#Esther pov is so fun as she believes what she's doing is for the best while failing at being a mother several time over.

[crimsonlyinglilly]

Bonus - Guilt

Bonus fill for @augustofwhump.

day 8 is going to be late since it's ended up and the follow on for day 10

New AU 

Freedom in fur- Mikael and Esther had watched for years as Elijah failed to thrive after his birth in the middle of Esther despair over Freya. Things change after Klaus’ birth; from the first moment the newborn had reached out with a tiny hand to thin fingers. Theynever would have noticed anything if not for Esther interference a thousand years later.

Turns out there's a catch of unknowingly drawing on the power of a werewolf for a thousand years.

So a Wolf!Elijah, to sit alongside the Seal!Elijah and Raven!Elijah on my WIP pile.

Other new AU that haven’t been released to the world yet, ‘Second Chance’ the time travel fic with the oldest Mikaelson Siblings and ‘1993 the Mikaelsons in Hogwarts.’

Eventually I'll stop thinking up new ways to torment the Mikaelson siblings, right?

—-

Esther remembered Elijah's early years with a lump of fear on her chest, grief in her throat and heavy guilt on her shoulders, even now when she could place a hand on the cheek of the adult she had been sure her son wouldn’t have the chance to grow into.

Her grief and stress at losing her first born, her Freya, had almost cost her Elijah, first in the labour and then in the fragility it had marked him with.

Nothing her magic did anything to help strengthen him.

Every illness hit him hard, every cold and fever threaten to steal his breath forever. No matter how much Elijah fought to live, pushing himself from the sick bed to sit by her, dragging himself out to follow Finn, he faded.

A child’s determination was nothing to the gods plans and it seems death had already reached out, and would take her child before he turned six. Every time she sat by his bed and held the small frail hand, watching as he struggled to draw breath, wondering if each shakey rise of his chest would be his last. 

Yet that hadn’t happened. 

As Klaus grew within her Elijah would lay beside her and whisper to his unborn sibling, of promise that she was sure he wouldn’t be able to keep.

Klaus’s birth was a moment of celebration, a bright healthy child, it seemed to even give Elijah a new burst of strength. Esther had expected that to fail eventually and that even in that bright moment of life she had been sure she would be burying her little Elijah before the end of the year yet it didn’t, Elijah grew and strengthened.

With Niklaus’ birth it wasn’t just Mikael’s light that returned, the illnesses that had stalked Elijah vanished and he grew stronger, by the time Klaus said his first word Elijah appeared a healthy child, free of the spectre of death that had followed him all his life.

Months later Ansel explained her miracle, how her new baby had unknowingly given his older brother the help he needed to live, when she warned Ansel that Niklaus was Mikael’s, of course he knew the truth but accepted the need to stay away from him. 

He explained the rare gift within the werewolf families, normally between parents and a fragile child, that a link, a bond, would form to strengthen the child until they could survive on their own or their own curse was triggered to help free them from the weakness, while the wolf sustaining them would grow stronger to support and protect them.

He had warned her that as Elijah wasn’t a wolf, he would likely forever be relying on Niklaus’ strength unless he unknowingly found another way.

She held her miracle baby closer that night, a new knowledge of how her second son was finally thriving weighted down with the fact that losing Klaus would cost her two children.

Esther had tried to encourage Elijah to learn her dark arts, hoping Elijah would find a way to draw strength from nature as she had watched the elder witches once do but Elijah had little interest in it and it soon became far easier to let him watch his siblings while she taught Finn and later Kol.

The link between Klaus and Elijah grew even if neither of them knew it was there. The necklace she created to protect Klaus from his own curse had the added benefit of hiding their link from any of the other wolves from noticing.

She had thought it broke with the immortality spell, she may have made her children monsters but she should have finally freed Elijah from his weakness. And yet she noticed as she sealed Niklaus’s werewolf side the bond between them still stood, Klaus unknowingly keeping Elijah strong.

A thousand years later it was still there even if neither of them knew of it.

Now she would have to break it, give Elijah no choice, he would accept her plan and a new body to escape the weakness that would have killed him as a child or he would be too weak to resist when she did it for him. 

“What are you doing?” Elijah asked as his eyes tacked over the collection of ingredients for her latest spell, she could see him working out what the purpose of the spell was. Even thought he had never showed much interest in learning her craft, her bright boy had always remember her lessons and had no doubt continued to do the same of the witches he worked with over the centuries.

Knowledge he would use to protect his siblings better like she had taught him, even as he was tapped alone with her and weakened by her doll to prevent him from breaking the chain he was still thinking to protect them 

He had grown up so strong and she was going to strip that from him.

“You would not have lived beyond your sixth year,” she explained to him, smiling at his confusion, she knew it was unlikely remembered half his illnesses “but when Niklaus was born and you started to breathe normally, started to grow alongside him, it was a miracle that his blood father later explained to me.”

“What tale are you telling now?” he said in a bored tone, appearing unbothered but she knew her children; his apathy hid his nerves the way Kol’s jokes and carefree attitude and Niklaus' anger covered theirs.

“In the werewolf packs, on rare occasions sometimes they could form bonds to share power, to protect and sustain a weakened member of the pack; an injured elder, sicken mate or most commonly a frail child.” she told him

“Niklaus was a baby.” Elijah narrowed his eyes and he caught onto what she was implying. “And I'm not a werewolf.”

“But you were a fading witch of his blood and he was born a wolf without his back, through some miracle he latched onto you and you lived.” she replied, the memory of her relief when Elijah reached seven, then eight, then nine and onwards filling her heart as she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out with both hands to cup his face. 

She stared at his face as his brown eyes stared back, defiantly, the man she had once never dreamed he’d have the chance to grow into. 

Elijah had been the first of her children to favour Dahlia but his eyes were her own, something she always forgot until he matched her glare, soon none of that would matter when he had a new body.

One without the weakness she was accidentally caused, one where he could have the family he always wanted.

“I’m sorry I twisted a gift your brother gave you and now I must break it to convince you to let me fix it.” She apologised as she drew back and without another word finished her spell drawing the wolfbane coated silver knife thought the bowl of Elijah’s blood watching as the bright crimson liquid twisted and dulled.

As the blood started to dry out at an unnatural speed she pulled the doll to her with magic and dropped it in the bowl.

Before he could try to escape now the doll had been removed, he froze, she watched as Elijah seemed to choke on air for a moment, then he suddenly flinched, shuddered and sagged slightly in the chains.

“What did you do?” he asked, fear appearing in his voice, she hated making her children scared but if she must for their own good she would, “what was that?” he spoke again and she caught the tremor in his voice. She wondered if he had felt the bond between the break, the thread that had been unknowingly drawing strength for all his memory. 

“I failed you before you were born, that body was damaged before you took your first breath and instead of trying to fix that, I relied on Niklaus’ gift. Now let me make up for my failures and accept my offer of a new body.”

“No-”

“My son-” she started.

“Don’t lie to me, claiming that this is for my sake,” Elijah glared at her, voice clear and sharp even as she notices the shakiness of his breathing, “ you're just trying to assure your own guilt.” 

“You were always so strong.” she smiled sadly, the memory of her tiny dark hair toddler dragging himself out of what should have been his deathbed countless times, “but even you, couldn’t beat your own body, I'll come back later.” she told him before stepping back, she had spent too long watching him fade in childhood to repeat that pain. 

The doll sat in a dried bowl of long dead blood, no longer holding Elijah back as he didn’t have the strength to break the chains on his own.

[growingstronglikeahighgardenrose]

Sanditon Season 2: all the news & my thoughts

So, we're getting not one but two new seasons of Sanditon! After a year of tremendous effort on behalf of the Sanditon sisterhood who kept the fandom alive, we'll be looking at a new season. Although I think the biggest thank you probably goes out to Bridgerton, which showed that romance, regency, a diverse cast and butts are a perfect mix to lure audiences.

I want to take this moment to reflect on what I think we'll win, what we'll lose and what we can expect in the future.

1. No Sidlotte HEA

This is probably the most heartbreaking salty news we could get. But I know Theo James, he likes new projects. And after divergent's disaster, I can't blame the boy for not wanting to hang onto another franchise. As a fanfic writer, although mainly an Esther/Babington one, I broke my head for over a year on how to get Sidlotte together. I had to imagine the grandest schemes to get them together. Tom needed 10 000 pounds in less than a month. Even Babington was probably not worth that much. That's over 6 million in today's money if adjusted to inflation. Regency era's England's top 1-2% made that in a full a year, and most of that is probably in assets and investments. And they don't just get to keep that money, most used a good chunk of it to keep their estates running and to pay their staff. Anyone know someone who has a casual 6 million lying around?

There's only two realistic solutions: either have Eliza die: which would be cruel and take years (unless you kill her in childbirth 9 months in), or create a grand scheme that would take months and see Sidney, Crowe and Babington actively work hard on their 'business' while in the meantime Charlotte, Lady Denham and Lady Susan get everyone including the prince regent to come to Sanditon. I kind of accepted they would have a hard time getting out of that plot twist. It was likely that Sidlotte could not be endgame.

Personally, I never felt a strong connection to Sidlotte, and had hoped that Charlotte, like Jane Bennet, would go to London with Lady Susan to recover from her heartbreak, and I kind of hoped James Stringer would eventually go down there for his apprenticeship, where a sort of Captain Wentworth-like situation would come to exist where he is a young man trying to make something of himself. I know Charlotte didn't love him. But I also knew that Charlotte wanted adventure and perhaps needed to grow as a person. But in the new season she'll probably be a bit jaded, closed off, and depressed. And will probably need a softer more available man. Growing up goes with swinging to extremes. She was an open optimist at the beginning, and eventually turned to the opposite, not letting her emotions shine through and being very guarded (@miss-holly-goes-lightly did a wonderful post on this). Adulthood is finding a good balance again.

So while I am saddened, because this brings along a long set of questions like: "Does Sanditon still take place in Sanditon then?" "Where will Sidney live, will he then live in London with his wife?" "Why doesn't he come help his brother the next season or visit his family, as we know Tom will make a mess of things" The show will have to answer these questions in a believable manner.

2. No Beaufort twins

Mollie Holder said on her instagram that the Beauforts wouldn't be returning. This leads to quite a few questions like: where will Georgiana stay then? What will be happening to Mrs. Griffiths? Will Georgiana be her sole ward while the Beaufort's absence is explained as them having married or having become governesses?

3. Who remains aboard

Rose Williams is definitely on board. It's also pretty certain Tom will be there again. Lady Denham is also likely to return. The child actors and their parents were willing, but worried about their increasing age a few months back. Old Stringer said he'd have loved to be part of Sanditon again and to see it continue, but he's well... dead on the show so he won't return. So who will join Charlotte?

Leo Sutter might not return. He plays an important role in the next spin-off of vikings. Vikings has a new season each year. On top of that he's currently busy recording Gateway 6. We don't know how long that might take. And perhaps by the time filming ends he's required for the next season of the Walhalla series. Leo Sutter is a rising star, he might not even have the time to return. Especially for two seasons. At his age and point in his career, he needs to cement his name, or he'll remain b-list while he has a-list potential. So he might have to give up Sanditon for his career. It's sad, I'd love a Stringer/Charlotte future where they both grow to being suitable for each other while becoming people confident in their own abilities. But in the end, I would be alright with it, as Charlotte didn't express immediate interest in him. Writing him out would also be fairly easy, they could just write that despite thinking he had to stay home after his father's death, he went to London in the end under Charlotte's encouragement. Perhaps he could then come back for a guest appearance.

Crystal Clarke will reprise her role as Georgiana. Clarke has, since Sanditon, spoken out about the sometimes tone-deaf director and scriptwriters. She had to step in a few times to make sure Georgiana was done justice. She also said she hoped Georgiana, if the show was continued, would get the space to breathe and be independent, instead of playing a minor role as token black friend of Charlotte while under the control of Sidney. It will be complex to have her return without involving Sidney, as his character will have to be written out. I imagine this can be done with a timejump, but the timejump would have to be 4 years to make Georgiana 'of age' as she is 17 in the show. They'll probably place her under someone's care while saying Sidney is "still her guardian, but away". Georgiana is, in my opinion, an essential part of Sanditon. Bridgerton showed the world wanted to see diverse faces. Austen wrote a black character as a wealthy and desirable woman. They simply have to do more with her in the future. Clarke will reprise her role, this time with black writers to do justice to her character. I'm excited to see what will be done.

The actor who plays Arthur, Turlough Convery, is a good actor and mostly in period pieces. However he's never overly in demand, and usually stays with shows for multiple seasons. I think he's quite willing to come back and it means Georgiana would have a friend. I also hope they delve into his character, especially after his "I don't think i'll ever get married".

Matthew Needham and Mark Stanley, Crowe and Babington, are Sidney's best friends. It will be hard to have them come back without them explaining why Sidney is never with them. But I believe they would work well as a duo: the drunk and the one braincell are a fun dynamic. Both are not much in demand, despite that I quite like them as actors. So we might see them returning. Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Charlotte Spencer's Esther Denham is married to Babington. Without Babington returning, how can Esther? And vice versa. Their storyline was also the main romance for me and a big part of the last few episodes. They kinda need to return. Babington is also Sanditon's access point to high society. To cash in on Bridgerton's success they should search that royal connection. Babington is friends with the Prince Regent. On top of that he has the most money. If he hosts a party and Charlotte is invited, this is where they get those grand-bridgertonesque scenes.

Lily Sacofsky's Clara had a romantic subplot with Crowe. In their final unaired scene they went to London together. She could return. However, the chances are quite slim. Clara is in London, and Sanditon takes place in Sanditon. Unless Lady Susan takes Charlotte to London for a while and she meets Clara and Edward there, cooking up a plan to get back at Esther and Lady Denham.

4. Predictions

There's no words to describe the popularity of Bridgerton, so this WILL influence Sanditon. I predict: more sex, more scandal, and even more ahistorically modern ideas and characters, multiple female characters and multiple male characters that each get screentime and their separate storylines and developments like in bridgerton, instead of just Charlotte's pov we follow. Glamorous scenes. And more POC.

The season will start with a timejump in all likeliness (as it is easier so they don't have to focus too much on her grieving). Charlotte will catch us up with what has happened while perhaps narrating over some letters she's written to georgiana and lady susan. She'll return to Sanditon during a summer. Sanditon will have been partially rebuilt with Eliza's money, and many activities will be planned. Sanditon will be in some kind of trouble. Charlotte will still be a planner. Her being very actively involved in things and having a vision was one of the most alluring parts of her character. In the books there was a rival town Tom hated. That might be a bit tricky to adapt so they could introduce some local competition for attention around Sanditon. A local duke hosting parties could overshadow tom's events. Or the social season in London could lure everyone there instead of to Sanditon. Charlotte will try to help Tom with this while getting reacquainted with everyone still in Sanditon, and hearing about the reasons why Sidney/Esther/Stringer/The Beauforts (to be seen) aren't in the show anymore. She'll also rebuild her relationship with Georgiana.

Then one day for an event Charlotte will invite Lady Susan, who will invite her to the London season to get over her heartache à la Jane Bennet. Charlotte will join Lady Susan to lure a crowd to Sanditon. There, she'll be confronted with some of her demons of the past season. Perhaps a pregnant Eliza Campion makes an appearance to rub it in Charlotte's face. In Sense & Sensibility Margaret discovered Willoughby's relationship in a most shocking manner in an almost public setting. Sanditon likes to nod at all Austen books so this could be a nod at that book when Charlotte discovers unpleasant news in a public manner. Charlotte will congratulate her and wish them happiness, and afterwards either a girlpower moment could happen with Lady Susan or Georgiana supporting her, or a love moment. Mrs Campion has tried to talk Charlotte down in front of people in the past, if she did it again, a new love interest could step in at that time to compliment her and then take her off for a dance. That could be an emotional moment for her, as she realized her feelings for Sidney in London during a dance the last time around as well. And she could have her cinderella moment by excusing herself and running off after the dance, uncertain of her feelings. She'll have some grand balls, might be harrassed by a man and risk a scandal, or try and prevent Georgiana from ruin during a scandal.

At the last moment she'll succeed in her goal and lure a crowd to Sanditon's events that will put Sanditon on the map. Either the local competitive duke, or someone from London will be impressed with her, but she won't be ready to marry yet. I trust that by the end of the second season, she'll finally have a realisation that she's quite happy with how she's living her life and how good her work is, and that she has finally stopped feeling sad. So the second season will stop with her atop a cliff, letting go of the traumatic loss she suffered on that same cliff a season before. By the end of the season, one or two love interests will be set up for the last season.

So the nudity and big romance will have to come from elsewhere. Georgiana will get more agency and action in the next seasons. She could be trying to tempt Charlotte in joining her adventures as a single wealthy independent woman. She might even leave to find her place in the world via boat, returning to where she was last truly happy: Antigua. The second season could maybe end with Charlotte overlooking Georgiana's boat leaving from the previously mentioned clifftop. Another option is Georgiana falling in love with a local man and taken an interest in the town. Financially speaking, Georgiana could be the only one able to save Sanditon. But I don't think she owes the town anything. Another option is the writers focus on Georgiana navigating her relationship with Otis, who might be back home for a holiday after navy duty. We could also see some political debates à la Poldark S5 about freedom, servitude, independence and so on. The first plan for Georgiana doesn't even have to exclude the second, she could decide to sail away with Otis to find their place in the world. In any case: race shall not be brushed under the carpet and Georgiana will kick some shins on her way to her happy ending. In Jane Austen, we have rarely seen a woman who tried to elope, or escape her guardian, get a happy ending. Georgiana Darcy, Eliza Williams, Eliza's mother, ... they're all tragic tales of women falling for bad guys who try to steal their virtue or take their money. And in the end they always become dependent on men again. I hope in Sanditon Georgiana will learn and grow herself, instead of being coddled by men. A lot could be done.

Esther and Babington could be a very cool insert if the actors join. They can really connect the high society to Sanditon. They could host balls, invest in Sanditon or drive the London plot. But they can also be an emotional backbone to the show. Esther married Babington, but she wasn't in love yet. I'm not a fan of the edward/Esther angle. After all he did, I rather she hated him with burning passion and never spoke to him again. But he could try to blackmail her and ruin her reputation in London. Perhaps become some kind of Lord Whistledown. With Charlotte coming to Esther's aid. Esther's plotline could be about learning to trust people and open her heart again. Perhaps she could have a conflict with Babington about him wanting a family and she still being uneasy with marriage, let alone children. Maybe they could have a fight, with one of them going to London. In their separation they might realize they love each other. And then the other comes back home from London with Charlotte and they fix everything. Another route is them having a fight, Esther going to confront Edward or Clara about their blackmailing or maneouvring. Babington thinks it's because she doesn't love him, but actually it's because she loves Babington and wants to be rid of her past. But she gets into an accident and Babington only realizes the truth later on, leading to a happy ending.

Other things I'd love to see: Mary finally growing a backbone and telling Tom to either be open about his affairs and finances or be gone. Arthur and Diana growing a backbone and telling their brother he's a fuck up. Charlotte realizing Tom is stupid. Lady Denham appointing Charlotte or Arthur to head of Sanditon after showing their worth an entire season. Tom being repentant. Diana getting over her fears. Arthur getting a love interest. Crowe being in Sanditon, I just love him. Kisses. Healthy love interests that aren't broody and traumatized and in need of fixing by women. Jane Austen's men need to do their growing ON THEIR OWN. And then they earn their brides.

5. What we'll lose

- A Sidlotte ending: once the new season comes out, Sidlotte is no longer headcanon.

- A happy Esther/Babington ending: they married and looked happy, despite Esther's rushed turn around. If they're in the new season, their marriage won't be perfect. They'll have conflicts, just for plot. Whatever headcanons we had for them will probably be falsified. We might come to dislike them or their relationship. I've seen almost all my ships crumble to dust on the rocks of multiple seasons dragging out relationships and piling on conflict just to keep it interesting.

- A part of what made Sanditon Sanditon: we'll lose many faces we've come to love. And the dynamics and relationships will therefore change a lot.

- Fanfics become dated: I know it is the problem of every fandom, but it's one I regret all the same. Part of why I love Austen fandoms is the fact that the books are written. The characters and relationships won't change. With 2 new seasons coming, all fanfics out there will become dated. The millions of hours authors put into Sidlotte fics will perhaps become barely read when Charlotte gets new love interests. All the headcanons I and many others wrote down for Sidlotte, Esther/Babington, Charlotte/Stringer, will officially become silly fantheories. I've been there a couple of times before that shows changed the entire course and personality of certain characters and then you can't help but feel exhausted and sometimes annoyed because these are your babies and you had dreams for them, and the writers took them in directions that sometimes don't do them justice. But it's canon so you gotta accept it. Sometimes fantasy is nicer than a writer toying around with storylines and characters just to create drama. And I'll have to write my characters in a new way that fits the characters based on the info from the new seasons. I might fall out of love with them. Ah, the burden of being a shipper weighs heavy.

- Perhaps we still lose a HEA: Season one ended with a happy babington/Esther and an unhappy Charlotte who learned a lot, and a Sanditon that was saved. Although Sanditon has been extended for two seasons it's possible that if the ratings for S2 aren't good they may still cancel the third season. If they don't learn from their mistakes and end season 2 on another cliffhanger even Esther's relationship and sanditon may be at stake. If they're getting 2 seasons they will also not marry or engage charlotte in the second, meaning Charlotte will still be single by the end of the series if they cancel season 3. The whole reason we wanted more seasons was for charlotte to have a HEA. So I'm really fearful that she'll be put in another hard spot. They at least need to get her happy by the end of S2.

6. What we'll gain

- More sanditon content

- More regency era content and images and music which is always lovely

- Seeing our favourites again

- Hopefully we get to see new challenges and romance and humor and tense moments and scandal and drama that will be fun to watch

- A Georgiana story arc: a black woman in a realistic historical setting living her life, being wealthy, and England just having to Deal With It. And as cherry on top she'll be written by black writers.

- Happy endings (hopefully)

- New hot men! This is a guarantee

- Perhaps LGBTQ+ representation with Arthur

- Frustration at Tom's antics (guaranteed)

- Maybe some interactions with Charlotte's siblings

- Esther Babington content

- New material to write fanfics and metas about

- Over 8 hours of viewing pleasure

[yououghtaknow]

so i filled in this chart (made by @fingersmithbysarahwaters​ <3) on my twitter dot com account (@/genderhead if you want to see me post more Casual stuff). i am now going to explain it in depth because i am autistic and my special interest is my own show. 

NOTE: the way i did this chart was that the "coded" column is who people see you as and the "girl" column is who you are. also i am not an expert in riverdale analysis, i simply know what i’ve heard my very smart friends talking about.

ARCHIE GIRLS

ARCHIE CODED

sandy my best friend sandy….. she is just such an archie in her core. cause archie is the Heart of the town, he’s the Heart of the friend group, and that is very sandy. on the surface, they’re very similar - both being very athletic people, both just really wanting to be liked by everyone, both being kind of lost at the beginning and in a manipulative relationship. but, at the end of the day, archie’s all about being there for the people he loves, and even though he’s spent a lot of time hating himself for his mistakes, he grows and moves on, much like sandy. also they’re both not that good at dancing but will still be in the school musicals to support their friends.

JUGHEAD CODED

jacob love……. he an archie girl at his core because he just wants to protect the people he loves. he is genuinely torn between music and football, and has to deal with knowing people have done bad things and that he can’t do anything about it. he may go about it the wrong way sometimes, but he’s just trying to do what’s best for his friends and himself, which makes him a bit more jughead coded. he’s very much trying to be perceived as a season 1 esque jughead in the fact that he knows he’s different in a deep inherent way and has a hard time articulating it for a while. he also has the trauma of abandonment from both of his parents and runs away to protect himself at one point.

BETTY CODED

ms eleanor early…. i needed to include some not so main characters to fill up the chart, and ellie’s character has always been quite interesting to me, because the roles that sonja and emma play in og skam are very typical of a gay drama, and combining them into one character i think makes her a lot more interesting. ellie is trying to be perceived as a season 1 betty, she has the blonde hair, the perfect upper middle class family, she has a crush on the perfect jock guy, but…. that isn’t really who she is. she’s a fierce protector of what she believes to be the truth and is always ready to stand up for herself and her friends. she thinks she’s a betty coded veronica girl but she is not. also ellie would absolutely name a band after herself.

VERONICA CODED

my best friend james cohen…… james is a very obvious archie girl. he’s very much the heart of his friend group, he literally almost went to jail trying to protect nick. he loves his found family so so dearly and he’s a nice boy who plays a guitar. but when we get into his veronica coding….. veronica is just such an interesting character to me (more on that later) but the way james relates to her. veronica is all about getting validation from her dad and male figures, whereas james is trying to get validation from his mum and female figures in his life. he also openly struggles with alcohol abuse and is very good at giving some one liners. he’s also kind of a mean girl in the first few seasons??? like he’s seen as that way from the pov character. also i believe that, if given the opportunity, james would open a speakeasy/casino underneath a local diner.

JUGHEAD GIRLS

ARCHIE CODED

i am about to interpret characters so wrong. so bryan is what people who don’t view riverdale through the correct lgbt lense think an archie coded jughead girl is like. he’s a jock, he’s been with a lot of girls, he’s kind of stupid (his archie coding) and he’s a bad boy™ who struggles with money problems and is in love with the perfect good girl (who is also a lesbian). he’s just the worst. i hate him.

JUGHEAD CODED

oh <3 would you look at that <3 it’s me <3 isaac yououghtaknowmp3/genderhead <3. i couldn’t think of another random character to included so i just did myself. i am jughead coded in the fact that i am weird i’m a weirdo i don’t “fit in” and i don’t want to fit in. i have always known there is something inherently Other about me and i haven’t tried to hide it ever. i also am a writer and use my writing as a way to process my real life trauma and things going on around me. also the scene where jughead burns down his childhood home and then sings seventeen (reprise) from heathers does affect me on a deep and personal level. i am a bit betty coded in the fact that i Am very much like that. 

BETTY CODED

annabell!!!! i love them so so much, they are so fun to me. they’re very much later seasons betty coded, in that fact that i fully believe they have the serial killer genes. they know what they’re good at and they do it well, and they are trying to be seen as a serpent queen type figure, but…. at the end of the day, they do just use sardonic humour to relate to the world. they are covering up their mental illness with strange little jokes and enjoy making bitchy little comment in such a fun way. also they’re a nonbinary lesbian which i think is a very bettycoded jugheadgirl thing to do.

VERONICA CODED

nick my best friend nick!!!!! nick is very veronica coded in the daddy issues way. we see them have issues connecting to their dad and they try to find that bond with other male companions…… he also deals with some substance abuse problems and is very dramatic and uses a lot of pop culture references to cover up their actual issues. but, deep down in his heart, nick is a jughead because he cares deeply about the people around him, even though he has trouble showing it. also he is in love with james in a very similar way to how jughead is in love with archie. also i feel like all of their younger brothers can and will kin jellybean.

BETTY GIRLS

ARCHIE CODED

esther my bestie!!!!!!!! esther is trying so hard to be seen as an archie like figure. she wants to be the centre of the friend group, she wants to be in charge and know what’s going on at all times. she just really wants to be liked all of the time, but that is what makes her such a betty girl. she’s very perfection orientated, and she’s also very ambitious and clever in a betty way. betty’s whole relationship with donna sweett just has esther vibes. also the wig in a box scene in the hedwig episode where betty is trying to make everyone feel better??? very esther core.

JUGHEAD CODED

alistair. thomas. fletcher. god this boy is very jughead coded. from the first moment we see him, he’s Weird. he’s very season 1 jughead in the fact that he’s a gay little outsider trying to stay a gay little outsider but his curiosity gets him dragged into the main plot. also al tries to see the world through the lens of fiction, much like jughead. but at the end of the day, he is a betty. he is very intellectually smart and we see him struggle a lot with perfectionism over what we’ve seen so far. also he’s good at snarking with his siblings and he has fully psychoanalysed people at musical rehearsal for no reason other than to have fun. He’s also a betty for reasons i can’t get into on this night due to Spoilers but you’ll know it when the time comes.

BETTY CODED

rori!!!!!!!!!! rori is such such such a betty in every way. the pastel colours are very her. betty’s relationship with denying her mental illness is very her in the early season. even the betty/archie relationship is quite reminiscent of rori and james’s relationship (i mean this in a gay way not a barchie way). also the way people interpret betty and her sexuality reminds me a lot of rori, the whole performance of femininity riverdale betty specifically does…. also rori is very much a main character type of person and betty is thee main character of riverdale. also betty spending so much of the musical episodes with veronica is a very rori move.

VERONICA CODED

milo woods!!!!! my fave girlboss!!!! they’re very veronica coded in the fact that they are the cool, cultured, popular new kid in town with fancy style. also they are very “you’re gay? thank god, let’s be friends”. but they are very much a betty girl with their insecurities and their girlboss ways being a lot more subtle. like milo shows up out of nowhere like veronica, but psychoanalyses and romances the local lgbt community by being mean to them in a sincere and fun way. also the whole “i’m the daughter of the black hood” speech has milo energy.

VERONICA GIRLS

ARCHIE CODED

sophie!!!!! sophie is archie coded in the fact that she is just so cool and well liked and sporty and hot. like sophie’s whole introduction is like the “whoa! archie got hot!” scene only sandy has always thought she was hot. but sophie is such a veronica at the end of the day. like she is a hashtag girlboss in the sense that she’s the captain of the football team, she’s smart, she’s put together. but also she has a past where she’s been betrayed and assaulted and abused and she’s just trying to keep it all together at the end of the day. sophie kennedy i love you

JUGHEAD CODED

theo alterman. god he is weird, he is a weirdo. he wears dark clothes, he’s deeply sarcastic, but he’s always there for his friends in his own special way. also i feel like theo would fake his own death. he’s also canonically hyperfixated on dungeons and dragons which is an epic jughead moment. but he is very much a veronica girl in the fact that he is so bitchy and fun to his friends but is always there for them and trying to be a good friend. like he messes up a lot but he earnestly trying his best to empathise with his friends and be cool and good. he just wants to fit in so much but also the world according to chris is a very theo song

BETTY CODED

liz my friend elizabeth!!!! she is very betty coded. i mean, both of their names are elizabeth. they’re both blonde, they both deal with overbearing mothers, shitty fathers and high expectations. they both struggle with mental illness in a very repressed way and also liz is very intellectual. but she is such a veronica. liz is seeking out validation constantly and is willing to change who she is just to get people to like her. she’s also very desperate for friends and will always try her best to keep them. also liz says some absolutely wild lines in a fun veronica way. liz would say i recognise those abs anywhere about james.

VERONICA CODED

finally my best friend in the whole wide world brianna holland. oh bree. my love my light. they are just such a veronica girl. veronica’s relationship with femininity and sexuality is very similar to bree’s, with equating sex to both power and validation. in a way, bree is also seeking out her father in the men she’s had relations with in the past, but we see her grow from that and move on to a girl (like veronica should also do). also bree is just such a girlboss i love them so much. also they both have a secret sibling which gets a very dramatic reveal. it’s so intensely fun. also it’s about the reputation by taylor swift.

thank you for reading, stan riverdale, stan skam brighton, and please know that i wrote this instead of doing my final piece of coursework <3

[hollygoeslightly]

Sanditon: The Sense & Sensibility Connection

@fortunatelylori​ and I first started talking way back during the incredibly long wait for the final season of Game of Thrones, when we were still sweet summer children and far less bitter than we are today. After GOT broke our hearts clean in two, we decided we needed to find a new shared obsession. We made our way through a few shows – some of them great (Narcos) and some of them just okay (The Discovery of Witches) – until one day a very attractive, very wet and very naked Theo James appeared on my dash. I sent @fortunatelylori​ the GIF set with the question, “so when did Theo James get this hot?” and she made the very smart decision that Sanditon would be our next watch.

Expecting a fun, easy, paint-by-numbers Jane Austen adaption, we were both incredibly surprised to find that not only is Sanditon grittier than other period dramas, but it also has fascinating and complex characters, interesting writing choices and is overall, a show that we both genuinely really love. It also happens to be a show that we both have a lot to say about.

If you’ve read @fortunatelylori​‘s metas before, then you know you’re in for a treat. If you haven’t, prepare yourself for just how disgustingly good she is at analysing and understanding TV – she’s our fandom’s Meta Queen after all. We’ve been wanting to do a meta collab for quite a while now and it turns out a naked Theo James ended up providing the perfect opportunity. Who knew?

So, with that in mind, here is our first attempt at a meta collab. Which is really just a condensed version of our conversations – minus the swearing, animal pics and Theo James’ bare arse.

* * *

It’s no surprise to anyone, at this point, that Andrew Davies wears his Austen influences on his sleeve in Sanditon. You can find easter eggs for most of Austen’s work, from the famous Pride and Prejudice to the obscure Lady Susan.

However, Sense and Sensibility seems to be one work that hasn’t insipired much comparison from the fandom. And it’s perhaps for that reason that Sandion’s last two episodes were so hard to digest and why so many question marks were raised in regards to Charlotte’s characterization.

In this project we aim to dispel some of that confusion and attempt to put into prespective the character arcs of both Sidney and Charlotte in:

Sidlotte: A parallel journey between Sense and Sensibility by @fortunatelylori​

As well as delve deeper into Charlotte’s POV through out the season finale in:

Charlotte Heywood: From Sensibility to Sense by @and-holly-goes-lightly​

Charlotte Heywood: From Sensibility to Sense

It is easy to dismiss Charlotte Heywood as simply another stereotypical plucky period drama heroine. At first glance, Charlotte appears to be cut from the same cloth as other Austen protagonists Elizabeth Bennett and Emma Woodhouse – strong willed, outspoken, inquisitive and incredibly charming. While Charlotte certainly does exhibit a number of personality traits borrowed from other Austen protagonists – this is Andrew Davies love letter to Austen after all – it would be a mistake to think that Charlotte isn’t a complex and interesting character all of her own. Charlotte’s character development may be far more understated than Sidney’s and not as all-encompassing as Esther’s, but her coming-of-age story is vital in driving the narrative and laying the ground work for S2 (if and when that happens).

I have spoken previously about the beginning of Charlotte’s character development here, as 1x07 presented a noticeable change in Charlotte’s behaviour. Charlotte began the series as a true romantic who wore her heart on her sleeve and had total confidence in her judgement and beliefs – overall, she tended to err more on the side of sensibility than sense. However, by the beginning of 1x07, Charlotte is noticeably reticent and emotionally guarded, struck by the knowledge that she is both in love with Sidney and that her once unguarded heart is now very much at risk. Despite Sidney’s declaration of love at the end of the episode (“I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I’m with you”), 1x08 opens with an introspective Charlotte. When discussing Sidney with Georgiana, Charlotte appears blissfully in love, but noticeably anxious about what Sidney’s declaration means.

Charlotte - “We spoke after the regatta and he said he felt his truest self when he was with me.”

Georgiana - “Why would he say that?”

Charlotte - “I’ve been asking myself the same question. I couldn’t sleep last night for thinking on it.”

By the time the credits roll on the season finale, Charlotte’s character development is very much underway, with 1x08 setting the framework for exploring a Charlotte no longer ruled by sensibility, but by sense (Davies, there better be a S2 or so help me God *shakes fist at sky*).

However, before I discuss just how Charlotte’s character development plays out in 1x08, let’s go back to the beginning of the series and Charlotte’s arrival in Sanditon. I’ve talked quite a bit about Sidney’s instant attraction to Charlotte and how his feelings for her influence their interactions (for better or worse), but I’ve yet to explore the beginnings of Charlotte’s feelings for Sidney and how those feelings tie into Charlotte’s character growth. While Sidney and Charlotte’s first meeting in 1x01 is defined by just how badly it went (“new maid?”), this isn’t Charlotte’s first introduction to Sidney. Charlotte is first introduced to Sidney – well, a poor artistic rendering of him at least – upon her arrival at Trafalgar House. Taking in Tom’s truly ostentatious design choices, Charlotte stops in front of a large portrait of Sidney, which takes pride of place in the Parker’s entryway. It is apparent that Charlotte’s curiosity is immediately piqued by the rather imposing work, curiosity that is further increased by Tom’s unhelpful description of his enigmatic younger brother.

“He’s a man of affairs, a man of business – importing, exporting – he’s here, there and everywhere.”

Charlotte is as instantly attracted to Sidney as Sidney is to her upon their first meeting on the clifftops. However, while Sidney’s attraction to Charlotte is driven by her honesty, implicit kindness and strength of character, Charlotte’s initial curiosity and attraction to Sidney lays with his status an outlier and her inability to understand his intentions (as well as the fact that he is, without question, a total babe). As @fortunatelylori points out, Charlotte thrives on honesty (and sometimes just the appearance of honesty), and is immediately cautious of those who, like Sidney, keep their cards close to their chest. Despite catching glimpses of Sidney at his best and truest self, in attempting to understand his motivations, Charlotte often misconstrues his emotional disconnect as dishonesty. She cannot reconcile the loyal, kind and charming man she is attracted to with the prejudiced, withholding and taciturn man she assumes his behaviour indicates. When Charlotte’s father warned her that people in Sanditon may not be as they appear, Charlotte was on the lookout for a wolf in sheep’s clothing (notice her changing opinion on Edward and Clara, for example). She had not accounted for the opposite – that Sidney’s brusqueness was well crafted armour developed as a result of trauma.

Following Georgiana’s kidnap and eventual rescue in London, Charlotte wrestles with the knowledge that her tendency towards sensibility and her belief that emotional vulnerability equals honesty, has blinded her to Otis’ true nature and has caused her to make inaccurate assumptions about Sidney’s motivations.  

“I hardly know what to think anymore… about anything. I’ve always felt so certain of my judgement and now I see I’ve been blinded by sentiment and naivety. I’ve got it all so wrong. No wonder your brother has such a poor opinion of me.”

By the time Sidney asks her to dance at the masquerade ball in London at the end of 1x06, Charlotte’s whole world has undergone a seismic shift. Her experience with Sidney and Otis has shown that she must recalibrate her world view. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is an overwhelming undertaking. Charlotte’s past confidence in her judgement stems from her usually good ability to read people – her biggest mistake was not misunderstanding Sidney and Otis’ motivations, but not accounting for how trauma can shape someone’s world view (in fairness, this is not something Charlotte could understand until she experienced it herself) and assuming everyone, like her, comes from a place of good intentions. These are valuable, but hard lessons to learn and unfortunately for Charlotte, these lessons are quickly followed by the realisation that she is in love with Sidney, as well as Eliza’s sudden reappearance. Taking all this into account, it’s easy to see why Charlotte spends 1x07 introspective and emotionally guarded.

Therefore, it comes as no surprise that Davies’ chooses to open 1x08 with multiple shots of Charlotte walking alone along the beach deep in thought. Not only has Charlotte wrestled with her feelings for Sidney, but she spent the previous day (1x07) convinced that Sidney did not return her feelings due to the apparent reestablishment of his relationship with Eliza, as well as feeling as though she has been found lacking in comparison to the elegant, cultured and incredibly wealthy other woman. I know many people have attributed Charlotte’s noticeable reservation in 1x08 as passivity in the face of her developing relationship with Sidney. However, I don’t believe that is the case, merely that at this point in Charlotte’s character development she has made the terrifying realisation that giving power over your heart to someone you love leaves you incredibly vulnerable to heartache. After all, Sidney’s abandonment of Charlotte for Eliza at the masquerade ball at the end of 1x06, gave her a small lesson in just how painful love can be. As a result, the Charlotte that meets Sidney’s eyes across Sanditon’s completed streets at the beginning of 1x08, is one of sense over sensibility – hopeful in her love for Sidney and anxiously waiting for the other shoe to drop.

This is reinforced by her scene with Georgiana prior to the midsummer ball. Strip away the regency set design and costuming, and this scene could be easily transplanted to any modern romantic comedy – our young heroine confiding in her friend about her developing love for the male hero. Sounds familiar, right?

“You judge Sidney too harshly. Consider the kindness he has shown Otis. I believe he has a tenderness that few people get to see.”

Unfortunately for Charlotte, her friend is too distracted by her own romantic woes to understand just how important it is that she be a good friend to Charlotte in this moment. Charlotte is seeking two things from Georgiana during their discussion. Firstly, she desperately wants to share the joy of falling in love for the first time with her friend. Secondly, when Charlotte reveals that Sidney confessed he was his best and truest self with her, she is hoping for validation. Because of course Sidney would feel his best and truest self with Charlotte, right? She may be a farmer’s daughter, but she is also intelligent, outspoken, determined and unfailingly kind, so how could he not? Instead, Georgiana responds with, “why would he say that?”. Rose Williams does such a beautiful job here, because Charlotte’s hurt and disappointment is so clearly etched across her face. What Charlotte desperately needed in that moment was a friend to ease her doubts, and unfortunately Georgiana is too wrapped up in her own heartache and anger to be that for her.

Charlotte ends her discussion with Georgiana with as little reassurance and clarity as she began it. She is desperate to believe that Sidney returns her feelings, but her whole world view has just been called into question and on top of that, she spent the day before on the receiving end of Sidney’s mixed messages and Eliza’s pointed remarks. And here is where I think the argument for Charlotte’s passivity falls apart, and should be instead seen as a (eventually thwarted) step in Charlotte’s character development towards a balance between sense and sensibility. Passiveness suggests inaction, and Charlotte chooses to act – she asks Sidney whether she can join him on his walk into town. This may seem inconsequential, but it is anything but. Because Charlotte is not only choosing to trust in her feelings for Sidney and in his feelings for her, but she is telling Sidney his feelings are reciprocated and those feelings are strong enough that they need time alone to discuss their possible future together.

Now, I don’t have to tell you the scene of Sidney and Charlotte walking across the clifftops left me in a swooning heap like every silent film actress worth their salt. I think that was the collective fandom response. However, I do want to discuss the intricacies at play in Sidney and Charlotte’s interaction, because I have seen it misconstrued as passiveness, when really the agency lies with Charlotte the whole time. We began with the scene with a rather inane discussion about the weather and Charlotte’s family (Sidney’s eye roll of self-disgust at his poor conversational skills is everything) – Sidney is both desperate to discuss their conversation from the previous night, but patiently waiting for Charlotte to indicate that this is something she wishes to do. She does, telling him she would rather continue their walk together than return to town for her dress fitting.

Charlotte – “We seem not to be walking into town?”

Sidney – “Ah, yes, your dress fitting. Forgive me, what a fool I am. Should we head back, perhaps?”

Charlotte – “No, there is absolutely no urgency about my dress fitting. A walk along the clifftops is much more to my taste.”

Sidney – “Good. My thoughts exactly.”

Sidney is willing to end their walk and the possibility of discussing their feelings at the slightest hint that this may not be something Charlotte desires. However, following Charlotte’s lead, Sidney admits that he wished to find time alone with her to discuss their conversation while glancing at her mouth every five seconds, and of course (because really, who could say no to Theo James?) they kiss. What is important to note is that Sidney continues to check in with Charlotte at every point in the lead up to that moment. Charlotte only had to say no or ask to return to town for Sidney not to proceed, something she is well aware of and actively chooses not to do. Responding positively to Sidney’s actions is not the same as passiveness. You only have to watch as Charlotte stares longing at Sidney to know that she desired the kiss just as much as he did.

Which leads us to Sidney’s almost marriage proposal at the midsummer ball and the closest Charlotte and Sidney come to meeting in the middle of their respective character arcs, between sense and sensibility. While Charlotte is still prone to introspection, asking Mary how she knew that Tom was right man for her (hey Mary, I think we’d all like to know the answer to that one), she has regained some of her confidence back, no doubt buoyed by the confirmation that Sidney returns her feelings and wishes to create a life with her. Charlotte’s agency in pursuing a romantic relationship with Sidney is once again highlighted during her conversation with Young Stringer.

Young Stringer – “So, you have found a reason to stay?”

Charlotte – “Yes, I believe I have.”

When Charlotte chooses to seek Sidney out, she is actively choosing to place faith in her judgement and in Sidney. Both Charlotte and Sidney are hesitant, terrified of being hurt for very different reasons, yet they are willing to risk their hearts for a chance at a life together. Which is why Edward’s interruption and the fallout from the fire is so heartbreaking, because not only do we see a return of Charlotte’s doubts, but Sidney and Charlotte are never again as close to coming together as they were in that moment.

There is no doubt that Charlotte’s misgivings about Sidney’s love for her are somewhat well founded. Rooted in the uncertainty of the failed proposal and her insecurity regarding Eliza, Charlotte’s doubts are mostly due to her belief that the other shoe is sure to drop, because why would Sidney Parker ever wish to marry her, a farmer’s daughter? The reason Charlotte is so hurt by Eliza’s snide comment about her marriage prospects in 1x07 isn’t because she cares what Eliza thinks of her, but because she’s terrified Sidney, the person whose good opinion she values the most, may think her unsuitable. Her letter to her sister written while Sidney is returning from London is evidence of this insecurity – insecurity that is unintentionally stoked by Sidney’s mixed messages and Eliza’s sharp tongue in 1x07.

“Oh Alison, it’s possible that my future too could depend on Sidney’s swift return. I wish I could tell you more, but it may be very soon that I have exciting news to share.”

Even knowing that Sidney was interrupted during his proposal of marriage, despite his assurances that he will once again make an offer when he returns from London, Charlotte can still not allow herself to completely believe that Sidney wishes to marry her. When Sidney tells her he can no longer make her an offer of marriage, because he has engaged himself to Eliza in exchange for her funding Sanditon’s rebuild, Charlotte’s worst fears come true. Charlotte has been found wanting and her dream of marrying Sidney was only ever that, a dream.

When Charlotte and Sidney meet again at Lord Babington and Esther’s wedding, Charlotte has transformed from sensibility to sense and fully assumed her role as Sanditon’s Elinor Dashwood – emotionally guarded and reserved in the face of heartbreak and disappointed hopes. Their conversation is painful to watch – Sidney holding himself back from enquiring how Charlotte truly is and Charlotte assuming the picture of detached politeness.

Sidney – “How do you do Miss Heywood?”

Charlotte – “Very well, thank you.”

Sidney – “And your family, are they well?”

Charlotte – “Very well.”

Sidney – “Ah.”

Charlotte – “How are your own wedding preparations?”

Sidney – “Elaborate.”

In the face of Sidney’s clear regret and Eliza’s pointed comment about, “simple country weddings” (another dig at Charlotte’s marriageability), Charlotte remains guarded, her mask firmly in place. Even when Young Stringer questions her about Sidney’s engagement to Eliza, Charlotte’s armour of good manners does not break.

Young Stringer – “I gather Mr Sidney Parker is engaged?”

Charlotte – “Yes. I wish them both every happiness.”

Sidney – “She’s not half the woman you are Charlotte. If he can’t see that he doesn’t deserve you.”

Charlotte – “Thank you Mr Stringer.”        

By the time that Sidney stops Charlotte’s carriage on the clifftops as she leaves Sanditon, Charlotte’s character development has reached its ultimate end for the season. Transformed from an outspoken, determined young woman who wore her heart on her sleeve and believed marriage without love was, “a form of slavery”, Charlotte has now traded places with Sidney, carefully guarding her bruised and battered heart and becoming emotionally withdrawn from those around her. When Sidney approaches the carriage to speak to Charlotte, you can see the hope bloom across her face. For the briefest of moments, Charlotte allows herself to believe that Sidney has come to declare his love and prevent her from leaving Sanditon. Therefore it is incredibly heartbreaking to watch as Charlotte realises this isn’t the case and she schools her face one again into a mask of controlled politeness. In truth, Charlotte is barely keeping herself together – like Elinor she is a moment away from breaking apart. Because despite her heartache, Charlotte is still desperately in love with the man who caused it. What’s more, she understands why Sidney made the decision he did – an impossible decision in impossible circumstances. It would almost be easier for Charlotte to hate him. Even now as he seeks absolution while planning to marry another woman, she can’t help but want him to be happy.

Sidney – “Tell me you don’t think too badly of me.”

Charlotte – “I don’t think badly of you.”

Sidney – “I don’t love her, you know.”

Charlotte – “You must not speak like that. She loves you and you have agreed to marry her. You must try and make her happy.”

When Sidney tells Charlotte that he is not in love with Eliza, what he is really saying is that he is in love with her. But for this new Charlotte, it is all too painful to hear and she stops him before he declares his love. As Elinor so neatly declared in Sense and Sensibility, “to wish is to hope, and to hope is to expect,” and Charlotte cannot afford to wish that Sidney was still hers. It’s fitting then, that when Charlotte once again begins her journey home to Willingden she does not look back. A woman of sense has no place for such sensibility after all.

[starryskylullaby]

some uhhhh.....thoughts about asra & his route.

alright, listen....i wanna love asra i rly do i rly rly do but wow this route so far is making me just ' >8T ' over and over i'm grinding my teeth over some of this and it's driving me nuts. like, julian's route has absolutely ruined me for this, i'll be real here, but also....even if i hadn't played him first, i think this would aggravate me??

please god don’t click this cut if you’re not ready for some salt and side-eyeing and a LOT of speculation.

soooo....asra keeps withholding information and saying he doesn't think MC is ready and then literally confesses to wiping MC’s memory?? esther is sweet, but she's not the most trusting. ( i’m using her for a lot of this just because honestly she’s my POV for headcanons with this game ) she wants to trust asra, but this is all putting her on edge. she DOES have feelings for him, i won't lie about that; like starting out i think she does have feelings for him in any of the routes and she wants to know him better--but then me personally? lines like 'oh you always get into trouble but i always come to help you' when asra knows she has no memories of things like this and has that power over her....that's putting me off. he knows more about her than she knows about herself and it feels...icky...for him to be feeding her information like this. he’s placed himself in the role of her teacher/master so that gives him authority over her--you’re supposed to trust teachers, feel safe with them, and so esther would have no reason to think ‘oh he’s not being straightforward with me about things’ and that just really skeeves me out. i appreciate that asra loves her, and that he's been trying to take care of her and keep her safe, but this is the other side of that: when someone is trying so hard to keep you safe that it turns into just coddling and worse, grooming.

and then there's the fact that he's been withholding and even DELETING this information from her--he's literally told her he erased her memories of struggling to remember things, and like...dude what? then he says 'well maybe i needed help to make it work' like uhhhh....so then in all of that time if you really wanted her to remember, why not talk to her? why not try and explain that this could be painful and hard but the situation is what it is and she could help him make it right--why wait until she's literally got you in a corner over it?

julian and esther were on equal footing. they were both confused, both missing memories, both struggling with things they didn't know and wanted to understand, about themselves and each other and this situation they found themselves in. they came together to help one another, and they grew together, and fell in love together. they fell in love without those memories, without the past to help or hinder them. they were blank slates and they still chose each other and realized they loved one another--and when they found out the truth about their past they still chose to grow from it. it was all equal, it was all mutual and earnest and open. they talked about their feelings. they help one another become better, stronger, and they evolve together. it's not one fixing the other or one becoming better than the other.

but with asra...he's keeping you in the dark literally to suit him? like that's how this comes off, 'don't remember so i can keep you ignorant and safe with me, because that's obviously what's best for you' he holds the power. it's a huge imbalance and he keeps. feeding. into it. 'if you remember too much it could damage you beyond repair' 'i did it because i didn't want you to be in pain' 'i'm always there to save you' he's making it so you rely on him and i'm....repulsed and fascinated by it. like that's some heavy manipulation stuff, and playing a character like esther is making me really have to confront like 'maybe i personally see through some of this but would she...?' and i don't wanna just let her fall into that, but if she'd never gotten involved with julian then she'd still be pursuing the feelings she had for asra, and she might really believe all of this and trust him about it :/ like.....even more so when she finds out in this route that asra is the one who brought her back to life, that’s.... > falls in love with girl > girl dies > brings girl back to life > for whatever reason, keeps past from girl until cornered into answering there are a LOT of gaps to fill in there, but like... the fact that asra brings her back to life and then won’t tell her anything and is really pumping the breaks on her remembering things makes me incredibly uncomfortable with him as a love interest. and like...imo that reads like ‘asra fell in love with esther/MC, they didn’t love him back, they died, and he brought them back to life and then coddled them and hid their memories of their past from them in the hopes that things might turn out differently this time’ which is really a pretty classic/common romance trope....if asra was the antagonist. and this is me just spitballing but if you don’t want someone to remember things, people, then there’s...usually a reason for it. so in this instance, especially given the events during the plague and his anger at julian for your death, it kiiiiinda feels like it’s leaning towards ‘MC was in love with julian instead of asra and asra didn’t want MC to remember that’. take that as you like.

and like, beyond all of this, i still do like asra as a character! like, objectively he’s fascinating. fun fact about me: i’m coming to this fandom from the star wars fandom, and like...legit, first thoughts i had about asra when i started his route: ‘holy shit he’s just the arcana version of anakin skywalker’ and like, imo, that’s not a BAD thing--i loved anakin and i do like asra, as much shit as i give him. plus, the chance to use some anidala parallels is always fun--but is that a healthy relationship model...? no. so i’m hoping you can confront some of this further into asra’s route and maybe get some answers and some real talk in with him about all of it, but right now i’m just like wow this is. not what i was expecting given how much the fandom seems to adore asra. ( then again i’m fresh from fandoms where people either love or hate this kind of character so my reaction might be more surprised than it ought to be. )

[kiliosthestarmaker]

Nyehehe 1-49 >.> all of dem 😏😉

I EXPECTED THIS BUT YOU’RE GOING TO K I L L M E

The Basics1.     Do you listen to music when you write?

YES, Gods yes! The inspiration! The characterizations! The playlists I listen to when dealing with a particular character I love it I crave it!

2.     Are you a pantser or a plotter?

Plotter, most things have already been decided on within my stories.

3.     Computer or pen and paper?

Computer, I’ll use a pencil and paper only when I have no tech on me. 

4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

I’d like to be published

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

Interesting question, I have no clue

6.     Single or multiple POV?

Kind of multiple? It’s all in third POV but we follow around different characters

7.     Standalone or series?

*cackles* SERIES

8.     Oldest WIP

A whole series called Ratio Cor that I finally got back too

9.     Current WIP

Worlds Rejoined

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

No. Gods no, I’d stress myself out.

The Specifics11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

Lord of The Rings

J.R.R. Tolkien

George Martin

Harry Potter

Rick Riordan

C.S. Lewis

My two writer friends Wolfe and Jacks

12.  Describe your perfect writing space

My room, blasting with music in the morning when I have no school

13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Sure

A) Wake up at 2 AM with an idea

B) write it down 

C) go back to sleep until you have to wake up properly

D) Write out a decent plot

E) Characters

F) World Building (My fav part)

G) Write and Feel your book

H) Make others suffer with you

14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

Music and talking to Wolfe

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

Music, scrolling through Tumblr, talking to Wolfe and Jacks

16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

Who the heckity heck knows

17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

Grab some food and a drink

18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

I WOULD COLLABORATE WITH @princess-east AND @stressedwolfe and it would probably either be about the gods or some action/adventure/fantasy thing and we’ve done it before AND ALSO @koalajake CAUSE THE IDEAS HE HAS 

I

ADORE

19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?

My dad expresses interest in my plots (the only family member that do), he tells me about showing it to other people at work or while he’s busy with something and the person just so happen to be there. My loves also encourage me.

there is also music

20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

........ ehe well there is 1 collection, 4 series within that collection and about 3-4 books within each series sans one which will probably have more than that. Other than that...I have many, many ideas

The Favourites21.  Who is/are your favorite character(s) to write?

I absolutely love writing Kilios, not only is he my favorite character, he’s just purely iconic.

22.  Who is/are your favorite pairing(s) to write?

Most of my pairings are platonic as most characters are teens or children. There’s also those who have been married and are widowed now so-

OH THERE IS KOLFE I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WRITING THOSE TWO

23.  Favorite author

Wait I have to choose??

24.  Favorite genre to write and read

Fantasy

25.  Favorite part of writing

WORLD BUILDING!!!! I SWEAR ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BE LIKE “Hey Kilios you wanna help me build a world for this AU?” or “Hey Kilios can you help me build the world for my story?” AND I WILL BE ALL OVER THAT

26.  Favorite writing program

Lmao does google docs count?

27.  Favorite line/scene

From...from my book?

(Ratio Cor)

“Okay...” She hums softly as she screws on her arm. She flexes the mechanical fingers slowly before twisting her wrist. She grimaces slightly at the creaking of the joint. “Grandfather where’s the thing?”

“What thing?”

“The...the thing...uh...whot yz yt collud… THE OIL!” Kala exclaims after figuring it out. She hears her grandfather laugh. Kala huffs softly at the laughter. Her grandfather taught her the surface language at a young age. He told her it might come in handy one day, but she doesn’t understand why it would. The Markian language was harder to learn afterward.

(Working Title: Caelum Enterprise)

“That's a child.” Kai whispers. Kilios nods his head in agreement. “That’s a child.” 

“Thirteen years old.” Kilios offers with a small grin. Kai’s face turns blank, and he stares at Kilios. A cold rage settles in his soul.

“So, I have to kill Zeus?” Shadow chokes on his laughter as he wraps his arms around Kai’s waist. Kilios snorts in amusement even though he knew his friend could kill the Lightning God if he wanted to.

“Now, now. Revenge is best served cold as you may know.” Kilios hums softly as they smirk at each other. Shadow and Oketh look at each other before shaking their heads in exasperation. “Zeus seems to want this kid somewhat broken down, so we’ll give the child the best childhood.”28.  Favorite side character

Kai and Shadow, purely for their dynamic

29.  Favorite villain

K,,,kilios

30.  Favorite idea you haven’t started on yet?

Three siblings were reborn as siblings in the modern world. One problem, the ex-youngest sibling is the only that remembers their past and the evil that caused them to die before has followed them. So now, the sibling has to reawaken their siblings' past selves and strive off the evil force all alone. What will happen if the evil, instead of harming the ex-youngest sibling, takes them away to where they are treated as they should be and are loved. What happens when their siblings do reawaken and come after them? What happens if the ex-younger sibling doesn’t want to go? After all, they found love in the darkness. They found light within it as well insert King Keir who isn’t willing to let his consort be taken without a fight.

The Dark31.  Least favorite part of writing

The,,, the writing part

32.  Most difficult character to write

Alim??? I guess cause he’s like grandfatherly and most characters I’ve done in the past never met their grandparents?? 

33.  Have you ever killed a main character?

Yes, even better! I’m going to kill one in one of my books!!

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

Kilios’,,,, death I’m-35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

KILIOS’ ORIGIN STORY

The Fun36.  Last sentence you wrote

“Yeah, I’m alright.” She assures her grandfather after he gives her a look showing that he didn’t believe her. “So, what’s for breakfast?” She quickly changes the subject.

37.  The first sentence or your current WIP

“Three creators, each lost in their own right. Their names were taken from books and erased from history. The first to come back will be the one who breathes the anger of volcanoes. Next will be the one who freezes the stars. Finally, the one with powers that are forbidden will come to light. Once together united as one. All will hail the Cold Sun.”

38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

All of them

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

A manipulative character that ends up saving the world due to having the ability to see at least ten steps of ahead and calculating an infinite amount of possibilities for options due to having who is literally the concept of the creation of stars and demihumans/hybrids as a bearer (Aka Kilios)

40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

AHAHAHAHA

Kyle Evren was born from a phoenix and the Primordial God Khaos. The toddler was neither male nor female. Ze was an outlier much like the being known as Udushunamir, who was a being created by the Egyptian Great God Ea. Kyle was born to die for the Gods.

Kavya Esther was created with the body of Saiph and life was breathed into her by Astraea. Her mother was a phoenix and the Star Goddess Astraea. Kavya was very radiant and creatures of all sizes tended to flock to her. The child was kind and lovely. Kavya was born to die for the Gods.

Kit Keir was born from a phoenix and the Hindu Celestial Deity known as Rahu. Kit was both male and female. Due to cer odd parentage, Kit gained both sexes from cer parents. Kit was a very elusive and dreamish teen. Ce would often be found drifting off into cer own little world without a care of anyone around cem. Kit was born to die for the Gods.

Kilios Caelum was born from the ashes of who he used to be. He was ruthless and tired. He was angry at what he’s been through. He swore to rise far above what he attempted to accomplish beforehand. He would build an empire, he would rise to the sky. Kilios refused to die for the Gods.

The Rest of It41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

Jot down any idea you have, no matter how vague or bizarre it is, write it down.Research, for the love of the gods, research whatever you need for your book and please please use multiple sites.Talk to other writers and ask for input, it’s alright to be nervous so just message them privately. Hell, you can ask me I’m always up for learning about new writers.

42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

As long as it makes sense and doesn’t cause the main plot to be pushed as a subplot I’m good with it fam

43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

Mutter dark threats under my breath and curse my characters for putting me in the backseat of my own damn writing.

44.  How much research do you do?

Literally, a third of my whole writing process is contributed to pure research.

45.  How much world building do you do?

By the time I’m done, if someone finds it they’d think I just found the world and wrote down what the people told me.

46.  Do you reread your own stories?

Yes and it’s physically painful

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Youtube and Drawing

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

KILIOS IS LITERALLY ME THEN HE WENT OFF AND GOT HIS OWN STORY THE BASTARD

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

All of them because they are my children and I love them.

[lizzybeth1986]

Music Ask - Queen Edition

@callmetippytumbles tagged me on this, stating that she was sure there would be a Queen song for every question on this ask. Well Ima prove her right! 😂

So since they’re all going to be Queen (unless otherwise specified), I’m going to replace band name with album name instead.

1: A song you like with a color in the title:

🎶 White Man🎶 from A Day At The Races

“What is left of your dream?

Just the words on your stone

A man who learned how to teach

Then forgot how to learn"

Part of me loves this song, but part of me is also is uneasy about it. The song is supposed to be from the PoV of an unspecified Native American tribe, speaking of how colonization has destroyed everything they have stood and lived for - but it’s written by a British white man, Brian May - and we have no idea whether he consulted a Native American for this or not. If he hadn’t, or hadn’t gotten consent, it would be him speaking in the voice of the oppressed while still holding the privilege of being White…and that’s a little disturbing. I love the song, and Brian May is my favourite Queen member, but I can’t ignore that this song has problems.

2: A song you like with a number in the title

🎶'39🎶 from A Night At The Opera

For the earth is old and grey, little darling we’ll away

But my love this cannot be

For so many years have gone though I’m older but a year

Your mother’s eyes from your eyes cry to me.

Besides being an ace guitarist, Brian May is also an Astrophysicist with a Doctorate!! xD And this song really shows us his background in that area: it’s fashioned in the song tradition of a sea shanty, but is about outer space and time relativity. I called this "the plot of Interstellar, 39 years before Interstellar”.

3: A song that reminds you of summertime:

🎶Seaside Rendezvous🎶 from A Night At The Opera

One of Queen’s few vaudeville tracks xD

4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about:

Thankfully I got into Queen loooong after I broke up with my ex. BUT “More than Words” by Extreme and Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” hit very particular sore spots coz he dedicated them to me AFTER dedicating them to a girl he always had a thing for (long story gah).

5: A song that needs to be played LOUD:

🎶March of the Black Queen🎶 from Queen II

6: A song that makes want to dance:

🎶Don’t Stop Me Now🎶 from The Game

This one was the very first Queen song I actually listened to, and every time I hear it I wind up doing Hana’s happy dance in my seat 😂

7: A song to drive to:

HAHA there are two! One by Roger Taylor and the other from Brian’s first solo album:

🎶I’m In Love With My Car🎶 from A Night At The Opera

This is a song by Roger Taylor, and it’s not really his best (he’s capable of far superior tracks: Tenement Funster, Radio Gaga, These Are The Days of Our Lives, Small), but it garnered a lot of money and royalties by virtue of being the B-Side of Bohemian Rhapsody.

🎶Driven by You🎶 from Back to the Light

This song ended up being used as a theme for commercials for Ford cars in the early nineties, as I recall.

8: A song about drugs or alcohol:

Drugs: 🎶Don’t Stop Me Now🎶 from The Game

I mean, just listen to some of the lyrics! “Floating around in ecstasy”? “Tiger leaping through the sky defying the laws of gravity”? “Travelling at the speed of light”? I personally think the songs about a whole lot more, but you can’t deny the narrator sounds very trippy lol.

Alcohol: 🎶Killer Queen🎶 from Sheer Heart Attack

She keeps Moet et Chandon in a pretty cabinet

Let them eat cake, she says, just like Marie Antoinette…

Not about alcohol really, but it does mention it.

9: A song that makes you happy:

🎶You’re My Best Friend🎶 from A Night At The Opera

So John Deacon wrote this lovely sweet song for his wife, and it’s got the most adorable lyrics ever.

Ooh I’ve been wandering round

But I still come back to you

In rain or shine

You’ve stood by me girl

I’m happy at home

You’re my best friend

10: A song that makes you sad:

🎶Mother Love🎶 from Made in Heaven.

This is spoken of as being the last song Freddie ever recorded before he died, and his vocals are OFF-THE-ROOF powerful here. Two verses are sung by Freddie, and the last is sung by Brian May, who co-wrote the song (because Freddie felt too worn and weak and tired to continue recording, and told Brian he would return and do the rest. He never did). To hear Brian complete the song because Freddie has gone…is quite heartbreaking, actually. I’d definitely recommend everyone listen to this gem.

11: A song that you never get tired of:

🎶Teo Torriatte🎶 from A Day at the Races.

What I love about Queen is how appreciative they are of their overseas fans, esp those who loved them at the very start of their career. Way before Bohemian Rhapsody placed Queen on the map, they had a very devoted fanbase in Japan, and I believe this song was written specially for them. It also appeals to me as a super mushy romantic xD

12: A song from your preteen years:

EVERYTHING PRECEEDS MY PRETEEN YEARS. Okay but definitely this one we heard a lot:

🎶We are the Champions🎶 from News of the World

13: One of your favorite 80’s songs:

🎶Who Wants To Live Forever🎶 from A Kind of Magic

Another Brian May gem. I tend to associate this a lot with my Liam MC, Esther - esp for most of Book 2. It’s a beautiful track and was used as part of the Highlander movie OST.

14: A song that you would love played at your wedding:

We never had wedding dances at our weddings, and Queen is usually not wedding material haha but here’s some songs that would go well!

🎶You’re My Best Friend🎶 from A Night At The Opera

🎶Teo Torriatte🎶 from A Day At The Races

🎶Bijou🎶 from Innuendo

Bijou is very interesting because it was structured as an “inside-out” version of the usual song - there would be instrumental (guitar, in this case) where lyrics would be and lyrics where you would typically find a guitar solo. Haunting.

15: A song that is a cover by another artist:

🎶Goin’ Back🎶 by Larry Lurex

This was the first ever recording we have of Freddie Mercury, under the name of Larry Lurex. The original was written by Carole King and Gerry Goffin. A sampling of it is used at the very end of Mother Love, as a way of rewinding to the beginning…a symbolic goodbye to Freddie by going back to the first words that sparked his career.

Damn. I’m emotional now. 😭😭

16: One of your favorite classic songs:

Most people would go for 🎶Bohemian Rhapsody🎶 - and for good reason - but I think 🎶Prophet’s Song🎶 from the same album is equally deserving of this. It’s beautiful, has a lot of echoes that make it surreal and ethereal to me, and very power-packed vocals and lyrics.

17: A song that you’d sing a duet to on karaoke:

🎶Love of My Life🎶 from A Night At The Opera.

The fun thing about any Queen concert is that the audience has always been as much participant as spectator. LoML is one of the few ballads that the band used to interact with the audience, who were always ready to sing along. Freddie started this tradition in his live concerts, and Brian carried it on when he and Roger went back to touring as Queen +. To this day, you will always find a Queen audience being as involved in this song as the people on stage. It’s beautiful to watch. No Queen concert is complete without the audience crooning this ballad.

18: A song from the year that you were born:

🎶A Kind of Magic🎶 from the album of the same name (released 1986)

19: A song that makes you think about life:

🎶A Winter’s Tale🎶 from Made in Heaven

This happens to be one of Freddie’s last written compositions, and it’s unbelievably beautiful and dreamy. He had very few months left to live when he wrote this gem of a song, and there’s so much joy and hope and tranquility in it, and the moment you listen you will inevitably feel a sense of peace washing over you. I can imagine sitting by a lake alone in Switzerland, looking out at the sky and the snow, just listening to the song and basking in all it has to offer.

🎶Miracle🎶 from The Miracle

This is also a very hope-filled song, composed by Freddie shortly after he was diagnosed and told he had very little time left. It’s a very idealistic view of the world, but yeah I really like this one too. Just not as much as I like A Winter’s Tale. 😂

20: A song that has many meanings to you:

🎶White Queen (As It Began)🎶 from Queen II

On one level it’s about a girl who cannot see and the boy who loves her. On another I feel like it can also be about the sadness of unrequited love in general, and of an almost-relationship.

21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title:

🎶Delilah🎶 from Innuendo

This song was about Freddie’s cat. It’s fun xD

22: A song that moves you forward:

🎶Death On Two Legs🎶 from A Night At the Opera

I can be a spectacularly petty bitch sometimes, and this number can be so vicious it satisfies those vengeful, bitchy parts of me lol. A lot of the lines in this song are particularly cutting, and it should be because it was written for someone who was fleecing the band dry in their early days.

23: A song that you think everybody should listen to:

🎶Track 13/Untitled🎶 from Made in Heaven.

Most people might be put off by this track because it’s 22:33 whopping minutes long, and it’s an endless loop of sounds but OMG is it trippy. Mostly a lot of synthetic, loops, Freddie saying words, and this overall ethereal, otherworldly vibe. Most Queen fans interpret this piece as a depiction of Freddie’s journey to heaven, and call it “Ascension”. Kind of like a requiem, a fitting goodbye to Freddie. I can see why. I mean I can always lie down, close my eyes and immerse myself in the tranquility of this track. All 22.33 minutes of it. It’s a strange recommendation, but in my mind a fitting one.

24: A song by a band/group you wish were still together:

🎶The Show Must Go On🎶 from Innuendo.

Queen aren’t together because their frontman passed away, not entirely out of choice 😟 (okay and John Deacon didn’t want to be involved anymore later on). This was written and composed by Brian May, but Freddie really makes this song his own in the singing. The way he hits some of those notes - at that stage in his life - is spine tingling.

25: A song by an artist no longer living:

🎶Lily of the Valley🎶, written by Freddie Mercury from Sheer Heart Attack.