#Edit: I'm really sorry for changing the post up a bit I wasn't really happy how it turned out

[just-a-simpel-narrator]

X-Men Evolution Logan Practice&Concepts bc I love him deeply.

(Bonus Doodle under Cut)

My hyperfixation rn be like:

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Prompt idea: Holiday celebration get horrendously fucked (birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Passover, doesn’t matter really, dealers choice) and one of them has to comfort the other and help them through a meltdown over their favorite day getting fucked up

Happy birthday and hopefully your day isn’t as bad as you would make Ed and Stede’s!

I wasn't able to get this one edited and posted on my birthday, but it's still a precious prompt and I loved writing for it!! Here's the story of The Time That Stede Fucked Up Passover.

--

"The eleventh plague," Stede said glumly as he watched Ed open a kitchen window to air out some of the smoke, "easily misread cooking directions."

"Well, babe," Ed said over his shoulder, "I'm not sure why you thought that the oven needed to be set to 450 for brisket -"

"I misread the package, Ed," Stede snapped, trying to hide the wobble in his voice.

"Aww, no, that came out wrong." Ed, who had been poking at the smoking, thoroughly blackened brisket sitting on the stovetop to salvage for any edible parts, held out a hand for Stede to take.

Stede pretended he didn't see, looking down at his lap.

It was Stede's first Passover with Ed, and he knew it was a big deal. Ed's mama was coming over for the seder, and Stede had been trying so fucking hard to get it all right. Passover was Ed's favorite holiday! He couldn't fuck it up!

So he did all his research. He practiced reading the haggadah, the text read at the seder - even though Ed would be doing most of the reading, he wanted to be able to pronounce the prayers without asking for help and mark spots where he could raise interesting discussion or questions and (hopefully) impress Ed's mom. He'd figured out voices to use for all of Ed's plague-themed finger puppets to add a bit of levity, triple-checked what they needed for the seder plate, and he'd stressed over making sure dinner was perfect.

When the local synagogue had released sign-ups for pre-made brisket packs, of course he'd signed them up. He wasn't the greatest cook, and neither was Ed, so he figured that having the main course squared away would take a load off his mind and allow him to focus on getting the table set and ready while Ed prepared the roasted sweet potatoes, matzo ball soup, and an extra-big helping of charoset.

And now he'd fucked up his one contribution to dinner, and he hadn't even gotten the table ready, and he'd forgotten to put the wine in the fridge to chill, all because he couldn't even read the package -

"Stede, babe, you need to breathe."

Stede jerked his eyes open. He didn't even remember closing them, but now Ed was kneeling in front of him at the table. He put a gentle, calming hand on Stede's thigh, looking up at him with a small smile.

"I'm so, so sorry, Ed," Stede sighed, scrubbing at his eyes before his tears could fall. "I've ruined everything - I'm the worst boyfriend ever."

"Hey, don't talk about my boyfriend that way," Ed pretended to grumble. "You just misread the instructions. Could've happened to anyone, and you've never made brisket before, have you?"

"No," Stede admitted.

"There ya go," Ed said easily. "You do need to wear your reading glasses more often, though. Not even just saying that because I think they're hot."

"Ed," Stede snorted. "Was any of it edible?"

"Stede," Ed said solemnly, "that thing is burnt to a sizzle. It's basically a rock. It's an ex-brisket."

"Great," Stede sighed. "Your mom's going to hate me."

"She's gonna love you," Ed promised. "Wanna know how I know?"

Stede just pursed his lips.

"Because you tried," Ed said. "You tried so fucking hard."

"That doesn't change the fact that our main course is burnt beyond recognition, Ed."

"C'mon, man, get it straight." Ed rubbed a soothing little circle over Stede's kneecap. "If you think my mama is showing up here without more food than any of us can eat, you're in for a surprise."

Well. That made it a bit better.

"I'm just sorry," Stede said, his shoulders hunching inward with his guilt. "I wanted this to be the best Passover you've ever had -"

"It will be," Ed said, immediately. "Because you're here. And I love you."

"I love you, too." Stede cupped Ed's cheek in his hand, his heart swelling at the way Ed tilted his face into the contact. "Promise you're not mad?"

"Not a bit," Ed said.

Stede leaned in to kiss him, but they pulled apart when they heard a car pull into the driveway.

"The eleventh plague," Ed said cheekily, giving Stede a quick kiss on his way up. "Meeting your boyfriend's mom."

Stede shivered.

"C'mon, babe, she'll love you!" One last kiss, and Ed darted out to meet his mama before she had a chance to start trying to carry things in herself.

Stede took a deep breath, made sure no one could see him for just long enough to flip off the stupid brisket on the stove, and then he ran out to join them.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Thank you for this question @wen-kexing-apologist.

What scene in BL has made you the happiest?

I'm a pretty happy girl while watching bl in general. I talk to the people on the screen, I clap and cheer and all that. If I'm supremely happy then I'll probably let out a scream and scare my cat. So I think the show recently where she suffered the most with my happy screams was definitely Tsukutabe. I hope you don't mind if I answer with a GL. The amount of times I just wanted to jump up and down with glee was unmatched, I believe. And I think nothing made me as happy as watching Kasuga talk to her father. This moment, I was just cheering like a crazy person.

It was fantastic. She is just so quiet for most of the time, but she's always listening, observing the people around her and processing. And after the talk with her soon to be divorced friend (I'm sorry, her name escapes me), where she confided in her and got the acceptance that she, maybe subconsciously, craved and words that she needed to her, she was finally able to do that. To have that conversation, to be firm and honest with him and be somewhat at peace with that part of her life. It was excellent. I LOVE HER. There are so many other moments from this show that I could honestly use to answer this question.

Now comes the anger.

So that really depends. I get angry at characters and at a show in general. I get angry at shows a lot for making stupid decisions. All my posts during Absolute Zero are a testament to that. And more recently I had a bad reaction to episode 11 of Unknown so I guess I'll talk about that.

See, I'm not really into sex scenes in general. Because more often than not they are just there. They don't add much to the overall story except to say that it happened. But when the show is good I expect them to match it. And Unknown is a really good show. It's great. So to say I was disappointed would be a massive understatement. I've spoken about this with @lurkingshan in the comments and the scene just didn't match up with the quality of the rest of the show. And this is obviously my opinion and how I see this show. There are a couple of reasons for my anger.

The first is Qian. Qian had just spent a lot of time considering Yuan's feelings and his own, the change in the relationship dynamic and he had to tackle his own fears around being vulnerable to another person and allowing himself to surrender to his desires. Because he has so little sense of self worth beyond being a carer for people around him, if Yuan didn't keep pushing, in his own way without actually forcing anything, I don't think Qian would consider crossing that line. But once he did, I think they needed a slower scene, where we could see him really embracing the moment and surrendering. Let's not forget this happened on the same night he said it wasn't sure he could make the change from brothers to lovers. That it wasn't sure what his feelings for Yuan were. So I just don't like that choice.

The second reason was the editing. And maybe this is a me thing. But even if I were to think that their first time would happen exactly that way, that scene was a mess. Sex scenes are usually not great in bl. Because the pretty takes the place of the good. So it's a lot of pretty lighting and bokeh effects. Which I have no problem with by itself. But the quick cuts drive me crazy. It's the same reason I never connected with the pretty sex scene in The Sign. If I'm gonna connect to the characters during a sex scene I should be able to linger a bit, to take in the atmosphere and physicality of the actors during it, so that it resonates emotionally. And it has to flow naturally as well for that to happen. So just cutting it randomly with different body parts, kissing and flashing facial expressions here and there just doesn't do it for me. And that's what happens in some of them including this one. And the SOUND. It drove me crazy. If you wanna use breath sounds during a scene like this, then do it well. I've seen both versions of the scene so I'm gonna focus on the reedited one cause the other one makes me doubly angry for other reasons. They change between normal speed and slow motion in the scene. And the sound doesn't really change between them so of course it didn't match, but the worst is the fact that it also didn't match anything. The sound was not from that scene. Probably because it was edited so much so the sound that they used was different, but it kept taking me out of the scene on top of what all the other reasons.

That was a longer answer than I was expecting. So I'll stop now. I hope most of that is coherent enough. I rambled a bit. Anyway thank you so much for this question.

Have a good day💜

[nourrris]

I'm happy there was no season 4.

This could either be a popular, or very unpopular opinion, I'm unsure as frankly I've only began watching two days ago, and finished the show already, (god it was beautiful).

Anyways, I very firmly believe anything after a season 3 would have likely ruined the storyline, it ended on such a beautiful note, something that's so perfectly them. I'm also in a way, happy they never actually did kiss, although realistically I had been rooting for it to happen, the fact it didn't doesn't bother me one bit, it really brings out all the intimacy in their prior actions, and words, I love that their love was batshit insane, that it didn't need a kiss or pda to believe it was reciprocated, frankly surrendering eachothers lives together was more than enough for a confirmation.

But continuing on, I believe a season 4 would have been too messy, they left s3 on a very difficult position to recover off, and a position that didn't need recovering either, it didn't need fixing or changing - not one bit. It was so perfect in my opinion, their last things they did was kill a man together to save one another, then kill themseleves together, literally how much more fitting could it have been for these murder husbands? It just worked so well, that nothing can be more intimate than death for them, in my opinion.

Latching onto the last part of the first section of the post, I really liked how they portrayed the reciprocity of Will's feelings towards Hannibal. When Bedelia ask's Will if he 'aches' for Hannibal too, and it cuts off to another scene, I generally already took that as a yes, as it was a big damn claim, I don't think it's something you easily hesitate on, not when the person in question is a cannibalistic murderer. When he chooses to save Hannibal, and jump off the cliff with him though, that is the real confirmation of course, choosing to leave his wife and son, all friends and absolutely every inch of the life he made - for Hannibal, a man he physically could not get over no matter how hard he tried.

It's perfect, sorry I just finished the show today (like a few hours ago) and I love it so dearly, I've never watched something where the ending felt so genuinely satisfying, even if it seemingly hadn't meant to felt like a finale in that manner, it worked amazingly, I'm very glad it wasn't a s2 situation with such an insane cliff hanger, or else I would have probably just.. never watched the show. Some say it does feel like a cliff hanger, but eventually you can come to terms and realize that their actions, a double suicide in the name of love(?) couldn't possibly surpass anything else they've done at that point, their action's have led them to either horribly idiotic situations, or blissful moments.

Lastly I wanted to mention my original assumption of the ending, I midway through season 2 found out Hannibal was actually a incomplete cancelled show, also prior to that I found through spoilers that will eventually has a wife. Those facts are important because I very weirdly am a person who cannot consume a media without spoilers, (my anxiety is due to that). So I just about know every ending of a show before I'm even halfway into it, although I tend to prefer to wait later, I wondered if finishing the show was worth it so i searched it up, and watched briefly the ending, It was very relieving as if it actually did truly end in a heterosexual way it would have immediately made me quit the show, as yes they are intimite but I still did want any type of closure, without it I would have felt at most pretty indifferent with the ending.

Anyways, the show is beautiful, I love it so so much, even if it's a complete change in genres for me, I love the characters, I love the artistry and creativity in the show, and god do I love the ending.

(edit a day later: guys i totally missed that last scene w bedelia at the end, i still prefer s3's ending but did not know it was implied they were alive!!??!)

[atalienart]

I feel you so hard on the whole "what if my story sucks" thing, I know that other people saying it might be great usually doesn't help much because the issue comes from our own insecurities. I was never one to make up full stories in my head, or at least not ones that required any worldbuilding or planning, I just thought of my characters in daily life scenes lol. But I happened to have a dream with some of my characters in a very specific world setting, and that ignited a spark I guess, so I've been trying little by little to think about the whole story and how it works... I don't know what the fuck I'm doing or where the fuck I'm going with the story, I just get overwhelmed at some point because I feel like I barely make any sense. To be fair I am very inexperienced with making stories that make sense so it's nothing that I wasn't expecting lmao.

All this to say that writing is hard, I'm not even trying to write the story, I'm just trying to THINK about it, so I can't even imagine how complicated it might be to put everything into words with every chapter. I love reading your updates, they make me quite happy for some reason, I really enjoyed your creativity with your characters back when I found your art years ago, they inspired me a lot, and it hasn't changed one bit honestly. Sorry that I rambled a little, I just wanted to say that I appreciate you posting about your creative process even when it gets hard :).

Hugs! I'm sorry you doubt in your story too. I'm very familiar with the chaos of the first story, it's like handling fifty kittens at once xD What I found helpful was writing down the ideas, loose dialogues and facts and then working with all that. Thinking is way harder than writing, honestly. It's weird but when I actually started the first chapter the rest just set itself into place (still, the story needs tons of edits but whatever xD). Anyway, you'll figure it out! I think those little sparks of joy every time something works in your story are worth creating and writing it. You never know if it's good or bad but when you can read about your characters and record their adventures to get back to them later it's so satisfying. I hope you find a way in your mind labyrinth soon, I keep my fingers crossed. Also, thank you so much for the kind words!! ❤️ If you'd ever want to talk about your story with someone (because talking about it helps a lot with figuring stuff out) then drop me a line ;)

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

Love isn't something you just learn Commander. Part 2

Pairing: Commander Cody x F!Reader

Words: 14 536 (oopsie)

Warning: Angst, like A LOT OF ANGST, a description of violence, DEATH, a little bit of action, wouldn't call it a smut even. Fluff. Cody being an idiot. ANGST. Bur Fluff as well.

Summary: A lot has happened and Cody realised that maybe things change.

A/N: So it is not editted. I am sorry, maybe I will do it later. I just really wanted to post it :D And I'm not sure I am 100% with the ending. It feels rush. Maybe I will come back one day and re-write. But for now. ENJOY :)

P.S. My Tag List is open to yeah... :D

It was new and scary. The thought itself wasn't really welcoming. You were a stationed medic, not trained to be a field doctor. So when the request came in for you and your team to accompany the Troops on the next mission you weren't sure if that was just some silly mistake. 

Of course you were promised to be secured as well as it was possible, but the thought itself wasn't really as welcoming as you'd like it to be. The War was scary and you weren't a soldier. Not one bit, and you never hid that. 

"We need some medical support. What we have from the Clones army isn't enough", Obi Wan explained, hoping to find a common ground with you. "We work well with your team. You know Kix and our medic, so both the 212th and 501st would be able to cooperate well with you."

"We're not soldiers, Kenobi" you answered, looking at your closest medics. "Most of my team consists of civilians volunteering to help, with not even any medical background." You stopped and sighed deeply, feeling all the eyes on you. "Are we going to get any basic defense lessons?"

"The first mission starts in three days. We don't have time for that. Most of your people would stay behind as a background help. Only those with more medical experience would be put in front of the battles as a better equipped help." Saying that, his gaze was moved to his soldiers and nodded his head at them, making you frown. "I'm sorry Y/N", your brow raised hearing him say your first name. Manipulative son of a bitch. "I know, you didn't sign up for that, but…" 

"I will talk to my people. It is their decision, alright?", he nodded understanding your point. "I will help as much as I can of course. I'm just…" you trailed off, feeling bashful all of a sudden. "I don't want to be a bother if it comes to it."

"You won't be, Doc, trust us." Cody spoke and you turned towards him. It has been almost a month since that fateful talk. You kept your promise to him to be adult about it and to your surprise Cody made sure you felt comfortable around him. What's more, he and you spent more time together than ever. At the beginning he would come for a check up, staying a bit later just to talk. Nothing special, nothing that would make any of you uncomfortable. But with time the two of you noticed that your conversations became more and more fun rather than essential. “We would still prefer to give at least a basic defense training for the medics that would accompany us into an actual field. You included.” You swallowed and nodded. No, you didn’t like that one bit. There was a solid reason why you decided to never become a soldier. You weren’t the physical type of person really. Always keeping your nose in books has made you averse to any physical activities. “Some of my people and a bunch of 501st guys will be happy to teach you guys some basics.” Despite Cody’s soft spoken words you were still not sure about it. But it was War and you promised yourself that you would help the Clones and the Jedi win it in any way possible. 

“Let me talk to my team and I will let you know about the final size of the eventual group.” All of them nodded their heads. You could decide for your own, but your people’s lives weren’t yours and they had a right to decide. “I will accompany you, of course, but I will have to leave Garialth here to keep an eye on everything.” Kenobi wasn’t too happy about it, but he understood that someone must stay behind in case and if he was forced to choose, you were still the best possible option. “How much time does my team have to decide?” 

“None, really” Rex interjected, sending you one of his apologetic looks. “Even if the smaller medic teams wouldn’t accompany us to the field, we still need to give them a basic military brief. And we leave tomorrow morning so…” 

“Give me half an hour?” Rex smiled, thankful for your cooperation. “I need your word, Kenobi, that if any of my men decides to stay here, there will be no consequence.” The Jedi nodded and promised that nothing bad would happen. “And I want to have a way to contact all of the teams that will be made up from my medics.” Another nod and well, you had to give it to Kenobi. After all, he was a negotiator. “Half an hour.” 

***

You were proud of your men. There were only a handful of them that didn’t want to join the Troopers. Most of them may have been civilians joining your team, but they have quickly become the true medic team of the War. Even Skywalker and Kenobi were surprised when you gave them the numbers. Yes, you were proud of your men, and even more afraid now. The more joined the field, the bigger probability that more would never come back. 

“Come on, Doc.” Cody’s hand on your shoulder shifted your focus onto him. “I’m responsible for your training.” 

“Excuse me?” You gaped at him, not believing what you were hearing. “For sure you have some better things to do than that!” He turned and looked at you with a raised brow. He sighed deeply and then you truly looked at him. He was tired, very tired. The rested man that left your hospital bed was long gone and the Cody you knew took his place. The blacks under his eyes were getting bigger, his face despite not showing any emotions gave away more to those that looked closely. You noticed the way he would look for a quiet place more than often, probably due to the headaches that were probably becoming an everyday occurrence in his life now. His sullen cheeks worried you a bit that you have already been taking care of. Whenever he would come to you for a caff or just a talk you always had something to eat. Whether it was something as stupid as a sandwich or even something sweet. But something more than ratio food. 

“Keeping you and other medics safe is our priority now.” He smiled softly seeing the way you were looking at him. “Stop analyzing me.”

“I’m not” you pouted and chuckled when he raised his brow at you playfully. You rolled your eyes and sighed. “Fine, maybe I am. But can you blame me? You left my hospital looking shiny, like you came right from Kamino and not even a month later you are once again.. Well you…” 

“Me?!” He laughed at that and you cursed the little butterflies in your stomach at that sound. It wasn’t often Cody would truly laugh, but when he did, it was the most beautiful sound and you swore you’d do anything just to hear him again. It was like an addiction, when you had it once, you wanted it always. 

“You look tired Cody. I know you’re the Marshall Commander but when was the last time you actually rested? I can’t make you train me when I know you could spend that time resting.” He raised his brow at you and you stood your ground, knowing what he was doing. The bastard knew how imitating he was, but you were a head medic of the Coruscant Hospital. You weren’t one for intimidation. And so you crossed your hands and locked eyes with him, making him smirk. 

“You are stubborn, has anyone ever told you that?” 

“One or two of your brothers”, you shrugged and he rolled his eyes at that, making you smile. 

“How about we go through the strategy for this mission, and while you revise it yourself I would close my eyes for a while?” You narrowed your eyes at him but obliged, happy with a somehow compromise. A simple “close my eyes” wasn’t what you initially was aiming for, but when it comes to Cody, you knew it was more than what you were able to get. 

"Just a heads up, I'm a very slow reader!" The man chuckled and you were already forming a plan for him to rest as long as possible. Even if it meant reading the damn strategy briefing more times that it was logically necessary.  

***

The sound of your angry groans was the only thing that could have been heard for a while now. No matter what you'd do, the damn thing wouldn't work as well as it did for Cody and the bastard seemed too smug about it. 

"You won't become an A-class shooter after just an hour, Doc" the little smirk on his lip would normally bring a soft smile to your lips, but you were tired and annoyed. Nothing seemed to work. No matter how you stood, how high or low your arms were, or what direction your feet were facing, you were unable to shoot the damn target. 

"Your breath is too hectic", he started, taking a stand next to you. His blaster at a perfect angle with his arm, the stance was just as he showed you, and his eyes never leaving the target. A perfect soldier shooting a perfect 10. "It's like you hate the solemn thought of holding a blaster." You looked at him and bit your lips nervously. He had a point, the first time he gave you the gun to hold, you could feel your hand shaking. You weren't a trained soldier. You were a medic, a doctor, and holding a gun was the last thing you wanted. 

"I'm a medic, a doctor," you started, avoiding his eyes. It felt stupid. Here you were in front of a Marshal Commander, a man you lo… you look up to, looking all so weak and pathetic. "I swore to protect people not kill them." Cody frowned and sighed, ignoring the way you flinched at it a little bit. 

He never thought of that. He knew training you wouldn't be easy, after all you weren't a trained soldier, bread for it. But he never truly comprehends that your complete lack of skill with a blaster would have another reason, other than just you being unable to do it. He would never have guessed that someone would just be opposed to even holding it and with an actually good reason. 

"A gun isn't just for killing," he started, not sure how to go with it. He wasn't good with talks like that, Rex or even Fives would probably have a better go, but you were here with him and his job was to keep you safe. He wanted to keep you safe. And to do it, he needed you to learn the basics of self defense. "It can save people as well. This is how we do it, why we Clones use it." You raised your brow at him but looked at him giving that benefit of a doubt. "Killing is hard and the last result when it comes to humans. This is why the blaster has two options. To stunt and to kill. We may be machines made to win a war but we do not like killing any more than you or other civilians." 

"You're not machines!" He smiled at your interruption. He would never admit, but his heart did skip a bit whenever you showed your protective side towards him and his brothers. He would never admit to it, but he liked the way your eyes shine with anger whenever someone spoke wrongly of Clones, he couldn't help but smile at the way your tone gets more serious and your feet stumble with a bit of anger, almost as if to emphasize your words. It's kind of childish, but he still adores it. He doesn't know when that happened, but whenever you speak and defeat them, his heart does this weird thing he never truly understood and he thinks he never will. 

"Is that all you got from my speech?" His question, despite being serious, weighs some kind of cheekiness that only Cody would show. "Think of a gun like one of your scalpels and equipment you use to save our lives." He gave you the weapon back and you looked down at it, weighing it in your hand. 

It was so warm. From that short time he held it it already became his. She felt different, like his touch on it took away the scary aspect of it. After all, if Cody could hold it and use it, it can't be that bad. Right ? 

"How do you feel with a knife?" The question got you off guard. You raised your brow at him and smiled mischievously. 

"I did cut you open nicely", your heart skipped a bit with his laugh and you were never more proud of yourself. Cody had one of the most beautiful laughs. Despite him being a clone, you were sure that you would be able to distinguish him from the others with that laugh alone. It was deep and soft at the same time, with that something in it, something mysterious. 

"Maybe the gun isn't really your thing after all."

***

"So no knife either?" You felt like crying. Nothing worked. The knife was even worse than the blaster. With the latter, you were at least able to shoot remotely close to the target, with a knife… well it took Cody one simple move to take it away from you. You felt angry and embarrassed and you don't know when you started to cry. "Hey, Doc, are you alright?" The concern in his voice brought a quiet sob from you, which he didn't miss. His hand on your shoulder would have probably brought you comfort if you weren't so mad at yourself right now. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"I'm angry", you hissed, throwing away the knife and trying to get rid of the angry tears pouring down your cheeks. "I'm so damn furious at myself." He raised his brows and whether he knew or not, his hand tightened on your shoulder. "We're off on the first mission tomorrow and all I did for the past two days was waste your time. I'm so angry because I'm sure you had better things to do than babysit me around and teach me things I'm so terrible at. You tried so hard and here I am…" you looked up in alarm when you heard a chuckle coming from the man. You expect all the different reactions but not this. 

"I'm sorry Doc, I really am… it's just" he composed himself and straightened sending you one of his soft smiles. "I thought you hurt yourself or I worked you off too much and here you are… gosh you really are adorable!" The both of you froze at his words. 

From the way his eyes searched anything but you, it was obvious he did not plan on saying it.  At least not saying it out loud. You looked away and bit your lip nervously. You must have misheard him, it was impossible that the Marshal Commander Cody saw you as adorable. But it was not the time for that. And so you did all you could to master the most neutral face, like you didn't hear it at all. 

"You're tensed", he finally continued when he noticed that words he stumbled didn't have any effect on you. He wasn't sure if he was thankful for that or the complete opposite. "It's like you are already preparing yourself for failure." You rolled your eyes, trying to control your breathing once again. "Here." There was a millisecond of uncertainty, but he picked up your knife and walked behind you, handing you the weapon. "Take it and slowly take a deep breath. Try to feel it in your hand, but empty your mind. Do not associate it with anything rather than just a knife. A blade you used hundreds of times in your entire life." His gloved hand was on yours, the second one protectively on your other arm. "You're holding it so hard, I'm afraid you'll break it", you couldn't help but chuckle, despite the uncontrollable feeling in your stomach, when he moved closer and you could feel him almost leaning on you. "Take a deep breath, Doc. Breath with me. Come on", he turned you around and put your hand on his chest. Despite the inner happiness in seeing him in only his blacks, you really wished he had his chest plate now on. You could feel his muscles from the thin fabric and you did your best to focus on what he wanted you to do. 

And so you closed your eyes and listened to the controlled beating of his heart. How his chest would move wu\ith such peace that you envied him for it. "Breath with me. In and out and repeat."

He smiled softly, feeling how you started to drum your fingers on his chest, almost looking for a rhythm that would relax you somehow. He would never guess that you were so stressed. He knew that feeling well. Having the lives of others on your back was enough to make your nights sleepless. Also the longer the War was taking, the more tired you would become, the more of his brothers would make your life more and more tiring. He knew and saw numerous times how you cared deeply for him and other Clones and he knew that whenever any of them didn't come back it hurt you more and more. And yet you never let it affect you. You  always smiled and supported them. You were always there when he or the others needed you. You would send him to get some sleep, not caring about the oh so growing bags under your own eyes. You were way beyond tired, you were exhausted and yet here you were on a way to a mission you really could have said no to. However, you never even thought for a minute about yourself, your main priority was your man. You didn't think twice before saying yes, but your men’s lives weren’t yours to decide. You were not a soldier and yet you were stronger than anyone Cody knew. And he admired it, he watched you since his hospital visit and he couldn't take his eyes off. 

In the beginning he would come and talk to you, because he felt bad for the way he reacted to your feelings. But the more he observed, the more time he spent with you, he learned to realize that he actually enjoyed that time. You were such a fun and interesting person, with a lot to talk about. And what he found himself to be waiting for yet another evening he would spend just with you. Talking about the War, politics and the situation of the medic teams. But also about your favorite planet, the language you both would like to learn, about the dish you'd like to try and things you'd never touch and how awful Kenobi's lack of any reason is. He found himself thinking what would you think of the last planet he was on. Would you enjoy it or would you hate it as much as he did. What he learned was that he didn't find it scary that he started to think of you more and more often. And that scared him the most. 

"Now open your eyes and just do what I taught you." And to your surprise the knife actually hit the target. Maybe not the actual target per se, but it stuck into the oval plate, which was a much better outcome than the other tries before. You gasped surprised and looked up at Commander smiling widely. You were so excited about the outcome of your last throw that you didn't realize how close you were to the man. His hands were still on you, his body closer than before. "Good girl." He murmured and it was then you realized. The praise never left him before and it was so unexpected that you had to stiffen the little moan trying to escape. Was he doing it on purpose, did he know what he did to you? Could you even dream to think that maybe you had a small effect on him as well? "Now let's see if that would work on the blaster as well." He took a step back and removed his hands from yours, putting the practice blaster in the same place the knife was just seconds ago. "Just like you did before take a deep breath."

You tried your best to concentrate and remember the feeling just before you threw the knife. But your mind was blank,completely. Your body felt cold and stiff again and you missed it. Miserably. You looked away afraid to see disappointment in his eyes. 

"Again", you flinched a little bit, unsure if it was the Commander voice he used on you now, or you were just being paranoid. "Relax, Doc. You're stiff and awkward again. Take a deep breath, just like I showed you."

You weren't sure what it was that made you say it. Was it the overwhelming feeling or failure that you wanted to end. Or just a reminder of his hands on yours, the dream you know that would never come true. The reminder of him behind you, so close that could feel his heartbeat. The same heart you saved weeks ago. The heart of the man you were so desperately feeling in love with and you couldn't help it. 

"Would you remind me, please?" Cody's eyes widened, hearing your quiet and soft question. You still weren’t looking at him, but he was sure to see your cheeks getting this adorable color of pink. It's not that Cody isn't familiar with women, hell no. He had enough adventures with them when he went to the 79's. But these were emotionless, he always knew what to expect. A night of fun and release and a goodbye before the sunrise. A one night stand. Nothing more, nothing less. But despite it all, he knew when a woman flirted with him. And despite the women in the club being more forward, he was sure that little question was not innocent. Not when you yourself were so flustered. 

He felt divided when he stood behind you. He knew that he shouldn't, he didn't want to give you hope that anything could happen between the two of you. He knew he was becoming soft on you, but you weren't like those girls in the club. He didn't want to use those feelings of yours as a way to release his stress. You were so much to him already. So much more than he would dream to accept. 

But the other part of him was pulling him towards you. It wanted to be closer to you, to be touched by you and show the most vulnerable parts of himself, he never showed anyone, not even his closest brothers. He wanted to get to know you more and more. And not only on the physical level but the emotional as well, and as scary as it was it was most importantly thrilling. And the more time he spent with you the more time he realized the second voice always won. 

And so he grasped your arm in one of his hands, turned you around and pulled you towards him in a way that your back was pressed against his chest. The hand on your arm traveled down to your hand holding the blaster, changing its position to make sure you held it correctly. His other hand was hovered over your hip. "Relax, mesh’la" you shivered slightly hearing his voice so close to your ear. You swallowed hard and did what he asked, ignoring the Mando word you were sure you've heard before in your life. "There, good girl!" Now you were almost sure he was doing it on purpose. There was no way that he was as cruelest as that. You felt so warm and no matter how much you tried, you felt heat on your cheeks and your mouth was getting drier and drier. "Good, deep breath. Close your eyes for a second and relax." You followed his instructions and smiled, actually relaxing with his touch. He smelled amazing as well, like pinetree forest. So fresh and natural and so when you opened your eyes and shot, you actually hit the little disk not too far away from the target. 

He turned you around and smiled softly at you. The kind of smile you have never seen. You could see it in his eyes how proud he was of you right now. His other hand joined the first one in your hip and he pulled you closer, closing the distance between the two of you even more. His eyes shifted to your lip and you swallowed, unable to look away from this beautiful, amazing man. As you were about to pull him down by his neck, the loud beeping pulled you two away from each other. 

"General", his tone lacked the softness and he was back to being the Commander of 212th. "Yes, we are done here." You felt a weird twist in the stomach when he didn't look at you. "She'll manage when it's necessary", you looked away from him and put the gun away, the feeling getting nastier every second. "Yes, sir. I'm coming" He ended the call and without giving you even a look, walked to his armor and put it on quickly, including the helmet. "Practice what you learned alone. I will send Boil to supervise your progress" and he left, leaving you completely dumbstruck. Without even a glance back, the doors closed behind you and you felt tears in your eyes. 

What the hell just happened? There were so many questions in your head now and you weren't sure, you were able to find an answer to any of them. Were you too forward with the request ? If you were, why didn't he say anything? It was him, who pulled you closer, it was him that gave you that look. It was his hand on your hips and it was his smile that lured you towards him. And despite knowing it all, you still felt as if you screwed up. You were standing there searching for a reason why he just left, moving you to someone else, as you were an incompetent shiny. 

You cursed when tears started to fall. Why did he just leave? Did he hate you now ? Did you read the room wrong ? The more you thought about it, the more you felt your heart breaking. You thought, damn that, you hoped, that maybe you two were getting closer. You never expected him to return your feelings. You just wanted to be his friend. You just wanted him in your life. And somehow, not even sure how, you screwed it all up. 

It was stupid of you to think that someone like Cody would ever be interested in you. You were just one of the medics, working for GAR. There was nothing special about you. You weren't even able to use a blaster. How would you even think, the Marshal Commander would spare you any time. You should have been happy that he spent his precious time with you. Something you were sure that you have lost. 

And so, you followed his order. An order of the Marshal Commander of the Republic army. You calmed yourself down and practiced, to make sure that you wouldn't bother anyone. 

*** 

"You look angry" Rex was looking at his vod with concern in his eyes. "You seemed optimistic with the plan on the debrief." 

"It's a good plan." Cody answered shortly, taking a sip of caff, or whatever the hell that was supposed to be. 

"Then what's going on?" The Commander sighed and hid his face in his hands, unable to even explain it. He was angry at himself. So damn frustrated, that he let himself go when it came to you. He acted like a damn shiny. It was stupid, but he knew what he wanted at that moment. He wanted you, so damn much. He wanted to taste you in all the ways possible. He wanted to feel those soft hands on his skin, he wanted to hear you say his name. He wanted you. And that was the stupidest thing he did, even worse than getting drunk with Wolffe that one night, and that was stupid already. 

"Nothing. I just have to get my head straightened to focus on the mission", the captain raised his brow in surprise. Cody was always focused on the mission. Rex hasn't met anyone as serious about the War as Cody was. So whatever got him distracted must be huge. "I have to focus on what's really important." 

"You spend too much time with General Kenobi… you start talking in the same mysterious ways" the Commander chuckled softly and took another sip from his cup, hating it even more than the first one. What he wouldn't do for a cup of an actual caff. He would have to definitely go see Fox after that mission. The bastard was one lucky son of a bitch. Sure he had to work below Palpatine, but he had the best caff. 

"Have you ever thought about something more?" The question surprised both of them. Cody wasn't sure if it was the tiredness and lack of sleep that pushed him to start the topic, or just the fact that he felt worse and worse everytime he remembered the look on your face when he just left. 

"More than what? That piss they dare call caff? 

"You know what I mean Rex’ika" the captain of course knew what his brother meant. But he was still working out the surprise of the question itself. Cody was a dedicated soldier, one of, if not the best one out there. And here he was, asking about the alternative future. Something more than being a soldier. "What if there is more and we're just too afraid to take it?" 

"We're soldiers, Clones… we are at War. I won't lie to you and say that I never thought of what it would be like to have a family one day. To wake up to a nice warm body wrapped around me and not wonder about the awkwardness of the morning after." He chuckled nervously. "But I'm aware that those are dreams of common men, and we, my friend, are not common men." He hated to see the way Cody shoulders dropped a bit at his words. But he preferred to be honest with him straight away than to give him a false hope that would break him even more, later on. "So I'm guessing the training was eventful?" 

It was Cody's time to chuckle nervously, sadly even, which didn't go unnoticed by Rex. It wasn't a surprise to Rex about your feeling towards his Vod, and he may have heard of the rejection you got from the said man. So it was surprising to see when Cody has started to spend his time with you, more often than not. And he was more than surprised when it was the Commander that volunteered to train you for the upcoming mission. Rex worried it would only make things more complicated, but he never thought it would turn out like that. With Cody falling for the sweet Doctor. If they weren't Clones, during the War, he would have found the situation hilarious. If only. 

"Boil is going to train her that last day" Rex' eyes widened at Cody's words and tone. "I need to focus on the strategy and the briefing. I don't have time to babysit. "Not waiting for a response, the Commander stood and left the kitchen, hoping to get at least a bit of sleep. 

Rex was staring at the closed doors unable to comprehend what just happened. But whatever did happen between the two of you must have scared the man quite a bit, seeing how he decided that running away from his problems and putting down the emotional barrier was the only way to go. Rex only hoped that it would not affect you that much. 

***

Boil was an excellent teacher. He was patient and fun to be around. He gave you some tips for when you have to shoot and you don't have time to think. Or he gave you an idea to hold the knife differently. Of course he didn't make a soldier out of you in a day, but you were more than thankful to him for the support. You still felt nervous now, sitting at the briefing room, but you kind of felt like you would be able to do something. He also made sure you trained hard enough not to think of Cody.

Cody, the same man, who was standing near the table covered in plans, who was ignoring your presence. It was like you didn't exist. Like that little scene between the two of you never happened. Like all that relationship you worked so hard in maintaining just seemed to cease. It broke your heart, seeing how he bluntly ignored you, not even daring looking your way. 

"You with us, Doc?" You blinked a couple of times, turning your attention towards Kenobi, who was relying on the brief for the mission. 

"My people are ready, whenever you need us." You started, walking closer to the map, stopping as far away from Cody as possible. "My technical team will be stationed here", you pointed at one of the caves about half a click from the main medical base and about a click from the main battle front. “Kix' team will support my guys there and have some moving men between those two places." You circled around the spots you talked about. "This will give us a good flow of pace. Team Alpha and Beta will be placed under both you General and Skywalker as medical support for the Clones teams." You paused and looked at the two Jedi with nothing but seriousness in your eyes. "Please remember I put these men's lives into your hands, Masters. I trust I won't have to focus on writing any apology letters to their families." This was one of the points you brought up regarding the mission. Your men would be as safe as it was possible. "Ceavis and I will lead two small teams closest to the Generals and focus on first aid and logistics. Each team will consist of 4 men plus the leaders. What we say, goes. Understood?" You were sure you noticed a smirk on both Rex' and Ashoka's lips. But no one dared to say anything but to nod. 

This mission was one of the most important ones yet. Two objectives during one assault. One team would focus on the fighting and defending objective. Keeping the army as far away from the separatists' base as possible. And that mission fell on the more offensive 501st. The other one would be responsible for saving the political prisoners and getting the stolen information back to the Republic - fallen under the responsibility of the 212th. This was why the medic team was needed. There was no time to retreat and help the injured back in the base. The base would have to move with them and help those that would still be working, hoping to minimize the casualties. 

"Doc, you keep with me and Cody." You tensed a bit, unable to hide it away from the Jedi, who only raised his brow. "We will listen to you regarding the medical knowledge and expertise, but Cody here is responsible for you, so you listen to him. Understood ?" He mimicked your words with a lace of joke in his voice. You nodded looking at the Commander, who was still looking at the map, memorizing it to the last detail. 

You couldn't blame him, you knew that. He was focused on the mission and the War and keeping his brothers alive. But it still hurt you that he bluntly ignored you, like you were some kind of disease. It hurts you to be able to see the softness in his eyes and feel it on your skin and so absurdly be punished for it. You never expected anything from him, and you told him that, and for just one moment you felt so happy and full. So full and finally able to breathe when he looked at you with those eyes of his. Like you were the only thing in the world at that short moment, like you were a magnet pulling him towards you. And then it was over, it ended sooner than it actually started and he wasn't even able to look at you.

"Don't worry, Kenobi. I know my place." You didn't mean it to sound as hurt as you did, but it did make Cody finally look at you. He frowned, but didn't say anything. Putting his helmet on, he left the room, telling his General he's off to double check everything. 

"So…" you looked at Rex who walked to your side. You were thankful it was him and not Kenobi, or worse, Anakin. "Will you at least tell what my di’kut of a brother did?" You couldn't help but smile softly at the Captain. You weren't sure if Cody spoke to him about what happened… on the other hand you would like to know yourself what happened. 

 "Getting rid of any interruptions." The Clone raised his brow at that and sighed. He was afraid, whatever Cody started talking about, was more what he originally thought. And seeing the way you both reacted to each other, Rex knew that whatever you worked so hard to build, was somehow destroyed. And he couldn't get the feeling off his chest, that it was somehow his brother's fault. "It's my fault really. I was stupid enough to hope that whatever was building between us was something more than a typical professional relation." And before Rex was able to say anything, you left the briefing room, hoping he would have missed that single tear that dropped down your cheek. 

***

"I hope you know I don't like it one bit" Ceavis growled under his breath, preparing for the upcoming mission. Ceavis was your third in command and as much as you appreciated his work and knowledge, you and him were never truly friends. You both had too different characters and a completely different look on the world and your jobs. 

"Yes, you mentioned that once or twice", you rolled your eyes at his tone and sighed. You were in no mood to listen to his constant negativity. It was the last thing you and your men needed. You knew it wasn't a good idea, but the decision has been made. "I'm not sure which team would actually be a better and safer option." You stared at him for a while, waiting for him to at least start packing the essentials, but apparently he had all the time in the world, while you were repacking for the fifth time already. 

You didn't know how Kix did it. You were only allowed a small backpack, enough to keep you alive, but not enough to actually do anything productive. It scared you, the thought that you had to choose from the essentials, that the Clones had to choose like that every damn mission.

"Master Skywalker and the 501st's team will be much bigger, that's why I'm sending you there." You started, trying to control the annoyance in your voice. "You and Enya will focus on firming two formations. Let Enya handle the stay put one, while you take the teams and get the help directly to the soldiers. Your team got the basic training right ?" He nodded visibly, not happy with the way you still wanted to go with the mission. You wonder why he even agreed to come. "Anakin knows that the lives of my people are his priority. He wouldn't want to get under my skin, so whenever you feel like the mission is out of the hands of the 501st speak with Rex and Anakin." You got a nod from him and you turned to leave the room. "We are part of something bigger here, Ceavis, try to remember that", and not giving him any time to respond you left, going to meet up with your team. 

***

"Is there any reason for this weird energy between you and Doc?" Cody frowned at his General. He should have known Kenobi would have picked up any unusual behavior. "I thought you were becoming close."

"Too close", the Commander answered, before he was able to think of the words coming out of his mouth. He sighed at the Jedi's raised brow and continued. "We're at War, General. It would be irresponsible to get attached to anyone."

"You don't mind the relationship you share with me and your brothers."

"This is different, sir!" Cody murmured, knowing well enough what the man next to him was trying to do. 

"Well I hope so, I'm really not good at dealing with romantic feelings" Cody's head snapped at him, his eyes widened and mouth opened almost as if he was ready to fight with his General, but nothing came out. "Whether you're blind or really afraid. Frankly I never considered you a coward and for the success of the mission I hope there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." The Clone swallowed hard and the Jedi smiled. "What's really the matter, my dear ?" Cody hated it when he used these words of affection. He would never be able to say no to his Jedi, and he hated the fact that the general had such power over him. With nothing more than some words. 

"I don't really know myself. Before I knew it, I started to actually enjoy her company. She's smart, witty, interesting and…" He coughed awkwardly, playing with his helmet. "She's really pretty." He looked away, hearing the Jedi chuckle softly. "I felt bad at the beginning. I never had anyone declare their love for me and I didn't want her to get hurt. I hoped that if I tried to stay friendly she wouldn't feel bad. But the more time I spent with her the more I thought of her." He shook his head in annoyance and kept on playing with the helmet. "The last couple of days, when I trained her… I know not every Jedi believes we’re nothing but the weapon for the Republic, but it's still weird to hear it from civvies." He scratched his neck nervously, feeling his Jedi's eyes on him. "She sees us. Like really sees us and I can't help but wanting to see her as well. She cried angry tears because she thought she was a burden to me." He chuckled, but got serious again with the flashbacks. "I never felt such a pull towards anybody. I wanted to comfort her not as a Commander, but as a man. Her man." He clenched his hands around his helmet and closed his eyes. "I… you called when I almost …egh.. you know."

"Kissed her", Kenobi helped him out, laughing at the way his Commander stared at him. It was like he said something in a line of taboo. Obi Wan could not help but admit that it was adorable to see the always stoic Commander, all flustered with a thought of kissing someone. 

"I'm starting to realize why the Jedi opt for no emotions involved." Cody started again, making the Jedi frown again. "I asked Boil to train her after that and we haven't really spoken… I'm trying to ignore her, because if I'm near her, all I think about is her going on that mission with us. And the thought that something may happen to her paralyzes me to the ground. It's pathetic isn't it?" 

Kenobi smiled softly at the man and patted him on the shoulder. It wasn't a secret to him that you were utterly in love with the man, but it was new to see the Clone smitten with you, especially after he rejected your feelings in the first place. He knew the way others looked at the Clones, and he would lie if he said he wasn’t angry whenever someone said something bad about them. For the General, his Commander and his brothers were as much human as he or anyone in the Galaxy and they deserved the respect for protecting the Republic. So whenever he went out with his battalion to 79th, he truly enjoyed seeing them relaxed and flirty with the girls. And it wasn't a secret that he saw Cody as more than his Commander. He was happy to call him a friend and right now, he couldn't help the happy feeling in his stomach seeing Cody in love with his other friend. 

"It's not pathetic, Cody. It's childish that you ignore her, yes." He grinned at the angry look from the Clone but continued nevertheless. "But definitely not pathetic. We Jedi see more and feel stronger. So much stronger than anyone in the Galaxy. To control those feelings we opt for these no attachment rules. But it's not like we don't feel. Feeling makes you human. It makes you act faster and stronger to protect those that you care about. You are a great soldier, my dear, and there is not doubt in me that the mission will be a success, even when you worry so deeply for our Doctor." The Clone smiled softly and nodded. "Love isn't easy and it doesn't always end well, but running away from it may be the most stupid mistake you'd made in your life. If you care for her, talk to her. Tell her how you feel, but for the love of the Force, don't ignore her. You'll only hurt yourself and her even more." He ended at the same moment when your team was slowly getting hungry. "Trust me, my friend. Life is to short for regrets." 

***

"I want to set a camp of some kind in here" you stated, showing a place that was supposed to be abandoned, not too far away from the final destination, but far enough that the medics would have time to fall back. "If you need a medic to come with you, I volunteer, Boil and Commander Cody have trained me enough not to be a bother. Aila will stay and take command over the camp." The young girl nodded, already hearing the plan from you, before you presented it to the battalion. "Cath has also agreed to go if you decide to split during the mission. This would give a total of four medic in the move-in team, which is more than enough." You looked at Cath, a young man who, as one of few, had some experience with blasters. 

"Sounds good to me" Kenobi started, looking at his Commander who was still looking at the holomap, a frown on his face. He didn't like the fact that you so willingly wanted to go with them, but he knew if it was anyone else he would have agreed to a good plan. You were the best medic he knew and it would be a stupid ass decision if he declined your help, especially that it was what he trained you for. 

"It sounds good. Having a small camp will help in case we would need to fall out and go in a smaller group." He nodded, more and more impressed with your planning skills. It made him a bit at ease, when he knew you were prepared for that mission. "The entry to the building seems like a labyrinth, it would be a good idea to divide the teams right now, to save time later."

"I'll take the lead with the first team, you can have the other team." Kenobi started looking at Cody, who nodded in agreement. "I want to see what Cath is capable of." He didn't miss his Commander's eyes on him and he knew there would be a stern talking about it later on. He bit down a chuckle at that. "You and Doc work well together, are you OK with that ?" 

"Yes, sir!"

"Sure, Kenobi", both of you answered at the same time, not daring to look at each other. Working well with each other. You almost scoffed how untrue that was at the moment. You probably would if Cody would have enough guts to look at you… and well, if you weren't such a coward yourself. But this was a mission, no personal attachment was prohibited and you had to hide the hurt you felt. And shame. It was the second time you let the same man break your heart. He didn't even have to do much, his ignorance was enough for you to bring tears in your eyes at night. But it was in the past, nothing was more important than the present. And right now you had to work together to make sure the mission went smoothly. 

"Alright! We move out in ten, get ready!" Everyone around turned and was ready to follow the Jedi into the ship, already prepared for the upcoming mission. You did the same, turning to leave when you felt a hand on your wrist stopping you. 

"Can we please talk?" You raised your brow wanting nothing more to just walk away and tell him there was nothing to talk about. But your stupid heart made you stop and nod at the Clone. "I must apologize. What I did in the training room was a mistake." So two was not enough. He just broke your heart the third time. A mistake - that closeness, that softness in his eyes, the touch of his hands on you. It was all a mistake. "I should not have gotten so close. I… I mean there is a mission and I think we should both focus on that right now." He tried to make the last two words stand out, but the nervousness made it only sound harsher than he ever intended. 

"I understand", his eyes widened at your affirmation and he seemed to relax a bit, until he actually looked at you and his heart broke just a little. Your expression was emotionless, your eyes had no life in them, like you didn't care about anything. "You don't have to worry, that mistake won't happen again." He voluntarily flinched at your monotone voice and the repeat of his own words. Somehow, hearing them from you, felt foreign, painful. "The mission is a priority, Commander." And then you left him alone in that empty briefing room. Feeling worse than he has ever felt before. 

***

The planet was a nightmare. Whenever you stood, you could hear someone fighting. It was like a war zone on the whole damn planet. You tried to ignore the dead bodies of locals, just left there. Forgotten by everyone, like a bag of trash forgotten, when it wasn't needed anymore. 

"We divide here." Kenobi started, looking at your team, as if encouraging you. You sent him a small smile, which je reciprocated with a firm nod. "Cody, I will let you know when we get the data back, I'm awaiting your response when it comes to the situation at your sector." 

"Yes, sir !" The Clone turned towards your group and showed the small map from the holopad. "We will focus on that road here. It's a recon mission from us. If we can avoid the fight we will. 501 has that covered." You couldn't help but smile at his tired tone, when he mentioned Anakin's division. "We may encounter local forces there. If you have to fight, if you don't, capture them. Reckon! Everyone gets it?” A chorus of yes sirs was heard and the men scattered to get into the position. “Stay close to me, Doc.” You turned, after hearing his voice. Despite the command in the tone, you could see a vulnerability in his eyes. You didn't understand where that came from, but you nodded. 

You weren’t about to be a bother to him. You have decided. The moment that mission is over, you will come back to your hospital and regain that professional relationship Cody was so fixated about. The last thing you wanted was to make his life any more difficult than it already was. You desperately hoped to become his friend. Someone who would be able to help him whenever he would have been in need. But he wasn’t looking for a friend. You realized he was just being nice. A good, old Cody. Always the gentleman. All this talk the two of you had was some kind of an apology from him for turning you down. And that thought was making you want to break down and cry right here right now. 

“Boss” you heard Aila’s voice in your right ear and turned to commlink on. “The camp is set up and we have divided work throughout our stuff and the Clones.” You smiled at her words and nodded at Cody who looked your way, as if to confirm that all is fine. 

“Good! Make sure that you’re aware of both your surroundings and the medical stuff. Try to divide it into small teams as we discussed. Get Grail and Tylie focus on the equipment. The rest make sure you show off to those Clones. We can’t be worse than them.” You ignored the chuckle from the Commander and smiled at the one from the girl on the base. You believed in your men, your medics were the best and you weren’t being subjective. You trained them well, and you trusted them with your life. All you could do was boost their morale as much as possible. Even with some stupid jokes like that. “If anything happens let me or Commander Cody know.” 

“Boil and Waxer have already instructed us on the military shit.” The girl laughed at the two Clones that were left behind as a support. “You be safe, OK, boss? I need a raise and I won’t get it, if you don’t come back.” You laughed at that and turned off the comm, when you walked into the tunnel.  

“Focus now. Blasters out, get them into stun mode and keep your heads up.” Cody muttered, turning on the light on his helmet. “And remember we only kill the damn clanckers.” You followed his order, getting your blaster out. You could almost hear your heart beating, with how loud it was getting. You tried your best to control your breathing but it was getting more difficult the further you went into that tunnel. The damn gun was also much heavier than it was during the practice. You noticed how your hand shook a bit when you lifted the blaster slightly. This was ridiculous. You shouldn’t be this nervous, you knew what you were getting yourself into. It’s too late to change your mind. Survive this and you can come back to your patients and white walls of your hospital. 

“I won’t let anything happen to you.” Cody whispered softly, seeing the way your hands were shaking. He wasn’t surprised to see your nervous state. Despite being an amazing doctor, you were just a civilian, that was always as far away as possible from the battlefield. All this must be terrifying for you. Not only were you afraid for your own life, but knowing you, you were also thinking of your team. Always the caring one. “Do you trust me?” He didn’t know where that question came from. He wasn’t supposed to focus on any kind of conversation with you. His job was to observe and act as quickly as possible. Not have an existential dialogue, with the woman he was annoyingly falling for. This should be left for after the mission. And yet here he was, trying his best to make you feel better. 

“Yes”, the certainty in your voice made his heart skip a beat. He didn’t expect you to answer so quickly and with such confidence. He looked down and smiled softly seeing the way you were completely focused on your surroundings. ‘Good girl’, he thought to himself. 

“Good, then we have nothing to worry about”, she smiled softly and he felt lighter seeing that little lip quirk. He felt proud for making you feel at least a little bit at ease. 

“Commander!” He stopped, motioning to others to stand by. “Its Vice here. We are at some kind of door, about half a click from your position. We can check it out, or should we wait for you?” 

“Wait for us.” He commended, signaling others to move again. “All the medics are here with us, in case something happens no one will be able to help you. Stand down, and wait, Tropper.” A soft yes, sir was the last thing Cody heard and he took some extra, longer steps to get where his men are. He could hear how you already contacted the CLone medic for this team, to be ready. Well, there go the nerves. 

“Isn’t it too quiet, Commander?” If they were in any other situation, he would have hated the way you addressed him. But it was the mission, and he was telling himself you were just being professional. Something he should focus on as well. “I may be paranoid, but…” 

“It’s possible that the real action will start after we open those doors Vice told us about”, he answered but couldn’t get rid of the nasty feeling in his stomach. He actually did feel the same as you. You all walked for 15 minutes now and nothing was going on. Not only you haven't missed anything, but there was no one waiting for you. “General”, he finally spoke to his comm, when they stopped at the doors with Vice by his side. “Do you read me?” 

“Loud and clear, Cody.” hearing as Kenobi answered almost automatically it seemed that nothing was happening on his side. “Something doesn’t smell nice in here.” 

“Same here, Sir.” He murmured and signaled for his men to take position. “ We are at the doors. We will open them and see where it gets us. Has General Skywalker been in touch” 

“The 501st are having the time of their lives right now, from what I heard.” You couldn’t help but chuckle softly at his sarcastic tone. “But Anakin didn’t sound like he was complaining.” 

“Nothing new then”, Cody commanded and the General hummed softly. I will contact you in 15 minutes. If you don’t hear from me or anyone on the team, please assume the worst.” 

“Same here, Commander. Stay safe!” And that was it. No commands from the General to the Commander. There was no need. Obi Wan trusted Cody completely and the Clone Commander knew that well. That trust went both ways. 

“Ok, on count to three, Howl, open up that damn door.” raising his hand, he started to count down from three and when he closed the fist, you expected some kind of commotion, a boom or a blaster fire from the other side. But once again nothing was there. One part of you was happy that nothing has happened yet, but the second part knew that there was something fishy in here. “Move, move. Keep your eyes open, but let's keep on moving. Instinctively you moved closer to Cody, after his instructions, your fingers tightening on the blaster just a little more. 

“The sensor shows around 50 people a click away from here”, Guts reported, showing the screen to Cody. So the intel was correct. There were people being held captive. “There are kids as well.” He nodded and looked down at you. You nodded, understanding. The moment they got there, it was your job to get to those poor people and help those that were in need. Your other, free fist clenched around your bag, ready for the action. 

“General. We have sensed 50 lives a click away from us. We are ready to move in. We will meet you at the rendez-vous point, when we can.” He frowned when there was no response. He tried again, and again, but the line was quiet. “Howl, Vice, Doc, try your comms and contact the General.” You all did as he asked, but the outcome was the same. Silence. 

“Shouldn’t we help them?” You asked and he looked at you, shaking his head. 

“They may have encountered the enemy. We should finish our mission here and then help them.” You wanted to argue. What if they were ambushed, what if they needed our help but couldn’t contact us, what if… “You said you trust me, Doc.” You looked at him and frowned, when he took off his helmet. “Then trust me on this one. And let’s finish our first mission together.” You opened your mouth to respond, but couldn’t find any words. You did trust him. And his judgment. And so you nodded, closing your eyes to relax. 

“Ok boys, let’s get this done and go help the General.” They all cheered and you all got ready to storm the place down, unable to hear the quiet rumble from the General in your ear. A silent “it’s a trap” that would later on be a constant nightmare to those that somehow survived.

***

All you could hear was the ringing in your ears. You tried opening your eyes, but you felt as if they were all too heavy. The air felt polluted and heavy all of a sudden. Your head, and that damn ringing wasn’t helping the migrene that was forming,  quicker than you liked to admit. Something wasn’t right. But you were still too out of it to realize what was happening. 

“Doc!!” you must be dreaming, because you are sure, you hear that soft voice of the commander near you. But for some reason he sounded so worried, almost scared. If that was even possible. You so desperately wanted to keep on dreaming. To have him speak to you in that same soft manner. With his hand on your cheek. This dream was what you wanted for so long and so you closed your eyes and focused on sleeping. “No, no, open those eyes. Come on, sweet girl! Look at me!” He never called you that. Those sweet words were like honey to your ears and you wanted to listen. But you were afraid that if you did, you would wake up and be met with reality. “You have to wake up, damn! Come on!” The pain in your stomach, however, brought you back to reality. With a gasp you sat down and opened those heavy lids, squinting, when the dust was getting into them. “Thank the Maker!” 

You looked around and stiffened seeing the scene. If it was only biologically possible, you were sure, your heart just stopped beating right at that moment. You were used to blood and suffering and screams of pains, but what you were now surrounded by was more like Hell. It was how you imagined it to be. 

“Don’t look!” it made you look up at him for the first time, since you opened your eyes. He didn’t have his helmet, there was a trickle of blood flowing down his handsome face. There were cuts on his cheeks and his always well-kept hair was a total mess now. He looked awful, and yet you still find him so incredibly handsome. “Focus those pretty eyes on me, OK?” You frowned and tried to look around again, but he stopped your head with his hand on your cheek. His forehead resting on yours, making your breath hitch at the proximity. “I need to get you out of here.” 

“Cody”, you started but hissed when you tried to move. You looked down at the source of pain and your eyes widened. Your shirt was no longer white and one of Cody’s hands was pushing on the spot there, trying to stop the flow as much as he could. “What happened?” You asked quietly but he only shook his head and you released that he was shaking slightly. “Cody… Are you… Are you OK?” You were slurring a bit, but you had to make sure. He had a cut on his head. You needed to check on it, to make sure he didn’t have a concussion.

“I need to stop that fucking bleeding and I will be just fine, Mesh’la!” He said, pushing on that wound of yours, making you scream in pain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please, please tell me what to do!” 

“I need to help others first. Need to take a look at your head!” You looked around again and a shocked sob escaped your lips, when you finally realized what surrounded you. Masses of motionless bodies, laying in the most bizarre positions. Some crushed by the rocks, some not even full. You weren’t sure if you were even able to locate the part of each of the bodies, to try to put them back together? What for? You didn’t know. Not like those Clones had families that would like to bury them. They all died here with their family. All of them, from what you saw. All these men that accompanied you here, were lying dead in front of you. And not just them. In the further part of the corridor you could see bodies of the civilians you came to save. Men, women, kids. Even babies. All dead, buried under the rocks, with blood pouring through the leaks of those rocky walls. 

You tried to look away but you couldn’t. Even Cody’s hand on your face didn’t work this time. Your eyes were following each of the bodies surrounding you. A young man holding a woman in his arms. A child separated from his mother. A young woman with dreams cut so drastically. And your whole squad. Those men you loved so much and cared for. You tried to scream when you noticed Vice’s body laying not too far away from you. But you couldn’t as no sound left your lips. He just laid there, still in his armor. If you truly wanted, you could imagine, he was just resting. If you only shook him a bit, maybe he would wake up and smile at you. 

You looked at Cody again, when you heard him calling you by your first name. You couldn’t remember if he ever did that? He did use your last name once or twice, but normally stuck with Doc. Until now, you weren’t sure he even knew your name. You chuckled to yourself, but caught when the pain was back, You gasped and almost fell back, if not for Cody keeping an eye on you. 

“I know you worry about everyone. But please, Doc. We have to take care of you first.” Oh, yeah you were bleeding. The adrenaline was wearing off and you did start to feel it all. You tried to take a deep breath and relax a bit. You knew that if you let yourself, you will get into a panic attack mode, and that was not good for your heart. And then Cody would have to take care of even more than he does now. Poor guy. He did not sign up for this. You weren’t supposed to be a bother. No to him. No… You shook your head slightly, trying to get back to the topic at hand. 

“As the bleeding isn’t exceeding, it means you did a good job and left whatever is there blocking it?” Speaking was getting more and more difficult, but you needed to instruct your commander what to do. You wouldn’t do it to him. You won’t just die, and leave him be. Alone in that Hell you found yourself in. “Don’t take it out even if I go into shock and ask you to do it, got it?” He nodded and still kept the pressure on the wound. “As I’m still able to actually think it means, I wasn’t out for too long and haven’t lost that much blood yet.” 

“No… It all happened about 5 minutes ago.” You nodded and slowly sat up, easing your breathing with every second. It all meant one thing. You were probably in the second class of hemorrhagic shock, which wasn’t that bad. You did feel anxious, but the total confusion hasn’t come yet. “I’m not sure if we're actually safe here, so I would prefer to move you…”

“No”, you stopped him, mid sentence, shaking your head. “Any sudden move will lead me to bleed out. We need to stop that blood coming out of my body before anything else.”

“And how do we do that?” You clenched your hand around something, which you later on realized it was Cody’s thigh, you were holding on. But he didn’t seem to mind at all, not even caring that you would probably leave some bruises there. 

“My bag”, you said softly, realizing that what you’re about to offer will be a hell on its own. But either that or bleeding out on your first ever mission. And that was just sad. “You will have to…” A cough stopped you and you cursed feeling a metallic taste in your mouth. Not good, very not good. “You will have to act fast. OK?” He nodded and he opened your back. To your surprise nothing broke there and you happily found what you were looking for. A pair of gloves, a bottle with a silver nitrate solution, you were so glad you decided to prepare. Some swabs, bacta patches and hemostatic dressings that should help the bacta to do the trick.

“Ok, some pay back for sticking my hands into your chest.” He raised his brow and smiled softly, happy to see you still had enough energy for some silly jokes. “First of all, put the gloves on. Then prepare some swabs and then after removing that thing in my body, you will pour the…” 

“You just told me not to remove it”, he countered and you sigh, giving him a stern look. You didn’t have the energy to do any of it. You were slowly getting into class three of shock that wasn’t good. 

“You will pull that out of me and pour that bottle’s continent on the wound. Do not stop even If I cry and scream. You need to pour at least half of it. You need to do that the second the thing is out of my body.” You looked at him and he nodded, understanding your implication. “You then put the dressing on and patch it up with some bacta. And hopefully it will stick till we get some help.” 

“Hopefully?” he raised his brow at you but put on his gloves and started to follow your orders. He has never done anything like that. He wasn’t a medic. He wasn’t trained to do it. Your life depended on him and he hated it. He was supposed to protect you and here you were, lying injured because you saved him. He wasn’t sure you even remember how you pushed him away, when the bomb went off. How without thinking you just jumped to action saving his sorry ass. 

He closed his eyes to relax and acted before he changed his mind. He tried. He tried so hard to ignore that hellish scream from you when he poured whatever there was in that bottle. He knew he would dream of nightmares of that scream and part of him knew he deserved it. But he kept on going. He did what you told him to do and when you laid there with your eyes half closed, breathing hard, your face covered in tears, but with the wound sealed somehow and no blood was flowing, he was fine with being the one to bring that scream out of you, if it meant you would survive it. 

“Hey, Mesh’la, you OK?” You smiled weakly and nodded. “Ok, I’ll clean that up quickly and we need to go, ok?” 

“I need to have a look at your injuries… We need to see if someone…”

“No-one survived.” It was like a slap to your face and you recoiled, feeling your eyes water at that. “It wa s a fucking trap. They knew we were coming and they used civilians to get us here.” He shoved the medical things into your bag, and took it on his shoulder. “I tried contacting the General, but no sign yet.” You looked around again, and sniffed looking at all those bodies laying around. 

“I’m a doctor, Cody… I was supposed to save them. I was supposed to do something… I can’t just leave….” 

“You couldn’t do anything for them… But you saved my life, if that makes you feel better.” You frowned, and gasped softly, when he lifted you up into his arms. He was so careful with you. It was such a contrast to the hardened soldier he was. “You pushed me away when the bob went off. I will always be in favor of you.” You looked up at his stoic face and hid your face into his chest, letting yourself cry. For real this time. 

***

“Have any of them answered?” Obi Wan raised his eyes on his former Padawan and sighed, shaking his head. “Rex has his team ready to go. We will take Kix and Cath with us and we can go search for them.” Anakin looked at his Captain who nodded, ready to go and save his brother. “You can take Rex and go save your men.” The Master smirked and looked at Skywalker, who shrugged. He was a good man. Kenobi knew that Anakin understood. If it was Rex buried there, the young Skywalker would not have been as calm as his Master. 

“I should have felt it in the Force much quicker. I should have acted sooner.” 

“It’s not your fault, Master!” Ashoka added, frowning at Kenobi. “I don’t think anyone out there would blame you for that, and so you shouldn’t.” 

“When did your Padawan become so smart, Anakin?” They both laughed softly and he sighed. “I hope she’s alright. It was her first mission.” 

“Cody is there, so there is nothing to worry about, Sir!” Rex said, making the Jedi master smile softly. Yet, the Captain was right. Cody was the best soldier Kenobi knows. If there was anyone who would survive that and protect you, it was him. And so he stood and took his lightsaber from Anakin, ready to save his friends. 

***

“I’m sorry Cody”, he looked down and your form crawled at his thighs. You looked so small, so adorable, if only those tears didn’t stain that pretty face of yours, he would be a happy man to hold you so close to himself. Almost losing you made him realize that he was an utter idiot. He should have been honest with you at the base. You two should have talked. And he promised himself, he would not leave your side. He would be your shield. Physically and emotionally. He would let you sleep on him, he would let you wet his armor with your tears. He would let you do anything to him, only if you felt just slightly better. “You lost so many of your brothers and I’m the one who’s…

“You cry for my brothers.” He ended for you, kissing your temple softly, making you freeze. You closed your eyes, enjoying the tender feeling of having him so close. You should not be enjoying it. It was selfish, and yet you couldn't help it. Despite the armor, you could feel the heat of his body. Or was it your body heat you felt? “Not many do that. Not many care enough to share a tear for them. And here you are. Your beautiful eyes puffy after crying so hard for those that were meant to die.” 

“I hate when you say that.” He chuckled sadly, and hugged you closer, his cheek on the top of your head. “I wish I would have done more.” And yet it was like a lighting shock. You straightened, hissing in pain. Cody frowned and looked at you in alarm. “Let me see if you’re injured!” He exhaled and couldn’t help but smile. 

“You should rest. I don’t know how long that patch will last…” You bit your lip and your hand slowly raised to go through his hair. 

“Please, Cody. Let me be useful.” His eyes widened and he once again leaned his forehead to yours. A soft touch, an intimate gesture of the culture he was raised in. A quiet plea and the feelings exchange, of all the things he’s like to say but couldn’t. And so he nodded. And let you. He let you step away from him, keeping a safe hand close to you, just in case. He just sat there and let your small, soft hands take his armor off. Slowly, almost afraid as if your moves would bring any harm to him. If only you knew how different it was. How he yearned to feel you touch. To be cared for by you, with that loving touch of yours. “Can I?” He nodded his head, afraid to say anything. Not sure if he would be able to. “Oh, Cody!” You gasped, seeing his bruising ribs. It was impossible for him not to feel pain. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“You were more important.” He murmured, not able to look at you. Such a strong Marshal Commander, unable to look at the woman he… yes, he loved, look in the eyes. What shocked him was how easy it came to him. Losing was like a spur for him to realize his feelings. “If I didn’t take care of me, who would save me like you could?” You blushed and smiled shyly at yourself, opening your bag. You carefully cleaned his bruises and the cuts on his cheek and head, making sure to bring him as little pain as possible. “I was scared I’d lost you out there.” You froze and his words, but stayed quiet, letting him say whatever was weightining on his chest. “I never wanted to hurt you. Never meant to be such a jerk. I…” He finally looked up and your heart broke a bit at his sad expression. It was like a mere memory of his actions that hurt him physically. “I was scared, because you were becoming someone so very important to me in such a short time and… I’m a Marshal Commander.” You apologized quietly when he hissed at one of the head injuries, when you put a patch of bacta there. “I’m… I’m supposed to only have War on my mind and yet here I am… I was so scared, when you laid there, unable to move.” You swallowed hard when he softly circled his fingers around your wrist. He brought your hand towards his lips and left a soft kiss there. A lingering touch, you will dream about when that mission is over. “I got scared when I realized that I cared so deeply for you. Back in the base. When I almost kissed you. You told me that love is when you can’t get someone out of your mind. And I keep on thinking of you all the damn time.” Your breath hitched at his admission. 

Your shaky hand lowered to take care of his bruised ribs. And you tried to ignore how he shivered at your touch. And you hoped deep inside, that you had the same effect on him as he did on you. You should be a professional, but here he was, half naked in front of you. You tried to focus on your job, but his words shook you. He just admitted that he was falling for you. You swallowed hard, wanting to say something, do something, but you couldn’t. And so, you just wrapped his torso and ribs safely and looked up at him when you finally finished. Happy to know that there was nothing critical. 

“Please don’t say all these things, if you’re going to ignore me, the moment we are back.” He flinched at your declaration, and you felt bad, but you needed to know. Needed to be perfectly sure, that if you let yourself dream, hope, then that won’t just crush after all this is over. “I have loved you for so long, so if you…” But you weren’t given a chance to finish. His lips were on you, before you were able to react. You froze, not sure if you were actually dreaming. His lips were softer than you imagined. It was kind of innocent and sweet, as if he was unsure of himself. When you didn’t move, he stepped back and awkwardly started to apologize, but you didn’t give him a chance. You crushed your lips to his, ignoring how your stomach hurt a bit with those sudden movements. But you didn’t care. You were finally kissing the man you have loved for such a long time. 

Cody didn’t waste his time. Calloused, soft hands cupped your face, pulling you forward even more. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss, licking the bottom of your lip asking for permission to enter. And you let him, because who were you to make him wait. And he doesn’t waste that chance. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was a way, a chance to show you how much he adores you. His tongue is gently messaging yours, sensually, taking the time to get to know you. 

He pulls away, but doesn’t waste any time, kissing your jaw softly, nipping at it softly, making you gasp softly at his touch. His hands grasp and your waist. Tightly, but enough to hurt you, mindful of your injury. He was so careful with you, so loving. You tilt your head back, wanting more. More of him, more of his warm and hot kisses. You feel him inhaling you and you can’t help but moan softly when he tastes you with his skillful tongue. 

“Cody!” You shriek and he laughs, when you playfully pat him on the shoulder when he bit and sucked your pulse spot at your neck, for sure leaving a mark there. “What if someone notices?” 

“Let them. They will know who you belong to!” Normally you would never let any man talk to you that way. But with Cody it didn’t feel disrespectful. It was like he was confessing, that at the same time he belonged to you and you almost cried with happiness. “But I have to stop now, cyare.” Your heart skipped a beat with the Mando leaving his mouth. “You are injured and I’m unsure if I would be able to stop myself if we go any further.” He softly kissed your forehead and you blushed at this innuendo. As you were about to say something even remotely flirtatious, a voice could be heard from Cody’s comlink. He quickly turned it on and you felt tears appearing in your eyes when you heard Kenobi’s voice on the other side. 

“Cody, report.” 

“General!” You could hear the Jedi relaxed sigh on the other side. “You have no idea how good it is to hear you.” 

“Are you OK? Is anyone injured?” Your smile dropped and you clenched at your shirt nervously.

“Doc will need medical attention as we had to make do with her injuries.” He held your hand and sighed, readening himself to tell his Jedi the bad news. “It was a trap, Sir. The moment we walked in, the bomb activated. All of my team, including the civilians are gone.” There was silence on the other side. Probably no one expected the news to be so devastating. 

“My sincere apologies, my dear. I did realize it was a trap, but…” 

“Don’t blame yourself, Obi!” You interjected, hugging into Cody’s (still) bare chest. He raised his brow and you were expecting a similar reaction from the Master on the line as well. It was the first time you said his name like that. “No one could have expected that. We can’t save everyone.” You sniffed softly and Cody, wrapped his arm around you. 

“It’s good to hear you”, you smiled when he used your name, instead of the nickname. “You both stay where you are. Rex has traced you, we should be there with two medics to take care of you.” And the line was off and you leaned into Cody, kissing his collarbone softly. 

“When we’re back”, he started before Kenobi and the team would come. “I will properly apologize to you.” You frowned, and wanted to deny whatever he thought, but he only kissed you softly at the top of your head and shut you up completely with that sweet move. It was a truly weird feeling. You were so very happy, despite being so devastated at the same time. 

*** 

It took you a whole month of rehabilitation and Kix’ nagging of you staying in bed, before he was remotely OK to let you leave the hospital. Cody was visiting you every day with some sort of a gift. A single flower, a chocolate, a cup of coffee, or a book, you could read to kill the boredom. You both talked, he apologized almost everyday and made sure that he bid you with the sweetest of kisses. You did have a serious talk about where you both saw this going. He promised you that he would do his best to open up to you, but he did ask to give him some time. He never even considered something as stable as a relationship and it was all new to him. And you were more than willing to give him all the time he needed. And so you both decided to take things slow. For the both of you. 

So when he didn’t pick you up from the hospital today, you were worried. He was on his leave and he promised he would a week ago. But here you were, walking to your apartment alone. There was this sick feeling in your stomach, which you tried to get rid of. There was probably something holding him up. Something important. 

You opened your flat doors and gasped, letting the bag fall from your shoulders to the floor. There he was awkwardly standing, in the middle of the room, with some flowers, a table ready for dinner. 

“General Skywalker and Ashoka helped me with it… “ He walked towards you, handing you the flowers. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up from the hospital. But I do owe you a first date, don’t I, Cyare?” He leaned forward and pressed a sweet, quick peck on your lips. 

“Oh, you are more than forgiven, Commander”.

Tag List: @loving-the-cambridges

[tohisprettyc00l]

to elaborate on the actor au- sorry-

like small snippet of the owl house characters + y/n behind the scenes? as if they were shooting the entire show, and doing interviews and such about the owl house??

Requested on Tumblr

A/n: Eugh I'm not that happy with this but this is the best it's going to be. Also, I didn't change the character's names. Everyone is human but it would be odd to have them refer to themselves in the 3rd person

Recently you and your friend, Luz had been selected to play in a new show "The Owl House." Which was pretty exciting for both of you. You meant while working on a project around a year ago. But neither of you have been in any of the same projects since.

The first day of filming was surely an experience. It was the first highly fantasy-themed show you were on. But it was honestly a lot of fun! Amity was A LOT nicer off set. Honestly you tell this was going to be one of the best shows to act in.

------------------------------------Time skip to after (filming) the final---------------------------------------------

Listen, you've heard of actors getting attached to their characters. Hell, You've become attached to a few of yours! But never to this degree. You just got done filming the final. You knew a lot of what was going to happen. You were a secondary main character! But god did it hit so much harder to have it acted out! Kinda...

It hit so much harder post editing. You, Luz, Eda, and The Collector, couldn't help during Luz's death. It's kinda hard to be taken seriously when you're in the air wearing a green full bodysuit. Luz didn't really seem to be in the know for much of the final. She seemed really shocked when she learned of her death. Once the hilarity of the situation wore off Luz's performance was tear jerking.

Also the rest of the hex squad had very different opinions being somewhat whatcast to the side for the episode. Amity was upset despite being the main character's girlfriend having a minor role. Hunter on the other hand seemed relieved to just have a break. After around a week you and your fellow actors got an interview. But we'll be focusing on your friends here.

What were the hardest scenes to act in? Luz: Scenes with Hooty aren't hard in the traditional sense. But have you ever had to talk to people holding up a giant paper mache bird and keep a straight face?

Eda: Having to do magic in earlier seasons wasn't fun. You think it's going to be easy to just move your hands in a big circle! But no, the circle was too big! Listen as sad as it was, I'm happy I lost my magic.

Collector: That stupid star. Flying on what I think was weirdly strong cardboard was not comforting. Also any scenes that I had to "Fly" in were weird.

Amity: The puppet scene Staying completely still sounds easy. But you move a lot more than you realize.

Hunter: The possessed scene, do I need to say more?

For Eda, Collector and Hunter, how long does getting ready to look like the character take?

Eda: Wasn't that hard early on just throw on some white body paint and contacts. By the end it wasn't much different, just one different contact and special effects on my arm.

Collector: Face paint doesn't take that long. Though making the freckles can be a bit of a chore.

Hunter: The one scar was already annoying having to make sure it was in the same spot and all. But having six more? Eugh.

And lastly how do you feel about how the fandom feels about your character?

Luz: It's nice she's so well liked. But I wish people would stop making her oblivious and stupid! She's honestly really smart! But once you don't realize your past rival has a crush on you, you're suddenly the dumbest person alive.

Eda: You are all weird but not wrong and that's all I'm saying.

Collector: It was cool to become a fan favorite even when I was only speaking and not on screen. It is kinda funny seeing how many people thought I was actually evil-evil though.

Amity: Not much to say, the fans are cool, and the people who aren't seem to be pretty civil.

Hunter: A lot of you are cool! You also seem to reduce me to my trauma, but still cool.

A/n: I made this at 2am. I hope this was okay at least.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Things I Noticed While Writing Light The Fuse: Part 10, Episode 4

It's Cop Night tonight!

I don't say this nearly enough, but I really love Ethan lol this is one of the funniest things he's ever said, no more fear of the Ghouls with this guy

Not Matty of all people coming in with the 'okay enough of that please don't start things'

He is thinking :] he just stares for so long trying to think of anything to say that wouldn't also start something and I love him for that

I was just gunna add this cause cute Matty and hot Johnson but as I was rendering this I saw Ethan's face for the first time fuckin lmao I have seen this scene SO many times and never once have I looked at Ethan

I really love soft, apologetic Matty, need more of this guy

I love how you can actually see the switch between Well Mannered Matty and his usual self when being polite doesn't work lmao no one else could've played him for REAL /)w(\ also the smug laugh he does afterwards will be the death of me

In case it wasn't obvious already I have a thing with being intimidated and this is the hottest thing I've ever seen in my entire life no one else could've played him

This exchange makes me insane. Matty is so hot here I can hardly stand it. This would've been such a good fucking fight, Matty just staring him down not scared at all, the implication of everyone else he isn't afraid of coming after him and he doesn't even care, his hand is shaking he's so strong and brave and I would fight Gary for him even though he could kick my 5'5 ass

Fucking. Same. Ethan.

I just really wanted to say this outfit fuckin eats, he makes me wanna buy him a very expensive beverage and sit with him while he drinks slow and talks about his day /)//w//(\ okay I'm normal again sorry about that back to the post

Hi Angel~ Been watching a few of Rhys' movies for editing and he does this little wave in like all of them and this is just him continuing the trend lol so cute, I might make a lil gifset about it at some point 🥰

Johnson standing there like 'Matty. Pinup. Matty.' like what is that look I'm going insane, he's surrounded by beautiful dancing ladies and he's always looking at Matty or Ethan

Like. Fucking same, Johnson. I am also looking at Johnson like that as well just so you know

lmao at Ethan but I love the amount of detail they put into all these sets like this bathroom is seen only once and they decked it out so damn cool

Whoa I was just gunna screencap this bit and say I could never use a urinal cause guys are just... dicks out next to each other and that's so awkward oh my god so I'm always like looking at the wall during this whole scene cause I'm shy /)~(\ but Matty actually has another moment of misdirection when Ethan gets all still, doesn't change the subject this time, just hammers it home, but he does it in a way that still gets him away from Ethan it looks like so he knows he doesn't have to freak out over being recognized

Serious conversation, dicks just out, all three of them, pissin' away, can't be me. Also love how Johnson isn't allowed in the scene cause there's only three urinals lmao he's saving their table for them it's all good

He's also watching Ethan and seeing how calm he is this time ;w;

Gross. Disgusting. Don't bring your open drinks into the bathroom you heathen Matty did too but at least he like leaves it there cause I saw it in his hand when he walked in and placed it on the top and then he never picked it back up, he's just littering

I think him looking at me like that might fix me 😌 also cop didn't wash his hands yucko everybody shame him aaaaaaaaand I just now realized I giffed Ethan fuckin shakin' it and Matty's just staring at him with that expression as he's doing it I'm going to jump off a CLIFF MEN'S BATHROOMS ARE SO AWKWARD

'Why?' Cutting Matty out of this part in the fic nearly killed me cause I couldn't do this exchange but I'm so happy with him realizing it himself ;w;

Him saying this to me would definitely fix me. Love how he gets one second to be so genuine, his voice is so soft, and then he just laughs cause Ethan has the best reactions and he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen after Johnson

Nearly hit my limit again surprisingly so yayyy I get to talk about my favourite scene with Ethan and Meredith tomorrow, gimme all the friendships with her to talk about! 💙💛

[starsurface]

Honestly, at this point I think you should start deleting these types of comments anyway :/ it's not worth wasting your time with brainless people who don't know how to differentiate kink from coping mechanisms.

and it really is only anonymous people who make these types of nasty comments, they think they are brave for saying these types of things

- but you know what, oh anonymous who knows everything? YOU ARE A COWARD FOR HIDING YOURSELF! and if you want to sound so smart, do some fucking research first-

(this was for anonymous just to be clear)

Sorry about that 😅 but like I said before, don't pay attention to these people

I was going to cotinue doing that. The only reason I didn't delete this one was because I thought they should be called out for telling me to kms, cause that wasn't nice.

It is only anonymous!!!! >:(

They don't have the guts to say it to my face, and that's what sucks the most. 🙄

I've decided to just not allow anonymous asks anymore. Because it's only ever been bad anonymous people saying these things and I'm tired of them. I've received more than those two and have just been deleting them bjt because the accounts aren't shown, I can't really stop them. :/

(That doesn't mean you can ask privately for request!! I did update my Pinned Post a bit for my new requesting!! I might change this in the future but with how many I've received, it's just going to be like this for a bit)

But I won't pay attention to them, and thank you very much for the kind words. <3 (and you telling them off, I found it really funny and comforting to hear 🫶)

Edit: Ah screw it, I'm going to open back up anonymous request again. I'd rather make y'all happy than be focus on try to expose some creepy weirdos that don't know that the block button is. 🙄 <3

[artsycloudysleepy]

no one cares but seeing as ISAT has me in a chokehold rn my fav characters in order:

Siffrin

Odile

Loop

Isabeau + Bonnie

Mirabelle

(i am SO sorry mira lovers i love her too it's just i like the others a lil' bit more pls don't sacrifice me /jk)

Reasons why:

(Spoilers for the whole game under cut! This includes the epilogue + 2hats + achievements! I go full-on infodump!!)

Siffrin - I love angst and I love happy endings. I also love seeing a character slowly lose their sanity. Act 5?? when they SNAP?? I was SO excited the whole way through. REVELLING in it. I loved seeing his facial expressions and wording change with each loop (esp the friends -> family -> actors pipeline). I LOVE analysing that stuff!! also i correctly predicted where they came from and did a little dance when confirmed so yay! (for the record i headcanon the Country as in-game version of France or a region nearby, just bc of Mal du Pays' name - fun fact, that translates to 'homesickness'! (cries))

(edit: i now know that Vaugarde is France so uh. idk anymore lol)

(also i'm a sucker for sickfics and delirious characters bc it's so tender and sweet and that scene in act 5/6/whatever?? the way everyone was so concerned for them?? the way that Sif was so desperate to fight the King and break the loops that they willingly went through the whole House, fought every monster by themself, hallucinated his family being there for him to the point he doesn't even originally see the actual photo of himself and instead sees the first photo the family took in the mirror?? not even the ones he faked smiles for, but the one he was genuinely surprised and joyful in??? the fact they were malnourished and burning up when they fought the King and tried anyway to get through it and were still coherent enough to be terrified their family would die?????? how-)

Odile - I got the Sus achievement bc I love other characters figuring another one out, and she's really interesting. I loved her constantly guessing that sif might be a bit off too. Her background made me SO sad and her and Sif's heart-to-hearts in the hangout and the epilogue made me really emotional. And she's kinda hot uhh and her Paper α V helped a lot lol (haha pls help i am a humble lesbian)

also her just wanting to sleep and ignore everyone's chatter at ungodly hours is such a mood honestly. she did not sign up for this lmao

(again the fever stuff with Sif sold me on Dile, too. her checking in on him and monitoring his fever?? the way she was quite obviously incredibly concerned and wanting to make sure they're at least physically okay bc their family dynamic is so strong now?? it destroyed me. I love her sm you have no idea)

Loop - They made me genuinely bawl. I am SO upset I didn't get their boss fight (i didn't know how to unlock it and had no backup saves), but i'll replay ISAT once recovered from looping 71 times. Their BG sold me, otherwise I would have ranked them maybe at Mirabelle's place? I like to think that post-game Sif found them again and forced them to be adoptive siblings. Loop awkwardly being dragged around by Sif who's just happy they're not the only traumatised Sif to exist

Isabeau - Puns. Crushing. Smart jock, buff nerd. What's not to love?? The relationship with Sif was surprisingly gripping - I knew I'd be invested in the gayness dw, but i was worried that would be all there is to his character or that he'd constantly be made the butt of a joke in that regard. but he wasn't!! and the jokes were funny (I loved Odile just third-wheeling constantly)! and the confession was beautiful. I am so happy that he also didn't rush Siff into a relationship: 'yh dw u kinda just died a bunch i'm not in a hurry for u to make up ur mind lol'. also transmasc isa :D

I think also how in Act 5 Isa was the only one to prepare himself for Siff's increasing mania and depression + willing to challenge him back to stand up for himself and their family really sold me. Like, he's not the oblivious crush who's like 'omg siff's amazing haha nothing they ever do is wrong' like some media portrays crushing ppl. He's very aware Sif is an incredibly flawed person (as all ppl are, but esp him at that moment), but he's also very aware that something is causing them to act like this and knows that staying calm and not shouting back is best. He knows they're suffering, even if he doesn't know the extent right then, and wants to help him however he can.

Bonnie - They're adorable and hilarious. I felt so guilty when I tried to feed Sif plantain chips (after getting the trigger about them) and the pineapple bc they were so happy?? and then Sif reacted to it negatively (in one case dying) and I felt SO AWFUL. And when the King killed them I genuinely was in shock. Hand over mouth. I knew 'children in peril' was a tw but I thought they might just get hurt/be in danger; not that (not a personal trigger so was okay with it dw). But I loved that twist. I did not expect that and it was so gripping!!

aaaaand then the Snack Leader is superior regardless! Plus I correctly predicted that they were part of why Sif's blind in one eye and how (guessed he jumped in to save them from a sadness) so i was chuffed at that. I also loved how they were written really realistically for a child their age - most media seems to portray pre-teens (tho i see Bonnie more as a 10.5-11yo who says they are a preteen anyway) as obnoxious/idiotic/babyish, or write their dialogue as if they have never spoken to or been a child in their life.

Mirabelle - OKAY I KNOW I'LL GET PPL MAD ABT THIS I'M SORRY. SHE IS THE AROACE ICON AND I LOVE HER BELIEVE ME! I just didn't really feel as strongly abt her than the rest?? idk i mean maybe it's bc i'm atheist and don't really relate to the religious narrative as much (the guilt over being aroace being tied to the Change belief). I related to her a lot on the aspec front, just less on the other part? so maybe she's just not the character i can relate to as much. Still, I love her and will protect her with my life 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

i had to reread n edit this before posting like i was going over an essay jesus christ ((tristamp spoilers))

tldr; i was honestly disappointed but i still don't think it was completely awful + i hope if they do a 2nd season it's better *wants to see milly*.... fuck the director though

EDIT!!! 2nd season was confirmed so you can ignore the points where i question if it will happen lol

EDIT 2 actually idt i'll watch the 2nd season... for reasons that just hit me so.... + fuck night*w as well

most of this was written before the finale eek

the major problems were that the pacing was soooooo weird n some of the changes (both story wise and design wise) they made were questionable esp towards the latter half

my positive points:

i do still think individual eps at the first half were really good

i loved the animation + how they used colors

the backgrounds are cool

the artstyle shift in wolfwood's flashback was cool

i've always been "ok" abt vashwood honestly (sorry) but i will acknowledge they were very yaoiful here. i saw a person who didn't ship vashwood say the ep in tristamp where they literally just met made them ship it which was really funny bc how did that change your mind so fast

i'm ngl the milly + eriks name drops made me *JAWDROP* but that's something that only matters to ppl who watched/read the ogs first

my negative points (uh oh):

white washed wolfwood (+ his skintone is soo inconsistent in merch)

they gave vash no room to breathe n he doesn't get big sillay moments after ep 3

^ this is true for every character except i guess roberto? more on roberto later

^^^ goes with the previous too points but it felt like they were way too focused on the drama n sadness without enough (long lasting) happy or hopeful moments to contrast or balance it out overall - to the point were the characterization of our main cast suffered for it bc there wasn't enough there with them to make that properly work. and THEN the silly moments ended up suffering too bc they start feeling out of place. the drama beats kept happening one after the other at breakneck speed without breaks, messing up the pacing as well (i can kinda blame this at least partially on the fact they only had 12 eps when the og was 26 eps but i've watched plenty of 12 ep series with great pacing so i don't really know what happened here?)

i disagreed with this at first, but the lore with vash being front-loaded really did hurt the story a bit in the long run. obviously they did still spread the full details out over the course of the show but it was :\

specific to "the running man"- it's my fav ep tbh but it was strange how all the townsfolk were partying w the nebraskas with no indication they'd arrest them after they did so much damage n vash didn't even get to fix the damaged plant?? so why were they so joyous when the initial problem wasn't solved?

roberto.... was such a weird character... he managed to be both a dick n a guy w no personality, he was there to give exposition + attempt to be funny? n then die. also the marketing staff fucking hates him he's never in any merch wtf ((edited after the finale: well now we know he wasn't meant to replace milly (i had a whole paragraph complaining abt that lol) + now i feel like they added him just to kill someone other than wolfwood off))

i can't speak much on elendria bc i had so much trouble reading trimax forever ago that i never retained anything abt her other than she's trans, but everything involving her in tristamp felt strange/ like it didn't work. i have essentially same feeling about livio here. they threw legato to the side??

what the fuck was the thing with the plants towards the end. it just hit me what the hell

minor nitpicks:

i miss the old anime's ost :( tristamp's ost isn't bad by any means n there are tracks that i really like it's just idk man. especially with the the op song, i couldn't get myself to not skip the op SORRY. could you imagine how hype it would've been if a new rendition of H.T. or NO-BEAT started playing

i'm fine with stamp vash's design (blasphemous i know) but man would'n've one of his og coat designs worked well in 3d? i feel like it would've ((added after the finale: the new coat did look nice in black + they brought back his old hair in the last ep tho so. MAYBE... IN SEASON 2.... CLASSIC COAT....? *delusional*))

NO LOVE & PEACE?!?!?!?!

one of my nitpick points was that they technically didn't give vash the black hair bc i really wanna see it animated one day but assuming they are teasing a season 2 maybe they will eventually. but then how...?

[andantexvii]

// Promises // Pt. 4

Eddie Munson x Reader

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Word Count ~ 3,714

Warnings ~ profanity; smoking; (blink and you'll miss it) implications of past abuse/abandonment; use of she/her pronouns

Notes ~ Sorry for the wait! I've been struggling MAJORLY with my epilepsy lately, and am in need of and preparing for a much needed surgery to help correct some issues I'm having with it. Writing keeps my mind off the worst of things and productive, so I'm happy to have this project going! My medication-addled brain can sometimes overlook some editing errors. If it’s glaring, I don’t mind being notified, but if it’s passable, let it pass~ Reminder the time is adjusted to 1987 - please enjoy!

FIXED! - Oh my goodness why did no one mention my scrambled egg brain posted the darn text twice? 😭😭😭😭😭

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Requested tags: @eddieswifu, @missfangirl-slightly-obsessive, @booksarekindaneat, @renaroo123 [To be added for future updates, shoot me an ask!]

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→

Eddie rode his Hellfire Friday high through to Saturday night, at least, that's what he told himself it was. Another successful night of fun and storytelling, his flock of misfits finding comfort and friendship, not just in him, but with one another. Though, he couldn't deny the fact they looked to him as a source of their joy, responsible for bringing them together and making them feel welcome at the table, was something he'd always revel in. Welcoming a new soul into the fold was a different kind of uplifting feeling, and one he didn’t experience enough - even so, this one felt different, and the lingering satisfaction might last him a while, though he’d never admit it to himself.

He was always ready to invite anyone willing, or clearly in need, that was one of the founding principles of Hellfire he strove to uphold - he hadn’t anticipated having to make changes to his meticulously planned campaign nearly a month in. Still, with as often as he’d been pestering his new friend to join him, he wasn’t going to have her pull up a seat only to feel as though there was no place, or she was being squeezed in at an inconvenience. No, each of them had gotten an appropriate introduction to the story, to the rest of the party, and even if he had to reach a bit, or quite a lot, she’d know she was going to be a valuable asset to the team, he’d see to that.

"Al-l-lright, let's make some magic." Eddie mumbled to himself, a pen clenched between his teeth as he flattened a well-worn composition book against his crumpled sheets. Rolling to one side, he reached as far as he could to press play on his stereo, the floor immediately vibrating with the rhythmic pulses of music. Sure, his uncle would probably give him hell about 'waking half the neighborhood' when he returned - but Eddie knew he had a few hours of peace to work for the time being. Then of course, as he stared at the lines, he realized his mind was as blank as the page.

All at once he realized Dustin had interrupted their Friday night meeting before they'd gotten a chance to talk shop, so to speak. He vaguely remembered her mentioning having played before, and having none too pleasant an experience. Step one was to fix that, for certain, but step two eluded him as he wasn't sure if she'd already established a character or if she really was just coming into the whole thing blind. Maybe she wanted to start new, everyone did at some point in time… There were a dozen possibilities, more even if he thought about it, there was no way he could prepare for them all. Could he? He could just wait and ask her at school, but he was in the zone right now, ready to pen some magic - who knew if it would last?

His eyes darted down the hall toward the phone… right, they hadn't crossed that threshold, and she hadn't lived here long enough to be in the white pages yet. Pacing the room he paused to peek out the window, wondering if knocking on her door after 10pm on a Saturday would be too unreasonable. He sneered remembering the foul-mouthed woman who'd ruined their night a few weeks back, not knowing what he'd do if that creature were to answer him instead. Besides, her rust dusted ride didn't appear to be in the driveway… she probably had better places to be than to waste her weekend talking fantasy games with a guy like him, anyway.

Sighing, he dove back onto the bed; fishing in the blankets for his pen. Determined to make the most of his creative streak, and rolling a joint for luck and focus, he began furiously scribbling away as the ideas came to him; more as a disjointed stream of inspirational bits than a cohesive foundation to build on, but one brick at a time would get him there. Eventually.

"Hope her class fits in with the dynamic we've got. Ah, hell, I'll make it fit." He wrinkled his nose, crossing a few things out and writing a new memo to himself in the margins. “There’s no way she’d spec a character as lame or try-hard as any of these guys…”

Pausing for a moment, he flipped back a few pages and reviewed the notes he'd jotted down a few months back when the campaign was just starting to come together; snorting at the short list of one-off preparation exercises Mike was still apologizing for insulting. Smirking, he read down the list of each club member's name next to their character and class, happy to find one blank line left at the bottom where he wrote her name, as neatly as he could manage, in honorary red ink. He left just enough space for her character's name as well… as soon as he learned it. Truthfully, there was a lot he still needed, and fully intended, to learn about his newest friend; he could only hope the space that existed for her, that he'd welcomed her to, would be enough.

Bouncing between rapid scribbling and flipping through his game books for reference, he had hardly felt the time pass as quickly as it did. The few who cared to notice always praised Eddie for his creative mind. Whether it be the stories he loved to weave with ease, the lyrics he penned as though the muse poured directly into the paper, or the music that seemed to effortlessly blossom to life beneath his fingers every time he touched his instruments, artistry flowed from him like water from a spring. Too bad it wasn't much for making a living in a place like Hawkins, as every teacher and counselor liked to remind him. It damn sure made it more tolerable though.

He rubbed his eyes from strain and disbelief as he noticed the first dim glow of morning through his half-open blinds. Rolling lazily out of bed, he sauntered to the kitchen for a snack. He could hardly call it breakfast, as he hadn't really been to sleep, even so he pillaged the cabinets as the soft sound of gravel beneath tires outside heralded his uncle's return. He smiled weakly, admiring the man's kindness, fortitude, and patience - even Eddie knew he could get a bit out of hand at times. Without thinking, he turned to ready the coffee pot with a fresh brew, and dragged himself back to his room empty handed.

In the front driveway, Wayne Munson shut off his truck engine, sighing heavily with exhaustion. He paused momentarily to look at his own weary reflection in the rear view mirror, eyes bloodshot, before opening the door to the chilly morning air. He'd gotten used to this reverse schedule of sorts, if it could be called a schedule at all. Sleeping his mornings away, working the night hours… until someone didn't show for their morning shift, and their hours got tacked onto his; which had been happening more and more frequently. It was an honest living, at least, he could rest easily enough in that and hope his example would be enough for his nephew.

Pausing to let the brisk morning air remind him a world existed outside the factory walls, he took in the placid peacefulness of the morning. He lit a cigarette and closed his eyes to enjoy the quiet… that is, until the continued sounds of a car engine struggling to turn over half a dozen times caught his attention. Peering up the road, he noticed the tail lights aglow in the driveway of the newly occupied trailer a few lots away. He knew a new family had moved in there some months back; maybe it had been that long? But between work, and keeping Eddie in line he'd hardly had a moment to introduce himself - in his experience, most folks around here tended to prefer keeping to themselves anyway, but there was no time like the present. 

"Car troubles there, miss?" A gruff, but gentle voice called to her through the chilly morning mist. 

"Erm, something like that…" She gave the engine one last turn of the key to encourage it to start, met only by a few wheezing sputters.

The man strode a short distance closer and gave her car a once over, tutting softly as he examined the patches of rust beginning to take over… whatever the original color of the car had been. He knew the value of taking care of things and keeping them in good order, hanging on to something until it was beyond repair or use, but this had clearly seen its better days.

"Take it you don't know too much about fixin' cars." He took a long drag off his cigarette and eyed her for a moment; it was no reason to assume. "Your old man never take a look at 'er for you?"

Wayne was already rolling the sleeves of his flannel shirt up to his mid-forearms before her eyes even fell. There were more people like him and his nephew around, even if he'd sometimes rather forget. No one to do the repairs for her, and probably no money for routine upkeep - he'd been there, done that a hundred times over. It was clear she had places to be, and no girl her age was headed anywhere on a morning like this they didn't absolutely have to go; he chided himself as he stepped toward the front of the car.

"Ah, I'm not his problem anymore." She mumbled, offhandedly. 

"Mind if I take a look, here, for ya'?" He peered through the windshield at her diminishing form; she wasn't used to asking for help, much less getting it, that much was plain. The two of them teetered on the edge of silence for a few long moments as she wrestled internally with the instinct to say no.

"I…I'd appreciate it if you have a moment…" She released the hood latch, giving him access to the engine compartment.

"Not a problem, young miss." He flicked his cigarette away and dove into the tangle of pipes and wires, seeing what he could glean of the problem before he tried anything. After a few moments, he went to his truck, retrieved a few items and returned; all the while eyeing her with a faint smile that masked what appeared to be empathy. The two of them walked a similar road, even if she was several miles behind where he’d ended up - oh and he prayed she found a good turn off before she made it that far.

"Well, y'ain't dressed for church…" He grunted, wrestling with a rusted bolt. "Where's a young lady headed so early on a Sunday morning?"

Looking down, she adjusted the unflattering, gaudily colored apron poking out from under her coat. Crossing her arms she looked down and away, clearing her throat as if trying to avoid the question - not that this good samaritan looked like he’d judge her much.

“Work.” She said bluntly, glancing up.

Wayne paused for a moment, lifting his head to catch a good glimpse of the girl around the open hood of her car. He knew she’d been part of whatever family had moved in down the way a few weeks ago, but not much more than that. He could tell at a glance she was about his nephew’s age, maybe a bit younger, still in school no doubt; a pretty, young thing he thought to himself. Shaking his head he ducked back down and continued to fiddle with the engine.

“S’good, college ain’t free." He said with an encouraging chuckle, with a faint hope the money she was earning was to get her out of a place like Forest Hills.

“Neither is living.” She huffed under her breath, hoping the kind, older man wouldn’t hear but, having raised a teenager, he could hear a sarcastic huff from a mile away.

"Amen t'that…" Wayne grunted, his tired voice echoing against the raised metal hood of the car. "I didn't mean nothin' by it, miss. Y'look like you've got a good head on y'shoulders, shame t'let it go to waste in a place like this." He waved the tip of his screwdriver in a circle, gesturing more to the city itself, than their immediate surroundings. 

After a few more minutes of pained silence between them, Wayne stood upright and dusted his hands off on his heavy work coat. 

"M'nephew's the same way, smart as a whip, that boy, but he's pissin' it all away. Ah, s'cuse my mouth, missy; get in there and give 'er a try now."

Looking up she gave the man a shy smile and slid into the driver's seat, giving the key in the ignition a tentative turn. With a few strained wheezes and a pop of the loose muffler, the car roared to life; she sighed deeply and turned her smile to Wayne gratefully, as if it had just dawned on her.

"You're Eddie's uncle, then?" She looked down as she climbed back out of the car, giving the engine a moment to warm up.

"Heh, yep, that'd be me." He tucked a cigarette between his lips as he closed the hood of the car. "Figured you might've met my boy, once or twice, at school probably. Hope he ain't been a menace t'you."

"N-No, not at all!" She stuttered, stepping back a few paces and opening the back door of the car, seemingly looking for something. "In fact, he's been about the only person who hasn't. Only one who's treated me well at all, since I got here, really; well him, and you now."

"Ye-e-eah, that sounds about like him, too." Wayne laughed, good-naturedly as he lit up his cigarette. He hadn't wanted to make snap judgements about the girl, but there was something that told him she was a bit of an outcast herself, having trouble fitting in. Those were always the kind Eddie surrounded himself with, even if he was out clinging to the fringes of society himself he wasn't going to let anyone else out there go at it alone.

"You, uh, mind giving this to him?" She handed over a small, plastic container filled with, what Wayne could tell, some kind of baked good. "I um, I made some for DnD last week and I don't think he got to have any, so I um… yeah."

"Oh, good lord, he roped you into his little game club, too?" Wayne’s face lit up with a genuine smile at the presentation of her humble gift - in that moment, he cared less about the game, and more that a respectable young lady was giving his nephew the time of day. "That's awful kind of you, miss, I'll make sure he gets 'em, and that he's damn grateful for 'em too."

"Thank you. Have some too if you like!" She whispered, relieved before diving into her pockets, producing a worn-out ladies' wallet. "Oh, um, what do I owe you for-"

"Put that away, miss. Just a kindness to a lady in need, y'don't owe me a dime." Wayne sighed at the sight of the few crumpled dollar bills she fanned through. He could tell she wasn't used to receiving help, or much of anything, without strings attached.

"Are you sure? I can't just…" She was cut off when he raised his hands and gave her a warm smile.

"Damn sure, an' I won't hear another word about it. Now, you get on up the road, y'don't want to be late."

Smiling weakly, she tucked the wallet back into her coat and climbed into the car; taking a moment to adjust the vents which didn't seem to be producing much heat. 'Another time.' Wayne thought to himself, suddenly surprised to find himself hoping she might come around again, some time or another. Most girls that followed Eddie home he couldn't hope to get rid of fast enough…

"T-Thank you again, um, Mr. Munson." She gave him a shy wave and shifted the car into drive. The rusty suspension groaned in protest, but surely the car started rolling away toward the main road.

"Take care now." He returned the wave, standing long enough to make sure his temporary repairs kept her going until she made it out of sight. Finishing off his cigarette, he flicked the spent butt into the grass and headed inside.

"There you are. Mmmhm, what kept ya'?" Eddie emerged from his bedroom with a yawn and a stretch as his uncle, finally, came through the front door.

"Well, well." Wayne smirked, stooping to take off his work boots and leave them on the rug. "Somebody's up early. What's the occasion?"

"Up late." He corrected with a smarmy little grin. "Just doing some important work, that's all. Made coffee when I heard you pull up; y'want some?"

Tossing his coat onto the sofa and stretching a bit himself, Wayne nodded as he placed the little plastic container on the kitchen counter with a smirk. He had already been pouring his uncle a steaming mug before he turned back and spotted the package.

"Thought you'd fallen asleep in the driveway again, was afraid I'd have to come out and-" Eddie stopped as his eyes fell on the box, hand outstretched with the freshly poured coffee. "What's, uh… where'd you get that?"

Wayne grinned as he took the coffee cup, and sank into a comfy recliner nearby; he relaxed for a few seconds before answering.

"Met the new neighbor girl on the way in." He chuckled, propping up his tired feet. "Car troubles. What would you know, she had 'em in the back seat. For you."

Eddie stepped around the counter, taking the tupperware in his hands and eyeing his uncle skeptically. It looked enough like the one she'd had with her on Friday - the one Dustin had happily carried home with him.

"For me?" Eddie perked an eyebrow, wondering half if he was telling the truth, and half why she would bother in the slightest.

"Yup." Wayne took a long gulp of coffee, closing his eyes and relaxing into the plush chair. "Said y’didn't get to try any at your goofy little game night, so, she wanted y'to have some."

"What was she doin' up and out at this hour?" Eddie stooped to peek out the front window, as if responsibilities that began at daylight were unheard of. "I mean, she didn't seem the church goin' type, not that I care or nothin', but…"

"Workin'." Wayne grunted, clearing his throat and adjusting himself in his seat. "That's what she told me anyhow."

"Man, that's why she's been falling asleep in class so much." He tutted under his breath, a sympathetic grimace on his lips. No one he knew, at least not in a position like theirs, that had to work while they were in school was doing it because they wanted to. "Probably why it took her two weeks to show."

"Bless 'er heart." Wayne huffed, shaking his head a bit. 

Pulling back the tupperware lid, the small space was filled with the enticing aroma of warm coffee and chocolate; Eddie’s stomach gave an audible growl as he wriggled his fingers into the container and pulled out a brownie, taking an eager bite.

“Awh, shit.” He mimed dramatically collapsing backward onto the countertop as he chewed. He'd imagined what they might have tasted like a dozen times over since Friday evening, but nothing had prepared him for this.

His uncle chuckled, peering over his shoulder and taking in his nephew’s brief moment of happiness; they were far too few for his liking, try as he might.

“Heh, that bad, huh?” Wayne chuckled.

“Mhm!” Eddie held up a finger, munching slowly as if it required his full attention. “S’Awful, wretched, worst thing I’ve ever had in my mouth. …here, have one.”

“Nah, she made those for you, you enjoy ‘em.”

“Uh-uh, this, thi-i-is…” He skirted around the countertop and waved the open tupperware under his uncle’s nose. “This is no Betty Crocker bullshit, it’s the real deal.”

“Fine, fine.” Wayne took a brownie, enjoying it with a sip of coffee - pleasantly surprised at how tasty they were. “So, this uh, new friend of yours, huh?”

“Hmmpf?” He looked up, eyes wide as he wrapped his lips around another brownie, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“You know. Cute lil’ gal next door, bakin’ for you and all…” He gave the boy a wink. 

"Dunno’, most girls we invite to Hellfire never show up in the first place. That or don’t stick around, so I mean, it's a real sausage fest." Shrugging, entirely clueless as he often was. "Henderson likes her, anyway, he's the little jerk who ate all the brownies she brought in Friday… asshole."

“Damn sight better’n the ones that try t’follow y’home from that bar, anyway.” The older man rolled his eyes, silently chiding his nephew’s short-sightedness. 

“Hah!” Eddie snorted through a full mouth, earning his uncle’s disapproving glare. “No worries, I got you runnin’ interference. You give ‘em that golem stare of yours and they scatter like the roaches they are.”

“That little darlin’ comes back around, just so y’know, I'm not chasin’ her off. Don't imagine she's like to linger where ‘roaches’ gather, though.”

“Look, those leeches can fish all they want, so long as they keep buyin’ tickets and beer at every show, I’m not bitin’. No way man, me? There's only one, and I'm waitin' for-”

“The real deal?” Wayne cut him off with a smirk, giving him a knowing glance over the rim of his mug.

Staring blankly and blinking a few times, Eddie dusted his cheeks with a paper towel before crumpling it up and tossing it at his uncle with a sour expression at his good-natured teasing.

“I’m goin’ to bed.” He grunted, slamming the lid back on the brownies and carrying them toward his room, as if he were determined to protect this batch from being plundered.

Maybe the old man had a point, he figured - man he hated when that happened.

[my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda]

I admit, a lot of Nagito's actual mental illness traits went over my head when I played the game, and up until now. If I've talked about him in an ableist way before, I'm sorry (and I'll delete/reword any post with something like that if you point it out to me, none of them come to mind atm but I feel like I may have said something like this in the past). I honestly thought he was just a manipulative jerk acting a certain way "for funsies" and if I've called him "crazy" or anything like that, it was in a place I probably should have used the word "asshole" instead, but even that's not a real fix to the issue. Frontotemporal dementia. I only learned what that means today. I'm glad I wasn't planning on having Nagito have much of a presence in my fanfic anyway.

I had to ignore the parts of that post about Danganronpa 3 because I'm still playing it, but one part I read...I didn't notice that Kokichi was wearing a straight jacket. I thought it was just a white suit.

I never would have expected Danganronpa to have a canonically mentally ill villain after the mess with Toko. Like I've said before, I love playing with ideas of this franchise and I love Kazuichi a lot and I like a lot of other characters too (mostly from Danganronpa 2, for now that is my very favorite), but Danganronpa is a poorly written series full of missed potential (/derogatory) and it's honestly mostly sex jokes and murder (/affectionate). Writers can use it as a sandbox and people can get some laughs from it.

I'm wondering if anyone has made a post about Danganronpa's ableism with Kazuichi. The autistic-coded character misunderstanding social scenarios, being constantly called "dumb" and "annoying," showing an ability and willingness to change when told to stop doing something but nobody actually wants to tell her to stop doing the "annoying" thing that they'd rather mock her for, not to mention the lesson she has to learn through all of this. Having faith in yourself is a good lesson, and Kazuichi did need to learn some humbling (they actually could have done way more on this for her), but they really said her biggest problem was that she needed to believe in herself more when she's been pushing herself to being "normal" (and failing at it, because normalcy is stupid and hurts everyone) and making herself miserable in the process?? She deserved to have a character arc where she doesn't have to act like a "punkass" anymore because she feels safer to be herself around her friends, and where she gets a look she's actually happy with (my trans headcanon doesn't have to be canon for this to work, it's just my interpretation out of many ways they could have done this arc for her). It felt like she had a little bit of vulnerability at the end, but too little too late in my opinion. I had a hard time believing most of these guys were her friends in the end, especially Fuyuhiko and Sonia -not saying these charaters needed to be her friends, their feelings were valid, just that Danganronpa's entire "everyone is friends by the end" thing can feel a bit forced at times just to get a happy ending through (I would not be feeling like this if they convinced me in the writing that the characters were believable as friends). Although at least this group felt like an actual group, the first game was way worse at the "everyone is friends at the end" thing! (You're really telling me everyone is friends with Byakuya and Toko after all of that?! It actually made me laugh with the whiplash of how out-of-nowhere-cheesy that was compared to the mood before they met up with the others.)

Too tired to rant any more. I hope my points came across?

Edit: maybe I'm too tired but I'm feeling self conscious about my wording and I'm not 100% sure if their treatment of Kazuichi is ableist exactly, but it felt uncomfortable for me. Maybe using "ableist" for that part was extreme? I'll get back to you on that in a bit

[f1-birb]

I'm angry. I do not like Mercedes, I actually despise them. I like Hamilton, seems like a hood guy, but I can't stand the team or Russel. I used to like Russel until this year when I now do not like him at all, I don't think he deserves this win after all the things he's done to other drivers these last few races. I am terrified Mercedes will be a front runner team again, I don't want that, I want to cry thinking about it. And the fact that Russel won before Hamilton is just so frustrating, I would be happier to see Hamilton win.

And alpine, its mostly cause I'm a mclaren fan that I hate the team. I have nothing against Ocon and Alonso is Alonso yknow but the team makes my blood boil. I can't stand them.

Now redbull, my opinion on redbull is alright but I really like Max. I'm happy for him to win the championship and I don't know what happened this race. He's been off in both the sprint and today. It almost feel like Max from last year is back when he just seemed to desperate. But this year its for no reason. He could've won today I belive if it wasn't for the incident with Hamilton. About that incident too, I don't think it was Maxs fault, from what I've seen he was ahead and Hamilton left him no space. I'm just so frustrated.

And now Mclaren. Daniel messed up on lap one but I don't have any expectations of him anymore so I don't really care. But Lando drove well, he had a great start and fought good with the ferrari. I understand the penalty for colliding with Charles but I'm still sad of course. And I'm so angry at mclaren for creating an abomination of a car that Lando has managed to get a fucking podium in. He knows the team is relying on him to win and has driven three race while sick!!!! That's not okay. I'm also a bit angry at Daniel for being this shitty that Lando has had this pressure on him. Mclarens entire year has been on Landos shoulders and that can't be good mentally on our boy. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves a good team that can give him a good car. How hard can that be?

Ughhhhhh

I suppose that's all my thoughts about the race. Sorry if it seemed a bit too angry sometimes but I'm still very upset.

Firstly I hope being able to vent made you feel a little better <3

Second, we feel the same way about a lot of things from this race and this season but I will summarise:

Same thoughts about Merc, was raised a Merc hater and shall stay one. I've only warmed up to Lewis in recent years tbh, but like you I really liked George at Williams (bar the incident with VB which I still get prickly over) and since he's been at Merc I've slowly liked him less. He's made certain comments and there have been several incidents, particularly Singapore and since that have made me change his cute tag to one less cute, but I can't fault him today. For Q3 absolutely I'll fault him and will claim that helped him today, but he did a good job and I can't deny him the race win

Alpine, same hat, don't hate their drivers but they're a threat to McLaren and since my boy's there that's my team (and it was my team even back in 10-12 with JB and LH even though at the time I could not stand LH)

RB is where we differ a little, I can't stand the team and I have extremely mixed feelings on it. I don't hate Max but I'm certainly not his biggest fan, and I think he and Lewis bring out the worst in each other on track. I think Max has been getting incredibly frustrated while driving not in his usual spots this season, or at least since summer break. Singapore a classic example with the safety car incident and the lock up (both of which I was angry over because Lando was at risk) - tbh I wouldn't have cared either way if either, both, neither of them got a penalty for that incident // EDIT: having seen Max's comments post-race he's in time out until further notice

McLaren..... big sigh. Idk what they did between the 35 and 36 but whatever it is IT AINT IT. Lando had a fantastic start, especially since he's had some rocky ones this season, and I'm so glad they replayed it, and he was driving very well considering he felt like absolute shit and has done since Thursday. The incident with Charles was just that, an incident in my opinion, and the fact I'm hearing that Charles stans are sending Lando hate and even death threats is so disgusting but I honestly can't expect much better (and much like with staniels I am fully aware it's not all Charles fans). Lando has consistently dragged that tractor into the points, put it a lot higher up the grid than it deserves, and even managed a podium in it which is incredible, and I feel bad he's had to carry the team for basically two years, especially this year with how much they've had to fight with Alpine and it's basically been him alone

And Daniel.... if I speak, I am in big big big trouble because boy do I have words and only some of them are nice

That's all my feelings out for today but if anyone wants to rant, vent, chat, feel free to drop in my inbox

[hbprophetie]

Ok, well...I promised I would do something to make up for the lack of content if I didn't make new stuff soon.

So here it is, the magic of posting old art that for reason wasn't posted when I did it! 😉

When I drew this fanart (it was last year, I believe) I wanted to challenge myself with dynamic poses (I'm not the best at it) and ended up with this fighting / anime pose Snape! As always, the artificial wind is only supposed to make it more epic. Don't search for any realism, which wasn't the focus. To be honest, I was pretty satisfied with how it turned. But I think he looks a bit too feminine here (the body proportions and all, I hope it doesn't look too off), I already edited it compared to the original sketch, in an attempt to fix the matter, but still.

Anyway! I don't know how the doe will look on your screen because her brightness and colors change a bit depending on the color of the background. I also propose two versions of the pic - one with some blueish shades (that I personaly prefer, as they reflect those of the Patronus and blue is a color I love to use for Severus) and one with a more classical shading (that maybe some will prefer as it's more neutral).

I didn't post it back in the day cause I wasn't on tumblr yet. I apologise if it's a bit different than what I use to do - I don't think it looks worst than what I have the capacity to do today, but I use to do the shadows a bit differently now (and they may look a bit clumsy there - again, not my best strenght).

I really hope you'll enjoy it anyway. I still kind of like this pic, even if it's an old one.

Regarding my recent inactivity, again I'm sorry I didn't post new stuff for months now, I DO still draw Severus but my productivity and energy goes in all directions lately so I keep leaving things unachieved to focus on other ideas (cause I either am not happy with some results, or just can't find the will to continue). Hopefully it will eventually change soon.

I hope you're well! 🪄

[i-want-my-iwtv]

That you for being supportive of people criticizing the new show! All is see when I go into the tags is what feels like toxic positivity while Lestat's "it wasn't that bad, Louis was making shit up" narrative that show is adapting is literally typical abuser rhetoric, and as an abuse victim this whole "Louis is a liar and Lestat wasn't that bad" narrative makes me really uncomfortable and angry and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.

[Tha[nk] you for being supportive of people criticizing the new show!] 

You're welcome, Anon! *hugs* 💗 (I assume you meant “thank” 😅) 

This response got very lengthy, my apologies, I can’t edit it down further. Also, I’m using brackets for your message clips, and italics for things I’m quoting later on, I wanted them both indented.

[All is see when I go into the tags is what feels like toxic positivity...  and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.]

Yes, I’m seeing it pushed harder in both directions, as more pics, clips, articles, and trailers come out, the side that is super excited about it is going to intensify, and the side that wants to criticize it is going to do that, too, as they get more material to evaluate. There’s tons of criticism about fandom and canon, that’s the way some ppl happily engage, especially if they’re writers/artists themselves, by trying to unpack what the showrunners/writer’s goals are and how they seem to be achieving those goals (or not). 

If you need to take a break from fandom, you might want to do it. You can also block my #iwtv amc tag, bc I’m still going to be posting about it, but this way you can block seeing content about it from my blog, at least. I am sorry, though. I don’t think there’s any chance of ppl agreeing to use one unified tag so that others can blacklist it if they need to. I’m trying to navigate how much I want to engage, myself. Fandom is supposed to be a happy place, an escape from reality, not a battleground... but this is a historic moment in the fandom, so I’m documenting with as much capacity as I am able, and advocating for people to express themselves.

TL;DR: All this to say, I can understand where you’re coming from, that the changes to the story seem to disrespect the actual suffering Louis reported as a victim of abuse. Perhaps they’ll take that part out. It seems like they’d prefer to mold Louis into a better companion for this revised, softened Lestat. 

(Anon, I’m going to need to keep going with this response a bit more, I hope that’s alright with you. You can skip this from here if you’d prefer.)

The fandom seems to be on the brink of war over this show and some ppl have said that I have also spread “toxic positivity” myself, not about the show, but by running the fandom gift exchange last year, when the fighting was at a fever pitch, and my few statements basically saying: “Let’s try to be kind to each other.” I have friends on both sides, which makes things difficult, and I’ve chosen not to engage in those discussions. Maybe there are issues in the fandom, but no one has any obligation to enter a discussion with strangers on the internet. This is the case even if one of your friends has chosen to fight about it, but I have on rare occasions stepped in when it was needed to stop a fight from escalating. A person can ask for peace even when their friends, with their own agency, choose to engage in public discussion and even fights.

But because of those fights, I’ve stopped asking for peace. I’m instead trying to state the obvious that there’s enough room in fandom to criticize the show (as we would ANYTHING else), and be hopelessly in love with it, and everything in between. 

Hit the jump for more, cut for length.

---

I think some of the friction we’re having currently is that the new series uses all the familiar canon tags, and I’m seeing a growing trend that at least some of the fans who are excited about it want it to subsume previous adaptations and canon. Rolin Jones re: essentially hopeful that this will in fact replace the (much beloved) 1994 film: (Den of Geek, July 22, 2022)

What are you most excited about for this adaptation?

Most people have this image of Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. In this, the emotional stakes are super high. It’s Love with a capital L and Hate with a capital H, Remorse and Regret, and mostly reverence and respect. I gotta say, I’m really mostly excited for everybody to see Sam and Jake. You will not be thinking about Tom and Brad, ever again. Of that, I am supremely confident. It’s a very big, grand show. AMC is taking all the right risks on this thing. They are putting something very aggressive out there. They put more money into this than they thought they would, and I don’t think that they’re upset about it. There’s a big, big thing coming.

So this reads like he definitely wants the AMC show to replace the ‘94 movie. Again, I think some fans are thrilled about that. RJ has big shoes to fill, and he knows the comparisons are already being made, so as a showrunner I think he’s probably obligated to address it and show confidence that his adaptation will overcome the previous ones, but it does come across as smug, to my mind. 

[while Lestat's "it wasn't that bad, Louis was making shit up" narrative that show is adapting is literally typical abuser rhetoric,]

I think you make a very good point here. More on that in a bit. 

[and as an abuse victim this whole "Louis is a liar and Lestat wasn't that bad" narrative makes me really uncomfortable and angry and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.]

I’m sorry you’re an abuse victim, and I can’t begin to understand how belittling it must feel be to see, essentially, an abusive character softened/defanged, “washed of his sins,” and therefore make the victim look like a liar. Jacob!Louis certainly looks terrified of Sam!Lestat in some of the promo stills, but is he afraid of Lestat as a vampire, as an abusive person, or is he frightened of being in love with Lestat despite those things? Or, and I hesitate to even call it out, is it none of those, but instead, “gay panic,” because this is the first male person that Jacob!Louis is attracted to romantically? “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have laid down with the devil” maybe he means it metaphorically? 😬 That’s another topic for discussion when we see the show. I hope they handle that respectfully. 

Rolin Jones seems to have made this Louis a more confident person, he’s not wallowing in depression when Lestat meets him. I think they’re taking out the abuse entirely, and skipping to the shipping.

Will the new adaptation be able to explore the fluid sexuality of the books? 

It’s aggressive subtext in the first book, but by the time you read books eight and nine, it was the love affair of the century. Without spoiling too much, subtext becomes text in our show.

Why is Louis’ situation changed from the book?

...I’ll say this, we’ve given Louis a little bit more of a spine.

Rolin Jones re: inserting later canon Lestat back into IWTV:

How does the contemporary setting affect the timeline?

One of the things AMC asked when they tasked me with the gig was: here and now, how does it change?... The timeline is not going to be wildly different. Lestat was born exactly when he was born. He might meet Louis a little bit later than in the books. We’d go into a big hole if we were to write the Lestat from book one because book two and onward is the “Brat Prince.” We wanted to quickly establish the Lestat that she settled on and put him back into the first book.

Canon Lestat of IWTV has only been a vampire for 10 years in 1791, and he’s been abandoned by his only 2 fledglings, one of which was his mortal lover Nicki, and the other was his own mortal mother. He’s barely 30 years old in mortal years. He’s already gone to ground to deal with these losses, and not much time passes before Marius scoops him up, makes him feel like he might finally fit in somewhere, and then Lestat’s fiasco with waking Akasha gets him kicked out of Marius’ life. AND he has his mortal father to take care of. 

But in AMC’s timeline, which I think starts in 1910, if we keep Lestat as being turned in 1780ish, then he’s 130 years older. Maybe he slept through all that time, and was frozen psychologically. 

So he comes to the New World fairly battered by all he experienced in his first 10 years as a vampire*, and in the novel, Louis has been inviting death so much that the state of his health seems to pressure Lestat into turning him sooner than he might have preferred.

*Of course, all this is a retcon because of TVL being written after IWTV, it’s up to the reader to decide what they want to accept as canon, and how. 

Either bc of Anne Rice setting Lestat up initially as an exciting, beautiful, but also horribly cruel antagonist in IWTV, or bc of Lestat’s backstory revealed later, (or both), the Lestat of IWTV era is cagey, secretive, abusive, and dismissive of Louis in many ways. He acts impulsively to create Claudia (as I always believe, to save Louis from the ultimate shame/guilt of giving into his own vampiric nature to kill an innocent child, which Louis might never have recovered from) to keep Louis with him. Would later canon Lestat have made that same choice? Knowing Armand’s suffering as an immortal teenager? 

Also, there seems to be a sort of flip flopping between this Lestat and the original. In the clips we’ve seen, he seems to be this almost kind and generous teacher that canon IWTV era Louis would have adored. Then in one scene, he tears a priest out of the confessional with Louis in the adjacent booth, to brutally murder the (innocent?) man in front of Louis, to terrify him? Into compliance? I’m confused about what the showrunners want here. Is Lestat the angelic wonderful person (debatable lol) that he tries to be as the Brat Prince in later canon? Hearing disputes and trying to resolve conflicts? Or is he the brash and frightened young vampire who was terrified of revealing too much about himself or showing weakness for fear that Louis would leave him, like Gabrielle did? Or hate him, like Nicki did? 

It looks like this Lestat is a confident, at ease, more generous, more compassionate (or trying to be) like later canon Lestat. We’ll see.