#EVEN SUMMING IT UP ITS STILL LONG AA

[1960z]

SOJ: Final Thoughts

So when I first played spirit of justice at 14 I remember really loving it, the new characters, the cases, just the whole vibe of the thing. however, that was towards the end of my ace attorney hyperfixation and because of that I had never revisited it. when I returned to the fandom recently, I began to realise that quite a good amount of people hold this game in relatively low regard; and while the positive feelings I had from my initial playthrough still lingered, I had to admit I didn't actually remember the game very well, and maybe there would be things about it that would bother me now that wouldn't have back then. and because of that, this was the game I was most excited to return to. and now that I have re-played it and been able to experience it with fresh eyes I can say that while I definitely have more nuanced thoughts surrounding the game, I'm happy to say most of the stuff I enjoyed about it still really holds up

one of my biggest criticisms surrounding dual destinies is that while I did enjoy almost every individual case on some level, it never really coalesced beyond the sum of its parts, leaving the overarching story unsatisfying and disjointed, not to mention uninteresting thematically. I did not have that same problem here! my theory for what happened with DD is that takeshi yamazaki attempted to mimic the style of pacing shu takumi employs more closely in a way that just didn’t really work, meanwhile in soj, I think the pacing is much more in line with what we see in the investigations games where everything takes place over a few days (or in soj, the better half of a month) and connects unlike other main series games that often have months long gaps between cases. characters and scenarios set up in the first case are deeply connected to the fifth and each case barring perhaps case 4 is quite focused on setting up everything that’s about to happen in turnabout revolution.

and turnabout revolution is an absolute monster of a case. its scope is extreme and its twists are insane and honestly I doubt it would have worked if the rest of the game didn’t dedicate as much time as it did to building up to it, but because it did, the payoff felt amazing. I understand that if you zoom out and look from the perspective of the whole series a lot of it may feel like a lot and out of left field and I get why that’s off putting to some people - but taking the game in its own singular context I actually think it does an amazing job of making each twist feel earned. like for example are they basically rebuilding apollo’s backstory from the ground up? yes. does it work well with what was previously established in aa4? no not at all lol. does it work within the confines of spirit of justice? I actually think in that context it works extremely well.

my love for nahyuta is pretty obvious but honestly I think the character that captures the true heart of this game is rayfa. seeing this naïve, sheltered kid go through the process of realising that basically everything she took for granted about her world, even who her parents were, was a lie, and having to deal with that was truly captivating to watch. her entire world being shattered and then still doing everything in her power to make sure the truth came to light, no matter how much it hurt her I think exemplifies a lot of ace attorney’s themes and ideals and I think having a young girl be the centre of that is really cool. my favourite character in aa is franziska and while you will NEVER catch me calling her underdeveloped, because the series does actually give you a lot of insight into her if you want to engage with it, what I WILL admit is that I don’t think she ever got as much narrative focus as the other characters. and to me, rayfa feels very much like what we could have gotten if the narrative had chosen to focus on franziska more.

as I’ve said before also I really theoretically love khura’in. I found myself getting genuinely quite invested in the people and culture and politics of this world that the writers had created. especially since spirit channelling has been a huge part of the aa world since the first game, it was cool to inhabit a legal system that just accepted it unconditionally. it feels like the opinion of the japanifornia courts’ opinion on channelling is that there is something to it but the logic of arguments can’t rely on it definitely existing too heavily and if it does, proving channelling can happen is part of said argument. and god forbid testimony of someone being channelled is used as evidence because of what happened in DL-6. none of these factors exist in khura’in. in case 3 for the first time we get testimony from a victim through channelling and it’s a huge part of the case and case 5 of course relies on channelling massively to explain its events as well and getting to explore these possibilities without having to worry about narrative justification as to why a court of law would accept this was a treat.

I think aa’s format also just lends itself to… for a lack of a better word isekai stories?? like learning about the rules of a world through how said rules can be manipulated for crime is an extremely interesting way to learn about and engage in a fictional world. you see this with plvspw and even fan made projects like that mlp-aa crossover from years ago. and while khura’in does exist in “our” world, obviously there are still a lot of supernatural elements that khura’in takes for granted that wouldn’t be in other places.

but this is were we have to address the elephant in the room and soj’s huge glaring flaw. the thing that went completely over my little 14 year-old-head but looking back now I go "holy shit, that is bad." and that is how soj treats khura’in as a country and the irl political implications of said treatment. from the get-go, khura’in is shown in a very othered and orientalist lens. their way of doing things is depicted as being “spiritual” and “folksy” at the best of times and “backwards” at the worst; and the plot centres around our leads, most of who are not from khura’in, showing the khura’inese people the “right” and “just” way of doing things. in the version of the story I assume most of us are familiar with the characters are american, in the original version they’re japanese, neither country has a good track record with imperialism. this is a colonialist narrative. and while it’s tempting to say that because khura’in is fictional, the implications while problematic still exist more in a vacuum, I think it is important to point out that khura'in borrows a lot of aesthetics from real life cultures such as tibet and india, and when you create a fictional country that is like khurai'n, one that is portrayed as spiritual but unenlightened, one that has a lot of distinctly asian but not distinctly japanese (sans the magatama) aesthetics, you are in fact reinforcing negative, orientalist stereotypes surrounding the real cultures said aesthetics come from which deserves to be called out.

and while yes, there are khura'inese characters who still very much engage in their culture while also fighting for revolution... when combined with the context of dd's overarching narrative that, imo was basically "there are no systemic problems with the legal system, the dark age of the law is simply a result of bad actors" it very much feels like there's this attitude of "revolution for thee but not for me." as if they're only comfortable with telling this story about revolutionaries that are often framed by their own government as terrorists if it takes place within a fictional country that players can paternalistically look down upon. I think this definitely undercuts the rest of the story and I can totally understand why this could all really fuck with a person's ability to engage with and enjoy the game.

in closing, I genuinely think there's a lot to love within soj, it fixed a lot of problems I had with dd. I love each case, I adore the characters, I was thrilled by a lot of the mystery and political intrigue it created. with that being said I absolutely believe reinforcement of colonialist ideas in the text needs to be called out. it didn't ruin the game for me but if it did for someone else, I couldn't blame them. despite all its flaws, I found the closure it provided for these characters both old and new very satisfying. it will always have a place in my heart.

[fermentingheart]

Ace Attorney 4 Ramble

I just finished AA4 today (like 2 hours ago as I am writing this) and I have a whole world of complex feelings on it that I desperately need to get out.

Spoilers Ahead for all of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney.

ALSO this ramble is like. Super long. (sorry....................). ALSO ALSO. I def have grammar and spelling errors in here.. forgive and forget </3

I've been a fan of Ace Attorney since my 9th grade year of high school, when I first started the Phoenix Wright trilogy. I completed it over my entire school-career there, so I have a soft spot for the games. When I beat AA3 I was super emotional, but excited (and worried) to know there were 3 more mainline games waiting for me.

My initial anxieties came from the way the fandom talks about the Apollo Justice trilogy. To my understanding, the same writer that made the first 3 games is not responsible for these one, and it has kinda led itself to be a bit of a stepdown from its predecessors. That was disappointing to hear, but I don't try to let others opinions influence me too deeply without experiencing something myself.

Overall, I though AA4 was good! It didn't wow me, not left me with deep sentiments like AA1 or AA3, but it is definitely better than my least favorite game so far, AA2. It does have its faults, which, as far as I can see, are mirrored by most AA fans.

My biggest complaints is that the game feels like it bit off more than it can chew, and that it is sometimes pretty tedious to play.

The writers had to juggle a big task of explaining the backstories of Phoenix, Apollo, Trucy, and Klavier. Unfortunately, I do think Apollo and Klavier get the short-end of the stick, and I largely sum that up to that being the fault of the hook of the game.

Our former player character, my most beloved guy, Phoenix Wright, lost his attorney badge due to forged evidence, and hasn't been a lawyer for 7 years !? I'll admit, I was sucked in at this premise. I knew it wasn't as it seemed. It would be widely out of character for Wright to ever do such a thing, but, the Phoenix we meet seems so foreign and distant to who we once knew. I wanted to know answers, and luckily or unluckily, the game explains everything.

It spends so much of its time talking about Phoenix, and later down the line, Trucy, that I do agree with the common sentiment that Apollo feels a bit shelved in his own game. Phoenix is enveloped in the mystery of the whole game, that I never really bothered to question what Apollo's deal was. He is great character, but not distinctive enough from Phoenix that it made question his motives as a defense attorney, or how he even grew up (I mean, we don't know much about Phoenix's prior life besides tidbits from his time in primary school). It wasn't until the twist with Apollo, that he is Trucy's older, half-brother, who inherited the Gramayare special ability, did I stop to think about how this game could have benefitted from shifting its focus onto Apollo.

I don't think that it would have been impossible for the game to balance Phoenix and Apollo's backstories, seeing as they both connect to Zak Gramayare's trial. If the reversed the chronology of how they presented their information even a little bit, I think they could have gotten away with this balancing act they were going for.

Ultimately, I do believe the game would have done best with another case that could help set the story up (or like. Change Turnabout Corner to something else. I thought that case was fun but if you think about it, it is painfully out of place with the other three...), because I still think that in a magical world where my suggestions were implemented, Klavier Gavin still would have been sidelined.

I really wanted to love Klavier Gavin. He was like a hair away of itching my brain just right that he would become all I talk about for the next 6 months. Unfortunately, he was given to little to late. I think the game believes it gave Klavier a bigger character arc than he actually had. His confrontation with Kristoph, is good, but no where near as satisfying as it could have been if anything about his relationship with his brother was established before. In a series that rides on sibling relationships, I was looking forward to potential Dahlia and Iris, or even Edgeworth and Franziska. We can piece together what their relationship must have been like by their few interactions and how Kristoph was 100% fine with screwing Klavier over to win a case, but ughhh. I wanted more, and I feel so sorely disappointed with what I got.

AA4 is also tedious to an extent. Although I don't hate Turnabout Serenade as much as everyone else seems to, it does amplify some of the issues the game has. I think the logic of this game in particular was pushing it, even for Ace Attorney standards (how could Tobey of ever been the killer...) and some of the things we have to prove to pull different cases back on our side was. Absurd. Ace Attorney rides on the fact that its legal system is only vaguely defined so we can't really complain too much about it (and the story's constant theme of corruption also absolves it from too much criticism about how nonsensical the court in sometimes). I love this as much as I hate this. I might have not cared as much if they weren't setting up this "big change" in the legal system that would seemingly improve upon these court issues. I'll keep it simple. I think the jury system in application to the game was underwhelming, and shouldn't of just been a plot beat.

I know this long rant may make it seem like I don't like the game, but that's not true at all! I think I'm critical on AA4 because I know how good the series can be. Still, there is so much I loved about the game.

The art and animation is the first thing I noticed as a huge improvement from the prior games, which is already incredible since I think the Ace Attorney series is one of them best when it comes to its visuals. All the sprites are more vibrant than before, but the character seem all the more harmonious with their setting. The court especially looks gorgeous. I love the beautiful browns they use. Also? All the character designs are bangers. So are their reactions. Ace Attorney is known for their character "breakdowns" and AA4 did no disappoint (my favorites are Ogla when she is still pretending to be a random Russian woman, Alita, and Kristoph).

The new mechanics brought into the game have got to be my favorite aspects of it. The "perceive" ability has to be my favorite. I think its very concept is such a good progression from the prior games, I was disappointed it was implemented more. Speaking of, Ema's forensic sciences! I always felt that not bringing back her mechanics after AA1 was such a shame, so I was thrilled that not only were most of the evidence we got observable in 3D, but also that she had little mini-games to make the investigations that more engaging.

Another place where AA4 succeeds for me is its character directions. I think I could go on about all the characters besides a handful of them, truly, but as to not make my ramble any longer, I'll focus on a select few!

Apollo is a fun protagonist. I do think he stands in Phoenix's shoes for a little too long, but the more I played as him, the better I was at finding where he diverges from our previous protagonist. I think he is so silly, and I hope we get to spend more time in his head.

I hold similarly sentiments about Trucy. I'll be honest, I was getting tired of the quirky side-character/assistant trope, and was hoping for someone different when I got into the game. Even though Trucy still fits the outline, she is adorable in her own ways. Her magician bit surprisingly didn't get old to me. She's super loveable and stands out from Maya in her own way.

I adored Ema! Her backstory is honestly so realistic (and depressing??). Seeing her loose some of her spark after life didn't go out as planned for her is devastating, but it makes her all the more relatable, honestly. It was satisfying to see her progressively become more amicable throughout the game, however subtle that was, and even experience her warming up Apollo and Trucy. By Case 4, I really feel that some of "old Ema" has finally returned to her, and I couldn't be more happy.

Oh and finally... my evilest of guys.... the worst ever... my most beloved loathed....

Kristoph..... Gavin.................

I don't think Kristoph is an extremely complex character. He is petty, pompous, and vindicative, but I think his simplicity allows him to shine in that manner. He makes such an impression in the few moments we see him. He's genuinely menacing and pretty intelligent to boot? I think his plan was a bit contrived, but it was so fun and again, extremely petty that I can forgive him of all he has ever done wrong. He said it himself, he is an evil, horrible man, and I love that it is as simple as that. He felt wronged because he couldn't get notoriety off of a sure to be famous case, and so he killed 2 people, attempted to kill 1 other person, and committed like several other crimes on top of that. He sucks and I think that's beautiful.

AA4 doesn't live up to the hype that AA3 left me with, but I am satisfied with the game overall! Despite my complaints, it was such a fun time, and I am thrilled to get to the next games and see how they build upon it. Now if you excuse me I'm going to look at Kristoph for a prolonged period of time.

[ityoboiantwon]

Rant Rant Rant

I be hating hanging out with my parents man, mostly just my dad tho. Like I love both of them and they’ve done so much for me but I can’t stand being around both of them at the same time. Like every time I drive over to my moms house to meet both of them, there’s always at least a 60% chance me and my dad will get in a argument that ruins the whole rest of our time hanging out. Like just today we all met up and we already started arguing at a red light because my dad was mad that this guy wasent turning right. I was all like it’s fine we’re not in a rush and he can wait for the next green even though that sucks but then he said “ive been driving longer than you’ve been alive” and bla bla. And he’s so quick to take a combative tone and he constantly looks for confrontation all the fucking time like he was getting ready to roll down his window and cus at the guy in front of us and it’s like why bro. He has such bad anger problems and I hate being around him when he’s angry because if you try to tell him anything he just lashes back at you and he wins every argument because not gonna lie he is a very intimidating bald black man. He is so quick to violence and hanging out with him just drains me. And I feel bad for my mom because she’s had to put up with this for so long. (They’re divorced and have been since I was little but they still hangout sometimes) We’ve both learned to just leave him alone when he’s angry which is not how it should be. We just sit back and take it.

I honestly don’t think the two of them should even hang out anymore. My moms been in AA for almost a year now and she’s trying to quit drinking but the last time the two of them hung out without me, my dad ended up letting her get some alcohol EVEN THO HE KNEW SHE WAS SOBER FOR LIKE A COUPLE MONTHS UP TO THAT POINT WHICH WAS REALLY GOOD FOR HER. Sorry for the all caps there. But ye he basically let her drink even though he knows she’s really trying to quit which is such a scumbag thing to do. Its not the first time he's done something like this either. That’s made me lose a lot of respect for him but I can’t tell him that or bring that up because he’ll definitely blow up at me and flip this all on me. Then he’ll play stupid and say “oh I didn’t know she couldn’t handle just a little alcohol” but it’s like nigga you literally married this woman dog, you know she shouldn’t even have a single fucking drop of liquor. He loves playing dumb and he can never never never admit when he’s wrong he’s alsways gotta be right and it’s so fucking stupid. That’s another way we’ll get into arguments because he’ll gaslight me about the most minuscule bullshit. 

I guess this really just turned into a rant about my dad, I just had to get this shit off my chest I don’t expect anyone to read this. I still love my father of course because he’s the hardest working person I know and he raised me the best he could. It’s just that I don’t think I really wanna see him that much anymore now that I’m an adult. But at the same time, he doesn’t really have a lot of friends and me and my mom are the only family he has now because he decided to ostracize himself from the rest of his family. And he has no plans of mending that relationship and he claims he doesn’t care about not seeing his mom and other family even though he brings them up A LOT out of the blue during conversations. I probably need to talk to a therapist or sum. My father definitely needs a therapist. But honestly, I feel like if he actually got a therapist it would just play out like any scene with Tony Soprano and his therapist. He would probably get nothing done.

Anyways go nuggets. 

[cubedmango]

hi, long time no message but this is kr anon - i just saw that you recently finished all (?) of build and i wanted to say congrats!! 🎉 and gotta say i really love the gentoku fanart/redraw you posted lmao, that meme really is him to a t (esp. after ep. 20 and before his turning point in like ep. 40) 😭 ngl i did think you would enjoy his overall arc, but i didn't expect you'd be that much of a gentoku stan by the end hfkhjwrfhs good for you though!! (also remember when i brought up aa/build parallels or what aa characters, especially the canon toku fans, would think of build, and i felt like if not misora bc of the similarities they share (more on this another time, though i also think sento and his dad's relationship has shades of maya and mia's relationship with misty), maya would be a fan of [redacted]? yeah i was talking about gentoku lol) and maybe we'll be seeing some more build fanart/content from you soon, if you're up for it? 👀

btw so sorry for the months-long radio silence, but it took far longer than originally expected for me to finish the rest of the show and its movies (excluding the v-cines for now, so you have one over me there lol, plus i also haven't seen the specials/webseries and the build episodes of zi-o, and some of those recent episodes of kr outsiders ig) especially with life getting busier and more hectic for me in general (university life and all), but let me just sum it up for now as me having enjoyed the ride from start to finish, even with some bumps along the way 🥹❤ [1/?]

(rest below)

sadly i don't have time rn to write/share my usual long responses to your commentary and stuff, though i actually started writing a reply to your answers from when i sent my last messages, back in march i think? 😅 i would have loved having more of episodic discussions/episode-by-episode breakdowns with you as you went along, but since you beat me to it by finishing the series on your own (which is totally understandable dw, esp. since i really didn't message you anything for the last several months), it won't be necessary anymore ig but i still want to eventually share that original reply i'd been writing so it won't feel wasted haha, and along with what i'd promised would be my overall review of everything i've seen so far, i'll do my best to send these messages to you by this weekend now 🫡 in the meantime, feel free to rant and ramble about build (like, ryusen truly is one brain chemistry-altering ship for the ages huh... makes me feel very 'go crazy go stupid' 😭) at me, even wrt the stuff i haven't seen yet bc i know the gist of them anyway, and i'll also be sharing some more links to build tumblr posts and tweets like before - though i see you've already started rbing more build fanart and edits (not sure if you based them on what i included in my original compilation though or if you've been combing through the build tumblr tags already?) so i'll have to make sure the ones i'll link rn aren't ones you've rbed already [2/?]

also when you say you think you've finished all of build, does that mean you've seen both hei gen final & forever + the specials/webseries + the build episodes of zi-o? or are you planning to only watch those at a later point, like the movies will be for after you've seen the other seasons they're crossing over with? but also no pressure if you just don't want to watch them rn for whatever reason, but just in case you do want to or you just want to keep the proper order in mind wrt at which point of the main show the specials or movies are situated in if you've seen all or most already (though i assume you've more or less checked the order from when you started watching the spin-offs after finishing the show): [3/?]

eps. 1-14 -> heisei generations final -> eps. 16-19 -> birth! kuma-televi!! vs. kr grease hyper battle dvd -> eps. 20-21 --> raising the hazard level with 7 best matches special & rogue miniseries -> eps. 22-41 -> kr prime rogue hyper battle dvd -> eps. 42-45 -> be the one movie -> eps. 46-49 -> final stage stageplay (though this was technically set during the actual finale, as you've seen) -> eps. 1-2 and eps. 1.5-2.5 of the succeeding season zi-o (since zi-o is basically an anniversary season celebrating 20 kr shows since 2000, thus basically being a giant crossover show like its spiritual predecessor decade and primarily consisting of arcs of like 2-3 episodes paying tribute to a certain season (sometimes actually featuring one or more actors from that season - not necessarily the actor for the mc though - and sometimes not if there are scheduling conflicts, etc.), and so is the 20th and final heisei kr show before zero-one marked the start of reiwa, though the timeline shenanigans here are so wonky and weird that you don't really have to consider these eps. canon if you want)

-> heisei generations forever (officially non-canon to the main timelines of both build and zi-o, though still a good enough homage to build's main story with a decent amount of ryusen) -> build new world: kr cross-z -> i heard the idol otaku is dating his fav special (basically just kazumi/misora nonsense from what i've heard, unfortunately) -> build new world: kr grease (i saw that you weren't keen on both new world movies as most build fans i know also weren't esp. bc of the het shenanigans (+ the weird evolt stuff that i've heard kinda feels like it's invalidating we already saw/learned in the main show, and it feels more like they just brought him back because they were milking his sheer popularity as a kr villain) that are apparently pretty typical of v-cine movies when compared to heavier gay coding in the main shows, sadly, so you can also take a page out of those other fans' book and not consider the nw movies canon or only cherrypicking the elements you like, but wrt the banjou stuff in cross-z specifically, i don't think him and yui are meant to be an unambiguously canon couple the way kazumi/misora and gentoku/sawa became in grease, as you can see a clear difference in how romantic both latter couples acted (even if i don't like both lmao, though i tolerate gentoku/sawa more than i do kazumi/misora simply bc i think g/s has funnier scenes than k/m, even with gentoku's unnecessary sexual proposition towards sawa in ep. 1 back when he was evil) vs. b/y, and also just the way banjou treated kasumi, his only 100% clearly canon girlfriend, vs. how he treated yui up to the end of the movie, and the girlfriend/date/best match comments in the movies seem to feel more like just jokes/trolling in hindsight (esp. since the b/y "date" at the end was literally just them selling stuff *sento* made, like something something sento is always somehow involved with banjou and his girlfriends, or 'girlfriend' in yui's case, so... lol. anyway), and also banjou appears to blatantly check out a shirtless killbas before they find out about him being the villain so ig the bi-coding was technically still going strong, plus the fact that yui just straight up disappears in grease which is supposed to be a direct sequel to cross-z and just isn't mentioned in any way (on which i have some bts info to spill btw, more on that in my next message) while sento and banjou continue to act like partners as usual, and in fact get paired up in a way that sets them alongside the pairing up of k/m and g/s in the same movie - so tl;dr: aside from the fact that we can just straight up ignore those movies, i don't think we have to worry about the yui stuff as a genuine invalidation of ryusen's romantic subtext-that's-practically-text, though it's still unfortunate they tried to pull this shit in the first place even if ultimately very half-assed and halfhearted, and you just kinda have to laugh at the audacity of doing all that *after* banjou made his little speech about sento being his hero, like you said)

-> kr jeanne and kr aguilera with girls remix (a revice spin-off included here on a technicality bc of sawa's presence, along with female characters from a few other kr seasons both in the heisei and reiwa eras alongside the titular female riders who i think i've told you before are the first major example of a lesbian-coded pairing in kr, though iirc they sadly also get hit with some plausible-deniability "they're like family/sisters" comments here though not really in the main show) -> kr outsiders (basically fanservice cash-grab slop from what i've been told that essentially is a suicide squad-esque project where various villains/evil riders from different seasons are assembled to battle a bigger bad guy, and evolt and misora are there in like a couple of episodes so 😔) [4/?]

(also i think there are like a few stageshows - different from the stageplay - that mostly feature the characters as played by suit actors only and are mainly crossovers with other seasons, as seen in this playlist which also includes non-build-related stageshows, youtube . com/playlist?list=PL0DBnMkUNDE3zk9hDvvihG9H_rBv6siTE&si=auHNcClmv4_a93S1, but idk if that covers all of them or if there's some missing, and unfortunately i think most if not all of the videos aren't subbed yet 😅) anyway i'm glad to hear you loved build just like i did, and hope you enjoy the rest of your kr journey! 💕 if you want some recs (for kr or mainstream toku in general), i can give you a brief list based on what i've gathered from other people since i'm also still a beginner for the most part 👍🏼 and thank you so much again in general for entertaining my asks and messages since the beginning last year, i'm just glad to have someone else to talk to about this stuff sjfhfkdhfas [5/?]

the stuff from tumblr: tumblr . com/sleepiestashu/700321086698553344/i-will-never-get-over-this-clip tumblr . com/raimei-p/718407651195748352 tumblr . com/gurayura/638313188734173184 tumblr . com/t-u-i-t-c/697842377983967232/silverwind-inukai-atsuhiro-kamen-rider-build tumblr . com/gurayura/190258714717 tumblr . com/summerrheannan/175883578861 tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/705753172018364416 tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/705934353292836864 tumblr . com/pleuvoire/659804099395600384?source=share tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/706518453622898688 tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/624283580914384896 tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/623545387915083776 tumblr . com/gurayura/190258714717 tumblr . com/keruworld/178191732809/things-that-cant-be-helped-these-two-precious tumblr . com/keshi-zumi/180792173152 tumblr . com/veeranger/179497372829 tumblr . com/keshi-zumi/179900052937/20181109 tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/165057772349/be-the-one tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/172014607710/are-you-ready tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/643767818792370176/had-my-partner-watch-kr-build-and-finish tumblr . com/hiiiiiiiiiiho-blog/187010482966 tumblr . com/tsunflowers/665938709540126720/sento-coded-poses tumblr . com/heartvisor/716129755541405696/whenever-a-weird-t-shirt-crosses-my-dash-i-can tumblr . com/42wv/164432280570/here-comes-dr-pepper tumblr . com/sakurai-keiwa/638006761079685120/so-id-been-watching-kamen-rider tumblr . com/t-u-i-t-c/697714949310513152 tumblr . com/riderontime/667708174309146624/banjou-introducing-himself tumblr . com/peonypaint/682351924868218880/taking-a-spring-walk-together-id-two-digital tumblr . com/riderontime/668542674347982848/while-i-think-sentou-can-actually-express tumblr . com/yucca-persica/682512948095238146/so-im-continuing-my-kamen-rider-journey-and tumblr . com/sakura-neko6/679805498986463232/%E3%81%A1%E3%81%A3%E3%81%A1%E3%82%83%E3%81%84%E3%83%99%E3%82%B9%E3%83%88%E3%83%9E%E3%83%83%E3%83%81-small-best-match-boys tumblr . com/sakura-neko6/682522776141266944 tumblr . com/angeli-cal/681830647152672768/made-this-for-my-boyfriend-and-im-super-proud-of tumblr . com/jade-lop/680046866647449600 tumblr . com/meiuya/679835343407693824 tumblr . com/aokisouta/647356801407434753/best-match-rooftop-cinematic-universe-kamen tumblr . com/gurayura/644571893590032384 tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/643229452004999168/is-he-yknow-mimics-sento-sitting-on-the tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/641224933913083904/delighted-by-the-sento-on-this-shirt-design-3 tumblr . com/gurayura/642737313511866368/because-queenvernage-likes-nose-kisses tumblr . com/chilipepperconverse/749698516994129920/started-a-build-rewatch?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/649592805251022848?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/173938637978/i-should-be-working-right-now-x?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/176282612867?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/182461346822?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/728992489454845954?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/173803704162/sawatari-kazumi-specific-farming-memes?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/177176575102?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/171151040612/the-real-joke-is-that-banjou-isnt-straight-but?source=share tumblr . com/skeletonflower/747697203006554112/rabbit-tank-sparkling?source=share tumblr . com/m1ontee/746695053897089024/hazard?source=share tumblr . com/cina-full-moon-xanadium/747038237131997184/maekawas-6-year-old-son-sitting-down-to-watch-the?source=share tumblr . com/cina-full-moon-xanadium/747037066263756800?source=share tumblr . com/backtornado/176039367474/build-characters-react-to-you-contracting?source=share tumblr . com/number-one-toku-robot-lover/699306511051227137/sorry-but-timetoddddavis-s-tags-on-this-post (ngl seeing this post makes me tear up every time 🥺) tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/180418205938?source=share (this shit goes so crazy like dhfjgwsjnfs) [6/?]

the stuff from twitter: twitter . com/funkyfunkyradio/status/1779275103596847521?t=psnLYCbT5mZCw4faWyfIZQ&s=19 twitter . com/Ponzu_SHT/status/1781660945946989008?t=Pg4sEboZIQN5vckidseaAA&s=19 twitter . com/KRfights/status/1783857906238079024?t=R1SvsO46XJLL7MxAtzipqw&s=19 (the card in the pic is merch following the Chemy card gimmick of the 2023-2024 season Gotchard, since iirc every new season tends to release merch for previous seasons based on their current gimmick) twitter . com/spidergenome/status/1744784670477386169?t=-1tjcLDe9zG4jLBvqVT2_A&s=19 twitter . com/cynonic/status/1707816360146039062?t=kDrhlIdwWRo0785HtrFqMQ&s=19 twitter . com/YRXCL/status/983380559182282752?t=JGM8aE0XtgCXqJwHcxiUxw&s=19 twitter . com/___racccoon/status/1510534991477805057?t=smM_s1knTKq2uNmv7NDwwg&s=19 twitter . com/JONA0207DIO/status/1643296242536153088?t=IeCo7FtikefmBIAWVDGBxQ&s=19 twitter . com/8038_2gou/status/1750502615866339675?t=5biOP7Vg4ePOwZzeNXlo1A&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1456516201769623554?t=eMZUeWioRHpiaViI6LRWjw&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1438183667663204356?t=-zj-0yFcvZdmlFg8691cpw&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1756927961461395601?t=o3T10kxtFYEQZShzSrG6Vg&s=19 twitter . com/yuro_yuro_yuro/status/1754065358775038247?t=ZPaPsx3ttai0AotqTKHeOg&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1755964588338930078?t=R5IgHSGIJvJN5wTqAmbSoQ&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756108264259940752?t=HWKUDpWv2ne6bufIxB7ZBQ&s=19 twitter . com/ichippon/status/1745683922086682872?t=XARw2xrhfsvcAPA-uH1xaA&s=19 twitter . com/00x_sio/status/1757760751375421810?t=wbODL8gTEL-RKEwbUZfIFQ&s=19 twitter . com/___racccoon/status/1535042965160067072?t=Qcj6PG8TGaTQWeBS8XUsYQ&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1757767410537353382?t=9h2DHOKD_5gqzvv1JXPjVg&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756800454690852966?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756695765785727082?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756449394038116785?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1757896417312477291?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1758616156921876588?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1759347800146428012?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1761149499076981106?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1759592516599296272?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/totome_17/status/1757758979579724080?t=0w9ZYUUT0MdIco4qbYNnQQ&s=19 twitter . com/1010_mumumu/status/1735287016181694882?t=3tRVABh9xFYcpj-zxECjYA&s=19 twitter . com/sasakura34/status/1672218720599683072?t=fgsjGz7n5F-fI56t5t84Cw&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1669966178591346688?t=tM0nhcJVzlnRF63tEQt0xA&s=19 twitter . com/itotk32/status/1644461276071084033?t=A9srwyexOeq1TdYLz1P_VQ&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1667937476856659968?t=BN0OxLfsms8b-R3mUmt-aw&s=19 twitter . com/fanzhazhazha1/status/1668911037687689217?t=UmIoxUEBwiUc6ZehH09wWA&s=19 twitter . com/Heyear_0609/status/1668270429142675457?t=hP7Tx-xWtjB1nANSPg5abQ&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1620039685920935938?t=vPBjNykZU10DXr1l9YkrWg&s=19 twitter . com/oi_nanndedayo/status/1737450554857812029?t=_QAjrtWq-gJFSkY_2Zi2dQ&s=19 twitter . com/oi_nanndedayo/status/1740709126882365594?t=epUZbphcvxvt0dp3YvtHFg&s=19 twitter . com/KRfights/status/1758546842181063053?t=KbhACtwcvenQSfxmHL7wUQ&s=19 twitter . com/GaMwanG_/status/1759600273763545282?t=eSIBTzMbNDQRPjH9sBPe7g&s=19 twitter . com/st05_uoxou/status/1758821836127957202?t=gIUzv9uALvzjQCJ2Dl2vnA&s=19 twitter . com/mysillycomics/status/1235409655532269568?t=y36Wzm7AIrpelkicXlWfZw&s=19 [7/?]

also i noticed you rbed the ryusen cake by the ocean edit, so i'm linking 2 other edits from the same user (i shared one of them before but idk if you saw them since they might have gotten buried under everything else, so sharing them again just in case): tumblr . com/shirleyjakcson/654666138019594240/i-dont-know-about-this-power-of-science-stuff-you?source=share tumblr . com/shirleyjakcson/654696259298476032/dragon-rabbit-theres-no-way-a-combination-like?source=share and there's also this video that i linked in one of my earliest messages, since i also don't know if you've already seen it youtu . be/-Gjzr5HmmfY?si=-RhP-86SUOTs8Uic and from the same user, here's an out-of-context edit that's a 'comprehensive guide' to kr (aka memes summing up each rider mentioned in the song, which is an abridged version of 'george karizaki's rider system,' a character song for the guy of the same name from the season revice in honor of revice airing in 2021 - kr's 50th anniversary - and which is sung by his actor hamao noritaka and basically lists every rider in the showa era, every primary and secondary rider in the heisei era (excluding kuuga bc no secondary rider in the first place) and for the first 2 seasons in the reiwa era, and every rider in revice's main show), in case you want to pick your next kr season instead based on a meme you want to understand here lol youtu . be/N6zw0IGkUFY?si=fbCsMgploCWMuI0m and since the video doesn't have subs, this page has the lyrics so you can keep up with which rider is which: kamenrider . fandom.com/wiki/George_Karizaki%27s_Rider_System [7/?]

also i think i forgot to mention way before that kasumi's actor risako ito is also known for starring in the 'long long man' commercial, which also aired in 2017 (assuming you don't know about it already as well), and well i just find it funny that apparently this is the kind of stuff she finds herself drawn to acting in like ajfhkjwshs youtu . be/6-1Ue0FFrHY?si=kjyG9FzsqwwVN6a8 and if you want fic recs, i'll just link them next time since these messages are getting longer than i anticipated again (assuming you haven't been reading fics already, too) and a couple more accounts you might want to check out on twitter: the daily build twitter account @ daily__build which posts pictures of the cast both in-character and as themselves (some of which were already in the tumblr posts i shared earlier), which hadn't been updating for a while bc it's run by a brazilian but now it's back, happily + @ tokustats, a lot of whose tweets i included in my previous link compilation, and it's basically sports graphics (mainly nba i think?) edited to fit various toku shows (i think they linked all their build graphics in one thread, but you can also search for the graphics with the hashtag kamenriderbuild). anyway i hope this isn't too overwhelming for you, and feel free as well to take your time in checking everything out :-) [8/8]

KR ANON!! WOAH HI !!!! omg its so great to hear from u again, i hope ur doing good and ur university stuff is going well, it sounds v busy akfjdskjf i understand the grind 100% 😔

as for the stuff ive watched, i finished the main eps first and then went for basically everything i could find that i knew had the build charas/story involved, so the only stuff from everything u mentioned that im missing are the 4 eps from zi-o, the revice spinoff, outsiders and the stageshows. i was thinking of leaving the crossover movies for later at first but then i also didnt wanna wait for if/when i watch ex-aid or zi-o so i just went for them (esp since u mentioned banjou chara development for one of them which i was Rlly curious about) and i enjoyed both, non-canon as they might be akfjdksf.. i think ill check out those zi-o eps but i probs wont watch the whole show (yet at least)

but yeah it rlly was a rollercoaster holy shit that entire final arc in the show was fucked up and evil?? in the best way possible??? i was crying literally the entire last three eps help ... the silly little rabbit w a death wish was too real...... i def saw what u meant by the end bit being weaker but honestly it didnt feel too bad to me, it probably wouldve been better executed if they had more eps to work w (which ik are strictly consistent for every season) + those actors that werent able to film, but i feel like for what they had to work with they did a rlly good job bc i was still hooked and Invested(tm)

i only got to the other stuff afterwards so i didnt rlly watch the whole story in chronological order (which. i probs shouldve???) but i did enjoy those a lot too esp the second stage play as u already saw akfjdksjfkds that and be the one were.... man....... the found family. the ryusen. Kiryuu Fucking Sento. Good Lord. i dont think ill ever recover from the rain and the music box and 'hes my precious partner, our relationship wasnt a fabrication' that was worse than getting stabbed i think

also the rogue spinoff like i went in already liking gentokus chara a Lot after seeing the whole story so i was biased but i think they showed his desperation and spiral into insanity (? if it makes sense) rlly well there, it was def a lot more brutal but somehow i ended up liking the fight scenes in there more than the main story ones maybe bc they didnt have much of the cgi? either way it was a good insight into gentokus past/chara (and a little bit of takumis too who i always like seeing) and now i can Genuinely put him in the 'poor little meow meow who killed people' box so yay :) my silly shirt man i care him :)

then theres the new world movies which.....sigh......... Yeah............ those sure were movies ......... the comphet honestly didnt even bother me that much bc im so used to ignoring when writers pull shit like that (tho the whole banjou/yui thing did give me a fic idea in a way that i started outlining afkjdksgj) but the way they just undid the entire logic of the new world with the point of it being that its entire existence is only possible w evolt and the pandora box no longer existing is just. Eugh. like i get they have to have some sort of villains bc this is toku and the action has to be there but it just makes no sense in the sequel setting where its supposed to be A Normal World.??? we couldve had two movies about ryusen navigating life in this world and slowly finding their family again or smth like that but nope. kill the canon with rocks who even cares /s

anyway yeah i did enjoy the ride overall and im feeling very unwell over these guys so thank u sm again for recommending build it was a great time even tho i took . fucking forever to finish it 😭 also im super down to watch more so if u have recommendations for any other ones pls do share!! one of my mutuals also recd den-o and ryuki so i might go for one of those next and maybe ex-aid too later, but yea if theres any show besides those u think are good id love more recs 👀 ill be looking forward to the review u wanted to send me earlier too im super interested in what u thought abt it

[causenessus]

HI NESS MY LOVE <333 i hope you’ve had a good morning evening or afternoon!! how’s your day been? make sure u eat !! today i had dim sum with the family and we’re going to a temple now, the weather is so much better than it has been the last few days like tell me why summer is barely doing it’s summer thing like where’s the WARM weather not the HOT IM GONNA DIE weather

also HAVE A GOOD SHIFT!! or i hope you had a good shift WHENEVER YOU READ THIS and omg some grocery store sandwiches are literally so good idk what premade processed stuff it is but sometimes it just HITS like i eat it up like its some gourmet food like something about it is just so good LOL but omg i don’t trust grocery store sushi like the raw fish especially because like i think i’m just extra scared since i’ve had food poisoning before LOL so now i’m like extra extra cautious, but maybe ill try the non-raw ones and report back!!

but OMG THE ANON APOCALYPSE HELLO LIKE WHATS THAT ABOUT? i genuinely got so upset reading on eggy and wry’s blog because im like guys??? lets be nice??? hello??? why are we attacking our smau writers like i was genuinely flabbergasted that they would get hate or you or like ANYONE it’s so crazy, i was thinking of literally revealing my blog because im like i don’t wanna be lumped into the mean anons… LOL it’s not like i have a problem with going un-anon now but i’ve been graced with the name mango ANON so now i feel weird suddenly coming out like heyyy guysss this is the real me in my full glory (reveals myself as an actual mango) (sorry this is so silly LOL)

also STOP UR SO SWEET i might bcuz i <3 talking to you like everytime you reply i have to sit down and genuinely take in everything you say and im always like omg no way omg wait omg this like it’s at a point where i’m switching through my notes app and tumblr so i can read and respond at the same time LOL

but i’m excited for ur project !!! whatever you have planned! but make sure ur also taking care of yourself and SLEEPING!! SLEEP IS IMPORTANT SO MAKE SURE YOU TAKE CARE OF URSELF!! if i have to sing you a lullaby every night i will commit myself to sing you a lullaby !! ALSO THATS SO SWEET “ness has a mango anon” IT DOESNT SOUND MEAN DW!! ur like the sweetest and nicest person ever don’t even worry about being mean, IM THE ONE WORRYING ABOUT BEING MEAN OR BEING TOO MUCH ur doing perfectly fine!

but take care of yourself!! drink plenty of water and EAT!! make sure you eat at work and take care of yourself!! xoxoxo

HELLO AAAA!! i hate missing a day where i don't answer u but at the same time like getting to talk to you TWICE in a day is such a treat!!!! and honestly it's three times if you count you yelling at me to go to bed earlier this morning 😭😭😭 and AA!!! i have't had dim sum in so long i hope it was good!!! and for me idk the weather is like having a stroke??? it's cloudy and then it rains for five seconds and then there's LIGHTING and then suddenly it's 95 degrees outside??? but that's how my state always is 😭 like genuinely most of the time everytime i walk out the door it's different weather

I'M GONNA PUT THE REST OF THIS UNDER A CUT BC I YAPPED SO MUCH BE PREPARED

AND THANK YOU!! tbh omg it was not good 😭 well it WAS good i got some pretty big pieces done i was very proud of it!! because i work in like a framing department :D but then i got called out to help this dude and like??? maybe his daughter or wife idek??? and he was like "i want to frame this thing i have that is this dimensions with a mat so what should i do" and i was like "well you could do this frame we're standing right next to (i didn't say that part) but your mat's gonna be small" and he asked me how much it would cost and BRO I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T ESTIMATE FOR THE LIFE OF ME BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON LIKE 50 FACTORS AND I'M STILL A LITTLE NEW so i was like "for that size?? $30 probably" (it is expensive </3) AND SORRY I'LL HURRY UP AND GET TO THE POINT but he was like "no. no. how much would it cost TOTAL?" and i'm gonna start writing this as dialogue bc i'm lazy.

(he had two things he wanted to frame)

me: well this frame is $40 so it's gonna be $70 per one

man's wife/daughter/thing: $40 for a frame? that's outrageous

me: 🧍‍♂️ (i cannot control prices. i am a framer. although i did not build this frame u are basically insulting me to my face and i no longer know what u want me to say and i no longer want to help u.)

me: well. they're on sale. so.

and then i POINT to the "on sale sign" that say BUY ONE GET ONE 50% OFF

man: okay so how much is the sale.

i then stare at the sign i just pointed at.

me: well the sale is buy one get one 50% off. so $60.

him:

me:

him: okay we're going

i then walk away and make a point to glare at his woman for her rude comment

woman: do you have this frame in 16x20? i could only find 14xblahblablah i don't remember

me: no what we have out here is what we have

man: we're going since SHE CAN'T HELP US.

AND THEN THEY CONTINUED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME AS THEY WERE WALKING OUT AND SAID I WAS NO HELP AND SOMEONE SHOULD TALK TO ME 😭😭😭 like man bro i told you the prices what did you want me to do barter you and say if you give me a cheese wheel you can have the frame?????????????????????????????? like my coworkers all checked on me afterwards and defended me bc like 😭😭 what did i do 😭😭 SORRY i had to tell someone bc that was lowkey so upsetting and being asked if i was okay right after I ACTUALLY ALMOST CRIED which was a good part!! bc i haven't been able to cry for months (sorry this is so long and such a lore drop) but then i didn't cry bc i didn't want to ruin my makeup LMFAO 😭 and this is probably why my tear ducts gave up on me bc i never let them cry anyway

OKAY SORRY STORY TIME IS OVER AND YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE PROCESSED FOOD 😭 like i KNOW that poke bowl was NOT good for me and tbh i really don't like it but i had nothing else to eat 😭😭😭 AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR YOU ARE GENUINELY SO SWEET AND FUNNY <3 when i imagined you making a burner blog 😭😭😭 i literally imagined you making the user mango anon LMAOAOAO but definitely feel free to do that!! CAUSE I DO THE SAME THING I LOVE READING ABOUT YOUR DAYS AND LIKE KEEPING MENTAL NOTES OF EVERYTHING I WANT TO SAY AND HIGHLIGHT !! <333

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH I WILL DEF SLEEP (i am literally drinking a matcha and it is almost midnight and i start school tomorrow. anyway.) BEING SLEEP DEPRIVED WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA TODAY I LITERALLY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ON THE ROADS TODAY BUT I AM STILL ALIVE AND WELL!!! AND I'M SO SO EXCITED TO HEAR WHAT U THINK OF THE ENTIRE PROJECT WHEN IT'S OUT!! <3 take care of yourself and i hope you have a lovely day mango anon!!!! i hope the weather isn't too bad for you and make sure to eat and drink lots of water!! and sleep!! <3

[teardownit]

The new life for your old AM radio (DIY micro power AM MW transmitter AMT-MW207)

Are you the type of person who likes listening to good ol' radio like I do? Unfortunately, medium-wave broadcasting has decayed in the last few decades. There's nothing in many areas, even at night when medium wavelengths work best. That’s why the radios from our childhood stay unused and collect dust.

Today, we will make a small medium-wave radio transmitter that can help you check and configure AM radio receivers and listen to music through them if you connect an MP3 player or smartphone.

The power of this transmitter is 0.0005 watts, and the range is about 3 feet, so you won't disturb your neighbors or need a license for it.   The transmitter is AMT-MW207 and was developed by an enthusiast under the nickname "Radio Lover". The circuit is proven to work perfectly and stays unchanged, but the layout of the PCBs can be different. For example, here is the newest and perhaps most nice-looking version 1.3 revision 2, dated September 15, 2022.

I've assembled ver. 1.2 rev. 7. It has a green board, no frequency scale, and the wavelength adjustment knob is located at the very bottom of the board. I consider these differences to be purely aesthetic. The transmission frequency can be viewed much more accurately on the screen of a separate frequency meter or oscilloscope.

Older versions are less convenient to attach the testing hook of the oscilloscope to, and they have no cutouts in the back of the PCB for winding up excess wire. The differences are generally insignificant; all versions of the transmitter work and sound the same.

The DIY kit was designed and kitted with passion: brass fittings, high-quality AA battery holders, and neat resistor value markings.

The potentiometer volume knob was not forgotten either; they also got me a good 3.5 mm TRS-TRS cable. In fact, this is an important detail. You sure can twist the variable resistor's shaft without a handle. Still, you won’t be able to connect a player or a laptop if there is no connecting cable. You won’t be able to try out a freshly assembled device, which will ruin the mood.

The transmitter circuit is simple yet elegant. Transistors Q1 and Q2 are a long-tailed pair, and Q3 is its current stabilizer.

A transistor current stabilizer is an emitter follower whose load is a resistor R6.

According to Ohm's law, the current through this resistor will be equal to the voltage across it divided by its resistance. The voltage at the emitter of a transistor connected to a circuit with a common collector is similar to the voltage at the base minus Vbe.

Vbe, the voltage between the base and the emitter for a particular transistor, is an almost constant value. Nothing is ideal, so Vbe actually depends on the temperature and base current, but these influences are tiny and can be ignored.

R3 and R4 together are a voltage divider. With a supply voltage of 6 volts, the current through this divider is 6V / (R3 + R4) = 6V / 59.2 kOhm = 101 µA. We neglect the base current of transistor Q3, which is connected in parallel with R4. I will explain why later.

The voltage at R4 is 101 µA * 8.2 kOhm = 828 mV. As Vbe = 0.63 V, resistor R6 gets the remaining 199 mV. Then, the current through it will be 60.3 µA.

The emitter current of transistor Q3 is the sum of its collector and base currents. The collector current is β times the base current, where β is the current gain coefficient of the transistor.

The average value of β for the 9011 transistor is 90. That is, the collector current is 60.3 µA * (β-1)/β = 60.3 µA * 89/90 = 59.63 µA.

The base current is 60.3 µA / β = 0.67 µA, less than 0.7% of the R3R4 divider current. Therefore, the base current can be neglected even in such a microampere case due to the fact that Q3 is connected as an emitter follower.

That is, it has a very high input impedance. It can even be calculated: Rin = Vin / Ib = 199 mV / 0.67 µA = 297 kOhm.

Even if our transistor has twice the current gain, β = 180, then the input resistance of such a stage with a common collector at an emitter current of 60 μA is twice as high and equals 594 kOhm.

So, the base current of Q3 is almost zero, and the collector current is almost equal to the emitter. The emitter follower has a high input impedance and can also serve as a voltage-to-current converter and a stable current generator.

This can be useful in many cases, for example, when powering LEDs. Or for generators of linearly varying voltage, their capacitors are charged with a stabilized current. Hence, the voltage across them increases linearly. In the era of cathode-ray oscilloscopes, such generators were used to deflect the beam horizontally.

In addition to the constant voltage from the divider R3R4, an audio signal is supplied to the base of transistor Q3. Identical resistors R1 and R2 mix stereo down to mono. Capacitors C1 and C2 let alternating current pass through and block direct current.

Potentiometer W regulates the amplitude of the signal. With the same voltage divider as R3R4, only the ratio of the resistances of the upper and lower branches can be changed by turning the knob.

So, transistors Q1 and Q2 form a differential amplifier. The total current of these two transistors, set by the current stabilizer on Q3 and modulated by the incoming audio signal, is redistributed between Q1 and Q2, depending on the voltage difference at their bases.

Collector Q1 is connected to the power supply positive terminal. Thus, the output of the differential amplifier is the collector of Q2, the inverting input is the base of Q2, and the non-inverting input is the base of Q1.

Resistors R7 and R8 set a constant bias for the bases of Q1 and Q2. Let's assume that the input impedance of each of the inputs of the differential amplifier is 100 kOhm.

Then, the current I1 will be twice as high as the current I2. After all, base Q2 is directly connected to the node between R5 and R7, and base Q1 base is connected through resistor R5 with a resistance equal to the input. That is, the base current, and therefore the collector current, for Q1 will be half as low.

We get a system of equations: I2 = I1 * 2; I1 + I2 = I3 = 60 µA.

The solution to the system of equations is I1 * 3 = 60 μA; I1 = 20 µA; I2 = 40 µA. These are precisely the reference current values that the author of the scheme mentioned in his explanations.

Older versions of the board, if you look closely, had jumpers for you to connect a multimeter as a microammeter and adjust the operation modes of transistors with trim potentiometers, which should be soldered in place of R3, R5, and R7.

However, judging by everyone's experience, these transmitters work perfectly with the included resistors and need no tweaking. Therefore, jumpers were removed from the new versions, but the holes for trim pots were left on the PCB.

The load of the differential amplifier is the LC resonant tank L1C4, and the output is connected to the non-inverting input through capacitor C3. The inverting input is grounded for alternating current by capacitor C5.

We have the Colpitts generator, which we've studied in the previous post! The only difference is that it is assembled not on one transistor but on a three-transistor differential amplifier.

C4 is a variable capacitor for adjusting the oscillation frequency, and L1 is a ferrite rod wound coil of the transmitting magnetic antenna.

The L2 coil connects an oscilloscope, frequency meter, or spectrum analyzer. You can also try connecting an external antenna to it to increase the transmission range. This won't help much because the operating currents of our transmitter are only tens of microamps, but it won't hurt either.

This transmitter sounds high-quality. Of course, you can clearly hear that this is an AM radio because this is indeed a real AM radio! The quality of FM transmission is much higher, which is one of the main reasons that it has replaced good old AM.

The sine wave on the oscilloscope screen looks nice at first glance. But if we look closely, we will see that the upper half-wave is slightly pointed, and the lower one is rounded and even a little flattened.

From an article about a homemade tube amplifier, we already know that such a waveform indicates a significant presence of the second harmonic and a small admixture of the third harmonic. For a powerful transmitter, this would be bad, but for a compact one, it is fine.

By the way, the eight-transistor superheterodyne in the video is also a DIY project. If you are interested, I can write another post on this and my other radios with a detailed description.

[clownmoontoon]

I just found out about the whole bn///a and tow things came two my mind: 1) the fy k. 2)THE FUCKK!!!??

I used to read this manga when it first came out and i honestly though it was going to be good they had a good story coming out and nice or cool characters desings but then came the anime (wich surprise me to go 3 full seasons but i undertood) i try to keep up.wirh the manga cuz that was i start it

But.as it goes futhure it lost its charms amd i lost interest ( the fandom they were too much) and left (the school festival arc wasn't even starting)

Once in a while a random post of them would pop out and see it some spoilers of them (da__bi was one of the most i saw at time)

I try to filter them.......looks how that turn out

But really, what the actual hell is happening?? Is super hell all over again but much worst,

And i can't stop laughing of how much non sens and caos is in this

Oh man,this would end in blood i tell you (also if you could tell my what the hell is happening to de\\\ku i would thank you forever)

OUUU OK A LOT'S BEEN GOIN ON IN THE MANGO BUT I THINK I CAN BREAK DOWN THE MAIN POINTS OF WOTS GOIN ON W DEKU RN

⭐️ p much everybody in the main cast knows deku inherited all might's power and that all might and all the other grown ups expect him to take up the mantle of "symbol of peace"

⭐️ All For One (the big baddie) has possessed shigaraki's body (the hand guy) and is causing a fuck ton of chaos bc he broke out all the baddest villains from bad villain superjail aka Tartarus, and lots of heroes have died and if they havent died a lot of them quit

⭐️ SO deku decides to leave school and go villain hunting full time, he knows everyone expects him to be the Greatest ™ and he wants to protect everybody AND KNOWS AFO IS AFTER HIM SPECIFICALLY TO STEAL HIS QUIRK(S) so he figures leaving is the safest option and all might supports him (and regrets it later)

⭐️ he leaves his classmates all a letter saying hes leaving (they dont take it well lmao)

⭐️ deku can communicate w the previous (dead) users of One For All in his mind space and can now use all their quirks + One For All so hes just this mASS BALL OF POWER STUFFED IN A 16 YR OLD

⭐️ deku starts to feel like he shouldnt rest until he finds AFO so he hasnt been eating/sleeping/cleaning himself off after each fight and now when ppl see him theyre like.. genuinely terrified of him bc hes covered in dirt and blood and looks like this

⭐️ FINALLY HIS FRIENDS STEP IN AND ARE @ THE ADULTS LIKE "HEY THIS IS RLLY UNHEALTHY AND FUCKED UP CAN WE GO BRING HIM BACK" and they decide ye maybe we shouldnt have put all are hopes on a fuckin teenager's shoulders that was kinda messed up of us actually (also they were using him as bait .. he agreed to it but WOW.. ADULTS PLS DO YOUR JOBS)

⭐️ SO all his classmates from 1A work together to bring him down and tbh they cant, even all together, hes just too powerful now so

⭐️ as theyre fighting him (hes fighting back bc he still believes he shouldnt stay/be around ppl for their own protection) they start yelling all the ways hes inspired them and how they wanna stand with him and not be protected behind him

⭐️ THATS WHY MINETA YELLS THAT LINE THAT GOT MISTRANSLATED AND MADE EVERYONE GO NUTS SLDKJD

⭐️ finally iida is the one who catches up w deku (w help from bakugo bc even if iida is the fastest in the class w all these quirks deku is faster now) and quotes deku back at him saying "a hero's job is to help even when they arent asked" or smth like that and that finally makes deku break down and theyre both crying!

AND THATS WHERE WE ARE RN AS OF CHAP 321

[frienderbender]

Kikkin’ It with Kixx

The long-awaited(?) post where I talk about the specifics of the Kikkin’ It Rehab Center. This includes technical things like costs and credentials, as well as what I feel is implied about the actual rehabilitation techniques (as well as some stuff I’ve just kinda extrapolated from it). General note: yes, Rikki is my fave character but I do not agree with everything I talk about here. I feel like that’d be obvious but I’m just gonna cover my bases. Rikki is a terrible sobriety spokesperson.

With that outta the way, let’s get into it:

This first part is copied from old notes from another doc I made months ago; this is more technical stuff (costs, staff, etc.):

Opening a rehab center in California is costly. Obviously. In general, it can run anywhere from 100K to 2mil. Considering that the Kikkin’ It Rehab Center is implied to be a more high-end, celebrity rehab center, this ups the cost even more. At the very least, I’d say Rikki dropped a good 1.5 to 2.5 mil on this from the start. He definitely had the money to do so, though I like to think Nikki helped him with the costs as well. 

Again, since this is implied to be a celebrity rehab center, I’d imagine the actual price to stay there is anywhere from 10k to 30k a month. Also, because it’s so exclusive, I don’t think the center takes in more than probably around 30 people at a time. 

It’s never stated “officially” how many rehab centers there are. I think there’s probably only the one in Los Angeles, but there are smaller buildings they own that are used as meeting centers (the large main building is for housing and amenities). Specifically I think the building that we see Rikki holding that meeting in that Rockzo speaks at used to be a club owned by Rikki. But I’ll save the headcanon elaboration for my webcomic >:]

A fun fact: technically you don’t really need any special license to open a rehab center in California. You don’t need special credentials as long as you have a staff (licensed therapists, counselors, nurses, etc). With that in mind, I doubt Rikki has any sort of qualifications and instead just has a staff that runs things for him. I do think he helped write the basic guidelines of their practices, though, because his name is plastered all over this place. He owns it, he can do what he wants. And it explains a lot about himself when you actually listen to what’s being said. But more on that in a minute.

And to make that last part clearer, I think while he doesn’t have any sort of license, he is still absolutely leading the meetings and all that.

As far as the actual practices go, I’m basing what I imagine his general rehabilitation model is like on both more religion-oriented Alcoholics Anonymous/12-Step principles (worth noting that though AA was founded by a Christian group, it is non-denominational, though some groups do have a more overt religious edge to them), as well as the beliefs of famous celebrity rehab centers, specifically the infamous Passages Malibu.

I do think he uses a spiritual edge to his work because preying on people’s spirituality is a very easy way to get people to do what you want. With that in mind, regardless of what he may actually believe, I think the Kikkin’ It Rehab Center works based on the mindset that alcoholism is not a disease and rather a moral failing (which, in my opinion, is complete bullshit but that’s besides the point). I have a very long headcanon about Rikki and his relationship with faith which could be its own separate tangent but to sum up: I think he was raised very strictly Catholic and has a complicated relationship with religion as an adult. That said, he knows the power one can have if they can use religion as a means of manipulation, so he uses it in his rehab. 

In general, though, I think it follows a pretty basic 12 step program when you get right down to it.

So, back to what I was talking about a minute ago with the guidelines/practices of this place. Have you ever actually listened to what’s being said? Rikki claims that the key to getting sober is identifying the problem, no denying that. But what’s really striking is what Rockzo says at the meeting before Sobertown. 

Rockzo: “I have clarity now, and that’s an amazing thing, I tell you. The key to getting clean is killing that part of you that was hurting you. You gotta kill that part of yourself.”

So like. Do we see the implications of this? Rikki is straight up telling his clients that they have to kill parts of themselves in order to even begin to get sober; again, going back to my point that the Kikkin’ It Rehab Center goes by the “addiction is a moral failing” principle. And if you’re wondering how that applies to Snakes n’ Barrels: Pickles was identified as the problem, so in order to “kill” the thing that was holding them back, they did the next best thing: issued a restraining order and reunited without him. 

This is partly gonna turn into a Rikki analysis, which is inevitable with me, but I do think this idea of having to effectively “kill” parts of yourself says a lot about Rikki as a person. We know from watching him in the episode that he is so incredibly miserable, and that’s part of his motivation (“Because if I have to be sober, then I’ll make everybody sober, and they’ll have to live in the hell on Earth that I do.”) for running a rehab center at all. And when you think about it in this context, it makes perfect sense he feels this way. If he’s not only promoting a way of “healing” that includes talks of killing parts of yourself, but also actively trying to make his clients and the world around him feel as terrible as possible…yeah of course he’s miserable? I think this mindset is definitely reflective of some personal feelings on his own self, that he can really no longer recognize himself because that part of him is “dead.” He was his own worst problem.

I hope this makes some stuff a bit clearer about Rikki and why I definitely characterize his sobriety as being more of a genuine downward spiral than like. A new, healing chapter of his life. Yes, he absolutely needs to be sober if he was drinking so much that he has a severely damaged liver before 40, but I think his own personal ways of trying to make himself better were already poisoned from the start, so it made this journey to being clean more of like. A destruction of his own identity. This goes back to a lot of my own characterizations of Rikki (pre- and post- sobriety) where I think he gets a lot of his self-worth based on what others think of him. So in his mind it’s like. Oh people don’t like Rikki the rockstar anymore?? Ok he’s dead now. Do they like Rikki the SOBER rockstar?? They do???? Great, I’ll do anything to keep that perception of me in their heads. 

idk man. Rikki is my fave but dude he makes me so sad sometimes.

[ilajue]

just saw the ask about foolish being an end avatar and as someone formerly obsessed with tma i am asking for all of ur dsmp character avatar headcanons

yahhh we where talking about this earlier and I'm still thinking about some (I also got side tracked when someone in my replies causally said Patrick Bateman was a dream smp character 😭) I'll just give you the ones I've thought a lot about

ponk is definetly marked by a few entities. the lonely (obviously), the hunt (sam keycard chase, fucking horrifying), the stranger (sammywammy123 which I'll elaborate on), the corruption(interactions with the egg, I think all eggpire people where victims to the corruption) . If he was an avatar tho I've been stuck between the lonely and the web. lonely again is obvious, shes been isolated a lot and even aa a result of her own actions. but web also fits since hes kinda got involvement in most if not all the major conflicts on the server yk

Sam is absolutely marked by the corruption, the buried, maybe even the flesh because of his interactions with the egg. but as an avatar I feel like he fits well with the stranger. theres such a loss of self and confusion of identities in his character and if you want to view that through a horror lense then you could make the case that he is losing his humanity and becoming something other as he becomes a mockery of himself

foolish is either avatar of the end or the vast. I'm kinda leaning end because the end is so passive but powerfully foreboding and I think that sums up foolish's character well. he has also been marked with associated egg entities but also the hunt maybe to the point of serving the hunt or the slaughter while he was young and reckless. that would apply to eret as well. I feel like eret also maybe has some connection to the desolation

the egg is interesting because I cant decide if it serves the corruption or the web. egg!bbh is definetly the web tho hes such an evil mastermind I'm in love with him. but also the corruption is pure genuine dedication to another and I think the egg forced both bbh and skeppy into that to ruinous extents. actually typing this out the egg is definetly the web but skephalo specifically fell victim to the corruption. they both walked willingly into their own mutual corrupted destruction out of love for eachother aaaaa fuck god they make me INSANE ok ok anyways

like I just know that c puffy is an antivaxxer, I just know she would be an avatar of the spiral, next question

techno and prolly eryn are avatars of the slaughter. I've been tabbing out to the tma wiki just to get my facts straight and it litterally says "unpredictable, unmotivated violence." with avatars being "wild killers" and if that doesnt scream blood for the blood god pounding in technos head then idk what does.

as far as artifacts go, the disks are most definetly artifacts of the web. like it's a no brainer that dream would be a web avatar but the disks are such integral to weaving the events of the server. memory books marked by the web also. nukes are extinction.

the button room and pogtopia by extension are buried sites, so is the egg room like the egg stands for what it stands for but the whole room is tight and claustrophobic and has a history of trapping people in it. lmanhole is a place that reeks of the extinction. the prison is definetly a place of the desolation and the dark. the beeduo mansion is claimed by the lonely, all of snow Chester is claimed by the lonely. its filled with fog and empty and infinite. poor tubbo has been claimed by the lonely hes far far gone. foolish's desert is the vast, its infinite and inescapable and his temple is huge and seemingly endless height.

ok this was so long I hope it doesnt read like crazy rambling hfjdjd. I'd love to hear anybody's thoughts on dsmp tma alignment because obviously these are just my off the top of my head alignments. plus I don't know the ins and outs of every character so if I skipped stuff feel free to send me an ask with your hcs

[gamer2002]

Danganronpa - Review2002

Danganronpa is a mystery VN, where 15 high schoolers are trapped in a murder school, and in order to get out one has to kill another and frame somebody else for it. Observed and manipulated by the headmaster of the school, a sadistic robot-bear called Monokuma, our main character, Makoto, has to survive and not lose his hope. Because there is a lot of despair. And hope. Despair. Hope. Despair. Light. Darkness. Kingdom Hearts.

But we’ll talk about that later.

Despite all the murder thingy, the game is just an edgy shonen and is very animu. It’s not a bad thing, because it’s entertaining, and that’s what matters the most. Characters are mostly simplistic, often stereotypical, but are distinguish and memorable (aside from meh protag). What is good about the cast is how the group dynamics changes with each case. Thanks to that, the characters seem more alive, and the surrounding drama seems more impactful. And sometimes the drama is really good, though it’s dragged down by the meme writing. But about that later.

The trials, where we try to figure out the killer’s identities, are good gameplay-wise. Aside from the rhythm minigame. I get the creators wanted to demonstrate losing arguments by lack of confidence, but, until half of the game, that minigame had nothing to do with logic or deduction. Every other minigame was good or ok, though.

Comparing to Ace Attorney, the trials were more dynamic, with constant new arguments and questions. It helps that the equivalent of AA’s testimonies is briefer (as it’s on a time limit). Not to mention, the filled with moving camera direction really made non-animated and non-moving characters feel alive. The music was ok – it serves its purpose, but it isn’t memorable.

The gameplay between trials was ok. Investigations didn’t drag too long. The free time did sometimes, but that’s because I was collecting more coins than it was necessary. The coins are spent for presents, which we can give to other characters, in return for learning more about them and gaining upgrades for the trials. But, to be frank, some upgrades were “turn off the setting we put to make the gameplay purposefully shittier”.  

It’s an entertaining game with some good ideas, which earns 7/10 in my book. But there are reasons why this game doesn’t earn any higher, which I’m going to elaborate on. The subject is Kingdom Hearts Meme Writing, Monokuma being a letdown villain, the big revelation being a lot of nothing, and how the writers could’ve made the Hope vs Despair nonsense actually work. The last two are impossible to write about without spoilers, but I can explain the first two without them.

Despair. Despair. Despair. Despair. Do you get it? I hope.

I know this is a shonen, regardless how edgy it is, and the writers were pretty self-aware of this. But the despair/hope meme drags down the writing. Monokuma goes on and on about how he will turn all the hope into despair, and this is just as ridiculous as a talking cartoon bear that kills a man by literally blasting him into space can be. It’s a meme writing. A ham-fisted, forced meme writing.

Other examples of meme writing is Kingdom Hearts, with its light and darkness, or Ace Attorney, with its truth. We all roll our eyes over that. Characters are bringing up some concept in a melodramatic way, repeatably, with a ridiculous zeal that doesn’t just seem alien, but straight out autistic. But it’s okay, all those titles, including Ronpa, are still shonens. Kingdom Hearts is a battle shonen where you fight against forces of evil alongside Donald Duck. You can turn your brain off and enjoy yourself, no biggie. But turning your brain off is a bit harder in, you know, a murder mystery.

Yeah, Ace Attorney is murder mystery as well, and yet I give it a pass. That’s because “truth” is just an ideal of idealistic characters. Phoenix, Edgeworth, and the rest, are melodramatically motivating themselves by simplistically expressing their ideal. And  melodrama is part of a wrestling, and logic wrestling is what Ace Attorney boils down to. So, why this isn’t the same in this logic wrestling game?

The problem with hope/despair is that those are not just some concepts or ideals, but those are emotions. Emotions that the writing does attempt to make you feel, sometimes pretty successfully. Case 4 is an example of a beautifully set up tragedy, it’s the game’s emotional peak. The reveal is shocking and sad, and the dramatic confession is filled with genuine emotion. And then the confession has the word “despair” in it, and my brain is immediately going back to Monokuma and his antics. Good thing that the official translation team has realized that they would have killed the mood sooner, if they had included that word in an earlier appearing evidence. Same thing happens whenever the word “hope” appears – it just makes us recall the memes.

In my AI: Somnium Files I’ve explained to you the need of being explicit about what is supposed to make the player feel emotions. But you can’t be ham-fisted about what the player is supposed to feel. Turning hope and despair into KH’s equivalent of light and darkness is turning them into a material for jokes. It is a repeatable telling us what to feel, and that simply can’t work. If the game didn’t do that, a lot of good moments wouldn’t be dragged down by being a reference to something we joke about.

Monokuma is just the biggest kid tier villain

There are spoiler reasons why Monokuma fails at being a villain, but I’ll mention them in spoiler section about improving the whole hope vs despair conflict. But the basic problem with Monokuma is spoiler-free, because it all boils down to the game’s initial setup.

Generally, Monokuma is a recurring type of villain that mixes nihilism, cartoonish silliness and cruel sadism into one, disturbing package. Other examples of such villains is the Joker, or Killer the Butcher from Zambot 3. When you look at Monokuma alone, he is (aside from spoiler reasons) a good example of such a villain. He is over the top, entertaining, scheming, memorable, gets all the attention in every scene he is in, and is constantly disturbing. All his bases are covered, so all is good, right? But only when you look at Monokuma alone.

Character in a story isn’t just some element you can look at alone, it’s an element you see among all the others. Great villain needs a great hero. Great hero needs a great villain. If one is unimpressive, the other can’t impress us with their triumphs.

The reason why the Joker is a great villain is because he is a challenge for the goddamn Batman, creating a clash of an unstoppable force against an unmovable object. Killer the Butcher’s enemies are kids piloting alien giant robot with superior firepower. What makes the Bucher a good villain is that, regardless of his lost battles, he still succeeds at causing significant collateral damage, which constantly contributes to his stated goal of slowly killing all humans. And Butcher doesn’t just rely on his show reaching logical conclusions about consequences of battles between giant robots, the entire arc before heroes directly attacking his HQ is about him using a weapon they can’t fight with a giant robot – kidnapped people turned into living human bombs. The amount of sacrifices, losses and traumas that kids from a 70s (!) super robot show have to go through is why Killer the Butcher is an impressive villain you love to hate.

But Monokuma isn’t an unstoppable force going against an unmovable object. Neither he is battling heroes that are capable of beating him in a direct confrontation, forcing him to rely on different forms of accomplishing his goals. He targets fifteen uninformed kids, with like three giving him a reason to worry, and puts them in a situation where they can’t initially defy him at all. It’s not a spoiler to say that the kids initially can’t find any clues that would’ve allowed them to free themselves from Monokuma. Their exploration of the school is limited, and next areas are unlocked only after class trials. Meaning, Monokuma limits kids’ ability to gather information required to beat him, until the next killing occurs. If the kids don’t kill anybody, they can only hope to (hah) apathetically accept their imprisonment by Monokuma.

To sum it up, all that Monokuma accomplishes is making some confused kids kill one another, when they are in a situation where it’s their only option to free themselves. Wow, what an impressive villain, doing whatever he wants with helpless children and driving them to murder.

It doesn’t help that the actual conclusion of the conflict with Monokuma is underwhelming, and all his actions only make us respect him less as a villain. But more about that later, in the spoiler section. But not immediately, because first we need to focus on the game’s disappointing big revelation.

Who cares that the world is over?

All attempts to escape the murder school were pointless – the world has already ended! Play the laugh track.

To give the writers credit, Genocide Jill’s explanation of that was funny and played out as a dark joke. And that’s the only way this revelation could be played out.

When it comes for the twist being a twist, it’s okeyish. The twist itself isn’t hard to guess, by the end of the first trial, and it’s almost given away by the third one. On the other side, there are photos of kids that died in previous chapters, and you could wonder if they aren’t going to reveal that everybody lives and this all was a simulation, or something. It can be easily guessed, but there is room for speculation, and you may not know which route the writers will go. Even if those routes are “predictable” and “a disappointing backpedal”.

But even if you end up being surprised… it’s an emotional bunch of nothing. Makoto gets his answer to what could’ve happened to his family, and he still doesn’t even realize it. That’s how the writing poorly handled one way it could’ve made us care about end of the world – through Makoto’s reaction to it.

Makoto is such an uninteresting, purposefully average, and ultimately unimpressive main character. We know he has family, parents, and a younger sister, but one picture of them is all we got. We don’t know the dynamics of their relationship, and we don’t know why Makoto loves them. Just saying “they are his family” isn’t enough. When Superman and his family are written well, we know why Clark Kent cares deeply about them – Ma Kent is such a great mother, Pa Kent is such a great father, and each scene with them demonstrates it.

Through the game, Makoto could’ve flashbacks to his family, as an ongoing C plot. That way we would’ve been shown why Makoto cares about them, why he wants to make sure they are safe, why he could feel tempted about escaping via murder (leading to him rejecting that idea because his family wouldn’t want it that way). And then boom – yes, the world has ended, and they are probably dead.

But Makoto never ever connects the state of the world to the state of his family. And that’s a big mistake, because that was a way to spice up the ultimate clash between Hope and Despair.

How to argue that Despair can be better than Hope

Before I focus on the topic, let me first expand on the topic of Monokuma being a disappointing villain, by telling you why Junko is a disappointing villain.

Junko just pulls everything out of her ass. Ok, she happens to have a super soldier sister, who was capable of killing Academy’s entire adult staff, letting her to take over the school. This part is acceptable by shonen standards. It was the Acadamy that was responsible for sealing the building and setting its defense, ok. But then everything else is an unexplained bullshit. Endless Monokumas? She has them because the writer says so. Ability to take away memories? She has them because the writer says so. Hijacking all TV channels? Performing ridiculously complex executions? Securing supplies to the Academy in a post-apo setting? She can because the writers says so.

She simply isn’t a formidable villain. She is nothing more than a bored girl, that could’ve been successful as a normal person, but the entire universe decided to grant her everything to let her play a supervillain. She doesn’t accomplish any impressive feat by herself. Even taking over of the Academy was solely thanks to her sister. With her granted unfair total advantage over the cast, there was no other way for her to lose than keeping screwing herself. She can’t even gain respect as a formidable opponent from sticking to her rules, because she not only purposefully handicaps the most competent person in the cast, but also keeps breaking her own rules.

The second aspect of a good villain is understandability. And Junko is a stupid incomprehensible mess. She always feels despair, and that somehow makes her constantly bored. But she wants to prove that’s better than hope. For some reason, she is a sadist. She is also happy about facing ultimate despair in form of her own death, but she didn’t yearn to that enough to off herself before all her plans. Nothing adds up, and she just does whatever crazy shit the writers needs her to do at the current moment. This is the aspect where she just sucks as a Joker-type villain. Such villains, when done well, aren’t just twisted, wrong, crazy edgemasters. When done well, they are also, despite everything, still somehow understandable. That’s what makes them actually shocking. It isn’t just shocking that they do horrible things, it is shocking that they can argue that everything they do serves a purpose and is consistent with a coherent belief.

Joker (when written well) and Killer the Butcher do have nihilistic philosophy that is wrong and twisted, but does have some shocking points. Joker believes that normal life is pointless, because one bad day can drive you mad, so it’s better to embrace awfulness of the world as your entertainment. And this philosophy is consistent with him wanting to commit macabre crimes. Killer the Butcher believes that humans are ungrateful bastards and will even treat their saviors like crap. And this philosophy is consistent with him wanting to kill all humans. Even if you don’t agree with their believes (I hope), you understand why somebody with such believes would be doing what they are doing. This understandability is what elevates banal conflict against a bad guy that does a bad thing that has to be stopped, into a conflict against a personified idea. Batman doesn’t just fight the Joker, he fights a nihilistic view of a pointless mad world. Zambot 3 kids don’t just fight Killer the Butcher, they fight view of humans as unworthy of living and being saved. That is why those conflicts aren’t banal.

Meanwhile, Junko makes a big promise for a Hope vs Despair conflict, arguing that the latter is better than former, but...

What is “despair” anyway? Is it to give up from stuff like escaping the school, and accepting whatever you end up having, however shitty it is? But what does it have with Junko’s boredom and embracing her own death? What is the point of the over-the-top executions? Junko is gleefully sadistic, what about despair makes you sadistic? Did she want the cast and her viewers to embrace sadism as well?  How’s that better than hope? It’s incomprehensible, and fails to make any point. The blame lies pretty much on the out-of-place sadism that exists just to make Junko an edgelady.

Danganronpa is a murder mystery. And despite being an over-the-top shonen, it does focus, decently, on motives for committing murders. Every single killer in this game is understandable. Their actions were wrong, but you understand why they did everything they did. There is just a sole exception to this rule – the games’ main villain.

During the final confrontation, Junko was arguing that futile hopes of previous murderers drove them to committing murder. That alone does make a good point. Then she offered everyone safe peaceful life, if they acknowledged her belief and abandoned all hope. Ok, that’s a good dilemma. Surprising that with such a good prepared dilemma Junko bothered to handicap and eliminate Kyoko, when she could just guide the cast towards Junko and this dilemma faster. Still, Junko does make a point about despair being better than hope, and does make the cast face a dilemma, in a way that is consistent with her belief. But then she adds she wants to punish someone for lulz, and that person has to be our bland player character.  

And how killing Makoto proves that despair is better than hope? It was a yet another act of Junko’s pointless sadism, which only made it more difficult for other characters to agree with her. Anyway, Junko is ultimately unimpressive, because she loses to Makoto just saying “let’s have some hope, guys”. All that buildup of understandable motives of past killers lead to a rather banal final conflict with a completely banal resolution.

Things would be different, if Junko didn’t forget about Makoto’s family and did bring them up during the final argument. I still think that trying to kill Makoto was counterproductive, but I understand the need of putting MC’s life at stake. But Junko could single out Makoto for execution because he was pushing for the idea of everyone leaving the school, despite the revelation about state of the world, and she could accuse him for selfishly risking lives of others, just for a hope of reunion with his own family. Imagine that being the payoff of flashbacks to Makoto’s family and his wish to reunite with them. Sure, here, Makoto has proved he wouldn’t directly murder anybody over it, but would he willingly disregard safety of others? He can’t really refute that, without giving up on leaving the school.

And that’s how Junko could undermine Makoto and make her point. Living trapped in the school and abandoning all hope for the outside world was bad, but it could be worse. At least it was safe, peaceful, and they had food plus entertainment. Looking for anything better outside was risky. Hoping for anything better was risky. Hope was bad. The state of despair, where you no longer hope for anything better than what you have, was good. Unable to accept this Makoto was spreading ideas that were dangerous for the well-being of others. How Makoto, willing to selfishly drag everyone else into a dangerous hell-word and risk their lives, was that much different from every other killer? Sure, they killed others directly, but at least none of their victims had a slow and painful death. Makoto was willing to potentially doom others to that. And this is why he had to be put down, like all the other killers had to be, regardless of their understandable motives. In the current state of the world, any reckless hope is a dangerous thought crime.

Here, the final debate could be more complex. Makoto could’ve pointed out that, even if he could be accused for having a selfish hope, it was the same with others. Everyone else wanted their situation to improve, and giving that up for hollow safety wouldn’t do. Hope is better than despair, freedom is better than safety. The future of post-apo is libertarian, and if we can’t live with the freedom to pursue our hopes, then we won’t live at all. No more lockdowns!

You don’t have to agree with such a statement, but at least it is some statement. Here, we have a clash of hope that accepts the risk against despair that is unwilling to accept any risks. Unlike what we got, where despair is somehow tied to sadism, and hope simply rides on the power of friendship.

[mail-me-a-snail]

Sobriety

Chase Brody has been doing everything to combat his alcoholism; going to AA, therapy, being social, exercising...and yet it still isn’t enough. One afternoon, a year after his divorce, Jackie drives him home. tw: alcoholism, panic attacks, car accident ment, suicide ment.

"So, how was it?"

 Chase shrugs, both to slide his backpack off and to answer. He puts the bag in the backseat, then twists back around to buckle himself in. Jackie, mask off and in a plain red hoodie and worn jeans, as opposed to his jumpsuit, sits in the driver's seat, fingers drumming against the wheel in sync with whatever metal is playing on the stereo, Chase doesn't know—he's too tired to go through the challenge of deciphering the lyrics. The chaotic banging of drums and rippling guitar riffs about sum up the state his head's at.

 "It was fine," he says coolly, "I guess. Todd brought his guitar this time." Todd—Todd Danvers—being the head of the group. Great guy, might've made it as a part of the church ensemble, if he hadn't drunken so much wine like every meal was communion. Washed his face in the tub of holy water they have at the door, that's what Todd had told them all, that first day, when Chase was still having the shakes.

 "What'd he sing?" Jackie glances over at him as he twists the key in the ignition. The car hums to life, and they pull out of the center's parking lot with a low rumble.

 "Pretty cover of What Have They Done To You Know. Daniel Knox? Funny, you wouldn't think a guy like him would be into that kind of indie music."

 Jackie laughs, though it's not as bubbly as Chase thought it would be. It's more like an exhale Jackie leans into.

 There's no conversation that follows, so the clicking turn signal, honking cars passing by, and radio fill the silence. He's gotten better at his anxiety with cars. Chase picks at the neon bandages on his fingers—the story is that he tried rather unsuccessfully to build a shelf—nails, all that, you know—but that's not what happened.

 Promise a man, a very wasted, high off his rocker man, a few hundred bucks and he just might cut his whole hand off for you. He'll play the knife game like a roulette wheel, spinning and spinning, until he hits the jackpot, or until he has no fingers.

 Nicks for nickels, that's what his buddies down at the bar say. Nicks for nickels. Money isn't easy to come by lately and he doesn't want to have to depend on Jackie's or his brothers' help for the rest of his life. It isn't fair.

 So, he works, doing odds and ends and stupid dares, because the companies in the city aren't hot on having a recovering alcoholic under their brand. We'll call you back. Your resume looks great, Mr. Brody, you'll be at the top of our list. You'll be a fine employee.

 Ha. Right. Three weeks later? Not a single call, nor email. Nicks for nickels again those nights that followed.

 "Where's your mind at, Chase?" Jackie says amiably, once they're on the long stretch of road heading towards the house. "What're you thinking about?"

 "My shelf," Chase answers, trying his best to sound mournful, stretching his bandaged fingers out in front of him, "Hurt like a son of a bitch to put it together."

 Jackie's mouth presses down into a flat line. He says nothing for a few moments. He changes the station. Something light and electric plays.

 “You know, you could've called me," Jackie says eventually, when they've hit the chorus. "I'm a champ at furniture building. You should see Henrik's desk now; beautiful, if I do say so myself."

 He may sound proud, but he's still frowning.

 Chase picks at the hem of his ratty grey hoodie; he doesn't even remember where he got it.

 "I handled Patricia myself," he shrugs.

 "Patricia—the shelf has a name now?" That gets a laugh out of the hero, and Chase smiles a bit. Jackie's laugh had always been infectious. "Well, you did a fine job, in any case."

 "You're right, though: I'm not as good as you and JJ at that furniture stuff," Chase admits, and cuts Jackie off before he can protest. "No, no, it's true. I've always been the tech guy."

 "'suppose so," Jackie amends. He pauses, turns the radio down, then asks hesitantly, "Chase, how'd you hurt your hands?"

 The lie comes instantly. "I told you, Jackie—Patricia fought me tooth and nails!"

 "No, Chase, that's not what happened." Jackie's voice is firm, if not stern. It's a scolding tone of voice that only Henrik uses with Chase, so it makes him look away in guilt. "Please. Tell me what's really going on. If—If someone's hurting you, or something, I'll—"

 "—No, Jackie, it's not like that! I..." Chase rises on the defense.

 "Then, what is it, Chase?"

 "It's none of your damn business!" He can't stop his voice from raising. He's quick to anger these days—an after affect of the drinking.

 "I'm your brother!" He's still looking at the road. His grip is tight on the steering wheel. "Of course it's my damn fucking business! I'm worried about you Chase, and—"

 "I don't need you to look after me!"

 "Then, who will, Chase? Henrik? Marvin? Jamie? Fucking Robbie? If I don't look after you, you'll...you'll hurt yourself again and I can't let that happen!"

 "I can handle myself."

 "Clearly, you can't."

 "Oh, because I'm a screw-up, is that it? I'm a nobody who isn't good at anything, who almost killed himself—"

 "Stop it."

 "—is that it, Jackie? Is it because I'm a suicidal disaster?"

 "You know what?" Jackie punctuates, "Maybe that is it." Maybe you are a fucking screw-up."

 The anger and disappointment in his voice is so raw it silences. He knows that this is just a row, but it still terrifies him, the way Jackie sounds so much like...Anti.

 Blood rushes through his eardrums and it feels like he's about to burst. His heart runs a hundred miles a second and it hurts. He can feel his pulse behind his eyes, in his fingertips, in his mouth. Jackie disappears from his view as the edges of his version grow black.

 He can't breathe.

 Is this what a heart attack is?

 The world shifting in and out of focus, like a bad camera, and the road disappearing, like the headlights were never there, like he isn't in a car again, barrelling down a street he can barely see, with the kids in the back, and God, Stacy, I know, okay? I know! Please, don't yell—please don't yell at me! I'm trying not to drink anymore—N-No, I'm not drunk— in the front seat, and his hands are gripping the steering wheel tight, and he is, in fact, drunk, so the world is swimming around him and, CHASE—!

 The windshield shatters into a million pieces.

 It happens so slowly Chase can touch the glass as it flies past him. He's in the driver's seat now. He looks to his right, and Stacy is there, beautiful Stacy, her face smacking into the dashboard. He looks down at himself. He's uninjured. He's wearing a ratty grey hoodie, red Converse, blue jeans. In his reflection in the rear view mirror, his brown hair has green strokes; he had done a poor dyeing job.

 Chase closes his eyes.

 "What is real?" His therapist's voice comes back to him, clinical and calm. In this moment, in this panic—ask yourself, "What is real and what isn't?"

 He opens his eyes.

 Real: He is uninjured.

 Not real: Stacy and the kids are here at this moment.

 “R-Real," he whispers, "I am in a car. Not real: it's S-Stacy's car." He looks around to the backseat, but can't bear to look at the kids. He keeps his gaze on the floor. "Real: m-my backpack is on the seat. Not r-real: the kids are here."

 He dares to look up. His backpack is there, black and canvas, with multiple patches. It's half open. Inside are comic books and his laptop. He twists back around, staring head-on at the blank, empty road, like someone forgot to continue building the rest of the world. Either that or there is no world outside of this one car crash.

 A car crash that happened all of two years ago. He's surprised that his other regular nightmare isn't here.

 One night in March (it was now September), he had gotten a visit from their eldest brother. Chase had been drunk at the time, swearing and bawling, so when Anti showed up...Chase did the stupid thing: he took a swing at the demon, thinking he was going to take something else away from him. Of course, he didn't like that.

 A scar, eight or nine inches deep, on his abdomen twitches. He puts a hand to it. That had been the night he swore off drinking, for good.

 "Lots of good it did you."

 Chase jumps, and screams when he catches two empty black pits staring at him intently from the rear view mirror. That voice. Speak of the damn devil and he shall appear.

 "Y-You're not real," he says, voice cracking out of pure terror, "You a-aren't real!"

 :Oh, I'm very real, Chase," Anti appears beside him in the passenger seat, clipping through Stacy, who's blood drips in slow motion. He is just as demonic as Chase remembers him; black, empty eyes that dripped like ink down his pale cheeks, all black attire, his Converse up on the dashboard, and the grossly shiny red gash across his neck. He almost looks like Jack, in a way.

 "N-Not real, not real—"

 "Say it all you want, Brody, but I am real. I've come to finish the job."

 "W-What?"

 "Hold still."

 A hand closed around his neck, pushing him back, his head smacking into the car door. He cries out, arms lashing wildly and legs thrashing, but Anti isn't deterred. The knife glints above his head. The shards of glass reflect upon it, making it shimmer in all sorts of colors. The radio goes wild; static, static static, filling the world, making Chase's ears ring with its volume.

 "D-Don't do this, please, God, fuck, don't—What do you want from me?!"

 Anti smiles. His eyes turn grey-blue, white scleroses. His gash disappears.

 He's a perfect reflection of Jack.

 "Sobriety," he says, in Jack's achingly calm, innocent voice, "Is that too much to ask, Chase?"

 "Fuck, no, no, please—!"

 The knife comes down into his heart.

 "Chase?"

 Anti's...Jack's voice echoes in his ears. It sounds so far away.

 Not real: Jack talking to him.

 "Chase?"

 Real: he's about to die.

 "—CHASE!"

 He jolts awake, panting for air like he had been drowning. His face, neck, and shirt are certainly wet; he's sweating bullets. His hands are shaking something awful. Chase swings his gaze around, trying to take in everything at once.

 "No, Chase, please—l-look, look at me!" Hands touch his cheeks gently and he flinches. They return, directing his eyes forward. Jack...no, not Jack—the hair is a neon green...Jackie. Jackie looks at him in worry, blue-grey eyes looking over him. His touch is warm. His hands are shaking. He's got tears in his eyes, but his breaths are controlled. That's the Jackie he knows—never truly removing the mask.

 "J...Jackie?" His heartbeat is still thumping wildly, but it's slowing down, as he can feel it in his jaw. His brain feels like molasses. "I don't...what..."

 "I pulled over," Jackie drops his hands, but holds Chase's in both. "I didn't mean to call you that, I'm sorry!"

 Chase blinks slowly. He looks out the windshield, unbroken, rain dropping in fat splats, the window wipers working overtime—when the hell had it started raining?—and they are pulled over. They're in front of a house he recognizes as being part of the neighborhood. They're not too far from home. The sun is setting, but the sky is too grey to tell where. The clouds are dark and stormy. People rush by the car and into their homes, some with umbrellas, others caught without.

 "N-No, Jackie, it's...it's my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at you." His words come back to him and they fill him with shame.

 "I shouldn't have gone off on you like that, either. I didn't...you're not a screw-up."

 "I am." He shakes his head, tears blotting his eyes, drops falling onto his pants. He hiccups. "I'm s-such a fucking m-mess, Jackie."

 The seatbelt unclips beside him and warm arms envelope him. He lets Jackie hug him, unclipping his own seatbelt. They stay there for a moment. Two.

 Chase comes clean.

 Nicks for nickels. The bar. His "friends."

 Most importantly of all, the drinks. You don't go to a bar and not have a drink. He doesn't drink until he's blackout drunk anymore, but he drinks enough to be numb. He's relapsed. He was only able to slip in AA the following day after a strong shot of vodka and some breath mints. The whole session, he had been hammered by a hangover.

 Jackie listens silently, but the weight of his disappointment bears down on Chase's shoulders like an anvil.

 "Chase..." He starts, but the other shakes his head frantically.

 “I know."

 "You're not supposed to drink anymore."

 "I know."

 "I'll... I'll talk to Todd tomorrow, your therapist, too. They have to know about this."

 "N-No, Jackie, I have to tell them myself." Having their disappointment on his mind would destroy him, but he needs just a little bit of control of what's happening. "But promise me one thing?"

 "Anything."

 Chase bites his lip.

 "Don't t-tell the others." Jackie opens his mouth to protest. "No, Jackie, y-you have to promise me this. Not Henrik, Marvin, or any of the others...I don't want them to know about this. I don't w-want them to think I'm weaker than they already think I am. And I know they do. I know all of you do. And y-you're all right."

 "You are not weak."

 "I relapsed." Chase rubs his face with his palms. "It hasn't even been six months."

 "Chase," Jackie says firmly, "Look at me."

 When he does, hesitantly, the hero takes a breath.

 "Chase Brody Mcloughlin, you are the strongest person I know," he starts, "because despite all you've been through, you are still here. You are still living and breathing and I know it hurts, but you are so incredibly brave for surviving. I am proud of you, even if you've relapsed. This road you're driving down, it's not an easy path. I don't have to tell you that for you to know. There'll be bumps and detours but...I'll always be here for you. We'll always be here. Anytime you need us. I'll help you get back on the road. I promise."

 That is why Jackie is Chase's hero. Despite everything, anger and pain and injustice...he still manages to be kind.

 Chase nearly starts bawling. He bites down on his knuckles and just nods. He can't say much, so Jackie turns the engine on.

 "Let's go home."

  --

 They park near the sidewalk. The rain has lightened to a drizzle. The clouds are clearing. The stars are coming out. The lawn is wet with dew. The lights in the living room are on.

 Chase feels sick looking at the house. His eyes and nose are stuffy and red and he has a headache coming on. He can't hide the fact that he's been crying. Years of dealing with Anti has trained his brothers to notice the smallest of details.

 "Chase," Jackie murmurs, "if...if you are serious about being able to handle yourself, I...well, it was supposed to be a surprise, but there's this apartment in the city that I've saved. I haven't spent anything on it, but...if you want, I can help you get it. Contribute a little. The rest can be up to you. I'll help you get a job, even."

 Chase looks at him, unsure. "Really?"

 “Yeah. I know you've spent most of your life away from us and it's a bit of a shock to be caged in with us again, so..."

 He loves them, but the house is stuffy. He misses his old apartment, but he had missed his brothers, too.

 "Thanks, Jackie," he says, "I'll...I'll have to think about it."

 "Okay. Take your time."

  --

 At dinner, no one suspects a thing.

 Jamie fills him in on Robbie's garden—it's going smoothly, with beautiful, flowering succulents. For a zombie, it's no surprise he has a green thumb, he jokes, and Chase laughs.

 Marvin teaches him a card trick, much to Henrik's disdain; no magic at the dinner table, he scolds them like a mother hen.

 Jackie watches him from across the table. He can feel his gaze boring into his skull.

 The dining room is warm and full of life. Chase isn't completely involved mentally, but he's enjoying the sounds of dinnerware and conversation. He's not sure what they're having for dinner, either, but it's good. He just feels so out of it because of the emotional roller-coaster that was today.

 The prospect of having a new apartment and a stable job...it terrified him, because what would happen if he relapsed again?

 He tries to still his hands when he drinks water.

  --

  "Goodnight, Chase," Jackie kisses the top of his head, then goes to the doorway of his room.

 “Goodnight. Thanks, Jackie. For today."

 Jackie smiles and says nothing. He shuts his door.

 Chase goes into his room and closes the door behind him. The bed is messy, but he doesn't care. He slides right into it, tossing his phone onto the desk, and closing his eyes.

 He feels the small grooves of scars along his fingers—he had finally taken off the bandages. More scars, more tallies. One on his abdomen, a few on his wrists...a bullet scar on his scalp. He doesn’t even have the gun anymore. Jackie had surrendered it to the police. He still feels the ghost sensation of cool metal on his palm.

 He sits up and crosses the hall, knocking softly on Jackie's door.

 "Come in," the hero's voice floats from behind it. He opens the door.

 Jackie is lying on his bed in his somehow neat room, with a shelf full of comic books arranged by series and brand. His hoodie is slung over the back of his desk chair. He looks up from his phone when Chase stands in the doorway.

 "What's up, Chase?" He asks, eyebrows raised.

 Chase shuffles his feet.

 "Can I...can I bunk with you tonight? It's just that I, I can't stop thinking about it all, and I'm...I'm scared."

 "It's no problem, buddy," Jackie's expression softens, and he moves over, patting the space beside him. "Come 'ere."

 Chase settles in, hesitantly, putting his head on Jackie's chest. He can hear the hero's heartbeat and breath. It's a comforting sound.

"Thank you," Chase whispers.

 "Anything for my little brother," Jackie smiles. "Goodnight."

 "Goodnight."

 He's terrified of building a new life for himself because if he relapses it will all come crashing down again. He doesn't know if he can handle that.

 But he has to try.

 As much as it hurts, he has to. If not for himself, for Henrik, Marvin, Jamie, Robbie...and Jackie.

 For Jack.

 It's what he would've wanted.

And that’s what makes his relapse so crushing.

[lemongogo]

hey im the anon abt gyutaro/ume and i dont remember what happens to demons after they die ?? did i miss smth ? regardless i wanna ask what do you think their fate should be ? cause on one hand i think they're just victims of a cruel world who took the first way out they could find but on the other hand it doesnt rlly justify all the slaughter, and i also think abt the demon slayers who also suffered horrible fates and used it to fuel their determination to save other people from that pain

hi !! i don’t think kny ever explicitly mentions what happens to demons after they die (as in we never have concrete evidence of where they go or how their lives after are spent), but i think the general consensus is that the demons go to hell. 

in some cases, the family can decide to go with them (ex: rui and i think akaza? if i remember correctly?) but their fate is pretty much sealed from that point forward i believe. 

heres a pic of gyuutarou and ume, actually, in chapter 97 !!

but yeah !! thats something i think about a lot tbh. as you mentioned, many of the demons we’ve seen have either been groomed into demonhood (rui, ume, susamaru, etc.) or had their pain and suffering exploited (akaza, gyuutarou) for the sake of advancing other demons’ plans (muzan, douma, etc). so i agree ! a lot of these characters are unfortunate victims in themselves and its impossible to view their stories without incorporating the struggles they’ve had to face as both humans AND demons. especially considering that lots of these individuals experience muzan’s abuse regardless of their status relative to him (such as with the upper and lower moons). i think this is best explained through akaza’s relationship with muzan,

(ch. 67)

(ch.156)

and further explored though tanjiro’s observation of rui’s death. he notes that being a demon, for most, is an existence punctuated by extreme grief and despair, and that’s equally supported, i think, by the humanization of these demons following death. that their original conscious is restored (albeit with knowledge of everything they’ve done) and are oftentimes plagued by the guilt of what’s happened.

(ch.43)

what he says here is probably what sums it up for me. that while it’s important to condemn these demons and hold them accountable for the truly awful things they’ve done, it’s also important to consider the suffering they've experienced through existence alone. its so !! complex !! and thats what i love about kny. i love how .. you have some demons who are entirely despicable and bask in the carnage they create, but you also have some for whom demonhood was simply what appeared to be the only answer towards living a healthier life or righting the wrongs that’ve been done to them (usually with false promises and manipulation unbeknownst to them). and .. its so hard to figure out where to.. draw that line. or view these characters at least. because you sympathize with their pain, but you also realize that their actions have caused endless pain for many hundreds of people. tanjiro losing his entire family, giyuu losing his. shinobu watching her sister die before her very eyes, and kanao the same. the ubuyashiki family’s curse or the slaughter of himejima’s children. you look at characters like sanemi, shinobu, or giyuu and understand that you cannot invalidate their view of demons either. while kanae and tanjiro may find hope and humanity in demons, they exist as monsters who feast on pain to everyone else. its important not to discredit their perspective when making a personal choice to observe the demons’ hardships yknow. shinobu’s anger is just as warranted as tanjiro’s optimism and that neither are wrong for how they personally feel demons should be handled after death. 

im like. AAAAAAAA theres so much to it , its really hard for me to condense into a few sentences AHAHA im so sry for making u read this if u still are. but . i guess i’m not too sure. i think maybe, had i experienced the same pain as those above, it would be easy for me to say the demons deserve to go to the worst hell imaginable regardless of what they’ve gone through because that history isn’t accessible to everyone like it has been the audience (or that they’ve seemingly made the conscious decision to cause harm w/o understanding the ways in which demonhood obscures their original conscious/morality). but at the same time, you have those like tanjiro whose world view is shaped by positive encounters with demons like nezuko, tamayo, yushirou, etc. where it seems very evident that . theres more to it than what meets the eye. 

one of my friends ive talked to about this had a rly good perspective on it thats kinda stuck with me since !! she said she likes to view their conclusion as some . separation of identity?? if that makes sense?? that the demon side of them goes to hell while their human form goes to heaven (or division into whichever afterlife). and !! i think thats a really neat interpretation because there’s obvious descrepancy between demon personas and human personas. that the demon personas are like. exaggerations of their flaws, almost (akaza becoming hellbent on battle spirits and physical victories when hajuki’s fury & determination was fueled by love in a sense) while their human personas are the truest sense of self. and depending on which influence there is (muzan vs the appearance of loved ones), their identity changes accordingly. so ! idk ! thats one nice way of looking at it. holding their demon personas accountable while also recognizing that many of these characters deserve some form of healing after many hundreds of years of abuse. its hard because ofc i don’t want to negate the harms they’ve caused but its also? not cut and dry given the environment they were placed in and the fact that muzan’s blood essentially removes their humanity against their will you know. so in this way at least you have both forms of self receiving the proper conclusion. 

whwhwhw so im. !!!!!!!!!!!! ah !! i can’t say i have a definite answer but i think the one above is smth thats comforting to me. i think the story settles with sending them to hell once they’ve regained their past self but also .. “softens” it by providing them company by their loved ones who are willing to go w them?? so thats rly cool to look at too. because it holds them accountable for all that’s happened but also.. recognizes that they’re not wholly responsible for it either and that .. even in hell they’re able to keep their connections and human emotions/experiences . its tragic yet oddly. fitting, i think, of the kny narrative. while i like the aforementioned interpretation, i also really.. appreciate the way its set up in canon too. like yeah i want the best for them but also. it fits in with the tragic nature of demonhood and what it meant for them all. oddly enough. 

u make a good point too !! about demon slayers experiencing the same hardships but using their pain to help others. i think a lot of it is plainly chalked up to luck in terms of.. what they were exposed to following tragedy. how shinobu and kanae were saved by himejima, tanjiro saved by giyuu, kanao picked up by shinobu and kanae, sanemi given the guidance of kagaya while akaza was killed by muzan during his lowest moment, ume and gyuutarou were cornered by douma, rui misled by muzan, etc. i think circumstance is definitely a large factor in determining the paths that were taken. such as sanemi’s anger being validated and heard by ubuyashiki vs, say, akaza’s same anger being intentionally exploited for muzan’s gain.

aaa anyways. theres a lot 2 be said about this. like. SO much on my mind and obviously the extent of muzan’s abuse goes far deeper than what’s briefly mentioned here but.  i love talking about the complexities of kny . and how i view the demons vs the corps and how each of them have grown into their respective stories . AA but ill end it here THNK U >> also so sry for making u read thru all of this i get so excited i could talk abt kny all day long if i had the chance AAA 

[worddevdealswithml]

Failed Step 1 (And 2 (And 3))

Chapter 30: Phone a Friend

Adrien paused.

“Okay.  Well… What do you want?”

The time stretched out interminably

Adrien, for a second, could almost imagine that Kagami’s phone had gone dead, and…

When Kagami finally responded, her voice was soft, and decidedly different from how she normally spoke.  She sounded… almost scared.

When she’d finally finished her litany of insults, Chloe had, for almost a full minute, sat silent, part of her trying to come up with another line, and the rest of her trying to muster the will to stand.

Theoretically, this was extremely uncomfortable; that had been the very first thing she’d complained about, but…

In reality, she was warm, and Kagami seemed almost to have fallen asleep, and it would be such a shame if…

Wait.

Hang on.

This was Kagami.  Waking her up was not a shame.

It had to have been at least 15 minutes, right?

She’d lost track, somewhere in there, but…  Yeah.

15 minutes minimum.

So, granted that there hadn’t been any signs of concussion manifesting, or whatever had been supposed to happen, she was free to stand up and walk away, and if Kagami said otherwise, then…

Chloe didn’t know what would happen if Kagami tried to get her to sit down again.

A long, long second passed, as Chloe tried to unravel the situation, before eventually…

“Alright, I’m done waiting!  I’m not concussed, and you’ve stalled long enough.”

Kagami shifted, as if drowsy, and then…  Carefully, she pulled herself back, Chloe, at this distance, could practically feel her stretching out.

Seemed like she was being let go.

Good.

“Now, if you’ll get out of my way, I was getting dressed.”

“Obviously,” said Kagami.

Her voice was strange, the tone almost the same as it might have been back when this had all started, but… There was no bite.

‘Back when this had all started.’

That had been September, right?

Six months ago.

For six months, she had been trying and failing to defeat Kagami in any meaningful sense.

Half a year, and still she hadn’t won.

Well, she thought, pulling on her face mask, she’d buckled in for the long haul this far, she wasn’t going to stop now.

--

Chloe, as she always did, fought hard, and Kagami, for her part, was glad for her remaining skill lead; she had the presence of mind to keep thinking, even as she fought, and she certainly had a lot of thinking to do.

The first thing she had to think about was the strange stillness that had come over her mind.  She felt… peaceful, compared to how she was normally, almost too peaceful.

It felt like…

Actually…  It felt like she’d been back before this whole mess had started.

Before she’d met Chloe, she’d felt as if the only voice in her head was her own, and now…

Well… It was still only her voice in her head, and if her voice sounded a little bit more like the one that had refused to be silenced for the past months, maybe that was just because it had been hers all along.

The second thing she had to think about was the absurdity of the whole situation; the path that had drawn her from September to the present had been winding and precarious, but somehow inexorable.  Despite her best efforts to avoid it, something had seemed to keep pulling her back into it…

No, that was just Chloe.

The third thing, of course, was Chloe herself.

She was spiteful, arrogant, vain, and…

Well.  Kagami could do a fair share of name-calling, and if she put her mind to it, offer just as many explanations as to how Chloe managed to be more than the sum of her parts, but the simplest way of putting it was…  She liked Chloe.

It was as Chloe herself would put it, utterly ridiculous, but regardless of how she tried to turn the thought over in her head, the results came out the same; she liked Chloe, and, if the voice in the back of her mind had been any indication, she had liked her for a while.

Kagami remembered where she was, what she was doing, and, above all, who she was doing it with, and behind her mask, she couldn’t hide a smile.

--

As Adrien dropped his transformation, he stood, for a moment, in his window, letting the chill of the wind wash over him.  Fighting supervillains was hard work, and he was glad, for the moment, just to let himself cool down.

Now that March had reached its midpoint, he was really beginning to feel spring on the horizon, and for all he loved a cool breeze, he wasn’t going to miss the winter; Ladybug, for one thing, did not like the cold, and he hated to see her shiver.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, once, twice, three times, four… He sighed, pulling it out.  It always did that when he detransformed, since, apparently, transforming effectively put him in a no-service-zone.

Let’s see, new on the list of notifications…  Ah.  Three random notifications from apps he’d stopped using months ago, and…  messages from Kagami.

He tapped.

TK: I need to talk to you

A gap of several minutes, and then,

TK: You’re the only person I can talk to about this

The second message had come in 20 minutes ago.

AA: I’m here?

There was a good 30 seconds of silence, and then…

His phone buzzed, and he frowned.

Kagami didn’t normally go in for texting, let alone actual phone conversations.

He answered.

“Hello?  Kagami?”

“Yes.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Are you… Okay?”

More silence.

“I need help.”

“Oh- okay?  What with?”

There was one more pause, longer than the others, and then…

“I think I like Chloe.”

“Oh!  Oh, well, I… That’s good, then, right?”

“Except for the fact that she still hates me.”

Adrien looked up, back out the window again, and…

He grimaced, heart sinking.

He’d hoped that Marinette’s assessment of the situation had been wrong.  He’d almost felt safe after New Year’s, thinking that whatever the case before, surely things had at least improved, but…

Well.

“So…  I guess… Things didn’t go well, then.”

“I never managed to defeat her in any way that taught her any kind of humility, if that’s what you mean.”

Adrien hadn’t meant that.  He hadn’t meant that at all.  For a second, he considered explaining that his whole plan in getting them to fight had been predicated on the idea that Chloe had a crush on her, but…

“And…” said Kagami, continuing the thought with the tone of one imparting an embarrassing secret, “I think that’s part of the problem.”

“Oh?”

“She’s just so…  headstrong,” said Kagami, with an almost despairing tone…

“I… see,” said Adrien, “You…  You like her because she’s strong-willed.”

“Something in the way she fights is… different.”

“Good different?”

Kagami laughed, gently.

Adrien took that as a yes.

“That’s why I called.  I need advice”

“Okay?  Advice on what?”

“I… don’t know.”

Adrien paused.

“Okay.  Well… What do you want?”

The time stretched out interminably

Adrien, for a second, could almost imagine that Kagami’s phone had gone dead, and…

When Kagami finally responded, her voice was soft, and decidedly different from how she normally spoke.  She sounded… almost scared.

“I want her to like me back.”

[rainydawgradioblog]

RDR Essentials - Hard Rock (2/26)

RDR Essentials is a weekly newsletter of alternating genres that outlines key releases of the past month, upcoming events around Seattle and happenings in the specified music genre.

Made in collaboration between Rainy Dawg DJs and the Music Director.

Releases:

I Don’t Know How to Be Happy - Deli Girls

https://sweatequitynyc.bandcamp.com/album/i-dont-know-how-to-be-happy

Deli Girls crawled out of the grimy New York underground hardcore scene thanks to the group’s wild performances and fiercely gay noise, which was channeled into their first album Evidence. In a similar vein, their newest album I Don’t Know How to Be Happy pushes their trademark sound even further. The album starts off to “Officer”’s serrated beat, which hisses beneath an automated phone message regarding a court date, functioning as a brief adjustment period before exploding into passionate screaming, rapping, yelping, and laughing of lead vocalist Danny Orlowski. Orlowski continues this manic verbal assault through the rest of this album, which pounds along with a righteous and dark violence against the patriarchy. “Peg” stands out especially, pushed along because of Tommi Kelly’s fresh layer of poppy synth arpeggios. “Here We Go Again” follows, one of the more eerie cuts on the album. “You will never win because you will never be as angry as the rest of us / Another day I didn’t end my miserable fucking life” screams Orlowski, with interludes of laughter on the brink of breakdown. Get ready to run head first through whatever glass ceilings or brick walls you might experience in 2019 with this incredible album.

- Max Bryla

Vain Attempt  - SLANT

https://ironlungpv.bandcamp.com/track/the-trap

There’s really not a whole lot out there about SLANT, a newer classic punk band that hails from Seoul, South Korea. Their recent EP, Vain Attempt 7” is just 4 tracks with the longest clocking in at 2:02, and is issued by Seattle punk label IRON LUNG Records, available on Bandcamp. Labelmates like Diät and Iron Lung have had some more mainstream success, but SLANT is much newer to the scene. They have pulled members from other bands like SCUMRAID and BLOODKROW BUTCHER, another Seoul and Boston punk band, respectively. Vain Attempt 7” definitely has a higher production value than those counterparts however, and it benefits because of it. Tracks like “Dry Heave” get right to the point, and don’t stick around too long. Terrific, fast paced drumming combine with some great vocal heft to make a really solid punk album, and this is a band that has a solid future with them, and hopefully some US tour dates.

- Max Bryla

Protogoni Mavri Magiki Dynasteia - Mystifier

https://mystifier.bandcamp.com/

Brazilian blackened death metal band Mystifier have announced their first album in 18 years with the pre release of their track Weighing Heart Ceremony. This track plays similar to their older material with its guttural vocals, creepy and eclectic atmosphere, and overall eeriness. Their 1993 album Goetia is regarded as a landmark in South American extreme metal, showing clear distinctions from European and American artists of the same time. This new track still has the same occultish aura of the band’s earlier material, but also features a much more blackened tonality, meaning more melody and less dissonance. Rather than sounding like the soundtrack to an occult ceremony (basically the narrative of Goetia), this track is a lot more brooding and pensive. If you are into slightly untraditional black/death metal, you should check out this album when it drops on March 8.

- Zac Weiner

Forgotten Paths - Saor

https://saor.bandcamp.com/

Saor is a scottish based atmospheric black metal band that has been pushing black metal to its most serene and experimental boundaries. Forgotten Paths sums up exactly what atmoblack is all about: beautiful tremolo picked melodies, the occasional folk instrument interlude, and a placid nature shot on the cover. This project is the perfect soundtrack for a solo walk through the woods. While some of the interludes can be a little dramatic for an experienced listener, the album makes up for it with bone chilling screams which sound even more emotional over the Gaelic sounding guitar melodies. This album is very digestible and could serve as an excellent introduction to black metal: the production is clean, the riffs sound like they were written by the bard at the Renaissance fair, and every blast beat is met with an equally long folk interlude.

- Zac Weiner

Xiu Xiu - Girl With a Basket of Fruit

https://xiuxiu.bandcamp.com/album/girl-with-basket-of-fruit

Xiu Xiu is an noise pop / experimental rock outfit fronted by multi-instrumentalist Jamie Stewart which can never quite settle on a single sound. They’ve been consistently churning out full-length albums every year or two, varying from anti-folk to electronic indie rock to harsh noise and everywhere in between. Doing away with the cleaner indie rock sound they explored on their previous album Forget, their newest release, Girl With a Basket of Fruit, is a return to the noisier and more experimental tendencies of their early output. Produced by Deerhoof’s Greg Saunier and featuring vocal contributions from Oxbow’s Eugene S. Robinson, the album repeatedly shifts from frantic tribal rhythms (Scisssssssors, Pumpkin Attack on Mommy and Daddy) to abstract heavy electronics (title track, Ice Cream Truck) to droning ambient passages (The Wrong Thing, Amargi ve Moo) and back again, tied together by the harsh synth sounds and uncomfortable samples Xiu Xiu fans are so familiar with and Jamie Stewart’s characteristically unsettling vocals, which are pushed farther than ever on this release, whimpering one minute and screaming the next. After over half an hour of head-spinning erratic noise, the album leaves the listener on a softer note with Normal Love, a slow, stripped-back and sweet (for Xiu Xiu standards) piano pop song. RIYL - Suicide, Coil, Oxbow

- Elliot Hansen

Angel Bat Dawid - The Oracle

https://intlanthem.bandcamp.com/album/the-oracle

The Oracle is spiritual jazz clarinetist Angel Bat Dawid’s very first release. She recorded and mixed the album entirely by herself and performed every instrument except the drums on one of the eight tracks. The recording process, done entirely on a cell phone, was split between London, England, Cape Town, South Africa, and Dawid’s hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Though the album features not much more than clarinet, drums, Angel’s vocals, and the occasional electric piano or miscellaneous wind instrument, the numerous overdubs and effects used turn these elements into cosmic, psychedelic soundscapes, greater than the sum of their parts. Dawid’s lyrics, when present, largely reflect on African American identity and experience, as evidenced by the third track, a re-interpretation of Margaret Burrough’s poem “What Shall I Tell My Children Who Are Black?” Reverberating, overlapping vocal harmonies ebb and flow and give way repeatedly to much more abstract melodies and stranger sounds, ranging from squealing horns to wide, cosmic phaser textures and long-winded erratic improvisations. RIYL - Sun Ra, Ornette Coleman

- Elliot Hansen

Upcoming shows around Seattle:

02/26/19 - Cannibal Corpse / Morbid Angel / Necrot / Blood Incarnation @ Showbox

Openers include Necrot and Blood Incantation, bands that represent the death metal renaissance occurring in recent years and provide some of some of the freshest and heaviest sounds of the 2010s. Morbid Angel (of the cult favorite Altars of Madness) follows as the midbill. Headlining the night is Cannibal Corpse, a group that’s  infamous for their graphic album covers and truly grotesque lyrics. 8PM / $29 / AA

02/27/19 - The Big Band at the End of the World @ Vermillion Art Gallery

18 piece improvisational ensemble featuring strings, horns, electric guitar, harmonium, 3 drummers, and live visuals led by local avant-garde/free jazz saxophonist Gregg Miller. 8PM / $5-10 / AA

03/02/19 - Sandy Ewen / AF Jones / Greg Kelley / Ambrosia Bardos @ Vermillion Art Gallery

Ewen, a touring experimental guitarist, Jones, a local avant-garde composer, and Kelley, a free-jazz/noise trumpet player will perform as a trio. Ambrosia Bardos, a local noise artist who also performs under the name Morher, will perform a solo set. 4PM / $5-10 / AA

More to look out for:

FILM: Lords of Chaos / @ Grand Cinema March 16th

Depicts the sensationalized history of black metal, is now out in theaters. This film has been met with mixed reviews for its lack of honesty in portraying the events (and some really terrible cinematography) but still has merit as an introduction to the genre.

Upcoming Releases and Tours:

3/8 The Coathangers - The Devil You Know via Suicide Squeeze

3/15 The Minneapolis Uranium Club - The Cosmo Cleaners via Fashionable Idiots/Static Shock

4/2  Empath - Active Listening: Night On Earth via Get Better (”Soft Shape” video out NOW)

6/5 - Royal Trux @ Neumos (rescheduled)

[kondo-hijikata]

Pairings: Established Kondo/Hijikata, Shinsengumi! Verse Rating: M Summary: Kondo sets off for Hiroshima to attempt avoiding war, but the Hijikata he returns to is not the Hijikata he left only three weeks prior. Something drastic changed. And that’s when Kondo realizes he needs to as well. [AO3]

Part 1 | Part 2

.*Changing of the Guard*. Part 3

“…Toshi.” Like a chant murmured to a deity, the name rolled off his tongue, reverent and sincere. “I came back.”

And it felt good, so good, to have the starving space between Kondo’s arms filled once more…damn good to feel Hijikata’s spine pressed unto his chest. He basked in the privilege of reveling in this closeness, despite the impending difficult conversation that would wreck it all in a fraction of a second.

Because for as competent and practical as the vice commander was, he was as equally affected and moody; temperamental was likely the kindest descriptor, but even that (ironically) would be considered offensive enough to rouse ire and denial. And though Hijikata’s emotionalism often threw a wrench into the prospect of long-standing harmony, it was just one part of an entire package—one Kondo wanted complete with all the pieces, beautiful and unsightly alike.

So, he’d embraced him—unexpectedly. To that impulsive gesture, Hijikata’s hands at last rose, his palms pressing upon the forearms crossed over him and giving them an almost tentative pat, before his fingertips curled in.

Though the bearings remained difficult to navigate and the ice dangerously thin, it was a promising initial reaction; at the very least, there’d been no outright shut down, and though the ultimate hope had been a verbal response, the physical one was acceptable enough for the meantime. Whatever the case, it seemed the best chance of success would arise from Kondo starting with his own strife and easing into the actual subject of his concern.

He therefore tacked on, “Empty-handed,” to his previous statement after the fact, while drawing Hijikata even closer and nuzzling dark locks.

“You expected otherwise.” While Hijikata’s response erred on snappish, he made no effort to disengage himself from the clutches which had ensnared him. “I said it all from the beginning in one word. Choshu.”

“I remember. And you know why I had to try, regardless of that.”

The huff which followed indicated the opposite. That Hijikata hadn’t offered outright contest was indicative of his desire to not venture into uncomfortable waters—a silent but resilient demand to step off if Kondo was even considering such an avenue. Reading that warning loud and clear, he settled to start by dipping his toes into the deep end, instead of taking a full-on plunge.

“Ne…Toshi…” A pause. “The last weeks have been so hard.”

“Of course.” Hijikata hadn’t precisely sounded frustrated, but the air about his response thrummed with apathy and displeasure. “Do you also recall me being against you going in the first place, for exactly that reason?” The coldness contrasted Kondo’s warmth, played right into all the classic telltale signs of attempting to conceal inward distress by appearing outwardly impassive. As always, Hijikata was a master of pivot—but Kondo was rather skilled in the art himself, and matched his turn with flawless synchronization.

In truth, if the occasion were different, Kondo would have respected Hijikata’s boundaries and penchant for reticence without question; however, after the gravity of what had transpired in his absence, he wasn’t about to leave matters of mending to either chance or time. No, on this particular instance, the stakes were too high. He would be sure they braved through the burdens and emerged no worse for wear—together. It was the responsibility he both wanted and readily accepted, from choosing and miraculously being chosen by the ever-elusive Hijikata Toshizo.

For that, Kondo pressed on, inching further and further toward the edge of what he knew was a very dangerous precipice. “…It’s been hard on all of us, I mean.” A beat, when he felt Hijikata’s lungs still, and recognized that this was the tipping point. “Toshi, I’m sorry. I never intended to—”

He’d been right. At last, it was the one push that went too far, and the tension mounted with full force before Kondo could finish what he’d begun to say.

“We knew the situation.” The interjection sliced right into the forefront, petulant and stiff—almost formal. “What matters is that you’re alive. You fought, you tried, you came back. End of story.”

“Aa…” Kondo slowly began. “I did promise you I would.”

“So, as long as that’s the case, we can just keep going forward.” A breath to indicate finality fell from Hijikata then and the harshness about him began to ease; it seemed he believed control over the dialog was now entirely in his grasp, and in turn could be limited to Kondo’s experience while avoiding his own. “Forget about what happened in Hiroshima, Kat-chan. That wasn’t on you and we’re moving onto greater things.”

Hijikata’s belief was wrong, however.

“I could say the same to you.”

Another sarcastic huff followed. “Interesting claim, since I wasn’t the one needlessly putting my life on the line.”

“No?” Kondo gazed toward the tatami in the distance, bracing himself within the last remnants of peace. His lashes fell and he brushed the strong line of his jaw against Hijikata, inhaling deeply before dropping the match that would detonate into an inferno. Falling, falling, falling… “Just your reputation, then.”

And the universe erupted into flames.

Hijikata’s spine went rigid. His chest temporarily suspended with the bating of his breath.

“Toshi.” Kondo’s voice went low and gravelly, calm.

The hands which had clasped to him fell like weights. “Don’t.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Ignoring the scoff, Kondo stressed, “Listen to me. Kawai wasn’t your fault.”

“This is ridiculous.”

Kondo felt an outward shove against his arms as Hijikata attempted to disentangle himself, but remained firm with his hold. “Gen-san told me how you, how everyone, tried so hard. And I know—” While the tiny struggle of push and pull wore on, the words continued to fall forth from his lips, careless like an inebriate spilling sake. Whatever it took, he needed to be heard, needed to excise the blame and soothe the lasting injury. “—I know that last time when I came back from Edo, things were—It was all different back then, Toshi, so—I just want you to know that I know it’s—”

Hijikata’s face snapped to the side. “What do you know?!” The tug of war, of holding and wanting to break free, grinded to an immediate halt and neither made a further move in or against his own favor. That question cut deep, had Kondo’s chest tightening and stole the sentiment right from his tongue. “You don’t know anything at all!” Hijikata promptly shut his eyes and he turned away again. “I don’t need you, or anyone, to justify my actions when I’m just doing what needs to be done.”

Still taken aback from the intensity of the barrage, Kondo’s brow furrowed, and certainly for lack of better wording, he stammered, “…I know.”

A stiff shake of Hijikata’s head complemented the increased abrasion in his tone. “I’m doing what’s necessary.”

Taking a moment to gather himself, Kondo realized something by the heaviness in that response; the divulgence of feelings he thought he’d have to coax had been imminent all along with minimal provocation, for the impossible amount of tension which Hijikata kept bottled up over weeks had been a single breath away from rupturing this whole time. And while Kondo was willing to catch all of it—to catch him—such awareness had him backpedaling, his tone markedly growing softer to not exacerbate the situation. “Toshi, I know. And I completely support—”

However, even as he went slack in attempt to ease some of the rapidly augmenting pressure, Hijikata only became more rigid and defensive. Impenetrable and not open to debate, he hadn’t even allowed Kondo to finish as he continued his own tirade. “What’s necessary for the Shinsengumi, for everyone.”

“Of course, Toshi. I never said—”

And that marked the point of no return, when whatever veneer of possession Kondo thought he had over this exchange met its conclusive demise. Past experience advised him to lay off until Hijikata unwound from his current state, but he’d continued his futile attempts until the limit was reached. Now, the scales tipped completely, the world skewed, and the next thing Kondo realized was that he’d trapped himself in a room with an unleashed tiger.

And worse yet, that tiger was wounded.

Snarling, Hijikata violently thrust his elbows out with enough strength to emancipate himself from Kondo’s grasp and staggered forward, the volume of his words increasing as his shoulders began to rise and fall. “Even if that means enforcing seppuku. Even if the man who committed it was innocent, even if we all knew he was covering for someone else.”

Whirling on the soles of his socked feet, Hijikata turned back to Kondo. Their vision had adjusted to the dark, the pale blue light from outside faint but present enough to allow them to clearly make out each other’s expressions. And Hijikata’s eyes, they were rife with a formidable cocktail: of anger, of mortification…of other things he very likely must have preferred to keep to himself.

Still, with a half-hearted shrug, his hands barely lifted near his hips. “Even if it’s over fifty ryo.”

Kondo was almost breathless. “It’s not a small sum.”

Once again, the rebuttal went entirely ignored.

“Even if it was for something we tactically needed anyway. Even if Kawai waited day in and day out, asking hour on the hour: Has the courier arrived? Has the courier not yet come?” Standing still again, Hijikata quickly licked his lips and cocked his face before righting it. “Even when our own people came to me, begging and making demands to pardon him…expecting me to do only what our absent commander could.”

Kondo shook his head, and though there was plenty he wanted to say, he finally relented and let Hijikata keep going without further counter.

“So Kawai goes through with it. Because he has to. Because those are our rules. And his seppuku is botched because Tani missed. Actually missed.” A hand cut through the air. “Struck him right in the back, Kat-chan. You should’ve heard the mewl.”

“Toshi,” Kondo breathed, slowly approaching him. His hands began to lift, to reach toward the shoulders still laboriously undulating; however, before seeking purchase, they paused as he considered if contact was welcome now. How quickly he’d gone from inciting such a self-assured campaign of good intention to these humble defensive measures of defeat. “Tosh—”

“You say Gen-san explained things to you, but did he actually tell you the worst of it?” Hijikata neither leaned in nor recoiled at Kondo’s advance. He did, however, raise his brows, nodding in rapid succession as his demeanor began to disintegrate further. “I don’t even mean how the courier finally arrived less than two hours after, no. I’m talking how Kawai’s father sent more than what was owed with a loving letter to his now-dead son. Did you hear that part, Kat-chan? How the letter explained that he was on business and that’s why there was a delay? How he wrote how proud he was of him for being responsible and bringing honor to their family, how he hoped we—” His voice began to crack and his gaze pulled off to the side.

Hijikata drew a sharp inhale, clearly premature in forcing himself onward and yet he kept right at it. “We, his great and loyal friends, would continue...heh.” His eyes closed, then squeezed, and his palms raised to cover them. Fingers were half-clenched in the air and the last words fell raw. “...taking care of him.” A breathy laugh followed—coerced, strained, gruff.

At last, Kondo’s touch fell upon Hijikata, large warm palms pressing to the cool skin of his elevated biceps and waiting for consent. Hijikata’s arms fell and the fierceness within his gaze pierced straight through to Kondo’s soul, sizing him up and sending a cascade of ripples along its celestial fabric. And then, it was as if his rationality had suddenly caught up to his emotions—that he realized where he was, and what he’d just divulged and in what way. “Was that the point of all this?!” Exasperation shaded his tone as he lashed out, his pupils shrinking. “This was really what you wanted?”

Hijikata hadn’t meant that, and Kondo knew it…knew he was just working through his own feelings and retreating into his own deep-rooted defense mechanisms. Anyone would do so when backed into a corner. Still, even a frivolous insinuation that Kondo would ever actually want to see Hijikata break or suffer in any way caused heaviness to radiate from the center of his chest and filter outward. His breath caught with the ache of his heart, and all he could do was offer a vehement denial.

Kondo set his mouth in a line and adamantly shook his head. He focused on the absolute exhaustion before him—the mental and physical tolls, the hurt in those dark eyes—before slowly, imprudently reaching to Hijikata and trailing the back of his fingers down his cheek with a feather-light touch.

What began as a flinch eased into a waning of the anger and desperation radiating from Hijikata through the tenderness of Kondo’s caress; despite that, he remained unmoving and cautious, as if he were looking for ulterior motives even when he knew none existed. A wounded tiger, indeed. But Kondo was aware, from spending over a decade with this man, what he wanted most of all right now. It was just a matter of finding out if he’d allow it.

Upon reaching the soft edge of Hijikata’s jaw, his digits fell gently to the nearest shoulder, latching on before starting to coax him forward. Kondo fully expected another outburst, another scathing rant which he believed was more than deserved at this point; however, to his surprise, the action was permitted.

He didn’t wait for a change of mind. Kondo’s hand slipped to Hijikata’s back and hauled him forth to eliminate the space separating them—so strongly and so close that he felt the lips which had just injured him press against his shoulder upon the impact. From there, Kondo wrapped his arms around the smaller frame and held tight with an overwhelming possession, as Hijikata slowly melted into him and hands lifted in kind to take to his haori.

This was the place Kondo had wanted them to get to upon initiating that first embrace…but not like this, or at the expense of discomfort or coercion. He’d wanted Hijikata to talk to him, so he could listen and support; certain that he could at least do that, his movements had started with a particular degree of confidence. Now, however, Kondo remained silent and stared into nothingness across the room.

He was no longer convinced that any of the comfort he was capable of providing would be enough to assuage and heal these kinds of wounds. Because it was just as Hijikata had said: Kondo hadn’t known the full extent—and therefore couldn’t possibly, genuinely, share in the immeasurable pain of consequence. He hadn’t needed to stand helplessly by while an unthinkable situation and its many moving pieces unfurled to leave gashes and scars in its wake.

He couldn’t even effectively pick up the damn pieces in the aftermath without making things worse. So he resolved to let his arms do the talking, let his body provide the consolation his lips could never. While the quietude hung heavy and the guilt weighed in deep, Kondo cupped the base of Hijikata’s neck and once more leaned his cheek against neatly styled hair.

They stayed this way for a meaningless amount of time, until Kondo finally felt the grasp on his attire loosen, and the fabric subsequently giving way with the slack.

As he righted himself, Hijikata’s gaze lifted to meet Kondo’s, showing much softer eyes to match his voice. “That’s what you didn’t know, Kat-chan.” He inhaled briefly and gave a tiny shrug. “Or, it’s what I didn’t want you to.”

“Why.”

A gentle half-sigh feathered across his sensitive skin. “For all the good this is doing you, or either of us.”

Kondo swallowed, feeling his expression contort as he searched the distant dark edge of the room again. “No.” Finally, he sought Hijikata’s eyes again, the words coming forth barely above a whisper. “Why are you always protecting me like this?”

“How can you ask that? That’s my job.” Hijikata’s chin fell with a strong nod rife with purpose. “It’s my sworn duty and honor as your vice commander.”

Pulling his mouth taut, Kondo’s lashes fell for a moment and he thought to make an argument but let it go.

“Kat-chan, let’s get one thing straight. I can’t do what you do.” There was a slight shake of Hijikata’s head. “I couldn’t pardon Kawai. It wasn’t my role.”

“But—”

“And I accept that. Along with the responsibility of enforcing our code, no matter the cost.”

“Even when it’s your hands always getting dirty,” Kondo said, instead of asked.

“No matter the cost,” Hijikata reiterated. He swallowed afterward and peered toward the shoji for a beat. “In the long run, nothing like that matters. As long as we keep going forward.” There was another deliberate nod before his eyes found Kondo’s again. “As long as you’re still commander.”

They stared at each other for several moments, and Kondo became of aware of how openly he was wearing his own emotions in that moment.

“Kat-chan…” Hijikata’s voice was nearly breathless. “Don’t you get it by now? Don’t worry about me. All you need to do is keep leading as you are and let me take care of everything else.”

What could he say to that? Nothing at all. It was proof that Hijikata had already come to terms with Kawai’s fate. Of course, it hurt. Naturally, it wasn’t easy. But he’d already justified it and what he needed most now was time to let his feelings settle, especially when surrounded by their own men who also were also in mourning. The best Kondo could do was offer his embrace as he was doing now, a trifle in comparison.

However, there was just one further question that gnawed at him and his brow furrowed further. “Toshi…” Kondo paused to lick his lips, his gaze falling as he considered his words. When his eyes lifted again, they were accompanied with a slight squint. “…What makes you think I would have pardoned Kawai?”

Hijikata huffed out of his nose. “What makes you think you wouldn’t have?”

Once again, Kondo found himself speechless.

[waynestatements]

It is 2020 cancelled?

When we say 2020 is a promising year according from most of us people, there are expectations, wishes and plans to do to make our lives better but how about to turning this thing out into unexpected disaster.

In this year 2020, there are certain events bringing with nature and human activities that all of us gets our uninvited attention. Yes some of these events has been running from ber-months last year (2019) it has to be rumors or even a fresh hot news but ours (as audience) didn't take it more seriously because it will affect us anyway, so that's why they're don't understand. Some of these events which in the news became the most influential because it will include some celebrities in an situation that related in their daily lives.

In January, these events that I've mention are:

1. The conflict of United States versus Iran, it nearly went to another war, or economic war.

2. Australia bushfires, these natural disaster has brought into broken hearts and tears of the world because we've seen how these bushfires destroyed the greens and living animals there.

3. (however in the local news) Taal Volcano eruption, these unexpected event has brought us Filipinos into more political context rather than natural context. Many of crock politicians has making this sensational into their own promising agendas, there are more people in that area has moving to another place, without daily supplies, and even basic needs. This is so annoying from the Filipino context.

4. (the local news again.) Initialization of Coronavirus in the Philippines, some of the news are in the big deal of this virus and most of us didn't take it seriously because we didn't see about what might happen into pandemic unlikely today.

5. (a local interesting news) James Reid and Nadine Lustre breakups, actually this is a typical breakup just like anyone else here but this is most interesting because among other famous celebrities in this country, these two has the most promising long term relationship based on their perspective and personal stands in life, who knows this is what happened to both of them. There are so many theories about them but these two has effected most of the Filipinos in their daily social media lives.

6. Kobe and Gigi's death, Los Angeles Lakers legend Kobe Bryant together with his daughter Gigi and his few basketball friends and people hit by an helicopter crash, which is caused of their unexpected death obcourse, the world will bring their heads down in that horrible news. Many NBA fans crying, he inspired LeBron and all of his fans in the world has (meaningful feeling) devastating to them.

For January, this is the event that brought us what's going on to the world. For the next 30 days, these news is happening, what more to the next 30 days, it was terrible. Yet, there are social media trolls spewing their stupidity and clownery elsewhere that many netizens bite into it and brought into rage. So many false information has shown for covering up the government's faulty response everyday.

Until the shocking news strikes in February, the Novel Coronavirus initiates to the world, breaking the rumours into reality that it spread the sickness to Wuhan China. A large scale of infected with that area and kills more people so that the world alarming with that possibility could reach the infection through domestic process. Many countries imposed the travel ban especially from any Chinese travelers. But here we are as Filipinos, didn't aware of it, they're ridiculed the news first, clowning the fact that "it's just a sickness that Filipinos are easier to handle" the government personnel said. They didn't imposed the temporary travel ban for Chinese because they're terrifying for the said country which they give the money making deal for some expense reason. Philippine Offshore Gaming Operator (POGO) has planing for establishment even without clarification for some labor related concerns, taxes evasions and illegalities. For some part from mainland Chinese here in this country, some of them has been already infected and/or some of them has been newly arrived even from Wuhan province which is strictly lockdown for preventive measures, still our government belittling their people's request that impose travel ban for mainland Chinese, but the government side troll farms from social media making false information and disseminate from every social platform sites so that the people's request has been disregarded. Also for another revelation of corruption from the Philippine govenment which is called "pastilas sceme" those government officials are nothing in their feeble minds but stupidity, they didn't take the pandemic scare seriously.

The cancerous fanatic online trolls uses so many ridiculous Facebook stories themed "compassion" and "where's your humanity" which is to turn people into bad light for not welcoming the virus carrier mainland Chinese to our country.

On March 2020, there are three positive cases reached in the metro and many medical frontliners has been bothered for that results, it has multiple positive cases of novel coronavirus that held in the news so the government initiates the lockdown in every cities and provincial areas of entire Philippines to prevent the spreading the virus, yes obcourse that was a band-aid solution, no concrete solutions at all.

Since the initiative lockdown, there are more damage reports from news worldwide especially for Italy, there are more than thousands of casualties due to that virus, more deaths and obcourse the outbreak dilemma from every residents of Italy, also it reaches from France, Germany, Greece and every part of Europe. In April, there are so many proposals of alternative livelihood that the worldwide government has to handle that pandemic, not the Philippines because all the incompetence and impunity happening even in that era of pandemic. Philippine government didn't take it serious after all. Local Government Officials and Units are the one who handle it's situation from their citizens of small town and provincial states in the country, some of them has been stepped up and do the hardcore work. Office of the Vice President of the Philippines and some of Metro Manila City Mayors response it very well (not all) gives the credit. Too many business establishments, working offices and all small jobs has been closed because of the novel coronavirus scare that leaves them starving for days and weeks, many of them became beggars of the streets to survive even when it comes for months. And that was the most ridiculous part of that situation are those self entitled snowflakes insulting all the marginalized communities who asks for help, "Stay at home and die starving, so that they cannot spread the virus and obcourse to decrease the main problem of the society." I just can't imagine how they think about that to other people.

Anyway, the incompetence never stop there. The impunity and all inresponsive acts of some local government and its public servants are getting out of hand. There are many filipinos losing their jobs and livelihood even overseas and guess what, the entire govwement officials who assigned in their particular roles didn't perform their jobs well despite of their still paid by taxpayer's money. Those domestic workers has been immediate deported here but there are no any plans and clarificarions about what's going happen next when they're here, aa usual the numbers of unemployed citizens who suffering in the midst of pandemic. Also there are the worst, so many filipino has been arrested not just of disobeying protocols but too many of them outside of the protocols concern. Not to mention that there are many of our government officials has been violated that protocols and no sanctions at all, have you know about a senator who roaming around the entire hospital eventhough that he was covid positive? Or City Mayor who manage to dismissed all patients from hospital to their homes? Or a police officer who throwing a party even in the middle of pandemic? I mean mass gathering? They are the one who judging people for disobeying the protocols but the audacity of them who do so. And about the policemen who murders the war veteran with PTSD in metro manila. There are too many impunity of this government who supposed to aid us in this pandemic but they are the number one violators instead.

The era of incompetence continues from May to June because we will see the real impunity which is these politicians ruin human rights and livelihood of the filipinos. We will see this stupid government ruin their oath once again for the top longest running national broadcast network has been signing off because of the denial of their franchise renewal of their frequencies, this is the ultimate heartbreaking and family breaking moments of my life as well of those eleven thousand plus employees and subordinates who losing their jobs and lay offs for those fresh employees from that top company nationwide. Alto Broadcasting System and Chronicle Broadcasting Network (ABS-CBN) has the longrun brodcaating network company has the multiple holdshares and consistently on the top companies nationwide. In their multiple hold shares and being top client for so many good adverrising, public relation and marketing events companies and multi media companies as well. Since from nonesense hearing from that irrelevant and un proven violations of that said companies courtesy from those nincompoops representatives from some local units that 70 of them voting for denied from their franchise renewal which is cost of eleven thousand plus employees but those advertising and multi media companies as well because ABS CBN aa their stable and legitimate client of their company so it sums all of 20,000 overall individuals who has losing their jobs for thar biggest network company closure and take note, it all happening at the middle of the pandemic which is most of the filipinos has the hard time to find their jobs at that time. For me eventbough that I'm not from ABS but that advertising company along west avenue will being affected because one of our lefitimate client was ABS CBN, since this company was signing off, our company will closed down too which is cost of my job as well. And guess what, these scumbags from congress didn't even has a plan to get an alternative jobs for us who lost from their stupendous decisions.

Following that all journalist online has in their hot seats including the ordinary citizens who gaves the constructive criticisms especially from the government official's incompetence. Too many social media netizens receives their subphoena(s) to ruin their future life preferences obcourse, which means the entire philippine governemt was in the bad light for how they manage the pandemic response, seriously they are the worst of the worst, imagine that in all southeast asia countries, only philippines has the longest lockdown period without any concrete plans except one, kill almost 75 percent of the filipino population due to that virus scare in so many ways. Including the EJK. Rappler is the one who stands to opposing the government's impunity and incompetences but the CEO Maria Ressa has be in danger for her conviction due to the nincompoop politician's machinations. Also, the ridiculous part of our pandemic situation isn't over yet.

Our dearest administration instead of come up a effective plans for covid pandemic and mass testing, they're making irrelevant and stupendous regulations for everyone. Anti terror law. These idiots construct another bill to bring more hardships for filipinos, they're meant to fight terrorism and protection for people, but in the middle of this crisis? Instead of protection, this is what we get from them, "Red tagging intensifies". For many good citizens who criticize the wrongdoings of the government, the activists and even the humanitarian organization members has meant for that useless bill. There are the worst part of the bill that somebody in uniform use it for any wickedness. A 15 year old girl was being raped by an police officer and she report it at the nearest police station and suddenly when she went home, she was gunned down by two cops. Imagine this bill was used for evil and the poor girl gets the terrible fate, she was raped and then murdered and now she was being tagged as terrorist? Seriously?

The impunity of these people never stops until so many rooters looking for contributons for society from every people has the good thoughts. Speaking of contribution monthly, the philhealth scam and corruption has been exposed and all the officials of that department has the hot seats from all netizens nationwide. The government hasn't find the ways to cover it up but the people's rage about it was so strong as they expected. They're always reminding about 15 billion worth of their contribution was burst like a bubble.

As usual that our society didn't learn from that inresponsive government officials and the worst is they're keep rooting for them. What's new? They was been paid by them to do and give stupidities into social media. Six months like an probation period of employment, for a lockdown that they are great for covering the trash of this adminiatration for doing such a mess to our country. Speaking such a covering the actually trash from Manila bay just like a fake white sand of it, Dolomite Sand an artificial invented courtesy from the Department of Environment and Natural Resources which the speaker of the palace proclaims that this is good for mental health? Yes it was a big joke. We already know that dolomite is very bad for people's health so these scumbag restricting people to near that place. This is our 60 million plus from our taxes. It only shows to diverting the ussue from Department of Health's inutile and incompetence and Philhealth scams to the public.

Until the news that shocked to the public that a woman arrested just because many authorities has been persecuted her as terrorist which is illegally arrest that cost the life of her child, and we've seen that how rude and monstrous act from our public servant obcourse. Another human right violations, illegal persecutions, red tagging, arresting without search warrant coyrtesy from that garbage anti terror bill and this is not going to stop until there are the enablers of that stupidity.

The last two months of the year was a little bit repeated from the first two months of this year, which is the natural disasters. Last time from an volcanic outbreak and now from the consecutive typhoon and storms that strikes so many places here in the philippines.

Typhoon Rolly was destroys so many properties and livelihood of the filipinos but the typhoon Ulysees devastated not the city but brings so many human casualties as well. For so many days for need saving and rescuing but the national government didn't listen to them. The "#NasaanAngPangulo" from any social media sites has been reached from top trends of the year because there are so many people diamayed and disappointed for not responding the natural disaster concern. I already figure it out that these people from the government didn't care for us after all even it was their oath and we"ve paying them with our taxes or these people are planning to kill us all.

In our international issues and concern, the typical filipino's favorite American president Donald Trump loses his presidentiable bet in their election, and so many fanatical pinoys was dismayed of it as if that they were affected of their similar bastard lose in the battle, well it just to end of american's impunity I guess? Joe Biden wins of presidential election and most of americans vote for him not just because they love and adore Biden but because they're hate Trump. Voting for democrat president (again) is just serve their lesson by puting the wrong man in the white house last 2016 that cost them alot of livelihood, impunities, racisms and more violence to their country, and his incompetence kills most mumbers of their citizens by failing response for covid pandemic in their country, this time it won't do the same mistake again. (Atleast they learned the important lesson) well, I wish it do the same for the Philipoines, throwing out the incompetent government officials and justice for their crimes I guess. Especially even it comes from the last month of this year before hitting this Chrisrmas, our dearest president has the audacity to seeing the importance of mass testing which is failed or too slow to seeing it eight months ago. Wondering he was playing stupid again to covering up so many anomalies and his inutile performances for years and still counting. Speaking of counting impunities, he order to kill people from the policemen in order to satisfy his anger management issues, there are incident form Paniqui, Tarlac which is argument between criminal policeman and the common neighbor mother and son which brought into their terrible fate by shooting them with that bastard cop, the hashtag all cops are bastards are trend for awareness in social media.

Education state

This global pandemic affected most of people's daily activities such as work places, street jobs and even for educational concerns of the youths, all of them has been focused more ij social media, well obcourse that was the best way of information that they get since they didn't go for their schools during lockdown. I mean their education is not their priority that time because they're find it boring and no actual interaction from professors to students in their schools, no actual learnings and social life which is important and also, no allowances from their parents. As for those faculties, this pandemic affected much of them, not all of them can access for online class, most of them can get their alternative works for their everyday needs, but the passion of teaching has been fading away. Our government did not interested to oversee this problem, which is obviously they was been intended from the start, people didn't send their childred to schools so that they became the large number of morons of the society, and it will beneficial for the corrupt official to put them in the government seats in the future. Yeah, how terrible that is. Now as we can see for all of this, our government that give them they're salaries intendedly kills us slowly and terribly, that's how it works if we seing it today and the worst part of this are most of the people still blind to see it.

We can learn this moral lesson during this global pandemic or we should still blind and drown from our priviledges, because we're not deserving this reality. We need accountability from them, stop romanticising Filipino resilency, we must act now or 2021 has became the same as it is.

This is Wayne... Out.

#StooRomanticisingResilency

#Accountability

#VoteWisely2022