you support me or not" you looked into each other's eyes, you knew him enough to understand his fear, just not the reason behind it. your voice softened "but i'd much rather do it with you by my side".

"you're the boss" he spoke, already regretting it "i'll schedule a meeting so the high charges let everyone else know, i'm staying at your place so we can trace a plan".

and there you were now, being reprimanded by bakugou. he was extremely tired, he decided to stay with you until things were calmer, which could be several months from then. getting up at six a.m, going to sleep past midnight, being always looking for possible threats, it had given him bags under his eyes.

"i'm sorry" you said once you were alone with him, it was only then that you could let your guard down "i'm making this harder for you".

"yeah, you are. but it's my job, after all" that came out wrong, he thought. it wasn't his job, it was his fucking life purpose. he wanted you to live a long, happy life, as hard as it seemed.

"i guess it is" deep down, his response disappointed you.

"hey, look at me" out of nowhere, his body was insanely close to yours, you felt his breath in your face as he lifted your chin with his finger "there's nothing i wouldn't do for you, got that, dumbass?"

for a brief moment, the taste of his lips was all you could think about. i bet they're soft. but as fast as it started, it was over, katsuki pulled away harshly, inventing an excuse to leave. he had flown too close to the sun, so close that it burned his skin.

a few more people went to see you that day, asking for diverse permissions, advice and stuff like that. since it had been slow, compared to other times, you decided to home early. a call to your team, and the car was already outside. bakugou left instructions for your departure, because he had things to do somewhere else, much to his displeasure. you were accompanied by your escorts to the doors of the building, that seemed like a normal office compound. there were waiting two other guards, making a total of six people protecting you. way to go, bakugou.

"how's your wife, ryota?" you asked the driver. of course, not everyone fitted in the same car, so you got into the second one, middle seat, between a built up woman and a big man. you tried to remember everyone's name, but it was difficult.

"she's good, ma'am, sends her regards" he smiled at you over the mirror.

"and the baby? he must be a month old, right?" at the memory of his child, his face lightened "you should take some days off, i bet your wife and son miss you"

"i have a duty with you, m–" a loud impact interrupted him, the front glass had exploded. the car had an abrupt movement back and forward, all you could see was blood, everywhere.

the woman next to you took her gun out, in order to protect you , you thought, completely wrong. before everyone could react to her act, she shot the guard in front of you. you looked at your side, searching for someone alive, the same bullet that had killed ryota was in the guard's at your right forehead. besides you , the only other person was that woman. if she hadn't glasses on, that stare could've seen throughout your soul. then you remembered, katsuki made you bare with a knife under your sleeve. with a weird move, you felt its sharpness against your skin, it was there, but she read you like a book. before you could even pull it out, another shot stroke followed by a intense pain in you thight. the bitch had shot you. you blamed it on the adrenaline, because nothing hurt. what happened after was a couple of blurry images in your memory.

bakugou had called you more than a hundred times, you, the drivers, the guards, everyone in his fucking team, but no one knew anything. the cameras at your house never showed you arriving, your phone's location was off. he was out of his head, if he didn't hear from you in the next five minutes, someone's going to die. he rushed into his car, following your rout at a dangerous speed.

both cars were full of bullet holes, and every guard he had hired was dead. there wasn't a place without blood. tears of pure rage came to his eyes, fuck, it was his fault. he started to look for you, but the whole world was spinning around him. where were you? where was your body? were you alive?, this couldn't be happening. he had left you unprotected, alone, and now you could be dead, because of his uselessness. his phone vibrated in his pocket.

"sir, we– we have– the kazuhito's are here" he left as fast as he came. they had touch you, they had taken you away from him, and he wasn't going to let them get away with it, even if he had to go against a whole army, whoever was behind it all was going to pay.

a man in a suit was sitting in the chair of your office, smoking a cigarette, as calm as a rock. katsuki was so close to rip his head of right there, that somebody had to hold him down. his own people updated him, saying that he had gone into the building alone, with no weapons of any kind, not even a cellphone.

"where the fuck is she?" he crashed his hand against the desk.

"ah, mr. bakugou, please take a se–"

"tell me where she is right now if you want to keep your head, fucking bastard" his hand had wondered to the tip of the gun in his belt, menacing to blow up at any second.

"you won't do that, mr., if i don't return to my people in one hour, she'll be so fucked up that not even you will recognize her" a laugh surge grom bakugou, a dark, cold laugh.

"i don't have to kill you, then" one of the man's hand rested in the desk, like asking for katsuki to rip it off his body. as you did, he also carried knifes under his shirt. in less than a second, one of them was buried into the man's hand. he screamed, both in shock and pain, giving your bodyguard a hatred look. "what do you want, shitface?"

"i-it's quite simple, actually" his face was white as paper, and even though he wanted to talk normally, his voice shivered "we want you to take over the y/l/n's business, under our command of course" he let out a sigh, trying to keep his composure and ignoring his bleeding hand "if you– if you agree, she will have to leave japan and never..."

bakugou won't agree to that. not now and not ever. to give away what you and your father built from scratch, and spent decades keeping safe, was like killing your child, and your father's memory. to send you away, alone, where he most likely won't see you again in years, was also off the table. it wasn't funny anymore. he started walking around the man's chair, picking up his sleeves. he checked the clock in the office, he had forty-five minutes with the man, meaning, forty-five minutes to make him talk. he ressourced to every fast interrogation method he knew. the people outside the door weren't surprised when they heard the man's screams, even wondering what had taken so long for the boss to start acting. katsuki was never a patient man. his senses were blocked, he couldn't hear anything but screams and begging, all his eyes could see was pain through all the man's body, his hands felt nothing but warm blood. but for the first time in a while, he wasn't enjoying it. he was doing it out of need, the need to save you. every minute that went by, was a minute were your life risked. he never felt so close to losing his sanity.

"outside the city! she's in one of our safe houses outside the city! i don't know which, please stop!" ten minutes before the timeline he finally gave up. your intelligence had all their safe houses, storages, garages, every location needed. not a second passed when one of yours men delivered a map with all the points marked. there were five in total.

"throw him outside in ten minutes" he shouted, walking to the armory "two teams, six people each, my fucking people, hear me? now, dammit! we're leaving in a minute, if i have to go by my fucking self, i'll do it"

when he was armed to the teeth, almost a dozen of people followed him outside. they were his most trusted men and women, being trained together, he knew they were as skilled as him, and they were all willing to put their life's at stake for you, their boss. in the car, bakugou barked the instructions. he had narrowed it down to two possible locations with all the information he had. if they had to kill every person in those places, then be it. he's going to get you back.

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recurringwriter · 3 years ago

Text

Fanfic Writer Tag Game

thank you @omgkalyppso for the tag!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

hmm probably at this point it's rodriguela but i was always a big fan of chrom/sully. before that though i really liked cormag/tana (platonic). i think i've always been too much of a multishipper for an otp

How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 41 works at the moment! and hopefully many more to come (i certainly have many more wips)

What's your total AO3 word count?

522,825 in 2 years! yikesies!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

say it with swords - the polyamorous felix birthday fic i wrote last year! it deserves the top spot because there's 4 swordfights and felix gets to see how much everyone cares for him. rated T, 4 chapters

this diminuendo only gets obscene - yeaaaahhhh!!!! the morning after rodrigue and manuela hook up when he visits the monastery in ch5!!! and everyone is acting oh so strangely and he can't figure it out. rated M

Hate to let you down - the Eh-U!!!!!! with oc Mia and Felix and oodles of character growth. i'm So Close to being done the next chapter but i keep forgetting to work on it. rated M now, i don't even know how many chapters anymore. over 70.

whatever doesn't make me stronger kills me - VW syl/vix. don't read this. M rating, angsty and whatever. 4 chapters. i never loved it and published too fast/without putting as much care into it as i could've.

caw'll me maybe - henry awakening and marianne 3houses talk about crows. fun. delightful. lots of cute puns. rated G. please read it

Do you reply to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! i love comments and i love replying to comments and i'm so behind and feel ridiculous because it's been 2 months now but ;u; i appreciate them so much and need to let my commenters know that

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

hmm it's probably between the abovementioned syl/vix and i love you, sincerely, yours truly, yours truly which is a sci-fi thing where sylvain goes into the future and meets a robot lady who looks like ingrid. oh and the divorce au which is just angsty all over. but it isn't ended per se

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

how can i not say steal of two, where Claude and the Golden Deer play for the Fodlan Brier Championship? yes, this is a curling fic. i'm going to be loudly egotistical and say it might be the best curling fic ever written. also familiar starring catboy rodrigue has a quite happy ending that makes you go 'rowodriguwue'

Do you write crossovers?

i did! i wrote a 3houses x pokemon coliseum crossover! chapter one, anyway. and then there's the 3houses x awakening one. but it's not something i want to do lots though.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, thank goodness! i've gotten a few comments where i've been like 'okay, i think you don't appreciate the love that went into this particular chapter or fic' but nothing that's been outright mean. so grateful for how nice people have been. are people scared of me?

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have...been making some attempts lately because i Want to. so yes. i now have 3 E-rated fics and there's more on the way. and i will not say anymore

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

oooh not to my knowledge! if anyone has i wonder if that's where all the hate comments meant for me ended up

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, and i can hardly imagine the process! that sounds like such a difficult task and i bet translators must really have to love what they're translating.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not and am on the fence about whether or not i'd ever want to. it seems cool, but also Very Difficult. i'm particular about weird stuff and lazy about others, so i'm not sure what kind of person i'd work best with. i am curious to try someday, though.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

i think that if i want to finish a wip then i will. i have a curling fic that i started and left hanging--i don't think i'll finish it, but only because i don't really care about it anymore. maybe someday i will.

What are your writing strengths?

i have so many strengths. action, dialogue, apparently i'm improving at setting which is Wow Incredible because i always struggled with it, when i bother to describe clothing i do it well. i generally write about things i care about, so i try to write with care. i also write fast. i write lots. and i have fun while i write.

What are you writing weaknesses?

i struggle with writing character descriptions. i can do it, but it's Hard. same with clothing, and food that isn't breakfast. sometimes i write too much dialogue for what i intended a scene to be, because i get carried away. getting carried away might be both a strength and a weakness.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

if it's done well it's done well. i don't know other languages well enough to do it, nor have i read much where it's been done? aksdjhgfkjhg so i haven't given this much thought.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i wrote a fire emblem fates vignette before the game released (on my main blog and you'll never find it). before that it was oops! all original, and never shared.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

steal of two has been mentioned already, and to be honest? i love almost everything i've posted. some are a little on the euuugh not quite side, because i rushed them or they feel SO niche that i'm self-conscious, but in general? i wrote it because i loved it. i hope other people can enjoy them half as much as i do.

i think most people have already been tagged? if you were missed in this though now's your chance to do the tag game. yes i am speaking to you directly. i don't even need to tag you.

#long post #tag game

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rims-things · 3 years ago

Text

Fanfiction - One Shot

Fanfiction

Show : Doom at your Service

Myul Mang / Kim Saram x Dong Kyung

Setup : Kim Saram falls sick for the first time in his life. Thankfully Dong Kyung is there to take care of him

Concept suggested by : @dizistyles ❤

"Hello? You there ? "

Dong Kyung walked across her room , speaking into her phone and waiting for him to reply. It was already late at night and ever since he turned into a human, he would often fall asleep without warning.

She chuckled, imagining how sweetly he might be cuddled up in the bed.

"You're asleep. Good night Kim Saram.." she said before cutting the call.

Dong Kyung walked back to her laptop to note down whatever information she had just taken down for her novel.

She woke up the next day , expecting to get a call from him. She impatiently kept checking her phone , but all in vain. There was absolutely no news of him.

But he had promised to drop me to work today - She wondered.

When it was about time he should have come to pick her up, she instantly felt anxious.

Did he disappear? Was it a dream? Was it all a dream?

She panicked and quickly dialed his phone number with shivering hands.

Pick up! Please.. please pick up! - She begged.

"Hello?" His voice was weak but felt like a blessing to her ears.

She took a sigh of relief.

"Are you okay?? Why didn't you come ?" She asked trying to calm herself down.

He suddenly realized that he had been asleep all this while and it was late already.

"I... I'm.." he couldn't speak properly.

"Saram? .. are you okay ?" She started getting worried.

He slowly sat up on his bed and squeezed his eyes.

"I don't feel good." He said in a low voice.

That was enough for Dong Kyung to immediately pick up her bag and leave for his house. Not that she was just worried what might be wrong, but she was always anxious about his disappearance.

Saram held his head in his palms and groaned in pain.

"Ahhhh! Why does it feel so bad " he said to himself.

Ofcourse he was a doctor, and he knew everything about the human body. But only in theory.

He kept whining about the situation when Dong Kyung crashed into his room. His face lit up instantly.

"Saram.. are you okay ??" She said, running towards him.

"Ya.. i am fine.. i think i have what you call a... 'headache' " he said with a forced smile, he felt terrible from inside.

Dong Kyung could see the bizarre look on his face and immediately understood that he was not well.

"Hey! Don't lie to me.." she said, sitting next to him and caressing his cheek with her tiny fingers.

She jumped in horror. His skin was burning with fever.

"YA! Saram! You are burning!" She shouted feeling panicked.

He looked at her with a confused and dull look. He felt strange, sleepy, heavy on the head and weak.

"Burning ? " He said touching his face. "Aah.. so I have a 'fever' ?" He asked sounding curious.

Dong Kyung rolled her eyes and pressed her foot hard on the floor.

"How can you not know that you have a fever, when you are a doctor by profession?" She taunted.

"I've seen sick people but i haven't fallen sick myself.. how would I know how it feels ?" He said with a straight face as if it was so obvious.

Dong Kyong shook her head and stood up from the bed to leave.

He immediately held her hand back.

"Where are you going? Don't leave me... I'm sick ." He pleaded like a child.

Sometimes he was such a baby and she couldn't help but love him even more. She smiled at him warmly.

"I'm going to get you a medicine" she informed.

"Oh okay.." he said , releasing her hand immediately.

She chuckled at his tantrums and turned around to leave but he called out to her again.

"Dong Kyung..i also feel.. numb .. as if I have no energy.. as if I can't stand ? Or walk? Is that what you call 'weakness' ?" He asked, inquisitively.

She turned towards him and sighed.

"Yes... you're feeling weak because you are sick. You have a headache, you will feel dizzy, sleepy and lazy"

"Woah! You know a lot about being sick." He exclaimed.

Dong Kyung rolled her eyes and sighed helplessly. He was impossible

"I'll be right back" she said before walking out.

By the time she returned, he had covered himself with a blanket and fallen asleep.

She quietly kept the medicine and a glass of water next to him on the table. She sat beside him and caressed his temple.

"You look so cute when you are asleep" she said softly.

"I know " he replied, with his eyes closed.

She frowned and hit him on the forehead.

"Kim Saram! Don't put on an act, get up and take your medicine if you are awake. "

He smiled and held her hand, slowly sitting up.

"But I haven't eaten anything.."

"That's why I made you something. Eat it. Have medicine and take rest."

"Ah.." he looked at the breakfast kept next to him. ".. that is what my wife would do...wait ...is that a proposal? I say Yes .. lets get married today?" He exclaimed.

She pushed him back with a shy smile.

"Just do what I said"

He frowned at her and unwillingly went ahead to have his breakfast, but it felt terrible to sit and eat. He felt dizzy and lethargic.

"Ah.. i don't want to eat Dong Kyung.. can't i just sleep?? This feels so terrible.." he complained .

She immediately took the plate in her hand and started feeding him herself.

He smirked and happily took a bite without question. Was there any point saying No to her?

"If you don't eat, how will you get better? Don't you know .. Doctor??" She mocked.

He chuckled and continued to take bites, without moving his eyes away from her face. He couldn't thank the Goddess enough for letting him see her again.

After she was done, she handed over a tablet and a glass of water to him.

"Have this. I'll be back " she said before leaving with the plates.

By the time she returned, she had expected him to be done with the medicine, but she found him sitting and staring at the tablet instead.

"What ? " She asked.

He looked up at her with an innocent smile.

"I haven't taken a tablet ever before... does it pain?" He asked.

Dong Kyung chuckled.

"Haven't you seen your patients take it? Do they cry?"

"No"

"Then just swallow it with water. It doesn't hurt" she said, smiling at him.

"What if it gets stuck in my throat? Will I die ?"

"It won't. Just gulp it down."

"Okay.." he nodded and took the tablet as if it was the biggest stunt of his whole life.

"Goshh! How could you be a doctor.?" She wondered.

"Aaachooo" he suddenly sneezed and felt shocked. " What was that " he said to himself.

"Aaa.. I see.. you got wet in the rain last night didn't you? Now you're sneezing." Dong Kyung explained.

"Woah! It felt weird.. it was so sudden.. is that how you feel when u sneeze ??" He asked.

Dong Kyung laughed seeing him experience all such things for the first time in his life. She somehow felt satisfied that he was totally a human now.

She carefully made him lie down on the bed and sat next to him with a piece of cloth and bowl of water.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"It will help to get your fever down quicker" she said.

"I know that. But you don't have to do it .. I am fine. Aachooo! ......Yaaa! ....That feels bad" he said.

She giggled and continued to wet the cloth and put it on his head until his fever was down. He kept looking at the calmness on her face and felt his pain fade away.

Hardly did he know when he dozed off.

Dong Kyung kept looking at his innocent face and recalled how he used to be few months ago. How he was simply existing, neither alive nor dead. But today he was living and experiencing everything he had ever wanted.

She quietly walked to the other side of his bed and laid down next to him, running her fingers through his soft hair.

"I love you so much..." she whispered and shut her eyes, feeling his cheeks against her palm.

He felt better when he opened his eyes after having a good rest. He still felt a bit weak but mostly fine. He tried to move his head when he realized that someone was sleeping cuddled up in his arms.

He could feel her silky hair touching his chin when he looked down. She was sleeping peacefully against his chest and in his embrace. He couldn't help but smile and blush.

"You're so small.." he chuckled, and caressed her head.

She moved her head up slowly and spoke with her eyes half open.

"Are you feeling better ?"

"Yes ...with you in my arms, I feel way better " he said.

She felt shy and immediately tried to get herself out if his grip but he held her back.

"Don't go..I'm sick.." he said, but his look was rather intense than mischievous.

She felt a familiar tension in the air with the fire he had in his eyes and unknowingly approached his lips. Without wasting a second, he kissed her back gently.

She wrapped her arms tighter around him and he brushed his fingers on her cheeks. They kissed for a while and parted.

Dong Kyung was left flustered, while Saram smiled satisfactorily. He turned around and picked up the tablets kept next to his bed.

Handing over the tablets to her he spoke.

"Now you'll need this too ..." he chuckled.

"Just shut up. Creep! Why did you kiss me ?" She complained.

"I kissed you?? You approached first..."

"No..what do you mean ..?"

Their kisses might last for seconds, but their bickering knows no end.

A/N : That's all folks. I hope I did not bore you ☹ Sorry if there were silly mistakes 🥲 Didn't proof read it 😶 I wanted to write more but my office people are cruel 💔💔 I wish I could make it better, but that all I could do this time 😅 Thanks @dizistyles for the suggestion, I loved writing this. 💙

#doom at your service #tvn doom at your service #myul mang #seo in guk #park bo young #kdrama #tak dong kyung #myeol mang #dong kyung #kdramaedit #seo in gook #fanfiction #fanfic #kdrama fanfic

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avungerthatgotaway · 4 years ago

Text

Imagine Avengers finding out that you have a boyfriend

Heyy guys! I made another fanfic, Avengers fining out you have a boyfriend. This one is gonna be about Steve and Bucky the most, others will be just mentioned. Soo for a boyfriend I took one of my current celebrity crushes Jake Bongiovi. I don't think yall lnow him sooo that's why pictures are here. First 2 are of Jake. Things to know are that he's 16 in the story timeline and he's amazing at football. 3rd picture is of band Bon Jovi. Picc is from 80s and I put it here so you understand the plot. Jake's dad is Jon Bon Jovi, he's the middle one. And last picture is of Jon Bon Jovi how he looks now. Sooo this is taking place in 2018 (because of Bon Jovi plot) but I'm not following the Avengers time line. And Jake is originally living in New Jersey, but I had to change it to New York. Hope you enjoy, if you have any advice feel free to write it. And also requests are opened xx

Warnings: none

Genre: I'm not good at deciding this but let's say it's a little drama romance and funny (at least I hope so)

I own nothing except the plot

*and alsooo before I get started, I saw u guys writing a wordcount, but it never shows me when I write ficc so yeaa... any help?😂

You don't know how you ended up kissing Jake, in front of avengers tower, but it happened. He was an incredible guy, you had feelings for him for quite some time now. But you wouldn't admit it. Apparently he had feelings for you too...

It all started few months ago, when Tony asked you to go with him to Bon Jovi's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducting. A big fan of rock music you are, you said yes right away. It was amazing! So exciting! And Tony as Tony had some backstage passes, because he just HAD to meet the band. You trailed behind him backstage, and told him you're gonna get yourself a drink. You poured some apple juice in your cup, when suddenly you bumped into someone. It was a gorgerous boy, he couldn't be much older than you. The problem was that he held his phone in one hand, and you had a cup of juice in yours, so somehow his phone ended up in your juice now...

Finally he looked down at you. "Ohh I'm so sorry" he said. You were shocked. His phone is basically dead now, and he apologises. It wasn't even his fault. It was soo different than guys you're used to. "Ohh no, it's my fault, I'm sorry. And your phone is dead now sorry." "No need to apologise, I should've watched where I was going. And never mind for the phone. What's your name?" he asked. "It's Y/N." "It's a beautiful name. I'm Jake, nice to meet you." ...

And that's where you guys clicked. You exchanged phone numbers, and started texting each other. Soon you found out that Jake is living in New York, as you. It didn't take him long to ask you out. You went out as friends at least once a week.

Today was different tho. He was acting a little weird, even nervous. When he walked you to Avengers tower, he became even more nervous. "Wait Y/N, I gotta something to tell you first uhmm..." "Huh? What is it?" "Well, I uhmm.. I- " "Jake what's goi-" and that's all you got to say, because in next moment you felt his lips on yours. It was the best feeling ever. When you parted, he said "I love you Y/N. I know it's too soon, but I've had this feelings for a long time." "I love you too Jake." you simply replied, and hugged him.

What you didn't know is that 2 best friends avengers were watching you from a window, plotting Jakes death, how dare he kisses you!?!?"

You said your goodbyes to Jake, and went to tower. You wanted to call your friend and tell what happened AsAp. But, you had to be careful, avengers can't hear you. Especially Steve and Bucky.

You became an avenger when Steve showed up in your doorstep telling you to help him with something in Germany. You had water powers, so your family didn't like you. When everything ended, Steve and Tony stopped arguing. Steve offered you to stay with them, and you accepted. Sice then, avengers were like a family to you. Steve and Bucky were like brothers. 2 best friends since childhood, and two of them mostly watched over you. They were always there for you, but they were protective. You couldn't imagine what poor Jake would go through if they found out about you.

As soon as you came in, you've heard someone clearing throat behind you. "Bucky we said we don't need dramatic coughs!" You reckognised vioce as Steves. "It's called leaving an impression Steve". You turned around, and saw Bucky rolling his eyes at Steve. But Steve was wasting no time "Who is that boy you just kissed Y/N? Why are you even kissing someone, you are just 16!" You decided to tell the truth, I mean if they saw you kissing, there's not much left to say. "Well, he is my boyfuhwhwu-" your response got muffled by Buckys hand. "Don't even say that word out loud. You are totally not allowed to have a boyfriend" Bucky said. "Whaat? How can you forbid me to have a boyfriend?!?? You can't do it." "Well, seems like I just did. No boyfriend until you get married" Buck replied. "No no no" Steve said "she'll need to date a guy before they get married. What if he's an idiot? He's totally gonna be an idiot. So maybe it's better of she doesn't date at all." "I agree. We need to set an age restriction to dating. What do you think is optimal?" Bucky asked. "Well, you know 37 isn't that bad. But if we're already that close, let's say 40, so it's easier to remember." "40 is okay for me. Than it's setteled. 40 it is."

"HEEEY I'M HERE IF YOU DIDN'T NOTICE!!" you yelled.

"Well it's your lucky day Y/N! You have to wait only 24 years more to date!" Bucky exclaimed.

You tried arguing with guys some more, but ut didn't work out well. You ended up in you room, still kinda angry when you got a text from Jake:

"Hey Captain America just left my room. He threatened he'll kill me if I continiue dating you, uhmm... I'm confused??"

#avengers endgame #fanfic #movies #marvel #steve rogers #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes #avengers x teen!reader #teen reader #otc #oc tag #bucky x daughter!reader #bonjovi #jon bon jovi #fypシ

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letteredlettered · 4 years ago

Note

Absolutely no pressure to answer if u don't want to but how did u and ur girlfriend meet? U guys seem really cute together.

We are insanely cute together.

This is a long story that doesn’t need to be this long, but whatever. I love my girlfriend and you asked, so here you go.

Last spring I was writing That Lesson Alone, which was making me rethink a lot of things I’d already thought a lot about before. That rethinking made me promise myself to be more open to new experiences, which I try to be, but I do let my social anxiety drive quite a bit of what I do.

So, when I got an email from a fan who said she was going to be in what she thought was my hometown, and she loved my fics, and was I interested in meeting, I said yes. She mentioned she had left a comment on one fic and that we had had a little conversation; I remembered this comment in particular because the personal story in the comment was rather sensational and quite interesting. Still, I might not have agreed to meet, because it could be very awkward. I don’t like talking to strangers with faces. However, because of That Lesson Alone, and because she was fannish, I agreed to the meeting. (I like meeting strangers who are fannish far more than strangers in any other circumstance. At least you can talk about fandom with strangers who are fannish, and I’m very interested in fandom. You can talk about work with work strangers or the bus with strangers you meet at the bus, but most real things bore me so I struggle with these conversations.)

This person sent me another email in another language, which stymied me for a little while about how to reply, but then she quickly sent me another email saying the first email was meant for someone else; the someone else also sounded sensational. When she got to my hometown, she emailed to say she had arrived, but only had a vague idea of when she was leaving, and she had no concrete plans so could meet any time. I began to get the impression that this person was, how do you say, A Ride, by which I mean one of those people who is interesting and clever and sensational but also extremely non-linear and flighty and difficult to understand. I mean she was halfway around the world and didn’t know when she was leaving; she sent the wrong people emails; the people she told me she knew were sensational; she was perfectly bilingual; she was totally down for meeting random strangers. I have a friend who is A Ride. She is what the Sisters at the Abby would call a flibberty-gibbet, a will-o-the-wisp, a darling, a demon, a lamb.

I wanted to meet on a weeknight (I don’t know if you know this, honey, but I told you I wanted to meet on a weeknight because I was busy, but although I can always be busy, so it wasn’t strictly a lie, this wasn’t my main motivation. I wanted to have an excuse to only have a small window of time to meet so that I could get away if it was too awkward), but on the night we arranged to meet, I was unwell. I was in fact entering the worse part of what I have now learned is a chronic illness. Usually this would be enough to convince me to cancel altogether, and to this day I’m shocked that I didn’t. Is it becoming clear that I don’t like meeting anyone and never ever date? Anyway, because of That Lesson Alone and my determination to be open to new experiences, we rescheduled.

I bused to the restaurant where we met after work and then walked from the bus. I remember this walk. I remember doing the thing that I do to prepare myself for social situations I don’t like, which is not letting myself dwell on it too much, reminding myself that I am actually rather good at making other people feel comfortable when I make the effort, reminding myself to ask questions, reminding myself I could get away, reminding myself that people actually find me quite personable and even vivacious, because I am, but if it’s with strangers, only if I fake it hard enough. These little reminders get me into game face, the face I use for dealing with other people.

Anyway, when I met her, she was very tall. This immediately made me more comfortable, as I am very tall and often feel awkwardly large around other people. And then the first thing she told me was that she had been watching something happy and queer, which meant we could not only talk about fannish things but also queer things. But was she going to be one of those people who just went on about straight things being dull? That always makes me uncomfortable.

Luckily, she doesn’t talk that way, and it was such an amazing conversation, the kind of conversation you dream about having with the love of your life, but the one you doubt you’ll have when you actually meet the love of your life. You imagine when you meet the love of your life you’ll have a conversation that goes, “Pass the salt,” and maybe you’ll talk about the weather, and then a few weeks later you meet them again and talk a little more about something equally uninteresting. Not until months pass by do you realize how much you have in common and how much you like being near them, and then you will start to talk about the things that truly interest you, and after years, you realize they’re the love of your life.

Most of the time, when you have a really stunningly good conversation, you don’t assume you’re talking to the love of your life. You assume it’s a once in a lifetime conversation, with a once in a lifetime person, and you never see them again, because they are too smart and too cool and too tall for you. Or, you do see them again, and you keep seeing them, because they are so mystic, so magical; they are so stunning and intelligent and intellectual; they make you feel so much, you just want to talk to them and talk to them and talk to them. And the more you talk, the more you find out that behind the magic, there’s actually not much that you have in common. Sometimes you find out that they trot out the same sensational stories on every occasion; they make the same jokes you found so witty over and over; you find out that everything that was glossy and new about them is something old that has been polished to shine, with very little you can hold on to and firmly understand underneath. Other times you just learn that your moral centers diverge, or you don’t actually like them. There is no fire beyond the initial spark.

This is just not true of my girlfriend. She is still smart and still cool and still sensational and, very importantly, still tall. I would not describe her as A Ride. She’s not one of those people who makes you feel like you have to sit back and hold on; though she’s endlessly clever, she can explain her thought processes and likes to; she thinks deeply about herself and others and listens. She’s so thoughtful and interesting and clever and also deeply passionate and exuberant about so many things that when you’re with her you can create a ride together that both of you drive or both of you sit back and enjoy. (She didn’t know when she was leaving my hometown because her flight back wasn’t for a long while, but she was traveling down to Oregon and California, and hadn’t bought train tickets yet, and we solved how the mistake was made on the email. We are guessing it was an autofill accident, since the person she was trying to email has a name that starts with the same letter).

She is reliable. She has a whiz-bang, knock-you-flat kind of memory, that not only remembers facts and conversations and locations but that remembers how you are feeling, and remembers to ask. She has the kind of broad-yet-also-piercing intellect that can follow an abstract conversation and build on it, even when you’re in the territory of feelings and concepts without names. She always wants to talk about her feelings, which makes me want to genuflect with gratitude, and she’s so hot she’d probably light a candle if she touched its wick. Like definitely keep her away from flammable substances. She’s creative and theatric and theatrically creative. She has big dark hair and curvy hips. She’s generous and accommodating and care-taking in a way that doesn’t negate her own self-interest. She’s gentle. She’s kind.

But anyway, so we got to talking, and it was one of the best conversations of my life, and I got on a bus and went home, very proud of myself for having accomplished A Social Thing, and telling myself, “See? Social Things are not always bad.” She had mentioned that she would be in town a little longer if I wanted to hang out again, but that would just be crazy, as having to do anything social twice in one week is a strain for me, much less with someone I don’t know. But the truth is, I already felt like I knew her, and leave yourself open to new experiences, said That Lesson Alone, and when else was I going to meet a magic person?

Also, I should mention, which I’m not sure I’ve mentioned to her, but I am suspicious of magical people. When I meet magical people I assume they are vampires underneath, by which I mean they are putting on an act, as I said above, or they are one day going to get you in a very difficult situation, because they are A Free Spirit, which, eventually, you find out means they think crime is fun, or something. I’m just a suspicious person, okay.

But we did hang out again. And that was also magical. And I invited her to my apartment, something I’ve barely done with anybody and never ever ever in my whole life with someone I’ve just met. And then I thought about having sex with her, which is something I basically never think about. And then she left town and said she might be in love with me, but at this point I still A LITTLE BIT thought she might be A Ride, in which case she probably fell in love with people all the time.

Usually when I meet someone very cool I assume they don’t want to pursue friendship with me, because they probably have way too many other friends. I think we’ve all been in the situation of knowing someone very popular and realizing that we do not mean as much to them as they do to us. I am always wary of investing too much emotion in someone who does not have the capacity to equally invest in me. However, because investing time in people I don’t know well is such a commitment for me, I’m also frequently guilty of just ghosting people. I often don’t respond to texts or emails. I often just drop people, without ever really meaning to. Part of it is how intently I focus on things—it’s difficult for me to be pulled in many directions at once, so it’s easier to have a few good friends rather than many casual ones. But part of it really is self-confidence, assuming people don’t want to know me.

However, writing That Lesson Alone reminded me that I am allowed to pursue friendships. It made me realize that a lot of my assumptions about people not wanting to know me are my own self-confidence issues, and not actually other people not wanting to know me. Writing That Lesson Alone reminded me I was worth knowing.

So, we kept talking. I was still late to replying to some emails, but I eventually did reply. I even got a new messenger app just to talk to her. We both have an interest in theater. I was directing a play. She expressed interest in seeing it. She was going to be in Canada when it opened. I told her if she wanted to see it she could stay with me if she wanted. I’d never really done anything like that before. She said yes. I still didn’t really think it would happen—but it did. She came to stay with me for a week that summer. I remembered thinking about having sex with her. I remembered thinking she might be open to it.

One of the things I wanted to be open to when I was writing That Lesson Alone was the idea of dating. I used to think that if I was open to dating, I would have to be open to dating lots of people I didn’t want to date; I thought dating meant you had to give everyone “a chance” and suffer through a lot of “pass the salt” just In Case. That’s why I didn’t date. I have actually been happy being mostly single most of my life. I never really felt a strong need for a partner, except in some sadder lonely moments, and even then, I wanted to be alone more than with someone who was just “pass the salt” okay. But one revelation I had writing That Lesson Alone was that I didn’t have to give everyone “a chance.” I didn’t have to give anyone a chance. I could just be open to dating, and look at what was out there (OK Cupid), but if nothing appealed, I didn’t actually have to do anything, since I already knew I was happy being alone. So, I thought more about what would be appealing, so I could know what I was open to.

I realized the person I wanted was tall (natch). With big dark hair. They like reading and talking about fiction and fictional characters. They can have abstract conversations about philosophical topics. And they are caring and accommodating in a way that can deal with an acerbic nature like mine, but they are also self-aware enough and assertive enough to be honest when I’ve hurt them. And they aren’t acerbic back.

This is a tall order. (hahaha) I thought about it a lot, because I really am harsh sometimes. I try not to be. I try very hard. I just get snappy when I’m tired or stressed, and even though I think about it deeply and put measures in place so that it won’t hurt other people, and I reflect on my own behavior and make apologies, I still hurt people. And despite all of this I’m still hurt by anyone that acts like me. I can deal with it! In fact, lots of times I like it, as lots of people like that (myself included) tend to be blunt and I love blunt, because I love knowing where I stand with people. But I also know that, as a rule, I just cannot be extremely close and spend my life with someone who will snap at me. I’m just too sensitive.

Anyway, over this week she stayed with me, I realized she actually was the only person I’d ever met who fit all of these qualifications. She was someone I would date if she was local. Meanwhile, she made it pretty clear she was really, really into me, which was also something that had never really happened to me before. If people have been into me before (which I still doubt, but who knows), they haven’t made it clear. If they thought they were making it clear, they didn’t realize that I am someone who needs heavy, heavy hints in order to understand flirting, even when I see it happening to other people. But luckily my girlfriend is pretty great at making what she wants clear. She made it really clear she wanted me.

So, well, things happened. I told her I wished that we could date and she could be my girlfriend. She asked why we couldn’t. I told her I thought the distance thing was an obvious problem. She didn’t think it was. So then I had a girlfriend, and she did too.

The end.

PS I love her.

#z #i love you!!!#Anonymous

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