#Evan buckley meta

[chaosandwolves]

There was always this frantic quality to Buck's relationships

With Abby it was.. I need to be a better man, I need to be the bigger person, I need to be understanding

With Ali it was ... I need to change something

With Taylor it was... I have to make it work

With Natalia it was... I need to be quick with this cause who knows if I'm running out of time/I need to use the lightning strike as a wake up call

And then there is Tommy

Tommy who makes the first step but then lets him breathe through it for a moment

Tommy who asks HIM out

Tommy who cares that Buck doesn't do anything he's not ready for

Yes, Buck is a little frantic with the date but

Tommy gives him room and grace and understanding

And then the coffee date!!!

For the first time we see Buck AT EASE looking at a romantic connection with someone

Is he still Buck, and moves a little head over heels? Of course he is!

But it's not cause he's desperate

It's cause he's EXCITED

He's filled with so much joy and excitement

and for the first time he has no outlined plan with a relationship, no map he's following

Instead he allows himself to discover and explore this relationship and this part of himself

He's so excited about it

So free and bright and content with it

Tommy really stopped that hamster wheel and showed him a new way and

Buck is guided by that inner light of his now, without trying to direct it

And he's not looking for what's missing, what's wrong or following a plan

He just lets himself be and experience and explore and discover

And just

The sheer joy and ease of it all

I can't!

Go, Evan, go and spread your wings and explore that joy

You deserve it so much

😭😭😭😭

[kinardsevan]

So I just saw a post about Eddie telling Buck about the change in his will in reference to how that ultimately will tie them together. It got me thinking about all the post-season complaints that he should've done more to show up for Eddie and Chris.

In 4x14, Eddie makes the comment to Evan about he thinks he's expendable. We all know this to be true, and it's something that really continued on with his character (imo) until the lightning strike really started changing things for him.

To that end, I think one of the biggest changes for Buck in s7 was the fact that we get to continue to see him really move into this space of not feeling expendable anymore. He's had his brush with death, and that can really fuck a person up (I speak from experience). I read something else today about how someone had expressed that they would've preferred to have seen other ways in which almost staying dead affected Buck. But the thing is, we are.

He's more assured in his decisions. He didn't just "fall into" this relationship like he did with Abby, Taylor, Natalia (I'm on the fence about Ali). He actively pursued Tommy, not once but twice. Further, when he doubled down on his personal life. For the first time in a long time, he chose himself. And the thing is, when you face death, things become super crystal clear about what you want and need. Being on the other side of that, it's clear for Buck what those things are. Which is why I can't not laugh when I see the "he's still on the hamster wheel" comments.

Honey, on the hamster wheel implies that he's repeating the same cycle. Except, he's the one who asked Tommy for a second date ("i want you to be my date to my sisters wedding"). He's the one choosing to pursue this relationship without the need for outside input ("because we haven't had to talk about it"). He's the one who decided that he wanted to let the people closest to him meet this man ("look who almost made it"). These are active personal choices made by someone who has faced a very scary situation and is now on the other side of it. I promise you, this man is not floundering in what his next steps are (that quite honestly, was his relationship with Natalia). A year(ish) out, he's settled what he knows is right for him. He knows what is and isn't right for him at that point, because facing down the barrel of death in a very real way makes you cut through the bullshit quick.

That doesn't mean he won't still show up for people. He shows up for Maddie, when Chimney had encephalitis. He shows up for Eddie and Chris, as he did in the finale. He shows up for Bobby. I expect he'll continue to show up for Hen as well. But also, at the end of the day, he shows up for himself, and for the man he's pursuing a relationship with. That should be noted as the biggest gain in his personal life, the fact that he has finally realized for himself, that he is not expendable. He's found someone who treats him right, meets him at his own pace, and makes him want to get home instead of needing to throw himself on the sword. and THAT my friends, is so important for personal growth.

[bidisasterevankinard]

I'm still thinking and believe that Buck fell first, but never let himself fully accept his love to Eddie. Not because he doesn't want to be with Eddie (he clearly does) but because he believes he could never be enough for Eddie.

I'm pretty sure when Buck change his attitude in 1s where he clearly were trying to understand boundaries of 118. He wanted to show himself (subconsciously) they one moment or the other would leave him. But then he changed it to "I'm gonna be the person who likes to fix things. I want to be in your life. I want to be useful, BUT I know eventually you will leave me". He all those seasons were checking how deep he can be in Eddie's life before Eddie would leave him eventually. But Eddie never did it. He even made Buck officially connected to him and Chris.

But it's stil not enough for Buck to believe he is enough for Eddie as a partner for all life. That Eddie would choose him. He believes he would ruin them. That if he let himself love Eddie openly, Eddie would go away.

Buck already hid his feelings too deep down. And he is scared to take them from this box to look at them, to accept them. But he feel them and it scaring him. That's why he always tries to date someone when Eddie gives his attention to women or if he feels that Eddie can be too close to see his feelings. Because Buck knows Eddie sees him. Buck knows Eddie knows him. But he can't believe Eddie could love him. Not the way Buck wants him to

[lyricfulloflight]

Do you ever wonder if they knew Buck's backstory from the beginning, or just invented it after the fact?

Because so much of who Buck is, how he acts, how he appears to feel about himself, tie in so perfectly with his backstory of being this baby born to save an older sibling and it very tragically not being successful, that it just... doesn't seem like one of those things you make up along the way.

Except I'm a writer and sometimes that kind of stuff happens - like there's maybe a part of your brain that knows its gonna connect these two things but you weren't consciously aware of it until you wrote it and it shocks even you how well it works.

(Not sure how that applies to a room full of writers... all I'm saying is it could have been unplanned)

And then that line.

"Love me anyway."

It's such a treatise on Buck. (And he didn't even know about Daniel yet!)

As a viewer, you look back on all his past behaviour with a new perspective. All the casual hookups, all the risk taking, all the wandering around trying out different places and jobs, it all makes so much sense.

I know, as fans, we often criticize the show for not following through on character or plot arcs. Or how inconsistent the show can be at times (don't even get anyone started on the timeline...)

But I'll give the show this: they got Buck's backstory, and how it impacted him when he finally found out the truth, really really right.

[graysontargaryen]

My first sorta Buck meta

I might have to watch these seasons again, but I’ve felt that this season was similar to season 4. 

Going forward / The start of the Buck’s regression

Season 4 

- Getting Therapy (going forward/starting a new life) 

The start of his regression:

- Finding out about Daniel (the brother he never knew about and why he was born)

- Eddie’s shooting

- The start of the Buck and Taylor relationship

Season 5 (more regression) 

- Buck and Taylor 

- Buck and Lucy’s kiss (this could be connected to Eddie leaving the 118)

- Maddie, Chimney, Jee-Yun and Eddie leaving 

Season 6 (Could this be the beginning of the end of the regression?) 

- Donor Story with Connor and Kameron

- Buck and Natalia (I’m hoping that this is all misunderstanding and Buck is getting help from Natalia) I’m probably wrong about this. 

- Coma from lightning and having PTSD. Not dealing with it. 

The going forward started again when he broke up with Taylor

Buck going forward and living could have stopped in season 4. 

[jackwhiteprophetic]

graph (tracking how often Buck and Eddie say each others' names) is NOW UPDATED TO INCLUDE 8a!!!!

(CLICK FOR QUALITY)

[alkaysani]

we literally got an oh moment. we witnessed buck's oh moment and it was so beautiful because oliver loves buck as much as we do and we are just so lucky

[madlori]

On Tommy Kinard

"It's not that I don't like Buck and Tommy, it's just happening so fast, he's underdeveloped!"

*clears throat*

Here is a recap of what we know about Tommy. And this is just off the top of my head, I didn't rewatch anything.

He was closeted at the 118 before and found the atmosphere repressive. He (probably) acted like a dick to fit in. When presented with the chance to make things better, he took it, and developed positive relationships with Hen, Chim and Bobby.

He was in the army and trained there as a pilot.

He knows Muay Thai and has a set up in his house.

He likes to work on cars and has a lift at his house (where TF does he live is my question - he has some nerve being agog at Buck's loft if he has a muay thai gym and a car lift)

He is down for violating departmental policy at the drop of a hat (has done so on at least two occasions) to help a friend and has no problems fucking with the fire chief.

He is a nerd. He likes pub trivia and has incorrect Star Wars opinions, and can keep up with Chim in the movie-quoting department.

His favorite movie is "Love, Actually" and he likes craft beer and monster trucks.

He came out when he transferred to Harbor and felt comfortable enough to stop lying about who he was.

He follows MMA and has friends in Vegas who like him well enough to hook him up to a frankly insane degree.

He'll risk his own life and engage in helicopter skulduggery to save people he doesn't know...I mean, apart from doing that for a living.

He'll take time out of his day to give a tour to the cute boy who called him up and offer to give that boy flying lessons (a significant time investment) which was probably maybe about more one on one time with said boy.

He yearns for the belonging and found family that the 118 became after his departure and probably befriended Eddie hoping to earn a plate at the cookout, aside from just clicking with him.

He likes Eddie and Chris a lot and they like him. Chimney also likes him.

He was attracted to Buck right away and was emotionally aware enough to pick up on Buck's jealous feelings over Eddie and his friendship, even if he was surprised that it was him Buck wanted to get to know.

He respects and values Buck and Eddie's friendship and wanted to make sure Buck knew that.

He's brave enough to shoot his shot by planting one on a dude.

He's a lil bitchy but also generous and ready to throw in with this insane guy who's inviting him to a family wedding after 0.5 dates.

He showed up to a bachelor party when he was on call because Buck asked him to, then showed up in turnouts after fighting a fire for like 12 hours yadda yadda we all know this part.

He has got it BAD for one Evan Buckley, who he only calls "Evan" which according to LFJR is a conscious decision by the writers, which fascinates me.

He was willing to take a chance with a man just discovering his sexuality BUT wasn't willing to put himself through that if the man in question wasn't ready for it. When Buck showed him that he was, he was all in.

He does NOT take his coffee like that.

Oh and

He's a beast.

This is VASTLY more information than we knew about ANY of Buck's previous girlfriends with the possible exception of Abby. Even Taylor did not get this much development over 20 episodes (things we knew about her: she was an ambitious and ethically flexible reporter, did not eat fudge, had a dad in jail, and sometimes jogged for exercise, she was capable of being nice and did love Buck, I believe). And as for it being fast? Sometimes it just be like that? A relationship doesn't have to have year(s) of buildup. Sometimes people do just meet, like each other, and start dating, in fact in the real world that's usually what happens. It's in TV Land that you have to have eighteen seasons of UST before pulling the trigger. Most of the time in reality people just vibe off each other and decide to go out and THEN they learn about each other.

And they've got a great start. You'd think they'd barely spoken by how a few naysayers are talking about it - the loft scene was like a solid five minutes of very open conversation, the Cringe Date seemed to have gone well and again, open and honest (if cringey) conversation before Cockblocker Eddie showed up, and the coffee meetup was again....open and honest conversation. They're not gonna show us long scenes of them exchanging firefighting stories and workout preferences (I mean, I'd watch that, but it's not what the show is about).

In conclusion, anyone saying he's poorly developed or the relationship is "out of nowhere" either is being willfully obtuse or has ridiculously unrealistic expectations for relationships and/or what constitutes character development.

As for whether they have chemistry, that's a matter of subjective opinion. Given that a TON of people watched that harbor tour scene (even when it was posted as a sneak peek) and started going "wait...what's going on here...are they flirting??" might be a clue. People were talking about Bi!Buck maybe happening with Tommy based solely off that clip of the harbor tour and what they were seeing between them. And imho that loft scene was crackling. But we all see things through the lenses of our biases, myself included.

Got that off my chest, whew.

[buckevantommy]

Spot The Difference: 7x04!buck’s fridge is bare while 8x05!buck’s fridge has numerous photos and moments from his life pinned to it, there’s personalisation, homey touches. Buck feels at home in who he is now and we see that comfort reflected in his environment. That blank space within him is no more. Buck’s bisexual journey means so much more than just dating men, it means part of himself that he didn’t know existed has been brought to life.

[danielsarmand]

the way tommy reassures buck that no one is looking at them, that nobody cares about what they're doing, but also tells him that he gets why he's tense. he doesn't invalidate his feelings while trying to soothe him. the way he gives buck the space he needs to ask questions he hasn't felt like he could ask anyone else, and answers them patiently and gracefully. the way he flirts with him and even in that, he is kind. he is gentle. he checks for reactions and respects that buck has just started his journey while he's been on his own for years. tommy i love you... i love queer solidarity

[chronicowboy]

Buck tucks them away in a corner when the mingling begins. They're stood far too close to be decent, Buck pressed up against the hard lines of his date with little care for anything besides being close, close, close. But in his defence, Tommy had taken his turnout coat off somewhere along the way which means he's stood there in a too-tight LAFD tee straining against his biceps and those suspenders Buck has always found more than a little maddening. So, really, it's only right to tuck his hands beneath one of the straps to pull Tommy even closer. And Tommy goes easily, smiling wide enough that it brightens his whole face as he presses Buck a little more firmly into the wall at his back.

"That was good. That was really good, right?" Buck breathes, his own smile making his cheeks ache.

He's horny, yeah, his boyfriend is incredibly hot. And, Jesus, the noise he'd made in the lobby—Buck can't wait to wring more of those noises from him. Mostly, Tommy just looks so stunningly happy to be there with him. So, yeah, he's a little amped up. But he's mostly just giddy. No, happy. He's just happy. Because everyone he loves knows who he is, knows who he's with. And he's just really fucking happy.

"How do you think they knew?" Buck asks then, still a little breathless just from Tommy's closeness, from the way he ducks just a little so their noses brush like they're in their own little bubble. "Like they all just seemed to know. I didn't even get to introduce you as my date." Tommy's eyes do something then, the crinkles at the corners smoothing out as they melt into something so fond Buck's stomach somersaults with it. "I mean, Hen I get. Her gaydar is killer. Like astounding. But Chimney?" Buck's eyebrows furrow, but it couldn't be called a frown for the smile still tugging at his lips. "Do you think he just saw how happy I was—"

"Evan," Tommy says softly. Buck snaps his mouth shut at the look on Tommy's face, all indulgence, downright smitten, if Buck had to take a guess it's probably the same look reflected on his own face.

Tommy reaches up to cup his face, swiping gentle, reverent thumbs over Buck's stubbled cheeks, smile twitching with bitten-back amusement. He pulls his hands away then, freshly cleaned palms coming away sooty.

"Oh," Buck murmurs, face flooding with heat. So, that's how they knew. Makes sense.

"I'm sure they saw how happy you were too." Tommy nudges their noses together again, a gentle little nuzzle that makes Buck's body fizz from head to toes, but there's something hesitant to it that has his eyes flickering back and forth between Tommy's. "You're happy, yeah?"

"Yeah." Buck nods just to feel their noses brush again. "Really, really unbelievably happy, Tommy."

And if Tommy's smile had been beautiful before, this one is radiant as the fucking sun. Buck almost wants to shield his eyes from it, except he doesn't. Not at all. He wants to map every inch of it and remember it forever.

"Good," Tommy breathes out. "Good, that's really good." One of his big hands finds Buck's hip, settles there and squeezes just tight enough to make Buck fizz again. "I'm happy too."

Oh.

Oh.

That's nice. That's really fucking nice.

They have to get out of this very crowded hallway immediately.

Buck lets his smile shift into a smirk and sways forward into Tommy's space. He doesn't look at Tommy's eyes as he does it, zeroed in on those lips that Buck could happily spend the rest of his life getting to know inside and out.

"Hm," Buck hums, pushing far enough forward that Tommy stumbles back a step. "We should probably go and get cleaned up, huh?" He extracts himself from Tommy's arms with only the slightest bit of difficulty, leaving one hand wrapped around his suspenders to drag Tommy along with a raised eyebrow.

Buck isn't entirely sure, but he think there's a little bit of pink underneath the soot on Tommy's face. It makes him even happier.

[timeshareindestin]

how much do you want to bet that buck’s belief system that pain = love/attention really stemmed from his bone marrow grafts as a baby? you routinely put an infant through that much pain and subsequently attention/soothing and you don’t think they’re going to start conflating the two?

baby buck was probably so confused when he stopped getting grafted at the same time his parents began to neglect him.

[xofemeraldstars]

tommy getting cozy on that couch with the tiny blanket, feet uncovered

sleepy voice as he listens to buck tell the story of billy boils, while he barely clings to consciousness, he still recognizes when buck says the same thing twice

and then the next morning he lets buck sleep in while he prepares breakfast in bed armchair for him

and as buck wakes up, sits up and takes off his hood we can see another blanket on the couch that wasn't there the night before... looks like someone got up during the night and saw his boyfriend covered with the tiniest blanket in the world and got him a second one 🥰

[katyobsesses]

Thinking about the fact that we really only see Eddie from Bucks POV in 7x04. Thinking about how silly and goofy and smiley and happy he is when we do. Thinking about the fact that this is how Buck sees Eddie.

Also thinking about the fact that in the firehouse scene we never see Eddie looking at buck, even though in other episodes Eddie is almost constantly gazing at Buck. Thinking about how Buck likely misses those glances, how Eddie likely looks away before Buck can notice.

Thinking a lot about Buddie

[warpedpuppeteer]

It's interesting how Buck's love interests are all written in a way that ends because of the reason they meet/happen in the first place and then of course, we have Eddie.

Abby, who changes Buck's view of a healthy relationship but then turns around and ghosts him, making him wait for months on end and letting him realize she's not coming back on his own.

Ali, who meets Buck during a dangerous situation in his line of work and then leaves him for how dangerous his work is.

Taylor, who lashes out at Buck for using her as a fake date and saying she thought she could trust Buck to be a friend who then ends up using him for her career and chose to put his friends in danger.

Natalia, who's there to help him embrace and deal with his temporary death but it leads to their break up because of the constant talk surrounding death when Buck's not comfortable with it.

We can't confirm for Tommy till it ends but it's important to note how he offers to get Buck into his interests like flying and muay thai yet doesn't show effort with Buck's interests like dressing up according to the bachelor party theme despite Buck being stressed about it. And we also have the fact that the entire reason they got together was due to Buck's jealousy for Eddie which he then claims to be was for Tommy. Makes me think they are either going to end because of differing interests OR because of the jealousy issue popping up again.

Funnily enough, every scene above has an Eddie parallel:

Eddie co-parents with Buck and not only does this not stop after a dangerous event but Eddie also has Buck down as a legal guardian (healthy relationship - Abby).

Eddie is in the same dangerous line of work and they have each other's backs. This happens right off the bat too.(dangerous job - Ali).

The Lawsuit era and The Dispatch era - both where they "betray" each other but manage to work through it (betrayal/lie - Taylor).

Eddie doesn't pressure Buck to talk about his temporary death until Buck's ready and is more focused about him living than in his death (death doula - Natalia).

Eddie who has different interests than Buck (poker, basketball and UFC/MMA) but also manages to show interest and actively takes part in whatever Buck comes up with; he suggests their outfit for the themed party AND ends up staying there for Buck even when others leave (different hobbies & showing interest/taking part - Tommy).

Absolutely fascinating when you start noticing that Buck's relationships keep failing for one reason or another and then we have him and Eddie who face the same sort of situations but they still come out of it stronger together.

It's clear that there's a reason Buck is able to overcome anything when it comes to Eddie (that conversation with Maddie about being there for each other even at their worst 👀) and we've already established that everything Eddie looks for in a partner is already something he has found in Buck. So really, all that's left is for them to realize that hey, the one I'm looking for is right in front of me! 🤷🏽

And yes, it's been said to death (hah) but you don't find it son you make it. And Buck and Eddie have already made it.

[tevanbuckley]

thinking about mr tommy ‘canonical favourite movie is love actually’ kinard stumbling ass backwards into his very own rom com because he stole government property and made fake mouth static at his boss. look at his face when buck asks him to the wedding, he cannot believe what is happening to him. That this sweet, painfully earnest, incredibly attractive man is making a grand romantic gesture all to win him back, because even if he doesn’t know exactly what he wants he knows he wants it to be with him.

You bet your ass he got himself to that wedding! tommy who lost so many years to self sabotage stubbornly pushing through the exhaustion because there is no way in hell he is letting this opportunity slip through his fingers! he will be there and he will be getting his big damn kiss thank you very much!