#Ehhhh nah he doesn’t appear here

[noel-noa]

Hello 👉👈 I'm new to your page but love your style, may I request a Suna x reader where reader is the Miya twins younger sibling, (can be male or female, whatever you like-) and like their relationship is kinda a secret because they don't know how the twins will react. Thankie for reading 👉👈

protective brothers on guard

"i will pick you up at ten, make sure both of them doesn't know okay" that was the last text your boyfriend rintarou sent to you. by both of them, he meant your older brothers, osamu and atsumu. they were very protective of you, there was no way they would allow their little sister has a relationship with someone, even more if it was with their own teammate! that's why you and rin had been keeping your relationship a secret. it would be a hassle if osamu and atsumu know, who would know what kind of dramatic reactions you would get from them. you and rin had been dating for a while now. you two went to a lot of trouble to distract your brothers to go on a date. it was difficult but for your relationship, everything was worth it.

your fingers went to type a response for your boyfriend before suddenly osamu and atsumu came from upstairs. you quickly turned off your phone and greeted your brothers. "morning nii san" "mornin'" replied atsumu while yawning and osamu just replied "morning" with his usual monotone voice. three of you went to the kitchen, having breakfast as usual. you decided to open the conversation "the two of you are going to go at 9 today right?" you asked cautiously, the answer you got was a groan from atsumu. "nah, akagi suddenly said he couldn't go" "how about the three of us spend time together then?" chirped osamu in "yeah, yeah that's right! it's been a long time since we spend time with ya lil sis!" replied atsumu enthusiasticly. 'shouldn't have asked that!' you screamed internally. should you cancel it? "i-i don't know if i can nii san, i promised to go with a friend around 10 today" "ehhhh? surely ya would want more time with your brothers than some friends right?" complained atsumu, while osamu only nod at atsumu's statement. crap, if it was going to go this way there was no way you could get out of the house.

after the three of you finished breakfast, all of you returned to the living room. when atsumu and osamu were busy with their own phone, you quickly turned your phone on and send a quick text to rintarou telling you had to cancel the date. before you could send it, osamu appeared behind you. "who's this person with love emoticon?" said him nonchalantly, if only you didn't know your brother you could passed it off as casual remarks but we were talking about osamu here. he may sounded casual, but you could clearly saw his protective aura rising behind his back. "WHAT LOVE EMOJI?!" atsumu immediately rushed to your sides, you tried to hid it away but atsumu hands were quicker snatching away the phone from you.

"WHO'S THIS?!" atsumu screamed, "give it back nii san!" you tried to get the phone back, but atsumu and osamu were hogging it, both staring at the screen intensely. "yosh, we have to call this number 'tsumu" said osamu "no! nii san c'mon it's my privacy!" but to no avail, atsumu just started to dial the number. "moshi-moshi-" "WHO'S THIS HUH?!" screamed atsumu, interrupting the voice over the phone aka rintarou's voice. it took a whole minute before the twins realised who was this person. "HAH SUNA?!" they screamed. "uh oh, seemed we've been found out" rintarou spoke with his flat tone. the twins looked at you with scary stares. right uh oh, you hoped what was going to come next wouldn't be too bad for your relationship with rintarou and your well being.

might do a part two but this all for today!

[sunsetcarnation264]

So, uh, that DT17 finale huh?

I would've made this right after I watched the finale, but I wanted to give it a bit of time to sink in fully and made sure I thought everything through before giving my thoughts on it. Not the worst finale there is, but it definitely could've been way better in my opinion. I've heard about the finale from my friends who've seen it, which from the sounds of it I already wasn't liking it, but since I've seen the finale now, how I feel about it is now concrete and set in stone and I feel the same as before. Maybe how I feel about it is in the minority side, or maybe a majority side, I dunno but I don't care. It's not the best it could've been and I'll explain why below. If you like it, good for you I guess because everyone's tastes are different, but I personally don't and I feel like the show deserves a much better finale than this. HEAVY DUTY DISCLAIMER: Just because I'm criticizing the finale doesn't mean I don't love the series, in fact it's because I love the show that I'm giving criticism and give what I would’ve done instead, and if you're anything like me and you're hella late to the party then there'll be spoilers for the finale. If you haven't caught up on the last episode, then you're not missing much honestly, but if you don't like spoilers regardless then watch that first then come back

The first part of the finale starts off like any other DuckTales 2017 episode. It's Webby's birthday, everyone's keeping their eyes out for F.O.W.L. shit, and Webby's enjoying herself. After a bit everyone goes below Funso's and they end up in F.O.W.L.'s territory. F.O.W.L. sets everything up to be on self-destruct, so they gotta find them and stop the self-destruction. They did happen to do the latter, but the F.O.W.L. members already escaped with almost everything. Just almost. The gang end up finding May and June, who're clones and they presume they're clones of Webby. Now this is where I'm starting to not like the finale. Yeah, you can do clones as like a plot twist, but at the same time it feels a bit outta nowhere. Had they foreshadowed it in another episode or have it lead up to the whole "oh shit there's clones of a character we know and love" thing then I wouldn't have a problem, but this came outta nowhere and I kept an eye on possible foreshadowing during season 3 and the rest of season 2 post The Duck Knight Returns too so I would've picked something up. The only thing that could count as foreshadowing was when Beakley promised Webby that she won't keep anymore secrets from her and the harp was saying "fibbing fibbing fibbing", but that's just it. Part two of the finale, Gyro does tests on them to see who they might've been clones of. He tries to tell everyone what the results are but when Scrooge asks him, he said it didn't come up with anything for him to answer the question. Beakley thinks they're both dangerous and locks them up in a closet. Webby, being a naive little girl, wants to talk to them because they're essentially her 'sisters' and she wants to know them more even though Beakley straight up tells her not to interact with them. Webby disregards what Beakley says anyways and she frees them, talks to them, and tries to show them her family tree so they can figure out where May and June came from. May and June are basically like "ehhhh this is your family tree? Who tf are you related to besides Beakley?" yeah, as if extended family or found family still ain't family you jerks. In the meantime, Louie just wants to watch his Ottoman Empire finale which ends up being shitty foreshadowing for the last part of this finale. You'll see why I mentioned this later. They even see Lena and Violet on there and are like "okay but who're those" which Webby responds with how they're her best friends and guess what one of the two clones goes to do? One of them grabs scissors and tries to cut it. When she does cut it, Lena's like "aw hell no bitch" and uses magic on her. Webby being Webby, is completely upset about this because "that was my sister how could you do that" and runs off like how one of the clones ran off. Bitch you only knew her for like five seconds, just because y'all be related don't mean you automatically THIS close to each other like how you are with Lena, Violet, Huey, Dewey, Louie, and anybody else in the McDuck family. I personally believe that love, trust, and respect is what makes people family, not blood/DNA, adoption, or they were married into the family or a step sib/kid/etc. If they're a harmful dick (i.e. a bigot who's queerphobic and/or racist or if they're an abuser, murderer, etc.) then you don't gotta treat them like family or say that they're your family. But anyways we're probs getting off topic, point is that she should trust those who she's known forever instead of clones she knew for a few minutes. Everybody tries to find Webby and one of the clones that ran off. Webby bumped into Beakley as she was tryna find May or June (I think May tho, don't recall) and she tries to lie her way outta it but Beakley knows what's up lol. She says that Webby wants to see the clones, Webby goes with it, and the younger duck wants to know who her parents were. Beakley tells her who her parents were (which might've either been a lie or she was describing herself and a late significant other that we've seen in Webby's picture of her parents) and Webby accepts it. Cut to later when she catches May and June trying to steal the ancient artifacts that Scrooge and co. retrieved during the entirety of season 3. She's shocked that they're even doing this, they all fight each other, and May escaped while June got knocked out. Webby disguises herself as June while she takes her outside where F.O.W.L. awaited them with an aircraft, most importantly Bradford. We only find out Webby was disguising herself as June when everyone got on. Huey notices what's going on and he goes after them, somewhat hiding in the aircraft before everyone leaves for the F.O.W.L. hideout. Not gonna lie, that was a pretty smart plan by Webby. Considering they all look identical and Webby's good at imitation, she can actually get away with this pretty well. This I actually really like and I wouldn't change too much about this. When Huey reveals himself to the three, Webby reveals herself to him but tells him to play along so they ain't fucked over. Somewhat worked. Webby keeps making little slips here and there which makes May hella suspicious of her. They land at the hideout, Webby tries to get what info she can while Huey's taken away. Thanks to the help of Pepper (who I love btw and I think deserves the best ;____;), Webby ends up finding the document room where there's documents on May, June, and a third person with the codename of April. She watches it and oh, shit, it turns out Bentina Beakley actually snatched her ass from F.O.W.L. when she was a baby! What a shocker! She couldn't believe what she was seeing! This is actually fine to me, her possibly being a clone actually makes sense because she could've been a clone of Beakley. Plus it's also a huge reference to how Webby was created to be a combination of Daisy's nieces April, May, and June back in the original series, though I dunno how many people would catch that, especially younger fans who might not have done the research to getting all of the references and easter eggs here. When Beakley was brought in (essentially she knocked Scrooge out without hurting him, went to here alone to take care of F.O.W.L. once and for all just for Webby, but got defeated along with some of the McDucks), everyone leaves Beakley, Webby, and the Harp alone and Webby somewhat confronts Beakley about her past. Needless to say, Webby ain't excited about this and she gets captured and tied up. She's actually pretty depressed, which I mean in a way I don't blame her since she wanted to know if that shit was real or if F.O.W.L. was fabricating it. Cut to Huey being brought to Bradford. Apparently he was a fellow Woodchuck too, though he wasn't the best despite being the very first Woodchuck by his grandmother Isabella Finch, in fact he was the worst which hahaha yeah I can actually believe that. It does explain why he hates adventures and all of that shit, one of the only things I'm willing to accept from the finale. He talks about how he wants to complete the collection "for the better" because Scrooge and everyone else in the family were the only ones to have Isabella's lost journal. Huey believes this at first. He stops believing it once he ends up finding Gyro and everyone else who're locked up. In the meantime, Bradford drags Webby out to a sort of box along with May and June. She doesn't know why she's brought up here. When she gets close to the box, the papyrus appears because... She's the descendant of... Of Scrooge McDuck. Okay no, JUST NAH MAN. This is where my biggest issue in the finale lies, the fact that she's a clone/made from Scrooge's DNA and is technically his "daughter". Not everybody has to be related to Scrooge McDuck to be great, in fact doing this to her actually ruins Webby's character. Her trope is "found family," not "I'm secretly part of the family this whole time and not even I knew it" and this fucks with it so badly. This show is about family, and all different kinds of it. Being taken care of by your uncles/aunts instead of your parents but still having a good relationship, some kids don't have parents and they're gone for whatever reason, being loved and accepted by other family members, some families are awful and abusive, hell some families have two same sex/gendered parents with a kid who's def adopted and one might've been adopted or been from a previous relationship, and it's also how sometimes we find people to call family because we found them and they found us. Webby was the one to fill in the finding those to find family alongside her grandma, but I feel like they're disregarding that just to have a huge plot twist. Again aside from Beakley keeping secrets from Webby, there was no foreshadowing and it makes a previous episode from season two (Nightmare on Killmotor Hill) seem kinda creepy in hindsight since she's over here wanting to be Scrooge himself, and creepy overall due to how obsessive she was over the whole McDuck family in general. You could say it's foreshadowing this whole time, since some people might actually be like this before realizing that "oh hey I'm actually related to this person" due to someone being adopted, given to someone else to take care of, divorce and each parent keeps one of the kids and they don't meet again until way later in life, which in a way is a fair point but at the same time not everyone's gonna notice this even when they look back at the previous episodes. If you're gonna do foreshadowing and a plot twist, you have to do it where looking back everyone can notice little details, not just a certain group of people, and you gotta make sure it's good. Every plot twist has it's foreshadowings, and every good one has a good amount for people to take a guess. Every bad plot twist, however, is either forced in just to shock the viewers or has shitty foreshadowing that's either extremely little or none. I will make a comparison between this and Steven Universe (which if you're still watching or haven't touched yet but haven't gotten up to season five, please skip this part to avoid spoilers for the show) because in Steven Universe, there were PLENTY of hints and foreshadowing that Rose Quartz was actually Pink Diamond and it was even a theory too that Rose was actually Pink, alongside a theory that Pearl was actually the one to shatter Pink Diamond and not Rose which ended up being true in a way that both fits. This was a good plot twist that everyone can watch the show from start to end once again and notice every little bits of details that led up to that plot twist reveal. (End of SU spoilers) This, however, isn't a good plot twist. It's a terrible one and, again, forced in, messy, and there's not enough foreshadowing that can be used to be like "oh I kinda saw that coming" or "oh shit!" and think it's a genuinely good twist. Also the fact that Webby called Scrooge "Dad" T W I C E in the finale, it doesn't sound right, I even voiced out loud that OH EW THAT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT WHY ARE YOU CALLING HIM DAD THIS IS GROSS STOP IT LIKE JUST CALL HIM UNCLE SCROOGE LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE- Oh and this is meant to be a throwback to that Ottoman Empire finale foreshadowing thing from earlier btw lol The last few things I can note about this is the fight between Scrooge and Bradford, where the latter reveals that he was the one to tell Della about the Spear of Selene (which pisses Scrooge off so damn BADLY and it's the other thing I can accept from the finale, it seems like Bradford to do that shit), and the fact that Donald almost died for fucking good due to Bradford pushing his ass into a machine that can erase anything and everything from existence when put in there. He did so with his minions, so he has no qualms about doing so to Scrooge's family unless he signed the papyrus as a contract. Not that it worked anyways, since "family is the greatest adventure of all" which Bradford didn't understand one bit lol But the finale? Not good, the show deserved so much better and Huey deserved way better because this was his season. What I would've done differently is mainly how Webby is a "clone" or whatever you want to call her. It makes no sense for all of her DNA to be from Scrooge McDuck, which raises way too many questions. Why not Beakley? Why not a warrior from F.O.W.L. with a mix of McDuck DNA? Why is Webby a girl while Scrooge isn't? You could argue that oh he might be a trans guy, which while I absolutely LOVE trans and nonbinary headcanons (due to the fact I'm a nonbinary woman myself), it just feels like a cheap escape goat of an excuse to explain that and Scrooge being trans because of that? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh it doesn't feel right to me. If it was a combination of him and Beakley, then okay I'd get why she's like that, but it still has the problem of her being related to the family DNA-wise. Same with the clones honestly. Now what I would do differently is make it where she's a clone of someone (def not Scrooge) and make it where she has an identity-existential crisis. Who is she really? Is she this "April" character, or if she Webby like she's always known herself as her whole life? In the end, she accepts that she's herself, Webby Vanderquack, granddaughter of Bentina Beakley and an ally of Scrooge McDuck. May and June, on the other hand, are possibly failed attempts to recreate Webby, the perfect clone, in order to get the papyrus to appear which in of itself never stated it had to be a DIRECT heir to Scrooge McDuck (it just states that it requires an heir of Scrooge McDuck) like a daughter/son or whatever. You can go back to the episode "The First Adventure" to look at the papyrus if you want, but he wrote that it was to an HEIR not a descendant. It heavily supports how they changed a shit ton of things before the last season being this year instead of idk, try to make it better because they finished voicing the lines in January this year when they started doing season three around the time we got season two. Bradford gets frustrated, wondering how it couldn't have worked because HE HAS WEBBY RIGHT HERE. What he didn't realize was that it could've been someone within the family itself, one who's considered the smart one out of the bunch that wasn't Scrooge McDuck himself, someone who's also a fellow Junior Woodchuck. And that would be Hubert Duck, in which season three is meant to be his season. When he gets close, the papyrus appears but Bradford snatches it and runs off with it so he can finish up that contract he's spent FOREVER to make and force Scrooge to write his name there. As with May and June, I dunno what I would do with them, but if I rewrite the finale at some point (which I would be doing now with my mom, who watched the finale with me because we tend to watch stuff a lot, but I can't at the moment because I have a list of stuff to make and I can't afford to make it longer than it already is along with my WIP list) I'll figure out what to do with them. Overall, the finale is a 4 out of 10 for me. Not horrible enough for it to be the worst finale ever in the history of shows/series, but it's definitely got a lot of things that bothered me too much to genuinely enjoy it without getting stuck on something for too long. Again if you like it, good for you, but personally? It should've been much better and the series deserves a proper finale. If there's no surprise movie to make it better, then I'ma just pretend this finale doesn't exist like nah bye bitch dunno you lmao Besides with how messy this finale is, I hope you guys enjoyed reading my thoughts on it and I hope you guys have a great day

[neverwatchedonepiece]

652-654: "The Last - and Bloodiest - Block! Block D Battle Begins!", "A Decisive Battle! Giolla vs the Straw Hats!" and "Beautiful Sword! Cavendish of the White Horse!"

“Complication?” 

YOU ARE A CELESTIAL DRAGON!!

Or is he...?

Shins of Steel

Usually leave the huge reveals to the end but I can’t wait to talk about this major plot point, since it’s knocked a dent into my immovable “All Celestial Dragons Are Wet Lettuces” viewpoint. It’s like I smugly posted a “Change My Mind” meme and Doflamingo cracked his knuckles and proved me wrong.

Or did he?

After opening with Rebecca and Cavendish in the Colosseum (more on that later), the story veered back to Law, Doflamingo and Fujitora. I thought, “This is nice. Haven’t seen Law in a while. Let’s see what the rascal is up to.”

He was pretty much where Oda had left him: running like hell from a chuckling Doflamingo. And he was still reeling from Doflamingo’s deception.

“I have no interest in your past!” Law proclaimed. Which was totally unfair because I was definitely interested.  “The only people who can use the World Government to deceive us are Celestial Dragons!”

“So what?” Doflamingo answered.

At this point I figured Doflamingo somehow had them in his pocket. That Doflamingo was so wealthy and well-connected he could even manipulate them.

There was a flurry of attacks. Doflamingo pulled a Sasuke vs Orochimaru in the chuunin exams: wired up Law and pinned him to a tree. He was like, “You can’t buy any more time, Law.”

“You said it’s complicated before,” Law said, (buying time). What do you mean?”

But Doflamingo is not so easily led into talking.

“If you wanna chat, hand over Caesar and his heart first.”

“Caesar... no, those SMILEs are that important to you? I guess they are,” Law laughed. “Without the SMILEs, Kaidou’s gonna kill you and it’s all over for you.”

A different sort of attempt at buying time, as Law’s shit-talking made Doflamingo lose his temper and attack. Law shambled his way out of the literal bind but Doflamingo was too quick. It was lucky Fujitora was there because Doflamingo was ready to kill and loot for Caesar’s heart.

Boom went the gravity. Law was pinned to the ground beneath crushing force. (I think I’ve said this before but Fujitora’s power is... it’s just great.)

Doflamingo was like, “Wtf, Fujitora? I almost had him, you party pooper!”

Fujitora, who has played this entire situation suspiciously by-the-book, just said, “Gotta stop you right there, Heavenly Yaksha. I am here to arrest, not execute. Soz.”

Doflamingo had a quiet seethe to himself, then said, “FINE! But I need Caesar’s heart back.” Once Doflamingo stringed the heart into his hands, he cheered up a bit. The odds seemingly in his favour, he was more willing to talk. “By the way, you seem quite curious about that complication I mentioned. You wanna hear about it?”

At this point, I was thinking, “Law, if you do not say yes, I will start flipping tables.”

Luckily, Doflamingo was now in a talkative mood.

“A long time ago - it goes back eight-hundred years, Law - twenty kings from twenty countries came together at the centre of the world and formed one giant organisation. The World Government. The kings who created it decided to move to Mariejois and live there with their families. The Nefertari family of Alabasta refused, so there were nineteen, to be exact. The descendants of those creators who still live there and reign over the world are known as the Celestial Dragons. It means, however, that those nineteen countries lost their royal families eight-hundred years ago. In those countries, they elected new kings out of necessity and new royal families arose. In the case of my country, Dressrosa, the new royalty was the Riku Family. And the old family who moved to Mariejois as the creators of the world was the Donquixote family.”

THE DONQUIXOTE FAMILY.

“But, but, but....” I thought. “Weren’t all Celestial Dragons useless, dangerous spoiled brats like St Charloss and What’s-His-Face who washed up on Fishman Island?” Doflamingo is hyper-competent. How could this be?? Muh prejudices!

I guess that explained the Heavenly Yaksha nickname. Heavenly is similar to celestial, right? I suppose Vergo’s warning to Law, re. lack of knowledge on Doflamingo’s past also makes sense now. Law was technically pitting himself against a Celestial Dragon who can pull World Government-level strings. 

Not only that, but it seems the situation really is complicated.

Because Doflamingo had a bit more to say.

“So you’re called a Celestial Dragon, Doflamingo!” Law raged.

“I was. But not anymore. What is bloodline? What is destiny? I don’t think there are many people who have lived such a chequered life as mine. I wish I could tell the story of my life before I met you, over drinks. But I don’t have time for that. I’ve got to do something about the Strawhats in Dressrosa. I know there are quite a few people who underestimated them and got hurt.”

THANK YOU, ODA!

The plot gods have answered my plea. But these answers have raised only more questions.

1. Doflamingo used to be a Celestial Dragon. Not anymore. What happened? Did he abandon the rank willingly or was it taken from him? The whole “What is bloodline? What is destiny?” stuff is highly suspicious. Makes me think Doflamingo is not a fan of the Celestial Dragons.

2. The Riku Family. They were the ones who took over. They were elected fair and square. Everything seemed to be fine. Until Doflamingo came back to claim the territory his family abandoned eight-hundred years ago. Why return to Dressrosa? The answer to this question is probably tied up with point one.

3. The Nefertari were Originals. Even back then, the future Celestials must have been total moonfruits because the Nefertaris were like, “Ehhhh, nah, you guys go and have a good time on your island.” Imagine being stuck with those losers for eight-hundred years? No thanks.

4. Not underestimating the Strawhats. Doflamingo is smart. He has seen these new whippersnapper pirates topple too many Big Names and institutions to ignore the threat they pose to his territory. I actually cheered when he said this. A villain who can lay aside ego for the sake of the task at hand. I suppose Doflamingo does have the benefit of hindsight. Crocodile never had that luxury.

After that, there was a funny scene with Caesar and a heart-swap (Law still has his heart! Those heat-seeking Karma missiles are locked on Caesar. (LOCK ONNNNN!)) Fujitora also heard a KABOOM of thunder from the direction of the sea, even though the weather was perfectly calm. Law knew that would be Nami. The Strawhats were heading his way.

This was not a good thing.

Amid the chaos, Law made a desperate bid for freedom. Doflamingo pursued. He tried to lure him away but unfortunately, Doflamingo is smart.

Which leads us nicely to...

Debatable, But Okay...

(Side note: I loved how Toei segued seamlessly from Doflamingo’s sinister villain reveal laughter to Brook’s cheerful deceit laughter in 653. Did me a big lol there.)

And at first it seemed like Brook had found a new pal on Sunny. Not only that... he had betrayed the Strawhats? Surely not?

Had Soul King placed his art above his solid gold friendships with Nami and Chopper? Why was he hanging with Giolla? This was an outrage!

Giolla wanted to surprise Law (and gain Donquixote points) by picking up Caesar in Sunny instead of the Strawhats. Oh, what an excellent day it had turned out to be. Her latest art transformation depicted the tragedy of Dressrosa so perfectly! And it would only take ten more minutes for Nami, Chopper and Momonosuke to become part of her art and suffocate.

Like a total rookie, she babbled her plan to Brook, who smiled (if he could smile) and nodded and played the perfect gentleman. In the background, the others wailed and lamented Brook deserting them for art.

“May I play a song to celebrate?” he asked.

“Of course!”

“Then could you turn my violin and bow back to normal, please?”

Oh, Brook, you absolute legend. As soon as Giolla made that fatal error, Brook said, “You see this violin? There’s a cane sword inside. I already cut you.”

Suddenly, Brook was the hero! (Brook is always the hero.) Imagine doubting him, Nami and Chopper, you silly sausages!

There was a bit I didn’t like much that followed when they bickered over who would cuff Giolla. Nami demanded that Brook or Chopper did it, which was ridiculous because they are Devil Fruit eaters. If they touched those cuffs, their strength would sap and Giolla could overpower them. Nami, you should have done it. Doesn’t matter if you think you’re a coward or you view yourself as weak, you should have taken one for the team there. Not cool.

They spent so much time bickering, Giolla woke up and they missed the opportunity to restrain her. They were forced into fighting. Which was actually kind of good, in the end. Nami, Chopper and Brook used their heads to outsmart Giolla’s Giant Picasso Form and fire a Gaon Cannon bolt. Then Momonosuke shanked her from behind when she was down. Nami finished her off with a thunderbolt.

Teamwork, amirite?

Unfortunately, Fujitora heard the thunderbolt and told Doflamingo. So when they sailed round to Green Bit to collect Law and Caesar, Chopper saw the horrendous sight of Doflamingo approaching at speed through his binoculars.

I hope he recovers soon.

Who Says Zoro Can’t Compromise?

Once again, the Strawhats have split up. Usopp and Robin have reunited with Franky at the King Riku Army HQ beneath Flower Field. Zoro originally left with Wicka to check in on Sunny and rescue the others from Giolla, but met Sanji and Foxfire on the way.

Wick was like, “Who dat?”

In keeping with the Legendary Heroes names, Zoro introduced Sanji and Foxfire as Spiral-Brows-land and Topknot-Land (lmao)

Zoro updated Sanji on the dire situation on Sunny. Of course, Sanji was intent on rescuing Nami and the others, so Zoro stayed behind with Foxfire to find Luffy.

Then Violet appeared like a ninja from the shadows to tell him Giolla had hijacked Sunny. How did she know this?

Turns out she has a Very Useful Power.

Clairvoyance. It usually means seeing into the future, but it can also mean gaining information about a person, including their location, through extra-sensory perception. Nice. For Violet, this means she can see things within a 4000km radius, top-down, as a bird would. She is a walking surveillance satellite and can see everything going on in Dressrosa. She guided Sanji to Sunny and updated him on what was going on in Sunny. 

Like I said, a Very Useful Power.

But, since it is a Very Useful Power, the Donquixote Crew are not pleased that she’s betrayed them. Back at the palace, a new character called Gladius is Very Upset. Since he despises and wishes death upon people who cannot follow plans and are not punctual, I’m guessing Violet has used up her two strikes already and is dead to this hilarious weirdo. 

(Why does his hair explode?)

Violet eventually picked up Sunny and informed Sanji the dreadfully bad news that Sunny had been struck by lightning. She was puzzled when Sanji did not react as expected. Instead, he boosted with fury to the ship, where, I expect, he was surprised to find Doflamingo doing the exact same thing.

“Watch this, Law!” Doflamingo laughed. “I will viciously slay your allies right before your eyes!”

Doflamingo sure knows how to turn the thumb screws and punish people, doesn’t he?

But Sanji was like, “NOT TODAY, SATAN!”

He smashed shins with Doflamingo.

And I cheered.

Sanji, you have just gained all your cool points back. I forgive you for being distracted by Violet.

(Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that Bartolomeo recognised Zoro and totally splooshed on sight.)

Rebecca and Cavendish: You Beautiful Legends!

Now Doflamingo has spilled some of the beans on his past, his treatment of Rebecca is odd. If he wanted to get rid of the Riku Family, he could have easily killed her years ago. It’s almost like he wants to drag their memory and reputation thoroughly through the mud. If it’s a propaganda campaign, it makes sense. Keep the people blind to what’s been going on by dangling the scapegoat in front of them. But this is a cruel and unusual punishment. It’s almost like he actually *hates* the Riku family. Or am I reading way too much into this?

In the first scene of 652, Rebecca walked out into the ring. The way Oda had the crowd behave - reduced to shadows, red-eyed, shrieking, inhumane shapes - might be a dig at the sorts of people who love blood sports. Animals and humans risking their lives to entertain uncaring humans and prop up gambling industries.

The insults they hurled at Rebecca were harsh. “Drop dead, Rebecca!” “Foul blooded!” “Today’s your execution day!” “The shame of Dressrosa!” And the worst one, for some reason, “Set her on fire! That’ll make her pyro grandfather happy.”

Ooft. 

Well, it was pretty disgusting, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

Enter Cavendish on his Farul, his white horse.

Ohhhhhh, he was not happy. Not happy at all. He heaped abuse on the crowd and called out their rank hypocrisy.

“ENOUGH! I don’t care why you hate her so much but she’s a young woman who stands in the ring putting her life on the line. You guys are not risking yoru lives so you have no right to jeer at her. If you really want to kill her, take a weapon and come down to the ring yourself! The voices of people who have no guts are nothing but irritating noise! I have my reasons for entering this competition, but even so, I cannot stomach it. The lives and deaths of warriors are not a show!”

Well, Cabbage just earned himself some major cool points there. I was like, “YOU TELL ‘EM, CABBAGE! NO MERCY!”

Even Luffy agreed. “Oh, Cabbage spoke up and said the right thing. I’m impressed!”

Well.. sort of. 

“Still don’t like him, though.” (Lmao, Luffy.)

Cavendish’s impromptu speech had an interesting effect on the crowd. They still hate Rebecca but instead of focusing their abuse on her, they decided they would use all that energy to support Cavendish, instead. 

It’s a win-win situation. Rebecca can kick-ass in peace and Cavendish, well, since the crowd started chanting his name, he had a tear-filled, “YOU LOVE ME! YOU REALLY LOVE ME!” moment. 

He’s already contemplating his media strategy.

Classic Cavendish.

When Doflamingo’s here, and you feel the end is near. 

Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Chapter 6 – Tunstell’s mildew breath

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.

Alexia is also going north to help her husband with a crew crafted for a comedy. and oh boy I can’ts wait.

Gormless Chapter 6 – Tunstell’s mildew breath

Last we left our hero she was toting around her bff Ivy, her evil blonde sister, Ivy’s crush but not fiancé Tunstell, and her maid Angelique.  As soon as they get on the dirigible, they are met with Madam LeFoux who’s definitely not up to something, and definitely doesn’t have a strained ex-girlfriends relationship with Angelique. NO WAY!

But like Kudos to LeFoux for leaving her shitty son who just nearly leveled a block of inner-city London on a whim with 1 caretaker who is a ghost who, due to being incorporeal, can’t do shit to stop him from doing it again.

As we all know, Felicity has gotta hit that evil quota and flirts shamelessly with Tunstell just to piss off Ivy.  I was about to type, “I’m not sure why Felicity hates Ivy” but then I remembered that Felicity is evil and she doesn’t need a reason har har.  Alexia, at one point catches Angelique and LeFoux talking angrily with each other on this one deck, so Alexia tries to listen in.  It basically boils down to, “Angelique you need to tell her!”  “I know but not right now!” while the both of them romantically touch each other.  

Alexia just thinks that they’re probably both spies. Lesbionage is a’ foot!

 LeFoux flirts with Alexia some more BLAH BLAH BLAH! Later on, Alexia goes back to her quarters to find that someone tried but failed to break the lock on her bag.

LE GASP!

But before she can come up with a half-baked idea about the culprit being a raccoon, aliens, or this was all occurring in an autistic boy’s snow globe…Ivy staggers in emotionally wounded. We learn that Tunstell has kissed her and Ivy has JUST NOW realized there is conflict here.  Alexia advises against Ivy breaking off her engagement in order to be with Tunstell.  Ivy points out that Alexia married for love.  Allow me to paraphrase Alexia’s responds, “Ehhhh I don’t know if I LOVE him. But I did wanna get dicked.”

REALLY!?

I had to suffer through a book of your petty arguments for you to marry a dude, not because you had a great deal of affection for him, but for his quality erections?!

…..damn what a boss.

(Picture of Alexia wearing huge sungalsses with the text, “Dick or GTFO.”)

So Ivy hees and haws about her uncertainty on the matter. Alexia asks her if she liked kissing him. To which Ivy describes her fated kiss with the love of her life with a single poignant adjective.

Damp

DAMP!?

I was half expecting her to go on to say, “..it was damp, musky, crowded, poorly-lit, with spots of mildew. Oh no wait Tunstell was showing me his basement not kissing me. It’s weird how I mix those two up.”

Fucking hell!  I feel like there are way better silly naïve descriptions you can make about kissing.

“It was like I was being fed warm fruit salad….His lips were like honeydew, his tongue like a curious slice of cantaloupe, his teeth unripe blueberries, and his fingers were adventurous spoons.”

If you want to write Ivy without any creativity just maybe, “It was like a hug…but with our faces.”  

But Alexia is half-listening to Ivy this entire time and treats this all like an annoyance that she’s above.  A part of me related to that, because that’s how I feel about this entire book series. However it’s kinda hypocritical cause Ivy was patient and supportive through all of Alexia’s ramblings on her romantic bullshit.  And let’s be frank here, Ivy’s conflict between marrying for love or stability is cliché but it is a complex and serious problem. Last book Alexia was mad that a woman sat next to Maccon at a party, even though Alexia herself purposely moved her seating away from him.  So pardon me if I find Ivy’s conflict more interesting than that, you utter dipshit.

This story has that narcissistic writing pattern of, “When it happens to the protag it’s serious, but it’s a joke if something more serious happens to a side character.”

So Ivy cries a bunch and nothing is resolved. NOW IT’S TIME FOR DINNER!

So the dinner looks gross so Alexia gives it to Tunstell to eat.  She also needs to join in on the catty chorus of all these women snidely fat and slut shaming women who are neither of those things.  LeFoux just kicks back and gays up the place.  

Tunstell suddenly gets sick and staggers out onto the deck.  LeFoux and Alexia go out to see him.  LeFoux makes the shocking discovery…THAT HE HAS BEEN POISONED! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Say something nice Faps:

Ivy’s crush vs. fiancé is finally a problem

This story is getting gayer

There was a line where Felicity is like, “Hurmph you big old man impersonator LeFoux you don’t care at all for a woman’s appearance” and LeFoux is like, “NAH BRO I TOTALLY DO!” And that was genuinely clever and it made me smile.

Alexia admitting she’s not sure if she loves her husband, was something I was not expecting. I mean a part of it is probably ye olde tsundere bullshit.  However I like the idea that Alexia, even after marriage is not SURE.  Love is a process, and things aren’t fixed if you gets hitched. So I like that detail so there.

[authorracheljoy]

OC ask Henri 1 2 3 5 7 8 10 13 14 15 17 18 20 24 25 26 27 29 30 32 33 34 35 36 38 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 51 52 53 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 69 70 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 81 82 83 84 85 87 88 90 91 92 93 94 96 ENJOY TALKING ABOUT YOUR BABIES, FRIENDO! 😉🤗❤

SORRY THIS IS SO LATE BUT IT TOOK FOREVERRRR

1. What is their favourite food?

As a human, roasted duck (don’t ask why)

As a vampire.. BLOOD!

2. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal?

None that I can think off the top of my head, no~

3. What do they wear to bed?

Black. Boxer. Shorts.

No. Shirt.

5. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone?

Nope!

7. Do they like chocolate?

Maybe as a human he did? But now it’s just… blegh.

8. What are their good and bad traits?

Well that’s a loaded question but alright! Good traits include patience and confidence (that can sometimes become stubbornness or just. being a dick I guess!) Bad traits include, well, what I just said in the parentheses :) He can also be SUPER arrogant at times so~

10. What is their favourite room to be in, in the house they live in?

Aaaa his personal study, which is lined with pictures of his travels as well as his family ;;;

13. Do they believe in dragons?

Well, I mean… they exist in that universe so DUH! Of course ;)

14. What is a pet peeve of theirs?

People not listening to him when he’s talking -__-

15. What was the last thing they cried about?

Uhhhhmmmm…. Probably something dealing with Kira? Probably?

I dunno… it takes a lot to make Henri - Mr. Stoneface himself - to cry?

17. Do they have a best friend? If so, who, and what makes them their best friend?

Henri’s best friend is actually one of the shadows (human slaves) he picked up while he was in England (before America was discovered of course). The shadow’s name was Mason and they grew to be very good friends, especially after Henri offered him immortality! 

18. Have they ever been in a romantic relationship?

There was a one-sided fling he had with Giselle, but THAT. DID. NOT. END. WELL. Plus, it was just unhealthy :/ So I guess Toni is the next best thing here ^^ Although, I wouldn’t consider their relationship to be romantic just yet!

20. Do they have a pet?

Does Toni’s cat count? (probably NOT)

24. Can they play an instrument? If so, what instrument and what can they play?

Henri’s a master at piano ;D

25. What type a high schooler are/were they?

Henri never went to high school! So ahhhhh I don’t really know how to answer this sorry!! 

26. Have they ever been in a physical fight before? If so, with who? Who won?

Even before he became a vampire, Henri was always ending fights that his twin brother, Gavin, frequently got himself into. So technically, Henri wasn’t involved too much. Oh, and he ALWAYS won. ^^

27. What is their favourite holiday?

Henri doesn’t DO holidays XD

But if I had to choose one, it’d probably be Halloween~ Not to be cliche or anything but… yeah~

29. Do they wants kids? If they already have kids, do they want more?

Henri. does. not. want. kids. at. the. moment.

Thank you.

30. Do they have a job?

He’s been a lotta things, but clubowner is the job title he’s held onto the longest so.. I hope that counts :D (I just wanna stay out of spoiler territory, ya know??)

32. Do they get stressed out easily?

Nah! 

It would take a LOT to make Henri stressed or especially angry :X

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it?

Henri has never dyed his hair before, no! 

(and he probably never will!)

34. Have they ever broken the law?

Oh, COUNTLESS TIMES. Mmmhmmmmmmm.

35. Do they own a plant?

Hell nah!

36. Have they ever rode a horse before?

Sure! 

38. Do they get along with others easily?

Ehh not really? 

It depends on the person actually..

41. What is their favourite breed of dog?

German Shepard! 

42. Do they live with anyone? If so, who?

Ok, so it might end up being a spoiler, so I’m bailing on this one :X

43. Where is their dream vacation?

He wants to back to France someday so. yeah~

44. Do they know more than one language?

Of course! Not only does Henri know French and English fluently, he also knows German, Russian, and Latin!

45. Are they a quick learner?

Ahh yes!

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win?

Henri doesn’t DO contests!

47. If the world were to end in 24 hours, where would they be and who would they be with?

Henri would be wherever Toni is

48. What does their room look like?

Lots of tan and white. Marble. He’s got a suite so~ High luxury!

49. If they could have an extinct animal for a pet, what would they have?

Henri doesn’t want a pet sorry!

51. Have they ever shot a gun before?

Yes.

52. Have they ever been axe throwing?

Probably not?

53. What is something that they want but can’t have?

The ability to grow old with someone~

55. What is something they always wanted to do but too scared?

Take a boat ride to Europe. Let’s just say that… he had a rocky road to America back in the day XD

56. Do they own their own baby pictures?

Nah, most of them were burned :X

57. What makes them standout among others?

Power drips off of his person. He’s eye-catching, smooth, confident. RICH. Fuck, I wish he was real!!

58. Do they like to show off?

Only sometimes!

59. What is their favourite song?

Anything classical~

60. What would be their dream vehicle?

Henri doesn’t care about cars so XD He likes his limo~

61. What is their favourite book?

*shrugs* I got nothing! 

I mean… he has a thing for the mystery/thriller genre so. something like that?

62. Who, in their opinion, makes the best food?

Despite all the shit Henri tends to give Micah constantly, that werewolf can make some GOOD FOOD! 

63. Are they approachable?

Hell yeah!

… Until you get to know him of course >.>

64. Did they ever change their appearance?

Not really?

65. What makes them smile?

His loved ones~

66. Do they like glowsticks?

They’re stupid, in his opinion.

67. What is something that is simple, but always makes them smile?

His sister’s enthusiasm? Does that count??

69. Are they allergic to anything?

As a human, no. 

As a vampire: pretty much everything that vampires can be hurt by? Silver. Aspen. Wood (the stake variety of course).

70. What do you, the creator of this OC, like most about them?

I like his confidence mainly. Oh, and the fact that he can make Toni shut up and listen to reason for once. I like that too

72. Do they currently have a significant other? If not, are they going to get one later one?

Yeah, Toni counts (I think)!

73. What attracts them to another person?

Having a strong mentality and determination.

He likes a girl with smarts!

74. Who is one person that can always make them laugh?

Kira~

75. Have they ever partied too hard and their friends had to take them home?

No. Never.

Henri doesn’t have friends. XD Besides Mason.

76. Who would be their cuddle buddy?

Toni of course~

77. Who would cheer them up after a long day?

Probably Kira

78. If they had a nightmare, who would they run to?

Also Kira ^^ 

They have such a nice sibling bond~

79. What object do they care for the most?

A blood diamond ring that belonged to his ancestors ;)

81. How would they react if someone broke into their home?

Honestly, he would probably just compel them to leave XD

82. Does anyone make them have butterflies in their stomach?

Ehhhh no?

83. What is something that they are good at?

Playing the piano, dominating conversations and parties ;D

84. What is their neutral expression?

~UNIMPRESSED~

85. Do they like to cook?

Not really, no! He doesn’t really do his own cooking XD

87. Who is someone that they rely on?

Imma give you the list instead of just one: Toni, Kira, Tom, and Mason!

88. Do they liked to be tickled?

HELL NO.

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

Henri just isn’t the joking type!

91. Do they have a place that can go and turn off their brain?

Not really XD

92. What was their childhood like?

Fair enough~

93. What are they like as an adult?

SUPER SALTY XDD

94. Do they take criticism well?

It honestly depends on the person criticizing him :X

Yeah…

96. Who do they like to make jokes with?

Mason and sometimes Tom! ^^

Thanks again for the ask, Friendo! There was so many questions in this one that it took me SO LONG! Sorry for the wait

[starlingsrps]

bram stewart character dev.

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: abraham daniel stewart

Nickname: bram. bram always. he's not an abraham and he doesn't like abe.  

Birthday: may 11

Age: thirty four

Gender: male

Place of birth: buffalo, ny

Places lived since: [blerp] and [mlem]

Parents: harris stewart (deceased) and diane henderson, 62

Number of siblings: hannah, 37

Relationship with family: ehhhh it's been better. his father passed away about five years ago and his mother remarried last year. he sided with his mother - she's got every right to get remarried if she wants to and he doesn't care as long as dennis makes her happy - and hannah did not. holidays are a little tense and he'd much rather if they spent them with maggie's family. or better - just the two of them.

Children of his own?: not right now but they're working on that.

PHYSICAL

Height: 6'4

Build: tall and broad

Disabilities: nah not really

Complexion: fair

Distinguishing features: he's got a friendly, expressive face.

Hair color: brown

Usual hair style: short

Eye color: brown

Glasses? Contacts?: nah

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): jeans and a sweater whenever he can get away for it, little more dressed up for teaching. but for real he owns like nine thousand crew neck sweaters and always needs more.

Typical style of shoes: oxfords for when he has to be an adult but sneakers preferred.

Health: not more so than anyone else but the Biggest Baby when he is sick.

Grooming: frequently bearded, otherwise pretty neat and put together.

Jewelry? Tattoos? Piercings?: naught but a wedding band and a watch.

Accent?: nah

Unique mannerisms/physical habits: nah

Athletic?: he started doing crossfit a few years ago and while it is not his World, he does really like it. he’s secure in his masculinity but being able to lift maggie makes him feel pretty damn manly.

INTELLECT

Level of education: ba in history from [blep], j.d. from [mlem] 

Level of self esteem: pretty high - he's got a lot of self confidence.

Gifts/talents: he's a good talker and a genuinely sweet guy. he likes people and it shows in his daily interactions. he's polite but not in a sanctimonious way - his mama raised him to be a good man and that's what he is. he can also straight kill it at karaoke but only after a few whiskeys.

Shortcomings: he gets bogged down in little things and forgets about the big picture. sometimes, he's a little too confident if that makes sense. the negative sometimes doesn't exactly occur to him as an option and he'll be a little confused if something goes wrong because how???

Style of speech: even and smooth. he's a former state champion speaker so he talks real purdy.

Artistic?: god no.

Mathematical?: ish. he files their taxes every year but come on. that's basic arithmetic. any idiot can do that. right??

Makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?: he tries to be logical but he's p emotional.

Neuroses: nahh

Religious stance: nah

Cautious or daring?: daring

Most sensitive about/vulnerable to: maggie. like that's his forever girl right there.

Optimist or pessimist?: optimist

Extrovert or introvert?: extrovert

Level of comfort with technology: pretty comfortable. he can work the equipment in his classrooms just fine and knows what he's doing with his phone.

RELATIONSHIPS

Current marital/relationship status: happily married to maggie stewart.

Sexual orientation: heterosexual

Past relationships: lord he can't even remember anymore

A social person?: yes!

Most comfortable around: maggie

Oldest friend: maggie

How does he think others perceive him?: he kind of doesn't care? like he's secure in who he is and his relationships so the rest is just noise.

How do others actually perceive him?: professor cinnamon roll right here.

VOCATION

Profession: law professor

Past occupations: waiter, intern, law clerk, attorney (for two terrible, hellish years before he ran off to teach law instead)

Attitude towards current job: ugh like it's fine but he wishes he'd done something else. young bram panicked and went safe route rather than what made him happy so hell yeah he's trying to retire as soon as possible. he doesn't know what he's going to do but he fully intends to enjoy it. 

Attitude towards current coworkers, bosses, employees: damn kids.

Salary: enough

SECRETS

Dreams: a family and a long, good life with maggie

Greatest fears: failure, losing maggie

Hobbies: traveling, reading, thinking about traveling.

Past sexual transgressions: ehhh 

Crimes committed: nah

What he most wants to change about his current life: he'd like to have a family and a career he's more passionate about but he'll settle for family. 

What he most wants to change about his physical appearance: nah.

DETAILS/QUIRKS

Daily routine: up, kiss maggie, coffee, gym, get ready at gym, work, home, kiss maggie again, miscellany and dinner.

Night owl or early bird?: early bird

Light or heavy sleeper?: heavy

Favorite food: bram gets very excited for steak night like he is READY

Favorite book: tbd

Favorite movie: jurassic park is the coolest movie ever made he'll fight you on this

Favorite song: "from eden" by hozier for real; "what makes you beautiful" if it's karaoke night because he's the worst

Coffee or tea?: coffee. 

Type of car he drives: new model sedan of some sort that looks like a bomb went off at all times. HE TRIES BUT IT'S HARD.

Lefty or righty?: righty

Favorite color: green

Cusser?: sometimes

Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: nope/yes/never

Pets?: i feel like they probably have a dog what say ye lindsay?

[sun-summoning]

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv | part v

part vi: in which we let sasuke live

The phone sat between them as the seconds ticked by. Like a good friend, Naruto came over the moment Sasuke told him there was an emergency.

“Fuck,” Sasuke cursed for the nth time, glaring at his phone. He touched the screen when it dimmed, bringing it back to its full brightness and displaying Tinder Girl’s selfie of herself in a green bikini as she hugged the neck of her unicorn floatie like the basic bitch she probably was. “Fuck.”

“Okay.” This was the first word said in the past ten minutes aside from ‘fuck.’ “Okay, I have a plan.”

“What is it?”

“You have to like more photos.”

“Right, so you’re a fucking idiot.”

Naruto rolled his eyes and grabbed Sasuke’s phone. “Trust me!”

“Why would I do that?”

“Um, because I’m your best friend?” Naruto just waved a hand. He proceeded to scroll through a few more of Sakura Haruno’s photos and like them.

Sasuke felt his stomach twisting each time the red heart appeared over her pictures.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“Saving your ass.”

“HOW IS THAT SAVING ME?”

“Look, all you can do at this point is own the fact that you’re a fucking creep.”

“WHY?!”

Sasuke took a deep breath with the intention of calming down but felt none of that. When he was vaguely positive he wouldn’t reach over the table and throttle Naruto, Sasuke took his phone back and simply deleted his Instagram account.

Seeing what he did, Naruto blinked. “Oh.”

“Uh huh.”

“That was...anticlimactic.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “This doesn’t need to be difficult.”

Naruto pouted. “Now I won’t be able to send you funny images.”

“I don’t even look at them.”

“What the hell.”

“Now then, Naruto...” 

Sasuke looked across the table at his best friend, this blond buffoon that was almost always smiling. He was such a nice person that it sometimes baffled Sasuke that they were friends. It wasn’t like Sasuke considered himself unworthy of such a kind person. Rather, he wondered how someone like Naruto didn’t just look at him, check off the box for “Complete Asshole,” and then move on. 

Yeah, getting Naruto to help him was going to be so easy.

“I need your help,” Sasuke said slowly, “for finding Tinder Girl.”

“Huh?”

“I need you to...” Sasuke had to pause because the words were hard to say, “uh, go on a date. With Ino. And more thereafter.”

“Wait, what?”

“She knows Tinder Girl and if you guys are dating, she’ll want to go on a double date together and she’ll bring Tinder Girl and...”

It was in that moment that Sasuke recalled the friend Ino had been talking about the other day -- the one she wanted to set up with Shikamaru and then with Naruto and then, briefly enough, with Sasuke. Was she talking about Tinder Girl? Fuck. She was definitely talk about Tinder Girl.

“But I don’t want to date Ino,” Naruto protested.

“Can’t you just take one for the team?”

Naruto openly gawked at him. “Are you...using me?”

“Why do you have say it like that?”

“Sasuke!”

“What?”

“So like I’m the honey pot? I’m the bait? The bait for Ino’s lust or whatever?” 

“No, idiot. Or well, I mean, I guess.” 

“I can’t believe you’re trying to whore me out!” 

“Naruto, I would sell you to Satan for one corn chip.” 

“What the fuck.” 

“Oh, stop acting so upset. It’s not like hooking up with Ino wasn’t already in your calendar.” 

Naruto pulled out his phone to check. Finding no such commitment he glared at Sasuke. “First of all, bitch, I’m classier than that.” 

“What, you treat her to a steak dinner first?” 

“What?” Naruto laughed. “Screw that! Nah, we get ramen and split the bill. What kind of person do you think I am.”

“The kind who’s going to take Ino out in the next couple of dates and fool her into thinking he’s passable at best?”

“Fuck you!”

-

Because he was such a good friend, a few days later, Naruto took Ino on a date. Sasuke had hoped Naruto would maybe make more of an effort, but, naturally, the idiot opted for something lazy and ended up taking her to the bar most students went to at night or on the weekends or, if they were Naruto and Sasuke, at noon on Thursdays because why the fuck not. He was out of hearing range, sitting at a booth with Suigetsu and Karin. The other two were drinking while Sasuke was struggling to make out what Naruto and Ino were saying.

“Wow, Naruto, please tell me more about all the different flavours of ramen you like to eat,” Suigetsu said, his voice high as he pretended to be Ino.

Karin laughed, glancing at her cousin and then laughing again. “Well, Ino, there’s pork, which is my go to.”

“Pork, hm? I sure like me some meat in my mouth.”

“Well speaking of meat--”

“Really?” Sasuke glared at the two who paid him no heed, Karin’s head on Suigetsu’s shoulder as they watched Naruto and Ino, making up their conversation with their ridiculous, mocking voices. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with you?” Suigetsu asked, still using his Ino voice. 

“Yeah, bastard,” Karin added, using her Naruto voice.

"Ugh.” Sasuke drank some of his beer to refrain from cussing them out. “Why are you guys even here?”

“Naruto told me to come,” Karin said with a shrug. “He said I should keep you company, but you have no personality so I didn’t want to hang out with just you--”

“Thanks.”

“--so I brought Suigetsu.”

Suigetsu nodded. “I’m here to watch the chaos. Also because I heard you’re stalking some girl. You know that’s fucked up, right?”

“I’m not stalking her!” Sasuke turned to Karin with a scathing stare. “Stop talking shit.”

“Well it’s true.”

“I’m not stalking her I just...” Sasuke looked down, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. “Okay, I get why you might think that--”

“Ha!”

“--but it’s not. Okay. Fine. It kind of is.” 

“It’s okay,” Suigetsu said, reaching across the table to pat Sasuke’s hand. “We’ll still accept you after she gets a restraining order.”

A pitcher of something and about twenty minutes later, Sasuke watched as Shikamaru entered the bar and soon sat down beside him. A waitress dropped off a glass and Karin poured Shikamaru some of the sangria she refused to share with Suigetsu and Sasuke.

“So why am I here?” Shikamaru asked.

Sasuke frowned. “Because...you came here.” He didn’t invite him.

“Naruto invited him.”

“Well what the fuck.”

Karin shrugged. “He said Shikamaru might be able to help. Apparently he’s smart--”

“Thanks.”

“--and he’s good at coming up with plans. So--” Karin looked in the direction of Naruto and Ino and Sasuke turned his head as well. She smiled like she got something right when Ino promptly gave Naruto the finger, grabbed her purse, and stalked off. “--what’s your plan now, Shikamaru?”

Shikamaru just sighed. “I have literally no idea what any of you are talking about.”

“Yeah, what are you guys talking about?”

Naturally, Naruto was quick to join their table, pulling up a chair to their booth and looking not even remotely upset that his date with Ino didn’t go well.

“Aren’t you sad?” Suigetsu asked.

But Naruto waved a hand in the way one does when they’re on the fence about something. “Ehhhh.”

“Guys,” Shikamaru called, “context?”

And so Sasuke’s sad story of love lost was summarized by the people who had mostly sabotaged but sort of helped him on his quest. They told Shikamaru about his Tinder fail (“What a fucking idiot, right?”), the no questions about pink hair rule (“You should have seen Hinata’s face!”), the near encounter at Karin’s (“He was so fucking close, oh my god.”), and the fact that thus far Sasuke had gathered her tumblr, her email address, and her Instagram account (“That’s...that’s kinda creepy.”). 

When the Uzumaki fuckers were finished telling their tale with the occasional quip from Suigetsu, Sasuke wanted to get blackout drunk while Shikamaru just stared at them all disbelievingly. 

“That’s...what the fuck, Sasuke.”

“Shut up!”

They chatted about dumb things as Shikamaru sat back and tried to come up with something. 

“Okay, well, here’s a suggestion,” Shikamaru drawled. “Why don’t you just delete Tinder and download it again. Sure, you couldn’t find her on Facebook, but maybe that’s just her security settings. She could still have it. After you’ve downloaded Tinder again, just change the settings to fit everything you already know. Reduce the distance to a few kilometres at time when logically you’d both be on campus, fix the age setting since that’s already been confirmed for you, and then swipe away.” He paused before smiling sardonically. “Although maybe this time think before you swipe left.”

“Yeah, I already tried that,” Sasuke snidely replied. “The new update keeps all your previous information.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Shikamaru continued down his route of inebriation and Sasuke managed to contain his judgement. Also why was he around so many drunk and/or high people all the time? He felt like he was in Alice in Wonderland or something jeez. “Okay, then I apologize for my earlier snark.”

“Accepted.”

“Why don’t you just keep swiping?” Suigetsu suggested. He took Sasuke’s phone and opened Tinder and began swiping through pictures. “Won’t she just, like, come back up? Does it not just refresh after it runs out of people?”

Sasuke frowned. “I don’t think that’s how Tinder works.”

”You sure?”

Karin smacked Suigetsu’s arm and then grabbed the phone to look at all the profiles. “No means no.”

“Hmmmm.” Naruto rubbed his chin. “What to do next...”

“What about a party?” Karin said.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Listen, I realize you have a problem and that that problem is called alcoholism, but you need to chill.”

Karin threw a piece of fruit from her sangria at Sasuke. “I’m trying to help, you ass.”

“No, that might actually work,” Shikamaru said. “We can get Ino to throw it. And then since they’re best friends, I’m sure Sakura will be there too.”

“Exactly!”

Sasuke still didn’t understand their logic. Yes, he got the concept of a party, but why the hell would Ino just do that. He shook his head, confused. “But why would Ino just have a party?”  

“Because yolo.” 

“No.” Sasuke shook his head in frustration. “No, that’s not a thing.” 

“It’s absolutely a thing,” Suigetsu said, actually sounding a little bit offended.

“Yeah,” Naruto agreed, “it means you only live once.” 

Sasuke groaned and wondered why all these idiots in his life thought that was an excuse to be irresponsible. “I hate all of you. Okay. Okay, whatever. So you get Ino to throw a party. Fine. What if Tinder Girl doesn’t come?” 

Karin pursed her lips, unimpressed, and took a sip of her sangria. “You should really stop calling her that.” 

Shikamaru snorted. “Yeah, Sasuke. She has an actual name you know.”

Grinding his teeth in an effort to hold back a string of loud, vicious curses, Sasuke opted to glare at them all and then finish his beer. “Fine. Ino throws a party. Then Sakura comes--okay, no, wait. Again. Someone explain how you’re just going to get Ino to have a party.”

“Because yolo.”

To prevent Sasuke’s pending aneurysm, Shikamaru told him, “Because it’s Ino.”

“Somehow that is infinitely less helpful than ‘yolo.’”

Shikamaru kicked Sasuke under the table but because sometimes Shikamaru gave Sasuke his lecture notes, Sasuke didn’t kick him back. “That girl will accept any reason to drink and dance and scream woo.”

“Still though,” Sasuke said, unconvinced.

“You’re being very difficult,” Karin snidely pointed out, “for someone who has contributed nothing to this search aside from his fairly creepy crush.”

“Can I live?”

“Can you stop being so negative?”

Sensing a bickering match that would probably earn them the ire of the bartenders they visited so frequently, Naruto raised his hands and tried to calm them down. “Now, now, everybody calm their tits.”

“Fuck you!” Karin yelled. “Don’t tell my tits what to do!”

At the same time, Sasuke hissed his own “Fuck you,” followed by a clarification that they were not tits, they were well-defined pectoral muscles. 

When the tension was soothed by another two pitchers reaching the table, Shikamaru held up his phone and grinned triumphantly.

“Alright. I did it. Operation Party is a go,” he said, showing them his message from Ino confirming a party next Friday. 

“But...but that’s so dumb.”

Shikamaru frowned at Naruto. “Seriously? Didn’t we just go over the value of the party plan?”

“No, no. I meant the operation name. We need something better.”

“Operation Get Sasuke Laid?” Suigetsu suggested.

Karin smirked. “Operation Pop Sasuke’s Cherry.”

“How ‘bout Operation Can We Just Get This Fucking Over With?”

Sasuke perked up at that. “Actually, I like that one.”

“No,” Naruto vetoed, dropping his hand onto the table with a bang. “Operation Tinder Girl.”

-

The first two hours of Ino’s party went like this:

Sasuke arrived with Naruto and Shikamaru. Sasuke was promptly overlooked by Ino because she was, naturally, mildly inebriated, which meant she about to start flirting with his best friend. Sasuke played (and lost) a game of beer pong with his usual Team Testes to ensure Suigetsu and Naruto wouldn’t pull him away later on. Sasuke got a little tipsy on tainted beer because he was so nervous. Sasuke looked around and found no head of pink. Sasuke eagerly accepted the shot of tequila Karin offered him and because he was still nervous, he grabbed the shot she meant to take for herself and downed that too. 

Sasuke drank and Sasuke wandered around and then Sasuke drank some more. Sasuke drank so much that eventually he couldn’t wander around anymore and he was really fucking hot but he lacked the physical capability to remove his sweater at this point so he went outside. Sasuke sat on Ino’s balcony among the various flowers and herbs and found a trio of succulents that he decided would be his new best friends. 

His favourite succulent was the one that was more of blue-green kind of colour with tinges of purple at its pointed tips.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, cradling the succulent close. “I have you,”

He wondered how someone like Ino, loud and obnoxious and ugh just so fucking irritating, could have ever produced such a peaceful makeshift garden.

“I’ll save you,” he promised the succulent. 

He needed to smuggle it out of here. He needed to find Tinder Girl and save the succulent and then they could all live happily ever after. Sasuke removed his shoe with much difficulty and gently dropped the little potted plant inside. Sasuke made to stand but found he no longer had legs. He looked down though, realized he did have legs, and then figured he just couldn’t use his legs anymore.

“Well shit.”

He was going to die here. 

“Nooooo.”

Removing the succulent from his shoe, Sasuke proceeded to poke the tips of its leaves and apologize for not being able to save it. Eventually the blue and the green and the purple began to blur together so Sasuke decided to just close his eyes because they were starting to just stop working, much like his legs. He leaned his head against the wall and whispered goodbye to the succulent and--

“Hey, are you okay?”

Sasuke turned his head a fraction to follow the voice. He tried opening his eyes but only caught all the light from inside Ino’s apartment. Of course Ino’s apartment would be trying to kill him.

“I’m fine,” Sasuke mumbled. His hand fell to his where he knew his succulent friends were stationed, aiming to protect them from this stranger.

The stranger -- a girl, judging by her voice -- came closer and knelt down beside him. He prepared to strike lest she attack the succulents, but suddenly the back of her hand was pressed against his face and she was humming.

“You don’t look very well.”

“You don’t look very well,” he muttered despite the fact that his eyes were closed.

“Also you look kind of familiar. Do I know you?”

He said nothing and now both of her hands were on his cheeks and while they felt kind of nice being cool and soft while he was on fire, she was still, you know, touching him. And he didn’t like people touching him.

“Stop,” he whined, trying to bat her hands away but barely even moving them from where they were sprawled across his belly. “I don’t like when people touch me. It’s... it’s gross.” 

“Oh?” She laughed and pulled her hands away. 

“Nothing disgusts me quite like the feeling of another person’s bare skin against mine.”

“Sorry, sweetie, but you’re a fucking wreck right now.”

“Ugh. Can I live?”

“I’m trying to help you do that,” she teased. She moved one of the other potted plants that were beside him (not the succulents), making space on his right. She then sat down against the wall, leaving a couple of inches between them for his comfort. “Okay. I promise I will touch you as little as possible, but you’re gonna have to cope. Looks like you drank too much.”

“That’s not a thing.”

She lifted a cup to his lips and, on instinct, he began whining about stranger danger. He imagined she was rolling her eyes as she explained, “It’s water, silly. Drink some of it. I have a feeling there’s a hole burning in your stomach right now.”

“You don’t know me,” Sasuke said. “You don’t know my stomach.” Still, he welcomed the non-alcoholic beverage. 

He sipped it slowly and she began patting his head. He made a noise of discomfort because dammit she was touching him, but then she started playing with his hair and it actually kind of felt nice. He grunted when her phone made a noise, the sound hurting his head. Great. Now his ears were failing him as well.

Seeing his wince, she apologized. “Sorry! Just an Instagram alert.”

“Nghh.”

“I’m the worst,” she babbled, still kind of petting him. “Whenever I get a text or an alert or whatever, I just like...swipe it away. I tell myself I’ll read it later, but then I forget and suddenly it’s a month later and I’m awkwardly, belatedly replying to a question on some brunch picture about where I went.”

“Ngghhhh.”

“I think I only ever check my email, although, like, not even my personal one. My work one--”

She continued talking about things he gave no fucks about, but, strangely, her voice was kind of soothing. It was, for all intents and purposes, the opposite of Naruto’s or Ino’s.

He must’ve slumped over because suddenly he was leaning against her. She sighed. “You’re not in good shape.” 

“You’re not in good shape.” 

“Hey, I’ll have you know I’m strong like bull and can probably bench press your scrawny ass.” 

“M’not scrawny.” 

“Uh huh.”

“Shut up. I’ll fight you...” 

That was the last thing he remembered saying before falling asleep against her shoulder.

-

tbc

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thank you @okashiras for doodling that last scene to inspire me