#Effective personal training
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[ID: Two page comic in color of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The first page has a black background and the upper half, behind the panels, is splattered with stylized red blood, scattered bullets, and lifeless hands. In the first panel, it focuses on Vash's boots, showing him stepping through the panel and into the bloody scene. The second panel shows his bloody footprints and the third panel shows his face, his down-turned eyes looking downwards. It's a neutral, vague expression with confliction. At the bottom of the page, the back of Wolfwood's head and shoulder is seen, blood dirtying the white color of his shirt and side of his face. Vash's hand reaches out to him from the right side of the page.
The second page shows the entire scene in full, half the page in light and the other in solid black. At the center, Vash leans down onto his knees as he wraps his arms around Wolfwood's shoulders into a hug. Wolfwood's back is turned away from the viewer, his left arm holds onto his bloodied punisher and his right hand sits on his lap. Light casts from the left side of the page, showing the bloodied surrounding, but the held up punisher casts a shadow on the both of them, shielding them from the light. END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#<-- should i add that to the original post... if it's effective?#anyway this was a direct sequel to the previous post... i had a lot of thoughts when i drew it but my brain is failing me rn#something something about being granted that bit of mundanity and then running into some situation that whiplashes u back into the identity#u were built and trained to be. that at the end of the day its not possible to just be without dirtying your hands again#he's used to it but ww will forever be someone too kind too tender hearted to really be eased out of the cold lifestyle he's forced to live#and i personally dont think trimax vash could look at wolfwood with disdain or disappointment when catching him after the fact#he knows where wolfwood's heart lies he's seen the way wolfwood killed to protect and he thanked him for it too. i think him understanding#ww deeper in that way would just make his heart wretch so all he can offer is a comfort and arms to return to.#to reassure that he can still be loved even with the blood on his hands#i also think i drew an illustration when i first got into trigun depicting this same ish message....#i'm just very particular about this Subject. i need ww to be loved i need him to be reassured even if he'll still refuse to believe he's#worthy of it like AUGHHH. ok.#ruporas art
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Easy to forget that Jaal IS living his fantasy of "hot aliens come knocking at your door to whisk you away on space adventures in their technologically advanced alien ship"
Like we're the aliens this time around, coming to his home planet, getting him on a spaceship with a variety of hot aliens. In a single day, Jaal's life took a turn for the harem anime protagonist road.
This is a full on monsterfucking fetish to him, we are the monsters he wants to fuck.
And he's an alien enthusiast. He was writing "alien x reader" on angaran Wattpad since he was a teen.
#good thing he was born during first contact when it was socially acceptable for him to be as weird about aliens as his heart desires#because imagine if he was born during the peaceful “everyone gets along” modern world where angara have already assimilated#He'd have this mystery urge to seek non-angara out and not know why or what to do with it#like an autistic person before the invention of trains#Kinda ironic since I don't care much for trains ^#Either way instead of a cool and brave risk-taker who paved the path for the first joint cooperation between angara and aliens#he'd be a nerd hyperfixted on human magazines for some reason he can't decipher#mass effect#jaal ama darav#☆jaal#☆character specific#☆memes#☆Andromeda#☆alienfucker jaal
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#so anyway i’m on a train and this is my quick recap#of what i’ve been up to the last year#firstly i found out i have adhd because i was so burnt out and anxious i was sent to the hospital with a suspected heart attack lol#which they’re currently looking into to see if i have any heart problems or just anxiety 24/7 🙃#either way it’s been a great explanation for why i find everything so difficult everyday when i didn’t even know i was finding it hard 😐#my mum also almost died which was very much not fun and a little traumatising#i also can’t remember if i mentioned this before i disappeared (i must have) but i bought my own flat here in london which was my lifes goal#and i’ve spent the last like 8 months renovating to my own taste#it’s been a crazy and overwhelming experience doing all#of this by myself#but nether the less she persisted !!!!#and i’m finally in!!!#living alone? would highly recommend#and lastly this genocide has broken my heart completely and disrupted my ability to enjoy a lot of things and was why i wouldn’t bring#myself to come on here and talk about things that really didn’t matter in comparison#i have a friend directly effected and i feel v personally effected as someone who is west asian/muslim#so yeah it’s been difficult#and then the liam news hit me like a truck#it’s just been a Time#and the months slipped away from me like water#the only good thing that’s happened i guess is that i discovered sleep token this year and they immediately became my favourite band#i’m seeing them next month and have had them on repeat non stop#so apologies in advance for turning into a sleep token blog lol
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Last comicfrin au party member finally designed BABEY!!! I can finally walk into the ocean forever
#keese draws#isat#I was worried abt designing her but I actually like how she turned out :]#she’s very silly her favorite hobby is vastly overestimating the average person’s craft knowledge#well her real favorite hobby is training different work animals but yknow#in terms of hypothetical gameplay she’s mostly about doing consistent damage and applying overtime damage and slowing effects on enemies#she’s the reliable dps and support while the leader is the unreliable dps and support lol#new game+
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Oh my way to get stabbed 27 or more times >:3c
#personal#migraine treatments with such a high edgyTM factor it sounds fake#like yeah the doctor said I'm cursed with being sensitive to light and sound and the only treatment#is a trained individual paralyzing my muscles#yeah with the blood offering too#yeah they said that the effects wear off so it's going to have to happen every three months#sorry#oh but if you repeat the ritual more than every three months it might never work again#good luck 👍#and we're just supposed to live like this?????
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BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary
"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.
Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.
One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.
Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.
The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.
Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?
A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.
But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.
As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.
The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.
Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.
"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.
"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.
But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.
"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.
"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."
Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.
"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?
Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...
"Hey, are you okay?"
The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.
"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.
But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?
The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.
The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.
"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"
"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.
The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.
It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.
Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.
Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"
Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.
"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"
"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.
"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.
"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."
"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.
While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.
"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.
The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.
The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.
A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.
That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.
The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.
Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.
It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.
It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.
Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?
The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.
"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.
Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.
Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.
He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.
Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.
A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.
It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.
Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.
Like a mouse to a snake.
This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.
The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?
Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.
His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.
A STARTLING RINGING;
Splits the moment,
Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,
As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.
Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.
"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"
Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.
Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.
"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"
Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.
"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.
Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .
As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.
The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.
"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.
"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."
The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.
"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."
"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.
He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.
#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT.#i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED#I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED..#ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT.#i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it.#and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!!#JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!!#GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh#THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON#but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl#ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway#yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him#what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes.#but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way.#but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B#okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or#misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect#LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment.#TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!
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I have to wonder how many people celebrating AI translation also complain about "broken English" and how obvious it is something was Google translated from another language without a fluent English speaker involved to properly clean up the translation/grammar.
Because I bet it's a lot.
I know why execs are all for it—AI is the new buzzword and it lets them cut jobs thus "save" money and not have to worry about pesky labour laws when one employs humans—but everyone else?
There was some outcry when Crunchyroll fired many of their translators in favour of AI translation (with some people to "clean up the AI's work") but I can't help but think that was in part because it was Japanese-to-English and personally affected them. Same when Duolingo fired many of their translators in favour of LLM translation. Meanwhile companies are firing staff when it's English to another language and there's this idea that that's fine or not as big a deal because English is "easy" to translate and/or because people don't think of how it will impact people in non-English countries.
Also it doesn't affect native English speakers so it doesn't get much headway in the news cycle or online anyway because so much of the dominant media is from English-speaking countries and English-speakers dominate social media.
But different languages have different grammar structures that LLMs don't do, and I grew up on "jokes" about people speaking in "broken English" and mocking people who use the wrong word when it was clearly a literal translation but the meaning was obvious long before LLMs were a thing, too. In fact, the specific way a character spoke broken English has been a way to denote their native tongue for decades, usually in a racist way.
Then Google translate came out and "Google-translated English" became an insult for people and criticism of companies because it was clearly wonky to native speakers. Even now, LLMs—which are heavily trained on English compared to other languages—don't have a natural output so native English speakers can clock LLM-generated text if it's longer than a sentence or two.
But, for whatever reason, it's not seen as a problem when it goes the other way because fuck non-English readers or people who want to read in their native tongue I guess.
#and it's not like no people were doing translations so wonky translations were better than nothing#it's actual translators being fired for a subpar replacement#and anyone who keeps their job suddenly being responsible for cleaning up llm output rather than what they trained in#(which can take just as much time or longer than doing the translation by hand from scratch)#(if you want it done right anyway)#hell to this day i hear people complain about written translations of indigenous words and how they 'aren't english enough'#even though they're using the ipa and use a system white english people came up with in the first place#and you can easily look up the proper pronunciation and hear it spoken#but there's such a double-standard where it's expected that other languages cater to english/english speakers#but that grace and accommodation doesn't go the other way#and it's the failing of non-english speakers when an english translation is broken#you see it whenever monolingual english speakers travel to other countries and utterly refuse to learn the language#but if someone doesn't speak in unaccented (to them) english fluently in their home country the person 'isn't trying hard enough'#this is just the new version of that where non-english speakers are supposed to do more work and put up with subpar translations#even as a native english speaker/writer i get a (much) lesser version of this because i write with canadian spelling#and some people get pissed if their internet experience is disrupted by 'ou' instead of 'o' or '-re' instead of '-er'#because dialects and regional phrasing/spelling is a thing#human translators can (or should) be able to account for it but llms are not smart enough to do so#and that's not even getting into slang and how llms don't account for it#or how llms can put slurs into translations because it doesn't do nuance or context and doesn't know the language#if you ever complained about buying something from another country that came with machine-translated instructions#you should be pissed at companies cutting english-to-[language] staff in favour of glorified google translate#because the companies are effectively saying they're fine with non-native speakers getting a wonky/broken version
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The fun part of ADHD is that the juice-that-makes-my-brain-shut-up is also the juice-that-makes-me-poop, so my choices every morning are:
sit at my desk and try to work but get distracted every five minutes by loosely-connected thoughts body-slamming each other repeatedly, or
drink The Juice to focus, but I end up on the toilet so that focus is channeled into googling the unfamiliar names of ingredients on the back of my deodorant for 30 minutes
#i dont even like coffee#im much more a tea person#but tea does not have NEARLY the amount of caffeine#it tastes DELICIOUS but only has a minor effect on my focus#whereas coffee tastes horrible#but at least it keeps my train of thought confined to a single track
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My trust in social media/art sites has been dwindling for a while now
Witnessing dA steal a whole site's worth of art to train it's image generator, informing everyone in post- Knowing that twitter and instagram are likewise training their own generators- and now seeing tumblr implement an opt-out for training data
It's very disheartening to watch the internet communities I've found home bend and twist under the force of scraping for "AI" training
There is just so much bad, but making and sharing art is still one of my favorite things to do. I will still be drawing my freaks, but I'll need time to think about what to do with my personal work...
This blog will change to be fanart only & I'll put more time into finding a comfortable workflow for glaze/nightshade
#dezchatters#it takes my computer over an hour to glaze a tiny 500x600px image so i stopped out of concern over the long term effects on my cpu/gpu#having them run at full blast for over an hour on a regular basis cant be good#especially when its like 8yrs old now#hoping webglaze works out so i can spare my toaster#and do my civic duty to online art posting#as for personal work im mostly sharing on a friend to friend basis these days#my art make speed is slow as always but if you want a trickle of tive doodles n oc art in ur inbox I'm open to try connecting on discord#lastly- stay strong friends#the world may be cold and harsh but hope is a skill we train#there will be better times#we do what we can when we can
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sad times, just realised new fav moot has endo "systems" (written like that) in their dni. :((
its not world ending and i wont unfollow them i'll js have to never ever bring up syscourse around them which is fine
i hope this doesnt end up as too big of a thing or i'll cry :(
im only 3 apples tall chat i js think ppl should live their lives how they want and that it doesnt actually effect anyone else ever
#viro talks#viro said/drew a thing#i think that#if you think people's lived experience or the way they present themselves is harmful to you or anyone else actually you might need to get t#that checked out with a trained professional..#like#its not ur fault imnot blaming you for anything but like#this person that youre so angry about isnt actually doing a single thing to you at all and if it brings out such negitive emotions in you t#then maybe thats something u need to like sit down and think about#like whyd oes this make you so angry#and if ithas anything to do with other people then thinka bout why it has to do with other people#why are they influencing your emotions so much and why is it so hard for you to seperate your emotions from something someone else does tha#thats so far out of your control#these tags arens specifically about endos or whatever it applies to literally anything#i know the stereotypical psyche just goes “yeah but why do you feel like this” but its correct#its the exact right question to ask#if youfeel like it effects you so much and your first answer has somethimg to do with a wider community therws something else at play here#and its not about them its about you.#I RAMBLED FUCK.#i hope that makes sense#imsorry if the person i wrote this post about feels targeted by these tags but i might put them in a new post just to get them out in the w#world lol
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I desperately need an event that’s just tsukasa/emu/minori/saki + kanade. Four people who do not have an off switch filled with boundless energy vs one girl with all the fortitude of a tissue. Hydrogen bombs vs frail little baby.
#project sekai#it would be so funny. please colopale.#comparing minori & tsukasa’s choreo to kanade’s in the 3Dmvs for the anniversary songs#is so funny every time. kanade is barely moving while minori & tsukasa are dancing like their life depends on it.#minori and Tsukasa adding fun little jumps and running around the stage while kanade did one dance move and is close to death.#I’m not personally a fan of kanade’s singing voice (being pelted with rotten fruit) bc of how breathy it is#(side effect of having a vocal performance major sister) but I do think it fits her.#can someone do stamina training with her so she won’t die holding a note. please.
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“If you just do everything you’re supposed to do you’ll eventually end up where you need to be.” Infinity train book 4 you fuck me up so bad still. “You can mess up even if you stand still…” MIN-GI PARK…..
#ITS SOOOOO GOOD…#he’s fucking. just like me for real#GOD. relationships with family and friends and like. I DONT HAVE THE WORDS FOR IT RIGHT NOW#and how like personal problems and biases can effect your relationships#and how little things about someone can build up and bottle up and it’s like you love them and hate them at the same time#and about standing still versus rushing ahead#the weight of expectations. one trying to run away one just trying to do as he’s told#and they both think they knows what’s best. for themselves for each other#rymin is so much more than a ship to me. it’s about complexities and best friendship and knowing someone your whole life#and how extremely fucked up that can be#head in my hands punches the wall explodes#infinity train#book 4#rymin#sunnfish.txt#min gi park is like if hanzawa masato was a lot less eccentric and a lot more angry. same core though#sorry also just like. what a justified anger it is#min gi has molded himself to what his parents want him to be his whole life#he tries and wants to be with Ryan. but it’s so fucking terrifying to him#that amount of change and freedom.#sorry. sorry#okay. I’m going#WAIT. also thinking about the whole. abandonment issues. aaaaauuuuu#rewatching rn and#not even at the art gallery car episode yet but I’m thinking about it. you LEFT me.
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huuoogh eridan ampora is arospec and ace you agree. reblog
#homestuck#rambles#this is a silly post#right after valentines day cuz i forgor#my explanation being: troll society is amatonormative in that u are expected to be in a quadrant by a certain age (iirc)#and if you are not then you will (probably) be culled#one can imagine how that would have an effect on eridans view of relationships in general#i think the reason why she is so pushy is because she is viewing it as something necessary. that she NEEDS to#have a quadrant (understanding given how you will DIE if ur not in one)#i personally can relate to feeling like u have to be in a relationship bc of everyone around you#and i often mistook admiration 4 people i thought were cool as like romantic attraction#(cuz i have NO CLUE how romantic attraction feels like)#eridans whole thing to me is that she is... very lonely. and desperate.#and she wants to survive (re: what happened on the meteor)#but she reads to me as someone who does not want to be in a relationship but wants to have that box ticked. u know ?#not to mention eri is just genuinely kind of bad at mantaining relationships (of any kind ?) she has a tendency to drive ppl away methinks#of any romantic kind anyway. i think shes okay at mantaining friendships actually#this is where i start to lose my train of thought. i hope that explains like the gist of my reasoning behind this#evidence number two: asexual flag colors.#i rest my case#eridan ampora#“eridan ampora”#PLS#ITS NOT TAGGING!!! GROWLS
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Y'all I'm starting HRT tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! I did it!!
#personal#im honestly so excited but also exhausted lol#its been a long day but a good day!!#AND i was able to get the kind that will likely only give me bottom growth?? idrc abt most of the potential other effects#but i specifically wanted to avoid facial hair growth so i wanted localized cream/gel#i can always voice train if thats a concern and overall body hair is cool but i dont shave and dont wanna restart it just for my face lol
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One of my favorite/least favorite parts of being a case manager is going with people to their appointments with their shitty psychiatrists and helping them advocate to be taken seriously and have their side effects be addressed and be given accurate information and appropriate options. And tomorrow I have 3 appointments in a row where I'm going to the psychiatrist with people and it's all the same shitty psychiatrist and they're all newer clients so he doesn't know yet that they're all my clients and I can't WAIT for the look on his face when he realizes he's going to have to actually do his job for 3 consecutive hours
#? Interrupting#That's my work tag#This dude will just say things that are blatantly wrong#Like babe I should not need to be the one to tell you that involuntary facial movements are a common side effect of antipsychotics#I should not need to be the one to tell you that people can in fact be on more than 1 ssri at a time#I should not have to be the one to bring up the fact that cogentin/benztropine exists#I am not a doctor#I literally just spent 5 years passing meds at work and so you have to know the basics of side effects#And you have plenty of examples for what med combinations are fairly common and what meds exist for what symptoms#5 years of having meds be an aspect of my job should not mean that I know basics better than the PA psychiatrist#I would get it if it were little nuances that I had picked up from being physically around people on those meds for so many hours#There's stuff that's small enough to not make it into a textbook but big enough to affect someone's life#So you learn about it if the person talks to you on a daily basis over time but not if you're studying it#But this is absolute basic stuff that I was taught via standardized training courses within the first month of my first job in the field#Anyway#It's either going to be miserable for me or fun for me and it doesn't hurt my clients so I've decided it's going to be fun
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in a disenchanting turn of events my father's cancer arc has inspired empathy in my sister so once again im just a heartless cunt. "I can't hate him like that anymore"? skill issue if ive ever seen one
#calling it an arc for dramatic effect bc i cant tell you how deeply not serious the whole thing is like nobodys dying. whatever#x#she ditched the daddy issues train to jump on the mommy issues one which is respectable i guess#but personally my hater brain has 2 hemispheres and i intend to use them#my genuine toxic trait is once i idgaf i really mean it like they could crawl and i would simply quote what they said to me way back when#to which sweet people kindly suggest perhaps i am simply in denial and then i have to say no seriously fuck off#and thats how i ended up with that guy calling me his arch nemesis for like 3 years after we last spoke which i admit the gossip was fun#tf was this post about#thank u for subscribing to my diary see you next time xoxo gossip girl#no but actually imagine someone calling u an arch nemesis in earnest. & its not in a sexy homoerotic way? biggest disappointment of my life#talking about not giving a fuck is makijg me feel like im unironically sayinf welcome to my twisted mind or something. sincere apologies .
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