#Even if that means yes we still have jumps in agility trials ... But maybe asking for less jumping during training

[pawsitivevibe]

Hmm actually maybe dog sports should just be less obsessed with dogs jumping in general.

[jupiterswlrd]

Spectacular- mark lee

mark never intended on getting bit by a spider on his was home in the subway, he also never intended on saving you from falling in front of the moving train car either. it was all just some sort of sick coincidence. mark had never believed in super powers, yeah what he saw on TV and comics book was cool but it was never realistic. ‘someone just can’t magically change over night’ he thought to himself all the time.

that was, until it happened to him. after his little run in with you he went home and took a nap, shook up a bit on how well his grip on your jacket was, almost like his hands were stuck to you. ‘crazy...’ he chuckled drifting off to sleep. when he woke up his found his upper part of he bunk covered in spider webs.

“ew” he said quietly trying not to wake his roommate haechan up. ‘maybe if hyuck would be a cleaner we wouldn’t have this issue’ mark struggled to sit up something making him stick to his bed. he flopped all around his bed, webs confining his arms to the bed. he finally broke one and somehow tripped off of his bunk. he prepared for his body to hit the ground but something caught him. a string of webs wrapped around his ankle and attached the top bunk. he was confused, but he was mostly relieved. “mark?....” haechan opened his eyes wondering why he saw his roommate dangling from what seemed to be the ceiling. with that the web snapped causing mark to fall on his head.

“dude...” haechan observed mark like he was some foreign species. “did you do that?” he pointed to the the webs covering marks bunk. “n-no!?!?” mark looked at the younger boy like he was out of his mind “do i look like a spider to you?” haechan stared at him for a long minute. “...there’s a fucking web growing out of your wrist right now....”

“HUH?” mark flung his hand somewhere, flinching in a way. haechan grunted loudly his head banging aganist the wall. his body was taped to the wall with one big web. “MARK” he yelled in amazement and extreme pain and discomfort. “I promise i didn’t do that....” mark didn’t know what to do with his hands, he stuck them in the pockets of his shorts fearing himself and what he’d do. haechan eventually broke free, examining the web pattern closely. He had a thing for spiders.

“this is completely unique...your webs have a little M in them. we should take to these y/n, you know shes a science freak” mark completely shut down at the thought of you seeing him shoot webs out of hands. what if you thought he was some kind of freak? “THATS NOT AN OPTIO-“ then you walked into their dorm room, unannounced and unwarranted. “i heard my name from outside the hallway, why are you all so l—“ you were confused to see that mark was no where to be found. “uhhh?? i thought i heard marks voice”

“you di—“ haechan did a double take “oh haha, yeah we were on the phone he’s in the bathroom— he got stuck in the toilet”

haechan shoved you out the room nervously. “yeah so y/n, we’ll see you in class okay?” once you were successfully pushed out the room, mark was sitting with his legs crossed his head in his hands. “bro what the fuck was that?” haechan slammed the door and locked it. “what was what?”

“i don’t know your little disappearing ac— YOU CAN TURN INVISIBLE”

“haechan are you on drugs? you have to be on drugs only people with POWERS can do that and that’s not possible be—“

haechan clamped a hand over marks mouth.

“dude you’ve done the impossible for like 2 hours now, you have powers” the younger boy slid on his shoes and grabbed his jacket. “where are you going?” mark asked laying back down. “you mean where are WE going” he threw marks slides at his head.

“we’re gonna go see what you can do.”

mark and haechan went out to a abandoned parking lot. haechan was good at making something out of nothing figuratively and quite literally. “okay mark pick up that big ass tire over there” mark walked over to it, absentmindedly picking it up “this one?”

haechan pulled a clipboard out his backpack “okay superstrength...check”

after many trials and errors. mark and donghyuck found out that he was very agile, very fast, and very sticky. mark couldn’t go 3 seconds with out sticking to something.

as mark and haechan were walking back to the dorms, mark heard something his ears turned up as he looked around. “do you hear that?” mark pulled his hoodie up and walked a bit faster. “no what do you hear? is everything oka—“ mark took off running in the opposite direction past the parking lot, leaving his backpack and a confused Lee Donghyuck behind him.

mark turned the corner the feeling that was rushing through his body, it was more than adrenaline it was like an itch that so desperately needed to be scratched. he had to find out what that noise was. he found himself in the subway again. the same place his was now 24 hours ago. his head was now spinning the same place he was bitten now stinging more than ever.

his balance was off and his body felt weak. mark blinked harshly, the itch slowly fading away. but everything was fading away he slipped into darkness, passing out on the grimy new york subway floor.

“mark” a familiar voice called out to him. “yes y/n?” he responded, a swirl of neon colors surrounded him, his skin was no longer slightly tan it was neon red with some swirls of blue. he was still in the subway but it was empty. dead silent his own thoughts, and spiders the only things in the station. you were in the form a beautiful pink tarantula crawling all over marks body.

“you know what you have to do right?”

“what do i have to do?”

“save new york” you brushed against his cheek lovingly “save our friends, save me, and most of all” you had somehow reappeared in front of him crawling down from her own line of webs. “save yourself.”

“how do i do that?”

“22nd street my love”

mark heard that laugh he always loved to hear, then a sharp pain in his arm again.

“FUCK” he yelled when he woke up, surprised to see that it wasn’t the “pink tarantula” that hit him, but an IV going into the underside of his wrist.

“calm down mr.lee it’s okay, you had quite a scare there” a nurse rubbed his forehead “anything i can get you? some water? some juice you had a pretty bad panic attack there”

mark sighed

‘how am i supposed to save new york with anxiety?’

☀︎☂︎☀︎☂︎

“hyuck” mark said as they walked home from the hospital. “yeah?” he responded taking one of his headphones out his ear. “have you ever been to 22nd street?” haechan shrugged “yeah i’ve been by there, it’s nothing but some apartments...why?”

“i think we have to go there”

that piqued haechan interest, not in a good way though. “you’re not tired i mean...i know you have super stamina but you just had such a bad anxiety attack you passed out” he blinked “i don’t see how you’re not exhausted, fuck— even IM exhausted” mark shrugged and walked in the other direction in hopes to catch a bus, “you coming?”

“so am i like your agent or something” haechan said smacking on the lunchable from his backpack loudly, so loud that mark couldn’t even hear himself think. between the homeless people, the bucket drum line, haechan obnoxious chewing, mark couldn’t hear himself think. “OKAY JUST SHUT UP” he snapped, all attention on him. “oh— uh not you guys i—“ mark quickly became flustered looking at haechan for some help. “OH— uhhh, my friend here has a disorder. sorry about that” haechan rubbed mark on the back, watching as heads turned back to what the were doing. “thank god” mark sighed in relief as they reached their stop. “i feel something...” the same ringing in his ears was back, becoming quieter as he walked in different directions dragging haechan in zigzags along with him

finally, mark and haechan arrived at their “destination”. all it appeared to be was just a regular apartment building. “what the fuck?” mark huffed slamming his fists aganist the wall, accidentally triggering something.

the small alley way they were in between revealed a door, the two boys looked at each other in pure amazement as they jumped through. “what is this?” mark said in awe staring down the walls. “don’t touch anything” an older man said swatting his hand away “you’re the new guy?” he looked mark up and down “the standards must be in hell”

“hi nice to meet you too!” mark sarcastically said. “i didn’t ask.” the man simply replied. “follow me though.” the boys did as they were told. “i believe that we were all put on this earth for one reason, to wreck havoc and help when havoc wrecks things” the older man laughed at his own terrible joke. “that’s why some people their genetic code is different, they’re products of some very expensive experiments, and my favorite” he chuckled “wrong place right time”

“so where do i fall?” mark wondered out loud. “the third one sweetheart” the older man bent down into a mini fridge and got out something to drink. “so basically what i’m saying kid.” he slurped it loudly in marks ears “help when havoc wrecks, whenever it does”with the snap of fingers, haechan and mark were back home and mark was dressed in a red and blue spandax suit. a black spider embroidered on the chest. “bro? you look—“ mark raised a brow, thinking he was still in his regular clothes. “you look like an actual superhero!” haechan danced around the room. “i do?” he stepped infront of the mirror “oh— I DO”

“what should i call myself. tarantula boy?—no too weird spider boy? no too immature”

“spider-man” haechan suggested

“spider-man...” mark said to himself in the mirror.

“i guess i’m spider man...”

[c0smicnyu]

interstellar - a Peter Parker AU - ch. 1

also on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29082408/chapters/71388948

chapter word count: 2240 

story summary:

Peter was 6 when he was stolen from Earth and put into the Yon-Rogg's, by extension the Kree's, care. Peter was 12 when his entire genetic makeup was altered. Peter was 13 when he was fished from the waters, years having passed. Now on Earth and under Nick's care, he has to maneuver through life with his awesome abilities, alien invasions and geniuses wearing cool armor or shapeshifting into green balls of anger. Oh, and he's also trying to find the meaning to life but who isn't in this day and age?

chapter summary:

Peter’s life with the Kree and how he ended up on Earth.

(Hala, Kree Civilization)

Yon-Rogg was confused. There was a small, human creature in front of him. The kid from Earth was looking up at him with bright brown eyes, messy curls sitting on top of his really small head.

He was told to come to this room because this was where he was going to oversee the experiment involving Vers and her extraordinary abilities. With their proficiency in genetic engineering, they found a way to implant Vers’ abilities into other specimens. They told him they were going to create a soldier with the same abilities as Vers, through dissecting her DNA and isolating the one where the enhanced chromosomes were. Then they would tie it into the subject’s DNA, creating a new and enhanced specimen.

However, all trials have failed so far.

Then he was given a mission.

“Train him. When you think he’s ready, we will name him as one of the possible candidates in the TS: Vers experiment.”

With a new purpose, he would move. He would be damned if he didn’t do his job well and serve the Kree. If the Supreme Intelligence says train the kid, then he will take the kid under his wing and train him to be the best warrior the Kree has ever seen. “Hey, I’m Yon-Rogg. I’m one of the warriors here.” He said with a smile. “What’s your name?”

The kid blinked at him before answering. “I’m Peter. I think I was stolen from Earth. I don’t remember much, just my name.”

Yon-Rogg could work with that. An amnesiac is easy to mold, a kid with little and ephemeral memories at that. “Hm, well then. I’ll be taking care of you from now on. I’ll train you so you could protect yourself and by extension, the Kree civilization. Is that okay with you?”

Peter shrugged, brown curls bouncing. “I don’t mind. This place is really cool, by the way. Your eyes are cool too! And so are the blue people!”

Yon-Rogg just smiled. He wasn’t sure if he could get used to this amount of bright enthusiasm.

--

Yon-Rogg introduced Peter to Vers and they hit it off, much to his amusement. They both shared the overly emotional side of humans, which he was trying to get rid of. A soldier can’t perform their duty well with emotions mucking things up.

Another thing that Yon-Rogg realized throughout his time as Peter’s mentor was his above average intellect and superb locomotor skills. Even at age 8, sparring against people twice his size, he was able to find ways to knock them down.

He was agile and smart, able to use his supposed weaknesses as a strength against his opponents. He wielded his opponents abilities against them, turning their greatest strengths into the cause of their downfall.

So he got the kid tested.

He was right. The kid was a bonafide prodigy with an IQ of 170 at age 9.

Thinking about it objectively, genius was a double-edged sword.

With the amount of secrets the Kree keep, a genius in their midst could make or break their entire civilization.

Peter could help improve and revolutionize or he could break everything they worked for apart, tearing it down and burning it to the ground.

However, watching the young warrior interact with all the other soldiers and making a name for himself filled him with a sense of pride.

It was at that moment he realized he was getting attached to the child.

Spending time with him, bringing him books from his former planet and mentoring him closely was interfering with his mission.

So when he turned 12, after 6 years of training with him, Vers and his team, it was time that he drafted the kid into the roster of candidates.

“Peter. Come with me.” He called the kid from Vers’ room, the pair talking about random things the young teen knew about Earth.

He jumped up and walked towards Yon-Rogg with an easy grin. “What’s up?”

“It’s time.”

Peter’s eyes widened, a wide grin spreading on his lips. “Are you serious?! I’m getting deployed before Vers?!”

Yon-Rogg felt sad but the Kree came before anything else. 

“Yes. Follow me.”

Yon-Rogg led the kid to the experimentation room. Peter looked around the room with confusion. “This doesn’t--” He turned to see Yon-Rogg pointing a gun at him.

“Wha?”

“I’m sorry, Peter. But this is for the good of all Kree.”

Light, then darkness.

--

Vers was devastated with Peter’s death.

She considered him a younger brother and despite Yon-Rogg’s constant reminders of disregarding her feelings, she truly held love for him.

She used his death as a fuel for her training. She did her best so she could finally serve and bring justice to Peter by killing the Skrull once and for all.

Her hard work paid off and it was time.

She would kill those sons of bitches.

--

“The geneticists say that TS: Vers was a success. Please proceed to the disclosed location and provide confirmation.”

Coincidentally, the experiment’s success coincided with Vers’ first mission. Yon-Rogg mused on that fact as he walked through the metal walkways that lead to the room where Peter was held for the past month.

They finally succeeded after 15 failed attempts.

They were unsure what was so different about the kid, other than his terran descent. Maybe that was it. Since both Vers and Subject 16 were humans, their genetic makeups were closer to one another and made it easier for the enhanced chromosomes to tie in.

Now that he was looking at the kid, other than some feature similarities with Vers that got changed through the insertion of genes, there was no way of telling whether he truly got her superpowered abilities.

“Are you sure it worked?” He asked the head scientist, still eyeing the kid who was reading a book from C-53. It was about something called Calculus, which he was sure he brought from the planet a few years back.

“Yes it did. He has an amazing ability to carry 5 tons right now at age 6. His senses are also enhanced to the point where he can tell when something is hurtling towards him, much like a sixth sense.” The scientist said, pointing at his chart on the hologram. “He can also heal very quickly. It’s possible that his blood can be used to create cures for diseases, along with creating antibodies and poison antidotes. His abilities will increase as he grows and there’s no telling whether there’s a limit on it. The experiment was very successful.”

“Anything else?” Yon-Rogg asked as he read through the outstanding ratings the kid had on both his powered abilities and combat abilities.

Peter’s latent talent was truly remarkable and he couldn’t wait till they could finally use him to decimate the Skrulls.

“Am I allowed to talk to him?” Yon-Rogg asked.

“Are you sure that’s the best idea?” The scientist asked dryly. “The last thing he remembers before this room was you, his mentor, pointing a gun at him. He’s superpowered now. He could kill you with one blast.”

Yon-Rogg frowned. “Point taken. Give me the copies of his results and I will report to the Supreme.”

As the scientist passes Yon-Rogg the folders, the glass before them shook with a loud blast sound echoing in the room.

They looked at Peter, surprise flitting onto their faces.

He was now standing before the two-way mirror, staring directly at Yon-Rogg.

“I will find Vers and I will tell her just what a lying scumbag you are. You better sleep with one eye open now, Yon-Rogg.” Peter threatened, eyes dark as he glared at his former mentor.

The man didn’t reply and just left the room, feeling Peter’s burning gaze on him as he walked away.

--

Peter put his plan of escape into work a day after Yon-Rogg visited his humble cell.

He blasted the doorway to bits with a photon blast and immediately made his way to Vers’ chambers, however the room was empty.

He cursed, remembering what Yon-Rogg said in the hallway. Vers was already deployed.

He immediately switched course and made his way to the hangar. He listened in on the conversations, trying to catch wind of where Vers was.

“Did you hear? Vers was on C-53 and she found Mar-Vell’s lab! Yon-Rogg and his team are apprehending her.”

Peter froze. She was on C-53.

During his solitary time in the metal cube of torture, he was able to listen in on different conversations. He found out the true enemy in the Kree-Skrull War and how the Kree made it their life mission to destroy any means of refuge for the Skrull.

He found out that his true purpose was to become a weapon for the annihilation of the Skrull.

When he found out, he wanted to tell Vers immediately. However, he was too busy getting tested by the douchebags that experimented on him and prodded his body with needles.

He had to help her.

So he hijacked a pod and hacked into Yon-Rogg’s ship, stealing their coordinates from their GPS with a smirk. It was time he put these powers to use and reunite with Vers.

--

He arrived at the lab after a few, hearing the current fight happening within the huge hunk of metal.

He landed his pod and ran into the interior, looking for the source of the sound. He turned on the corner, spotting a bunch of Kree cornering a man, a woman and a cat?

“Hey! Get away from them!” Peter blasted the gun wielding Kree.

“Holy shit! There are two of you?!” The man holding a cat exclaimed, the woman beside him sporting a look of surprise.

“Who are you? And what do--” He remembered the photon blast. “Vers! You know her! Where is she?”

“You mean Carol? She’s--” The woman was cut off by a glowing blonde woman holding a lunchbox with a bunch of characters on it.

Peter stared at her, a grin spreading onto his lips. “VERS!”

Carol was tired and she had no time to deal with another Skrull impersonation of someone important to her. “Talos, this isn’t funny! We have no time for this! Take the--”

Peter took huge strides forward and wrapped Carol in a hug, arms around her midsection.

“Did Yon-Rogg seriously tell you I died? More like they injected your DNA into me.” Peter said before removing his arms from around her. He shot a photon blast at an incoming Kree. Carol looked at him with surprise, the grin on Peter’s lips just widening. “Now we’re twinning!”

“What the heck, kid!” Carol grinned, hugging him. Then she realized they really had no time, shoving the tesseract into his arms. “We’ll unpack that later. Take the tesseract and get going. You cover them, okay? Get to the QuadJet. Stay alive. We will talk later. I’ll buy you time.” Then she was gone.

Peter saluted, putting the cube before the cat which he realized was a Flerken. Its mouth opened, eating it whole. Peter smiled and patted its head. He looked at the man and woman.

“Hi, I’m Peter! I was with Vers… Carol? On Hala. We trained together. Then they faked my death before experimenting on me! Nice to meet you!” Peter said as he ran his hand down Goose’s spine.

“I’m Fury.” “Maria.”

They both gave him uncertain looks however his grin never faltered. “Okay! As per Carol’s request, I will protect you as we go to the QuadJet. Let’s go.”

They rounded the corner and Peter made sure they went through the ways where there weren’t any people. Then he heard a group of Skrulls in the intersecting hallway. He ran there, spotting the shapeshifters.

“Hey! Come on, let’s get onto the QuadJet! I’ll cover everyone!”

They eventually got to the hanger, running towards the jet at top speed. As they ran, Peter felt his hair rise. He shoved Goose into Fury’s arms and stopped running, eyeing the Kree.

“Get going! I’ll catch up!” He grunted as he fought against the Kree, distracting them from the currently boarding Skrulls and humans.

Once he was done with them, the jet was already up. He flew into the slowly closing doors, gasping as he laid on the cold metal floor.

“Hey, Peter! Are you Carol’s kid?” Maria asked as she flew the jet into the Earth’s atmosphere.

“No. We trained together for 7 years though. She was like a huge mentor figure to me, aside from the lying scum--” He was cut off by the jet suddenly lurching.

He sighed. There was just no resting, huh?

“Let me out, Maria! I’ll get her off your tail!” Peter instructed, arms already glowing brilliantly.

Maria was torn. The kid was the same age as hers and she wouldn’t be able to carry a kid’s death on her conscience. Against all her beliefs, she opened the doors and let Peter out. She just hopes the kid would be safe and comes back.

Peter flew out and onto Minn-Erva’s pod, blasting it with holes before proceeding to carry it off. He flew out of the Earth’s atmosphere and tossed the pod just as it exploded.

He was preoccupied, so he never saw it coming.

He never saw the large ship coming towards him.

He was flying, then falling. Then he was gone as he sunk into the ocean, swallowed by the icy waves as he lost consciousness.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer Chapter 22: Target Practice

Cassell College worked hard to return to normalcy after the outbreak of violence that occurred right there on campus. The students were noticeably shaken up. Despite having studied here at Cassell, many had never seen a live dragon. After experiencing an overwhelming show of deadly force at the hands of a dragon that was no larger than a pick up truck, fear spread among the student body when they contemplated an actual war against these creatures.

They paid a lot more attention to classes and drills now. The training center had never been so crowded. Some, mourning friends who had died or were maimed in the attack, were demanding more access to the facilities than their rank deserved. But EVA was an AI and, while kind, she didn’t decide to override her programming to fit with the new demand. There was a long waiting list.

Master List

Because I was S-rank and still holding Star of Cassell privileges, I could stay at the shooting range well after dark. Susie had given me the basics and now I was just working on accuracy. With ear muffs on and earbuds under those, I lifted the pistol and fired three quick rounds at the paper target. 

My scores were passable, but I needed to get better than that. Turned out that despite my dragon gift, most combat skills were still based on standard issue firearms and for some, like Johann, relics like swords and martial arts. 

The dragon blood allowed us to be faster, stronger, and more agile than the average human being. Lancelot helped me see that with training in parkour and acrobatics. Because I’d never been asked to rapidly scale a building I’d never realized I could do something like that. I’d never been tested on how high I could jump or run. In addition to my dragon gift, being able to move and leap like a gazelle was overkill to me. 

I was a scorpion that had just been given a pair of wings.

I pulled the earmuff off my ears.

“Not bad for a beginner.”

I shuddered with fear and whirled on the speaker. “Caesar! Don’t sneak up on me!”

“You had your ear muffs on, I didn’t have a choice!” He grinned, arms crossed “Mind if I give you a few pointers?”

“Sure… what are you even doing out here so late?”

He came up beside me. “I could ask the same of you.”

“Plain old insomnia. I figured I’d make use of my time.”

“You’ve been here all evening.” He said, with a little laugh.

“You’re going to give me pointers right?” I asked, uninterested in talking about my persistent issue with night terrors. If I told him why I couldn’t sleep, he’d start trying to solve my problem. I didn't want to tell him anything that might give him a clue about what my father was or a clue of what had happened to me.

Caesar obliged, helping me with straightening my shoulders, raising my arms and how to hold the weapon steadier. He was a good teacher. He knew exactly what to say to help me understand what I needed to do.

The next three shots had a higher score. Caesar nodded with satisfaction. “Awesome. Think you can remember all that?"

“Eh…” I laughed. “Might need you to tell me a few more times.”

His blue eyes looked down at me. “You know, I could more easily train you in shooting as part of the Student Union.”

“Oh, here we go.” I playfully rolled my eyes.

He raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean by that?”

“Nono told me that the whole reason you offered the Star of Cassell was to force me to join your club!”

He huffed, offended. “What do you mean force? I don’t force anyone to do anything!”

“Well, that’s what she said! I believed her.” I put the gun down and started to dismantle it.

He glanced away. “She’s being dramatic. It only would have been three months!”

I looked up at him in shock. “So you were seriously going to do that!”

“As a trial basis. If after three months you didn’t like it you would be free to go! How is that forcing?” He chuckled. “Besides, you lost that high ground when you immediately turned around and made Johann Chu your boyfriend, didn’t you?”

I glanced up at him, frowning. “I had my reasons. Besides, it's not like we’ve been on any dates or I’m forcing him to kiss me or anything.”

“Lame excuses. You could have said bodyguard. Why boyfriend?”

“Because Fingel told me that there were two things people wanted to know about me most. One, which club I was joining and two, how to date me.” I sighed. “I just… I just didn’t want to deal with that.”

“Heh… well, I would ask if you considered Johann’s feelings and then I just remembered he doesn’t have any…” Caesar shrugged.

My frown deepened and I paused in my work.

“It’s almost poetic justice in a way. He makes the girls here gamble with their hearts. Never rejecting them, out of politeness. But what he’s really doing is keeping them coming back to the table, time and again.”

“Oh really?” I said, continuing to work.

“Oh yes,” He exuded great confidence in this. “They’re hoping that maybe this time they’ll hit the jackpot and he’ll understand their feelings. Despite the low odds that he ever will.”

He began to chuckle. “And now look, he’s stuck in a loveless relationship… While he may deserve that… I think you deserve a lot better.”

“Thanks… I think.” I open the hard case for the gun parts and start slotting them in.

“Well, enough about him.” He waved dismissively, “Have you considered being part of the Student Union Dancing Society?”

“Oh… yeah!” I perked up a bit, suddenly recalling. “Johann told me about it earlier. When we first met.”

Caesar cocked his head in surprise. “He did? Why didn’t you come to me about it afterwards?”

I looked up at him, stunned with wide eyes. “Uh… because I found out I was dying?” My words came out louder than I expected and I winced. 

Taken aback, Caesar averted his eyes. “That’s right. Sorry.”

“No…” I sighed, swallowing against the sudden knot in my throat. “I forgot that it's … been six months for you guys. Longer at this point. But only a few weeks for me.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think you’d fit right in.” When I didn’t respond, he tried again. “I have something to confess.”

I looked up at him, trying to get a handle on my sudden painful memories. “What?”

“I personally lead the Dancing Society. Including their battle training.” He grinned down at me, not sorry at all.

I began to laugh, incredulous. “Oh wow! Really? Is that so?”

“The chance to dance with you… an S-ranked student. Would be an absolute honor.” He leaned closer to me, winking.

I leaned away, closing the case. “I’m suuuuure… but I’ve never seen you dance so… I don’t know how honorable it would be.” I twined my finger in my hair and then pointed at him. “Besides, don’t you have Nono to dance with?”

“Why not both?”

“Why not both? She’s your fiance! Shouldn’t you want to dance with her more than anyone else?” I asked.

He shrugged, frowning a bit.  “She’s not as into it as me.” He turned to me again, smiling. “You on the other hand… have trained for years.”

Gratified, I shrugged my shoulders and grinned. “Could probably teach you a thing or two. But … I don’t have to join your club to dance with you.”

“Again with the refusal.” He seemed genuinely perplexed. “I don’t understand.”

My eyes shifted. “I like Johann. And… no matter how you feel about what we’re doing… the way you talked about him just now was not good. I’m not interested in being his rival.”

Caesar shrugged. “Then don’t… Just join and you don’t have to participate in the rivalry.”

“I don’t think he sees it that way…”

“Then that’s his problem.” He said flatly, glaring.

I take a breath and let it out. I glanced away. “I don’t want to argue. Okay?”

“We’re not arguing.”

“Well, for last minute, you’ve done nothing but dismiss everything I’ve said!” I glanced up at him again, daring him to dismiss this too.

He met my eyes, read my intentions and replied. “That doesn’t make this an argument.”

He couldn't hide his satisfied smile when I started laughing again. "You're funny!"

I took the gun case off the platform and walked away from the shooting range to the storage area. He followed me. "And you're fascinating!"

"Why?" I shot back at him. 

"S-ranks are so rare as it is. But women are rare even in A-ranks!"

"Seriously, Caesar?" My voice was like a sad trombone but he didn’t even flinch.

"It's just a fact!"

I walked in silent disagreement. Johann did not seem to have the same viewpoint.

He forged ahead. "Lately I’ve learned quite a lot about you through observation and various other means."

My jaw dropped slightly and I paused in my step before continuing. “Uh huh?”

“All signs suggest that you might even exceed what we know about S-ranks. You did beat Lu on the first challenge for the Star of Cassell, remember?”

He watched me put the case away. My eyes were distant. I'd stopped answering. I used my card to check the equipment back in. “You owe it to yourself to put your talent to good use. And there’s no better way to do it than joining me…” He paused and reconsidered a moment “... us.”

He’d stopped his pitch and so I asked him. "Is that all?" A voice in my head was telling me he was trying to be complimentary. That he was just saying to me what he said to other people. But it was being drowned out by my pain.

"What do you mean is that all?" He said, quietly. "Carli…" He blocked my attempt to step around him. "Before Lu, the last S-ranked student to walk through Cassell was forty years ago… Forty years! Do you not understand how valuable that makes you?"

"Oh…" I looked away for a moment, then I turned to face him. I was smiling, even laughing, but the pain and rage made my voice tremble. "I know exactly how valuable that makes me!” My smile turned down to a mask of anger. “Down to the penny!"

Caesar's eyes went wide, stunned. His eyes narrow slightly. “What…?”

"Probably more than you know!" He reached out to me and I slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me! People like you are the reason I need Johann!"

A woman’s voice from the ceiling broke things up. "Since your equipment is turned in, I can't hold the shooting gallery open for you. Please exit and I will shut down the lights and set the security alarm."

EVA materialized behind me and I strode through her hologram in my haste to escape.

"Carli, wait!”

I left the building. I was going to cry. I had to stop it.

“What do you mean ‘to the penny!’” He’s already caught up to me, trying to meet my eyes, looking for an answer.

And just like that, I’d said too much. I’d done exactly what I was trying not to do. “Don’t talk to me! Don’t talk to me again! Not until the three months are over!”

“What… what happened to you…” He whispered. “Does Johann know about this?”

I broke out into a run, not looking back. I didn’t get any sleep. The next morning I spotted a text on my phone from Caesar. “Are you alright?”

I blocked his number.

Being calm was impossible. I was so exhausted, breathing was painful. I used makeup to cover my darkened eyes.  

Johann met me at my usual time, but I was late. “Sorry.” 

“It’s fine. Just a study session today anyway.”

That was a change in schedule. Caesar had probably talked to him.

After we neared the cafe where we tended to study, he said, “Can I ask you something?”

“Mmhm.”

“Do you like theme parks?”

[anxietyfuckingsucks-blog1]

Mod Sun

mod is a short form of modern and sun is always bright and brilliant but deady if too close

what does this say about his being and who he aspires to be? whatever and whoever this is, is positive and filled with glowing intentions

modern sun. a being who is young and in the current moment..lets face it were always young and time is nonexistent to me--still debating it though bc is anything ever truly nonexistent? anyway, i see an old soul and old friend through this. i am a child of everything. i find myself in everyone and find everyone in myself.

although i lean towards helping people in negative situations, my favorite are those who conquer and turn hardships into productivity. even people who have not had the same hardships as myself, or maybe less in general, and always remain so upbeat BLOW me out of the water. I aspire to be like them in that sense. through this ive made friends of all kinds.. one was a boy in high school who i became rather close with. I was an “outcast” and he played all sports possible which he somehow always succeeded in. He was widely known and was known usually for coming across as an asshole, and oh man, sometimes, he really was. We clashed heads and opinions lots, but our good times outweighed any disagreement by a landslide.

i remember the first time i saw him. i had my usual resting bitch face on and he looked at me, and i glared at him. he smiled and laughed and said “cheer up, buttercup!” and i responded with “dont tell me what to do”

he looked at me a little weird but throughout time we had classes together and passed each other in the hallways. he always took the time to say hello in an excited and energetic manner. 

it threw me off, but i was curious. i sat with him one day in class and complimented something that i cannot remember. friendship was not immediate, but hugs started becoming a once in a while thing, and by the time i hit senior year, they were daily. 

senior year gym class we had all year together. one day he forgot his clothes and i was like MAAAN WHAT THE FUCK WHO AM I GONNA TALK TO? um the answer was other people because i enjoyed everyone but he was my fave along with a girl from another class of mine

he didn’t react right away and shrugged and walked away. this was SO not like him so i gave him space, told him i was here when he was ready, and would observe him silently. being a wallflower is beautiful.

the next day we saw each other in gym and i offered a hug. i told him that one of the things i appreciated most about him was his energy and that although i understood he couldnt always have it, i missed it. he smiled and sighed and we sat down on a bench and was like “can i talk to you?” my face must have lit up and i was like “yes but quick run into the locker room and change back into normal clothes before the doors lock.” he was like uh, okay, but why? that kills your grade and youre a fucking bitch about getting grades

i laughed so hard and was like “because silly, if were gonna talk were gonna do it right. ill sacrifice my grade for you to feel like someone has their full attention on you.”

we both bolted and came back out. it was the first time we had more than 30 mins max to talk and have a full convo. through that convo, i realized he didnt have as much as i had preconceived him to. i realized that he hurt, his life wasn’t perfect. although he was talented he felt lonely and felt as if no one understood him. we spent our time sitting side by side outside and looking around, and planned a day together at our school’s ropes course. 

a few weeks later he “forgot” his clothes and asked me to “forget” mine. we went up to the ropes course that day with the class, but sat aside to talk. we laughed so hard we were in tears, everyone was looking at us oddly but we had not a care in the world.

later on we would revist that course together and jumped around and moved through it. i was not as agile as he, but i admired how he could do these things almost effortlessly...even though the course creaked and squeaked and felt like it could be a death trap. i also admired how he laughed at my failure and made rude jokes but would immediately come over to pick me up off the ground and then say “watch me” ..through trial and error i became slightly better and enjoyed that i was doing it more. i was less embarassed, more willing to do it without hesitation.

through this we bonded mentally and physically. i trusted him more. id let him pick me up during hugs which i NEVER did. we gave each other piggy back rides randomly because we felt like it. the image is funny..a “scene” kid with a face that was mainly stone and intimidating at first...on the back of a jock. i was always smiling in some way. whether he was running to give me a scare and i was screaming at him, or whether we did it with leisure, we were always smiling. sometimes hed carry me or my books while telling me about his life and deciding on whether or not he just wanted me to listen or offer advice as well.

we were always a funny image. two seemingly opposites who always found a way to attract. he started borrowing things from me, band shirts, brass knuckle necklaces. he told me how pretty i looked in more feminine clothes. we both loved who were were at heart, but enjoyed seeing the other one take on something more similar to the other person, even if it wasnt comfortable at first. 

we had an affectionate friendship, but at the same time, always kept our distances. we had interests in each other that allowed us to be fascinated with each other together and apart. we never went beyond a hug for three years i believe. i went my way, he went his. but if we came back in sight, we acknowledged each other. we talked outside of school here and there, but rarely ever hung out. 

through a gym conversation with him, he told me that sometimes he would go home and look up words in the dictionary to try to learn them so that he could come in to school and impress me. he told me that he felt intimidated by the flow of my words even though they always had a way to do whatever i wanted them to. he said i made him feel dumb. WHYYY the fuuuuck would he feel like this? just because i was a decent student didn’t mean that I couldnt enjoy someone who didn’t excell as much in something as i did. I brought my hands over my face and said through them something along the lines of “duuuude what the FUCK” and i removed my hands and said “i am so sorry, that is never my intention. you did not have to do that bc i love you for who you are and who you truly aspire to be” 

that was the first time i said i loved him where i could feel it. worlds collided and somehow meshed together. i realized that even intelligence and stupidity could find common grounds. and through that, he has taught me much. i am forever grateful for him and will carry him in life with me. 

of course he picked up on “i love you” and my immediate face of realization and shock afterwards. he smiled and questioned it as if he needed the extra reassurance. i made a face and he said “cheer up buttercup” i smiled, he hugged me, and we split our ways to enjoy our other friends in the class. 

although we both thought we were attractive, we did not go beyond that for three years. sometimes hed smack my ass but id turn right around and hit him back. cant tell you how many times in sports he would do something a little harder than i could handle. sometimes things would fly at me and hit me and hurt so bad that id turn around and immediately be red. this happened so often that I would drop whatever i was doing and walk at him and jump at him. id bring him to the ground sometimes. although i never seriously hurt this person physically, I learned how to approach him in a way that he understood not to fuck with me. and i knew that his intentions were never bad. the tennis balls that hit me so hard it left bruises, to the little things hed throw at me to get my attention, we grew. i took a class with him and another boy one time. this other boy spiked a volleyball to the head so hard that it knocked my friend out. i was red in the face immediately but held back my anger because my mothering instincts kicked in full swing. i helped him up, took him to the nurse, and talked to him after he had time to rest. a few days later, that same boy did the same thing to me. but it was different this time. it hit my face so hard (i was turned to the side and not paying attention, so my b i guess) that the whole class turned to look. i was extremely anxious with the attention on me. plus it looked like i was crying but really i was just trying to rub the sting off my face lol. but the boy did something he didnt do to my friend the other day, he laughed. my friend was immediately like man WHAT the fuck come on. he came to my side but by that time it was too late. the girl who was mainly quiet and to herself...5′2 walked up to one of the tallest and well known guys of our graduating class...and she let loose. I had a method in my anger, and when he laughed it off, i walked away. my words were out. what was said was over and done. what he took of it was on him and i knew i did what i could. much to my surprise that night the boy messaged me over facebook and apologized to me. he said he reflected on what i said. the next day in gym i approached him calmly with a small smile and told him that i appreaciated his words and that as long as he was not rude, we had no beef between us. he dated people i knew. i dated people he knew. we dated strangers to one or both of us. but we were always super protective over each other. what hurt him, hurt me. what hurt me, hurt him. 

i will never forget our first kiss and how incredibly awkward it was for both of us. it was worth the shot, but we felt nothing that lit a romantic fire. we trialed it twice, but acknowledged it didn’t come naturally to us. and that was okay. if it was meant to be, it would be. 

i will never forget graduation. i dressed up and looked very feminine. but at the same time, i was in all black and carried my unique style with me as well. we bumped into each other and both looked up and down. i realized how manly he looked and how proud i was of him and how excited i was to hear of his future trials, tribulations, and triumphs. we wished each other well on our way, and that was the last time i saw him until a year later.

a year after graduation we got into a convo. we talked about everything and planned a visit although he moved further away. one night he came to me crying and told me that he missed me so much and felt so lost again. told me that he missed high school because the highlight of his day was always seeing me. i could get him like no other no matter what without a single pass of judgement. that i was the only person he could think of that could do that.

although this is quite a compliment, i took it humbly. he was hysterical, it was late and my car wasn’t great. i asked for his address and told him to expect me within an hour and a half. i told my parents i was going to a girlfriend’s house and left.

When i pulled up to his place he was sitting in the rain on a rail outside. as soon as he saw my headlights he walked over and pulled me out of the car and hugged me and swallowed hard and deep and sighed. of course, we let go and he snapped at me BITCH YOUVE BEEN GONE FOR TOO LONG...now lemme help you park your car its tricky here.

We went inside, he gave me a tour. We talked with his mom and brother and then went out back to sit on the porch. We caught up little by little, but talked mainly about what bothered us most. We smoked a little weed, made some food, went inside, i helped him clean, i watched him play videogames bc hes a huge nerd but its cute when someone is passionate about something that does no harm, so whatever. but as i started drifting off, he told me that i could take the bed and that he wasn’t sleeping for quite some time. the last thing i remember before falling asleep was warm lips on my forehead and the feel of a fan on me since he had no ac and the humidity and heat made us uncomfortable. 

i woke up that morning to make the drive home so i wouldnt be home too late. when i opened my eyes i realized he was passing out next to me and had put up a pillow wall between us and grabbed extra blankets so we could each have our own just in case. he looked over and i had a look on my face that he knew well. he chuckled and said “the truth? i wanted to be close to you without weirding you out or making you uncomfortable. i kept an eye on you while you slept. sometimes you shivered, so i grabbed blankets. sometimes you made a troubled face so id put my hand back and reach for your arm...ALSO WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET AN ARM TATT?!” 

I got up and told him to get comfortable but told him we could talk later, but that I was going to stay with him until he fell asleep. I changed my clothes, went to the bathroom, but always peeked back in. it wasn’t long before he was asleep. i wish i would have said something like “see you later, friend” instead of “bye”

he sleepily told me to text him when i got home so he knew i was safe. and like that, he was out.

we did talk later. but that was the last time that we had a hangout without troubles or worries...with our phones aside, where we were more free and less shackled. its been months. i miss my friend, but i will carry him with me forever. i trust in the fact that what will be, will be. i can miss him but acknowledge now is not the moment to be close. so i often follow thoughts such as “i miss my friend” with thoughts that are confident and true..such as “but he is strong and we have a bond that is unlike any other, we will come around” i say we because relationships are group efforts as much as your own. i believe that everything should aim to be 50/50. we will come around. we both have things in our life that made this moment less possible currently. but we will grow. we will learn. and one day, we will reconnect again in some way, shape, or form.

it was while listening to a mod sun playlist where i realized i could relate a song to several situations, and several situations to EVERY song. thank you my dear!:)

howlin at the moon thoughts

did it again last night, turned into an animal, wolf howl

it is my belief that animals and humans are much more connected than we currently understand as populations in whole

the wolf howl interested me because my spirit animal is a wolf and i have always found myself having qualities of my wolf, but also qualities about myself. A wolf represented me, but wasnt me?

animalistic behavior