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a safe haven l chapter five (j. miller)

series masterlist l previous chapter

summary: You and Ellie have a talk outside your house in the middle of the night and you discover her secret; Joel asks you one more time to tell him to back off and you don’t comply.

pairing Joel Miller x Female Reader; Ellie Williams x Platonic Female Reader

warnings/tags 🏷️ 18+ only, minors dni. mention of reader’s injuries (minimal use of color description), very slight talk of DV in the beginning, mentions of infertility, pregnancy loss; Ellie angst and struggles, reader angst and struggles; protective Joel; infidelity. SMUT. 🔥 groping, fingering, oral sex (female receiving). hopefully I didn’t miss anything, there’s a lot going on in this one.

word count: 7.3k

an 📝 okay but the fact that this is actually out on a Friday?? I am so proud of myself lmao. keeping this short because I have to get back to work from my lunch break 😬 I will do the taglist once I get home since I ran out of time right now on my break!

Your eyes are like weapons, your lips could teach lessons

don’t use them so reckless, ‘cause for you I’m helpless

you gotta take caution, you know that I’m all in

the chance of me falling, you know that it’s often

you’re starting up a wildfire in my heart

You stared up, almost blankly, into the darkness of the bedroom. Unable to see the hour on the watch sitting on the oak nightstand next to your bed, you didn’t know exactly what time it was, but you were pretty certain that it was now well past the middle of the night or possibly even past the earlier hours of the morning. The harder that you’d tried forcing yourself to fall asleep, the more you found yourself tossing and turning. It was beginning to take away what little sanity you had left and at this point, you were starting to think it would be better to give up on sleep altogether.

Luke was laying in bed right beside you, although he’d rolled over onto his side with his back to you; he had gone straight to sleep after dinnertime and you couldn’t have been more grateful for that. You often had very little choice but to fulfill your wifely duties in bed, but lately Luke had been so tired he hadn’t even bothered with you, and for that, you’d also been grateful. You had grown to simply loathe it whenever he touched you, you fucking despised it whenever he would kiss you—you couldn’t even stand it when he so much as looked at you.

Being careful not to wake him up, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and stood up, quietly padding your way over into the bathroom. Closing the door, you flipped on the lights and took a good look at yourself in the larger oval shaped mirror on the wall above the white porcelain sink; you began to carefully inspect your reflection, silently praying to the heavens above that you’d somehow made it through another incident with Luke unscathed, no evidence of it left anywhere on your body. Though your face still stung, thankfully no marks from the blow had been left behind. Much to your complete and utter frustration, the same couldn’t be said for your upper arm. Your skin tone was blemished, the flesh of your arm tender and irritated from the iron grip he’d had on you; though it was splotched, the harder someone looked at it, the easier it would be for them to make out the shape of fingerprints, an injury you couldn’t exactly blame on running into a door or an accidental kick from one of the horses.

It would be actual, literal hell to have to wear a top with longer sleeves to cover up bruises in this heat while out working in the stables; the mere thought of it alone made you sweat. Either that, or you had no choice but to hide away at home for a few days until they cleared up enough so they didn’t look so suspicious. It wouldn’t be the first time you’d have to pretend to be sick so you could skip out on your work duties long enough for your bruises to heal.

You took a thin, cotton gray robe hanging from the bathroom door and slipped it on before turning off the lights and slipping back into the bedroom. You were careful to be as quiet as humanly possible as you hastily made your way downstairs and dipped out through the front door and onto the porch; the summer days in Wyoming weren’t all too kind, but at least the nights showed a little bit of mercy. You wrapped the fine, almost billowy fabric of the robe around yourself as you sank down and took a seat on the top step of your front porch.

“Fuck,” You muttered out, softly.

You covered your face with both hands and shook your head as you tried, but failed, to hold back the incoming tears. You cursed again, hating how you cried over Luke. The bastard didn’t deserve any of your tears, and yet the amount of them you’d shed over him in the last couple of years would be more than enough to power the dam outside the town.

You lifted a hand to your mouth and muffled all of your sobs, but one or two had slipped out into the silence of the night. Not that it mattered, because no one was around to hear them. Besides the few people working patrol on the wall on the opposite end of the settlement, everyone was in their home fast asleep. No one was ever up at this time of the night.

Or do you had thought.

The now familiar sound of Ellie’s voice saying your name startled you completely, causing you to let a loud, audible gasp out as your head snapped up in something that felt a lot like fear. Instinctively, you reached up and quickly, almost furiously, wiped at your eyes with the sleeve of your robe. “Ellie?” You said her name in a questioning manner just as she approached. Though your voice was thick with the sound of your emotions, your concern was evident in your tone. “What are you doing outside? What’s the matter? Is everything alright?”

“I couldn’t really sleep, so I was just taking a short walk. I wanted to get some of that fresh, only very slightly humid air,” she joked, laughing at her own sense of humor. She drew closer to you and in the soft, dim glow of your porch light, she noticed the tear stains that streaked the sides of your face and her smile faded a little. “You know, I thought that I heard someone crying and for a minute, I could’ve sworn I was losing my fucking shit or something. I guess not.” She paused and shoved her hands into the pockets of her dark green pajama pants. “You okay? And before you lie to me and say that you’re fine, just know that I’m not blind and I’m definitely not fucking stupid, either.”

You could have laughed—you actually almost did.

The girl was too damn smart for her own good.

“Can I sit down?” Ellie asked, gesturing with a nod of her head to the spot beside you.

You nodded and as she sat down, your hand went around your sore arm; it wasn’t like Ellie could see it since you had it covered up, but it was a force of habit. Hiding this, concealing that, covering it up.

It was all wired right into your brain at this point.

Ellie brought her hands out of her pockets and she brought one of them down onto your bare thigh in a soft, light slap. “Alright, princess. Fess up,” she’d pinned you with that nickname since the night she had seen you in a dress at the party. Nudging your side with her elbow, she continued to say, “Talk to me. What happened?”

“Ellie—” You abruptly stopped yourself, realizing it would be a waste of breath trying to convince Ellie that nothing was wrong. You’d gotten to know just how stubborn that she could be. Letting out a sigh of defeat, you confessed, “I had a fight with Luke.”

“What did he do?”

You turned and raised an eyebrow at her. Ellie still hadn’t had the chance to meet Luke, and you had every intention on keeping it that way because for as long you could possibly help it, you wanted him to stay away from her. Still, her assumption about him being the one at fault caught you off guard; it made you wonder just how observant she was and whether or not Ellie had any preconceived notions about your marriage. “What makes you think that it was him? How do you know it wasn’t my fault?”

Ellie scoffed loudly. “What could little miss perfect possibly do wrong?”

Little miss perfect. Another one of her nicknames for you.

You couldn’t help yourself and cracked a smile.

You released a breathy little laugh and felt another tear slide down the side of your face. Reaching up, you wiped it away with the back of your hand. “I’m not perfect, Ellie. I’m far from it, actually,” You told her quietly as another tear escaped you. “I haven’t always been the best wife, definitely not a perfect one, that’s for damn sure. You might not believe it but I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in the past and those mistakes really caused a rift between us that we were never quite able to repair.”

“What could you have done that was so bad?”

“When my father got sick, I let myself drift away. I just had so much on my plate between learning to take care of the horses and looking after my father as his health deteriorated. It was so overwhelming and I shut Luke out.” You didn’t have the slightest idea as to why you were confessing any of this to a fifteen year old, but it did lift a certain heaviness, a weight that you’d been carrying on your shoulders for far too long. “I neglected him. I neglected him, I neglected my marriage.” Your voice broke off into a trembling whisper, prompting Ellie to nudge you with her elbow once more; though she hadn’t said anything, it was her way of encouraging you to let it out and god only knew that you needed to. Luke might have been an awful fucking person and you didn’t want to justify all the things he had done to you, but you still felt partially responsible for how badly things had fallen apart, long before the first time he’d ever put his hands on you. “I know Luke never forgave me for that. He hates me for it.”

“Your dad was fucking dying. You had to learn how to be a fucking animal doctor in what, like a year?” Ellie sounded angry, and you figured she would be on your side one hundred percent; she had grown to love you in the last couple of months. Ellie took a moment to calm herself down before asking her next question. “How long have you and Luke been married to each other, anyway?”

“For a few years now. We’ve been together pretty much since I got to Jackson,” You explained. “Just a few months after we met, we exchanged vows in the old church that’s just up the road.”

Ellie brought her knees up, hugging them against her chest. “Can I ask you something? It’s personal as fuck, though.” She noticed the look you tossed her and rolled her eyes. “More personal than what I’ve asked you up until now.”

“Depends, how personal are we talking?” Though you were mostly joking, part of you worried about what was about to come out of her mouth.

“How come you and Luke don’t have any kids?”

Your eyes fell down to your hands, which you were wringing together in your lap. “I don’t know, Ellie.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“Exactly that. I don’t know.” You shrugged and felt her lean against you as you elaborated on it a little further. “Once we’d realized that Jackson was just about as safe and secure as we could hope for, we tried starting a family. We wanted to have children like the other couples here in the commune. But it never happened for us. I did get pregnant once. It was right before my dad got sick. I miscarried just a couple of days after I’d taken one of those home tests people still find lying around to confirm it.”

“Shit, I’m sorry—”

“It’s alright,” You reassured her, not wanting her to feel bad for having asked. “Anyway, we tried again for a while but I never got pregnant again.” Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the expression on her face and beat her to it. “And before you ask me, we don’t know who the problem is. It could be me, it could be Luke. It could be the both of us for all we know. But without proper medical testing, it is just something that we might never figure out.”

Ellie remained silent for a moment.

You could tell that she had another query, and you could tell that it was right on the tip of her tongue, but for some reason, she was hesitant about it.

“Go ahead,” You encouraged her. “It’s okay. Ask.”

“Are you happy with him?”

That one you hadn’t seen coming.

You turned to her, trying to mask the shocked look on your face. “He’s my husband, Ellie.”

She blinked. “You didn’t answer the question.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but when words failed you, you had no choice but to clamp it shut.

You’d been stumped by a teenager.

After a long, quiet minute, Ellie laughed. “Well, the silence answered the question a hell of a lot better than you fucking did, princess.” When she noticed how you’d started wringing your hands together in your lap again, her grin faded and when she spoke again, her tone had become more serious. “I don’t get it. If you’re not happy, why not leave? Why not leave and find someone you can actually be happy with?”

“Ellie—”

“I see how a bunch of the men around here look at you, you know. Some of them should really carry a fucking bucket for their drool.” Ellie peered at you; she lowered her voice as she added, “I know Joel’s definitely got a thing for you. Shit, he’s got a thing for you big time.”

You stared at her, mouth agape. Fuck.

“And I know you’ve got a thing for him too.” Ellie’s eyes glimmered, the corners of her lips tugging up into a little smirk as she watched all the color drain from your face.

Say something, You urged yourself. Anything.

“Ellie, I’m married,” You managed to stammer out.

Ellie snorted and shot you a knowing look. “Listen princess, it’s like I told you. I’m not blind and I sure as hell am not stupid. I know something happened in the stables right before me and Dina walked in.”

Once again, she had you at a complete loss.

“So,” she prompted. “Who kissed who first?”

“Fuck,” You mumbled. Embarrassed, you dropped your head into your hands, unable to look at her. “I can’t even imagine what you must think of me—”

Ellie’s small hand touched your shoulder.

Surprised, you lifted your head and met her gaze.

“I think that you’re just someone who wants to be happy,” she stated. “And for some fucking reason, I’m guessing that Joel makes you happy?” It came out as more of a curious question than anything.

“I like him a lot, Ellie. Since the moment I first saw him back during the winter,” You admitted, feeling your cheeks grow warm. You squinted at her. “You probably find that pretty weird, don’t you?”

“Really fucking weird,” Ellie replied, causing you to laugh. “Joel’s a different breed, man. Joel is—well, Joel is Joel. I swear, I didn’t see that asshole crack a smile until weeks after I met him. We come here, and not only do you have him smiling, you got him to fucking dance at a party in front of people. You might not think anything of it, but if you knew the Joel that I met a year ago, the Joel who hated the world and every fucker in it, you’d be shocked.”

You blurted the question before you could try and stop yourself. “How exactly did you and Joel wind up together, anyway?”

Ellie’s eyes widened slightly. “Um, I met him in the Boston QZ and well—see the thing is that he—”

You could tell she’d grown nervous, afraid even.

Whatever secrets Ellie carried, she couldn’t speak of them for one reason or another.

“It’s okay,” You assured her. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me, alright?”

She bit down on her lower lip. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you—I do want to tell you. Because it’s all been weighing down on me for months. It’s the reason I can hardly ever fucking sleep at night. It’s on my mind almost all day, every fucking day,” she confessed with a heavy, exhausted sigh. “I know if there’s one person that I can trust to tell, it’s going to be you and only you.”

You waited patiently as she debated it in her mind.

“If I do tell you, I need you to promise me a couple of things. The first is that you won’t freak out.”

“I won’t freak out,” You swore to her.

“And the second is that you can’t tell Romeo that I told you anything about what I’m about to tell you, no matter what,” she warned you. “Got it?”

“Oh please don’t call Joel that,” You muttered with a small shake of your head; she narrowed her dark brown eyes at you and you held your hands up. “It all stays between you and me, Ellie. I promise.”

“Okay.”

Ellie inhaled and exhaled a deep breath before she lifted her arm and pulled up the sleeve of her shirt.

She then held her arm out to you.

“Ellie,” You gasped out her name softly. You took it into your hands your eyes slowly glazing over what appeared to be a large, healed bite wound. After a few seconds, you looked back up at her in nothing but complete and utter shock. “Is this from—?”

She nodded. “I got bit a year ago. I never got sick.”

“How is that even possible?”

“I’m immune.” Ellie withdrew her arm, tugging her sleeve back down into place. That was when she’d finally begun to tell you the entire story, beginning to end; she spent the next hour sparing absolutely no details as she recounted each and every one of the events from the abandoned mall in the Boston QZ right down to to the hospital in Salt Lake City.

She told you all about her best friend, Riley, about Marlene and the Fireflies. She told you about Joel, and about his former smuggling partner, Tess, and how Marlene had asked them to smuggle Ellie out of Boston. She told you all about how she and Joel had spent several months traveling on foot across the country to get her to where she needed to be; losses, near fatal injuries, failures, Ellie spilled it all right into your lap, leaving you speechless.

“Joel told me there’s a bunch more people like me who are immune. He said they’ve stopped looking for a cure.” Ellie’s eyes glazed over with tears, but she furiously blinked them back. “I shouldn’t even be here. I should be dead. But I’m not. I’m living in an actual fucking town, living a decent life, going to fucking parties when I should really be dead.”

Finally, you snapped it out of it, finding your voice.

“Ellie, that’s not true,” You told her softly.

“It is. I should be fucking dead, just like Riley. Like Tess. Like Sam—”

You turned and angled your body towards hers. In the most delicate tone, you began to reassure her, though you were mindful not to throw any kind of bullshit at her. “Ellie, I can’t even imagine how you must feel after everything you’ve been through, so I won’t sit here and pretend that I can.” Lifting up your hands, you took her face between your palms and held it gingerly. “But if you’re still alive, it’s for a fucking reason.”

“I thought I had a reason,” she mumbled. “But it’s gone now. I thought I had a purpose, but turns out I fucking don’t. My immunity, it means nothing. It all meant nothing, all the fucking shit that I had to go through, that Joel had to go through—it was all for fucking nothing.”

Dropping your hands from her face, you placed an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “It all might not have worked out the way you wanted it to and for that, I’m so sorry,” You said, giving her shoulders a squeeze. “Listen, I know nothing that I say can make what you’re feeling disappear. I can spit all the bullshit in the world at you, but none of it will make how you feel go away. But one thing is for damn sure, Ellie. You don’t deserve to be dead. None of what happened out there is on you, none of it is your fault. You shouldn’t feel guilty because you’re still alive. If you’re here it’s for a reason.”

“Maybe the reason is being a thorn in your side.”

Grinning, you reached up and lightly pinched her cheek, prompting her to laugh and smack at your hand. “For the record, you could never be a thorn in my side, Ellie. Not even if you tried.” You waited until her giggles subsided, then added, “And just so you know, you have my word about this staying between the two of us.”

“Swear?”

“I swear it,” You promised her with confidence.

She offered you a tiny, grateful smile. “Thanks.”

A comfortable silence settled over the two of you.

“It’s late,” You said, breaking it a few minutes later, realizing how long she had been out of bed. “Let’s get you back to your house. I’ll walk over with you, come on.” You stood up, holding a hand out to her to help her to her feet.

You walked Ellie back over to the house and stood at the foot of the porch with her for a moment.

“Hey.” Ellie turned to you. “Is it alright if I like, give you a hug or something?”

Slightly surprised, you nodded. “Of course.”

She seemed almost hesitant at first, but she took a step towards you and wrapped her arms around your waist tightly.

As you wrapped your own around her shoulders, it suddenly dawned on you that Ellie had asked for a hug not because she needed one—it was because she had realized that you needed one.

About a minute or two passed, and Ellie hadn’t let you go and it caused an emotional lump to rise to the back of your throat.

You buried your face right into her soft, brown hair as a fresh batch of warm tears sprang to your eyes and threatened to fall.

“Ellie,” You croaked out her name in an attempt to warn her.

“It’s okay,” she assured you, her head resting right on a spot on your chest where she could hear your pounding heartbeat and feel it against her cheek.

You let out a sob into her hair and your entire body shuddered, prompting her to squeeze you harder.

For the first time in over two years, you had finally allowed yourself to cry in front of someone else.

And for the first time in over two years, you finally didn’t feel so fucking alone.

Suddenly, the front door of the house swung open in such an aggressive manner that it startled both of you apart from one another.

“Jesus Christ,” Joel breathed out, letting out what sounded a lot like a sigh of relief as he came down the porch steps. “Ellie, what the hell are you doin’ out of bed at two in the goddamn mornin’? I went to check up on you and you were gone, it scared the fuckin’ shit out of me—” He stopped abruptly when he realized she wasn’t alone. He drew closer and even in the darkness he could clearly see the tears that streaked your face. “What’s the matter? What happened?”

“Nothing,” You said, quickly. “Sorry, Joel. She was with me. We were just at my house talking out on my front porch—”

He cut you off, demanding, “Why are you cryin’?”

Ellie looked between the two of you helplessly.

“Joel, it’s nothing, I promise it’s nothing,” You said as you desperately wiped at your face. “I’m fine.”

“The hell you are.” Joel turned to Ellie. “Go inside.”

“But Joel—”

He gave her a stern look and she sighed. She gave you one last quick hug before disappearing inside the house, closing the door behind her and leaving the two of you alone.

“C’mere,” Joel murmured, taking your hand in his as he led you up the steps of his front porch; he’d had the light off, but the moon and the stars lit up the night sky bright enough so that you two could still see each other even in the darkness. Joel kept your hand in his own as he guided you to sit down on the porch swing that he’d hung for Ellie. He sat down beside you. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” You fibbed again.

“Really? ‘Cause those tears tell a different story.”

Had Ellie always been stubborn or had she picked that up from Joel?

Because the latter wouldn’t surprise you.

“I had a fight with Luke before dinner last night. It was on my mind, and I couldn’t sleep so I stepped outside to clear my head a little bit,” You explained to him, keeping your story as vague as possible. “I was out sitting on my front porch when Ellie came by. She told me she couldn’t sleep and was taking a walk. She noticed I’d been crying and offered to keep me company for a while.”

“You had a fight with Luke,” he repeated.

You sighed. Was that really all he’d just heard?

“Joel—”

“Why did you two fight? He do somethin’ to you?”

Another sigh escaped you. “He said something he knew would hit a nerve. I got upset and said some stupid shit back to him that I shouldn’t have.”

Joel squeezed your hand, which he’d continued to hold in his. “Are you happy with him?”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t think I stuttered, Peach. I asked if you’re happy with him.”

Yanking your hand out of Joel’s, you stood up and walked over to the wooden railing of his porch; the sounds of chirping crickets and cooing owls filled the air. You looked out into the distance, your eyes fixed on the front door of a neighboring house.

When Ellie had asked you that question, it’d been quite innocent. But now that it was Joel who was asking you, it was different.

The sound of his footsteps coming up behind you caused you to swallow harshly. Slowly, you turned around to face him, though you hadn’t realized he had been so close; your eyes met his chest, which was clad in that same navy blue shirt from earlier.

Nervously, they flickered up to meet his dark ones.

“Luke is my husband, Joel.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

Joel had echoed Ellie’s words from an hour ago.

Like father, like daughter.

You tried again. “We’re fine together, alright?”

Joel scoffed. “Still didn’t answer the question.”

“Why does it even matter to you?” You challenged him, even though you were fairly certain you knew the answer to your own question. Still, part of you, the part that lacked all common sense, wanted to hear it from his own mouth.

“I think you know why.” He took a step closer. He’d now been standing so damn close to you that your chest would touch against his with each and every breath both of you would take.

“Joel…” You trailed off, feeling helpless.

“Tell me to back off,” Joel uttered the same words he’d said to you back in the stables. He leaned his face downwards, inching closer and closer to your own. “Please. I need you to tell me to back off.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but couldn't.

Your heart was fucking pounding. It was slamming so fast and so hard against your ribcage; surely he must have been able to feel it.

“Tell me to back off,” Joel all but demanded when you didn’t answer.

“I can’t,” You admitted, weakly. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I think you know why,” You replied, parroting his own words from just a minute ago back to him.

Your legs were wobbling, and you were afraid they would give out from underneath you. Your breaths had started coming out in pathetic little pants and your chest heaved as you tried your absolute best to steady them and even them out.

Joel reached up, cradling your cheek in his palm.

It was almost ironic.

Just hours ago, Luke had struck you there in such a painful slap, and here was Joel, holding it so soft and so gentle in his hand. His mere touch had this sort of power, one that you knew could heal all the wounds you thought you’d have to live with for the rest of your life.

His other hand went to your hip, and he pulled you in even closer to him. He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours gently, almost carefully. It was like he was testing the temperature of the ocean, dipping his toes into the waters before allowing himself to take the plunge. But the moment Joel had felt you melt right into his hands, his tongue swept across your bottom lip, silently asking your permission to go further and kiss you how he really wanted to.

Your mouth parted for him and he gingerly backed you up against the railing as he kissed you deeper, with fervor. Your hands slid their way up his chest, past his shoulders, and found themselves tangling in his graying, dark brown locks.

Joel groaned and tore his mouth away from yours as he pinned you between himself and the railing, his lips meeting the sensitive flesh of your neck in desperation. His hands moved to push your robe off your shoulders, letting it fall to the ground with a soft thud sound.

You squeaked out in surprise as his rough, slightly calloused large hands slid up the hem of your shirt and up the length of your sides, his fingers gliding their way across your smooth skin.

“Joel,” You faintly whimpered out his name, hands going to his shoulders to hold on for dear life.

You couldn’t help but to imagine what it would be like to feel those hands roaming and exploring the entirety of your body, every single inch of skin you had to offer. Your mind wandered even further and wondered how your name would sound rolling off of his tongue while he was buried inside of you.

“You really ain’t gonna tell me to back off, huh?” he mumbled into the hollow of your neck.

“No,” You breathed out. “Because I don’t want you to back off.”

Joel pushed one of his hands farther up your shirt, cupping one your breasts and eliciting the tiniest whimper as he kneaded the soft mound of flesh, a thumb going over your hardened nipple. His other hand moved around your waist and he held you as close as he could while he his teeth scraped along the skin near the hollow of your neck, nipping at it lightly.

He had to remind himself to be careful with you so as not to leave any kind of mark behind.

He withdrew his hand from underneath your shirt, moving it down to the waistband of your thin, blue shorts. His index finger skimmed along the elastic.

“Joel,” You mewled his name into his chest, thighs clenching together as the arousal pooled between them.

He just had to know what he was doing to you.

“What is it, Peach?” he asked, humming against your collarbone. “What do you want?”

You dug your fingers into his shoulders in a silent plea.

“You gotta tell me, baby,” Joel murmured quietly. “I ain’t doin’ anythin’ unless you tell me you want me to.”

“Touch me, please. I need you to touch me, Joel. I need you to fucking touch me,” You begged him in a low, husky voice you couldn’t even recognize.

Joel moved his mouth back up to yours and did as you asked, slipping his hand down down the front of your bottoms. He groaned against your lips the second he made contact with your heat. “Fuckin’ Christ,” he cursed quietly, his eyes snapping open and meeting yours in the moonlight. “Baby, you’re soakin’ wet.”

You exhaled a small gasp as he slid an index finger along your dampened slit. A second gasp escaped you when you felt him push it inside of you.

“Joel,” You moaned out his name, prompting him to quickly cover your mouth with his once again to shush you with his kiss.

Joel pulled away slightly, warning you, “We’ve got to be quiet. The kid can’t see us, but I’m willin’ to bet that she’s got her ear pressed against the door tryin’ to listen in on us.”

You nodded, biting down on your lower lip.

He pushed a second finger inside of you, relishing in how deliciously tight you felt around them.

Joel could only imagine how heavenly you would feel around something else of his.

You bit back a moan as he curled his fingers inside of you, hitting a spot you didn’t even know existed in your own body. Joel withdrew them just ever so slightly, then thrust them back into you, causing a fire that had been ignited deep in your lower belly to intensify.

“Fuck, Peach. I’ve gotta have a taste,” he muttered as he pulled his hand away from you and took two steps backwards, giving himself enough space.

Realizing what he meant, your eyes flew open and you quickly stopped him. “Joel, wait.”

He frowned, afraid he had scared you off. “What’s wrong?”

“No one has ever—I’ve never had anybody do that to me before.” Blazing heat flooded your face, and you suddenly wished the earth would just open up and swallow you whole right then and there.

Joel scoffed, almost unable to believe it. “Are you bein’ serious?”

“Does it sound like I’m kidding?”

He leaned forward, whispering the question right into your ear in a way that made you shiver. “Will you let me make you feel good?”

Your insecurities made you hesitate, but it didn’t take long for you to tell them to fuck off. Your gaze met his and you nodded in response. “Please.”

Joel dropped down to his knees in front of you. He hooked his fingers underneath the elastic waist of your shorts and pulled them down your legs along with your bikini style underwear. He carefully lifted one of your legs to free it from the clothing and he proceeded to drape it right over his shoulder.

“Fuck,” You heard him mutter. He peppered a trail of soft kisses up the inside of your thigh, his beard scratching at the tender flesh there; as he went up even higher, the tip of his nose had brushed lightly against your sex, causing him to groan your name out. He was already intoxicated—if your scent was this fucking sweet, he was willing to bet on his life that the taste of you would be something beyond his wildest dreams.

Not fully trusting yourself not to collapse on top of him, you reached behind yourself and gripped the wooden railing hoping that you wouldn’t get stuck with painful splinters from how hard your fingers were digging into the wood.

Joel glanced up at you, asking, “You sure, baby?”

“Mhm,” You exhaled shakily in reply. “I’m sure.”

He parted your legs further and moved his head to the apex of your thighs, finally allowing his hungry, eager mouth to meet your throbbing core. Joel let his tongue slip in between your wet folds, causing your entire body to feel as if it were seconds away from overheating and bursting into flames. One of your hands left the railing and buried itself into his soft hair; your knee was shaking, and you tried to keep yourself upright, but god, with the way Joel was eating, you knew at some point he was going bring you down. He moved his tongue slowly and sensually, up and down, side to side, moaning into you as he alternated between that and taking you completely into his mouth. He devoured you like a man starved, a man who wouldn’t ever dare leave any part of you not licked, not sucked, not kissed.

It was a sheer pleasure that you’d never in your life experienced before—a pleasure that, right up until this moment, you hadn’t thought was possible.

You had never been touched like this before.

Tasted like this before.

Joel wrapped his lips around your clit, taking extra care to give plenty of attention to the swollen little bundle of nerves as he slid two fingers inside you.

“Fuck, Joel,” You whispered, willing yourself not to be too loud as he began thrusting them in and out of you, keeping up his consistent and steady pace; all the while, his mouth remained latched onto you and your most sensitive spot. “God, that feels so fucking good. Don’t stop, please don’t you fucking stop—”

He not only listened, but he also obliged.

Joel continued on with his same movements, the ones that were driving you wild. He lifted his other arm and hooked it around your thigh, holding you firmly in place as you involuntarily squirmed away from him. He kept you right where he needed you, his face still buried in between your legs.

You could feel the intense pressure that’d built up inside of you nearing its peak. Every single part of you ached for that sweet, sweet release.

“Joel, I’m going to—I’m so fucking close.”

His mouth was too occupied to speak, but he gave your thigh an encouraging squeeze with his hand.

You sank your teeth hard into your bottom lip in an effort to keep yourself from crying out his name. It was unlike anything you had ever felt before—your body tensed for just a single moment, and then an explosion followed, sending you tumbling over the edge as you fell apart all over his tongue. Joel kept at it, slowing down the pace as he helped you ride through the wave of pleasure.

Unable to hold yourself steady any longer, you felt the leg that was supporting you buckle under your weight and if it hadn’t been for Joel’s hands going to your hips, you probably would have collapsed.

“It’s alright, Peach. I’ve got you,” he reassured you as he held you up.

Joel feathered one last set of kisses on the inside of your thigh, leaving a trail of burning fire behind in his wake. He pulled your clothes back over your legs, arranging them back into place before rising to his feet. He took you into his arms, pulling your body flush against his as he kissed you, letting you get a taste of yourself on his lips.

It was foreign, but intoxicating, and made you drip for him all over again.

As he pressed into you, you felt him brush against your pelvis and you moaned. You squeezed an arm between your bodies and eagerly reached down to cup him in the palm of your hand through his plaid pajama pants. He was hard for you and all that you wanted was to see him, taste him, feel him.

Breaking away from his embrace, you’d started to sink down onto your knees when his hands caught you by your shoulders and pulled you right back to your feet.

“You don’t gotta do that,” he whispered, tucking a loose lock of your hair behind your ear. “You don’t owe me anythin’ back.”

“I know I don’t, but I want to,” You insisted, batting your eyelashes and biting your lip as you gave Joel the most innocent face that just about made him come on the spot. “I really, really want to.”

Joel took your hands in his. “I believe you, Peach, I do. But tonight, all I wanted—all I needed was just to take care of you and make you feel good. That’s it. We can worry about me another night, alright?”

Another night.

It took you a minute to realize what he’d meant.

Joel wanted to keep seeing you—like this.

In secret. In the dead of night, when nobody else was around.

You glanced up at him, your lips parted slightly in surprise. Then, your eyes flickered down at yours and his hands together, your stomach sinking the second you caught sight of your wedding band. It wasn’t because you felt guilty, but because it was only just a frustrating reminder that you belonged to Luke, and he would never set you free, at least not in this lifetime. He’d rather see you six feet in the ground than allow you to end your marriage.

Stolen, hidden moments in the middle of the night were all that you could ever have with Joel Miller.

The man you were falling for too hard, too fast.

Joel had been thinking just about the same thing; he wasn’t a fucking idiot. He knew damn well that even though you weren’t happy, there was not one single chance in hell that Luke would be willing to let you go, much less to be with another man. At least, not willingly.

Joel hooked an index finger underneath your chin, bringing your eyes back up to meet his. “I need to ask you somethin’ and I’m goin’ to need you to be honest with me, alright?”

Your breath caught in your throat nervously.

“Okay,” You replied tentatively. “What is it?”

“Does he ever hurt you?”

You felt a chill go up and down your spine. “What? What are you talking about?”

Joel clocked the way you stiffened. “Luke. He ever put his hands on you or anythin’ like that?”

Your mouth had gone as dry as sandpaper.

Did he know something?

No, that was impossible.

He’d only ever seen you with Luke once.

“Of course not,” You lied to him, furiously shaking your head. “We fight a lot, but he has never gotten physical with me.”

Joel peered at you. “You tellin’ the truth, Peach?”

No, I’m not, You wanted to take him by fistfuls of his shirt and all but shout it in his face. There was not one single part of you that didn’t want to just confess everything to him right there on the spot; you wanted nothing more than to tell Joel about the hell Luke had been putting you through for the last two years. But you knew better than that. You knew that if Joel ever found out about it, he would go straight to Tommy and Maria. Or even worse.

He would go straight to Luke.

After everything Ellie had told you about him from their travels across the country, you had gotten an idea of just what Joel was capable of—the lengths he would go to just to protect the people he cared about.

“I am,” You finally answered his question.

Even in the darkness, you could see it clearly.

Joel didn’t believe you. But without an admission, he didn’t have much choice but to nod his head in acceptance. “Alright.”

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore,” You said in a mumble, taking your hands out of his to place them on his chest. You looked up him through the thickness of your eyelashes, adding, “We may not always get enough alone time together, Joel. And whatever time we do get, I don’t want to waste it talking about him. Okay?”

Joel’s arms wrapped around your waist. “Okay,” he agreed with another nod.

He certainly hadn’t been convinced by your lie, at least not completely. Something told him that you were protecting Luke and he didn’t know why.

But he did know one thing.

If he ever caught wind of what Luke was doing to you behind closed doors, Joel would kill him.

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