#Empires spoilers

[cassberry]

the next Hermitcraft Recap episode

[justaleksey]

THIS WEEK

ON HERMITCRAFT

ME

[ssseriema]

this ending was so cute it felt like stepping on a rake and getting hit in the face with it like a cartoon character (positive)

[shepscapades]

Pls spare me I did this in 2 minutes but. First of all. What is mr. Solidarity up to. What is this skin. and. Secondly. … so this is the fit right guys (help. Help me)

[roenais]

i couldnt decide which joke to make about this sausage ep so you get both. manifesting a monarchy dispute between my babygirls /lh

[iamluminia]

I just love how casual he sounded while dropping dozens of anvils on top of scott’s head.

[moon1ee]

jimmy just dropped a 9-minute video of him being the world's most pathetic villain featuring him dying miserably and losing all his stuff at the end. king shit.

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

THAT MOTHERFUCKER

[funky-lil-ghost]

GET RECAPPED IDIOT!!!

(transcript under the cut)

[In Grian’s season 9 base, many voices overlap as the hermits react to empires members coming through the rift.]

Grian: Wait, Pix is here! Impulse, Impulse! Impulse, play the thing!

[The Hermitcraft Recap music plays]

Pix: This week on Hermitcraft!

Pix: Me!

[all laugh]

Pix: That’s right, folks, I made it!

[slumbear]

DEFWAULT????

[floweroflaurelin]

So Pixlriffs’ finale is a masterpiece and I’m experiencing a lot of emotions right now ✨🌻✨

For my own reference I made a transcript of the monologue and thought I might as well share it! It's under the cut to avoid spoilers but the whole first 8ish minutes of his video are typed out. I recommend watching at least that much, if you haven’t yet, because it’s really something worth hearing.

We are not done.

Not yet.

Our stories do not begin here, and neither do they end. But before they fade into obscurity, as so many events do, there is one more story left to be told.

[It is the Story

of

the World.]

It’s important to remind ourselves that history is an account of events remembered—and there are so few left who remember, so it mingles with myth and hearsay, folklore and fireside stories. This is the account of just one man, and others may recall the tale differently. Others still may decide to change the narrative to suit their own ends. And this, it must be said, is no bad thing. So it goes.

[Sun setting

over

our Creation.]

—

In a long-lost age before records truly began, our world was built by Titans (or so it is said). The lands they created became home to people who would seek to emulate and even to surpass that act of creation, and that would eventually bring about their destruction. But destruction is simply part of a cycle. Nothing is ever truly lost.

Those who foresaw the destruction fled before it could bring the walls of their homes down around them. And many who had been downtrodden and overlooked saw it as their chance to find a new life for themselves.

Thus began a great migration, leaving behind the old nations of the world and striking out for somewhere new, a life untethered from the follies of their former state. And though the road was long and treacherous, and many fell behind in the wake of such an awful endeavour, new bonds were forged in the fires of adversity.

As time passed, and more joined the great caravan, the host became a nation of its own, a glorious congregation sharing one purpose, singing the same resolute song. Though the road was long, they were homeward bound.

And a home they found nestled in a mountainous landscape, one that might have been carved by the very bones of the gods themselves. There they planted roots, drank deep from the water, and continued to grow. The farmers sowed new fields and raised new flocks. The work of many hands turned to building a new city. And together the architects conceived a castle upon a great plateau that would stand as a monument to their past apart and their future together. To them, the castle itself would tell the Story of the World.

Stone-whisperers from Mythland and the Grimlands, well-versed in masonry of all kinds, sculpted its walls from the abundant rock of the nearby mountains quarried for the glory of their new capital. They wrought rock and iron, carved and timbered their great halls, and raised mighty towers to stand atop the grand cliff.

The mages of the Crystal Cliffs brought knowledge of magic and the beauty of gemstones, and theirs was the sanctum at the heart of the castle, ever-seated at the Ruler’s left hand: their shield and protector.

A tribute was raised to Gilded Helianthia, whose ruler was still revered in the hearts and minds of many, and in time she became their warden against the spectres of the past, carrying the twin burdens of light and shadow on her shoulders; a burden with which the people of Rivendell were all too familiar.

And below, far below, the engineers of Pixandria sought to reproduce the jewel of their empire. A mechanism that would surpass the work of the Copper King himself.

Not all who came to found the Ancient Capital remained for long. Like dandelion seeds, the people of the Overgrown were scattered on the wind, alighting on the mountaintops and valleys. The vast majority of them came to settle in the rolling meadows of Chromia, which was renowned for the richness and beauty of its dyes for lifetimes after.

In the absence of their king, the nation of Mezelea resettled in new badlands, establishing laws and ordinances of their own. Many of them had been armour stands before the king imbued them with life, and some found this a hard habit to shake.

The people of the Cod and Ocean empires, bereft of the waters that gave them life, took to diving in the rocky pools of vast caverns and their affinity for stone grew. Over many generations they adapted, becoming the green-skinned race that folk came to know as goblins—their pointed ears the only remaining vestige of the fins they had once had.

For the gnomes of the Undergrove, this was a homecoming! They had long dwelled here before their exodus through the Nether and the fairy circles of the Evermoore welcomed them with open arms.

And the villagers of the Lost Empire, hiding in plain sight amongst the caravan of peoples, sought to find a place where they would be unburdened by this facade of humanity, standing at last on their own two feet.

But the boundaries of this land were ever-changing, and the nations soon found the cataclysm they had left behind had weakened the walls between their world and others. Waters rose and fell unpredictably; incursions from other realms were possible, bringing chaos in their wake. The tide of history churned and rippled.

None now remember how the Capital fell, only that its remains have lasted: an epitaph to all they had achieved together.

And just like before, new nations would arise. The pirates of Eversea ruled the waters from their secret cove. The inventors of Cogsmeade arrived sailing in from the air on their skyships—only to find whole buildings floating in the golden kingdom of Stratos. Rumours abounded of a Sanctuary hidden in the deepest jungle for those who knew the way.

Their tales are better told by those who knew them well. Our stories do not begin here, and neither do they end. But for this tired historian, it is perhaps best to leave these things in the past and begin to look towards the future.

For whatever comes next, we who have sown the seeds can only hope for a bountiful harvest.

[r3nrit]

World’s prettiest cowboy 💫

[redstonedust]

lizzie bombing her own city just to catch jimmy stealing anvils is so funny. its not like he was a known criminal or anything yet she just did that to f*ck with him. she is SUCH a good mayor trust her +

[spacetrashpile]

thanks martyn

[Transcript: A splice of a clip from Jimmy’s Empires finale and the Snapcube Sonic Fandubs.

Martyn (as the old sheriff): Lots of women to love, lots of men to love-

Penny (as Sonic): Woah, he’s bisexual, I didn’t know that!

End Transcript]

[roenais]

well i think she's coping with her problems just fine

edit: oh yeah this is a screenshot redraw i forGOT

[theminecraftbee]

so latest hermitcraft episode (from joe's pov) is completely chaos alright! some highlights:

joe starting the episode by surrounding the rift with cats to motivate grumbot (this doesn't work)

grian, solemnly: "history doesn't repeat itself, but it sometimes rhymes" (immediate cut to the chaos of a group hermitcraft recording)

joe didn't know he needed an elytra so he keeps on trying and failing to ender pearl up onto grumbot's hand with everybody else

scar: "ooh, was i a good mayor in your universe grumbot?" grian, with great pain: "please don't ask him that."

"i may have built an evil robot." - grian, being mildly self-aware for once, i guess?

the bridge to the rift being broken and no one having blocks so it's just being rebuilt out of anything people had on hand. this seems to largely be sculk catalysts. guys.

the empires crew has built a tnt canon.

grian: "wait guys, lets all calm down, lets try to have a normal conversation", proceeded by an argument about whether or not the hermits are allowed to leave and, if they are, will they please remove the evil robot. (they will not.)

bdubs: "i flanked them! i flanked them! look at me i'm flanking them!", loudly, as the fighting resumes

oli killing bdubs and saying in the background "look at me! i've killed god."

joe, on getting back through the rift: "i hope this is the right one, i hope this isn't the hermitcraft where jfk assassinated somebody else or something" (fascinating canon implications)

everyone joking about the rift taking scar again because he stood in it for too long on logging in and got teleported

there's a bat in grian's cave and impulse is just in the background failing to hit it with his weapon during several of joe's shots

"where's cod boy he has some explaining to do"

grian coming back through and saying he heard the emperors talking about following them. everyone going "alright get your weapons". xisuma responding "wait, guys, can't we just greet them nicely?" and everyone immediately shouting that down, of COURSE not, don't be stupid.

the emperors all logging in. none of them have elytra to get out of grian's cave. f.

grian, suddenly: "guys pixlriffs is here impulse! impulse do the thing!"

"this week on hermitcraft... me!"

oli, joe, and cleo trying to figure out how to get all three of them out with two elytra between them. joe uses the trident trick.

THE EMPERORS ARE HERE NOW I GUESS LETS GO

just. this episode is so much chaos. please go watch it.