#Especially this close to my classes starting at college :'D

[outer-andromeda]

Oh boy oh boy it's been a while since I posted art but HERE- a compilation of happy Lawrence for your troubles

PROSHIPPERS DNI.

(Veda and his outfits were based off another drawing by @maddcelestial , but I accidently switched his belt with suspenders so... you get both depending on which drawing you're looking at :D)

[hoshigray]

Hellooo, I have a requesttt. Bully!Geto & bully!gojo x reader please!!

𝐚. 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: didn't know how to tackle this, but I think I got it >:3

⊹ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Geto + Gojo x afab/fem! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - modern au! college setting; satosugu + you are juniors - sex in shared space; college dorm - fingering (f! receiving) - breast fondling + nipple play - oral (m! receiving) - facials - clitoral play (pinching and swiping) - Eiffel Tower/spit-roasting position - slight degradation - pet names (baby, crybaby, cutie, good girl, plaything, pretty girl, sweetheart) - unprotected sex (doesn't shoot inside, tho) - mention of tears and drool.

⊹ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.4k

“—Gaaahh!! N-Noo, shtop! No more, no mo—Oooh!”

“Aww, don’t go cryin’ on us yet; let’s see how much this pussy can cum!”

“Satoru, keep playing with their nipples; they keep gripping my fingers like crazy…”

Being bullied seems to be an everyday thing for a wimp like you—especially in the hands of Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto.

What kind of person lets two of the hottest guys in the school bully them? You’re practically nearly a full-ass grown adult; you shouldn’t be letting people push you around like it’s middle school! And yet, you can’t seem to bring yourself to stand for yourself, too meek and reserved to step up the ladder of confrontation, even if it’s from people who’ve tormented you most of your life.

Gojo and Geto have been your bullies for nearly your entire academic life, starting from first grade. To say that your life was hell on Earth was just the surface, coming home in tears and wishing to disappear every single day. The emotional toil was too much to bear, so much so that you did everything in your power to make sure you didn’t end up in the same high school as the two, a task that you’re proud to act on as making friends and getting through the final four years of your primary education became easier to accomplish. 

However, this fulfillment was thrown out the window when you walked on campus grounds and discovered that after two years, your bullies had transferred to the same college as you! Not only in the same place but in the same dorm section and sharing the same class—had the world gone mad?! Just when you have accepted this new chapter in your life to start anew and fresh, these two spin back and the pool of anxiety swallows you back up and pulverizes your heart. There was no way for this situation to be envisaged.

“Ohaaa!! Shtooop, t’ooo fasst!!”  

And now, they have new methods to diminish your dignity.

Against your comfort, you and the two were assigned a spreadsheet to work on and have it done by Thursday, so you three were supposed to be working in the living room of their dorm apartment. Nevertheless, you don’t think lying on the couch with your back to Gojo and Geto between your legs has anything to do with the assignment…

You were squirming, Gojo’s slender hands cupping and fondling your chest, tips of his fingers tweaking your nipples roughly so that you whine helplessly. Legs spread open for your panties and bare cunt to be exposed when you were stripped from your leggings, and Geto toys your private part with his fingers. The sensation of his middle digit inside you was hard to believe, like the howl from curling onto the upper wall of your vagina.

“Uuuwww, ohmyGoooood…!” You throw your head back to the shoulder of the white-haired one whose forefingers circle the buds of your mounds. “W-We can’t be—hic—doing this…”

“Ehhh, c’mon, baby,” hearing Gojo talk to your ear so close has to be something out of a dream or nightmare. “Who says we can’t play with our favorite person, huh?”

You gulp at the lick of your earlobe. “Because…we have work to d—Aaahh!”

“Don’t think about that assignment when I’m busy shoving my fingers in you,” Geto reminds you, the pace of his digit increasing and the scrape of his fingertip having your toes curl. “Doesn’t the pretty girl wanna play us like old times?”

A hand grabs his wrist, yet that does little to hinder the raven-haired one’s diligence within your leaking chasm. “B-But…We can’t!” Jesus, it’s tough to think adequately the more Geto pushes and pulls his finger, brushing it up against your texture. Tears welled up in your eyes, your body sore from their constant touches.

“God, still cryin’ from being teased, huh, crybaby?” Gojo chuckles while cupping your cheeks. “Still a cutie, though…”

No way, there’s absolutely no way! You had to be dreaming because there is no way you’re awake to see the day Gojo is kissing you! Biting your bottom lip and shoving his tongue inside, your brain practically explodes as you moan in his mouth, and your slit contracts the rub of Geto’s finger. Did you just cum from a kiss?!

“Oh wow, they’re spasming like crazy,” Geto chortles at the sight of your legs trembling and your genitalia fluttering around the digit. “Cumming from a kiss, huh? Heh, so easy to mess with.”

Your response was deterred to that of imperceptible wails, crying into Gojo’s pillowy lips as he sucked on your tongues to hear you sob more. This was so unfair; this situation was not in your favor once you were dragged into their apartment.

Not even in the next phase of this meet-up.

Your clothes are discarded from your body to the living room floor, mounting on the couch on all fours, Geto to your front and Gojo to your back. The three of you are too far gone to think about the damn assignment—your frame too occupied by their cocks to evade them so.

Soapy lips suck on the dick of the dark-haired other, puffy cheeks making room for the limb burrowing inside your mouth. He fucks you orally with vigor, snapping his hips to your lips as your head pounds with every jab to the back of your throat. You’re not left with a second to breathe calmly, his girth overwhelming.

“Fuuuhhck, Jesus Christ,” he curses, grinding his pelvis and moaning at the feel of your tight throat. “Such a good girl, sucking me so well; got the mouth of a great cumslut.”

“Has the pussy of one, too!”

The words burn your ears, coming from behind as the guy with snowy hair plunges his length into your vagina. His hands are situated on your waist to keep you on him, the curve of his cock scratching your sweet spots too accurately that you’re forced to scream on the other’s shaft.

Gojo throws his head back with a sigh, “Fuckin’ shiiiit, this pussy…clamping on me so hard, you wanna milk me dry?” He bends down to your ear, “Want my load so bad like a little whore?” Squeezing on him was inevitable, making him hiss. “Fuck! Don’t do that…”

“Damn this throat, man,” you peer up to Geto. Your eyes have already released the tears stricken down your face, the lower part of your face all hot from the frequent hits. He chortles, “You look so good all messy like that, sweetheart…Holy shit, you looked so fucked out.” 

Of course you were; they’ve been toying with your body for ten minutes with no rest! Your frame was aching so bad, sobbing because of the cock busying your throat and the dick grazing your G-spot. It was too much to catch up with, especially when Gojo sneaks a hand to your clit to rub and swipe. Your eyes roll to the ceiling, and a scream is muffled, your figure submitting to the pinches on your sensitive pearl.

“Wanna cum?” Silver brows trench together at the clamp of your walls. “Do it, cum on my dick, you nasty crybaby.” 

More tweaks to your clitoris coincide with the erratic pistons of Gojo’s thighs, and you have no choice but to climax once more. Your cunt tightens around his cock with every hit of your orgasm, and he makes sure to get his raw cock out of you to ejaculate his milky fluid onto your back, painting your skin with his load.

The same goes for Geto as well, who grabs your head and roughly pulls himself off to paint your face with his essence. You whimper with every quiver and addition of his sperm, spurting to your forehead and decorating your cheeks to slide down your chin. You never felt so dirty in your life, your tongue accidentally tasting it from licking your lips. “Good girl,” he compliments with a teasing pinch to your cheek.

Gojo rubs his length on the cusp of your butt. “Man, cutie, you keep driving me crazy.” His fingers aimlessly play with your clit. “Now I really can’t leave you alone…”

Dread weighs your bones at his words, and you can only question how you can survive these upcoming semesters with these harassers. And now that they’re hooked on you, this fresh new start has become much more suffocating…

© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 – reblogs and comments are appreciated wholeheartedly ☆ header edit done by me + dividers by @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more.

[miyukisu]

A Trace of Body Paint .ᐟ

❤︎ Request | He's learning anatomy for his art class—you'll help him, right? 3.1k wc ╰ feat. artist!shidou ryusei (bllk) x afab!reader

tags - lots of tension and build up at first, p*rn with plot, college au, artist! shidou, he and reader are both experienced, FILTHY, dirty talk, unprotected smeggs, rough smeggs, face f*cking, creampies, overstim, no y/n, not beta read

MEGA MASTERLIST

minors do not interact

"Yeah! I'll see you next week for my next assignment. Okay?"

Yeah right... next week...

You didn't peg Shidou as the type to flake on you, especially since he was the one who needed something from you. At first, you gave him the benefit of the doubt, then your mind wandered to impossible territory.

Maybe he found a different person to model for him.

Maybe you weren't good enough a model and he was getting low marks because of you...

But wouldn't that be his fault?

Maybe... he dropped out of class?

Every possibility crossed your mind, but not once did you think of actually asking him, "Hey, what's up with not calling me anymore to model for your art class? You know... THE THING WE DO WEEKLY?"

But pride does get the best of us. You are no different. Either the world ends or he grovels at your feet for ghosting you like that. Anyway, why did you care so much?

Shidou Ryusei only asked you to model for him for a few weeks for an art course he was taking. It just so happens you two were close and your schedules matched (and he thought you were really pretty). In exchange, he'd treat you after every drawing session. Ordinary stuff—that was until you slowly started to develop feelings for him.

There was something about the way he looked at you as he studied every minute detail—making sure they were all transferred to paper. He made you feel so... beautiful in ways you've never realized before. But most of all, you fell for such a creative and passionate spirit.

You were snapped out of your thoughts upon spotting a familiar hairdo across the quad. Your eyes met and you made sure not to waste this opportunity—glaring at him, making sure he knew how much he had pissed you off. Shidou looked left and right, possibly trying to find a way out of it. But maybe the intensity in your eyes worked because before you knew it—he was making his way to you.

"Hey..."

"Really? That's all you have to say after ignoring the texts I sent last week?"

"Eh... must've missed them," he lied.

"What about the time you saw me near your building? You missed me standing a meter away from you?"

"Guess so," he lied again.

His nonchalance made you want to rip your hair out. This hot-and-cold treatment was driving you up the wall. It was clear with the exasperated look on your face.

Though, his eyes never left yours—those same damn eyes that stared at you for hours. It was like there was something he wanted to say, but couldn't.

"Why did you even walk over here?"

He sighed like he didn't gave a shit. "You looked like you were about to murder me."

"Shouldn't you be running away then?" you countered. Shidou simply shrugged. "I'm not sure either."

You were about to unleash your fury, but he sighed loudly before continuing. "Fuck... fine. I've been avoiding you."

"Yes. I can clearly see that. The question is—why?"

"Look. I've been getting the highest scores in class because I have the luxury to have an actual person model for me... while everyone else relies on references on the internet or whatever," he explains. "But now... it's..."

"Isn't that a good thing then?" you asked—confused by his reasoning, but even more confused by his change in demeanor.

He shook his head. "Nah... it's just... I won't be needing you anymore."

Your jaw dropped. He said it so casually like it didn't just left a gaping hole in your chest.

"I mean," he backtracked. "We're gonna start drawing nude figures soon, so either you're willing to strip for me or—"

You cut him off. "Are you gonna draw my face with it?"

"Eh, all I need to draw now is the body since we're done with portraits and—"

You cut him off again. "Then draw me."

"Wha—" Shidou was cut off once more. "You heard me. Draw me," you say, as if challenging him.

It earns a hearty laugh from him—one you haven't heard in a while. "You're saying you're gonna stand butt naked in front of me while I stare at you for an hour or two? You know how that sounds, right?"

"It sounds like you're gonna stare at me butt naked for an hour or two."

You were so shameless, he thought. But it was one of the many things he liked about you. He chuckled, amused by the way things turned. Well... what kind of artist would he be to turn down such an enticing muse?

Shidou let out a low whistle as soon as the last article of clothing met the floor. You used to do these drawing sessions in the library—when all he had to observe from you were innocent things like your eyes, your hands, your hair, and so on.

But now that you have to bare everything to him, you figured the only place to do it was at his dorm. It was like what you imagined: cluttered but artsy enough that you could let it pass.

You stood awkwardly in the middle, feeling a bit chilly with nothing to protect you. But you posed, placing a hand on your hip while looking off to the side. That way, there wouldn't be any awkward eye contact.

Shidou sat down on a stool and quickly got to drawing. He said nothing as his eyes constantly flitted between the paper and your body.

The first few minutes in—you became hyperaware of everything. The fact that he was seeing absolutely everything. The absurdity of this entire situation. But most of all, the way your body was reacting to his gaze.

From your peripheral, you could see his gaze linger a bit too long at times. He'd bite his lower lip every so often and it made you feel conscious. Was he doing that because he could see your nipples hardening due to the temperature? Maybe he noticed the way you'd subtly rub your thighs together?

Whatever it was—it had him clearing his throat and shifting in his seat, seemingly uncomfortable.

Around 15 minutes pass, until he finally spoke. "Feeling tired yet?" he asked without looking up from his paper. You figured he was applying the final touches at this point.

"Yeah. A bit."

He hummed in response. "Get comfortable on my bed then."

"What? On your bed? Now?"

Shidou looked up from his paper. At this point both of you were desensitized by your nakedness (or so you thought). "Yes. Now. I have to draw you in at least 3 poses."

Three?

You gulped. But, once more, pride creeps up. You can't just challenge him to draw you naked so boldly—only for you to back down now. You gathered yourself and sat on his bed which was only a few steps away.

"Go on. You can get comfortable," he encouraged.

So you did. You lied down on your side, propping your head up on your hand. The scene that had unfolded reminded you of that one Titanic scene: Rose sprawled out for Jack to draw.

Knowing that, the moment felt too intimate. But you sucked it up... even though there was an unwanted wetness forming at your core.

Shidou shifted in his seat again, lowering his paper on his lap. "Alright, keep that position," he said, a bit strained.

In this position, you couldn't look off to the side. Your only option for the next few minutes was the wall behind him or Shidou himself.

At some point, your eyes met. There was something in his eyes you've never seen before. It wasn't the usual focus he had; it was something else. Something more intense.

But the 2nd pose passes soon enough and you were down to your last.

"What should I do now?"

He sighed, looking over his current sketches. "Lemme think. I'm having a hard time getting the details right."

"Maybe it's because you're sitting so far away," you commented—not thinking about what it implied.

His eyes zeroed in on you again—caught by your words. You want him to come closer with you like that and him slowly losing his composure? You were playing a dangerous game and you had no idea yet.

Shidou finally stood up from his chair, walking over to the bed. You weren't sure if it was just your imagination, but he was hard. His length strained against his fitted pants. The sight had your mouth watering.

He sat down beside you, eyes never leaving yours. The atmosphere seemed charged with the way you two found yourselves slowly leaning into each other.

"You look great," he whispered. It was something he always said in these sessions. It was a rather simple compliment. But it held more weight now.

"Thanks," you meekly responded. Neither of you realized how fast he inched towards you. His lips were a breath away. You showed no signs of backing away, so he went in.

He pressed his lips on to yours. The kiss felt hungry—needy almost—like he was fighting off this urge for so long. Before you knew it, his weight pushed you down on the softness of his bed. His scent enveloped every sense, clouding your judgement.

Shidou pulled away, breathless. "Pose like this."

He sat upright, eyes raking over your body. This time, he didn't hide the way his gaze would linger on certain parts. His hands ran down your legs, admiring the softness of your skin.

Then, without warning, he pried your legs open. But you didn't stop him. His pink irises trailed down to your core, seeing how wet you've gotten. Shidou thought he was drooling.

"Fuck... I wish I could draw this."

You feel your chest tightening. "Why not?"

"And let everyone see this?" his fingers ghosted over the skin of your inner thigh. "No chance in hell. I want to be the only one to appreciate my muse."

He let his thumb swipe through your folds softly before pressing lightly into your clit, earning a mewl from you. He kept circling the sensitive nub as if in a trance.

"I know what I want the last pose to be," he says. You moan a little louder as he rubs your clit faster. "Want your last pose to be you all fucked out... think you can do that?"

Words got caught in your throat. But it hardly mattered. It didn't seem like he'd take 'no' for an answer anyway.

Things escalated quickly because you soon found his finger plunging in and out of your quivering hole. He made sure to curve it in a way—relentlessly hitting that gummy spot on your walls.

He added another finger, wanting to hear more of your breathless moans reverberating throughout his room. To hell with it if his neighbors heard. This was music—it was art in its purest form.

"Shit... might just cum in my pants from this." He almost did after you clenched down on his fingers, cumming for the first time today.

Even as you coat his digits with your essence, he keeps pushing his fingers in and out until the fluttering died down a bit. He pulled his sticky fingers out before having a taste, savoring every last bit.

He made quick work of his belt, pulling down his pants and letting his member out. Your eyes widened. Not only was his size impressive, but his tip was incredibly swollen and leaky—like he couldn't wait anymore.

Shidou exhaled deeply, feeling the chill of his room brush over the sensitive length. He locked eyes with you again. "Care to take care of me a bit? My hand hurts from all that drawing... and... well, you know what else."

Normally, you'd bite back at his teasing. But your mind was fuzzy. All you could do was wrap your fingers around his length, slowly tugging it at first. The pleasure he felt after being so hard for so long took the strength from him. He almost fell on top of you if it weren't for his thick arms supporting him from either side of you.

"C'mon... do it fucking faster," he ordered. You obeyed—jerking him off as fast as you can without hurting him. It wasn't long before his own hand wrapped around yours as he continued to fuck into your fist. Next thing you knew—hot ropes of cum painted your stomach.

Even he was in a daze as he observed a part of him stained you in such an intimate way. He slowly leaned in, his breath fanning your face. "Hey, can I paint you like this? You look even better with my cum all over you."

You let go of his semi-hard member, slowly tracing his muscles up until you cupped his cheek. Gently, you pulled him down for a searing kiss. It was more than enough for him to know that you too wanted more.

He became rougher—biting your lip and fighting your tongue for dominance. As you pulled away for air, Shidou moved quickly to straddle your upper body. He shamelessly took his cock and slapped it against your lips a couple of times.

"Gonna have to help me get hard again, sweets. Help me out, won't you?"

Though he didn't really give you time to respond as he invaded your mouth inch by inch. One hand held the headboard while the other supported your head. He rolled his hips slowly, gauging how much you can take in at a time.

But, clearly, he underestimated you when you gripped his hips and pulled him in yourself. You felt his cock spring back to life steadily. He pulled out his hardened shaft, letting you breathe. It was only now you realized the grin that crossed his face. He was enjoying this way too much.

He went back to hovering over you, his cock bouncing at every move he made. Your body was jelly at this point—not even a bit of resistance as he flipped you over so easily. He licked a long stripe from your lower back up until your nape. The fresh saliva combined with the chilly air made you shudder.

He carelessly lifted up your hips. With your cheek pressed into his pillows and your ass up in the air, he only got harder at the sight. He leaned down to be eye-to-eye with this so-called masterpiece, your cunt.

His nimble fingers toyed around with your soaked folds, chuckling to himself. "Man, I don't think I could ever capture something so damn beautiful."

He gave it a quick lick to test. "Well, unless you let me get familiar with her long enough." Another lick. "Maybe I can capture at least half of its beauty." Another lick. "Don't you think?"

A muffled sound was the only thing he got from you. "Yeah? You're gonna let me get to know her? As an artist, I'm overjoyed right now. Maybe I should show you."

And show he did.

He lapped up at your arousal, tongue licking long stripes each time. Your legs threatened to give out every time he flattened the pink muscle against your twitching hole. It didn't take long before he started darting in and out. Helpless groans filled his small dorm room.

Big calloused hands squeezed the flesh of your ass, making sure you stayed in place for him to enjoy. He was so messy... so so messy. Shidou suckled on your clit—really trying to coax another orgasm from you.

It didn't take much more for you to cum again, but this time all over his mouth. He happily took in everything, reaping the fruits of his labor.

He gave your ass one quick kiss as if to show his thanks. But he wasted no time lining up his painfully erect cock against your entrance. "Fuuuuck, I need to be inside you already or I'm actually going to explode," he muttered.

At first, it was just the tip. But it stretched you out so good already. The needy whine that escaped you was a testament to that. It only made him grip your hips tighter, surely leaving a mark for you to see tomorrow. Carefully, he pushed in more of his length, feeling every bump of your pussy engulf him.

"Shit. This is the stuff."

But he got impatient, shoving in the rest of his length without warning. It was so tight, so warm—too inviting for him to handle. His hands left your hips, opting to find support on the mattress instead. His thick arms caged you as his chest pressed against your back.

He continued to whisper the filthiest things in your ear, kissing your neck occasionally. But for as slow and sensual his voice may seem, his hips snapped with reckless abandon. He wasn't shy about giving you your third and, maybe, fourth orgasm of the day while chasing his own.

"You finally understand why I didn't want to ask you?"

"Yeah... I knew I was gonna end up fucking you real hard."

"But this is so much better than what I imagined."

His words brought you over the edge, cumming again. But the overstimulation rendered you thoughtless. The only thing on your mind was how good he was dicking you down.

"Fuck... Ryu!" you screamed. His grin only grew wider.

"That's it. Scream my fucking name. Let them hear it."

Your wanton moans encouraged him to go faster, mercilessly pistoning into you. It wouldn't be a surprise if you came another time on his cock.

Shidou harshly grabbed your tit, hoisting both of you up into a sitting position. This way, his cock reached even deeper into you. He kneaded your neglected breast while keeping you steady by the waist.

He showed no signs of slowing—even reaching down to play with your clit. A tear was rolling down your face from how sensitive he made you. But he quickly licked the salty tear off of the curve of your cheek.

He whispered softly, "Cum with me."

Just like the obedient muse that you were, you did. You clamped down on him as he shot rope after rope of gooey seed into you. Finally, he slowed down a bit, letting him empty himself in your pulsing cunt.

As you calmed down and he softened, he gently laid you back down on the soft mattress of his bed. He watched as his cum oozed out of you, smirking to himself.

"My best piece of work yet."

©miyukisu do not repost/reupload/translate any of my works on other platforms

╰ author's note WHAT THE FUCK DID I WRITE DAWG I WAS SO ON EDGE THE WHOLE TIME HELP WHY IS IT SO FILTHY

[coichii]

winter ✭

—(🎧)—> when han realizes something’s wrong with you before you realize it yourself

pairing - newbf!han x fem!reader

genre - comfort, cheers to me failing a test !! ☻

word count - 0.8k

warnings - implied seasonal depression & post hiatus writing

Maybe it’s the winter air, maybe it’s the warmth of the beach being replaced with snow fall of small ice crystals in the sky. You don’t know, but it’s making you feel off.

It’s a feeling quite indescribable, but if there were a you could equate to it, it would be numbness. The source? No idea.

It always comes and goes during the cold, a shiver cold air radiating through your body as the feeling of winter does.

It’s hard to stick to a routine during the winter. Getting up at 7:00am, taking walks, exercising, drinking water? You can pretty much say those are all in the garbage.

The only sense of consistency left in your life is Han, and even that is a fairly recent addition. Knowing him isn’t, but kissing him and cuddling him? Yeah, that’s different.

It hurts so say the feeling doesn’t go away with him. It definitely gets lighter and fades away, but it’s still there lingering.

It could be school too, and you’ve already noticed the A’s slowly fading into B’s, into C’s, and slowly but surely, D’s.

To say it’s taking a toll on you would be an understatement.

< —— >

Fuck. No no no.

31% is what the computer screen infront of you reads. A final score for a critical quiz in your major class.

A buzzing starts in your head, one that rings your ears like a gong had just been hit next to them. One that is so heavy that it begins to blur your vision alongside the fresh hot tears in your eyes.

As if it couldn’t get worse, a faint knock is soon heard on the door of your college dorm room. You begrudgingly get up, groaning as you quickly shut your laptop and wipe the moisture from your eyes.

God I swear. I can’t deal with my roommates right n-

“Y/n? I’ve been wondering why you weren’t answering my text. It’s been days.”

Definitely not who you were expecting to be on the other side of the door.

“O-oh hi. Come in.” You usher, pointing him and softly closing the door behind him.

“I didn’t know it’s been that long, I’m sorry, Hannie.” You say half heartedly. You did genuinely feel bad, but you can’t muster up the energy.

You move to peck a small kiss on his lips, but he places his hands on your cheeks to stop you. He places his forehead on yours, eyes staring into yours as if he’s trying to read what your lips won’t give up.

“Is everything ok?”

You can feel a sting make its way through your body, but you ignore it. You have to ignore it.

“Yeah, I am. I promise I’ve just been b-“

“Baby, don’t lie to me. I’ve known you for long enough to know when you are. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been building up for so long, or it’s the look on his face or the tone of his voice. Whatever it is, it’s coming out.

“I-I really don’t know. I’m sorry Han, I don’t even know what I’m feeling.” You choke, a feeling of helplessness escaping its way from your heart.

“It’s like everything that I’ve been working for is falling apart in front of me, and it’s scary.” By now, he’s already wrapped his strong arms around your body, enveloping you in a comforting scent of lavender and love.

“I know. I know it’s scary. But you want to know something?” He proposes, and you sniffle and look at him, eyes filled to the brim with sincerity.

“You’re doing so well. You’re so smart, so strong, so independent. It’s okay to take breaks, it’s ok to struggle. Especially, it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to have moments where you feel like every thing is falling apart, but it’s important that you know it’s not.”

Have you ever felt a feeling like an immense weight being lifted off your shoulders? A feeling like a deep breath even though there’s no oxygen? If not, that’s surely what you’re feeling now.

“I love you. I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you.” You sniffle, scrubbing dripping tears off with your fist.

“Don’t say sorry. I forgive you. Forgive me for not coming sooner.” He says, rubbing the silk of your hair in a comforting manner.

“You have nothing to be forgiven about.” You mumble, clutching a fist onto his shirt where you hold yourself, still in the same area from where he had come in.

“Now you know how I feel when you keep saying sorry.” He teases, a small chuckle coming out as well. “Cmon, let’s get you something to eat and I’ll help you with anything you need.”

“Ok” you nod, following him as he opens and walks out the door of your room.

That’s what it will be. Everything will be okay when you have him.

[starlightmoon96]

Yandere TFP Ratchet x female human reader(Gundam model builder nerd) pt.1

(Not a lot of fanfics of gundam builder nerds and I figured that it would make a perfect combo for something a little different)

__

You where a gundam nerd, from the old models from the 90's to the much more modern ones. Even as a kid you had a strong love for them and would always ask your parents in getting you the model you wanted, your mom was confused why you wanted figurine models like a nerd that lived in his parents basement and never spoken to real women before. Though she saw that you where improving in school with your focus and ingenuity thanks to building the models, your father was on your side with the model building and supported it seeing how much it was helping. By the time you graduated high school you where already a master builder and model painter, so much so that you had gotten commission orders and started earning income for college.

As to how you met the autobots, well it was by accident really bulkhead had almost ran you over after you where in a hurry in getting the tools you needed for your recent commission order. That's where it started, it also worked great for you in having a new building area at the base for more of your detail works. Ratchet wasn't that happy when Optimus as assigned him to you as your guardian and you didn't argue much, you where living your greatest dream. To you it was like having real gundams around and you couldn't be any happier. The kids especially miko where impressed that you build gundam models and being paid in building them, Raf was impressed by the detail work you did with the hand painting of a master grade model that was for a commission.

When the kids were at school you stayed at the base a good chunk of the time since you did online classes and the large space you now had really helped you out, at first Ratchet was worried that you where a talking. But to his surprise you weren't when you where working on a model project or doing school work, he was happy that you understood the value of space and not speaking unless spoken too. You reminded him of himself especially seeing how focused you where in paying attention to details on your models, a lot like him with paying attention to detail whenever he works. He had grown curious into your building and painting, though he admits that he was impressed by some of the designs of the gundams especially the high grades in seeing the detail work and small parts.

Ratchet was impressed when you showed him the detail how too sheets in putting the models together, the amount of patients and being observant for what your liked building got his attention and he ended up started to talk to you and open up to you a little bit more.

To his surprise you wanted to know the model details of his species, you explained your reasons because of all the gundam you had watch and was curious. None of the human children of Fowler had ever asked that before and you where generally curious which he could tell, it had also brought up your science and engineer side that he had never noticed before upon him showing you his blueprints. Seeing your eyes sparkle seeing the blueprints fascinated him, he didn't think humans where capable of being mesmerized by cybertronian anatomy. He slowly started feeling close to you like thee other members of his team with the human children, though he was happy he had someone knew to talk too and understand.

When the children weren't around or the rest of the autobots where out, Ratchet would talk with you when you where at the base working on another model. Instead of building you where painting a 3-D model that you where being paid in doing for a client.

"You've been doing a lot of painting lately (Y/N), is there a reason?" Ratchet asked that out of curiosity and you replied while still staying focused on your model

"I have a deadline with some of these models, I also need the extra cash in paying my tuition loan. It's starting to breath down my neck. The faster I get these done the faster I get paid, not to mentioned my jerk landlord just increased my rent." Ratchet heard thee annoyance in your voice, you continued speaking as you sighed

"If I'm being honest with ya, I'm afraid I might have to move back with my parents if things get worse." Hearing that part Ratchet couldn't help but be a little concerned

"Didn't you mention something about not being from Jasper?"

"Yay I grew up around Los Vegas, serious nightmare fuel for builders like myself and a lot of freaks at night. I like Jasper because it's quiet and no crazy weirdos or basement nerds wanting my phone number." Where your words when you got focused back on your model that you where almost finished with, you didn't notice the look Ratchet was giving you while you where focused on something else. He had concern, he had finally found someone knew and interesting to talk to even if it was human. He started even enjoying your company and like listening to your conversations with him, he didn't want to lose you. Though when he realized that he started questioning himself about what he was feeling, now this is an old bot much like Optimus who wasn't the confident with his emotions and YOU knew right away that Ratchet had little to no experience when it came to romance. But he wasn't thee only bot you noticed that had that same problem, you easily could tell that Optimus Prime was in a worse bot than Ratchet when it came to love. Both felt appreciation and care but it wasn't the same thing, you could easily roast everyone's lives and choose not too in not being a jerk.

Despite your strong love in Gundams more than real guys you where an expert in dating, you had helped a lot of nerds getting girlfriends and they paid you well enough to cover half of your college tuition before you graduated. They even paid you extra in giving them a makeover, along with speak dating progress. When you moved you had to leave your match making business and it was when you had finished painting the model was when you had thee idea in restarting that business, using Jack and Miko in helping to spread the word would really help you out.

Now for Ratchet when he started to see you a little less after close to a week because of your online classes or had recently started your other side business with the help of the children, it had started making him a little depressed. It was in your absence that he realized that he had cared for you a little too much and was in denial of it, it didn't want to convince himself that he had developed feeling for a human. Little did he know that him in denial would make things worse....

[wonily]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀🎀﹕butterflies, butterflies!

♡ — giving enhypen butterflies

warnings : mentions of food & metaphorically passing out (ni-ki's part)

[ lily’s rambles : another repost from my old blog <3 this was one of my favorites and... i wrote it during my first period class ]

other members under the cut!

heeseung !

when heeseung put up an ad for a roommate (to split costs because he’s a broke college student :<) he did not expect a very, very cute person to see the ad. when he opened the door the day you were supposed to take a tour of the apartment, he did not expect to see a very, very cute person in front of him.

except he did :D and he forgot how to breathe. you were so cute !! and you were just smiling at him from his doorway with the biggest, kindest, brightest smile ever and he had to shake himself out of his trance to welcome you into his apartment. and that’s when he saw the steam rising and he could’ve sworn that his heart exploded.

you were holding a tray of ramen :( the same one he said he really liked on the ad he had posted. he had to stop himself from dramatically falling to his knees and clutching his heart because butterflies just exploded inside of him because wowie he thinks he just met the one, the only love of his life.

jay !

GAHH!!! you’ve broken him from the moment he laid eyes on you but he’s never going to let you know that. you were a new employee at the cute little dessert cafe he frequented and the moment he walked in, you took his breath away and replaced it with butterflies.

considering it was your first day, you didn’t know his usual coffee order so he took it as an opportunity to talk to you and when you told him it was your first day, he even asked you what your favorite dessert was !!

you shyly handed him his order and he retreated to the table that he always sat at (that was seemingly reserved just for him at this point) and his coffee tasted even better today because you had made it.

before he left, he bought the dessert that you had said was your favorite, smiled kindly, and handed it to you, now effectively leaving you flustered and, because he comes in everyday, him buying you a dessert became a tradition because he was still a little too scared to ask you out :< but it’s all worth it because the butterflies in his stomach go crazy around you.

jake !

he met you at the dog park while he was with layla :( layla was so happy to be running out and about, especially with her other friends that she had met the other times she’d come to this dog park.

but !! she spotted a new little dog shyly hiding behind someone (your) leg and immediately ran up to it and barked happily. the dog whimpered, still scared of its new surroundings and jake, seeing this, ran to tell layla to relax a little and he did, but he immediately closed his mouth after because he saw you and you were so cute :(

you giggled and assured him that it was okay and your dog would eventually warm up to layla and he just nodded because he was too scared to open his mouth, because he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from blurting out “YOU’RE CUTE”.

but he eventually started conversing with you because your dog was now besties with layla and they were practically attached to each other and then, he regained his confidence and asked you to go to the park again because layla would miss your dog :(((

sunghoon !

there’s no specific thing that you do that gives sunghoon butterflies… it’s more like your whole existence just makes his heart flutter. for example, when he first saw you outside the ice rink.

it was just a passing glance, he was just scoping out the area to make sure that he didn’t have to hide and the moment his eyes fell on you, he actually thought he was part of a kdrama where they play excessive music during an intense staring scene except he was the only one staring.

but of course, life is not a kdrama and he entered the ice skating rink. but, it turns out, he was absolutely positively wrong because his life is a kdrama !! he was just minding his own business, doing a little twirl in the air when he felt himself collide with someone and he immediately turned around to see you on the ice.

he helped you up, stammering apologies profusely and he was absolutely mortified when he realized that you were the very, very cute person he had seen outside. he was kind of frozen for a couple seconds as you assured him that you were fine and :DDD sunghoon’s back !! so what does he do? he takes on his ice prince duties and offers to buy you a hot chocolate (and when he doesn’t buy one for himself, he says it’s because he doesn’t like hot chocolate but that’s a lie !! he’s just feeling all warm and fluffy inside because you give him butterflies !!)

sunoo !

sunoo didn’t even realize he had a crush on you :< he’s always assumed that the fluttering feeling in his stomach when he saw you were simply friendly feelings because he’s always had such a bright outlook on life.

but oh, did he forget how to breathe when one day, you walked into class and gave him the brightest smile he’s ever seen. it was like fresh flowers were blooming out of his chest and butterflies were fluttering around in his heart and that was when he decided your smile was his happiness.

and from that day on, he tried his best to make you smile because the only thing that made him happier than your smile was the fact that he was the reason for your precious smile.

he literally lives for your smile :> if the two of you weren’t close before, you certainly are now because bit by bit you became friends and you, of course, have no problem with it because he’s literal sunshine !! and you smile whenever he smiles so :3 it’s a win-win for both of you– you smile and his heart goes boom boom !!

jungwon !

jungwonnie was just walking home one day from school when he felt raindrops starting to fall from the sky :( and he didn’t want to get wet so he zoomed into the nearest flower shop only to find himself face to face with the cutest person he had ever seen in his life (you, who quite coincidentally goes to his school & whom he’s had the biggest crush on for a good part of high school)

his cheeks went all pink, which is saying something because his cheeks are naturally rosy, and he stammered an apology. your smile made him so flustered and he was so scared that you’d think he was weird :( and he just zoomed right back out of there.

but then !! then !! he heard a tiny voice shouting back at him, “jungwon, jungwon, wait!!” and he turned around to see you running after him, with an umbrella over your head. you handed him the umbrella, flashed a smile, and ran back into the flower shop with your hands over your head.

jungwon just stood there stunned for the longest time before he realized he was soaked in rainwater because the umbrella you had given him was held loosely by his side. he ended up running home that day with your umbrella with the biggest smile on his face and that night, as he laid in bed, he couldn’t get your smile or your kindness or the way your hand brushed his out of his mind.

ni-ki !

it was a cold and windy day when he first felt the butterflies but it was a very welcome feeling because he felt like he was going to freeze into a popsicle while waiting in line for bungeoppang.

but when he walks up to the bungeoppang stall, he’s internally freaking out because oh my gosh !! the person working (you, a high school student in need of money) is so cute !!

his throat felt all dry when he tried to ask for one bungeoppang and when he finally did, you laughed and he nearly passed out from how pretty your laugh sounded. and then your hand brushed against his when you handed him his bungeoppang, which was bundled warmly in a napkin and he only managed to splutter a little ‘thank you!’ before practically zooming away, cheeks burning.

he came back every single day after that without a fail. he eventually got to the point of holding cute little conversations with you but it took some time because he was so shy :&lt;

he always managed to slip in a little joke in your conversations just to hear you laugh and warm happiness would bubble in his chest whenever you did. and don’t tell anyone but he was so glad you never really questioned him.

of course, you just thought he really, really liked bungeoppang and don’t get him wrong, of course he loves bungeoppang (especially now because it brought him to meet you) but he likes you so much more.

[darling-i-read-it]

Whispers

Dalton Lambert x fem!reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: insidious 5 spoilers, literally i think tahts it 

Author’s Note: In theory this is a part 2 to blue paint but honestly could be written by itself if you just squint lol. Everyone wanted me to write more for dalton and i was at WORK people but i am here to provide a plotless fluff. An old classic style of mine 🫡Also this fic could literally be called ‘maya googles whispered synonyms’ 

Everyone that asked to be tagged <3 : @geeksareunique, @chaoticxbee, @snixx2088, @ellaneyt, @bespinnn, 

Summary: The night you and Dalton just kind of let your relationship silently grow to avoid the horror of his situation. 

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

You could feel sleep starting to overtake you. It was in your eyes, the drooping of your lids as you sat against the twin bed. Dalton was sitting on the ground as well, across from you. You narrowed your gaze at him, pursing your lips. You both had class in the morning. He still had blue paint stained on his face. You had leaned him over the sink and scrubbed to no avail. Finally you had both given up, conceding to his embarrassment in the morning. 

The sticky heat of the day had given way for the night chills. You could feel the difference in the cracked window. The breeze had started to get to you so you threw a blanket over your shoulders. 

Dalton, not wanting to fall asleep, sat across from you with a hoodie on. 

“Uno.” 

“No way,” you muttered. You looked at the cards in front of you, a large stack turned upwards and a yellow 7 card on top. “You just had like 15 cards. Take off your hoodie.”

“No!” Dalton exclaimed, laughing a bit. 

“You’re cheating. There’s no way I missed that. I’m literally the only other person here,” you offered. He shook his head. The clock was ticking away past midnight. 

“It’s late, you’re just starting to get delirious.” You shook your head, tossing your stack of cards down beside you. Usually you would never let a game go, especially one that was decently close. But you weren’t sure if you were even going to wake up to your alarm in the morning, let alone go to class. 

“Am not.” 

“I told you to go to bed hours ago.”

“Didn’t want you to sleepwalk on me,” you muttered. 

“Astral project.” 

“Whatever.” You looked up at the window. You could see the moon outside tonight in the clear sky. It had been a while since you saw the nighttime in a peaceful way. You were so used to being passed out by the time any kind of sereneness came along, or at a party trying not to pass out. It had been too long since it was just you and the night sky. And Dalton. 

Your phones were laying on the bedside table, out of the way and silent. You told Dalton to call his mom but he refused. He said he could do it on his own. He was probably just overreacting, he promised you. Overreacting didn’t make someone stay up late before an 8:30 class but you decided not to mention that. 

“I think I’m out D,” you muttered through a yawn. He nodded. He still looked wide awake, sans the bags under his eyes. 

“I wish we had a TV in here.” 

“Then we could watch Nightmare on Elm Street,” you joked. He half smiled, one of his cute little smirks. When you came to college you never thought you would admire these quieter nights the most. 

“Yeah.” You stretched, trying to shake the sleep out of your eyes. 

“I think I’m still gonna try to go to class tomorrow.”

“You know I don’t have a choice.” You nodded once and stood up, stretching. You felt your body expand as a satisfying calmness came over your body. Dalton grabbed the uno cards at your feet and started to put them in the box. “My last card was red by the way. You could’ve won it.” 

“Rematch tomorrow,” you suggested. You put your blanket over the empty bed. It looked like it hadn’t been slept in. There was no indent of a human having been there, no one having a good night's sleep. Though it didn’t look exactly comforting, it also didn’t look unappealing to your tired mind. Dalton had given you one of his pillows. You plugged in your phone beside you and glanced over at Dalton’s side of the room. You had looked at his drawings before but never studied them. 

Things seemed clearer at night. 

There was a picture of his mom at the piano above his pillow. He was moving around, shuffling, getting ready for bed and doing the last things he needed to. His head obscured your view. 

“She’s beautiful,” you whispered. “Your mom.” He looked at his sketch like he had forgotten it was there. 

“Thanks,” he muttered. His eyes lingered for a moment. You wanted to ask if he missed her but you didn’t. Putting him in that sort of emotional position would’ve been too much for so late. “She writes music. I remember when I was a kid she would sit at the piano when she had a moment to herself. My dad was always working so I guess I thought it was her job.” He shrugged. His eyes moved away.

“She sounds like a nice lady.” 

“She is. She deserves better than that guy,” he grumbled. He sat down on his bed. You were still sitting on yours. You hadn’t climbed under the covers, even though the cold was nipping at your arms. Chris’s words lingered in your brain for a bit, the prospect of staying in the same twin bed. You shook it off and went to grab the edge of the blanket. 

Dalton’s eyes stayed on you. He didn’t want to go to bed yet. 

“Do you mind the night light?” he asked, voice laced with exhaustion and a little embarrassment. 

“Nope. I like a little mood lighting.” You climbed under the covers. Once your head hit in the pillow it was like relief flooded through your bones. You reached up and turned off the lamp beside the bed. You could still see the outline of Dalton. His face, his hair. “I like your hair when it’s down,” you whispered. Your voice was gentle, slightly fueled by the lack of sleep. You could see him turn to look at you as he was getting under the covers. You nuzzled your head into the pillow. 

“Thank you,” he muttered, awkwardly. You smiled. You liked it when he squirmed a little bit. 

“I set an alarm.” 

“Okay.” There was a silence. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight Dalton,” you whispered. Your name hung on his lips but he didn’t say it out loud. Instead he just watched as your eyes shut into an even calmness. The contours of your face were illuminated by his night light.

He rested his cheek against the pillow. 

He admitted to being potentially dangerous to you and you stayed. He felt safer with you. Like he wasn’t in this alone. 

You fell asleep in 15 minutes. He could tell because your face was completely relaxed. There was no tenseness in your features, no worries about anything except getting rest. When he was positive you had drifted off he sat up, grabbing his sketchbook off the center table. 

He had drawn nothing but dark memories lately. A red door with blood haunted him. A face he didn’t recognize but one that he knew, watched him sleep. After the darkness flooding his brain he was happy to think of his mom. He was happy to remember her when she was tranquil. He liked the sketches that were less cursed. 

He started to sketch you. 

His eyes adjusted to the darkness easily. Maybe if he was super tired the next night then he wouldn't be able to dream or astral project. Just sleep. He wouldn’t mind spending tonight sketching you with observing eyes. He drew your hair as it fell in front of your face. The way your fingers gripped the blanket. Your eyes, fluttering with dreams. He wondered what you were dreaming of. He wondered if you ever dreamt of him. 

Just the thought brought a redness to his cheeks. 

He grabbed his airpod to put on some music. 

The room was so still. 

Your blanket touching the ground. The wind from the cracked window. Your even breathing, mixing with his, the only living sounds in the space. His dried paint on the table. The light from the hallway seeping in under the door. His unpacked bag at the foot of your bed. 

Your bed. That wasn’t your bed. That was an empty bed, one that would be filled by anybody. 

He sketched your nose. 

That could be your bed. He had nothing against that. A sleepover every night, a buddy to help protect him from the nightmares. He thought of his parents. His brother. His little sister. He was safe. 

He turned the focus onto your closed eyes. He was listening to some indie rock or something, whatever he had playing from earlier. He wondered what kind of music you listened to. 

You moved. You hummed under your breath, eyes fluttering open. It hadn’t been that long since you fell asleep, maybe only an hour. It was two in the morning.

You forced your eyes open. Dalton was still awake, sitting against the wall. 

“Still can’t sleep?” you whispered. The sleep remained in your eyes. 

“Not sure where I’ll float too.” You nodded. You slowly sat up, keeping your blanket around your shoulder. “What’re you doing?” he whispered. Speaking any louder would break the muffled moment. 

You shuffled over to his side of the room. He looked up at you, shielding his sketchbook. You barely noticed it. You stood at the side of his bed. There was a beat where neither of you moved. You nodded towards the bed. 

“Lay down.” He squinted, unsure of what your intentions were. He put the sketchbook on the side of the bed, onto the floor. He had it facing the ground so you wouldn’t see your face. He couldn’t let you know how he perceived you quite yet. 

He did as he was told. When he was comfortable you moved his blanket aside and got under the covers. You put your blanket over his so you had double the warmth. 

Dalton froze. 

Did he put his hand on you? Did he just let you be? He had to touch you, there was no way he could sleep here, stiff as a board, all night. 

“I don’t have cooties D,” you whispered. You easily got comfortable beside him. Your eyes stayed open as you looked at him, straight ahead. “You can touch me,” you said, even lower, so much so that your voice almost gave out. “If this is okay.” 

“It’s okay,” he promised. You smiled sleepily. 

He put his hand on your side and you pushed yourself closer to him. You took the initiative and placed your hand over his waist. He moved so that you could nuzzle yourself into his chest. He tried not to breathe too heavily but he was sure you could hear his heart beating out of his chest. 

“Sleep,” you breathed. “I’ll keep you grounded.” 

His breath hitched. He finally closed his eyes. 

He fell asleep quickly with you in his arms. He remained in his spot the whole night, the first time in a week. 

[jq37]

FH Junior Year Post-Season Thoughts

With another season of Fantasy High in the books and my recaps all finished, I wanted to do an overview of my thoughts on the season as a whole. Even though I feel generally positive about my experience with the season, there are a few things I think maybe could have been done differently narratively or mechanically. This isn't to criticize the way the season went down or to backseat DM/Play. More my combined ten years of college for textual analysis and storytelling bleeding through, haha. 

I first want to start with the things I thought worked really well.

Fantasy High has "High" right in its title but, in past seasons (and especially Sophomore Year), not as much time as you'd think was spent actually at school and even if it was spent at school, there wasn't much time spent in class or engaging with the realities of being a student. This season really dug into the academic consequences of skipping your classes all the time and the realities of needing to do a ton of extra stuff to try for a scholarship and I think that was a refreshing thing to highlight for a change. Being more scared at flunking out than the dragon that's trying to eat you feels very emotionally resonant. Real "High School Is Killing Me" vibes for anyone who's a fan of NPMD. 

Even though Fantasy High is a show that has some deep emotional beats and strong character arcs, it's first and foremost a comedy show. From the jump, everyone was generating bit after bit that had me cracking up as usual. "Little girly dog collar" is one of the funniest combinations of words I can think of. I think it was Siobhan who said that this was the goofy season and, having seen it, I'd have to agree with her. It never failed to make me laugh and it was always a highlight of my week.  The cast just has great table chemistry that I love to watch no matter what they're doing. 

Watching some of these high level combat encounters is as close as I'll get to understanding people watching sports. Even though combat is generally my least fave part of D&D, I think the cast really killed it this season with how cleverly they played and Brennan came up with some really great combat encounters. Special shout outs to Baron's Game and The Last Stand for their unique mechanics.  

This is going to be one that's on the other list as well because my feelings are mixed, but I genuinely do like the downtime mechanic and how it forces hard choices. I think it's an interesting way to connect a mechanic to the story and cultivate stressful atmosphere for the season.

I have problems with the execution but I love the Rat Grinders in concept. I think as early as season 1 I was hoping that we'd meet a party that was like the Bizarro Bad Kids and the idea of a party that's farming XP instead of going on crazy adventures is a strong concept. Likewise, I think a character that's jealous because of your "cool" (read: tragic) backstory is also a fun trait for an unhinged antagonist in this kind of setting.

This is me absolutely showing my bias but I adored the Abernant Sisters content this season. I dunno if Siobhan specifically asked Brennan to not put her on a bus with the other beloved NPCs or what but I'm so glad she stuck around and we got the development we did. It was almost entirely ancillary to the plot but there was this clear pattern of Aelwyn getting softer and sweeter towards Adaine over the course of the season, from the guarded, "Enjoy the nemesis ward," to, full I love you's and, "I'd take them to get you." It was way more focus than I expected considering that Aelwyn completed the bulk of her arc last season and a lot of the time, a redemption arc basically ends after the big gesture (in this case, Aelwyn taking a magic blast for Adaine in Sophomore Year). So the fact that we got to see all of these sweet moments of them reestablishing their relationship outside of do or die moments was such a pleasant surprise. Again, I fully admit I am extremely biased, but this was my top wishlist item and the season overdelivered so there's a baseline happy I'm always gonna be with Junior Year. 

OK, so moving on to things I things I think could have been tweaked.

Even though I liked the downtime system and the pressures it created, it also squeezed out the chance for more casual PC to NPC interactions that would usually be more common because they were semi-locked behind the relationship track and there wasn't an obvious benefit to roll for Relationships (as opposed to something like Academics which was crucial for not flunking out). Making the mechanical benefit more clear would have helped that (even if it meant Brennan didn't get his reveal--which he ended up just telling them anyway so might as well do it early). The other thing is that the consequence of a rage token was so bad that of course they spent all season avoiding getting one. Things might have gone differently if the consequences had been a bit more obscured, like in Neverafter. And it could have been a nice parallel to the Rat Grinders to take this unknown resource that makes things easier for you but is also having this negative effect. Then it could be like dang we did the same thing they did unknowingly. 

I mentioned this in my recap but I'll talk about it again. It is a little confusing to me that we did the Ankarna subplot right after we did the very similar Cassandra subplot. It took up so much time this season which I don't think is an issue in and of itself, it's just that we literally just went through some extremely similar beats last season. Why double up on this same storyline when there's so much new ground to cover? Or if we're going to raise a god, why not make it a different kind of god? One theory I had early on was that the Rat Grinders were trying to raise their own god to one-up the Bad Kids but instead of raising a chill, misunderstood Cass type, they accidentally raised a god who was erased for a good reason and got in over their heads. 

It's fun for there to be connections between seasons but sometimes it's like, OK that's a *lot* of coincidences. Like the god who your rivals is trying to raise *happens* to be the wife of your cleric's god and also *happens* to be the god of the fiend trapped in your friend's mom's chest and that fiend *happens* to be the relative on your bard's dad's side which is *also* the reason she is randomly cursed? That's a LOT of red string connecting plot points. As unhinged as Kipperlilly is about coveting Riz's backstory if I saw that go down I'd be like you have *got* to be kidding me.  

The mystery elements didn't feel like they clicked as well as they did in other seasons. I think that's partially because Porter's plan was so convoluted (seriously, I made another post about how haphazard his plan was) and had all these moving parts and we didn't get clear answers for a lot of mechanical things like how the rage crystals actually work and when they were implanted and stuff. You had stuff like Devil's Honey which I think is super cool as a thing that exists in the world but ended up being an element that just led the players down the wrong path and had a relatively small payoff (that Porter was using it to lie to Ankarna). I think it's plausible that a forgotten god would be willing to listen to anyone saying the right things without introducing this element. (As opposed to, for instance, Ambrosia which has a very clear connection to what's going on and is a solid clue that someone is flirting with aspirations of godhood.) 

The Porter reveal came so late in the season that even though it was a fun/challenging fight, there wasn't a lot of emotional weight behind killing him. It was basically just dunking on a teacher Fig has always hated who was also mean to Gorgug so screw him. Which, valid of course. But the Bad Kids were never going to react as strongly to Porter as they were to the Rat Grinders so putting Porter in the prime villain spot isn't necessarily what I would have done if I wanted the fight to be more than just a brawl--especially since we've done "School admin with student minions" already in S1. I don't mind the full circle callback but it would have been nice to pick something else for the sake of variety. We haven't had a child mastermind yet and I think Kipperlilly could have been a great candidate for that. My friend suggested that it would have been fun if Kipperlilly was trying to become a god instead of just being Porter's underling and I agree. "I'm not anyone's chosen one so I'll choose myself," is still within her established jealousy and Type A tendencies. If we want to keep Porter involved since that was Brennan's gift to Emily, maybe have it be that instead of Kipperlilly working for him, he's working for her. Like Artemis Fowl vibes! And the Rat Grinders can be varying levels of on board--from true believe to redeemable. I don't think Brennan planned for the Bad Kids to ever redeem her so might as well go full megalomaniacal mastermind with her and make her The Villain if she's not gonna be nuanced anyway. If My Little Pony can do it and send a literal child to Tartarus for pony treason (or whatever Cozy Glow did), Fantasy High can too. 

Continuing from the above, if we have the Porter fight in place of the Grix fight (a la Daybreak) and don't use Ankarna, that gives way more time for the Bad Kids to investigate the Rat Grinders throughout the season and it would mean that they would have their personalities developed a lot more. With the limited downtime, they Bad Kids didn't have a lot of time to spend on these kids who were just hating on them for no good reason (valid). But if you cleared their plate of the god hunt stuff, they'd have more time for this. And if they weren't all rage zombies to varying degrees, it would be easier to see them as characters. Besides Kipperlilly (and, funnily enough, Mary Ann) we don't really have a good read on what these kids are actually like. The little time we spent with them all season was kind of a wash if them breaking out of rage means their personalities got laundered too. Anyway, regardless of how their loyalties ended up shaking out, it would have been fun for them to be more than the minions that they were in canon. As funny as it is for them to just kinda be XP farming losers, they did have the potential to be more interesting in their own right if they weren't just Porter's minions. And again, we've done adults forcing or coercing children into being minions in Freshman and Sophomore Year already. Lemme see some self-created child maniacs! (Or, peer pressured child maniacs. That's cool too. The Lucy/Kipperlilly dynamic is way more interesting to me if it's like girl, I would take a bullet for you but I CANNOT walk this path with you any further in response to *I* will be a god and you can be *MY* champion.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts! Like I said, I have my points that I think could have been tightened, but overall an enjoyable season and I will be glued to my screen if they decide to close out with Senior Year! 

[luvrsux]

“Taking His Anger Out”

word count: 4k

summary: you and ace have had a sweet relationship for years but as soon you’re both adults you’ve been arguing. ace only knows how to apologize in one way

cw: nsfw!! major swearing, arguing, mentions use of alcohol and drugs, fingering, creampie, degrading, minor cock warming

You and the infamous Portgas D. Ace were in a long term, romantic relationship for as long as you could remember. You recall him having a long arm around you when you threw your High School graduation cap in the year of completion. Even before then, the connection shared between you was unbreakable. Everyone figured you two would’ve been a couple sooner or later.

Now, you were a college student halfway in your studies. Life couldn’t have been better for you once you stood on your own two feet—especially in your own apartment you’ve been renting. Ace, though, attended a different school than you due to two different ambitions. Ace was a regular jock in highschool, so it was a no brainer that it overflowed into his college days. Parties, drinking and frequently being intoxicated was fueling Ace all throughout college. Although, from the two separate careers and buildings, you’d still welcome him in your home and vice versa a few times a week. Every night ended in the same fate. You two would share drinks, even roll a few joints to puff and pass time. Eventually, he’d rock your body until your eyes panned nothing but fuzz and the feeling of pure euphoria. The morning after was consistent. Ace would hold you close all night long, and resented the fact you had to get up bright and early for classes that day.

“No… stay with me”

Ace would murmur the words into your ear, it being the immediate cause of your defeat to procrastinate in bed a little longer. Other than drugs and sex, Ace loved napping or sleeping with you more than anything—especially after rocking your brains out silly.

Not everything stays perfect, though. Over the last few days, it was filled with nothing but sinister remarks and heated arguments. It was the end of the semester and stress was the only emotion you could feel and Ace was becoming a nuisance to you from his immature and irresponsible behavior. Granted, you were quite the party goer yourself, but Ace didn’t know when to stop. You hadn’t remembered the last time you two shared a wholesome, loving moment from the vast amounts of arguments. Now, laying on your cold and isolated bed, you rebooted the most recent argument in your head that was debatably the worst one yet.

“(F/N), what’s your problem?” Ace had a bare arm on your kitchen counter with an irritated expression. Your entire attire explained your current state; stressed and exhausted.

“My problem is you decided to burst into my house unannounced, high off your goddamn ass when I’m trying to study” You pinched your temple with a hand on your hip. You heard the jock scoff.

“So now all of sudden I can’t come over? We’ve been doing this for years now, do you not know that?” As you said, Ace wasn’t sober upon arrival. Due to this current argument, though, you managed to completely sober him up.

“That’s not the fucking point! I have literally been texting and calling you all night so you can come over, but when I give up and start focusing on myself you want to be an irresponsible moron!” You snapped back. Ace formed a sarcastic smile and poked his tongue from the inside of his cheek.

“I was at a party, I fucking told you! I can’t just have my eyes glued on my phone because of you, (F/N)! Plus, you act like you aren’t getting high off your own ass, don’t bring that shit!” Ace replied. His demeanor was going to make you explode.

“But you couldn’t check once? Seriously? I was worried, for fucks sake!”

“It’s not my fault you decided to rot in this fucking place all by yourself all the time! You could’ve came with” Ace gestured his arms to point to your home. “Hell, I should’ve dragged your ass if it meant I didn’t have to hear your mouth!”

“Wow,” You crossed your arms. “You are well aware I have finals coming up” You felt your chest tighten. “Actually, you don’t! Considering the fact you spend 90% of your college days partying and blacking out drunk!”

“Oh, sorry that I actually know how to have fun! Sorry I don’t want to be seen as boring” He hissed, referring to you.

“Fuck you, Ace! You’re so self absorbed you forgot who you even were, asshole!” Your voice cracked, signaling your emotions were about to take a toll on your own mental state.

“Fuck me?! I’m trying to understand where the hell this came from when I was trying to see my fucking girlfriend!” Ace pointed a hand at you, meanwhile you were trying to hold back any tears that dared to escape.

“Because I physically can’t fucking stand you, Ace! I can’t!” You saw Ace completely freeze. He felt his heart sting at your troubled words. Before he could consider that you were emotionally exhausted from school and it being the reason you spoke nonsense, he let his pride shield that completely.

“I’ve been trying to handle you and my own assignments at the same time but this is fucking insane! You are so inconsiderate, it’s baffling to me! Not everything revolves around you!” You spoke without thinking. In reality, you didn’t mean a single word that left your mouth but you didn’t know that.

“Consider the feeling mutual, (F/N)” Is all Ace said. You paused, heavily breathing.

“What?”

“I can’t fucking stand you anymore, (F/N)”

After his sinister statement, he grabbed his keys that laid on the marbled counter and approached the front door. Your guilt came flooding in like a tsunami.

“Wait- Baby, c’mon I didn’t mean it-“

“So why the hell did you say it? Hm?” You saw that he had tears in his eyes himself. He truly loved you, and every second with you. Through the good and the most ugly, the firm, fiery grip he had on your heart never loosened.

“Ace, I’m just-… I’m just stressed and you- C’mon babe you know I love you-“

“Cut that bullshit, (F/N)! You’ve made it very clear where your feelings are” His voice cracked, similarly to yours from a few moments ago.

“Just—… Leave me alone”

With that, all you were met with was the clicking sound the front door made when Ace made himself out.

You remember staring at the door in complete guilt and defeat. Surely you thought you single handedly ruined your entire relationship with one fight. The entire incident happened three whole nights ago, but it felt like it was just yesterday. There was no sign that Ace ended things between you, considering he’d keep his shared photos between you two all over social media—which you greatly appreciated. Your eyes were dry of tears after the quarrel, and all you could think about was your cowboy of a boyfriend.

Ace felt shattered by your words, but also his own actions. He only blamed you for the entire duration back to his own place. As soon as he secluded himself in the comfort of his shared apartment, he realized he should’ve been more considerate of your schedule. Ace also realized that he’s been rather a reckless student and a reckless boyfriend. In all honesty, you were the first serious relationship he had. Anything else prior were one night stands or quick week-long flings. The spell you put on him the day he set eyes on you is something he’d never forget, not even after his last breath of air escapes his lungs.

Ace tried substances to make him blur out the ordeal but nothing. He was saddened to see you hadn’t messaged him once, despite him asking him for space. He missed you, more than anything. His roommates, Sabo and Marco, pitifully watched him wallow. Ace thanked them, though, for at least trying to help him feel better with certain things.

You took it upon yourself to finally break the ice. You knew Ace wasn’t going to do it because he either was drowning in his own pride or was terrified you’d resent him for his actions. All you did was slip shorts under your oversized graphic tee and a pair of rundown sneakers.

“(F/N)?” You saw Sabo answer the door. Considering you’ve only spoken to your boyfriends brother a select few amount of times, and also the current situation he most likely knew about, you felt extremely awkward.

“Is Ace home?” Is all you asked. Sabo turned his head to peer to a Marco that looked just as clueless. Marco shot him a dumbfounded shrug for Sabo to turn back to you with a sigh.

“He is, but he’s kind of locked in his room” Sabo informed. The intel made your heart crack, knowing you were the cause of it. Sabo moved aside to let you in without another word.

“His room is down the hall” Sabo pointed as if you were completely foreign to his residence. You didn’t bat an eye to the blonde and strut down to Ace’s cove.

Your knuckle gently knocked on the door. Nothing. You drummed your knuckle on the wooden door again to finally get a response.

“Sabo, Marco… I really don’t care” He muffled through the door. You bit your lip from the sheer amount of nerves coursing your veins. You didn’t hesitate to turn the knob to burst into his room.

“Thats no way to treat your roommates”

You tried to lighten the room, which was barely illuminated. The street lights were the only light source inside. The pungent scent of earthy marijuanna and alcohol punched your nose like a boxer.

“(F/N)…?” Ace said weakly. His voice made you close the door behind for simple privacy. You heard Ace’s body shuffle to stand up and flick on his bedside lamp.

The light shined on Ace’s dead face. His eyes were swollen and framed by dark circles. It seemed as if he’d been in a miserable state for eons. His expression was newborn to you and nothing you were used to. The only thing that stayed were his, what only you described, cute freckles.

“Baby…” You whispered. The sight completely broke your heart more than it already was. You immediately ran to cup his face and sit beside him. You felt his body shake.

“Why are you here? You didn’t text me once” Ace moved your hands away, not knowing if he should be happy or angry at the mere sight of you.

“You said you wanted to be alone…” You replied. Ace averted eye contact and his eyes admitted defeat.

“I was also scared you were angry at me, which you should be” You continued. The jock slowly nodded his head up and down.

“Well, you’re right” He murmured. You felt a lump in your throat.

“Look, we both did unforgivable things, Ace. Let’s be honest…” You knew if you disagreed with him it’ll only create a back and fourth bicker.

“Especially you” He replied, standing his ground. You felt slightly offended by his words.

“Okay well, you were the one being inconsiderate” You reminded. Ace rolled his eyes.

“Don’t fucking start, babe…” He groaned.

“I’m starting now?” What you thought to be a comforting, civil conversation turned into yet another bicker.

“Oh, Jesus christ” He hissed.

You felt a strong hand grip your delicate throat. His sudden movement shocked the core out of you. You yelped and tried to stress your breathing that was slowly being restricted by your angry boyfriends hand.

“You don’t understand how badly I wanted to fucking see you. You take up most, if not all, of my brain but you just can’t seem to stop being an annoying little brat, can you?” Ace crept his face towards your own. The doe eyes you gave him did something lethal to him.

“A-Ace…” You tried to speak, only to receive a stronger grip. You couldn’t lie, you were enjoying your new necklace.

“Shut your pretty mouth, (F/N). You don’t know how badly I missed you, but you refuse to understand” He threw you on your back and hovered over you. His grip lightly loosened but never detached from your neck.

You felt his necklace press against your chest as he lowered his head to the crook of you neck. You felt his hot breathing on the lobe of your ear.

“I guess I’ll just have to show you what the fuck you’ve been doing to me, slut”

His devilish voice zapped your very core. Ace finally parted his hand from your neck and lifted your rugged tee to expose your chest.

“Seriously? No bra? It’s like you wanted me to fuck you after our little reunion” He cupped one of your breasts into his hand, letting the sensitive bud poke in between his fingers. He groped and fondled them with force, pulling on your buds to get a yelp out of you.

“Ace…~” You whimper. He was completely giving you whiplash from his sudden shift but you couldn’t complain. Sure, you’d have amazing sex with Ace frequently but this was a rare sight.

“I missed that pathetic voice, baby” He said with a hoarse tone. He didn’t stop pleasuring your chest and bowed down to crash his lips against your own with passion.

You synced your lips with his familiarly. It became muscle memory at this point. You two would exhale in the middle of the kiss and he’d grunt from his own excitement. Ace parted his lips from yours to leave a trail of sweet, dark lovemarks and bites. He wanted to mark what was rightfully his, and you adored it.

You latched a hand on his head to grip his dark locks. You heard a shaken groan leave his lips while he was in the middle of going to town on your neck and collarbone. You knew he absolutely thrived for your grip on his shaggy hair.

“I’m gonna make you feel like your legs are gonna fall off, baby~” He breathed out. You felt his rough hands grip the sides of your thighs.

“Yes, sir” That name made Ace go crazy. He jerked his body off your upper half and focus on what was important. He yanked off your loose shorts and press his two digits against your entrance. Your slit throbbed at his mere touch. Ace would feel the wetness seeping through your lace.

“Good, the bratty slut is already ready for me” He chuckled. This index and middle trailed up and down your slit teasingly. Ace was ready to tear you apart like he hadn’t stretched you out in ages, but teasing you was a more pleasurable sight.

“Please, Ace…” You murmur submissively. The eyes that were once admiring your laced entrance glistened up at your, what can only be described as pathetic to Ace, face.

“Please what, doll?” He cooed. Ace slowly peeled the cloth that covered your wetness to the side for him to gently caress it. The mere feeling on his fingertips was enough for him to bite his lower lip. You couldn’t stop your submissive whimpers and moans.

“C’mon, (F/N). Use your words” He rubbed your throbbing bud with a single finger in a circle. The sensitive feeling coursed through your body like never before. Ace longed for an answer to come out your lips.

“Please… Please f-fuck me~” You stammered. Those words were enough for Ace to shove his two digits inside your warm entrance. The velvet walls wrapped around his fingers tightly.

You released a small yelp as you felt him plunge his fingers without a single warning. He didn’t hesitate to quicken his pace, leaving you no room to think or react.

You felt your hands grip the sheets with pleasure. Ace made sure to curve his fingers to perfectly kiss your g-spot with every thrust. At this point, his two roommates were on the verge of hearing your lustful noises from outside.

The walls around Ace’s finger began to tighten around him. He felt you spasm your legs and buck your hips into his fingers, growing more and more desperate to reach your climax—but Ace didn’t agree. As your head was thrown back and your eyes rolled, he plucked his now sticky, dewed fingers out of your cave.

“I wanna feel you cum on something else, baby. Be a good girl and wait a little longer”

You whines in response. Your pussy was throbbing, screaming for more of Ace’s touch or something even more. You rubbed your legs together in protest as your impatience grew while watching Ace undo his pants.

“I said…” He breathed. Before you knew it, you were thrown on your stomach with your rear propped up in front of him. You moaned at Ace’s aggressive touch, and it only risen once you felt his hand forcefully plunge your head into the cushioned bed.

“Be fucking patient, you whore”

He growled. His other hand guided his hardened member along your soaked slit, teasing you a little bit more. You felt completely pathetic under Ace’s control. Sure, he was needy and rough, but this dominance was only occasional. Only when you were really getting on his nerves; like today.

You continued to whine at the feeling of Ace trace his member along your lips and clit. You were getting beyond antsy to feel him spread your walls further out with the girth of his cock.

“Stop teasing, baby” You murmur, only for it to be muffled from the mattress. “I.. I need you~”

Ace’s hand trailed from your messy hair to the back of your neck, giving it a tender squeeze. He merely slid the tip in, making your body’s neediness spike.

“Of course you do, you slut. You can’t even wait a few seconds, sweetheart”

He pulled his tip out to form a small string of juices connecting you two. As soon as it snapped, Ace plunged his member with every last inch inside of you. He smashed against your cervix like a collision on the freeway. Nothing prevented you from screaming at the top of your lungs from the immense pleasure from one thrust. You heard Ace hiss and groan when he felt himself enter you.

He moved the hand that was once at your neck to your drooling mouth. Your light moans and whimpers now muffled once again.

“Be fucking quiet, yeah? Sabo and- ngnnh~ Marco are still awake” Ace ordered. All you could muster up was a submissive nod.

Ace pulled your body slightly upward to get a better grip of your mouth and clamped his hands on the fats of your thighs, making perfect handles for the cowboy.

Ace plowed your body like it was the last day on Earth. His palm grew wet from your saliva but he didn’t mind one bit. Ace grunted loudly and your muffled moans didn’t make a difference. You two were still loud, loud enough for the two poor roommates to hear absolutely everything.

“Fuuuuuck” Ace extended his words while he went ballistic on your pussy. Your eyes rolled back as you let your angry boyfriend scramble your mind until it went blank. All that was filled in the room was the musk scent of the two bodies colliding, the sloppy, slushing sounds of skin smacking and lustful, loud noises escaping the both of you.

Ace learned to not care about your volume and turn his palm into two fingers in your mouth. He loved the way your noises projected once he removed the very thing that muffled your noise.

“Yeah, keep screaming like that from my dick- unghh~” Ace spoke breathlessly in your ear. He bit your ear lobe, causing another source of sensation from your body.

“Oh-! Oh, fuck~” You managed to speak out. Your previous climax crept back up again. Ace noticed your walls spasm and tighten around his speeding member.

“Gonna cum? You gonna cum all over my cock, huh?” You could hear the devilish grin plastered widely on his face by his words. You nod frantically.

“Yes, sir~! I’m gonna cum- mmph~!!” Your moans got reckless and completely messy once you reached your climax. Ace didn’t slow down a single minute. He speedily penetrated you through each moment, making your orgasm completely flatline your brain. You don’t remember moaning so loud in your life, you were sure you’d lose your voice.

“Ace, Ace~! I’m f-fucking cumming~!” You cried. At this point, the entire apartment complex could hear you.

Ace chuckled at your reaction, never daring to stop for a single second. He enjoyed watching your juices spurt out on his pelvis, dripping down both of his and your legs. You felt the high libido driven boy force you back down on the bed, practically suffocating you with the pillows scattered among it.

“My fu- ugh~… My fucking turn” He groaned. Ace gripped both of his rough hands on your hips and slammed your whole body against his pelvis. Each thrust rewarded him in a lustful scream from you.

“Aaaaaace~” You longingly moaned, your voice wobbling as your body was forcefully being rammed into. He let out a loud grunt at your voice.

“You want it?” He breathed. You nodded in the sheets.

“Y-Yes, please!”

“How bad?”

The mountain of pleasure clouded your will to speak, making it harder to form out words.

“I said how bad, slut!” Ace harshly slapped your ass, leaving a bright red mark to stay. You shrieked.

“So fucking baaaad~!” You extended your words again, similarly like before when you called his name. Your answer pleased your boyfriend and you could feel his grip get tighter.

“I’m gonna cum, baby” He groaned. At this point, your body was shaking like a leaf in the blistering winter. The pleasure was overstimulating you beyond belief. Ace had officially broke your entire mind.

“F-Fuck, Im cumming!” You felt his member twitch inside of you. You formed a devilish grin as you felt his thick, warm seed erupt inside of your core. Ace didn’t stop. He kept thrusting for a little longer until he dumped his last few drops of his cum. He let out one last groan.

“Fuck me, (F/N)…” He left his raw cock bake inside of you for a few moments as he caressed your back gently. You were heavily breathing out a lung, completely worn out from Ace’s monstrous endurance.

“You’re so fucking beautiful…” He cooed. You felt a more pleased smile crack in your lips. Ace finally, and slowly, pull out his sticky, drenched member to watch all of his seed pour outside of you. You whimpered feeling it ooze out of your body.

Ace mesmerized the sight as if it were a renaissance painting. He noticed that your knees were on the verge of giving out and quickly cleaned yourself up with whatever nearby shirt he had laying around.

Your vision was trying to collect itself after getting your consciousness fucked out of you. You felt brute hands lift you up comfortably on the bed followed by the same arms to pull you into warm embrace. The same embrace you’ve longed for as long as you can remember.

“I still love you, more than ever, my sweet (F/N)” You heard Ace’s soothing tone clear as day while he caressed your exhausted face.

“I’m sorry…” You buried your face into the crook of his neck, tenderly pressing your body against his.

“I’m sorry too, my love… I’ll be more considerate of you” He rubbed your back as he hugged you into his chest. His grip was so heavy that you’d think you’d disappear if he let go.

“You mean so much to me…” Ace yawned. “I love you” He repeated.

“I love you, too…”

You both drifted to your long awaited slumber at the embrace of each other. He had a hand on the back of your head and an arm wrapped around your fetal positioned body.

It was safe to say this was the last argument you two had for a long while.

all licensing and ownership belong to eiichiro oda

[dio0no]

I'm sad right now and all i can think about is abby comforting me. I just finished smoking a cig while crying so IF THIS IS BAD DON'T TELL ME.

Abby fluff with a little angst

cw- reader just being sad and abby taking care of them f!reader x college!Abby

Days like these were the worst for you. The feeling of overwhelming sadness lingering inside of you. All the stress and responsibility from the week piling up on your mind finally deciding to come crushing down on you. All you could do was lay there in the dark crying.

Abby was usually there for you when you got like this, but this time she was busy studying for a very important final she had coming up. The last thing she needed was to worry about you right now. You decided to just skip class and spend the day in bed.

After a couple of hours of trying to spark up again, everything somehow got worse. The sadness getting so unbearable that you weren't even able to stay laying down without choking up on your tears. Your vision being blurry from it all. All you wanted was a hug from abby. You always found comfort in her.

It was starting to get late, you could tell by the orange sun rays illuminating slightly being ur closed curtains. You had stopped crying a while back, not having the energy to continue. You where just sitting in your bed curled up under the blankets. You had not moved off your bed not once. That was until you heard a knock at your door, deciding to ignore it cause you truly didn't have the energy to get up but also cause you weren't expecting anybody.

'ding'

you heard the notifications ring from your phone.

Abby <3

Hey i'm outside your dorm room, i finished studying earlier than planned. Where are you?

Without answering you got up and walked towards your door, not even bothering to put pants on. You didn't even think about how much of a mess you looked like until you opened the door and saw Abby's smile drop. Hair sticking to the sides of your face, messy hair and puffy red eyes. "Oh god baby what's wrong ?" she said while walking into your dorm a worried expression on her face. You tried so hard to form a sentence and tell her that you were fine, but that familiar overwhelming feeling washed over you quicker than your ability to answer. "come here baby" she said while walking up to you to lift you up and hug you. You wrapped your legs around her waist and just started sobbing into her neck. She walked towards your bed, sitting down on it and keeping you on her lap. "please princess, talk to me" she said trying to comfort you by rubbing circles on your back.

" I d-don't know what's wrong i'm j-just so tired " you weakly answered agaisnt her shoulder now just crying harder. Abby let you calm down and just cry it out for a little as she just holds you. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear. "it's okay baby, i've got you" "Just let it out" added with the occasional forehead kiss. After you'd calmed down a little she tried talking to you again.

"how long have you been like this ?" You were scared to answer, knowing she was gonna feel guilty. "Since this morning" you answered already knowing what she was gonna say, "baby" she answered with a soft voice. "why didn't you tell me? i would've came running here?" you finally took your head off her shoulder and looked at her. "I know, but you were studying and i didn't want to distract you with my problems" she looked at you with a pained expression on her face. "I will always make time for you princess, especially for moments like these, please next time call me" you just nodded.

"Do you wanna talk about it now or do you want me to go run us a bath and talk after" she offered trying to cheer you up. "Bath, please"

The rest of the evening went smoothly. Having Abby by your side always made you feel so much better. She took care of you for the rest of the night and decided to stay over and cuddle with you while she tried to cheer you up with silly jokes and random tickles. You guys talked, cried and laughed together. She really was everything you could dream of.

[cabeswaterdrowned]

buffy summers or blue sargent for the headcanon ask :)

went with Blue <3 Headcanon A: realistic — I think she and Orla were much closer (not that they aren’t close now but just in the sense of them getting along / actively wanting to do more together) when they were younger like I could see elementary schooler Blue really looking up to and wanting to be like her, but I feel like once Orla started dating Blue started having a lot of conflicted feelings about it since she has the curse and therefore doesn’t have freedom to do some of the things Orla can, and then Orla would be doing more on the psychic business side of things and it just spiraled from there into there being more rivalry while they still love each other like siblings.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious — what I said about Gwenllian being her bi awakening and the Layers there

Headcanon C: heart crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends — I do think the combination of losing Persephone, Jesse and killing Gansey with her mouth even if he did come back, And losing her mom temporarily, really would mess her up in the following years, especially after she had the preemptive guilt for the curse for years before so it’d be a confusing mix of relief that’s over and more fear than ever before about the potential of loss in some ways. I think she would get panic attacks, and since both Gansey and Maura are partially in a way the subject I don’t think either would be her primary person to talk to about it I think her go to is Henry and in other situations it’s Calla.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own — she does in fact study ecology and river systems in college… I Could see her taking some sociology classes especially if they overlapped with women’s studies or anthropology actually could see ethnography appealing to her but it wouldn’t be her major.

Ty!

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

7 & 10 or perish

7. Share a line/paragraph/snippet that you were especially proud of.

Okay so I love this chapter just for the fact that everything I've been setting up for 200,000+ words culminates in here (but this section I've chosen also should reveal nothing heu heu heu). Also @needfantasticstories complemented the wording of one of the sentences, and I seeing my work through another's eyes really makes me appreciate it? If you know what I'm saying? But yeah, I wrote this during the poetry section of my AP Literature class in high school, if you couldn't tell by my gratuitous use of alliteration, semicolons, and parallel sentence structure.

[Have I posted this before? I hope I haven't DX I am very proud of it. If I have let me know and I'll try to find something else]

Wild stepped into the ornate church. High stone ceilings flew overhead, lined with stained glass windows—depictions of their Golden Goddess—that sent shattered slivers of light dancing along the cold stone floor. Rows upon rows of lowly stone pews stood in ordered procession on either side of the walkway, stretching all the way to the raised platform at the front of the cathedral. A great statue, so unlike the one that he knew, loomed over it all. The Hylia he knew had hair of flowering vine, and robes of majestic moss; this one's every strand was spun of gold, this one's every fold formed of ivory. His Hylia’s face was of cracked calcite, worn down and rounded out over years of exposure to the elements; this one’s was of sharp, shining porcelain. Little gray wings he’d only ever seen tucked to her sides, like those of a Rito fledgling, were now golden and stretched out in their full glory. She did not lower her head over clasped hands in constant thought of her people, as said by her now-extinct priests; instead, her gaze was cast victoriously outwards, her hand thrust forwards like that of a sovereign, conquering queen. White rose petals drifted and fluttered gently down to lay scattered across the stone pews. They trailed after Wild, swirling around his ankles with every step, as he walked forwards in a dreamlike state to the foot of the statue. It only grew larger, more imposing, as he approached, and himself so much smaller.

10. What are your writing goals for the upcoming year?

Okay okay okay okay. Just because you asked, I'm going to end up having to write out my entire planned chapter by chapter schedule and pin it to the top of my blog, aren't I?

But for a summary, basically--right now I'm trying to finish up my Noble's Warning chapters, which will get me to through February and some of March, so that I can participate in FebWhump without juggling two projects. The Differences chapters, which are pretty much done besides a few select bits that actually need to be written, should carry me all the way to Spring Break and through. During Spring Break (cuz I'm a cringe college student) I will try to finalize enough to make it close to the Heal Chapters, which should free me up until finals are over in May/June-ish.

Summer is when things get real. That's when I'll evaluate how much of Arc 2 I have done and how much time I think I need to finish it. If I'm ahead of schedule, I'll make sure I've hit all the finishing touches for Arc 1 and start releasing chapters twice a week. If not, I'll give myself more time with the once a week updates. Plus, I want to take a break between Arc 1 and 2 just to let ya'll squirm, so that gives me at least a month, I think, depending how hard ya'll cry at me to continue. There's also a whole timeline thing there of whether I want to do flashbacks of a section or if I just wanna say F it we ball, but that's beside the point.

If I do once a week releases, I already have enough planned content for Arc 1 + the occasional Prologue pieces to get me through the entire year and then some. So yeah, that's the plan for the year :D

[gabulousxo]

My personal Quinn and Logan headcanons once they became public with their love:

- After the PCA prom, (which I still believe was their Jr. Prom, though the movie labeled it their Sr. year...), the gang was a little weird about the idea at first, but soon accepted it, and fully supported it. Simultaneously teasing them about it here and there. Lol. Maybe it'd even be possible that they somewhat suspected that they were secretly dating, they just never confronted Quinn and Logan about it beforehand. They'd just keep it to themselves.

- Sr prom, they were voted king and queen. Logan expected it, probably had a hand in it, and flaunted their wins (lol). While Quinn was a little surprised and even a bit shy to be chosen as queen, but was happy and a bit teary. Then, they slow danced to a song, ..to Quinn's surprise, that Logan had requested. Preferably one that she really loved, and that he knew she loved. ❤️

- Quinn was valedictorian at graduation and had pressure and stress preparing a speech. But the gang, Logan especially, gave her lots of encouragement and support. And she probably rehearsed with just Logan at some point. Then, while giving her speech at the ceremony, Logan was nothing but smiles and heart eyes from the audience as he watched and listened to her speak to all the graduates. And considering their last name initials were next to each other, I'd like to think that they received their diplomas back to back. ❤️ (Or maybe just had one other student in between them.)

- Summer before college, they both officially met each other's families. Quinn was immediately loved by Logan's parents and sister. But, Quinn's parents weren't too jazzed with Logan at first. But over time, after seeing how much Logan truly loved and respected Quinn, and seeing how much he meant to her, Quinn's parents started to come around. (After seeing how close he was with her parents in the movie, it just makes me believe that..that's what 15 years of dating Quinn had done. ❤️)

- Their first time, I personally believe, happened in college. It could've been just before they graduated from PCA as some people think, but I personally believe they gave it a little bit of time.

- College Quogan faced some bumps. Typical arguments about finding time to be together, canceled dates, etc.. and eventually trying to work out a reasonable, healthy system. Probably the first real test of their relationship. I honestly believe that Quinn and Logan went to different colleges. Though said colleges being within a couple hours/driving distance of each other. (If not the same school. Which is also possible, considering Logan was intelligent in science/chemistry. Despite his typical C-D averages.) So, because they'd gone to different schools, experiencing a little bit of long distance, with tough classes, and studying hours, there may have been so little time to really be together. Life's difficulties start to interfere. But, with their undying love, devotion, and overall commitment to each other, they were able to get through the challenges of not always being together, and finding some positives while being apart. (And so they did. For 15 years and still going strong. ❤️) Even if those positives were few, ..since they meant everything to each other. ❤️

- Logan's first attempt at a proposal, if not at graduation like a Cory/Topanga scenario, then I'd like to think his first attempt was on a date while in college. More likely in between Jr & Sr year. Logan pouring his heart out, having the ring later appear at the bottom of Quinn's champagne glass or placed in the center of her desert (ice cream, cake/cupcake, etc), or..if he just decided to go old fashioned (like how he did in the movie) with a ring box and getting on one knee beside her, one hand holding the box, and the other holding her left hand, and again just pouring his heart out. Whatever have you, .. but she obviously declines. Reassuring him that she still loves him and can see marriage in the future..but she then insists that she's just not ready yet. And, although a little heartbroken, Logan completely understands..telling her that he can wait and that he won't put any serious pressure on her. No matter how long it may take, he promises that he'll wait for her until she's ready. (And he did. For 15 years, never giving up or walking out on her. ❤️)

- Over the course of 15 years, I'd say Logan tried at least 2-3 times proposing, while frequently letting out playful teases in between (ex: "Marry me, Quinn Pensky!" on her IG.) Then, whether it was just before he came to meet her in London for the Tekmate phone launch, or just after he arrived, (since it was never said how long exactly Quinn had been in London for..a few days/a week at least) Quinn finally & happily accepts his proposal. And overjoyed, Logan decides to plan one gala of a wedding. Which ultimately went a bit too far, overwhelming Quinn, (and then there's Zoey, smh), leading her to call it off. But Logan never gave up for 15 years and he wasn't gonna let his (and Zoey's) mistake stop him now. Then obviously after they talk it out and Quinn forgives him, he gives her the small, intimate, and beautiful wedding ceremony that she originally hoped for. Plus with a little nostalgia, being held at PCA: Where they fell in love. Again she happily and tearfully accepts his re-proposal, and once again, Logan is over the moon. ❤️

- Married life is full love, happiness, and memories in the making. Quinn is often coming up with new "quinnventions" that reach the public eye and spark business' interests. Like it most likely always had been, Quinn is the inventor, and Logan is her personal business and production coordinator. He's her part time business partner: assisting in her events, conferences, and overall business deals when she needs him. And just showing the world how amazing she and her inventions are. As well as dealing with any bad, manipulative business that may come Quinn's way. Protecting her inventions, profits, etc making sure none of them get entrusted into the wrong hands. And, ..he's her full time Ken: being the best friend/husband he can be for her, watching her work her magic 24/7 and just falling more and more in love with her every day. ❤️ (Logan is definitely a Ken, lol, but..he still has a profession. As Matthew even said, he went into business similar to his father.)

- Within a year or two's time, Quinn finds out she's pregnant. Quinn, ..and Logan are not only over the moon happy, but are freaking out. First time parent jitters, doubts, and stress for both of them. But when other one doesn't know what to do and can't relax, the other acts as the anchor and grounds the other back to earth, giving them a sense of peace and relaxation..knowing that neither one of them are alone in this and that, just like with anything, they'll get through it together. As a team. Logan is there for Quinn through it all: mood swings, cravings, morning sickness, swellings, giving her lots of massages, there with her for every doctor's appt, attending Lamaze classes, etc. And Quinn is ready to snap him out of it whenever he gets a bit overwhelming with setting up the nursery, preparing for the delivery, getting all the essentials, etc. Then when their baby arrives, it's one of those rare times when Logan lets himself cry. Quinn and Logan are just so unbelievably happy looking down at the life they've created and brought into the world. Then they look at each other with more love and happiness then ever before. ❤️❤️❤️

Ok. These are my personal Quogan headcanons and personal envisions of what most likely could've happened in between those 15 years leading up to Zoey 102..and what their life may began to look like after they got married. 😊❤️

[grassclippers]

❀˖°three cheers for a hopeful Future ❀˖°

⋆˚ ༘`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹˚ ༘`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹˚ ༘`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹˚ ༘`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹˚ ༘`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹˚ ༘`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹

summary-if only y/n didn't have a curious mind and they just went on there way to. But they knew they could never go back to the regular hustle and bustle of there their old life. especially since they meant a pipe cleaner of a man. ⊹𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

T/W: cats,iced chai,suicide?,murder?

About: /first person/ italic words are thoughts you have a cat - tiki bar: a fat brown cat that you found behind a chilis y/f/d: your favorite drink pronouns: they/them y/n: your name y/n/n: your nickname y/h/l: your hair length y/h/c: your hair color y/n: is an outgoing person who likes chai and is learning to become a archaeologist and minor in film.but on there way to class they meet someone ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)

A/N- i'm sorry i haven't written in a while but i realized after i watched criminal minds that this needed to be made, this fic is a bit out of character . i am planning to turn this into a series. i will also be using season one ,spencer, since he's an awkward little goof.

september,15,thursday, 9:00 am, 2005 ⋆your pov⋆

oh shit, i think as i wake up on my desk. i cranked my up to feel the knot start to emulate in my neck. if only i was in culinary school then i wouldn't have to worry about these outlandish projects.i think as i stare at my laptop that seems to have have died while i was asleep. i stand up and began to stretch my limbs. i quickly scan the room only to notice that the lights are turned off and stare in the mirror, i was wearing an oversized shirt and a pair of shorts. My y/h/l was tasseled. I look like a hobo. i quickly turn n the light and searched for my laptop charger. ⊹𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊 I plug my laptop in and as i wait i go to the kitchen in my apartment. i note that my roommate has left for her classes , and that tiki bar is napping on the plush armchair you were gifted by your dads. You trudge to the kitchen and grab y/f/d. As you enter your room you observe you have an hour till classes. you turn on your phone and play your morning playlist as you open your laptop and double check that you finished your film project and turned it in. you gaze slowly shifts to your door, tiki bar has entered. you register that you should probably get ready for class .

9:45 am ⋆ spencer's pov⋆

four college students have committed "suicide" on every seventeenth since may ,on the same bridge, all at 7:15:27 am.

probably a cult or maybe a- Spencer ,morgan yelled my name. i slowly look up at him. i give him a confusing look, were here he told me as i notice we were parked on what seemed to be a the bottom level of a parking garage. i remembered that this particular parking garage, the gravet garage, from the map we were that were shown of the place in which they lives were ended.

9:45 am ⋆ your pov⋆

I quickly grab my key to my moped and shoved my phone into my bag. i gently put my headphones into my ears. i slowly drove to the ,gravet garage, that was close to my classes and by far the best garage since it was near the cutest little coffee shop. I park the colorful moped near a black suv. as i walk to the coffee shop i notice a decent amount of people almost huddled around the outside of the shop. i slowly maneuver myself around them since they seem like they could beat me up. i walk up to the counter as i am about to order i notice a skinner man who seems to be apart of the group that was taking up lot of space outside. ⊹𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊 I watched as he slowly scanned the menu that was filled with sugary coffee, interesting teas, spiced chai, and breakfast foods. He looks undecided and cute. I blush at my own thoughts. "Hey do you need any help deciding on what to order?because when i say they have a killer iced chai latte. I mean it" i say to him and as I smile. He gradually turns his head to me. We make eye contact." oh my name y/n but my friends call me y/n/n. well if i had any friends." I say my smile emulating joy. "h-h-hi " he says . He stutters that is so cute."my name is spencer, did you know that chai was thought to be found at least 5,000 years ago, it was supposedly made for king. they made chai as a remedy for all his illness"spencer says. " what that's sick . did you know chai is one of my favorite drinks". ⊹𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊 I say happily. "are you ready sir" the attendant behind the counter says. "may please have caramel frappe" " anything else sir" "that's all" he pays and casually walks to place where you pick up your coffee "hey, can i please i have and iced chai latte with oat milk" I walk next to spencer as I wait for my coffee to be made. "so are you with the group outside or do you also not know them?" "I-I am with them" "okie dokie, so why yall in town. i am genuinely curious. since yall look like your from the matrix" our coffee are presented to us.and we take them. "we are all apart of the FBI, and we are reschearing the suicides that happen on the north east bridge" "Thats cool, weren't they apart of a cult or something" "we are lead to think that but-"he gets cut off by a voice outside that tells that they are leaving. "well it was lovely to meet you maybe we could talk in the future" I take a napkin and write my number on it. "everlong, spence". i quickly rush out the door.

10:00 am ⋆spencer's pov⋆

I quickly shove the napkin in my pocket. Shit, i think i just flirted with someone. Morgan was the one who interrupted our conversation and he again is yelling for me to come outside the coffee shop. "were walking to the main campus to conduct interviews on friends and other college students" Morgan says. As we investigate i realize that the only thing my mind is y/n. They were so kind. i will have to try chai now.

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer OT3 Week, Day One: Meet Cute!

Hi all! As per @ot3-week the tumblr, this week -- March 17th through the 23rd -- is OT3 Week the week! So what better way to celebrate than with a week of Valicer fics? :D We start today in the Modern!AU verse (the one where Victor, Alice, and Smiler all meet and get together as modern-day college students, most often seen in my Not-Incorrect Quote collections) with the "Meet cute" prompt -- and what cuter way to meet than the classic Crash-Into Hello? Though only two of the polycule officially met that way -- one was just observing...

--

It has to be them – right?

Alice frowned as she gathered up the various books and notebooks so necessary to her life as a college student, turning the question around in her head as her fellow students hurried out the door. I mean – there can’t be that many people out there going by “Smiler,” she continued to herself, eyes flicking to the person in question as they too gathered their things. It doesn’t feel like a common nickname, at any rate.

“It’s not a nickname at all – it isn’t Nick,” Hatter declared, tapping the ground with his cane. “Unless that’s what the professor had on his screen, in which case that is the nickname – and if that’s the case, this person seems to have disavowed it, given how insistent they were on being called ‘Smiler.’”

Oh hush – you’re focusing on the wrong thing entirely, as usual, Alice though, rolling her eyes as she stuffed a textbook in her backpack. Ugh, really hoping this doesn’t telescope my spine before my next class...anyway, I just think it would be even more of a coincidence to run into someone going by Smiler who wasn’t the curator of that website my boyfriend likes so much than one who was. Especially one taking a psychology class with lots of focus on altered mental states.

“And yet, not impossible,” Cheshire said, appearing beside her. “Which is why you haven’t actually brought the subject up to them for confirmation, I purrsume.”

That, and it would be incredibly awkward – “Oh, hi, I’m not a fan of your website because I don’t get why people would like being hypnotized because of this one asshole psychiatrist who tried to get me to forget he was the one who killed my entire family, but my boyfriend really loves your work, to the point where he’s embarrassed to tell me how often he actually visits your site.” How the hell is anyone supposed to respond to that? Alice shook her head and hoisted her backpack up onto her shoulders. No, better to stay quiet for the time being. It’s not like it’s a huge deal anyway – as previously stated, I’m not the one listening to those inductions. I’ll mention it to Victor later, see what he thinks, and then we’ll see about getting to know this Smiler better. If we decide to do that at all.

Backpack secured, she headed out of the classroom and into the hallway – ironically, right behind Smiler themselves, who fortunately only had bright yellow eyes for their phone. Alice stuck close to the wall to avoid the hustle and bustle of bodies going to and fro as people hurried to their next class, or toward the common area, or outside to get a breath of fresh spring air. Right – common area, to get a jump start on my homework, Alice decided, mentally planning out the best route. And then off to my history class, and then I should be –

“Alice!”

Alice jerked her head up to see Victor fast approaching, smiling and waving at her. “I thought I’d come down and keep you company!” he called as he neared. “My science class was – oh!”

Thunk! Victor jerked backward as he smacked headlong into the equally-distracted Smiler. Their shoulder bag slipped as they juggled their phone, and a couple of textbooks came tumbling out, sliding across the floor. “I’m so s-sorry!” Victor gasped, immediately dropping to his hands and knees to retrieve the lost property before it could get kicked away. “I-I should have p-paid more attention to w-where I was going.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it!” Smiler said, living up to their name as they got their bag resettled properly on their shoulder. “I wasn’t paying attention either. Accidents happen – it’s no big deal!”

Victor froze mid-reach toward the second book, eyes wide. “Ah – uh – um – y-y-yes,” he managed after a moment, blinking rapidly. “I – s-still.” He grabbed the book, then handed it and its sibling over, staring at Smiler with an expression that hinted he didn’t quite believe they were real. “S-sorry.”

“Seriously, it’s fine,” Smiler assured him, happily oblivious to Victor’s shock. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. See you around!”

And with that, they were off, rejoining the flow of humanity around them with ease. Alice watched them go, then walked up to Victor as he slowly got himself off the floor. “Well – that answers that question,” she said.

“Huh?” Victor said, still staring at the spot where Smiler had been.

“Whether the Smiler who just appeared in my psychology class is the same one that’s been melting your brain on the regular,” Alice clarified. “I had an inkling, but...”

Victor went bright pink. “I – ah – yes,” he finally got out, rubbing the back of his neck. “I – wow, I t-thought for sure they used s-some sort of voice changer...”

Alice snorted. “How about we discuss it somewhere a little more private?” she offered, taking his hand. “So not everyone has to see you burning your face off during this conversation?”

Victor gave her fingers a squeeze, swallowing hard. “Please.”

[fraddit]

Okay, here we go. January’s not over yet, so I can squeeze my 2023 review post in just under the wire. I know it’s not technically necessary to do stuff like this, but it’s something I’ve done at least the last several years, and I do think I get some benefit from the ritual and also perhaps some benefit from forcing myself to type it all out and post it where others can see it (although nobody needs to actually read it. It’s probably gonna get long.)

Last year was the first year of me doing this, I think, where I pulled up all my original posts for the year, and had posted no original works of artistic merit. No photoshop edits, no architectural models of sets, no whatever else I sometimes do. Normally that would make me feel pretty shitty about myself, but I sat with it all for a while, and, yeah, I didn’t post any “stuff of merit”. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything. And as someone recovering from a nasty addiction to horrible self-criticism, I think it’s important to stop and take purposeful notice of accomplishments, even neutrally, although positively is the goal.

And now I know why I put off making this post all month, because I’m already starting to get emotional, just thinking about what the bulk of this post is going to be about.

In a lot of ways 2023 was a really good year for me. I did a lot of behind the scenes stuff that’s been really great. I made an awesome new friend. I started therapy again. I started morning pages journaling. I started bullet journaling. I’m in a really good place right now. Which feels like such a fucking jinx to even think, let alone type out. But at least for the moment, it’s true.

But the thing from 2023 that feels too big to me to even look at really is this:

I don’t remember making that post now, I just found it in my regular review process and it knocked me on my ass. But apparently I made that post at 9:30 pm on December 31, 2022. So, basically the first post I made of 2023. Or at least close enough.

And that little post feels like a big deal to me, because two or three years before that, I’d sworn off writing. I’d decided my relationship to it was just too complicated and fraught and difficult, so I should just give up and put my efforts elsewhere, toward interests and hobbies that weren’t so complicated or fraught or difficult. I had decided that it was time to just be realistic and accept that writing was just not something I was cut out to do and move on with my life.

But here’s the context for that decision, or at least a high level overview that is hopefully succinct and also steers mostly clear of being too trauma dumpy. And it probably reads like a cliched former-gifted-kid humble brag, but it's how my life went so, it's what I've got to work with:

I’ve always been naturally gifted at stringing together words and sentences in a way that’s coherent and organized and readable. Every teacher I’ve ever had, all the way back to elementary school has told me so. All the standardized tests told me I was in the 99th percentile in most subjects, but especially the one’s related to reading and writing. My AP English teacher senior year of high school told me I was the best writer she’d had in any of her classes in her decades long teaching career.

I flunked freshman English and had to retake it over summer in order to move onto the next grade. I got Ds in English for basically all the rest of high school. I know in my heart of hearts that my teacher junior year fudged the math to give me that D, so I didn’t fail. I graduated high school a semester late.

Because, while I may have been good at writing, I’ve never been good at writing. Any natural talent I may have had was utterly paralyzed by my executive function issues (thank you adhd and autism) that generally made it impossible for me to actually put words on the page when it mattered.

Despite all that, I apparently thought it was a good idea to go to college and get a degree in English Creative Writing. I was going write best selling novels. All my professors told me my work was great. When I managed to turn work in that is.

I’ve dropped out of college like two or three times. Last time was idk, 2019 apparently (had to go look it up). I was almost done. Just another semester left or so. But instead I got burned out, had a breakdown in the parking garage before finals because I hadn’t written any of my term papers, and then just drove away and never went back.

And it’s not like I wasn’t trying. Which is probably the most painful part, honestly. I tried meds multiple times. I read self help and how to books. I got an electric typewriter because surely that would fix everything. In my 20s, I did use it to bang out the world’s roughest rough draft for the first "book" (I use that term very loosely here) in a trilogy I concocted. I tried handwriting. I tried voice to text. And there was a beautiful period where I was working on co-writing a much too ambitious fic with a friend where I manage to write several thousand words.

But I have never in my life been able to write On Purpose, with any sort of consistency or longevity or confidence or ease. I had folders of wips and snipets of ideas that all amounted to nothing. I had what all my teachers always told me I had: tons of wasted potential. My only tried and true method that had gotten me most of my results in school was to procrastinate until the night before and use the pressure and adrenaline to puke out a paper just in the nick of time. But even that method eventually failed me (hence the dropping out). And even if it hadn’t, that’s not a sustainable system. That’s not a way to actually get shit done on a regular basis. That’s not a way to enjoy a craft.

So I quit.

I decided, this is too hard. And it makes me feel too horrible every time I fail. It’s too easy to hate myself every day that I don’t write when I think I should. I decided I just wasn’t built for this and gave the fuck up.

That was like three years ago.

So for two years, if I had an idea for a story or a fic, no I didn’t. I’d just ignore it. I did other things. But the ideas were still there. I’d still think about them. Sometimes I even wrote little snippets down. But it was just to get it down. It wasn’t real. I gave up writing. I wasn’t doing that anymore.

And honestly? Maybe that’s what I needed? I have no idea if things could have worked out differently had I made different choices. That’s life after all. But maybe the total lack of pressure from genuinely quitting was good for me? I’ll never know.

But what I do know is that me from a year ago made this post:

And then this post:

And then this post:

And then this:

Then this:

And this is what this past month has looked like for me:

It not part of my system to write on the weekends, so that’s 18 out of 23 days, I managed to show up at my desk and reliably put some effort in. I’ll fucking take it.

And what’s crazy is, it’s felt easy. It’s felt good. I like the process.

I don’t exactly love everything I’ve written. Any natural talent I may or may not have doesn’t make up for lack of practice. But If I can keep this up, I’ll have the practice too. Eventually.

It’s a learning process. I’m having to relearn a lot of skills I’d forgotten or learn new skills for the first time. For example, I’ve basically never seriously edited anything in my life, and with my new approach, I really put the rough in rough draft, so the editing is extremely necessary. But it feels good to be trying. To be gaining ground little by little.

Since I dusted off my ancient install of scrivener back in idk? June?, I’ve written over twenty-five-thousand words, which is A Lot for me. And yeah, it’s across multiple fics. And yeah, I haven’t actually finished any one fic yet and posted it. But I’ll get there. It feels crazy to know that if just keep doing what I’m doing, I’ll get there. And it feels crazy to know that I can keep doing what I’m doing. It feels like I can keep doing it indefinitely, and I’ve never felt like that before. Not in my entire life. At least not about writing.

So yeah, 2023 was a great year for me.