#EVEN THO THE SPRING SEMESTER IS SHORTER?!?

[actual-corpse]

Me, still awake bc I take naps during the day -- It's Midnight

My Phone, gives me a notification that my Professor is grading work.

Feels like this:

[ackerfics]

hange and their best friend (reader) "platonically" flirt with one another, they use pet names for each other, making others think they're together unintentionally. until reader finds an s/o, not knowing hange actually likes them

she — hange zoe

— hange zoe x female reader (modern au)

— warnings: angst ??? the stinging feeling you get when you see someone you love, love someone else

— summary: hange's best friend found love in the form of autumn while hange associates her with all of the seasons.

— word count: 2.5k

— notes: i love hange but i hate myself for writing something that hurts them :<<< they're my first love in aot and it pains me to imagine them hurting in any sort of way (which is probably the reason why i bawled my heart out in chap 132). this little fic hit too close at home for me bc it's exactly what i felt one time during high school. it's fucking traumatizing and istg, i don't want to relive falling in love with a friend again, it's like the most satisfying way to hurt, too. happy reading tho :<<<

reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

She embodies everything positive in Hange’s eyes.

She is spring — the bursting of blossoms under the tendrils of sunlight seeping between the spaces of the trees in the woods. Every time Hange closes their eyes, they are reminded of how she signifies every single flower they ever know. She makes them feel everything at once — see every color at once in a single frame. There is no space for artistic abilities in Hange’s calloused, mismatched hands but when it comes to her, they can create a myriad of paintings encapsulating her beauty at every stroke of a brush. Her laughs, her flowery perfume that doesn’t hurt their nose, her smiles that are as radiant as the early morning Sun — are ingrained in their brain. She brings forth the butterflies that Hange carefully imprisoned in their ribs, the monarchs’ wings already seeping through the cracks at every joke she makes, reaching to their heart until every beat swayed to the sound of her giggles.

“Hange, the love of my life, there you are!”

Hange turned around with a huge smile on their lips. Their conversation with Levi came to an abrupt stop, with the shorter man mumbling along the lines of ‘here we go again’. The small smile on his face spoke otherwise while watching two of his closest friends hug each other as if they didn’t live together in an apartment right outside of campus. It was such a mystery that Hange could be so comfortable around someone to the point of playfully kissing their neck in public, followed by their best friend’s melodious laughs soon after. However, Levi couldn’t be fooled. He knew the glint in the brown-haired person’s eyes. The downturn of their eyebrows when their best friend wasn’t looking. The longing was apparent when she was talking to someone across the room.

The idiot going by the name Hange Zoe was irrevocably in love with their best friend, [Name] [Last Name].

“What is it, baby?” Hange asked vibrantly, glasses reflecting the equally excited girl in their arms. “Didn’t know your class dismissed this early. What happened?”

“Nothing. Our professor announced that we should visit a museum for our finals.” She then mimicked the haughty tone of her Art History professor, straightening her back to make herself appear taller. “Choose a painting or a sculpture and trace down its history and attach your critique in the final output. If I see anyone half-assing this paper, I will not hesitate to give a failing grade that will make you retake this class. I know you lot don’t want to see me again for another semester and I don’t want to see you again, too. So, prove to me you’re worth your standing in this course.” She cleared her throat. “What he said.”

Hange whistled. “Dang, I’m happy that I didn’t follow you to the Arts Department. Your professor sounds like a complete asshole.” They chortled the next second. “Sounds like my mom, to be honest.”

“At least your mom makes a bomb bento box.”

“Yeah, I guess, you’re right.” Hange then nuzzled their face in her hair. “But your bento boxes taste much more delicious — I could eat them all day. Can I be your partner so that you’ll cook for me every day?”

“I’ve already taken the position of your wife the moment I agreed to be your roommate in university, sweetheart. And I cook for you every single day so you don’t have to ask to be my partner because you already are.”

Hange looked smug at her reply, the heat in their cheeks traveling to their ears. “That was a rhetorical question but hearing those words come out of your mouth, it’s making me feel things.”

“Oh? What are those things?”

The brown-haired person snickered under their breath, glancing at Levi who was now looking at the two of them in that lazy way of his that might come off as him being annoyed again. In reality, he was only waiting for the two to finally stop flirting to recognize he was there. His daily job of being a third-wheel should’ve started fifteen minutes ago but Hange wouldn’t let [Name] go. Hange turned back to the expectant girl. “I don’t want Levi to hear what I’m about to say. Just expect something back at the apartment,” they joked, a cheeky smile tugging at their lips.

[Name] laughed heartily. “I’m looking forward to that, gorgeous.”

“I’m still here, you know?” Levi dryly made himself known. He huffed and turned around in the direction of the university restaurant. “Come on, lovebirds, let’s have lunch. Oh, and [Name]?” When he heard her little hum of acknowledgment, Levi slightly turned around to meet his friend’s eyes with his jaded ones. “It’s your turn to buy me a drink. Make it a venti today.” She only blinked at him, giving him no choice but to resort to that dumb thing she always asked. “Please can I have a venti this time? I got you and Hange a venti last time so this makes us even.”

“Ooh, make mine a venti, too, baby!” Hange squeezed their best friend’s waist.

“Anything for my sweetheart.”

“Again, I’m right here, you know.”

Just the thought of that little scenario hurts Hange.

But as much as the pain comes in the package, she is still summer in their eyes.

The Sun can’t compare to the brilliance of her smile. Kind smiles and gentle touches under the warm rays of the summer heat. Her scent is yellow to Hange — so bright and warm that they don’t care how long they bask in her presence, never caring if they get burned because it feels so right to be within her orbit. She urges them to feel so loved and so special, tender caresses of her warmth cascading down every vein until it reaches their heart. The cerulean waters of the sea hold nothing against the beauty of her grins, brown eyes searching for her every time of the day no matter how ethereal the world painted itself to be. Viewing the sights with rose-colored glasses is what they may call it but for Hange, it’s simply her. Someone once said that summer brings forth a paradise where blue covers everything in its wake, the cry of the seagulls reverberating in the distance, and the scent of ice cream flickers in the breeze. For Hange, summer is in the form of pretty close-lipped smiles, of late-night movie marathons on a worn-out couch, of bento boxes filled with their favorites, of a scent so saccharine, and a loyal friend.

A friend.

Of course. No matter where Hange goes, that word haunts them. Hidden beneath their smiles, their jokes, their longing, and admiring stares. It’s a reminder of where they stand in this limbo they created. At one point, they thought that line had been crossed only for it to be established again in permanent ink. And before they know it, Hange is tumbling down in a spiral, along with a change of seasons.

Fall is where everything started.

The orange glow of the leaves created the perfect view as she sipped on her tall cup of warm coffee. The blissful sigh that came soon after warmed up Hange, even though they were seated in front of each other in the outside tables of the small cozy café where Levi was working at. The chill brought by the autumn wind caused both of them to shiver in their layered clothing. The way she nuzzled more into her scarf made Hange coo, reaching out to pinch her cheek affectionately. Autumn was both their favorite season, how it made them resort to the comfort and warmth their sweaters bring, or how they cuddle in each other’s beds with the air conditioner blasting despite the cold. It was also a season where Hange could admire her in their hoodie, a piece of clothing that swallows her whole because she’s so small compared to their lanky figure.

Hange remembered being called out here because she wanted to talk about something. Now that they thought about it, her cheeks appear to be glowing more than usual and she kept glancing inside the café where Levi was busy telling his coworker how to make the new drink. Hange even went as far as following her gaze but they didn’t find anything out of the ordinary other than Levi sighing in that stressful way of his that always made them snicker. They turned back to their Sun, who was once again in a daze while staring at the clear windows of the café. “So,” they prolonged the syllable, “how’s life going, darling? I know we’re living in the same apartment but I just can’t help but ask you this because it seems like you’re always in a daze these days.”

A pause made the breeze’s call known.

“Hey, Hange, have you ever been in love?”

That spread the chill even more inside Hange’s chest. She called them by their name. Not sweetheart nor big spoon. The reality washed over Hange like a pail of freezing water.

“W-What?” Damn, they couldn’t keep the stutter off their words.

She turned her head to them, eyes so soft and smile so beautiful that made Hange breathless for one second. The butterflies dwindled, losing their iridescent wings when they realized that look wasn’t reserved for them anymore. “I thought about it,” she murmured, rubbing her numbing fingertips on the warm cup. “I have never fallen in love with anyone before. Sure, I love you and all our friends but I’ve never stopped and thought about how someone can look like starlight in front of me. But recently,” again, that pretty smile that pierced Hange’s chest, “I never knew that it could hit me that unexpectedly.”

Hange grinned despite the pounding of her chest. “So, who’s the lucky person?”

She chuckled, going back to staring at the interior of the café. “I told Levi to lay off on scolding her but he never listens, says she’ll never grow a backbone if he’s being considerate on her.”

Now, they’re confused because the only people manning the counter as she spoke was Levi (and she would never fall in love with Levi, seeing as they grew up together like siblings rather than the childhood friends that they are) and a strawberry blonde who looked like Levi’s become their worst nightmare. It took Hange a full minute to process that the person she’s been staring at was never their mutual friend, but the strawberry blonde who looked up towards their direction and waved with a pretty blush on their cheeks. She waved back with the same shyness, leaving Hange dumbfounded. “Wait, the person you’re in love with is—”

“Yeah, it’s her.”

Suddenly, Hange understands why she’s starting to like autumn.

It reminds her of the girl’s hair, which she gushes about smelling like coconut. It reminds her of the girl’s preferred perfume, how it smells so much like cinnamon, something that she sometimes puts in her autumn drinks because in her words, ‘it’s the perfect season rather than winter’. It reminds her of the girl’s hugs, the way both of them fit with each other like lost puzzle pieces.

But as the seasons change, feelings of long-term pining will always be constant.

“Are you okay, though?” Erwin asked them, blue eyes reflecting their pathetic faux smile. He pushed the plate of pasta to them since Erwin had an idea that Hange wasn’t eating that much now. It also worried [Name].

“Yeah, four-eyes, I know you’re not doing that great and I’m saying this in the friendliest way possible because we’re worried now,” Levi reminded them, sipping on his tea with slightly narrowed eyes. “You always decline whenever we want to bring you to somewhere, to the point of leaving Nanaba on voicemail. You always answer at the first ring. Look here, shitty four-eyes,” the way Levi enunciated the nickname made Hange slowly turn their head to him, face void of the smile they were known for, “shouldn’t you be happy for her? [Name] gained the courage to confess and you’re here moping when you should’ve been supportive—”

“And what of my feelings, Levi?”

That made Levi blink and feel like an asshole.

Then, the dam broke.

“I’ve been with her all this time, you’ve seen that. You witnessed how this shy girl opened up to an extroverted idiot and became one of her best friends during high school. It feels like I can’t fucking breathe because I always thought we were meant to be. When she was lonely, I was there to comfort her. When she got a bad grade on an exam, I was the one who knows what flavors of ice cream she wants or how she eats them together like a fucking milkshake. Every day, I never expected her to look my way like she looks at her girlfriend right now. It fucking hurts. It feels so empty to know that I’m not the one she fell in love with. What did I lack? Should I be sweeter and gentler like that girl? Or dainty whenever I eat like she is? Be girly and dress up like a doll? Fuck, I can’t even bring myself to hate her girlfriend. She’s so nice and kind and sweet, anything I’m not.” Hange buried their hands in their hair, making it messier than it was.

“I just want [Name] to love me and make things wonderful. Why isn’t Fate on my side this time?

“Why didn’t she choose me?”

Tears were now drifting down like snowflakes.

“Hange,” Erwin murmured.

“Look, sunshine, it’s snowing!”

A voice catches their attention. A strawberry blonde cheers the words with glee painted in her eyes. Beside her is the subject of the trio’s conversation, the subject of a brown-haired person’s affections. Her eyes are taking in the beauty that is her girlfriend. She looks so pretty in love — how her eyes crinkled at the corners and how snow clung on her eyelashes as if she is a fairy straight from a fairy tale Hange loves when she was a kid. Her girlfriend takes her hand and pulls her to the restaurant where the trio is watching from the windows. Gray and blue irises slide over a somber bespectacled person, gauging their reaction though their face never gives anything away.

“I’m right behind you, Petra. I just took the time to admire you because you’re so pretty under the snow.”

“Stop it! You’re prettier!”

“Did you know that seeing the first snow of the year together with the person you love, your relationship will rival that of eternity?”

“Then, I’m happy I get to see this first snow with you, sunshine.”

“Me, too, angel.”

Hange smiles under a steady stream of tears. “I’m happy for her. I’m happy she found happiness even if it’s not with me.”

The chill blows inside the warm walls of the restaurant the moment the door opens, [Name]’s joyous greetings for her best friends bringing smiles to two of them. Her eyes drift to brown ones before turning to Petra to ask for a pack of tissues since Hange’s tears are still visible. Hange watches the commotion with a small smile, the chill spreading through them like a snowstorm.

Winter is here.

general taglist:

@angelofthorr

[studious-gluteus]

Coronavirus turned my nursing school online 😭

So it’s been a while since I’ve updated this page. I’ve gotten super close with my study group and it’s awesome. Sadly, I won’t be seeing them as often anymore because of COVID-19. My school made the announcement of closing down in the middle of spring break so clinicals were cancelled as well. We were soooo excited to go to clinical and now it’s online too. We have careplans due even tho we don’t know how to do them. I honestly miss seeing my study group everyday and waking up at a normal time. I’ve been waking up around 1 or 2 lately and my days are becoming shorter and boring. I haven’t left my house in 2 days. I did go to get food but it’s just drive thru. I guess it’s for the better since I’m on accutane but it’s making me feel depressed. I haven’t gotten much done in the past 2 days and haven’t met up with my study group in a while. My sleep schedule is so fucked and I feel awful from pulling all nighters. I’m trying to wake up early but every time I set an alarm, I instantly turn it off. So far, nursing school online sucks. Everything is unorganized and we have no clue what’s going on. I feel like I haven’t learned anything new at all but we still have exams and assignments that we have to do through webcam. I can’t give my full 100% online and I feel like I don’t actually have to study for anything. I hope I’m able to end this semester easily. My moms birthday is tomorrow and we’re literally just staying home and ordering take out.

3.20.2020 🦠 👩‍⚕️ 🩺

[skamremakesfromhell]

okay so since skam austin took a year between s1 and 2 i’m hoping they do the same thing for s3 even tho that means a longer wait 😔 it feels likely since 1 season a year is pretty standard (even tho skam is much much shorter than standard american shows) like it would be so weird to skip one whole semester between s1 and 2 but not between s2 and 3

also if everything goes according to the presumed plan for the other remakes during the fall this year skamnl, skam spain, and wtfock will be airing their s3s, which means if skam austin aired s3 in spring of 2020 instead it won’t be competing with 3 other s3 remakes! also also!! that means spring 2020 would be multiple remakes with women of color as the main!!! since those remakes would presumably be airing s4!!! but ah i’m getting ahead of myself

[lobotomiez]

ok i was trying to avoid this but ive been tagged for it like 6 times i dont even remember everyone who tagged me

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

last

1. drink water

2. phone call my friend eden bc joya and i went outside but she didnt have her swipe card to get back inside and i dont have access to their dorm so i called eden to come let us in but she didnt actually need to bc some ppl came by and opened the door

3. text message one of these 🙌🏻 to my class group’s chat abt our paper

4. song you listened to “my old ways” by dr. dog

5. time you cried WATCHING LOVE, SIMON

ever

6. dated someone twice? not even once

7. kissed someone and regretted it no ive only kissed 2 friends when we were drunk

8. been cheated on nope

9. lost someone special not,, really? ive lost ppl but i wouldnt call them special

10. been depressed lol

11. gotten drunk and thrown up yeeah only once tho i think?

fave colours

12. peach

13. forest green

14.  probably lavender

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends uhh i think so?

16. fallen out of love nope

17. laughed until you cried yah

18. found out someone was talking about you nope

19. met someone who changed you i guess so 

20. found out who your friends are yeah

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list not in the last year

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl all...

23. do you have any pets my kitty!

24. do you want to change your name no

25. what did you do for your last birthday uh.. i think nothing.. one of my friends brought me an arizona and stopped by for like 5 mins.. at least i think that was my last birthday?

26. what time did you wake up today first alarm went off at 9:00 but i didnt get up until 9:36 or so and then was late to class but the professor was later so it didnt even matter 

27. what were you doing at midnight last night probably sleeping

28. what is something you can’t wait for spRING BREAK IM GONNA GET A TATTOO IN SEATTLE AND HANG OUT W JOYA AND EDEN!!!!

30. what are you listening to right now ladada by dr. dog !

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom uhh my cousin’s name is thomas does that count?

32. something that’s getting on your nerves my finger wouldnt stop bleeding so i put a bit of tissue and tape on it and its kinda annoying in a more general sense my skin is annoying as hell these days its so dry on the lower half of my face but kinda oily on the top and im breaking out rly bad rn!! even tho im on an acne med!!

33. most visited website probably this hellhole

34. hair color boring brown

35. long or short hair short but im gonna grow it out to a bob length which is still short but long for me

36. do you have a crush on someone idk if its a crush but i think this guy in my music class is really cute his name is sam

37. what do you like about yourself uhhh not a lot my guy but i guess my music taste

38. want any piercings? i would love a bunch of ear piercings all over and maybe a lip piercing 

39. blood type red

40. nicknames uhh none exactly one (1) person is allowed to call me tess and its None of u

41. relationship status single and unloveable 

42. zodiac gemini

43. pronouns they/them or she/her irl 

44. fave tv shows its always sunny in philadelphia, the office, psych, monk, i also rly like ap bio so far idk if its a fav yet but i enjoy it 

45. tattoos soon!!!! it’ll be a hand holding a flower

46. right or left handed right but i can do stuff w my left too 

47. ever had surgery uhh wisdom teeth

48. piercings norm ear piercing and septum 

49. sport what the fuck is a sport

50. vacation i went to the netherlands and then germany in like 2013 that was really fun 

51. trainers shoes? i almost exclusively wear boots namely my docs or converse or birks if its warm out

more general

52. eating nothing rn but i just had dinner which was a sad tasteless pad thai, broccoli, a slice of pizza, an eggroll, and some cereal (welcome to college) 

53. drinking water

54. i’m about to watch probably something on youtube but i also need to look at the course schedule for next semester bc i have an advising  meeting tmrw and i have no clue what i want to take 

55. waiting for ?? spring break

56. want a slushee sounds so good rn

57. get married yeah probably

58. career a psychiatrist hopefully or something similar

which is better

59. hugs or kisses i love hugs but i also havent had a Real kiss so idk but also im weird abt mouth hygiene so there are very few ppl id be ok w kissing so anyway hugs i guess

60. lips or eyes uhhh both? nice lips are important if ur gonna be kissin em

61. shorter or taller i dont care actually

62. older or younger this question is creepy, cancelled

63. nice arms or stomach all arms are nice and all tummies are nice

64. hookup or relationship relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant usually hesitant but i can be a troublemaker if im in the right mood

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger lol no

67. drank hard liquor helllll yeah

68. lost glasses dont wear them but never lost sunglasses or anything

69. turned someone down yeah

70. sex on first date lmao

71. broken someones heart i highly doubt it 

72. had your heart broken nope

73. been arrested no

74. cried when someone died yeah,,,

75. fallen for a friend nno

do you believe in

76. yourself lmao

77. miracles no,, i believe some wild shit happens coincidentally??

78. love at first sight i mean u could be attracted to someone at first sight and then fall in love w them if u develop a relationship w them but its not love if u’ve never even talked to them

79. santa claus i wish

80. kiss on a first date ??? how does one “believe in” this it either happens or it doesnt 

81. angels nah 

other

82. best friend’s name emma + a lot of others i consider best friends

83. eye colour brown/hazel

84. fave movie oh shit,, maybe love, simon 

85. fave actor hhh... charlie day??

i tag whoever wants to do this bc its rly fuckin long

[chittapornswife]

Omg ur back!!! Ahh!!!! I'm so glad you're okay lol I was low-key scared ya know with corona and stuff but you're fine!! And that's all that matters :) how have u been? How was school and life and everything? How was ur cousins bday? My city has too many cases they won't say how many tho :( people don't listen. Toronto is worse and Ford wants to open everything up Friday ahhh we will be stuck home for so much longer :(( -gta brown anon ❤️

Also I've been meaning to exercise as well lol I could feel my muscles get weaker and tbh I'm not as strong as before quarantine which sucks :( I tried to do a leg workout last week though and the next day couldn't walk because my legs just hurt so much lol and they got better only a week later. I've decided walking should be good enough until I feel strong enough to do actual workouts lol. It's been too hot to go outside, in the 30s everyday which sucks. I just can't exercise

Hello yes I’m back!!! 😎♥️😎 Also I hope you don’t mind if I shorten your msgs by halving(?) them 🥺 I just find it easier to reply to everything altogether!!

Also no😭😭😭😭 miss corona has thankfully not come near me nor am I allowing her to😷✋🏼 I’ve been good tho! Just bored today :/ how are you?:) school is good! I finished my technically spring semester (but they call it summer) and I did the shorter one which means it was only I think 7 weeks! But there are others that are 14 week ones that end in July that I thankfully told myself I wasn’t registering for hahaha

My cousins bday was fun! Actually lie, it was okay but I just felt rlly poopy that weekend so :/ but I went strawberry picking which was !!!!!!! 🤩🤩

Girl I- HOW R THEY NOT TELLING U HOW MANY CASES YALL HAVE I don’t even know too much about Ford but he just ����🏼👉🏼 🚪 (needs to leave and let the door hit him on the way out😙) also since today’s Friday, does that mean he opened up things? Where I live on the island we have I think two cases at the moment and I don’t even think they’re in the city I live in so I’m really thankful to be living somewhere safe😭 LEG WORKOUTS LETS GO CMON also I feel you with the soreness but make sure you stretch before and after your workouts bc that’s key to stop the next day/week soreness😎♥️

Walks are good too! Make sure to take a water bottle with you tho!!! 🥺♥️💗♥️💗♥️💗♥️

[icantbelievesomeone]

Tagged!

Thank you @lets-puck-about-hockey for the tag!

MY LAST: 
1. drink: Water 
2. phone call: Mom 
3. text message: Friend group chat 
4. song you listened to: Navigate Me by Cute is What We Aim For 
5. time you cried: Hmmm 🤔 probably some time in the spring semester 
6. dated someone twice: Nope 
7. kissed someone and regretted it: Yes 
8. been cheated on: No 
9. lost someone special: Yup
10. been depressed: yes 
11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Oh definitely 
12. three favorite colours: Green, Blue, Purple


IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 
13. made new friends: yup 
14. fallen out of love: I think so? 
15. laughed until you cried: I have 😄 
16. found out someone was talking about you: not sure in what way? Like gossip? If so, idgaf so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ talk away 
17. met someone who changed you: Yup 
18. found out who your friends are: I think so 
19. kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yup 
20. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: 99% I know irl and the 1% are mutual friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
21. do you have any pets: cats galore 
22. do you want to change your name: Haven’t really thought about it… maybe? 
23. what did you do for your last birthday: oh damn, well my sister and her fiancé came down to my college and she treated my friends and me to tons of food 😭😭😂😂👌🏽 it was the greatest (how you can tell I’m a poor, broke college student who spent all her money on hockey jerseys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ no regrets tho) 
24. what time did you wake up: 7:45ish in the morning 
25. what were you doing at midnight last night: texting friends and family who are halfway across the world 
26. name something you can’t wait for: The start of the next college hockey season (lmao ofc) I miss my team 
27. when was the last time you saw your mom: she’s literally right beside me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
28. what are you listening to right now: The tv playing in the background 
29. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yes. We met at an MUN conference where both of us were chairs for the same committee (I know, I’m such a nerd). He was really nice.


GENERAL ?s: 
30. something that is getting on your nerves: when someone tells me to do something i was already going to do. Generally just when people feel like they can boss me around. Like no, sis. ✋🏽 
31. most visited website: Netflix 
32. hair colour: Currently? Or naturally? Its currently a brown to blonde ombre, naturally its black. 
33. long or short hair: Long 
34. do you have a crush on someone: Like people irl that i know or can they be hockey players in the NHL? 
35. what do you like about yourself: I try to be honest and compromising 
36. piercings: Ears 
37. blood type: B+ (ironic considering I’m the least positive person i know) 
38. nickname: Chacha 
39. relationship status: single as a pringle 40. zodiac: Aquarius 
41. pronouns: she/her 
42. favourite tv show: Currently its B99 (its hilarious as hell) 
43. tattoos: Nope, but I wish i had one 
44. right or left handed: Right handed 
45. surgery: I’ve never had surgery 
46. sport: Running, basketball, baseball, swimming, karate, (does ballet count as a sport?) 
47. vacation: this is so vague. Uhhh I’ll just go with where i want to vacation, which would be Canada (to visit friends and watch hockey and go to Timmy’s), Sweden (i hear its a great country), and Greece (as I’ve mentioned before, I’d love to see the Parthenon in person) 
48. pair of trainers/ sneakers/ tennis shoes: 2 pairs of converse, a pair of trainers


MORE GENERAL: 
49. eating: Like rn? A banana 
50. drinking: Water 
51. i’m about to: Go back to sleep 
52. waiting for: Me to get my shit together and also find someone who’ll love and appreciate me 
53. want: to have a successful career and life (i hate when i sound even remotely like an adult :/) 
54. get married: most probably 
55. career: Either for for a publishing company, an NHL organization, or Buzzfeed (yeah its not very clear to me rn)


WHICH IS BETTER 
56. hugs or kisses: oooh damn a nice, long, proper hug 
57. lips or eyes: definitely eyes 
58. shorter or taller: taller 
59. older or younger: older 
60. nice arms or nice stomach: stomach 
61. hook-up or relationship: I’m a relationship type of girl 
62. troublemaker or hesitant: mostly hesitant


HAVE YOU EVER: 
63. kissed a stranger: yeah 
64. drank hard liquor: yup 
65. lost glasses/contact lenses: yup 
66. turned someone down: Yup 
67. sex on the first date: No 
68. broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so 
69. had your heart broken: Yes 
70. been arrested: No 
71. cried when someone died: Yes 
72. fallen for a friend: Yes


DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 
73. yourself: Not as much as I probably should 
74. miracles: A little 
75. love at first sight: Maybe 
76. santa claus: No 
77. kiss on the first date: Yes 
78. angels: Yes


OTHER: 
79. current best friend’s name: Hmmm, I’d say probably Sarah or Arielle 
80. eye colour: Dark brown 
81. favorite movie: Pacific Rim, Stardust

I’ll tag @captain-giroux, @braden–holtbys, @valachia, @itsthelastquestion, and anyone else who wants to do it 😊✌🏽

[40countdown]

This is it! The Final Episode! The Last Installment! The Swan Song of the Blog! I’m 40 as hell already! (01-14-18)

Original Goals 

Looking back at the goals I laid out in the first post for this blog… I didn’t do bad.

Body Goals:

My weight is where is should be.. Weigh in 158.5  

The 2 inches off the waist didn’t happen. Ha! The waist is as trashy as it was but probably no worse.. since I never measured with tape I have to judge based on which pants I can or can not button and how uncomfortable it is to put a sock on.. which still tends to fluctuate after a few good or bad weeks.. but I’d say I’m right about where I started.

(this is from today at the gym when I registered for a thing... :D) 

The elbow miraculously healed.. the pain is gone but last week I noticed it was radiating heat like a nuclear reactor so.. I might wanna get it checked out.. or maybe I just have a hot laser in my elbow from the spider bite. #superpowers

We all know that I pissed away any chance of being “11 months smoke free” a long time ago, but I recommitted to ruining that goal this past week during vacation/birthday celebrations when I torched 2 full packs of Marlboro Reds. I really do think the 2 Tough Mudders I’ve signed up for will help keep me from reaching for the reds in my weaker moments.

Blood pressure has not been checked but I’d be surprised if it’s great after the birthday week vacation I’ve had of all night bars and all day food closing out with a delicious “brisket burnt ends” sandwich from The Joint.

Career Goals:

Documentary is not finished, but it is much closer and I’m more fired up about it than ever! This one is gonna hit like a Bruce Lee kick, y’all. I aim to complete and submit to festivals by the end of March and that is still absolutely manageable with my much lighter spring semester schedule.

Longer term job offer.. I got that since I got the full time job offer this past August which I’ve accepted. I also did get accepted to an MFA Screenwriting program, but I declined to go in favor of the job and the chance to actually finish the film.

Feature film script.. I know exactly what I want to write next but.. that goal seems insanely over ambitious looking back.. I definitely assumed everything would go much faster with the doc than it did, but.. I’ll say now that by this time next year I fully expect to have achieved that goal. Can’t wait to write again!

Heart/Mind Goals:

I aimed at 7000 minutes and 20mins/day average.. The phone won’t tell me how many minutes unless I sit and add up each day.. but it does say 21 mins/day avg for the year, which is crazy! I touched on what I feel like I get out of meditation a few times earlier so I won’t yammer on rewording the same thoughts, but it feels good to know I’ve been able to take a small step in the direction I think is good for me. I want to do much longer sits this year.

Elliptical/Sauna.. 

I’m sure I also averaged 20/mins in the sauna for the year but the elliptical I walked away from in favor of shorter runs on the treadmill so.. I sorta traded that and my phone doesn’t track the treadmill so.. you’ll have to take my word that I feel I probably did also get that average. I was in the gym a LOT this year. Ha!

Fed My Head:

I aimed at 12 audiobooks and I did 17. I would love to do even more but editing requires the focus of all the faculties I possess.

I certainly however did not “read more than 10 books.” I read chunks of a lot of books mostly relating to preparing film syllabi and keeping my head in the film problem solving space. But I just finished of Year of Magical Thinking, given to me by my dad after my friend Palma died. It’s a tough read b/c of what the author went through, and not at all what I expected from the title, but I would recommend it for anyone who cares about people :)  

A Very Special THANK YOU to Scott McCarthy 

Owner of Balance Strength and Fitness Center www.balancefitnesstraining.com

Scott voluntarily gave me a 4 day workout routine. He tailored it to my situation, a slowly healing elbow and someone who can’t spend 3 hours in the gym everyday.. and while my food and beer habits probably prevented me from losing the belly flab, I definitely gained noticeable muscle in my arms, chest and legs. So, I’m certainly stronger than I’ve ever been and in a pretty well rounded way. Without Scott’s workout plan I’m sure that I would’ve waffled from one thing to the next w/o seeing any results, but with it, I had just the right amount of workout 4 days a week and I was able to push myself each time I walked into the gym. And it was great to know that I had a map from someone who looks like the Incredible Hulk and has been training people for 20 years. He just moved into a new place and upgraded the gym that he owns. He also knows a ton about nutrition and will happily call bullshit on a lot of fads that come through, but he’ll tell you exactly why it’s bullshit. Much Respect! Scott! I owe you some video work, brother! Let’s coordinate and we’ll put some cool spots together for the gym. If you (dear reader) are in the Delaware area and want to get real about training stop reading this and drive directly to his gym… unless it’s really late. Then just go FIRST THING TOMORROW!

Final Thoughts..

I want to thank every single person who read this thing even once and especially those of you who shot me a little word of encouragement or a book suggestion along the way privately or publicly. I truly do believe as an experiment it was successful even if all the goals weren’t met b/c I did have the idea of being held accountable for my actions in mind probably more than you’d imagine. And while it didn’t keep every cheeseburger or cigarette out of my face, it did get me to meditate on weeks where I might not have at all. And the fact that I mediated a few times or ate healthier a few times to be able to report that I had done so doesn’t make me feel like I’m somehow a fake. I was as honest as I could be about everything I did and in the case of food, exercise and mediation in service of the audience.. I still get the benefit of each thing even if it isn’t coming from some pure unpolluted source of willpower. I think there’s a bit of horseshit in most ideas that swirl around purity anyway, so.. I’m good with using the blog in the way that I did.

I’m also glad to be done. Ha! I’m happy that I stuck with it for the full year, but.. I’m looking forward to returning to keeping my shameful failures quiet like everyone else online. When I get time I will probably go back and read through the entire year and there’s a chance I might gain some personal insights from that, so I look forward to doing that. And after a borderline belligerent 10 days in New Orleans to celebrate the fact that I’m still standing at 40, I’m also looking forward to getting back to regular exercise (which I did none of in Nola even tho I brought the running shoes :D) as well as returning to eating more like an athlete in training than an idiot with a death wish. I did yoga Thursday and got back in the gym for the first full workout of the new year today - one week after getting back from vacation.

Goals for 2019:

Heart/Mind

Some kind of dinner with people once or twice a month Keep a daily food and exercise journal Mediate 30mins/day Listen to 20 Books Read 5 Books

Career

Get the film sold at a festival Finish a feature screenplay and get lead cast attached  

Body

Zero Cigarettes Lose most of the belly flab - I just signed up for an 8 week fitness challenge at my gym :) Maintain Gym routine (4-6 days/week weights, 2-3 mile runs 1-2 days/week) Keep doing yoga once a week Keep an eye on Blood Pressure

Food

Take probiotic stomach supplements for a year.  Beef no more than once a week (taper down to once a month by end of year) Quit fast food. AKA - quit being gross, AKA quit using my organs as an industrial sludge filter    

Eat more good for your gut stuff in general (straight copying my cousin on his cabbage soup/quinoa moves)  

Booze

Alcohol limited to dinner with friends and 1 glass of wine with dinner (I did this wine w/ dinner thing for a stretch of time in the past. It worked and I like it). Not drinking makes it a lot easier to quit smoking as well - I once quit both for 9 months.. I did the one glass of wine/night all last week. It worked. And I’m cutting beer completely for the next 8 weeks so as to get fucking shredded to maximum and win $750 from this god damn fitness challenge.

I think a big part of why some people find it hard to finish writing books.. or anything is b/c they don’t feel like the end is good enough.. and maybe this end is lacking. I put off writing it for a couple weeks b/c I wanted to make it special in some way.. I wanted it to feel like an amazing ending.. but done is better than perfect and I am now done. I love y’all! I really do! Thanks for all the support!

And remember.. “when things look bad and it looks like you’re not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. ‘Cause if you lose your head and you give up.. then you neither live nor win. That’s just the way it is.” - (fictional character) Josey Wales  

Get Mean in 2019 ;)

[cuzicu]

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people I was tagged by: @ximajs Thank you! :D I tag: anyone who wants to do it

the last… 1. drink: a 1:4 mix of coke and water 2. phone call: the bank (mainly bc i’m dumb) 3. text message: my south korean friend (I was bored in class) 4. song you listened to: I write sins not tragedies by patd lol 5. time you cried: last night rip 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope 8. been cheated on: nope 9. lost someone special: special? important to me yes 10. been depressed: yup 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope, i threw up in the gym though lmao

favorite colors 12. green 13. purple 14. blue (pink has also really been growing on me i think they’re tied tbh)

in the last year have you… 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: don’t think so 17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: yup, the time that comes to mind was when my dad apparently told my brother i go through “morbid phases” and it’s “nothing to worry about”, still pissed about that 19. met someone who changed you: definitely 20. found out who your friends are: ?? I like to think I already know when I consider them my friends 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: nope

general 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I’ve definitely known them all irl at some point, but I don’t keep in touch with everyone  23. do you have any pets: not anymore :’( 24. do you want to change your name: I’m happy with my name but I’ve been considering adding a middle name 25. what did you do for your last birthday: had some friends over for tapas dinner 26. what time did you wake up: 08:00 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Lisening to a podcast (/crying) 28. name something you can’t wait for: Not to be a Complete Nerd but i’m excited to get started on my subjects this semester 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: july 21st (exactly 1 month wow) Where is number 30 tho??? 31. what are you listening to right now: Loser - falling in reverse (mood) 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: several 33. something that is getting on your nerves: the holes in my leggings that keep coming back even when i repair them because they’re so good i don’t want to get rid of them :( 34. most visited website: probably tumblr how sad 35. hair colour: dark blonde/light brown 36. long or short hair: two people have actually told me my hair is getting long today so i guess it’s pretty long now 37. do you have a crush on someone: yeah 38. what do you like about yourself: my eyes and adaptability 39. piercings: none 40. blood type: A- 41. nickname: elli (my dad has started subconciously calling me this too now, my sister has influenced him ahah) 42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: aquarius 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: pls no favourites today i’m not in the mood to make decisions 46. tattoos: none (don’t mind them though) 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: I’ve pulled out a tooth but that’s it 49. piercing: still none 50. sport: i did track and field for 5 years and played tennis & basketball but atm I just go to the gym twice a week (I’m trying to do a pull up I’m getting there) 51. vacation: just stayed at my parents’ cabin this summer but last trip abroad was Paris in april/may

52. pair of trainers: I got them 50% off this spring because the colours are so ugly (I think) but idc they do the job

more general 53. eating: had some tomato soup for dinner 54. drinking: nothing atm 55. i’m about to: repair those damn leggings again 56. waiting for: the courage to call the doctor but who knows if it’ll ever come (im ok it’s just my stupid skin that hates me) 57. want: to be a little happier 58. get married: not that important to me but not against it 59. career: I really want to work for doctors without borders but that requires about 10 years of experience so first just a regular lab technician job (preferably in microbiology or haematology) 60. hugs or kisses: hugsssss (but only from people I know) 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: idc 63. older or younger: idc 64. nice arms or nice stomach: idc (can you sense the pattern here) 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 67. kissed a stranger: nope 68. drank hard liquor: nope 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no 70. turned someone down: this guy at a summer camp asked me for my skype but I just gave him my old one bc didn’t want to be awkward 71. sex on the first date: never 72. broken someone’s heart: I hope not (and I really don’t think so) 73. had your heart broken: nah 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: yup

do you believe in… 77. yourself: ?  78. miracles: nope 79. love at first sight: nope 80. santa claus: never did 81. kiss on the first date: not for me 82. angels: nah

other 83. current best friend’s name: im confused about this one 84. eye colour: green/blue a little yellow? 85. favourite movie: no more favourites pls

[singlethread]

I was tagged by @grinnbarrett719 The Last
1. drink:milk 2. phone call: My best friend asking if she wanted to go get ice cream 3. text message: saying goodnight to my best friend 4. song you listened to: if this was a movie by taylor 5. time you cried: Last night because I rewatched the memorial episode for Corey monteith on glee 6. dated someone twice: we ended up dating three times before we broke it off for good 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yes 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes in middle school
11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope 3 favourite colours
12. 13. 14. Deep rich purples, navy blue, teal In the last year have you 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: yes 17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: yes 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes General 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them 23. do you have any pets: yes my two cats Mei-Ling and Abby 24. do you want to change your name: no 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I was sick so nothing but a month after I met two of my favorite actors as a birthday present 26. what time did you wake up: 9 when I have work and 11 when I don't 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching tv 28. name something you can’t wait for: to meet taylor 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: today 31. what are you listening to right now: nothing 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: all the stuff I have to get done before college starts 34. most visited website: YouTube 35. hair colour: blonde 36. long or short hair: long 37. do you have a crush on someone: nope 38. what do you like about yourself: how passionate I am for the things I love 39. piercings: just the normal ear piercing 40. blood type: I don't remember even though I've donated 41. nickname: Em or Emmie or Lia 42. relationship status: very single 43. zodiac: Aquarius 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: (all of them) rn probably arrow 46. tattoos: not yet, I'm currently saving up the money tho 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: I had my adenoids removed, sinus surgery, and oral surgery 50. sport: none 51. vacation: went to Florida for spring break this year 52. pair of trainers: Nike MORE GENERAL 53. eating: last had Alfredo 54. drinking: water rn 55. I’m about to: go watch tv 56. waiting for: ts6 57. want: to have a good first semester of college 58. get married: yes 59. career: Veterinarian WHICH IS BETTER 
60. hugs or kisses: kisses 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: doesn’t matter 63. older or younger: doesn’t matter 64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms 65. hookup or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant HAVE YOU EVER:
67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: no 73. had your heart broken: yes 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: yes DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: yes 78. miracles: yes 79. love at first sight: yes 80. santa claus: no 81. kiss on the first date: yes 82. angels: yes OTHER: 84. eye colour: blue 85. favourite movie: Wonder Woman answer these 85 statements and tag others I tag @booknerdswiftie @shakeitoff6202 @seleniftie @cgm12