#EVEN IF JESUS ALLOWED HIM TO CARRY ALONG THE SWORD HE STILL DIDN'T TELL HIM TO ASSAULT THAT MAN

[papirouge]

"The sell your cloak and buy a sword" has to be one of the most misquoted Bible verse EVER

It's now become a pet peeve of mine Witnessing all these idiots with surface level theology take this passage at face value and mUh tHe BibLe wAnTs yOu tO bUy gUnS!! and seemingly don't have enough braincells left to rub to realize that the Sword is a metaphor for the Word/Christ crossing several books in the Bible AND that Jesus rebuked Peter for using the very same weapon he was allegedly okay with him using, and went as far as to heal the very man he harmed doing so, but hey I guess expecting those Christians to have a crumb of critical thinking skills might be a little bit too much to ask

[goineedsleep]

this is just as bad, if not worse, than my previous idea

-olberic is a soldier of... what do i call it... goshdang it i'm just calling it atlasrule, and he does it really well

-erhardt and he are excellent at it, but they prefer sticking to one area: olberics hometown of... i'm calling it hornburgia(that's an awful name, i know)

-they're called to the capital for a meeting, and they aren't very happy about it but they accept anyways

-olberic just wants to pet his cat, goddamnit

-and they go there to complete mayhem

-nobles are out on the streets, screeching about how their rivals are dirty liars! That they never betrayed the capital, and that everyone who claims so is a "dirty fool who hasn't seen money once before in their lives"!

-olberic and erhardt: -_-

-they head towards the meeting location and are yelled at by those people. it's one hell of a saturday

-they ask the guard captain what in the name of jesus christ is going on -he heard that a group of nobles conspired against prince cyrus after he came out of the closet, and they didn't manage to take him out. -olberic and erhardt, bisexual disaster besties they are, are like "...well they had it comin" and move on to what they're needed for

-they need to be the bodyguards for prince cyrus because he's being attacked

-erhardt declines because he wants to protect hornburgia. olberic accepts because he can

-and so he meets the prince of atlasrule. and happens to get along with him very well

-they accidentally match clothes one day and the king just stared at them like

-and over the course of a month they start crushin HARD

-it's a problem for no one but the kings advisor, werner

-he's constantly reminding the prince that he needs to focus on his studies, no matter what emotions he may face

-olberic literally has to carry cyrus out bridal style from the library a few times a week, which allows the maids of the house to flip the hell out every time he has to ensure cyrus doesn't sleep on a desk

-the things he does for his crush, am i right?

-then olberic finds out that the attack on cyrus for coming out of the closet was orchestrated by a person still in the castles service, and rightfully freaks the fork out

-he alerts cyrus, and tells him to keep it a secret. they need to know who it is before exacting their revenge on this perpetrator

-cyrus lets werner know about this mysterious perpetrator, having trusted him for years

-cyrus is kidnapped the following week

-olberic starts investigating like. all the time -even on weekends

-boi is stressed as hell, and is out of a job

-he follows the advice of cyrus to go ahead and look for the master sword

-he goes to the water kingdom for their key to the sword first -alfyn, an amateur doctor, shows olberic where to find the key: inside the stomach of their queen, who has been incredibly unwell for the past few months -he's analyzed the causes again and again, and can find only one cure: an herb only found in Bolderfall, where the Gorons live -olberic agrees to go there- there's another key to the sword in the region anyways

-they get to Bolderfall, and things are in a royal mess -the people there are sick too, but from a completely different ailment -alfyn's able to treat it, and he goes around helping people all day -he's incredibly tired, and olberic pays for his inn stay for once

-the next day, they wake up to alfyns bag being stolen -olberic and alfyn track down the thief, who is attempting to treat some of their accomplices -alfyn properly takes care of these individuals, and questions the thief as to why he stole the bag -thief was trying to take care of these people, since no one's even bothering with their own family and there's no apothecary that'd dare take care of the low income portions of the city -alfyn insists otherwise and makes conversation with the guy while olberic gets his first key

-the next day, they head back to clearzoras domain, with the thief named therion in tow -he's tagging along because he wants to, he claims. they don't want to push their luck, so they aren't prying -they save the queen in the brink of time, so she regurgitates the key and olberic's off to find the last one -alfyn and therion accompany him- alfyn to travel the world and help more people out, therion for undisclosed reasons -on their way to the forest, they encounter primrose -she travels with the rest of the group because she is heading that way anyways

-the third area is not in trouble until primrose stabs someone and werner chooses violence at the same time -one of his underlings, a naive fool called darius, lead the charge of an assault on the entirety of atlasrule -werner's attempting to take over the kingdom after imprisoning both the king and his son -they're to be killed once werners conquest is done and over with -therion interrupts darius's monologue with a very violent kick to the nuts -and then therion wins in combat against a darius on a horse -olberic grabs the third key with the assistance of a huntress known as h'aanit in the middle of the commotion

-therion explains that darius was an old friend, and he heard from rumors that he can not only kick him in the nuts, but also destroy everything he's ever worked for. after what he's done to therion, it's only fair at this point -alfyn and co. learn about therions trauma and alfyn becomes a lot more protective over therion -it makes olberic chuckle a little bit- reminds him of his own crush on cyrus

-primrose describes her own dilemma with avenging her father, and is now accompanied by haanit wherever she goes -she doesn't mind it, either

-olberic unlocks the master sword, and now the group can challenge werner and tressa, the spirit of the sword, is constantly talking to olberic in his head -he wants this to be over ASAP- he is terrified for cyrus's life -he and the rest of the group storm through the castle, fight redeye, cassandra(is that tressa ch4 boss or is my brain f-cking with me), simeon, lucia... all those fellas, and then they fudge werner up -it all goes off without a hitch- cyrus is freed from his prison cell and fights with the rest of them as well -fudging werner up is a successful mission

-following the events of this, olberic and cyrus get together -they get married in the far, far future, but they do start dating after werners insurrection -they get the countries shit back together, and say gay and trans rights -a few months after the insurrection alfion occurs

and yeah this is something i wrote impulsively

i couldn't even be funny with erhardt going to femboy hooters. this is truly humorless

i am going to bed now tho, so enjoy it i guess