#Evelyn Bilias-Lolis PhD

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One humble beginning. It all begins with one shared experienced and one humble beginning.

Evelyn Bilias-Lolis, PhD

Interim Dean, School of Education & Human Development

Associate Professor, Psychology & Education

Modern society places tremendous value on status, achievement, titles, and any related indicator of personal or professional prosperity. The chase to amass credentials, merit, professional rank, social currency, and any material evidence of a life well lived is evident in every corner of modern American living. The “hustle” in American culture is glorified and the reward is reduced to items that showcase financial, personal, or social power: bank statements, car models, assets, the size and location of your office, your alma mater, your professional position, your relationship/marital status, etc.

Regardless of status, finances, achievements, and matters of personal and professional influence, we all ironically share one common start: the humble classroom. For most, our first classroom experience predates our memory and the tenure of our K-12 journey is one that becomes etched in our soul’s ethos for a lifetime. Future presidents, officials, CEOs, physicians, scholars, inventors, entrepreneurs, engineers, reformers, culinary geniuses, actors, and everything in between currently sit in the K-12 classrooms of our school systems. The majority are likely being educated in our public schools. In a pop culture and digital world filled with “influencers” topping the Instagram and TikTok halls of fame who will be likely forgotten tomorrow, we all remember the original influencers of our time, our educators.

Education, however, is in a state of crisis. That’s right. Crisis. The debris of the COVID-19 pandemic continues to vex our schools, our children’s mental health and learning needs continue to escalate as they try to recover from a 2.5-year disruption, and the quest to hire and maintain quality educators is growing insurmountably. Education, like the medical community, is experience record post-pandemic burnout. Professions that are lucrative to the functioning of society, to human development itself, are questioning their capacity to sustain themselves and the new crop is cautious to commit. Institutions of higher education are all trying to solve the same problem—how do we transform the teacher shortage crisis? How do we recruit individuals into a career that is as lucrative as air we breathe for the hope of our future?

What would happen to our children, their children, and the future of our society if the teacher shortage were to persist and our schools lacked quality, dedicated career professionals to provide them with the foundation for inquiry and the playground for their socialization, dreams, and aspirations? Let’s entertain that painful thought for a moment.

The bigger irony? Psychological science, specifically the field of positive psychology which examines variables that correlate most closely with personal and professional thriving, consistently suggests that psychological wellbeing is not tied to any one entity that we are conditioned by society to pursue: status, title, money, materialism, etc. (Seligman, 2011). In fact, these very things only explain a modest percentage of the variance in wellbeing (Diener & Biswas-Diener, 2002). The science of wellbeing robustly suggests that human flourishing involves the interplay among several key variables referred to in positive psychology as PERMA theory. Specifically, the five elements that interplay to optimize human flourishing, wellbeing, and potential include: positive emotions (i.e., experiences of pleasure/joy), engagement (i.e., the ability to be in flow, or completely in tune in an activity), relationships (i.e., the ability to engage in and connect in a meaningful way with others), meaning (i.e., the ability to have your strengths find their home in the world; to align the greater good) and accomplishment (i.e., mastering a goal/skill). (Seligman, 2011). The key elixir in this recipe is their INTERPLAY. Happiness science tells us that is not one thing in isolation, but a combination and interplay of the variables above that offer the best translation for personal flourishing.

Allow me to briefly focus on one of these variables more closely. “Meaning” or the aspect of engaging in activities that are larger than one’s self-interest and extend oneself for the greater good carry significant implications. Personality and developmental theory dating back to Erik Erikson (1950) suggests that the quest of middle adulthood/midlife is the concern for establishing and guiding the next generation; the notion of selfless reflection and giving of oneself to enact the next generation. This is often why many professionals in business and related industries make career changes sometime in their 40s or 50s, because they want to engage in a human services profession like education or counseling, in order to give to the next generation—one with a wider wingspan than their immediate family. There is indeed a renegotiation that occurs in midlife in which many feel personally called to do more for others and/or affiliate with projects and activities that are personally meaningful.

It is 2023. We are in an educational crisis. However, this crisis is not singularly educational; it is a societal crisis. The field of education is in dire need of educators and mental health workers to help our children recover, strive, and propel society forward with courage, compassion, and thought leadership. I do not know of a career or a professional home more likely to yield that delicate interplay of PERMA on a consistent basis than the school setting. I say this from experience, having served as a psychologist in the schools for many years and knowing that at the end of every day, regardless of how stressful, I laughed and experienced joy, I connected, I used to my talents for the greater good, and I found meaning in the work before me. This was the case even on the worst days. I know this has not changed. Our schools, however, need help; they need capable hands and faithful hearts to join their forces. Our children need real “influencers” in live time to help them navigate their development, celebrate their wins, and support their storms. We were fortunate to have these individuals step us for us. One humble classroom. They deserve the same.

Whether you are a mid-career professional, a student in undergraduate studies, or a parent who has stayed home to raise young children...if you have ever had the inkling or curiosity to pursue a career in education, school-base mental health, or any helping profession, take a moment and lean into that intuition. It is a calling. And we need you.

References:

Diener, E., & Biswas-Diener, R. (2002). Will money increase subjective well being? A literature review and guide to needed research. Social Indicators Research, 57, 119–169.

Diener, E., & Lucas, R.E. (2000). Subjective emotional well-being. In M. Lewis, & J.M. Haviland-Jones (Eds.), Handbook of emotions (pp. 325–337). New York: Guilford Press.

Erikson EH. Childhood and society. New York: Norton; 1950.

Seligman, M. (2011). Flourish. New York, NY: Free Press.

Seligman, M. (2018): PERMA and the building blocks of well-being, The Journal of Positive Psychology, DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2018.1437466

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Reframing Social Distancing: Time to Reboot

Evelyn Bilias Lolis, PhD

Associate Professor of School Psychology and Special Education at Fairfield University

There is no question that “social distancing” has catapulted to the top of our search engines and most things hashtag. Collectively, most of us are trying to grapple with the dos and don’ts of this recommendation so that we may do our part to flatten the curve and allow our healthcare providers a fighting chance to serve with any semblance of integrity and efficacy.  

The truth is that we need our relationships and that social connection is vital to the wellbeing of both children and adults. In fact, research in positive psychology strongly evidences that our ability to connect with others has significant benefits to our physical and mental health as well as our longevity.(Need the data? Feel free to do a simple Google search for “the benefits of social connection” and take your pick of articles.)

Yet, it can feel like we are being called to pull the plug on our social behavior just like that. Cold turkey.  

However, this is NOT the case. Perhaps we are painting a faulty illusion of what social distancing means in our minds; an error of transcription. Perhaps it is this interpretation (or misinterpretation) of “social distancing” that is making many anxious, angry, and hesitant to heed this important recommendation appropriately.

What’s in a word choice, anyway?  

For starters, the mind is quite remarkable in how it interprets and assigns meaning to language.  

Let’s take “social distancing” for an example.  In most rudimentary terms, one can interpret this to mean, “stay away from others.” Is this accurate? In part, yes. Largely no.

Now let’s reframe this term to encompass a similar spirit recommendation-wise but yield a more accurate picture relationship-wise. Ready?

What if we were to drop the “social” from social distancing? Or better yet, what if we replaced the term “social” in social distancing with “physical”? New term: Physical distancing. How would this subtle change affect the way we view our new normal?  

The truth is relationships can exist and sustain themselves in more than just the physical realm. Ask anyone who has ever maintained a long distance love or a love overseas. Or anyone who has ever been separated from a family member or loved one. Or any military family. Or anyone who has suffered the physical loss of a loved one. There is no question that the physical absence poses a challenge and a hardship for sure; but the one thing it does not do is extinguish the love between persons or keep its flame from deepening. The physical component is merely one dimension of the relational plane. It is not, however, the only dimension. And most certainly, it is not the sole dimension that provides meaning, intimacy, and joy.

Important Note: Isolation, or the lack of connection, IS indeed dangerous for your health and wellbeing. Isolation is a foe. However, we are not currently being called isolate ourselves emotionally from those whom we love. Rather, we are being called to physically limit our interactions so that we can provide our medical community with the time they need to clinically leverage the tall order before them and to save thousands of lives in the process.

So friends, I humbly urge you this: If the word “social” in social distancing is throwing you off and causing you anxiety and/or sadness—then reframe it.  Change the word. Give it a good reboot. Reframe it to “physical distancing” or “sheltering” or to any other term that satisfies the premise of a temporary physical reprieve for the greater good.  

And most importantly, do NOT equate it with emotional distancing or isolation. It is not the same thing.  

We are being called to maintain a cautious physical distance from places/ persons for a temporary time frame. And we are privileged that in this day and age, such physical restrictions do not impede our ability to maintain and/or and deepen our intimacy with one another. We just need to be patient enough and care enough to creatively try.  

There is nothing more powerful, more penetrating than love. It transcends time and space if you let it.  

Continue to deepen your relationships while we exercise a safe physical distance:  

Connect daily.  

Share your vulnerability.  

Reach out.

Facetime/Zoom/Viber call your loved ones.

Text words of encouragement, comfort, even or a joke.  

Make a video and share it. OR.. Write a letter or card (and mail it!).  

Keep a gratitude journal.

Pray for someone.  

Do a loving kindness meditation.  

All of the above deepen connections and extend love directly from the heart source.  

No distance restrictions here, folks.

Stay safe and well.