#Evan buckley meta

[chaosandwolves]

There was always this frantic quality to Buck's relationships

With Abby it was.. I need to be a better man, I need to be the bigger person, I need to be understanding

With Ali it was ... I need to change something

With Taylor it was... I have to make it work

With Natalia it was... I need to be quick with this cause who knows if I'm running out of time/I need to use the lightning strike as a wake up call

And then there is Tommy

Tommy who makes the first step but then lets him breathe through it for a moment

Tommy who asks HIM out

Tommy who cares that Buck doesn't do anything he's not ready for

Yes, Buck is a little frantic with the date but

Tommy gives him room and grace and understanding

And then the coffee date!!!

For the first time we see Buck AT EASE looking at a romantic connection with someone

Is he still Buck, and moves a little head over heels? Of course he is!

But it's not cause he's desperate

It's cause he's EXCITED

He's filled with so much joy and excitement

and for the first time he has no outlined plan with a relationship, no map he's following

Instead he allows himself to discover and explore this relationship and this part of himself

He's so excited about it

So free and bright and content with it

Tommy really stopped that hamster wheel and showed him a new way and

Buck is guided by that inner light of his now, without trying to direct it

And he's not looking for what's missing, what's wrong or following a plan

He just lets himself be and experience and explore and discover

And just

The sheer joy and ease of it all

I can't!

Go, Evan, go and spread your wings and explore that joy

You deserve it so much

😭😭😭😭

[rogerzsteven]

Okay, Buck having naproxen allergy really made me go "huh?" because naproxen allergy is really rare. So I said I should use my pharmacy degree for a good cause.

Naproxen, amongst other nsaids, is considered safe and very effective with fewer tablets than other ones because it is long acting (slower to show its effect but longer to stay in the body); it is used for basically anything.

Now check this out: Naproxen is considered to be safer than other nsaids for people with higher risk of cardiovascular problems, meaning people with heart issues.

Naproxen is a drug of choice for people with heart problems.

Buck is allergic to naproxen.

There is some next level fuckery going on here with the constant heart implications and I am losing my mind.

[kinardsevan]

So I just saw a post about Eddie telling Buck about the change in his will in reference to how that ultimately will tie them together. It got me thinking about all the post-season complaints that he should've done more to show up for Eddie and Chris.

In 4x14, Eddie makes the comment to Evan about he thinks he's expendable. We all know this to be true, and it's something that really continued on with his character (imo) until the lightning strike really started changing things for him.

To that end, I think one of the biggest changes for Buck in s7 was the fact that we get to continue to see him really move into this space of not feeling expendable anymore. He's had his brush with death, and that can really fuck a person up (I speak from experience). I read something else today about how someone had expressed that they would've preferred to have seen other ways in which almost staying dead affected Buck. But the thing is, we are.

He's more assured in his decisions. He didn't just "fall into" this relationship like he did with Abby, Taylor, Natalia (I'm on the fence about Ali). He actively pursued Tommy, not once but twice. Further, when he doubled down on his personal life. For the first time in a long time, he chose himself. And the thing is, when you face death, things become super crystal clear about what you want and need. Being on the other side of that, it's clear for Buck what those things are. Which is why I can't not laugh when I see the "he's still on the hamster wheel" comments.

Honey, on the hamster wheel implies that he's repeating the same cycle. Except, he's the one who asked Tommy for a second date ("i want you to be my date to my sisters wedding"). He's the one choosing to pursue this relationship without the need for outside input ("because we haven't had to talk about it"). He's the one who decided that he wanted to let the people closest to him meet this man ("look who almost made it"). These are active personal choices made by someone who has faced a very scary situation and is now on the other side of it. I promise you, this man is not floundering in what his next steps are (that quite honestly, was his relationship with Natalia). A year(ish) out, he's settled what he knows is right for him. He knows what is and isn't right for him at that point, because facing down the barrel of death in a very real way makes you cut through the bullshit quick.

That doesn't mean he won't still show up for people. He shows up for Maddie, when Chimney had encephalitis. He shows up for Eddie and Chris, as he did in the finale. He shows up for Bobby. I expect he'll continue to show up for Hen as well. But also, at the end of the day, he shows up for himself, and for the man he's pursuing a relationship with. That should be noted as the biggest gain in his personal life, the fact that he has finally realized for himself, that he is not expendable. He's found someone who treats him right, meets him at his own pace, and makes him want to get home instead of needing to throw himself on the sword. and THAT my friends, is so important for personal growth.

[lemotmo]

Still one of the funniest parts to me about people who insist 7x04 was about Tommy is that...if they're correct it makes Buck look terrible? This grown man almost broke his best friend of 6+ years' ankle, got jealous of a 13 year old boy (who he's also quite close to), dragged another friend to a basketball game as a shield, and apparently went so far as to try and get Eddie to hang up the phone on Tommy because...Buck didn't even want anyone else TALKING to Tommy?! And ALL of this over a schoolyard crush on a man he met like a week ago?

If 7x04 was about Tommy, it would make Buck look like a lovestruck lunatic entirely encapable of controlling his libido and interest, instead of a man forced to confront a dramatic shift in his feelings about Eddie based on new stimuli and handling it poorly because he has no idea how to act when he has to question why he's feeling so fervently jealous about his best friend's attention when that's never happened before, even when his best friend made some other new friends in the past (most notably Lena...a woman).

So in the effort to make their five minute ship important, they're willing to make the more prominent half of that ship look like an emotionally clueless wreck. For some reason. (Though maybe they like it that way, idk, so their big strong pilot can save the day)

I never looked at it from that perspective Nonny, but you're right.

Yikes.

Thanks for sharing your insights. :)

[bidisasterevankinard]

I'm still thinking and believe that Buck fell first, but never let himself fully accept his love to Eddie. Not because he doesn't want to be with Eddie (he clearly does) but because he believes he could never be enough for Eddie.

I'm pretty sure when Buck change his attitude in 1s where he clearly were trying to understand boundaries of 118. He wanted to show himself (subconsciously) they one moment or the other would leave him. But then he changed it to "I'm gonna be the person who likes to fix things. I want to be in your life. I want to be useful, BUT I know eventually you will leave me". He all those seasons were checking how deep he can be in Eddie's life before Eddie would leave him eventually. But Eddie never did it. He even made Buck officially connected to him and Chris.

But it's stil not enough for Buck to believe he is enough for Eddie as a partner for all life. That Eddie would choose him. He believes he would ruin them. That if he let himself love Eddie openly, Eddie would go away.

Buck already hid his feelings too deep down. And he is scared to take them from this box to look at them, to accept them. But he feel them and it scaring him. That's why he always tries to date someone when Eddie gives his attention to women or if he feels that Eddie can be too close to see his feelings. Because Buck knows Eddie sees him. Buck knows Eddie knows him. But he can't believe Eddie could love him. Not the way Buck wants him to

[katyobsesses]

Buddie Meta

i'm rewatching 6x02 and i've realized a lot of somethings, but the one I'm focusing on right now is the Buddie of it all.

there's been a lot of complaints in parts of the fandom about the lack of Buddie so far this season (before the midseason finale), and there is, yes, but there is a reason for it and there is a moment when it started - after the Happiness Convention and Lev.

in 6x01 we get them together in Buck's loft - this ridiculously domestic scene for a couple of platonic besties, reminiscent of all the buddie scenes we were graced with in 5b. This shows us that in the time between the end of 5b and 6x01 this was very likely common place for Buddie and Christopher, this was their normal, Buck cooking for Eddie and Chris, the longing lingering looks and smiles from Eddie, Chris's teasing. it's all shown in the first episode of this season as easy and natural for the three of them. this is their status quo. this is where they are at the start of their arcs for this season - a 'platonic' family unit - and it is where their arcs will return to, just changed slightly (because that is what story arcs do) and we already see Buck changing slightly, with him moving his armchair to where his couch was... instead of looking for another couch (or realizing there is a couch waiting for him at the Diazes')

and then it's 6x02 and everything crashes down around Buck, specifically - because Buck is the one that pulls away from this family unit, Eddie never does (in fact in subsequent episodes he tries to draw Buck back in, but doesn't push. he is waiting, patiently, for Buck to figure out his shit).

At the beginning of this episode Buddie are their usual selves, we see them together like normal, like has been established in the first episode of this season, like the new normal they'd created for themselves in 5b. they lean next to each other commenting on Hen being asleep in the engine, they throw popcorn on Hen with Chim - maybe some other stuff i can't remember or more in the background - and then there's the Happiness Convention and Lev.

They're split up on this call, noticeably so. Eddie and Julie go help Lev's two friends, while Chim and Buck help Lev. If Bobby had been there Eddie with Buck, and Chim would have been with Hen. (It's interesting that Hen decided to split Buddie up. this feels relevant to her arc in some way? something something Hen being too overworked and stressed and pulled in two directions to make the right choices??) They're distanced in this rescue, and this rescue is the catalyst to the distance that starts to form between them after this episode.

And I am certain that it's Lev's words to Buck that make him pull away from the family unit he has created with Eddie and Chris:

"You live your whole life doing everything you're supposed to. Marriage, kids, big house, nice car."

"Hey, that doesn't sound too bad, right?"

"It wasn't. It's just this 40 year blur. Work and Family. Never enough time, until one day work stops, and everything finally comes into focus. you're not sure what you're looking at. What was the point of... any of it."

Okay, so, obviously hearing that from a dying man would make anyone have an existential crisis (and this is Buck who collects words from old dying men like baseball cards) but it's the work and family that stood out to me. specifically a blur of work and family.

because that's what Buck is doing, he's blurring work and family together is every single aspect.

his sister is married to his co-worker, his captain is like a father figure, his partner is his best friend and they're basically raising a kid together - family and work is blurred. and I think in this moment Buck is hit with the fact that he doesn't have anything outside of the 118. No friends, no family. the 118 is all he has.

and that's why he spirals. Because if work stops? so does family.

They get Lev's friends out, they get Frankie out, but they don't get Lev out. He dies, but not before saying he "got what he came here for" - Happiness. "I get it now"

The next time we see Buddie they're physically separated by Chim and this is where Buck begins to create some space between Eddie and himself by turning down breakfast. He's unblurring the lines between before and after work by turning down spending time with his coworkers - notably the two coworkers most intertwined with family.

This is the catalyst, the beginning, to the Lack Of Buddie this season - it's Buck suddenly feeling terrified at the comfort he's created with his Platonic Family Unit, because what if, when work stops, this family unit stops too? So he's distancing himself from it now, even if it's mostly subconscious, and he's even making a new family unit with the who Sperm Donation arc. (Oh and he's also internalizing the whole happiness is sacrificing oneself for someone else thing with the recklessness this season that will likely come to a head soon, but that's a non-buddie something)

Buck's arc this season, I theorize, is going to end where it started - with Eddie and Christopher. But he'll be changed, and i truly believe it will be a happier Buck that we end up with, everything will finally come into focus for him, and he'll finally get it, he'll be sure of what he's looking at and finally understand what the point of everything was - a family he's made for himself, with Eddie and Chris, and the knowledge that he and everyone at the 118 are linked to each other forever, even if, in the future, they might drift somewhat. It's the culmination of all of the old men he's bonded with that died on him. It's Thomas, and Red, and now Lev. Love, friendship, and happiness.

[graysontargaryen]

My first sorta Buck meta

I might have to watch these seasons again, but I’ve felt that this season was similar to season 4. 

Going forward / The start of the Buck’s regression

Season 4 

- Getting Therapy (going forward/starting a new life) 

The start of his regression:

- Finding out about Daniel (the brother he never knew about and why he was born)

- Eddie’s shooting

- The start of the Buck and Taylor relationship

Season 5 (more regression) 

- Buck and Taylor 

- Buck and Lucy’s kiss (this could be connected to Eddie leaving the 118)

- Maddie, Chimney, Jee-Yun and Eddie leaving 

Season 6 (Could this be the beginning of the end of the regression?) 

- Donor Story with Connor and Kameron

- Buck and Natalia (I’m hoping that this is all misunderstanding and Buck is getting help from Natalia) I’m probably wrong about this. 

- Coma from lightning and having PTSD. Not dealing with it. 

The going forward started again when he broke up with Taylor

Buck going forward and living could have stopped in season 4. 

[rogerzsteven]

there’s something about the fact that although Buck never actively tried to jill himself, he never really cared if that’s what happened. But now he has people who love/care about him and he has died but come back to them…. just something

Yeah buck has/had passive suicidal tendencies. He isn't actively trying to off himself like you said, but he isn't actually minimizing the risks by taking care of himself, either. Crashing his bike during college, literal suicide missions during eddie's shooting, being his reckless self overall, you know the drill. He isn't actually doing anything out of nowhere, but he wouldn't say no if the opportunity were to find him. (Although I wouldn't be surprised if he'd actually thought about doing it once or twice and changed his mind because his parents would get upset or maddie would get sad)

But now he has a new family, a family that loves him for who he is, so he is trying his best and fighting off the urge, he's trying to be better. The sad thing is though, he will always have to fight his own mind every day until he dies, because you don't wake up and suddenly you no longer get the impulse and everything is great, but he's strong and he has the support he needs 🥹

[lemotmo]

https://www.tumblr.com/lemotmo/761631790704312320/hi-guys-i-have-a-quesiton-for-you-and-ali-why-are

There are also two things people like to over look when they try to say it was Tommy’s attention he wanted.

A) The Chris of it all during 7.4. Just like his father, he has been haunting the BT narrative from the start. His involvement alone with the narrative shows it was about Eddie and by extension the Diaz boys and not Tommy. He went on an entire rant with Maddie where it was very clear he was unhappy/jealous of Tommy moving in on his family when he talked about Tommy and Chris meeting and hanging out. And then again near the end of the episode Tommy himself brings up Chris which serves as a reminder of bucks role in that family. Buck was jealous of Tommy. Not the 13 year old boy he’s co parenting.

2)Maddie and Bucks talk after he hurts Eddie. It becomes very clear I t was about Eddie. This lovely post has their conversation dialogue transcribed which really helps people see with their own eyes.

https://x.com/BS54ever/status/1835057737102746088

People should pay special attention to Buck say

Buck: “I was trying to get his attention”

to which Maddie immediately responds with

Maddie: “well that’s not how you get someone’s attention. You clear your throat. You tap them on the shoulder. You don’t hurt them.”

Which correct me if I’m wrong but the only person we saw Buck hurt was Eddie. Tommy was perfectly fine. Once again showing it was Eddie’s attention he was trying to get.

Yes, yes and yes. ☝️☝️☝️

Thank you for the great additions Nonny.

[alkaysani]

we literally got an oh moment. we witnessed buck's oh moment and it was so beautiful because oliver loves buck as much as we do and we are just so lucky

[madlori]

On Tommy Kinard

"It's not that I don't like Buck and Tommy, it's just happening so fast, he's underdeveloped!"

*clears throat*

Here is a recap of what we know about Tommy. And this is just off the top of my head, I didn't rewatch anything.

He was closeted at the 118 before and found the atmosphere repressive. He (probably) acted like a dick to fit in. When presented with the chance to make things better, he took it, and developed positive relationships with Hen, Chim and Bobby.

He was in the army and trained there as a pilot.

He knows Muay Thai and has a set up in his house.

He likes to work on cars and has a lift at his house (where TF does he live is my question - he has some nerve being agog at Buck's loft if he has a muay thai gym and a car lift)

He is down for violating departmental policy at the drop of a hat (has done so on at least two occasions) to help a friend and has no problems fucking with the fire chief.

He is a nerd. He likes pub trivia and has incorrect Star Wars opinions, and can keep up with Chim in the movie-quoting department.

His favorite movie is "Love, Actually" and he likes craft beer and monster trucks.

He came out when he transferred to Harbor and felt comfortable enough to stop lying about who he was.

He follows MMA and has friends in Vegas who like him well enough to hook him up to a frankly insane degree.

He'll risk his own life and engage in helicopter skulduggery to save people he doesn't know...I mean, apart from doing that for a living.

He'll take time out of his day to give a tour to the cute boy who called him up and offer to give that boy flying lessons (a significant time investment) which was probably maybe about more one on one time with said boy.

He yearns for the belonging and found family that the 118 became after his departure and probably befriended Eddie hoping to earn a plate at the cookout, aside from just clicking with him.

He likes Eddie and Chris a lot and they like him. Chimney also likes him.

He was attracted to Buck right away and was emotionally aware enough to pick up on Buck's jealous feelings over Eddie and his friendship, even if he was surprised that it was him Buck wanted to get to know.

He respects and values Buck and Eddie's friendship and wanted to make sure Buck knew that.

He's brave enough to shoot his shot by planting one on a dude.

He's a lil bitchy but also generous and ready to throw in with this insane guy who's inviting him to a family wedding after 0.5 dates.

He showed up to a bachelor party when he was on call because Buck asked him to, then showed up in turnouts after fighting a fire for like 12 hours yadda yadda we all know this part.

He has got it BAD for one Evan Buckley, who he only calls "Evan" which according to LFJR is a conscious decision by the writers, which fascinates me.

He was willing to take a chance with a man just discovering his sexuality BUT wasn't willing to put himself through that if the man in question wasn't ready for it. When Buck showed him that he was, he was all in.

He does NOT take his coffee like that.

Oh and

He's a beast.

This is VASTLY more information than we knew about ANY of Buck's previous girlfriends with the possible exception of Abby. Even Taylor did not get this much development over 20 episodes (things we knew about her: she was an ambitious and ethically flexible reporter, did not eat fudge, had a dad in jail, and sometimes jogged for exercise, she was capable of being nice and did love Buck, I believe). And as for it being fast? Sometimes it just be like that? A relationship doesn't have to have year(s) of buildup. Sometimes people do just meet, like each other, and start dating, in fact in the real world that's usually what happens. It's in TV Land that you have to have eighteen seasons of UST before pulling the trigger. Most of the time in reality people just vibe off each other and decide to go out and THEN they learn about each other.

And they've got a great start. You'd think they'd barely spoken by how a few naysayers are talking about it - the loft scene was like a solid five minutes of very open conversation, the Cringe Date seemed to have gone well and again, open and honest (if cringey) conversation before Cockblocker Eddie showed up, and the coffee meetup was again....open and honest conversation. They're not gonna show us long scenes of them exchanging firefighting stories and workout preferences (I mean, I'd watch that, but it's not what the show is about).

In conclusion, anyone saying he's poorly developed or the relationship is "out of nowhere" either is being willfully obtuse or has ridiculously unrealistic expectations for relationships and/or what constitutes character development.

As for whether they have chemistry, that's a matter of subjective opinion. Given that a TON of people watched that harbor tour scene (even when it was posted as a sneak peek) and started going "wait...what's going on here...are they flirting??" might be a clue. People were talking about Bi!Buck maybe happening with Tommy based solely off that clip of the harbor tour and what they were seeing between them. And imho that loft scene was crackling. But we all see things through the lenses of our biases, myself included.

Got that off my chest, whew.

[buckevantommy]

Spot The Difference: 7x04!buck’s fridge is bare while 8x05!buck’s fridge has numerous photos and moments from his life pinned to it, there’s personalisation, homey touches. Buck feels at home in who he is now and we see that comfort reflected in his environment. That blank space within him is no more. Buck’s bisexual journey means so much more than just dating men, it means part of himself that he didn’t know existed has been brought to life.

[danielsarmand]

the way tommy reassures buck that no one is looking at them, that nobody cares about what they're doing, but also tells him that he gets why he's tense. he doesn't invalidate his feelings while trying to soothe him. the way he gives buck the space he needs to ask questions he hasn't felt like he could ask anyone else, and answers them patiently and gracefully. the way he flirts with him and even in that, he is kind. he is gentle. he checks for reactions and respects that buck has just started his journey while he's been on his own for years. tommy i love you... i love queer solidarity

[chronicowboy]

Buck tucks them away in a corner when the mingling begins. They're stood far too close to be decent, Buck pressed up against the hard lines of his date with little care for anything besides being close, close, close. But in his defence, Tommy had taken his turnout coat off somewhere along the way which means he's stood there in a too-tight LAFD tee straining against his biceps and those suspenders Buck has always found more than a little maddening. So, really, it's only right to tuck his hands beneath one of the straps to pull Tommy even closer. And Tommy goes easily, smiling wide enough that it brightens his whole face as he presses Buck a little more firmly into the wall at his back.

"That was good. That was really good, right?" Buck breathes, his own smile making his cheeks ache.

He's horny, yeah, his boyfriend is incredibly hot. And, Jesus, the noise he'd made in the lobby—Buck can't wait to wring more of those noises from him. Mostly, Tommy just looks so stunningly happy to be there with him. So, yeah, he's a little amped up. But he's mostly just giddy. No, happy. He's just happy. Because everyone he loves knows who he is, knows who he's with. And he's just really fucking happy.

"How do you think they knew?" Buck asks then, still a little breathless just from Tommy's closeness, from the way he ducks just a little so their noses brush like they're in their own little bubble. "Like they all just seemed to know. I didn't even get to introduce you as my date." Tommy's eyes do something then, the crinkles at the corners smoothing out as they melt into something so fond Buck's stomach somersaults with it. "I mean, Hen I get. Her gaydar is killer. Like astounding. But Chimney?" Buck's eyebrows furrow, but it couldn't be called a frown for the smile still tugging at his lips. "Do you think he just saw how happy I was—"

"Evan," Tommy says softly. Buck snaps his mouth shut at the look on Tommy's face, all indulgence, downright smitten, if Buck had to take a guess it's probably the same look reflected on his own face.

Tommy reaches up to cup his face, swiping gentle, reverent thumbs over Buck's stubbled cheeks, smile twitching with bitten-back amusement. He pulls his hands away then, freshly cleaned palms coming away sooty.

"Oh," Buck murmurs, face flooding with heat. So, that's how they knew. Makes sense.

"I'm sure they saw how happy you were too." Tommy nudges their noses together again, a gentle little nuzzle that makes Buck's body fizz from head to toes, but there's something hesitant to it that has his eyes flickering back and forth between Tommy's. "You're happy, yeah?"

"Yeah." Buck nods just to feel their noses brush again. "Really, really unbelievably happy, Tommy."

And if Tommy's smile had been beautiful before, this one is radiant as the fucking sun. Buck almost wants to shield his eyes from it, except he doesn't. Not at all. He wants to map every inch of it and remember it forever.

"Good," Tommy breathes out. "Good, that's really good." One of his big hands finds Buck's hip, settles there and squeezes just tight enough to make Buck fizz again. "I'm happy too."

Oh.

Oh.

That's nice. That's really fucking nice.

They have to get out of this very crowded hallway immediately.

Buck lets his smile shift into a smirk and sways forward into Tommy's space. He doesn't look at Tommy's eyes as he does it, zeroed in on those lips that Buck could happily spend the rest of his life getting to know inside and out.

"Hm," Buck hums, pushing far enough forward that Tommy stumbles back a step. "We should probably go and get cleaned up, huh?" He extracts himself from Tommy's arms with only the slightest bit of difficulty, leaving one hand wrapped around his suspenders to drag Tommy along with a raised eyebrow.

Buck isn't entirely sure, but he think there's a little bit of pink underneath the soot on Tommy's face. It makes him even happier.

[timeshareindestin]

how much do you want to bet that buck’s belief system that pain = love/attention really stemmed from his bone marrow grafts as a baby? you routinely put an infant through that much pain and subsequently attention/soothing and you don’t think they’re going to start conflating the two?

baby buck was probably so confused when he stopped getting grafted at the same time his parents began to neglect him.

[xofemeraldstars]

tommy getting cozy on that couch with the tiny blanket, feet uncovered

sleepy voice as he listens to buck tell the story of billy boils, while he barely clings to consciousness, he still recognizes when buck says the same thing twice

and then the next morning he lets buck sleep in while he prepares breakfast in bed armchair for him

and as buck wakes up, sits up and takes off his hood we can see another blanket on the couch that wasn't there the night before... looks like someone got up during the night and saw his boyfriend covered with the tiniest blanket in the world and got him a second one 🥰