#ESPECIALLY as an overweight 18 year old girl. being white does help but my point is i am part of two groups that make a lot of doctors

[moonmoonthecrabking]

disability pride month aka pride month 2: ouchie boogaloo

[eternalfists]

My life is crazeh

I reject this child known as Scotty Wilson Jr. because of him, everyone had me labeled a  child molester. I was never in a relationship with this kid. I never promised him forever. him and Audrian forced the issue that I end up with him or scotty. Because it was 'my fault' they were obsessed with me.

No, not at all. I was set up by the government and their parents to protect them as children. I never wanted to protect Scotty, because I knew he was crazy like his father, if not worse at ten years old. He even called a six year old girl a whore when he was like 14, because she was mixed. =/

I was sitting at the table one day, when I looked up and he was standing there, expecting me to give him … fellacio and I walked away and pretended he didn't exist anymore. HE WAS 14. His mother was a nut who thought I was after Scott Sr. Why? Because for some reason, Scott Jr. had her convinced I wanted her husband and his dick. Yeah, I didn't, I never really wanted any of those men like that.

Her youngest even claimed I molested him, Donald Jr, so I could be put in the hospital and forced into Scott Jr. and Scott Sr. care after I received money from somewhere. He became obsessed because he read all my secret blogs, like an idiot. =/ My mom was forced to give up care of me, because they kept saying she was unfit and I needed "ULTIMATE HELP." AKA Valinda had thisj planned for a long time, I was mobile and walking around until she decided ton become a rest home worker, so she could take care of me at her house and take my checks like she did her father.

HELP ME. PLEASE. Please? My family keeps abusing me and hurting me. Do you understand? He keeps saying crazy shit to me in my head all night long. Scotty Wilson Jr. acting like my cousins Cole, Dylan and even Paul Eakle. This little boy is obsessed with me. He's abusive and I am not attracted to him. Please help. let me go home to my mom and stop believing everything Valinda Eakle says? She sounds nuts. I am not schizophrenic or crazy. This woman made me sit incase her father died, so she could have extra money after he passed on, and could treat someone else like shit.

Everyone made me sit after I started losing weight, Heather convinced Valinda to go up to my house or have Eric Henson go up there and end up putting me in the mental hospital so I looked unfit over 18 times about in 3 years. This is not a joke. I need help. People act like this is normal, that I end up in the hospital several times over when in reality it was abuse of power.

I don't want to help people anymore after this. I'm done helping. I don't think my Dad disapproves of the notion. I think he understands.

anyway, I'm okay. I should be going home to my mom. Please help. If I don't post from my old bedroom by the 11th, I don't trust this fuckingn family or my mother. She brainwashed my mom into thinking she needed help, that she couldn't get up in the mornings with me and have coffee and conversation and she would sit in the back of the house and make me sit mentally, and in turn it would work physically. I'd be scared, wondering when she'd go away but she found out I was getting a lot more a month and the government can't give it to me until she fucking kicks the bucket or gets the point that I am not her slave.

Her own father wasn't even allowed to have food or hygiene he liked, unless she approved. Fuck that shit, keep that woman away. If she treated Daddy like shit and lied on him about being a child molester, she'll do it to me too. She treated him like shit while he died too. She acted like since he was passing on, it was his fault her extra money was going. She's a pill popping drug addict. Who can't get through the day without blowing out a sinus.

Please, don't do this to me. I feel like I'm burning bridges left and right, but I have no fucking choice right now so I don't end up in a loveless, sad, life where I'm yelled at all the time just for being myself and wanting a pair of headphones or a video game. Do you understand?

She sits in the parking lot of this facility during the week of the first and makes me spend all my money like it burns a hole in my pocket. I used to be responsible until she put her crazy ass plans into action. I promise. She's a powerful mentalist and she's never been part of the military and neither has her husband. She learned from Sheffield Harrison, who put this idea in her head a long time ago so men could come and share me no matter how big I was.

=/...I was going to be a moneyless whore. Do you understand? I still might be unless someone helps. She may have took my money that came from somewhere, that is all. She came up and took over our house and made us out to be trash and child molesters. This is why I hate Steubenville, people like her use their power and influence wrongly. It makes me angry.

The blonde who is overweight and really doesn't do much of anything due to laziness, which is self-imposed, but not forced like mine. She is Valinda's bestfriend. She's here making me shit and piss myself, because Valinda spent like 5 million between a group of women and told them go hurt me and pretend it's over our cousin Cole Sprouse.

She also lies and says I don't like fruit. Or like to exercise or anything. Guess what?. I LOVE ALL THOSE THINGS. Including cleaning, and cooking and eating healthy. =/

She paid Cole Sprouse 5 million... to keep me in check too. I'm angry, because I fell in love with him during this process and he abused his power to hurt me when I'm actually a good girl who did nothing wrong. I actually cared about him deeply growing up and protected him at all costs, I was already in love with him back when I was 23 and he was 18 or whatever legal age he was. I am not stupid enough to fall in love with someone so young. I loved him deeply. I'm angry and now I don't feel the same.

I had over 200 Million. She may still have custody of me to a point, or pretend she still does and have control over my money. I may never see that money now. I know that's a lot of money, and it sounds far-fetched but she stole it from me and she's dishing it out to anyone who will make sure I'm fucking kept in check and no one will believe anything I have to say.

I am now considered an unfit child molester who can't handle her own money. the money may have gotten taken away from her, and I'm still spending my SSI because I have no choice. =/ It's hard to explain what's going on. But none of this is a lie. I promise.

I'm a dark skinned Jewish girl who was treated this way, while considered white, I was told I was mixed my whole life and it fucked up my whole world. My mom is an idiot who listened to my grandma about a social experiment, see if blacks or whites treat the mix like garbage. It was actually both. =/

Scotty or someone is here, talking in the Hallway. Trying to put someone in my fucking head, which is Valinda Eakle. They're panicking that I have more to tell.

Scotty Jr has been her lover since he was 15. Do you understand? His own mother. and I'm the child molester? She used to 'make love' to him with her mouth over his sexless privates? Do you understand? Scott found out and freaked out. He tried taking his kids and leaving but Ohio is the mother state. Do you understand? Women think they're gods here and can get away with whatever in Ohio. :D Especially with money involved. Everyone who potentially took my money, have fun, you're documented in this situation as treating me like garbage and stealing from a white woman who hasn't made a mar on her record in her adulthood. *BLESSED, <I>serious.</I>*

[thetruthwillworkout]

The Real Real Journey

   Sunday, July 22, 2018…today is the day that I am going to try to start my real journey in getting back into shape and losing weight. It is 9 pm and I have eaten a 3-piece chicken combo Popeyes meal (at 3 pm), and that is basically the only thing I am eating today since it was so greasy I just want to drink water and wash it all away. I am also in the midst of watching a documentary on Netflix called “From Fat to Finish Line” which has inspired me to write this blog post, as it is in some way keeping me accountable for what I have done during the day. The documentary focuses on 12 individuals who have collectively lost 1200 lbs together and celebrating their weight loss with a marathon. Today, I can successfully tell you I have still not done my calculus or physics homework, and have done a 20-minute Blogilates workout which I took several breaks in between since I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life, which is the whooping weight of about 190 lbs.

   I can honestly say this wasn’t too big of a surprise, I can see it in my face, my stomach, my arms. My fat was just everywhere and it has very heavily affected my perception of myself. I don’t look the way that other 18-year-olds look, especially since in university at every club and party, girls are trying to go out practically naked…but honestly I think they look great! I’m never jealous of other girls with great bods, I congratulate them! I mean, it must not have been easy to get that six-pack and a booty that just won’t stop! I just imagine the hard work they must have done. When I see girls like this, I just evaluate my own decisions, was it smart to order a pizza and eat it by myself? No, I don’t think so. I can go on and on about poor decisions in my life, but nobody got time for that. But I wasn’t always like this, with my knowledge of fitness and health I don’t know how I let myself come to this point in my life.

   Since about 2013-14, I have been watching this Youtube channel called “Barbell Brigade” where it portrays an L.A. powerlifting gym. I got to watching these videos due to the gym owners Bart and Geo, who have separate Youtube channels called “Just Kidding News”, “Just Kidding Party”, and a couple of other funny stuff. I started watching this powerlifting channel since I loved their other channels so much, I just wanted to help them become successful by visiting all their channels. I began watching these powerlifting videos because I thought it was just SO cool to watch people lift heavy weights and it was just completely badass. This made me interested in learning more about the ever-growing sport so I got to watching their videos answering viewers questions about all things fitness related, such as “Do Supplements Work” or “Lifting Advice for Beginners”. I binge watched all these videos and tried to just absorb all this knowledge and learn how to lift.

   I was about 13 when I was overweight in the eyes of my parents. I believe I was 5’3 and 120 lbs. Looking back at pictures and videos I do not look fat at all but I do just have a bigger frame than other girls, as my hips were very ‘womanly’. This was due to the fact that I went through puberty at the age of 10!! All the sudden I had B cups by the age of 12 while girls in my class have not even tried on a training bra yet. I was so self-conscious back then, now I wish I was 120 lbs. Anyways, at the age of 12 I went through a lot of changes, my parents spent over $1000 on acne treatment (oh yeah, and I also have such bad acne doctors would get shocked by it…yeah it was that bad) and I also joined the gym! Since you had to be 14 to register my dad used my older sister’s name and everything to get me in…I looked 16 at 12 so I think it’s fine, not illegal or anything…right? Lol, so at this time, I just used the machines at the gym and I went practically every other day with my dad, and I started to lose weight! Then winter came, and I just didn’t have the energy to go out, or I was tired from school. I was just making these excuses to not go to the gym because I thought I was done with my journey. I looked and felt great so that meant I could stop going which is what I think was going through my head. Unfortunately, this was not the case and I got into a huge argument with my parents.

   Being Korean girl growing up in a predominantly white neighbourhood can be a challenge for a first-generation immigrant. I believed that guys only wanted girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, and no one would like my small eyes and big nose. Also, being a first-generation immigrant, my parents knew no one in Canada and started from nothing basically. Money was always tight and my mom always made a big deal of it. So, this relates to my journey because I stopped going to the gym, which did not go over well with my parents. Gym memberships are not cheap by any means, and by me not going were stressing them out, with my mom shoving the membership bills in my face and yelling at me. Being 12 and going through puberty, this was not a good time for a girl to hear she was too fat when I already knew that I was convinced that no one would like me if I was too fat, and Asian and I was going to end up alone with 20 cats (12-year-olds are sooo dramatic, am I right? Or am I right…?). This sent me into a depression which my parents noticed, and in my culture, you show your love with food. So, my mom is trying to apologize by buying me McDonald’s and just whatever is unhealthy. Of course, I ate all of it and eventually forgave her. With the weight I am at now, you have probably guessed I am the child that has fought with my parents the most and time and time again they fill me up with food to make up for it. But, I am in no way in shape or form, blaming my parents for my weight…kinda. This is majority my fault, but honestly, I didn’t know any better for myself and I was just filled up with hormones. It wasn’t until I was 15 when I started to make a change.

   At the age of 15, I joined the gym again with my parents, and I also started going on runs everyday! Yayy! I think it was this age where I was the most fit I had ever been. My friends were noticing my weight loss (starting at 140 lbs to about 130 lbs), I was becoming quicker on my feet in my volleyball games which my coach noticed. I was constantly working out and eating healthy for about 3-4 months…but then came my mother. I was doing so well in reaching my goal of weighing 120 lbs, but going out to eat with my family was never fun. My mother would try to get me to eat chicken wings or pasta but I refused…until one day I didn’t. This just broke a wall in me, I began to eat more, and my runs were less frequent. My excuse for not running was it was starting to snow, and I didn’t have clothes to workout in the snow and I had no money to buy $100 sweaters for running at the Nike store. I quit the gym again, much to the disappointment of my parents, and I started to lose control of my self and my body once more. I love my mother, but she can make or break my mood and motivation at the snap of her fingers. She is always someone I look up to, and when I was younger, I thought my parents knew everything and everything they said was 100% true and accurate (I found out that this was false a couple of years later). But my father on the other hand has always been there for me, I tell him almost all my problems and he’s the one that helps me rationalize and get through them. He was always at my volleyball games and just there for me in general.

   Back to weight loss! I gained a shit ton of weight back, but luckily, I took a course in grade 11 called Weight Training. This class allowed me to properly learn how to use most equipment at the gym, as well as learn how to properly squat (but using the smith machine) and using free weights. I already had previous knowledge on most of it since I’ve been on and off going to the gym since the age of 12, but I did learn which workouts target which muscles and how to safely train in the gym. Loved the class, and in that class, I met one of my close friends today, which is a nice plus 😊. I liked this class so much, I took it again in grade 12. In my grade 12 year I joined the gym, once again. It was never consistent, I tried to diet but it never seemed to stick, I wanted to go running but all of the sudden I was embarrassed and unfamiliar with it since I haven’t done it in 2 years. I was eating basically whatever I wanted and would go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week, never taking training too seriously. On the plus side, I finally got the courage to learn how to squat and deadlift with the squat racks at the gym, which my father did not think it was a good idea. My father is always concerned my health, but I believe he doesn’t know about health as much as he thinks he does, or he thinks he knows better than me. He might know better than me, but he will not take my passion away from weights and learning from professional athletes online. At this point in my life, I became more knowledgeable in powerlifting, crossfit, health, different diets, but was not really practicing any of it due to the restriction I felt I had living my parents. I was able to squat 50 lbs (with a 45 lb bar) and deadlift about the same weight, but was not eating the way I wanted to.

   Then things changed when I went away for university. I learned that I found it was much more peaceful living away from my family, but this meant I had freedom in food choices which I didn’t have with my parents. Contrary to my mother trying to fatten my up, she’s the one that is constantly telling me that I shouldn’t wear blue jeans since they make me look too big and I should just stick with black clothing since it makes people look slimmer, or I shouldn’t spend money on clothes since she knows I’m not going to have the confidence to wear it. Just stuff like this to make a girl feel like shit. What I learned is that my mother is just projecting her own insecurities onto me, which I can look past, up to a certain point though. Next thing you know I’m 190 lbs, on my way to 200 which I am horrified to be. I’m about to enter my 20s, I can’t enjoy my 20s being fat! I need to dress slutty and make bad decisions in this period of my life!! I am 90% joking about this 😉. But at 18-years-old, I am going to find a personal trainer and try to get myself back on track. Tomorrow, I am going to try and wake up early and go for a jog. I am already intermittent fasting which I believe is great! I don’t have to worry about making 3 meals a day and can mostly focus on just eating fruits and vegetables as snacks during the school day in the period of 8 hours.

   I am going to try and update this blog post daily to what I’ve done in the day.