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littleoceanfairy · 3 years ago

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Life of Ice

Bodhi x reader (non binary)

Fandom: Point Break (2015)

Words: 1.743

*Trigger warning* implied death, emotionally-cuddly Bodhi

The chopper had dropped you off on the mountain peak. Fixing your board and putting on your gloves you quietly listen to the rest of the group contemplating on how to best approach this challenge. Grommet warned you multiple times that the weather's gonna turn bad quickly so the decision needs to be made quickly. While Utah and Bodhi are all in for this mountain, Roach, Chowder and you are unsure of the possibility of getting down safely. "What about that one over there? Definitely first descent.", Roach points towards another peak close by and everyone looks towards where he's pointing. Utah just shook his head and states that the other line is indeed also radical enough, but not beautiful. "This one is not beautiful - it's death!", you shake your head and think about going back with Grommet who isn't riding down but rather taking the helicopter to the meeting point. "Maybe. But it's also perfect!", with that sentence Utah pulls down his goggles and jumps over the small edge - opening the descent of "Life of Ice"

Taking a last look at everyone you also put on your goggles and with a nod you begin the descent into a similar line as Utah. Followed by the rest of the men you concentrate on rocks and other hurdles in your line and come to an abrupt halt on a cliff edge next to the blonde man who's already smiling from ear to ear. Gasping for air you all look around for a way further down but no one seems to be able to spot one. "That's it, we're done. We're cliffed out." Chowder pants out and Roach reaches for the walkie talkie on the side of his backpack, "Grommet, send the chopper. It's over.".

As you want to take off your gloves Utah mumbles something beneath his breath and scoots forward and into a small crevice between the cliffs. "This guy is seriously broke!", Roach looks over the edge and then back at the rest of the group. "Kinda great, isn't it?", Bodhi exclaims and an exited smile spreads across his face. "We're never going to finish what we started if we die on this mountain.", you look at the leader of your group in disapproval. "We have to do this.", he replies and takes off after Utah. Chowder sighs and puts his goggles back on "I don't think this is a good idea.", is the last thing he says before also disappearing into the crevice. Roach takes another deep breath and with a short nod towards you, you follow after the others.

Concentrating on following the lines you suddenly see one line leading away from the rest of the other riders and slow down immediately. With a single glance you can make out another cliff that leads towards nowhere and the tracks disappearing into a cloud of powder. One of your group had fallen - no other explanation would make sense. As soon as you reach the rest of the group you rip off your goggles and gloves to take your board off. "We gotta find him", Utah yeels and frantically tries to run past Bodhi. "He's dead. You can't help him", the black haired man blocks his path and pushes him backwards. "Are you crazy. That was my line.", the blonde catches his balance and angrily stares at the rest of us. "Your line? The moment he committed to it, it became his line. Not yours.", you explain after looking around and making out that it was Chowder who was missing, his red jacket nowhere to be seen.

Climbing mountains is one thing. Snowboarding down a mountain is another. But loosing a friend on the way down and not going back to look for him was hard. It had always been like that. If one soul was lost, you didn't go looking for them. It was meant to be like that. You were friends with Bodhi for years, tagging along to various challenges to complete the Osaki 8, and knew how the rest of the day would go. Going back to the Chalet that Al Fariq owns and offered your as a base to plan the challenges, stacking up wood where you would burn the body if it was found - then partying until dawn and continuing life as if nothing happened.

Utah slowly calms down and Roach calls the helicopter to pick you up. "I won't need the chopper. I want to be alone for a bit.", you hand Roach your backpack to take with him in the helicopter so you don't have to carry it down the rest of the mountain. "You ok?", Bodhi stands next to you while packing his gloves and jacket into his backpack. "No I'm not ok Bodhi. You know how I feel about all of this and now we lost another. I support the 8 and the things we do but not the brainless stupidity and pressure we put on someone just because we think that we can conquer the earth!", you lash out at him and sit down to tighten the bindings on your board. "He wanted to do it. We didn't pressure him.", the black haired man states and puts his jacket back on while throwing his backpack towards the rest of the group who got ready to get on the chopper that's approaching to land on the snowfield close by. "Roach said it was stupid to do this! Utah saw the line, Chowder didn't and now he's the one who's dead, Bodhi.", you get up and wipe the snow off of your pants and get ready to leave the men behind. "I'll see you at the Chalet.", you yell towards Roach and Utah who were getting on the helicopter.

You don't get too far when Bodhi suddenly passes by you and takes the lead. Deciding to just go with it, too tired to argue, you follow his line and soon reach the base of the mountain where you unbuckle your board and take off your goggles. "Are you mad at me?", Bodhi picks up his snowboard and you begin the short walk towards the Chalet that could already be seen in the distance. "I'm sad Bodhi. I knew Chowder for quite some time. We knew he wasn't the best on the snowboard. We should have not taken him along.", you look at the black haired man and shake your head at your own stupidity.

The evening before Bodhi had brought up the idea of finally doing "live of ice" and you were also talking to Chowder about just having faith in himself and coming along to complete another challenge.

"I'm sad too y/n. He was one of my closest friends and now he's gone. But we have to continue with our lives and tonight we're going to honor Chowder the way he deserves it.", Bodhi gives you a slight smile and as you reach the Chalet, Samsara swings the door open and immediately and pulls you into a tight hug.

"They found him. We already prepared everything.", she whispers and squeezes your hand while pulling you through a crowd of people upwards a staircase where your rooms are. You catch a glimpse into Roach's room - he is seated on his bed staring out of the window towards the mountain. Grommet's pacing up and down the hallway while on the phone, giving you a weak smile as you pass him. The only one nowhere to be seen was Utah - you could imagine how he must be feeling since it was his idea to continue down the mountain.

After a long shower you get out of the bathroom to find a tray with food placed on the desk in front of the window. Samsara must have organized something to eat for you and placed out some clothes to put on, on your bed. She was always looking out for everyone and especially when something happened, she took care of even more stuff so you didn't have to waste more energy on all that stuff. Pulling the sweater over your damp hair you decided against the food and headed towards the courtyard where someone had already staked up wood. Chowder's red jacket hanging on one of the wooden planks.

After a short speech of Bodhi the whole group had gathered closer around the wood and set the whole thing on fire, each one quietly said their farewell to the lost friend. Samsara and Utah disappeared quickly after and the rest of you headed towards Al Fariq's party - he had asked all of you to join to celebrate life and the new challenge you had conquered.

After a few hours of obligated drinking and dancing with Roach, Samsara and Utah you decide to head back upstairs and go to sleep. Tomorrow would be another day filled with new challenges to plan so you need to at least try and close your eyes for some part of the night. As you walk past Bodhi's room you decide to see if he's in there since he had vanished from the dance floor at some point of the night. You find him laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. "Don't bother asking, I'm awake.", he sighs and lifts the blanket he's laying beneath to silently invite you into his bed. "What are you thinking about?", you snuggle beneath the soft fabric and rest your head on Bodhi's shoulder who pulls the blanket over you both. "We talked Chowder into doing this. None of it is your fault, it's mine. I brought up the mountain. It was my idea and you were just confident in my judgement so you helped me talk them into something they weren't sure about. His death is my fault.", the man beside you covers his face with his hands while you prop yourself up on one arm to look at him. "We always have a choice and what happened today isn't what any of us wanted. It's going to hurt a while but we have to continue with our lives. It's what Chowder would've told us and he's right.", you take Bodhi's hand into yours and look into his grey eyes. "You're the one thing keeping me sane right now. I'd be lost without you.", he gives you a slight smile and pulls you even closer so you lay your head onto his chest, just listening to his steady heartbeat slowly drifting off to sleep.

#BodhixReader #Bodhi #PointBreak #littleoceanfairy #PointBreakBodhi #EdgarRamirez #LifeOfIce #Spotify

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geekbroll · 3 years ago

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Jungle Cruise was really really really great! I had a wonderful time. #junglecruise #junglecruisemovie #dwaynejohnson #emilyblunt #jesseplemons #jackwhitehall #veronicafalcon #paulgiamatti #davidlengel #ÉdgarRamírez #edgarramirez (at Portland, Oregon) https://www.instagram.com/p/CR8R3ujL2bu/?utm_medium=tumblr

#junglecruise #junglecruisemovie #dwaynejohnson #emilyblunt #jesseplemons #jackwhitehall #veronicafalcon #paulgiamatti #davidlengel #édgarramírez #edgarramirez

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wigwurq · 4 years ago

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WIG REVIEW: THE UNDOING

You guys. Remember that time I said I was going to try to watch new movie releases and do more wig reviews in preparation for the weirdest Oscar season ever? Well instead I watched a lot of prestige TV. So. Here we are! Movies be damned, there are a lot of tv shows with women in bad red wigs and I watched them! The Undoing is one of those shows. Having already suffered through two whole seasons of Nicole Kidman in another David E. Kelley prestige HBO show (AND THE HORROR OF HER WIGS!) I wasn’t sure if I could stomach another one, but you guys - this one is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. It’s in NYC and her wig is curly not straight!!! Let’s discuss (and a whole lot more!) I will be going episode by episode...

Episode 1: The Undoing

First off, I love that this episode name is just the same name as the show. I can already tell we are in for some real creativity with this show! Anyway, we meet Nicole Kidman who probably has a character name but who cares! She is super rich and married to Hugh Grant which I absolutely love as a fan of the Paddington movies - she is the villain in the first one and he is in the second - and this show already feels like a villain supergroup movie because I definitely hate both of them. They’re both doctors, their palatial house looks like a magazine, and they have a seemingly well adjusted tween who doesn’t look like either of them (but he is the kid actor from A Quiet Place and Ford v Ferrari so ok I guess he can act?) Their one problem is that said kid wants a dog but they can’t have one because Nicole Kidman tells the kid that Hugh Grant once accidentally allowed his family dog to run into traffic and his family blamed him and that definitely sounds like a lie! A big little lie!!!

Speaking of which, Nicole Kidman’s wig. As we know from my harrowing journey through her Big Little Lies wig, David E. Kelley likes her as a redhead and I hate all her wigs. This wig harkens back to the 90s when she was still a scientologist and didn’t wear wigs all the time (what a different time!) Unlike back then, Kidman now has a new terrifying face to match her terrifying wigs. Truly, I don’t know what plastic surgeon she pissed off but her mouth is in a constant Joker grin and she is barely able to move parts of her face anymore? The wig is a tangled mess but the true horror is the seamwork - the part is from places not real and also imagined and the texture is something close to a Halloween fright wig.

Which brings me to the real theme of this show: Nicole Kidman’s addiction to midweight duster coats. She owns them all, y’all. We first see her in this green velvet number which looks like a robe, spans no seasons, and also carries you nowhere. BUT paired with this red curly mess, it does look like she is paying homage to Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus, and for that I say: amen. And also: PLEASE PUT A HEX ON THIS ENTIRE SHOW PLEASE.

Now to the plot??? Nicole Kidman sends her kid to a fancy schmancy private school and she is on some fundraiser committee with her only gal pal, Lily Rabe (praise be!) plus some other harpies that definitely won’t matter to the rest of this show at all. Also present is a new interloper of indeterminate ethnicity who has the audacity to be young, attractive, bearing curly hair WITHOUT a wig, and a small child who she has to feed from her own perfect bosom. THE HARPIES ARE SO PISSED BY BREASTFEEDING Y’ALL.

Anyway, this interloper chick is definitely weird and shows up at Nicole Kidman’s gym (where she does rigorous foot pointing exercises and somehow tames her wig back, kind of). The chick approaches Kidman in the buff with a combination of aggressiveness and openness that makes Nicole Kidman really uncomfortable though I definitely choose to believe that she’s mainly intimidated by bitch’s non-wigged hair.

Fast forward to the school fundraiser where Nicole Kidman switches up her midweight duster coat obsession for a friggin cape IF YOU CAN EVEN and all the harpies are present in their best dresses which could all definitely be worn to the Golden Globes and somehow the interloper is there also in a gown. HOW DARE SHE! THE HARPIES ARE PISSED! So is the vile Donald Sutherland (Nicole Kidman’s dad who just HATES Hugh Grant for reasons unknown).

But Hugh Grant leaves for a medical conference just as....dun dun dun....the interloper is murdered!!! ALSO NICOLE KIDMAN CAN’T REACH HUGH GRANT. Also he left his cellphone in a random junk drawer! I refuse to believe this magazine apartment has a junk drawer! Kidman’s wig magically stays halfway up without use of pins or elastics because that is just how horrifying this wig is! This show is so stupid!

Episode 2: The Missing

So Hugh Grant is fully on the lam and mainly NOT at that medical conference which may or may no exist but Nicole Kidman is not interested in googling it and that hot interloper remains to be murdered. Also Nicole Kidman’s wig is still a tangle of complete and utter nonsense AS IS THIS SHOW. Also this wig has two settings: dried out desert or oily sweat lodge. This episode starts on sweat lodge. Anyway, Nicole Kidman goes looking around for Hugh Grant and only finds more questions at his hospital and then goes to her job where she is kind of an ineffectual couples counselor. Also David E Kelley/Nicole Kidman prestige HBO shows I guess always require some couples counseling that is highly questionable.

ANYWAY! I forgot to mention that the lead investigator in this murder is Edgar Ramirez who is hot but also kind of shifty. He starts questioning Nicole Kidman about all kinds of crap involving Hugh Grant and then lays down some hard truths: HUGH GRANT SUCKS!!! He got fired from his hospital job curing children’s cancer after he got too close to one of his patients’ moms and DUH IT’S THE HOT INTERLOPER. Nicole Kidman has to gather a calming circle of midweight duster coats to even deal with this new development.

I really love that Hugh Grant is basically just starring as himself in the mid 90s (REMEMBER DIVINE BROWN?) and I’m kind of here for it. Regardless, Hugh Grant is now the prime suspect in this whole mess and Nicole Kidman’s beautiful magazine apartment is now being completely pulled apart and all she can do is look at her terrifying face and touch it with her terrifying talons and pack up all her midweight duster coats and get the eff out of there. BUT TO WHERE?!

DUH NICOLE KIDMAN OWNS A BEACH HOUSE OBVS. So she drives out there and is somehow able to braid her damn wig! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. THE WIG IS VERY UPSET ABOUT IT AS AM I. She and her tangled tiny braid (she has so much hair in that wig - why is the braid so small??) stare out into the ocean a lot and ignore her child. Also new coat alert and this one is PLAID!!!

And then Hugh Grant shows up and is super creepy and chokey. He tries to explain his actions and confirms his affair with hot interloper which is basically just all a plot synopsis of Fatal Attraction but says that he definitely did NOT murder her. WE SHALL SEE ABOUT THAT. Nicole Kidman calls 911 anyway.

Episode 3: Do No Harm

OMG GUYS THIS EPISODE STARTS WITH EDGAR RAMIREZ SHOWING UP AT NICOLE KIDMAN’S BEACH HOUSE IN A HELICOPTER. How much money is the NYPD really willing to spend on Hugh Grant? All of it? Anyway, Hugh Grant ends up in jail (which is not as fabulous as his prison time in Paddington 2) and we find out that he fathered that baby the hot (murdered) interloper had and willfully breastfed in front of those harpies in episode 1. THIS SHOW IS WILD AND ALSO STUPID.

Speaking of wild and stupid, Nicole Kidman visits Hugh Grant at Rikers and we are led to believe that Rikers Island has a COAT CHECK?!?!?! Look: she shows up in one of her millions of midweight duster coats and in the visiting room she has none. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, SHOW?!?!?! THIS ALSO HAPPENS TWICE BECAUSE THEY CHECK BOTH HER AND HER SON’S COATS THE SECOND TIME WHAT.

Hugh Grant maintains his innocence and somehow Nicole Kidman’s bent ass wig is convinced and they hire a fabulous defense lawyer which the vile Donald Sutherland is none too thrilled about paying for and spends lots of quiet time at the Frick Museum about it also WTF show you’re willing to pay for the Frick and not frickin wigs. Also Nicole Kidman is confronted by the hot interloper’s husband and it does not go over well. No social interactions in this show make any sense, also.

In the end, Nicole Kidman gets ANOTHER midweight duster coat, Edgar Ramirez questions Nicole Kidman AGAIN but this time with video surveillance footage of her walking outside the hot interlopers studio...the night she was murdered and YES IN THAT DAMN CAPE. WAIT WHAT?! Also even in surveillance footage, Nicole Kidman’s wig is a mess.

Episode 4: See No Evil

This episode introduces the idea that Nicole Kidman really likes taking walks. Long walks, nighttime walks, sleepwalks? Nobody knows, especially Nicole Kidman. When asked why she was walking near the murdered interloper’s studio, Nicole Kidman just kinda shrugs and says “I take walks!” AND EVERYONE BELIEVES HER!!! WTF IS THIS SHOW. It should be noted that this long walks are taken in her usual midweight duster coats (WHICH ARE SUBTLY DIFFERENT COLORS AND FABRICS FROM OTHER MIDWEIGHT DUSTER COATS SHE OWNS) and very not sensible boots. Her walks can last between 10 minutes and 10 hours and who is to say where she even goes and who she is followed by? Maybe the interloper’s husband follows her around or maybe it’s in her head? Maybe she murdered the interloper and didn’t quite remember it? Regardless: it’s a lot of walking and it is EXHAUSTING for us all and finally Nicole Kidman just passes out in Central Park after minutes or hours of walking around and a bunch of kids form a literal calming circle around her and my eyes rolled into the reservoir.

This episode is also all about money, hunny! Nicole Kidman has a lot of it - so much that it was revealed in the last episode she didn’t even notice that a lot of it was missing from that time Hugh Grant lost his job and didn’t tell anyone for a few months except the vile Donald Sutherland who loaned him $500K AND NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THAT MONEY WENT!!!! Well I hope you kept your check book out, Donald Sutherland because now you need to pay $2 MILLION DOLLARS to get Hugh Grant out of jail. Ok? OK. ALSO DO YOU JUST OWN THE FRICK MUSEUM????

So now Hugh Grant just lives in his old magazine apartment which has somehow returned to magazine status after Edgar Ramirez and a thousand cops completely ransacked it. Also now Nicole Kidman and the son live at the vile Donald Sutherland’s house so all is...well? Well no not really because Nicole Kidman STILL HAS THAT DAMN WIG.

AND THAT ISN’T EVEN THE MOST HORRIFYING PART OF THIS EPISODE! That came when Hugh Grant, now free from jail and left to his own devices, visits the interloper’s widow and children! WHAT IS HE DOING!! Somehow, interloper’s husband lets Hugh in and lets him hold the baby which he fathered. AND THEN HUGH REVEALS HE’S MET THIS BABY BEFORE AND OFFERS TO TAKE CARE OF IT! WHILST ON TRIAL FOR MURDER! THIS SHOW!!!!!

Episode 5: Trial by Fury

WHAT IS EVEN DONALD SUTHERLAND’S APARTMENT?!?! It has a balcony, and it seems to have a balcony cover because no one gets wet when they go out on the balcony and it’s raining. Rich people really live in a different climate zone than the rest of us garbage people. Regardless, Nicole Kidman’s frizzy wig is at PEAK FRIZZINESS on this balcony.

Anyway, the trial of the goddamned century is finally here!! And Nicole Kidman’s wig part still remains an elusive mystery. What is being kept in there? NO ONE CAN SEE ACTUAL SCALP OR ANSWERS. Another question: why did everyone bring their kids to the trial where they could see very upsetting pictures (that I didn’t even look at!) of the murdered interloper. CHILD ABUSE! ALSO! WOULD EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED CABLE NEWS NETWORK REALLY COVER THIS CASE SO CLOSELY??? I guess it’s not an election year in this alternate reality.

Which makes this scene where the whole family dines out and no one bothers them at all the more improbable. Also completely insane? At one point, Hugh Grant just storms out of the dinner and into the bar area of the restaurant (omg remember restaurants?) and Nicole Kidman follows him there and they have a very intense conversation about family secrets literally in the entrance of a busy restaurant. WHAT REALITY IS THIS SHOW IN?!?!?! The family secret? Remember that time Nicole Kidman told their son that he couldn’t have a dog because Hugh Grant accidentally killed his family dog? IT WASN’T A DOG IT WAS HIS 4 YEAR OLD SISTER. WHAT IN THE DAMN HELL!!!!

Nicole Kidman attempts to corroborate this insane story that she has never ever heard before with Hugh Grant’s family who don’t return her calls but do facetime her out of the blue in the middle of the night. Sure! And who is Hugh Grant’s mom? TONY AWARD WINNING ACTRESS ROSEMARY GODDAMNED HARRIS. WHAT. Not only does she confirm that Hugh Grant definitely accidentally killed his sister, but he also was never ever upset by it! Sure looks like Hugh Grant is a sociopath! MMkay!

Oh and then in the final moments of this episode Nicole Kidman finds the murder weapon - a sculpting hammer - in her son’s violin case. THIS SHOW IS A FRIGGIN LUNATIC.

Episode 6 - The Bloody Truth

So at this point in this show, I have fully gone. I don’t even know what is real or fantasy at this point: all I know is that Nicole Kidman’s wig is my nightmare. ALSO! She has a new midweight duster coat and it is the absolute most outrageous - a silk embroidered number you can literally wear NOWHERE EXCEPT FOR THE MURDER TRIAL OF HUGH GRANT.

The main concern in this episode is how Nicole Kidman’s son happened to get ahold of the murder weapon. So he just found it....in the beach house fire pit?!?!?! WHAT A DUMB PLACE TO PUT A MURDER WEAPON WHEN YOU HAVE AN OCEAN INCHES AWAY TO FLING IT INTO! Even dumber: this show wants you to believe that this 12 year old kid would have the wherewithall to put this murder weapon through the dishwasher - TWICE!! Vulture and I both say NAH to that.

Anyway, Nicole Kidman’s wig which is somehow pushed back with clips unknown spends a lot of time in a robe (or a coat? WHO KNOWS AT THIS POINT) making secret phone calls to Lily Rabe (who I am happy is back because she’s kind of the only fun part of this show). WHAT IS NICOLE KIDMAN UP TO?!?!?!

Much like Big Little Lies season 2, it all comes down to Nicole Kidman taking the stand. BORING! Hugh Grant is all but gonna win this thing and then Nicole Kidman gets up there and totally backs him up...until she is cross examined by the prosecuting attorney (WHO IS OLD PALS WITH LILY RABE) and magically knows all about Rosemarry Harris’s facetime! Now everyone knows that Hugh Grant is a child murderer and sociopath! AND HE IS PISSED!

The final sequence of this show is just far too insane to even fathom BUT basically before definitely being found guilty, Hugh Grant texts his son and they meet for breakfast but then breakfast turns into a car chase upstate! It is never explained how Nicole Kidman would allow her son out of her sight OR how Hugh Grant wouldn’t already be tailed by cops but whatever! Also not explained: how Nicole Kidman is able to issue an Amber alert for her kid and then get into a GODDAMNED HELICOPTER and follow Hugh Grant north and then land on the very bridge he’s about to jump off of but WHO CARES!! THIS WHOLE SHOW IS WHO CARES BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT HUGH GRANT WAS THE MURDERER ALL ALONG JUST LIKE WE THOUGHT IN EPISODE 1 AND EVERYTHING ELSE HAS JUST BEEN A MIDWEIGHT DUSTER COAT FASHION SHOW!!! ALSO THE WIG SUCKED! GOODBYE YOU TERRIBLE STUPID SHOW!

Verdict: Doesn’t Wurq

#undoing #undoinghbo #nicolekidman #hughjackman #donaldsutherland #helicopters #edgarramirez #midweightdustercoats #nightmarewigs

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adamwatchesmovies · 4 years ago

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The Last Days of American Crime (2020)

How did someone named Olivier Megaton direct a boring film? 149 minutes of a bad movie is punishment enough. When the sentence is compounded by unlikeable characters, a half-baked future world, lousy acting, and dialogue that'll make you wince, be merciful; rather than subject us to “The Last Days of American Crime”, just put a bullet in our head.

In the future, the U.S. government is about to activate the American Peace Initiative (API), a signal that will prevent its citizens from committing acts they know are wrong. Professional bank robber Graham Bricke (Édgar Ramírez) is approached by Kevin Cash (Michael Pitt) and his fiancé Shelby Dupree (Anna Brewster). They plan on robbing Detroit’s Federal Reserve Treasury. The heist will take place just as the signal becomes online (the police will be turning in their weapons at this point). When it does, Shelby will sabotage the tower covering their area. Within 30 minutes, they'll be starting a new life of luxury in Canada.

This setup and plot are needlessly complicated. Bricke had a stash of money but it’s been stolen by a crime syndicate. He’s broke and mourning his brother's suicide, except he didn’t kill himself, he was murdered by prison guards. It's useless information. Was the story of a career criminal confronting the API not enough? We needed all this, and a love plot between him and Shelby (they have no chemistry whatsoever) behind Kevin’s back? And Kevin's revenge against his mafia family? And a subplot about a cop (Sharlto Copley as Officer William Sawyer) who doesn’t want to be part of the future police department, but then changes his mind? Too much stuff going on. Within 20 minutes, you’ve stopped caring.

The concept of a society in which crime is "going away” is interesting - if done right. We see protesters in the streets but we’re never told why. We can deduce that it’s because people are worried the signal - which freezes those about to do something wrong - will wreak havoc, combined with the fact that certain police officers will be made them immune to the signal. Why do they need immunity? To go… undercover? That won’t happen ever. In fact, the police will be so useless once the API is active they’re all about to be laid off - I guess traffic lights will never break down and they don’t plan on investigating crimes committed in the past. The freezing thing is what makes this entire premise fall apart. What if a pilot sneaks a candy bar from the snack cart? Is the entire flight going down? Other questions that should be answered aren’t, like what if someone see nothing wrong with driving through a red light at 3:00 am when the streets are deserted. I know I should just “go with it” but API isn’t necessary to the plot, not when you don’t discuss its moral implications. Compare this to Minority Report, for example.

Even if you could get over the excessive running time and the choppy worldbuilding, everything else is a mess. The dialogue sounds like it’s been written by a 13-year-old edgelord who read all of Sin City and thought “I can do better”. Everyone we meet is unlikable, even when screenplay writer Karl Gajdusek introduces a bunch of additional baddies to show us why Shelby is a victim, not a villain. The violence is too brutal to be fun (why is there an attempted rape in this movie?) and Megaton manages to make it all ugly and frequently incomprehensible. Or maybe it only seemed incoherent because I kept almost dozing off.

You can look as hard as you want. You won’t find anything good, creative, worthwhile, or even “ok” in The Last Days of American Crime. It almost hints at interesting ideas but the apparent paradoxes in its world seem more unintentional goofs than commentary. It’s a contender for the worst movie of 2020. (April 27, 2021)

#TheLastDaysofAmericanCrime #movies #films #movieReviews #filmreviews #OlivierMegaton #KarlGajdusek #EdgarRamirez #MichaelPitt #AnnaBrewster #patrickbergin #sharltocople #2020movies #2020films

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